1.The Weight We Carry

Let's normalize the discussion concerning body image and weight loss!

The Weight We Carry - this episode Alex and Cass, whom have struggled with their weight and body image their entire life, talk about the stigma & difficulties behind common weight loss practices. Everything from the number on the scale, to fitness, weight loss medication, and mental health is touched upon in this episode and how all those things come together.

Episode Transcript

(00:11):
So this is episode one of itssensitive with Taes and Alex. This is
our inaugural episode and help fitting thatit's in January, and we're going to
talk about a dicey subject called wait. But for those of you that are

(00:32):
new to the podcast, since everybody'snew, this is just everyday people's perspective.
We want to bring in a varietyof posts. Today cast is with
us and she's going to be probablyone of our primary hosts because she's my
best friend day and with that,we'll bring in a lot of experience and

(00:55):
perspectives, perspectives about a variety ofsubjects. So if the title tells you
anything, most of the subjects aregoing to be sensitive or things that people
don't like talking about, and Iknow weight is one of them, absolutely.
And I think this is perfect timingtoo, because there's the whole New
Year's resolution thing and everyone typically focuseson some type of weight loss or working

(01:18):
out or eating habits as the newyear hits. So I think just putting
things into perspective and authentic, honestway it is going to be amazing exactly.
So let's get to normalizing it.Yeah, so let's talk about weight.
It sel. I can tell youa lot of my friends will never
tell me their physical weight. They'llbe like, I'm overweight or whatever.

(01:38):
And I've recently started just telling peoplehow much I weigh all the time,
and they're like, oh, Iweigh three hundred and ten pounds. Nobody
guesses that and not at all.And I maxed out in my adult life
at three hundred and sixty pounds,and so I think my lowest adult weight

(01:59):
I know that was two hundred andeighty so it wasn't I've never been small.
When you say adult, like whatage, what do you would you
say? It was honestly super recentlytwenty eighteen, and which is insane.
But I remember as a kid,I was just always overweight, and I
remember looking at that scale. Iwas never skinny. I think there's one

(02:20):
picture in the world of me beingskinny in middle school. Somehow I was
skinny when I was born. Well, I hope we all are. But
is that what they call it babyfat? Maybe I didn't lose mine.
But I totally think we should reallywork with others to talk about weight,

(02:42):
because it's not something that's secret,like we all weigh something. But I
think not talking about it makes itharder to talk about it, if that
makes sense. I agree. Andwe live in this world where, especially
here in the US, most peopleare overweight or categorized a's, and the
BMI chart says we know them,and there's this stigma that there's like something

(03:06):
wrong with it, or you can'tbe athletic if you're overweight, or you
can't be attractive or you're pretty tobe a big girl. So I'm really
happy that we're going to normalize someof this and demystify some of the negative
connotations around it. Absolutely, andI think that's a good segue into muscle
mass and BMI. Yes, SoI can't tell you how many of my

(03:28):
healthcare professionals have told me BMI asa load of crap. I think we
all know that, right, AndI actually did some reading for a sociology
class about obesity and it we talkedabout that BMI was never meant to be
a way to measure people. Itwas actually a formula built to help with

(03:51):
scientific research, and then insurance companiesstarted using it as a way to cage
health risks versus weight, and unfortunately, with the insurance industry at the time,
this was in the early nineteen hundreds, the primary people who received healthcare

(04:11):
were white, middle aged, supermiddle class Americans, and so then B
in my chart, especially in thisarticle and I'll link it after when I
post this podcast talks about how ethnicallydiverse groups have completely different weight metrics and
relation to mortality. Which is whatthe b and MY charts met for.
Is you know, the more youweigh in relation to this chart, the

(04:35):
more likely it is you might have, you know, complications and cause death.
But like for instance, it saidAfrican Americans there they can weigh more
before there's a mortality risk. Iagree, And so I just found that
fascinating because I didn't realize BMI wasn'tinvented for the purpose of what it's used

(04:57):
for. Is invented for something completelydifferent. I'm not surprised. I can't
tell you. I remembered distinctively,so I wasn't always overweight. I actually
was pretty athletically built, but stilllike on the thicker side until like my
mid twenties. And I remember goingfor like my first well womaned visit right
as like an adult, and she'slike, you're morbidly obese. What,

(05:23):
yes, Like the morbidly and Iwas like one hundred and sixty eight pounds.
Woo. I was like eighteen yearsold. That is not overweight girl.
And I was like thirty one percentbody fat, but like I looked
very fit. And I just rememberthat like stuck with me, and I
think that's where like my body dysmorphia. Well, my body was thisys

(05:43):
morphia started way before that, butthat's where it like really kicked in.
And it was just like I wascognizant of it all the time. Yeah,
you know. It wasn't until Istarted martial arts and CrossFit. Our
gym brought in something called an nbody scanner that muscle mass, waterweight,
bone mass, and fat and myideal BMI is one hundred and fifty six

(06:08):
pounds because I'm five to six andI'm a woman. And I got on
that in body scale and it's likeyou have one hundred and fifty pounds of
lean body mass. That means ifthat was one hundred and fifty six pounds,
I would be gross, like mybody is not George out there exactly.
And I was like it just blewmy mind. I'm like a doctor

(06:30):
told me, a doctor, aweight loss doctor, told me my healthy
weight is two ten two hundred andtwenty pounds based on that lean body mass.
Wow, I wasn't told that tillI was like twenty eight, And
here you are thinking you need tolose one hundred and fifty pounds or whatever
the case is exactly. So imaginehow many people are out in the world
who have just different bodies, whetherit's because they're ethnicity, because they're muscle

(06:54):
mass, they're bone density, whatever. To your point, you were at
select, you know, and you'rebeing told you're morbidly obese, and you're
just toughened up and lose weight.Yeah. At one point, I remember,
I think I had crossed over twohundred for the first time that my
doctor offered me gastric bypass. That'smessed up, I know. I think

(07:16):
I was twenty seven. You wantto know a scary secret. I never
told anybody I was eighteen years oldand offered gastric bypass. And the only
reason I said no at the timewas because I desperately wanted to get in
the military and it would have disqualifiedme. I remember you telling me about

(07:36):
like not wanting to have any typeof surgical procedures. Because of that.
But I didn't know you were thatyoung and they offered that to you.
Yeah, could you imagine if Iwould have said yes, or if I
wasn't considering the military and that wasn'ton the back of my mind and I
got gastric pipe pass at eighteen yearsold, that would have had a Jurassic
like impact on your life. Yeah. And you know, the funny thing

(08:00):
is, like I just didn't realizeit until right this second, But like
that, that wouldn't have helped anything. I've seen so many people who have
had gastric bypass or use weight lossmeds and they do great for a while,
but some of those habits don't sustainand they just go right back to

(08:20):
where they were. Yep. Gastricbypass can be cheated. I've seen people
cheated all the time and they gainall the weight back. And I've actually
known a few people that died fromgas from having gastric So there was a
I think I worked with her atChase, and matter of fact, I
did. I work with her atChase, and her sister had gastric bypass

(08:41):
and she passed away because the complications, the vitamin deficiencies, just things that
they couldn't get under control. Andthen I want to say, there was
another woman, maybe my early thirties, and she passed away and it was
from like the some type of infectionlike building up and they didn't get to

(09:01):
it, and by the time ithad spread to like her brain. And
so that always made me a littlenervous too. Although you hear more people
being successful with it, I'm like, I want to be one of the
five percent of that croak after youare trying to get skinny. I died
getting skinny, right, I'm soskinny. I'm just both in the grave

(09:26):
in all seriousness like that is sad. And but you know something you will
learn listening to this podcast is Ido break some tough subjects with humor because
that's a part of life for me, you know. So if you hear
us laughing or whatever, it's notbecause we're not taking it seriously, but
it's because life is too serious sometimesit is. And what part of normalizing

(09:46):
it is being able to talk aboutit in an everyday manner. And sometimes
that's just humor, I agree,And sometimes it's you laugh to keep from
crying. Sometimes she gets really heavy, for sure, I can tell you,
this podcast will get extra heavy.Oh just like my BMI, well

(10:07):
talking about you know, muscle massand BMI. We'll talk about weight loss
meds in a moment because that's ahot topic. Oh yeah. I think
women especially are probably targeted more forthings like gastric bypass because they tend to
be more overweight. They naturally havemore body fat. And I can't tell
you how many times we've joked about, like men will literally stop drinking soda

(10:30):
and be like I lost fifty poundsliterally, and like women stop drinking soda,
they gain weight. And I feellike women, we have more of
a tendency to be insecure about it, and society pushes these standards on.
They don't push these standards for men, like men aren't supposed to look like
this, but for us, it'sconstantly in front of our faces. Yeah.
So I feel like they definitely targetus because they know we're going to

(10:54):
be the easier, the easier consumer. Oh yeah. I think a great
example is dating sites back now it'smore inclusive, but ten years ago they
would have options like husky for men, but they didn't have anything for women.
You know, and husky men likeyou're a big dude, but like

(11:15):
they didn't have like I don't knowwhat do you call big big beautiful women,
but even like they call it likeplus size, A curvy yeah,
curvy, yeah, yeah, Ithink they have got stuff, you know.
So I'm like, normalizing weight hasbecome more common recently, but I
think for women it's been on acurve that's much much later than it is

(11:35):
for men. Yeah, one percent. And this is totally random, but
speaking of dating sites, I watchedthis documentary once and it was about a
young lady and I can't remember thatthe preface behind it, but she went
to like I think it was tenderand was like, I want all of
the data that you have on methat you've collected, and it was like

(11:56):
eight hundred pages wow of data likehow often she gets on, what level
of attract if she is, ifyou know where they're gonna present her at
certain parts of the site, whatmakes her arouse? Like so yes,
like and you can literally go andrequest this and they have to give it
to you. But I don't geton dating sites enough. Mine will be

(12:18):
boring, but it'd be interesting tolike I don't know what arouses me,
so maybe an ask them you're gonnaget seven thousand pages. Oh, I
didn't know that wasnd. Oh thatmakes more sense than Yeah, it's probably
gonna be creepy because you're gonna belike, man, they really like track
a lot of information. So yeah, I think that's interesting. I think

(12:41):
that's a great uh entry point though, to fad diets, because fad diets
are all about tracking what people aredoing and marketing it in a way.
Yes. Yes, I can't tellyou how many times I've looked up like
supplement and sore just like just somethingrelated to weight loss and everything in my

(13:03):
Facebook feeds, social media as allof a sudden, every single die you
heard on the planet. Yep.And I will say, I feel like
I've tried everything out there. IfI could get my money back for everything
that I spent a dollar on tryingto lose weight, I would buy a
mansion, I swear to you,like, I've Keto, Paleo, whole

(13:26):
thirty, intermittent fasting, dude.The list goes on. I've tried it
all, vegetarian, vegan faking likeyeah, I mean brand name diet programs
like I don't know if you rememberCurves for women that was like a low
intensity hit workout, and I'll tellyou, being one hundred and fifty pounds

(13:48):
lean body masks, that stuff neverworked for me. I need hardcore CrossFit.
But I didn't know that you werejust trying things out exactly Jenny Craig
or anything that you can think ofweight watchers. I yeah, which is
just watching girl. Uh huh.And like literally I've joked about this between

(14:11):
the fad diets that I've been tryingsince the age of eighteen, uh,
the physical therapy I've had to doabout injuries I will talk about later,
all the personal trainers I've seen inmy life. I probably should be out
there marketing like personal training weight lossfor everybody. But yeah, it's just

(14:35):
fad diets are the elephant in theroom for everybody. Everybody wants once it's
weight loss is hard. It's hardfor a lot of reasons. And what
people don't talk about is like peopleare like, oh, well, fad
diets are quick fix. Well whydon't we talk about why we're looking for
that quick fix in the first place, which is what we just talked about.

(14:58):
That we're using these anti equated systemslike BMI. We're not acknowledging that
people's bodies are different. We're targetingspecific population like women who struggle with weight.
And then you wonder why people wanta quick fix, like if I
diet, Yeah, I agree,and I feel like for me, so
I don't think I shared. Somy highest weight was like three ten to

(15:20):
three fifteen. It was after injuries, which I know we're going to get
to you in a minute. AndI struggle to think of weight loss as
a lifestyle change, right, AndI think that's where there's a huge gap
for people, is to your point, we want that quick fix. We

(15:43):
want something that's going to work.Now, give us these immediate results six
weeks because we have a vacation comingup. And honestly, it's a mentality
shift and it's a lifestyle change.So I didn't really start accomplishing major weight
loss until I started looking at itlike that, like, this is not
a diet that I'm trying to realquick and then just go back to what
I was doing. But I needto find something sustainable for me that's going

(16:04):
to allow me not only to losethe weight, but to keep it off
right, maintain it within certain parameters. I try to give myself like a
ten pound kind of like go backand forth before I'm like, okay,
you know you need to get tightenup a little bit now. But it
wasn't until I started looking at thingslike that that I achieved over one hundred
krond of weight loss. Wow,that's just impressive that you've been able to

(16:26):
manage. And I've seen it suchover such a long period of time with
you that I didn't realize until Ilook at pictures of us, like five
six years ago, I'm like,girl, look at us. Whoa we
were up there, we were curving. I think too, you hit the
nail on the head, Like,lifestyle changes are hard and sometimes you need

(16:49):
help, and like weight loss medsare marketed now, and there's medical conditions
that affect weight. I have hypothyroidism. It actually the prescription used to treat
hypothyroidism. Synthroid is a number oneprescribed drug in the United States. Yep.
And I was diagnosed when I wastwenty twenty one by accident. But

(17:14):
I literally had people ask me,or, are you losing weight now that
you're on synthroid. I'm like,no, my body's just functioning like it's
supposed to. Yes, And it'snot like a magic weight loss pill.
I just could, for the firsttime in my life, actually lose weight
if I tried, whereas before Iwas just tired constantly, and if I
tried to lose weight, I neverlost weight. Yeah. Absolutely, Well,

(17:37):
you know, we definitely connect onthat. So I've had my entire
thigroy removed, and honestly, Ididn't have crazy symptoms within my body.
I just had like an atom ofapple because because all these tumors in my
neck, and then of course aftersome years, it went from being two
tumors to nine, and then itwent from me I couldn't lay on my

(18:00):
back or I couldn't breathe. Yeah, I couldn't raise my hands in the
air and I couldn't breathe. Andthey had two that there, like one
was abnormal for some years, andthen finally they're like, this is cancerous.
Is sitting on your pair of thyroidgland, Let's take it out.
And it's been the hardest life adjustmentI've ever had. Oh and how old
were you when that happen. Iwas thirty let me think thirty two,

(18:22):
so you were well into life beforeyou found that mm hmm. Yeah,
that's incredibly scary, and I can'timagine how difficult it was for you to
navigate that. That must have talkedabout lifestyle changes. I was a force
lifestyle change, yeah, and Ijust had to start finding things that work,
like eliminating meat because the hormones wouldaffect the way that my body was

(18:47):
adjusting to not having the thyroid.And there's just so much I think people
don't know about the thyroid and howpowerful it is to our overall being,
not just wait hormones moost. Therewas a time where I couldn't stop wedding.
Ever, it's terrible. Yeah,it so that's very common if it's

(19:08):
the number one prescribed drug in theUS. But there's also other things that
people are struggling with diabetes, likediabetes, and I know a big hype
right now is going on with theprescription medication. It's called a GLP one
medication under the name brand Wigovi zembicMotrero, and it's an injection and what

(19:32):
it does is it slows down yourdigestion and people have touted that they have
this amazing weight loss. It wasoriginally founded as like a diabetic drug.
And I to share more about myweight loss journey. I've been trying to
lose weight since the age of sixteen, tried everything, but more recently I've

(19:52):
been working with a weightless clinics andright now I have a care team that
are trying to do this in ahealthy manner. And I've tried different weight
loss drugs in conjunction with you know, mental health therapy, eating and exercise
changes and the weight loss drug Andwhen I was on with Goovi and I
want to talk about this, whichis the same as o Zepeic and Manchero,

(20:15):
because this there's so so much hyperight now, I want to talk
about this. But I took aninjection one times a week in the stomach.
There's also another one called sex Sendathat was daily, and it made
me not hungry. And being someonemy entire life who never felt satiated,
always could eat more, just Iate my feelings, to be honest,

(20:40):
it was amazing. But I atfirst I was doing great. I was
losing weight. I didn't want to, I wasn't hungry, I didn't want
to, you know, overeat,So I was losing some weight naturally without
doing much and that was great.But I found over time I took it
almost three year. That it's youcould overeat still if I took too much,

(21:03):
it made me more hungry. Somy body had a like a just
write zone or I could eat throughthat wall or the slow digestion or wait
long enough and keep eating. Andso between that, I eventually tried thinner
Meane, which is, you know, just a stimulant. I've tried pont

(21:25):
tree out of I think you've triedout of out of pact, same,
yeah, okay, yep, I'vetried uh b Approprian is the one I
was thinking of. I've tried aswell, chopamax. We could probably stay
and list every prescription drug on theore, don't forget about have you ever

(21:47):
tried zena cow? Oh man,that one is crazy. So it's gonna
sound gross, but I'm about toget into it. So it is okay,
it's called over the counter. Ohgosh, I can't remember what it's
called, but it'll come to me. But essentially it doesn't allow the body

(22:07):
to absorb fats. Oh yes,I lie, I lie, Yes,
that's the game is. And somy doctor has started getting to be over
prescription because I guess she could giveme like larger prescriptions than what you could
get like CBS. But do shedidn't tell me, like, don't eat
a whole bunch of fat, right, because it will come out in your
poop and you will literally be aboutto crap yourself and you'll just see these

(22:34):
pockets of oil like in the toilet. But if you don't limit the amount
of fat that you're in taking,so it's supposed to like discourage you because
it makes you uncomfortable. Oh yeah, but it would discourage me for a
while then I would go right backinto it. But for me, it
was it's always been a mental thing, like I never realized I was like

(22:55):
high functioning, like depressive, right, and it's too for me to trial
and error. I mean, doyou remember back into the hydroxy cut Yes,
squirrels, I took some hydroxy cutoff having a stroke, like yeah.
I mean, we listed all thisweight loss drugs and we could sit
here and talk probably for hours aboutwhat they all do. But the moral

(23:18):
of the story is these weight lossdrugs don't aren't magic bullets, right,
And sometimes they're marketed as that,right, whether it's over the counter,
the doctor, And that kind ofleads into your talking about like hydroxy cut
and having a ton of energy.You know, we always hear, Okay,
just diet and exercise. We talkedabout diet and weight loss drugs and

(23:42):
how that's difficult and you have tobe in the Rhinan mindset, which you
know, I think we'll talk abouta little bit more here in a moment,
But that mindset also is driven toby like exercise. I love exercise.
One of the benefits of all thisstupid weight loss stuff I've been doing

(24:03):
my entire life. As I meta personal trainer when I was like sixteen
or seventeen. It is kind ofeffed up. My mom paid for a
personal trainer to help me lose weightbecause she was very worried air quotes about
my weight. But this dude wassuper cool because he was an amateur bodybuilder.
Ripped as heck, like really beefywas he? He was very hot.

(24:26):
Okay, it made it fun.I'll tell you. I'll tell you
a fun story about that. Butwhen he started working with me, he
wasn't talking about, Okay, howdo we lose weight and just get you
down to small weight. He realizedmaybe after like the first five minutes of
working with me that is really strong, and he was putting me on the
weight machines and he's like, girl, you can like do some do some

(24:49):
stuff with your legs. And whenhe would work with me, he focused
on like muscle building and making mestrong. And it made me, for
the first time my life, feellike I was more than just my weight
and my body was more than justlike this crappy overweight thing. Yeah,
and I felt empowered by my strength. I was like, Okay, I'm

(25:12):
overweight, but I'm also strong,yes, And we had talked about muscle
mass earlier, and I never hadthought about the fact that I'm also strong.
And so, you know, naturally, a lot of personal trainers and
doctors will tell you, well,muscle actually burns more calories when you're building
muscle because it takes more energy tobuild that muscle, and so they're actually

(25:33):
like, you know, weight liftingsbetter for you than just cardio alone because
your body needs that muscle and itwill you know, take over that fat
in a good way and so youdon't have to be bulky per se or
be ripped, because that's a reallyhard image to get to. If my
freaking trainer like he did those bodybuildingcompetitions, would legitimately stand there and eat

(25:57):
tune out of a can and eatnothing but tuna and protein shakes up until
it's probably yes spinach, just weirdstuff, just standing there all the time
up until his competition. And thenhe told me all the time, and
I love this about him. Hewas like, but girl, as soon
as I'm done with that competition,I go get a big mag a mega

(26:18):
fry, a shake and slam atall. Yep, yep, no,
I one percent agree. I remembera trainer that I work with just he
just asked me, like, whenyou look at people that run marathons in
long distance and then you look atpeople that run sprints, right, what
are the difference in their body types? People that run marathons usually aren't super
ripped, They don't usually have abs, They usually have a little bit more

(26:41):
fat on their body. Whereas peoplethat run sprints, you see, they're
like ripped. They're muscular. Andhe said, you know, the difference
is those short, high intensity eitherthe way that they practice, the way
that they work out, the waythat they compete, that's what's gonna put
the muscle on you and keep themuscle. So nothing wrong with cardio.

(27:02):
But you'll find that people that arerunners, et cetera, they have more
health problems down the line than thosethat focus on building a little bit of
muscle and being explosive. Unfortunately,I know that to be true because we
mentioned earlier physical therapy and injuries,and you're mentioned running. Yeah, what

(27:22):
about running out? Let's normalize it. I weigh three hundred and ten pounds,
guys, and I am training fora quarter marathon six point five five
miles. I am not fast,but I am doing it. Yeah.

(27:44):
But when I was younger, youknow, I fell in love with working
out, and then I took abreak from it because I couldn't afford personal
training as a young adult living onmy own. And then I as I
got older, I wanted to findsomething just to get me moving around,
and I fell in love with likecrop mcgau, CrossFit, Brazilian jiu jitsu,

(28:04):
and this gym had all these thingsin one and that started this fitness
journey for me and community that Ireally really loved. But with being more
active and not and being sent sorryand being sedentary and moving to being active,
my body was responding in ways Iwasn't aware of. High school injury

(28:29):
with my ankle was flaring up becausenow I was on my feet a lot
and moving around and I just wasrandomly hurting. And I didn't have health
insurance as a kid. So nowthat I'm an adult, have a full
time job and I have health insurance, I go to the doctor and say
like, hey, why is thishurting? Yeah, which started the very
long alex is perpetually in physical therapyjourney. Oh my gosh. Uh er.

(28:56):
At this point, the cliff version, which we'll do a probably do
an episode on physical therapy because Ihave a lot to say about that.
But the cliff notes version is Ihave had physical therapy and consequently surgery on
my right ankle for classic ankle instability, my right knee for an ACL tear,

(29:18):
pro ju jitsu competition with after effects. So be pt before and after
all these things. Right shoulder surgeryfor ac joint repair in a bicep tear,
which we have no clue how thathappened. That was crazy. Woke
up from it at the anesthesia andthey're like, so, how did you
tear your byset? I'm like,that's not what we went into surgery for.

(29:45):
I've been in physical therapy for neckissues and muscle issues. I'm back
in physical therapy unfortunately for my kneeagain because I'm running. But all of
that to say, talking about runningand activity is in injuries happen. Being
three hundred plus pounds, you know, doing things at an eighteen year old

(30:07):
or somebody who weighs one hundred andfifty pounds does is harder on my body
when I change what I'm doing.Hell No, I love being active.
It exercise releases those endorphins we need. It's it's I do exercise in ways
where it doesn't feel like exercise,which is why I do martial arts.

(30:27):
Running I love because I feel likeI run outside. I love being outside.
And with a marathon quarter marathon,you know, it gives me something
to work towards and it's really freakingcool with all the music bumping and you
get across the finish line, geta little metal. Actually learned about it
from volunteering. So but with injuries, we got to be careful and exercise

(30:53):
we got to be careful. Butthat doesn't mean don't do it right.
And the biggest thing I've learned throughall that is that you have to be
kind to yourself and just because somethingbad happens or it's not working well,
the moral of the stories that justwhat you're doing for your body time.

(31:14):
I agree, it's so funny.As you went through your injuries, I
was like, damn, we havea lot of the same injuries. It's
crazy, and we don't even workout together. I know it's wild,
but I I mean, like Isaid, I was athletic my whole life,
and my first injury came my senioryear of high school playing basketball.
I tour a ligament in my rightankle. Ouch. I recovered from that

(31:34):
in three months, and I wasplaying soft I had that surgery November four,
two thousand and four. By Februarylike twentieth, I was conditioning for
softball because I was the pitcher andI was not getting my spot taken.
And we won the city championship thatyear. So it was amazing because I
didn't get to finish out the basketballyear. But I, you know,
did ballet, I played volleyball,I ran track, I played basketball,

(31:57):
and it didn't start catching up tome until right around like twenty five to
twenty seven, and my knee juststarted aching and so I had a hole
in my articular cartilage where the kneejoint opens and closes, and I don't
how to get a hole there,girl, I don't know. They said
that it like because I did crazyathletics that over time it just kind of

(32:21):
wore off, and that I probablyhad an injury I ignored, like when
I was younger. Are you surethe aliens didn't probe you? Oh?
No, et, But that wasmy first injury. Like I said,
quick recovery, right, but inmy knee, Oh my god? Like
once, what was that the firstsurgery? First of all, I went

(32:45):
straight into depression because I wasn't usedto sitting still, right, So I
just ate myself out of house andhome again like fifty pounds, yeah,
sitting down from between my first andmy second knee surgery. And let me
guess it was a very small periodof time because you know and can put
on that way. Yep. Itwas like eight months gee, which is
a lot funds and eight months due. I was ordering Krispy Kremes like every

(33:07):
day. It was crazy, ButI didn't know that. I was like
down right, and I'm just like, oh whatever, I can't work out
this is what I'm doing. SoCliff notes version to your point three knee
surgeries. And my knee was notgetting any better, but I had gained
all the weight, and the doctorwas just like, look, realistically speaking,
you're doing yourself more harm than youare good, you know, because

(33:28):
you've you've never I weighed one hundredand fifty pounds in high school, right
and now here I am sitting atmaybe like one eighty. The next thing
I know, I'm two ten totwenty. And I was just like,
okay, what is happening? Andso I've had a torn labrum. I
got stem cell injections in my knee, which was by far the best thing
I ever did. I actually mightdo it again, if I'm being honest
with you. Stem cells are thefuture. Yes, Oh my gosh.

(33:52):
I never felt better. And then, oh my gosh. Then I tore
a piece of cartilage between my Lfour and my L five that just sat
on a nerve. I had fourfive back surgeries called radio frequency ebilations,
where they go in and they burnthe nerves off, but because I was
healthy, the nerves kept coming back. Oh wow. And so then I
found myself having to have it likeevery eight months, and then it was

(34:14):
six and at first it would lastyear, and so yes, the injuries
have been a lot. It's beentough. I think for me, it
gave me a little bit of PTSD, Like once I started being active again,
I started limiting myself right, likenot having full utilization of the knee
or trying to tell trainers like wellI don't know if I could do that,

(34:35):
and I had to get over thefear but still stay safe. Yeah,
and that was tough. Are yousure we're not seventy year old?
I think really for reference, bothCast and I are in nerse thirties,
so I know it's very confusing.Get my cane and I'm like, yeah,
it here. Oh we've had touse them crutches my basement. Yeah,

(34:59):
I haven't probably have a full ptgym in this house, so I
don't use it appropiately funny. It'sactually not funny, but yeah, you
know. The moral of that,I think is no matter who you are,
like, it's easy to get discouraged, whether it's because of fad diets

(35:21):
and gaining and losing weight and yoyoing, whether it's weight loss meds and
it works great and then it doesn't, or you have a medical condition that
makes it really really hard to getthrough life. People also don't talk about
normalize the fact that medical conditions aredifficult to manage. They are, and

(35:45):
we keep talking about like this.Similar point with mental health, same with
injuries and exercise. So I'll tella little secret here my future significant other
there. The secrets of my lifeare now in a podcast and you won't
have to just listen to them all. But talking about those injuries is I

(36:09):
didn't realize how down I was gettingeither, imagine. So my ankle surgery
was in twenty eighteen. I wasdoing PT well and I forgot about the
motorcycle accident. That's a whole other. Oh, oh my gosh. I
was in PT in twenty sixteen fora neck injury, and then in twenty

(36:30):
eighteen bleeding up to twenty eighteen forthe ankle, and then I tore my
ac on twenty nineteen, and thenin twenty twenty I had residual effects after
COVID from being sedentary. So I'vebeen I was in PT practically for five
six years straight, which meant mybody physically was in pain for a very
very long time, and I didn'trealize how much that impacted my mental health

(36:57):
until I did some reflecting internally thispast couple of years working with some eating
a behavioral health, mental health therapistsand doing some work. But I've been
practicing gratitude. And I looked backand I was like, the only reason
I made it through five six,seven years of consecutive injuries back to back

(37:24):
was because of my physical therapists.I went to the same clinic repeatedly,
to the point that it was anongoing joke that I might as well work
there, But the people in theclinic felt like family. Yeah, And
the part of this that's a secretis that I recently wrote three of the

(37:46):
therapists I saw the most frequently agratitude letter, and I told them that
reflecting back, I realized how muchtheir posity of attitudes and then pushing me
to show up on time, becausegirl, there's seven AMPT sessions. I

(38:07):
would show up late for this onespecific therapist all the time, to the
point the other you're only late forher, you show up on time for
everybody else. I got called out, but it made me actually want to
get my asked how to excuse massFrench out of bed and show up on
time because they were making fun ofme for it, but it was in
a loving and caring way, andI'd ask the weird questions because I had

(38:30):
all these issues and we could shootthe shit about life. And some days,
especially post surgery, when I wasat home by myself, because I
lived by myself for some of thesesurgeries, they were the only interaction I
had all day. And the onlyreason I'd get dressed because I was so
depressed was because of them. Ididn't want to look like a slab and

(38:52):
smell awful, going andy and They'relike, yeah, out of here.
But I didn't realize that until Iwas looking back, and I was like,
man, I didn't realize how depressedI was because they were getting me
through it because I'd seen them acouple times a week. Yeah, and
I told them this in these letters. And I sometimes when I'm grateful,

(39:15):
I kind of minimize myself and I'mlike, oh, I'm not a big
deal. But sometimes I remember whenpeople tell me like, hey, like
that meant a lot to me.I was like, oh damn, Like
you know, expressing gratitude is extremelyimportant for my own mental health. But
I've seen that it's had a positiveimpact on other people's lives telling them how

(39:36):
grateful I am for them. Iagree. But with all that being said,
if y'all haven't caught on the themenow, and I think our key
point today is mental health has everythingto do with weight and weight loss.
And if I can piggyback off ofthe gratitude really quick, I think even
having gratitude for oneself is something thatis it's really hard to do, like

(40:00):
practicing self love. So i've recentlybecause we've been down so much, like
can't walk right, can't go tothe bathroom, like whatever the case may
be, Like, we've experienced alot of can't do. So when I
go work out now, I say, I get to work out right,
not I have to work out,And I just feel like it's so much

(40:23):
more liberating because I'm finding a loveand a joy for my body and how
it heals itself and how it movesand how I can challenge it right.
And I really feel gratitude for thatnow. Maybe not for my celua like
but whatever, I'm a work question, But I agree like having an attitude
of gratitude, as cliche as itsounds, is really the key. And

(40:46):
I think a great segue into talkinga little bit about how mental health has
affected our weight loss and how wegot from maybe some of our darkest moments
to actually talking about being grateful andpractice thing it every day. Absolutely,
we talked about running, and Ihave a lot of people who are fit

(41:07):
or just normal everyday people are like, why are you running six point five
five miles for fun? Or Alot of my training has been running,
like doing a loop around my neighborhood, going to metro parks. Columbus,
Ohio has so many great metro parks. I recently accidentally moved super close to

(41:30):
work and it's three point six milesdoor to door, and my colleagues are
like, why are you running towork? Which running and walking are the
same thing, Guys, if youwalk, you can call yourself a runner
just downware Yep. But when you'retalking about that gratitude, I like that
you said that because it's I gettoo, because I'm finally feeling better with

(41:51):
my leg issues and being outdoors isso helpful for my mental health that sometimes
I just I started training to Iactually started training post shoulder surgery because I
needed to get the f out ofthe house. Yeah, And it was
giving me so much clarity, andI'm like, oh, I'll just keep
going. Oh I'll just train forsomething, and then people won't ask me

(42:13):
why I'm walking all the time.I have this infle I do have a
reason. But that gratitude and gettingto do something also came from another place
for me, because I recently startedworking with mental health therapists that focused specifically

(42:37):
on body image and eating disorders.And initially we started talking about eating disorders,
but very quickly it became about mylife post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety
depression, which all feed eating disorders. And even if you don't have an
eating disorder, that mental health affectseverything. Affects how you eat, it

(43:01):
affects how you exercise, it affectshow you move, how you manage stress
exactly, And oh girl, that'sa whole other episode. Stress causes cortisol
reactions, and then you can't loseweight, by the way, just by
it. We'll talk about stress.But when I started working with these mental

(43:23):
health professionals, right now, theonly thing I do for weight losses I
take b approprian, which actually hasa side effect of making you not hungry
because of how it interacts with yourmind and doing mental health therapy too,
at least one time a week,sometimes two times a week, because that's
what I need. And I stoppedthinking about counting calories or how much I'm

(43:47):
working out or what diet am Ion, And all of a sudden,
I started losing weight, just veryvery slowly slow and steady exactly. And
I was like, man, thisis it's weird. I'm really not doing
much. But what I realized wasI wasn't emotionally eating because I was now

(44:07):
addressing this underlying behavior that was causingme to overeat. And I was doing
activities I enjoyed, like exercising ina healthy man or not because I felt
like I had to hit some numberto lose weight, but because I like
going outside and walking mm hmm.And when I am guilty of like when

(44:29):
I was doing martial arts, I'dsometimes do all the things and push my
body and sometimes quote unquote break itor be overextended because I felt like I
need to burn all the collaries offfrom this past weekend. Yep. Yes,
And I think one of the thingsthat I lean into now is simple
is effective. Yes, right,things do not have to be super complex.

(44:52):
You don't have to, you know, count your macros. And don't
get me wrong, it works forsome people I'm not knocking to but I
think for the major already of workingclass people, we don't have time to
do all this crazy stuff, right, So if we keep it simple,
we focus on the mental part ofthe challenge when it comes to weight loss.

(45:14):
And I'll share a story about whereI made a connection. My body
dysmorphia ran so deep. So likeI said, I've always been like curvy.
So I had like boobs and abig old booty at twelve years old.
And for me, it was likeall the grown women around me made
it seem like I was doing somethingwrong just because that's how I developed.

(45:37):
So it was you can't go here, you can't do that. Oh that
grown man is asking you to comehere. In them all, something's wrong
with you. And so it mademe just want to hide my body and
like be ashamed of it. Soeven when I got into my early twenties
and my friends are like, youknow, let's go to the club,
which, by the way, Ididn't start drinking till I was twenty one
because I was a little lame.But whatever, a cast thank you thank

(46:00):
you very much. Now I drinkevery day, not kidding. They would
be like why do you want towear this? Like why are you wearing
this baggy shirt? Or why doyou want to put a jacket on?
And they're like, your body islike amazing. And it took for me
to get to like twenty three twentyfour to really be like, oh my
gosh, I can look sexy andthere's nothing wrong with it. But I

(46:22):
had no idea in my thirties thatI'd be talking to my therapist about things
that still correlate it back to thattwelve year old little girl. Yeah,
that was being told that she wasdoing something wrong, or even being in
ballet, like hey, you needto suck your butt in? How are
you suck your button? Alex?Oh my god. Out here there's women

(46:46):
and men trying to really get thoseglutes going because they did the big butt
bbl like suck your butts, suckmy budd in and my eleazar like what
is that? Oh gosh, Yeah, I'm breathing because it's bringing back a

(47:07):
lot for me too. And again, we could probably have a whole other
episode on it, but everybody's ata different point in their life. And
and I think the moral of alot of what we talked about today is
there's more than one way to dothings, and you have to find what's
right for you. But you haveto the one thing you have to do

(47:30):
is find that centered balance for yourown mental health and why you're doing it.
I recently came out as bisexual,and thank you. I was like,
do I say this on a podcast? I guess, but you were

(47:52):
talking about the baggy shirts and theclothes. And this is why this is
relevant is that I used to dressmasculine because those were the only clothes that
fit me. I was I wasnever taken to stores where clothes fit me,
and so the only clothes that wouldfit me were men's clothes. Wow.
And everybody's like, oh, doyou just dress like that because you

(48:15):
like to? And I was like, no, it's because I have to
because I'm overweight. Oh my gosh. And as I got older and to
the workplace, people assumed I wasgay. People out girl like, no,
she is not. I was recentlytold my employer I was at thirteen

(48:36):
years that people behind my back wouldask the lesbians at the office if I
was gay because I drove a truckand I wore men's pollos. Oh my
gosh. And I didn't realize Iwas projecting that image and it had nothing
to do with me being gay,Like if that, if that's how you
want to dress, great, Butit was because I felt like I had
to dress that way because I wasoverweight. Do you remember me ever?

(49:00):
Use you like somebody ask me ifyou yes? So for reference, Cass
and I worked together what seven ohyears ago, at least at least seven
at them, So for thirt Ijust changed jobs this past year in twenty
twenty three, and I worked atthat company from twenty ten to twenty twenty
three, thirteen years. For thirteenconsecutive years, there was somebody in my

(49:24):
department who was asking if I wasgay. And I still didn't get asked
out of date, No ladies cameto me anyway. But when I it
made me question how is dressing?Because I was like, no, I'm

(49:45):
not gay. I would like tobe more feminine. And I was like,
well, how the f at thirtysomething do I dress more feminine?
Because I've been dressing this way mywhole life, And so I started literally
asking that question to my grown nasadult friends and I started wearing more feminine
tops and finding restaurants, retailers,retailers that sell larger women's sizes like Lane

(50:14):
Brian and tore It, or shoesthat were more feminine and didn't break my
ankle, Like, don't wear hotheels, they're they're horrible for you.
They look great, but wear booties. But so I started asking even the
lesbians, I'm like, how doI look more feminine? Because they're the
ones who were willing to talk tome about it, because they were the

(50:36):
ones kind of making fun of mein a loving way. And I started
dressing more feminine and kind of foundmy jib, which was more androgynous,
like masculine, feminine, kind ofedgy. Look, I'm not hard to
find on the internet. Unfortunately,you can do both. Yeah. But
then I realized in this journey tolike dressed more feminine because that's how I

(51:01):
identify. This was all driven offweight, but that's how I ended up
coming out as bisexual because I startedthinking about it more and having more conversations
on my sexuality with people. Ihad two colleagues who were lesbians who sat
across for me, who constantly jokedabout me being lesbian and were like trying

(51:23):
to convert me jokingly, which thenbrought it up in my therapist's office,
and I later learned that that particulartherapist identified as gay, and when I
was having that conversation with her,she was just like looking at me like
like, why are you why areyou bringing like bringing this up? And

(51:44):
I was like, because I havepeople asking me all the time about gay
and you know what resonates with meabout that is I see this theme between
the two of us where before wereally started doing like the heart core work,
is that pertains to mental health,there were parts of ourself that we
were suppressing, Yes, right,And I think that suppression and not being

(52:09):
able to be your full self alsocontributes to just like holding onto this crap,
right and not being able to fullyrelease, including the weight Yeah right,
hell yes, Like I think beingyour authentic self and finding what works
for you is the most important aboutany weight loss journey. For me,

(52:31):
that's martial arts because I feel likeI'm working out without thinking about working out.
But that's not for everybody, youknow. For me, the weight
loss drugs were great, but becauseI wasn't focusing on my deep core mental
health it wasn't working really well.But I know somebody who recently went through
gastric bypassed revision surgery because she didlike the sleeve and she's now at lower

(52:53):
than her middle school weight because shedid the work on her own mental health
and her lifestyle before she had thesurgery. But she's one of those like
Pinnacle, like thank's the reason whyyou should have it, but she also
had to do the work. Yeah. Absolutely, And I think if anybody
listening to this podcast today walks awaywith anything is that we're we're asking you

(53:17):
to normalize talking about weight yes andweight loss, because that's what helps you
find what's your authentic self is andwhat you would like to do to help
make yourself more healthy and become yourselfmore more fully. I agree, And
I think it's important to note thatit's okay to fail. Hell yeah,

(53:40):
right. If you try something andit doesn't work, that's okay, Like
the trust the process saying it's somereal stuff, like you really do.
Just have to trust the process.You have to commit, you have to
be motivated, you have to bewilling to do the work, and you
have to find the lesson in thatfailure. Like we fail for reasons,

(54:01):
but there's always something that we learn, right. Failure teaches us something along
the way, whether it's okay,Cassandra, you too, oh to be
doing CrossFit like Sandra, you knowyou can't swim? Why are you at?
But it's okay to fail and totry something different. It's okay to

(54:24):
reach out to other people, rightand get some insight on what may have
worked for them or advice that theymay have. Doesn't mean this is going
to work for you, but itgives you additional options. Right. I
have a question for you though,Oh lord, it's the two part.
This is not planned, by theway. My first question for you is

(54:45):
what will be like your your biggestmental health takeaway as it pertains to weight
loss that you had. That's partone. I think, see this is
not planned because I'm thinking, thisis the time I've put you're on the
spot. I think I was denyingthat I had mental health issues for a

(55:15):
very long time because it initially startedbecause the military thing. Okay, but
then I became I normalized just sayingI'm fine, pull myself up by the
bootstraps, I don't have mental healthproblems, and by me denying it made
it easier for me to fall inthe weight the weight traps like the emotional

(55:37):
eating, the sedentary lifestyle, thedepression. And so I think the biggest
thing I've learned is to be honestwith yourself. Oh I love that.
And it's hard to be honest withjust yourself. It is, it is.
But when I became honest with myselfabout my mental health, it created

(55:57):
this domino effect of me admitting,like, I do overeat because of my
emotions. Because of that self awareness, and had I never done that,
I wouldn't be here. Oh Ilike that. Okay, Part two?
What was and this may be similaractually, but what was the biggest obstacle

(56:21):
that you had to overcome on thejourney itself? And what was the breakthrough
point for you? I am gladyou asked me this because I was going
to mention something about this. Okay. The reason why I am in mental
health therapy is not because I wantedto be there. I had hit my

(56:49):
highest adult weight of three hundred andsixty pounds twice in my life. Wow.
The first time was in twenty fourteenor fifteen, and I've felt uncomfortable
in my own skin. And that'swhen I started doing some title boxing because
you recommended it, and then fellin love with the whole like workout by
not thinking about working out. Yes, and I got down on my own

(57:13):
and blah blah blah. Down fromthree sixty, I hit three sixty again
and twenty late twenty nineteen early twentytwenty three COVID. Yeah, okay,
because I had knee surgery right afterthat ankle surgery, fucking knees, and

(57:37):
I was devastated. I literally had. I got back into jiu jitsu because
I was excited. Yeah, becauseI finally I got to workout, and
I had knee surgery because I neededto, and I got super depressed and

(58:00):
I was overeating post surgery a lot. Yeah. I went from something I
was in like two eighty and twentyeighteen in like May twenty eighteen. I
maintained that through the end of twentyeighteen, so like twenty nineteen, I
was maybe less than three hundred.I went from three hundred to three sixty

(58:22):
from August twenty nineteen to the endof twenty nineteen, so in four months.
Wow, And I felt uncomfortable inmy skin again, and I'm like,
I cannot live like this. Yeah, and imagine having knee surgery.
They say something like, for everyten pounds, there's four times the amount

(58:42):
of pressure on your knee. Ifeel like right now. Hell yeah,
imagine being post knee surgery adding sixtymore pounds on it. I can relate,
which is why I had to bein PT three times for my knee.
Yeah. And so I and twentytwenty started the weight loss program through

(59:04):
a local healthcare system. And theydo a multi pronged approach with mental health,
like they have a psychologist, exercisephysiologist, doctors you know, to
do it in the right way.Yeah, And they offer you options like
medications. And over twenty twenty totwenty two, I had tried maybe five

(59:27):
or six medications every diet on theplanet was work, seeing these doctors constantly,
and made barely any progress. Imaybe got down to three thirty,
which my body really likes. AndI was at a point where I was
just stuck no matter what medication Itook. And people had with Govy being

(59:49):
one of them that has these miracleresults, I had no miracle results.
Wow. And that clinic had suggestedto me several times, well maybe you
should try this one mental health cliniccalled Eating and Behavioral Health that specializes in
eating, and I kept saying no, no, no, no no,
and it kept offering mental health threatsand I'm like, no, no,

(01:00:10):
no, no, no, I'mnot depressed. I don't have a problem.
And I got it. I gotto this pinnacle fucket point. I
was like, I've tried everything else. I will fucking try it, but
I don't think it will work rightAnd look at you now. So for
me like that, getting into thatvery uncomfortable state of being a max way,

(01:00:37):
like going through every single thing Icould think of and not making progress
on weight loss, I was Iwas just at this like defeated point where
I was like, I can't livelike this anymore. Yeah, And I
was pleasantly surprised. Not immediately,it took probably six months to almost a

(01:00:58):
year, okay, that when Istarted addressing the mental health and I did
take one mental health drug called beAppropriate, which is pretty easy going when
it comes to mental health drugs,and I did the slow and steady work
that it worked. I'm just comfortablysitting at three hundred and I don't count
calories yet, I don't stress aboutwhat I'm eating. I'm eating far less,

(01:01:24):
just naturally, and I'm just stillcoming down. I'm I'm proud of
you, girl. I've watched thejourney and I just really love the place
that you're at today. Thank youappreciate that. Yes, it's inspiring.
You are very inspiring yourself. Ilove I've loved the journey you've been on.
You. You are so athletic andvery disciplined with your eating and your

(01:01:50):
lifestyle. I don't know how youdo it. I'm too lazy sometimes to
cook, which is also a thingthat's probably been so much on door dash.
But I appreciate you asking this questions. Absolutely. Yeah. One thought
that I have when you were talkingabout some of the hard realizations that you

(01:02:15):
had to come to, is mineand I think a lot of people share
this. I have this like hungerto be perfect all this time, right
like I had to be valedictorian,I had to have my four point zhs,
I had to be captain of everysquad that I was. If I'm

(01:02:37):
working in the department, I'm goingto be the manager. And I think
that letting go of the perfection yes, was the hardest thing for me to
do. And to understand why Iwas like that like where did I become
this people pleaser? Right? Andwhy did I need everyone to think that

(01:02:58):
I was perfect? And my therapistthis is actually recently, we were talking
and she said, You've had areally intense kind of crazy life that most
people don't know about, but you'verebranded yourself. Yeah to the Cassandra that
you want everyone to know. Yes, and you have that image to maintain
for people, right, and ifyou don't know them and trust them,

(01:03:21):
you're not gonna let them know theCassandra on the other side of this wall,
the one that's on the podcast straightnow. Yeah, the one that's
on the podcast right now. SoI had to get comfortable with like,
Okay, like I'm not perfect,right, there's gonna be there's someone smarter
than me, there's someone better lookingthan me. When I look in the
mirror, I had this like reversebody dysmorphia at one point where I would

(01:03:43):
look in the mirror and I thoughtI looked like Beyonce, Like in my
mind I was like snatched, butin real life I wasn't. But it
was like, okay, photoshop inthis picture, so no one knows it.
But then it's oh, I didn'teven know you did that, Yes,
in my twenties. I did thatfor like three years, where I
would after I gained all the weightafter I have my knee surgery, I'm
like photoshopping pictures. You're only takingpictures from the chest up, and never

(01:04:06):
wanting to go in public right unlessI had to, because I didn't want
anyone to see me like what Ireally look like. And so just letting
go of that image of perfection andjust being like, you know what,
you're gonna get whatever body I'm givingyou today, yes, right, if
it's this body that I got rightnow, where I'm about two twenty two.
My body likes to sit between liketwo fifteen and two thirty, but
I feel the best between one eightyand two hundred. But I usually have

(01:04:29):
to fight to get like back inthat two to two fifteen range because my
body will stay it is usually tosit like at two eighteen, and my
knee starts hurting at two eighteen,so that's when I know I'm a little
too heavy. So girl, justletting go of that image of perfection and
just being like, you know whatI am, who I am in whatever
stage of my life that I mean, and you accepted or you get lost.

(01:04:53):
Hell yeah, girl, thank youfor sharing that, because body image
is so difficult no matter your gender, how you identify, or where you
come from. And that brings upa good point. Something that unintentionally happened
with my mental health journey is Igot so much more comfortable with my body.

(01:05:16):
And I've literally been running around thisneighborhood I live in with my shirt
off in the summer at three andten pounds. Yeah you heard that,
even down master jasts. Hell yeah, that's an inside zore for another day,
definitely. But girl, I can'ttell you. It initially started because

(01:05:41):
I was just physically so physically hotthat I could not stand it anymore.
And I took my shirt off,and I'm like, oh, is this
how men feel the shirt off?It feels good? I could pool down.
Yeah. But then I was likehell yeah, Like I was as
embracing my body and body image.And I've posted some pictures on social media
of myself shirtless or and like skintight shorts to normalize it, and I

(01:06:06):
get so many compliments and I appreciateit, but I do it more because
I want other people to become orfind themselves and feel more comfortable in their
own body too. Yeah, andI feel like as somebody who has weighs
three hundred plus pounds, if youcan see me do it, I'm sure
you can do it too, whenyou are at that point that you feel

(01:06:29):
comfortable and however that looks for you, I'll tell you that was so like
Excu's my French press probably thirty timesthough it was so like bad ass for
me. Because do you want toknow something crazy, I have not worn
a pair of shorts since I wastwenty three, what I'm thirty six?

(01:06:51):
Think about it? Have you everseen me in shorts? Have you ever
seen me in a mini skirt?No? Like, my legs are my
biggest insecurity because I carry my weightliterally in my big old butt in my
thighs, and so like gaining andlosing weight and gaining and then getting in
that car accident in twenty nineteen,I had shrapped on between my legs and

(01:07:11):
that like to form the inside ofmy legs a little bit. And so
my goal is to get comfortable andjust be able to wear some danglauncha.
Even when I wear swom stew Iwear the pants like the bottoms. Yeah,
yeah, I don't ever show mylegs they're literally the color of you.
For context, I'm white and Cassandra'sblack. Yep. So she's saying

(01:07:35):
her legs are pasty ass white yep. So you do you inspire me to
slowly get out of my because it'snot going to happen overnight. Right.
I've been like this for a while, Like I literally have a way of
dressing where it's like you're not gonnasee a kneecap, okay, like hiding
this all the way. So youinspire me to just be like, you

(01:07:56):
know what forgetting even if I don'tshow it on social media, even if
I just do it in real life. So I really I appreciate the fact
that you just are like, youknow what, Like we have one life
to live, Like, do wewant to spend it like this? No?
Girl, I thank you for sayingthat. And the funny thing is
we inspire each other because like definitelyyour lifestyle habits and your discipline with your

(01:08:20):
eating and your vegetarian pescatarian and Iwas like, if Cassandra could do it,
I can do it. So youknow, I when I get lazy,
I think of you a lot becauseI'm like, oh, she's like
super extra busy being an executive andall these badass things, and I was
like, if she can do it, I can do it. Heck yeah,
if I can cook my dog fivestar meals, I think he's another

(01:08:45):
night You're like, I cook mydog five star meals and then like,
forget to eat, cook for myself, get out on the DoorDash like it's
something awful. Oh So that's all, folks for this episode. Code.
We will be posting more episodes inthe future Woodwood. That's how our podcast

(01:09:06):
works. There may be rotating cohosts with subjects I like bringing an experts.
You'll definitely hear cast a lot forsure. But you know, I
hope today's discussion was helpful for you. Take whatever you took from this episode
and go normalize it yet and you'llbe hearing from Alex and can here soon