In-n-Out Burger's "Home Run", Meltdown In The Delta Lounge, and An NFL "Poo-Nami"

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Everything you're about to hear is true.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
None of the names have been changed, because no one
is innocent from stupidity, the grave.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
Basit of the world around brave stupid.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
I'm inst Eric Lane. Welcome to my stupid world. It's
the MIDWEK Bonus episode with extra stupidity to get you
through the week.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
And if it's stupid.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Enough, give it a five star rating, because you're getting
five star stupidity.

Speaker 3 (00:44):
Ah.

Speaker 4 (00:44):
Yes, America, Land of the Free, Home of the brave,
and apparently the battlefield where people reveal their true character
at the In and Out Burger drive through.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
Don't forget politics or religion. Nothing exposes the soul of
a human being faster than whether they wait their turn
for a double double or decide the rules of civilization
do not apply to their silver Toyota, let me just
set the scene for you. Sunset Boulevard, Hollywood. The line

(01:20):
for In and Out Burger snakes around the block because well, shockingly,
everyone else in Los Angeles was also craving an artery
clogging bliss.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
For that day. Enter our villain, mister Toyota. Cut the line.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
Who barrels past a string of hungry, patient citizens and
wedges his car into the queue bowl strategy. Right, nothing screams,
I peeked in middle school dodgeball, quite like skipping twenty
minutes of waiting for a burger. But here's where the
story takes that beautiful Shakespearean twist. You see, it turns

(01:57):
out if you are not familiar with the in and
Outside system. You see, they have this system for dealing
with this brand of societal parasites. It's called a home run.
And no, it doesn't mean that you get served faster,
quite the opposite. Actually, it means the staff will politely
take your order, smile, and then send your entitled butt

(02:21):
to the purgatory parking lot.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
There you'll wait thirty to forty.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
Minutes, essentially the same amount of time you tried to
cheat karma. But it's deep fried. Check out what in
and Out does when they catch a line cutter.

Speaker 5 (02:37):
Everybody's waiting in line on this side street. There's so
many cars in line. This silver Toyota cuts everybody right
at the corner of the side street in the driveway,
and I see it all happen. The staff still takes
their order and everything. That guy just cut everybody. There's
no way so when it was my attorney to order.
I placed my order and then I was like, by
the way, like that silver Toyota cut everybody in line.

(02:59):
He's like, oh oh yeah, I saw them do that.

Speaker 6 (03:01):
They put like a.

Speaker 5 (03:01):
Home run note is what he called it, which basically
means that they're going to take his order, but they'll
tell him to pull out, put his blinkers on in
the front, and then they're just going to take way
longer to make his order as if he were to
wait in line. Anyways, I love In and Out so much.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
Well, the internet naturally lost its collective mind. TikTok blew
up with people praising in and Out and they're deliciously
petty justice system. One commentator declared, finding out in and
Out is petty has made my day. Another said this
makes me love them even more because nothing bonds humanity

(03:39):
like fries and schnutting food. Former employees even chimed in
with war stories. Some locations make line cutters circle back
to the end. Others just exile them from the property altogether.
You know, somewhere out there is a grown adult crying
into their milkshake because because they thought they could beat

(04:01):
the system and ended up banished like a burger loving Napoleon.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
And look, let's be honest here.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
This is the kind of policy I think every institution
in society needs. Imagine if airlines ran on the in
and out Burger model. Try cutting the boarding line at Southwest. Well, congratulations,
you're now flying spirit middle seat next to the bathroom.
A cut in line at Starbucks' boom, your latte arrives

(04:29):
ice when you ordered it hot forty five minutes later,
and the word asshole is on the cup.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
So let's let this just be a lesson, folks.

Speaker 2 (04:37):
Okay, patience is not only a virtue, it's also a
time saver when the people running the friars are better
at revenge.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
Than you are at merging.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
Now, if you cut in line at in and Out,
probably the only thing that you'll be animal styling is
your dignity.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
I do think that this is a management policy that
could be aptly aplied in so many other ways. Well,
picture this. You're at Beni Hanna in Torrance, California. You've
come for an onion volcano, the flying shrimp, and a
slight chance of getting your eyebrows singed by a habachi
chef with questionable wrist control. What did you not come for?

Speaker 3 (05:19):
Hm?

Speaker 2 (05:19):
Maybe a dinner theater reimagined as a full on WWE
SmackDown between management and staff. That's right, folks, the land
of Tepanyaki Entertainment just leveled up. On one particular Monday night,
diners at the Benihana there got an extra side of
chaos when a manager and an employee decided that a
flat top grill wasn't hot enough, so they turned the

(05:42):
restaurant floor into the main event. Now, according to the
Torrance Police, it all started when the manager asked an
employee to leave. You know, the sort of routine Hey
you're fired, so please exit moment that really should end
with someone sulking in the parking lot while texting their
cousin about unfair bosses. But instead, this employee allegedly refused

(06:03):
because why a bowed out gracefully when you can stage
a live action soap opera in front of strangers halfway
through their California.

Speaker 1 (06:10):
Rolls so que.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
The security guard aka the poor schlab, who thought his
job was just to stop teenagers from sneaking SIPs of saki. Instead,
he found himself in a tag team match helping the
manager escort the employee out, and well, here's the spoiler,
it did not end well. A full on brawl broke out,
sending diners scrambling with their purses, backpacks, and half finished matis.

(06:35):
Because nothing kills the mood faster than a fight breaking
out next to your thirty two dollars chicken and shrimp combo.
The security guard ended up injured face and head wounds,
according to the police.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
The employee, though, well, he.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
Fled the scene before officers arrived, because of course he could. Well,
here's just some of the entertainment that took place there.
You know, nothing says solid life choices like running from

(07:10):
the cops after turning a Japanese takeouts into a gladiator pit.
And now the real victims here though, the poor families
who just wanted to watch a guy flip a shrimp
tail into his hat without collateral damage. Imagine explaining this
to your kids, No, sweetie, that was part of the
habachi show.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
That was just too grown.

Speaker 2 (07:28):
Adults acting like TikTok cloud chasers with a beef more
raw than your sushi. So here we are, again, yet again,
confronted with that great American paradox. Why does Stupidity in
society always find its way into places where people are
just trying to eat. First the waffle House fight videos,

(07:49):
Now Benny Hannah brawls. You know, at this rate, Olive
Garden will start handing out boxing gloves with every endless
breadstick basket. Of course, if you're headed to habachi, you
might want to sit near the exit because it beni hana.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
The flames aren't always just on the grill. Oh boy.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
But there was a man in Florida goes by the
name of Larry Rada Junior. He was spotted speeding, so
a deputy tries to stop him.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
What does he do?

Speaker 2 (08:18):
He spins his car in a full circle around the
cop car and speeds off.

Speaker 7 (08:23):
Well.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
The police opted not to pursue him for obviously safety reasons,
but maybe they should have because later Larry crashed. Oh
by the way, he had three kids inside, so then
he escaped with them by hurling the kids over a
six foot fence then jumping over it himself. Thankfully, he

(08:45):
was caught soon after that. All three kids also were
taken to the hospital, checked out and released and well.
Larry he was booked on three counts of child neglect
and officials said, more charges are on the way.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
Wow, we should have caught that on camera.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
Well, if you've ever had the privilege of hanging out
at the Delta Sky Club during a flight layover, you've
experienced the serene oasis of leather chairs and free booths
and little tiny places of hummus. It's kind of like
an airport sanctuary design to make you forgot that you're
about to cram yourself into a flying aluminum tube. But
for one particular man at Palm Beach, Florida, this was

(09:22):
not just a lounge. It was his, let's say, personal
hill to die on see over the summer. A gentleman,
and I use that term loosely, was arrested for refusing
to leave the sky club despite lacking, you know, the
one thing you actually need, like access credentials. The staff
told him repeatedly that without proof of membership and a

(09:45):
valid Delta or sky Team boarding pass, he had to go,
and his response dig in like he was protecting the
last seat at Thanksgiving dinner.

Speaker 1 (09:56):
So enter the police.

Speaker 2 (09:57):
Now, for most people this would probably be the moment
to life choices, But not our guy here. Nope, he
allegedly barked at the officer get away from me. You
are disgusting, which, to be fair, is a rather bold
thing to say to someone with handcuffs and the authority
to put them on you. The officer instead gave him
the easiest choice in the world, leave voluntarily or leave

(10:20):
involuntarily with new wrist jewelry. Well, he chorges he actually
chose door number stupid. When he finally got cuffed, he
pulled a classic Toddler defense. My choice was to leave, well, yes, sir,
And my choice is to be a millionaire who eats
pizza without gaining weight. But life doesn't work that way. See,

(10:41):
let's just be clear about something. Lounge access is not
a human right. It's not in the Biddle of Rights,
and it's not in the Constitution. It's a perk, you
know what that is, right. You just don't casually saunter
into a country club without membership in the man eighteen holes,
you don't walk into a Costco without a card and
expect a buck fifty hot dog, And you definitely don't

(11:03):
come waltzing into the sky club and claim squatters' rights
over the free pretzels. Best case, so, this guy misunderstood
Delta's tightened access rules.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
Now the worst case.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
I guess he thought a sure aura of entitlement could
bend reality. Either way, the result was the same. Play
stupid games, win stupid prizes, and in this case the
prize was a trespassing charge and internet immortality on body
cam footage. Here's just what the officers got this witness
trying to kick this guy out and arrest him. I'm

(11:35):
telling you, with my authority that you're about two seconds
from leading the airport.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
Because you don't have the proper identification to get into
the club in the first place.

Speaker 7 (11:44):
I'm going to ask one question, are you going to
leave this room right now? That certainly then get up
and leave the Get up and lady. If you don't leave,
unrest for trespack period. I'm not going to play with you.
You may take your staff and get out, or you're
going to go go jail for trust trassing. What is
your choice?

Speaker 1 (12:01):
Choice, Then you're going to go to jail.

Speaker 7 (12:02):
I my choice was to leave.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
Final verdict.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
The staff handled it, the cops handled it. This man
handled it like someone who thought no was a suggestion.
He wasn't drunk on champagne. He was just drunk on entitlement,
and honestly, that's way more embarrassing. So maybe the next
time you're at an airport lounge, you remember, respect the rules,
respect the staff, and if the police show up, don't
audition for the role of YouTube's stupidest traveler. Well, I

(12:38):
got a very disturbing peak into what Americans enjoy googled.

Speaker 1 (12:43):
Uh, Google looked at the top of the searches.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
Okay, I like to sometimetimes check out the Google trends.
So here's an interesting trend that Google picked out. Is
it weird too like blank? Okay, try that? Is it
weird to like blank? Here's just some of the top five.
Is it weird to like the.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Taste of blood?

Speaker 2 (13:10):
Well, I guess if you're Scottish and you don't mind
having black pudding, that probably would count. But some people
enjoy that metallic taste, so maybe you're not alone. I
wouldn't announce it on the bus. Is it weird to
like the smell of your own farts? Believe it or not,
that was pretty common. But even if one hundred percent
of us enjoyed our own gas, it doesn't seem like

(13:32):
we should. New York Giants star Pass Rusher Brian Burns
says he enjoys the smell of his own farts. In fact,
he posted it on x He said, sometimes I enjoy
the smell of my farts. Burns is one of the
most unique players in the league. By the way, how
about is it weird to like the smell of gasoline? Well,

(13:53):
there are whole Reddit threads on that one, so it's
probably not that weird. Benzene only makes about one percent
of what's in gas, but that's actually where the smell
comes from. Is it weird to like being called good boy? Well,
if we're talking about dogs liking it, then no. If
we're talking about.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
Humans, yeah, pretty weird.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
And finally, is it weird to like spiderss? Some experts
think fearing them is kind of baked into our DNA.
So if they seem cuddly to you here, definitely in
the minority. But if you just find them interesting, sure
they are in a creepy way. I mean I remember
a kids bringing their pet tarantulas to class and they

(14:37):
got to sit all by themselves. Well, it was a
typical normal Tuesday afternoon in Sussex County, New Jersey.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
You know you're popping into the dollar General.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
You're gonna grab some off brand launch detergent, maybe a
questionable bag of gummy worms, and suddenly, oh look, a
one hundred and seventy pound black bear is in a
doing his best impression of a confused bargain shopper. Yes, folks,
a bear actually wandered into Dollar General, and no, it

(15:10):
was not there for the clearance candles. Witnesses said it
was acting strange. Translation, well, it bit a woman, it
threatened pets, and terrorized the neighborhood like some kind of
fuzzy mafia boss. One brave guy with a smartphone tried
to coax the bear outside because well, apparently his survival
plan was what if Winnie the Pooh just follows me?

(15:33):
And for a second, it worked until the bear came
back like it had unfinished coupon business. So now the
police tries rubber bullets didn't work. They tried shouting, didn't work.
The bear was not impressed. At one point, it even
attacked a German shepherd named Lucky, and well, let me
tell you there, oh, Lucky certainly lived up to his name,

(15:55):
because somehow he walked away from the bear attack with
just a story to tell.

Speaker 1 (15:58):
At the dog park.

Speaker 2 (16:00):
Unfortunately, the bear's chaotic shopping spree ended the only way
these kind of stories do. Officials forcing to put it down.
A woman watching from her car burst into tears, asking
if the cops had to use a tranquilizer. Dart Oh,
here's the cop cam along with the witness who got
emotional over the whole ordeals.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
That could come on. Calm with me.

Speaker 5 (16:22):
He's going through the front of the store, clear the
front of the store.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
The people in the store.

Speaker 5 (16:27):
I would rather get the bear out of the store
have them follow me out.

Speaker 1 (16:32):
They kind of like poured at each other for a
little bit. The bear got on top of him. My
guys were outside.

Speaker 8 (16:37):
Luckily enough, they've got the bear distracted long enough to
get my dog on a leash.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
My heart just sank. I got tears in my eyes.

Speaker 1 (16:43):
I'm tearing up now thinking about it.

Speaker 9 (16:45):
I asked the cop was that just a tranquilizer or
did you have to shoot him?

Speaker 1 (16:49):
And he said we had to shoot him, And I
thought a crying Nope.

Speaker 2 (16:52):
This wasn't Disney, no cute relocation montage. This was Jersey people.
While a lot of officials are testing, they're now for
rabies because apparently The only thing dumber than a bear
in a Dollar General is the possibility that it was
a rabid bear in Dollar General. Imagine the CDC paperwork
for that. And really, this is definitely peak America, right,

(17:13):
I mean, in other countries, people wrestle crocodiles, they dodged cobras,
findoff wild boars. In New Jersey, they got bears shopping
at the Dollar General, Like, excuse me, where's the discount salmon.
If you thought Black Friday shoppers were dangerous, just wait
until the competition is an actual black bear.

Speaker 1 (17:33):
And then you got Florida.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
That's the state that gave us Florida man wrestles, gator
and a Wendy's parking lot one. Now Florida has gifted
us Florida High School copp pepper sprays basically everyone. This
all started after a fight broke out at Lakeworth High
School in Palm Beach County, standard teen drama, you know,
probably about who stole whose vapor, who liked whose TikTok,

(17:57):
thirst trap. But instead of stepping in like an normal adult,
the school's safety officer decides to channel his inner Rambo
and unleash the pepper spray. Except there's one tiny hiccup.
He just doesn't hit the fighters. No, no, he nails
more than thirty students in faculty. The man basically played
Oprah with mace. You get pepper spray, and you get

(18:19):
pepper spray. Everybody gets pepper spray. All in all, thirty
two people had to go to the hospital. Now that's
not a school fight, folks, that's a field.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
Trip to the er.

Speaker 2 (18:29):
And if you're wondering how long this chaos lasted, well,
fire rescue didn't clear the scene until three pm. That's
talking hours, hours of coughing, crying, and kids looking like
they just lost a battle with a bag of flaming
hot Cheetos. But don't worry. The principal swooped in with
a classic I'm not mad, just disappointed energy. He said,

(18:50):
fighting or any form of aggression is not tolerated, right, unless,
of course, it's a grown man with pepper spray assaulting
the entire pta. That's apparently fine. And let's not forget
this is the same school that just last year made
some headlines when a teacher compared students' skin tones to
coffee roasts.

Speaker 1 (19:11):
Because nothing screams.

Speaker 2 (19:12):
Qualified ap teacher like being racist and lazy about it.
So yeah, Lakeworth High School, where students go to learn math,
history and how to survive chemical warfare.

Speaker 1 (19:24):
Well, have you ever.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
Wondered how much stupidity can cost? Did you ever put
a price tag on stupidity? South Carolina, a thirty two
year old teaching assistant named Alexander Paul Robertson Lewis just
set a new record and it stinks literally. You see,
Lewis decided to bring a little fun to West Florence
High School. His weapon of choice poop spray yep, that

(19:49):
novelty spray that smells like you know, your own farts.
Sometime between late August and mid September, he allegedly sprayed
it all around the school. And here's the big kicker.
It wasn't just gross. Kids actually needed medical attention for
respiratory problems, and the school's air conditioning system got so

(20:11):
contaminated that repairs and inspections cost them over fifty five
thousand dollars. Here's one parent just on how the stench
affected her own son.

Speaker 4 (20:20):
My son, his asthma's been triggered multiple times because of this,
and I've had him take him to the doctor three times.

Speaker 2 (20:27):
So we got one man, one can of fake poop,
thousands of dollars in damages.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
I had a bunch of coughing students genius.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
Authorities eventually arrested Lewis and charged him with disturbing schools
and malicious injury to property. He spent a night in jail,
probably thinking maybe next time I'll just stick to glitter,
because if your idea of a prank involves poop spray, remember,
stupidity isn't just smelly.

Speaker 1 (20:52):
It can be expensive. And now I want you to
meet thirty four year old Thigh.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
Thigh is a man who looked at an entire vast
landscape of the Internet and thought, to himself, you know
what people want.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
They want a middle.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
Aged guy with a stick screaming at kids in a
trailer park at one o'clock in the morning. Truly the
scorsese of stupidity. Tye armed himself with what police described as.

Speaker 1 (21:20):
A large stick.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
Not a bat, not even a sword, but a stick,
because apparently, when you're making rage bait videos, you don't
need equipment. You just need props left over from a
fallen tree branch. Very budget friendly. So, at twelve forty
five in the morning Prime, annoy your neighbor's hour. He

(21:42):
marches around his mobile home park, yelling at his mom,
terrifying the little kids, blocking cars, and screaming the inward,
you know, all.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
The things YouTube monetization loves.

Speaker 2 (21:54):
So when the cops show up, Tie proud of the explains,
Oh yeah, I just did this to record reactions and
make money.

Speaker 1 (22:01):
Yeah incredible.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
I mean, this man is not just a menace. He's
a menace with a business plan. Because nothing screams future
billionaire like a marketing strategy that combines hate speech with
you know, lar LARPing as a wizard holding a staff.

Speaker 1 (22:17):
Well, guess what. It didn't work.

Speaker 2 (22:20):
He didn't rake in the views, but he did rake
in a disorderly conduct charge two nights in jail on
a five hundred and fifty dollars fine. So congratulations, sir,
you just lost money on your own stupidity. Imagine explaining
that to your celly. Why am I here? Oh well,
I just yelled at children for a TikTok clout, and honestly,
let's just talk about the ambition. I mean, Tie wasn't

(22:40):
even subtle. Some influencers hustle for years building brands, editing,
content grinding on algorithms. You know, but Tie just stopped that.

Speaker 1 (22:48):
He just terrorized his neighbors with a you know, and boom,
he'd be a millionaire.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
Frankly, that's not rage baiting, that's just being a butthole
with Wi Fi.

Speaker 1 (22:56):
So let's just give him credit.

Speaker 2 (22:58):
That he deserves, not as an Internet star and not
as a social media genius, but as living proof that
Darwin was right, you know, because your master planted to
terrorize children's scream slurs and waves of sticks around and
you know, then make a profit. Yeah, then maybe society
is officially running out of brain cells. And you know,
society loves to brag about the triumphs of human spirit. Right,

(23:21):
We've got Olympic gold medals, we've got space exploration, someone
figuring out how to make almond milk not taste like
wet cardboard. But look, sometimes true heroics aren't really happening
in stadiums or laboratories. Now they're happening in living rooms
with baby poop. So now we have Shaquille or Shack Barrett,

(23:43):
NFL linebacker, professional athlete, maybe you know him, a man
that's been paid millions of dollars to tackle three hundred
pound linemen head on without blinking. None of that prepared
him for the day his newborn locked and loaded a
diaper cannon. Yes, Shack, you see, was lovingly changing his
little baby, and he hears that ominous you know, the

(24:07):
kind of sound that makes every parent's soul leave their
body for just a second. Half a second later, baby
unleashes the Kraken, a doodoo missile launched with the velocity
of a Randy Johnson fastball, and folks, Shack flipped backwards
out of his chair, not stumbled, not flinched, straight up

(24:29):
Olympic floor routine. It's right, we're talking. We're talking. Simone
Biles meets Huggies. His wife caught the whole thing on video,
because of course that's what modern love is. No longer
about holding hands or long wats, walks on the beach,
It's all about uploading your husband's poop dodge matrix move

(24:49):
to Instagram. And of course the aftermath, let's just say
the chair didn't make it. Shack actually admitted and I quote,
the chair is gone. We had an eight hundred guy
come pick it up, the one eight hundred junk guy.

Speaker 1 (25:03):
You know, yeah, I can imagine that phone call. Hello, sir,
what are we houlding away today?

Speaker 6 (25:09):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (25:09):
Old mattress, broken fridge? Nah, betty, it's a poop shrapnel. Well,
the internet loved it. People were commenting things like that
man sprang up like he got ejected from the chair,
which honestly makes me kind of wonder why are NFL
teams wasting millions of dollars on training facilities when they
could just put players in the nursery with one diperless infant.

Speaker 1 (25:29):
Man, you want reflexes.

Speaker 2 (25:31):
Nothing hones your survival instincts like the sound of a
newborn locked and loaded. So here's your reminder. You know,
we got billionaires trying to colonize Mars and scientists bending
the laws of physics. Yet the most reliable clip of
the week is that linebacker being defeated by eight pounds
of period carrots and strained peas. And that is society

(25:51):
in a nutshell. We're just one fart away from chaos.
And I've got a case study also and why some
grown men should not be left unsupervised. There's a woman
that went on a three week.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
Business trip recently.

Speaker 2 (26:06):
She comes back home and instead of finding her loving husband,
she finds well, a human cautionary tale. And now this
man is forty one years old, old enough to vote,
old enough to rent a car, even get that AARP
card in just a few short years, but apparently not
old enough to survive three weeks without adult supervision. Day

(26:28):
two of her trip, he decides he's going to become
a grill master. Yeah, cute, right, except he doesn't own
a grill.

Speaker 1 (26:35):
So what does he do?

Speaker 2 (26:36):
He just stacks baking sheets, dumps to some lighter fluid
on them, and turns the kitchen into a scene from
Final Destination six. The gasoline oven smoke alarm had a
forty minute solo, and now the house smells like Exxon
Mobile's test kitchen.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
But wait, it gets better.

Speaker 2 (26:53):
Inspired by TikTok, he enters his minimalist living era, which
apparently means throwing away all but two dishes. The survivor's
a salad bowl in the dog's watering dish, because who
doesn't want to enjoy dinner like you're competing on Survivor.
Suburbs edition meals consisted of twenty frozen burritos, many of
them eaten still frozen, because well it's basically a cold wrap.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
Saves electricity.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
Imagine your husband proudly serving you a half thought bean
popsicle and calling it eco friendly. Meanwhile, though the laundry,
forget that he just rotated between two pairs of basketball
shorts until they hardened into something that resembled medieval armor.
I mean, honestly, the Smithsonian should be on standby to
collect them as relics of the dumb husband age. And

(27:39):
when she walked into the door after three weeks, well
there he was, shirtless, wreaking of ranch dressing and burnt plastic,
playing a recorder that he ordered off of Amazon because
apparently Mozart slapped. The man went from an inspiring grill
master to a failed minimalist, a burrito philosopher. Yes, innisleep.
He actually whispered, I am the burrito. I mean, at

(27:59):
this point, the wife said she wished he had just
cheated on her instead. I imagine that adultery would have
been less traumatic. Options. Well, obviously, Reddit was divided. Some laughed,
some cried, Some rightfully suggested the guy find a doctor
or at least a babysitter for himself. But here's the
bigger issue. This was not a one off. No, this

(28:21):
was just another chapter in the ancient saga of husbands
whose self destruct when left alone. Experts say the key
to a happy marriage is sharing chores.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
But let's be real here.

Speaker 2 (28:30):
I mean, this man couldn't even share space with a
microwave burrito. It's probably not a good idea to leave
your hobby at home alone for three weeks, unless you're
prepared to come back to a house that smells like
lighter fluid. A man fused a ranch dressing in a
brand new religion where the patron saint is a half
frozen burrito. Well, we're back in Florida, probably the only

(28:51):
place where TSA agents probably wake up and Thank Lord,
I hope today is just cocaine and a live alligators again.
But no, this particular week at the tamp International Airport,
officer's got a real threat. A passenger strolling into a
double bag full of foil wrapped bones and oh yeah,
part of a human skull.

Speaker 1 (29:12):
Well here's the kicker. When asked why, the passenger very
calmly replied.

Speaker 2 (29:17):
Oh, it's for rituals. Rituals like that clears things up.
Imagine telling the TSA no, no, no, no worry, these
aren't for like, you know, stuff, like evil stuff, you know,
just light ritual use, maybe a seance or two, totally fine.
And the packaging, well it's foil, you know, like they're
prepping liftovers. Hey, honey, did you put away the lasagna?

Speaker 3 (29:40):
No?

Speaker 2 (29:40):
No, that's just Uncle Gary's femur in the fridge. Customs
and Border Protection confirmed that they seized and destroyed the remains,
which a side note here destroyed is kind of a
polite way of saying we heeded your skull into a
government incinerator. Now, according to the CDC, if you want
to travel with human remains, you actually need a death certificate, and,

(30:05):
depending on the purpose, maybe even a permit.

Speaker 1 (30:07):
But here's what kills me, though.

Speaker 2 (30:08):
They specifically mentioned that remains must be in a quote
leak proof container because apparently at some point somebody showed
up at JFK with a dripping urn and made a
mess at Terminal four. But hey, that's America for you,
you know. I mean, we're out here debating whether peanut
butter counts as a liquid at security and some guy
is literally packing a bone in carry on like he's

(30:29):
auditioning for a Metallica album cover photo shoot. Our society
is probably doomed. Frankly, I mean people are using human
skulls as travel sized ritual kits and foil is apparently
the new Louis button, and the TSA now has to
add Witchcraft starter pack to the banned item lists. You know, Florida,
do me a favor, Never change, Okay, I mean I

(30:51):
didn't know Hamlet took up smoking. Frankly, the cigars wound
up being Cuban, but that kind of pales in comparison
to the human skull geese. You know, sometimes those stupidity
doesn't just come in small doses. Sometimes it arrives in
a fiery ball of chaos over mayonnaise. This story takes

(31:12):
us to Sybylla, Spain, in a little neighborhood spot called
Cafeteria Las Portas or is it Las Postas. Yes, well,
it's a normal summer afternoon, you know, families so that
they're sipping coffee, kids are laughing, people enjoying his sandwich
or two. But there's a customer that had a very
particular craving. He wanted mayonnaise with his order. Now, look,

(31:33):
you think that if a cafes out of Mayo, the
worst reaction would be a disappointed.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
Shrudge, maybe even a grumble, Not for this man. Nope.

Speaker 2 (31:41):
When the employees told him, sorry, we don't have mayonnaise,
well he stormed out.

Speaker 1 (31:45):
And where did he go?

Speaker 2 (31:47):
No, not to another restaurant, not to the supermarket. No,
he went to a gas station. And he comes back
carrying a container of gasoline. Still determined, he asked for
the condiment again. The staff again repeated they didn't have any.
So he took things to a level so stupid it
almost sounds made up. He poured the gasoline over the
cafes counter and lit it on fire.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
Of course, the cafe erupted in flames.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
Security cameras captured people screaming, running kids scrambling for safety. Thankfully,
somebody grabbed a fire extinguisher and managed to put it
out before tragedy struck. Of course, the damage is still
racked up nearly ten thousand euros, but by some miracle,
nobody was seriously hurt. And the news spread about this
mayonnaise meltdown. It caught the attention none other than Helman's.

(32:31):
That's right, the mayonnaise brand. Helman's Spain actually reached out
to the cafe and said, you know, we're really sorry.
You weren't there. From now on you can count on us.
Let us take care of the repairs and make sure
your sadvwiches never ran out of mayonnaise again. The cafe owner,
Jose Antonio Cabalaro, was stunned but grateful. On social media,

(32:55):
he thanked Hellman's for their help, also while thanking the
brave bystander who stepped in to detain the would be
arsonists before the police arrived. The man was arrested, badly
burned by his own fire, and now sitting in jail
without bail. So let's just take stock here. One man
destroyed his afternoon, his freedom, and his skin all because
he didn't get a couple of Mayo packets. Meanwhile, the

(33:17):
cafe ended up with international support and free mayonnaise for life.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
I mean, its stupidity.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
It's about making the worst possible choice in the simplest situation.
I guess as men might have set a gold standard. Yeah,
and mayonnaise lovers know, had they offered a miracle whip,
not even the gas station would be standing. Geez, A
restaurant ignored no my coke no ice request once once? Yeah,

(33:44):
well that was definitely I guess you could call Judgment
Day for that little Spanish cafe. But a lot of
folks think judgment Day is around the corner, and some
sooner than that, at least if you believe in those
Christians that were posting on TikTok. Recently, there was a
pastor named Joshua michaela of South Africa. Jesus himself was

(34:06):
scheduled to make a guest appearance on Earth starting Monday,
September second at sundown. And apparently this was not a drill.
It was the rapture, you know, that's where believers ascend
to Heaven, leaving the rest of us.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
To deal with the well everything else.

Speaker 2 (34:23):
And some people took this very seriously because you know,
it was on TikTok. TikTok was flooded with videos of
Christians selling off worldly possessions, quitting their jobs, giving each
other rapture life hacks. Here's one of the tips. Don't
hold onto anything when you start floating up, and definitely
don't look down because you don't want to, you know,
be turned into a pillar of assault. Like Lot's wife,

(34:44):
Hannah from Louisiana was ready. She claimed divine confirmations have
aligned with fall festivals. And job mishaps, and even denied
days off to prove that the rapture is inevitable.

Speaker 1 (34:55):
And she was calm about it. She was collected, she.

Speaker 2 (34:57):
Had, she has has framed it all is a life
changing spiritual moment. But meanwhile, there was an uber driver
that got nearly two thousand dollars in cash from departing believers,
which is either a blessing or a sign that the
apocalypse can be profitable. Of course, social media was alive
with speculation. Some people were asking if their pets will
be able to join them in heaven. Others were calculating

(35:21):
what the world would look like without Christians one TikToker,
or even muse that maybe society would actually improve. So
here we are the planet weaged. Believers prepped, got ready
for their ascension. The rest of us set back, thinking
this is pique human stupidity. But instead of waking up
floating in a heavenly cloud, they woke up still owing rent,

(35:43):
still needing the orderant, and still having to fight Karen
for that last seat on the bus.

Speaker 1 (35:50):
Talk about a letdown. So what happened?

Speaker 2 (35:52):
Well, the new theory is that God postponed the rapture,
not because the world wasn't sinful enough. Not because humanity
deserves a second chance, but because and you better sit
down for this, the Epstein files haven't been released yet. Yep,
apparently Heaven has a legal department. Now forget angels blowing trumpets,

(36:15):
We're all just waiting for the discovery documents. One person
on next even wrote there'll be a delay in the
impending rapture until the unredacted Epstein files are released.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
We are very sorry, like God's up.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
There issuing customer service updates, pressing the whole button on eternity.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
Thank you for waiting.

Speaker 2 (36:34):
Your apocalypse is important to us. Please stay on the line. Meanwhile,
Maga fans are furious that Trump hasn't dropped the files yet.
As you know, he's the gatekeeper to both earthly justice
and celestial evacuation. Another Facebook artist even illustrated this with
a cartoon of Trump orange face pants down, surrounded by
big mac rappers battling explosive diarrhea while the angels presumably

(36:56):
dry Heaven disgust. And then there are the TikTok tears.
You see, heartbroken Christians began sobbing into their ring lights
because well, they weren't whisked away.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
One woman even asked, did they take my neighbors and
not me?

Speaker 2 (37:10):
No, Melissa Susan from nextdoor is not flying first class
to Paradise. She just left early for a target run.
The whole thing is Peak twenty twenty five. People are
ready to abandon their lives, convinced that a divine uber
was arriving, only to realize that the app still says
driver is finishing another trip. You know, so the rapture
didn't come, But don't worry. It's not canceled, just delayed

(37:32):
until God clears his inbox and the Epstein files drop.
Until then, enjoy work tomorrow. Heaven can wait and look busy.

Speaker 3 (37:41):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (37:43):
Well, during an American Airlines flight from the Dominican Republic's
Punta Cana to Las Vegas, there was a passenger who
allegedly attacked a flight attendant and had to be physically
subdued with duct tape and zip ties. We're talking Keddy Delone,
who was arrested after she reportedly went on a well,
went bonkers really during this Charlotte to Las Vegas leg

(38:03):
of her journey, yelling in the aisle and verbally threatening
multiple crew members. Things escalated when Delone allegedly kicked a
flight attendant, knocking the staffer down, and that's when she
was reportedly restrained in her seat with duct tape wrapped
around her torso and legs. Once the plane landed at
Harry Reid International Airport near sin City, authorities from the
Las Vegas Metropolitan Police met the aircraft and took Delane

(38:24):
into custody. Now she's facing charges that include interference with
the flight crew, assault, which together could carry a sentence
up to twenty years behind bars if convicted, which is
going to make her late for her destination. And here
we are, right here where I guess the battle of
man versus machine. In this story, we have an AI

(38:46):
artist who's.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
Named Zannia Money.

Speaker 2 (38:50):
Zanni and Monet just signed a three million dollar record deal. Zannia,
you see, is the creation of Talisha Jones, who writes
all the lyrics, but uses artificial intelligence and a platform
called Suno that turns all those songs into full fledged songs.
Like there's a track called how Is I Supposed To Know?

(39:12):
It has five million streams across YouTube and Spotify. But
it's interesting to note that Suno is now facing some
lawsuits from record labels claiming that it was trained on
copyrighted songs written from YouTube. Based on Zania's voice, it
could probably be argued that Beyonce was a huge influence here.
The question is, well, Beyonce ever asked to be argued

(39:36):
in court?

Speaker 1 (39:39):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (39:39):
Well apparently now Spotify is now going to be setting
some new guidelines for artificial intelligent bands that's out there.
So what is the big difference between now and thirty
years ago? Well, the one thing, everybody has a phone
on them pretty much all the time now, But where
is it?

Speaker 1 (39:58):
In a random new.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
Poll, fifty seven percent of people say they carry their
phone in their right pants pocket, nineteen percent keep it
in their left pocket, twelve percent carry it in a
bag like a purse or a nurse, seven percent keep
it in their back pocket. My wife is in the
seven percent. Five percent claim they carry it in their underwear.

(40:25):
Some of them may have been fooling around, but in
the comments, women note that they don't always have much
of a choice. You see, women's clothing doesn't always get
the same sized pockets that men's clothing gets, you see,
and they don't want to carry a purse around inside
the house, so they're either going to have to slip
it in their waistbend or in their brazier. The sixty
four dollars question is where does missus Poncho carry hers.

(40:50):
I'll have to ask my insane Florida nephew that one. Well,
some women carry pepper spray, some women carry mace, or
some carry bear spray. But there's a woman that went
with something sillier. A forty eight year old woman in
Florida named Christy Watts. She was arrested after she allegedly
battered the thirty three year old victim, Jesse Hammock with

(41:13):
silly string.

Speaker 1 (41:14):
That's right, silly string. She confronted him and began spraying
and empty the whole can.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
Then she threw the can at the guy, hit him
on the forehead and caused a gash and Christy she
was charged with battery, spent the night in jail before
being freed on one thousand dollars bond. The police did
not list the motive, so it's really unclear why she
assaulted him with silly string. He wasn't arrested and there's
no indication he did anything to her first, so it's

(41:41):
also unclear what the relationship is. But that said, her
phone number is linked to an escort service which has
a website featuring a variety of naughty photos of her
under the name Taylor, and apparently a recent post featuring
her says that she's quote back in the saddle.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
And ready to ride.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
Meanwhile, the man just surrendered his man card for being
owned by a woman with silly string. I guess, if
you've given your choice of weapons, please attack me with
silly string.

Speaker 1 (42:09):
I guess. I mean I'd prefer if you just didn't
throw the can though.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
Wait, wait, this guy is in Florida and his name
is Hammock, by the way, and then he wasn't chill
about silly string.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
I don't know anyway.

Speaker 2 (42:22):
Well, sometimes stupidity doesn't knock. Sometimes it just smashes through
the door, honking its obnoxious exhaust along the way. So
meet Christopher Michael McCrae. He's a forty six year old
from Kutztown, Pennsylvania. Recently, he turned a simple traffic stop
into a masterclass in absurdity. The whole thing started when

(42:42):
an off duty officer reported a car making a loud,
constant growl as it drove through Orwigsburg, Pennsylvania, police pulled
over McCrae's gold Saturn, and what followed was something else. First,
he tried lying about his identity. He gave multiple fake names,
you know, John Mettlin and Rordan and John Rond Maiten,

(43:05):
sometimes even pronouncing the letters like they were abstract art.

Speaker 7 (43:08):
I mean.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
Every attempt to spell his own name on paper ended
in illegible scribbles. He could barely remember his birthday. He
even argued over how to spell the letters with the police.
Of course, if that wasn't enough, mccraig apparently turned himself
into a human principl During the stop. Police described him
hunched over arms twisted in impossible positions, emitting a high

(43:30):
pitched whine somewhere between a crying dog and a broken kazoo.
He also mimicked a state trooper's finger during sobriety tests. Eventually,
mister McCrae's antics couldn't hide what they found methanphetamine in
a cigarette pack, plus two baggies of marijuana during a
jail search. Oh and add in a dui, multiple false

(43:52):
identification charges, and a litany of vehicle violations, and you
got a man who somehow managed to make one traffic
stop feel like a full blown sar Turkis McRae, of course,
now is sitting in jail on fifteen thousand dollars bail
with the.

Speaker 1 (44:05):
Pullitinary hearing schedule.

Speaker 2 (44:06):
And while this story is tragic for him and well
serious in terms of crime, let's be honest, there's a
spectacular level of sheer, unfiltered stupidity here that you might
almost have to admire. I mean, next time, maybe you
think your day is a chaotic day, just remember somewhere
in Pennsylvania there's a man who forgot his own name,
twisted himself into a pretzel, and managed to make a
traffic stop the most confusing event.

Speaker 1 (44:28):
Of the year. You know.

Speaker 2 (44:32):
And then there's this fine line between unique baby names
and outright.

Speaker 1 (44:37):
Stupidity, and one soon to be dad just smoked right
past it. Now we have two kids. We got to
the second kid. We couldn't agree on what we wanted
to name the kid. My wife had a name, I
had a name. Neither one was acceptable. My wife got
to the point she said, we're just gonna call him boy.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
We finally settled on one, but literally with this particular guy,
according to the man's sister. The man was out in
his backyard smoking meat, and that's when inspiration struck him.
And now he is absolutely determined to name his firstborn
son Brisket.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
Yes, brisket, you know, like the barbecue dish.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
Now, when he broke the news at dinner, the family
thought he was joking, but knew he doubled down, insisted
Brisket is a strong, masculine and unforgettable name. His sister
in law, otherwise known as the Mom to Be, looked
rather uncomfortable. His mom nearly choked on her iced tea.

(45:42):
His dad muttered, poor little Brisket while shaking his head.
The sister tried to intervene, suggesting maybe Brisket could work
as a nickname or a middle name, but that just
set him off into a rant about society's obsession.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
With boring names.

Speaker 2 (45:56):
Now he wants the son to stand out well, sure,
because nothing says like being named after smoke meat. Teachers
are already going to love calling attendants Ashley Brandon Brisket.
Commenters online, we're just as baffled. Most agree the kid's
either going to be legally going to be changing his
name the moment he turns eighteen, or he's going to
grow up presenting his dad for branding him like a

(46:17):
side of beef. I mean, look, creativity is great, and
don't get me wrong, but when your baby name sounds
better on a dinner menu than on a college diploma,
maybe it's time to rethink things.

Speaker 1 (46:28):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (46:29):
Otherwise, that poor kid's probably doomed to a lifetime of bullying,
barbecue jokes, and probably a therapist who specializes in my dad.

Speaker 1 (46:35):
Was an idiot.

Speaker 2 (46:37):
So here's a moral of the story. Love your brisket,
Smoke your brisket, eat your brisket. Just don't name your
kid brisket.

Speaker 3 (46:45):
You know.

Speaker 2 (46:48):
I mean, you think that is peak stupidity, and it
probably is, But this is peak ingenuity or peak stupidity,
depending on how you look at it. Sometimes things can
give you a good laughed during life's darkest moments.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
And well, that's.

Speaker 2 (47:02):
Precisely what one man did at his own funeral. Everyone's
crying tissues are being aggressively consumed, and a grumpy old
aunt is doing her patented quietly judging everyone else's grief face.
And then in the middle of the ceremony, Johnny Cash
starts booming through the speakers.

Speaker 1 (47:22):
That's right, you heard me.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
Some absolute legend of dark humor decided his last wish
on this earth was to go out in a blaze
of musical irony, ring of fire at my cremation, please
and thank you. This masterpiece of mischief was captured by
his sister, who goes by the handle at meg Jadex

(47:44):
on TikTok. The video went viral faster than you can say.
Becker muscular dystrophy racked up over eleven million views in
just two weeks, and honesty, can you blame people? I mean,
it's a mix of grief, chaos, and comedy that society
desperately needs right now. Imagine you're there sitting heavy hearted,
thinking about life and death, and suddenly, bam, Johnny Cash

(48:05):
starts wailing about falling into a ring of fire, curtain
slowly closed over the casket like some gothic Broadway show.
I mean, if this isn't the ultimate troll from beyond
the Grave, I don't.

Speaker 10 (48:16):
Know what is.

Speaker 1 (48:16):
And the people loved it.

Speaker 2 (48:19):
The comments section is basically a graveyard of shared family weirdness.
Granddad's going out to Looney Tunes, Dad's requesting Highway to Hell,
others insisting on money. Python's always look on the bright
side of life. One user even said, and I quote,
I'm a firm believer in putting the fun in funeral.

Speaker 1 (48:37):
Amen to that.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
And this is the kind of thing that makes you wonder,
are we mourning or are we witnessing the most elaborate,
practical joke in human history. Either way, laughter, you know,
is the best medicine. Even at twenty six years old,
in the face of devastating disease, this guy had the
last laugh.

Speaker 1 (48:52):
Literally, So I guess if.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
You want to go viral after you die, skip the
somber classical music. Forget about seeing in the garden or
you know, Rock of Ages, cleft for me, whatever, just
grab some Johnny Cash and cue the dramatic curtain and
leave your family simultaneously sobbing and laughing sid at the
same time, Because sometimes I mean, life stark is moments
stupidity are genius disguised as stupidity is exactly what we

(49:18):
need sometimes. So rest in peace, you absolute legend, and
thank you for showing us that even in death, some
people just refuse to be boring.

Speaker 9 (49:29):
I fell into a burning ring of fire, up a down, down, down,
and the Flames Wampire and It Burns Burns Burns, The
Ring of fly Therring a flyt.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
You know, I'm open to talking about anything but love
talking about surviving in the stupidity.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
That's always around us. And if you're insane enough to ask, well,
I'm insane enough to reply, and I would love to
hear from you. You can leave me a message.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
At podcasts dot Insanericlain dot com, leave a comment there
from a podcast, or if you have a question, I'll
be happy to address either one. Your question or comment
just might be talked about in a future podcast. And
if you are someone you know would like to join
in on the podcast, you are more than welcome to participate.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
If you've got the podbean app on your phone, you can.

Speaker 2 (50:33):
Do just that right from your smart phone, just like
the other six hundred thousand podcasters who also use it.
Download the app at your favorite app store and add
this podcast to your favorites.

Speaker 1 (50:44):
You can also email me.

Speaker 2 (50:45):
With comments or questions or requests at shout out at
Insanericlaim dot com, and of course, you should certainly.

Speaker 1 (50:51):
Subscribe to the podcast.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
If you listen on Apple Iheartbreaker, YouTube, Amazon Music Player
FM Podchaser, Boom Play, Overcast, Pocketcast Radio, Public, Spotify or
any other podcast platform.

Speaker 1 (51:04):
Don't forget to follow me on Facebook, n X at
Eric Lane. Now, well here's the called Eric Waye. It's
well bigging.

Speaker 2 (51:22):
Jerry's co founder, Jerry Greenfield, has stepped down from the
famous ice cream company, citing its loss of independence under
its parent company. You and the lever this this is
really worse than when Selino and Barnes split up. You know,
I mean, you want to know why Carvel is successful
because Fudgi the Wald is a company man.

Speaker 1 (51:43):
That's why.

Speaker 3 (51:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (51:45):
Anyway, executives at a company that owns strip clubs around
the country has been charged with bribing a New York
official with free dances to avoid paying taxes. Now they're
going to lose their shirt. Hey, here's a pro tip.
If you ever want to beat the I R s,
avoid involving people with names like Aura Mystique. The National
Toy Hall of Fame announced its nominees for this year,

(52:07):
including Cornhole, Tickle Me Elmo, and Snow. Of course, off
Snow wins. Who's going to accept the award? Mister Freeze
Tickle me Elmo is the It's like the Glenn Close
of Toys. You know, it's been decades and many nominations,
but no wins. A new study out of Japan shows
that a high fat diet can disrupt the memory of

(52:28):
fruit flies and as little as a week. That's why
they're called fruit flies and not French fry flies. Weird,
I only ever see fruit flies. Why don't forget to
take out the trash? American soybean farmers are facing a
severe challenge as China, historically their largest customer, has halted
purchases in retaliation of US tariffs on Chinese goods. If

(52:51):
the prices get high enough, soy boys might go from
tofu to no fo. Texas startup called Colossal Biosciences says
it's five to seven years away from bringing the Dodo
bird back from extinction. Let me guess they found a
mosquito trapped in amber that has it Dodo DNA coming

(53:11):
soon to your favorite Texas barbecue joint. Charred Dodo and
Rob Blow revealed on Jimmy Kimmelive that he is terrified
of golf carts and almost got killed in one at
Patrick Schwarzenegger's wedding.

Speaker 1 (53:25):
Now they are kind of scary. I mean no doors
and no airbags, and well.

Speaker 2 (53:29):
Then you remember they also top out at fifteen miles
an hour. I bet he's not crazy about the motorized
scooters at Walmart either. A sixty nine year old medium
mogul Chris Jenner is showing off her freshly lifted face
and a new Mac cosmetics campaign. Of course, if they
lift her face anymore, I think she's going to look
like something out of a Cronenberg movie. It's got to

(53:49):
be hard to pick one facial expression to make for
the rest of your life. American tennis star Taylor Townsend
posted an apology video on social medium after she faced
some fierce backlae for making disparaging remarks about Chinese food.
The Chinese take their food seriously, I mean, especially their soup,
you know. I mean, she shouldn't be so wanton. I

(54:12):
hope Chinese accept her apology. Otherwise she's eaten her last
egg roll. Maybec's Jimmy Come Alive was back on late
night TV after a little suspension. Of course, I hope
Ice didn't pick up Guermo, thank goodness. So I was
afraid though Jimmy was going to do something drastic.

Speaker 1 (54:28):
You know, like start a podcast.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
Well, from streaming now to food delivery, Americans are getting
rid of subscription services at a high rate. Apparently your
dog doesn't need handmade treats from Seattle every four weeks. Meanwhile,
my parents won't get rid of the landline that hasn't
rang since Obama was in office. Hamburger helped herselves have
jumped about fifteen percent of the last year.

Speaker 1 (54:52):
That's a possible sign of inflation.

Speaker 2 (54:54):
Of course, another sign of inflation that I've noticed anyway,
that everything is more expensive, and Samburger Helper is the
canary and the food costs.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
Or the coal mine.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
And a four point three magnitude earthquake jostles some folks
awake in the San Francisco Bay area. Actually, when Facebook
user posted to whom it may concern, please keep all
earthquakes to waking hours only, thank you. And a luxury
pet hotel has opened up at the fu Messino International
Airport in Rome that's offering temperature control floors in private gardens.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
Sounds nice. I wonder if they'd let me get a nap,
and if I had a long enough layover.

Speaker 2 (55:34):
When housekeeping starts knocking on doors in the morning, it
sounds like a zoo and a Romanian tourist dream vacation
in Italy turned into a disaster at his very first
breakfast whenever he was mistaken for a fugitive, arrested and
locked in prison. I bet he wished he'd slept in
Italian prison is rough. First they whip you with a
wet noodle, then it turns out that's lunch too. And

(55:58):
Lynn Manuel Miranda is set step in for James van
der Beek and Dawson's Creek reunion, as Vanderbeek currently faces
health struggles. I guess if he can play Alexander Hamilton,
he can play a fifteen year old kid who works
at a video store.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
You know when fans found out, they said, no beak
at the Creek. Ah, what a week.

Speaker 2 (56:17):
The movie Spider Man Brand New Day has halted production
for a week after star Tom Holland suffered a concussion
on the set.

Speaker 1 (56:23):
Of course, maybe they can bring in Toby McGuire in
the meantime.

Speaker 2 (56:27):
When asked his name, Tom simply replied, I'm betman and
the crew knew it was bad.

Speaker 1 (56:32):
That's not even Marvel.

Speaker 2 (56:35):
At fifty eight years old. Pamela Anderson is leading the
way for makeup free women. She said she's not trying
to be the prettiest girl in the room. She went
from naked gun to naked.

Speaker 1 (56:44):
Face, and good for her.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
She's given up on makeup and well, by the looks
of it, she's given up on eyebrows too. Skateboarding legend
Sandro Diaz attempted to drop in on the world's largest
ramp ever that's been built alongside a twenty one story
build in Brazil. Good thing was presented by Red Bull
because if he messed up, he would need wings. Yeah,

(57:06):
this is what happens when you grow up playing Tony
Hawk's pro skater. And President Trump's speech at the un
recently kind of got off to that rocky start.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
You know, his teleprompter didn't work and Trump was joking,
whoever's operating the teleprompters in big trouble.

Speaker 2 (57:20):
Yeah, I kind of a tough spot for him to
b and frankly, especially knowing how much Trump likes to
stick to the script.

Speaker 1 (57:26):
You know, well, just keep your eyes on the news.

Speaker 2 (57:30):
I have a feeling the av guys are kind of
mysteriously fall out of a window. French President Emanuel Macron
got an authentic New York experience when he was in
the Big Apple. Recently, when his limo got stuck in
gridlock traffic because of President Trump's own motorcade. The only
way it could have been more in New York I
would be if somebody tried to sell him a mixtape.

Speaker 1 (57:52):
Of course, New York traffic is bad. I mean it's
so bad.

Speaker 2 (57:55):
I once got pulled over by a cop who was
on foot, and according to a new study of from
the TRIPAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, a staggering ninety six
percent of drivers admit to engaging in aggressive driving behaviors.
Which is why I propose we as a country just
bring back the local demolition derby. And a man in Washington,

(58:15):
DC's been arrested for shining a laser pointer at Marine one.
That's the presidential helicopter, while all President Trump was a board.
That's right, Marine one Air Force one. The President's like
batman with all the different vehicles. Of course, I wonder
if he's got a motorcycle or a jet ski. This
is kind of dangerous because it could impair the vision
of the pilot or worse, attract straight hats. A thirteen

(58:40):
year old boy in Afghanistan survived a ninety four minute
flight from Coubble to Delhi while hiding in the plane's
landing gear. I bet after doing that flying economy, though,
isn't that bad when you consider it? You know, my
parents wouldn't ground me. They just tell me to enjoy
my new life in India. HBO was finally released a
full trailer of the upcoming series.

Speaker 1 (58:59):
It Welcome to Darry.

Speaker 2 (59:01):
It's all based on the popular Stephen King novel Yep,
penny Wise is back, and this time he's not clowning
around now. You know, whenever I was a kid, Tim
Curry and clown makeup traumatized me. But now it's somebody
else's turn. Mark Hamill revealed in an interview several lines
that he had in the original Star Wars movie that
did not make the final film, adding thank god it

(59:21):
was cut.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
Yeah, they could have it.

Speaker 2 (59:23):
Could have been worse, worse, could have been worse than
jar Jar binks. You know they have him dance around
for two hours and you didn't need to use the
force to know. It was a clunky line. And the
MLB is voted to use robot Empires for the twenty
twenty six regular season to allow the challenging, the challenging
of balls and strikes. I guess I really can't wait
to hear a robot voice declare they ain't nothing until

(59:46):
I call him. Yeah, the term clanker will be grounds
for immediate ejection. The first ever recording of endangered leopard
sharks mating in the wild has revealed a surprising threesome
between two males and a female. Well, if they're having
a devil's threesome, maybe they should be called devil sharks.
Of those poor sharks were experimenting in the bedroom and

(01:00:08):
these guys bust in with cameras.

Speaker 1 (01:00:11):
Not cool, if you ask me.

Speaker 2 (01:00:14):
The new research show is individually darker urine in the
morning exhibit stronger stress hormone responses when facing challenging situations.
Of course, if you're urine is dark at night, you
either need to drink more water or replace that light
bulb in your bathroom. Personally, I keep a box of
Corellas in the bathroom so I'll know exactly what I'm
dealing with. You know, the other day, I was somewhere
between mac and Cheese and Golden Rod and Roku has

(01:00:37):
announced the reunion of the cast of Laguna Beach, the
Real Orange County to celebrate the show's twentieth anniversary since
its premiere. Of course, it's well needed, as most of
the fans of that show are on their second marriage
by now.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
Of course, exciting news for the dozens of people that
use roku.

Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
Matthew McConaughey revealed that his mom had a strange request
following her husband's fatal heart attack after they had sex.
She wanted his body carried out of the house naked.
You know, if I knew this about my parents, I
think I would have a heart attack. Of course, I
hope the funeral director packed on a few hundred for
having to have to see that. And fans attending the

(01:01:13):
Ryder Cup have been prohibited from bringing range finders into
the event due to enhance security measures from President Trump's
plans to attend. The President plans to carry around his
own personal nine iron in case anybody tries to get
a little handsy. I've been to a professional golf event.
I didn't need a range finder. I just needed a
bathroom finder. And finally, after Trump had accused him of

(01:01:35):
wanting to impose Sharia law, London Mayor Sadik Khan fired back,
calling the president racist, sexist, and islamophobic. Of course, it
only sounds that way if you don't understand that the
world and is Donald Trump's locker room and we're all
just flies on the wall.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
Well tough words, I.

Speaker 2 (01:01:50):
Mean, sounds like Sadik is ready to go full Genghis Khans.
Get up close and personal with My Stupid World by

(01:02:11):
interacting with the podcast through in Saint Eric Lane's Stupid
World Telegram channel. I post the actual articles I use
in the podcast episodes every weekend from this week's collection
of stupidity. When you join the channel, you'll get to
read the actual stories, see the photos, watch the amazing
videos from the stupidity I talk about each episode. You
can make comments about what you've read or seen, even

(01:02:33):
comment with your own suggestions or opinions about what I've
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and Android platforms. Telegram It's a secure messaging app that
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Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
This Genius I'm sell a human.

Speaker 8 (01:03:16):
It's take a kvelan thing you said now.

Speaker 2 (01:03:19):
This week's Genius one and in this week's Genius Awards.
A twenty two year old Alabama woman remained in jail
following Harest on a charge of organized retail theft in
the case of two stolen tarantulas. That's according to police
and Mobile County Metro Jail records. The Mobile Police Department

(01:03:39):
said Rajah Johnson is accused of removing two red rump
tarantulas from their habitat at a local pet store and
leaving the.

Speaker 1 (01:03:47):
Store without paying for them.

Speaker 2 (01:03:49):
The alleged that took place at B and B Pet
Shop that's located along Cottage Hill Road, according to police
the MPB. MPD said officers able to find and detain
Johnson about three point thirty that afternoon. Bill Trafont, the
owner of B to the Pets Shop, told Fox ten
News that both tarantulas were recovered and both are okay.
They're both alive and well, Trepont says, adding that someone

(01:04:11):
left the tarantulas at the front entrance to the store
where they were found that morning. Adopt don't shop. Yeah,
two red rumps. Sounds like a story going in a
completely different direction. Frankly, of course, of our cellmates said
she was in here for two tarantulas.

Speaker 1 (01:04:29):
She's the boss. And then there's this.

Speaker 2 (01:04:32):
A fifty three year old Florida man was arrested after
allegedly being caught with a stash of illegal drugs and
a trove of unhatched sea turtle eggs, all while violating
a court ordered no contact directive. Here's our dumb criminal
of the week who, because of an observant deputy recognized
that he was violating his no contact order, now finds

(01:04:52):
himself in the green roof in oh over a dozen
charges after he had drugs and protected seat turtle eggs
in his That's what sheriff Stally says. The Flagler County
Sheriff's Office said that while patrolling North Ocean Shore Boulevard,
a deputy spotted a white van parked in front of
the home. The deputy reported recognizing the van and its

(01:05:13):
occupant from a previous civil standby during which Wesley Winters
had been served a temporary no contact order. The order
prohibited Winters from being within five hundred feet of the
victim's home, and upon approaching the vehicle, the deputy reported
finding Winters sleeping inside so when he woke h up,
the deputy noticed several unusual objects in the van, sand

(01:05:35):
covered orbs that were later identified as sea turtle eggs.
According to f CSO, the deputy contacted the Forida Fish
and Wildlife Conservation Commission to handle the situation. FCSO said
that while investigating, the deputy discovered marijuana bowl on the
ground near the driver's door.

Speaker 1 (01:05:51):
When asked about it.

Speaker 2 (01:05:51):
Winters allegedly claimed he did' didn't know anything about it.
He consented to a search, which the deputies that he
found THC eightpens in his pocket. According to FCSO, a
further search of the van revealed a range of illegal substances,
including methamphetamine, fentanyl, marijuana, and an al prosollum pill. The
nippy also found a handmade metal pipe and some of

(01:06:12):
the marijuana bulls that matched the one found inside. As
FWC officers arrived, Winners apparently explained that he had collected
them after seeing them wash ashore from eroded nests. He
admitted knowing the eggs were unhatched, but believed that they
were non viable. Now Winners now faces several charges including
possession of fentanyl, methamphetamine, al prisollam, marijuana, and drug paraphernalia,

(01:06:35):
as well as violating the no contact order following the
FWC investigation. Now he also faces misdemeanor and felony charges
related to the possession and disturbance of marine c marine
turtle eggs? Are those unhatch sea turtles in your car?
Are you just hiding fentanyl?

Speaker 1 (01:06:51):
May Maybe life's not a beach or not the beach
that comes to mind? And how about this?

Speaker 2 (01:07:00):
Police in Corning, Arkansas, arrested a thirty year old woman
after they said she screamed the officers began taking off
all of her clothes in front of them. According to
the news release, officers responded to an incident on the
six hundred block of Chestnut Street. Upon arrival, a female
exited a vehicle parked in the driveway and began yelling
and screaming at the officer, subsequently removing her clothing and

(01:07:20):
exposing her bare chest. Said Chief Blaine McClung. The officer
arrested the woman and assisted her in replacing her shirt.
Police found that the woman destinied Glasgow was highly intoxicated.
Officers arrested in Glasgow and took her to the Clay
County Detention Center. Glasgow's charged with public intoxic intoxication and

(01:07:41):
of quarterly of course disorderly conduct.

Speaker 1 (01:07:43):
But I mean, this crime is so classic, it's almost
a rite of passage. I mean, our girls going wild again?
Is this maybe something healing or maybe the opposite? And
what about this?

Speaker 2 (01:07:55):
In downtown Nashville, Tennessee, two people were arrested after a
man was attacked by someone in a gorilla suit. That
has all happened at Second Avenue North and Broadway about
four to forty five in the morning.

Speaker 10 (01:08:06):
Now.

Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
The victim told the officers he was attacked by a
man in a guerrilla suit and another in Hawaiian shirt.
According to the court documents, the victim was kicked and
punched and put in a headlock before his shoes were stolen.
When the officers were assist assessing the victim, other officers
spotted someone in a guerrilla suit and a man in
an Hawaii shirt and a Hawaiian shirt crossing the John

(01:08:28):
Siegenthaler Pedestrian Bridge, so officers were able to cut them
off and take him into custody. The man in the
guerrilla suit was identified as eighteen year old Xavier Roads.
He was charged with felony robbery and released on fourteen
thousand dollars bond. The suspect in the Hawaiian shirt was
identified as twenty two year old Sharon Robinson, who remains
in jail, had a fifteen thousand dollars bond for felony robbery.

(01:08:51):
No additional information was immediately released. So just imagine drinking
all night in downtown Nashville and a gorilla puts you
in a headlock?

Speaker 1 (01:09:00):
Is anyone else wondering what kind of shoes they were?
And you got to check this one out.

Speaker 2 (01:09:06):
Las Vegas police arrested an unidentified male teenager for allegedly
orchestrating cyber attacks that cost Las Vegas casinos over one
hundred million dollars in twenty twenty three. The minor faces
extortion and computer related offense charges connected to attacks on
Caesar's and MGM resort properties. Rather than targeting banking systems,

(01:09:27):
the hacker disrupted internal casino operations by canceling reservations, shutting
down slot machines, and disabling hotel key cards. Authorities describe
his method as shockingly simple. An MGM Resorts case, he
allegedly located an employee's name on LinkedIn, then called the
company's IT department requesting a password reset. The ten minute

(01:09:49):
phone call gave him access to multiple MGM properties, including MGM,
Grand Bellaggio, Luxor, ex Caliber, and the Cosmopolitan. Police have
not released the suspects identity due to his minor status.
I mean, our gen z lazy are just the shrewdest,
hard working geniuses. Shockingly simple hawk. I love this kid,

(01:10:12):
of course, you'll never believe this. Police in Georgia said
they've arrested a man in connection with stolen manhole covers
and storm drain grates across several counties. Investigators arrested Kaylan
Watley Watley I guess after they said that he stole
more than ninety one manhole covers from the Kalb County

(01:10:32):
on at least five different occasions. On September sixteenth, investigators
received a break in the case. A witness in the
Rochdale County obtained footage of two black males exiting a
twenty twenty Nissan Kick and removing two manhole covers, placing
them in the vehicle, and driving away.

Speaker 1 (01:10:48):
According to the call, police and a news release.

Speaker 2 (01:10:51):
Neighbors of a subdivision off of Irish Drive in Rockdale
County said they were concerned about the safety after the
covers were stolen earlier in the week. He said that
we have people in the neighborhood that jog and little
kids at play and they could possibly fall in the hole,
says the concerned neighbor, Larry Dukes. The thefts have left
large holes in the ground, obviously posing arristed kids and

(01:11:12):
joggers in the neighborhood. Rockdale County officials report similar incidents
throughout the county, including areas like Lambeth Estates and Glen
Meadow and near Lake Rockaway Road.

Speaker 7 (01:11:21):
Now.

Speaker 1 (01:11:21):
According to a report by a local.

Speaker 2 (01:11:23):
TV station, at least twenty manhole covers were stolen across
Rockdale County. Officers said they were able to get a
tag number off the surveillance video and identified the owner
and linked him to the thefts. Police said they eventually
saw Whatley's car and then pulled him over during a
traffic stop and arrested him. The police said that there
were similar reports in Gwinnette County as well. Now investigators

(01:11:43):
from the CAB are working with Rockdale and Gwinett agencies
to help clear the similar cases in their areas.

Speaker 1 (01:11:49):
Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 2 (01:11:49):
I mean manholes without covers are hazards for kids, almost
as dangerous as attending school.

Speaker 1 (01:11:56):
Yeah. Now all the chuds are going to get out. Okay,
one more.

Speaker 2 (01:12:02):
Beginning in twenty twenty six, visitors traveling with dogs to
the northern Italian city of Balsano will be required to
pay a new dog tourist tax. The measure, introduced by
provincial councilor Louise Waltscher, says the daily fee for visiting
dogs is one and a half euro just under two bucks.

(01:12:24):
Local residents will also be required to pay an annual
dog tax of one hundred euros per dog. According to
the city officials, funds are intended to cover street cleaning
costs and to finance new parks specifically designed for dogs
and their owners. The move follows an earlier measure requiring
owners to pay for DNA registration of the pet so
that uncollected droppings can be traced and fines issued. Those

(01:12:50):
who already register their dogs DNA will be exempt from
the new levee for two years. Otherwise, sidewalk cleaning would
be the responsibility of the entire community. When it must
be said that the the only filth in our city
streets is dog waste, says Walcher. Opposition groups, including the
Italy's National Animal Protection Agency, have criticized the plan, calling
it punitive and counterproductive. Now. The agency's president, Carla Reshatti

(01:13:15):
or Roshi, said that the new policy turns animals into
taxpayers and risks, discouraging tourism and responsible ownership. The debate
reflects growing tensions and popular tourist destinations struggling to balance
hospitality with the costs of maintenance and crowd control. Well,
at least and Molzano the family dog can now finally
say I pay taxes too.

Speaker 1 (01:13:35):
Room.

Speaker 2 (01:13:37):
Well, if you thought taking your pet abroad was expensive before,
just wait till Rover needs a wallet and a tax attorney.
Now you can spread the stupidity here and share this
podcast on social media. You know, with all this five
star stupidity that you've heard on this podcast episode, it
deserves a.

Speaker 1 (01:13:54):
Five star rating.

Speaker 2 (01:13:55):
And by the way, if you haven't already done so,
please subscribe because you'll never miss an episode like that.
See we've got a weekend episode coming up with Pancho
Guado mind saying Florida Nephew. In fact, you can ask
Pancho anything and he'll give you an answer with his
sage wisdom. And you can have your stupidity tested along
with Poncho in our weekly insane game show. And of

(01:14:16):
course please rate and review the podcast so it'll stand
out in searches. You know people out there searching for stupidity.
And by the way, all the links to the very
real stupid stories you've heard will be published to Telegram
Messenger after each episode has dropped, and if you join
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(01:14:37):
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me on Facebook or x just use to handle that
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And finally, just ponder this for a moment you know,

(01:14:58):
I hate when cashier's fee, the need to check if
my money is real. You know, if I could counterfeit money,
I wouldn't be a dollar tree.

Speaker 3 (01:15:07):
Call Call Cool, Good Chong Call Good Call Call.

Speaker 10 (01:15:16):
Insane. Eric Lane's Stupid World is produced with the support
from Envision, Wise Llcanamericcuntry dot Com from Wise brother Media,
Universal Comedy at the United Stations Radio Network, Sheet Happens
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Speaker 8 (01:15:31):
Thee music from Randy stone Hill. It's a Great, big
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Speaker 6 (01:15:41):
Thanks for making it to the end of Insane Eric
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