The Bell Tent, the Autism Caravan, Grandparents Rights - iServalan™

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, guys. So I am really pleased today because I managed,
for the first time in about a week, I think,
to get my autistic grandson out the house, and I'm
absolutely thrilled. Actually I had to do a bit. I
also got him to wash and clean his teeth, and

(00:21):
that's amazing. It's an absolute miracle. And what I did
is I took the washing to the you know, the
wet flannel and the bowl to him, not the other
way around. So apparently it's quite a common thing with
autistic children. He's ten, it's quite a common thing. The

(00:41):
whole experience of the water and a different room and
you know, all of these things can be a bit overwhelming,
and they just don't like the feeling of things, so
they can be quite put off. I think he quite
enjoyed the method that we used today, so I am
very very pleased with that. I also had to agree
to fizzy drink, which you know, because it was well, basically,

(01:05):
I need to go out and get something, and he said,
you know, can I have a fizzy drink? And I
said no, And then I thought, oh, hang on a minute,
he hasn't been out for a week. I would really
like him to get some sun and do a little
bit of walking. So I made the deal. I agreed
the fizzy drink, if the wash, the clean teeth and

(01:27):
him coming to the shop all pound out, and it did,
it all pound out. So I'm really really pleased because
I'm so worried about his mental health and you know,
it keeps me awake at night. Actually, we had a
big meeting today with the social services and he's been
put on the protection Register, child protection and that means

(01:50):
that they have to be involved now with every step
of his life basically, so you know, his his mum
has a week to decide if she's going to agree
for him to stay here and if he's if she's not,
they have to agree to where she decides to put him,

(02:11):
so that you know, suddenly, as sisters appeared, who's saying
she's offering? And that's fair enough because you know, I
have to I have to think, am I the best fit?
You know? Am I? I live a very very long
way away from his family, well fifty five miles. It
isn't a long way, but it is a long way,
do you know what I mean? It's you know, he'd

(02:34):
have to leave school, he'd have to see less of
his family because I know for a fact none of
them would visit, so he would have to wait until
I was prepared or freed up for time to drive there,
which I would do. Actually, you know, I do it
every weekend if I had to. So we've got to

(02:55):
have some family meetings like family liaison, and we got
we can raise all these issues, because today's meeting was
just to find out if my grandson was going to
be a high risk child to put into a high
risk category and deemed and protected by law, by the
state and by law and by Brighton and Hove City Council.

(03:17):
So that was all agreed by the police because the
boyfriend apparently has a history of violent behavior towards women
and is a possible risk to children, which is just like,
why didn't anybody tell anybody that, you know, we didn't

(03:37):
hear that. We've never heard that, well, because it's not
your right, you know, as a grandparent, or I mean,
you know, even as a girlfriend, it's not your right
to know what the history is. The danger, the possible
danger to children isn't a sexual thing. Otherwise that you know,
that would be a register, But there isn't a register

(04:00):
for violence or potential violence against children. That's a sort
of different, you know area. You just think, gee that,
I mean, there really should be no, shouldn't there be,
So she shouldn't well, I mean, as it was, the
mother wasn't prepared. She refused that. She said, no way,

(04:21):
that's that's an absolute lie. And she went a bit
nuts over that. And remembering that this is somebody who
you know, the police have been called and removed my
grandson twice because of violence in the home. It's just
not It's all just so tragic, isn't it. So my

(04:42):
little man is here, back here, We're back home now.
I'm absolutely thrilled. I'm going to write a journal over
the coming week so that now that he's on a
protection order, I'll forget to say things. So I'm just
going to report, you know, in a journal form about
the things we do. I suggest that he needed mental

(05:04):
health access, and that's why they've said to her she
needs to decide in one week, because if he's going
to stay here, then we have to put all those
things in place here, and if he's going to stay
with another relative up there, that all has to be
put into place as well. So yeah, let's wait and
see I mean cool, who knows, who knows. It's all

(05:28):
a bit messy. But what I'm really pleased about. I mean,
you know, you've got to be It's almost beneficial to
be somewhat detached, because if you fall in love with
somebody and then you let that color your judgment. You know,
I'm talking about, you know, a grandma and grandchild relationship.

(05:50):
You know, Am I the best fit? Now? If I
just go by what I feel, which is that I
adore him and I want to look after him for
the rest of my life, and I will change my life.
That's one thing, and that's the truth of the matter.
But the other thing is to be objective. Is this
the right fit? Is that beautiful, loving idea the right fit.

(06:13):
I'm sixty two, I'll be seventy when he's eighteen. Is
that a good fit? Maybe not. You know, some people
might disagree with that. Some people might think, well, no,
she's too old. I don't know if they would, but
they might do. And this fact that he's you know,
a very very very long way from home and would

(06:37):
have to change all of that as well. Now, the
fact is he's been here for three weeks and he's
already very settled, very very settled. It's not the first
time he's been to stay with me. This is I
don't know if this is sixth time. And he was
very used to it in terms of like a few days,
but now he's just used to it, you know, it's

(06:58):
been three weeks. He talked to his mum the other
day on WhatsApp and that made him feel very safe
to know that she's okay. He's been told a lot
of things about how ill she is and her MS
he's been you know, really I think, you know, we

(07:18):
talked about that in the meeting. How do you tell
a child that you have MS? How do you explain
to the child without worrying them what that means? And
I think because the MS has been such a difficult
diagnosis for the mother, that's kind of impacted on the way,

(07:40):
you know, the way things have been explained. That's really important,
I think, really really important to get that right. And
I'm not sure I've done that correctly. So we're being
sent some information about that as well, because I mean,
the thing is it's important to explain, but it's important
not to over explain or under explain, and it's important

(08:02):
not to scare people, scare children, you know, not because
the weight is on their shoulders and it's you know,
that can be so damaging. And I think, I do
think this is what's happened to my grandson. So yeah,
we're we're all waiting again another week to see. But

(08:23):
I suspect, guys, I do suspect that he will be
returned there and deposited with a different temporary family member
to oversee his care. And I fully expect that he'll
be back here within a few weeks. Sorry about that.

(08:44):
We shall see. But they can't behave themselves, none of them.
So you know, it's almost like I just have to
wait for the inevitable. And it's and the damage that
that does to him, and it's just horrific, absolutely horrific.
So yeah, and the reason I'm doing this podcast, I think,
is to to share that, you know, how difficult, you know,

(09:09):
it is for autistic people to just have an ordinary
family life, and how so many, so many people who
are you know, autistic or have ADHD are not born
into perfect middle class families with all the help and
support from other family members, with the finances to go

(09:29):
along with it. You know that not all autistic people
are born into that lovely bubble. And this is where
things get really really complicated because it's more noticeable, you know,
when the the cushion of a good life isn't there.

(09:51):
And this is how tragedies happen again and again. We
see it again and again. So anyway, quick update about
the autism Caravan. So I've I've got a bit real
about things and I've realized it's going to have very
long time to get a motorized vehicle. So I'm going
to launch with a bell tent and I'm pretty excited
about it actually, So I can get a bell tent

(10:11):
for about five and quid. I'm going to fundraise for
that first, and the bell tent is going. I'm going
to make a whole load of sort of recycled bean
bags because I've got all this fabric that I used
for the Eldorescence book and for the Blink Friction Shop.
So I'm going to make all these lovely bean bags.
And I'm going to hire a motorized vehicle when i

(10:35):
want to go somewhere, so the vehicle doesn't need to
be kept by me. I can hire it for a
weekend like a luten. I can put all the bean bags,
all the other paraphernalia, plus the tent and the camping
stove and you know, all of that stuff in the
luten and then off I go. So it's literally like

(10:58):
a circus caravan type thing, know what I mean. It's like,
I'm just so excited. I really am. I just think
that's the way to do it. It might I might not
make it for this summer. I might be a bit late,
so we shall see. We shall see definitely next summer.
So yeah, I'm I really got into that now. I
sort of thought about doing this as Romeo's care thinking

(11:20):
I can't really go anywhere, you know, I can't go
out when he doesn't want to go out. I'm trapped
in the house. And what happens if he has a
meltdown when we're at an event and if he's not
with me, it will be a crying shame. But you
know he will. I'm sure he'll be with me sometimes
when I'm when I'm off in the caravan. So yes,

(11:41):
there was some mentioned today as well that if if
Romeo went to this other family member, I wouldn't be
able to see him, and I have to be very,
very big and strong about that possibility because as grandparents,
we have no rights, no ruts at all. And it's hard.

(12:02):
It's very hard because in the society we live in
there are millions of grandparents who feel exactly the same.
They have no access. They had access, then they don't
have access, and that's exactly what's happening here. You know,
that's really really tough. But you know the fact that
I've got the Autism Caravan to take my mind off it,

(12:23):
and I have other autistic grandchildren who will definitely want
to come as well, is really going to be good
for my mental health and to know that, at least
in the memory of what might have been with me
being for having full custody of my grandson. I've got
this wonderful idea that I came up with and it's
just a total thing of beauty, guys, the thing of beauty.

(12:46):
I'm really into it. So yes, stay close. I'm creating
the collection, the Autism Caravan collection with the fly like
a bird motif on it, which is my bird with
headphones on to keep out the you know, the the
noise that overwhelms a lot of autistic people and helping

(13:06):
them sing and you know, maybe I should have done
it with its peak ope, and I don't know it
took me so long to do that bloody symbol. It
really did. It took forever anyway, Okay, au Revoir