One Thought Away: The Science, Soul, & Practice of Happiness | Ft. Rochelle Gapere - Let's Talk Di Tings

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Some of the most important values that we carry through
life are the ones we absorb early, sometimes without even
realizing it. Rochelle, ga pere returning guests and one of
the most radiant voices in the conversation around happiness and
emotional wellness, is a living example of just that. Her

(00:27):
work as an attorney, author and happiness coach is rooted
in intention, joy, and the belief that emotional well being
is not a luxury, it's foundational, a necessity. And so
it's no surprise that some of those beliefs were first

(00:47):
shaped at Saint Andrew's Preparatory School in Kingston, Jamaica, a
school where the motto work, play and learn together isn't
just a praise, it's a philosophy, one that Rochelle has
infused into everything she does, helping people reconnect with joy,

(01:10):
build resilience, and lead lives filled with meaning. As a
school quietly celebrates nearly a century of shaping bright and
empathetic minds, Rochelle continues that legacy on the world stage,
reminding us all that happiness is not something we stumble into,

(01:31):
but something that we choose to create. This conversation is
really a full circle moment because it's rooted in childhood lessons,
lived through adult purpose, and anchored in a life defined
by abundance. If you're listening to the podcast on Apple Podcast,

(01:57):
please remember to rate and leave a comment below. Also,
don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Let's Talk
the Tings. Now, grab your tea, coffee, or a glass
of wine and let's Talk the Tings. Hello everyone, Welcome
back to another episode of Let's Talk to Things. I'm

(02:21):
ash and this week we are talking to things with
one of your favorite guests from season one, happiness coach, attorney, speaker,
and author of the Amazon best selling book One Happy
Thought at a Time, Thirty Days to a Happier You,
Rachelle gap Here. Hi, Rochelle, how are you.

Speaker 2 (02:41):
Hi, Ashley. Thank you so much for having me again.
I am doing well. I'm good. I'm good. I'm I'm good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
Great, love to hear that, and so glad to have
you back. So thank you for being here. And so
since you haven't been here since season one, we kind
of swing things up a little bit in the beginning
of the episode. Okay, so for you and our first
time listeners, we now begin each episode with our listener's
favorite segment, and it's called that no sound safe. So

(03:19):
so I'm going to read messages or social media posts
that listener sent in, and if you think it sounds
crazy or a little bit concerning, you'd say that sounds
safe and explain why. And if you agree, you just
say you agree and explain why sounds good?

Speaker 2 (03:36):
It sounds good?

Speaker 1 (03:37):
All right? Perfect? So the first one says, if I
tell you I'll call you back later, I mean later
on in life, not today.

Speaker 2 (03:49):
Oh why is interesting?

Speaker 3 (03:53):
No?

Speaker 2 (03:54):
I mean I think that's fine. I don't know if it's.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
That sounds safe?

Speaker 2 (03:58):
Yeah, okay, I don't know if later on in life.
But I do believe in giving people grace because we
just don't know what people are trying. So me like that, oh,
let me call you back later. It could be that
something popped up, they have to tend to their kids,
they have a work, emergency help, and so I just
believe in giving people grace, especially if it's somebody you

(04:19):
know who loves and cares for you. Then guess why
not believe the best case scenario about why they have
to call you back? And they have it?

Speaker 1 (04:27):
So I would put you yes, you know it I agree.
I think that's a positive spin to put on it,
you know, because you're right, you never know what people
are dealing with and what people are going through. And
I think because we live in a time where everybody
has their phones and everybody has access to their email
and social media, people will think, well, if you posted

(04:48):
on social media and didn't text me back, you're ignoring
me or you're mad at me. No, maybe I just
can't text you back right now. But I felt like
being online, you know, Yes, you just never know. So yeah,
I completely agree it is.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
To Actually not because I'm scrolling through my phone doesn't
mean that I have the mental capacity for a conversation.
Those two things are different, you know. I yes, very true,
scrolling through TikTok or threads or Instagram, that's mindless. But
when I talk to my friends or engaged with somebody
that I care about, I want to be fully present.

(05:21):
And if I don't have the infora or the mental
capacity in that moment for that oxytion, then I'm going
to pinin it till the time that I could show
up and truly be present for you. So really, that
is where I stand and listen. Nobody controls my schedule
like I do. I forgut myself at the top of
the road because ain't nobody pouring from no empty cup business.

(05:43):
I need to my overflow.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
That's so true. Boundaries, right, Like, that's a part of boundaries.
That's why boundaries are so important. So that's a that's
a great point. Okay, perfect, So that one's sound safe,
So the next one, then the next person that plays
with me is getting taste. Now look at us both shocked.

Speaker 2 (06:08):
Well, listen, I agree about healthy boundaries. I also believe
in high I don't necessarily pop off on people. It
takes me a long time to ever pop off on somebody,
and what I do is like zero to one hundred
before I ever get there. But what you said is
that I don't allow people to play in my face.

(06:28):
And it's crazy that you would actually use this example
because I literally woke up this morning and I put
on my threads. People treat you how you let them,
and when you raise your bar in your life, you
will see how everybody will raise to meet you too, right,
they will rise to meet your standards. Yeah, I mean
I get it. Yep. There are times and I'm like no,

(06:50):
and my no is a complete sentence, and I can
tell that the person on the receiving end, they're like shot,
like okay, wait, it's not and because how pump not?
It's just no, don't play? Don't play?

Speaker 1 (07:03):
You know, yeah, No, it's important, especially if you've been
a person that has spent most of your life explaining
the no, because then people look at you as like wait, no,
like you you can't have boundaries. Now you've been boundary
less with me for ten fifteen odd years, and now
all of a sudden you want to have a backbone,
like how dare you? How dare you put yourself first? Roselle?

Speaker 2 (07:24):
How right? As I said, you know you're shocked. I'm
not that shocked. But you know, I'm always going to
be my biggest advocate. I'm my biggest I know. At
the end, it is that want you set the healthy boundaries.
You are very clear about your standards. People will respect you,

(07:45):
and the people who don't, and I just don't engage with.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
Them anymore, Beautifully said. I love that. Beautifully said, So yeah,
that's so on safe. No, we're both shocked, all right.
The next one we all have two lives, and the
second starts when you stop apologizing for the fire inside
you and instead use it to light your way.

Speaker 2 (08:11):
I one hundred percent agree with that. Like, what's the
opposite that that no sound safe?

Speaker 1 (08:18):
It's I agree that sound safe or I agree either one.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
Yeah, so safe and I agree. Listen, there's nothing like
being your authentic self and showing up in the world unapologetically.
I believe that's when you unleash all the magic in
your life. When you're living for other people's applause or
for their validation, you're constantly in performance mood. It's like, oh,

(08:44):
I wonder if I do this what these people think? Listen.
At the end of the day, only you truly can
live for yourself and then basically for yourself. Once you
get clear about who you are, what your values are,
what you will tolerate, what you won't tolerate, what you love,
you know you will find your tribe in the midst
of doing that. But when you're able to wake up

(09:06):
every day and look yourself in the mirror and be like, listen,
I'm in alignment with myself and I'm in integrity with myself,
there's no more powerful place to be than that. Absolutely
not right.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
Yeah, I don't know, like there comes a point in
your life where you're just like, no, I'm just going
to march in my own be like, I just want
to be very happy with my decisions and I'm clear
about my boundaries, my purpose, and even if you.

Speaker 2 (09:32):
Have to walk that journey alone, it's more refreshing and
empowering to do that than beliving a life that is
not true to who you are. And I wish people
would get there sooner than later, because some people live
their whole lives and they get to seven to eighty
on their deathbed and they're like, man, I wish I
just had the courage to just be myself. And that's

(09:54):
actually the number one regret of the dying. Actually, like
back to the number one regrets of the dye. I
wish courage to live a life true to myself. I'm
not the life that others expected of me. Isn't that
crazy to wait your life to have that realization?

Speaker 1 (10:10):
It is insane, But I want to actually, now that
you say that, something just popped in my head, there's
another side to that.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (10:18):
Let's briefly talk about and typically I don't do this,
but I have to bring it up because we should
briefly talk about the fact that how a lot of
times people like us that do have the courage to
live that way often get ridiculed by people that don't,
because you can be perceived as you know, whether it's oh,

(10:38):
you know, she thinks she's all that, or she thinks
she's you know, happy, she's happy all the time? What
is she so happy about? And that must be phony
because nobody is that happy.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
All the time.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
And you know, a lot of times when you're living
in your truth, people that feel like and I don't
want to say they can't, because everybody has the ability to,
but people that feel like they can't can sometimes become
envious of you, right, and that can sometimes make some
people that don't have the courage to just kind of,
you know, put that noise to the side, say oh, well,

(11:08):
maybe maybe I shouldn't live like this, Like maybe I
shouldn't be so loud about my joy, Like maybe I
should just cower because at least if I do that,
you know, people will like me. What do you say
to those people that feel that way that you know,
their happiness and their joy and their ability to want
to live in their freedom and live freely is really

(11:28):
disturbing people.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
Yeah, so you know what I mean. For one, of course,
you can have empathy and compassion for authors I who
use this example. My favorite, well not my favorite, but
one of my all time favorite books is The Four Agreements.
And yeah, the second agreement says, don't take things personally

(11:50):
personally others are doing It's not because of you, It
is because of themselves and their own story. Right. And
so what that means in nutshell is if you don't
like me because I am bold and I'm brave and
I'm fearless, I would suggest that you look inside yourself
and think and ask yourself hard questions what is it

(12:13):
about her and how she lives her life that intimidates
me makes me feel insecure? And then I ask ask
what are the things about her that inspires me? If
I would be true to myself? And so to that
self assessment, you realize, oh, she inspires me because she's confident,
or she's brave, or she's fearless. And there's a part

(12:35):
of me in my life that wish is I had
a little bit more of that thing. And then the
next prong to that question is how can I start
incorporating day by day little steps to make myself more courageous, braver.
So listen, transferation doesn't just happen all at once. But
I always say a lot of people who are your

(12:56):
quote unquote haters, there are people who are really admired
who wish that they could be more like you. So
what I do is I keep marching to my own beats.
I keep being who I am. Because sometimes it's funny
those same people will come back to me down the
line and said to me, oh roh, the things that
you posted, or seeing you do that thing, or seeing

(13:17):
you walk away from that relationship, or seeing you pivot
and follow your passions, it encouraged me and inspired me
to live life more bolly or on my term. So
I don't say I don't live my life for anybody's
approval or even for their applause or for their because
the same people who cherry you along Ashley one day

(13:38):
are the same people who could turn it back on
you another day. Right they will. So I just keep
my compus focused on myself and on my goals and
on my mission and on my purpose and on my values.
And I'm just like whoever I can inspire along the way,
I will. But I have a really good sense of
tuning out the noise because I just know I can't

(14:00):
make everybody happy and I only can self happy. Really yeah, absolutely, responsibility.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah absolutely, At the end of the day, you are
not a place of akaan selfish and I cannot make
everybody happy, yes can't.

Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yeah, we can encourage and inspire him. And if I
absolutely inspire one person, then my mission is in action
or emotions.

Speaker 1 (14:24):
Absolutely absolutely, I do think that is really the true
meaning of success. And a lot of times, you know,
anyone listening out there that is in that place in
their life or does feel that way, you know, you'll
be surprised. Like Roe said, you inspire people that pretend
not to see you, right, Like I saw that quote,
and it's so true. Like people will watch your stories

(14:46):
or look at your post or see you living your
life and maybe won't say a word to you, but
they're thinking at nights, or they're thinking during the day,
or you know, they're going to bed thinking like wow,
I can't believe she got through that, or I can't believe.
And some of them are saying it's in a positive light,
and yes, there are some that are saying, whow that
didn't take her out yet, Like she's still happy, she's

(15:07):
still with this happiness thing. She still have a job,
She's still and that's fine because as you said, it's
none of your business. It's none of your business because
there's going to be there's going to be a point
and I think we've all experienced it where that same person,
even if they don't come to you directly, right, because
everyone's not that honest, even if they don't come to

(15:27):
you directly, it will show up some hole, right, Like
you'll see it somehole that Okay, that person said this
about me or didn't care for me, but they see like,
I'm not a bad person. I just freely live my life.
And eventually you would hope that that person gets to
a place where they can live the life they want
to live, so they're not so busy looking at your
life and being envious exactly, you know, like yeah, yeah,

(15:52):
that's that's the hope. So so yeah, I just took
a little railroad because I just thought, you know, I
love to discuss like the other side of sometimes these
positive quotes, you know, because there are people out there
that aren't in that strong place to just say, oh,
I you know, I don't care what people say. I'm
living my life. Some people aren't there yet, you know,
So it's good to hear both sides of it, all right,

(16:13):
couple more. The next one says, just because the deodorant
says forty eight hours doesn't mean you should challenge it.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
That sound safe. These things I love these They are
so funny and they're so clever. So listen, well, hygiene
is listen. It should be high on your boy, you know. Yes,

(16:44):
people like to be around people who take good care
of themselves, being their own people who take good care
of themselves. You should just want to romanticize your own life. Yes,
this is the thing that people don't realize. So many
people live for big moments. They're living for a vacation

(17:06):
to Italy this summer. And if you realize the majority
of your life is monotonous. You wake up, you brush
your teeth, you coffee, you got to work, you have
your husband, you hang out with your children, you drop
into school. So what I said, you know, like romanticize
your life, like, oh, you're putting on your deodorant. Oh,
I'm grateful for my deodorant. Or you choose a scent

(17:29):
that you love like lavender, and so especially now in
this season, as the world gets crazier and crazier, I've
had to really romanticize my life. Like last night, I
went about new candles, I took a shower, I lathered
myself up slowly with my lotion, and I did my

(17:49):
skincare routine and so yes, I was in my bathroom,
my regular bathroom I use every single day, but I
choose to make it a spat experience. In my mind,
I want manticizing my life because I know how crazy
life can get. So now, instead of waiting for all
the big moments like oh, I'm going to Carnival in

(18:10):
three weeks or I'm going to go to Panama in
mail with my friends, No no, no, no no, I've
decided that I am going to romanticize the little, day
to day monotonous things so that each moment of my
life can offer me a little bit of joy. And
so yeah, yeah, And you know it's crazy because I
literally just started implementing this like three weeks ago, because

(18:33):
I just girl, don't just be you know, waking up,
because I've always gotten up in a great mood out
of my gratitude practice. But in some seasons, you have
a big deeper and this season me have a big deepy.
I dig deep. So I decide that I am in

(18:55):
control of my choice, my happiness, my joy, my piece.
And I'm like, oh, I'm just going to figure out
a way where I just start romanticizing anything I can
in my day, period period.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
I love that. I love that, full stop romanticize your life.

Speaker 2 (19:12):
I love that. Love that.

Speaker 1 (19:14):
All right, final one for this segment. Okay, I don't
care if you think I'm too much. You aren't even
my target audience.

Speaker 2 (19:23):
M I agree with that. I agree.

Speaker 1 (19:30):
I think it goes to what you were saying Earlierah,
you know what it is.

Speaker 2 (19:33):
Actually, let me just be totally vulnerable here. I My
dad died when I was thirteen years old. He died
in the height of his life. He was forty three,
she was forty one, living his best life PhD research
at Ceylon Google to this day. And sometimes I wonder

(19:54):
suppose he didn't live all out for those forty years
of his life, and he was waiting until fifty or
sixty to be too much to take up space, to
be this young Gander man who just baking it. You know,
like if he hadn't done that, like what then he
would have just lived, and then the dash between the

(20:16):
day he was born and the day he died would
be Oh, I played small in my life. So I
think with that saying that subconsciously for me. And it's
only that I've gotten older that I realized that maybe
that's why I live so unapologetically and so bold. It's
because I know, at any moment, your life can just change,

(20:37):
Like you might not died from many ingiities, he got ill,
and so anything can happen, you know, like a promise.
So I literally could be like, oh, I'm just going
to live like a small, mediocre life and worry about
what everybody's saying about me, or I'm just going to
live all out that listen to day. I always say

(20:58):
my mom hates it because I'm the only child. If
I right tomorrow all of y'all will show up at
my funeral, I'll be like that girl lived lived all out,
and I do for myself because at the end of
the day, why not I only rely this one precious life.
God did not make a mistake when you put me

(21:20):
on this earth, or any of y'all on this earth.
I think it's like a one in four hundred trillion
chance for the sperm to meet the egg for you
to be who you are. Do you understand how miraculous
it is for you to be on this earth? And
so with that said, and with that context, I am
just like listen, I am Rochelle Mukiza Gap. There is

(21:43):
one precious life and I'm going to live it. And
if people don't like it, I don't care. I literally
don't and I really know that listens as little my
mom said March year old, be doing whatever you want
because guess what I think. I'm just aware of the
fact that this is not a rehearsal. This is the

(22:03):
one show girl, and I Am not about to be
one of them people on my deathbed at eighty or
ninety you're talking about, Oh I wish I had or
wish I could of or wish wish wish. Nope, I
am doing all the all the same.

Speaker 1 (22:18):
I one hundred percent agree, one hundred percent agree one
russiall never two never girl.

Speaker 2 (22:26):
Everybody listening to this one, everybody listening to this Yes,
unrepeatable miracle. You are an absolutely repautabul miracle. And so
once you let that sink down in your soul. You'll
be like, let me just go out in this world
with boldness. Period.

Speaker 1 (22:42):
Yeah, you have to live. Listen, this is the one
little life you have. It's not a dress rehearsal, as
you said, and it's up to you to live the
life that is best for you. And I really hope
that everybody really listens to what you just said because
it's important and really takes into account that. You know,
my dad that always says just because you have youth
doesn't mean you shouldn't eat well and take care of

(23:04):
yourself and things like that, because I think that's also
a misconception us as millennials and even Gen Z thinking, oh,
we have time or we don't have to eat healthy
now we're still young, Like, no, take care of yourself, No,
because you never know, you know, live, No travel now,
don't wait till retirement like our parents' generation. Like do
what you have to do. And that's one thing I

(23:24):
commend my parents for doing is always taking us places,
always traveling and showing us that side of the world,
because I think it's important because you just never know,
and who knows when you're sixty odd or seventy odd
you might not be able to enjoy those places the
same as when you're thirty or forty, you know, So yeah,
it's definitely important. All right, Well that was fun, so no,

(23:55):
I'm glad you enjoyed it. So now we're gonna talk
the real things. And so, like I said, you were
here in season one and last time, you gave us
a much needed drape up, you know, by reminding us
of the importance of knowing our value and that by
simply being alive, like you ended up saying again, we're winning, right,

(24:17):
So everyone needs a drape up once in a while,
That's what I believe. So on behalf of myself and
my listeners, I would like to say thank you for
that drape up. And I'm sure you're gonna drape us
again this episode, so we are ready, right, We are
ready right, But no, seriously, you are definitely a standout
guest in season one, and since then your book has

(24:37):
continued to resonate so deeply I'm sure with readers and
listeners of this podcast, and so I want to begin
with the arc between your last time on the podcast
and no. So my first question would be what has
changed for you in how you talk about happiness and

(24:57):
has any of your own happy thoughts evolved since you've
published the book.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
So first of all, thank you. I mean, I'm so
happy to be here because it's like a full circle moment.
So yes, like I say, the happiness what I discussed
the first season still stands the same. That foundation of
happiness being your responsibility and just the scientific evidence of
fifty percent of your happiness being in your control. Fifty

(25:24):
percent is based on your DNA, forty percent is based
on your daily intentional activity, and ten percent is based
on your life circumstances for instance, your marital status, where
you work, like the pandemic that we found ourselves in recently.
So those things stay the same. That foundation of happiness

(25:48):
what I would want to focus on more now because
of current climate that we're in and have spoken about it,
but it is finding happiness even in hard times, learning
emotional resiliency. You Know, what I've realized is that people
think that when I talk about happiness being a happiness coach,

(26:09):
is that oh, you are being happy all the time.
No vulnerability is bravery. And so what I've realized is
that so many people have been using the word toxic
positivity thinking oh well, because of the social media world
that we live in that you have to pretend that
you're okay. Absolutely not. The whole purpose of my calling

(26:31):
and my mission is, yes, you acknowledge when you are
going through rough times, when you're having hard seasons, but
my job is to help you build your own personal
happiness toolkit so that even in the rough moments, you
are able to go in that toolkit and say, Okay,
what can I do today to inch myself forward? And

(26:54):
that made it different for different people. It could be
I need to schedule a therapy session, or I need
to go for a walk, because the research shows us
that just twelve minutes of movement is enough to unleash
your hormones, your happy hormones, the dopamine, the oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins.

(27:16):
So in this season it's more so, hey, I am
not doing well and being honest about that, because Ashley
I will say, you cannot fix what you don't confront
and so more people need to be honest about when
they're not feeling good because when you are honest about

(27:37):
how you're feeling, it creates a ripple effect for other
people to feel safe to say they aren't feeling well either,
and so we see it in the statistics. The suicide
rates are, you know, going up. People are suffering from
anxiety and depression, I mean in droves. And so if

(27:57):
people are just honest, like hey, I'm happy in a
rough time, and then people can then give you their resources.
You should contact this therapist or have you listened to
this podcast or have you read that book. So there's
no need to suffer in silence. And so I think
now I am even more vocal about the fact that

(28:18):
it's okay to not be okay. Trouble don't last always,
it doesn't. So not because you have the sad season
this season don't mean that you can't have a happy
season the next season. But we have to be aware
of the fact that you are in a sad season.
And that's fine. We're all human beings and every emotion

(28:39):
is valid our people. Every emotion is valid, fair sadness,
all of it is leading you in the direction of
truth and honesty of who you are and what you're feeling.
And if you're lying to yourself in this moment, I
give you permission right now to be nice with yourself

(29:01):
and saying even just acknowledge it to yourself. I don't
feel my spirits are low. I feel tired. I've gain waited,
I've been sleeping too much. Like really tech an analysis
of where you are in your life, do a self
assessment so that you could move forward and get the

(29:22):
tools to make yourself better, because really, what I care
about just human flourishing, and you can't flourish if you're
not acknowledging that the soil is popped on right now.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
Yeah, that's so true. That's so true. And I think
definitely knowing that every emotion is valid is really key,
especially within our community, within the Caribbean community. As women,
I find that we're very female dominated and that women

(29:54):
are usually the heads of household as far as arranging
everything going on, making sure the kids are okay, the
host is run properly, the food is cooked, you know,
just being in charge of so many things. And I
find that a lot of what we see in our
culture is women really neglecting themselves and their dreams and
their aspirations for the sake of others, whether it's their

(30:16):
immediate family, whether it's their parents, whether it's you know,
doing things in life that their parents want them to
do versus what they really want to do because of
the fear of what is this one going to say
or what is that one going to say? And I
find that the older we get and the more you know,
generations evolve, we are more okay with saying, you know,

(30:36):
I'm not okay or I'm not okay with doing that,
or I don't feel okay, and I think you're right.
Like that's really the catalyst for living just your best
life is being able to acknowledge those good and bad
emotions and knowing it's okay to acknowledge them.

Speaker 2 (30:53):
You know, yeah, yeah, we have to put the super
Woman cave down.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
You know, yes, I don't want the cape anymore. Yeah,
I'm getting it back.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
Long it's like, oh, I can be all the things
for all the people, and then you neglect yourself. And
we're seeing our grandma's do it sometimes our moms do it.
And so nobody's saying that you're not going to be responsible,
but you know, I will say, you cannot pour from
an empty tank, and so I am very aware that

(31:22):
I have to serve people from my overflow, which is
why I want all women and men everybody listening in
to always do like a daily checking with yourself. How
am I feeling? What do I need more of? And
that could just mean, oh, I need more water, I've
been feeling dehydrated. I haven't been taking my vitamins, like

(31:43):
the way how you have to be so intentional and
mindful about taking care of yourself. And it's the little
things actually. People think, Oh, it's like the big things. Oh,
I have to go run on marathon, I have to
read twenty books, someoneth. No, it's literally, are you getting
seventy eight hours of sleep at night? Are you a
knowing yourself rest to rejuvenate and replenish yourselves. Are you

(32:07):
eating a well nourished, fulfilled diet, like, look on those things,
it's just the baseline. And so sometimes we're so we're
so like we will take care of everybody outside of ourselves,
but not take care of ourselves. And so when you
are at your best, you are able to give people greatness.

(32:31):
You are able to nourish your children more, you're able
to be a better partner to your spouse because then
you feel good and to energy is contagious. If you're
feeling well and you're feeling good in yourself, then you
could bring that same energy to people. But also I
think we have to be even more intentional about asking

(32:51):
for help. We think I have to do everything and
I'm super woman girl. If you dropped down dead tomorrow,
somebody gonna figure it out. Can you tell you that
somebody's going to figure it out?

Speaker 1 (33:02):
They're going to have to. Yeah, And so I go.

Speaker 2 (33:05):
To people will rise to the occasion and do the
things that need to be done. Your son will check
out the garbage. If you stop pretending that you can
do it all, ask people help, you know. And so
I really really implore people now to just be very
mindful of what you have on your plate. What is
making you feel overwhelmed? How can you outsource it? And

(33:27):
when I say outsource it, it doesn't mean that you have
to pay anybody else to do it. Do you have
people in your family, in your home and your immediate
surroundings that you could say, Hey, I need to delegate
this task. Deal free up some time schedule so you
can just enjoy your liqual time, even ten minutes to
be one with your thoughts, liqu a meditation, breathe, people

(33:49):
watch you to video to inspire yourself like you just
have to create the time and power about the space
because it's yourself.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
Yeah, one hundred percent agree. It's definitely very important. And
one of the ways that you can use your free
time is to pick up Rochelle's book and go through
some of the you know, structured plans or reflections that
you have. So going to your book now, right, one
happy thought at a time. It structured so beautifully to

(34:18):
me because it's thirty reflections, right, so one per day,
if you know, if you choose obviously you can read ahead,
but it's each period with a practice or a mindset,
mindset shift, and I find that it's not overwhelming, like
it's very digible, digestible. So why did you decide to
use that quote one thought per day model? And how

(34:42):
did you select, like which thoughts would make it to
the final thirty, Like how did you choose those thirty?

Speaker 2 (34:48):
Yeah? So okay, So I'll give the science behind that,
because I have to talk about the science because you know,
happiness can get very woo woo, like, oh girl, you're
just talking about this random thing, right, this speedy So
on average human beings have sixty thousand to eighty thousand
thoughts per day, Okay, eighty three percent of those thoughts

(35:10):
are negative. So let's just say eighty percent of those
thoughts are negative. Ninety five percent of those thoughts are repetitive,
so you're thinking the same negative thoughts over and over
and over again. My whole purpose and why I chose
the one happy thought concept is that as you were
having that negative thought pattern, which we are predisposed to have,

(35:32):
if you can have one happy thought to break up
that negative bluep you could change your perspective. The reason
why I decided to do it in the thirty day
format and make it practical and digestible is that it
takes twenty one days for a habit to form, right.
So every day you wake up and you decide I'm

(35:53):
just going to read one thing and apply it. Twenty
one days, you start getting your rhythm. How I chose
the ones I did. I was organically posting my quotes
on Instagram at the time. This was a couple of
years ago, and so the ones that would resonate the
most people. I pulled about ten of those. The ones

(36:13):
that resonated most with people when I sat resonated the
ones that got a lot of feedback, a lot of likes,
a lot of Hey, my, you were reading my mind
this morning, or I can't believe you wrote that. That's
how I feel. I composed in the book, and then
I also wrote, you know, twenty fresh new ones for
fresh new content. But yeah, that is pretty much how

(36:35):
the concept came about. And I just decided I wanted
it to be easy, because listen, happiness is like a
muscle you have to practice every day, you know, go
to the gym, one leg, ten pound weighs and just said,
all right, now, I'm strong.

Speaker 1 (36:48):
Right right.

Speaker 2 (36:49):
I want people to really practice it. I wanted to
become a daily practice of doing something for yourself that
you know will make it feel good, that will add
to your inner state of peace, to be more in
alignment with your values. And so I want those daily
actions to be in sync. And I don't want to

(37:10):
make it feel overwhelming or out of reach. I mean,
too much of more life already feels overwhelming, and I
didn't want it to be like, oh my god, one
more thing to do, right, Yeah, I wanted you to
be something that people could look forward to, because what
more can you look forward to than your happiness and
your well being? I mean, it makes a important thing.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
Right, that's so true. That's so true. That's so true.
And when you, like you said, happiness sometimes has a
lot of like fluff. And I love that you explained
the science of it right because I think there are
a lot of people that are very practical and logical,
and so that can help those people really understand how
they would be able to achieve you know, said happiness

(37:53):
whatever that looks like for them. Right, So to you,
what makes a happy? What makes a happy? I should say?
Is it about optimism like self compassion, hope? Or is
it something else?

Speaker 2 (38:06):
Entirely? It's all those things. It's positive emotions. You just
said it all it's positive emotion. How does that make
you feel? You know, how does it make you feel?
Is it making you feel good? Is it adding to
your sense of peace, of your steadiness, of your stability?
But everything that you just said is exactly what it is.

(38:29):
You hit the nail on the head. And you know,
I would even say, Ashley, I think one thing that
everybody listening to this podcast should do, Like as we finish,
I want you to take on a piece of paper
and I want you to ask yourself that question, what
does happiness mean to me? Because it can be something

(38:51):
or even accomplish a feeling if you don't even know
what it looks like to you, and different trusons of
your life may require a different list. Right answer to me,
happiness is a steady inner state of peace, gratitude, and alignment.

(39:12):
You see when yeah, it's just a steady inner state
of peace, gratitude, and alignment. And so I know when
I feel out of alignment with my values and my
purpose when you know, like I will stuff and I'm like,
but babe, that doesn't make you feel good or like
why you keep going around that certain group of friends

(39:35):
that when you need there you feel so depleted. But
then there's I got around and girl, when I finished
that brunch conversation, I come back to my house and
I'm like, girl, baby, you are over today. You are
beyond it. Right, So I know that that's what that

(39:57):
feels like. But if I weren't doing that checking with
myself about when I leave that person's company, do I
feel better or do I feel worse? When I get
six hours asleep as opposed to eight hours? Do I
feel better or do I feel worse? When I wake
up in the morning and I have a moment of silence,
and I can pray and write in my prayer journal

(40:19):
and do my gratitude practice. That sets me up for
a winning day as opposed to when I just wake up,
jump out of the bed, have to just go, go, go,
go go. You know, so each of us we really
need to pause and really be clear about what happiness
looks like for yourself individually, not what your mom's version,

(40:41):
your dad's version, this friend's version, your daughter's version. What
does that look like for you? And once you are
clear about it, I want you to start implementing those
things more often than not throughout your day. If you know,
you pick up your phone and you talk to the
friend who is the negative Nancy, and every time you

(41:02):
talk to her you hang up at your life. Law, Jesus,
that girl always full of drama. Listen, you are going
to have to reshuffle her access to you. You just
have this. Yeah, you have to be the partiction of
your peace. Like you know, this is the thing so
many of us we are like life is just happening
to us. Like you are not an active participant in

(41:23):
your life. No, you are the creator, designer of your life,
your moment, your choices. So you have sitting down there
acting like a victim in your life. No, I'm just
checking with yourself and be like, when I feel good,
this is what makes me feel good. Start doing more
of those things. When I feel bad, these are the

(41:45):
things that have been making me feel bad. Subtract those things.
It's not rocking clients, But you just have to be
so clear and intentional, and all of a sudden you
realize that it starts coming naturally to you. It just
it starts to you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
Absolutely absolutely, And that brings me to my next point.
So you write in the book that you are not
your thoughts, right, but also that your thoughts shape your reality,
which I think is a powerful paradox and a liberating
one even right. So, from a coaching perspective, what would
you say are some of the common mental loops? I

(42:23):
would say, you see people stuck in and how do
you help them to begin to rewire those thoughts?

Speaker 2 (42:29):
Yeah? So one I'll give is regret. My God, people
live in your past. Oh I wish I had done that.
I regret that. I regret that. I regret that, right,
and that is completely fine. We are human, so many
of us we probably wish we could do some things differently.
But the fact of the matter is is that we

(42:50):
will use our knowledge that we have right now. Right
Let's say I'm me, I'll use my four year old
self and judge my twenty eight year old self. That's
not fair. That's not fair. I've never had twelve years
of wisdom experiences. How dare I use a forty year
old version of me to judge a twenty eight year

(43:12):
old version of me. So that's where the self passion
comes in. But there's also I just came across this concept,
and it's by Arthur Brooks. He's a happiness expert. He says,
don't waste your suffering. And what that means is think
about something that you regret or something that you wish

(43:34):
you could change, and I want you to write down
the lesson that you learn from that situation. So, for instance,
I'm gonna use myself for an example. I went through
a heartbreak up a couple of years ago. Right at
that time, as like, oh my god, this is the
worst thing happening to me in my life. I can't
believe I waste five years on my life with this man.
Blah blah blah, blah blah, I you know that I'm

(43:56):
stuck in that in that loop. You know what I
use that that whole season on my life to do
one It led me to my purpose. It made me
start studying happiness. It led me to now giving speeches
all over the world where I can wake up every
day and be like, oh, I impact lives in a
positive way. So what that exercise does is I'm not

(44:19):
wasting my suffering. I yes I had the breakup. Yes
it was a sad season, but guess what what did
that season do for me? That rejection ended up being
a blessing. So what happens now is that anytime I'm
rejected from something, actually I'm like, bring it on, because
it means that that closed door could also now be

(44:40):
a glimmer of hope to something even better happening in
my life. Right, But using the suffering and finding the
silver linings in the suffering to then guide using it
as a guidepost, like, huh, the last time that bad
thing happened to me, I became wiser, I became more mature.

(45:01):
So you're not just looking on the doom and gloom
of the bad thing, but you're not also looking on
the silver lining and the positive aspect. So, yes, we
do have negative thoughts. I said it before, the majority
of our thoughts are negative. But the point is you
could think, oh, I'm ugly, i am fat. That's not
a fact, that's not a fact. You are just thinking

(45:23):
that thing. But similarly, you could be like, I'm beautiful,
I am in shape, i am healthy, my blood cells work,
my limbs work, right, So it shifting your perspective, and
so everything in life, you know, like life. Nobody says
life is going to be one rainbow and walk in
the park. It's not. But the point of the matter

(45:43):
is that hard things happen to make us more resilient.
If nothing hardered happened in your life, how would you
ever know your strength? And that's how we know. We
learned In law school, I knew I was prepared to
be an attorney because I did all the classes. Then
I passed the bar exam. It's a hard study for
the bar exam, but guess what it showed me what

(46:03):
I was made of that yes, now I have qualified
to do legal work. So if you don't get the test,
how do you ever know that you've learned a lesson?
And that's absolutely life.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
Anything in life. And I also think that you know,
it's like you said, you have to look at life
as happening for you, not to you. And I think
when you shift to that perspective, you take things a
lot differently, because I was someone that I used to
take things really hard, meaning things that would happen, you know,

(46:35):
that were unexpected, maybe betrayal by a friend or something
of that sort. And I realized, like, oh, no, this
is happening for my good Like God heard conversations I
didn't hear, or saw, you know, me going down a
path I wasn't supposed to go. So he had to
yank me up out of that because he knows me
being kind and so positive, I probably wouldn't have done
it myself. And so, like you said, when you view

(46:57):
things from that lens, it's a lot more digestible. And
it's like you almost get excited when things aren't going
your way because, like you said, you know something positive
is coming. So I love that out love.

Speaker 2 (47:09):
Rejection is protection, rejection absolute diviney direction. And yeah, and
so I want to go back. It's not about not
acknowledging the hard things. It's not you have to acknowledge
the hard things. Regret is fine, but do not wallow
in the self pity because you can't change your past,
but you could change your present. You could ask yourself

(47:31):
the tough questions, what was that there to teach me?
And what did I learn from that season? And moving
forward you will act differently with the lessons and the
wisdom that you garnered because of that hard season. So
you can't change your past, people, but you can literally
equip yourself to have a more powerful presence and a
more powerful future. And you just have to be kind

(47:53):
to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Think about the advice
that you'd give to a loved one or a friend.
You would beat up and be like, girl, you are stupid,
you're fool, you're you know you wouldn't you'd be like girl,
you know you know. Yes it was hard, but just
behind yourself or what did you learn? Or don't worry babe.

Speaker 1 (48:13):
You would have more grace.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
Yeah, to treat yourself with the same kindness and love
and care and compassion that you would to a loved one.

Speaker 1 (48:23):
Yeah, just no, definitely, yeah, bekind definitely, Yeah, it's important.
I think that's something we could all do better at.
You know, be nicer to ourselves, give ourselves more grace, grace.
I think that's definitely important, and it's funny. So you
said something that I think is so important that you're
not gonna you suggest not ignoring the negative, right, And

(48:47):
so that's one of the things that I really respect
about your book is that it never really dips into
toxic positivity and you never suggest that we ignore pain
or fake smile through grief, you know, I mean, so,
how do you speak to someone who's in the midst
of a real struggle, whether that's lost, burnout, anxiety, you know,

(49:08):
the gamut of things that are just going on in
the world right now. And understandably, they're skeptical about even
the terminology happiness or the word happiness. You know, they
think like, oh, you know, that's just fluff, like it's
not nobody can achieve true happiness. How would you speak
to somebody that's looking at life like that?

Speaker 2 (49:27):
Yeah, so one A'll said to them, You've never been
this version of yourself before. You have never been the
version of yourself who lost her mom or lost somebody
that you love, or lost the job. So one as
I went back to you have to be kind like
sometimes we at like listen, we are all having a

(49:48):
human experience. Like everything you're going through, you are learning
pretty much on the job. Nobody gave any of us
a manual about how we should live our life or
how or emotions are going to be impacted when bad
things happen to us. So with that said, I am
a firm believer in seeking help. You have never been

(50:11):
this version of yourself before. But there are people who
are professionals who have been equipped with the knowledge and
the skill set to help you work through hard seasons,
whether that is a coach, whether that is getting therapy.
Many of us have a lot of blind spots, and
I know, especially in our West Indian community, therapy is

(50:33):
so taboo like or not not wrong with you. You
should just go prayer or.

Speaker 1 (50:37):
The talking business.

Speaker 2 (50:39):
No no, no, no no. And now more than ever, there
are a lot of free services online where you could
google free therapist, free coaching, session, free, free free counseling,
free group, whatever. So I will start with that, get
the tools to help yourself, because there's nothing I can
tell you in this five or ten minutes on this

(51:01):
podcast that's immediately going to change your life. But what
I will say is that if you acknowledge the fact
of how you are feeling, be honest about where you
are because what it is, so many of us cover
up how we are feeling because we want to project
to the world that we have it all together. All right.
That said, I will also say gratitude. Listen, Ashley, it

(51:26):
doesn't matter. Yes, you could be in the hardest season
of your life, but you can still find things to
be grateful for. I will say it again, if you
can just find one little glimmo. Yes, this is a
rough season, but I'm alive. You have to have the
appreciation facto it's a rough season. Because listen, gratitude is

(51:49):
one of the easiest ways and the freest ways to
find yourself back to joy. If you start a gratitude
practice just five minutes and it can increase your happiness
by twenty five percent. So not, oh, ro is telling
me to be toxic positivity, you know, it's just being real, Like, listen, Yeah,

(52:14):
you may have lost your job, but you still have
breath in your body, you still have the Internet to
go on to look for a job. You still have
your limbs, you still have a roof over your head,
you still have your eyesight to read these job postings,
because it's so easy to focus on what we don't

(52:35):
have that we start neglecting to focus even on the
little things that we do. So even if you can
just wake up in the pits of whatever sadness, depression,
trauma you're going through and be like everything is going bad,
but let me just find one thing, one thing that

(52:55):
I can just be grateful for in this moment. That's
definitely happy thought that can shift your mind. But you
have to get the help, y'all. I can't say it enough.
You just have to get somebody to help you through
your row seasons. You don't have to suffer through life alone.
You don't have to be embarrassable anything you're going through.

(53:18):
And let me just liberate y'all. Right now for a second,
there is nothing that you are going through right now
that somebody in this world of eight point five billion
people have not gone through and survived. Let me just
say that again. There is the key nothing that you
are going through right now that somebody in this earth

(53:41):
has not gone through and survived. Loss of a parent,
loss of a dog, loss of your job, homelessness, illness.
There's somebody who has gone through it, and they have survived.
And not only have somebody survived, they have thrived through it.
So why not why not you? Why not you? But

(54:03):
you have to literally choose. You have to choose it,
you know what I mean? You have to just make
up after a while. You know, you have to just
get sick and tired of being sick and tired. That
God never put you on this earth to live No,
pop don't life That He said literally in the Bible,
that you are put here to live life more abundantly.

(54:24):
That's it. So I stand on God's promises. I'm like, well, Lord,
you told me that you put me on this earth
to live life more abundantly. So listen, we need to
get back into the more abundantly part of this promise Jesus,
because ain't nobody to just believe in pop don't life
ever and.

Speaker 1 (54:40):
Ever and ever around here?

Speaker 2 (54:42):
Right? I need to experience some heaven on earth.

Speaker 1 (54:45):
So heaven and gentlemen, I would just like to say,
she's not saying life more abundant because she's she went
to Saint Andrew's bread. It is really true, because but
my listen and say, wait is it Andrews girl? So
you know, it is true.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
That part is true. But yes, yes, actually I'm all
for acknowledging the hardships, acknowledging the suffering, being sad, cry
cry to Litia, Cry no more till you know any
tears in your body. But there has to come a
moment where you just dust yourself off and decide, I'm

(55:28):
going to put one foot in.

Speaker 1 (55:30):
Front of the other.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (55:33):
I love that, beautiful, beautiful advice. So one last question, well,
actually two questions.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
Okay, so.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
You're how do I say this your legacy right? Because
I still think you can have a legacy and still
be here on earth. So I'll say legacy. Know that
the book has been in the world for a while,
and you've heard from so many readers I'm sure, or
even listeners of podcasts that you've been on. What's surprised
you most about how people are using the book? And

(56:03):
has there been a particular story that deeply moved you
or reminded you this is why you know I wrote
this book, or this is why I'm doing what I'm
supposed to be doing. I'm right where I'm supposed to be,
So you know.

Speaker 2 (56:17):
What, I think the running theme that I have gotten
is hope. It's that Rochelle, you just gave me permission
to hope again. Oh.

Speaker 1 (56:30):
I love that you just.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
Have hope because you know, deferred makes your heart sick,
and so it's just to hope again. It's just like, yeah, like,
everything may not go how I planned it or how
I thought it could be or should be, but this
version that I'm not creating for myself is okay, and

(56:53):
in some instance it's much better than any plan I'd
ever had. And so I can't think of anyone story
immediately that would come to come to mind and have
to give it more thoughts. What really makes me happy
is how many people keep rereading the book, like they
don't say, all right, starting on it again. I read

(57:14):
it in twenty ten, but okay, that time I was
a little bit unhappy.

Speaker 1 (57:18):
Yes it's that type of book.

Speaker 2 (57:19):
Yeah, like I touch my joy, but not in twenty
twenty five. You know, look unhappy. Let me catch back
the book again. So I like that the book is
something that you could use over and over and over again.
I remember not wanting to rush writing it or rush public,
rush publishing publishing it, because I wanted it to be

(57:41):
something well I knew it would be something that would
live on bookshelves forever, and I wanted it to be
to resonate with people as much as they needed to
read it. So I would say one of the running
themes though, is that people, you know. I think one
of the main themes for sure is how people have

(58:04):
repurpose rejection. Like they look on me and they're like, well,
here's this girl who quote unquote did all the right things.
She graduated a semester early, she was an overachiever. She
went to law school, and then she's practicing law, and
then she had her whole life figured out, five year plan,
ten year plan, and then the plans blew up in
her face. And then the version her Plan A blew

(58:27):
up in her face. But her Plan B is so
much better. And so I think that is one of
the feedback that I get the most from people, just like,
oh my God, like you gave me the courage. She
just say, all right, maybe Plan A would have been good,
but Plan B can be better. And I think that
is one of the things that I am very passionate about,

(58:48):
that you could have this plan for your life, which
you should have plans for your life. I believe, Yeah,
it is good. But then I also believe in leaving
some room for magic because the life that I'm living
now is beyond anything I could have planned for myself,
like being able to do this work and inspire and
encourage people. Like every time I go on a stage

(59:11):
and I see a group of people just looking at me,
and I know that there's somebody in the audience who
is just like feeling so stuck, And in my heart,
I know that there's one little nugget I'm going to
give them in that moment that is going to unleash
and unlock something in themselves to just dream even bigger.
And that is what keeps me going. So yeah, it

(59:34):
just go where I mean, you know it just I'm
in such a good place in my life right now.
It's good. It feels good.

Speaker 1 (59:40):
Bad good, and that's perfect. When it feels good, I
think it's the best thing. You know, it doesn't have
to look good to others, but when it feels good
to you, that's like the ideal feeling that you want.
You know, so so.

Speaker 2 (59:54):
Long, I really was just like why, like, what's my purpose?
And there has to be more. There has to be more,
Like God, there has to be more you know, I
always wanted to be a lawyer, knew it, and then
I went to law school. It just wasn't the thing
for me. And so I like to say to people,
you don't have to have it all figured out, and
you could pivot, Like you're not a tree. You could move.

(01:00:16):
You could reinvent yourself a million times if you have to,
And so don't get stuck on the way how it
should be, Like, just open up your mind to all
the limitless possibilities that are out there for you. You could
move to a different country, you could start a new career. Like,
don't allow the limiting beliefs of your age, or your

(01:00:37):
marrit or status or what society says it should look
like to make you live a small life. So that's
my thing. It's like, just live a life that just
invigorates you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:48):
Yeah, I love that. I love that, beautiful, beautiful way
to end that segment. So before we transition to our
final segment of the episode. This season, I've been allowing
my guests to ask me one question. So is there
anything that you'd like to ask me?

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
I would? This prompt came upon Instagram, right, and I
love it so much. If you were watching yourself on
the big screen and you were in the audience and
you're the main character on the screen, what would you
tell that person to do now? What would you tell
them to do now?

Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
And net Ooh, I love that question. Leave it to
Rochelle to ask such a brilliant question. I would tell
her if I was watching myself on the screen, I
would say, be honest. I would say, follow your mind
and not your heart. Mm hmmm, I would definitely say yeah.

(01:01:51):
I would say, for so long, I've been somebody that
and I kind of spoke about it a little earlier,
but somebody that just always tried to be there for people,
you know, like whether that was if we're going somewhere
or going to a restaurant or you know, staying at
a hotel. My friends would know to look to me

(01:02:12):
because I'm the one that's going to make sure everything
is in order, and I'm the one that if somebody
spoke to you a certain way, what did they say,
I'm going to take up for you. And it started
to weigh on me because I realized that when I
was in need of that, people think people didn't think
I needed it because I was always the one showing
up or always a strong one or always the one
leading with my heart if you will, you know. And

(01:02:35):
while I don't think that I will completely negate that
because that's who God made me to be, and that's
who I am, I'm now very particular of who I
give that energy too. So rather than making it change
me or say like, oh, you know what, people aren't
there for me, or people you know don't treat me
the same way, or I can't go to these people
and now I'm going to change and I'm going to

(01:02:56):
be this rigid, emotionless person. No, I just change who
I give that energy to, because I've come to realize
my energy is sacred and I know what I have
to offer and what my value is. And the minute
I started to recognize that the people that were around me,
and you said it earlier, that's why I've made that
sound and I got chills. I used to go around

(01:03:18):
certain people and I would literally feel depleted when I left,
Like I would literally get in my car and call
my best friend Donald and take like a deep breath
just from being around certain people. And you know, he
would often say to me like, well, Ash, why are
you around this person? Well, you know, we've been friends
for so long, and da you know you make those excuses,

(01:03:39):
Especially for me. I've seen my parents have the same
friends for my whole life, so I just always thought
you just keep friends, you know what I mean, But
not realizing my friends had my parents had the same
friends because they had great relationships with their friends, not
just for the time aspect. That part didn't really sink
in until I got much older, you know, So I

(01:04:01):
think I would definitely lead with that, follow your mind
and not your heart in everything that you do and
what's next. I would say, you.

Speaker 2 (01:04:13):
Are going to.

Speaker 1 (01:04:16):
Live your purpose and you are going to live a
life that even you didn't think was possible, but that
God knows is possible, and you was possible the moment
you were born.

Speaker 2 (01:04:29):
Oh that's beautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:04:35):
It is, Uh, it is. That's probably the most like
introspective question anyone has asked me since I've been doing that.
So thank you for that. I really appreciate that. Leave it,
leave it to the drap up slash happiness Happiness coach.
You have to add that to your bio note the
drap up coach.

Speaker 2 (01:04:55):
I love that. That's hilarious.

Speaker 1 (01:05:00):
This was actually your favorite part last time I remember.
So for our last segment, I'm going to ask you
seven rapid fire questions, and I want you to answer
with the first thing that comes to mind in one
word or one sentence. Okay, you're ready, love it all right.
First question, what's your favorite way to start.

Speaker 2 (01:05:23):
Your day listening to music?

Speaker 1 (01:05:26):
Ooh, same, I love that any particular genre, by the way, So.

Speaker 2 (01:05:30):
One song in particular, I'm Alive by Seline Beyond.

Speaker 1 (01:05:34):
Oh Jammy loves I have to give her a passport.

Speaker 2 (01:05:42):
Here and I'm Alive. I love that song.

Speaker 1 (01:05:46):
Yes, yes, yeah, that's yeah, that's it.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
Of course, the prayer and the journaling and the graditude practice,
but that boom, that song, it just gets my energy up.

Speaker 1 (01:05:57):
I love that. I love that. That's a good way
song for sure. Okay, next question, if you could give
one piece of advice to your younger self, what would
it be.

Speaker 2 (01:06:08):
Keep trusting your intuition. Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:06:12):
I love that. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes. What's
the first thing you do when you wake up in the.

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
Morning, Actually, the first thing I do in the morning
is this is going to sound crazy, but I literally said,
no weapon formed against we shall prosper. I've been doing
it every morning since seventeen years old. It is I
love that. Literally, I love that. I love that.

Speaker 1 (01:06:38):
That's it, And that's exactly why the weapons are not prospering.

Speaker 2 (01:06:42):
Yes, I love that, can't you have? Yes? So many
friends now who now implement that into their day, like, immediately,
no weaponform against we shall prosper. Well.

Speaker 1 (01:06:53):
Admit to the list, because I'm gonna start saying it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:55):
Too, brain cells clicking. That is the first ye remembering.
That's it.

Speaker 1 (01:07:01):
I love that. Actually, honestly, admit to the list. I'm
gonna start doing that. I love that, love love love
all right. Next question, what's one habit you've developed that
had the biggest impact on your happiness?

Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
Long locks? Long locks without music. I walk three to
five miles and I just be quiet and allow myself
to be creative. I observe everything around me, whether it's
the kids, the trees, whatever. Long walks gim change your girl.

Speaker 1 (01:07:36):
Wow, that's so crazy. I have an uncle that I'm
very close to, and he is in his seventies and
he runs like five six miles and I remember one
time he came back in the house and I was like, Uncle,
where's your like your iPod or I'm saying, iPod, I'm old,
but you know, where's your music?

Speaker 3 (01:07:56):
Right?

Speaker 1 (01:07:56):
And he's like music. He's like, ash, I can't run
with music. I run to clear my mind. How can
I be listening to music and try to clear my mind?
And we're all laughing, like me and my cousin's like, oh,
that's so weird. But the more I thought about it,
I'm like he might be onto something because you can't
have y ray in your ear and still try to
be clear your mind. So it's so crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:08:16):
You just said that.

Speaker 1 (01:08:17):
Wow, you know what?

Speaker 2 (01:08:18):
And that happened accidentally because I used to always have
ray Ray in my ears and I find my headphones
one day when I was going all to walk and
I was like, oh, you were my headphones. And I
was like, you know what, let me just go girl.
That was the best accidental happenstance. And now I go out,
I am one with my thoughts and I'm so observant

(01:08:39):
and I get the best idea of It's like a
therapy session for myself. It is amazing.

Speaker 1 (01:08:45):
I love that. Okay, well uncle, I'm not laughing anymore
because it looks like you were onto something. Okay, then
all right, next question what's your go to mantra when
you're feeling stressed.

Speaker 2 (01:09:01):
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
And I love that I can because it's not my strength.
Sometimes sometimes I don't even have the strength. But listen,
I'm the strength for me, and your strength is abundant
and endless, and so that's sufficient. That's it?

Speaker 1 (01:09:18):
Yes, yeah, one percent?

Speaker 2 (01:09:20):
I agree?

Speaker 1 (01:09:20):
I love that all right? Two more? The next question,
what's your favorite Caribbean dish that brings you comfort?

Speaker 2 (01:09:28):
Girl? Let me tell you.

Speaker 1 (01:09:30):
You see how her voice change.

Speaker 2 (01:09:34):
Riise play with a shredded carrot cabbings. Ven you tell
me do you want at nas game? Oh? That's my
dying meal. That's my dying meal.

Speaker 1 (01:09:51):
Like if that's your last meal or shall yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:09:54):
And I in thirty minutes what you want to eat?
That's it right there.

Speaker 1 (01:09:58):
Now, let me ask you a million dollar question. Who
is making the Oxdale? What's the best oxtail you've ever
had that you would want that person or that restaurant
to make it as your last meal?

Speaker 2 (01:10:09):
My auntie, she's my mom's second sister. I'm okay, so funny.
We s have a ritual. When I came home from college,
when mommy would pick me up from the airport, we'd
drive straight to house and she'ld have ox Sale. That
exactly a way for me. And I want to make
her listen to this because she's gonna laugh. She makes
a beale in business from Oxdale. Period.

Speaker 1 (01:10:32):
Well, Auntie, Jackie, if you'd like to FedEx me some
ox Sale and rest and peace. I typically don't eat
Oxdale all the time, but it sounds like yours is
worth it, all right. So final question, when you think
about the impact that you want to leave, what is
one thing that you would want people to remember about

(01:10:52):
the work that you've done.

Speaker 2 (01:10:58):
She her life authentically, boldly, happily and inspire others to
do the same. Wow, inspire others to do the same.
I change it to while inspire others to do the same.

Speaker 1 (01:11:16):
Yeah, I love that, beautiful, beautifully said. Beautifully said, Well,
ro I always walk away from our conversations feeling more
centered and more intentional, you know, a little draped up,
a little more hopeful. And I know our audience will too.
And I just want to thank you for always bringing

(01:11:37):
your joy, your depth, and your honesty to this space,
you know, And I really hope everyone listening, will get
your book if they don't have it already, and keep
it on the nightstand, and like you said, return to
it over and over again, because it's just one of
those books you know, you go and you highlight, you underline,
you come back to. So yeah, I really appreciate you

(01:11:59):
being here.

Speaker 2 (01:12:00):
Oh, thank you Ashley for having me. You have such
great energy, you do.

Speaker 1 (01:12:05):
Oh, thank you really do.

Speaker 2 (01:12:06):
Actually, I love this conversation so much. And even from
the first time I met, I said it to you
that you just have good energy, and so especially in
this day and age, it's such a welcome, refreshing feeling
to meet people who are just good natured and kind
hearted and optimistic, and that's you. You embody all those

(01:12:29):
things and you're just a good light. You're a delight.

Speaker 1 (01:12:31):
Thank you, thank you, Thank you so much. I really
appreciate that. And before we go, I should give you
an opportunity. Is there anything that you have coming up
or you know, where can people follow you so that
they can keep up with you? Or is there another
book on the way We hope crossing our fingers.

Speaker 2 (01:12:50):
Everything I'm up to on my website rochellegepair dot com
or on all social media platforms, my first and lasting
Rochelle pair new book, no new book in the words
right now, my spirit is not necessarily like after the
things are, My spirit is like, yes, it's the time.
So I've toyed with the idea. I've started writing a

(01:13:12):
few chapters, but it's not got you. It's not got you.

Speaker 4 (01:13:15):
Okay, So soon, you know, hopefully soon I'll get that
wave of inspiration and you'll hear that I'm dropping my
new book, so we'll see.

Speaker 2 (01:13:26):
I love that. Well.

Speaker 1 (01:13:27):
In the meantime, we can just follow your journey and
keep up with you that way, so that's a good
compromise as usual. If you've enjoyed this episode, please remember
to give us a five star rating on Apple podcast
and Spotify

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One Thought Away: The Science, Soul, & Practice of Happiness | Ft. Rochelle Gapere

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}One Thought Away: The Science, Soul, & Practice of Happiness | Ft. Rochelle Gapere