Ally Dalsimer – It’s Okay Not to Be Fabulous Every Day - Inspired Living

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:16):
Welcome to Inspired Living with Mark Lainhart, the Intuitive Prospector.
Every Wednesday, Mark, along with his special guests, will explore
thought provoking topics and ideas that promote creativity, self help, healing,
happiness and well being to inspire you on your spiritual journey.
Each week, Mark will discuss different paths to achieving a

(00:36):
more spiritual, balanced, happy, and healthy lifestyle. Topics will elevate
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is a tested, certified and professional spiritual medium, metaphysical teacher, healer,

(00:58):
and spiritual advisor with the Spiritual Practice based in Seattle, Washington.
You are the inspired and the inspiration, and you are.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
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So let's be inspired, Let's inspire others, and let's inspire
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(01:32):
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To us and the world.

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So let's get ready to be inspired, uplifted, encouraged, and
motivated because the best is always yet to come. So
let's go prospecting shall we today, We're welcoming to the
show for the first time, Miss Ali dal Simmer. She
is an award winning author and motivational speaker. She holds
degrees in English and psychology from the University of Richmond
and a master's in public policy from Georgetown University. During

(03:55):
her thirty year environmental career, Ali received numerous awards for
her contributions to and serving our nation's natural heritage. Love
that She also authored and co authored more than fifty articles, reports,
book chapters, and brochures. In twenty twenty two, Ali ran
for the US Congress, bringing her passion for public service
to the forefront. And as a speaker, Ali helps people

(04:17):
going through challenges and changes to see how worthy and
they truly are, giving them the confidence to reach their
full potential. When she's not writing, speaking or coaching, Ali
enjoys reading, spending time outdoors, and making memories with her
two amazing kids and her chubby rescue kat Puma.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
If you want to learn more.

Speaker 3 (04:36):
About today's guests, you can go to Ali Dallsimmer dot com.
Her write up is also posted over on Home Times
Radio and all of our social media platforms. And I
want to just before we jump into this, Ali, I
wanted just to read a little bit about this book.
How this book can empower you one, it can shed
the burden of perfection perfectionism and embrace your authentic self.

(04:56):
I think we all could work on that, navigate life's
invitible ups and downs.

Speaker 2 (05:01):
With resilience and grace.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
And I think right now there's a lot of ups
and downs going on in consciousness in our society, and
of course, cultivating self compassion the most powerful form of love,
and uncover the beauty and strength that lie within the ordinary.
So Ali, welcome to Inspired Living. Thank you for sharing
your knowledge, your own personal soul adventures, your new book,

(05:23):
and we're going to be talking about her new book
here in just a second.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
But thanks for coming on and having this chat with
us today.

Speaker 4 (05:29):
Yeah. Thanks Mark. I'm excited to be here and looking
forward to our discussion for sure.

Speaker 3 (05:36):
Yeah, so let's talk about your new book. It's okay
not to be fabulous every day. So tell us a
little bit about this How this book started to come
into manifestation and into my reality to be able to
read such an inspiring book.

Speaker 4 (05:51):
Right, Well, it's a little bit of a long story,
as most journeys are journeys to self discovery. The subtitled
book is a journey to self dish discovery, and I
really am on that journey like so many of us.
It really started in twenty nineteen late twenty nineteen when
my job was eliminated. I was managing the Defense Departments

(06:13):
Natural Resources program from the headquarters level, and that job
was basically being done necessary by the then administration, and
I found myself kind of at loose ends, right, thirty
year career sort of gone overnight. I took the summer
and spent it with my kids rather than just jump
right back into the workforce. Then we had the pandemic.

(06:37):
I started my own business. The pandemic hit. About three
months later, my business went to put. I ended up
running for Congress because my son basically encouraged me too.
There was a lot going on in the world with
you know, people really struggling at that time, as I'm
sure we all remember. And although I didn't win the seat,

(07:02):
I was able to really make some changes in our
district and in terms of shifting the policy of the
incumbent who I ran against, and the whole experience was
really life changing. While I was running for office. Not
only was I trying to you know, be there for
my kids, especially my daughter who was still in high school,

(07:24):
but my mother became very ill and it turned out
to be terminally ill, and I ended up becoming her
full time caregiver. So, you know, I was sort of
working on office stuff and taking breaks to help her
with you know, feeding and bathing and when we did
rehabilitation and recuperation and and oh and prior to that,
our house flooded twice. Once the the hot water heater

(07:49):
flooded and then once the main pipe. We have a
little slab home and the main pipe burst and we
ended up moving out for a month while they did
the repairs. Anyway, my mother ended up passing and I
couldn't I couldn't deal with it at the time because
I was in the middle of this campaign with February
and it was, you know whatever. Anyway, fast forward to

(08:13):
the fall and I find myself alone for the first
time in decades. My husband had passed a few years back,
my mother had passed, my kids were both off at school,
and I literally was lying in bed wondering, why do
I need to get out of bed today? There's nothing

(08:34):
from me, my business failed, I'm not in office, nobody
needs me to do anything for them, and you know
that would it was a really I'm not sure what
the word is, but it was. It was a really
eye opening moment, Like I was like, what what is
my purpose in life? What is there to do? Fortunately,
my cat was hungry, so you know that Dad actually

(08:57):
did get me out of bed, because I'm not sure
I would have otherwise. And I just decided to reframe
things for myself. You know, I just I've been beating
myself up about not getting more done, not going to
my mom's things, all this stuff. And I thought, you
know what, it's okay, It's okay. I don't have to
be all that every day. And I talk about it

(09:20):
in the book. I made soup, I washed my sheets,
and I played with a cat, and I just watched movies.
And instead of berating myself, I congratulated myself for accomplishing
something because that was all I was capable of in
that moment. And you know what that really is, Okay.
So often we put so much pressure on ourselves to

(09:42):
do and be and say and whatever. And that was
the beginning of my journey. And I thought, you know
what I need to help share this with my kids.
And so I had started when after my husband passed,
I had started a book of life advice for that
and I went back and I dug it out and

(10:02):
I just started writing. And of course, as with so
many people who write these types of books, that the
process of that is very cathartic and self healing. And
I ended up sending it to them. They were the
ones who actually encouraged me to publish it. I had
no intent of publishing this book originally, but they ended

(10:23):
up sharing it with friends and whatever. Any Way, fast
forward to right now to this moment, and you know,
it's out there and I just I just this morning
had someone send me an email saying that they really
enjoyed the book and it spoke to them and it
helped them. It helped them find the grace to be

(10:44):
kind to themselves. And I thought, oh, that's just like
the best, right, That's just the best. So that's how
it came to be in front of you today.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
And for us to talk to our inspired listeners all
around the globe.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
So I love it and I love the journey, and
you know, big big shout out to the rescue cat
puma who got you out of bed because you know, right,
you didn't have to feed puma. Then we might not
be having this conversation. One thing leads to the other, right,
But I can I can definitely relate and understand what
you're saying that.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
You know, last year, my federal career as well.

Speaker 3 (11:22):
Came to an end after twenty three years, and I
retired early, and I was like, well, what am I
going to do now? And so now we get to
do the things that we love. And sometimes you need
I always, you know, tell my listeners, you know, take
the time to disconnect so you can make that room
and that time to reconnect, you know, reconnect to write,
reconnect to nature. I just came back from three days

(11:43):
out in the Olympic rainforce connecting to nature, which is
our first home and you know, the original Wi Fi
that we talk about. And sometimes that's needed, and you
need to do that in a path of being alone
because again, like you said, your kids are a school,
your husband had previously passed into.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
Spirit along with your mom, and you didn't have a job.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
The pandemic, right, it sounds almost sounds like a country
western song, right, So it's like these things, you know,
help us to understand who we are, the higher self approach,
and some call it the awakening, some call it the
a soul quest or a vision quest. And so I
love that for you because what it did is inspired
you to write this wonderful book, It's Okay not to

(12:23):
be fabulous every day, a journey to self discovery.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
So, and one of the things.

Speaker 3 (12:28):
That I love about your Journeyality is you talk about
how you help people embrace their inner fabulousity so they
can maximize their personal potentials.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
Let's talk about that.

Speaker 3 (12:37):
What's some ways that folks can maximize their personal potentials
after picking.

Speaker 2 (12:43):
Up this book?

Speaker 4 (12:46):
Well, the biggest thing anyone can do is acknowledge that
they are worthy and their dreams are worthwhile. I feel
like too often too many of us push aside our
own aspirations for whatever the reason. We you know, we
have people who are what I call naysayers, who don't

(13:06):
believe in us or don't believe in our dream and
who undermine our confidence or we have you know, we,
especially women, we tend to suppress our own needs and
desires so that we can support others. And too often,
you know, we find ourselves thirty years down road and
it's like, oh, well, crap, you know I need to

(13:29):
I didn't do this. I wanted to do this, and
we're filled with regrets. And I just really believe that
if we listen to ourselves, if we lean into self
love and self listening, and that's a big step is learning.
You know, too many people don't even like themselves, let
alone love themselves, so really learning to accept who are

(13:52):
learning to embrace those what I call perfect imperfections, because
no one is perfect, so many will try to be
perfect and it's it's it's not only a wasted effort,
it's counterproductive because what makes us truly unique and special
is is that set of flaws that makes us who
we are, and surrounding ourselves with people who uplift us

(14:17):
instead of put us down, and really just listen to ourselves.
You know, if we're in a situation and we're starting
to feel bad in some way, really turning in why
are we feeling bad in this place or with these people,
and then take action to change it and also really
try to look at that glass half full. It sounds
so cliche, Mark, I know it does, right, but you

(14:39):
know you talk about it as well. And you have
to look at the half full glass at the positive side,
because you know, there's there's just so much joy and
beauty in the life, in our lives that we're too
often that we too often discount. And I think once
we do, it's you know, all those things sounds like

(14:59):
a lot, but it's not. One thing leads to another
kind of stepwise fashion. But once we are able to
accept ourselves, learn to like ourselves, love ourselves, surround ourselves
with people who uplift us, view life through a more
positive lens, raise ourselves the kindness to take our own
journeys and not compare ourselves to other people. Then we

(15:23):
can discover what that spark is within us, what it
is that truly brings us passion at a deep and
meaningful level, and then we can pursue it. You know,
we can't go from A to C without going through
all of the b's in the middle. Right, right, and.

Speaker 3 (15:39):
Like case said, spark for my philosophy, what I teach
is about the diamond within right, it's because diamonds reno
are created under extreme pressures, and it's within the darkness
that that piece of one's coal gets compressed into a
beautiful diamond that can reveal itself at due time.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
And I think one of the things that I.

Speaker 3 (15:57):
Really took away from this book is the perfection is
because of the first half of my life I was
you know, I served in the Coast Guard and then
as a first responder, and so you were always developing
that system of perfectionists, you know, because you had to
be perfect what you did.

Speaker 2 (16:11):
And over time I learned to realize that don't let.

Speaker 3 (16:14):
Perfection be the enemy of the good and what you're
trying to do. And it does, it does take that
courage to show up and take that leap of faith.
But you know, another thing that I always remind my
listeners is fail often and fail daily in today's society.
And what I mean by that the fail as an
acronym for first attempt and learning, because we're all here
to learn in the in the school of life, if

(16:34):
you will, and so embrace your authentic self like you
talk about, and don't let that perfectionist be the enemy
of what good you're trying to do for today the
present moment.

Speaker 4 (16:45):
Yeah, And I love that, yeah, Yeah. And I think
you know, you talk about the hidden gems, and I
think that that's what I mean by interdulosity. It's been sparkling,
sparkling beauty that is unique to each of us and
is within each of us that we really need to
tap into in whatever way works for us, because everybody,

(17:09):
everybody's able to do that in their own way. But
so yeah, I absolutely agree. And sometimes, you know, it
does take that hardship to form that diamond, and we
all unfortunately suffer those hardships. We all experience grief and
loss and fear and confusion, and learning from those things

(17:31):
is really I think one of the first things we
can do to try to move ahead.

Speaker 3 (17:39):
Yeah, one hundred percent. You know, it's reframing how you
look at things, right, Like the word fear. There's a
lot of fear based energy in the world today and
I always remind my students and my listeners take that
fear again. I love acronyms. You can tell I had
a background in medicine for twenty five years.

Speaker 2 (17:52):
We always worked with acronyms.

Speaker 3 (17:53):
But I applied that to the spiritual concept and that
fear is false evidence appearing real. Reframe it, face everything
and rise and when you have those eyes and you
can look at it from that perspective. Yeah, it might
be scary, it might be the unknown, but when you
approach that fear with a new set of eyes, it
can really make a difference for your journey and what
you're trying to do, or where you're trying to go,

(18:15):
or what you're trying to change. And I love the
opening of the book because you talk about a person
who is truly satisfied with life, is rich in all
ways that matter. And then you go on to say
every one of us, including you, deserves to live a
joy filled and successful life, excited by the possibilities of
an abundant future.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
And I love that.

Speaker 3 (18:34):
Because I always have to remind myself always focus on
the good that is coming our way, because we're really good,
Like you said a little a few minutes ago, we're
really great at self sabotage and putting ourselves down, and
we're not worthy enough, and we don't give ourselves enough grace.
And even the half glass format, you know, you talked
about having a half glass half foe. I remember, in
a prior life, in my Coast Guard days, I used

(18:54):
to work with a guy and he was one of
the most negative guys I'd ever met, and I'd always
tell him, you know, hey, look at it, like the
glasses half full, and he'd say, hey, I never even
got a glass.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
And it's just like, well, okay, I guess we got
to start somewhere, you know.

Speaker 3 (19:07):
But it's you know, it is the truth that you
deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life where you
can embrace your dreams as your reality. And that's why
we're talking today, your book, my show. We come together
and we bring out the diamonds, we bring out the sparkle.
But you're right that struggle is real, and sometimes it's not.
Sometimes every time, it's a struggle that will help you

(19:27):
to overcome and persevere.

Speaker 5 (19:29):
You know.

Speaker 3 (19:29):
You know, an old sailor's you know statement was you
can't build your sailor's legs if you're always on calm seas.
You have to go through those storms to develop your
your sea legs, if you will. Or let's even put
it into the context of nature. What the caterpillar calls
the end of the world goes through a whole liquid
protein goew package of the metamorphosis and then emerges it

(19:51):
as the butterfly. And what the butterfly calls a whole
new perspective.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
Right, So how long Ali, did it take you to
write this book?

Speaker 3 (20:00):
Get it kind of all your thoughts on paper, pull
it all together, because you said you didn't really have the.

Speaker 2 (20:04):
Intent to publish.

Speaker 3 (20:05):
This was more kind of a journal writing for you
that just kind of metamorphous to use that term of
the butterfly metamorphois and what we're talking about today.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
Yeah, it wasn't so much a journal writing as it
really was meant as life advice for my kids. I
really was trying to give them the guitant, okay, And
it took if you if you go from the you know,
very first start to the end. It was years and
years because I originally started it after their father died,
and you know, he died. We buried him the saturday

(20:38):
before my daughter transitioned from elementary to middle school and
my son transitioned from middle to high school. So it
was a turbulent time for them, really really difficult, and
he had been sick for a while, but he ended
up passing much more quickly than we anticipated, and it was,

(20:58):
you know, it was it was pretty devastating. So I
was writing this because they didn't have a dad, So
I was trying to give them some life advice to
help and navigate what I knew would be a challenging,
challenging time as they continued to grow. And then, you know,
then I set it aside for years. I got extremely busy.
I was, you know, busy with whatever, softball, baseball, football,

(21:22):
I don't know, plays, concerts, choir, not to mention, you know,
working whatever, fifty hours a week, and all my mother
was my mother was actually blind, so I was also
you know, caring for her as well at the time.
But back to it, it probably took me maybe not

(21:45):
that long actually, maybe three or four months, but to
publish it took longer. Like that was a long diffence
because the reality is mark and I'm sure you saw this,
but I I've always been a very privateer and I'm
very open in this book. I share a lot of
very personal things, from my own feelings and emotions to

(22:09):
personal stories, things that I never ever shared in my
life because I was just not someone who did that.
I was, you know, raised to be you know, just
be quiet, you know, stiff upper lip and all that
kind of stuff, and you don't ask for help and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

(22:30):
my Scottish heritage, I think, but a very self deficion Yeah.
But so I'm you know, I lay myself wide open
emotionally and psychologically in this book. So deciding to put
it out there for public consumption that took strength, that

(22:51):
took bravery, and it took a long time to make
that decision. That was not something I jumped into lightly.
But but I'm glad that I did. I'm glad it's
out there, and having it out there has actually propelled
me along my own journey because in talking about these
things and in sharing them, I've really connected with other

(23:14):
people and realized that while I was aware that other
people went through these things, it hadn't really the magnitude
of how you biffuitous these these these struggles are for
us all is So it's been a it's what I
think of it as a win win. My books has

(23:35):
helped a few people, and I in turn have been
helped a great deal to really become a much happy
or more fulfilled person discover my own hidden gems. So
it's so it took a long time, and yet the
writing of it didn't take long, if that makes sense.

(23:56):
The longest part, actually, once I did defend to publish,
wasn't cutting it down. It was originally a whole lot longer,
but it was really redundant. So I mean the nuggets
all came from stickies that were on my kitchen cabinets
that I lived. I looked at every day as my
life advice, and a lot of them are overlapping, you know,
as these inspirational quotes often are. So the hardest part

(24:18):
was going through and reducing it by about forty percent
so that it wasn't repetitive and boring, and.

Speaker 3 (24:25):
That that addage is true, right, sometimes less is more
and getting getting to the point and you know, to
include the within that struggle.

Speaker 2 (24:33):
You know, the struggle is not just life itself.

Speaker 3 (24:35):
Life itself, just being born incarnated into physical form is
a struggle. And we have our struggles with careers, relationships,
and I believe that grief is a big part of
that as well, honoring our grief and honoring those that
yet yeah they've passed on.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
But I always say, live die, live again, and.

Speaker 3 (24:54):
You know, realizing that we need to honor our grief
and live for those that are no longer with us
physically but very much around a spiritua. And I always
remind my listeners just because you don't see what the physical.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
Eye does not meet. It is not around you.

Speaker 3 (25:06):
So yeah, I love that and thank you for sharing
that and very powerful stuff. So we're gonna I think
this would be a good stopping point to go to
our first break, because I want to keep I want
to end this part of this show on a very
positive because we're going to get into talking about the
barriers that we face, the naysayers, and all of all
the damage that can be done. So we're going to

(25:27):
be right back with our special guest today, Ali Dallsimmer
talking about her book It's Okay not to be Fair
to Us every Day a journey to self discovery.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
We'll be right back. This is inspired to me.

Speaker 1 (25:41):
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life offers us many opportunities and learning experiences. Are you
ready to explore and discover this beautiful planet, the life
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is unseen along with your own personal soul adventure? Mark Lainhardt,

(26:56):
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(27:19):
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Speaker 3 (28:36):
All Right, Inspired listeners, Welcome back, Welcome back, or we
have our special guest today, Ali Dallas Simmer talking about
her new book, It's Okay Not to Be Fabulous every Day,
a journey to self discovery. If you want to learn
more about today's conversation or today's show, you can again
go to our social media platforms. You can also visit
Ali Dalasimmer dot com to learn more to get the book,

(28:58):
and again we've got it all of this content out
on our social media pages with links. Checked this out
and go a little bit deeper in the prospecting of
your own spiritual.

Speaker 2 (29:09):
Journey and self discovery.

Speaker 3 (29:10):
So, Ali, I wanted to pause because I felt like
we left out at a very positive note, because we're
going to talk a little bit, you know, with the positive,
we've got to have the duality and balance of negative, right,
and there's a lot of negativity in today's world, and
there's a lot of barriers that we face, and you
talk about in the book, the naysayers that do the
most damaged. Constant negative, you know, works like a drip

(29:31):
drip drip. And it's funny because I actually used that
concept a lot, the power of water over time, that
drip drip can actually create negative, deep lasting impressions, convincing
us that we can't succeed.

Speaker 2 (29:44):
So let's talk about that.

Speaker 4 (29:50):
Yeah, I mean, I think that that's you know, you're
exactly right, and that's maybe why it's such a powerful
image that we both used, because the constant small drips
really do have a cumulative impact and look at the
Grand Canyons for a bigger example. But yeah, it's and
it's and it's insidious, right because it's so small. Each comment,

(30:13):
you know, you just brush it off and it doesn't
seem like much, but it's insidious. And then it's it
keeps adding and adding and adding. And you know, whether
you're taking positive or negative steps, I'm not sure negative
is the right one, but whether you're moving forward in
a positive direction or kind of stagnating and not moving forward.
Every little increment might seem inconsequential, but cumulatively they can

(30:37):
really have a profound impact. And that's why I think
the naysayers are such a big thing. But I'm also
a big believer in you know, obstacles are what you
see when you take your eyes off the goal. And
we have to make these conscious decisions. But we can't
do that until we actually are aware of the negative
influences in our life. That that awareness is the first step,

(31:01):
you know, which is which is why I mentioned before
about if you're in a place or a situation or
with someone and you start to feel bad in some way,
you know, really tuning in to to your own inner
sense of balance and peace and harmony and recognizing when
that's out of whack. That's that's really I think the
very first step people need to take, because, like you said,

(31:21):
there's just so much negative he there's so much there's
so much hate and violence, and it's it's just so
it's devastating and destructive, and I don't know, I personally
think it's so unnecessary. I think people who are filled
with hate and who destroy are unhappy. They're just unhappy

(31:43):
at their core, and they're lashing out at other people. Yeah,
that unpacts us, all.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
Yeah, it does, And it's true.

Speaker 3 (31:51):
There's a lot of unhappy people and they want to
you know that that old you know, misery loves company, right,
And so you know, for you listeners out there, you know,
go check this book out, dive in, because you know,
part of the courage and the transformation to know thyself.
You know, we always hear about to know thyself, But
what does that truly mean?

Speaker 4 (32:10):
Right?

Speaker 3 (32:10):
It takes a lot of surrender, It takes a lot
of grace, It takes a lot of courage to find
one's authentic self because when you move into that space,
when you get rid of that negative stuff, ally that
you're talking about and remove we get we create space,
right if we're always just hold on to that negative
or being influenced by that, letting go of that allows

(32:31):
us to make room for ourselves. And sometimes it's that
lonely path, that path of loneliness, so we can actually
listen in the silence and actually understand who we are
in this world. And part of being authentic, to know
thyself is not worrying about other people's opinions. I always say,
you know, there's a lot of opinions out there, especially
through social media. You know, in my journey of you know,

(32:51):
before computers, before internet, before social media and after, there's
a lot of negative that can be you know, posted
on a post or the media. And it's just like
when you find your authentic self, your you know, the
opinions are like eyebrows and elbows, and almost every person
on the planet has one or both of those, right,

(33:12):
And so you know, for the listeners out there, you know,
find yourself with you know, books like this, find yourself
with teachers that inspire you, or mentors or enroll in
things that will help you to understand the journey of
knowing thyselves and transforming through that because there is a
great transformation that will take place, and that's that's very important.
But also give yourself time and patience and grace along

(33:34):
the journey. You know, Eckert totally always talks about and
teaches on the greatest agent for change is awareness to
the change.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
And even doctor Wayne Dyer talked all the time.

Speaker 3 (33:46):
You know, I've been listening to these guys for years,
and you know doctor Wayne DIYer who's in the spirit
world now. He always one of the first concepts for
my journey to know myself was when you change the
way you look at things and reframe it, the things
that you look at do start to change. So again
it's you know, it's not easy, but that's why we
do these shows. That's why Ali has written these books.

(34:07):
And you talk about in the book. You know, it's
the real world, which means conforming to societal norms and
parental and peer expectations. Some of this that we this
negativity is influenced by how we're raised, our learned system
of behaviors, our education system, maybe it's a religious system.
Sometimes you have to change that and let that all go.

(34:29):
So you talk about defining success on your own terms.
Success is not about meeting societal expectations. Talk to me
a little bit about that.

Speaker 4 (34:38):
Yeah, So for me, I define success as that which
brings me joy and satisfies whatever I want to achieve.
It means being happy with who I am and what
I'm doing and who I'm doing with. And sometimes it
does mean that you have have to distance yourself. It's

(35:02):
not always possible to completely remove yourself, but sometimes you
have to distance yourself from people who are very close,
and that can be a challenge. You know, one of
the questions I used to get quite a lot was, well,
what if the person who's the most negative in my
life is my parent? Well that's a toughy, right, But
you know, there is a way to remove yourself by

(35:26):
not sharing, you know, the things that are the most
intimate personal details about yourself and your desires, your your passions.
You know you're you're not going to you're not going
to benefit yourself by sharing your deepest, darkest desires with
people who don't support you. So you can interact in

(35:48):
as much as you need to. But there's a way
to protect yourself a little bit. Because we have to
be practical, right, you can say, oh, be positive, do
this right. Practically speaking, you know, you have to take
some very real steps and very real situations. And sometimes
that means that if you have a parent or a
loved one or someone who is putting you down all

(36:10):
the time, that she simply stop sharing that part of yourself.
But deep dinner part of yourself. That doesn't mean you
don't still go to Sunday dinner or whatever, but you know,
you talk about no current events, whatever the weather. And
that's a protective mechanism that I think we all need
when we are recovering and trying to grow and build

(36:34):
our own self esteem and our sense of self worth.
And another thing that I think we're all too quick
to do is to you know, it's it's the negativity bias. Right.
So ten people tell you you're wonderful, one person say
you stink, and you're like, oh, I think right. So
you know that's where our brains are hardwired for that
and it's hard to overcome. And one of the things

(36:56):
that I always recommend is ask yourself, do you do
you value and respect that person's opinion? Right, So if
you have someone who's like, well, I think you did
a crappy job on this, ask yourself. That is that
person someone whose opinion you value, is that someone who
if they hadn't come to you, would you have gone
to that person and asked their opinion, ask their advice,

(37:18):
asked their input. And I got to tell you, almost universally,
the answer up to that one is no, it's not.
So why why give their opinion equal credence to those
whose opinions you value, who you would go to for
advice or input on whatever aspect of your journey you

(37:40):
were on. And I think that's that's it's really I'm
all about the practical, right. I feel like it's really
great to say be positive, go forth, be good, be happy.
It's a whole other thing to actually figure out how
to get from point A to point B. So I
I really think it's important that we understand the tools

(38:05):
that are available and grace ourselves the patience and kindness
to take those individual steps, because no one can flip us. Well,
maybe somebody can, but I don't know anybody who can
flip the switch and be like, yes, everything's great, I'm
going to be achieve my dreams now. Because we have
spent years and years being some of us being beaten

(38:28):
down and told we can't, and to try to get
to the we can. It takes time and it takes effort.
The analogy I like to use is, you know people
who want to lose weight, right, people always be like,
I want to lose ten pounds. They're like, okay, great,
lose ten pounds. Okay, well how do you do that? Right?
You have to catch your calories, you get, increase your physicectivity,
whatever and whatever. And now, also, you're not going to

(38:50):
see results in a week. You're not going to see
results probably in a month. You know you'll see some results,
But how long did it take you to gain that weight?
You know you didn't gain that weight in a week,
So you have to I think we're we're And this
goes back to my title. It's okay. It is okay
not to be fabulous every day. It's okay to brace

(39:10):
yourself a little kindness. It's okay to brace yourself patience.
It's okay to distance yourself from people who are negative
and who bring you down. It's okay not to be
in situations that make you feel bad. It's okay to
say no. Too many of us spend our time figuring
out how to get to yes and when sometimes the

(39:31):
reality is no is the perfectly acceptable and appropriate answer
for a situation.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
Yeah, And as you're saying and just well said, you know,
especially for the listeners out there. You know a lot
of the great past writers, from Marcus Realis to Plato,
they always talked about in this world, because this world
is filled with opinion, people want to give their conscious
bias or their negative bias, and that's you know, they
always wrote about.

Speaker 2 (39:55):
The only way to not be judged in life is
not to do anything anything or be anything. But you're so,
you're so right.

Speaker 3 (40:03):
We do something that benefits the greater good for ten people,
and then we give so much credence and wait to.

Speaker 2 (40:09):
That one person that always will have and there's always
going to be one.

Speaker 3 (40:12):
There's always going to be that naysayer, that that pundent,
that critic, and it's just like, why do we give
them so much, you know, credence to that one opinion
when we just helped ten other people.

Speaker 2 (40:22):
And that's you know, that's a philosophy from you.

Speaker 3 (40:25):
Know, uh, you know, ancient history, you know, very smart
wise people from our past. That reminds us that, yeah,
you're going to be judged and that's part of your
authentic self right to step into who you truly are,
not worrying about what other people think or say of you,
and know that you're moving forward.

Speaker 2 (40:41):
And another you know, and you'll probably agree with this.

Speaker 3 (40:44):
Ali I found to be in the present moment to
be very very powerful because that's the only thing that's
ever guaranteed in life, is the present moment, not yesterday,
not tomorrow. But yet we put so much time and
energy thinking about what we didn't.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
Do, what we hope to do for tomorrow tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (40:59):
And there's many tools that can help you, you know,
with this journey, you know, from breath work to get
in out of nature, to meditation, to maybe a community
that embraces unity to help you through the daily struggle.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
But being aware to the present moment is so very
very powerful, and you know, and.

Speaker 3 (41:19):
Like you said, you talk about this in the book.
The boundaries are crucial for your emotional well being. The
boundaries that we have in society, there's boundaries in nature.

Speaker 2 (41:28):
Everywhere you look.

Speaker 3 (41:28):
There are boundaries, you know, from flying on an airplane
to get in on a ship, and sometimes those boundaries
can be very close to the heart, whether it's it's
a relationship parents, family, friends, and sometimes you just have
to love them from a distance.

Speaker 2 (41:43):
And that's okay too, right. But learning to say.

Speaker 3 (41:46):
No, which I've always you know, I love to use
acronyms no for.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
Me as next opportunity.

Speaker 3 (41:52):
And you know when people say it's impossible, I'm like, really, well,
if you break the word apart, it actually breaks down
to I'm possible, or I'm possible, or even take it
one step, I'm depression.

Speaker 2 (42:04):
Oh it's so negative. It's like, well, if.

Speaker 3 (42:06):
We break the word depression down, it means I pressed on.
Rearrange the letters I pressed on. Right, So it's all
about reframing the mind. But do it in the present moment.
And stop you write about this in the book. Stop
comparing yourself to others. Your path is unique. Your path
is a senatethentic. And what we're doing today Ali is
we are raising the tide that lifts all ships.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
But there's always going to be one person that listens
to the.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
Show or read your book and goes, oh that was
I didn't agree with that. That was you know, go
to that negative energy. It's like, no rising tides lift
all ships. I love that you put that in the book,
because I say that all the time with my background,
you know, from a former life in the Coastguard, and
there is there is truth to them, but there's always
going to be that one little dinghy out there, that
one little boat that refuses to be.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
Lifted by the tie.

Speaker 3 (42:47):
So and you talk about the book stripping away that
fluff and the redundancies and focusing on the heart of
self discovery.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
Let's talk about self discovery.

Speaker 3 (42:56):
Because during your journey, after everything you've shared with us
today and that path of being alone.

Speaker 2 (43:01):
How how did that make you feel that self discovery?

Speaker 3 (43:04):
Was it a good feeling and not so good feeling,
an unknown and uncertainty?

Speaker 2 (43:07):
Talk to me about that.

Speaker 4 (43:10):
Yeah, I'd actually like to, if it's okay, go back
to that the rise and tide analogy for just a second,
because in my view, I think a rising tide lists
all ship and you talk about the one ding it
doesn't rise, and the reason it doesn't rise just because
it's got a hole in it, right, because it's broken.
And I really think that people who spout so much

(43:31):
negativity do it because they're broken, and you know, maybe
we can help heal them, and maybe we can't. That
depends a lot on them, because obviously only we can
make that difference. But I just wanted to I just
want to put that out there because that is something
I was thinking about, Diamond in terms of ask your

(43:53):
question again, I'm so sorry, just you.

Speaker 3 (43:57):
Know the journey because it's it's also the book is
the main title, but it's also about self discovery and
getting to that self discovery is not an easy path.
And just where you were, you were dealing with grief,
right you were dealing with a loss of not only
a husband but a mother and being a care provider
for your mother before she passed, a changing career. Kids

(44:17):
are off to school learning their own life path, the pandemic.
I mean, those are big things, and talk to me
about that feeling of the ups and downs of going
through the journey of self discovery because it's not a
straight path.

Speaker 4 (44:31):
It's not a straight path. And the biggest thing and
I addressed it in the book, but it was really
interesting when I began to experience it really in a
significant way in my own journey, which is that some
days you don't move forward. Some days you just don't
have the energy or the bandwidth to take a step forward.

(44:53):
And what I advise, and what I've always advised, is
that you know, just don't let yourself slip back treadwater
for a while, because it's really it's so easy to
fall apart and so hard to put yourself back together,
so just try to maintain it. And as I've gone
through my journey, I have found that that has been
a really powerful tool to help keep me going. I

(45:20):
don't know if it works as well for other people
or not. I have had a couple of people say
it does, and I'm sure you've experienced many people who
have talked about it. But for me my journey, as
I've progressed, I've had less and less of those moments
of needing to pause and just treadwater, and more moments

(45:41):
of continually moving forward, because once you know it's a
body in motion, stays in motion. Right. Once you get
on your journey, once you can get the basics and
you can start to like yourself, love yourself except who
you are, believe in yourself, then it just it's it's this.
It's a snowball effect. It's the snow all going down
the mountain, and you just feel more and more empowered

(46:03):
and motivated to keep moving forward. It's just getting for
those first few steps, those first few weeks or months
or even years, trying to regain that sense of purpose
and self that I think are the toughest. Having said that,
of course we all face we all face hiccups and setbacks,
but I don't know for me, every time there's there's

(46:28):
a little bump in the road, I just you know,
obstacles to what you see when you take your eyes
off the goal. Right, this was learn from this, move
on and keep going. You know, it's like the Bruesleie.
You have to flow like water over the stones. You
have to choose your stream. If you're going to fight
that current, you're not going to get anywhere. You just
have to let life take you where it needs to
take you, because then you will end up where you

(46:48):
need to be. And that's what my journey has been like.
The big thing is not comparing myself to others, because
that is something that is all too easy to do
in a really good way to start making you feel bad,
you know.

Speaker 3 (47:03):
Yeah, and there's a lot of influences out there that
they want to be like other people and not be
their authentic self.

Speaker 2 (47:08):
And you know, you're right.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
You know, Laos Sue talked about the journey of a
thousand miles begins with that single step forward, right, But
we keep moving forward and sometimes sometimes you know, I
remind you know, the listeners that it is not a sprint,
that it is actually a marathon. But at the end,
we know that the turtle and the and the hair.
You know who wins the race. You know, it's the
slow and steady that that that does win the race.

(47:31):
And and I love that. So these shows go by
so very quick. I just love the energy, I love
the inspiration. Again, thank you for coming on and sharing
your journey with us. You know your uniqueness of who
you are and and you know, if folks want to,
you know, check this out again, you can go to
our social media pages.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
You can go to od Times Radio the right ups there.

Speaker 3 (47:51):
You can go to Ali Dallasummer dot com. What would
you like as we kind of get to the last
part of the show here, what do you want to
share with the inspired listeners from.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
The book from your journey? You know who inspires you,
what inspires you, Let's just take it from there.

Speaker 4 (48:11):
My children inspire me. I learn so much from them.
They are the talousmen. That keeps me pointing north, so
to speak. And I think the one thing that I
would like to impart to your listeners is believe in yourself.
Believe that you are worthy and worthwhile, and more importantly,

(48:33):
believe that you can achieve your dreams, that you can
be happy and successful. Where successful is loving who you are,
who you're with, and what you're doing. And just to
be kind to yourself. We're so quick to be kind
and forgiving to others that we forget to grace ourselves
at saying kind of forgiveness. And also, as you talked

(48:56):
about getting out in nature, you know, I'm fond of
saying you have to play the pause and music. That pause,
that moment where we stop to re energize, recharge, and
restore is just as important as the as the notes
are to the overall quality of the piece. So we
have to make time for resting and you know, recreating,
recreation in addition to the work, so that we so

(49:19):
that we can have a whole and balance life and
be who we were meant to be.

Speaker 2 (49:26):
Got to practice the pause power in patience.

Speaker 3 (49:30):
And again, if this is resonating with you today, check
out the book it's won multiple awards. Ali has a
newsletter that you can get on if you want to
just learn more about her journey and or as I
like that, we say sole adventure. And you know, in
the book you talk about living the Golden rule, and
I think in today's society it's needed more than ever
with what's going on, from just global events to war

(49:53):
to politics. You know, live that golden rule. Be kind,
be good, be humble, you know, do on others as
you would have others do onto you. And you know,
I always remind my listeners every time we point a
finger out that one finger's pointed out, but there's also
three fingers pointing directly back at us as a reminder
that sometimes the cover of the book is not the

(50:13):
book itself. And sometimes for you, even your journey, I'm
just thinking about it. Sometimes it comes down to a
simple thing of eating your cap puma to get out
of bed and watch movies.

Speaker 2 (50:23):
And sometimes that's all it's needed for that day.

Speaker 4 (50:25):
Right, Yeah, Yeah, you just gotta do what you gotta do,
and whatever that is, it is, okay, it is okay,
it is.

Speaker 3 (50:35):
What was your h What was your favorite part of
writing this book for you? What really, if you're open
to the chapter in the book, where would.

Speaker 4 (50:45):
You go, m I think I would go probably right
to the end where I say we are the only
ones who can define what happiness is for us, because
we're all too quick to let others tell us what
it needs for us to be happy, and that's just

(51:06):
not the truth. We are the only ones who can
define what happiness is for us.

Speaker 2 (51:13):
I love that. Yeah, I really resonated with the Queen Elizabeth. Second,
grief is the price we pay for the love right, And.

Speaker 3 (51:23):
You know, even talked about, you know, being in service
is the rent that we pay, being in service to others,
to help others, to teach others, to aspire others. But
I'm paraphrase of Muhammad Ali, but we always talked about
being in service to others is our rent that we
pay why we're here in life, because this is such
a temporary construct, this life journey. And you know, if
your listeners out there, this too shall pass. So your

(51:45):
greatest strength that you can have in this journey of
life is how you respond to things and how you
don't respond to things. Free will and choice is always
a big part of the spiritual path.

Speaker 2 (51:55):
So Ali again It's been a pleasure talking with you.

Speaker 3 (51:58):
Do you have any events that you'd like to share
with the the audience if they want to check you out?

Speaker 2 (52:01):
Or did I cover all the bases for you?

Speaker 4 (52:03):
Please? Yeah, Please go to my website and sign up
for my newsletter. I'm kind of taking a summer break
because my kids are both in and around, and my kids,
you know, Jackie Kennedy and Assas said, if you mess
up your children, nothing else you do matters, and I
have embraced that wholeheartedly. So I am. I am a
little bit taking time off in July and August while
they're both around, to spend time with them and engage

(52:26):
in products. I actually do have a new project that
I'm going to be doing with my with my son.
We're going to be announcing in September, so I'm excited
for that. But I go to my website sign up
for the newsletter. I'm doing a summer recipe series, so
it's very lighthearted and I'll get back to some more
meaningful content in the fall. But this is my pause.
This is my pause so that i can recharge and

(52:46):
rest and restore myself. And I'm in I'm enjoying I'm
enjoying my journey and like you said, you have to
live in the day. And you know, one other thing, Mark,
my grandmother used to say that which doesn't break us
makes us stronger. And I feel like that's a nice
little gem for people to take as well. You just

(53:06):
got to go through it to get through it, you know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:11):
And I love that your practicing pause.

Speaker 3 (53:12):
I love that you're taking that time to disconnect, time,
reconnect children. You're going on the pause. I just came
off the pause out in nature, out in the rainforest. Yeah,
you know, and just you know, rejuvenated, revived and keeping
that vibration high. And you know, as we close, one
of the lessons that you offered in your book is
I wish I'd learned twenty years ago. No job is
more important than our own well being or that of

(53:35):
those love and I find that to be a very
very powerful statement. So again, Ali, thank you so much
for coming come back and share with us. If you
have more writings in the future, You'd love to hear
from you again and keep that keep that inspirational going.
So again, our special guest today Ali Dall Simmer talking
about her wonderful, wonderful book and check it out.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
And we'll see you next time here on inspired living.

Speaker 3 (53:58):
Until that be caring, be compassionate, And, most importantly, wherever
you're at in this world, whatever's going on, dare to
dream there, to explore, there, to live and discover that
diamond within.

Speaker 2 (54:11):
We'll see you next time here on inspired Ly

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Ally Dalsimer – It’s Okay Not to Be Fabulous Every Day

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ally Dalsimer – It’s Okay Not to Be Fabulous Every Day