My First Love

In which Remi and Liz discuss Remi's passionate, tempestuous, hot-and-cold, emotional relationship... with her dog.

Episode Transcript

(00:08):
Welcome to my weekly panic attack.I'm your host, Remy Brooks. I've
been a licensed psychotherapist for over twentyyears and run a thriving private practice.
I'm also diagnosed spy polar and OCD. Often the two do not mix well,
which tends to throw my life intocomplete chaos. So as I do

(00:32):
some spiraling, my best friend LizWin will do her best to ground me
a bit. During this podcast,we'll be talking about the horror and the
humor of the anxieties of daily life, the things we do that are embarrassing,
funny but yet very human. Let'sget started, Hi, honey,

(00:56):
how are you good? How areyou good? Here's a well adjusted moment
from Lizze's life. My mom toldme that I looked terrible and a new
oufit I bought, so you're passiveaggressively iced her out for the next two
weeks. Right, No, Remy, we had a calm conversation. I
told her how she made me feel, and she apologized for good. Now

(01:19):
and this has been a well adjustedmoment from Lizze's life. Guess what time
it is, Liz, What it'stime for? What the hell am I
stressed out about? Today? Andwhat the hell are you stressed out today?
Actually, it starts with an updatefrom last week. Last week,

(01:42):
I was talking to you about mydestructive dog, Lucy and how she the
couch pillows and how she eats myblankets and all of that. There have
been so many changes between our lasttime talking and right now talking, so
many changes that I'm actually a littleparanoid, and I kind of like want

(02:05):
to lower my voice because I don'twant her to hear me. You mean
that much changed in seven days afterwe last spoke. Okay, don't think
I'm crazy, because since we lastspoke the night of she stopped sleeping in

(02:28):
my bedroom. She stopped just attackingthe pillows and the blankets. She moved
on to other things. The redottoman I have in my living room she
started licking, then scratching, andthen I caught her biting at it,

(02:52):
So it's now covered with a towel. Okay, the runner that I have
that when you open my garage door, it's right there and it leads all
the way down the hallway. Ilove my runner. She started praying at
it, like clawing at it,and then chewing at it, and then

(03:16):
completely ate it and it has nowentered my trash dumpster and it has gone
to where all the trash goes andlives. Wait a minute, so your
dogs somehow listen to our conversation andis now destroying even more stuff than they
were doing before. I am afraidthat she overheard our conversation, knew that

(03:46):
I was talking poorly about her,did not like it, and plotted her
revenge. And now I am ina room with the door closed, and
I think she is on the otherside of the door listening, and I

(04:09):
am afraid that a dog is smarterthan me. Huh interesting, Yeah,
smart, that's a smart dog.I'm living in a house where the dog
has taken control. And it allstarted after we talked last week. So

(04:34):
that's the Lucy update. And nowfor the exact opposite of I think before
you start the next story, Ithink you should say Lucy's great, Lucy's
great, Lucy's great three times,and maybe, like Candy Man will actually
like work, Lucy's great, Lucy'sGreat, Lucy's Great. I think it

(05:00):
worked. You update us next week. That was such a good idea.
I think that was such a greatidea. Okay, just one more time.
She is so good. She isthe greatest dog in the entire world.
And I hope that she hears thatand knows that and believes me,
because Lucy is great. Okay,okay, all right, I think I

(05:28):
feel better, slightly less paranoid.Oh my god, what am I going
to wake up to tomorrow? MyGod? Hopefully breakfast in bed by the
dog? Okay, you mentioned beingbecause you actually had the title for a

(05:49):
really, really long time. Weall our entire friend group called you the
pet rescuer um. I talked lastweek about how we were going to talk
about how you introduced me to thelove of my life, and in a

(06:12):
very ridiculous way, I think youkind of lost it for just a second
there. You said, but youalready knew your husband before you met me,
And I thought, you know,well, I guess it would make
sense that somebody would think the loveof one's life would be the person that

(06:33):
they were married to for fourteen years. That would make sense. But yeah,
honestly, that was really a ridiculousstatement that came out of your bath.
Really so silly of you. No, it was not my ex If

(06:55):
we go all the way back tonight, teen ninety nine, my god,
that was a long time ago,Oh, Liz, was that a long
time ago? It was a time, way, way way back before I
had a dog who was smarter thanme. I was in a work meeting

(07:19):
and my cell phone rang, andI I was in a work meeting,
so I went to switch it rightto a voicemail. But you were the
caller, and Liz, in allof the time that I have known you,
all the way back back back then, for all the way to this

(07:40):
current day, I think that onetime in nineteen ninety nine was the only
time you have ever called me duringa work day. So while I was
going to whoever this was that wascalling, put it right to voice now,

(08:01):
I saw it was your name,and I answered the phone real quick,
and I said, you know,hold on a second because I was
going to leave the meeting. Andit was sheer panic. You know,
you were in a car accident.You're in the hospital, you are dying.
Something happened to your brother, Ohmy god, what happened to your
mother? Is your grandmother? Okay, what do you need? I'm on

(08:22):
my way in my head as I'mgetting up from this meeting and going outside
to take this call. In myhead, I'm thinking, what do I
need? I need my purse,I need my keys, I need the
phone. I have the phone.I have the phone. What what happened?
What is wrong with Liz? Iam panicked and I finally get outside,
Liz, what's wrong? Right?I remember that I remember you a

(08:46):
panic and I didn't understand because Iwas just didn't calling out of the blue,
which has never happened. One time, Liz nineteen ninety nine. One
time, and you said to me, do you remember when you mentioned that
you were thinking about getting a cat? And yeah, no, I didn't

(09:13):
remember that at all, but youhad mentioned kat, and I realized you
weren't like on death store, andI had come down, and I thought,
for the sake of you know thisconversation, sure I'll play along.
Yeah I remember that. Yes,let's go with that. Yeah, I

(09:33):
remember that, Miss pet Rescuer.Oh wait a minute, Wait a minute.
You know, I am a personwho may not remember where I put
my car keys, but I doremember conversations with people. So it could
have been that you said it likea year and a half ago. But
I did remember that you said.I do not doubt the fact that we
must have had this conversation. Atsome point, I actually understand that you

(10:01):
remember my memories much better than Irecall my own memories. I get that
one hundred. So you said tome, you know, the back of
our building faces the woods, andmy coworkers went outside to have a cigarette,
and they hear in the woods like, yeah, yeah, this kind

(10:26):
So yeah, they do they andthis cat comes running out of the woods
to them, this this little kick, and she was sweet and she's like
pouring up the storm, and shewasn't the least bit afraid. She was
like so friendly. And I'm thinking, you said that if you're still interested

(10:46):
in getting the cat, this isthe cat you should have. And I'm
like, well, then, clearlythis is the cat I should have.
Yes, I remember you were bringerrefer me to like bring that cat home,
and I was already in my headthinking how am I going to get
this cat safely back right? Well? And so my answer was, well,

(11:07):
bring her home now. And you'rewell, you know I work,
Yeah, like I don't have towork, and I'm like, no,
no, no, um, bringher now. Well, like at the
end of the day, well,you know, when I'm don't work,
I'll bring her right to your house. No, no, no, list
bring her now. Yeah, you'llhave her. You know, by the

(11:31):
end of the day. I willgo right to your house. Oh you
know, because you could just bringher now. I will bring her at
the end of the day. Youknow, it's a funny thing when you
have a boss. I know youdon't you have those very often. So
Boss, I'm speciated your desk.It's hard to be like, I'm chilling
out. I go home for twohours. But yeah, I don't like

(11:54):
the whole boss thing. It neverreally worked out well for me. So
you start to me, um,don't you think that you should talk to
your fiance about this first? AndI was like, oh, there's a
packing order there. You know,certain conversations you have to have. And
I was like, WHOA do youthink I should talk to him first?

(12:20):
I think you even tried to getme to talk to him. You were
like, yes, I think youneed to call him. Okay, I
will call you back in five minutes. Answer the phone because you have a
problem answering your phone. I said, answer your phone. I will call

(12:41):
you back in five minutes. SoI call, said fiance and I'm like,
hey, remember those conversations that wehad about, you know, getting
a cat, and he, rightfully, by the way, responds, we

(13:03):
never had any conversations about getting acat. And I'm like, do you
ever listen to me? No,you probably sound like Charlie Brown wat watwah
in the background. We have hadso many conversations about bringing in a cat,

(13:26):
and he says, we have nevertalked about a cat. Now,
he's right, But you know whatit is as if I talk and talk
and talk and you just pretend tolisten. Why is that? Why is

(13:48):
that the way we communicate? Idon't understand this. Why are we talking
about a cat? The poor manyou were flipping the script on him,
trying to make him come back onhis heels. I was why are we
talking? Why are we arguing?Why are we fighting? Why are we

(14:11):
fighting? Because this is something wehave talked about for such a long time.
Never And Liz is at work andher coworkers found this beautiful cat.
Oh my god, we're not gettinga cat. Well, we're not actually
getting a cat. It's a kitten. We're not getting a kitten. And

(14:33):
the kitten is such a love FuG. We're not getting a kitten. And
she just jumped into the coworker's armsand started parring. Remy, we're not
getting a kitten. Oh my god. We've talked about this so many times.
I don't think we've ever talked aboutit so many times. We've talked

(14:56):
about this, and now literally itfalls into our lap and you're telling me
no. This seems very unfair tome, very unfair. You know what,
We're getting this kitten. Just becauseyou don't remember this conversation does not
mean that it did not happen.So I'm just giving you a head up.

(15:18):
We're getting a kitten. All right, you'll meet her tonight. Five.
I love you, so I callyou back within five minutes. You
said I'm not allowed to get acat. First you were like, I'm
not allowed to get a cat.I'm like, okay, now what do
I do with this cat? Butshe had already decided yes. I'm like,
so I'm not allowed to get acat. Bring her over because she's

(15:43):
mine. They'll get in store.So you brought her over that night.
I did. After you've left.She was on my lap and just as
she described, she was purring upa and I am petting her, and
you know the now X was nothome yet and I'm petting her and I'm,

(16:10):
you know, just loving her topieces. And I say to her,
what is your name? Is yourname Sally? And she's hurring and
I said, is your name Gracie? And she's purring and I said,

(16:32):
is your name Gidget? Now?Yep, I remember you told me that
she picked her own name. Ithought that was hilarious. Is that her
name? Is her name? GidgetMeal? Now liszt This cat, this
stray kitten that you brought to me, comes into my life with her own

(17:03):
team the theme song. How couldthere be anything more perfect than that?
So Gigon and I worked together foreighteen years. Wow, you know I

(17:26):
always forget that you had her almosttwenty years, which is like astounding.
Well, the vet kept putting thesehorrible, horrible messages in my head,
which for me, it's not agood thing. Every year that we would
go to the vet, the vetwould say, and it was always the

(17:47):
same vet that we saw every singleyear. The vet would say, it's
as if this cat doesn't age orlike she gets younger every time I see
her. And the eight her seventeenthyear, the seventeenth year at her um,
the vet said, it is asif this cat never ages. And

(18:14):
then when she was eighteen, umof almost nineteen, she had that little
pimple on her lip and it turnedout to be a tumor and that was
that was that for her and heartbreaking. I loved her. Oh my god,

(18:37):
So what we went through together.She saw me through my engagement,
yes, my engagement, my breakupwith him, my re engagement, marriage,
and then ultimately divorce. She movedwith me into three apartments and then

(19:03):
eventually this house that we thought.She was with me through all of Dudley's
life and some of Bob's life,who was the dog after Dudley. She
was with me through both of mykids. She had YEP, through many

(19:23):
highs and many loads of my career. I actually kind of thought the cat
was going to outlive all of usat that point, So did I Liz.
There was never a thought because theVET kept saying. Because the Vet
kept saying, it is if shenever ages. I really like, we

(19:44):
got to age seventeen, I thought, you know what, she is going
to be with me forever. Weget to eighteen, She's going to be
with me forever. And then theneighteen hit and oh my god, she
was with me through the death ofmy grandfather, and she is the one

(20:04):
who was there for the death ofmy dad. Yeah, yeah, I
remember that. I know that.I have forever said Liz that you are
my best friend, but Gidget,Gidget was my best friend. I take

(20:27):
no offense too. I'm glad thatyou don't. And it's funny because as
a therapist I had a client whotold me that their best friend was a
cat, and that cat was theonly one that they could talk to you

(20:47):
about anything, everything, and thatthat was the only time that they could
really open up and that the onereal true love of their life. What's
the cat? Not like, what'sthe cat? We're gonna take a quick
break and we'll be right back.Look, it was a cat, not

(21:15):
It wasn't like it was like amannequin. It was a being, a
being that loved you and snuggled youand nuzzled you, and oh god,
I felt so horrible. I rememberwhen you called me when you had to
have her put down. I'm like, how upset you were. And then
I've been before that. He hadsaid you had read a story about someone's
cat who lived at like thirty four, and you're like, I think she's
gonna live to thirty four. I'mlike, I hope this cat lives to

(21:37):
thirty four for you? Yeah,yeah, um yeah. And you've never
gotten another cat. No, Idon't think I ever could. The years
that gidgett and I had together,we only had one argument and it was

(22:02):
about It was a long argument.It was a five week argument. How
sorry, did you have an argumentwith a non verbal cat? Um?
Well, I gave birth to myfirstborn um dared to bring him into our

(22:22):
house. And it's interesting because Ithought I knew that Dudley was going to
have the problem with the baby.I didn't think for a second that Gidget
was going to have a problem.I mean Gidget, you know, Gidget
and I we we were Yeah,there was nothing that could separate me and

(22:42):
Gidget. I thought Dudley was goingto have the issue. But when I
brought the baby home and I had, you know, gotten them somewhat familiar,
and everything was calm, and youknow, I laid down the blanket
on the carpet and Dudley was,oh my god, Liz. He was

(23:04):
beside himself, sickly. He wasthe happiest. He was running circles with
excitement. He was like di di, I call him, I call him,
he's mine. He's fine. Iget him first, I get him
first, He's mine. But hecouldn't stop. And that joy that Dudley

(23:25):
had for this baby lasted them.I mean his entire life. He loved
this kid. They were together foreight years. That kind of love he
had every single moment for eight years. Gidget came over to the baby,

(23:47):
smelled the baby. He looked atme and said, I will never forgive
you for this, and then shewalked away and stayed away for about a
month. For a month. Uhhuh, yeah, wow, I needed

(24:08):
her so badly. I gotta rememberyou were you were stressed now because you
really hadn't been around babies a lotum. No, No, I hadn't.
And uh it was horrible and Iwas going through postpartum and I hate
life and I hated the baby.And Dudley was he was like super crazy

(24:32):
in love with the baby. Solike every time, you know, the
baby cried, Dudley ran over tome and he was like, oh my
god, the baby's crying. Thebaby's crying. Do something, do something,
like I hear I can hear Dudley. Um, and you know he
would sit by the high chair,but not because he wanted to catch the
food every time, you know,the baby, you know with the food

(24:56):
when flying. Dudley was like,oh my god, the if he's not
getting enough food, pick up thefood. Pick up the food. Mom,
pick up the phone and give itto the baby. Like, yeah,
you do your job exactly. Doyour job. You're not doing your
job. You know, I wouldhold the baby. Are you holding the
baby well enough? I don't know, be gentle, be gentle, be
gentle If I didn't get up rightaway for the Dudley and Dudley, I

(25:22):
was Dudley's person, right, likehe loved my ex, but he adored
me. Right. If the babywas in the swing and like started to
yawn, Dudley was like, ohthat's weird, that looks weird, and
he would grab me by the sleeve. Come to the baby, come to
the baby. Like he was soall about the baby, like, oh
my god, fuck the baby.Leave me alone. Let me sleep.

(25:45):
I haven't slept in four weeks.Leave me alone. So one day,
the baby's in the swing and Iturned on the TV. And the way
my house was set up then,is that the entertainment center was on this
wall is totally opposite from how Ihave it now. And there was like

(26:07):
a six inch gap between the walland the entertainment center. And I'm watching
TV and my eyes they're unfocused,and they go down to the rug the
carpet right, and I see thisunexpected, strange site. I don't know

(26:33):
what it is. It requires furtherinvestigation. So I go over there and
I put my hand there, andit's wet. So what does one do
when you find a wet spot anda corner where there shouldn't be one,
Well, you put your entire handthere and then, yes, it is

(26:56):
that what you do, especially whenyou have animals in the house and you
know what it's gonna smell, Andof course it's a buddle of pits.
And who is the only one whocould fit in that corner? And who
is the only one who is angryabout the baby kitchen? Yep? So
I call the vet and I'm like, I had a baby four weeks ago,

(27:21):
and now my cat is pissing onmy carpet. Well, you know
these are normal. Yes, Iknow, pills. I want pills.
What pills can I get my cat? Like? Oh, well, we
can do kitty prozac. I wantthe kitty prozac. I want a strong
dose of kitty prozac. I wantit ready in twenty minutes. It'll take

(27:45):
me twenty minutes to get there.Twenty minutes. Can it be ready in
twenty minutes? Twenty minutes? Helpyou there in twenty minutes. We'll be
ready in twenty minutes, twenty minutes, twenty minutes. They're like, I
will have it ready in so withinthe hour. Let's just say Gidget got
her first dose of kitty prozac.Now, anybody who's had a cat knows

(28:11):
how difficult it is to force apill down a cat's throat. Now imagine
that cat hating you. Yes,the level of difficulty increases. And so
I because there's such tiny little creatures, and yet they are so vicious.
When you're I got it, someone'strying to shove a pill down my throat.

(28:33):
I may bite them too, butthey got paws and teeth, and
they are vicious, vicious, andwe were again, we're already in a
fight. So I so I feelno remorse, and I shove this motherfucking
pulled down her throat and then Ithrow her down, you know, and
like a teenager. She's up stormsup this stairs and says, because I

(28:59):
can hear her, I hear thewords that she's saying to me in her
body language, You're the worst motherin the world. I hate you.
And I'm like, well, Ihate you too, getting we're fighting,
fighting, So for the next twoor three days she is druged off her

(29:23):
ass, and I don't care.We go through this the next two or
three days. I don't care.I don't know what happened next. I
really don't know what happened. Imust have been particularly silent because I walk
from my kitchen to my living roomand I see Dudley standing upright on his

(29:59):
two high to lakes with his rightpaw holding on to the top of my
entertainment center was standing entertainment center.He was standing both lakes, Both back
legs were on the ground, hisfront legs one his right paul was holding

(30:22):
onto the entertainment center. His leftPaul was balancing himself, using the wall
to balance himself, and he wasaiming his dick towards the corner my living
room carpet as if, Oh mygod, he was like it was a

(30:52):
urinal, Oh god, him standinglike a full grown man and peeing in
the corner of my house. Andhow did you feel? Oh, I
didn't even go there yet, Iwas I was astonished, like I couldn't

(31:17):
move. And Dudley at some pointmust have felt me staring at him,
because he turns his head and ashe remains standing, so we're like eye
to eye. We're staring at eachother for what he stops being mid stream,

(31:40):
like the piece stops immediately, andwe're across the living room from each
other. We're at the same height. We're staring at each other for a
very long time. And then Iremember I'm wearing slippers, so I reach

(32:05):
down to grab one to chuck itat him. When he remembers he has
four paws, so he gets downon all four plaus and he takes off.
Now my house is only so big, right right, I, however,
am not a runner. I amlike possessed by flash because I run

(32:34):
after this dog and I am onhis tail, and you know what pun
intended. I am on this dog'stail, but I am so fucking close,
and I'm gonna get him, andmy god, when I get him,
I am gonna call him. AndI am chasing him until he reaches
the stairs, and he gets upthe stairs, but I'm not far behind.

(32:57):
And when he dog lives under mybed. So I get to the
side of my bed and I right, and then he scooches to the right.
So I get up and I runto the right, and I go
and he gets the left, soI go to the left and he goes
to the right. So I goto the right, and he goes to
the left, and I go tothe left, king size bed. I

(33:22):
am ex soft, I am exhausted, and I am laying there and I
have been beaten down by life sucks. And then I hear, yeah,

(33:45):
oh kids, it as if shesays, I told you it wasn't me,
and she was right wow. AndI sit up, and the tears
that I have been holding in forlike the last five weeks poor out,

(34:10):
and she climbs up me as shealways does, or did when I cried,
and she put her paws around myneck per usual and licked my tears.
And I held on to this catfor dear life. And it was

(34:36):
at that moment when I realized that, okay, I've got to get it
back. Everything is going to beokay. Yes, everything is better deadly
stayed under. He stayed under forthree day, the last half hours and

(34:58):
he never repeated in my health usagain. I loved that cat so much.
I don't know if you remember thisthat. My kids would often ask
me, do you love us morethan you love Gitgen? Not between each
other? Like you like him better? You like it? Do you like

(35:19):
the cat better than me? Youdo love us more than you love Gidget?
Right, And I would say,guys, don't ask me questions that
you don't love. The answer probablynot the best mommy answer. Actually,
probably another not the best mommy answerto is when they were together, and

(35:44):
not only when they were little,like still him, who do you love
better? I would saying, likethey stop doing this, by the way,
I think you know it's the olderone. I love you so much
more on Monday's and days and Friday, that's cute, and you to the
little one so much more on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. But I've got

(36:08):
to be honest with you on Sundays, I kind of hate you both.
Well, they have to balance theequal amount of days exactly, and just
know that they will. They willjoke about that until like the day you're
dead because my brother and I dothe same thing with my mother and we're
just we're just kidding, We're likepoking her and she's like, you know,

(36:30):
the same kind of answer. Butyes, they will, they will
do that, and so the dayyou die, well, then I hope
it's a good mommy answer and notlike I'm going to be in therapy for
the rest of my life kind ofanswer. So I think we should throw
out to anyone who has stories abouttransitioning a baby into a house with pets,

(36:53):
please share it with us. Wewould love to hear them on our
next episode. Liz, Yes,what is the topic? I think we
need to talk about road rage becauseyesterday I had an incident, okay,

(37:16):
and I got into trouble by myson who was in the car, and
I got caught by somebody who veryunexpectedly, somehow was in the mists of
this road rage incident that I wasinvolved in, and like, they're not

(37:39):
really talking to me right now,so I can't wait to hear the story.
Yeah, and when your child chastised, Yeah, and it's the little
one too, was the little onewho Yeah? Yeah, So I think

(37:59):
you know we're gonna let time passfor everyone involved. You're still very very
angry and concerned, like, whywould you do this? How could you
put your kid in this kind ofdanger? What the fuck is your problem?
Are you? Okay, so we'regonna let you know a little bit

(38:22):
of time pass. Okay, Well, thank you everybody for listening, and
we hope that you come back again. How you can reach us at Voyage
Media at Twitter, Instagram, andon Facebook. And you can reach out
directly to me at Panicked Remy onTwitter, Instagram, and Facebook.