I'm Ashamed of My Kink-S05E12

Episode Transcript
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(00:04):
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to mydungeon. Welcome to caldron Script. I
mean, here's Master Culdren from theshow. We use our combined thirty four
years of BDSM experience, my twentyyears work in the psychology field, a

(00:24):
spell myths, getys stereotypes, andanswer your questions about BDSM. You can
text in your questions or comments toeight sixty five two six eight four is
erzer a five or visit the cryptat cauldronscript dot com. In this episode,
we're diving into the why, what, when, where and how of
people being ashamed of their own kinks. Hello Mayfair, Hello Cauldron. How

(00:47):
goes it? Still hot? I'malready burning up, but I have Aaron
heating service coming out on the thirteenth. Sweet finally are right well? I
am searching for something on fet life. If you're really new, fet life
is like the Facebook of the kinkyworld. And what's about to happen is

(01:10):
I am going to go over therules that love by I brought to you
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Kind of add a bunch of resinknives to the Etsy shop. I
have been producing a bunch of themfor the cryptors in our discord group,

(01:36):
but we will get more into thatdiscord group later. Those rules love by
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That is k n KI and comesfrom Kinky app, available on all platforms.
They are not a sponsor, butit does stand for knowledge, no
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(01:57):
Young, submission is not about aand it's not about obedience. It is
all about relationships of love and respect. There's a beautiful writing by Satan on
fet life. How many times doyou get the opportunity to say that?
A beautiful writing by Satan on fatLife where that quote was used. They

(02:22):
are a longtime listener, So thankyou so much for that compliments. And
yeah, so sorry, I'm alittle rattled, not going to get into
why just Friday was a bad day. And yeah, I'm ashamed of my

(02:46):
Kink season five, episode twelve.We're not on Facebook today, but I
did post the link to the YouTube. Facebook wouldn't allow it, blocked it
because of the word kink. Ithink they're starting down on that again.
So a little background on this forthose who have listened for a long time.

(03:09):
You know, Mayfair and I haveboth talked about and back when fun
Size was around, we all havetalked about a lot of trauma issues.
These things can cause shame. Eventhough you know, when something happens to
you, it's it happens to you, it's not you doing it, so

(03:31):
it's nothing to be ashamed of.But when these things happen, it can
bring on a lot of shame guilt. You know, textbook psych one oh
one things that we all know about. I'm not going to insult anybody's intelligence,
but it is psych one oh onefor a reason, and we're going

(03:53):
to dive into some of these reasonstoday. But I've recently been having a
conversation with somebody, and I've hadthis conversation quite a few times with different
people over the past twenty something years, twenty eight years about getting into something

(04:15):
that makes them feel not right orguilty or ashamed. One of those common
things with men who have been abused, is sexually abused, is being called
daddy, and there's this feeling ofyou know, if your role playing like

(04:41):
this, that it might lead youto turn into an abuser because of these
false statistics that we've heard our wholelives. Most of us that you know,
if you're abused, then it's almosta guarantee that you're going to into
an abuser. So you're just waitingfor that moment, living in fear until

(05:05):
that happens, when in fact,there's a survey by the National Institute of
Health that says that thirty five percentof people of adults who committed acts of

(05:30):
assault were abused, and then there'san eleven percent statistic and I can't remember
what it was, but it kindof equalized that out a little bit and
made it twenty two percent. Yeah. I just had my wife look it
up, because most of you know, she's a therapist, and she dove

(05:51):
into it for me and checked itout because it's a very common statistic.
So that's a little background on howwe come to talk about this today.
And we've mentioned this randomly through severalepisodes, and I thought it important to
put one out there. This isnot from an article we're not going to

(06:11):
be reading to you. As youcan see, the show notes today posted
down below are bullet points that we'regoing to get into, so mayfair before
we dive into each of these bulletpoints. You've had this all morning.
I don't know if you've had achance to look at it or not.
We haven't spoken until now, Butwhat are your thoughts on this ahead of

(06:36):
time? What do you kind ofany experience with this that you want to
share to those who may have neverlistened before, or any just initial like
what this brings to mind when youthink about this. Anything. You have

(06:57):
the floor if you wish to useit. When you during your opening,
it made me like you said thatshame Actually, honestly I don't remember what
you said, but a lot oftimes we feel shame about things that we
have No No, it was onehundred percent on our fault, but those

(07:21):
are the things we feel the mostshame for. I think, like I've
been pretty open that I was sexuallyabused around the age twelve, and the
shame that I carried is it wasmonumental and it wasn't my fault. And

(07:45):
still to this day I say that, and then the voice spent my back
in the back of my head says, yes it was. You didn't say
anything, you allowed it to happen. Yeah, I did allow it to
happen. I was twelve, though, and I didn't have anyone I could
trust to not go postal so tospeak to talk to about it. And

(08:07):
I kept it quiet because I knewthat if I told it would no longer,
I would never have the chance toconvince my dad to love me,
which was, you know, abig thing. I always wanted to be
Daddy's little girl. And uh,well it really fucked you up when Daddy
will literally leave the room if youcome into it. So so I think

(08:35):
that's where the biggest shame of minehas come from, is things that were
done to me that I could notcontrol. Yeah, that's true for most
of us that didn't have the bestexperiences as children and adults. We do

(08:58):
it as adults too. I mean, you know, if you lose a
job, whether you know, youget fired or you're laid off or something
like that, not every firing iswith good reason. Sometimes it's a witch

(09:20):
hunt, and that can certainly makeyou feel that or something that somebody else,
a friend does. You know,this could go completely into the vanilla
world, into the kink world.When I posted this on Felt Life and
Mayfair. I don't know if yousaw this, but there was a couple
of comments on there. One saysI've been outed and felt quite ashamed of

(09:46):
my primary kink. It's why Ideleted my old account and wrote several writings
to clear up any misconceptions. Anotherone says, I feel most I feel
most of my life I've hidden mykink side. When I perceived judgment,
it only validated that I needed tohide those things or hide those needs,

(10:11):
wants and desires. So it's therewas I don't typically get a lot of
activity on my fit page, butthere's there's definitely about six times more love
than usual on there and two commentswhich I very seldom will get more than
one commentary. So yeah, I'mjust not very active on the socials,

(10:39):
so people don't look at my socialstoo much. But do want to say
hello to Valfreya, Kinky, jE, m R. Ken Hank the
chat Room, the third co hostof the show. So any comments you
guys have to make, as usual, we look forward to hearing those,
hearing your thoughts on each of theseas we go through literally go through the
why, what, when? Where? Uh? And two howls in the

(11:03):
houhalth So why do people feel shamesociety? That's your your social network,
your inner circle. Societal pressures tobe that good girl or that that good

(11:26):
boy, good man and good woman. Or I remembered talking to you someone
they said that they couldn't admit tobeing submissive because in today's society, women
are supposed to be dominant. We'renot supposed to shore our submissis anymore.

(11:48):
It's you're considered a bad woman's womanif you're fear submissive. Yeah, yeah,
that is oh my god. Yeah. Feminists seem to love nothing more
than beating other women down. That'sthe modern feminist movement, when in fact,

(12:15):
I think it takes somebody with animmense amount of strength to say,
hey, you know, I canbe a very strong, powerful person with
my own mind, my own wants, needs and desires, not care what

(12:35):
other people think, and not notnot put my first, myself first by
doing the things that I love andI enjoy. That's what that's what real
strength is is going against those societalnorms when it suits you. MMR says,

(13:00):
I am just nervous about my raceplay fetish more. What's white tea
are offended than black people, whitepeople, more white are offended than black

(13:20):
people. Yeah, it's Karen's Ithink often it comes from the purity focused
ideals that come out of a lotof religions. Anything beyond marriage, missionary
sex as seen as dirty. Yeah, we're going to jump into that too.

(13:41):
So I think what makes me laughwith society feeling shame forcing you to
feel shame is that ninety percent ofthe people who are judging you were doing
that or worse, Well, that'swhere you know you need to clean off
your back porch before you start tellingme I need to lean my front porch
kind of thing. Or maybe everheard that statement, maybe maybe backwards,

(14:07):
maybe you know you need to cleanoff your front porch before telling me to
clean off my back porch. Butbasically, uh, you need to take
care of the things that you hidefrom everybody before you even think about telling
me that. I need to totake care of the things that I put
out there for the world to see, Like these are my things, My
choice is my decisions, So screwyou. Basically, you know, Mr,

(14:33):
I've got a comment on on whatyou said a little bit more because
I have been with women of everyrace just about as far as I know

(14:54):
many many nationalities. I have engagedin race play, extremely apprehensive about it.
It was at the request of apartner and strangely enough become very therapeutic.

(15:20):
But I'm amazed at how taboo thatone is even within our world.
Within uh it was, I don'tknow, a month ago, month and
a half ago, I saw somebodywho I greatly respect make a post on
fet life stating that, you know, if you want, if you want

(15:45):
to participate in race play, that'sfine, but you're getting blocked by me
because I don't want to see itin your feed. And this person is
typically not like one of those outthere drama filled people at all. I've
known her eight years very well andnever seen any kind of behavior like that

(16:07):
until now. So instead, youknow, if it wasn't meant as some
kind of sly remark, then shewould have just blocked them and been done
with it and wouldn't need to makea public statement been said. Instead,
the public statement was made first,and then the block happened. More than

(16:30):
likely, I don't know that forsure, but yeah, it's talking about
feeling shame. That's definitely gonna canmake someone feel shame, So I know
that we've like talked to brown thatparticular kink from time to time. Yes,

(16:51):
but I'm really not sure what itis race play. I guess what
stereotypically what people think of race playwould be eighteen hundred's plantation owner and slaves,
yep, things of that nature.Just we'd never really to find it.

(17:15):
And I've always been like, yeah, I had some good friends down
in Georgia who played a farm ownerand a migrant worker. She was Mexican
and or he was Mexican, sorry, and she was white, and they

(17:40):
played you know, she was shewas the husband of the farm owner and
in fact it was a cup holdingthing mixed in there. Yeah, and
so he would be out working intheir guard. They did have a very
large piece of property and grew lotsof stuff and including Christmas trees. But

(18:04):
yeah, that was he played roleplayed the migrant worker. So Mr says,
I have a friend that never understoodwhy we weren't friends in social media
until I explained that his dislike ofrace play in his profile. He laughed
and told me that I was anexception to the rule. That's good,

(18:27):
as you should be an exception toevery rule because you're just that awesome.
All right. Anyway, I don'twant to make this incredibly focused on that
on race play, but it definitelyis something that a lot of people Society

(18:47):
tries to force them us to feelashamed of it. Race play is more
than that. I have done anamazing race play demo with a black man
that changed some people's minds. Yes, it is. It absolutely definitely is
more than what I said, Uh, which is why. Yeah, as
I said, the stereotypical thing,and MR and I have talked many times

(19:12):
about having her on to dive intoit, and to be honest, there's
not much that scares me, butwith the climate of the world these days,
that is actually one thing that scaresme because I don't want to get
the show shut down, kicked offof YouTube and all the other socials that

(19:37):
it's on. But yeah, we'regonna we're going to have that conversation.
Uh just hide and watch. It'sgoing to happen this year if m R
and I can work our schedules out, which she's laughing at that. All
right, So society family, Uh, mayfair, is your family ever made

(20:04):
you feel shameful about God? Oras long as he doesn't hit you in
the stomach. Well, no,it's She's actually said a lot more than
that more recently because I have wehave a friend who rents from her now,

(20:30):
and that friend has has tried toinclude her in conversations and she gets
like aggressively angry about it because shesaid, it's just not right. That
can being beat by someone who supposedlyloves you is just not right. And
if she ever sees anybody doing that, she's gonna probably shoot him and all

(20:53):
this other stuff. And I knowwhere she I know, and I'm not
going to call out her her trauma, but I know where it's coming from.
Yeah, But I just some'm like, whatever, well, yeah,
And that's the people cannot seem towrap their heads around the fact that what

(21:15):
gets one what gets one person off, doesn't get another person off, difference
in consensual beatings and non consensual beatings, right. Unfortunately, my family has
a long history of being abused.Yeah, same as as you are aware.
My brother had He says something allthe time that I absolutely love,

(21:37):
and it said, hey, everybody'sgetting by looks a little bit different.
And I love that because he justI don't know where he got it from.
But every time he says it,he has like this Matthew McConaughey tone
to it, and you know itshould actually sound creepy, but it's not

(22:00):
few McConaughey tone. I assume youmean where he says girl something about high
school, those high school high schoolgirls. Man, I keep getting older
and they all stay the same.Yeah. I feel like not all of
the listeners are familiar with that movie. Yeah probably so uh him from Magic

(22:21):
Mike Friends can make you feel ashamed. Yeah, My one of my very
best friends. She was the oneperson I was afraid to tell. I
didn't care to tell my mom.I wasn't worried, like I didn't want
to tell work because it's just anotherdamn business. But like my one friend

(22:42):
that I've had since the fourth grade, I was like, this is gonna
be hard. So I went overand I was like, I got to
tell you something and I hope youdon't hate me for it. And she's
like, what what if you've done? And I told her about being in

(23:08):
a Polly relationship and she was like, oh okay, and I was like,
She's like, hell, I've maintainedthat sometimes it takes two women to
deal with a man. As awoman who has married herself. But I
really thought that it was it wasgonna be weird because she is a very

(23:30):
religious person, and with the guyshe married, I don't think they had
sex until after they were married.So Granny, she had two kids by
high school end, but then shestarted dating him and they didn't have sex
until they were married because she didn'twant a third child out of wedlock.

(24:00):
We're all young and stupid sometime.He From what I understand, she was
raised a lot like me as faras the religion goes, and we are
always the first ones to start experimentingbecause it's made so taboo by those in
charge that we just have to findout. Look what I just found.
Yeah, her mother said it's acharger for a toy, a little pink

(24:26):
one. She uh she never neededsexual education because she knew her children were
not going to be sexually active tillafter marriage. So when she was fifteen
and met a guy who said,hey, you can't get pregnant on your
first time, God lovers, shedidn't know any better, and that's not
her fault, and she got pregnanton her first time. Yep, oh

(24:49):
man. But her mother liked theboy better than me because he come from
a good family and he went tochurch, and where I came from a
poor family and I didn't go tochurch. I was about infl what's on
her? Yeah, I know whenI was younger. As far as friends
judging, yeah, I didn't.Most of my friends didn't didn't know,

(25:11):
like it was a whole separate life. The people that my neighbor just drove
by on as Harley, I don'tknow if y'all heard that, Yes,
that sounded like thunder anyway. Thepeople that I hung out with on a
daily basis really didn't know. Infact that even one of my friends that

(25:34):
we kind of dated for a littlebit, who is now in lifestyle and
has been I ended up doing somethings, needed some advice and kind of
shared with her, and then sheshared back with me. But all of

(25:57):
that was out of shame. Theonly reason why I ever started talking to
her about that situation was I hadnowhere else to turn and I was feeling
feeling some things that I needed toget off my chest. And uh,
yeah it was. It was arough time. But I have lost friendships

(26:21):
because of that, because of beingin life great great friendships at least I
thought they were until they ended becauseof this. Yeah, no, apparently
not. Self esteem issues can makepeople feel ashamed. Self esteem issues you

(26:48):
you, by definition, you're alreadyfeeling shame, and so anything that's outside
the norm, you're gonna feel iteven more. Self judgment if you have
a certain belief about something like youjust shouldn't hit women. You know,

(27:12):
if you're a good old Southern boy, you've been raised up that a man
never raises his hand to a woman, and all of a sudden you find
yourself with a woman who wants tobe bruised or even bloodied consensually. I

(27:34):
have known the people to go intomassive, massive depressions over that being outed,
like I said from the comment oron the fet life on my fet
life post about this episode, andthen finally religion, and we all know

(27:56):
that when we all understand that one, there's no real reason to die too
deeply into that one. I thinkthe shame that goes with being outed is
you weren't ready to share that.That wasn't something you were ready to share,
Yeah, and then someone took thatthat was yours to share, and

(28:18):
somebody took it and threw it outfor the world and you're like, fuck,
I wasn't ready for that shit.Yeah, and people think, well
that you know, that's the onlyreason why everybody doesn't know it is because
you're ashamed of it. That's notNot every secret is a secret out of
shame. Some secrets are just secrets, like it's your thing and you don't

(28:40):
want to tell people, or youknow, you're not ashamed of it,
but you also don't want to loseyour job or lose your children things of
this nature. It doesn't just becauseyou keep it a secret doesn't mean that
you're ashamed of it. Just meansthat some people don't need to know your
shit. Yeah, not everybody.Hell, I'm of a very firm belief

(29:03):
that nobody needs to know absolutely everythingabout me. Well, it's I don't
know if it's something you're familiar with, but like for the newer generations who
grew up on Facebook, the morelike it's kind of one of those things
where we all know. The moreyou put your relationship on Facebook about how
great it is and how it's wonderful, the more you're trying to convince yourself

(29:26):
and or your spouse in the worldbecause a truly good relationship. You hardly
see anything of it on social mediabecause it's between you and your person.
It's not look at me, Ihave to show it off to the world
to make it valid No, you'reyou're validated within each other. You don't
need external validation, if that makessense to Yeah, and there are studies

(29:48):
that back that up, just likethe studies that show how low self esteem
the majority of people who are constantlytaking so and posting selfies everywhere and all
that is. And if they theyend up turning into an influencer, then

(30:15):
it doesn't mean that their low selfesteem goes away. It means that typically
they become a narcissist because that's whenthey really they buy into the public image
and become a character. And yeah, it's not going to last forever,
but deep down they've still got thatthat self hatred going on, and that

(30:37):
like I said, I mean,there's a lot from the psychological standpoint and
studies, there's been many, many, many studies on that. Every time
I meet somebody who says I can'tstand a liar, I can't stand They're
the biggest liar I've ever met.Can't stand a smart ass, can't stand
smart ass. Well, you're oneof the biggest smart asses I've ever met.
That's why you said you don't likeBrad. Yes, exactly, I

(31:02):
don't like looking in the mirror.I'm pretty ugly. Uh thanks, Mayfair.
You just doubted me your brat somany times on the show, well
known and just when we're sitting aroundhanging out. So what what exactly do

(31:27):
people feel when you talk about feelingshame? What shame, disgrace, persecution,
judgment, judgment, self esteem,hints, depression, anxiety, you

(31:53):
know for your Yeah, yeah,that's the expectation. That's a big one,
especially if somebody is a people pleaser, and I mean even if you're
not, that's certainly a risk offeeling this. But that's when it's really
going to hit somebody. I mean, people have panic attacks based on insecurities

(32:22):
and shame, and you know,you can develop very long term, deep
seated psychological issues from this. Anythingelse on what do people feel? I
think we kind of okay, Ijust want to give you an opportunity for

(32:42):
it. Just moved on without you. When the people when do people feel
ashamed? What are some of thesewhen they fantasize or when they try to
share those fantasies sometimes like you've sharedthe fantasy and now you've set it up,

(33:07):
and now you try to do itand you feel like an idiot trying
to play like that little schoolgirl,like I look stupid, which is why
that I was told a long timeago that I could never do role play
because I'm not brave enough to dothat from the guy who thought choking me

(33:28):
was just pressing down here as hardas he could. So you know,
yeah, let's let's get right onthat larynx. Go ahead and break your
your whim pop there. When it'swhen you're when you're doing it, or
when you finished with the activity andyou go to review it in your mind

(33:49):
or talk about it with your partner, and then if you hear other people
talking about what you did, sosay you did that role play, or
you're first seen in public and youhear people whispering, oh my god,
she was she couldn't take hardly anything. Not that you should hear that,
but I'm certain it said, ohyeah, yeah, I know people who

(34:14):
on that. If you're talking aboutlike light bottoms versus heavy bottoms, that
kind of thing, I know heavyquote unquote heavy bottoms that feel shameful about
that, like, oh my god, how could she take so much?
Yeah, you enjoy getting bloody orI mean one of the people that's regularly

(34:37):
hear I've I've heard. No,i can't say that it wasn't them,
but I've heard somebody talking who isa heavy bottom and it it really makes

(35:00):
her feel bad about it, becauseyou know, she's a very much a
I don't know how to say thiswithout it sounding problematic, Okay, so
I'm just gonna throw this out there. I apologize. I don't mean to
offend anybody. I just can't currentlythink of a different way to say it.

(35:21):
She's a very feminine woman, andyou know, hearing people talk man,
she took that like a man orsome you know something. I've never
seen a woman be able to takethat much physically. God, she's so
strong and you know, okay,but she doesn't want people to force a

(35:51):
masculine persona on her in that way, and that's kind of what it's doing,
so you know, it can makeher feel kind of bad about herself.
So yeah, one of the thingsthat struck me my very first party
thinking, way way back, Ihad no idea what to expect obviously,

(36:17):
I turned the corner and there isa woman who is very large and she's
just but ass naked walking around andI'm just like, oh, like I
feel because for me, nudity wasstill very difficult. It kind of still.

(36:43):
I think a lot of it camefrom my abuse as a kid.
I hated being naked when around anyone, and then like I was like,
oh my god, these people arejust walking around naked, and I'm just
like, don't look at anybody,because nudity to me was still kind of
terrifying, and especially as a notlike skinny, mini like built, perfect

(37:08):
proportions, Barbie looking person like,I was like, oh my god,
there are people who are just asbig or bigger than me walking around butt
ass naked and nobody gives a shit. How does this work? What the
fuck is happening? Just complete cultureshock for me. And I mean,
no, go what you was goingto say, Well, no, I

(37:31):
didn't. For some reason, Iwasn't prepared for full blown nudity, Like
in the first ten minutes of arriving. No I don't. I don't know,
but it's like, okay, okay, oh god, I don't even
think you guys were there yet Igot there ahead of y'all, and I
was just like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,
oh my god, what am Igoing to do? Yeah? Uh,

(37:54):
if you're brand new and you've neverbeen to a play party or you've
you've only played online, whatever,and you don't know what to expect.
But way back in season one,got an episode about what to expect at
your first play party. That's thename of it. I can't remember the
episode number, but there it is. And like, I'm not trying to
judge all those people, it wasjust my own, my own brain.

(38:19):
I was just like, oh,oh dear, I don't know how to
handle all this. Yeah, that'sone of the things that I didn't mention
that can make a person feel ashamedis putting ourselves in somebody else's shoes and
projecting our own issues and insecurities andabuse on somebody else. We put our

(38:40):
own ideas on them, and wewe become ashamed for them. We don't
realize it at the time, ormaybe we do, but yeah, you
walk in, you see somebody nakedwalking around, and you just like have
this sense of shame and you can'tfigure out why, or like I said,

(39:02):
maybe you do know why. Mostpeople in the moment are not going
to be that self aware, butprojection can certainly take place, and you
can you can feel shame for somebodyelse even though they don't have any shame
about it. Yep, no,not a bit. It was it was

(39:28):
my ass and pulled this butt plugout for me. It got lost.
Bad cat says, hello, Badcat says, I had lifelong fantasies as
a mill of submission being dominated bywomen being sexually used, abused. Afraid

(39:49):
to tell my bossy but vanilla latewife, she didn't get hints. I
was too ashamed to tell. Yeah, that's that's very common. A high
percentage of women have CNC fantasies,consensual non consent fantasies, and and they're
yeah, like sixty something percent wasthe last one that I saw, last

(40:16):
study that I saw. And youknow, that's that's the majority of women
have fantasies about this. That doesnot mean that women want to be forced
non consensually with random strangers. Butyou know, and a lot of women

(40:36):
that I know, even within thelifestyle, are ashamed of that. Just
you know, men, a lotof men, even though what what I
can't remember what the statistic was.It's like seventy something percent of men participate
in receiving some form of butt play, whether it be and linga this room

(41:00):
job or you know, penetration,yeah, pinky whatever. Yes, and
they should be because the ones thataren't or no fun for me? Sorry
what made Moore says almost all romancenovels are just seeing see in disguise.

(41:22):
And to backtrack and say what Isaid after reading the statement, and I
said they should be because all theones that tried to read where they were
just soft and pretty and we're makingneve I thought we're born. And I
have no shame in the fact thatvery first sex novel I read was my
grandmother's. She had it in thecloset. Yeah, I mean that tracks

(41:45):
that's very common. Most most kidsfirst look at porn as there, well
it used to be was their parentsborn. I guess now it's you got
eight year olds with cell phones watchingstuff that they have no business watching because
people are just shit and don't watchout for their children. But yeah,

(42:06):
I mean there's a people won't admitthat. People just won't admit these things.
Why because they're ashamed because of societalnorms. You might probably a box
that's probably I don't know, standardmoving box. I guess maybe like three

(42:28):
three foot wired full of books.Wow, there are only three in there
worth reading. I was very disappointed. So, uh, let's uh,
unless you've got something else on.When do people feel ashamed? No?
O, Where do people feel shame? And I mean literally where and absolutely

(42:54):
everywhere, whether it's home, work, church, life, walking the dog,
going to Walmart. I mean,and it doesn't have to be kink.
Like I just started a new newjob. What a month ago?
Two months ago? Now? Ohwow? Well I was a scheduler in

(43:15):
a medical office and I now ama medical assistant. And that first probably
a good, solid first month.I felt so uncomfortable walking around with a
stethoscope around my neck. I waslike, this is fake. I'm a
poser. I have no business doingthis, Like, who the fuck am

(43:38):
I to have a stethoscope? I'mnot that important. Like shame hits in
the weirdest places, in the weirdesttimes, but it's it's true. I
was like, I feel so stupidwearing this, Like what the fuck am
I doing? Yeah? I feela little bit shame every time I come

(43:58):
on here. To the show orget on discord to our chat because I
hear it. As most of youknow, I was injured February of last
year. I haven't been able toparticipate in the scene. And it's getting
to the point where, you know, even though I know the things,

(44:19):
I can't go out and do thethings anymore because of my my spine injury.
And I just feel like you atwork with your stethoscope with this show.
Now, I feel kind of likea fraud because I'm not able to

(44:40):
go play anymore. Even though themajority of the stuff that we talk about
is in past tense or in youknow, not play related. The majority
is not play related. And eventhough I've logged thousands of hours of play

(45:00):
and hundreds, if not a thousandplus scenes, because I can no longer
do it, and how that affectsme. It makes me feel less than

(45:21):
And yeah, I mean so Iunderstand, I understand completely, all right.
So we still have how do peoplefeel shame? Meaning how does this
occur within the mind, body,spirit elements? And then how does a

(45:44):
person conquer their shame? And We'regoing to get into these things just as
soon as I think the Patreon producerswe do not accept corporate sponsors. Were
value for value. And I've beentold by somebody who's been trying for a
week or two to sign up asa producer through Patreon that it is letting

(46:07):
them get to the final step andthen it times out on them. It's
not letting them actually do it.So if you have that issue, email
me Master Cauldron at gmail dot comand let me know that, or just
search for me on fell Life Cauldronk U L D R I N.

(46:30):
But as I was saying, we'revalue for value, we don't accept those
corporate sponsors, it's what is itthis? Yeah, I'm going to read
it for you. Second, MrKenhawk, in response to you saying you

(46:54):
still feel shame or you feel shamebecause you are no longer able to play
it the moment, she says,well you still have a wonderfully wicked mind
and that anti wedding growl cultriden.Okay, we'll go back to our regularly

(47:19):
scheduled thank you anymore now that I'mnow that I'm as red as my logo
as I was saying, value forvalue, if you find value in the
content that we put out. Thefirst and the third Sunday of the month.
Then you want to give something back, whether it be time, talent,
or treasure. You can do thatat coultresscript dot com slash Patreon to

(47:42):
make a monthlier yearly donation, orthrough PayPal coltrensscript dot com slash PayPal.
If you want to go old school, there is an address which is not
my home address, and don't showup and then cuss me out because I
wasn't there. It's been done.It's been done. Got a lovely voicemail
about that. You shun up abetch I showed up and there's nothing around

(48:07):
here. It's a ups store,Yes it is. That goes back like
you creator, creator safety, someoneon TikTok staying around local. Actually he's
from England and he's staying here exploringAmerica. One of his fans found him
and showed up at like two o'clockin the morning. He's like, no,

(48:30):
do that, that's scary. Ohwow, I didn't hear about that
anyway. So I want to taketime out to thank these people. Executive
producers at twenty five dollars a month, not the Daddy, Shadowy Fox,
Junicorns, Angel, Johnny Ferrell,Haru, Webb Ray, Webb, Darling,
Tien and Sarge Cairo and Exploring MermaidSenior producers at ten bucks a month.

(48:52):
Trouble one thirteen, All the Waydown There in New Zealand, Alexandria,
Baby Love and t Rex TI's Daddy, Steve, Lily kJ Atzila,
Ben Trinity, Faye, m R. Kenhawk, Gentlemen saydis Lovely Sunshine,
Nick and the Plumber. That istwo different people, Nick the Plumber,

(49:16):
two different people. Producers at fivedollars a month. Kane Send That Place
in Oklahoma City, Thank You,Miter Hey, Dia, mbr a Poodle,
Bad Dog, Bad Subbeks thirteen CatnipMeow, Wild Time and Deacon Shawn
Cheery, Query Rabbit, Archangel JohnShaw over An England segment, Shadow Grizzled

(49:37):
Yes, Yetti and Yosa Fetish artistSir be Nice Kitting three ninety nine,
Neon Dan and Dawn from a RadicalWeakening Podcast, Black Angel, Sir r
J, Rissefi, Nick's O nineOfficer, Davis Finn, Peppa, Kinky
J, Daddy's Princess, Kayleb Freeand Little Bear Junior producers at one dollar

(50:04):
a month. Co K two sO. Morgan A thirteen Civil disobedience Rope,
Officionado, Gator and Gizmo, Alexa, Ashley Meg and astrod in chains
And somebody asked me, why don'tread these out now phabetical order. It's
because I have them grouped by executiveproducers, producers, senior producers, you

(50:27):
know, and then the order thatthey're read out is from longest time producer
to newest producer in each group.So there you have it. That's also
yeah, that's also a nod toto you know, the first names in
each group are the have been aroundthe longest. So yeah, thank you

(50:55):
to all of the producers. Nowback to the show, scroll back up
here. And how do people feelshame? So obviously we've talked about a
psychological level mentally and that's the firstplace that anybody goes because feelings. That's

(51:21):
obviously going to be mentally. Butwhat exactly does that mean to mentally feel
ashamed of something? Mayfair if somebodyasked you that, how would you respond
to that? And I know that'sputting you on the spot because we haven't
discussed this, so boom, thereyou are. Mentally, I think it

(51:44):
would be that voice that pops inthe back of my head that says you're
not enough or you're too much,or it also probably comes in the voices
of those who have told me thoseexact phrases that you know, you're a
girl, you're not supposed to likesex more than me. Guys don't find
it attractive for you to like thesex that much. And I'm thinking,

(52:08):
I thought my whole life like,it's like guys wanted a girl who wanted
to have sex. Why am I? What's wrong with me? You know?
Well they do, but then theyfeel degraded. If your drive is
stronger than theirs, it makes aninsecure man feel like they're not a man.

(52:31):
You know, man is in quotesthere for those who are listening to
the audio only version of the podcast, I mean considering I had to tone
everything down so he didn't get offin the first two minutes. Hey,
now let's not go there, becauseI had to stop participating so he could

(52:53):
try anything, like I just hadto be laying there. But hey,
that's a very common problem. Uh, men say it's a problem. I
women really say it's a problem.The statistics about how fast a man gets

(53:15):
off on average compared to women onaverage says it's a problem. But I
say, hey, you're getting offman, take care of yourself. I
just had to stop participating. Iwas like, okay, of course I

(53:36):
say that as somebody who has aproblem with Oh yeah, back cat says.
I still feel shame about my malesubmissiveness though finding BDSM community has helped.
But I think some even in thecommunity to look down on subby guys.
You know what, I wish Icould say that you're wrong. I

(53:59):
really wish I could say that.But you know what I said about,
like the biggest liars I've ever met, hated liars more than anybody else.
The biggest thieves that I've ever hadthe unfortunate opportunities of coming across, have
stolen more from me than anybody else. While they're screaming how much they can't

(54:19):
stand thieves, these men that judgeother men who are subs are jealous.
They're jealous that they're not secure enoughtwo give up control like they want to.
I've seen that's so so so manytimes locally, nationally, internationally with

(54:51):
people that I've talked to and metat dom con it out in and you
know it, just don't give upcontrol of your mental health based on the

(55:14):
ignorance of someone else. Don't givethem control over you by allowing them to
alter your feelings or your shame.Nobody can make you feel a certain way.
You choose to allow them to havepower over you to feel that way,

(55:39):
and then you feel that way.But nobody can make you feel a
certain way. It's super hard toembrace that, though it is it's easy
to say, it's hard as funto follow through. Yeah, no doubt,
no doubt, you are right.One thing I've heard, and I

(56:00):
don't know if I've said it.I'm pretty sure I probably brought it up
on their show, and I can'tremember where I read it, but the
thing that yeah drives you like,the thing you hate about other people is
often the thing that you're not comfortablewith in yourself. M So if they're

(56:20):
making fun of you for being submissive, it's because inside they can't handle the
fact that they are too like.I think I read it when I was
looking at psychology stuff at some point, But it's it's it's the things that
like annoy the piss out of youof other people are generally things that you
need to work on for yourself.Yeah, simple shadow work, A real

(56:51):
simple, quick example of that ismy laugh. I hate my laugh,
uh And when I hear somebody thathas a laugh like mine, it just
grates my nerves. And I don'treally think about it. First, I'm
just like, oh my god,would you stop laughing? And then when
I'm editing and I hear myself laughon the show, I just I do
everything I can to edit those outin the first half of the show because

(57:16):
it just drives me absolutely backshit crazy. I freaking hate it. So yeah,
I mean that's a simple. Projectionis the terminology for that. Again,
we were talking about projection earlier.But we do that. We we
see in others the things that wecan't stand about ourselves very very very often,

(57:37):
or the things that we're most insecureabout. It. It's crazy.
So mentally, how do people feelashamed? Mentally? It can come on
through anxiety, panic attacks, depression, social anxiety. It can create a
gloraphobia, which is the fear basicallyit's a shut a person who is a

(57:59):
show in. It's the fear ofbeing outside technically, but it's a fear
of being in public. Is howmost people view that. And this mental
stuff can lead to physical We've allseen the drug commercials for antidepressants. How

(58:23):
depression has physical symptoms. Depression causespain, and you can feel shame through
pain. It can manifest through pain. It can manifest through heart attacks or
strokes, high blood pressure, goahead, upset stomachs, whether it be

(58:46):
you just feel like you're gonna throwup or you feel like you're gonna have
to go to the bathroom, we'reboth. Yeah, vomiting, diarrhea,
constipation, all kinds of weird stuffwith the GI track. On a funny
side note, how many people realizethat humans are donuts? The donut holes

(59:08):
is our mouth and it's one opensystem all the way to our butthole.
We're just a donut, so technicallyyou could turn us inside out anyway.
That's food for thought. On aweird is getting connected? Yeah, we're

(59:30):
not round and connected to our holes. Uh yeah, we are our mouth.
The We're like an elongated donut witha big hole all the way through
it, which is our you know, thirty miles of clay. That's not
a donut anyway. Financially, peoplefeel shame and it's expressed financially. How

(01:00:00):
many people are emotional eaters? Well, food costs money? How many people
have ever been depressed or so anxiousthat they couldn't go to work, or
has lost a job over it,or just had to take some time off,

(01:00:21):
or you know you're an alcoholic ora drug addict, or you have
a gambling issue or a shopping issue, you know, depressive spenders. It
can certainly if it gets the bestof you, if you allow it to
get the best of you, itcan cause you a lot of financial things.

(01:00:42):
So you can feel the effects ofshame. I guess is how I
sh should have said it. Howdo people feel the effects of shame mentally,
physically, financially, relationships, society, and socially. I'm super happy
for the Coldrin crypt logo right there. So I just shared. These are

(01:01:06):
lyrics from popa Roach, and thesecond you said that, I was like,
it starts playing in my head.If you don't know me. Papa
Roach is probably one of my alltime favorite bands ever. This is between
angels and insects. It says you'rea slave to the system, working jobs
that you hate for the ship youdon't need. It's too bad the world

(01:01:27):
is based on greed. It's abadass song. It's really kind of hard
it's one of their heavier songs,so if you don't like hard rock,
you're probably not going to enjoy it. But that's what this whole song is
about, is financial things and liketrying to take and buy things to make
you look better, feel better,keeping up with the Joneses, as they

(01:01:52):
say in the in the America.Sorry the way you were talking, it
just was like, oh, that'sthat's angels. Yeah, between insects or
angels and insects. Well, andremember when they're on the bus, and
I think it was on the bus. It's definitely in Fight Club. But
talking about you know people, peoplespend their lives working jobs. They hate

(01:02:16):
to buy things to buy ship thatthey don't need to impress people that they
hate even more than their jobs basically, or that they don't know. Huh.
I think the song came out beforeFight Club. I could be wrong
enough. I don't know. PossiblyI didn't see Fight Club for many years,

(01:02:37):
so I have really no idea thatwas in two thousand or ninety.
I don't know. Somebody look thatup if you got the chance. How
do people feel? Shame? Sofinancially relationships, it's going to affect your
relationship. You can be dishonest aboutthings you had, things from your partner

(01:03:00):
or your friends, and it cancome into play nay fair or anything on
that. I mean if oh,a fact club beat me by a year.
Uh, sorry I got distracted.Uh, I mean if shame affecting

(01:03:30):
relationships. Yeah, I think wehad a message that we talked about on
the show where somebody would know itwas an article that you found. She
was ashamed of her kinks and herspouse wouldn't try it, so she just

(01:03:50):
went and found someone to try it, and she didn't tell either one of
them about the other. Yeah,because she was too ashamed to admit that
I need this, Like this isthis is a need for me, This
isn't a want and discuss that likea grown ass person. Yeah. I've
had a lot of messages about thatexact same thing. So I mean,

(01:04:12):
if you're too ashamed to tell yourpartner what you need, but you end
up needing it and you go toand find it, try to find it
somewhere else, that's going to blowyour relationship up. Mm hm yep.
Socially, if you're not telling yourfriends, Like if you telling your friends

(01:04:33):
and then they like turn on yoube like, why would you like that?
Why would you put up with that? M yep, they're not your
friends if they can't accept who youare. Now, there are different types
of friends. But if you're aroundsomebody who is making you feel who's call

(01:05:00):
who is a source of shame basedon your insecurities and societal norms and that
kind of thing, it might betime to reevaluate, reevaluate situation, all
right? Anything else on that onhow people experience the feelings of shame?

(01:05:25):
Okay, all right, so let'sget into and this is working out perfect
for time. How does a personconquer their shame? I want to save
the last one for last, Butif there's any of these that you want
to take first, go right ahead. If not, then just start with
the first one. I mean thefirst one you've got in here. It

(01:05:50):
says it depends on you as aperson, and it depends on the reason
you're feeling ashamed. And I thinkfor the first step of that is you
have to figure that out. Whydoes this cause you shame? Where is
this shame coming from? It isa buzzword right now if you're on TikTok,

(01:06:11):
But shadow work is what they callit. But it's just fucking identifying
your shit. What makes you feelthis way? Where does that feeling come
from? So like it's looking backat all of the things that you've went
through and identifying that moment that thatwas no longer something you could accept that

(01:06:34):
you felt like it was a nogood part of yourself. Where did you
learn that that is bad? Wheredid you learn that's a bad thing?
And then consider your sources. Whywhy were people saying this was a bad

(01:06:54):
thing? What you know? What'sit based on? And do you share
those beliefs? And sometimes we're thingsappeal to us that go against our core
beliefs. If you're of the Christianfaith, then there are certain things that

(01:07:15):
are part of that faith and alot of those things are being given up
nowadays. Though. I think ifyou're going to believe something, then you
should believe it. You know,if you're going to say that you believe
in something, then then believe it, follow it no matter what it is.

(01:07:41):
And I do not endorse hate,racism, bigotry of any kind,
violence of any kind. So thoseare not things that I'm endorsing or that
I agree with, or that Ithink is even okay. On a sometimes
basis gratuitous violence or violence based onhatred or these things. Violence is only

(01:08:09):
okay in the case of self defense, and then it's not violence, it's
self defense. But you know,there's there's so much psychological damage that has
been done by uneducated by a greaterdeal of uneducated preachers, and uh and

(01:08:31):
some a lot of educated preachers.But I'm not I want people to understand
because I get contacted by a lotof of Christian listeners and I want them
to understand that I'm not putting yourfaith down. I'm not putting down Wicka
or any any New Age religion orMuslim or any of that. I'm just

(01:08:56):
saying that consider your source, andif that is your core belief, then
you have to reconcile that core beliefof Okay, do I actually believe this
still? And do I move on? And that's going to take in most

(01:09:17):
cases additional help from somebody who isunaffiliated. I mean, if you there
again, consider your source. Soif you go to a pastor of your
church for counseling, of course they'regoing to tell you we'll stick with the
church. And just because you participatein BDSM doesn't mean that you can't also

(01:09:41):
participate in religions. It just doesn'ta lot of people want to argue about
that, but it just means thatyou know you're going to be monogamous if
it's a Christian religion, or youknow, there's certain guidelines. So but
anyway, getting back into that,it depends on the person and their reason

(01:10:05):
for feeling ashamed, and like yousaid, mayfair, basically they have to
gain a better understanding of themselves.So we have to dive deep within to
find out where it comes from.Why we feel that way? Why?

(01:10:27):
Why? Who taught us to feelthat way? While walking into a dungeon
and seeing naked people or people havingsex makes you feel ashamed. Another piece
of that, consider your source thatyou were talking about. A lot of
times, some of the shame wefeel come from people in our earlier lives

(01:10:55):
that if they came up to ustoday, we would say fuck keep I
don't care what you say. Butyou still carry that voice in the back
of your head. And if thatperson were to come up to you today
and telling you, hey, Idon't like the car you drive, and
it would be like, Okay,that's your problem, not mine, then
you need to work on convincing thatmental state you have based on what they've

(01:11:17):
told you. You know, youhave to overcome that by considering your source.
You have to see do you stillvalue their opinion? And if you
don't value their opinion, then thatshit that they told you is useless.

(01:11:39):
Yeah. I've told the story beforeabout after my mom and dad got divorced
years after and my mom and Igo into a Chinese restaurant and her ordering
the same thing that she has,the only thing that she has ever ordered.
And the food comes and we're sittingthere eating and all of a sudden,

(01:12:00):
she just gets extremely pissed off,drops her fork and says, you
know, I don't I hate thisfood? What do you mean, Mom?
This is all you've ever eaten whenwe've gone out to dinner here.
No, your dad always ordered forme because he would eat his and then

(01:12:28):
he would eat whatever I didn't pickout of this. And I'll never the
dish was mo goole gay pan.Never forget it. I will never forget
that. And this was like Iwas in my twenties, and I got
divorced when I was like fifteen,sixteen fifteen I think, And so we're

(01:12:50):
talking, oh, probably ten yearslater, and we had gone out to
eat at that restaurant many many timesin that ten years, and that realization
of I don't even like this,but yet you've still been ordering it,

(01:13:12):
like you say, mayfair and consideringyour sources, looking and examining that programming
and where does that come from andis it still of value? You know,
a lot of people hold on totheir inner child as a protector,
that hurt kid, that was molestedor was beaten, because it reminds us

(01:13:39):
to guard and protect ourselves, whetherit be from getting physically close to people,
or physically trusting people or emotionally trustingpeople. We hold on to that
inner child from a psychological standpoint toprotect us. And at some point you

(01:14:00):
have to. A person needs toreach that position where they no longer need
that and they can let that programminggo and be free of that fear.
Because we very much live in afear based society. Humans by nature are

(01:14:21):
fear based creatures. Everything that we'llever do is based on one of two
things, fear or love. Peoplethink love and hate. Now it's love
and fear. So you have totake that into consideration and be able to

(01:14:45):
dive deep within and figure out thatdeeper understanding of yourself, your beliefs about
yourself, and your beliefs about thew world, and that may mean that
you need to fix those and agood way to do that. It doesn't

(01:15:06):
work for everyone. Nothing, thereis no fix all but CBT, and
I mean CBT in the vanilla world, which stands for cognitive behavioral therapy,
not cock and ball torture was whatthe we're cutting, but torture, cognitive

(01:15:26):
behavioral therapy. It helps change theinner dialogue. I knew that'd get a
good laugh. Sorry I didn't.I didn't catch your shift because you said
we weren't talking about therapy it andthen all of a sudden you brought it
up, and I'm like, butbut yes, having having your genitals abused

(01:15:47):
can help you overcome a lot ofthis and actually in a lot of cases
it can. It's exposure therapy.But don't you exposure therapy without a licensed
therapist. Yes, we've talked aboutthat before. May Fair and I when

(01:16:08):
we were in Dynamic, we hada scene that was exposure therapy based and
at the time she was seeing atherapist and you know, was able to
talk to this therapist about it.And he was just fucking tickled pink.
He was. He was like,oh my god, that's amazing. So

(01:16:31):
all right, along with ganging abetter under gaining a better understanding of yourself,
you need to gain a better understandingof your kinks if you truly want
to enjoy a kink. Well,let me preface this before I say that

(01:16:51):
if two things are going to happenwhen you gain an understanding of your kink.
You're either going to no longer havethat kink, but you'll be okay
with it. You may miss it, and then you'll participate in it,
participate in it every now and then, but it's not going to be like
a kink fetish type deal, soit won't matter because you'll have an understanding

(01:17:16):
of it h or you're going tocome to enjoy it so much more because
you can really dive deep into it, because you know why you enjoy it,
and it's not always what you think. In fact, it very rarely

(01:17:36):
is the initial thing that you thinkthat it is. So yeah, a
better understanding of your religion. Imentioned earlier about in may Fair. I'm
sorry if it be sure to interruptme, and I'm not looking at the
screen with streamyard on it, soyou'll have to say something the feel free

(01:18:00):
to interrupt me. But a betterunderstanding your religion. One. I was
talking about religion earlier and I saidthat, you know, religion and BDSM
are not mutually exclusive of each other. The quote that I use by Paul
Young. Paul Jung is a preacherand in one of his religious based books

(01:18:24):
is where the quote comes from.Submission is not about authority, and it's
not about obedience. It is allabout relationships of love and respect. There's
there's very much in most religions thatare are Judeo Christian religions very much a

(01:18:50):
relationship set up in a dominant submissivekind of way, and so they're certainly
not mutually elusive of each other.There are rules that if you're going to
be true to your religion you needto follow. But uh, there are

(01:19:10):
also rules to b DSM if you'regoing to be an ethical participant of BDSM,
that you need to follow too.So consent, ding ding ding ding.
We have a winner. So thenwe get to therapy, mayfair everything.

(01:19:33):
Yeah, now, oh you're startingto sound like me now I'm speaking
to the punch. Yeah, everybody, I think I feel that everybody can
benefit from therapy. Uh, ifyou have the right therapist. And most
of the time people don't have theright therapist, right, you know,
you don't get lucky to get tohave the first for the first one to

(01:19:56):
be the right one. I mean, my god, what you went through
with you first? Yeah, yougo ahead and you talk over there while
I sit here and eat my lunch. No, she didn't let me talk.
She talked to me about the recipe. Oh, oh, that's right.
It's even worse than I remember.Oh my god, there's a lot

(01:20:16):
of really bad therapists out there.There's a lot of them. I've always
back when I worked at the psychhospital and when I volunteered as at a
long term drug treatment center, Ialways said that the craziest people in the
building were the people who worked there. And then as I got to know
a lot of therapists, I realizedthat the higher up the chain you go,

(01:20:44):
the more issues are there, andtherapists become therapists. And I'm not
putting therapists down, like I said, my wife is a therapist, but
it seems like the more the mosttherapists have been through a lot, and
that's why they're therapists. The goodones have gone to therapy themselves and have

(01:21:11):
dealt with their own issues, andthey don't project their issues onto somebody else.
My brother went to a therapist whoprojected all of her own issues onto
him. It ripped apart several relationshipsboth personally and professionally that he had in

(01:21:33):
including his marriage. And there wasjust so so many things that she'd done
that was just absolutely fucked up fora therapist to do that were completely unethical,
And if there were reported, I'msure she'd lose her license, but

(01:21:54):
he wouldn't do that because he's stillhe had her so snowed that he still
doesn't realize that what she did wasunethical. So go through as men as
it takes. If you if youdo better help, I know, I
think you get like three right offthe bat. Like you can change therapists.

(01:22:16):
Uh, you meet with somebody youdon't click, somebody else, a
therapist who won't give you the structureyou need to fix it. If they
just say, oh, we're notgoing to diagnose that, We're just going
to talk about stuff that's not healthy. Part of owning your problem. The

(01:22:40):
first step to any problem is acknowledgingthe fucking problem. Yeah, And if
you have a therapist who is notgoing to acknowledge your fucking problem, then
he can't help you, not really, because if you don't know what the
problem is, how can you fixit? How can you break through the

(01:23:00):
walls? How can you make progressif you don't even know what you're fighting
against? Yeah, and there's there'sthere's a lot of diagnosies within the PC
world that have a bad stigmatism.Yeah, stigma, stigma. Sorry,
I do that all the time.A stigmatism is your eye. I have

(01:23:25):
that too, see great, metoo. And when I prescribe contact not
contacts. Oh anyway, there's thatlaugh that I hate so uh uh yeah,
there's so some therapists will not wantto stick you with a diagnosis,

(01:23:49):
uh, the of like borderline personI disorder. There's a certain stigma that
goes along with that, and thatunfortun I'm not going to deny it.
A lot of the medical field.If you go to the hospital, uh
and you have that diagnosis on file, they they can treat you different and

(01:24:13):
it happens unfortunately, I mean,it happening one time is more than it
should. But it happens a lotmore than just one time. So they'll
just depression give you a diagnosis ofdepression n os OR, which means not
otherwise specified. It's like a genericdepression kind of thing as opposed to like

(01:24:40):
a trauma based or whatever. Sobut if they tell you, okay,
I'm gonna for for billing purposes orwhatever for your record right now, I
want to put this down. Butthis is actually what we're what what the
issue is, and we're going towe're going to do like dialectical behavioral therapy,

(01:25:05):
which is found to be more successfulthan other types of therapy with borderline
personality disorder. You know, you'reyou're going to work toward that. Yeah,
that's that's okay to do that becausethey're they're actually protecting you. Now,
it may get to a point wherethey say, okay, look,

(01:25:26):
yes I actually need to give youthis diagnosis. You're going to need some
long term treatment because it's a longprocess to deal with that particular diagnosis.
And that's okay. But yeah,and I know I'm taking a while to
explain this psychology, as you know, is just a passion of mine.

(01:25:49):
It's a career field that I wasin for as I said at the opening
of every show twenty years, andI absolutely love it. So I do
tend to go a little bit toofar in my explanation. But anyway,
I guess that's gonna that's gonna doit unless you've got something else my fair

(01:26:11):
mhm. I mean everybody feels shame, and that's normal, that's human.
It's just what you do. Isit that matters? Do you let it
rule you or do you acknowledge it? And okay, that's there. I

(01:26:35):
don't feel like doing or I don'tfeel like giving into that. I'm gonna
set that on the counter for now, and then I'm just gonna do what
makes me happy and say fuck it, which a lot of times as much
easier said than done, as youstaid earlier, Yes, as long as
it's consensual. Don't just go breaksomeone because you want to. That's not

(01:26:58):
what I mean. Yeah, thereshould be shame with actual rape for the
rapist, not the repe Yeah,yes, the repe This is a heavy
topic. Uh yeah, welcome.You're about an hour and a half late.
But maybe if you're just getting here, and if you're just now saying

(01:27:21):
hello, then who on you?Because you should have said Hi a long
time ago, Boots, I loveyou. Throw in my two cents.
Go ahead and do that, throwin your two cents. Would love to
hear it. You're definitely an intelligentperson with lots of experience. And while
you're typing that out, I Iwant to go back to the daddy thing

(01:27:45):
and the shame of that, andthat's something that I personally experienced. As
I've said, has come up onthe show a few times. Uh,
there's only been one person that everallowed to call me that as a serious
thing. Mayfair at the opening oflast show, I believe it was opened
the show with heigh daddy. Butthe uh, the reason that that is

(01:28:15):
is because I was one of thosepeople who sexually abused as a child that
had heard that there's like one hundredpercent chance, and it played into me
never having children because I always heardthat, you know, well, if
you get if you get molested whenyou're a kid, then you're going to
grow up to be a molester.And you know you shouldn't know that's that

(01:28:43):
Statistically, that's not accurate at allat all. As I said earlier,
from the National Health Institute or NationalInstitute of Health, that is not at
all close to accurate, not evennot most people. It's like twenty two
of people who have been convicted,I believe it's convicted of abusing sexually abusing.

(01:29:13):
Someone has admitted that they were sexuallyabused. And even though it's still
a twenty two percent, what itreally comes down to is choice, because
there's a difference between somebody doing itas as response to their own personal trauma
and somebody doing it because they're apedophile. Yes, it's both an act

(01:29:40):
of committing pedophilia. However, theattraction is what makes a person, you
know, psychologically into pedophilia. It'sthe abuse is trying to regain power,

(01:30:03):
and that is a choice, andthat choice can really come down to the
uh, the option of not seekinghelp. So yes, it's a choice.
People need to fucking take responsibility fortheir actions. All right, let's

(01:30:27):
read what Boots is thrown in ishis two cents says, I feel like
it's harder to not feel shame,but that it's a very normal thing that
everyone can feel. I still feelembarrassed and shame about things. However,
it's a deep process of looking intoyourself and one coming to peace with yourself

(01:30:47):
and peace with who you are andaccepting things about you, but also learning
there's nothing wrong with those feelings aslong as you do it in a healthy
and save way that allows you toexpress yourself and using always SSC, which

(01:31:09):
stands for safe Saying, Consensual andet cetera mean RACK and those other standards.
But choice is always the biggest factorchoosing what you do with your feelings
and what you choose to do withthem. There is always help from a
professional or even a friend, butthe first step is reaching out. Yeah,

(01:31:33):
first step is realizing that you needthat help and then reaching out.
Absolutely, Boots, you pretty muchsummed up everything that we've had to say
here in the past hour and ahalf in a real short little blurb.
But see I think we Yeah,see Boots wasn't even here for the whole
thing. But yet Boots echoed everythingthat we just said. So where three

(01:31:57):
agree? There are we? Iwould say, you know, if you
ever need to replace me, thereyou go. But then your shows would
be like ten minutes long. Noteven you. I mean no, it
wouldn't because you've been around. Whenme and Boots have been into the conversation,

(01:32:21):
they last. Well, yeah,but if he's just gonna sum it
up in like fucking five minutes.Good. No, I'm not mad.
I was just God bless we tookan hour and a half to say all
that. Oh I'm sorry, backcat, I missed a comment, say's also

(01:32:43):
ashamed by my masochistic fantasies of beingowned, abused, humiliated by a black
supremacist woman. Not something that Ifeel can be shared even with black doms.
I'm interested in a ration play show, and Mr ken Hank said,

(01:33:04):
a bad cat, you should shareyour desires. Just make sure that women
you do that with. You speakto the Black doms as they are human
beings, not just a throwaway afterthe scene. Don't use porn words like

(01:33:25):
chocolate or ebony. Yeah, thoseare definitely porn words. SpongeBob theme plays
three hours? Yeah, uh nowon what on what em? R ken
Hank says, I see that allthe time. Whether I think the two

(01:33:48):
biggest groups of people that I seefetishized are uh, black men and black
women, well, the black racein general and then the trans community see

(01:34:13):
so much of that, and youknow, people throwing out old terminology that
is still vastly used in porn,like sheemel or lady boy, or you
know all of this and just completethe complete fetishization of a group of people.

(01:34:40):
And you know, if that's yourking, I'm not going to say
that it's bad or that you shouldn'tfeel that way. People are attracted to
what they're attracted to, or peopleare attracted to who they're attracted to.

(01:35:00):
What is bad is not being respectfultoward those human beings. You know,
once the scene starts, whatever's beennegotiated, whatever terminology, whatever level of
respect, Okay, that's between consentingadults, and they damn sure better be

(01:35:23):
adults. But beforehand, just asm R. Said, it's okay to
approach people as long as you're doingthat on a human level, not on
a fetish level, which bad cat. I know that you know that I'm
not. This isn't direct My littlerant here is not directed at you.

(01:35:46):
I hope that I'm comfortable in sayingthat you do know that about me,
that I wouldn't direct that at you. But there's a lot of people that
don't realize that. They don't thinkabout it, they don't know not to
do that because it's all they've allthey've seen when they've jerked off horn real

(01:36:08):
it's okay, yeah, somebody who'sbeen on that side of the camera.
Yes. To further that, Ithink that goes And I'm not trying to
take away from the communities who aremore often fetishized, but I think as

(01:36:30):
a submissive, especially, you shouldtreat or a bottom. Even you don't
have to be submissive, you shouldalways treat your dom or domain as a
person and understand that if they're like, I don't really feel like it tonight,
that's it. Don't expect to alwayscommit, Like, especially if you

(01:36:50):
live out of town. Hey,I'm going to be in town, You're
gonna beat me? Right Like?That dehumanizes that person. And I've heard
watch culture and go through that overand over where people just say, hey,
I'm going to be in town,when are you going to beat me?
Not? Do you feel up toit? Do you want to play?
They're just like, hey, giveme a scene right now, I'm

(01:37:14):
in town, I'm available. Youneed to come here right now. Yeah,
and yeah, like I'm a humankink dispenser, and that that makes
that person feel really shitty. I'vewatched culture and struggle with that because he
also has a hard time saying no, who me, Yeah, well,

(01:37:34):
uh, oh, the BBWs,you know, just big beautiful women.
You know. Uh, if somebodysent you a message and said, oh
my god, you're such a beautifulBBW, I would be like, well,

(01:37:59):
first off, to do look atmy fucking profile because there's no pictures
to tell you when we were anotherBut like the message that I got there,
your face is so beautiful, andI'm like, bitch, you don't
see nothing but my fucking boots onthis ship. How you know I'm beautiful?
You saw my feet in boots?Yeah, yeah, back when you

(01:38:19):
just had a picture of a crowshowing Yeah, you're so beautiful. Yeah.
I mean that's and that's another that'sanother group of people that gets fetishized.
Yeah, greatly fetishized. I don'tknow. Anyway, we're kind of
off topic here. This is aboutbeing a shame, but uh, I

(01:38:41):
think it's also important to talk aboutand we may end up being an episode
just just I don't know. Ithink it fits because you would struggle to
say hey, I can't do thatbecause you felt like that was your role
and you thought you'd be letting down, which is a form of shame to

(01:39:02):
say hey I can't do it thisweekend or hey, I don't feel like
it. Like I think that fitsinto that well. I have what is
called an overdeveloped sense of duty.And sorry if that sounded condescending, I
didn't mean it that way. Iput you on the spot. You're a
little It's okay, I've got youfrastled well, No, because of that

(01:39:28):
overdeveloped since duty. I mean,somebody travels from a long distance, regardless
of what they may say now,or how angry they may still be and
how much they want to smear myname, I still to this day feel
bad that I didn't get to playwith them. I mean, when you're

(01:39:48):
talking about traveling, whether it's thirtyminutes, that's bad, but when you're
talking about traveling you know, twelvehours and I wasn't up to a scene.
Yeah I'm going to I'm going tofeel bad about that, but you

(01:40:10):
know, I'm human. What doyou want me to do? Go ahead
and say yes when I'm really feelinglike absolute shit and then screw up and
harm you. But I think thatfits right into this episode because you feel
like you've let them down. Yeah, yeah, I do so that That's

(01:40:32):
where that comes from, is youfeel like you need to make them happy.
But there's no shame in admitting youcan't be available. Ema. I
take issue with that statement because I'mnot Emmark and Hawk just says you're a
people please are Caldron. Now,it's it's really not about me wanting to

(01:40:57):
please people. It's about me feelinga very deep sense of duty to a
person, in respect to a personthat has offered themselves to me in in
a in any way, but especiallyin such an intimate way as play.

(01:41:20):
And I'm meaning that by even nonsexual play. Like it's just I think
some scenes are more intimate. Somescenes without sex are way more intimate than
scenes I've had that have involved it. But like I said, I mean,
it's just a sense of responsibility andduty to participate in that and to

(01:41:45):
say yes out of you know,with people locally that I used to play
with or service top it was outof my reputation, And no, because
that makes it about me maintaining that. I guess I don't know. It's

(01:42:11):
it's hard to say, but it'sjust it's it's truly an overdeveloped sense of
duty. My apologies to your culture. No, it's okay. When I
say I take issue with it,I mean that in kind of a fun,
loving, laughing way. No disrespectfelt at all. I don't take
issue with you. Just it soundslike you're talking about that like kind of

(01:42:38):
planned it out. But I'm talkingabout the ones who will show up in
town and just say, hey,I'm here, come beat me, and
like they give you no respect aboutasking how you're doing, you know where
you at, Like they just appearand expect you to perform. And that's
yeah, that's disrespectful. Yeah,yeah, it really is. It really

(01:43:05):
is. But yet again I'm theone that gets shit talked about me and
and attempts to completely ruin my reputationin multiple communities because they have a chip
on their shoulder. But I'm aboutto get bitter. Live people. Well

(01:43:25):
it's okay, we got like lessthan a minute left, So less than
a minute. Yeah, we're pastorfor it's along speed. Fifteen minutes.
Huh, I want to show anhour and fifteen Uh no, we've been
on here for an hour and fortyfive minutes. It's four forty five.

(01:43:47):
Yes, but didn't we plan toOh we're only fifteen minutes over. I
got what you're saying. Yeah,no, that I think I was saying
it rung anyway. But okay,yes, right, all right, Well
that's going to wrap us up.Thank you into the chat room, everybody
for coming in. Chiming in backat Mr Boots, I don't want to

(01:44:11):
miss anybody. I'm scrolling back upAlfreya, Kinky J, all of you
who have commented. You guys alwaysparticipate and you share just as much as
yours of yourself in that chat roomis what Mayfair and I share on the
show, and it truly does meanthe world to us speaking for you Mayfair,

(01:44:34):
but I'm pretty sure that it touchesthat stone cold Cartiers somehow, maybe
just a little bit. But Bootssays they'll be in discord after this.
I will not be in discord afterthis. I will be having Mexican at

(01:44:56):
my usual spot. As far asI know, it's just going to be
me and the wife this time.So uh yeah, some people that normally
join us or out of town.So what was that you said. I
always feel very respectful of domes andtreat them as people. Even I don't.

(01:45:20):
I don't even expect to play.It seems odd that a male sub
wouldn't because we want to be ofservice. But I know some Dombe's complain.
Mm hmmm, Well it's because theyget they get pushy, like they
get thirsty, as the kids saythese days, they get thirsty and they're
hungry and they want that action.You know, they just want to buy

(01:45:41):
down and kiss boots and and buyboots. I don't mean boots in the
chat room. I mean somebody's bootsthat they're wearing. I mean what people
might want to have been down tokiss him. We don't know. I
mean he probably had some. Imean i've I've I haven't been down,
but I give boots a kiss onthe cheek before h EMR. I wish

(01:46:04):
you could be here too. He'sprobably got a lot nicer weather. Yeah
maybe I don't know. So anyway, all right, that's going to wrap
us up. Final thoughts, Reallytry to wrap your head around nobody can
control you, nobody can make youfeel a certain way. You are allowing

(01:46:29):
them to have control over you.And you need to to try to figure
out your own self worth, yourown self respect. And if you need
a professional ncsfreedom dot org look forwhere it says KAP which is kink aware

(01:46:50):
professional. If you need a plumber, there may be a plumber that is
kink aware. If you've got likean in home dungeon or something and you're
concerned about having an electrician come inor a plumber or something like that,
you need some work done. Thereare a variety of kink of wear professionals
on there. If you know somebody, or if you are a professional of

(01:47:13):
some sort that works in some typeof service, whether it be a therapist
or mechanic or whatever, please goto the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and
sign up. It doesn't cost youa thing and it will get you business
from fellow kinksters. So go ahead. Get the religious guys out here to

(01:47:38):
fixture your conditioner. Yeah, yeah, you like Mayfair and have a preacher
out there taking a break, smokinga cigarette and reading his Bible. All
right, guys, thank you somuch. I love you all to death.
Stay in touch and again, Boots, I'm sorry, but i won't

(01:48:00):
be going to the UH to discordafter this. I've got I've got some
things I just got to do,so but I will be talking to you
soon because I need to talk toyou about that resin knife too, that
you want to find out what colorsand all that. All right, fair,
bye everybody, This has been masterchildren and mayfair for coldrenscript dot com.

(01:48:28):
Yeah, I screwed, We screwedthis whole thing up heart. Hi.
All right, good evening everyone,as bad Cat says,

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