Lucy the Lunatic (and Redd Foxx)

In which Remi practices psychotherapy, at home...in the form of doggie matchmaking with her dog... and a dog named Redd Foxx.

Episode Transcript

(00:08):
Welcome to my weekly panic Attack.I'm your host, Remy Brooks. I've
been a licensed psychotherapist for over twentyyears and run a thriving private practice.
I'm also diagnosed s BI polar anOCD. Often the two do not mix
well, which tends to throw mylife into complete chaos. So as I

(00:32):
do some spiraling, my best friendLiz Win will do her best to ground
me a bit. During this podcast, we'll be talking about the horror and
the humor of the anxieties of dailylife, the things we do that are
embarrassing, funny, but yet veryhuman. Let's get started, and there's

(00:56):
no better way to get started thanby beginning this EPISOD episode and all episodes
with my friend and co host,the beautiful, intelligent, and ever rational
Liz Win. How are you,Liz Dad? How are you today?

(01:19):
I what's making you anxious? ByI'm not gonna go there yet. I
had planned to talk about road breach, but as I am learning, plans
change. So while I am notcomfortable with change in the least, we

(01:46):
will get to all of that later. Here's a well adjusted moment from Liz's
life. So I'm staying at ahotel in Virginia this week, and I
didn't see the sprinklers go off inmy room along with the ten others.
But I gotta start it over again. Sorry, I'm staying in this hotel

(02:07):
in Virginia on a work trip,and didn't the sprinklers go off in like
half the rooms on my floor?Of course, I didn't get back to
the hotel room to witness the massiveflooding until eleven o'clock at night, when
I was exhausted. I just reallywanted to collapse. So as exhausted as
you were, you of course wentdownstairs and yelled at every staff person you

(02:29):
saw. Did you end up inthe ten hols? No, remy,
the TV was working and the bedwas dry. I just asked for extra
tails for the floor. I lefta screaming for everybody else. And this
has been a well adjusted moment fromLiz's life. Do you know what time

(02:50):
it is? What time is it? It is time to tell you what
the hell I'm stressing out about now, And it's not road rage. I
really really thought I was going toshare quite the story about road rage.
But you said to Lucy last week, be good, right, and you're

(03:14):
a good girl. I love youso much or the best? Did that
not work? No? No,it did not. As a matter of
fact, she came up with aplan. She's a dog. How did
she do that? Because she's verySmartLess, she's very very smart. The

(03:38):
end of our podcast, I openedup the door and Lucy the lunatic,
just as I predicted, was layingright outside the door, listening to every
single word we talk about. Andwhen I saw her there, I said

(04:02):
to her, I said, Ipraised you every word, every word.
It was only good things. Iknew you were listening. You have to
agree only positives, all good.She raised her head, she gave a
little nod, and I know whatthat nod said. It said, just

(04:26):
you wait, relation of like hisall knives or pointy objects in your house
because the dogs ary. That's thething. Like, I really have to
admit. I went to bed thatnight just a little bit scared. I
woke up the next morning to findmultiple puddles of piss. Now it's noteworthy

(04:56):
to add that Lucy is completely housebroken. She doesn't pay in the house,
so this really was completely out ofspite. And at first I was angry,
right, but then I was sad, Like all She's not a happy

(05:20):
dog, and I don't know why. I really you know, she lives
a really good life. She goesto doggie daycare and she loves it.
She has so many doggie friends.She loves her food, she loves her
trees. She has so many differentbones. She hangs out next to me

(05:45):
on the couch and I pet herfor hours. She adores my kids and
they love her like she is aloved dog. She should be happy.
I have no idea why she isnot happy. And all I really want
is for everybody living under my roofto be as happy as possible, and

(06:05):
whatever I can do to make thathappen, I will gladly do. But
she's not happy. It's Friday nightin the garage, which is my thinking
place. That's where where, that'swhere I spend my time because I'm away

(06:28):
from I'm away from the kids,and I'm away from Lucy, and that
is where I go. I wasdrinking cup after cup after cup of coffee,
smoking cigarette after cigarette after cigarette,and I am thinking, and I'm
in there for like hours, andI take a sleeping pill and it hits

(06:53):
me as the sleeping pill hits me. Huh, that maybe Lucy needs a
friend. Maybe I should get mydog a dog? Now? Is that
what your mother was? Is thatwhat you were going to say? That's

(07:15):
what she did. She got acat for the cat. Okay, how
did that work out? It didwork out for her. It did work
out for her. Okay, Sonow you have to care for two animals
instead of one. Okay, thatthat was not There is no part of
me that once a second dog.I was not raised in a two dog

(07:38):
household. I don't know about twodog households. That was never the plan.
I do not want a second dog. But Lucy is happiest when she
is playing with another dog, andlike I said to you, I really

(08:03):
want her to become a happy dog. Right. So again, I have
taken my sleeping pill. I amon my last cigarette of the night.
I might not even be able tofinish it. When my phone dings with
the notification and I look at myphone it's from the next door app.

(08:30):
And I mean I can't even reallysee straight at this point, But my
OCD kicks in, and part ofmy OCD is that I absolutely cannot have
any numbers on my phone. Allnumbers need to be cleared as soon as
they pop up numbers, like youcan't see the little bob the little dots

(08:52):
with the numbers in it right,exactly exactly, So no notification numbers,
they can't have it. Like,the only time I go on Facebook is
when there's a notification. So Ihave to get onto Facebook to clear the
notification, and in doing so,I see the very first on the homepage,

(09:15):
the very first thing that somebody had, you know, that somebody had
written up, you know, solike I see nothing past whatever the very
first thing is. So anytime somebodylike adds me on Facebook, I'm like,
just you know, I'm a reallybad Facebook friend because I only see
the very first thing. I don'tscroll, I don't do any of that

(09:39):
stuff. I don't know anything aboutany of that. I don't care.
What I care about is clearing allof the numbers. So I muster up
the little bit of energy that Ihave left and I open the app simply
to clear the number. And it'samazing that I can even read it.

(10:03):
But it says the title urgent needimmediate help. And it makes me laugh
because I am clearly not the audiencethis person is trying to reach, not
immediate help. Maybe tomorrow. No, not ever. I am exactly the

(10:24):
one who steps up to offer helpto strangers. But but within this message
is a picture of a dog.So I continue reading, okay, and

(10:45):
who knew? The next town overthere's a rescue place, a dog rescue
place, okay, and they're expectinga dog tomorrow. And this woman is
that this is what that what thewhole thing reads. She's at maximum capacity.
She must find a foster home forthis dog immediately. Can anybody help?

(11:11):
Now, Liz? Was I notjust thinking for hours about getting my
dog a dog? Yes? Itis perhaps a sign, because I'm very
big about signs. I'm also verydrugged. So what do I do?

(11:39):
Obviously I call her immediately in thatstate, in that state me, I'm
sorry what you say? So theremust have been an interesting conversation on her
and from what I recall, whichby the way, was like through snores

(12:05):
and through yawns, I'm like,tell me, didn't you know about this
dog? And let me tell youeverything about Lucy? And it turns out
that it really did not sound likethis dog would be a good match for

(12:28):
Lucy. But she was a capacityshe and it she did have a dog
within her rescue. That did soundlike it would be a good match for
Lucy. And she told me everythingabout this other dog and he sounded wonderful.

(12:58):
So I say, half asleep.It's close to two o'clock in the
morning at this point, what's hisname? And she says pinclincl pencil,
And I'm thinking a Christian dog andwe're a Jewish household. Maybe I got

(13:26):
the signs crossed. Maybe this isactually not meant to be moment after all.
But Liz, without any prompting whatsoever, she then says to me,
but I've had him for three weeksand I renamed him Red Fox.

(13:54):
Do you happen to know who thatis? Yeah, yea red Fox from
Sanford and sons, Uh yeah,no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no nono no no no no no no,
no, no no no. Thedog comes with his own TV theme song,

(14:18):
Liz, the signs, the signs, Liz, absolutely get you came
with her? So he came withthis. Yes, So I say,
let's meet for a meet and greettomorrow. Tomorrow arrives and Lucy sees the
woman and begins her so embarrassing,Liz, it's so embarrassing, this ferocious

(14:48):
bark. But then she sees thatthis woman brought a dog. Okay,
starking, and Lucy says, adog, a dog at my helps welcome,
please come in, says host IsLucy. And the two of them

(15:13):
play hard, and this woman says, well, do you want to try
him out? Do you want tosee how they get along? And I
do, Liz, I do,I really really do? Yes, yes

(15:33):
I do. So the woman headsfor the door, and Lucy sees that
she's about to leave, and Lucyguards that door and she says, um,
lady, you seem to have forgottenyour dog. Get your dog.
It was fun having you here andyou can come back any time, but

(15:56):
get your dog. So the womansuggests that I distract the dogs by going
into the other room and offering themtreats, which is a great idea.
So I grab a handful of treats. Lucy wants some treats. You want
treats. You want treats, Andyou could actually see Lucy's thought process.

(16:19):
Your dog, she says, treats, and Lucy runs to me for the
treats and eats them all and thenruns back to the door. Damn.
It she missed the woman. Sothe two dogs were so tired from playing

(16:41):
so hard that the rest of thenight Read and Lucy they were just songked.
I ended up crating Read for thenight and bringing Lucy upstairs into my
bedroom and we all slept so beautifully. But first thing in the morning,

(17:02):
Red started barking, and Lucy lookedat me like I forgot there was a
dog here, motherfucker. Oh mygoodness. So we go downstairs and I
let them out and I fed them, and then everybody looks at me like,

(17:26):
so, now what let's plan?What is the plan? And I'm
like, I don't know. Whydon't you two play? And they were
like no, And I'm like,what is the plan? Toys? Toys
or the plan? So we gowhen I get the toy box and Lucy

(17:49):
is not a toy dog. Toysare so beneath her. She is a
bone. Okay, don't get itconfused. So Lucy grabs her bone and
walks away and Read like has neverseen so many toys before. He must

(18:15):
have been very excited. Oh mygod, he was so excited. He
had so many to choose from.So he grabs a toy and he sits
down on the floor and he startsenjoying this toy. And then Lucy looks
to see what he's doing, andshe walks over to him, and she

(18:36):
takes that toy right out of hismouth and says, this is my toy
and one of my favorite toys.She's never ever played with it. You
do a child that you can't That'sexactly right, she said, you can't

(18:56):
have it, and read totally chill, totally chill. He goes back to
the toybox. He just picks upa different toy. There were so many.
He picks up a different toy.It's no problem. Lucy, who's
on the other side of the housenow with her bone and this toy that
she's forcing herself to play with justto make a point, looks and sees

(19:18):
that he picked up a different toy. Walk it over. I can't have
that. Walks over to him,grabs it from his mouth. This is
also a favorite of mine, tonot touched it. Grabs it from him,
brings it to this stash she's nowcreating. Okay, she's acting like

(19:44):
an only child. Now, that'swhat it is. That's exactly what it
is. I would continue, youknow, with this. But I think
you're seeing the pattern here, soI can just move on, right,
Yeah, So then he forgets aboutthe toys. Eventually, because this continues
happening, he moves on. Hejumps on the couch, which is where

(20:06):
I'm sitting. He lays on topof me and just covers me with kisses.
Oh, Lucy jumps on the couchand throws him to the floor.
The mommy is mine, The mommyis all mine. Stay away from her.

(20:30):
Okay, he got it. Myyoungest is on the other side of
the couch. I have so readwent to my youngest and cuddled up with
him. Lucy walked over, tookhim by the scruff, and threw him
to the floor. The boy ismine, don't you dare? And before

(20:55):
I knew it, I was breakingup a leghit dog fight. Oh my
god. Blood was not drawn,but they went at it in like a
serious way. Now, as areminder, this was all about trying to

(21:18):
make Lucy a your dog, whichseems to be backfiring big time, big
time. Now. The problem is, and I will deny saying this until
the day I die. Uh huh. I like Read much more than I

(21:52):
like Lucy. I notice that youwent down in volume when you said that
your friend she's listening, aren't you. I shush, shush, but the
knives away, block the door.Um, okay, we're we're going to

(22:17):
just move on. Okay, noneof what I said matters because this is
one hundred percent about Lucy. SoI am keeping my fingers across my toes
crossed, everything is crossed, hopingthat this is going to work out and
that read it will become part ofthis family. And it's interesting because last

(22:45):
week, maybe even the week before, I have been talking about how my
household has become so chaotic, andyet it is now even more so by
my own doing so chaos to yourhousehold. I'm doing it myself. It's

(23:15):
like I am looking for ways topunish myself, Like, in what way
next can I make things worse formyself? But I'm really really hoping that
this works out and that this,you know, the whole idea of getting
my dog a dog, is actuallya smart idea and not a really stupid

(23:41):
one. So I will keep youupdated on how this all turns out.
Because I am fostering to adopt.This is not a commitment. He can
always go back. This is atrial, pure but I really want to

(24:02):
keep him. So we will seehow this works out. Maybe after a
week or so, she'll just calmdown and get, you know, get
used to it. I remember whenmy mother brought my brother home. She
you know, when she had givenbirth to him. I looked at her,
my little like two year old self, and saw that she had a

(24:22):
bundle and walked away and didn't talkto her for a week. I came
frown. I hope, So,I hope I made a good decision,
not like the worst decision ever,because now we're all already attached to him.
He's super sweet. He is lovely. I mean, he is a
lovely, lovely dog. So we'llsee what happens, all right. I'll

(24:45):
keep you updated well, And ifanybody else has stories about you know,
Okay, Liz's mom got a catfor her cat, so I'm not the
only one out there who got apet for their pet. So if you
have stories about getting a pet foryour pet, please let us know what
happened. Hopefully it turned out well. I want to hear good stories.

(25:07):
Please only share good stories. Positive, positive, positive. Well here's positive
to you, but I still saylock your door. At night, she
sleeps in my room with me.Yeah, alright, she starts off that

(25:30):
way, so I don't know.We'll see that. You can reach us
at Voyage Media, at Twitter,Instagram, and on Facebook, and you
can reach out directly to me atPanicked Renny on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook,