So, You're Not Kinky, Now What-S05E11

Episode Transcript
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(00:04):
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to mydungeon. Welcome to Golden Script. I'm
your host, Master Caldron. Ifyou're near to the show. We use
are combined thirty five years of BDSMexperience, my twenty years work in the
psychology fielded to spell myths, getrid of stereotypes. To answer your questions

(00:27):
about BDSM, you can text inyour questions or comments to eight six five
six eight four zero zero five orvisit the crypt at goldernscript dot com.
In this episode, we're talking aboutthe current modern day push to be kinky
even though you're not. And Ihave an interesting story something that happened to

(00:49):
me in the big box home improvementstore the other day. Hello Mayfair,
Hi daddy. Oh wow, Uh, that'll make sense later, folks.
That was not planned. That kindof threw me. Oh god, uh

(01:18):
you are you're in a mood today. I can tell from that from that
playfulness. How you doing? I'mfine? Oh god, uh, I'm
fine. Oh all right, pullmyself back together here. After that comment,
I'm gonna hit those rules a lotbite and then we will jump into

(01:41):
the topic. So Rules of Bluebrought to you by inclusion word works My
Kinky Woodworking Company also do a lotof resin stuff. Laser Huh, you
were too far away. Oh,I do a lot of resin stuff,
evil sticks, laser engrave, woodenspoons, custom stuff. So if you're

(02:06):
in the market, feel free tohit me up. You can just email
me Master Cauldron at gmail dot com. So rules, lovebye, Rule number
one save saying consensual and informed.Rule number two Kinky that's k and KI
comes from the Kinky app, availableon all platforms. They are not a
sponsor, but it does stand forknowledge, no intolerance, Kindness and integrity.

(02:29):
And rule number three the quote frommister Paul Young, submission is not
about authority and it's not about obedience. It is all about relationships of love
and respect. Okay. So yes, there is an article because to give

(02:50):
you a brief history of this,I received a lot of emails over the
years about this particular topic, peoplefeeling like they're being pushed. Do you
ever feel pushed to be kinkier thanyou really are? I mean, that's
a very common thing and I hearabout it all the time. And I

(03:13):
reached out to several people through emailthrough fet life that have emailed me about
this and either nobody replied, peoplereplied and said no, please don't use
my email or message on the show, or they're no longer on FAT.

(03:36):
So I did some Google food andfound an article that is close to letter
a letter that I received, andthis author is kind of snarky and funny
and I like her. So weare going to go through that may fair.

(04:00):
Do you have any thoughts on thisbefore we jump into it, Like,
do you see this a lot?You're you're younger than I am,
and you know the younger generation morethan I do. So do you see
this as being an issue where peopleare being pushed more or have you personally
ever felt to be you know,felt like you were being pushed to be
kinker the once you are. Ithink I felt the opposite. I tended

(04:26):
to feel like I was being toldto tone down myself. So, I
mean, I guess it's just asfair that people are being pushed. I
don't feel like I ever pushed anybody. I mean I could have, because
you know, we're all villains insomeone's story. Yeah, I don't feel

(04:48):
like I pushed. I just feltwrong and bad because I was too much
for them. Well, you know, sex is happening. It must be
Monday. Yeah, I mean,I guess that's better than the one who,

(05:10):
like every time is junk got neargirl parts, it went limp oh.
Hopefully one day he'll come out ofthe closet. It'll be a lot
happier when he does. So.I have, especially since doing the show,

(05:31):
I have felt this. I believeit or not, I have.
I felt pulled in many, manydifferent directions and been treated like a kink
dispenser, which is always cool withme when it was an evening that I

(05:56):
wanted to but when it wasn't andI just wanted to show up and hang
out with friends and do things,there were people who got an attitude with
me about it, and like,but you're you. You're supposed to just
you know, dole out all thefun and you know, it's very strange

(06:19):
when that happens. So I canrelate to this. It's it's very awkward,
especially when it happens with a biggroup of friends. Uh. I
don't. I don't. I don'tsuccumb to peer pressure most of the time

(06:45):
because most of the time it's youknow, I'm very aware that everything is
my choice that I want to do, Like I choose to to have the
fun, or I choose not to, or I choose to get angry or
upset. And you know, Ifully believe that nobody can make another person
mad. You choose to get mad, You choose to allow them to have

(07:10):
control over you and to anger youinstead of just having a Oh god,
what they call it emotional maturity,emotional intelligence and being able to control that.
But you know, anyway, let'shit this and I will start it

(07:33):
out and we will switch back andforth. It's not that long. I've
definitely had longer ones or we've definitelyhad longer ones on here. But this
so you're not kinky? Now what? Season five, episode eleven. This
comes from HelloGiggles dot com. Thelink is not in the YouTube description.

(07:56):
It will be in the show notesfor the audio only version of the podcast.
This is by Katka Laplosa Loo's Lessova. Sorry lap lapelos Sova on April
sixteenth of twenty twenty thirty. Ohthis is fairly new. I didn't realize
it was this year. When itcomes to sex, I'm always interested in

(08:20):
exploring new experiences and pushing the boundariesof what is considered normal. But as
someone who has dedicated a majority ofmy adult life to researching and writing about
and having sex and relationships. I'msurprisingly not kinky. I've had hundreds of
sex partners, yet I've always beena bit hesitant about venturing into the world

(08:43):
of fetishes. A lot of mysexually liberated friends think you're not really good
at sex until you've tried everything inthe book. Sex parties, swinging,
furries, pony play, wax play, the list goes on and on.
But sometimes I get overwhelmed just visitinga sex shop. Will a latex body

(09:07):
suit chafe my nipples? How manycalories are in edible panties? Does a
leather whip really need a bluetooth speaker? I've never seen that one, but
that's part of her snark. Andthen there's the question of why even bother
with all this off the wall stuffwhen the simple act itself is pretty damn

(09:30):
good. My therapist once told mekink is always rooted in something much deeper
than the act of sex itself.It's why all these CEOs, this is
the therapist. This is a quotefrom the therapist. It's why all these
CEOs are into dominatrix's and humiliation,She explained, they spend their days screaming

(09:56):
at lower level employees and manipulating peopleinto doing what they need to build their
businesses. They want to be dominatedbecause they want someone else to make the
decisions for once. I certainly amnot looking to sex to alleviate work related
imbalances, but I did wonder,am I really not sexually adventurous? If

(10:22):
I'm kink averse, am I missingout? I decided to explore it more,
and this is what I learned.Go ahead, may Fair, I
knew you were gonna give it.Oh, it's payback for earlier, isn't
it? M H? Apparently?But stuff isn't kinky growing up and going

(10:52):
growing up, going through the backdoor was super taboo at the time.
It made sense, who comes outof there? Why would I want anything
to go in there? Plus,sex ed has taught me that the anus
is not nearly as elastic as thevagina is, and there's a reason it's
a one way exit. I conoted anal sex for pleasure with pleasure for

(11:15):
him, pain for me, andthat was enough to forego it. Then
one time, through experimentation, Ifound I liked butt stuff. When a
new partner asked me what my kinkswere. I proudly declared, I like
it up the button, and helaughed but politely inform me that anal sex

(11:35):
was pretty mainstream even and alingus wasgrowing in popularity. He then repeated the
question, to which I just shruggedand said, uh, you can slightly
spake me while you do it.I guess what he said got me thinking,
though The Bad Girl's Bible found thatsixty three point three percent away women

(12:00):
they surveyed are into anal sex.If that meant many women like it,
it must not really be weird anymore. And if it wasn't really a sexual
kink, what was good question?So BDSM is such a head trip.

(12:24):
A dom sub routine felt like thefirst logical step for exploring kink. But
while using the word daddy has becomemore mainstream, I think it's wild we
associate dominance with paternity. Besides,during sex with a father or a father
figure, or desiring sex with afather or father figure will never turn me

(12:48):
on, and BDSM always seemed strangeto me, aside from the whole idea
of deriving pleasure from pain, howcould I just being a third wave feminist
on the outside and then let aman take total control and tell me what
to do during sex. Those thingsare not mutually exclusive of each other.

(13:13):
Being dominated was not an option,but I also had issues trying to dominate
someone else. I don't want toyell at my partner during moments of intimacy.
She apparently doesn't understand what that's about. Even though my sub got off
on being told what to do.I don't want to think about giving commands

(13:33):
when I'm having sex. I justwant it to happen. Huh. With
all those pre sex conversations, agreementsand safe words, BDSM felt like negotiating
a major corporate merger for me.That just kills the mood. First off,

(13:56):
clearly this girl had like a perfectlife growing up to not have any
daddy issues. I'm just gonna throwthat out there. I don't know it
well. I've said this before.It used to really gross me out because

(14:18):
like thinking about dad, somebody callme daddy. Thinking about somebody's dad that
I'm with was just no, becauseyeah, that was just bad for me.
But I never grew out of thecalling my dad daddy because I never
really had that time with him.So like, if I say daddy,

(14:39):
I can guarantee you the picture ofmy father is running through my head.
Hey, there's a lot of there'sa lot of people fifty sixty, seventy
years old that still refer to theirparents as mommy and daddy. So I
just I never he never transitioned todad. There was not enough time for
me to make that transition. SoI he's still my daddy, and yes

(15:01):
he's dead. But if I'm callingsomeone daddy and then thinking about doing sexual
things, I don't want to seemy father in that manner. My mother
has shared enough sex stuff with me. I don't need. I don't need
more. I know too much aboutthings I didn't ever need to know.
Okay, So no judgment if shedoesn't want to be called daddy, but

(15:24):
just the way she talks makes mefeel leaper she doesn't want to call somebody
else daddy. You know, it'sno judgment if she doesn't enjoy it.
But like, I feel like shehad like a really like like the white
picket fence American dream that doesn't actuallyseems to exist, but I feel like
she may have had that. Mmhmmm. Hey, Andre says, love

(15:48):
that Mayfair has come out of hershelf. Enough to say something like,
I've said it before the show.It may have just been at the dinners,
but I've said it. Yeah,neither one of us get anything out
of it other than weird and graspingeach other. So yeah, no,

(16:10):
there's only been that one person backyears ago that I even allowed that,
and there was age play involved,and you know it was a that was
a one off type of dynamic that. Yeah, so all right, Oh,

(16:33):
costumes are expensive. Mayfair. Also, they agree you made me read
but stuff on purpose? Yeah,sorry, I thought I was clicking off
the other comment. Hello to thechat room. Third Code host Davis B.
Hope. Of course, Andre who'scomment already read. A lot of

(16:55):
people hadn't hadn't shouted out if youare here, go ahead and say in
the chat and let us know thatyou're here. Costumes are expensive. I
used to do a lot of theaterwhen I was young, so the thought
of dressing up during sex could maybebe my king. There were so many

(17:17):
roles to play and in the scenariosto explore. It was a sure for
our way to think to keep thingsexciting. Let me tell you, though,
sex costumes are an investment. Fortydollars for a sexy made costume felt
like a lot of cash to dropwhen I was a broke twenty something year
old and not even really sure Iliked the guy I was sleeping with.

(17:37):
That aside, wearing my old Catholicschool school girl uniform in a slutty way
in seducing my math teacher and tryingto have sex in the locker room felt
super creepy. Similar simmer, Idisagree with that one. Dressing up like
a nurse and thinking about sex ina sterile, cold hospital turned me off.

(18:03):
Pretending to be someone else having sexwith someone who also was pretending to
be someone else just didn't feel authenticor connected. It just felt like I
was directing someone the whole time.I mean, how deep into the role
are you supposed to get? Like, they didn't really have condoms in the
colonial days, and that's all Icould think of while trying to put one
on my partner as he doned thetricorn hat and said the British aren't the

(18:26):
only ones coming tonight. While atthe end of the day, I found
myself more excited about designing an elaborateplot line and maybe that means I should
just join a community Community theater group. Not all your interests are meant to
be mixed. Yeah, see allthat just sounds fun to me. The

(18:56):
medical yes, but it's okay ifit doesn't sound fun to you and people
feel so pushed a Dandra A shoutout to Deirdre, thank you so much

(19:18):
for that donation as you made throughPayPal. Uh really appreciate that. I
couldn't figure out a way to messageyou and say that, but thank you.
What do you think about that section? Mayfair? I mean right,
costumes are expensive, but if youcan I don't know. Sati calls are

(19:48):
expensive, but I find it's funto like, I don't know how it
would be with role play, butlike, I find it fun to like
tress up in a whether it belingerie or whatever. Like I'm not a
person who does that very often.Like, so I love the idea of

(20:10):
getting dressed up, having you know, shoes I can't really walk in,
but you know, I don't needto walk in them all the things,
Like, I feel it could befun. Junior Corn's angel, Hey,
Johnnie says, hi, I feellike the author could benefit from a new
therapist. My snark for the day. Yeah, yeah, because she really

(20:37):
stereotyped it, didn't she. Ialso think that, like she's too concerned
with the I'm feminists, so Ican't be submissive? Yeah, because,
uh, and this isn't man explaining. This is repeating what many very proud,

(20:57):
very very proud feminist have said tome. A true feminist isn't doesn't
isolate themselves by what other people think. And there's a lot of judge like

(21:17):
feminists that you know, they justwant they claim to be feminists, yet
they just constantly put other women downand judge them and try to dictate what
is and isn't okay for them todo. And you know, if you
if it's what you want to do, you do you boom, you do

(21:41):
you it's your BDSM, it's yoursex life, it's your life. It's
feminine for these girls who are likeplaying on the high school football teams as
the girls on the cheerleading teams,it's just as feminine because it's what makes
you feel like you is what makesyou feel at home in your own body.
Yeah. Yeah, And I thinkthat's the the big you know,

(22:04):
thing with with like the identity crisis, is that is almost at epidemic levels.
Is I think directly related to thatissue where uh, people used to

(22:30):
be able to do something that thatwasn't gender specific and it was still okay
to go by a specific gender.And granted, I mean there are there
are a lot of people that don'trelate one way or other, or do

(22:53):
one way sometimes in a different wayat other times, and and all of
that, but and how confusing thatmust be. I do have a lot
of sympathy for the mental and emotionalanguish that that has caused people that I've
seen personally with my friends. Butthere's just so much push to define yourself

(23:22):
or to be free from definition.But in the way that it's being done
to be free from definition, you'restill defining yourself. And it's just it's
very I see people like struggling somuch with that confusion. But that's a
whole nother episode. Maybe we'll getinto that. Says that's not new though,

(23:45):
Like I don't know it's new thatit's mainstream. But I mean,
even as a small town girl,I felt that because if you gave me
a choice over a hot wheel ora little barb figurine, I was gonna
choose the hot wheel ten out often times. And like, so that
always made me wonder if there wassomething wrong with me that I liked the

(24:07):
boy stuff, the boy stuff,more than I like the girl stuff,
like and I was a pretty shelteredgirl growing up, and I still felt
like there was something wrong with mebecause I liked a lot of the things
that guys did and I wasn't likea lot of the other girls. And

(24:32):
I never cared about makeup and beingfeminine. And it's like this, am
I not? What does that mean? Like? Does I mean I'm gay?
Because I like model cars and hotwheels like these are things that even
as a little bitty kid I was, I was, I say, a
little bitty like seven eight, nineyears old, like I was trying to

(24:53):
understand because that was a boy toy. Are you sure you want a boy
toy? Honey, Yes, yes, I am. Yeah. Mine.
It never made me question because Ijust, you know, it was what
I liked. But the light brightlike in my my sister had a a

(25:18):
I don't know, So if youdon't know what a light light bride is,
it's basically just this this big plasticbox that has a light in the
back of it, and it's gota cover and you can get sheets of
paper that had different outlines on it, and it'd have like a y or
yellow beef for blue whatever, andyou put these different color pegs in it

(25:42):
that were see through, and thenyou turn the light on when you get
it all done, and it'd showa picture. But with my friends and
even in my own household, thatwas considered a girl toy. But I
was artistic, so I really enjoyit. And uh yeah, I mean

(26:03):
my brother, one of my brotherskind of kind of made fun of me
a bit for what you doing playingwith our sister's toy? Do we need
to put you in a dress?And I'm like no, But I never
I never felt confused by that.I felt bullied and picked on, which
I was, but in in ahell of a lot more of an extreme

(26:26):
way than just him saying stuff.But I don't know anyway, let's get
back on topic here, because that'sa whole other side subject. Junicorns Angel,
you you made a comment and allthat came through was I, uh,

(26:48):
Peter, it says, oh goodtimes. I had a light bride
as a kid. They're awesome.I saw a commercial for one not too
long ago on YouTube. They're makingthem again, and Junior just popped a
comment up that says, I gota lot rout for Christmas this year is
still great, Yes, awesome.I make do with what I have to

(27:10):
be a costume. Yeah. Thereyou go also for costumes thrift stores and
like places like raws or oh,I can't remember the other one in town
no bargain hunt boh. Yeah,Like you can go to these places that
they don't have like super expensive stuff, and some of those dresses you can

(27:37):
do a lot with and they're alot cheaper than the forty dollars made outfit,
but you could make it look mmhmm like I have my I think
we talked about it before, thedress that I bought for us to do
an outside Chase Hunt scene problem Hunt. Yeah, so like it's kind of

(28:00):
meant to look like almost like thethings that women slept in the length of
late eighteen hundreds. I guess it'sjust like a white dress that if you
were caught in the middle of thenight, you'd be running through the wood.
And I bought that for like twentybucks at at ross or something.

(28:21):
Yeah, to make you can youget to have your creative bone out.
I want I want everybody on Novemberfirst to go to all of the stores
that sell the Halloween costumes and stockup because they're usually half price. And
uh, you know, if that'swhat you're into, then then do that

(28:41):
and you can get them at aprice then that they can be ripped off
of you or whatever. And you'renot really, I mean, it's it's
the money spent is worth the funtime if you're into it. But yeah,
I know a lot of people thatthe day after Halloween or a couple

(29:02):
of days after Hallem, because theysometimes they'll go from half off to seventy
five percent off after a few days. Let's stock up, all right.
So the next section, she says, and then there are some things I
just flat out won't do. Idon't do body fluid, bodily fluids period.

(29:25):
I don't even swallow because it givesme acid reflux. I'm not gonna
lie when she said period, thatis not what I thought of at first.
I don't do bodily fluids period.Like she breaks it out, but
like, I'm like, you knowwhat you did there, Though it's no

(29:47):
I thought the same thing. Thoughit's rare. It also applies to any
requests for golden showers or scap play. These are private moments in my daily
routine that I don't need to sharewith others. Amen's sister. But you've
never tried it, one guy chidedwhile he brought up the subject on a

(30:07):
getting to know you date and Isaid I wasn't into it. He said,
you've got to at least try it. He then went on to describe
how he kept things clean by usingplastic sheets and tarps, lots and lots
of tarps, or his exact words, and that we could start in his

(30:30):
bathtubs. So, hey, that'sthe first time I beat on somebody was
in the bathtub. Start in hisbathtub so I could get the angle right.
Okay, he was wanting her topee on him, while there's clearly
nothing sexier than hearing honey, I'mhorny. Get the tarps ready. I

(30:51):
had to decline. I thought Iwouldn't like sushi, and then I tried
it, and I did. Ithought I wouldn't like butt stuff until I
tried, and I did. Ihave an adventurous spirit, for sure,
but I also know that I don'thave to try everything sexually to know it's
just not for me. I meanI can't even pee in the cup when

(31:18):
they need to stand in there andwatch you for your drug test. I'm
like, you're gonna have to likestep halfway out something. I can't pee
in front of somebody, It's nothappening. Yeah, I've got a shy
bladder. It's a I think ajunk with it. I've never tried hitting

(31:41):
my joke with a hammer. Ican safely say, hey, I'm not
gonna like it. I mean,right on, Andrew. You know a
guy who does like it though,Oh yeah, yeah, and another guy
that likes getting his nuts electrocuted.So you know, you never know.

(32:02):
Yeah, but but sometimes you don't. I'm not pushing for you to try
it. You never know, butsometimes you do. Like the one guy,
he didn't want Cauldron to do it. He wouldn't like it then,
but if a cute girl did it, he was okay with it. Oh

(32:22):
yeah, yeah, I mean,well that's that's understandable. Yeah, but
I think you probably might have beenless hard on him than she was.
Yeah, without a doubt, Yeah, until I just kicked him. Anyway,

(32:43):
we're off topic again. Sorry,that's all right, We're having fun.
So the last little part of thisand we're done and we're going to
really get into things. Stop tellingme I'll find my kink eventually. Go
ahead, Am I supposed to bekinky? As I've explored these different aspects

(33:07):
of my sexuality, I felt moreand more liberated empowered. I also feel
more confident setting boundaries with men anddiscussing our sexual fantasies earlier on in the
relationship so I can figure out ifwe'll be sexually compatible. But I don't
think I'll ever be getting into hardcorefetishes. One day, you'll wake up
and your kink will just happen.A friend told me when I asked her

(33:30):
if I was boring because I wastotally chill with just a firm mattress and
a few basic sex positions. Imean, maybe that's the case. Sure,
Maybe I need the right partner.Maybe I need to meditate before I
do it to clear out all theextra thoughts. Maybe I need a happy
accident like being teased with a bluetoothspeaker, leather whip, or maybe,

(33:52):
to my therapist point, I don'thave some deep psychological need to get tied
up in ropes by man wearing arabbit suit yelling pineapple or whatever. It's
totally fine to just be into vanillasex. Kink is usually something that enhances
sexual activity for those exploring it.If I already find intense pleasure with everyday

(34:13):
sex sex, maybe I have nothingto worry about the best sex I've ever
had when I was when my partnerand I knew each other so well,
we didn't have to instruct each otheron what to do. It's more predictable,
but I know the outcome will begreat every time I agree with that

(34:36):
one hundred percent. I agree withthat, and as Hope says, hey
to each their own, I say, you play with what you want and
make and makes you happy, wantingto play whatever they consider wrong playing with
male or female. Let's see,so a lot of people I catch ship

(35:08):
for this. Here's something that I'vecaught shipped for people talking about porn and
sending me like a bunch of crazyBDSM porn links. And you know I
probably receive or used to receive Idon't know, twenty a day between my

(35:36):
brother friends and random people. Therewas there was a guy and a girl
that would send me. Found outafter two years of them sending me these
random porn hub clips through messages onfat life that are links that they were

(35:59):
a but some pretty hardcore stuff.And people are surprised to find out that
I actually prefer my porn vanilla like, and I could judge for that.

(36:19):
They're like, but but of Iknow how you are, like, I
see you play and all that.Well, keep in mind also like sure,
biting, scratching, growling, clawing, chasing somebody down in the woods,
pulling here, spanking, orgasm,torture, that kind of stuff.

(36:43):
But I actually consider that compared toa lot of people I know, I
consider that very tame in the bedroomor in the woods or wherever. And
I guess that's why I don't reallycombined a lot of a lot of BDSM

(37:07):
with sex for me. That's whyit's kind of two separate things. Mayfair,
What are your thoughts on that youknow me pretty well or on on
your own preferences. I I itis a little shocking. I don't think
I knew that about you. Whatever. I wouldn't have guessed that if we'd

(37:36):
been on like a million like guessthe answer for a million dollars, I
would have fucked us up pretty hardon that one. Yeah, No,
I would never have known that.Yeah, and I get I get judged
on that by friends, like,but you're what, but it's so hot,

(37:57):
and I'm just like, no,I don't, I don't, I
don't think so Like, I'm sorry, but I really don't want to hear
a girl gagging and uh getting likethroat fucked. And but I can also
choked and see where if you're doingso much of that yourself, like you

(38:24):
have real life memories for that.You don't need to see other people do
that, you probably have less vanillaat least there for a while, you
probably had less vanilla like experience thanthe kink you were, you know,

(38:44):
playing with on average five to tenpeople in a weekend. M Like,
so you were getting all of thoseurges and those things fulfilled, Whereas I
mean, obviously I don't know whatall you're doing, but like you're probably
not having the vanilla sex is oftenso kind of like you're watching the things

(39:08):
that you don't get exposed to somuch. That's an interesting thought. You
are, you are, Yeah,that's an interesting thought. I like that.
I'm sorry. Psychology has always beenfun for me. Yeah, Well,

(39:28):
the main I think the main pointof all of this is don't give
into it. Don't allow people tobully you or to make you feel less
than because it's not your style.I'm sorry for the noise. My computer
just decided it wanted to sound likean airplane taking off, didn't hear.
Oh, well, that's good.My noise gate is working. But you

(39:57):
don't. You don't have to beand that seems I mean, So,
how this come about? How Idecided this needed to be a topic was
a month ago or so. Iwas in Low's and here's here's the tie
into the intro. Here's the tieend to the intro. Yes, so

(40:21):
I'm in Lowe's. I'm looking.I'm building the shoe rack for somebody,
and I'm it's kind of a steampunklook with burnt wood and copper and looks.
Yeah, it's badass. Not tosound too egocentric or egotistical, but

(40:45):
so I'm looking for some parts tofinish the build. And there's a guy
about my age over here looking atother plumbing stuff, and what is obviously
his daughter, who I'm guessing shewas right around twenty, and she kept

(41:12):
looking at me, and you know, you just have that feeling like you're
being stared at and I'm like,okay, and she was attractive, but
I'm very into my artistic mindset,so I'm focused on what's going to look
good in this project that I'm doing, this commissioned piece that I'm doing for
one of our Patreon producers. Andif you've never been around this man when

(41:34):
he's working, it's an intense focus. It's like when I'm playing the world
disappears, and yeah, I'm veryfocused. So so all of a sudden,
she just I notice she's walking overto me, and I mean there

(41:55):
were only like six feet away,ten six ten feet away, and unabashedly
and not a whisper, she says, you know, you have the two
best things or the two things?What was it? You have the two

(42:15):
best things in life that I lovethe most, big Dick energy and Daddy
energy. And I thought her dadwas going to absolutely lay her out flat.
She said this in front of herfather. I'm just like, whoa,

(42:43):
you know, he said some things, you know, telling her not
talk that way raised her better thanthat. I'm just standing like looking at
him, And the only thing thatI could think of to respond to that
that's in front of somebody's father,was I'm sorry, I don't have any

(43:09):
children, and you're just and I'mjust little. So from one man to
the next to another, that wasthe only thing I can think of to
say in front of this dude's dad. Yeah, And it got me thinking
about how that never would have happenedwhen I was that age, and these

(43:36):
emails that I received, these messagesthat I've received, and this push to
like be out there and be openand be free, but at the same
time you're judged if you're not outthere doing these things. It's like,
you know, it's cool to bea certain way, and it's always been

(44:00):
that way for as long as peoplehave have been around. You know,
there was things that was cool insociety to do, and there's judgments for
those who don't do those things,those things that are considered a cool But
how unhealthy is that? And don'tallow yourself to feel pushed to do it?

(44:21):
Mayfair. I got to step awayfrom kink. I'm not one of
the cool kids. I don't playthat shit. I'm the weird outside kid.
I gotta walk away, man,I can't be part of the end
crowd. The world might collapse.The world might collapse. Dude says it
all right there. Oh my gosh, yeah, big dick energy and daddy

(44:42):
energy, I want to say,and you might get mad at me.
I've never known a man who respondsto that statement and says anything about it
being small unless they're confident it's not. And I know several guys big dicks.
The only ones you talk about howsmall it is are the ones that

(45:04):
are that are not just hutting thatout there for the world. Well,
you know, there's got to bean exception to every rule, So I
guess I'm that exception, says theman we've already talked about on the show.
That you can bottom out. Damnit, my fair all right,

(45:34):
Oh yep, I can't even beseen right now. I gotta oh god,
all right, So yeah, right, that's just the sun guy.
I got red shades on this thisuh or a red curtain up that's just

(45:58):
coming through. Dad says, Ican't believe some stranger would say that to
you in front of her dad.That's so rude. I'm glad her dad
said something. Oh yeah, Ithought she was. I thought he was
going to kill her. I dofeel that that's rude to see in front
of your parents. H I meanit's fifty to fifty on how it's responded
to by the stranger you're going upto. But like, I have respect

(46:20):
for your parents' kids. Like,even if you're not a kid, respect
your kids. Your kids don't wantto know about your sex life anymore than
you want to know about theirs.Are you sure? I'm sure I never
wanted to know as much as Ido about my parents' sex life. Yeah.

(46:45):
I think I was the only day. Davis b I'm always bratty.
I was just thinking she must havegot some little extra sleep last night or
somethink, because she's definitely on firetoday. No. Actually, I woke
up at like five am. O. God, me too, had to

(47:06):
take my dog out. What thewhat the hell? Why are you awake?
Yeah? Oh, and she lovesher two new toys that you gave
her to absolutely loves him. Soh we believe you called her and when
a million others wouldn't. Red shade, No, I'm not. Let's see,

(47:30):
I can pull the wind see,but why did it just appear?
I'll prove it. See they're red. I'm not. I'm not lying.
You weren't having that red hue earlier? Did the sun just magically appear.
Uh huh yeah, yeah, itjust magically appeared magically delicious. Oh god,

(47:58):
oh oh wow, oh Davis Mesays Matching Cauldron's brad energy. Who
me a Brady dom never just likeI'm not a prat. Yeah. So
how would I have responded? HadI Probably would have all boots, I'll

(48:21):
tell you what's magically delicious, boots, I love you. How would I
have responded had her dad not beenstanding there? Probably the same way,
just with a little bit more ofa smirk. I mean that is pretty
bold to say the least, togo up to somebody and just say that.

(48:46):
It definitely would have been a smirkbecause apparently I can't control that smirk,
and probably would have been intentionally flirty. And yeah, as opposed to
your normal flirty, that's unintentional.I don't flirt. I just like to

(49:06):
see people smile. I want to, you know, if I have the
opportunity to make somebody feel good aboutthemselves, why not take it? Why
not do better in society? That'sall it is. It's not flirting.
You tell myself that it's not flirting, Like I think, when you're flirting
with somebody, you have intention andI don't have any intention when I when

(49:27):
I'm making a waitress who is doinga job that there is no way in
hell I would ever do, becauseI just can't deal with people like that.
So I love and respect my weightstaff and tip very very well because

(49:49):
they're doing something that I wouldn't do. I absolutely talk way different to the
cute waitress as opposed to the dude, with the exception of Grandpa. Oh,
I don't like having waiters. Iprefer a waitress because you can't flirt
with a waiters because most of themare It's a it's a different it's a

(50:15):
but yeah. I mean I'm notgonna I'm not going to You're not going
to try to spread that love andhappiness to a dude. I don't know.
This has been an ongoing conversation Ihave, I have always. I've
always had more more female or femininefriends than I have men and masculine friends.

(50:38):
Always. I don't get along witha lot of guys. I just
don't. I don't know. Uh, And I thank you, Boots,
he's backing me up. Boots says, intent is everything. Actually, that
doesn't mean it's not flirting. IfI'm flirting I'm just being friendly. If

(51:02):
I'm actually interested in you, I'man awkward, fucking like not on a
log. But if I'm flirting andjoking, I'm just being friendly. And
I do compliment some of them.Who says I compliment men randomly everywhere,
and not because I'm flirting, butbecause I know guys don't get those often.

(51:23):
Yeah, I mean Boot says I'llspread love and happiness to anyone.
I will too, but a lotof times the dudes just have this energy
about them that just I don't know, it just doesn't sit well with me.
I would much rather have a waitressthan a waiter. So Grandpa,

(51:49):
Yeah, except for Grandpa. Imean, we've had a couple. We
had one that was young and stereotypicallyhot that I'm sure would have loved to
done things with the wife and atthe same restaurant back years ago, because

(52:12):
we've been going there since like twothousand and four, and he was the
one that we always asked for.He was phenomenal at his job, and
we become friends, and you know, he was great. I actually miss
him being there, but he wasone that we become friends just out of
throwing compliments and appreciating the work thathe did and all that. Like,

(52:36):
I mean, I don't know,don't judge me, see, don't be
part of the problem, all right, So Mayfair, what would your advice
be with somebody who whether they're youngor not. Of course, again,
I do see this a lot morein the younger generated the next general ration

(53:01):
UH type setting. I'm sure Bootsbeing one of the leaders of t n
G. Hey, that's what we'retalking about by has seen this. But
where oh, what we're talking aboutis uh people who feel feel pressured by

(53:22):
the new society norms to be kinkierthan what they what they feel like they
really are. And how can causejust saying well, you know, just
you be you? Okay, Wellthey know that already, duh. But
what are some what's some actual waysthat a person could go about dealing with

(53:46):
this and and not, you know, in stopping this judgment or these this
concern. Honestly, I don't thinkyou can stop the judgment. That's human
nature. You have to get toa point where you know yourself well enough

(54:07):
to know that's not for me,and you have to take that a step
further and know that just because theydon't approve doesn't mean jack shit to your
life. You have to accept whoyou are, whether that's too much for
most or not enough for most,that's who you are, and that's you.

(54:31):
If you spend your life trying toget everybody's approval, you're never gonna
make it because it doesn't matter whatyou do. Whether you want sex ten
times a day or you want sexone time a year, somebody is going
to have a problem with it.To thank super, kinky or vanilla,

(54:53):
it doesn't matter. People would judgeyou if you waited till you got married.
People would judge if you don't waittill you get married. Like,
you're never going to make anyone everyonehappy. The only person you need to
worry about making happy is yourself andthen those who you choose to spend your
time with if you want to sharetheir happiness and share in that. Like

(55:15):
your close friends, you want themto be happy. But if they can
only be happy if you're going todo something that makes you uncomfortable, then
they're not your friend. Yeah,and it's okay to be alone. I
heard somebody in the grocery store.This was a mother daughter? Was this
two weeks two three weeks ago?Two weeks ago and they were talking and

(55:40):
I guess she had just broken upwith her boyfriend or something boyfriend or girlfriend,
uh, their partner, and shewas talking to her mom about it,
and her mom was, you know, all emotional and about her daughter's
her daughter being hurt, but alsoabout her daughter actually coming to her and

(56:05):
talking to her. And I waskind of just walking around the gross store
talking about this stuff. And theywere stopped in front of the beans getting
some baked beans while talking about breakingup. Maybe shaped to me of those
beans and that's why he broke upwith her, or she broke up with
her, But yeah, that wasimmature. But the girl said something that

(56:32):
could relate to any generation, mygrandparents, the current young generation now,
but it was the Her mom basicallyyou know, thanked her, and her
said that she was happy that abouttheir relationship, basically that she could come

(56:57):
and talk to her about stuff.And the daughter was like, well,
who else am I going to talkto you? And she says, oh,
you're friends. That's you know,what what kids do is go and
talk to their friends. They don'ttell their parents' stuff. And she says,
uh, that may have been truefor you, but me and my
friends. We never have any kindof real serious conversations. That's what that's

(57:19):
what parents are for. We're surenot going to talk to you about the
fun stuff, but we'll bring allof our gripes and complaints to you.
Of course, I'm not quoting exactly, but I'm like, hmm, that's
interesting. So is is it thathome is becoming a safer place for those

(57:42):
deeper thoughts now than what it usedto be. I don't know. Boots
chime in on that. I hada point. Yeah, I had I
had a point. But uh,when I say, Boots, as I
feel that whatever you were comfortable withis where you should stand. I'm all

(58:05):
for pushing to learn new things,but on your terms, you cannot force
someone to change or force your kinkson them. Oh god. Know,
just as you cannot make someone likeyour favorite form of ice cream. Making
them eat it will not change howthey feel about it. Oh my god.
So there's Mayfair, you know,toward the mountains on three twenty one.

(58:30):
There's that guy that has his honeybees and he sells honey out on
the side of the road. Well, there's a gas station that they've got
a diner in there. And theystarted using his honey to make vanilla honey
vanilla soft served ice cream. Itis the absolute best ice cream I've ever

(58:52):
had in my life. It's amazing, So you should try that. Judgment
comes in all forms in all places. We all do it, even if
silently. It's our brains form ofjudgment and how we assess situations. Yeah,

(59:17):
I agree with that. We alljudge. And when somebody says don't
judge me, what they're really sayingis don't don't judge me negatively. But
we all judge, and that getsinto that whole Sorry, I looked at

(59:38):
a comment when I shouldn't have.My ad add is starting to kick real
hard. So yeah, it's alllike everything else person. So Boots said,
home is only safe if people makeit safe open parents are always welcome

(01:00:00):
and have children that have that arefeeling open enough to talk is wonderful,
but not all families are. Homeis a safe place for some. But
it is like everything else is personat person basis. Yeah. Yeah,
when I said that, though,I meant like more within a societal norm,

(01:00:23):
like a culture of it of ifyou have a safe place at home,
then you know, even with mygeneration, even if you had a
safe place at home, chances areyou really wouldn't. You would rather go
to your friends to talk about it, and you talk at home, well,

(01:00:46):
you either wouldn't talk to parents orbrothers and sisters or whatever at home,
or you would only talk about thefun stuff that you were doing on
a very very shallow level. Andnow it seems like like these deep friendships
are all based on shallow levels andnot much deep conversation. And I know

(01:01:07):
there's exceptions to this. I'm notsaying that this is absolutely how it is.
I'm saying that from what I'm gatheringfrom the younger people, this is
the impression that I'm getting that theywould rather talk to home, to somebody
in their home if they have asafe place at home. And I think

(01:01:29):
that that's healthy. I think that'svery healthy. I'm definitely not putting that
down. I'm saying that I'm jealous. I wish it was like that.
I mean, I am the guythat was sexually active for three years before
I find out that women did nothave bladder problems, that they had periods,
because before then that was what Iknew. I think there's been a

(01:02:00):
large shift where parents there's a lotmore push. I've seen a lot of
parents be more focused on being theirkid's friend than a parent. Yeah,
that we're used to, So thatcould be part of it. And I
tread lightly on that because I knowthat's that's a hot topic that we don't
really want to delve into. Yeah, yeah, because that gets into the

(01:02:22):
whole conversation about raising kids. Nobodyshould ever try to raise kids. You
should. You're raising future adults andteaching them how to be an adult.
I also think that with social mediathat a lot of people, because they
don't actually talk to people anymore,they talk over the internet, and what

(01:02:45):
you put out there online is outthere, and they're starting to figure that
out a lot more than my generationreally understood. Once it's there, it's
there, and somebody else is goingto get a hold of it. So
you don't want to tell your friendswhat's going on, because if Becky gets
mad at me to borrow, she'sgonna blast it all over the freaking Internet.
That damn Becky, you know,isn't that Karen's sister? Maybe your

(01:03:10):
daughter, Jenny says, I definitelyfeel like I foster fostered the relationship with
my now grown kids that I can'thave with my parents. My kids and
their friends come to me for seriousemotional talks. So, yeah, it's
funny. My mom was that personfor all of my friends. Like if

(01:03:32):
they were in trouble, if theyneeded help, they needed advice, they
could go to my mom and shewouldn't go wrap them out. She would
help them through it. She wasthere for them. But I lived knowing
They're like, your mom's all socool and you can tell her anything.
I'm like, you can, Iain't telling her shit. She she gonna
beat my ass. I was like, what she does for y'all is great,

(01:03:57):
but she like, she ain't likethat with me. Ain't that is
not the world I grew up in. Like I told my mom, with
some of the stuff, she she'dhave wanted my ass or if she ever
found out about the abuse, shemay actually still try to go kill the
abuser. Yeah, it's part ofthe reason she doesn't know. If you

(01:04:19):
want your kids to open up,you can't tell them you will actually kill
someone for hurting them, because thenyour kid will never tell you shit.
Yeah, and she's not. Whenit comes to that, that's not just
words. There would be actions behindthat. I I'm not sure I've wondered,

(01:04:42):
but yeah, yeah, at leasttwo of the people I know she
would try to go after they're alreadydead. So yeah, oh well,
I've got to the point where I'mrambling, and I think we've said just
about everything on this topic that wecan say. It's it's it's pretty cut
and dry. But my my adviceis find your own self worth, Like

(01:05:05):
don't don't put your value and yourself worth into anything but you, and
I do mean anything. Like mysister, her entire self worth is wrapped
up in being a parent. Andsome people are like, oh, well,

(01:05:27):
that's good, you know, that'swhat a good parent does. Oh
no, no, that's not healthy. She has completely cut everybody out of
her life now, uh, theentire family over this crazy helicopter extreme helicopter

(01:05:49):
parenting. And you know, ohyou may you might say or do something
or bring germs in. And shewas a germaphobelong before COVID. But even
if she wasn't that extreme. Ifher identity is solely I'm a parent of
my three kids, and what ifsomething happened, what if there was a

(01:06:10):
car wreck, whither on vacation andthree kids died, she would completely lose
herself. It happened to me backtwenty twelve, twenty thirteen, I lost
the job of my life. Myentire identity was my job, and all

(01:06:33):
of a sudden changes were made.I didn't have that job anymore, and
it was all of a sudden,there was no planning for it. It
just freaking went away. And thereI was like an identity crisis. I
did not know who I was withoutthat job that I'd worked so hard,

(01:06:57):
worked my way up from the verybottom two just a few damn near the
top. And you know, whenI was a teenager, what my friends
thought was my friends were a lotof my identity, and I think that

(01:07:18):
that's true with every young person,like they put a lot of stock in
what their friends think about them.That's why they're friends. But if they're
trying to get you to do thingsthat isn't it, it's just not you,
then they're not your friends. They'reyour bullies masquerading is your friends.

(01:07:39):
I had some of those, ohyeah, or other friends. If people
got mad at you, then theywouldn't talk to you because they didn't want
to get on the bad side ofother people too. I can't tell you
how many times I ended up sittingalone in high school because somebody else was
mad at me, so my friendsdidn't want to associate. Oh yeah,
yeah. I have never been theone to just say, okay, let's

(01:08:00):
do the stupid thing. Yeah,I'm going to think for a minute,
and that that's a bad idea.Well, because I won't to participate in
a lot of the gossip and thedrama within the community here, and I

(01:08:23):
don't want to freaking hear about it. People get upset with me and won't
talk to me from time to timebecause I don't want anything to do with
it. Like if I started goingback to the to the play space,

(01:08:44):
I would go, I would seethe few people that I really want to
see, and I would bounce becauseI'm no longer physically capable of playing thanks
to my neck injury, playing inthe way that I want to play.
Like. I can still do waxand needles and that kind of stuff,
but that's not my that's not myprimary I don't really get anything from that.

(01:09:09):
So but they want to tell meabout all this drama and shit,
and I'm just like, no,I don't want to show up because I
don't want to have to hear aboutit. And then if I just walk
off or if I say something aboutnot wanting to hear about it, then
that gets turned into gossip and drama, like, oh well, Coldron thinks

(01:09:31):
he's too good now to have aconversation with me. No, it's not
that I'm too good to have aconversation with you. It's that I'm too
good to participate in the drama,and you should be too good to participate
in the drama too. Get itworth my energy? Yeah, I really

(01:09:53):
really want to have Boots says.I really want to post the SpongeBob meme
of Patrick pushing the city off acliff. You could post that in our
discord. Well, speaking of discord, if you are one of our Patreon
producers, you do get access tothe discord. It is private, and
we keep it locked down in privatebecause it is a bunch of new people

(01:10:15):
and they want to make sure thatthey're safe and not going to be outed.
And if we just let anybody andeverybody in there, then we can't
control that as well. So whydon't we take the drama lamas and push
them off a cliff? I wishthat were legal, Hey Percussio, Hello

(01:10:35):
Johnshaw, hey man. But wedon't have corporate sponsors. We have these
Patreon producers, and then we havepeople like dedrive. It will randomly make
a donation through PayPal. Basically itworks value for value. If you are

(01:10:55):
getting any value out of this andyou want to make a donation it be
time, talent, or treasure,you can do that through caldronscript dot com
slash Patreon or coldronscript dot com slashPayPal, or there is an address down
below if you want to send agift or something like the person that sent
Mayfair her awesome little bilde bear stuffy. There's no real address, folks.

(01:11:20):
Yeah. Oh and that is notmy real address, and that is not
the business address. That is amailbox at a UPS store. So don't
just show up there thinking that you'regoing to see me. I'm not going
to happen. I'm only there aboutonce a week or once a month to
check the mail. So I wouldlike to give a shout out to our

(01:11:44):
executive producers. I just updated thislist the other day, August the thirteenth,
So our Patreon producers executive producers comingin twenty five dollars a month.
Not The Daddy, Shadowy Fox,Junicorn's Angel, Johnny Farrell, Ray Webb,
Heru Web, Darling, t andSarge, Cairo and Exploring Mermaid Senior
Producers at ten dollars a month.Trouble one thirteen Alexandria, Baby Love and

(01:12:08):
t Rex Tys Daddy, Steve,Lily, kJ Atzila, Ben Trinity,
Faye, Im Mark, Nhawk,Gentleman, Sadist, Lovely Sunshine, Nick
and the Plumber. Oh Also ashout out to Baby Love as she was
also an inspiration for this episode througha texting conversation that we had the other

(01:12:30):
day. We were talking about somethings that made me think of this to
actually she initiated it. Producers atfive dollars a month. Cane Send that
place in Oklahoma City, Thank You, Miter Hey, Dia, mbr A
Poodle, Bad Dog, Bad Subbecksthirteen Catnip Meow, Wild Time and Deacon
Shawn Cheery, Query Rabbit, Archangel, John Shaw Segments, Shadow Grizzled Yetti

(01:12:54):
and Joseph Fetish Artists, Sir beNice Kitting three ninety nine, Neon Dan
and Dawn from the Erratic Away Podcast. Black Angel, Sir r J Risefi,
Nick's O nine Officer, Davis Finn, Pepa, Kinky J, Daddy's
Princess, Kayla Alfrea and Little Bear. Obviously five dollars a month is the

(01:13:15):
is the most popular one that wehave Junior producers at a dollar a month,
K two s O, We're goneat thirteen Civil disobedience Rope of Fishionardo,
Gator and Gizmo, Alexa, AshleyMeg and Astrod and Chains. There's
a list of vendors I know,like Trust News. I would like to
send a shout out this on thisday too. Darkdlights Shop dot com.

(01:13:40):
Again, these are not sponsors ofthe show. Dark Delight Shop. If
you're into the whole what they callit kawhai thing, you want some cool
pins or stickers, like metal pinsthat you put on stuff, check her
shop out absolutely like and boots youwould you would love her stuff. You

(01:14:06):
may have seen it before, highlyrecommend it. In fact, on my
leather vest I have a couple ofher pens on there, and then our
contact info is also down below.So yeah, thank you so much to
all of the Patreon producers. Ifyou check it once a month, how
you know that you may already bea millionaire. Call it intuition. Intuition,

(01:14:33):
Yeah, I don't really get thatmany there's In fact, I don't
think we've had any email in thatbox since you received that bear five months
ago. Nobody really sends anything.And that's okay. I just already have

(01:14:55):
face masks, so uh oh,I'm not sure what that means. All
right, mayfair final thoughts, HM, you can send it to John dil
Dough. I'll set it on thebackground here. It's just people are always

(01:15:15):
gonna judge. You just have tolearn to be comfortable in who you are
and what you like and learn thatif they care about that more than your
boundaries, then they're not worth yourtime. Yeah. And to add to
that, they're not your friends.Ooh, which one is that, Cyrus?

(01:15:49):
That's what I thought. Sounds alittle higher pitch over the microphone anyway.
Yeah, if if they're pushing,are making you feel a certain way,
and it's a negative way, they'renot your friends, so you might
want to reconsider that. It's kindof funny as you get older, you

(01:16:12):
start putting more value in real friendshipsand kind of doing away with the ones
that aren't really friends, and itbecomes much easier as you age. So
it is hard, but it becomeseasier. You'll be all right. Keep

(01:16:34):
your head up, keep smiling,smile through the pain. Eventually you either
won't be in pain or you'll learnto enjoy it. That's what I keep
telling myself about my neck injury.Anyway, I guess that's going to do
it. So that is episode elevenof season five. In the books for

(01:17:01):
August the twentieth, twenty twenty three. Always look on the bright side of
life. Yeah, there is alwaysa bright side. You just might not
have the proper attitude to be ableto see it. Attitude is everything,
all right, Mayfair, do youwant to do it? No? This

(01:17:28):
has been master Cauldron and Mayfair forcoldernscriptdot com Unearth the Truth. Bye Buddy,

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So, You're Not Kinky, Now What-S05E11

On Purpose with Jay Shetty