November 14, 2022 • 32 mins
In which Remi throws herself to the mercy of Philadelphia's brotherly love at the mechanic, and promptly discovers she drastically overestimated it - and also engages in a campaign to get a dog that requires negotiation, charm, and deception.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:08):
Welcome to my weekly panic attack.I'm your host, Remy Brooks. I've
been a licensed psychotherapist for over twentyyears and run a thriving private practice.
I'm also diagnosed s bipolar or OCD. Often the two do not mix well,
which tends to throw my life intocomplete chaos. So as I do
(00:32):
some spiraling, my best friend LizWin will do her best to ground me
a bit. During this podcast,we'll be talking about the horror and the
humor of the anxieties of daily life, the things we do that are embarrassing,
funny, but yet very human.Let's get started, and there's no
(00:56):
better way to get started than bybeginning this episode and all episodes with my
friend and co host, the beautiful, intelligence and ever rational Liz Win.
How are you, Liz? I'mgood today. How are you well?
(01:19):
I'm a little stressed because I gota puppy, and I really could just
end the story right here, becauseanybody who has a puppy is probably experiencing
the same level of stress that I'mcurrently experiencing. I'll get into that later,
(01:41):
but first, here's a well adjustedmoment from Lizz's life. Name or
me. As I was rushing outof the house to get to work.
I saw that someone stole all fourtires off my car and left it resting
on four soda cards. Did youuse any contacts to try to find this
person so payback could be dished out, No, remy, I of course
(02:06):
called my insurance company and talk tothem and got four new tires for the
cost of the d duck. Itwas a total win on my part.
Yes, of course you would seeit that way. And this has been
a well adjusted moment from Lizz's life. Guess what time it is, Liz,
(02:27):
What time is it? It istime for me to tell you what
the hell I'm stressed out about.Now what is stressing you out today?
Liz? I have a puppy namedLucy and I have a love hate relationship
with her. I love her,I do, but she is so destructive
(02:57):
and she is testing my OCD everysingle day. She finds my decorative pillows.
Oh no, and all of mythroat blankets absolutely delicious as she eats
(03:20):
all of them, all of them. Liz. So now they are all
your lovely pillows that were purchased asa set to look nice on your couch.
Gone. Um, it's those pillowsare actually what made the couch like
I loved those eaten eaten um notreplaceable. Yeah, exactly. She is
(03:43):
destroying my house item by item.And that's not to say like there are
lovable, wonderful things about her whenshe's not being destructive, which sadly isn't
very off often. So again Iwill sum this up by saying that we
(04:04):
have a love hate relationship. Liz, I am going to ask you,
okay, the trip with me allthe way back to the year twenty oh
one. This was the year Igot married. Yes, I do remember
(04:28):
that, you do, of courseyou do. But before I got married,
something else major happened that year.Very early on in my career,
I was working as a mobile crisistherapist and I got a call. So
I grabbed God so many things Ineeded at my purse, laptop, my
(04:50):
bag of paperwork, my ice,water, coffee, sunglasses, keys,
cell phone, everything I needed,and out to the car I went.
Does one do, regardless of hownicely you ask, when you turn your
car on and your car says nope, not today, today is not the
(05:18):
day. I'm just not doing it. What does one do? Sit inhale
and exhale that happened to me yesterday. I am so sorry on the way
to someone's memorial. Yes, oh, Liz, I'm so sorry. Okay,
(05:41):
so you sat inhaled and exhaled,and I'm guessing when you tried to
turn it on, it's still saidno. It's still said no. You
must be kidding. You're right.Okay, So what did you do after
you're inhale and exhale experience? Well, since I was picking my mother up
(06:02):
to take her to this thing,I called her to have her pick me
up to take me to take usto the memorial. Okay, very not
what you could do. Going towork, I called Triple it. And
how long is a typical wait forTriple A in Philadelphia? Three or four
hours? Yes, multiple hours.So about three hours later, Triple A
(06:31):
finally shows up and the guy says, he's like, it's no big deal.
It's a dead battery. Take thecard of the mechanic. They'll be
able to pop out the dead batteryand pop in a new one. He
says it's a five minute job.So he gave me a jump and I
went to my mechanic. I getto the shop, I walk in,
(06:55):
I say, I need a newbattery, and they say to me,
no problem, great, now exactly, I'm told it's a five minute job.
He says, do you see allthose people waiting, You'll be after
(07:15):
them. Okay, So how longdo you think that's gonna take? About
two hours or a five minute job? You've got to be kidding me,
You're right, he says, abouttwo hours and five minutes to actually swap
(07:41):
it out. Yes, wait aminute, don't you think maybe someone can
just pop out the dead battery andpop out the new one, because it's
only a five the minute job,right, So he points to the waiting
(08:05):
room and asks, well, howdo you think all those people who've been
waiting for hours ye would feel ifwe took you in before them. He
asked me to think about it,and I thought he came up with I
(08:31):
think they'd be fine with it,because you know, it's a five minute
job. Liz. The man left. He outright left at me. I
can absolutely imagine his face as thisconversation was going on, and the faces
(08:54):
of the people that were hearing thisconversation going on. Nobody was hearing it.
I was the only one at thecounter. Everybody else was in the
waiting lounge, and I sink,you know, watch watch this. I
walked over to the large crowd ofwaiting people, introduced myself, said my
(09:16):
hollos to everyone, and then Ibegan I'm hoping that you guys can clear
something up for me. Actually,I'm hoping that you will take my side,
because I believe in all of you, whereas the man behind the counter
(09:37):
believes in none of you. Ineed a new battery. It's a five
minute job. All they need todo is pop out the old battery and
pop in the new one, literallyfive minutes. The man behind the counter,
he thinks you would have a problemwith that. Where I know because
(10:01):
I'm just like you. I livehere too. I'm a Philadelphian, born
and raised in the city of brotherlyLove. I know that you guys would
never have a problem with somebody comingin for a very fast, five minute
(10:26):
chuck. They showed you all thebrotherly love of Philly, right. Well,
say that facetiously, because two myshink and dismay. Someone said to
me, you're fucking kidding me.I've been here three hours. Somebody else
(10:46):
said, I've been here since beforethey opened, and you want to jump
in line huh. And then someonerose and started walking towards It's me.
Oh god, I've found myself puttingmy hands out in a stop motion,
(11:07):
saying, whoa, whoa, whoa, stand back, get back. Instead
he got closer, and I ambacking up and quite honestly beginning to feel
slightly panicked. But yet my mouthwon't stop. It couldn't stop, and
(11:28):
I found myself saying, what iswrong with you? It's a five minute
job, a five minute job.You're telling me he's right, and more
importantly, I'm wrong. And theone man who is standing is screaming at
(11:58):
me, get the fuck out ofhere. The guy behind the calendar gives
me away out by calling me overto him. I was very grateful.
He was, you know, hewas chuckling under his breath as he did
that to my faceless not under hisbreath, to my face. All of
(12:24):
the people in the waiting room theyhad become enraged, and I couldn't stop
screaming like disgraceful, you are shameful. This is a balling. I mean,
I really couldn't believe it. SoI now had ours. So waiting
(12:48):
and waiting in the auto shop didnot seem like a very good idea.
You didn't want to sit next tothe people that you just have to were
shameful. I can't imagine that's Idid not want to do. The good
thing about this autoshop that I nowhad hours to wait in is that it's
(13:11):
attached to a very large shopping center. I've been to the shopping center so
many times, but I only havegone into one store, so I never
actually walked the shopping center, andtherefore I had no idea what was in
there. So I'm walking around chainsmoking because I'm livid. May I remind
(13:33):
you a five minute shop? Loand behold there's a pet store that I
never knew existed. And since Ihad plenty of time to kill right,
I walked in and there were twopuppies, only two puppies. One was
(13:58):
this absolutely beautiful German shepherd baby boy, who was all ears. His earsss
were so big that he could barelyhold his head up. I remember that,
(14:20):
No, God, he was sobeautiful. Now, I have a
beautiful, wonderful history with a Germanshepherd, so I always knew that I
was going to end up with one. What I did not know is that
on that particular day, I wouldmeet that German shepherd, and the other
(14:43):
puppy was a female yellow lab.My parents had recently just put down their
dog, Sassy, the chocolate brownlab that I had already talked about.
Yeah, and they were just startingto talk about thinking that maybe at some
(15:05):
point perhaps they might consider getting afemale yellow black. And here she was.
We're gonna take a quick break andwe'll be right back. I walked
into this pet store and here wasmy German shepherd and my parents yellow lab,
(15:33):
the family two puppies they had inthis entire store. Being that I
had so much time to kill,I asked the woman who was working there
to set up a room for meand my German shepherd. So I'm playing
with him, and eventually the autoplace calls and tells me that my car
is ready to be picked up,so I leave the room. I give
(15:56):
her back the shepherd. And atthis point I had never had my own
dog as an adult, so Ihad like, literally no idea how much
dogs, cause I didn't know ifthey were two hundred, five hundred,
a thousand, Like, I hadno idea it's a shell, it's a
(16:18):
stick, sticker, shock when yousee it, well, and again,
this was two thousand and one,so I had no idea. So I
asked the woman who worked there,how much is the shepherd? And she
says twenty five hundred? WHOA,that was a lot back then. That
figure was a figure how I couldnot compete in my head it was so
(16:48):
high. So I tried to workit out out loud as in two thousand
and five hundred dollars. Yes,okay. So here's the thing. I'm
(17:08):
not trying to pull one over onyou. I don't have that money.
I just I don't have it.It's not in my account, it does
not exist. But I do wantthe dog. So what's the lowest price
you'll sell this dog for? Twentyfive hundred? I think you're missing the
(17:33):
fact that we have entered the negotiationphase. I think one of you thought
that the other one was not soaware of that. Well, she says,
we don't negotiate. So I say, may I please speak with your
manager? Well, don't you knowit was she is the manager. Who
(17:57):
else can I speak with? Noone? I said, you don't play
this game. Well, that's aninteresting take on it. She says,
(18:17):
there's no game to play. TheDougust twenty five dollars dollars. Ever,
make sure I reply I hate you, and very calmly, she says,
I'm sorry you feel that way.You don't act like you're very sorry.
(18:38):
I'm sorry that that's what's coming across. How raged. I how raged the
second time the day. Oh oh, I am having a very bad day.
And I turned around two storm outthe store as only I can.
(19:07):
But right before I opened the door, I asked, Hey, how much
for the yellow lab twenty five hundred? Fuck you can? I leave?
Thought that was great mature way tohandle that. Hey, I am nothing
(19:29):
if not a class act a storyto tell for that day. So I
get into my now working car andI call my mom and her office to
tell her all about the day I'mhaving. I tell her about the German
Shepherd puppy, and I asked,do you remember my history with this other
(19:52):
German shepherd? Of course she does, Like, what are the chances,
mom, of all the days formy car to have died? What should
have taken five minutes took hours thatI never knew this pet store even existed,
But there were only two puppies,Mom, I need this dog.
(20:19):
This dog is meant to be mine. This is like a full circle moment.
This is like God saying this dogwas meant for me, And she's
like, well, why didn't youget him twenty five hundred dollars? Mom
(20:48):
to twenty five hundred dollars, AndI leave it there with a very planned
and specifically place pause to give herthe necessary time that she would need an
order to say, because I havethis all figured out in my head,
for an order for her to say, well, hone, maybe Daddy and
(21:12):
I can get him for you asa combined Hanukkah and birthday gift. Now,
that was exactly what was supposed tocome out of her mouth, because
I willed it. I so stronglywilled it. And again, this was
(21:37):
meant to be. So I'm waitingfor the line which surely was about to
come out of her mouth, butinstead she said, I'm sorry to hear
that, babe. I need toget back to work. That my mal
(22:00):
wielding thing was not coming across toher, obviously, obviously, But Liz,
I had one more chip to playnow, I just only had one
more hip, and here it was. Do you know how I told your
mom that there were two puppies inthat store you'll never believe this. The
(22:26):
other puppy was a female yellow Lab. And then I go silent, letting
it all soak in. That wasyour mic trop exactly. I know how
to play this game. I havebeen playing this game my entire life.
(22:49):
And she took it. She tookthe beat and said really, and I'm
like, yes, the rest ofthe litter is gone for both my German
shepherd and you're yellow Lab. I'mtelling you, mom, this is a
(23:12):
meant to be moment. Seriously,what are the chances? And her response
was, babe, I really needto get back to work. So I
had played all my later cards.Yep, you did it, and I
(23:33):
was left not feeling very hopeful.Later that night, I get a phone
call from my mom. She says, guess what I'm doing. I don't
like this game, Mom, Idon't want to guess what are you doing?
(23:55):
I'm playing with my new yellow Lab. Oh no, yeay, she's
getting you your dog. I'm like, you're doing what? So she says,
I told Randy. Okay, Randybus now husband, long story.
(24:15):
Another time. I told him yourstory and he surprised me and Daddy with
the yellow Lab. So I'm playingwith my yellow lab. Um is Randy
on his way to my house withmy German shepherd? And she is confused.
(24:38):
Confused, Liz, she's confused.She blocked out part of that conversation
you had earlier that day. Shedid, indeed, because she asked,
why would he be on his wayto your house with a German shepherd?
(25:00):
I'm sorry, Mom, did youmiss the entire point of my story?
Because the entire point of my storywas about the German shepherd. How this
was a full circle moment, HowI needed this dog, how I was
meant by God to have this dog. Mom, it was a throwaway statement
(25:30):
when I mentioned the yellow lab.The story had nothing to do with the
yellow lab. Are you telling methat the only part of the story you
got was the yellow lab? Andshe said, so, are you telling
(25:52):
me I should call Randy about theGerman shepherd. I'm just wondering how we're
still on the phone, anger,not already calling Randy about the German shepherd.
So I'll call you back in afew minutes, she said. She
(26:15):
was seeing the air of her way. She was, indeed, and true
to her word. In a fewminutes, my mom called back and said,
so, Randy decided that he's gonnaget you a German shepherd puppy as
your wedding gift. Oh my god, I wonder how he came up with
(26:38):
such an original idea. Brilliant,brilliant was an extremely generous and thoughtful wedding
gift. I'd better call and thankhim, Yes, you better, but
first come over and meet my puppy. So later that week we picked up
(27:06):
our new German shepherd that we namedDudley, who, as you remember,
I'm sure was the worst. Hewas a sick dog. He was actually
very sick throughout his entire life.Yes, I know, because I watched
him the week that you were awayon your honeymoon, and all he did
(27:27):
was have diarrhe in the entire time. He fel horrible for him. He
had three stomach surgeries, and henever even with the three stomach surgeries,
he never had a solid poop inhis entire life. The poor dog,
the poor dog. He was loud, and he cried and he howled constantly.
(27:55):
I did not know that German shepherdshowled like all the time. Even
throughout the night. My X andI could not sleep because Dudley spent all
hours of the night howling. Itwas really no fun. So my brain
(28:17):
works in very strange ways. Ithink in TV theme songs. I have
no idea why I do this.I have always done this. I continue
to do this. And as Dudleywould howl, my sleep deprived self created
a song for him which I usedto sing as a coping skill for myself.
(28:40):
He would howl and I would stareat him and I would sing the
Dudley song. I am about tosing that Dudley song. But this comes
with a warning that anybody listening shouldtake very seriously. I am quite possibly
(29:02):
the world's worst singer, and listeningto this song may kirk you. So
warning given this song is sung tothe tune of the Brady Bunch theme song.
Interesting here it goes. Here's astory of a Dudley doggie who was
(29:29):
brown and black and cute as hecould be. He had four paws and
a tail behind him that would automaticallywag with glee. Here's a story of
a Dudley doggie who would whine andscreaming cry all night long. He was
very, very loud and annoying.Many thought that he was just misunderstood till
(29:52):
the one day when the mommy couldn'ttake it, and she yelled for him
to shut up right away. Butthe poor dog, but she was kidding,
so she packed him up and senthim on his way. The deadly
dog, The deadly dog. Thatis why I got rid of deadly dog.
(30:14):
Do do do? So it's agood song. As he would how
I would just look at him andsing and sing and sing. Eventually things
changed. He was an awful puppy, but then he turned into a dog.
(30:38):
And while he was a terrible puppy, he was a great dog.
Yeah. So now I bring usback from the year two thousand and one
to present day Lucy the Lunatic andI have a new mantra. While puppies
(31:02):
are horrible beings, they do eventuallyturn into dogs. Kle. I hate
puppies, I do love dogs.So maybe at some point she might just
outgrow all of this nonsense. Thisis my hope, this is how I'm
(31:30):
now living day by day. Myfingers are crossed for you, and so
is whatever is left of your sofa. I thank you very very much.
So for anybody that's listening and isgoing through a puppy problem and wants to
(31:52):
share, we would love to hearabout it or this still, if you
have gone to your car first thingin the morning and something very unexpected has
occurred, please share that story withus as well. You can reach us
at Voyage Media at Twitter, Instagram, and on Facebook, and you can
(32:14):
reach out directly to me at PanickedRemy on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
Welcome to my weekly panic attack.I'm your host, Remy Brooks. I've
been a licensed psychotherapist for over twentyyears and run a thriving private practice.
I'm also diagnosed s bipolar or OCD. Often the two do not mix well,
which tends to throw my life intocomplete chaos. So as I do
(00:32):
some spiraling, my best friend LizWin will do her best to ground me
a bit. During this podcast,we'll be talking about the horror and the
humor of the anxieties of daily life, the things we do that are embarrassing,
funny, but yet very human.Let's get started, and there's no
(00:56):
better way to get started than bybeginning this episode and all episodes with my
friend and co host, the beautiful, intelligence and ever rational Liz Win.
How are you, Liz? I'mgood today. How are you well?
(01:19):
I'm a little stressed because I gota puppy, and I really could just
end the story right here, becauseanybody who has a puppy is probably experiencing
the same level of stress that I'mcurrently experiencing. I'll get into that later,
(01:41):
but first, here's a well adjustedmoment from Lizz's life. Name or
me. As I was rushing outof the house to get to work.
I saw that someone stole all fourtires off my car and left it resting
on four soda cards. Did youuse any contacts to try to find this
person so payback could be dished out, No, remy, I of course
(02:06):
called my insurance company and talk tothem and got four new tires for the
cost of the d duck. Itwas a total win on my part.
Yes, of course you would seeit that way. And this has been
a well adjusted moment from Lizz's life. Guess what time it is, Liz,
(02:27):
What time is it? It istime for me to tell you what
the hell I'm stressed out about.Now what is stressing you out today?
Liz? I have a puppy namedLucy and I have a love hate relationship
with her. I love her,I do, but she is so destructive
(02:57):
and she is testing my OCD everysingle day. She finds my decorative pillows.
Oh no, and all of mythroat blankets absolutely delicious as she eats
(03:20):
all of them, all of them. Liz. So now they are all
your lovely pillows that were purchased asa set to look nice on your couch.
Gone. Um, it's those pillowsare actually what made the couch like
I loved those eaten eaten um notreplaceable. Yeah, exactly. She is
(03:43):
destroying my house item by item.And that's not to say like there are
lovable, wonderful things about her whenshe's not being destructive, which sadly isn't
very off often. So again Iwill sum this up by saying that we
(04:04):
have a love hate relationship. Liz, I am going to ask you,
okay, the trip with me allthe way back to the year twenty oh
one. This was the year Igot married. Yes, I do remember
(04:28):
that, you do, of courseyou do. But before I got married,
something else major happened that year.Very early on in my career,
I was working as a mobile crisistherapist and I got a call. So
I grabbed God so many things Ineeded at my purse, laptop, my
(04:50):
bag of paperwork, my ice,water, coffee, sunglasses, keys,
cell phone, everything I needed,and out to the car I went.
Does one do, regardless of hownicely you ask, when you turn your
car on and your car says nope, not today, today is not the
(05:18):
day. I'm just not doing it. What does one do? Sit inhale
and exhale that happened to me yesterday. I am so sorry on the way
to someone's memorial. Yes, oh, Liz, I'm so sorry. Okay,
(05:41):
so you sat inhaled and exhaled,and I'm guessing when you tried to
turn it on, it's still saidno. It's still said no. You
must be kidding. You're right.Okay, So what did you do after
you're inhale and exhale experience? Well, since I was picking my mother up
(06:02):
to take her to this thing,I called her to have her pick me
up to take me to take usto the memorial. Okay, very not
what you could do. Going towork, I called Triple it. And
how long is a typical wait forTriple A in Philadelphia? Three or four
hours? Yes, multiple hours.So about three hours later, Triple A
(06:31):
finally shows up and the guy says, he's like, it's no big deal.
It's a dead battery. Take thecard of the mechanic. They'll be
able to pop out the dead batteryand pop in a new one. He
says it's a five minute job.So he gave me a jump and I
went to my mechanic. I getto the shop, I walk in,
(06:55):
I say, I need a newbattery, and they say to me,
no problem, great, now exactly, I'm told it's a five minute job.
He says, do you see allthose people waiting, You'll be after
(07:15):
them. Okay, So how longdo you think that's gonna take? About
two hours or a five minute job? You've got to be kidding me,
You're right, he says, abouttwo hours and five minutes to actually swap
(07:41):
it out. Yes, wait aminute, don't you think maybe someone can
just pop out the dead battery andpop out the new one, because it's
only a five the minute job,right, So he points to the waiting
(08:05):
room and asks, well, howdo you think all those people who've been
waiting for hours ye would feel ifwe took you in before them. He
asked me to think about it,and I thought he came up with I
(08:31):
think they'd be fine with it,because you know, it's a five minute
job. Liz. The man left. He outright left at me. I
can absolutely imagine his face as thisconversation was going on, and the faces
(08:54):
of the people that were hearing thisconversation going on. Nobody was hearing it.
I was the only one at thecounter. Everybody else was in the
waiting lounge, and I sink,you know, watch watch this. I
walked over to the large crowd ofwaiting people, introduced myself, said my
(09:16):
hollos to everyone, and then Ibegan I'm hoping that you guys can clear
something up for me. Actually,I'm hoping that you will take my side,
because I believe in all of you, whereas the man behind the counter
(09:37):
believes in none of you. Ineed a new battery. It's a five
minute job. All they need todo is pop out the old battery and
pop in the new one, literallyfive minutes. The man behind the counter,
he thinks you would have a problemwith that. Where I know because
(10:01):
I'm just like you. I livehere too. I'm a Philadelphian, born
and raised in the city of brotherlyLove. I know that you guys would
never have a problem with somebody comingin for a very fast, five minute
(10:26):
chuck. They showed you all thebrotherly love of Philly, right. Well,
say that facetiously, because two myshink and dismay. Someone said to
me, you're fucking kidding me.I've been here three hours. Somebody else
(10:46):
said, I've been here since beforethey opened, and you want to jump
in line huh. And then someonerose and started walking towards It's me.
Oh god, I've found myself puttingmy hands out in a stop motion,
(11:07):
saying, whoa, whoa, whoa, stand back, get back. Instead
he got closer, and I ambacking up and quite honestly beginning to feel
slightly panicked. But yet my mouthwon't stop. It couldn't stop, and
(11:28):
I found myself saying, what iswrong with you? It's a five minute
job, a five minute job.You're telling me he's right, and more
importantly, I'm wrong. And theone man who is standing is screaming at
(11:58):
me, get the fuck out ofhere. The guy behind the calendar gives
me away out by calling me overto him. I was very grateful.
He was, you know, hewas chuckling under his breath as he did
that to my faceless not under hisbreath, to my face. All of
(12:24):
the people in the waiting room theyhad become enraged, and I couldn't stop
screaming like disgraceful, you are shameful. This is a balling. I mean,
I really couldn't believe it. SoI now had ours. So waiting
(12:48):
and waiting in the auto shop didnot seem like a very good idea.
You didn't want to sit next tothe people that you just have to were
shameful. I can't imagine that's Idid not want to do. The good
thing about this autoshop that I nowhad hours to wait in is that it's
(13:11):
attached to a very large shopping center. I've been to the shopping center so
many times, but I only havegone into one store, so I never
actually walked the shopping center, andtherefore I had no idea what was in
there. So I'm walking around chainsmoking because I'm livid. May I remind
(13:33):
you a five minute shop? Loand behold there's a pet store that I
never knew existed. And since Ihad plenty of time to kill right,
I walked in and there were twopuppies, only two puppies. One was
(13:58):
this absolutely beautiful German shepherd baby boy, who was all ears. His earsss
were so big that he could barelyhold his head up. I remember that,
(14:20):
No, God, he was sobeautiful. Now, I have a
beautiful, wonderful history with a Germanshepherd, so I always knew that I
was going to end up with one. What I did not know is that
on that particular day, I wouldmeet that German shepherd, and the other
(14:43):
puppy was a female yellow lab.My parents had recently just put down their
dog, Sassy, the chocolate brownlab that I had already talked about.
Yeah, and they were just startingto talk about thinking that maybe at some
(15:05):
point perhaps they might consider getting afemale yellow black. And here she was.
We're gonna take a quick break andwe'll be right back. I walked
into this pet store and here wasmy German shepherd and my parents yellow lab,
(15:33):
the family two puppies they had inthis entire store. Being that I
had so much time to kill,I asked the woman who was working there
to set up a room for meand my German shepherd. So I'm playing
with him, and eventually the autoplace calls and tells me that my car
is ready to be picked up,so I leave the room. I give
(15:56):
her back the shepherd. And atthis point I had never had my own
dog as an adult, so Ihad like, literally no idea how much
dogs, cause I didn't know ifthey were two hundred, five hundred,
a thousand, Like, I hadno idea it's a shell, it's a
(16:18):
stick, sticker, shock when yousee it, well, and again,
this was two thousand and one,so I had no idea. So I
asked the woman who worked there,how much is the shepherd? And she
says twenty five hundred? WHOA,that was a lot back then. That
figure was a figure how I couldnot compete in my head it was so
(16:48):
high. So I tried to workit out out loud as in two thousand
and five hundred dollars. Yes,okay. So here's the thing. I'm
(17:08):
not trying to pull one over onyou. I don't have that money.
I just I don't have it.It's not in my account, it does
not exist. But I do wantthe dog. So what's the lowest price
you'll sell this dog for? Twentyfive hundred? I think you're missing the
(17:33):
fact that we have entered the negotiationphase. I think one of you thought
that the other one was not soaware of that. Well, she says,
we don't negotiate. So I say, may I please speak with your
manager? Well, don't you knowit was she is the manager. Who
(17:57):
else can I speak with? Noone? I said, you don't play
this game. Well, that's aninteresting take on it. She says,
(18:17):
there's no game to play. TheDougust twenty five dollars dollars. Ever,
make sure I reply I hate you, and very calmly, she says,
I'm sorry you feel that way.You don't act like you're very sorry.
(18:38):
I'm sorry that that's what's coming across. How raged. I how raged the
second time the day. Oh oh, I am having a very bad day.
And I turned around two storm outthe store as only I can.
(19:07):
But right before I opened the door, I asked, Hey, how much
for the yellow lab twenty five hundred? Fuck you can? I leave?
Thought that was great mature way tohandle that. Hey, I am nothing
(19:29):
if not a class act a storyto tell for that day. So I
get into my now working car andI call my mom and her office to
tell her all about the day I'mhaving. I tell her about the German
Shepherd puppy, and I asked,do you remember my history with this other
(19:52):
German shepherd? Of course she does, Like, what are the chances,
mom, of all the days formy car to have died? What should
have taken five minutes took hours thatI never knew this pet store even existed,
But there were only two puppies,Mom, I need this dog.
(20:19):
This dog is meant to be mine. This is like a full circle moment.
This is like God saying this dogwas meant for me, And she's
like, well, why didn't youget him twenty five hundred dollars? Mom
(20:48):
to twenty five hundred dollars, AndI leave it there with a very planned
and specifically place pause to give herthe necessary time that she would need an
order to say, because I havethis all figured out in my head,
for an order for her to say, well, hone, maybe Daddy and
(21:12):
I can get him for you asa combined Hanukkah and birthday gift. Now,
that was exactly what was supposed tocome out of her mouth, because
I willed it. I so stronglywilled it. And again, this was
(21:37):
meant to be. So I'm waitingfor the line which surely was about to
come out of her mouth, butinstead she said, I'm sorry to hear
that, babe. I need toget back to work. That my mal
(22:00):
wielding thing was not coming across toher, obviously, obviously, But Liz,
I had one more chip to playnow, I just only had one
more hip, and here it was. Do you know how I told your
mom that there were two puppies inthat store you'll never believe this. The
(22:26):
other puppy was a female yellow Lab. And then I go silent, letting
it all soak in. That wasyour mic trop exactly. I know how
to play this game. I havebeen playing this game my entire life.
(22:49):
And she took it. She tookthe beat and said really, and I'm
like, yes, the rest ofthe litter is gone for both my German
shepherd and you're yellow Lab. I'mtelling you, mom, this is a
(23:12):
meant to be moment. Seriously,what are the chances? And her response
was, babe, I really needto get back to work. So I
had played all my later cards.Yep, you did it, and I
(23:33):
was left not feeling very hopeful.Later that night, I get a phone
call from my mom. She says, guess what I'm doing. I don't
like this game, Mom, Idon't want to guess what are you doing?
(23:55):
I'm playing with my new yellow Lab. Oh no, yeay, she's
getting you your dog. I'm like, you're doing what? So she says,
I told Randy. Okay, Randybus now husband, long story.
(24:15):
Another time. I told him yourstory and he surprised me and Daddy with
the yellow Lab. So I'm playingwith my yellow lab. Um is Randy
on his way to my house withmy German shepherd? And she is confused.
(24:38):
Confused, Liz, she's confused.She blocked out part of that conversation
you had earlier that day. Shedid, indeed, because she asked,
why would he be on his wayto your house with a German shepherd?
(25:00):
I'm sorry, Mom, did youmiss the entire point of my story?
Because the entire point of my storywas about the German shepherd. How this
was a full circle moment, HowI needed this dog, how I was
meant by God to have this dog. Mom, it was a throwaway statement
(25:30):
when I mentioned the yellow lab.The story had nothing to do with the
yellow lab. Are you telling methat the only part of the story you
got was the yellow lab? Andshe said, so, are you telling
(25:52):
me I should call Randy about theGerman shepherd. I'm just wondering how we're
still on the phone, anger,not already calling Randy about the German shepherd.
So I'll call you back in afew minutes, she said. She
(26:15):
was seeing the air of her way. She was, indeed, and true
to her word. In a fewminutes, my mom called back and said,
so, Randy decided that he's gonnaget you a German shepherd puppy as
your wedding gift. Oh my god, I wonder how he came up with
(26:38):
such an original idea. Brilliant,brilliant was an extremely generous and thoughtful wedding
gift. I'd better call and thankhim, Yes, you better, but
first come over and meet my puppy. So later that week we picked up
(27:06):
our new German shepherd that we namedDudley, who, as you remember,
I'm sure was the worst. Hewas a sick dog. He was actually
very sick throughout his entire life.Yes, I know, because I watched
him the week that you were awayon your honeymoon, and all he did
(27:27):
was have diarrhe in the entire time. He fel horrible for him. He
had three stomach surgeries, and henever even with the three stomach surgeries,
he never had a solid poop inhis entire life. The poor dog,
the poor dog. He was loud, and he cried and he howled constantly.
(27:55):
I did not know that German shepherdshowled like all the time. Even
throughout the night. My X andI could not sleep because Dudley spent all
hours of the night howling. Itwas really no fun. So my brain
(28:17):
works in very strange ways. Ithink in TV theme songs. I have
no idea why I do this.I have always done this. I continue
to do this. And as Dudleywould howl, my sleep deprived self created
a song for him which I usedto sing as a coping skill for myself.
(28:40):
He would howl and I would stareat him and I would sing the
Dudley song. I am about tosing that Dudley song. But this comes
with a warning that anybody listening shouldtake very seriously. I am quite possibly
(29:02):
the world's worst singer, and listeningto this song may kirk you. So
warning given this song is sung tothe tune of the Brady Bunch theme song.
Interesting here it goes. Here's astory of a Dudley doggie who was
(29:29):
brown and black and cute as hecould be. He had four paws and
a tail behind him that would automaticallywag with glee. Here's a story of
a Dudley doggie who would whine andscreaming cry all night long. He was
very, very loud and annoying.Many thought that he was just misunderstood till
(29:52):
the one day when the mommy couldn'ttake it, and she yelled for him
to shut up right away. Butthe poor dog, but she was kidding,
so she packed him up and senthim on his way. The deadly
dog, The deadly dog. Thatis why I got rid of deadly dog.
(30:14):
Do do do? So it's agood song. As he would how
I would just look at him andsing and sing and sing. Eventually things
changed. He was an awful puppy, but then he turned into a dog.
(30:38):
And while he was a terrible puppy, he was a great dog.
Yeah. So now I bring usback from the year two thousand and one
to present day Lucy the Lunatic andI have a new mantra. While puppies
(31:02):
are horrible beings, they do eventuallyturn into dogs. Kle. I hate
puppies, I do love dogs.So maybe at some point she might just
outgrow all of this nonsense. Thisis my hope, this is how I'm
(31:30):
now living day by day. Myfingers are crossed for you, and so
is whatever is left of your sofa. I thank you very very much.
So for anybody that's listening and isgoing through a puppy problem and wants to
(31:52):
share, we would love to hearabout it or this still, if you
have gone to your car first thingin the morning and something very unexpected has
occurred, please share that story withus as well. You can reach us
at Voyage Media at Twitter, Instagram, and on Facebook, and you can
(32:14):
reach out directly to me at PanickedRemy on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
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