July 1, 2025 • 30 mins
In this powerful episode we unpack the unspoken pressures that keep so many men suffering in silence. From toxic masculinity to shame and stigma, I’m breaking down the real reasons men hesitate to seek mental health support—and what we can do to change the narrative.
Whether you're a man trying to navigate your own journey, or someone who loves and supports one, this conversation is for you.
Let’s start talking. Let’s start healing!
Mental Health is a Lifestyle Podcast with Andrea Wise-Brown, is where we discuss practical strategies for managing mental health and wellbeing.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Mental Health is a Lifestyle Podcast. We hope you found these practical tips helpful and encourage you to continue prioritizing your mental health and wellness.
If you have any questions or suggestions for future episodes, please email us at mhialpodcast@gmail.com.
See you next time!
Find Andrea: awisebrown.com
Follow The Podcast At @mentalhealthisalifestylepod Mhialpodcast@gmail.com I want to know your opinions…….
In addition; if you have any questions that you want answered on the podcast send your request to mhialpodcast@gmail.com or inbox me @mentalhealthisalifestylepod
Remember, Mental health is a Lifestyle!®️😘
Whether you're a man trying to navigate your own journey, or someone who loves and supports one, this conversation is for you.
Let’s start talking. Let’s start healing!
Mental Health is a Lifestyle Podcast with Andrea Wise-Brown, is where we discuss practical strategies for managing mental health and wellbeing.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Mental Health is a Lifestyle Podcast. We hope you found these practical tips helpful and encourage you to continue prioritizing your mental health and wellness.
If you have any questions or suggestions for future episodes, please email us at mhialpodcast@gmail.com.
See you next time!
Find Andrea: awisebrown.com
Follow The Podcast At @mentalhealthisalifestylepod Mhialpodcast@gmail.com I want to know your opinions…….
In addition; if you have any questions that you want answered on the podcast send your request to mhialpodcast@gmail.com or inbox me @mentalhealthisalifestylepod
Remember, Mental health is a Lifestyle!®️😘
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This podcast is not a substitute for our relationship with
your mental health professional. Hey hey, hey, family, welcome back
to another episode of the Mental Health.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Is a Lifestyle podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
With your girl, Andrea wise Brown Old Family. I'm so
excited to be here with you again this week. And
if you have not joined the family as of yet,
please do so. And you can do so by clicking
that button and subscribing to the podcast, liking the podcast,
(00:42):
and then sharing the podcast episode with everyone who you know,
especially the ones who you feel will benefit. So today, family,
we are jumping right in. We are talking about mental health,
but mental health for men, men's mental health.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
This is Men's Mental Health Awareness Month.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
It is June, and so I'm like, you know what,
it's time for me to speak to our men, and
not only to our men family, to the women here
who are in our family, who have men in your lives.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Please pass this along.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
And even if you don't think they'll listen to the
podcast or watch the podcast, just give them the information, okay,
because we want our men to be mentally healthy men.
We need you, and we don't need you ducking the
help that you may need.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
All right, Women need help. Men need help.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
And what's so interesting is is men are less likely
to go get to access mental health services.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
When the mental the suicide rates for men significantly outweigh
the suicide rates for women, women will go and access
mental health services. So please, men, we need you to
pull up.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
We need you to pull up, and you know, just
get your mind checked out.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
We need you.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
We need you because when you're healthy, then you create
healthy relationships. You create healthy relationships with your children, relationships
with your family, and friendships.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
So we need you.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
And when I was seeing relationships, I meant romantic relationships. Men,
we need you and we need you to be mentally healthy.
So someone may say to me, well, why is it
that men don't seek mental health services? So I will
tell you a few of the barriers. So one of
the first barriers is toxic masculinity. And I'm gonna break
(02:52):
down what that actually means, but it's toxic masculinity and
society condition the things that society tells men that they
need to be and how they need to show up
in the world. It's one of the reasons why men have.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Decided, uh, I don't really need to seek those type
of services because being a man and being masculine has
nothing to do with mental health services, counseling, you know, psychology,
seeing a psychiatrist. That's which is not true, but that
(03:31):
is one of the barriers.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Another barrier is the stigma, the stigma and shame surrounding
the words mental health. Right, so you know, the stigma
that says that, oh my gosh, if you access mental
health services, then you must be crazy. Well, A good
thing about all of the work that we have been
doing out here as mental health practitioners is trying to
(03:56):
destigmatize those words.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
It is the reason that this podcast is named what
it's named. I trademarked the name mental health is a lifestyle.
It is a phrase because it is a lifestyle. It
is about you living a healthy lifestyle by first getting
your mind right, what your mind is right, then everything
(04:20):
else falls into place. So I was really I created
the term because I wanted people to normalize the conversation
surrounding mental health. And guess what I mean, I kind
of started this some time ago, and now it's actually happening.
I mean, I am so excited when I see on
(04:41):
television shows, you know, they have these men male support
groups and just you know, more and more celebrities, you know,
talking about mental health. So we need to normalize all
conversations surrounding mental health because we all have a mental
we all have a mind, and we need to keep
it sharp, keep it together because let me tell you
(05:03):
some life be life in and while life is life,
and we need to support to keep us strong and
resilient as we move through this life so we can
find quality life, quality of life.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
And we want men to lead us. So men, come
on now. But let me tell you.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Another barrier is the lack of safe services. So a
lot of times, you know, and I will say this,
that I'm called often to get referrals for men, you know,
male counselors and really male African American male counselors, and.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
There aren't that many around. There really aren't that many.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
So so I can understand that, you know, there is
a lack of and I'm saying safe services meaning trained
you know, therapists. However, the men are out there, there
just aren't that many of them, but they are out there.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
And then practical barriers to cost.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
So some people feel like you know, or men feel
like going to see a therapist, spending that money to
go to a therapist or to see a psychiatrist just
ain't in the budget because you know, what they want
to put first is housing and food. You got what
I'm saying, and that makes sense. However, this is why
(06:26):
we do take insurance and you may just have to
pay a co pay, you know, like a small little
copay of twenty to thirty dollars for getting your mind right.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Men.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
It is worth it. It is worth it. It's worth
it because you know what, I would go with that
theory if you weren't spending money, investing money on expensive sneakers,
you know what I'm saying, or different things for your car.
I mean, getting your mind right first should be the priority.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Already. Men, I'm gonna say this over and over again.
We need you.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
So I just want to break down toxic masculinity. And
the reason why I'm breaking this down because this is
something that we hear it all over the end and
that you know, all over ig or you know, Facebook
or wherever else.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
I guess people to TikTok.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Where people get their information nowadays, and people are referring
to toxic masculinity.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Well, that's toxic, THAT'SID. So I said, you know what, right,
now right here, when we are talking two men and
about your mental health, let's break down exactly what that is.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Hey, family, come on over here, because I have something
for you. Starting off with a go to guide for
keeping your minds healthy and strong. This right here is
the Bible to mental Health. It's your mental health Bible.
The name of it is six Pillars to power up
(08:00):
your mind and make mental health a lifestyle. Everything that
you need to know about keeping your minds healthy and
strong is.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
In this go to goide. Where you get it from?
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Will you get it from aisebrown dot com backslash shop.
But guess what, you don't have to go anyplace else
to look for you aromatherapy because your girls got you. Okay,
you can get some aromatherapy here. This is a romatherapy
in this candle. This is called a slice of Happiness.
(08:37):
It makes me tingle like literally makes me tingle a
slice of happiness.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
This is a cruelty free candle with no parabins, no formaldehyde,
and no known suspected carcinogenics.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Now this one smells delicious.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
And it's good for you. Made with essential oils. It's
a soy candle, all right, y'all and oh, I'm a
part of you. You're a part of me. We are
a family.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
We got hoodies now, and these are unus sex hoodies
and they wear well, they wash well, and they feel
so good. So you can wear them over your clothes,
you know what I'm saying, and look dope. Or you
can wear them as your clothes with nothing under them,
which I like to do often. And when you travel everywhere,
I mean every time I wear them, I'm moving around,
(09:27):
people are always asking me whether I'm traveling, going to
the supermarket, what's that?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Who's that? And I'm like, mental health is a lifestyle
because see this is on the back. Okay, they come
in white and they come in black. I'm like, join
the family. Mental Health is a lifestyle podcast. So there
you go. Family.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Don't you ever say then, I ain't give you nothing.
You get all of these things from awisbrown dot com
backslash shop. All right, I got your goods.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
I got you. You don't have to go into place else.
I'll see you on the other side.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
So here are some examples of toxic masculinity, because there
are a lot, but I'm gonna hit you with some examples.
So the first one would be suppressing your emotions. That
is a part of toxic masculinity. So when you are
feeling something, maybe feeling emotional, masking that and not pushing
(10:25):
it down instead of expressing them because of the story,
the societal norm, or what you've been taught, maybe in
your family system or in school or wherever you were
when you were playing sports is real men don't cry.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Real men don't cry. That's a lie. Real men do
cry when they feel their feelings.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Because what will happen when real men when men don't cry,
is once you start stacking your feelings.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
And I usually say I like to say it's like
a dresser.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
You know how you have a dresser and you have
all these So when things come up for you and
you may be feeling emotional, you know emotion could be anger, frustration,
and you just really want to get it out and
express it, but you're thinking you need to be a
real man, so you suppress it, you put it down.
So I say, you put it in a drawer. Okay,
then something else happens, because life be life. Then and
(11:19):
then what happened you put that in a drawer. You
keep stacking the drawers till one day, the whole is
too heavy, the drawers too heavy, so the whole dresser
falls down, and that's the day that you explode, and
usually exploding on people in your life who really didn't
deserve that explosion. Okay, so we're talking about toxic masculinity.
(11:44):
Another example of toxic masculinity would.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Be aggression as strength. So you know, for some men,
you feel like being aggressive is what shows up as
being strong. So if I'm done, if I'm dominating every situation,
even though it may not even.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Be necessary, then you believe that. You know that aggression
means that you are strong or you are showing strength.
You know, even if you're in a situation where there's
some kind of conflict between you and someone else and
the first thing you want to do is fight you
know what I'm saying, or cut someone out or scream
because somewhere in your mind you learned toxic masculinity that
(12:29):
being aggressive and being violent means that you are strong.
I'm here to tell you, my brothers, that's a lie.
That's a lie. Sometimes you can just let stuff just
go ahead and pass you by. You know, when you
start looking at your life, when you get into some
kind of conflict, you know what I'm saying, Or you're
(12:50):
facing some type of altercation and you have a decision
to make. You don't have to choose aggression to show
up as strength. Sometimes, my brother, strength looks like I'm
stepping up out of that. I'm walking out the door
because I realize that I have too much to lose
(13:11):
to engage in some folishness.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
You feel me.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
So that's really what masculinity looks like, and what healthy
masculinity looks like, and what strength really looks like. Sometimes
it looks like walking away. Sometimes it looks like.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Ignoring b s keeping it moving because you know you
have too much, too much to risk. What dealing with foolishness.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Another example would be rejecting anything that you think I'm
gonna use it that's feminine, or that you would say females,
do you know? So any type of interactions or duties
that are nurturing, you know, any type of interactions.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
That someone would see as sensitive.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Anytime you want to show empathy by listening to someone
and putting yourself in their shoes, by being a little soft,
sometimes nurturing, I mean that's freaking That is strength. You
know what I'm saying that is healthy masculinity is exuding
all of those things. A nurturing spirit, honey. Let me
(14:20):
tell you something. That is what young women will grown
women need and want, But that is something that grown.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Little girls desire.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
They desire that nurturing spirit that their dads actually do have,
but sometime suppressed because of this idea that that's you know,
that's being a female, or that's that's too feminine because
of toxic masculinity. And let me tell you something, honey,
(14:53):
your daughters are missing out now. You're teaching them.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
What to go look for out in the world when should.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Be expecting and looking for not only a man that
can take care of them, but who can also nurture them.
Come on, Dad's I'm just saying, stop rejecting anything that's feminine.
Another example of toxic masculinity is hyper independence, which means
that I'm never going to ask for help no matter what,
(15:23):
even when I need it, even when I'm struggling emotionally,
if I'm struggling with my finances, if I'm struggling with communication,
if I'm struggling in my relationships. That hyper independence where
I'm just gonna figure it out on my own and
what I've seen that look like is I can see it.
It funnel itself in health concerns like high blood pressure, okay,
(15:49):
any type of diabetes, and exacerbation of all illnesses that
are laying in your system. That's what stress does. When
you are taking on all of this the sense of
I need to be hyper independent and not really express
myself or ask for help from others, then you create
(16:11):
more stress for your body. You know, That's what that
looks like. And in order to get relief, I see
that as drinking over drinking, you know, smoking, doing drugs,
alcohol abuse, alcoholism, all of those things, smoking, drinking, domestic violence.
(16:35):
So it's healthy. It's healthy, guys. It is healthy for
you to be dependent on friendships, healthy friendships, to be
dependent and to express what your needs are, to ask
for help.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
That's healthy. That's healthy masculinity.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
And I'm gonna say the last example that I'm gonna
bring up today about topsick masculinity is homophobia or those
rigid gender roles where men will feel like girls only
do these things and men only do these things. So
as a man, you know, you've believe that you know,
(17:20):
you don't wash dishes. You don't clean up, you don't
make up the bed, you don't cook, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Rigid rolls right, and.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Your partner doesn't, I don't know, do some things that
you might say masculine, like maybe put air in her tires,
put gas in her.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Car, you know, get her car washed, mow the lawn.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
So my thing is this, I respect if you're running
a household and you feel like, as a man, these
are the things that you want to do because you're
good at doing them, and then your partner you're like, okay,
these are the things that I want you to because
you are really good at them.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
I understand that.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
And let's just say some of those will fall in
the category of gender roles.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
However, that's fine, that's healthy.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
But when you're rigid in saying, although as a man,
I can cook, I'm never cooking because that's some feminine ish,
that's toxic masculinity. You got me, Or when you have
children in the household and you tell your son he
could never cook, or he doesn't need to clean up,
(18:33):
and that the girls in the house need to do
that and girls can, that's where it becomes toxic. Okay,
So y'all tracking those are examples of toxic masculinity.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
And a lot of times, if you've.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Grown up men with these these norms in your family system,
in your culture, in your neighborhoods, then this is what
you're going to believe.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
And as you believing in acting out.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
These things, sometimes you really can be destroying your relationships.
You can be destroying your relationships with the family members
who surround you. You can be destroying your relationship with
your children, and then destroying romantic relationships, and you looking
(19:22):
at the other person, blame it on them when really, men,
you might be a little toxic. You might be toxic,
and it's okay. You know, I don't have no judgment
for you. You know, I want you to get the
help that you need. That's why your sister is here
telling you please, you are worthy to reach out and
(19:44):
get the help that you need.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Okay. Men, So this is what I am going to do.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
If you may find yourself in some of those categories,
then what I want to do is I want to
give you some resources.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
So I'm gonna put up on the screen.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
A couple of resources and ways for you to find
some mental health support, to find some help, finding an
amazing counselor therapist can change your life. I have helped
many of men who've come to my practice. I've helped
them to change their lives. And even if just communicating
(20:22):
with their partners, you know, if they're in a partnership,
if they're in a romantic relationship.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Because a lot of times men, when you don't know.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
That you're toxic, then what you're actually doing is poisoning
all the things around you, but it's unbeknownst to you
when you don't even know it.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
So sometimes it's good to get.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
An unbiased opinion by a trained professional, by a trained professional,
and it doesn't necessarily have to be a man, and
the man doesn't necessarily have.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
To be your race.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
You know, you can also go see a woman, you know,
I mean as a therapist. I do and have gone
to therapy if there's something for some time.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I really worked on.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
With the therapist for years and it helped to change
my life, change my life. And then from time to
time when things may come up in my life and
I might need to go in and get a check up,
you know, like an all change or anything else. You
know what I'm saying, Keeping my brain nice and strong,
especially with all of the things that I hear as
I help other people. You know, I've gone to a
(21:34):
woman before, I've gone.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
To a man before.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
So sometimes it could just be dependent on where you
are in your life and what you're looking for. And
I will say this to there are men who come
to see me because they feel like they don't want
to go see a man for whatever reason. And then
you know vice a versa, right, Okay, So my point
is is I want you to get a check up
(21:59):
on your mind. You know, I want you to go
look for help so that you can heal because we
need you.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
We need you to lead us.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
And we need you to lead us while you're in
the healthiest position possible.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
We want all of you, not just a little part
of you. You got me. You know, it's a lot
of stress out here, you know, trying to hold up families,
support families, you know, to kind of to be the
one who has to be the one that everyone leans
(22:38):
on and looks too for solution.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
That's a lot of pressure, you know that, men that
you are under and so sometimes you.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Need some relief.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
However, what I'm gonna say to you is you want
positive relief. You don't want dysfunctional relief. You don't want
a malady active relief. Okay, when you're in a monogamous
relationship and then you're going and you know you're being
unfaithful because you're trying to get some some surface relief
(23:11):
that's only gonna last for a short period of time,
or when you keep going to I don't know, cigarettes
or smoking or you know, alcohol, all of those things
that only give.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
You a little short time relief.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
What you want is something that's going to be long
term and life changing. That's the kind of relief that
you want and that you can get from mental health
services because the work really is going to be about
you changing you, you working on you. So yes, I'm
(23:48):
going to say that it is gonna take some work.
It is some inner work. And that's just like going
to the gym. You know, when you go to the gym.
If you walk in the gym and you see all
the weights and you just walk around it and then
you walk back out with doing nothing, that's easy, breezy.
You're gonna look just like you did when you walked in.
You're not gonna look any You ain't gonna be caught
these when you leave out you ain't gonna have no
(24:10):
muscles when you leave out. The body ain't gonna be
it's not going to change when you leave out. Okay,
you're gonna walk in and you gonna walk out the
same way. However, if you want to change your body,
then you got to lift up them weights. And yes,
it's going to hurt, it's going to be a challenge,
but it's a good challenge.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
You know, no pain, no gain.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
So this is the same thing with looking at your
behaviors and how you act out, and and and and
sometimes your perception how you see things you know, for
you to identify with a professional, a trained license professional,
how your thinking may be off, and to challenge that
(24:53):
so that you come up.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
With healthier solutions.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
It's gonna make your life healthier and the people around you.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
And so let me just tell you this. This is
what the benefits are.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
So the first one is, you know, after going to therapy, men,
the first thing is emotional awareness, just being emotionally aware
of how you're showing up in the world, emotionally aware
of how other people are experiencing you, and emotionally aware
about how you are feeling instead of masking it with
(25:25):
those maladaptive behaviors. Without all those things, you're gonna have
some emotional awareness to know, Okay, this is what I'm feeling,
which is gonna help you with some clarity so you
can make some powerful decisions, some great, healthy, powerful decisions.
The next thing that I would say would come out
(25:45):
of therapy is the courage to be vulnerable, because a
lot of you feel like being vulnerable showing what the insight,
showing what you really feel is feminine or it's a
sign of weakness, but it's really not.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
There is so much.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Power and strength men, and being vulnerable into feeling what
you feel and expressing exactly what you feel and asking
for exactly.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
What you want.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
You can never forget it if you don't ask for it,
and you can't ask for something that you don't even
know that you want.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
And that's what therapy can help you to figure out. Okay.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Another thing is what can come out of therapy is respect,
respect for others and for self having self respect, and
a lot of you probably don't even know what that is.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
You'll know what it is.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
And you're thinking having self respect is just walking in
the room with some clean clothes on. There's some nice clothes,
but it really shows up in how you and how
you move.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
In the world.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Is how you really show a sense of self respect,
that you respect yourself. The last thing is to redefine strength.
Redefining strength, you know, and resilience and not sup press
seeing your emotions.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
And pretending to show up with strength.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
I'm talking about redefining what real strength is, what masculine
strength is, healthy masculinity, not toxic masculinity.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Okay, all right.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
So there are many benefits to seeking mental health treatment.
My brothers, and you don't have to be crazy. We
want to normalize the experience.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Get you a therapist.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Just like hopefully you have you a primary care physician
that you check on, that you get your regular checkups with.
I want you to also have a therapist that you
check in with from time to time. Come on, now, brothers,
I want you to expand on your quality of life.
And in order to do that, you gotta get your
(27:54):
mind right. You have to have your mind. You have
to get your mind as healthy as possible. All right, Okay,
so my brothers, I am gonna put up some resources,
you know. I know one is going to be psychology today,
and some others and I just want you to kind
of jot them down and look, I know better health
(28:15):
is one and nowadays you can do therapy. You don't
even have to go into office. I am one hundred
percent virtual, So my clients see me while they are
sometimes at work, sometimes in the car, you know what
I'm saying, moving around, moving and shaking. But yet and
still they know they car about that fifty minutes to
an hour to see Andrea, and they can be on
their phones on computers. Oh, the services are here and
(28:41):
I am going to provide them for you, all right,
my brother So this is another episode of the Mental
Health Is a Lifestyle podcast with your girl, Andrea Wise
Brown and Emily. I will see you again next week.
(29:03):
And please put down in the comments let me know
if there's someone that you know who you want to
pass this information around you or if you found a
good therapist, put it down under the video so that
other people can find them too, because that's a good way.
Word of mouth is a fantastic way to find a therapist. Okay,
(29:25):
my brothers, I'm putting my money on you. You've got this
because remember, we need you.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
We need you as you want as your false self Okay,
we need you all right, family.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
So I will see you next week on the next
episode of The Mental Health Is a lifestyle podcast with
you Know your Girl Madrea wise Brow and don't you
ever Forget I Love you.
This podcast is not a substitute for our relationship with
your mental health professional. Hey hey, hey, family, welcome back
to another episode of the Mental Health.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Is a Lifestyle podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
With your girl, Andrea wise Brown Old Family. I'm so
excited to be here with you again this week. And
if you have not joined the family as of yet,
please do so. And you can do so by clicking
that button and subscribing to the podcast, liking the podcast,
(00:42):
and then sharing the podcast episode with everyone who you know,
especially the ones who you feel will benefit. So today, family,
we are jumping right in. We are talking about mental health,
but mental health for men, men's mental health.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
This is Men's Mental Health Awareness Month.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
It is June, and so I'm like, you know what,
it's time for me to speak to our men, and
not only to our men family, to the women here
who are in our family, who have men in your lives.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Please pass this along.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
And even if you don't think they'll listen to the
podcast or watch the podcast, just give them the information, okay,
because we want our men to be mentally healthy men.
We need you, and we don't need you ducking the
help that you may need.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
All right, Women need help. Men need help.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
And what's so interesting is is men are less likely
to go get to access mental health services.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
When the mental the suicide rates for men significantly outweigh
the suicide rates for women, women will go and access
mental health services. So please, men, we need you to
pull up.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
We need you to pull up, and you know, just
get your mind checked out.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
We need you.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
We need you because when you're healthy, then you create
healthy relationships. You create healthy relationships with your children, relationships
with your family, and friendships.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
So we need you.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
And when I was seeing relationships, I meant romantic relationships. Men,
we need you and we need you to be mentally healthy.
So someone may say to me, well, why is it
that men don't seek mental health services? So I will
tell you a few of the barriers. So one of
the first barriers is toxic masculinity. And I'm gonna break
(02:52):
down what that actually means, but it's toxic masculinity and
society condition the things that society tells men that they
need to be and how they need to show up
in the world. It's one of the reasons why men have.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Decided, uh, I don't really need to seek those type
of services because being a man and being masculine has
nothing to do with mental health services, counseling, you know, psychology,
seeing a psychiatrist. That's which is not true, but that
(03:31):
is one of the barriers.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Another barrier is the stigma, the stigma and shame surrounding
the words mental health. Right, so you know, the stigma
that says that, oh my gosh, if you access mental
health services, then you must be crazy. Well, A good
thing about all of the work that we have been
doing out here as mental health practitioners is trying to
(03:56):
destigmatize those words.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
It is the reason that this podcast is named what
it's named. I trademarked the name mental health is a lifestyle.
It is a phrase because it is a lifestyle. It
is about you living a healthy lifestyle by first getting
your mind right, what your mind is right, then everything
(04:20):
else falls into place. So I was really I created
the term because I wanted people to normalize the conversation
surrounding mental health. And guess what I mean, I kind
of started this some time ago, and now it's actually happening.
I mean, I am so excited when I see on
(04:41):
television shows, you know, they have these men male support
groups and just you know, more and more celebrities, you know,
talking about mental health. So we need to normalize all
conversations surrounding mental health because we all have a mental
we all have a mind, and we need to keep
it sharp, keep it together because let me tell you
(05:03):
some life be life in and while life is life,
and we need to support to keep us strong and
resilient as we move through this life so we can
find quality life, quality of life.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
And we want men to lead us. So men, come
on now. But let me tell you.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Another barrier is the lack of safe services. So a
lot of times, you know, and I will say this,
that I'm called often to get referrals for men, you know,
male counselors and really male African American male counselors, and.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
There aren't that many around. There really aren't that many.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
So so I can understand that, you know, there is
a lack of and I'm saying safe services meaning trained
you know, therapists. However, the men are out there, there
just aren't that many of them, but they are out there.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
And then practical barriers to cost.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
So some people feel like you know, or men feel
like going to see a therapist, spending that money to
go to a therapist or to see a psychiatrist just
ain't in the budget because you know, what they want
to put first is housing and food. You got what
I'm saying, and that makes sense. However, this is why
(06:26):
we do take insurance and you may just have to
pay a co pay, you know, like a small little
copay of twenty to thirty dollars for getting your mind right.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Men.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
It is worth it. It is worth it. It's worth
it because you know what, I would go with that
theory if you weren't spending money, investing money on expensive sneakers,
you know what I'm saying, or different things for your car.
I mean, getting your mind right first should be the priority.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Already. Men, I'm gonna say this over and over again.
We need you.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
So I just want to break down toxic masculinity. And
the reason why I'm breaking this down because this is
something that we hear it all over the end and
that you know, all over ig or you know, Facebook
or wherever else.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
I guess people to TikTok.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Where people get their information nowadays, and people are referring
to toxic masculinity.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Well, that's toxic, THAT'SID. So I said, you know what, right,
now right here, when we are talking two men and
about your mental health, let's break down exactly what that is.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Hey, family, come on over here, because I have something
for you. Starting off with a go to guide for
keeping your minds healthy and strong. This right here is
the Bible to mental Health. It's your mental health Bible.
The name of it is six Pillars to power up
(08:00):
your mind and make mental health a lifestyle. Everything that
you need to know about keeping your minds healthy and
strong is.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
In this go to goide. Where you get it from?
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Will you get it from aisebrown dot com backslash shop.
But guess what, you don't have to go anyplace else
to look for you aromatherapy because your girls got you. Okay,
you can get some aromatherapy here. This is a romatherapy
in this candle. This is called a slice of Happiness.
(08:37):
It makes me tingle like literally makes me tingle a
slice of happiness.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
This is a cruelty free candle with no parabins, no formaldehyde,
and no known suspected carcinogenics.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Now this one smells delicious.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
And it's good for you. Made with essential oils. It's
a soy candle, all right, y'all and oh, I'm a
part of you. You're a part of me. We are
a family.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
We got hoodies now, and these are unus sex hoodies
and they wear well, they wash well, and they feel
so good. So you can wear them over your clothes,
you know what I'm saying, and look dope. Or you
can wear them as your clothes with nothing under them,
which I like to do often. And when you travel everywhere,
I mean every time I wear them, I'm moving around,
(09:27):
people are always asking me whether I'm traveling, going to
the supermarket, what's that?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Who's that? And I'm like, mental health is a lifestyle
because see this is on the back. Okay, they come
in white and they come in black. I'm like, join
the family. Mental Health is a lifestyle podcast. So there
you go. Family.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Don't you ever say then, I ain't give you nothing.
You get all of these things from awisbrown dot com
backslash shop. All right, I got your goods.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
I got you. You don't have to go into place else.
I'll see you on the other side.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
So here are some examples of toxic masculinity, because there
are a lot, but I'm gonna hit you with some examples.
So the first one would be suppressing your emotions. That
is a part of toxic masculinity. So when you are
feeling something, maybe feeling emotional, masking that and not pushing
(10:25):
it down instead of expressing them because of the story,
the societal norm, or what you've been taught, maybe in
your family system or in school or wherever you were
when you were playing sports is real men don't cry.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Real men don't cry. That's a lie. Real men do
cry when they feel their feelings.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Because what will happen when real men when men don't cry,
is once you start stacking your feelings.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
And I usually say I like to say it's like
a dresser.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
You know how you have a dresser and you have
all these So when things come up for you and
you may be feeling emotional, you know emotion could be anger, frustration,
and you just really want to get it out and
express it, but you're thinking you need to be a
real man, so you suppress it, you put it down.
So I say, you put it in a drawer. Okay,
then something else happens, because life be life. Then and
(11:19):
then what happened you put that in a drawer. You
keep stacking the drawers till one day, the whole is
too heavy, the drawers too heavy, so the whole dresser
falls down, and that's the day that you explode, and
usually exploding on people in your life who really didn't
deserve that explosion. Okay, so we're talking about toxic masculinity.
(11:44):
Another example of toxic masculinity would.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Be aggression as strength. So you know, for some men,
you feel like being aggressive is what shows up as
being strong. So if I'm done, if I'm dominating every situation,
even though it may not even.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Be necessary, then you believe that. You know that aggression
means that you are strong or you are showing strength.
You know, even if you're in a situation where there's
some kind of conflict between you and someone else and
the first thing you want to do is fight you
know what I'm saying, or cut someone out or scream
because somewhere in your mind you learned toxic masculinity that
(12:29):
being aggressive and being violent means that you are strong.
I'm here to tell you, my brothers, that's a lie.
That's a lie. Sometimes you can just let stuff just
go ahead and pass you by. You know, when you
start looking at your life, when you get into some
kind of conflict, you know what I'm saying, Or you're
(12:50):
facing some type of altercation and you have a decision
to make. You don't have to choose aggression to show
up as strength. Sometimes, my brother, strength looks like I'm
stepping up out of that. I'm walking out the door
because I realize that I have too much to lose
(13:11):
to engage in some folishness.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
You feel me.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
So that's really what masculinity looks like, and what healthy
masculinity looks like, and what strength really looks like. Sometimes
it looks like walking away. Sometimes it looks like.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Ignoring b s keeping it moving because you know you
have too much, too much to risk. What dealing with foolishness.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Another example would be rejecting anything that you think I'm
gonna use it that's feminine, or that you would say females,
do you know? So any type of interactions or duties
that are nurturing, you know, any type of interactions.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
That someone would see as sensitive.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Anytime you want to show empathy by listening to someone
and putting yourself in their shoes, by being a little soft,
sometimes nurturing, I mean that's freaking That is strength. You
know what I'm saying that is healthy masculinity is exuding
all of those things. A nurturing spirit, honey. Let me
(14:20):
tell you something. That is what young women will grown
women need and want, But that is something that grown.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Little girls desire.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
They desire that nurturing spirit that their dads actually do have,
but sometime suppressed because of this idea that that's you know,
that's being a female, or that's that's too feminine because
of toxic masculinity. And let me tell you something, honey,
(14:53):
your daughters are missing out now. You're teaching them.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
What to go look for out in the world when should.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Be expecting and looking for not only a man that
can take care of them, but who can also nurture them.
Come on, Dad's I'm just saying, stop rejecting anything that's feminine.
Another example of toxic masculinity is hyper independence, which means
that I'm never going to ask for help no matter what,
(15:23):
even when I need it, even when I'm struggling emotionally,
if I'm struggling with my finances, if I'm struggling with communication,
if I'm struggling in my relationships. That hyper independence where
I'm just gonna figure it out on my own and
what I've seen that look like is I can see it.
It funnel itself in health concerns like high blood pressure, okay,
(15:49):
any type of diabetes, and exacerbation of all illnesses that
are laying in your system. That's what stress does. When
you are taking on all of this the sense of
I need to be hyper independent and not really express
myself or ask for help from others, then you create
(16:11):
more stress for your body. You know, That's what that
looks like. And in order to get relief, I see
that as drinking over drinking, you know, smoking, doing drugs,
alcohol abuse, alcoholism, all of those things, smoking, drinking, domestic violence.
(16:35):
So it's healthy. It's healthy, guys. It is healthy for
you to be dependent on friendships, healthy friendships, to be
dependent and to express what your needs are, to ask
for help.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
That's healthy. That's healthy masculinity.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
And I'm gonna say the last example that I'm gonna
bring up today about topsick masculinity is homophobia or those
rigid gender roles where men will feel like girls only
do these things and men only do these things. So
as a man, you know, you've believe that you know,
(17:20):
you don't wash dishes. You don't clean up, you don't
make up the bed, you don't cook, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Rigid rolls right, and.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Your partner doesn't, I don't know, do some things that
you might say masculine, like maybe put air in her tires,
put gas in her.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Car, you know, get her car washed, mow the lawn.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
So my thing is this, I respect if you're running
a household and you feel like, as a man, these
are the things that you want to do because you're
good at doing them, and then your partner you're like, okay,
these are the things that I want you to because
you are really good at them.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
I understand that.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
And let's just say some of those will fall in
the category of gender roles.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
However, that's fine, that's healthy.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
But when you're rigid in saying, although as a man,
I can cook, I'm never cooking because that's some feminine ish,
that's toxic masculinity. You got me, Or when you have
children in the household and you tell your son he
could never cook, or he doesn't need to clean up,
(18:33):
and that the girls in the house need to do
that and girls can, that's where it becomes toxic. Okay,
So y'all tracking those are examples of toxic masculinity.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
And a lot of times, if you've.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Grown up men with these these norms in your family system,
in your culture, in your neighborhoods, then this is what
you're going to believe.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
And as you believing in acting out.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
These things, sometimes you really can be destroying your relationships.
You can be destroying your relationships with the family members
who surround you. You can be destroying your relationship with
your children, and then destroying romantic relationships, and you looking
(19:22):
at the other person, blame it on them when really, men,
you might be a little toxic. You might be toxic,
and it's okay. You know, I don't have no judgment
for you. You know, I want you to get the
help that you need. That's why your sister is here
telling you please, you are worthy to reach out and
(19:44):
get the help that you need.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Okay. Men, So this is what I am going to do.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
If you may find yourself in some of those categories,
then what I want to do is I want to
give you some resources.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
So I'm gonna put up on the screen.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
A couple of resources and ways for you to find
some mental health support, to find some help, finding an
amazing counselor therapist can change your life. I have helped
many of men who've come to my practice. I've helped
them to change their lives. And even if just communicating
(20:22):
with their partners, you know, if they're in a partnership,
if they're in a romantic relationship.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Because a lot of times men, when you don't know.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
That you're toxic, then what you're actually doing is poisoning
all the things around you, but it's unbeknownst to you
when you don't even know it.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
So sometimes it's good to get.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
An unbiased opinion by a trained professional, by a trained professional,
and it doesn't necessarily have to be a man, and
the man doesn't necessarily have.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
To be your race.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
You know, you can also go see a woman, you know,
I mean as a therapist. I do and have gone
to therapy if there's something for some time.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I really worked on.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
With the therapist for years and it helped to change
my life, change my life. And then from time to
time when things may come up in my life and
I might need to go in and get a check up,
you know, like an all change or anything else. You
know what I'm saying, Keeping my brain nice and strong,
especially with all of the things that I hear as
I help other people. You know, I've gone to a
(21:34):
woman before, I've gone.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
To a man before.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
So sometimes it could just be dependent on where you
are in your life and what you're looking for. And
I will say this to there are men who come
to see me because they feel like they don't want
to go see a man for whatever reason. And then
you know vice a versa, right, Okay, So my point
is is I want you to get a check up
(21:59):
on your mind. You know, I want you to go
look for help so that you can heal because we
need you.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
We need you to lead us.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
And we need you to lead us while you're in
the healthiest position possible.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
We want all of you, not just a little part
of you. You got me. You know, it's a lot
of stress out here, you know, trying to hold up families,
support families, you know, to kind of to be the
one who has to be the one that everyone leans
(22:38):
on and looks too for solution.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
That's a lot of pressure, you know that, men that
you are under and so sometimes you.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Need some relief.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
However, what I'm gonna say to you is you want
positive relief. You don't want dysfunctional relief. You don't want
a malady active relief. Okay, when you're in a monogamous
relationship and then you're going and you know you're being
unfaithful because you're trying to get some some surface relief
(23:11):
that's only gonna last for a short period of time,
or when you keep going to I don't know, cigarettes
or smoking or you know, alcohol, all of those things
that only give.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
You a little short time relief.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
What you want is something that's going to be long
term and life changing. That's the kind of relief that
you want and that you can get from mental health
services because the work really is going to be about
you changing you, you working on you. So yes, I'm
(23:48):
going to say that it is gonna take some work.
It is some inner work. And that's just like going
to the gym. You know, when you go to the gym.
If you walk in the gym and you see all
the weights and you just walk around it and then
you walk back out with doing nothing, that's easy, breezy.
You're gonna look just like you did when you walked in.
You're not gonna look any You ain't gonna be caught
these when you leave out you ain't gonna have no
(24:10):
muscles when you leave out. The body ain't gonna be
it's not going to change when you leave out. Okay,
you're gonna walk in and you gonna walk out the
same way. However, if you want to change your body,
then you got to lift up them weights. And yes,
it's going to hurt, it's going to be a challenge,
but it's a good challenge.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
You know, no pain, no gain.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
So this is the same thing with looking at your
behaviors and how you act out, and and and and
sometimes your perception how you see things you know, for
you to identify with a professional, a trained license professional,
how your thinking may be off, and to challenge that
(24:53):
so that you come up.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
With healthier solutions.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
It's gonna make your life healthier and the people around you.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
And so let me just tell you this. This is
what the benefits are.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
So the first one is, you know, after going to therapy, men,
the first thing is emotional awareness, just being emotionally aware
of how you're showing up in the world, emotionally aware
of how other people are experiencing you, and emotionally aware
about how you are feeling instead of masking it with
(25:25):
those maladaptive behaviors. Without all those things, you're gonna have
some emotional awareness to know, Okay, this is what I'm feeling,
which is gonna help you with some clarity so you
can make some powerful decisions, some great, healthy, powerful decisions.
The next thing that I would say would come out
(25:45):
of therapy is the courage to be vulnerable, because a
lot of you feel like being vulnerable showing what the insight,
showing what you really feel is feminine or it's a
sign of weakness, but it's really not.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
There is so much.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Power and strength men, and being vulnerable into feeling what
you feel and expressing exactly what you feel and asking
for exactly.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
What you want.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
You can never forget it if you don't ask for it,
and you can't ask for something that you don't even
know that you want.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
And that's what therapy can help you to figure out. Okay.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Another thing is what can come out of therapy is respect,
respect for others and for self having self respect, and
a lot of you probably don't even know what that is.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
You'll know what it is.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
And you're thinking having self respect is just walking in
the room with some clean clothes on. There's some nice clothes,
but it really shows up in how you and how
you move.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
In the world.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Is how you really show a sense of self respect,
that you respect yourself. The last thing is to redefine strength.
Redefining strength, you know, and resilience and not sup press
seeing your emotions.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
And pretending to show up with strength.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
I'm talking about redefining what real strength is, what masculine
strength is, healthy masculinity, not toxic masculinity.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Okay, all right.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
So there are many benefits to seeking mental health treatment.
My brothers, and you don't have to be crazy. We
want to normalize the experience.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Get you a therapist.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Just like hopefully you have you a primary care physician
that you check on, that you get your regular checkups with.
I want you to also have a therapist that you
check in with from time to time. Come on, now, brothers,
I want you to expand on your quality of life.
And in order to do that, you gotta get your
(27:54):
mind right. You have to have your mind. You have
to get your mind as healthy as possible. All right, Okay,
so my brothers, I am gonna put up some resources,
you know. I know one is going to be psychology today,
and some others and I just want you to kind
of jot them down and look, I know better health
(28:15):
is one and nowadays you can do therapy. You don't
even have to go into office. I am one hundred
percent virtual, So my clients see me while they are
sometimes at work, sometimes in the car, you know what
I'm saying, moving around, moving and shaking. But yet and
still they know they car about that fifty minutes to
an hour to see Andrea, and they can be on
their phones on computers. Oh, the services are here and
(28:41):
I am going to provide them for you, all right,
my brother So this is another episode of the Mental
Health Is a Lifestyle podcast with your girl, Andrea Wise
Brown and Emily. I will see you again next week.
(29:03):
And please put down in the comments let me know
if there's someone that you know who you want to
pass this information around you or if you found a
good therapist, put it down under the video so that
other people can find them too, because that's a good way.
Word of mouth is a fantastic way to find a therapist. Okay,
(29:25):
my brothers, I'm putting my money on you. You've got this
because remember, we need you.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
We need you as you want as your false self Okay,
we need you all right, family.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
So I will see you next week on the next
episode of The Mental Health Is a lifestyle podcast with
you Know your Girl Madrea wise Brow and don't you
ever Forget I Love you.
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