The Ultimate Bush Thongs, Montana Pumpkin Mystery, and A Diamond-Encrusted Eyeball

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Everything you're about to hear is true. None of the
names have been changed because no one is innocent from stupidity.
It's a great bast of the world.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Around stupid.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
I'm inst Eric Lane. Welcome to my stupid world. It's
the MIDWEK Bonus episode with extra stupidity to get you
through the week. And if it's stupid enough, give it
a five star rating, because you're getting five stars stupidity.
You know, it seems like every time you turn around
it costs you even more to fly it makes and

(00:50):
then of course you know you've got to contend with
all the unpredictable stupidity that could happen when you're basically
held hostage in a metal tube flying at thirty five
thousand feet and someone snaps the wrapper. Well, if you
need any other excuse why you should not fly now,
they're going to charge you to tilt your seat back.

(01:11):
Thanks to west Jet, they're rolling out a major cabin overhaul.
It can make extra leg room seats more expensive for travelers.
I thought that only happened in first class. The airline
announced that it's Boeing seven thirty seven eight hundred planes
will be redesigned with three cabin types. We've got a

(01:33):
premium cabin with twelve reclining seats, similar to what's being
offered on the Boeing seven eighty seven Dreamliners. Then we
got the extended Comfort section and Economy were now splitting hairs.
Then we got the standard Economy, which at least has

(01:53):
the least leg room ball. Yeah, so all the short
people can go for the standard Economy right. Under West
Jet's new cabin rules, Economy seats have fixed recline, meaning
that you won't be able to lean back unless you
want to pay for a seat in the premium cabin,
so the reclining charges up. Basically, if you want a

(02:16):
seat that reclines, book a premium, it costs you more.
West Gen is also raising their baggage fees too, of course,
why not prepaying for the first check. Baggage now cost
fifty to fifty nine bucks, which is up forty five
to fifty four bucks, and self serve check in ranges
from sixty to seventy one bucks, airport check ins seventy
to eighty three bucks. These all affect the US and

(02:39):
Canada routes. I'm telling you, folks, just get a rental car. Well,
here's something straight from the wait, wait what department, We
find Kim Kardashian with her latest venture into well, that's
just called it eyebrow raising territory. It's called Skim Kardashians

(03:03):
shapewear brand. They've officially launched a new product called the
Ultimate Bush. Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like. Thongs
with fake hair attached to the front. Do you get
to choose the hair color?

Speaker 2 (03:20):
New from Kim Kardashian Skims, It's thongs.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
With ful bush.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
Ladies, if you've longed for a two pay for your
but jaj, it's here from millions of women, they can
finally say, see, I am a real blond. Thongs with
full bush comes in twelve shades. Why you'd ever pick
ginger is beyond me. Finally, the triangle is back thongs
with ful bush wherever fake muffs are sold. Or you

(03:49):
could do it the old fashioned way and grow it wild.

Speaker 1 (03:53):
So this collection comes in a variety of textures and tones,
of course, because apparently you're underwear now needs to match
your hair, or at least try to. The campaign video,
which is set up like a nineteen seventies game show
called does the carpet match the drapes features a host
asking the audience to guess if the model's hair down

(04:14):
there matches the hair on their heads. It's kind of cheeky.
It's bizarre, certainly, and social media users are not impressed.
I mean, within an hour of posting on Instagram, the
video racked up nearly five hundred comments. Some are just
simply horrified. I'm calling nine one one. Others were confused,

(04:35):
like who asked for this? And Kim Kardashian, are you okay?
One particularly stunned commenter writes, some I can't unsee, and
I demand a refund for something I never even paid for.
This isn't Kardashian's first viral product. Her nipple bras and
face wraps made headlines, and well, yeah, they did raise

(04:57):
a few eyebrows. At least they didn't venture fully into
what's I might call personal landscaping. Kim's first tea is
the idea with the faux fur bikinis. Now she's officially
launching the line, making it clear that skims will stop.
It virtually nothing to redefine the boundaries of fashion. So
if you were wondering whether the world really needed fake hair, underwear.

(05:20):
I think the answer is clear. Someone at Skims thought
it did, and we're all coming along for the ride. Frankly,
maybe you just be better off saving the money and
growing your own hair. Well, sometimes you can come across
the story that just kind of makes you shake your
head and wonder what was she thinking? And I'm not
even talking about the previous story I've just read. This

(05:44):
is a tale of shear stupidity all the way from Charlotte,
North Carolina. We're forty three year old school therapists of
all people allegedly decided that her ex husband's energy drink
should probably pack more than just caffeine. Cheryl Gates is
an occupational therapist with the Charlotte Mecklenburg Schools. On paper,
she helped she helps kids to focus and helps them

(06:07):
with their handwriting and her coordination. In real life, she
apparently lost all three. According to police, Gates tried to
poison her a strange husband by contaminating his Celsius drink,
his energy drink with prescription meds. Now you think what
was her goal, Well, court document said she wanted to
cause a blackout condition or incapacitation. Now here's where it

(06:32):
gets really stupid. Detectives said that Gates actually used chat
gpt Yeah, the AI chatbot, to research lethal and incapacitating
drug combinations, because nothing says I'm committing the perfect crime
like leaving a digital trail that literally spells out how
to commit the perfect crime. Well, it didn't stop there.

(06:56):
Investigators say Gates also put a tracking device on her
x's car, broke his windows, and harassed him, all while
knowing it would make any reasonable person fear for their safety.

Speaker 3 (07:08):
Boy.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
Public records show that her forty nine year old husband,
James Bradford Gates, and her they both share two children. Now,
of course, this isn't her first run in with the
law either. She was previously arrested for stalking and property damage,
released and then, well, because apparently she didn't learn anything,
arrested again shortly thereafter for attempted murder. A judge denier

(07:35):
bond and set her next court date. Ironically, her professional
bio once said, in my free time, I enjoy planning
fun events, coming up with new adventures, and spending quality
time with my husband and two children. Well, Cheryl, this
was certainly an adventure, not just the kind you can
post about on Facebook. She has now been suspended from

(07:56):
her job with pay because apparently even attempted murder investigations
can't interrupt the HR department sense a procedure. So we
have a therapist here who's trained to help kids make
better choices, decided to research poison on the internet Spike
and energy drink tracker access car and call it a
plan because intelligence isn't a job requirement, you see, it's

(08:17):
a life skill. Well, if anybody wants to know the
difference between the life of influencers and the life of
normal people, I have your case study right here. There's

(08:38):
apparently a trend of people taking carved out many pumpkins
to Starbucks and then asking the baristas to fill them
with their drink order. You see. The idea is, well,
let Starbucks. You know they let people bring their own
mug into Starbucks, right, so why not celebrate fall by

(09:00):
using a hollowed out pumpkin as a mug. Well, videos
are popping up on social media people trying this, and well, well,
the results are a bit mixed. Here's Amanda Jay on
TikTok giving it a try.

Speaker 3 (09:13):
You can put the drinks in like my own cup, right, Yeah,
I have a pumpkin.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
Can you put it in my pumpkin?

Speaker 3 (09:18):
That's so cute? Do you know how any ances that is?
Let's just do a tall alrighty, so it's how I
pus last adi big?

Speaker 1 (09:26):
Else do a bil They filled my pumpkin? How cute? Okay,
we got to do a taste test.

Speaker 3 (09:34):
Now.

Speaker 1 (09:34):
Some Marissa's have heard of this little trend, and well
they're they're they're they're down with trying it out. Some
are even pretty enthusiastic about it, and they even take
photos themselves and other videos. The workers really had not
heard about it and wanted no part of it, so
they just gave the customer an actual cup and then
the customer pours it into the pumpkin for the photo op,

(09:56):
which is really less fun in Some comment are asking
people not to do this because it slows everything down.
It doesn't sound like Starbucks has an official policy on these.
Some workers said that they're not really supposed to touch
pumpkins themselves for food safety reasons, but they're willing to
pour the drink in for you in any event. If

(10:18):
you want to try this, there's nothing wrong with asking
nicely to see if they're cool with it. That's probably
a very little taste difference if you try it out
of a pumpkin. It's just something to do. If you're
willing to buy a pumpkin to use as a social
media post prop or something. Well, sometimes stupidity doesn't come

(10:39):
from malice. It actually comes from a total inability to
realize the world doesn't revolve around you. A twenty three
year old woman and her forty six year old husband
were hosting a backyard gender reveal surrounded by family and friends,
and all the cameras were rolling and everybody was smiling.
The couple stood ready holding confetti cannons for that magical

(11:02):
moment when Bam Grandma decided it was her time to shine.
See moments before the reveal, the pregnant woman's mother stepped
up onto a elevated spot in the yard, literally and figuratively,
putting herself above everyone else. So when her daughter asked

(11:25):
what she was doing, she just waved it off and
told them to go ahead. So the couple fired off
their cannons, one pink, one blue. That pretty much left
everybody confused, are we getting twins? Was it a mistake
a marketing stunt from the confetti company? Well, that's when

(11:45):
grandma popped her own balloon, scattering pink confetti everywhere and
announcing she was the one to reveal the true result
a little girl. Because nothing says congratulations on your baby
quite like hijacking the biggest moment of your daughter's pregnancy. Well,
the video was posted online to the caption pov your

(12:09):
mom had to make your gender reveal about her Well,
it exploded twenty seven million views in a tidal wave
of outrage. Viewers called the grandma narcissistic, attention seeking and
one of the more milder comments a spotlighte thief. Spotlight thief,
and when one user actually summed it up succinctly, she

(12:32):
organized it and gave herself a balloon to pop. Geez.
But wait, the stupidity didn't stop there. In another viral
video that same grandma struck again. This time she decided
her granddaughter's bangs were getting too long, so she gave
the toddler a first haircut without even asking the parents.

(12:54):
The result well al upsided, uneven disaster that could be
best described as a mullet with ambition. Online people were horrified.
One commentator said that this woman needs boundaries. Another one added,
move far far away. You know, when your mom crashes
your gender reveal, rewrites the script and takes the scissors

(13:15):
to your kid's hair without asking. That's not family bonding.
That's a masterclass in missing the point. And I would
say those boundaries need barbed wire. Well, this sounds like
the setup for a Halloween movie. If if you don't
spend a lot of time in Montana, you may not
know about this mysterious pumpkin that keeps appearing every fall

(13:39):
stuck on top of a spire high the University of
Montana's main hall in Missoula. This has been going on
every year for thirty years. It's not as simple as
you know. Somebody climbed on the roof. I mean you'd
have to get up there, then climb the multi story

(13:59):
clock tower and then shimmy up the spire and stabbed
the pumpkin with it. I mean, it's such a perilous climb.
The university has even tried to hire professionals to get
the pumpkin up there safely because they're worried about well,
you know, students killing themselves attempting it. But the students
have just added that to the challenge working to get

(14:22):
it done before the university does. Supposedly, nobody knows who
does it, so it's really unclear if it's just a
series of students, are one person has done it over
and over again. Well, the local news talk to someone
anonymous from the climbing community who claims to know of

(14:42):
people who have done it, and the news kind of
blurred out their faces and disguise their voices, you know,
like they were some kind of an FBI informant. Here's
that one anonymous climber talking about putting the pumpkin on
the spire.

Speaker 4 (14:57):
The climb itself is pretty intimidating. I almost worked up
the kahonas to do it. Multiple lookouts all throughout campus,
middle of the night, and then two climbers up top,
everybody looking out for umpd with radios or group texts
and what have you. The university has hired some outsourced
people to put it up safely and not put students

(15:20):
at risk, but being climbers, we still try to race
them to do it first.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
Now they suggest it would take a team of coordinated climbers,
lookouts and logistics to accomplish using a network of radios
and group texts. Of course, this is twenty twenty five.
I mean there are cameras literally everywhere. I mean, if
they wanted to catch someone in the act, they could
just throw a couple of ring cameras up there or something, unless,
of course, they have military grade operatives who are able

(15:49):
to neutralize surveillance and obscure themselves while holding a pumpkin.
Not a whole lot going on in Montana these days. Well,
sometimes bit he comes gift wrapped in bad decisions, and
this story out of Florida might just take home the jackpot.
We find forty three year old Justin Farley, a man

(16:11):
who apparently thought he could outsmart both math and law
enforcement in one afternoon when he pulled up to a
circle k in Saint Petersburg and stole seven thousand dollars
wrote the scratch off lottery tickets. He literally popped open
multiple cabinets, grabbed everything he could, and drove off in
his gray Hyundai Alantra, not exactly a getaway car built

(16:33):
for infamy. But now you might be thinking, surely he
has a plan, well kind of. About forty minutes later,
Farley tried to cash the stolen tickets at a nearby
seven to eleven. Well, as you might know, that didn't work,
so naturally, what do you think he did? He went
back to the same circle K that he stole them

(16:53):
from to see if they'd cash them. Well, that didn't
work either, so then he went back a third time.
That's right, the same store he robbed, still convinced someone
might suddenly forget what happened earlier that day. Spoiler alert,
they did not. But Justin wasn't done making bad decisions.

(17:13):
See later that day, wearing a black mask, a yellow shirt,
black Nike sneakers, he decided to rob another seven to eleven,
this time with what turned out to be a replica
glock pistol. He pointed the fake gun at the clerk,
demanded money, and fled to one hundred and twenty bucks
in cash in a pack of new Ports. That's right,
all that risk, all that effort, and the man walks

(17:35):
away with lunch money in smokes. Unsurprisingly, surveillance footage and
his license plate led people of the police right to him.
I mean, when they pulled him over, he admitted to everything.
He told the officers he needed money. Now he's facing
federal charges under the Hobsact for interference with commerce by
threat of violence. That's a pretty serious charge, by the way,

(17:57):
usually reserved for robberies that affect interstate business. The court
document show mister Farley has a history of felony, drug
and firearm convictions, meaning this isn't his first brush with
the law, just his least intelligent one. Well, I have
a cautionary tale now from Penella's Park, Florida, where well,

(18:17):
freedom of expression apparently includes expressive nudity and common sense
took the night off. It was one of those Florida
Knights that kind of reads like the heading of a
cautionary meme. A man later identified by police as Joshua
Garrison decided that pajamas were optional and discretion was an
even loftier goal. He set out on a late night

(18:39):
tour of local yards and porches, cataloging in real time
every mistake a human being can legally make. Before sunrise,
neighbors woke to the universal suburban ring tone the doorbell.
David Dale opened his door and found not a package
or a late pizza, but a stark reminder that you

(19:00):
are sometimes living, breathing cautionary tales standing on the front porch,
fully committed to his decision to forego clothing and good judgment.
Garrison greeted the neighborhood with well what the Internet would
politely call full exposure. Surveillance cameras recorded a montage of

(19:20):
bad decisions, pots of plants turned into improvised projectiles, truck
windows rendered up optional by blunt force, horroriculture, and porch
lights once useful for finding the key, ripped from their
sockets like unpaid cable subscriptions. At one house, he displayed
the classic criminal tutorial, remove the screen, try the window,

(19:41):
and when that doesn't work, move on to the next
plot twist. At another, he entered a backyard, made a
personal choice to behave in a sexually explicit way, then
attempted to escalate the evening into a break in neighbor
Tim Reischman would later recount an episode that well could
have been ripped from slapstick script. The intruder found a shed,

(20:03):
made a grab for the axe prop that lawfully use
is for chopping wood, not solving social problems. Then, in
a moment that preserved both the axes dignity and the
neighbor neighborhood safety, put the axe back in the shed,
unglamorously history into the shed's unglamorous history. Instead of wielding it,

(20:24):
the suspect vaulted a six foot fence using a wood
pile as a stepping stool, and well thought it acceptable
to help himself to an open beverage because nothing says
I respect private property like drinking someone else's beer while
your life choices implode. Well neighbors later admitted they had
been minutes, seconds, or maybe even one awkward knock away

(20:44):
from defending their property by other means, and well, in
the way neighborhoods do. They describe their readiness with stern
slightly startled bravado. We're all Second Amendment people here, we
will shoot you, which is to say the community was
prepared to this episode as a reminder that stupidity can
be hazardous to not only itself, but to anyone standing

(21:05):
too close. Here's a couple of the victims breaking down
what happened to their property.

Speaker 5 (21:10):
Asleep in the doorbell rang I answered the door and
opened the door, and there was a guy standing here,
and he was stark thinking through a pot of plant
through my truck window and tore the lights off the
front of the house.

Speaker 6 (21:22):
He pulled this screen out, laid it down, attempted to
get the window open, we guessed, and couldn't. So then
he goes back here, grabbed an axe and came back
onto the back porch.

Speaker 1 (21:35):
We don't know why he didn't use it. We see
him open up the fridge, grab a bottle of beer
and a can of soda. So, when the sun finally
decided to show up and the episode stopped qualifying as
a bad dream, police had arrived to file charges burglary,
criminal mischief, leude behavior. Joshua Garrison, who now has the
unique distinction of being both a neighborhood legend and a
court date, was taken into custody. Luckily if police actions

(21:59):
and impressive lefe level of communal restraint, or the measure
to be alive and clothed again soon after. So in
the annals of what could go wrong, this one filed
under everything with a side of seriously dude. Moral of
the story, if your plan involves a six foot fence
of shit and a stolen beer, maybe just stay home

(22:19):
and rethink your life choices. And maybe you've heard about
people that have been caught using novelty license plates or
ones that were altered or fake. But I think this
one's new. The California Highway Patrol stopped to driver who
had an elaborately hand drawn license plate. It was a
California plate, and they actually tried to make it look legit.

(22:40):
It actually looked pretty good for modern art. They mimic
the actual California script font at the top that included
a representation of the registration sticker and the DMV's website
at the bottom. But the weird thing is the plate
numbers and tags are legit. They said they just lost
the actual plate. They were trying to stay compliant. Well,

(23:05):
the officer said they got points for creativity in theory,
but they were still slapped with a one hundred and
ninety seven dollars fine, which is probably more than five
times the cost of just buying a new plate they
could have ordered through the DMV at the lo low
price of just twenty seven dollars. Maybe they can take
it to a museum and sell it for five times

(23:28):
the money they had to pay for the fine. Look,
everybody's been pretty worried about AI taking their job, but
you probably wouldn't want this job. Kohler has come out
with a new toilet camera Watch as you Go, then

(23:48):
uses an algorithm to analyze the results and track your health.
It's called Dakota. It's like d ko da Dakota, kind
of a play on the word d code. It costs
a mere six hundred bucks six hundred bucks to watch
you poop and pean. It fits on the side of

(24:09):
most toilet bowls and uses optical sensors to scan the excreetment.
Then it spits out stats to your smartphone. You sign
in on a fingerprint scanner, so it knows whose poop
is what. It can tell you whether you're dehydrated, or
what percentage of your sessions are regular each week. It

(24:35):
also looks for any signs of blood. Here's a commercial
for the new product called Dakota.

Speaker 7 (24:42):
Introducing Dakota by Colar Health. Dakota translates your body's signals
into real time insights, helping you decode your body's cues.
Dakota uses advanced spectroscopy sensors to seamlessly analyze what your
body leaves behind its sleeks self clamping design blend seamlessly
into any bathroom. Paired with the Colar Health app, Dakota

(25:04):
delivers personalized health scores to help build lasting, healthy habits.
It's everything your body's been trying to tell you decoded,
and now.

Speaker 1 (25:13):
They say, don't worry, there's no chance that you're junk
is going to show up on camera. They're right, Dakota
sensors seed down into the toilet and nowhere else. Now
on top of that six hundred bucks, you're going to
flop down for it. There's also the annual subscription fee
seventy bucks a year if it's just you or you
can get the family planned for one hundred and thirty.

(25:35):
We had Coler send us a test one so we
could try it out. Well, let's just listen to the
AI's toilet results, shall we.

Speaker 3 (25:45):
Well, well, well, looks like someone's been dining off the
Dollar menu again. I'm detecting traces of artificial cheese, mystery meat,
and enough sodium to melt the ice. On a driveway,
your fiber count. Let's just say a tumbleweed rolls through
your intestines once a week, maybe swathed the drive through

(26:06):
for a drive past it at a vegetable and no
fries don't count. I'll be here analyzing, silently, judging and
cheering you on one flesh at a time.

Speaker 1 (26:18):
By the way, They'rerong sale now at colorhealth dot com.
The first orders are already shipping, just in time for Christmas.

Speaker 8 (26:30):
Well.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
A late night food order mix up at a San
Antonio Whatterburger turned into an all out, knockdown, drag out
brawl that left seven people in handcuffs, all because apparently,
nothing tests human patience quite like getting the wrong combo
meal at three o'clock in the morning. Police say the
fight broke out when two groups of customers began arguing

(26:53):
over a mistaken order. Now, according to the authorities, things
quickly escalated from mild annoyance this is to full blown chaos,
multiple fights breaking out inside the restaurant. A viral video
from the scene shows people punching and kicking and tackling
each other while bystanders shout in disbelief. Photos that were

(27:14):
taken afterwards the revealed even blood on the booths and
the floor, not exactly the kind of special sauce water
Burger had in mind. The seven people between the ages
of twenty one and fifty seven were arrested in charge
with assault causing bodily injury. Police say two eighteen year
olds and two twenty year olds were also involved. But

(27:35):
were not named. One woman on Facebook, claiming to be
the mother of a customer, said the whole thing started
when her son's table accidentally got another group's food. Now,
instead of just correcting the mistake, she says, the staff
told the other customers, oh, they have your food. What

(27:55):
happened next could well be best described as poor decision
making with the side of rage. No major injuries were reported,
but plenty of pride and maybe a few milkshakes were spilled.
Not to mention the blood. Police are still investigating, and
Whateburger has yet to actually make a comment, because well,
they're probably too busy trying to figure out how to
get the bloodstains off those orange booths. Well in Santa Cruz, California.

(28:21):
Stupidity isn't always a human condition. Sometimes it's a very
confident sea otter surfer Isabella or Duna paddled out to
Steamer Lane expecting a nice, relaxing evening ride, But what
she got instead was well, she became the victim of
a furry surfboard hijacking. Out of nowhere, an otter swims up,

(28:44):
bites her foot, then hoists itself onto her surfboard like
it had just won the lottery. Orduna did what any
reasonable person would do after being bitten by an aquatic kleptomaniac.
She rolled off her board and watched as the otter
claimed its prize. For the next twenty minutes, she floated
in the water while her surfboard sat under new management.

(29:06):
Here's the nine to one one call and Isabella Orduna
talking about being attacked by the audience.

Speaker 8 (29:11):
If they're flagging me down.

Speaker 6 (29:13):
There's a surfer in the water was hit by an otter.

Speaker 8 (29:18):
All of a sudden, I feel this like nip on
my foot and I'm like, okay, that's not good, roll
over or like roll off my board. Look behind me,
there's an otter on my board and there's another surfer nearby,
and I'm like, hey, can.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
You like help me out? Like there's the got bitten
on my foot, and like there's an order on my board.

Speaker 3 (29:36):
Well.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
Eventually, rescuers arrived to handle what could only be described
as the most California emergency possible. One surfer in distress
and one smug order lounging comfortably on a stolen surfboard.
Lifeguards were able to retrieve the board, but the otter
refused to explain itself. Locals can't really say for sure
whether this was the infamous Otter eight four, one known

(29:59):
for stealing surfboard words in the same area in the
past two summers, or perhaps a copycat criminal inspired by
her legend. Since the original Otter's tracking device was missing,
her identity still remains unconfirmed. But what I do know
is that well somewhere off the coast of Santa Cruz,
an otter is enjoying his victory, and a surfer is
telling people she was mugged by a sea mammal. And

(30:22):
then there's this man who walks into a Panda Express
in San Francisco. That's a city, you know, where a
studio apartment costs roughly the same as a private island
in the Midwest. And he orders himself lunch but see
orange chicken, fried rice, maybe some spring rolls. Nothing too wild.
But then disaster strikes. At the bottom of his receipt,

(30:44):
right there between the subtotal and the tax sets a
line that reads, quote employee benefits surcharge five percent. That's right,
a grand total of one dollar and eight cents had
been added to his meal. A tragedy is so great
it demanded a Reddit post, so it goes to the

(31:06):
Internet outraged and declares, why not just raise your menu prices?
But five percent they had eventually had the audacity to
ask for a tip on top of this, because of course,
nothing says I've been wronged by society quite like paying
an extra buck to make sure that people handling you
your chow your chow main can actually afford a visit

(31:27):
to a doctor someday. Now here's the thing Panda Express
didn't sneak in let's ruin lunch fee. This employee benefit
surcharge is actually a growing trend, one that restaurants in
fast food change used to help pay their workers something
closer to a livable wage. And before anyone clutches their
wallet in horror, let's remember that fast food workers are

(31:49):
making an average of about fifteen bucks an hour, which,
depending on the city, buys you approximately half a sandwich
and a bus ride. In fact, according to researchers, even
a full time worker flipping burgers in Fresno makes about
twenty three percent less in what is considered a living wage,
and in San Francisco, well, they have to work something
like seventy eight hours a week to afford well anything.

(32:12):
So while our panda customer was fuming over that extra
buck eight cents, the person behind the counter was probably
calculating how many extra shifts it would take to pay rent.
Of course, nobody likes seeing surprise fees. I mean it
feels kind of sneaky, you know, like your burrito suddenly
came with a sight of guilt. But here's the reality check.
Whether that extra five percent shows up as a searcharge

(32:34):
or is quietly baked into the menu prices, customers still
end up paying for it. The only difference is whether
we get a reminder that real humans are behind the
counter trying to survive. So maybe next time you see
an employee benefits lying on your receipt, just take a breath.
You're not funding a yacht. You're just helping someone afford
their next meal, which might even come from the same panda.

(32:55):
Expressure standing in And if that just feels like too
much to bear, there's all the cheaper option. It's called
cooking at home, or better yet, move out of California.

Speaker 9 (33:08):
Well.

Speaker 1 (33:08):
Slater Jones is an Alabama jewelry store owner who decided
that losing an eye was simply not going to slow
down his sparkle game. You see, when most people lose
an eye, they get a prosthetic that looks fairly realistic
or maybe just a pirate eyepatch. But not Slater.

Speaker 9 (33:29):
No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 (33:31):
Slater looked at that empty eye socket and thought, you
know what, this needs a to carrot diamond, because nothing
says I'm moving on with my life quite like literally
putting jewelry in your face. You see, Slater enlisted the
help of John Lim, who's a man who has apparently
made about ten thousand artificial eyes, none of which I

(33:51):
assume came with a luxury appraisal. Lim himself said this
was the most valuable prosthetic eye in terms of materials,
which is a polite way of saying no one's ever
been quite this extra before.

Speaker 3 (34:04):
Now.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
To Slater's credit, he wanted his prosthetic eye to reflect
who he is. He's a jewelry designer, right and honestly
mission accomplished. I mean, his new gem of an eyeball
catches the light just right, probably blinding everyone within a
five foot radius every time he turns his head. He
even said, I lost my eye, but it brought new

(34:26):
light into my life, which is touching. Poetic and also
a little on the nose, considering there's literally a diamond
refracting light in his socket. He goes by diamond eye
and well, here he is getting his bejeweled eye removed
and polished and then put back in.

Speaker 8 (34:46):
Diamond.

Speaker 6 (34:46):
I here, Jones and company, we john him the maker
of the diamond, and today you're going to take it out, clean,
polish it, and put it back in.

Speaker 9 (34:54):
You get does.

Speaker 4 (34:56):
That is probably five millimeter six?

Speaker 1 (34:59):
I feel like I can do it by myself. Of course,
once the Internet got wind of opinions were split right
down the middle, much like Slater's depth perception. Some people
called it a masterpiece. Others were like, hey, man, maybe
walking around with a diamond in your skull isn't the
safest idea because you know, you know, in addition to
being a conversation starter, it's also basically an open invitation

(35:20):
for every would be thief and a ten mile radius. Still,
you have to admire the confidence. I mean, most of
us try to keep our valuables out of our faces,
but Slater Jones knew He's out there redefining what it
means to have an eye for luxury. Better have a
concealed carry along with that bejeweled eyebawl. Well from the

(35:46):
scenic shores of Miramar Beach, Florida, we find a Texas
couple that decided parenting was just too much effort. For
one afternoon, deputies say they left their six month old baby, yes,
six months old, alone under a beach tent for nearly
an hour because you know, when you think nap time,

(36:07):
what can be saferer than a ford, a sun, a
public beach, and absolutely no supervision. Well, according to the witnesses,
the couple of casually just saundered down the beach with
their three other kids while their infant took what well
I could only assume was the most stressful napping baby history. Thankfully,
some good Samaritans noticed the unattended child, stepped in to

(36:28):
care for the baby, and then called law enforcement because
apparently someone had to do the parenting that day. When
the deputy showed up, the parents eventually strolled back to
the scene, claiming they had just well lost track of time. Well,
now we've all lost track of time before, maybe while
scrolling or doom scrolling social media, or maybe binge watching

(36:48):
a show, but usually not while leaving an actual human
baby behind. Security footage confirmed that they were gone for
nearly an hour, and in a plot twist, nobody saw coming.
They didn't even bring their cell phones, because why bring
the one thing that could have told you, and maybe
it's been fifty five minutes since you've abandoned your infant. Thankfully,

(37:09):
the baby's vitals were normal. The first responders said the
child sem okay, But the Florida Department and Children and
Families quickly stepped in and the couple, Brian and Sarah
Wilkes if Houston, Texas, were arrested for child neglect. Well,
they bonded out the next day, which is great news
for them, but probably not the best news for anyone
rooting for common sense. Well, the sheriff summed it up perfectly,

(37:31):
thanking the beach goreer who raised the alarm and showed
the baby more concern than the actual parents. Don't know
how they parent in Texas.

Speaker 5 (37:41):
But.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
Well, there's a valuable lesson here in responsibility, humor, and
the fine art of reverse pranking. It was given by
two police officers in Hartford, Wisconsin, after seniors at the
Hartford Union High School spent the night before homecoming turning
their school into a Sharman covered masterpiecees school resource officers
Adam Miller and Taylor Koenig decided to get a little

(38:05):
payback cop style, using a confiscated leaf blower that had
been turned in into a homemade toilet paper launcher because
apparently that's the thing now. They march as they march
onto the football field and then start firing rolls of
toilet paper straight into the crowd. The same kids who
spent the night tea being the school suddenly found themselves

(38:27):
on the receiving end of the chaos. Officer Miller proudly said, well,
we've got a few tricks up our sleeves as well,
meaning you can prank us, but we've got better equipment
and taxpayer funded accuracy. Now, to be clear, the annual
toilet papering tradition is well known in Hartford. You see
seniors cover the school in paper, get caught, clean it up,

(38:49):
everybody laughs, no properties destroyed. The janitorial staff quietly questions
their career choices. But this year, the new school resource
officers decided to add a little twist, because nothing says
community policing like pelting teenagers with two plot officer Koenig
explained that the idea wasn't just about payback, It was
about building relationships. You know, letting cops see cop says approachable,

(39:14):
because nothing builds trust quite like watching your local officer
laugh maniacally while launching toilet paper rockets into your face.
The students, to their credit, loved it. One said they
couldn't stop laughing. Another said it was fun watching everybody
scramble in confusion, and one unlucky front row student admitted
I got hit in the face with it, but it
was fun, which might be the most polite reaction ever

(39:38):
to being assaulted. But bathroom supplies. The school administration seems
fine with the whole thing as well. I mean, their
rule is simple. Just as long as the tepee stays
off private property and there's no vandalism and the kids
clean up, every everybody wins, right, And the officers they're
already plotting next year's prank, because once you've weaponized a
leaf blower, there's just no going back. Sir Miller summed

(40:00):
it up perfectly. I feel like a big kid again,
which honestly is the most relatable thing anyone in law
enforcement is set all year. Better luck next year, seniors,
the cops are locked, loaded and apparently armed with Sharman.
And just as a special ps to that story, Sharman,
you know, as we said in our last episode of
the podcast, here has now come up with a seventeen
sheet or seventeen hundred sheet forever role. So it's gonna

(40:26):
be like a Gatland gun next year. Okay, Well, remember
about two years ago when a rat hole from a
sidewalk in Chicago became a tourist attraction. It went viral
after a comedian posted a photo of it, and it
was a media sensation for a couple of days. Well,
you may not know this, but that slab was removed,

(40:50):
they laid down some fresh cement, and that rodent shape
imprint was sent off to a lab where it's apparently
been studied for months, and they have now got the results.
Here's what they found. Number one, even though the whole
looks rat shaped, it probably was not. That's not really surprising.

(41:13):
I mean, when it was going viral, a lot of
people said it was probably caused by a squirrel that
had fallen from a nearby tree into the wet cement.
Researchers from the University of Tennessee. The New York Institute
of Technology, College of Osteopathic Medicine, and the University of
Calgary just published a paper. They concluded that the long
four limbs, three digits and hind paws are too large

(41:34):
for a rat, but would aligned with muskrats, fox squirrels,
and the most probable suspect, the eastern gray squirrel, which
is abundant in that area of Chicago. And two, well,
it wasn't new. Most people knew this at the time.
It was apparently several decades old and just became a
thing after it went viral on social media. So there

(41:57):
you have it. Researchers from three Universe getting paid very
lucrative salaries have solved the mystery, which well wasn't really
that much of a mystery to begin with. Now back
to study in cancer. Okay, Yeah, the slab is now
being stored in Chicago City Hall, although well they're trying
to figure out a more permanent home, maybe like a sidewalk.

(42:20):
I mean, just put it back. I mean, it's not
like it needs to be in a museum or something. Well, finally,
some justice for anyone who's wasted fifty bucks trying to
win a one dollar prize for their kid. Cops in
Westchester County, New York, are looking for three idiots that
broke into an amusement park and stole hundreds of stuffed animals.

(42:42):
They just released the photos. But it happened at Playland
Park just north of Manhattan. It's right on the beach,
and they got in by pulling up in a small boat.
Police say it was just before midnight when they hopped afense,
cut a bunch of cables in the control room, and
cramped two hundred stuffed animals into garbage bags and left.
They also tried to tip a photo booth off the

(43:03):
boardwalk and onto the beach, but it was a bit
too heavy. They might have thought cutting the cables would
shut down the security cameras, but you see there's multiple
shots of them, including one where their faces are as
clear as day. All three look like they're in their
early twenties, and one was a Virginia Tech was wearing
a Virginia Tech hoodie. Cops and now were hoping somebody

(43:25):
recognizes them and calls them in. And McDonald's and Davenport, Florida,
turned into something closer to an action movie set than
a fast food restaurant after an argument over food orders
spiraled into gunfire, three arrests, and one trip to the hospital,
all before the fries got cold. Yeah, apparently they're all
copying after Waterburger now. According to the Polk County Shrif

(43:49):
of Grady Judd, the troubles started when the restaurant was
overwhelmed with orders. A worker told customers that no more
orders could be taken, a reasonable move in the middle
of chaos, but reason wasn't on the menu that day.
The customers didn't take the news very well and decided
well that threats were the appropriate response. They threatened to

(44:11):
attack a man who said, we're busy, we can't take
any more orders. And he did that because the manager
told him to, said jud because apparently saying we're closed
for a moment is now fighting words. Well, the argument
moved from the drive through to inside the restaurant, because
of course it did, deputies say. One of the men announced,
I got a switch, I got a thirty clip, proving

(44:32):
once again that some people think quoting a rap lyric
counts as a strategy. Of course, in response, an employee,
Juan Soto, pulled out an actual gun. The restaurant manager
tried to step in, but well, things went downhill pretty fast.
Soto aimed as firearm and fired, hitting one of the
men identified as Peter's Story in the neck. Authorities called

(44:52):
the injury minor, which is not something you'd expect to
hear after a gun goes off at a McDonald's. Soda
then grabbed his gun, the showcasing and the bullet from
the Florida ran off Now deputy said he fled because
he was scared and well, possibly because he knew tampering
with evidence is frowned upon. He was later charged with
doing exactly that. Meanwhile, the two customers, Nicholas Jones and

(45:15):
Peter Story, were charged with trespassing and disorderly conduct. Both
quickly bonded out, like you know, likely skipping their next
mcflurry run. Legal experts say the case highlights just how
Florida's open carry laws can make messy situations even messier.
The local attorney, adalas Vento explained that Soto's decision to
bring a firearm to work and use it could have

(45:38):
major personal and legal consequences, not to mention potential liability
for McDonald's and staying in Florida. We have a Florida
family's first Disney cruise that turned into a story perfectly
illustrating the difference between bad luck and bad judgment. According
to a police report from Broward County, the family was

(45:59):
walking long the fourth deck of the Disney Dream when
they stopped to take a photo of their five year
old daughter. Now, the mother pointed to an open porthole railing,
you know, the kind clearly not designed for photo shoots,
and told her to her daughter to just sit there.
So the little girl climbed up, but lost her balance
and fell backward forty nine feet into the ocean, but

(46:25):
her father immediately jumped in after her, in a split
second decision that was equal parts heroic and reckless. Rescue
teams from the ship responded within minutes, pulling both of
them out of the water. The girl was uninjured, her
father suffered some minor injuries and was treated at the
hospital after returning to the shore. When questioned, the mother
shared that her daughter had taken swimming lessons before, but

(46:46):
couldn't actually swim. She alse told police she believed Disney
was responsible and said there should have been coverings on
the open portholes. Investigators confirmed the railing was forty seven
inches high and uncovered exactly as designed. In the end,
prosecutors declined to pursue charges, writing that while the parents'

(47:08):
actions were arguably negligent and irresponsible, they didn't meet the
legal threshold for criminal neglect. Disney commended its crew for
their quick rescue, though no amount of efficiency could completely
overshadow the lesson here that curiosity, poor decisions, and photo
ops don't mix well. Forty nine feet above open ocean,

(47:32):
well paddlers in elaborate costumes raced hollowed out pumpkins across
a Talatian lake during the twenty twenty five West Coast
Giant Pumpkin Regatta. Now Parker Johnson, dressed as the Very
Hungry Caterpillar, won the costume contest. He said, I was
chatting with my family in the car, like just brainstorming

(47:53):
things to do, and my dad thought up the idea
of a caterpillar eating its way out of a pumpkin.
Was talking to KOI n TV. The event coordinator, Heidi Marx,
explained the appeal, Well, it's kind of a ridiculous idea,
which is why it's so popular. I mean, how often
can you say that you've watched people in costumes paddling
one thousand pounds pumpkins on a lake. The quarter mile

(48:17):
race featured multiple heats for growers, sponsors, officials, and the
general public. Gary Christensen he won his heat dressed as
Buddy the Elf. Here's the winner talking about the event.

Speaker 5 (48:29):
You've got an exciting activity that crowds love.

Speaker 9 (48:33):
You got the costumes, cheering people, spectacle pumpkins.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
Thinking it has everything, it's great. Other winners include racers,
a costumed is ted Lasso, a top gun pilot, and
my favorite, a pickle. Well, now we have this from
the Massachusetts Institute of Technology m i T, you know,
the home to people that build robots smarter than most

(49:01):
of us. Researchers are worried that artificial intelligence might be
making humans, well less intelligent. Yes, it turns out whenever
you let the machines do your thinking, your brain decides
to take an extended vacation. Researcher Natalia Causmina started noticing

(49:24):
something strange a couple of years ago. People were emailing
her saying chat GPT was making them forget things, their
memories felt fuzzy, their brains had been replaced with the
skip ad button, so, being a scientist, she decided to
test it. She hooked up participants to brain scanners and

(49:46):
had them write essays, some the old fashioned way and
others with help from chat GPT. The results were not
flattering for humanity. The people using AI showed way less
brain activity, as especially in areas attied to attention, creativity,
cognitive processing, and well. In short, while chat Shept was

(50:07):
busy writing, their neurons was busy napping. Even better, when
asked what they'd written, most couldn't remember a thing. So yeah,
we're officially reaching a point where our work is smarter
than we are now. Because Minu's study might have been small,
but it did hit a nerve teachers around the world

(50:27):
emaileder said that their students can churn out essays that
look brilliant but clearly weren't written by anyone with a pulse.
One teacher said kids got mad when assignments aren't digital
because it makes cheating harder. The modern tech tragedy I
guess of our time, but because Maya warned that our
brains need friction challenges in order to learn. Unfortunately, the

(50:51):
tech world's goal is to eliminate friction entirely. So now
we have a generation that avoids phone calls, uses self checkouts,
can't new basic math without Google, and thinks reading a
book is too much effort. We call it convenience, but
it might just be the new face of stupidity. Experts
are calling this a stupogenetic society, basically a world designed

(51:17):
to make us stupid, more stupid, more dumber, more dumber. Yeah,
because machines will happily think for us. It's kind of
like living in an obsigenic environment. But instead of fast food,
we're bringing on mental We're binging on mental junk. Our
digital diet consists of memes, misinformation, and whatever the algorithm

(51:39):
decides is good for engagement. Now, MIT's findings echo what
other researchers are seeing. Michael Garlick, a professor in Switzerland,
discovered that frequent AI users score lower in critical thinking.
He says, AI can help you make a better candle,
but it'll never invent the light bulb. For that, you'll
still need a see curious human brain. Too bad that

(52:03):
we're outsourcing that part to chatbots. Meanwhile, classrooms are becoming
quiet zombie zones. Students stare blankly at laptops. Waiting for
ai to think for them. Teachers say asking a question
is now pointless. By the time they finish talking, someone's
already googled their answer, And, as one student brilliantly put it,

(52:25):
if you see me on my phone, there's zero percent
chance I'm doing something productive. Technology companies insist they're revolutionizing education,
but independent studies, the kind not funded by these same
companies show that more tech and classrooms lead to worse results.

(52:46):
So congratulations. The future of learning might just be everyone
pretending to learn while machines pretend to teach them. It's
not just school, though, The problem is bigger. Our attention
spends are fried. We live in what experts call a
state of continuous partial attention, basically doing ten things at

(53:06):
once and doing them all badly. One study even found
that eighty percent of people forget to breathe while checking
their email. Yes, so your inbox is literally killing you.
And the final irony, well, we have the world's knowledge
in our pockets and we use it to scroll through nonsense.
The Internet could make us geniuses, but instead it's a

(53:30):
twenty four hour buffet of stupidity. As one teacher put it,
knowing how to google something isn't knowledge, which explains why
people now think the Earth is flat again. So maybe
the apocalypse won't come from killer robots taking over. It'll
come from us handing the controls to the dumb ones
because we're just too lazy to think. Welcome to the

(53:52):
new age of Golden Age of stupidity. I guess we're
The machines are not replacing us, They're just making sure
we forget how to function. Call Call, Come, Chok calm.

Speaker 10 (54:05):
You can interact directly with Insane Eric Lane's Stupid World
through the telegram app When you join the Insane Eric
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(54:27):
read or seen, and even make suggestions or opinions about
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(54:48):
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dot org.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
At now well US called Eric White, it's a hundreds
of students across the US have been quarantined as measles
outbreaks force schools to react to declining vaccination rates. Declining
vaccination rates means well hearing about diseases that you only
recognize from the Oregon Trail. The only ones really taking

(55:25):
this well are the teachers, who finally have a class
size that's manageable. Those who haven't bought their stock in
Halloween candy might be prepared to shell out more than usual.
The cocoa prices have gone up well, along with the
cost of other candy the kids trick or treating. I'm
sure my door can probably expect the usual variety of
batteries and fortune cookies and some loose change. I mean,

(55:48):
the scariest thing about this Halloween it's bleeding my bank account.
Bone dry garrilla at the San Diego Zoo terrified visitors
by charging at the protective glass, running its enclosures so
hard it caused the glass to crack. You remember a
few months ago when the internet was debating on how
many people it would take to beat up a gorilla. Well,

(56:09):
we almost find out. Yeah, we almost found that out
for sure. This is just over the wire. Frankly, Jake
Paul has also announced he's going to be fighting the
gorilla this January at the Dome in Las Vegas. Yeah. Yeah,
you'd get upset too. I guess if you could enjoy
a banana without some tourists gawking and snapping pictures all
the time. Video captured at an airport workers refueling mishap

(56:32):
at the Dallasport with International Airport, I guess a loose
hose spray jet fuel across the plane and the tarmac. Well,
save that one for the retirement party, if he's not fired.
That is, in the middle of Holy Mass at Oatican
Cities Saint Peter's Basilica, a man urinated on the altar
of Confession, which well stunned hundreds of worshippers and evoked

(56:56):
security to remove them. Of course, I imagine it's going
to take more than a few hailed Marria. He used
to get right by God after that one. They really
need to stop having a ten cent beer night at
the Vatican. You know, Doctor Devento, that legendary radio host
known for his offbeat taste and for helping launch weird
al yank of its career, has ended his fifty five
year run with that final broadcast of the Doctor Demento Show.

(57:19):
It's kind of nice to see someone you know, really
get a lot of use out of their college degree.
You know, at eighty four years old, Doctor Devento wanted
to get off the air before he becomes Doctor Dementia.
And after four decades on the air, MTV shut down
a majority of its TV channels. I mean, how many
channels do you really need playing ridiculousness at once? Really

(57:39):
kind of makes sense to shut down MTV right that
hits middle age. I mean, nobody wants to see dad
trying to stay hip. Of course, you know, Penn State
fired their head football coach James Franklin cost to school
fifty million dollars after he signed that ten year contract
in twenty twenty one. Of course, I mean, I've had
buyer's remorse before, but it hasn't cost me a small fortune.

(58:00):
For that kind of money, they probably could have just
kept him working somewhere, you know, put him in charge
of you know, urinal cakes in the men's locker room
or something. A number of major media organizations announced that
they are not complying with a new Pentagon press policy
requiring information to receive official approval before public release. The government,
you know, wants to approve your news before you see it.
I mean nothing wrong there, frankly. I mean Pete headseth hegseeth,

(58:23):
you know, wants the final cut, but he'll be lucky
to get the late edition. A recent investigation into protein
shakes finds many of them contained dangerously unsafe levels of
lead and other toxic heavy metals. I think maybe it's
time to ask the meathead in your life, is it
worth the school toll a better stick to safe for alternatives,

(58:45):
you know, like steroids and desay. Maxwell's New Hampshire mansion
has plummeted in price as it struggles to sell, with
a local real estate agent saying it's not famous in
a good way. What they chin up? Even the Amityville
horror House sold eventually. I mean the Zilo listing mentions
the entire house's childproof and has lots of hiding spots.

(59:09):
In an attempt to shield of miners from inappropriate material,
Instagram has begun limiting what teenage users can see by
using the movie industry's PG thirteen standard. Now, don't worry,
I mean, Twitter will still remain well, actually it's X now,
but it'll still remain open to the NC seventeen content.
I mean, as somebody who watched Fast Times at Ridgemont
High when I was eleven, I don't think ratings work

(59:31):
like that. In Texas, Tech coach Joey McGuire used his
postgame press conference to beg fans to refrain from well,
what's become a beloved tradition. That's some hurling tortillas onto
the field, or at least, you know, mix it up
with some chicken and cheese so they can make a
casadilla out there, you know, I mean, I mean for
the players that are cutting carbs. It's particularly insensitive, really,

(59:55):
and amid concerns about being cut off during a conflict,
Sweden has begun building its first emergency grain reserves in
the country's far north. You know, Sweden's basically telling the
rest of the world, Go ahead, blow yourselves up. We'll
be over here, you know, eating cereal. While the rest
of the world is building missile silos, Sweden is betting
on grain silos. And a recent survey shows that nearly

(01:00:17):
one in three American adults are still afraid of the dark,
and if you use a nightlight, it could also increase
your chances of a heart attack too. By the way,
but there's a frightening statistic here that considers what two
out of three Americans are actually struggling to keep their
lights on. Of course, I'm not afraid of the dark,
not as long as I got a little teddy. A
Florida teen who triggered the state wide amber alert by

(01:00:38):
shooting himself in the leg and staging his own abduction
has been arrested. Most people don't shoot themselves in the
foot before putting it in their mouth. You know, it
to each his own. And that, my friends, is how
a Florida teen becomes a Florida man. The human skull
dating back to more than four thousand years has been
uncovered on the bank of the Whitewater River eastern Indiana,

(01:01:01):
and police are asking if anybody knows who belongs to
if you do give him a call. I'm sure the
rest of them is around there somewhere. And Air Canada
Boeing seven thirty seven Max clipped the wings of two
other planes at the Toronto Peterson Airport recently while they
were trying to squeeze into a spot that was too
small for its wingspan. Of course, in a car, this

(01:01:21):
is a fender bender. In a plane might call it
a wing ding. I mean, I could barely parallel Parker
car and I've got a six speed. I mean, I
can't imagine trying to squeeze a seven thirty seven into
a spot. I mean, you should have really had one
of those stewardesses hop out and guide them, you know.
Britney Spears's ex husband Kevin Fetderling, has claimed in his

(01:01:42):
new book that she cheated on him with a woman. Wow,
it's a bit crazy. I didn't know Kay Fed could
read and write. Smart Money says it's Madonna. Frankly, I
still remember that two twenty oh three VMA's You remember
that Dodger star till Scar Hernandez says he and his

(01:02:03):
wife are switching hotels in Milwaukee. He did that during
the NCLs because well, they heard rumors of paranormal activity,
the same reason teammate Mookie Betts is staying elsewhere. The
only thing I think that they were going to be
haunted by was their performance. Frankly, but look, what if
it's the ghost to Babe Bruth trying to give him
a pep talk, you know, like in the Sandlot. An

(01:02:25):
eighty year old grandma has become the oldest woman to
finish the Ironman World Championship in Hawaii, just years after
learning to swim. Of course, I wonder how she was
able to swim with her walker. I had a grandma
one time. We did a triathlon. Every Sunday. You know,
she would bake, she'd go to church and then take
a nap. New research shows people off and reach their
all around mental and emotional peak about the age of sixty,

(01:02:48):
not in their twenties. Too bad that that's also right
in the middle of their body breaking down. Yeah nice,
So I guess you'll have about ten cognizant years before
the Alzheimer's kicks in. The Illinois Governor JB. Pritzer is
reported to one point four million dollars in gambling winnings
this last year with a spokesman confirming the income came
from casino play in Las Vegas, and it's you know,

(01:03:11):
like they say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
unless it gets reported on your taxes. I mean, I
know he's betting heads with Trump, but look, I bet
these two probably buddy up real quick at a craps table.
A sixty one year old woman from Washington State was
arrested after allegedly attacking a crew member of an Alaska
Airlines flight and forcing an emergency landing. I mean, it
used to be the Friendly Skies, you know, they used

(01:03:33):
to call it that, but I think lately it's been
more like the Octagon. You hear this all the time,
and you hear a lot of the stories right here
on this podcast. I mean, I don't know what it
is about flying that turns people into Mike Tyson. New
York Knicks star Josh Hart sparked conversation online after he
posted a celebration of the rise of Christianity. It drew

(01:03:55):
both praise and criticism from the social media users. I mean, look,
in fairness, to be a Knicks fan, you better believe
in a higher power. You know, kind of makes you
wonder though, do you think Jesus would have made a
better forward or point guard. Dozens of celebrities took to
the streets protest Donald Trump's presidency. A lot of the
No Kings rallies that took place, and I mean they
were encouraged to bring masks and water and autograph book.

(01:04:17):
I mean, I haven't seen this many celebs yelling and
screaming since the last Golden Globes. The US penny is
phasing out production, stopping in early twenty twenty six, and
boys at creating headaches for retailers and shoppers. Soon, only
people with pennies are going to be those maniacs who
you know tiled their bathroom with them. It used to

(01:04:37):
be able to get someone's thoughts for a penny, but
now an opinion is at least a nickel. After throwing
a touchdown Paths, Aaron Rodgers was accidentally tackled from behind
by a celebrating teammate and that led to a rather
fuming moment from the quarterback. A lot of the touchdown celebrations,
you know, the high step, the gritty and now introducing
the backstab. It's like when a dog you know gets

(01:05:00):
who worked up and nips you. You know he didn't
mean it, but you're still missing a pinky. A new
I implant has turned out to be a major breakthrough
for irreversible blindness among the elderly, restoring and improving the
site and over eighty percent of patients. Of course, the
only drawback is the implants look like glowing red orbs.
So now Grandpa can really see again, but now he

(01:05:21):
looks like the terminator. Yeah, Grandgrandpa has hearing aids and
I implants a plastic hip. He's basically robopop. A new
report shows that one in five high school students say
they are someone they know has had a romantic relationship
with artificial intelligence. Must be nice having your boyfriend to
do your homework all the time. I mean, these kids

(01:05:43):
don't have to worry about STDs, you know, just computer viruses.
The spring. Don't be surprised to see kids at the
prompt trying to put a course on a MacBook. Kenny
Login said President Trump was using his song danger Zone
to that permission in a controversy AI video, and he
wants him to stop it and have it removed immediately.

(01:06:04):
I'm guessing a video with ice supporting folks to the
tune of footloose is probably a no go. I mean,
in the video, Trump was flying a plane wearing a crown,
dumping who on protesters. I mean, I still can't believe
he didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize. Walmart offers its
twenty twenty five Thanksgiving meal basket for under four bucks
a person. That's like the lowest price since the program

(01:06:27):
started in twenty twenty two. Now, I'm not saying Walmart
is organized crime, but the mafia used to give out
turkeys for Thanksgiving two you know it's under four bucks
per person too. I mean, everything comes as a powder,
you just add water, even the turkey. And studies show
that human touch face that humans touch their faces up
to eight hundred times a day. Scientists say that these

(01:06:50):
unconscious movements can reveal rising mental stress. And that's not
including picking your nose. And a woman in South Korea
accidentally set an apartment a bill her apartment building a
blaze because she was trying to kill a cockroach with
a lighter inflammable spray. So meant that she told police
she'd used before kind of crazy behavior to combat roaches

(01:07:11):
with a homemade flamethrower. But usually a shot with the
sandal does the trick. If she saw a mouse, she'd
probably use a shotgun. And finally, the San Jose Sharks
apologized for a scoreboard shot out that appeared to praise
Ice on Hispanic Heritage Night. And that's not as bad
as the Coldplay Kissed Cam fiasco, but still pretty funny.

(01:07:33):
It's important to remember that it's the San Jose Sharks,
not the Great White Sharks.

Speaker 10 (01:07:53):
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:07:53):
I'm open to talking about anything, but love talking about
surviving in the stupidity that's always And if you're insane
enough to ask, well, I'm insane enough to reply, and
I would love to hear from you. You can leave
me a message at podcast dot Insanericlain dot com, leave
a comment there from a podcast, or if you have
a question, I'll be happy to address either one. Your

(01:08:15):
question or comment just might be talked about in a
future podcast. And if you are someone you know would
like to join in on the podcast, you are more
than welcome to participate. If you've got the Podbean app
on your phone, you can do just that right from
your smartphone, just like the other six hundred thousand podcasters
who also use it. Download the app at your favorite
app store and add this podcast to your favorites. You

(01:08:37):
can also email me with comments or questions or requests
at shout out at Insanericlam dot com. And of course
you should certainly subscribe to the podcast if you listen
on Apple Iheartbreaker, YouTube, Amazon Music Player, FM Podchaser, Boom Play, Overcast,
Pocketcast Radio, Public, Spotify, or any other podcast platform. Don't

(01:08:58):
forget to follow me on Facebook and x at st
Eric Lane.

Speaker 10 (01:09:06):
I'm n this genius.

Speaker 1 (01:09:08):
I'm simply a human.

Speaker 9 (01:09:10):
It's like a kidna thing yourself now.

Speaker 1 (01:09:12):
This week's Genius one and in this week's Genius Awards,
A man urinated on the altar of Confession at Saint
Peter's Basilica in the Vatican, which we talked about earlier,
witnessed by one hundreds of tourists. He's the real genius.
Individual bypassed security barriers, climbed the ultra steps, committed the
act before plane closed. Police removed him. Pope Leo reportedly

(01:09:36):
expressed shock and met with Cardinal Mauro Gambetti to plan
a response. The Vatic contemporarily closed the basilica for purification rights,
including prayers and psalms and holy water on the ultar
above Saint Peter's tomb. This is like the third desecration
incident since twenty twenty three, following a February attack where
a Romanian man damaged thirty thousand dollars worth of nineteenth

(01:09:56):
century candelabras, and a twenty twenty three incident involved a
naked Polish protester. Well, I guess that's really nothing. I mean,
I knew somebody that peed out all the candles that
our Lady of the Snow's shrine in nineteen eighty during
a drunk on stag, you know. I mean, one could
say that urinating on malter is a purification ritual itself, frankly.

(01:10:18):
And then there is this. A twenty three year old
Florida TikTok influencer who went viral after filming herself shoplifting
from target has found herself in trouble with the law
again for running from police while wanted for violating her probation.
Marlena Valez, who has more than five hundred and twenty
five thousand followers on the popular app, was wanted for
violating her probation when Cape Coral police that recognized her

(01:10:41):
from her previous arrest, first spotted her behind the wheel
of her gray Kia Sorrento. She sped away in a
residential neighborhood and police decided not to pursue. According to
Gulf Coast News Now, she was inspotted again in the
front passenger seat of the same Kia Sorrento, but by
the time the car was pulled over, Ella's appeared to
be gone and the driver denied knowing where the TikToker

(01:11:04):
was well. Cobbs eventually found her trying to hide by
lying on the floor in the back seat while she
was taken into custody and booked at the Lee County
Jail for violating probation and eluding police. Not really clear
what she did to initiate the violation of the probation.
The sticky fingered internet star first made headlines last year
after back to back arrest for stealing hundreds of dollars

(01:11:25):
worth of items from the local Target. Valias was arrested
for swiping sixteen items from that target, valued at about
five hundred dollars after she posted a video of herself
picking out items inside target and placing him in her car. Afterwards,
this sense deleted video led the police right to her.
She was busted again less than a month later for

(01:11:45):
allegedly using a phony barcode at the exact same store
to scan items at the self checkout more household goods
and clothing items valued at two hundred and twenty five dollars.
Vellis pleaded no contest to petty theft earlier and was
sentenced to twenty day work program, two years of probation,
and ban from all Target stores, according to Gulf Coast
News Now, the TikToker has a lengthy criminal history, including

(01:12:08):
a twenty nineteen case where she was arrested at age
seventeen on grand theft auto charges for stealing her friend's
car and crashing it. Valas was also arrested for shoplifting
at a Walmart and Cape Coral. She's still in custody
on a twenty five hundred dollars bond, according to jail records,
and due to appear in court because there is no
intelligence test to become a star on TikTok. You know,

(01:12:28):
I mean to be fair stealing, getting arrested, leading cops.
That's kind of her brand, isn't it? Right about this?
Police are on the hunt for three suspects that are
accused of breaking into an apartment park or amusement park
on a New York boardwalk. They sold two hundred stuffed animals.
We talked about this on an earlier podcast. The suspects,
sewer yet to be identified, arrived at Playland Beach and

(01:12:52):
Rye by a small vote just before midnight, and then
climbed a fence to get into the Playland Amusement park.
According to the Westchester Police Department, authority said, the three
vandalized electrical room inside the park, cutting or ripping out
fiber optic cables for phone and internet service. They're also
accused of hauling away garbage bags filled with two hundred

(01:13:12):
stolen stuffed animals, and trying but failing to throw a
phone photo booth off the boardwalk. This incident is both
infuriating and heartbreaking of the Westchester County Executive Ken Jenkins says,
and a statement, I mean, being young is one thing,
being destructive is another. I'm angry and deeply disappointed of
the actions of the individuals who broke into Playland Park
and caused such senseless destruction, he says. Jenkins called the

(01:13:35):
alleged crimes, a betrayal of the respect and pride we
expect from members of our community. I know our County
police are working hard to identify those people responsible, and
I urge anyone who recognize these individuals to come forward.
Facebook users shared the frustrations with the suspects. It's said
that people destroy things so senselessly. What is this mentality from?
Disappointed in these young men, says one. Another one writes, seriously,

(01:13:58):
what's wrong with Peopleefully they can be caught and be
charged for this horrific crime. I just took my granddaughter
there over the summer, had a great day. It's disgusting
how people are so destructive, says a third. Westchester County
Police have asked anyone who recognizes the suspects or their
boat to contact detectives. Now, please let this be the
next Sadfly Brothers movie maybe, or Sad Feed Brothers movie.

(01:14:22):
I don't know. It's kind of senseless and artbreaking to
bring destruction to such an iconic place. But think about
how much money it takes to actually win one of
those stuffed animals legitimately. And what about this? A twenty
one year old managed charged with stealing an ambulance that
the police say was taken from the parking lot of
a Portillo's restaurant in the North Suburban. In a Niles

(01:14:43):
Police Department news release, authority said the department was notified
about a vehicle that was stolen from the Portillo's restaurant
parking lot along Dempster Street. A person said only to
be a male at the time had reportedly gotten into
the vehicle, which was actually an ambulance owned by a
private transport service. It was the parking lot running and
with one company worker inside. There were no patients, according

(01:15:05):
to the release, but the mail now identified as Dominic
Bar of one to eighty eighth Street in Lansing, reportedly
drove the ambulance out of the lot unlawfully. The employee
who was in the back of the ambulance at the
time that it was stolen, called nine to one one
to report the theft, and police dispatchers were able to
determine the stole. An ambulance was traveling southbound on nearby
I two ninety four. According to the release, the Illinois

(01:15:28):
State Police was notified and the ambulance was ultimately stopped
near I two ninety four and Ogden avenue by state
troopers and other local police agencies, and Bar was taken
into police custody at the scene and taken to a
nearby hospital for medical treatment. The nature and extent of
any injuries he might have sustained were not disclosed, and
the employee that was in the back of the ambulance
during the ordeal was found unharmed and no injuries were reported,

(01:15:50):
so the Niles Police Department is still continuing that investigation.
So look, if I am honest, a running vehicle with
no one in the driver's seat is always tempting to take,
even if it's to teach him a lesson, right, I mean,
Chicago's tell hot dogs or one heck of a drug.
I'll say that. And the fifty three year old Florida
man is facing charges after stealing the car at the

(01:16:10):
Breverd County gas station and then quickly returning it when
he found out there was a child inside. Kate and
Oe reports that William Mullis drove off in the vehicle
while the owner was inside a convenience store, I left
her one year old in the back seat. According to
surveillance video, Mullis reverses back moments later and has the
child's mother comes up to the car and he flip

(01:16:32):
flips on foot, but was later arrested. Here's the nine
to one one call made by the mother of the
child who got my car. I don't sar man, welcome Bert,
he bought my car back. We're going on somebody time
to tell it.

Speaker 3 (01:16:53):
No, some random guy at the gas station just try
to take off with my car.

Speaker 2 (01:16:57):
And you notice my son was this here, did that,
But he really about left with my child when I
ran into the stealing a car.

Speaker 5 (01:17:05):
Like yes, he's apologizing, but he's still just tried.

Speaker 1 (01:17:07):
To steal my car. Mullins remains in jail without bond.
He's scheduled to appear before I judge. And you know,
Florida law actually prohibits leaving a child under six unattended
in a vehicle for more than fifteen minutes. Sheriff's office
a spokesman Todd Goodyear, said the case highlights how quickly
situations involving children can turn dangerous. Most of us in

(01:17:28):
the care of someone else's toddler would also return them
in a short order. Frankly, if you think about it,
And how about Todd Goodyear being the Sheriff's office spokesman
for a car theft story, huh, and you'll never believe this.
Authorities in were said California are scratching their heads over
a bizarre heightst that would make even cartoon cats raise

(01:17:48):
an eyebrow. Somebody swiped a massive Hello Kittie bounce house
from a front yard in broad daylight, leaving neighbors baffled
and cops chasing fluffy pink leads. Video cameras caught two
people yanking down the giant inflatable toy and tossing it
in the back of a shiny Ford pickup fresh off
the lot. By the looks of it, A third guy
waited behind the wheel, probably figuring nobody would notice a

(01:18:10):
ten foot tall cartoon cat vanishing into traffic. Good luck
hiding that in your garbage, pal the things that's basically
a neon pink billboard screaming stolen goods. Cops haven't really
confirmed if it was rented or owned by a diehard
Hello Kitty superfan, but picks floating around online showed the
bouncy castle as a local landmark before it got jacked. Seriously,

(01:18:30):
I mean, who even does this? Swiping packages off porches
is basic. Stealing an entire bounce house next level ridiculous.
This is the question everybody else is asking, and Mercaid
police are asking anyone with information about the theft or
the individuals involved to contact them. Meanwhile that the kitties
still mia and detectives are combing through security tapes. Before this,

(01:18:50):
the thing mysteriously reappears at some sketchy backyard bash like
that won't raise suspicions. Some bouncy houses gets carried up
by the wind. Others gets jacked by three dudes and
one f It's pretty low. But look remember when sun
Rio designer told us that Hello Kitty wasn't a cat? Yeah, okay,
one more. A twenty five year old Travis County, Texas

(01:19:12):
Correction officer was arrested on misdewintered contraband charges after smuggling
chicken wings into jail for fifty bucks. Court documents reveal
officials discovered the scheme while monitoring an inmate's phone call
for unrelated incidents, and the inmate told her relative that
Amos Nina Way had proven him provided him with chicken
wings after he sent the officer money on cash app

(01:19:33):
and specifically agreed to supply him with Havinero mango chicken
wings from Wingstop for the payment. Surveillance video showed none
Way receiving the food delivery, eating some wings, and then
placing others on paper towels and handing him out to
the inmate. The arrest Affidavid notes chicken wings are not
provided or authorized to be provided to inmates under Texas
Penal Code thirty eight point one point four, So to

(01:19:56):
a winghead, this is the exact same as smuggling in drugs.
I guess fifty bucks may actually be less than DoorDash
ch after fees, delivery, taxes, and tip. Of course, you
can spread the stupidity and share this podcast on social
media with all the you know, your friends and family.
I mean this five star stupidity you have here. It
deserves a five star rating. If you subscribe, you'll never

(01:20:18):
miss an episode like the weekend episode featuring Pancho Guerto,
my insane Florida nephew. Ask Poncho anything and he'll give
you an answer with a sage wisdom. And test your
stupidity with Poncho in the weekly Insane game show. And
don't forget to rate and review the podcast, so it
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(01:20:38):
published in telegram Messenger after each episode has dropped. If
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to follow me on x or Facebook, you can use
the handle insane eric Lane or visit my web site

(01:21:00):
at Insanericlane dot com and finally, ponder this, Sometimes doing
a good job at work is like wetting your pants
in a dark suit. You get a warm feeling, but
nobody else notices. Call Call cool Chong, call good.

Speaker 7 (01:21:14):
Call Calm.

Speaker 8 (01:21:19):
Insane Eric Lane's Stupid World is produced with the support
from Envision, wise Llcanamericcuntry dot Com from Wise Brothermedia, Universal
Comedy at the United Stations Radio Network, Sheet Happens dot Com,
Good Parts Media, and Mister Laps.

Speaker 1 (01:21:34):
The music from Randy stone Hill.

Speaker 8 (01:21:35):
It's a great, big Stupid World copyright nineteen ninety two
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available anywhere you've purchased music.

Speaker 9 (01:21:44):
Thanks for making it to the end of Insane Eric
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