Emotional Support Gator At Walmart, Rebelious Austrian Nuns, and Hotpot Pee

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Everything you're about to hear is true. None of the
names have been changed, because no one is innocent from stupidity.
It's the Great Big World.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Turn Around.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
Stupid. I'm insant, Eric Lane, Welcome to my stupid world.
It's the midweek bonus episode with extra stupidity to get
you through the week. And if it's stupid enough, give
it a five star rating, because you're getting five star stupidity.

Speaker 3 (00:43):
You know, I remember as a kid, you know, you
wanted to have your first tooth that you lost, you know,
and maybe your parents wanted to save it, you know,
and not give it to the tooth fairy or you know,
little things like this.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
You know, remember that, you know, keeping parts of your body.
Apparently Elton John has taken this to a whole new paradigm.
You know, old Elton, and I do mean old Elton
had double knee replacement here, not long ago, which is
common for people getting on up there in years. But

(01:21):
knowing that, you know, this is Elton John, and of
course Elton. It's like you go through different decades of
Elton and he looks differently each time, and unfortunately his
attempt at trying to look younger isn't working, but he
had a special request when he had his double knee

(01:44):
replacement recently. For his surgeon, he asked his surgeon if
he could keep his kneecaps. Okay, you're probably thinking, why
would you want to keep your knee caps if you're
going in for double knee replacement surgery. Well, look, if

(02:06):
you're Elton John, there's only one reason you would want
to keep your knee caps. So you could turn them
into jewelry. That's right. His jewelry designer said. We baked
them in putting them in the oven. You know, we

(02:27):
had to bake them to dry them out. Then they
get raw like a pummice stone, and well the very porous,
you know, because you know they're bone. So we had
to paint them with acetate and then just polish them up.

(02:48):
Elton's right knee cap was turned into a gold plated
necklace that looks like an old artifact from Egypt as
opposed to being worn by an old artifact from England.
It has an engraved phrase in Latin on the back

(03:08):
of the kneecap that translates to quote, I will no
longer bow to any man, oh boy. As the designer
pointed out, you can't bow with a missing kneecap. And
oh and the other kneecap, the left kneecap, it was
a bit smaller, so they decided to turn that into

(03:29):
a gold brooch. Yes, so when you see Elton wearing
his gold plated necklace and his gold brooch, you're you're
actually seeing his kneecaps. Yeah. I hope they bury them

(03:51):
with him too, kind of like an Egyptian mummy, you know,
they can preserve him, put him in like a mummy
and a sarcophagus or something somewhere, and one hundred years
from now they'll dig him up and think, Wow, what
was civilization like back then? Well, there was a retired
sixty seven year old man that was just really trying

(04:13):
to mind his own business and walk his dog, you know,
in peace in this nice little neighborhood in a senior
living community in Suffolk County, New York. I mean, the
guy made it through the mean streets of Manhattan, the
hills of San Francisco, even the chaos of Boston drivers.
Where does he end up getting shot in the face,

(04:36):
by the way a retirement village and not just shot
with anything sensible, you know, like a BB gun, a
sling shot, a NERF dot, a nerf dart, you know, no, no,
And his seventy six year old neighbor decides to grab
a flare gun. That's right, you know, the kind of
things that you're supposed to fire when your boat sinks
in the middle of the ocean. That so, here comes

(04:58):
Richard Katroni, leash in hand, strolling down the sidewalk, minding
his own business, when his neighbor, Kathleen Annie Oakley of
the assisted living complex Schumann, bursts out of her apartment
like Yosemite sam on Bingo night, pointing a flare gun
at his head and blam, fires one off like she's

(05:20):
signaling the coastguard to rescue her from this hoa. The
flare actually bounces off his cheek. He was left with
six stitches of bloody face and well, his first thought was,
oh my god, my face. But I gotta protect my dog,
That's what he really thought. Yes, sir, you're officially the
MVP of dog owners everywhere. Meanwhile, though, what about Kathleen,

(05:43):
You know, well, she knows no emotion, she shows no emotion, nothing,
just like she ordered a salad at Panera. Then she
calmly explains, you're the devil. You tried to murder me.
Sorry I missed, Sorry I missed. Now, that's not neighborly banter.

(06:03):
That's something that you say if you're auditioning for a
horror movie. Now you might wonder what's with all the drama?
A bitter feud over pets, that's what.

Speaker 4 (06:15):
See.

Speaker 1 (06:15):
Richard's got this dog, Kathleen's got a cat. Okay, classic, right,
we've got dogs, bark, we've got cats. It struck somehow
this escalated from please keep your cat inside to prepare
to get navy signaled in the face. You see, the
neighbors are all chiming in like it's a big soap opera.
She moved out for months because of him, He complained

(06:39):
to the management. It's like the world's dumbest Romeo and Juliet,
but instead of love and tragedy, it's barking and meowing
and felony assault. Well here's the moment that Kathleen Schumann
shot Richard Ktroni in the face, and well Richard's obvious
reaction to.

Speaker 5 (06:55):
It to what.

Speaker 6 (07:03):
Kathleen showed no emotion. She claimed I was the devil.
She claimed I tried to murder her, and she said,
I'm sorry I missed. I've lived in Manhattan, I've lived
in San Francisco, I've lived in Boston, and nothing ever
happened to many. I moved to Suffolk County in a
senior community.

Speaker 7 (07:24):
And my neighbor seats me in the face with a
flat Welcome to retirement, folks, where the real danger isn't
crime in the city at your seventy six year old
neighbor deciding you look like Satan and need to be
lived up like the Fourth of July.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
And to wrap this circus up, Kathleen pleads not guilty
in court. Well, she's ordered to stay away from Richard,
probably for the best, and she doesn't need a flare
gun sequel. And she's allowed back into the apartment, just
once escorted by a police officer to pick off her
cat and whatever other weapons of mass confusion she might

(07:57):
have hidden in there. I mean, is this what the
movie The Truth About Cats and Dogs was about? I mean, honestly,
why does the dog have more rights than the cat?
I mean, it's got to be more to the story.
I don't know. Well, maybe you're a bad gambler. Of course,
if you are. You're probably a bad criminal too. You see,

(08:17):
a man jumped off a Royal Caribbean cruise ship in
Puerto Rico because he wanted to skip out on a
gambling debt of about sixteen seven hundred and ten dollars
and twenty four cents that he'd run up at the
casino on the ship. He was caught on surveillance camera
jumping into the water near the shore, where he was

(08:38):
then quickly picked up by people on jet skis. Almost
seems like he arranged that the authorities didn't have any
trouble tracking him down. He was arrested and now he's
facing a quarter million dollars in fines and up to
five years in prison. So yeah, they thought he could
just slip out on his tab unnoticed. And now he
owes about fifteen times when he lost at the casino.

(09:00):
And by the way, for what it's worth, they found
him on shore he had fourteen six hundred dollars in
cash on him. Hmmm, I guess this is the only
jumping from the cruise ship that I would understand. I mean,
the SaaS mouth couldn't have helped. His cat has caused much,
but look, he's not wrong. I mean, if he's so smart,

(09:21):
what's his name? Huh? Well, Puerto Rico translates it to
rich Harbor. I don't know if fifteen K qualifies, but
he's kind of like dB Cooper, with a lot lot
less money and wet clothes. Well, all right, let's head
over to West Brownsville, Pennsylvania. And on a typical Friday night,

(09:42):
you know, the locals are out doing the usual, you know,
buying bulk packs of toilet paper and arguing over the
last rotisserie chicken. When enrolls the newest Walmart fashion statement
an alligator in address. Yes, you heard that right, a
literal reptile runway, a runway model carting through the aisles

(10:06):
like some kind of swamp dwelling debutante. In case the
dress wasn't enough, the gator was also spotted wearing a
harness with a leash, because when you're taking your prehistoric
murder lizard to the local Walmart, you have to remember
safety first. See Jason Scott, he's a shopper that they
summed it all up like this. Now that's something you

(10:26):
probably see in Florida, but not here in Pennsylvania. Well,
his wife quick quickly corrected him, basically saying, sweete not
even in Florida. Florida's not even that weird, which is
really saying something. Now, the part that really impressed the
folks wasn't the fact that a dinosaur was hanging out
between the laundry detergent and the discout DVDs. No, no, no,

(10:46):
it was the harness. As one shopper put it, that
was the most impressive thing, because honestly, who among us
could wrestle an alligator into a pet smart leash without
losing at least one limb. One witness told WPXITV she
saw the gators sticking its snout out of a shopping cart.
She didn't believe it at first, which, to be fair,

(11:08):
is the appropriate reaction when you see a reptile that
could probably eat your dog casually browsing the rollback specials.
Here's the gator's owner, Wesley Silva, talking about some places
he's taking his pet in the past.

Speaker 8 (11:23):
We've gone to restaurants. We've been to Denny's where she's
a star there she gets VIP treatment. We've been out
to Bob Evans, We've been out to the Wagon Wheel.
It's been very positive and I was really taken back
by that. I just go with the flow now.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
In case you didn't know, Walmart does have a policy.
They do allow service animals, specifically dogs, miniature horses. Sir,
that's it. They don't allow alligators or apparently common sense either.
When asked about it, Walmart re leased a kind of
a statement you'd expect when a corporation realizes they need
to say words but don't know what those words should be. Quote.

(12:03):
While we aim to be inclusive, the safety of our
customers and associates is top priority. Translation, please don't sue
us for letting a crocodile cousin rome free next to
the cereal aisle.

Speaker 5 (12:18):
Well.

Speaker 1 (12:18):
Animal experts were quick to chime in. Sienna Chef, friend
of the Humane Animal Rescue of Pittsburgh, explained that alligators
are unpredictable in stressful environments like Walmart, which is true,
but also so are most Walmart shoppers. Finally, I guess
Walmart laid down the law. They put an official statement out.

(12:40):
They clarified quote, alligators are not permitted on our premises. Okay,
so I guess if you're planning on taking your data
to grab some great value, Mac and cheese. Sorry, policies changed. Meanwhile,
the woman that saw the gators summed up what I
think we have all been thinking. I don't want the
shop with alligators. I don't plan on shopping there anymore.

(13:03):
Fair enough, because nothing kills the joy of a grocery
run quite like wondering if the lady in Ale seven's
emotional support reptile is about to take your leg off.
And that, my friends, is how Wes Brownsville, Pennsylvania, gave
us a reminder. Humanity's greatest predator isn't nature's apex killers,
it's stupidity in a Walmart shopping cart. Well, have you

(13:27):
heard that a couple divorced due to irreconcilable differences and
wondered what those differences were. Well, it certainly wasn't going
to be arguing over who's going to get the pet gator.
Maybe they just couldn't agree on stuff like money, values,
dogs or cats or taco bill or it could be children,

(13:50):
but probably not for this reason. You see a couple
in Shanghai, China. They fell for divorce after two years
of marriage. Two years. You know why because they had
a baby boy last year and they couldn't agree on
a name. That might sound minor, but you see, both

(14:11):
sides insisted on a name, refused to budge, and without
a name, a birth certificate couldn't be issued. So a
lot of important things were sort of stuck in limbo,
even basic medical procedures. So in the year since the
boy's birth, the hospital tried to issue a makeshift birth certificate,

(14:33):
and the court tried to force the parents to get
their stuff together for the sake of the kid, but
nothing seemed to work on these people. Well, now, on
top of everything else, since they're divorcing over this, there's
also a custody battle over the kid, whatever his name is.
Of course, in modern day America, there is an unspoken

(14:55):
rule to see if the parents can't agree on a name,
they're just given default names. A girl is named a
Live and a boy is named Liam. End of debate. Boy, Well,
they say to be proud of who you are. Of course,
if you have a name, that always helps. But lady
may not be able to be allowed to do that,
because this lady in California is fighting the DMV because

(15:17):
of her name. They're trying to take back the personalized
license plate that she got three years ago. It just
has her name on it. But now she can't have it.
You know why because the license plate that she received
three years ago, which has her name on it, actually
says quote, I am isis.

Speaker 9 (15:41):
What.

Speaker 1 (15:42):
Yeah, kind of sounds like an obvious plate you really
shouldn't be allowed to have. Except her actual name is
isis Isis Wharton to be exact. She applied for the
plate in twenty twenty two and the DMV approved it,
but now they've come back three years later and said
she can't have it anymore. She says her parents named

(16:04):
her after Isis, the Egyptian goddess of motherhood, not that
Islamic state of Iraq and Syria. She said, I'm proud
of my name. I'm proud that it's on my car,
and I feel like driving it around it looks cool. Well,
here is Isis talking about the issue.

Speaker 9 (16:22):
I'm proud of my name. I'm proud that it's on
my car and I feel like driving around.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
It looks cool.

Speaker 9 (16:28):
Dear Isis were in the Department of Motor Vehicles has
reviewed its records and it was determined that personalized license
plates I am isis assigned to your Kia contain a
configuration of letters that are non compliant with the requirements
of Title thirteen. I just in my registration a couple
months ago, and I didn't say anything then either. My
first reaction, I was super surprised. I was confused since

(16:52):
I've had.

Speaker 1 (16:52):
It for so long. She said she's readewed before and
has never had an issue until now. So should she
be able to keep it? Or is it just a
situation where maybe it's not fair, but that's life. Now
she's gotten until just a few more weeks to request
a hearing, and she's planning to do just that now.

(17:13):
For what it's worth, at least one expert thinks she
should be able to keep it. They think it might
be protected as free speech under the First Amendment. But
you know nowadays that First Amendment is under attack from
all directions. Maybe she could get a late night talk show. Well,
police might need to bring in all the King's horses
to consult on this one. Cops in Cape May, New Jersey,

(17:37):
are looking for two idiots that stole an iconic Humpty
Dumpty statue from a miniature golf course. By the way,
Cape May is about forty miles south of Atlantic City.
Happened at four o'clock in the morning, and of course
alcohol is probably a factor in the whole thing. A
few different security cameras got them on video. It looks

(17:59):
like at least one of them was walking with a beer.
They scaled a fence at a place called Ocean Put
Miniature Golf, and they ripped Humpty off of his wall.
He's the main feature on the fourteenth hole, so last heard, though,
the cops still have attracked him down. But the good
news is it looks like the Many Golf place will
be able to put Humpty together again. The guys who

(18:22):
took him left him outside another property a few doors down,
and fortunately he wasn't in pieces. So, ma'am, this is
out a Wendy's. Okay. There's a man in Florida waiting
in a drive through line at a Popeyes and a
drunk woman walks up to the drive up window, stepping

(18:46):
between the car and the window. She apparently arrived in
an uber, but the driver wouldn't wait in line, and
she was obviously hammered and was demanding a baconator. Now
I think you might know a bacon eator is a
Wendy sandwich, not something you'd find it Popeyes. Well, the

(19:09):
guy filmed the woman as she talked about how how
long she's been waiting and she's from California, and how
she went back and forth between wanting to fist bump
the guy and looking like she wanted to fight him. Well,
here's the actual recording of the whole confusing incident. I
just want the order that I came here with with
a whole mess of bacon.

Speaker 5 (19:31):
Who came?

Speaker 1 (19:32):
How you got here? You want from law? Dear? You
want to give me a fist boem for waiting minute?
Where I'm from California, they might, Yeah, that's right, they
got to.

Speaker 7 (19:44):
I just want a baconator meals.

Speaker 10 (19:45):
I care about what are you doing?

Speaker 9 (19:47):
Bacon er meal?

Speaker 1 (19:48):
All right, Okay, let's go, let's go. Of course, eventually,
you know, the police showed up and escorted her away.
It's unclear really what she might have been sited for
or even charged with, if anything, maybe just being charged
with ordering a baconator. Fifty seven percent of couples opt

(20:09):
to have an open bar at their wedding, but that's expensive.

Speaker 4 (20:12):
Now.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
At my wedding with my wife and I, we decided
not to, mainly because we didn't want my future brother
in law to be completely slopped and ruin the whole thing,
but also because it was expensive. The average cost of
alcoholic weddings twenty four hundred dollars a day, so some
couples just opt to save money by asking guests to
pay for their drinks. Okay, well, now there's a new reason.

(20:37):
Couples are setting up credit card machines at the bar
to help pay for the honeymoon. One couple in the
UK tried it using a card processing company that provided
readers like the ones that they bring to your table
at the restaurants nowadays. There were also signs with QR
codes with the message don't be tight, pay for our flight.

(20:59):
The couples the proceeds go toward their honeymoon in Mexico.
They didn't travel, or didn't I should say, reveal how
much they made, but they said their guests absolutely loved it. Well,
of course they get to scan a QR code. How
much fun is that they did? They did it instead

(21:19):
of accepting wedding presents, so there were no wedding presents,
just QR codes. They been together for fourteen years and
already have a house, a toaster, and didn't even need
more stuff, So why the credit card readers? They said
a lot of the people don't carry cash anymore, and
they just figured that they'd have some fun with it,
which they did. They said their guests got more generous

(21:42):
as the drinks started to flow. I think they may
be onto something. The company that they used, Low Pei,
said that they hoped that this catch is on at
wedding venues across the country. So you might show up
at a wedding one time and decide to go click
happy with your camera on the QR codes. The more
you drink, the more you click yeah. And by the way,

(22:02):
while there may be some guests who like the idea,
there's probably going to be far more who kind of
find it obnoxious end up for more features that leave
guests sneaking to the exit. I have a list that
I put together of things that instantly ruin a wedding.
For instance, a cash bar, a father daughter dance with
heavy petting. The chicken dance always will ruin a wedding,

(22:28):
a reception at the ramada in conference room, a drunken
groomsman speech that turns into a confession that the bride
is carrying his baby. Although that would be pretty entertaining.
Other things that instantly ruin a wedding a band that
only covers music from the eighties the eighteen eighties, a
pastor that starts talking about wifely duties, a punch bowl

(22:51):
with something that twitches it's floating in the middle of it,
a garter that gets lost in the bride's ankle fat
and finally, one thing that will instantly ruin a wedding
a DJ who only plays It's a mistake before he
cheats and loves stinks. So many wedding stories on this podcast, well,

(23:16):
there was at least three or four subtle signs that
this woman wasn't sober. See if you can spot them.
A twenty four year old woman in Tampa, Florida got
arrested after she drove the wrong way on the interstate
side swiped a cop car, and claimed her husband was driving,

(23:38):
but it was pretty clear he wasn't. It all happened
just after two thirty in the morning, and police released
the chesscam footage, and yeah, she was pretty much out
of it. She was doing sixty on the shoulder, going
the wrong direction and wouldn't pull over. She sideswiped the

(23:59):
cop car when it got in her way. So then
the cop did the cop that was behind her what
they called a pit maneuver. They boxed her in and
once she got out of the car, they asked if
she realized she was going the wrong way on the interstate,
and she says this interstate. She also tried to claim
her husband was the one driving, and it almost seemed

(24:21):
like she believed it, but they knew it wasn't true,
simply because she was the only one in the car.
She eventually admitted she'd been drinking and said she had
had three full drinks. Just check out Kristen Beale's wild
conversation with the police after they were finally able to

(24:42):
stop her.

Speaker 8 (24:43):
Go up the other side.

Speaker 1 (24:44):
Do you realize if you're going the wrong way on
the interstate?

Speaker 11 (24:47):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (24:48):
Do you see all these lights coming towards us? Let's
say that. Yeah, I do right, I do wrong way.
My husband's walking me, her tire, You me home?

Speaker 6 (24:58):
You were driving home?

Speaker 11 (24:59):
No?

Speaker 1 (25:00):
You were you were just driving?

Speaker 11 (25:02):
No?

Speaker 5 (25:02):
No, no, I was very I was like in the
I was in the passenger seat.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
Is everyone else in my car?

Speaker 5 (25:08):
Yeah, there's no one else in the car.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
No, Okay, maybe not that specific. Clear, but there was
Like me and my husband were in one car, Billy
breathalyzed her and well she was more than twice the
legal limit. And now she's facing multiple charges for driving
out of the influence, aggravated, fleeing to elude, and fleeing
at a high speed, and just tack one on for
being stupid. Look, I've heard of people banging on their

(25:34):
ceiling to tell their upstairs neighbors to quiet down. I'd
say this is slightly more aggressive. Uh. There's a forty
six year old guy in Calgary, Alberta who's facing charges
after tunneling into his upstairs neighbor's apartment. That's right. The
woman above him was out of town when it all
happened and told the police she'd been having issues with

(25:57):
the guy in the first place. Her front door was
still when she got home from her trip, but as
soon as she got inside, she knew someone had been
there because there was this gaping, large hole in one
of her walls. Cops got a warrant to search the
guy's place and found a hole in his ceiling with
a ladder underneath. It turned out he'd gotten into the

(26:20):
wall behind her fireplace and busted a hole into her
dry wall to get in. Here's up Inspector Keith Hurley
talking about the allegations.

Speaker 5 (26:28):
They had a difficult time getting inside their house because
it had been locked from the inside. They were able
to make entry inside the premise and then noticed a
hole in the wall by the fireplace. A subsequent further
investigation by themselves, they noticed another hole leading to the
basement suite. Subject to a police search, weren't on the
basement suite residence. We found a ladder and another hole
leading from that residence.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
It's not clear if he just wanted to erect the
blaze or what, but he is facing some serious charges.
Well and the lake's resident, Danny Wright, rescued her four
month old Shitsu Decks by punching a five foot alligator
that grabbed the dog during a walk near a creek

(27:10):
behind her home. She says, I turned and looked, and
an alligator had him. She's talking to The New York
Times and said the alligator's front teeth were through the
collar of my dog. As the gator dragged the docks
towards the water well right fought back. I just punched him,
punched him and punched. She says, I punched him in

(27:31):
the eye enough that he kind of let go and
unclamped a little, and I pulled off, but his teeth
dragged down my arm. Well, here she is talking about
the experience.

Speaker 12 (27:41):
I heard a squeal and I got pulled. The alligator
had him by his AirTag and drags him and I
just punched and punched and punched, and I punched him
in the eye enough that he kind of let go,
Like he unclamped a little and I pulled out, but
his eth were like here and just drug down my arm.

(28:03):
Be careful with you dogs. You know, these alligators are
no joke. I mean fifteen feet He came out together
them right.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
Managed to flip the alligator onto its back, allowing both
to escape inside. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission
trappers later remove the animal. By the way, write warns
other pet owners, just be careful with your dogs. You know,
these alligators are no joke. Yeah, Steve Rowan would definitely
be proud of this woman. Yeah, then good luck trying

(28:32):
to get that dog to go on a walk again. Well,
here's the tale from Austria, starring three women. You would
not expect to see pulling off a jail brake. We're
talking about eighty eight year old sister Bernadette, eighty six
year old sister Regina, an eighty two year old sister Rita. Now,

(28:56):
these three have lived most of their lives at Closter
gold Goldenstein, a convent just outside of Salzburg. But this
isn't some rickety little nunnery with a peeling paint. No, no, no,
it's a castle, an actual castle. When most people retire,
they moved into a condo or maybe a bungalow at
the screened in porch. These women live in a stone

(29:18):
fortress overlooking the Austrian countryside, and you can almost hear
Julie Andrews twirling nearby.

Speaker 5 (29:24):
Well.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
For decades, you see, they worked there as teachers in
the convent school. Sister Regina was headmistress, meaning she's probably
the reason hundreds of Austrian kids learned their multiplication tables
out of sheer terror. Sister Bernonette actually arrived there as
a teenager herself back in nineteen forty eight, and one
of her classmates was actress Romy Schneider. This isn't just

(29:47):
a convent, it's practically a set piece from a biopic.
But in twenty twenty three, the church decided their community
was too small to continue. The convent was dissolved. The
sisters were moved with being asked by they point out.
Then they went to a Catholic care home. Now, the
retirement home had pretty much everything on paper, professional medical staff,

(30:10):
working heat, even a functioning stairlift, which the convent no
longer had, by the way, But there was one glaring problem.
You see, the sisters hated it. Sister Rita said she
was homesick. Sister Bernadette said she'd been obedient her whole life,
but this was just too much. Which if you've ever

(30:31):
met a nun, it's none code for we're about to
break every rule in the book, and we don't care
if you ground us. So they made their move. With
the help of some loyal farmers, of our loyal former students,
and a locksmith, these three rogue nuns returned to their convent.
Think about that for just a second. They had a

(30:52):
whole alumni network on speed dial ready to smuggle them home.
That's not devotion, that's decade of students repaying every detention slip.
So when they arrived, the locks had been changed the
stairlift had been ripped out, the electricity and water were
cut off. The church basically did everything shortly surrounding the
place with barb wire. Did the sisters turn back, of

(31:15):
course not. They called a locksmith, lit some candles, and
carried on. Within days, supporters had restored power, delivered groceries,
even sent doctors to check on them. It went from
an inhabitable ruin to cozy Airbnb faster than you can
say Hail Mary. And then came the Instagram videos. Suddenly

(31:36):
these three octagenarians were online celebrities, clips showing them praying, eating,
and of course, my personal favorite, climbing the castle's steep staircase.
Remember the staircase was one of the main reasons that
they were supposedly too frail to stay there. But there
they were, hauling themselves up it like it was just

(31:57):
another morning in nineteen sixty two. If the church wanted
to prove they couldn't handle it, the sisters proved the
opposite and went viral doing it. Meanwhile, former students poured
in the visit. They brought food, friendship, and a little
bit of we told you so. One said, Goldstein without
the nuns is just not possible, which is a sweet

(32:20):
sentiment but also sounds like the slogan on a limited
edition tote bag. And how did the church react all
of this? About as well as you would expect. Provost
Marcus Grassil called the move quote completely incomprehensible, even labeled
it an escalation. Now let's pause on that escalation. This

(32:43):
word is usually reserved for things like nuclear standoffs or
street riots. Here it applies to three old women carrying
suitcases of rosaries back into their former bedrooms. Apparently Austria
has redefined threat level orange to include Grandma's with casseroll.
The provosts also argued their health made independent living impossible,

(33:05):
and to be fair, maybe he has a point, but
the sisters didn't really care about being on paper safe.
They cared about being home. Sister Bernadatte delivered the miccrop
quote of the whole saga.

Speaker 11 (33:18):
She says, before I die in that old people's home,
I would rather go to a meadow and enter eternity
that way, which, of course, depending on your perspective, is
either incretly incredibly poetic, or the sassiest threat an eighty
eight year old is ever leveled on a bureaucrap, and
that's really the heart of it.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
You see. To the church, their decision looked pretty stupid,
But to the sisters, it was the only thing that
made sense. After decades of service, teaching, and loyalty. They
weren't going to end their lives in a place they
didn't belong. They wanted their castle, and they wanted their independence.
They wanted to live on their own terms, even if
that meant coal showers and no stairlifts. Stupidity maybe, was

(34:02):
it wisdom? Absolutely? And it's exactly the kind of stupidity
that I love here on this podcast, the kind that
flips the scripts and reminds us that rules are only
worth following when they actually serve people. Never underestimate little
old ladies in sensible shoes. They have time, they have
got patience, and apparently they have Instagram. As a kid,

(34:25):
have you were gone out to the creek side or
the pond and done some stone skipping? You know, I
did that a lot as a kid. I could skip
those slate rocks for miles. Yes, Indeed, stone skipping kind
of feels like an activity be kind of difficult to
do illegally, right, So if there was a cheating scandal
at a stone skipping competition. You might assume they met

(34:45):
adult tree.

Speaker 9 (34:47):
No.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
The World Stone Skipping Championships recently were rocked by a
cheating scandal. I mean this was after some competitors were
found to be using suspiciously circular stones. Now, if you
know anything about skipping stones or stone skimming, you know
that one of the tricks is finding a nice flat
round stone. According to the competition's rules, stones must come

(35:11):
from naturally occurring island slate and fit through a device
called the ring of Truth to ensure that they are
the right size, no bigger than three inches in diameter.
The championships organizers said that when the offenders were caught,
they held their hands up and ultimately apologized they were disqualified.
He said, there was a little bit of stone doctoring.

(35:34):
They'd shaped it so that it was perfectly circular and
fitted our three inch measurer. The problem is we didn't
just notice at the time that they were suspiciously circular. Hmmm. Well,
here's Kyle Matthews of the World Stone Skimming Championship talking
about what happened.

Speaker 4 (35:52):
Unfortunately, by a very small number of capacitors that they
had use some machinery to smooth the outside edge of
their stone and make get exactly perfectly round to fit
through our measure, which is called the Ring of Truth.

Speaker 1 (36:06):
Now, the event is held in Scotland, but it was
ultimately won by an American named Jonathan Jennings, who managed
to skip his stones for a total of one hundred
and seventy seven meters. In other words, that's like five
hundred and eighty feet or almost two football fields. Think
about that for a minute. The competition doesn't involve millions

(36:27):
in winnings. It is held annually really to raise money
for local causes, including several community projects and charities. The
organizers added that they would move on to an even
greater event next year despite this year's cheating. Of course,
once discovered that cheaters were quickly sent back to their
class houses. Now, the scandal certainly made waves, with some

(36:47):
even saying it rocked the stone skipping community. Well, here's
a little story about two little punks in Florida that
managed to make just about the stupidest choices possible and
then got caught in the most embarrassing way possible. Police
in Deltona, Florida, say the twelve year old Felix Cohen.

(37:10):
Felix Cohen Romero and thirteen year old Bentley Ryan werely
broke into the library at Friendship Elementary School. Once inside,
they went on a full blown rampage. A glass door
was smashed, furniture destroyed, graffiti scrolled on doors, books tossed everywhere.
About the time they were done, fifty thousand dollars worth

(37:32):
of damage had been done to the school's media center
and it didn't stop there. The boys even came back later,
apparently to admire their destruction and cause more chaos. Well
that's when they accidentally set off the fire alarm, which
drew police to the scene. In the middle of the night.
Officers guns drawn searched the building, finding the library looking

(37:55):
like a tornado had ripped through it. Surveillance footage showed
the two mass boys entering the library, one of them
even wearing a Monster Energy hat like it was a
fashion statement. When the Sheriff's office posted the footage online,
the story took a very ironic twist. You see, the
boys were not caught by detectives. No, they were tracked

(38:16):
down by the clever police work. No, they weren't even
done that. They were not tracked down by the clever
police work. It was their own mommies that turned them in.
After recognizing their sons in the video, the mothers called
authorities and handed them over. Both boys now faced multiple
charges including burglary, trespassing, criminal mischief, and theft. And it's

(38:36):
one thing to cause massive destruction to your own school library.
It's bad enough, but it's a whole new level of
stupidity to do it on camera, trigger the fire alarm,
and then have your own mommy be the one to
turn you in. Oh, adolescence, Well, this has been pretty
trendy since last year, but it's not brand new. Okay,

(38:58):
but it's also really not brand new. It really is
brand new, but it's not brand Maybe it's really not
brand new. I don't know. As your teenager has it?
Do they have a new phrase called clocked it? Google
says up the searches for the phrase colocked it, it's
just now hit an all time high. Now that means
what you think it means, to notice something and make

(39:20):
a mental note. That's right, but kids aren't using it
in a much more broader way than their parents would.
There's a TikTok mom explaining the different ways that she's
seen it use. They might say, oh, your nails look nice,
colocked it, or they might hear some juicy gossip and say,
clock that tea. Well, here is the TikToker, goes by

(39:42):
the username Mama teaches seven to eleven, explaining how it's used.

Speaker 13 (39:45):
So you've got a compliment, as in, like your outfit,
sleigh clopped it. It's all you do something like a
TikTok trend or something that they liked, okay, and they say.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
Oh, clocked it, clocked it, like they saw it and
they noted it.

Speaker 4 (40:00):
They clopped it.

Speaker 13 (40:01):
Teacher gets onto a student like you roast them. You
get them like how dare you be up out of
your seat without permission or whatever. The other kid's like,
ooh clopped it, like got him in other words.

Speaker 5 (40:11):
Like oh, she clopped that tea.

Speaker 13 (40:13):
Clopped it like you had a good comeback, like yo,
mama clopped it.

Speaker 1 (40:18):
It's the new form of clapping, they say. Now, this
has been popular on social media since last year, but
it's trending right now mainly because more kids and parents
have been hearing it since it's the new school year
that's starting using the word clocked to describe something that
you've noticed. Really, isn't that new at all? Frankly, I
mean Miriam Webster says the first known usage was about
a century ago, back in nineteen twenty nine. But hey,

(40:41):
two can play at their game. I think maybe we
should have the tables turned so you can laugh at
the kids with my own list of the top grown
up phrases that your teenagers don't know? How about this one?
Put it on the phone? Or stranger things is rip
off of et? What TikTok likes aren't the same as

(41:02):
real life likes? And where did those wrinkles come from? Yeah?
Car insurance is expensive? Ah, yeah, it's some phrases teenagers
don't know. Taylor Swift just wants your money. Nobody cares
about your pronouns. Go outside? Oh what does that mean?
Life gradually erode your soul and turns you into dead

(41:24):
I passionless shield of a person that you once were.
Oh sorry, folks, again, maybe I'm projecting. Finally, another phrase
your teenager doesn't know. Being a parent sucks.

Speaker 9 (41:37):
Well.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
This story proves once again that nothing good ever starts
with the words extremely religious man in Wisconsin meet fifty
one year old Matthew Courth of Manitowoc. Now, Matthew does
not like heavy metal, in fact, he calls it devil music. Well,

(41:58):
when the local brewery had a metal fest, held a
metal fest instead of you know, staying at home putting
on a Kirk Cameron DVD mining his own business, Well,
Saint Matthew decided he was going to be God's personal bouncer.
He storms down to the event, tells this toff to
shut it the bleep down, starts yelling Bible verses at

(42:20):
the police like he's opening an act for the Book
of Revelation tour and now he's yelling scripture. I mean,
that's one thing. But Matthew didn't stop yelling with just
yelling scripture. According to the police, he actually did a
U turn in his jeep Cherokee, gunned toward the people
walking on the sidewalk and only swerved at the last second.
His excuse, he tells the cops, Oh, I wouldn't have

(42:43):
hit him, they would have moved. Yeah, because nothing, he says,
Man of God. Quite like using pedestrians as your own
personal red sea, waiting for them to part before your suv.
One witness said that he and his girlfriend were just
leaving the brewery when they saw this guy. Flipper jumped
the curb and nearly mow them down, right after the
guy had been blasting his own music, which, by the way,

(43:06):
makes even better. The man condemning devil music was literally
blasting his own soundtrack of Holy Road Rage. Well, police
shockingly did not buy Matthews trust me, I was actually
just I wasn't actually going to hit them defense he
was arrested. He's now facing charges of second degree recklessly
endangering safety and disorderly conduct. In short, Matthew hateses metal,

(43:28):
calls at the devil's work, nearly commits vehicular homicide to
stop it, and ends up in court because apparently the
only thing scarier than devil music is an over zealous
cheap driver quoting scripture. So if you're thinking that maybe
rock and roll is evil, that's your business, I guess.
But if your plan is to fight Satan involving turning
yourself into a one man demolition derby, congratulations, you have

(43:50):
officially graduated from extremely religious to extremely stupid. Ah Well,
you know the best thing being a senior citizen the discounts.
Of course, I'm starting to find this out. The worst
thing is well everything else, so maybe the early bird

(44:10):
specials are not worth it. According to the Internet, some
senior citizens are trying to cancel the words senior because
it sounds old and they don't want to be reminded
of it. Of course, senior citizens are old, but younger boomers,
the ones like me, want to separate themselves from older boomers,

(44:34):
kind of like how the older millennials want to separate
themselves from the younger millennials. Instead, they're calling themselves generation Jones.
They don't want to identify as boomers because well, they
were a little more hip and rebellious. You see, one
person describes your youth as the smoke, dope and protest era. Now, historically,
people start being called seniors at fifty five, and definitely

(44:57):
by sixty five. However, some companies are going tos targeting
younger boomers, are reportedly changing senior centers and senior living
to things like community centers an active living. One TikToker joked,
I have to say that phasing out the word senior
because it makes you feel old is kind of the
most boomer thing. Ever, one Generation Jones are commented older

(45:22):
adults is preferred. Okay, well, you won't find any older
adults doing this. Imagine you're a teenager in Shanghai, China.
You're drunk, you're stupid, You're trying to impress the girls
or your friends, probably more your friends than the girls. Well,

(45:44):
so what do you do? Well if you said, pee
into the communal hot pot broth at the biggest restaurant
chain in the country, Congratulations, you're an idiot, and you're
also probably facing a bill larger than your college tuition.
But yes, two sub ten year old Einstein's decided to
turn dinner into a literal pistable, filmed it, posted it online.

(46:07):
Of course they do, and of course they seemed actually
surprised when the Internet reacted with the collective energy of
excuse me what now. Luckily nobody actually consumed the world's
first broth flavored gatorade. But you know, hild or high
hidialdo hi yallo hid yao d owl, it's the name

(46:30):
of the restaurant. They finally had to pull the fire alarm. Anyway,
They refunded four thousand customers, replaced all the equipment, disinfected
everything in sight, probably saved the place just to get
rid of the ghost of urine past. And then came
the lawsuit, and this is where karma shines. You see,
the boys and their parents are now on the hook
for wait for it, two point two million yen. It's

(46:55):
about three hundred and nine thousand dollars four p Somewhere
out there. A lawyer had the best day of their
life writing that invoice. Yes, your honor of this is
going to be this is the going rate for liquid stupidity.
And let's be clear, it's not just property damage. No,
the court literally said they committed acts of insult. Translation,

(47:18):
you didn't just ruin some bowls, You embarrassed the entire
restaurant chain. That's the level of shame that we're working with.
And the best part the parents have to pay too,
because apparently they failed in their duty of guardianship, which,
to be fair, is just legal jargon for you raise
someone who thinks soup is a toilet now, haidiallo. By

(47:43):
the way, is they're very famous for customer service. You see,
they gave women manicures while waiting for a table. The
kids get candy floss. It's kind of Disneyland with spicy broth,
and these teens thought, yeah, this is the place to
debut our bathroom comedy routine. So I guess what we've
learned here is quite simple. Don't piss in the hot pot,

(48:04):
don't film yourself pissing in the hot pot, and, for
the love of all that's sanitary, don't upload your hot
pot piss movie to the internet, because if you do,
the only thing you're going to be boiling is your
parents' bank account. We have the latest experiment in social
media trends, though. It comes to us from the Ozark
High School in Missouri, were apparently some teenagers there decided

(48:27):
that restrooms were optional. Yes, you heard that right. A
few students got swept up in this new viral social
media trend let's call it, let's pee everywhere but the toilet,
and turned their school into, well, let's just say, a wetland.
Fortunately they did not have a hot pot in the cafeteria. Well,

(48:48):
the school responded, like any reasonable institution would. They closed
all of the boys' bathrooms except for the one in
the commons. Because nothing says discipline like forcing every team
boy to walk across campus to pe like it's a pilgrimage.
Principal doctor Philip Witt said, send out a very serious
email reminding everyone that you're in eating on surfaces instead

(49:11):
of using the restroom is unsanitary, disrespectful, and apparently also
a public relations nightmare. He even asked parents to have
a discussion about proper sanitary practices, because nothing screams family
bonding like explaining to your teen why bathroom walls are
not from marking your territory.

Speaker 11 (49:30):
Now.

Speaker 1 (49:31):
By the next day, the few of the bathrooms had reopened,
but there's no timetable for a full restoration. So for now,
those our high school students can enjoy the thrill of
planning their day around limited bathroom access, all thanks to
some very creative content creators on TikTok or wherever this
trend started. So, kids, look, if your idea of a
viral fame involves public you're a nation. You just closed

(49:53):
your own bathrooms and made life miserable for everybody else
and parents, you might want to start brushing up on
your toilet one oh one lectures, because apparently somewhere in
America kids need a reminder that bathrooms exist for a reason.

Speaker 9 (50:08):
Ah.

Speaker 1 (50:09):
Yes, now we've already had one really interesting wedding story,
but you know these weddings. I mean, look, they're supposed
to be sacred rituals. For love is celebrated, Family drama simmers,
and of course, if you're lucky. Someone manages to complete
this sabotage and carefully laid plans all before the first
toast happens. Take this bride, for example, She spent months

(50:30):
meticulously crafting her seating chart, plotting her wedding dinner like
it was a military operation x'es. Segregated drama prone cousins
far away aunt Linda, who apparently has a vendetta against tequila,
kept away from the open bar enter the bridesmaid, who
apparently missed the memo on quote keeping private information private.

(50:53):
Instead of simply minding your own business, she decides to
share the bride's handwritten notes with a Facebook group of
eighty zero plus people. That's right, the whole seating chart,
complete with the scathing notes, at all in public. One
guest even texted the bride, Hey, I heard we're at
the boring table in the back.

Speaker 4 (51:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (51:13):
Nothing really says romance like public humiliation two months before
your wedding. The bride's maid claimed that it was an accident,
but let's be real here. You know, if posting a
photo on Facebook groups is your idea of a mistake,
I've got some beach front property to sell you on Mars.
Either way, the bride had to scrap the whole seating chart,

(51:33):
redo it, and do a full blown damage control with
the salty guests a Reddit way then, of course, comments
ranged from yeah, that's malicious to even boomers know how
to upload a picture, so nice? Try end up one
brilliant comment or advised Just toss the seating chart and
let people sit where they want. The ones who hate

(51:54):
each other will stay away naturally, and the ones who
love wine can be monitored by their children or partners.
So no matter how hard you plan, you're carefully orchestrated.
A social engage in social engineering is only as secure
as the bridesmaids that you trust.

Speaker 9 (52:09):
Right, No, right, You know.

Speaker 1 (52:22):
I'm open to talking about anything but love talking about
surviving in the stupidity that's always around us. And if
you're insane enough to ask, well, I'm insane enough to reply,
and I would love to hear from you. You can
leave me a message at podcast dot Insanericlane dot com
leave a comment there from a podcast or if you
have a question, I'll be happy to address either one.

(52:43):
Your question or comment just might be talked about in
a future podcast. And if you are someone you know
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(53:05):
You can also email me with comments or questions or
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other podcast platform. Don't forget to follow me on Facebook

(53:27):
and x at inst Eric Lane and now both to
hear them called Eric Laydon. The week after holding the
top spot for almost a year, Elon Musk has been

(53:47):
dethroned as the world's richest person by Larry Ellison, the
chairman of Oracle. If these two go out to dinner,
who picks up the check? The taxpayers probably the throne
still has a bit of a musk to it, but
Larry can afford to have it cleaned. While speaking at
an event at Duke University, Jerry Seinfeld suggested that those

(54:11):
who say free Palestine are worse than the klu klux Klan,
but still not as bad as soup Nazis. So Seinfeld
spoke at Duke YadA YadA, YadA. Now a bunch of
people are upset. You know what's weird? Is Seinfeld? Baseline
played while he said it. You know, do do do

(54:33):
do well? And then there's the pharmaceutical giant that manufactures Ozimpic.
They're slashing nine thousand jobs. Of course, is anyone shocked
that the folks behind Ozimpic are cutting dead weight? It's
nine thousand people headed for the breadline. Just don't overload
on carbs or you'll need Ozimpic. A new study found

(54:54):
that global warming in the US is leading many Americans
to drink more sugary beverages. Maybe it's just the other
way around. Maybe we're drinking enough sugary beverages that were
vibrating and making the temperature rise. Of course, the study's
been brought to you by Dr pepper, dr pepper?

Speaker 10 (55:10):
Is it me?

Speaker 1 (55:11):
Or is it getting hot in here? New Mexico will
be the first AID to offer universal childcare starting before
the end of the year. Nice. You can drop the
kids off in November and pick them back up on
January twod My grandpa always said whenever he was a kid,
his daycare was the coal mine. But he said a

(55:31):
lot of things. Microsoft is ending its pandemic era remote
working policy, requiring their employees to return to the office
at least three days a week. People are going to
have to get used to working with pants on again.
In El Salvador's navy sees one point four tons of
cocaine that was found floating in the Pacific Ocean. Hope

(55:53):
they don't blow it. Yeah, you can hear stories of
people on coke getting paranoid and flushing it down the
toilet like it all winds up in the Pacific boxing legend.
Mike Tyson revealed on the Katie Miller podcast that he
used fentanyl in the late nineties to cope with paint.
The magic mushrooms were just for kicks. Though Mike Tyson

(56:13):
is such a hulk even fentanyl couldn't take him down
and actress Kathy Bates has denied rumors at our one
hundred pound weight loss was fueled by ozebic, saying it
took me years to do this. Of course, nowadays she
enjoys air fried to make air fried green tomatoes. She
wants us to know that she didn't take the easy way.

(56:34):
In fact, she was in misery the whole time. And
there have been three Division one college basketball players who
had their eligibility and eligibility permanently revoked after the NCAA
found out that they had bet on their own games.
You know that sort of corruption is reserved for the NBA.
Young Man and a pair of students at Cornell University

(56:56):
shot at one hundred twenty pound black bear before he
drug it back to their dorm room and skinned it.
I had that on last week's podcast. I guess the
meal planet Corneille really stinks. They're the only dorm room
with the bear skin rug. And in a recent study
that surveyed over nine hundred pilots, ninety three percent admitted
to napping during flights. So if you're flying and start

(57:20):
to hear someone snoring in the cockpit, just give a knock.
I don't even want my pilots texting and flying. Federal
agent sized over a six hundred thousand illegal vapes across
the country. That's fine, but look, if they start coming
for the zen nicotine pouches, this country is going to
lose its mind. Yeah. They they will be put in

(57:42):
what goodie bags and given to illegal immigrants as are
being deported. Yeah, I don't know. South America, South Africa's
top court is ruled that husbands can now take their
wives family name. Wait is uh South Africa? Woke? I
mean you still have to if the guy's family a
goat though, right. The Swiss cosmetics company Walletta has been

(58:07):
accused of doing business with the Nazis back in the
nineteen forties. This is something you just can't make up.
You can't tell in the black and white photos. But
Hitler was always rosy cheeked. It's Willletta's fault. Ireland has
announced that it'll put out the twenty twenty six Eurovision
Song Contest if Israel is allowed to compete. You know,

(58:29):
that's kind of weird, though usually you don't announce an
Irish exit. I Ireland, you know, is tied to having
the most Eurovision win so in American terms, it would
be like Jordan's sitting out the All Star Game. Global
superstar Bad Bunny is skipping the US on his upcoming
world tour due to fears of immigration raids against his
largely Latino audience. Of course, that's no bueno for people

(58:53):
who wanted to hear d d MI pregunto live. The
Pittsburgh Pirates fan that was injured when he fell from
the outfield bleacher says he wakes up with pain every day.
That's just life as a Pirates fan. I'm afraid the
Library of Congress is named the new US Poet laureate
seventy four year old author of SZA. Is he the

(59:15):
guy that did roses or red violence for blue and
you thought it was hard to find a job in
your field. According to door Dash, the top fall flavor
this year is not pumpkin spice, but rather pecan flavor. Great.
Another thing that's going to get split is going to
split the country pecan versus pumpkin. I mean, how can

(59:36):
they declare the top fail for the top fall flavor already?
I mean some people haven't even put away their swim floaties.
And according to a new poll, President Trump's approval is
sinking among Latino voters now. If ICE keeps supporting citizens
and illegal immigrants alike, there'll be no Latinos to pull
at all, Just like if Trump tried eating a hardshell taco,

(59:58):
It's all falling apart. And a renowned to California chef
was arrested after allegedly robbing three banks in one day
in San Francisco. Good news for the Sioux's Chef and
Chef terms. That's an eighty six on freedom heard Yeah yes,
chef okay. And soda delivery truck was swallowed whole in

(01:00:19):
Mexico City when it fell in a sinkhole. I hope
this doesn't raise the price of Mexican coke here in
the States. Seth Rogan's Apple TV series, The Studio set
a new record by winning thirteen Emmys at the awards
ceremony this year. A Baker's doesn't for the man who
likes to get baked. And I thought the show was great,
But you know, some of those categories I'd never heard of,

(01:00:41):
you know, like his outstanding appetisers at craft services a
real thing and little nas X. He's in an inpatient
treatment program after his naked arrest last month. No word
though yet on how his horse is doing. When he
gets out, he plans on changing his name to Big
Boy Nas. The tenth Saturday Night Live boss Lauren Michaels

(01:01:03):
said TikTok helped to drive the show's extensive turnover recently.
What he means is he fired everyone who's spent too
much time on TikTok at the office. I guess mad
TV should have paid attention. And the fastest man in history,
Hussain Bolt, says he no longer runs, gets out of
breath going up the stairs and is into Lego. Now,

(01:01:23):
this is the fate of many American men, you see,
but I didn't expect it for Bolt. Nobody show this
guy Minecraft, or he'll never leave his house again. Serena
and Venus Williams are starting a podcast called Stockton Street.
It's named after the street that they grew up on.
It's about time they look at Maybe it's about time
he took a swing at something new. You think, I

(01:01:44):
can't wait to hear what their inbr voice to sound like.
You know they know they can't grunt between sentences, though,
Right and Luigi Menngioni remained stone faced in court when
the New York judge dismissed his top charges of terrorism
related murder from the cheers outside the courtroom. Though you
thought the Jets finally won a game, he must be

(01:02:04):
meditating in there. Maybe. I guess you know how hard
it is for an Italian American to control their emotions. Right,
And after decades of giant checks, Publishers clearing House is bankrupt,
thus ending its lifetime payout for the Forever sweepstakes winners.
So if you want a giant check, you'll have to
win a golf tournament like everybody else. It's kind of

(01:02:25):
like Buddha saying nothing is forever. Accept change, especially lifetime
supply sweepstakes. And new research shows that short bursts of
exercise during the day can be just as beneficial as
a full workout, and no sprinting from the couch to
the refrigerator and back doesn't count. People are even trying

(01:02:45):
to micro dose exercise nowadays. After several successful pop ups
around New York, a Friends inspired coffee shop is set
to open up permanently in Times Square. Of course, I'm
sure finding some smelly cats wasn't a problem in New
York City. It's just nice to hear about a coffee
shop opening up that's not a Starbucks. And a convicted

(01:03:06):
con artist who was the subject of the twenty twenty
two Netflix documentary The Tender Swindler, has been arrested in
the country of Georgia. I wonder what the dating apps
in prison are like. I guess it's just the chow line.
Sounds like this guy made a bumble fumble. Luckily, though
he can still write love letters from prison. Two men
from Zambia were headed to prison after being found guilty

(01:03:28):
of plotting to kill the president using witchcraft. Thank goodness
that couldn't happen here, otherwise there'd be a lot of
women in Portland getting thrown in jail. Between the fingerprints
on the Crystal Ball and the eye of Newt in
the Cauldron, police had all the evidence they needed. Robert Redford,
that icon of American cinema, an activist, passed away at

(01:03:49):
the age of eighty nine. I really hope Paul Newman
is waiting for him up there with another erect Porsche.
Shilah buff had to apologize to his mentor and staunch
Trump support John Voight after threatening to fight him over
their different political views. Look Shia. Do you really have
to fight John Voight? I me, he's eighty six. Can't
you just wait a few years? I mean, these guys

(01:04:10):
perfectly represent both ends of the political spectrum, cranky oman
versus cranky young man. And finally, Tom Brady plans to
play alongside current and former NFL stars in a flag
football tournament in Saudi Arabia. I can't wait to see
Derrek Jeter swing a whiffle ball bat in a few
years time. Saudi Arabia is really trying to pull a
Robert Downy junior level point eighty right now, get up

(01:04:47):
close and personal with my stupid world by interacting with
the podcast through in Saint Ericquane's Stupid World Telegram channel.
I post the actual articles I use in the podcast
episodes every weekend from this week's collection of stupidity. When
you join the channel, you'll get to read the actual stories,
see the photos, watch the amazing videos from the stupidity

(01:05:08):
I talk about in each episode. You can make comments
about what you've read or seen, even comment with your
own suggestions or opinions about what I've talked about. You
can share some links to the stupid stories that you've encountered.
So visit t dot me slash inst eric Lane, t
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n E and you get a preview of the channel

(01:05:28):
and a link to download the Telegram messenger app to
your smartphone. It's also available in desktop versions as well,
and it's supported on Windows, Linux, Apple, and Android platforms.
Telegram it's a secure messaging app that is gaining in popularity.
To learn more, visit Telegram dot O RG.

Speaker 14 (01:05:51):
I know this genius.

Speaker 1 (01:05:53):
I'm simply a human.

Speaker 5 (01:05:55):
It's like a caveman thing you said.

Speaker 1 (01:05:57):
Now this week's Genius War and in this week's Genius Awards.
A thirty eight year old West Virginia woman has been
arrested after deputy said she stabbed a man with a
fork and bit him. Andrea Boone has been charged with
malicious assault. According to the Marion County Sheriff's Office, deputies
there responded to the stabbing on Jamison Road in Fairview

(01:06:20):
and found the victim with a cut down the underside
of his right forearm. The victim and Boone had been
in a verbal altercation before she stabbed in the arm
with the fork. According to deputies, Boone then bit the
victim and ran from the scene. According to court documents,
Boone is currently in the North Central Regional Jail with
a bond set of ten thousand dollars. I think we

(01:06:40):
need to know what he said to her before this happened.
You know, maybe she was angry. And then there's this
A sixty two year old California woman who's accused of
registering her dog to vote had her arraignment postponed. Laura
Yurex is charged with five felonies for regie string her
dog maya gene, and voting for the dog in two elections.

(01:07:05):
She was in court for the first time. She did
not enter aplet it set in a statement that her
intent was to improve the voting system. Laura Erex sincerely
regrets her unwise attempt to expose flaws in our state
voting system, intended to improve it by demonstrating that even
a dog can be registered to vote. According to her
defense attorney Jamie Coulter, Well, the case is causing concern

(01:07:29):
at the county level. You don't register on purpose your
dog or your cat, or your horse or anything else,
says Orange County Supervisor Katrina Foley. You don't do that
on purpose to mock the system. There were two members
of the Board of Supervisors who pushed for an emergency motion,
which ultimately failed to have the voter rolls examined so

(01:07:53):
that we can find out from the registrar what's going
on to stop what you have said, mister Chairman, that
the dogs and the cats from being in the on
the rules, says County Supervisor Don Wagner. Another county supervisor,
Janelle Yingien, wanted to examine the county dog licensed records
to expose potential illegal voters. So if we can cross

(01:08:15):
reference the addresses and the names to see if there's
potentially a name that could be suspicious, then we can say,
wait a minute, let's flag this as she says. Bob
Paige is the registrar of voters and was the one
who received the report. We take voter fraud very seriously,
so when I received a report that there may have
been a fictitious person who was registered to vote and

(01:08:37):
attempted to vote in two elections, Page says, we referred
that immediately to the district attorney to investigate, and he
ultimately filed charges.

Speaker 9 (01:08:46):
Well.

Speaker 1 (01:08:46):
Since the presidential election one hundred and seventy five thousand
names have been purged from Orange County's voter files. They moved,
they died, they were ineligibible, ineligible to vote. So I
don't support what I think is an anti democratic way
to test our system. Them and people should be held
accountable for that, he says. Look, dogs are smarter than
most people, so let them vote. Dogs also make better

(01:09:07):
candidates than most people too.

Speaker 9 (01:09:08):
You know?

Speaker 1 (01:09:10):
Or how about this? After a pair of little pre
pubiscan punks coused fifty thousand dollars damage to that Florida
elementary school library, two moms turned their sons into the police.
The twelve and thirteen year old suspects broke into Friendship
Elementary School and Deltona during the day live hours and
returned that night for additional destruction. According to the Vlusha
County Sheriff's Office, the vandalism targeted the school's media center,

(01:09:33):
with video showing shattered glass doors, overturned furniture, torn book
scraffiti throughout the facility, and both juveniles eventually confessed to
the crime and face charges including burgulary trespassing, criminal mischief,
and theft, according to the Sheriff's office. On Facebook Florida
Men in Training. Yeah, I know some parents are held
responsible for the acts of their minor kids. I guess
you if you rat them out, maybe you get you

(01:09:55):
can get let off the hook. What about this president
of a Florida Little league is facing charges after law
enforcement said he's spent more than ninety four thousand dollars
at hotels, Amazon gas stations. Action News Jack's reported that
William Reynolds the third was arrested in charge with felony,
fraud and grand theft. Reynolds took over as the Yulei

(01:10:18):
Little League president in the fall of twenty twenty three.
He's accused of misappropriating more than ninety four thousand dollars
in league funding over a five month period, and arrest
affidavit filed by the Nassau County Sheriff's Office said the
investigation started after leadership within the yules of the Yuli
Little League said they believed that he was using the

(01:10:39):
league money for unauthorized personal purchases. The court documents said
that Reynolds claimed that some of the purchases were league
related but were considered unauthorized when he would not provide receipts.
According to Action Action Action News Jacks, Reynolds was accused
of spending more than eighty two thousand, four hundred seventy
four dollars on unauthorized purchases, including almost thirteen thousand dollars

(01:11:02):
on Amazon and Prime Video, thirty one hundred and sixty
nine dollars at gas stations, thirteen hundred dollars at hotels,
one hundred five dollars for Hulu according to the station.
There were also vimno transfers to family members and former
family members. According to Action Newsjacks, The Little League released
a statement that said Julie Little League has turned over
all information to the NASA County Sheriff's Office. For any

(01:11:25):
details regarding the investigation, please contact the Sheriff's office directly.
The board is working with the CPA and implementing additional
protections to safeguard the League moving forward for the children
and families of our community. Bless his heart for taking
that money from kids and Vin mowing his family. Can't
say he's not generous. I understand not wanting to pay

(01:11:46):
for your own streaming services, though those things really do
add up, and you got to check this one out.
An unidentified man wearing a scuba deer robed the Paddlefish
Restaurant in Disney Springs, Florida, stealing up to twenty thousand
dollars in cash before escaping under water. Orange County Sheriff's
Offage deputies responded around two ten or twelve ten in

(01:12:08):
the morning after the suspect entered the closed restaurant's management
office and tied up to employees that were still on site.
The man did not use weapons during the robbery, but
after taking the money, he then reportedly put on scuba
gear and fled by swimming away through the water. A
police search proved unsuccessful in locating the suspect, whose face
was completely covered in surveillance images. When they arrived, deputies

(01:12:31):
met with the victims, who said an unknown man entered
the business after hours, took some cash, and left. According
to the Orange County Sheriff's Office, the victims in the
case were not injured and there's no threat to public safety.
But sounds like a James Bond crime to me. I mean,
you know, it all looked kind of stupid as heck, irl,
if you know what I mean, right in real life,
I mean, I'd love to see this as a classic
nineteen seventies Colombo episode and You'll never believe this. A

(01:12:55):
Shanghai court has ordered two seventeen year olds to pay
three hundred and nine thousand dollars to catering companies after
they peed in that soup at a hot pot restaurant.
The teenagers posted the video of their drunken act online,
sparking widespread criticism. No one consumed the contaminated broth, but
the restaurant compensated four thousand customers that visited the Shanghai branch,

(01:13:17):
offering full refunds plus cash payments worth ten times their bills.
The court ruled that the teens violated property rights and
reputation through acts of insult that caused strong discomfort among
the public. Their parents were deemed to have failed to
fulfill their duty of guardianship and must pay compensation, including
two million yen for operational and reputational damage, one hundred

(01:13:38):
and thirty thousand yen for tableware losses and cleaning costs,
and seventy thousand in legal fees. I imagine if America
McDonald's employees were held to this kind of standard with
the with the pickle customers. It's urban legend only okay, look,
we've got a long list of offenders. If reputational damage
becomes a thing here finally, one more. A series of

(01:14:01):
high value steps targeting Pokemon card stores has left Maryland
businesses reeling with losses totally tens of thousands of dollars.
Stormcrow Games in Eldersburg recently fell victim to a group
of thieves that posed as tournament participants before making off
with twenty five thousand dollars worth of rare Pokemon cards.

(01:14:23):
They came in they said they wanted to be in
the tournament, according to a representative of storm Crew Games.
Surveillance footage shows the suspects entering the store and executing
their hest in under three minutes. This was not the
first time the group has struck Sam, a member of
the gaming community, said they hit Blue Ditto. Dave, the
owner of Blue Diddo, recounted a similar incident, saying, my

(01:14:43):
niece works there. They were having her pull down all
the high end stuff and setting it on the counter.
The two men or the two main ones, kept her there.
Thieves managed to steal about fifteen to sixteen thousand dollars
worth of merchandise from the Blue ditto Baltimore County Police
or investigator the Blue did O case where state police
are handling the Eldersburg incident. The tight knit gaming community

(01:15:06):
believes the same group is responsible for multiple heightsts in
the region. They robbed like three or four, now five stores,
a community member says. Sam says also that they got
other stores. They know what they're doing, both the Storm
Crew Games and Blue dit O or small family run businesses,
and the financial impact of the thefts is significant. We're
mom and pop. We built this from the ground up,

(01:15:27):
Sam says. Insurance only covers the original value of the cards,
leaving the stores with substantial losses. The thieves are suspected
of targeting additional stores in Elliott City and bel Air, Maryland,
with the stolen cards believed to be stolen on the
sold on the black market. They were laughing in our face,
Sam says, highlighting the brazen nature of the crimes. Gen

(01:15:47):
Z and millennials have always known the strong Pokemon economy.
Right now, three four, five stores got to catch them all. Yeah, well,
you can spread the stupidity, share the podcast on social
media with all your family friends. Of course, with all
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(01:16:09):
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(01:16:31):
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(01:16:52):
If you want to follow me on x or Facebook,
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my website at insanericlaim dot com. And finally, ponder this
the most important part of starting a new job is
identifying which coworker to blame your lack of productivity upon.
Call Call Cool Good Chong Call Good Call cam Chaw.

Speaker 2 (01:17:18):
Insane. Eric Lane's Stupid World is produced with the support
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Speaker 14 (01:17:33):
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Speaker 10 (01:17:43):
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