June 10, 2025 • 30 mins
Feel like everyone else has confidence figured out except you? You’re not alone—and you’re not stuck. In this episode, I give you the tools to build confidence, whether you struggle with speaking up, taking risks, or just believing in yourself, this conversation is packed with practical tools, mindset shifts, and personal insights to help you go from self-doubt to self-assured.
Tune in to learn how to build boldness from the inside out—even if you're starting from zero. Get ready to stop overthinking and start owning your worth.
Mental Health is a Lifestyle Podcast with Andrea Wise-Brown, is where we discuss practical strategies for managing mental health and wellbeing.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Mental Health is a Lifestyle Podcast. We hope you found these practical tips helpful and encourage you to continue prioritizing your mental health and wellness.
If you have any questions or suggestions for future episodes, please email us at mhialpodcast@gmail.com.
See you next time!
Find Andrea: awisebrown.com
Follow The Podcast At @mentalhealthisalifestylepod Mhialpodcast@gmail.com I want to know your opinions…….
In addition; if you have any questions that you want answered on the podcast send your request to mhialpodcast@gmail.com or inbox me @mentalhealthisalifestylepod
Remember, Mental health is a Lifestyle!®️😘
Tune in to learn how to build boldness from the inside out—even if you're starting from zero. Get ready to stop overthinking and start owning your worth.
Mental Health is a Lifestyle Podcast with Andrea Wise-Brown, is where we discuss practical strategies for managing mental health and wellbeing.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Mental Health is a Lifestyle Podcast. We hope you found these practical tips helpful and encourage you to continue prioritizing your mental health and wellness.
If you have any questions or suggestions for future episodes, please email us at mhialpodcast@gmail.com.
See you next time!
Find Andrea: awisebrown.com
Follow The Podcast At @mentalhealthisalifestylepod Mhialpodcast@gmail.com I want to know your opinions…….
In addition; if you have any questions that you want answered on the podcast send your request to mhialpodcast@gmail.com or inbox me @mentalhealthisalifestylepod
Remember, Mental health is a Lifestyle!®️😘
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This podcast is not a substitute for our relationship with
your mental health professional. Hey hey, hey, family, Welcome back
to another episode of The Mental Health Is a lifestyle
podcast with your girl, Andrea wise Brown. And if you
(00:25):
haven't become a part of the family as of yet,
please do so right now. It's free, it doesn't cost
you anything. Okay. All you have to do is subscribe
to the podcast. So click that subscribe button, like the
podcast and share the podcast with the people in your
(00:47):
life who you love or that you want to inspire
and empower. Okay. Oh, and I would love for you
to put a comment down, you know, if you're feeling
some kind of way, if you agree with what it
is that I'm saying, or if you disagree, as long
as it's respectful, come on, give it to me. I
(01:07):
love a good challenge. Thank you for joining me and
this week, family, I'm jumping right in. You know what
we're here to talk about? Confidence? Are you confident? Family?
When you walk in a room, do you own your
space in that room? Do you have this feeling in
(01:29):
your body when you move through spaces that you are
supposed to be there? You are supposed to be there,
and yet on this earth. You are supposed to be here,
and it is a benefit to all of those around
you if they meet you, if they meet you where
you are. Do you have that sense about yourself that
(01:52):
you hold a gift and that you are important, that
you're important, and that whatever this gift is, that the
others around you should be trying to figure out and
to ask you to share your gift with them. I
mean that's a part of just having confidence walking through
(02:14):
life as if you have purpose. I'm here to check
on you family. Are you confident and if you're not,
guess what, I'm not judging you. Your girl is here.
I'm here to help you with that. I am here
to empower you because I want you to walk into
(02:34):
every room owning your space and feeling like you deserve
to be there. I don't ever want you walking in
a room feeling like you are smaller than anyone else
in that room. And you know, I'm not talking about size,
because the size you may be, you know what I'm saying,
a little bit smaller and you might like that, I
(02:55):
don't know, but I don't want you feeling like you
are less than anyone in any space that you enter.
So I got you, okay, So this is what I
wanna talk about today, and I'm gonna do it quickly.
I'm gonna do it quickly. So I want you to
pay attention and take some notes, please, and make sure
that you share this with someone else, some of your
(03:15):
friends and family who you feel like are shy and
that they lack confidence, because come on, baby, the world
is yours. So let me start off by saying, having
confidence what does that even mean? So having confidence has
nothing to do with being the loudest in the room
or the most dominant in the space. It has nothing
(03:37):
to do with that. Nor does it have anything to
do with not having fear. So when you show up
in certain spaces, you know, and you may get those
little butterflies in your stomach just because you're a human,
or maybe because a part of your story, your background
maybe will tell the story as to why certain spaces
(03:58):
trigger you to be fearful. But that does not mean
that because you're fearful and you have fear, that you
will always lack confidence. No, because let me tell you something,
fear is not an indicator of confidence. You can be
fearful in any situation, but confidences, although I'm fearful, I'm
(04:19):
going to do it in any way. Did y'all hear
what I said? I'm confident and I may be fearful, However,
I'm going to do it anyway. Confidence isn't something that
everyone just normally. It's not something that you can buy.
Let me just say that it's this. It's not something
(04:41):
that you can buy. But it is something that you learn.
It is something that you build. It is something that
you practice. You got me. Confidence is learned over time
and it is built and it is practiced. Okay, So
I'm gonna teach you how to do exactly that. So
(05:03):
we have three steps. I got three steps I'm gonna
give you of how to build confidence. So the first
step is with competence. You got me competence. So the
more that you learn about whatever this thing is, is
the more confident you become in doing so. Okay, So
(05:27):
let me give you a real life example. So one
of my clients some time ago is an entertainer. However,
you know you'd call this person famous an entertainer. Okay,
let me say that without you know, I don't want
to tell you their name. However, when I used to
(05:48):
so part of this person's package was for me to
go with them and do meeting greets with them. Okay,
so also go with them so that they could network,
so that they could be confident or feel confident while
they were networking. All right, Okay, so this is with
industry people and with fans. And so as we would start,
(06:12):
we'd be at a huge event and we'd go to
the event and this person would say to me like,
oh my gosh, you know, I really get nervous. I
don't know what to say. You know, I feel like
everybody's looking at me, or when I'm speaking to somebody,
you know, they look down on me, or that they're
judging me. And so what I taught this person to
do is, first of all, why don't we kind of
(06:34):
get together something that you are going to say every
time you walk in the room and every time you
meet someone new, every time you walk in the room
and every time you meet someone new, this is how
you're gonna introduce yourself. You are going to learn it,
you are going to practice it, and you were going
to put it to work. You're going to use it.
(06:54):
And this person started to do it. However, you know,
it paid me. I was right by this side. And
so we went from one meet and Greek to another
meet and greet, to one industry to another industry. And
let me just say something, family, This didn't all happen
in a you know, in the first day or in
the second day. But the more that you practice doing
(07:16):
a skill, the more competent you become at it, and
the more competent you become, the more confidence you build.
And I just want to say that after doing this
with my client for maybe some time, right for some time,
with several events, when I say, when I see this
(07:37):
client now out in the world, sh I'm so happy.
It makes me. I'm so proud of them, and you
would be shocked as to see who this person is.
But my point is is practicing something over and over
again and then learning it becoming competent. When you become competent,
(07:58):
then what that does is because you know what you
know and can't nobody take that away. That builds your confidence.
And so now when this person walks in rooming, not
only can they introduce themselves and say what they do,
but they also can ask for the things that they
want and they expect it. They expected. That is confidence.
I'll give you a personal example of me. So I
(08:19):
would say the first time that you know, I was
asked to do a TV interview, the very first time,
I knew that when I got up in this whole
situation that you know, I was going to kick it.
I was like, Oh, yes, you know, I love to talk,
and you know I could talk to anyone, and I
have this message about mental health and I want to
(08:40):
get it out. And so my assumption was that once
I kind of got into a room and you gave
me a microphone and a camera, that once I got
in front of it, I thought I was gonna kill it.
But what I learned was in that moment was no,
there was something more that I had to learn. I
(09:01):
was not competent with doing these interviews in front of
a camera, in front of producers, in front of other people.
I was not competent in that. I was competent in
mental health. I was competent and life skills. I was
competent in empowerment. But this was a totally new skill.
(09:23):
It's kind of letting all these things that I have
in my head come out my mouth when people are
just asking me questions and you know, trying to get
me to say things at a certain angle and wanting
me to when they had a different vision for me
than I had for myself. I wasn't competent at that
So the first time, you know, I did that interview,
(09:44):
Even sometimes now y'all, when I think back to it,
I'd be like, aye ye yea ya ya ya ya.
It was not good. It was not good because I
was not competent in getting my message cross no matter
who was in front of me and how many lights
and what people expected, I was not competent. However, that's
(10:07):
all it took Andrea was to fail at one time, honey.
And I'm gonna say it was a fail because you
know I didn't do it. I ain't getting a hundred
on it, you know what I'm saying. But it wasn't
a failure because it was still good, It was still used,
and it still helped me to get on so many
other platforms. However, I wanted to feel confident, and since
(10:27):
I didn't feel confident, that was why I didn't hit
it out the park. That's why it wasn't a hundred.
But let me tell you something, after that first time,
I said, oh no, no, no. So once I left
that situation. I said, if I'm ever called to do
another TV interview or new spot or whatever, I am
(10:47):
going to hit it out the park. So I started
to practice, and I really leaned more into the mental
health pillars, right into learning how to relax myself when
I'm in situations, not to overthink, to kind of learn
how to deep breathe and get into my body and
then get focused on what I wanted my message to
(11:09):
be and my intention, And it didn't matter who was
in front of me and what was in front of me.
I was going to deliver because I knew that when
I left wherever it was, when you were asking me
a question, I knew that I wanted to feel confident
about you getting what you needed from me and that
I delivered it appropriately. And let me just tell you something.
(11:30):
After that time, I practiced on my competence on doing
this skill, on honing in on what it was I
needed to deliver and how I needed to deliver it.
And after I did it, the next time I was
called to do it again, I was called to do
it again. So I became competent at doing this thing
(11:52):
called television. Okay, I became competent so that made me confident.
So that means that at any time I'm just telling you, family,
anytime somebody asked me to get on a mic, to
get in front of a screen, to do they want
to interview your Andrew, I am confident because I know
my it. I know it, I've done it, I've done
(12:15):
the work. I have practiced a skill over and over again,
and I have competence. Okay. So the more that you
practice a skill and that you know it, that's where
confidence is built. Okay, So being competent knowing your stuff.
The second step is self talk. Please use self talk, family,
(12:39):
So do you know what self talk is? If you don't, here,
you go, hey, family, come on over here because I
have something for you. Starting off with a go to
gude for keeping your minds healthy and strong. This right
here is the Bible to mental health. It's your mental
(13:02):
health Bible. The name of it is six Pillars to
power up your mind and make mental health a lifestyle.
Everything that you need to know about keeping your minds
healthy and strong is in this go to guide. Where
you get it from will you get it from awisebrown
(13:22):
dot com, backslash shop. But in this go to guide,
honey in this mental health Bible. You know what you're
gonna find out. You're gonna find out the benefits of
a roma therapy and how it can shift your mood.
But guess what, you don't have to go anyplace else
to look for you aromatherapy because your girls got you. Okay,
(13:46):
you can get some aromatherapy here. This is a roma
therapy in this candle. This is called a slice of happiness.
It makes me tingle like literally makes me tingle a
slice of happiness. This is a cruelty free candle with
no parabins, no formaldehyde, and no known suspected carcinogenics. Now
(14:11):
you know, you go out here and you find these
candles that smell good, But are they good for you?
Are they good for your brain? Come on, now, get
real with yourself. Well, this one smells delicious and it's
good for you. Made with essential oils. It's a soy candle, amazing.
(14:32):
You can burn it or you can just walk by
and smell it. Lord, have mercy, it's so good. Okay.
So that's your candle, your romotherapy, which raises the dopamine
in your brain that your natural feel good. No transmitters
in your brain. All right, y'all, and oh, I'm a
part of you, You're a part of me. We are
a family. We got hoodies now, and these are unus
(14:56):
sex hoodies and they wear well, they wash well, and
they feel so good. So you can wear them over
your clothes, you know what I'm saying, and look dope.
Or you can wear them as your clothes with nothing
under them, which I like to do often. And when
you travel everywhere, I mean every time I wear them,
I'm moving around, people are always asking me whether I'm traveling,
going to the supermarket, what's that? Who's that? And I'm like,
(15:20):
mental health is a lifestyle because see this is on
the back. Okay, they come in white and they come
in black. I'm like, join the family. Mental health is
a lifestyle podcast. So there you go. Family. Don't you
ever say then, I ain't give you nothing. You get
all of these things from awisbrown dot com backslash shop.
(15:42):
All right, I got your goods. I got you. You
don't have to go any place else. I'll see you
on the other side. So self talk is the thing
that you need to do to yourself, so you know
how you talk to other people. Well, now I need
you to turn that around and talk to yourself. So
let's go back to I'll go back to my example.
So my example, when I was sitting down the first
(16:05):
time for my first interview or whatever TV interview, and
what I noticed was yet I knew all the stuff
that I needed to deliver or that I wanted to deliver.
But what happened when I was sitting in that situation,
when people were asking me, the producers would ask me
questions that really had a different twist because they really
(16:26):
they were trying to follow a new cycle opposed to
my reason for being here. So what happened was when
they would ask me questions, what I noticed was when
I was given certain answers because it was it was
throwing me off. It was different than what I had
intended on doing. I started to judge myself. I started
(16:49):
to judge myself like whoa, WHOA? Hold on? I think
she is looking at you like this. I don't know
if she thinks you know what you're doing or you
know what I'm saying. Oh, I think I don't know.
Does she want want you to talk faster? Does she
want you or does he want you to talk slower?
Or you know, what I'm saying, why would they do?
So I started to all of a sudden get into thoughts.
(17:11):
So what I had to learn how to do because
the first time I let the thoughts take me away.
But after that first time, what I learned how to
do is learned how to self talk. And this is
a part of mind control that when I start to
float off into thinking what I think you thinking and
judging myself because I think you judging me or you know,
(17:31):
assuming what this person is thinking. As soon as my
mind starts to go there and family, you may have
these moments too. I'm gonna put some money on it.
Sometimes you have these moments. So when my mind starts
to go to now, I'm out of alignment, because that's
what it is. It's being out of alignment with what
it is that I'm here for with my intention. Now
my mind is going down a rabbit hole about what
(17:53):
somebody else is thinking of me? Or am I hitting
it out? Am I giving them what they want? Oh?
They thinking? I don't do that? Stop the thought and
I talk to myself. Hey, Andrea, no, no, no, it
doesn't matter what they're thinking. You have five minutes to
be a peer. You come up here, and this is me,
y'all literally talking to myself. You are pear and what
(18:15):
you go? And they probably talking to me asking me
a question. And this is me literally talking to myself.
You got this opportunity that God gave you. You get
back into alignment with your reason for being and what
you came here to deliver. Don't care what they're thinking.
Shut that down. So this is me talking to myselfself.
Talk now, all those negative thoughts they don't think. I
(18:36):
don't care. We don't care. We here to hear the
home run, and the home run is to come here
for what you intended on delivering, to deliver exactly that.
And as soon as I do that and talk to myself,
I get back in alignment and bam, I'm just knocking
it out the park, poom poom, one question after the next.
And then sometimes I don't even wait for them to
(18:58):
ask me a question, because now I am honed in
on my intention. I will just go with it. I
give them what they wanted, even more than what they wanted.
And then what I find is every time I do that,
guess what happens? John? They call me back again. They
call me back again, They call me back again. Okay,
so that is bringing really together my competence because I've
(19:21):
done this, I practiced this, which makes me confident with
sitting here. And then the second thing is when I'm
sitting here and then my mind start hearing things or
seeing someone look at me, and my insecurities come up
and my mind starts to try to tell me negative things. Ah,
I stop that, and I use self talk, positive self talk,
(19:41):
real myself right back in, let those negative thoughts go,
get into alignment with my intention for coming, and then
I deliver whatever the message is. So self talk, guys,
can be amazing. It can actually change your life. And
you know that you can use self talk in all situations.
(20:03):
When you're in the workplace and your mind, you get
in a situation that you don't like that maybe you
aren't feeling confident and you want to deliver a message,
but yet instill all of a sudden you start, negative
thoughts start coming up, or you know about oh maybe
the person doesn't want to hear you. Oh they're gonna
dismiss what you're saying. Oh they're gonna look at you
(20:23):
or laugh at you, or think you I am telling you.
You self talk all these thoughts, Do I know them
to be one hundred percent true? You ask yourself self,
you'll answer no, I don't. So I'm popping them thoughts
and I'm letting them go. Self talk, get in alignment
with what your purpose is, and then you shoot your shot.
(20:44):
Get an alignment and shoot your shot. So self talk
can be so powerful. And the number third thing to
building confidence, family, do you know what that is? Do
you know what it is? It's your presence. It is
your presence. Let me tell you something. How you show
up in the room. Okay? And I'm not talking about
(21:08):
having on the most expensive shoes, the most expensive bag,
and the most expensive outfit, because I know plenty of
people who walk around with the most expensive stuff on
and it's because they lack confidence. And what they're hoping
is is their confidence comes through and what they have on.
But that's not real confidence because that stuff could be stolen.
(21:32):
You know, if you spill something on it, now, your
day is ruined. Because you put all your power of
your confidence in your outfit, in your shoes, and your
you understand what I'm saying, your purse. That's not real confidence, honey.
Confidence comes from in here. It's you. It's how you
show up in the room. So don't get all you
(21:52):
know in your head about what you need to have
on the you know, expensive stuff or you need to
buy the no no, no no no. You work on
enter you. You walk into a room and you have
a presence about yourself. Whether your stuff comes from TJ.
Max Marshall's, Walmarts or Mema Marcus. Okay, it doesn't matter
(22:13):
where it comes from, because that stuff is not you.
God created you naked with none of that stuff. So
you show up like use the bad ma'ama jima. When
you show up in the room. You have a presence
about you, Honey, when you look around in the room,
you look people in the eye. That was one thing
(22:35):
that I have always taught my children. When I say
my children, you know, if you've been listening, you've been
with me. You part of the family. You know. I
have one biological daughter, but yet and still I have godsons,
and I have my stepsn and all of them I
helped to raise. And from the beginning I always tell
them u uh uh. Anytime you have an interaction with anyone,
(22:59):
whether it was a teacher, whether it was another kid,
whether it was somebody at the church, okay, to us
or whoever. You look them in their eye because you
teach people that you see them and that they need
to see you, that you respect them, and that they
need to respect you. Don't you ever start looking down
(23:19):
at your shoe and moving around rope. No, pull your
head up and you look people in the eyes. So
we're talking about presences. Number three. You hold your back
up because let me tell you something. Body language is everything.
Body language adds to your feeling of confidence. That's the
thing that positions you so that you do own your
(23:41):
space in the room, and you don't need to take
up space anybody else's space. I'm talking about you owning
your space. How do you own your space? If you
crouched over, how do you own your space? If you
got your head down, how do you own your space?
You don't. You start to shrink and then other people
will take up your space. We ain't doing that. When
(24:01):
you walk in the room, you walk with your back up.
You hear what I say. You tuck your stomach in, okay,
make yourself look like you got a good old Tommy
tuck okay, and you poke that rear in out okay.
That's what you do. And then you keep you hold
your head up, your chin up, and anybody that you see,
anybody that you encounter, you look them in the eye.
(24:23):
You own your space in any room. Body language is
so important when you want to feel confident and when
you want to exude confidence, because you be long anywhere
and everywhere that you want to go. You hear what
(24:45):
I'm saying. I'm saying that you know that you've had
access to Now you ain't gonna be trying to go
knock down some places that you know that you ain't
supposed to be in. But you understand what I'm saying.
So listen, family, the important part here, this is the
important thing that I want you to get. It's comp
It's not something that you just find on the street.
You know. Confidence isn't something that you just roll over kick.
(25:08):
You're kicking something when you walk down, you you bend
over and you pick it up and you say, oh
I got confidence. No no, no, no no. Confidence is
something that you build. It is something that you build
over time. And I am telling you that God already
created you with the found dation of confidence. When he
(25:30):
created you, honestly, you was one hundred percent confidence. You
went home to whomever raised you, your nurture is and
something's kind of got out of whack. Okay, doesn't matter.
I'm just letting you know. This is what happens and
we start to lose confidence in one way or another.
We could have been abused, or we could have been
(25:51):
coddled too much, or maybe you know, not coddled enough.
You know, maybe there was no structure, maybe there was
too much structure. Whatever the reasons were in your childhood
that took away some of your confidence. I'm here to
let you know that you can get it back because
when God created you, he created you with one hundred
percent confidence. So you have the foundation, baby. So all
(26:14):
you need to do, family is just think like, yeah,
you building a house brick by brick. You hear what
I say. You have everything that you need to build
your confidence. And that's what it is. It is an
action word. You want confidence, you want more confidence, you
(26:34):
need to build. Okay, you need to build it. So
remember here's the three things that you need to do
to build your confidence, and remember you have the tools.
The first thing, the first step is competence. When you
become more competent about anything that it is that you
want to do. When you become more competent, that builds
(26:57):
your confidence. Having a knowledge of it makes you stronger.
You feel stronger in your presence in doing whatever that
thing is. Number two is self talk. Anytime you start
to have self doubt and you start telling yourself those
negative things, self talk. You need positive self talk. That's
the antidote. Stop those negative thoughts, stop them, stop them
(27:20):
and tell yourself the opposite, and then go show up
in whatever space you're supposed to. And number three, when
you do show up, you have a presence about yourself.
You hear what I say. You look people straight in
the eye. You hold your chin up, You look them
straight in the eye. You hold your back up, hold
that stomach in. I told you give yourself a tommy,
(27:41):
tuck your own self. You know what I mean. Hold
it in, suck that back part out. You hear what
I say, and you take up space in the room.
You stand tall. Your presence is number three. And these
are the three things that I want you to do
continuous lee that you continue to build confidence. Okay, family,
(28:05):
And just before we go, I want you to put
this confidence, put your confidence to practice into action. An
actionable thing is let me just say this to you.
If there's like, hmm, some kind of post that you
wanted to put on social media, but those negative thoughts
was in your head about Oh, I don't want to
(28:26):
post this, or I don't know who's gonna like it.
I don't know if I'm gonna get likes. Oh I
don't know if anybody's gonna watch it. Whatever, the reason is,
I don't want people to seem like, if it's you
and it's something that you want to put out into
the world, do it any way that I want you
to practice. Do it anyway, Make a post and then
tag me in the post. That's what I want you
(28:48):
to do. So go ahead, do something, post something on
social media that you've been afraid to post, but you
really want it out in the world. Post it, post it.
I want you to practice this skin of having confidence.
Post it no matter what. Who cares? Get used to rejection,
who cares? People gonna forget about it that fifteen seconds
(29:11):
after anyway, because people are so much into their own
lives and then trying to compare in contrast what everybody
else is going on, like it does not matter. We
only live on this earth for a short period of time.
So come on. If there's something you want to post,
whole stick and then tag me in it. The Mental
(29:31):
Health is a lifestyle pod. I am on all social
media platforms because I want to see it. We're putting
this into action. Family, that's go on. If you want
to shoot your shot with somebody, like I don't know,
maybe you want to go on a date with somebody,
accept rejection before you even do it. So if they
reject you, then oh well, and then nine times out
(29:53):
of ten they may not. Either way, it doesn't matter.
If you practice scene you want to see the skill
of assertion of confidence, do that. Or if there's a
new job that you make one apply for the job,
do it any weapon. So I want y'all to practice
this skill. Family. Okay, So we are at the end
(30:17):
of another episode of The Mental Health is a Lifestyle
Podcast with your girl Andrea Wise Brown and family. I'll
see you next week on the next episode, meeting right
back here. And don't you ever forget I love you.
This podcast is not a substitute for our relationship with
your mental health professional. Hey hey, hey, family, Welcome back
to another episode of The Mental Health Is a lifestyle
podcast with your girl, Andrea wise Brown. And if you
(00:25):
haven't become a part of the family as of yet,
please do so right now. It's free, it doesn't cost
you anything. Okay. All you have to do is subscribe
to the podcast. So click that subscribe button, like the
podcast and share the podcast with the people in your
(00:47):
life who you love or that you want to inspire
and empower. Okay. Oh, and I would love for you
to put a comment down, you know, if you're feeling
some kind of way, if you agree with what it
is that I'm saying, or if you disagree, as long
as it's respectful, come on, give it to me. I
(01:07):
love a good challenge. Thank you for joining me and
this week, family, I'm jumping right in. You know what
we're here to talk about? Confidence? Are you confident? Family?
When you walk in a room, do you own your
space in that room? Do you have this feeling in
(01:29):
your body when you move through spaces that you are
supposed to be there? You are supposed to be there,
and yet on this earth. You are supposed to be here,
and it is a benefit to all of those around
you if they meet you, if they meet you where
you are. Do you have that sense about yourself that
(01:52):
you hold a gift and that you are important, that
you're important, and that whatever this gift is, that the
others around you should be trying to figure out and
to ask you to share your gift with them. I
mean that's a part of just having confidence walking through
(02:14):
life as if you have purpose. I'm here to check
on you family. Are you confident and if you're not,
guess what, I'm not judging you. Your girl is here.
I'm here to help you with that. I am here
to empower you because I want you to walk into
(02:34):
every room owning your space and feeling like you deserve
to be there. I don't ever want you walking in
a room feeling like you are smaller than anyone else
in that room. And you know, I'm not talking about size,
because the size you may be, you know what I'm saying,
a little bit smaller and you might like that, I
(02:55):
don't know, but I don't want you feeling like you
are less than anyone in any space that you enter.
So I got you, okay, So this is what I
wanna talk about today, and I'm gonna do it quickly.
I'm gonna do it quickly. So I want you to
pay attention and take some notes, please, and make sure
that you share this with someone else, some of your
(03:15):
friends and family who you feel like are shy and
that they lack confidence, because come on, baby, the world
is yours. So let me start off by saying, having
confidence what does that even mean? So having confidence has
nothing to do with being the loudest in the room
or the most dominant in the space. It has nothing
(03:37):
to do with that. Nor does it have anything to
do with not having fear. So when you show up
in certain spaces, you know, and you may get those
little butterflies in your stomach just because you're a human,
or maybe because a part of your story, your background
maybe will tell the story as to why certain spaces
(03:58):
trigger you to be fearful. But that does not mean
that because you're fearful and you have fear, that you
will always lack confidence. No, because let me tell you something,
fear is not an indicator of confidence. You can be
fearful in any situation, but confidences, although I'm fearful, I'm
(04:19):
going to do it in any way. Did y'all hear
what I said? I'm confident and I may be fearful, However,
I'm going to do it anyway. Confidence isn't something that
everyone just normally. It's not something that you can buy.
Let me just say that it's this. It's not something
(04:41):
that you can buy. But it is something that you learn.
It is something that you build. It is something that
you practice. You got me. Confidence is learned over time
and it is built and it is practiced. Okay, So
I'm gonna teach you how to do exactly that. So
(05:03):
we have three steps. I got three steps I'm gonna
give you of how to build confidence. So the first
step is with competence. You got me competence. So the
more that you learn about whatever this thing is, is
the more confident you become in doing so. Okay, So
(05:27):
let me give you a real life example. So one
of my clients some time ago is an entertainer. However,
you know you'd call this person famous an entertainer. Okay,
let me say that without you know, I don't want
to tell you their name. However, when I used to
(05:48):
so part of this person's package was for me to
go with them and do meeting greets with them. Okay,
so also go with them so that they could network,
so that they could be confident or feel confident while
they were networking. All right, Okay, so this is with
industry people and with fans. And so as we would start,
(06:12):
we'd be at a huge event and we'd go to
the event and this person would say to me like,
oh my gosh, you know, I really get nervous. I
don't know what to say. You know, I feel like
everybody's looking at me, or when I'm speaking to somebody,
you know, they look down on me, or that they're
judging me. And so what I taught this person to
do is, first of all, why don't we kind of
(06:34):
get together something that you are going to say every
time you walk in the room and every time you
meet someone new, every time you walk in the room
and every time you meet someone new, this is how
you're gonna introduce yourself. You are going to learn it,
you are going to practice it, and you were going
to put it to work. You're going to use it.
(06:54):
And this person started to do it. However, you know,
it paid me. I was right by this side. And
so we went from one meet and Greek to another
meet and greet, to one industry to another industry. And
let me just say something, family, This didn't all happen
in a you know, in the first day or in
the second day. But the more that you practice doing
(07:16):
a skill, the more competent you become at it, and
the more competent you become, the more confidence you build.
And I just want to say that after doing this
with my client for maybe some time, right for some time,
with several events, when I say, when I see this
(07:37):
client now out in the world, sh I'm so happy.
It makes me. I'm so proud of them, and you
would be shocked as to see who this person is.
But my point is is practicing something over and over
again and then learning it becoming competent. When you become competent,
(07:58):
then what that does is because you know what you
know and can't nobody take that away. That builds your confidence.
And so now when this person walks in rooming, not
only can they introduce themselves and say what they do,
but they also can ask for the things that they
want and they expect it. They expected. That is confidence.
I'll give you a personal example of me. So I
(08:19):
would say the first time that you know, I was
asked to do a TV interview, the very first time,
I knew that when I got up in this whole
situation that you know, I was going to kick it.
I was like, Oh, yes, you know, I love to talk,
and you know I could talk to anyone, and I
have this message about mental health and I want to
(08:40):
get it out. And so my assumption was that once
I kind of got into a room and you gave
me a microphone and a camera, that once I got
in front of it, I thought I was gonna kill it.
But what I learned was in that moment was no,
there was something more that I had to learn. I
(09:01):
was not competent with doing these interviews in front of
a camera, in front of producers, in front of other people.
I was not competent in that. I was competent in
mental health. I was competent and life skills. I was
competent in empowerment. But this was a totally new skill.
(09:23):
It's kind of letting all these things that I have
in my head come out my mouth when people are
just asking me questions and you know, trying to get
me to say things at a certain angle and wanting
me to when they had a different vision for me
than I had for myself. I wasn't competent at that
So the first time, you know, I did that interview,
(09:44):
Even sometimes now y'all, when I think back to it,
I'd be like, aye ye yea ya ya ya ya.
It was not good. It was not good because I
was not competent in getting my message cross no matter
who was in front of me and how many lights
and what people expected, I was not competent. However, that's
(10:07):
all it took Andrea was to fail at one time, honey.
And I'm gonna say it was a fail because you
know I didn't do it. I ain't getting a hundred
on it, you know what I'm saying. But it wasn't
a failure because it was still good, It was still used,
and it still helped me to get on so many
other platforms. However, I wanted to feel confident, and since
(10:27):
I didn't feel confident, that was why I didn't hit
it out the park. That's why it wasn't a hundred.
But let me tell you something, after that first time,
I said, oh no, no, no. So once I left
that situation. I said, if I'm ever called to do
another TV interview or new spot or whatever, I am
(10:47):
going to hit it out the park. So I started
to practice, and I really leaned more into the mental
health pillars, right into learning how to relax myself when
I'm in situations, not to overthink, to kind of learn
how to deep breathe and get into my body and
then get focused on what I wanted my message to
(11:09):
be and my intention, And it didn't matter who was
in front of me and what was in front of me.
I was going to deliver because I knew that when
I left wherever it was, when you were asking me
a question, I knew that I wanted to feel confident
about you getting what you needed from me and that
I delivered it appropriately. And let me just tell you something.
(11:30):
After that time, I practiced on my competence on doing
this skill, on honing in on what it was I
needed to deliver and how I needed to deliver it.
And after I did it, the next time I was
called to do it again, I was called to do
it again. So I became competent at doing this thing
(11:52):
called television. Okay, I became competent so that made me confident.
So that means that at any time I'm just telling you, family,
anytime somebody asked me to get on a mic, to
get in front of a screen, to do they want
to interview your Andrew, I am confident because I know
my it. I know it, I've done it, I've done
(12:15):
the work. I have practiced a skill over and over again,
and I have competence. Okay. So the more that you
practice a skill and that you know it, that's where
confidence is built. Okay, So being competent knowing your stuff.
The second step is self talk. Please use self talk, family,
(12:39):
So do you know what self talk is? If you don't, here,
you go, hey, family, come on over here because I
have something for you. Starting off with a go to
gude for keeping your minds healthy and strong. This right
here is the Bible to mental health. It's your mental
(13:02):
health Bible. The name of it is six Pillars to
power up your mind and make mental health a lifestyle.
Everything that you need to know about keeping your minds
healthy and strong is in this go to guide. Where
you get it from will you get it from awisebrown
(13:22):
dot com, backslash shop. But in this go to guide,
honey in this mental health Bible. You know what you're
gonna find out. You're gonna find out the benefits of
a roma therapy and how it can shift your mood.
But guess what, you don't have to go anyplace else
to look for you aromatherapy because your girls got you. Okay,
(13:46):
you can get some aromatherapy here. This is a roma
therapy in this candle. This is called a slice of happiness.
It makes me tingle like literally makes me tingle a
slice of happiness. This is a cruelty free candle with
no parabins, no formaldehyde, and no known suspected carcinogenics. Now
(14:11):
you know, you go out here and you find these
candles that smell good, But are they good for you?
Are they good for your brain? Come on, now, get
real with yourself. Well, this one smells delicious and it's
good for you. Made with essential oils. It's a soy candle, amazing.
(14:32):
You can burn it or you can just walk by
and smell it. Lord, have mercy, it's so good. Okay.
So that's your candle, your romotherapy, which raises the dopamine
in your brain that your natural feel good. No transmitters
in your brain. All right, y'all, and oh, I'm a
part of you, You're a part of me. We are
a family. We got hoodies now, and these are unus
(14:56):
sex hoodies and they wear well, they wash well, and
they feel so good. So you can wear them over
your clothes, you know what I'm saying, and look dope.
Or you can wear them as your clothes with nothing
under them, which I like to do often. And when
you travel everywhere, I mean every time I wear them,
I'm moving around, people are always asking me whether I'm traveling,
going to the supermarket, what's that? Who's that? And I'm like,
(15:20):
mental health is a lifestyle because see this is on
the back. Okay, they come in white and they come
in black. I'm like, join the family. Mental health is
a lifestyle podcast. So there you go. Family. Don't you
ever say then, I ain't give you nothing. You get
all of these things from awisbrown dot com backslash shop.
(15:42):
All right, I got your goods. I got you. You
don't have to go any place else. I'll see you
on the other side. So self talk is the thing
that you need to do to yourself, so you know
how you talk to other people. Well, now I need
you to turn that around and talk to yourself. So
let's go back to I'll go back to my example.
So my example, when I was sitting down the first
(16:05):
time for my first interview or whatever TV interview, and
what I noticed was yet I knew all the stuff
that I needed to deliver or that I wanted to deliver.
But what happened when I was sitting in that situation,
when people were asking me, the producers would ask me
questions that really had a different twist because they really
(16:26):
they were trying to follow a new cycle opposed to
my reason for being here. So what happened was when
they would ask me questions, what I noticed was when
I was given certain answers because it was it was
throwing me off. It was different than what I had
intended on doing. I started to judge myself. I started
(16:49):
to judge myself like whoa, WHOA? Hold on? I think
she is looking at you like this. I don't know
if she thinks you know what you're doing or you
know what I'm saying. Oh, I think I don't know.
Does she want want you to talk faster? Does she
want you or does he want you to talk slower?
Or you know, what I'm saying, why would they do?
So I started to all of a sudden get into thoughts.
(17:11):
So what I had to learn how to do because
the first time I let the thoughts take me away.
But after that first time, what I learned how to
do is learned how to self talk. And this is
a part of mind control that when I start to
float off into thinking what I think you thinking and
judging myself because I think you judging me or you know,
(17:31):
assuming what this person is thinking. As soon as my
mind starts to go there and family, you may have
these moments too. I'm gonna put some money on it.
Sometimes you have these moments. So when my mind starts
to go to now, I'm out of alignment, because that's
what it is. It's being out of alignment with what
it is that I'm here for with my intention. Now
my mind is going down a rabbit hole about what
(17:53):
somebody else is thinking of me? Or am I hitting
it out? Am I giving them what they want? Oh?
They thinking? I don't do that? Stop the thought and
I talk to myself. Hey, Andrea, no, no, no, it
doesn't matter what they're thinking. You have five minutes to
be a peer. You come up here, and this is me,
y'all literally talking to myself. You are pear and what
(18:15):
you go? And they probably talking to me asking me
a question. And this is me literally talking to myself.
You got this opportunity that God gave you. You get
back into alignment with your reason for being and what
you came here to deliver. Don't care what they're thinking.
Shut that down. So this is me talking to myselfself.
Talk now, all those negative thoughts they don't think. I
(18:36):
don't care. We don't care. We here to hear the
home run, and the home run is to come here
for what you intended on delivering, to deliver exactly that.
And as soon as I do that and talk to myself,
I get back in alignment and bam, I'm just knocking
it out the park, poom poom, one question after the next.
And then sometimes I don't even wait for them to
(18:58):
ask me a question, because now I am honed in
on my intention. I will just go with it. I
give them what they wanted, even more than what they wanted.
And then what I find is every time I do that,
guess what happens? John? They call me back again. They
call me back again, They call me back again. Okay,
so that is bringing really together my competence because I've
(19:21):
done this, I practiced this, which makes me confident with
sitting here. And then the second thing is when I'm
sitting here and then my mind start hearing things or
seeing someone look at me, and my insecurities come up
and my mind starts to try to tell me negative things. Ah,
I stop that, and I use self talk, positive self talk,
(19:41):
real myself right back in, let those negative thoughts go,
get into alignment with my intention for coming, and then
I deliver whatever the message is. So self talk, guys,
can be amazing. It can actually change your life. And
you know that you can use self talk in all situations.
(20:03):
When you're in the workplace and your mind, you get
in a situation that you don't like that maybe you
aren't feeling confident and you want to deliver a message,
but yet instill all of a sudden you start, negative
thoughts start coming up, or you know about oh maybe
the person doesn't want to hear you. Oh they're gonna
dismiss what you're saying. Oh they're gonna look at you
(20:23):
or laugh at you, or think you I am telling you.
You self talk all these thoughts, Do I know them
to be one hundred percent true? You ask yourself self,
you'll answer no, I don't. So I'm popping them thoughts
and I'm letting them go. Self talk, get in alignment
with what your purpose is, and then you shoot your shot.
(20:44):
Get an alignment and shoot your shot. So self talk
can be so powerful. And the number third thing to
building confidence, family, do you know what that is? Do
you know what it is? It's your presence. It is
your presence. Let me tell you something. How you show
up in the room. Okay? And I'm not talking about
(21:08):
having on the most expensive shoes, the most expensive bag,
and the most expensive outfit, because I know plenty of
people who walk around with the most expensive stuff on
and it's because they lack confidence. And what they're hoping
is is their confidence comes through and what they have on.
But that's not real confidence because that stuff could be stolen.
(21:32):
You know, if you spill something on it, now, your
day is ruined. Because you put all your power of
your confidence in your outfit, in your shoes, and your
you understand what I'm saying, your purse. That's not real confidence, honey.
Confidence comes from in here. It's you. It's how you
show up in the room. So don't get all you
(21:52):
know in your head about what you need to have
on the you know, expensive stuff or you need to
buy the no no, no no no. You work on
enter you. You walk into a room and you have
a presence about yourself. Whether your stuff comes from TJ.
Max Marshall's, Walmarts or Mema Marcus. Okay, it doesn't matter
(22:13):
where it comes from, because that stuff is not you.
God created you naked with none of that stuff. So
you show up like use the bad ma'ama jima. When
you show up in the room. You have a presence
about you, Honey, when you look around in the room,
you look people in the eye. That was one thing
(22:35):
that I have always taught my children. When I say
my children, you know, if you've been listening, you've been
with me. You part of the family. You know. I
have one biological daughter, but yet and still I have godsons,
and I have my stepsn and all of them I
helped to raise. And from the beginning I always tell
them u uh uh. Anytime you have an interaction with anyone,
(22:59):
whether it was a teacher, whether it was another kid,
whether it was somebody at the church, okay, to us
or whoever. You look them in their eye because you
teach people that you see them and that they need
to see you, that you respect them, and that they
need to respect you. Don't you ever start looking down
(23:19):
at your shoe and moving around rope. No, pull your
head up and you look people in the eyes. So
we're talking about presences. Number three. You hold your back
up because let me tell you something. Body language is everything.
Body language adds to your feeling of confidence. That's the
thing that positions you so that you do own your
(23:41):
space in the room, and you don't need to take
up space anybody else's space. I'm talking about you owning
your space. How do you own your space? If you
crouched over, how do you own your space? If you
got your head down, how do you own your space?
You don't. You start to shrink and then other people
will take up your space. We ain't doing that. When
(24:01):
you walk in the room, you walk with your back up.
You hear what I say. You tuck your stomach in, okay,
make yourself look like you got a good old Tommy
tuck okay, and you poke that rear in out okay.
That's what you do. And then you keep you hold
your head up, your chin up, and anybody that you see,
anybody that you encounter, you look them in the eye.
(24:23):
You own your space in any room. Body language is
so important when you want to feel confident and when
you want to exude confidence, because you be long anywhere
and everywhere that you want to go. You hear what
(24:45):
I'm saying. I'm saying that you know that you've had
access to Now you ain't gonna be trying to go
knock down some places that you know that you ain't
supposed to be in. But you understand what I'm saying.
So listen, family, the important part here, this is the
important thing that I want you to get. It's comp
It's not something that you just find on the street.
You know. Confidence isn't something that you just roll over kick.
(25:08):
You're kicking something when you walk down, you you bend
over and you pick it up and you say, oh
I got confidence. No no, no, no no. Confidence is
something that you build. It is something that you build
over time. And I am telling you that God already
created you with the found dation of confidence. When he
(25:30):
created you, honestly, you was one hundred percent confidence. You
went home to whomever raised you, your nurture is and
something's kind of got out of whack. Okay, doesn't matter.
I'm just letting you know. This is what happens and
we start to lose confidence in one way or another.
We could have been abused, or we could have been
(25:51):
coddled too much, or maybe you know, not coddled enough.
You know, maybe there was no structure, maybe there was
too much structure. Whatever the reasons were in your childhood
that took away some of your confidence. I'm here to
let you know that you can get it back because
when God created you, he created you with one hundred
percent confidence. So you have the foundation, baby. So all
(26:14):
you need to do, family is just think like, yeah,
you building a house brick by brick. You hear what
I say. You have everything that you need to build
your confidence. And that's what it is. It is an
action word. You want confidence, you want more confidence, you
(26:34):
need to build. Okay, you need to build it. So
remember here's the three things that you need to do
to build your confidence, and remember you have the tools.
The first thing, the first step is competence. When you
become more competent about anything that it is that you
want to do. When you become more competent, that builds
(26:57):
your confidence. Having a knowledge of it makes you stronger.
You feel stronger in your presence in doing whatever that
thing is. Number two is self talk. Anytime you start
to have self doubt and you start telling yourself those
negative things, self talk. You need positive self talk. That's
the antidote. Stop those negative thoughts, stop them, stop them
(27:20):
and tell yourself the opposite, and then go show up
in whatever space you're supposed to. And number three, when
you do show up, you have a presence about yourself.
You hear what I say. You look people straight in
the eye. You hold your chin up, You look them
straight in the eye. You hold your back up, hold
that stomach in. I told you give yourself a tommy,
(27:41):
tuck your own self. You know what I mean. Hold
it in, suck that back part out. You hear what
I say, and you take up space in the room.
You stand tall. Your presence is number three. And these
are the three things that I want you to do
continuous lee that you continue to build confidence. Okay, family,
(28:05):
And just before we go, I want you to put
this confidence, put your confidence to practice into action. An
actionable thing is let me just say this to you.
If there's like, hmm, some kind of post that you
wanted to put on social media, but those negative thoughts
was in your head about Oh, I don't want to
(28:26):
post this, or I don't know who's gonna like it.
I don't know if I'm gonna get likes. Oh I
don't know if anybody's gonna watch it. Whatever, the reason is,
I don't want people to seem like, if it's you
and it's something that you want to put out into
the world, do it any way that I want you
to practice. Do it anyway, Make a post and then
tag me in the post. That's what I want you
(28:48):
to do. So go ahead, do something, post something on
social media that you've been afraid to post, but you
really want it out in the world. Post it, post it.
I want you to practice this skin of having confidence.
Post it no matter what. Who cares? Get used to rejection,
who cares? People gonna forget about it that fifteen seconds
(29:11):
after anyway, because people are so much into their own
lives and then trying to compare in contrast what everybody
else is going on, like it does not matter. We
only live on this earth for a short period of time.
So come on. If there's something you want to post,
whole stick and then tag me in it. The Mental
(29:31):
Health is a lifestyle pod. I am on all social
media platforms because I want to see it. We're putting
this into action. Family, that's go on. If you want
to shoot your shot with somebody, like I don't know,
maybe you want to go on a date with somebody,
accept rejection before you even do it. So if they
reject you, then oh well, and then nine times out
(29:53):
of ten they may not. Either way, it doesn't matter.
If you practice scene you want to see the skill
of assertion of confidence, do that. Or if there's a
new job that you make one apply for the job,
do it any weapon. So I want y'all to practice
this skill. Family. Okay, So we are at the end
(30:17):
of another episode of The Mental Health is a Lifestyle
Podcast with your girl Andrea Wise Brown and family. I'll
see you next week on the next episode, meeting right
back here. And don't you ever forget I love you.
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