June 28, 2023 • 40 mins
On today’s show, we will be talking about your life. We are going to take a deep dive into what we really want in our life and how we are going to get it. Once we get the things we want, how do we then hold onto them? Many of us have that one thing that seems to always get in the way of us attaining what we want. Let’s examine what is missing in our lives, what we love about our lives, and finally figure out how we can get exactly what we want in our life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:06):
You're in a good place now.You are listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess
que Back Live to Literat your LifePerspectives, and I'm your host, Ashley
Burgess. It's your life now What. I know that many of you are
examining your life on a daily basis, examining the situations and circumstances that surround
(00:26):
your life, the people you spendtime with, the feelings and thoughts that
you have, the dreams, thedesires you have, the things that you
want to accomplish in your life,the things that maybe you regret, the
things that you wish would cooperate inyour life, and the list goes on.
In today's show, will be talkingabout your life now What, but
(00:49):
getting really specific about the things thatwe want in life and how do we
attain it, How do we getthose things that we want, How do
we get it, and how dowe hold onto it? And I know
that many of us, all ofus have something that well, we just
don't seem to get right, thatone thing that just seems to slip through
our fingers, that fear we havesomething that gets in the way, And
(01:12):
I know that that can be verychallenging and painful when you see what could
be happening, and in the processyou're dealing with this other stuff in your
life. So first off, let'stalk about what it is that you feel
is missing in your life, andthen we'll talk about what you love about
your life, and then we'll talkabout examining and figuring out how to get
(01:34):
exactly what we want in our life. And nothing's perfect, And I think
perfection is a crazy concept. Ithink perfection is that concept that we have
in our minds that really takes usoff target. It's that situation in our
head that we think, oh,okay, we're going to have all this,
this is all going to work.We think that other people's lives are
(01:55):
perfect. We look at other people, we look at their lives, we
compare our lives to other people.And we all know that social media has
done really well in creating that reality. It's done really well to facilitate that
type of situation and in the processhas created static in our own lives.
So when we really examine our life, we have to examine, you know,
(02:16):
what is missing in our life,then what we love, then how
to get what's missing. But wehave to look at it separate from other
people. And that's the first thingthat's so challenging, is that I need
you to separate your life from otherpeople. And why I say that is
(02:39):
that I feel that many people havean idea of what they think their life
should look like at a certain age, at a specific age, people have
this idea of what their life shouldbe. I was recently reading an article
(03:00):
and then article's very interesting. Ithink it was in the New York Times,
and it was about age, andit was talking about how most of
us have this concept of where weneed to be at by a certain age,
and if we're not there, weconsider ourselves underachievers. We consider ourselves
(03:23):
slow, unsuccessful, you know,whether that's in business, personal life,
as far as romantic life, oreven starting a family. All these things
are very interesting because it's all subjective, and it's all subjective. But the
interesting thing is is that it's basedon an old calculation. And what I
(03:46):
mean by that old calculation is thefact that back in the day, we
don't have to be exact on timeline, but one hundred years ago people were
not living to the age they're livingnow, not at all. And so
the idea of getting married at anearly age was because the concept of procreation
(04:13):
and the concept of why you wantto get married because you don't know if
that person is going to die prettyquickly. And nowadays, because of healthcare
and because of the things that weknow an evolution, we're living longer than
we ever have. But the problemis the old calculation. So we're basing
(04:35):
our perceived success based on old calculations. Many of you may say, well,
I don't own a business. I'mstill paying off student loans, I'm
still paying off credit card debt,i haven't had my first child and I
want to have a child. Ihaven't even gotten married yet. And some
(04:59):
of you may say, well,I've been married three times and I haven't
found the right person yet. Whatdoes that say about me? Many of
you may be wanting to have yourown career or your own business, but
you don't, and you worry andyou stay up late at night trying to
figure out why. And the problemthat's really existing is the fact that worrying
(05:19):
about that stuff and judging yourself onlymakes things tougher and more painful. And
in that process making things tougher andmore painful, we lose sight of what
we need and I find it interestingbecause I work with lots of clients from
(05:41):
all different walks of life, lotsof clients from all different walks of life,
different ages, different career backgrounds,different upbringing, all that good stuff
from all around the world, andthe issues and the problems are the same,
the fears are the same, andit seems like it doesn't matter what
(06:02):
country you live in, you stillhave this old calculation of how successful you
should be by whatever age you are. And I think that a lot of
times, you know, the firstthing that we think about when we look
at this old calculation is, youknow, because a lot of people are
like, oh, you should bemarried no later than twenty five and having
your first child, you need tobe married by twenty one, twenty two,
(06:25):
having your first child by twenty five. I mean, like all these
things were kind of regulated and thoughtof, and we've been moving the needle
a little bit. But I mean, twenty five to twenty eight's not a
big deal. But think about it. If you're thirty five and you want
children, you're already thinking, mygosh, I'm behind the eight ball by
ten years, and that could bepainful because not only do you not have
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what you want or what you thinkyou need. You also feel well sad
that something might be wrong with you, that something might be inherently wrong with
you as a person. And thisis where things get in the way.
This is where we can create ourown problems and create our own static in
our life and not even realize it. You know, when you think about
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your partnership, you think about marriage, you think about living together. You
know, a lot of people havea concept of what that looks like,
you know, and a lot ofpeople feel like it has to look a
specific way. How is it supposedto look? What is it supposed to
be like? How does that look? And these are really really really really
(07:39):
important questions for you to ask yourself, And those are things that you want
to really think about how does itlook? Because many of you might say,
well, I have a great friendship, but I don't have a romantic
(07:59):
relationship. Some of you may sayI have a romantic relationship, but I
don't have a friendship. Some ofyou may say I have more of a
business partner, but I don't havea friend Some of you may say you
have a cheerleader. I mean,whatever that looks like. The spouse,
a significant other, but it's interestinghow you can look at other people's lifestyles,
(08:24):
other people's marriages and being in orconnection or partner or whatever, and
you can begin to question your reality. You can begin to question the validity
of your situation. And that's alwaysinteresting. That's always an interesting dynamic.
That's always interesting to me because itmakes sense to question things, and it
(08:48):
makes sense. And so that's whyI feel like we have to really analyze
the situation, understand it, andsee it for what it is. Am
I looking at my life clearly?Or am I examining it through the eyes
of society? So think about it. Am I judging it based on societal
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not really laws, but kind ofsocietal laws. Am I judging it based
on you know, other people myage? Am I judging it on the
friends and family and how they're livingaround me? And I have many clients
I say, you know, hey, you know my friends and family,
(09:33):
my family, and particularly their livesare very different than mine. I had
a client the other day. Iwas talking. She's been an executive working
a job for a long time,and you know, she's married, but
hasn't had a family, hasn't startedhaving children yet. And she said,
all of the people and her familyall have like three and four children,
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and they all don't understand what's wrongwith her. And that's hard because what
do you mean what's wrong with her? What does that mean? Why are
we always trying to be right withour family? Why are we always trying
to look a certain way, bea certain way? And it's hard because
people put so much on you,and it's hard to have like a dialogue
because the problem is too is thatsome of those same people might actually have
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a career that's very lucrative and verytime consuming, but somehow or not they
figured out how to juggle it all. Some others maybe not, so doesn't
matter. No, But again,the judgment is still real. And how
judged do you feel you are?How judged do you actually feel that you
are. That's a good question.It's a good question because how judge do
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you feel you are? How judged? Because I think the more we feel
judged, the more we feel fear, The more fear that we feel,
the more bad decisions we make,the more that we rush into situations that
we don't need to rush into.We make judgment calls, and we do
things that we do need to rushinto and this in and of itself is
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very important to understand. This inand of itself is something that we we
need to understand, we need toexamine, and we need to commit to
because understanding this judgment and understanding howthe judgment impacts and weighs us is very
important so that we can stop havingthat judgment impact us and impact our choices
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on a large way. How muchis it impacting you? And these are
big questions. How much is itimpacting you? How much is the judgment
of others impacting you? Very goodquestion interesting? And how much of that
judgment is impacting you to make differentdecisions? How much of that judgment is
impacting you to make different decisions orto make decisions that you don't necessarily want
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to make, or to make choicesthat you don't necessarily want to make,
because they're not really your choices.There are choices based on how other people
are feeling about your life. Andit's hard to really recognize that because it
can be hard to see that.It can be hard to understand when we
are listening to others about our lifewhen instead we need to be listening to
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our own internal self tell us whatwe need to do, and that can
be hard to hear because we're sobusy well being in doctrine, into the
societal stuff, what our friends andfamily feel, it's what we're supposed to
be doing, our role as ahuman being, our role as a female
or male in society. We beginto question all those things and wonder,
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you know, what is it,honestly that what you're supposed to be doing?
What am I supposed to be doing? Where am I supposed to be
at? What role should I beserving? And I know these are all
big questions because I know that asa listener on literature life perspectives, you
are a deep thinker, somebody thatthinks deeply. Sometimes you feel like you
think too deeply. It can beeven overwhelming. It seems as though you
(12:54):
might be the deepest thinker you know, contemplating life, thinking about life,
thinking about these situations. But theseare real things to think about. These
are real life situations that really doneed our thoughts. They need us to
be able to pay attention to them. And ultimately we have to be able
to understand if we are guiding ourlife by us, or we're guiding our
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life, but what other people wantus to do and we don't even realize
it. Stay tuned. I havea lot more coming up. We'll be
talking about security, career, family, and the list goes on. Don't
change the channel. And in themeantime, check out my website Ashley Burgess
dot com Ashley Barges dot com.You can work directly with me and we
(13:39):
can work out all these things andget to your life to the exactly the
way you want it, the blueprintyou want. Stay tuned Literature Life Perspectives
with me, your host, AshleyBurgess, will be back in I'll be
back this time in two shakes duringit app and jump in the deep end
(14:09):
on Perspectives. Now here's Ashley.Welcome back live to litera two Life Perspectives
and I'm your host, Ashley Burgesson today's show, I'm talking about life.
It's your life now what. Rightbefore the break, we were talking
about the concept of adhering to socialagreement, social concerns as far as societal
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Oh, well, you should bemarried by this time, you should have
a career like this, you shouldhave this many kids and how we even
if it's just friends or family aroundus, don't realize how much we're impacted
by those making decisions about us,and that can be very very challenging.
It can be very challenging to dealwith that. It can be very challenging
to be able to see is thissomething that I want or is this something
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that other people want for me?And I think this is a very important
consideration, I think, and untilwe really consider this and understand it for
what it is, we really trulydon't know what we actually want. We
don't actually know if this is whatwe want or if this is what other
people want for us. And thatis my concern. That is something that's
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very important if you think about it, and I think that we all fall
trap into it at some point inour life about some aspect of our life,
whether it's career, education, spouse, romantic family, all those things
are very interesting when you think aboutit, because they all come together.
It's something that we're all wishing tohave or because that's what we want and
we want it by a certain age, because that's what we think that we
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need, that is what we thinkwe need to be successful. I need
this to be successful. I needthis to move on. I need this
to be to declare myself as asuccess at my age. We see the
headlines like Time in various magazines thatyou know, the top whatever, under
twenty, under thirty, or underforty, top whatever under forty. You
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know, and you go, ohmy god, that person made X y
Z before they were forty years old. We won't go into some of the
lineage or some of those folks orwhat happened to them later, but the
majority of them seem to be fine. However, think about how that can
impact you, how that can doa number on your mental and emotional state.
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I think that the societal laws,I think what other people think,
and I think what family and friendsimpact on you. For example, you
know, whether you have kids oryou don't have kids, whether all your
family has kids and you're the onlyone that doesn't, or you're the one
that just seems to not be ableto get the job. You seem not
to be able to hold down ajob, and everybody talks about how so
and so doesn't seem to be ableto hold down a career while everybody else
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in your family seems to be ableto do that just fine. You know,
It's interesting because I find that thoseare the judgments that we have on
ourselves. We judge ourselves constantly ona basis of this issue, based directly
on our age and where we thinkthat we should be at. And so
I want you to just take amoment and ask yourself, is there a
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place in my life right now asubject matter, a concern that might be
more of a concern to me becauseof outside influence? Think about it.
Does outside influence have me more worriedor conditioned to believe a certain way or
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to be a certain way? Andthat's something to really dig deep in.
This is not something that you thinkabout, Oh, yeah, all this
has been outside influenced the whole time. I get it now. No,
this is some stuff that's like deepseated. This is some stuff that you
have probably racked your brain on,you have made decisions on, you have
made snap decisions on making changes inyour life. These are the big ticket
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items in your life. And soit can be hard to look at it
in an honest truth and say,you know what, I have been a
bit bamboo by the situation around me. And I want you to just take
a moment to deep dive into thatand really think about that. A moment
to deep dive think about it.Challenge yourself and understand that take that moment
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right now, it might be multiplemoments. You probably need to grab a
notebook and some paper and see whatwe got going on here, really what
you know? Walk it out onpaper thinking about the different areas of your
life and look at it. DoI feel bad or stress or anxiety based
on an outside influence that really shouldn'timpact me. I got a lot more
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coming up, so please don't changethe channel. We'll be talking more about
job security, family and health andeverything else under the sun that goes along
with your life. So stay tuned. Live your true life Perspectives with me,
your host, Assy Purchase will beback in I'll be back this time
in two shakes. This is JakeBusey and you're listening to Perspectives with Ashley
(19:11):
Burgess. Welcome back live to lookat your Life Perspectives and I'm your host,
Ashley Burgess. It's your life nowwhat On today's show, we're talking
about your life, what matters toyou and how to know if something actually
matters to you, but also thatoutside influence, how to understand if some
(19:32):
of this is outside influence based orif this is all what you actually want
and desire. Right before the break, I was really trying to drive it
home about the concept of really analyzingand really looking at your life honestly.
What areas of my life have Ibeen worried or stressed out about only because
of societal influence or parental influence,or family influence or friends. And that's
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something to really look at. Whetheryou're saying, oh my gosh, whether
you're influenced by magazine articles. Let'ssay you know the top you know,
the top fifty under forty years oldand you go, oh my god,
I'm not at that level. Youknow, that's a big one. Or
I don't have kids and you knowI'm I'm hitting forty almost, or you
know, I don't have that careerthat I am super happy about, you
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know. And it's interesting when youlook at family too. Family can almost
bring out the best and workst rightbecause you have people that are doing possibly
things that you would like to do, and you have people that are doing
the opposite. But a lot oftimes when you're in family dynamics as a
judgment, a judgment on how you'redoing based on how they are doing,
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how their life is, what theirlife looks at. I declined the other
day that was just you know it, what's in because they said, you
know, I'm working hard, I'mtrying to put myself through doctoral school,
you know, uh, you know, and they and they look at their
their family, their brothers and theirsisters and brothers and sisters, all of
you know, gotten you know,multiple degrees, working in successful, successful
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careers where they're you know, someof them are even nationally known. Some
of them have been able to doall this and have three and four children,
and it really puts into perspective andit's really hard because if you're judging
yourself, you begin to judge yourselfon all of these aspects, not just
one and my clients. You know, I'm judging myself on the fact that
I'm still putting myself through school.I'm judging myself that I haven't been able
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to really start a family because Ihaven't had the time, in the in
the in the ability to and thenI'm not at that career level. And
you know, they were saying thatevery holiday is just almost a beat down
because you're seeing what other people aredoing and you're feeling bad about not being
there. You know, whether itis that all your siblings are getting married
and you're the only one that's neverreally had a successful relationship. That can
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be really challenging. And all year, you know, there's wedding and engagements
all year, and it can bereally challenging to be there and say,
wow, you know, I justthis doesn't seem to be working for me.
I'm this age, and I'm infear of being alone. And when
you're seeing everybody else getting married orengaged, and some of you women and
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men out there looking at Instagram andseeing the rings and the engagements, it
begins to make you feel sad,depressed and overwhelmed because you're feeling as though
you're missing the boat. But again, we are basing this on an age,
an age concept, and what Icall that is what I was talking
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about in the first segments today's showwas the old calculation. That old calculation,
because remember we based on when weshould get keV kids and get married
and all that stuff based on anold calculation. Oh man, we're gonna
die soon. I mean, likeback in the day, youan just didn't
live long. It wasn't like wehad this long, luscious, luxurious life.
It was painful. I mean,we didn't even have like running water
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at one time. I mean,besides the fact that you know, AC
took a long time to show upand the empowered vehicles, I mean,
think about how hard life was andhow challenging it was, and you didn't
know how long you were going tolive, and something as small as an
infected tooth could kill you. Andknowing that, you know, there were
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decisions made at young ages to havekids. Women had kids at very very
young ages. You know, educationwas very little for many people. And
now things have changed and the medicalindustry has changed, and I'm not saying
that it's the best right now,but I'm saying it has gotten a lot
better, and things are there whereyou can live longer in a sense,
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and you can do things and youdon't have to sit there and race into
life in the in the worry andanticipation that you might die at the age
of thirty five or forty or fifty. And so the whole idea of being
middle aged right now is to me, that's just like an old archaic concept.
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Middle age is old. An archaicis an archaic concept because there really
is no middle age. What doesmiddle age mean? Middle age fifty now
I don't think so. I meanthey're talking about how people can live to
one hundred and twenty. I mean, think about it. And the fact
is that what does it mean middleage? What does that mean? And
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how are we defining it? AndI understand something you say, well,
there are some things actually that yougot to do by a certain time,
you know, like having children forwomen at a certain time. And I
understand that. But you can alsodo a surrogate. You know, you
can also freeze your eggs, youcan do a surrogacy. You can also
adopt multiple levels. There's multiple thingsout there that you can do. So
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there is possibilities to the desires thatyou have. You know, I think
that a lot of times we getinto this conundrum and fear and worry and
black hole of thoughts and process toa point where we almost get to a
point of sadness in our own life. We're sad in our own life.
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We get sad, we get depressedbecause we feel as though I just can't
seem to get this right. Andyou know, if you think about kind
of like the lineup of things likeyou know, partner, your significant other,
you know, having security, youknow, having someone that's there,
having some job security, feeling securein your own life. You know what
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about family? Have you started afamily? Have you not? And I
know that nowadays it's interesting too,because nowadays there's a lot of people that
choose to have pets, dogs,cats, birds, whatever, pigs in
order to have you know, it'sit's their children, and what's wrong with
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that. There's a large population ofyounger people who are choosing not to bring
children into this world because of thestate of where we are, and a
lot of those people are also gettingbacklash. I have many clients that are
at that age, that are intheir twenties and thirties, who family and
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friends are giving them backlast because they'relike, oh, you're gonna miss this
opportunity, the biggest opportunity of yourlife, to have children. And what
are you gonna do if you don'thave a child. I mean, that
is your that's your right, that'syour that's your right of passage. That's
what you should be doing. Youshould be planting your seed. And it's
interesting because you know why, ifthey want to, they can, But
if they don't want to, whywhy push somebody into doing something that's supposedly
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the social norm. What does itmean? Why why do we all have
to have children? Is that reallyresponsible? Is that really what everybody needs
to do is to have a child? I mean serious, think about it,
think about kind of the crazy kookieideas that society brings up. And
I'm not saying it's brown to havechildren. If you have children, that's
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great. Some people can't have them. Some people don't necessarily want that.
Some people would rather be the auntor the god parents or the friend that
occasionally takes care of the child thatthey don't want to have a child twenty
four seven. And so again,I think that we're changing the mold of
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the kind of the concept of family, the concept of nuclear family. I
mean, very interesting stuff, right, I mean if you really think about
it, I mean, this wholeconcept is really changing on a dime,
and it has been for a periodof time. And know, if you
look at multidimensional concepts here of allthe concepts of what we want, you
know, it's like we want thisfull life, we want all this.
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We want to balance, you know, in our life we want some sort
of balance. We need a balance. And how do we get that balance?
How do we attain that balance?How do we make that balance a
reality? And these are very goodquestions, but it's up to you because
I can sit there and present theinformation which I feel like is helpful and
(28:14):
gives a baseline for thinking and exploring. But then you have to make the
decision on what you want in yourlife. You have to be the determining
factor. Only you can determine whatis best for you. Ultimately, you
are the only one that knows noone else, only you, only you
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know, and I want you toreally think about that. I want you
to really analyze what I just said, because other people, your spouse,
your boyfriend, your girlfriend, yourbest friend, they don't know what you
need. Maybe they have a goodidea, but they don't know and trends
basically what you need in your lifeto make you happy, healthy, all
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that they don't know that they don'tAnd that's the question. That's what you
have to ask yourself. That's whatyou have to do is really think about
that, really really analyze that,and think about what does that look like
to you? And that to meis so very very very important, So
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really think about it, analyze that, think about that, because if we
can determine what is best for youbased on what you need. You can
make the right decision to figure thatout. But you've got to get past
what other people want you to do, what society tells you to do,
what you think you need to do. And then also that comparing to others,
because you know, you're constantly comparingyourself to others, and when we
(29:52):
compare ourselves to others, we makemistakes. And that's where I want you
to really think about it. Wemake mistakes. It's that simple when we
compare ourselves to others. And soanalyzing that, so looking at it,
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you know, are there areas inyour life that you feel that need changes?
Are there areas in your life thatyou feel like you have a good
beat on things? What are thoseareas? How does that look like?
I mean, can you see asituation that makes sense? Does it make
sense to you? And I thinkthat this is where we need to begin
(30:33):
the roadmap. This is where webegin to understand ourselves. And so think
about it. Is there something inyour life that you feel needs to be
augmented? What is that and reallywrite it down? You know what needs
to change and why does it needto change? Why does it need to
(30:56):
change? Okay, and write downwhat needs to change, why does it
need to change, and what wouldit look like if it did change,
and how do you argument that?How do you change that are that?
You know, look at the seriesof actions. Are there a series of
actions that you can take to makethis a reality? And what are those
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actions and how do you do itin order? And how do you keep
yourself motivated? So, for example, if it's career and you want to
make changes to that, what arethe changes you need, what are the
changes you want, how do youget there? And what's the order of
operations? And you know, youhave to in the process to spell the
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judgment that you are receiving or perceivingfrom others, because sometimes others can be
judging us, but sometimes actually it'sour perceived judgment that gets in the way
more of our happiness. Sometimes thatperceived judgment is what creates more static than
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anything. And that to me issomething to really analyze. That, to
me is something to really think about. That to me is the big gauge.
That's the thing to think about.And so look at it, you
know, to spell the judgment.What needs to change, what can change,
what doesn't have to change? Whydoes this need to change. Can
I change us? What can Ido? What can I do? How
(32:38):
do I change that? And thenwhat is the order of operations that I
have to organize myself, my mind, my heart, my considerations, my
desires in And then what's the mostimportant change that needs to be made right
now? What needs to take frontseat right now? What can take back
seat? Because we really can't focuson everything. So if there's multiple changes
(33:01):
that need to be made in yourlife, you have to take it one
step at a time. We're notbeing able to raise through things. We've
got to take it one step ata time, analyzing the situation one step
at a time and seeing that lookslike And so if you're there, think
(33:23):
about it. What needs to change, what could change? How could it
look better? And how do weget there? Do you have any support
or you needing to analyze us anddo this on your own? And this
is something that I work with clientsaround the world about. You know,
we work through traumas and various differentsituations that we're dealing with, fears,
anxiety, you know, the mentalrecords. But then we get to a
(33:45):
point where we can actually make thesechanges in our life that make us happy.
They make us more fulfilled, morewell rounded, and they give us
a peace of mind because we realizethat we are able to create massive positive
change in our life. We're ableto create the massive positive change. We're
able to make things clear in ourlife and do what we need to do.
And so if you get a chance, go to my website. Go
(34:07):
to Ashley Burgess www dot Ashley Bargesdot com and check it out. Go
through the homepage and then look.You can sign up for a coaching session
right there online and I would loveto work with you in the meantime.
Go to my YouTube channel. Checkout YouTube put in Ashley ash l E
Y b r G S or AshleyBurgess Life Coach and you can find new
(34:29):
content video content up every single daythat might speak to you on different levels
of your life to help make yourlife easier, more manageable, and to
make you feel more joy field.Stay tuned shows not over yet still talking
about your life, so don't changethe channel. Literature Life Perspectives with your
host me, Ashley Burgess, willbe back in I'll be back this time.
(34:52):
I'll be back this time in twoshakes. Get in here. You're
listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.Welcome back Live to look at your Life
(35:16):
Perspectives and I'm your host, AshleyBurgess. On today's show, I'm talking
about your life. It's your lifenow what? And many of us have
these thoughts and theories in our headabout things we should be doing right now
life. We should be living rightnow based on our age, based on
our timeline, based on the peopleand family members and society around us.
(35:37):
And we create these, you know, these feelings of success or for create
feelings of sadness based on these differentsituations. And we can either look at
our life in a really healthy wayor we can look at our life and
be really upset about what we haven'tachieved. And right before the break,
I was talking about really analyzing yoursituation. If there's something that needs to
be changed and needs to be augmentedfirst analyzed. Is this my want and
(36:00):
desire? Is this really needing augmenting, or is this a societal influence,
or is this a friend influence oris this an outside influence? Basically eliminating
the outside influence from being a partof the situation if it is not outside
influenced, societal, outside influencing,and there's ways of really analyzing that,
(36:22):
like if you're saying, God,I need to have a family, and
I can't believe I haven't had kidsand I'm at this age. You know,
it really depends on what age you'reat, you know, because you
know, science is advancing all thetime, and there's other ways of going
around things. But some of youmay be in your late twenties and worried
and it really needs to you reallyneed to be aware, or even your
early thirties, you need to beaware that there is kind of more of
(36:43):
a timeline on that than other things. But that's still not the age that
you need to be at worry,you know, at that type of level
of death con five, you know. And then some of you might be
looking at education and seeing, Ireally wish I would have gotten back and
gotten my degree, or I reallywish I would have gone back and gotten
a master's degree, and now I'mforty and I haven't done it. Well,
there's some people going back to schoolat eighty five ninety years old,
(37:07):
So I get it. It's atimeline, but again, are you beating
yourself up about the age of it, or can we look at it with
clarity and take away the age theold calculations, which is what I'm calling
it. Can we take out theold calculations from our thought process and actually
focus on our life, actually livethe life that we need, separate from
the old calculation timeline. And thisis a big deal because many of you
(37:30):
are basing your entire life based onthis old calculation, based on what you
should have, what you could have, what should have been That don't really
add up to anything except for morestress, anxiety, and fear in your
life. We want to eliminate thestress and the anxiety and the fear in
(37:52):
your life. These need to beeliminated like asap. And the more that
we add constraints that are not ouractual constraints into our life, the more
questioning we are about our life,the more that we fear. So I
want you to really analyze that.As you're working through that and analyzing the
(38:14):
situation, you know, is therethat fear around it? Am? I
is this really a huge, hugeconcern? What are my changes I can
make, what a series of actionsthat I can take? All of those
things are important, and try totake the timeline out of it. This
(38:37):
is going to really help you toreally see things clearly if you can take
the timeline out of it. Andso the next time that somebody says how,
will ask you how old you areor says, oh, well you're
at what age are you? Becauseyou should be doing this or you shouldn't
be doing that, you know,shut them up to some degree. I
(38:57):
appreciate your analyzation of my life,but you know I didn't ask for that.
You don't have to be rude.Just shut them down. It's just
rude and it's wrong and it's notright. And so really analyzing that situation
and being cool about that and seeingit for what it truly is, and
that will really help you to seeyour life clearly, but also to eliminate
(39:19):
the static that you don't need,the static of people telling you and shiming
in about how your life should look, because that how your life should look
should be based on what you wantit to look like. How do you
want your life to look? Howdo you want it to be? It's
your life now what so I'll letyou fill in that blank. I hope
(39:43):
that you've enjoyed the show. Inthe meantime, if you'd like to work
with me, just go to Ashleyburgersdot com. You can click on coaching
session and set up an appointment immediatelyfrom the privacy of your own home,
and we work digitally on various digitalplatforms to be able to meet from anywhere
in the world that you may be. I look forward to having the opportunity
to working with you. In themeantime. If you want to learn more
(40:05):
about me, go to YouTube.Just go to YouTube and put Ashley Burgess
Bergs or put Ashley Burgess Life Coachor life Coach Ashley Burgess and you'll find
all video content. We put upnew video content every single week, new
podcast, new radio shows every singleweek as well, so hopefully some of
that souf will resonate with you andwe'll make your life even better than it
already is. In the meantime,I hope that the show is resonated with
(40:28):
you. Please share it with yourfamily and friends. After the radio,
you can find this show and alittle variation on the podcast, any podcast,
Apple podcasts, a Spreaker, toSpotify, to anything you can find
it online. Stay tuned. We'llbe back next week and live your true
life perspectives with your host me.Asking Burgess will be back in I'll be
back this time. I'll be backthis time in three shakes,
You're in a good place now.You are listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess
que Back Live to Literat your LifePerspectives, and I'm your host, Ashley
Burgess. It's your life now What. I know that many of you are
examining your life on a daily basis, examining the situations and circumstances that surround
(00:26):
your life, the people you spendtime with, the feelings and thoughts that
you have, the dreams, thedesires you have, the things that you
want to accomplish in your life,the things that maybe you regret, the
things that you wish would cooperate inyour life, and the list goes on.
In today's show, will be talkingabout your life now What, but
(00:49):
getting really specific about the things thatwe want in life and how do we
attain it, How do we getthose things that we want, How do
we get it, and how dowe hold onto it? And I know
that many of us, all ofus have something that well, we just
don't seem to get right, thatone thing that just seems to slip through
our fingers, that fear we havesomething that gets in the way, And
(01:12):
I know that that can be verychallenging and painful when you see what could
be happening, and in the processyou're dealing with this other stuff in your
life. So first off, let'stalk about what it is that you feel
is missing in your life, andthen we'll talk about what you love about
your life, and then we'll talkabout examining and figuring out how to get
(01:34):
exactly what we want in our life. And nothing's perfect, And I think
perfection is a crazy concept. Ithink perfection is that concept that we have
in our minds that really takes usoff target. It's that situation in our
head that we think, oh,okay, we're going to have all this,
this is all going to work.We think that other people's lives are
(01:55):
perfect. We look at other people, we look at their lives, we
compare our lives to other people.And we all know that social media has
done really well in creating that reality. It's done really well to facilitate that
type of situation and in the processhas created static in our own lives.
So when we really examine our life, we have to examine, you know,
(02:16):
what is missing in our life,then what we love, then how
to get what's missing. But wehave to look at it separate from other
people. And that's the first thingthat's so challenging, is that I need
you to separate your life from otherpeople. And why I say that is
(02:39):
that I feel that many people havean idea of what they think their life
should look like at a certain age, at a specific age, people have
this idea of what their life shouldbe. I was recently reading an article
(03:00):
and then article's very interesting. Ithink it was in the New York Times,
and it was about age, andit was talking about how most of
us have this concept of where weneed to be at by a certain age,
and if we're not there, weconsider ourselves underachievers. We consider ourselves
(03:23):
slow, unsuccessful, you know,whether that's in business, personal life,
as far as romantic life, oreven starting a family. All these things
are very interesting because it's all subjective, and it's all subjective. But the
interesting thing is is that it's basedon an old calculation. And what I
(03:46):
mean by that old calculation is thefact that back in the day, we
don't have to be exact on timeline, but one hundred years ago people were
not living to the age they're livingnow, not at all. And so
the idea of getting married at anearly age was because the concept of procreation
(04:13):
and the concept of why you wantto get married because you don't know if
that person is going to die prettyquickly. And nowadays, because of healthcare
and because of the things that weknow an evolution, we're living longer than
we ever have. But the problemis the old calculation. So we're basing
(04:35):
our perceived success based on old calculations. Many of you may say, well,
I don't own a business. I'mstill paying off student loans, I'm
still paying off credit card debt,i haven't had my first child and I
want to have a child. Ihaven't even gotten married yet. And some
(04:59):
of you may say, well,I've been married three times and I haven't
found the right person yet. Whatdoes that say about me? Many of
you may be wanting to have yourown career or your own business, but
you don't, and you worry andyou stay up late at night trying to
figure out why. And the problemthat's really existing is the fact that worrying
(05:19):
about that stuff and judging yourself onlymakes things tougher and more painful. And
in that process making things tougher andmore painful, we lose sight of what
we need and I find it interestingbecause I work with lots of clients from
(05:41):
all different walks of life, lotsof clients from all different walks of life,
different ages, different career backgrounds,different upbringing, all that good stuff
from all around the world, andthe issues and the problems are the same,
the fears are the same, andit seems like it doesn't matter what
(06:02):
country you live in, you stillhave this old calculation of how successful you
should be by whatever age you are. And I think that a lot of
times, you know, the firstthing that we think about when we look
at this old calculation is, youknow, because a lot of people are
like, oh, you should bemarried no later than twenty five and having
your first child, you need tobe married by twenty one, twenty two,
(06:25):
having your first child by twenty five. I mean, like all these
things were kind of regulated and thoughtof, and we've been moving the needle
a little bit. But I mean, twenty five to twenty eight's not a
big deal. But think about it. If you're thirty five and you want
children, you're already thinking, mygosh, I'm behind the eight ball by
ten years, and that could bepainful because not only do you not have
(06:46):
what you want or what you thinkyou need. You also feel well sad
that something might be wrong with you, that something might be inherently wrong with
you as a person. And thisis where things get in the way.
This is where we can create ourown problems and create our own static in
our life and not even realize it. You know, when you think about
(07:11):
your partnership, you think about marriage, you think about living together. You
know, a lot of people havea concept of what that looks like,
you know, and a lot ofpeople feel like it has to look a
specific way. How is it supposedto look? What is it supposed to
be like? How does that look? And these are really really really really
(07:39):
important questions for you to ask yourself, And those are things that you want
to really think about how does itlook? Because many of you might say,
well, I have a great friendship, but I don't have a romantic
(07:59):
relationship. Some of you may sayI have a romantic relationship, but I
don't have a friendship. Some ofyou may say I have more of a
business partner, but I don't havea friend Some of you may say you
have a cheerleader. I mean,whatever that looks like. The spouse,
a significant other, but it's interestinghow you can look at other people's lifestyles,
(08:24):
other people's marriages and being in orconnection or partner or whatever, and
you can begin to question your reality. You can begin to question the validity
of your situation. And that's alwaysinteresting. That's always an interesting dynamic.
That's always interesting to me because itmakes sense to question things, and it
(08:48):
makes sense. And so that's whyI feel like we have to really analyze
the situation, understand it, andsee it for what it is. Am
I looking at my life clearly?Or am I examining it through the eyes
of society? So think about it. Am I judging it based on societal
(09:11):
not really laws, but kind ofsocietal laws. Am I judging it based
on you know, other people myage? Am I judging it on the
friends and family and how they're livingaround me? And I have many clients
I say, you know, hey, you know my friends and family,
(09:33):
my family, and particularly their livesare very different than mine. I had
a client the other day. Iwas talking. She's been an executive working
a job for a long time,and you know, she's married, but
hasn't had a family, hasn't startedhaving children yet. And she said,
all of the people and her familyall have like three and four children,
(09:54):
and they all don't understand what's wrongwith her. And that's hard because what
do you mean what's wrong with her? What does that mean? Why are
we always trying to be right withour family? Why are we always trying
to look a certain way, bea certain way? And it's hard because
people put so much on you,and it's hard to have like a dialogue
because the problem is too is thatsome of those same people might actually have
(10:18):
a career that's very lucrative and verytime consuming, but somehow or not they
figured out how to juggle it all. Some others maybe not, so doesn't
matter. No, But again,the judgment is still real. And how
judged do you feel you are?How judged do you actually feel that you
are. That's a good question.It's a good question because how judge do
(10:41):
you feel you are? How judged? Because I think the more we feel
judged, the more we feel fear, The more fear that we feel,
the more bad decisions we make,the more that we rush into situations that
we don't need to rush into.We make judgment calls, and we do
things that we do need to rushinto and this in and of itself is
(11:03):
very important to understand. This inand of itself is something that we we
need to understand, we need toexamine, and we need to commit to
because understanding this judgment and understanding howthe judgment impacts and weighs us is very
important so that we can stop havingthat judgment impact us and impact our choices
(11:24):
on a large way. How muchis it impacting you? And these are
big questions. How much is itimpacting you? How much is the judgment
of others impacting you? Very goodquestion interesting? And how much of that
judgment is impacting you to make differentdecisions? How much of that judgment is
impacting you to make different decisions orto make decisions that you don't necessarily want
(11:48):
to make, or to make choicesthat you don't necessarily want to make,
because they're not really your choices.There are choices based on how other people
are feeling about your life. Andit's hard to really recognize that because it
can be hard to see that.It can be hard to understand when we
are listening to others about our lifewhen instead we need to be listening to
(12:09):
our own internal self tell us whatwe need to do, and that can
be hard to hear because we're sobusy well being in doctrine, into the
societal stuff, what our friends andfamily feel, it's what we're supposed to
be doing, our role as ahuman being, our role as a female
or male in society. We beginto question all those things and wonder,
(12:31):
you know, what is it,honestly that what you're supposed to be doing?
What am I supposed to be doing? Where am I supposed to be
at? What role should I beserving? And I know these are all
big questions because I know that asa listener on literature life perspectives, you
are a deep thinker, somebody thatthinks deeply. Sometimes you feel like you
think too deeply. It can beeven overwhelming. It seems as though you
(12:54):
might be the deepest thinker you know, contemplating life, thinking about life,
thinking about these situations. But theseare real things to think about. These
are real life situations that really doneed our thoughts. They need us to
be able to pay attention to them. And ultimately we have to be able
to understand if we are guiding ourlife by us, or we're guiding our
(13:18):
life, but what other people wantus to do and we don't even realize
it. Stay tuned. I havea lot more coming up. We'll be
talking about security, career, family, and the list goes on. Don't
change the channel. And in themeantime, check out my website Ashley Burgess
dot com Ashley Barges dot com.You can work directly with me and we
(13:39):
can work out all these things andget to your life to the exactly the
way you want it, the blueprintyou want. Stay tuned Literature Life Perspectives
with me, your host, AshleyBurgess, will be back in I'll be
back this time in two shakes duringit app and jump in the deep end
(14:09):
on Perspectives. Now here's Ashley.Welcome back live to litera two Life Perspectives
and I'm your host, Ashley Burgesson today's show, I'm talking about life.
It's your life now what. Rightbefore the break, we were talking
about the concept of adhering to socialagreement, social concerns as far as societal
(14:30):
Oh, well, you should bemarried by this time, you should have
a career like this, you shouldhave this many kids and how we even
if it's just friends or family aroundus, don't realize how much we're impacted
by those making decisions about us,and that can be very very challenging.
It can be very challenging to dealwith that. It can be very challenging
to be able to see is thissomething that I want or is this something
(14:54):
that other people want for me?And I think this is a very important
consideration, I think, and untilwe really consider this and understand it for
what it is, we really trulydon't know what we actually want. We
don't actually know if this is whatwe want or if this is what other
people want for us. And thatis my concern. That is something that's
(15:15):
very important if you think about it, and I think that we all fall
trap into it at some point inour life about some aspect of our life,
whether it's career, education, spouse, romantic family, all those things
are very interesting when you think aboutit, because they all come together.
It's something that we're all wishing tohave or because that's what we want and
we want it by a certain age, because that's what we think that we
(15:37):
need, that is what we thinkwe need to be successful. I need
this to be successful. I needthis to move on. I need this
to be to declare myself as asuccess at my age. We see the
headlines like Time in various magazines thatyou know, the top whatever, under
twenty, under thirty, or underforty, top whatever under forty. You
(15:58):
know, and you go, ohmy god, that person made X y
Z before they were forty years old. We won't go into some of the
lineage or some of those folks orwhat happened to them later, but the
majority of them seem to be fine. However, think about how that can
impact you, how that can doa number on your mental and emotional state.
(16:19):
I think that the societal laws,I think what other people think,
and I think what family and friendsimpact on you. For example, you
know, whether you have kids oryou don't have kids, whether all your
family has kids and you're the onlyone that doesn't, or you're the one
that just seems to not be ableto get the job. You seem not
to be able to hold down ajob, and everybody talks about how so
and so doesn't seem to be ableto hold down a career while everybody else
(16:41):
in your family seems to be ableto do that just fine. You know,
It's interesting because I find that thoseare the judgments that we have on
ourselves. We judge ourselves constantly ona basis of this issue, based directly
on our age and where we thinkthat we should be at. And so
I want you to just take amoment and ask yourself, is there a
(17:03):
place in my life right now asubject matter, a concern that might be
more of a concern to me becauseof outside influence? Think about it.
Does outside influence have me more worriedor conditioned to believe a certain way or
(17:30):
to be a certain way? Andthat's something to really dig deep in.
This is not something that you thinkabout, Oh, yeah, all this
has been outside influenced the whole time. I get it now. No,
this is some stuff that's like deepseated. This is some stuff that you
have probably racked your brain on,you have made decisions on, you have
made snap decisions on making changes inyour life. These are the big ticket
(17:52):
items in your life. And soit can be hard to look at it
in an honest truth and say,you know what, I have been a
bit bamboo by the situation around me. And I want you to just take
a moment to deep dive into thatand really think about that. A moment
to deep dive think about it.Challenge yourself and understand that take that moment
(18:12):
right now, it might be multiplemoments. You probably need to grab a
notebook and some paper and see whatwe got going on here, really what
you know? Walk it out onpaper thinking about the different areas of your
life and look at it. DoI feel bad or stress or anxiety based
on an outside influence that really shouldn'timpact me. I got a lot more
(18:34):
coming up, so please don't changethe channel. We'll be talking more about
job security, family and health andeverything else under the sun that goes along
with your life. So stay tuned. Live your true life Perspectives with me,
your host, Assy Purchase will beback in I'll be back this time
in two shakes. This is JakeBusey and you're listening to Perspectives with Ashley
(19:11):
Burgess. Welcome back live to lookat your Life Perspectives and I'm your host,
Ashley Burgess. It's your life nowwhat On today's show, we're talking
about your life, what matters toyou and how to know if something actually
matters to you, but also thatoutside influence, how to understand if some
(19:32):
of this is outside influence based orif this is all what you actually want
and desire. Right before the break, I was really trying to drive it
home about the concept of really analyzingand really looking at your life honestly.
What areas of my life have Ibeen worried or stressed out about only because
of societal influence or parental influence,or family influence or friends. And that's
(19:55):
something to really look at. Whetheryou're saying, oh my gosh, whether
you're influenced by magazine articles. Let'ssay you know the top you know,
the top fifty under forty years oldand you go, oh my god,
I'm not at that level. Youknow, that's a big one. Or
I don't have kids and you knowI'm I'm hitting forty almost, or you
know, I don't have that careerthat I am super happy about, you
(20:18):
know. And it's interesting when youlook at family too. Family can almost
bring out the best and workst rightbecause you have people that are doing possibly
things that you would like to do, and you have people that are doing
the opposite. But a lot oftimes when you're in family dynamics as a
judgment, a judgment on how you'redoing based on how they are doing,
(20:41):
how their life is, what theirlife looks at. I declined the other
day that was just you know it, what's in because they said, you
know, I'm working hard, I'mtrying to put myself through doctoral school,
you know, uh, you know, and they and they look at their
their family, their brothers and theirsisters and brothers and sisters, all of
you know, gotten you know,multiple degrees, working in successful, successful
(21:07):
careers where they're you know, someof them are even nationally known. Some
of them have been able to doall this and have three and four children,
and it really puts into perspective andit's really hard because if you're judging
yourself, you begin to judge yourselfon all of these aspects, not just
one and my clients. You know, I'm judging myself on the fact that
I'm still putting myself through school.I'm judging myself that I haven't been able
(21:32):
to really start a family because Ihaven't had the time, in the in
the in the ability to and thenI'm not at that career level. And
you know, they were saying thatevery holiday is just almost a beat down
because you're seeing what other people aredoing and you're feeling bad about not being
there. You know, whether itis that all your siblings are getting married
and you're the only one that's neverreally had a successful relationship. That can
(21:56):
be really challenging. And all year, you know, there's wedding and engagements
all year, and it can bereally challenging to be there and say,
wow, you know, I justthis doesn't seem to be working for me.
I'm this age, and I'm infear of being alone. And when
you're seeing everybody else getting married orengaged, and some of you women and
(22:17):
men out there looking at Instagram andseeing the rings and the engagements, it
begins to make you feel sad,depressed and overwhelmed because you're feeling as though
you're missing the boat. But again, we are basing this on an age,
an age concept, and what Icall that is what I was talking
(22:38):
about in the first segments today's showwas the old calculation. That old calculation,
because remember we based on when weshould get keV kids and get married
and all that stuff based on anold calculation. Oh man, we're gonna
die soon. I mean, likeback in the day, youan just didn't
live long. It wasn't like wehad this long, luscious, luxurious life.
It was painful. I mean,we didn't even have like running water
(23:00):
at one time. I mean,besides the fact that you know, AC
took a long time to show upand the empowered vehicles, I mean,
think about how hard life was andhow challenging it was, and you didn't
know how long you were going tolive, and something as small as an
infected tooth could kill you. Andknowing that, you know, there were
(23:21):
decisions made at young ages to havekids. Women had kids at very very
young ages. You know, educationwas very little for many people. And
now things have changed and the medicalindustry has changed, and I'm not saying
that it's the best right now,but I'm saying it has gotten a lot
better, and things are there whereyou can live longer in a sense,
(23:45):
and you can do things and youdon't have to sit there and race into
life in the in the worry andanticipation that you might die at the age
of thirty five or forty or fifty. And so the whole idea of being
middle aged right now is to me, that's just like an old archaic concept.
(24:07):
Middle age is old. An archaicis an archaic concept because there really
is no middle age. What doesmiddle age mean? Middle age fifty now
I don't think so. I meanthey're talking about how people can live to
one hundred and twenty. I mean, think about it. And the fact
is that what does it mean middleage? What does that mean? And
(24:33):
how are we defining it? AndI understand something you say, well,
there are some things actually that yougot to do by a certain time,
you know, like having children forwomen at a certain time. And I
understand that. But you can alsodo a surrogate. You know, you
can also freeze your eggs, youcan do a surrogacy. You can also
adopt multiple levels. There's multiple thingsout there that you can do. So
(24:55):
there is possibilities to the desires thatyou have. You know, I think
that a lot of times we getinto this conundrum and fear and worry and
black hole of thoughts and process toa point where we almost get to a
point of sadness in our own life. We're sad in our own life.
(25:19):
We get sad, we get depressedbecause we feel as though I just can't
seem to get this right. Andyou know, if you think about kind
of like the lineup of things likeyou know, partner, your significant other,
you know, having security, youknow, having someone that's there,
having some job security, feeling securein your own life. You know what
(25:40):
about family? Have you started afamily? Have you not? And I
know that nowadays it's interesting too,because nowadays there's a lot of people that
choose to have pets, dogs,cats, birds, whatever, pigs in
order to have you know, it'sit's their children, and what's wrong with
(26:02):
that. There's a large population ofyounger people who are choosing not to bring
children into this world because of thestate of where we are, and a
lot of those people are also gettingbacklash. I have many clients that are
at that age, that are intheir twenties and thirties, who family and
(26:22):
friends are giving them backlast because they'relike, oh, you're gonna miss this
opportunity, the biggest opportunity of yourlife, to have children. And what
are you gonna do if you don'thave a child. I mean, that
is your that's your right, that'syour that's your right of passage. That's
what you should be doing. Youshould be planting your seed. And it's
interesting because you know why, ifthey want to, they can, But
if they don't want to, whywhy push somebody into doing something that's supposedly
(26:48):
the social norm. What does itmean? Why why do we all have
to have children? Is that reallyresponsible? Is that really what everybody needs
to do is to have a child? I mean serious, think about it,
think about kind of the crazy kookieideas that society brings up. And
I'm not saying it's brown to havechildren. If you have children, that's
(27:08):
great. Some people can't have them. Some people don't necessarily want that.
Some people would rather be the auntor the god parents or the friend that
occasionally takes care of the child thatthey don't want to have a child twenty
four seven. And so again,I think that we're changing the mold of
(27:29):
the kind of the concept of family, the concept of nuclear family. I
mean, very interesting stuff, right, I mean if you really think about
it, I mean, this wholeconcept is really changing on a dime,
and it has been for a periodof time. And know, if you
look at multidimensional concepts here of allthe concepts of what we want, you
know, it's like we want thisfull life, we want all this.
(27:52):
We want to balance, you know, in our life we want some sort
of balance. We need a balance. And how do we get that balance?
How do we attain that balance?How do we make that balance a
reality? And these are very goodquestions, but it's up to you because
I can sit there and present theinformation which I feel like is helpful and
(28:14):
gives a baseline for thinking and exploring. But then you have to make the
decision on what you want in yourlife. You have to be the determining
factor. Only you can determine whatis best for you. Ultimately, you
are the only one that knows noone else, only you, only you
(28:41):
know, and I want you toreally think about that. I want you
to really analyze what I just said, because other people, your spouse,
your boyfriend, your girlfriend, yourbest friend, they don't know what you
need. Maybe they have a goodidea, but they don't know and trends
basically what you need in your lifeto make you happy, healthy, all
(29:04):
that they don't know that they don'tAnd that's the question. That's what you
have to ask yourself. That's whatyou have to do is really think about
that, really really analyze that,and think about what does that look like
to you? And that to meis so very very very important, So
(29:29):
really think about it, analyze that, think about that, because if we
can determine what is best for youbased on what you need. You can
make the right decision to figure thatout. But you've got to get past
what other people want you to do, what society tells you to do,
what you think you need to do. And then also that comparing to others,
because you know, you're constantly comparingyourself to others, and when we
(29:52):
compare ourselves to others, we makemistakes. And that's where I want you
to really think about it. Wemake mistakes. It's that simple when we
compare ourselves to others. And soanalyzing that, so looking at it,
(30:12):
you know, are there areas inyour life that you feel that need changes?
Are there areas in your life thatyou feel like you have a good
beat on things? What are thoseareas? How does that look like?
I mean, can you see asituation that makes sense? Does it make
sense to you? And I thinkthat this is where we need to begin
(30:33):
the roadmap. This is where webegin to understand ourselves. And so think
about it. Is there something inyour life that you feel needs to be
augmented? What is that and reallywrite it down? You know what needs
to change and why does it needto change? Why does it need to
(30:56):
change? Okay, and write downwhat needs to change, why does it
need to change, and what wouldit look like if it did change,
and how do you argument that?How do you change that are that?
You know, look at the seriesof actions. Are there a series of
actions that you can take to makethis a reality? And what are those
(31:23):
actions and how do you do itin order? And how do you keep
yourself motivated? So, for example, if it's career and you want to
make changes to that, what arethe changes you need, what are the
changes you want, how do youget there? And what's the order of
operations? And you know, youhave to in the process to spell the
(31:51):
judgment that you are receiving or perceivingfrom others, because sometimes others can be
judging us, but sometimes actually it'sour perceived judgment that gets in the way
more of our happiness. Sometimes thatperceived judgment is what creates more static than
(32:15):
anything. And that to me issomething to really analyze. That, to
me is something to really think about. That to me is the big gauge.
That's the thing to think about.And so look at it, you
know, to spell the judgment.What needs to change, what can change,
what doesn't have to change? Whydoes this need to change. Can
I change us? What can Ido? What can I do? How
(32:38):
do I change that? And thenwhat is the order of operations that I
have to organize myself, my mind, my heart, my considerations, my
desires in And then what's the mostimportant change that needs to be made right
now? What needs to take frontseat right now? What can take back
seat? Because we really can't focuson everything. So if there's multiple changes
(33:01):
that need to be made in yourlife, you have to take it one
step at a time. We're notbeing able to raise through things. We've
got to take it one step ata time, analyzing the situation one step
at a time and seeing that lookslike And so if you're there, think
(33:23):
about it. What needs to change, what could change? How could it
look better? And how do weget there? Do you have any support
or you needing to analyze us anddo this on your own? And this
is something that I work with clientsaround the world about. You know,
we work through traumas and various differentsituations that we're dealing with, fears,
anxiety, you know, the mentalrecords. But then we get to a
(33:45):
point where we can actually make thesechanges in our life that make us happy.
They make us more fulfilled, morewell rounded, and they give us
a peace of mind because we realizethat we are able to create massive positive
change in our life. We're ableto create the massive positive change. We're
able to make things clear in ourlife and do what we need to do.
And so if you get a chance, go to my website. Go
(34:07):
to Ashley Burgess www dot Ashley Bargesdot com and check it out. Go
through the homepage and then look.You can sign up for a coaching session
right there online and I would loveto work with you in the meantime.
Go to my YouTube channel. Checkout YouTube put in Ashley ash l E
Y b r G S or AshleyBurgess Life Coach and you can find new
(34:29):
content video content up every single daythat might speak to you on different levels
of your life to help make yourlife easier, more manageable, and to
make you feel more joy field.Stay tuned shows not over yet still talking
about your life, so don't changethe channel. Literature Life Perspectives with your
host me, Ashley Burgess, willbe back in I'll be back this time.
(34:52):
I'll be back this time in twoshakes. Get in here. You're
listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.Welcome back Live to look at your Life
(35:16):
Perspectives and I'm your host, AshleyBurgess. On today's show, I'm talking
about your life. It's your lifenow what? And many of us have
these thoughts and theories in our headabout things we should be doing right now
life. We should be living rightnow based on our age, based on
our timeline, based on the peopleand family members and society around us.
(35:37):
And we create these, you know, these feelings of success or for create
feelings of sadness based on these differentsituations. And we can either look at
our life in a really healthy wayor we can look at our life and
be really upset about what we haven'tachieved. And right before the break,
I was talking about really analyzing yoursituation. If there's something that needs to
be changed and needs to be augmentedfirst analyzed. Is this my want and
(36:00):
desire? Is this really needing augmenting, or is this a societal influence,
or is this a friend influence oris this an outside influence? Basically eliminating
the outside influence from being a partof the situation if it is not outside
influenced, societal, outside influencing,and there's ways of really analyzing that,
(36:22):
like if you're saying, God,I need to have a family, and
I can't believe I haven't had kidsand I'm at this age. You know,
it really depends on what age you'reat, you know, because you
know, science is advancing all thetime, and there's other ways of going
around things. But some of youmay be in your late twenties and worried
and it really needs to you reallyneed to be aware, or even your
early thirties, you need to beaware that there is kind of more of
(36:43):
a timeline on that than other things. But that's still not the age that
you need to be at worry,you know, at that type of level
of death con five, you know. And then some of you might be
looking at education and seeing, Ireally wish I would have gotten back and
gotten my degree, or I reallywish I would have gone back and gotten
a master's degree, and now I'mforty and I haven't done it. Well,
there's some people going back to schoolat eighty five ninety years old,
(37:07):
So I get it. It's atimeline, but again, are you beating
yourself up about the age of it, or can we look at it with
clarity and take away the age theold calculations, which is what I'm calling
it. Can we take out theold calculations from our thought process and actually
focus on our life, actually livethe life that we need, separate from
the old calculation timeline. And thisis a big deal because many of you
(37:30):
are basing your entire life based onthis old calculation, based on what you
should have, what you could have, what should have been That don't really
add up to anything except for morestress, anxiety, and fear in your
life. We want to eliminate thestress and the anxiety and the fear in
(37:52):
your life. These need to beeliminated like asap. And the more that
we add constraints that are not ouractual constraints into our life, the more
questioning we are about our life,the more that we fear. So I
want you to really analyze that.As you're working through that and analyzing the
(38:14):
situation, you know, is therethat fear around it? Am? I
is this really a huge, hugeconcern? What are my changes I can
make, what a series of actionsthat I can take? All of those
things are important, and try totake the timeline out of it. This
(38:37):
is going to really help you toreally see things clearly if you can take
the timeline out of it. Andso the next time that somebody says how,
will ask you how old you areor says, oh, well you're
at what age are you? Becauseyou should be doing this or you shouldn't
be doing that, you know,shut them up to some degree. I
(38:57):
appreciate your analyzation of my life,but you know I didn't ask for that.
You don't have to be rude.Just shut them down. It's just
rude and it's wrong and it's notright. And so really analyzing that situation
and being cool about that and seeingit for what it truly is, and
that will really help you to seeyour life clearly, but also to eliminate
(39:19):
the static that you don't need,the static of people telling you and shiming
in about how your life should look, because that how your life should look
should be based on what you wantit to look like. How do you
want your life to look? Howdo you want it to be? It's
your life now what so I'll letyou fill in that blank. I hope
(39:43):
that you've enjoyed the show. Inthe meantime, if you'd like to work
with me, just go to Ashleyburgersdot com. You can click on coaching
session and set up an appointment immediatelyfrom the privacy of your own home,
and we work digitally on various digitalplatforms to be able to meet from anywhere
in the world that you may be. I look forward to having the opportunity
to working with you. In themeantime. If you want to learn more
(40:05):
about me, go to YouTube.Just go to YouTube and put Ashley Burgess
Bergs or put Ashley Burgess Life Coachor life Coach Ashley Burgess and you'll find
all video content. We put upnew video content every single week, new
podcast, new radio shows every singleweek as well, so hopefully some of
that souf will resonate with you andwe'll make your life even better than it
already is. In the meantime,I hope that the show is resonated with
(40:28):
you. Please share it with yourfamily and friends. After the radio,
you can find this show and alittle variation on the podcast, any podcast,
Apple podcasts, a Spreaker, toSpotify, to anything you can find
it online. Stay tuned. We'llbe back next week and live your true
life perspectives with your host me.Asking Burgess will be back in I'll be
back this time. I'll be backthis time in three shakes,
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