January 2, 2023 • 44 mins
Remi shares the trauma of a pre-GPS life, in which she went on a simple work errand, got lost at night, and it took an armada of police to prevent her from accidentally driving into the Pacific Ocean.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:08):
Welcome to my weekly panic Attack.I'm your host, Remy Brooks. I've
been a licensed psychotherapist for over twentyyears and run a thriving private practice.
I'm also diagnosed spy polar an OCD. Often the two do not mix well,
which tends to throw my life intocomplete chaos. So as I do
(00:32):
some spiraling, my best friend LizWhin will do her best to ground me
a bit. During this podcast,we'll be talking about the horror and the
humor of the anxieties of daily life, the things we do that are embarrassing,
funny but yet very human. Let'sget started, and there's no better
(00:58):
way to get started than by beningthis episode and all episodes with my friend
and co host, the beautiful,intelligent and ever rational Liz Win. How
are you, Liz good? Howare you doing for me? Actually?
(01:21):
I'm a bit anxious today to reallyYeah, I think it's the topic.
Okay, we're talking about GPS's andI was thinking about this topic. Um,
I thought about a pre GPS storythat I wanted to tell, but
(01:42):
even just thinking about it elevates myheartbreat so pre GPS. Oh, there's
several different levels of pre GPS,but they're all funny. God, oh
my god, how I was alwayslost, Like I'm always lost even now
(02:05):
with the GPS, but three GPS, like, oh, I can remember
the fear constantly. So like thisone story that I'm debating on whether to
tell or not because I don't knowif I can get through it. It
was horrible, so I don't know. I'm feeling anxious. I haven't decided
(02:27):
if I'm telling this story or not. We'll get to it soon, but
first, here's a well adjusted momentfrom Liza's life. Well, I recently
had a horrible travel experience due tothe weather, you know how the summers
(02:47):
are. My flight was canceled.All the flights were canceled, and there
wasn't one available for the next dayfor another eighteen hours through the next night.
So I decided I need to gethome before that. And the next
bext thing was Amtrak, So Idecided to hop an Uber and get the
Amtrak station. Yeah, and youknow, twelve hours later, not twenty,
(03:15):
I was home. Okay. Sowhile that whole thing sounds dreadful,
it's actually the Uber part that soundsthe worst. I'm like totally against Uber
and lift and whatever else kind ofright, all of them. I'm against
(03:38):
all of them, against it.How can you be against it? Have
you ever tried it? No?No, no no. For me,
like Uber and Lift, it's likeStranger Danger, only instead of randomly being
kidnapped, tortured and raped, it'slike you're literally requesting them on an app
(03:59):
and then what you simply cross yourfingers and hope you arrive at your destination
safely. No, not for me. Oh that's far from the truth.
They're both very safe. I've heardthat, And yeah, okay, maybe
that's true for like ninety nine percentof the population. But in what kind
(04:28):
of world, Liz, do Inot fall into that last one percent?
You know? Wheremy I really dotry hard to combat the way you think
with the common sense logic, butyeah, you know, I really don't
see a world in which you're notthat weirdly one percent. Oh my god,
(04:53):
you agree with me. Happens occasion, then, has really been a
well adjusted moment from Lizze's life.And guess what time it is, Liz?
What time is it? Remy Itis time to tell you what the
(05:16):
hell is stressing me out? Sowhat the hell is stressing you? Out
today. What's stressing me out isthat I am completely directionless. You know,
it has always amazed me about you, about that, because even in
(05:38):
our old neighborhood, you still canget lost. And I lived, I
mean I was born and raised inthat neighborhood. I lived there into like
after I graduated college. Yea toyour early twenties, in my early twenties,
and no, I still I didn'tknow how to get to your house.
(06:01):
I know, every time you onlyleft a couple of blocks from me.
I mean, I couldn't wait anywhere. When my parents moved out of
Northeast Philly and they moved to thesuburbs. So we're talking, how long
(06:21):
was it, Liz, twenty fiveyears years ago? Yeah, they left
late nineties. Yeah, I guessso yeah, um so around then.
Um So they moved to the suburbs. And when my x now and I
were looking to buy a house,I mean I would have bought a house
(06:45):
on their block if I had money, but you know, I wanted to
be as close to them as possible, So we found a house within a
mile from my parents' house. Andthen when my sister and her husband were
looking for a house, they toobought a house within a mile from their
parents, where we're not going veryfar. Wherever they were going, we
(07:08):
were going. We were always veryvery very close to my parents. And
then my fucking father had to ruineverything by dying. Not that I am
at all bitter about that. Okay, moving on, getting back to the
story now, not getting back tothe story yet. Some people don't even
(07:39):
know they're feathers. Some people justhave fathers, and some people are blessed
enough to have daddies. And mysister and I are in that category where
(08:05):
we were blessed to have a daddy, a daddy who fucking died, but
a daddy nonetheless. So after alittle bit of time, my mom ended
up with Randy, who is awonderful man, absolutely addores her. She's
(08:31):
very happy. We should all beso lucky. But she sells her house,
the house one mile oh he frandme and my sister, and she
(08:52):
moves half an hour away from us. But it's half an hour away to
an area that we are completely unfamiliarwith. And some people may think,
well, she's only half an houraway, it might as well be a
different time zone. Yeah. Yeah, at this point, she's been there
(09:15):
for years, and I have absolutelyno idea where she is still. I
have no clue. I am completelyGPS dependent in order to find my mother.
(09:39):
If something happened to my GPS,I would never see her again.
Never, Like it was great knowingyou. I really loved her time together.
I have pictures to remember you by. I would never see her.
(10:01):
I have no idea where she lives, list none, like bye Mom,
that would be the edge. Yeah, funny, that's funny. I know
you've gone there multiple times, sothat would think like I've been there one
(10:22):
hundred times, Liz. Yeah,I have no direction of like where I
would even start, Like like Iwould get to the end of my block
and say, do I make awriter or a left? I have no
clue. I would never see heragain. Yeah it's ninety five North,
but I have a feeling it endsup in like New Work or New York.
(10:46):
Yes, I have no idea,literally none, Bye Mom. It
was a good run while it last. Lay My kids they went to the
same school from kindergarten through eighth grade. So at this point, because my
(11:09):
littlest one still goes there, right, I have been dealing with this school
for I think at the same point. I think it's thirteen. Okay,
Now ask me if I know howto get to the school, aren't they
really that's not that far away fromyour house, less than five miles.
(11:37):
I hope even passes on to yourchildren. I need the GPS to get
there, and I need the GPSto get home. I have no idea,
no clo. I worked as aschool social worker for one in entire
(12:01):
school year at the high school.That's right, my oldest just graduated from.
Do not tell me daily you haveto take GPS GPS to get there
every single day, both to andfrom. Oh Lord, the entire school
year. Once I quit that job, it was as if either the building
(12:28):
disappeared or as if I had neverbeen to that building in my entire life.
Because one day he was sick andI had to go pick him up,
and I got to the stop sign, and I'm like, um,
(12:50):
which where do I turn? Whereis this school? I could not,
for the life of me remember wherethe school was located. And I spent
an entire school year going to thatbuilding every single day. I think also,
(13:16):
it's within five miles from my house. Again, the Lord, as
if I had never been there before. Completely directionless. It's wow problem.
It is a problem. And haveyou noticed, like all of my major
(13:41):
issues are car related. I know, it's crazy blindness. The directionless issues
hid a serious problem. My GPSalso doesn't tend to find addresses easily.
It's like a whole process that Idon't really understand. But once I'm finally
(14:05):
able to actually program in the address, it tends to make lots of false
assumptions for no apparent reason. Forwhat does that mean exactly? I'm confused.
Okay, So when I get tothe end of my block, right,
it assumes that I should know howto begin my route. I don't
(14:33):
know why it would make such anassumption because I have no idea how to
begin my route, so I tendto always make a left, okay,
And then I very often hear myGPS say the dreaded word recalculating us.
(14:56):
So the very first you turn hasbeen made and the trip hasn't even begun
yet. Okay. Now, thevery first stop light is like right at
my block, so the recalculation hasn'tcaught up with the stoplight. So I
(15:20):
don't know whether to make a rightor a left, and I tend to
make lefts. I don't know whynot even lefty And then it says recalculating,
can still see my house and I'vealready made to your turns. And
(15:46):
then trip hasn't even started. You'vejust been circling around. You're in the
right around that place. Okay,I am circling, Liz, and I've
gotten no hair, And it's likeI've been driving for solid five minutes.
At this point, I can stillsay my fucking else, and I've made
(16:07):
no progress at all. I thinkI think you really need one of those
cars when they come out that's fullydrives for you. Just you tell a
destination, you don't have to thinkyou'll you'll be there in a half hour.
That would be lovely, It wouldbe so lovely. I also,
I am pretty sure that my GPSassumes that I'm smarter than I am.
(16:34):
Like, okay, not all shoppingcenters are the same. Like, there
are some room centers where it's veryeasy to get out of. You know,
correct, you're not a problem,but there are other shopping centers that
are very difficult to exit. True, true, but you have to understand
(16:55):
that the GPS is aren't expect orexpecting everyone to have a little bit of
common sense. That is not thecase, because people still drive into the
ocean. True. True, Likeif I were driving and there were signs
saying, you know, road ends, but my GPS street, I would
(17:21):
be the one to fall off thecliff because my GPS told me to keep
going straight. I am that person, so I get it. The GPS
said to drive off the bridge,so I drove off the bridge back to
the key fits. Yes, Ihear you. Okay, we're gonna take
(17:48):
a quick break and we'll be rightback now. Sometimes, and this,
this is beyond frustrating. Sometimes myGPS will taught me that I have arrived
at my destination, and yet Iam quite certain that the doctor's office I
(18:11):
was trying to get to is notin this abandoned parking line. Now I
don't know where the office is,right, but I'm really sure it's not
here, Or the restaurant I wassupposed to meet somebody at, quite certain
it's not at the laundry mat,even though my GPS claimed that I was
(18:34):
at my destination. Or like mykid heard about this new play at this
playground that he really wanted to goto, so I put it into the
GPS and we ended up at aseniors center. That was a surprise.
(18:56):
You've arrived at your destination. Whyno, mother sucker, I have not
arrived at my destination. Maybe itwas the park fifty years ago and now
the senior center. I don't know. But as frustrated as I get with
(19:18):
my GPS, and I do getso frustrated with it, I will say
that it has been an absolute lifesaverbecause I vividly remember what life was like
before, and it was the absolutefear and anxiety every single time I had
(19:47):
to drive anywhere, with the absoluteknowledge that I would get so terribly lost
that I might just have to relocateto wherever it was I landed, because
surely I would never find my wayhome again. And it wasn't the police
pulling me over, right, Iwas the one following the police, chasing
(20:14):
this, honking my horn, flashingmy brights, pulling them over so that
I could ask for directions like wheredo I live and how do I get
there? It would be impossible,it is for me to count how many
cops I have pulled over in mylifetime to ask the very question, officer,
(20:42):
where am I? How do Iget home from me. I'm gonna
ask this question believing that I knowthe answer. But you do not know
how to read a map? Doyou? I do not? Okay,
I do? I do not.Okay. I know how I said to
you that I wasn't sure if Iwas going to tell this story. Yes,
(21:07):
I'm going to tell this story.And this is a very traumatic story
for me. I've had so manygetting lost stories, but none worse than
when I was a production assistant.So we're talking like ninety four nine five
(21:30):
working for this TV show in LAand every week all the pas rotated job
duties. So once it was likemaybe once every four weeks, I was
in charge of delivering scripts to allof the actors homes once the writers and
(21:57):
then the writer the writer PA,the production assistant got done with the final
script for the night. So understandthat it's already very late at night,
and I have to drive to everyactor's home to drop off the script by
(22:22):
their front doors so that they canreview all the changes before work starts the
next day. Now, today,I'm sure that they just email it to
them. A total guess, butI would right. But back then,
they were hands livered and GPSS didnot exist. Now you know what did
(22:47):
exist? Les a map, Andyou just mentioned that you were guessing.
I never learned how to read amap. I had no idea. There
was something called the Thomas Guide,and it showed the entire area, but
(23:11):
no difference. It made absolutely needdifference. I did not know how to
read a map. Then I don'tknow how to read a map. Now
I have no clue. Now Idon't know if this is true. I
don't think I'm making this up.I want to think that I've heard people
(23:32):
say this, you can never trulyget lost because you always knew that the
river runs from east to west?Is that a thing? Did I make
that up? To? People saythat, I think you made that up.
I have never heard that. Okay, I the sun east to west,
but never a river. Okay,So I mean I can't imagine that
(23:57):
I made that up. Well,I don't know why I would have made
that up. I don't know.I don't know what rivers are in Li
either, But okay, well Ilooked it up, because I did.
I looked it up and it's nottrue, right, So but I I
(24:18):
don't know why I would have madeit up. But yet that is something
that has stuck in my head,and I never understood it because like,
what does that mean? Like?What river? Where's the river? I
see no river, So it nevermade sense to me. But yet as
a fact, that was something thatI always heard in my head and yet
(24:44):
never understood. So I have noidea where that came from. And in
school, we learned from a veryearly age, like in elementary school,
that north is up and south isdown. Well guess what I'm going.
Yeah, my car doesn't drive up, and nor does my car drive down.
(25:06):
It's just this seems like unhelpful informationto me. If I'm not going
up, how the hell do Iknow where north is? Like? How
do people understand this concept? Howcan anyone find anywhere? I don't know?
(25:30):
I am directionless? How can anybodyfind anywhere? Do you know?
Do you have an answer for this? I've never had an issue getting lost.
I always seem to figure out theway to get home. I don't
get any north southeast west. Ifyou know, if he hits main arteries
(25:52):
they're east, west, north,and south, you're gonna hit where you
gotta go. I don't understand.And now they all of the sudden changed
ninety five to two ninety five,and before it was north and south,
and now it's east and west.Forget it. I have no idea,
Like I barely had an idea beforeand now it's like, forget it.
(26:18):
I just I can't go anywhere.Okay. The most amazing story again in
California, while I was dating myex. He was a roadie at the
time, and he was current yethe was currently not on tour, but
one of the musicians that he workedfor. He was moving from California to
(26:44):
Nashville, and he asked my exif he was available to drive his moving
truck. Remember that. Yeah,this I find to be an amazing story.
My X said yes. He askedme if I wanted to go on
this road trip with him, andmy ex has the most amazing sense of
(27:08):
direction. He didn't even have anaddress. He just knew this city he
was driving to, and he knewthe general direction of where Nashville was,
and he drew he drove that way. He had zero directions. Now I'm
a panicked wreck the entire trip.Really, no, we'll never find it.
(27:33):
Don't you think we should stop andget a map which he knows how
to read? You don't even knowhow to address. This is just stupid.
I'm sure I made this trip verypleasurable from the one who doesn't know
how to exactly. I'm sure hewas thrilled he asked me to join him.
(27:56):
I couldn't stop. This is sostupid that we're never gonna get there.
Okay. Somehow we get to thecity in Nashville, and he pulls
the truck into a shopping center wherethere's a supermarket. He wants to go
in. He wants to get acouple of things. Rememberless, we don't
even have an address. He planson calling his friend after we leave the
(28:22):
market, but he doesn't need tobecause he runs into his friend's staff member
at the market. Wow. Yeah, whose new house just happens to be
five minutes away. We followed thestaff person to the house, right,
(28:52):
Like, how did any of thathappened? How did he manage to make
this entire trip without any directions,no address. We arrive at the destination
without ever getting turned around even once? How is that a possibility too?
This day, I remained shock.I don't get it. I don't get
(29:21):
it. Yes, no, youknow what so much of his when he
was doing that, that job wasjust traveling the roads, and he knew
all the roads. You know.Ten he can find his way anywhere.
You know. I watched the amazingrace right and I just can like sit
(29:45):
down right there, I stop him. Done. I am like, if
ever I were to do the show, I would do it with my exhusband,
because that would be the only shotI would ever have of like even
getting past the first you know activity. He would be so good on that
(30:07):
show. All right, I digress. I am back to the sand or.
Yes, I'm a production assistant deliveringscripts late at night with nothing to
guide me except a map which Idon't know how to read. I know
this one actor lives right off thebeach. Okay, the gringly beach I
(30:33):
ever went to was the one rightnear my apartment complex. I guess at
that point I didn't fully grasp thatall of California was right off the beach.
So I went to the one partthat I knew and tried to get
(30:53):
as close as possible to the beachand figured, I just take it from
there. Sound like a good planso far. You who doesn't know how
to get anywhere, we're going towing it. Once she got to the
ocean. Well, I was goingto wing all of it because I know
(31:14):
how to get nowhere. And Itried to explain to them before they assigned
me as the driver that this wasnot going to work out well. But
yet it was my turn and Ihad to take it, and I told
them this is not going to workout well. And yet I was forced
to do this, and it didnot work out well. So I'm not
(31:38):
sure if I can accurately set thisstage. I was in complete darkness,
okay, no cars around, listeningto my radio, smoking a cigarette,
and out of absolutely nowhere, I'msurrounded by sudden fright lights and very loud
(32:14):
sirens which all go off at theexact same time. Turns out, okay,
I'm surrounded by ten cop cars whohave literally circled me. Wow,
okay, now I have PTSD right. My dogs bark, I jump,
(32:38):
My kids walk into the kitchen withouthearing, without me hearing them first.
I jump my phone rings. Ijump like that's today with thirty years of
therapy under my belt, but likealmost thirty years ago, things were so
much worse. I was like hangingonto life by a thread. Out of
(33:02):
nowhere. My silence was broken byscreeching silence, and I'm flooded by bright
lights surrounding me, and I screamand I cry, and I fall into
(33:24):
a major panic attack. Over theloudspeaker, a police officer tells me to
put my car in park. Liz, Oh my god, so many police.
Put your hands on the steering wheel. I did. Oh good lord.
(33:47):
One of the officers approach, whatare you doing? I am incapable
of answering because I am crying.You're terrified. I'm every part of my
being is terrified. He realizes I'mno threat, and he tells all of
(34:13):
his cop prince that they can go. What are you doing? He keeps
asking me, I don't know whatI'm doing. What am I doing?
I don't know what I'm doing.It took a while, a very long
while, but eventually the officer wasable to calm me down enough to get
(34:37):
me to talk instead of cry.So I finally explained to him that I
was trying to find all of theseaddresses. I show him the list as
I point to this very large stackof scripts, and I was just trying
to get as close to the beachas possible because I know this one actor
(35:00):
lives close to the beach, andhe asked me if I had noticed that
about two miles back, right,I urged off the main road and onto
a bike path. Okay, offthe bike path and on to the sand.
(35:30):
You were driving on the sand,and okay, right now, I
am less than two feet away fromdriving into the coach. And you said
that you were giving a stupid likethis is what stupid people would do.
(35:55):
I was two feet feet white.I knew it was very dark. No,
no, I did not realize.No, I did not realize that
(36:15):
I add onto a bike path andstand and I was about to be carried
to the waves. No I didnot, he suggested, because very soon
(36:37):
I really am going to be carriedout by the way. It's still like
very very soon. So maybe Ishould follow him and get myself back onto
the main road. Good, verygood idea. Oh my god, Oh
my goodness, I realized. Wow, so they thought like they all surrounded
(37:04):
me to stop me from driving inthe fight Pacific Ocean. I thought I
was trying to kill myself. Thatis so funny, That is so funny.
Oh my god. And you wereoblivious. I can see you driving
with a cigarette, just listening tothe music or whatever you're listening to some
tapes or something. Literally, noidea. I'm hoping that had you hit
(37:36):
the ocean and felt the water comingin the car, that would have then
prompted you to realize what had happened. I mean, I probably would have
put my park my car in reverse, but I wouldn't have been able to
get anywhere, Like, I don'tknow. Would I've been able to open
the car door to get out,I don't know. I don't know what
would I have, no idea.I would have been carried it. How
(38:00):
its spacific. Okay, So oncewe get that comes to the road,
right, I ask for directions tothis house that I was looking for,
and then I asked directions for allthe houses, Liz, all the houses.
(38:23):
I write down the directions perfectly,I mean, word for word.
If he said um, I wroteum, word for word. I start
(38:44):
driving and then I hear over hisloudspeaker, stop back up, you missed
your first left turnin Oh god,oh, you've now become his like child,
(39:06):
wrong child of the night, thisproject. Oh my gosh, oh
god. I waved a little thankyou back to the loudspeaker. Stop right
there, make your left. Okay, Now I'm on my own and I'm
(39:30):
on my way a doubt. Threehours later, right, I'm pulled over
by a cop. No way.Turns out it's the same one who saved
me from drowning. Jesus, whatare you still doing here? I said,
(39:57):
Well, turns out your directions sucked. He was so lovely. He
yeah, the list of every addressI needed to go to, and he
(40:17):
offered to escort me to every singlehouse. Oh my god, that's so
nice of you. Just one question, since you'll be going, can I
(40:38):
just give you the scripts to dropoff because I'm exhausted I need to go
home. Did you really ask methat? No? True? I did
(41:01):
not no, And he stared atme for a very uncomfortably long time until
we finally got moving. I thinkhe was debating on whether or not to
(41:22):
take his offer back. I feellike he figures he would have seen you
in another hour and would have hadof some sort which would have taken more
time than just to helping you out. Probably those scripts were delivered so quickly
with the help of my new copfriend, who ended her a little jaunp
(41:45):
by very strongly suggesting I quit myjob so that was probably my worst getting
lost story, almost driving into thePacific Ocean. Uh huh. Yeah,
(42:06):
it was really bad. It wasvery traumatic. It was wilful, which
amazes me because you come back,you get your degree, and then you're
a mobile therapist. Um. Yeah, I had a GPS UM, but
still I was getting lost all thetime, all the parts of the city.
(42:29):
Um but I got paid very well, so you know, there was
there was that, there was thatmotivation. Even I guess with you know,
all the recalculating, I will saythat GPS has like absolutely changed my
life for the better. But Iam still riddled with anxiety every single time
(42:53):
I leave my house knowing that Ihave to depend on my GPS to find
a place, which is like,you know, always, So I think
maybe also that's one of the reasonswhy I don't really like going anywhere.
Like I am beyond content at home. I mean, I can find my
(43:15):
way anywhere in my house without aGPS and I rarely ever get lost at
home. So I think that you'regoing to be said for a yeah,
(43:36):
I can find my way to justabout every room. It's a much better
system. Thank God has three bedroomsin the basement. Yea, yes,
make sure to listen next week.You can reach us at Voyage Media at
Twitter, Instagram, and on Facebook. And you can reach out directly to
(43:59):
me at Panicked Remy on Twitter,Instagram, and Facebook,
Welcome to my weekly panic Attack.I'm your host, Remy Brooks. I've
been a licensed psychotherapist for over twentyyears and run a thriving private practice.
I'm also diagnosed spy polar an OCD. Often the two do not mix well,
which tends to throw my life intocomplete chaos. So as I do
(00:32):
some spiraling, my best friend LizWhin will do her best to ground me
a bit. During this podcast,we'll be talking about the horror and the
humor of the anxieties of daily life, the things we do that are embarrassing,
funny but yet very human. Let'sget started, and there's no better
(00:58):
way to get started than by beningthis episode and all episodes with my friend
and co host, the beautiful,intelligent and ever rational Liz Win. How
are you, Liz good? Howare you doing for me? Actually?
(01:21):
I'm a bit anxious today to reallyYeah, I think it's the topic.
Okay, we're talking about GPS's andI was thinking about this topic. Um,
I thought about a pre GPS storythat I wanted to tell, but
(01:42):
even just thinking about it elevates myheartbreat so pre GPS. Oh, there's
several different levels of pre GPS,but they're all funny. God, oh
my god, how I was alwayslost, Like I'm always lost even now
(02:05):
with the GPS, but three GPS, like, oh, I can remember
the fear constantly. So like thisone story that I'm debating on whether to
tell or not because I don't knowif I can get through it. It
was horrible, so I don't know. I'm feeling anxious. I haven't decided
(02:27):
if I'm telling this story or not. We'll get to it soon, but
first, here's a well adjusted momentfrom Liza's life. Well, I recently
had a horrible travel experience due tothe weather, you know how the summers
(02:47):
are. My flight was canceled.All the flights were canceled, and there
wasn't one available for the next dayfor another eighteen hours through the next night.
So I decided I need to gethome before that. And the next
bext thing was Amtrak, So Idecided to hop an Uber and get the
Amtrak station. Yeah, and youknow, twelve hours later, not twenty,
(03:15):
I was home. Okay. Sowhile that whole thing sounds dreadful,
it's actually the Uber part that soundsthe worst. I'm like totally against Uber
and lift and whatever else kind ofright, all of them. I'm against
(03:38):
all of them, against it.How can you be against it? Have
you ever tried it? No?No, no no. For me,
like Uber and Lift, it's likeStranger Danger, only instead of randomly being
kidnapped, tortured and raped, it'slike you're literally requesting them on an app
(03:59):
and then what you simply cross yourfingers and hope you arrive at your destination
safely. No, not for me. Oh that's far from the truth.
They're both very safe. I've heardthat, And yeah, okay, maybe
that's true for like ninety nine percentof the population. But in what kind
(04:28):
of world, Liz, do Inot fall into that last one percent?
You know? Wheremy I really dotry hard to combat the way you think
with the common sense logic, butyeah, you know, I really don't
see a world in which you're notthat weirdly one percent. Oh my god,
(04:53):
you agree with me. Happens occasion, then, has really been a
well adjusted moment from Lizze's life.And guess what time it is, Liz?
What time is it? Remy Itis time to tell you what the
(05:16):
hell is stressing me out? Sowhat the hell is stressing you? Out
today. What's stressing me out isthat I am completely directionless. You know,
it has always amazed me about you, about that, because even in
(05:38):
our old neighborhood, you still canget lost. And I lived, I
mean I was born and raised inthat neighborhood. I lived there into like
after I graduated college. Yea toyour early twenties, in my early twenties,
and no, I still I didn'tknow how to get to your house.
(06:01):
I know, every time you onlyleft a couple of blocks from me.
I mean, I couldn't wait anywhere. When my parents moved out of
Northeast Philly and they moved to thesuburbs. So we're talking, how long
(06:21):
was it, Liz, twenty fiveyears years ago? Yeah, they left
late nineties. Yeah, I guessso yeah, um so around then.
Um So they moved to the suburbs. And when my x now and I
were looking to buy a house,I mean I would have bought a house
(06:45):
on their block if I had money, but you know, I wanted to
be as close to them as possible, So we found a house within a
mile from my parents' house. Andthen when my sister and her husband were
looking for a house, they toobought a house within a mile from their
parents, where we're not going veryfar. Wherever they were going, we
(07:08):
were going. We were always veryvery very close to my parents. And
then my fucking father had to ruineverything by dying. Not that I am
at all bitter about that. Okay, moving on, getting back to the
story now, not getting back tothe story yet. Some people don't even
(07:39):
know they're feathers. Some people justhave fathers, and some people are blessed
enough to have daddies. And mysister and I are in that category where
(08:05):
we were blessed to have a daddy, a daddy who fucking died, but
a daddy nonetheless. So after alittle bit of time, my mom ended
up with Randy, who is awonderful man, absolutely addores her. She's
(08:31):
very happy. We should all beso lucky. But she sells her house,
the house one mile oh he frandme and my sister, and she
(08:52):
moves half an hour away from us. But it's half an hour away to
an area that we are completely unfamiliarwith. And some people may think,
well, she's only half an houraway, it might as well be a
different time zone. Yeah. Yeah, at this point, she's been there
(09:15):
for years, and I have absolutelyno idea where she is still. I
have no clue. I am completelyGPS dependent in order to find my mother.
(09:39):
If something happened to my GPS,I would never see her again.
Never, Like it was great knowingyou. I really loved her time together.
I have pictures to remember you by. I would never see her.
(10:01):
I have no idea where she lives, list none, like bye Mom,
that would be the edge. Yeah, funny, that's funny. I know
you've gone there multiple times, sothat would think like I've been there one
(10:22):
hundred times, Liz. Yeah,I have no direction of like where I
would even start, Like like Iwould get to the end of my block
and say, do I make awriter or a left? I have no
clue. I would never see heragain. Yeah it's ninety five North,
but I have a feeling it endsup in like New Work or New York.
(10:46):
Yes, I have no idea,literally none, Bye Mom. It
was a good run while it last. Lay My kids they went to the
same school from kindergarten through eighth grade. So at this point, because my
(11:09):
littlest one still goes there, right, I have been dealing with this school
for I think at the same point. I think it's thirteen. Okay,
Now ask me if I know howto get to the school, aren't they
really that's not that far away fromyour house, less than five miles.
(11:37):
I hope even passes on to yourchildren. I need the GPS to get
there, and I need the GPSto get home. I have no idea,
no clo. I worked as aschool social worker for one in entire
(12:01):
school year at the high school.That's right, my oldest just graduated from.
Do not tell me daily you haveto take GPS GPS to get there
every single day, both to andfrom. Oh Lord, the entire school
year. Once I quit that job, it was as if either the building
(12:28):
disappeared or as if I had neverbeen to that building in my entire life.
Because one day he was sick andI had to go pick him up,
and I got to the stop sign, and I'm like, um,
(12:50):
which where do I turn? Whereis this school? I could not,
for the life of me remember wherethe school was located. And I spent
an entire school year going to thatbuilding every single day. I think also,
(13:16):
it's within five miles from my house. Again, the Lord, as
if I had never been there before. Completely directionless. It's wow problem.
It is a problem. And haveyou noticed, like all of my major
(13:41):
issues are car related. I know, it's crazy blindness. The directionless issues
hid a serious problem. My GPSalso doesn't tend to find addresses easily.
It's like a whole process that Idon't really understand. But once I'm finally
(14:05):
able to actually program in the address, it tends to make lots of false
assumptions for no apparent reason. Forwhat does that mean exactly? I'm confused.
Okay, So when I get tothe end of my block, right,
it assumes that I should know howto begin my route. I don't
(14:33):
know why it would make such anassumption because I have no idea how to
begin my route, so I tendto always make a left, okay,
And then I very often hear myGPS say the dreaded word recalculating us.
(14:56):
So the very first you turn hasbeen made and the trip hasn't even begun
yet. Okay. Now, thevery first stop light is like right at
my block, so the recalculation hasn'tcaught up with the stoplight. So I
(15:20):
don't know whether to make a rightor a left, and I tend to
make lefts. I don't know whynot even lefty And then it says recalculating,
can still see my house and I'vealready made to your turns. And
(15:46):
then trip hasn't even started. You'vejust been circling around. You're in the
right around that place. Okay,I am circling, Liz, and I've
gotten no hair, And it's likeI've been driving for solid five minutes.
At this point, I can stillsay my fucking else, and I've made
(16:07):
no progress at all. I thinkI think you really need one of those
cars when they come out that's fullydrives for you. Just you tell a
destination, you don't have to thinkyou'll you'll be there in a half hour.
That would be lovely, It wouldbe so lovely. I also,
I am pretty sure that my GPSassumes that I'm smarter than I am.
(16:34):
Like, okay, not all shoppingcenters are the same. Like, there
are some room centers where it's veryeasy to get out of. You know,
correct, you're not a problem,but there are other shopping centers that
are very difficult to exit. True, true, but you have to understand
(16:55):
that the GPS is aren't expect orexpecting everyone to have a little bit of
common sense. That is not thecase, because people still drive into the
ocean. True. True, Likeif I were driving and there were signs
saying, you know, road ends, but my GPS street, I would
(17:21):
be the one to fall off thecliff because my GPS told me to keep
going straight. I am that person, so I get it. The GPS
said to drive off the bridge,so I drove off the bridge back to
the key fits. Yes, Ihear you. Okay, we're gonna take
(17:48):
a quick break and we'll be rightback now. Sometimes, and this,
this is beyond frustrating. Sometimes myGPS will taught me that I have arrived
at my destination, and yet Iam quite certain that the doctor's office I
(18:11):
was trying to get to is notin this abandoned parking line. Now I
don't know where the office is,right, but I'm really sure it's not
here, Or the restaurant I wassupposed to meet somebody at, quite certain
it's not at the laundry mat,even though my GPS claimed that I was
(18:34):
at my destination. Or like mykid heard about this new play at this
playground that he really wanted to goto, so I put it into the
GPS and we ended up at aseniors center. That was a surprise.
(18:56):
You've arrived at your destination. Whyno, mother sucker, I have not
arrived at my destination. Maybe itwas the park fifty years ago and now
the senior center. I don't know. But as frustrated as I get with
(19:18):
my GPS, and I do getso frustrated with it, I will say
that it has been an absolute lifesaverbecause I vividly remember what life was like
before, and it was the absolutefear and anxiety every single time I had
(19:47):
to drive anywhere, with the absoluteknowledge that I would get so terribly lost
that I might just have to relocateto wherever it was I landed, because
surely I would never find my wayhome again. And it wasn't the police
pulling me over, right, Iwas the one following the police, chasing
(20:14):
this, honking my horn, flashingmy brights, pulling them over so that
I could ask for directions like wheredo I live and how do I get
there? It would be impossible,it is for me to count how many
cops I have pulled over in mylifetime to ask the very question, officer,
(20:42):
where am I? How do Iget home from me. I'm gonna
ask this question believing that I knowthe answer. But you do not know
how to read a map? Doyou? I do not? Okay,
I do? I do not.Okay. I know how I said to
you that I wasn't sure if Iwas going to tell this story. Yes,
(21:07):
I'm going to tell this story.And this is a very traumatic story
for me. I've had so manygetting lost stories, but none worse than
when I was a production assistant.So we're talking like ninety four nine five
(21:30):
working for this TV show in LAand every week all the pas rotated job
duties. So once it was likemaybe once every four weeks, I was
in charge of delivering scripts to allof the actors homes once the writers and
(21:57):
then the writer the writer PA,the production assistant got done with the final
script for the night. So understandthat it's already very late at night,
and I have to drive to everyactor's home to drop off the script by
(22:22):
their front doors so that they canreview all the changes before work starts the
next day. Now, today,I'm sure that they just email it to
them. A total guess, butI would right. But back then,
they were hands livered and GPSS didnot exist. Now you know what did
(22:47):
exist? Les a map, Andyou just mentioned that you were guessing.
I never learned how to read amap. I had no idea. There
was something called the Thomas Guide,and it showed the entire area, but
(23:11):
no difference. It made absolutely needdifference. I did not know how to
read a map. Then I don'tknow how to read a map. Now
I have no clue. Now Idon't know if this is true. I
don't think I'm making this up.I want to think that I've heard people
(23:32):
say this, you can never trulyget lost because you always knew that the
river runs from east to west?Is that a thing? Did I make
that up? To? People saythat, I think you made that up.
I have never heard that. Okay, I the sun east to west,
but never a river. Okay,So I mean I can't imagine that
(23:57):
I made that up. Well,I don't know why I would have made
that up. I don't know.I don't know what rivers are in Li
either, But okay, well Ilooked it up, because I did.
I looked it up and it's nottrue, right, So but I I
(24:18):
don't know why I would have madeit up. But yet that is something
that has stuck in my head,and I never understood it because like,
what does that mean? Like?What river? Where's the river? I
see no river, So it nevermade sense to me. But yet as
a fact, that was something thatI always heard in my head and yet
(24:44):
never understood. So I have noidea where that came from. And in
school, we learned from a veryearly age, like in elementary school,
that north is up and south isdown. Well guess what I'm going.
Yeah, my car doesn't drive up, and nor does my car drive down.
(25:06):
It's just this seems like unhelpful informationto me. If I'm not going
up, how the hell do Iknow where north is? Like? How
do people understand this concept? Howcan anyone find anywhere? I don't know?
(25:30):
I am directionless? How can anybodyfind anywhere? Do you know?
Do you have an answer for this? I've never had an issue getting lost.
I always seem to figure out theway to get home. I don't
get any north southeast west. Ifyou know, if he hits main arteries
(25:52):
they're east, west, north,and south, you're gonna hit where you
gotta go. I don't understand.And now they all of the sudden changed
ninety five to two ninety five,and before it was north and south,
and now it's east and west.Forget it. I have no idea,
Like I barely had an idea beforeand now it's like, forget it.
(26:18):
I just I can't go anywhere.Okay. The most amazing story again in
California, while I was dating myex. He was a roadie at the
time, and he was current yethe was currently not on tour, but
one of the musicians that he workedfor. He was moving from California to
(26:44):
Nashville, and he asked my exif he was available to drive his moving
truck. Remember that. Yeah,this I find to be an amazing story.
My X said yes. He askedme if I wanted to go on
this road trip with him, andmy ex has the most amazing sense of
(27:08):
direction. He didn't even have anaddress. He just knew this city he
was driving to, and he knewthe general direction of where Nashville was,
and he drew he drove that way. He had zero directions. Now I'm
a panicked wreck the entire trip.Really, no, we'll never find it.
(27:33):
Don't you think we should stop andget a map which he knows how
to read? You don't even knowhow to address. This is just stupid.
I'm sure I made this trip verypleasurable from the one who doesn't know
how to exactly. I'm sure hewas thrilled he asked me to join him.
(27:56):
I couldn't stop. This is sostupid that we're never gonna get there.
Okay. Somehow we get to thecity in Nashville, and he pulls
the truck into a shopping center wherethere's a supermarket. He wants to go
in. He wants to get acouple of things. Rememberless, we don't
even have an address. He planson calling his friend after we leave the
(28:22):
market, but he doesn't need tobecause he runs into his friend's staff member
at the market. Wow. Yeah, whose new house just happens to be
five minutes away. We followed thestaff person to the house, right,
(28:52):
Like, how did any of thathappened? How did he manage to make
this entire trip without any directions,no address. We arrive at the destination
without ever getting turned around even once? How is that a possibility too?
This day, I remained shock.I don't get it. I don't get
(29:21):
it. Yes, no, youknow what so much of his when he
was doing that, that job wasjust traveling the roads, and he knew
all the roads. You know.Ten he can find his way anywhere.
You know. I watched the amazingrace right and I just can like sit
(29:45):
down right there, I stop him. Done. I am like, if
ever I were to do the show, I would do it with my exhusband,
because that would be the only shotI would ever have of like even
getting past the first you know activity. He would be so good on that
(30:07):
show. All right, I digress. I am back to the sand or.
Yes, I'm a production assistant deliveringscripts late at night with nothing to
guide me except a map which Idon't know how to read. I know
this one actor lives right off thebeach. Okay, the gringly beach I
(30:33):
ever went to was the one rightnear my apartment complex. I guess at
that point I didn't fully grasp thatall of California was right off the beach.
So I went to the one partthat I knew and tried to get
(30:53):
as close as possible to the beachand figured, I just take it from
there. Sound like a good planso far. You who doesn't know how
to get anywhere, we're going towing it. Once she got to the
ocean. Well, I was goingto wing all of it because I know
(31:14):
how to get nowhere. And Itried to explain to them before they assigned
me as the driver that this wasnot going to work out well. But
yet it was my turn and Ihad to take it, and I told
them this is not going to workout well. And yet I was forced
to do this, and it didnot work out well. So I'm not
(31:38):
sure if I can accurately set thisstage. I was in complete darkness,
okay, no cars around, listeningto my radio, smoking a cigarette,
and out of absolutely nowhere, I'msurrounded by sudden fright lights and very loud
(32:14):
sirens which all go off at theexact same time. Turns out, okay,
I'm surrounded by ten cop cars whohave literally circled me. Wow,
okay, now I have PTSD right. My dogs bark, I jump,
(32:38):
My kids walk into the kitchen withouthearing, without me hearing them first.
I jump my phone rings. Ijump like that's today with thirty years of
therapy under my belt, but likealmost thirty years ago, things were so
much worse. I was like hangingonto life by a thread. Out of
(33:02):
nowhere. My silence was broken byscreeching silence, and I'm flooded by bright
lights surrounding me, and I screamand I cry, and I fall into
(33:24):
a major panic attack. Over theloudspeaker, a police officer tells me to
put my car in park. Liz, Oh my god, so many police.
Put your hands on the steering wheel. I did. Oh good lord.
(33:47):
One of the officers approach, whatare you doing? I am incapable
of answering because I am crying.You're terrified. I'm every part of my
being is terrified. He realizes I'mno threat, and he tells all of
(34:13):
his cop prince that they can go. What are you doing? He keeps
asking me, I don't know whatI'm doing. What am I doing?
I don't know what I'm doing.It took a while, a very long
while, but eventually the officer wasable to calm me down enough to get
(34:37):
me to talk instead of cry.So I finally explained to him that I
was trying to find all of theseaddresses. I show him the list as
I point to this very large stackof scripts, and I was just trying
to get as close to the beachas possible because I know this one actor
(35:00):
lives close to the beach, andhe asked me if I had noticed that
about two miles back, right,I urged off the main road and onto
a bike path. Okay, offthe bike path and on to the sand.
(35:30):
You were driving on the sand,and okay, right now, I
am less than two feet away fromdriving into the coach. And you said
that you were giving a stupid likethis is what stupid people would do.
(35:55):
I was two feet feet white.I knew it was very dark. No,
no, I did not realize.No, I did not realize that
(36:15):
I add onto a bike path andstand and I was about to be carried
to the waves. No I didnot, he suggested, because very soon
(36:37):
I really am going to be carriedout by the way. It's still like
very very soon. So maybe Ishould follow him and get myself back onto
the main road. Good, verygood idea. Oh my god, Oh
my goodness, I realized. Wow, so they thought like they all surrounded
(37:04):
me to stop me from driving inthe fight Pacific Ocean. I thought I
was trying to kill myself. Thatis so funny, That is so funny.
Oh my god. And you wereoblivious. I can see you driving
with a cigarette, just listening tothe music or whatever you're listening to some
tapes or something. Literally, noidea. I'm hoping that had you hit
(37:36):
the ocean and felt the water comingin the car, that would have then
prompted you to realize what had happened. I mean, I probably would have
put my park my car in reverse, but I wouldn't have been able to
get anywhere, Like, I don'tknow. Would I've been able to open
the car door to get out,I don't know. I don't know what
would I have, no idea.I would have been carried it. How
(38:00):
its spacific. Okay, So oncewe get that comes to the road,
right, I ask for directions tothis house that I was looking for,
and then I asked directions for allthe houses, Liz, all the houses.
(38:23):
I write down the directions perfectly,I mean, word for word.
If he said um, I wroteum, word for word. I start
(38:44):
driving and then I hear over hisloudspeaker, stop back up, you missed
your first left turnin Oh god,oh, you've now become his like child,
(39:06):
wrong child of the night, thisproject. Oh my gosh, oh
god. I waved a little thankyou back to the loudspeaker. Stop right
there, make your left. Okay, Now I'm on my own and I'm
(39:30):
on my way a doubt. Threehours later, right, I'm pulled over
by a cop. No way.Turns out it's the same one who saved
me from drowning. Jesus, whatare you still doing here? I said,
(39:57):
Well, turns out your directions sucked. He was so lovely. He
yeah, the list of every addressI needed to go to, and he
(40:17):
offered to escort me to every singlehouse. Oh my god, that's so
nice of you. Just one question, since you'll be going, can I
(40:38):
just give you the scripts to dropoff because I'm exhausted I need to go
home. Did you really ask methat? No? True? I did
(41:01):
not no, And he stared atme for a very uncomfortably long time until
we finally got moving. I thinkhe was debating on whether or not to
(41:22):
take his offer back. I feellike he figures he would have seen you
in another hour and would have hadof some sort which would have taken more
time than just to helping you out. Probably those scripts were delivered so quickly
with the help of my new copfriend, who ended her a little jaunp
(41:45):
by very strongly suggesting I quit myjob so that was probably my worst getting
lost story, almost driving into thePacific Ocean. Uh huh. Yeah,
(42:06):
it was really bad. It wasvery traumatic. It was wilful, which
amazes me because you come back,you get your degree, and then you're
a mobile therapist. Um. Yeah, I had a GPS UM, but
still I was getting lost all thetime, all the parts of the city.
(42:29):
Um but I got paid very well, so you know, there was
there was that, there was thatmotivation. Even I guess with you know,
all the recalculating, I will saythat GPS has like absolutely changed my
life for the better. But Iam still riddled with anxiety every single time
(42:53):
I leave my house knowing that Ihave to depend on my GPS to find
a place, which is like,you know, always, So I think
maybe also that's one of the reasonswhy I don't really like going anywhere.
Like I am beyond content at home. I mean, I can find my
(43:15):
way anywhere in my house without aGPS and I rarely ever get lost at
home. So I think that you'regoing to be said for a yeah,
(43:36):
I can find my way to justabout every room. It's a much better
system. Thank God has three bedroomsin the basement. Yea, yes,
make sure to listen next week.You can reach us at Voyage Media at
Twitter, Instagram, and on Facebook. And you can reach out directly to
(43:59):
me at Panicked Remy on Twitter,Instagram, and Facebook,
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