We All Know By Now That I Tend To Break Into Cars

In which Remi straight up steals a complete stranger’s car… and then refuses to give it back. Complete with bruises, tears, and hot coffee. Possibly the best story of the entire season, one that you’ll just have to listen to, to understand.

Episode Transcript

(00:08):
Welcome to my weekly panic Attack.I'm your host, Renny Brooks. I've
been a licensed psychotherapist for over twentyyears and run a thriving private practice.
I'm also diagnosed bipolar an OCD.Often the two do not mix well,
which tends to throw my life intocomplete chaos. So as I do some

(00:32):
spiraling, my best friend Liz Winwill do her best to ground me a
bit. During this podcast, we'llbe talking about the horror and the humor
of the anxieties of daily life,the things we do that are embarrassing,
funny, but yet very human.Let's get started, and there's no better

(00:57):
way to get started than by beginningthis episode and all episodes with my friend
and co host, the beautiful,intelligent, and ever rational Liz Win.
How are you, Liz Hey?How are you today? Fremy? I

(01:19):
am okay, Actually, honestly,I'm feeling pretty good. We did an
episode a little while ago on carblindness. Do you remember? I do,
and I now have confirmation that carblindness is a real thing, so
we'll talk about that in a bit. Okay, First, here's a well

(01:44):
adjusted moment from Liz's life. So, I mean, when I was traveling
to Austin, there was no Whawa, so I needed to go to a
different communion store and I came acrossa bigger and can I say a better
store? Um no, Actually youmay not say I'm taking great offense.

(02:08):
I feel like you're talking badly aboutWahwa. I would never talk badly about
Wahwa. It's just this store hadeverything wawahad plus so much more. Okay,
So now not only do I feellike you're talking badly about Wawa,
but I feel like you've cheated onWahwa. And quite frankly, I don't

(02:32):
like this at all. I thinkit's time that we end this conversation.
O Commy, there are other placesthat are outside your ten mile radius.
Yeah, I've heard the rumors.I don't necessarily believe them. And you
absolutely knew this was coming. You'vegot to have a wa Wa, But

(02:54):
that's what I'm saying. You don'talways have to have whoa. And this
has been a well adjusted moment fromLiz's life. Guess what time it is,
Liz? What time is it?It is time for me to tell

(03:15):
you what the hell I'm stressed about? Now? So what is on your
plate today? Okay? So weall know by now that I tend to
break into cars. Yes, yes, we do. Okay, well that's

(03:36):
kind of stressful because it's not somethingthat I actually attempt to do. It
just kind of happens. Now.We spoke about car blindness before, and
it turns out car blindness, asI knew it would be, is a

(03:57):
real thing with a different name,which is why I couldn't find it.
The actual name is change blindness.And it turns out that there's like real
research behind this. There's this big, long definition and whoever's interested can go

(04:19):
and check it out if they wantto. But basically, what it means
is that if you believe and expectto see whatever it is you think you're
going to see, and because youso firmly assume that what you're going to
see is actually there, then that'swhat you see. So I'm not saying

(04:41):
that, you know, if you'rein Target and you think you're going to
see an elephant in the middle ofan aisle, you mistake a shopping heart
for the elephant. It has toactually be somewhat similar to what it is
you're saying. Like my last storyabout car blindness, I swapped my dad's
white Mazda for another white Mazda.They were very similar. Hence change blindness.

(05:13):
Liz, Okay, the last timewe talked about this, you seemed,
let's say, doubtful, thinking thatI might be the only person who

(05:35):
experienced such a phenomenon. Turns outit's actually quite common. Okay. I
just want to say that I wasright and you were wrong. I was
waiting for that part for you toget belonged to that I was right and

(05:56):
you were wrong. Okay, Sowe can agree that I was right and
you were wrong. We're good withthat. Saying that I now feel like
I can move on. I justwant to make sure that you are good
with that, and you feel likeyou can move on. I can't.
I can move on. I canaccept. I can accept that you found

(06:17):
this, that it was to betrue, um, that that it could
be true, and that you werewrong. I have no problem saying I
was wrong, I was wrong.They're okay, very still not wrong about
the bat, but I'm okay.Okay, the bat, Liz, another
story, Um, Liz, batsdo not all have sonar. I'm just

(06:45):
saying because the bat smacked me inthe face. So no, Liz,
you were wrong. On that onetoo. Not okay, we'll go Okay,
Liz, you were wrong on thatone too when you told me that
the bat will not come near meand then it smacked me in the face.

(07:11):
I have to say you were wrongon that one too. However,
we can move on. We canokay, get the screen, because there
are two more change blindness stories thatI would love to share that will pretty
much cover how diverse an issue thisis for me. Okay, Okay.

(07:39):
At one point in my career,I was a clinical supervisor working at a
mental health agency and I had anout of office meeting to go to with
my supervisor. Now I can't useher real name, so I am going
to call her Laura and hope thatI don't mess up. If I mess

(08:03):
up, there are going to belots of bleeps in this particular episode,
So we're going to try very hardto call her Laura, La Laura,
Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura. Okay, So, now Laura knew
exactly where this meeting was, soit was an obvious choice that she was
going to be the driver. Weget into her car, we go to

(08:24):
the meeting. On the way backfrom the meeting, we stopped at Wawa
so that she could fill her carout with gas and I could go in
and get a cup of coffee.Before I left her car, I very
specifically asked her if she planned onstaying parked right there at the pumps or
if she planned on moving to aparking spot, and she very specifically said

(08:50):
that she was going to wait atthe pump for me. So I get
out of the car and I lookup at the number sign, and she
was at pump number six. Okay, due diligence, exactly exactly, so
I repeat in my head, pumpnumber six, pump number six, pump

(09:11):
number six, pump number six,pump number six. I walk to the
front doors, I turn around onelast time, and there she is pumping
her gas. And I look upat the number sign and I verify for
myself one last time, pump numbersix. I go into the store,
make my coffee, pay the entiretime, saying to myself, pump number

(09:37):
six, pump number six. Iexit, walk over to pump number six,
get in the car, put thecup of hot coffee between my legs
as I buckle up, and Isay, okay, let's go, and
Laura screams so I scream, andshe screams, get half my car.

(10:03):
Okay, very odd, very odd. I looked at her for the first
time since getting in the car,and I scream just as loudly as she
does, You're not Laura. Andshe screams, get half my car.
So I scream, because I'm injust as much shocked as she is.

(10:28):
I'm just as scared. I screamagain, You're not Laura. Get out
of my car. You're not Laura, I am. This is why the
wishing would have supposed to turn herinto Laura. I am honestly not sure

(10:54):
how long this went on for,but at some point it hit me to
get out of this one in thiscar. So I opened the door and
attempted. Oh God, breathe,you were still buckled in with their legs.

(11:18):
Oh did I realize this one legsuccessfully got out o the other,
not the scolden hot coffee which hadbeen positioned between my thighs. Well,
the lid came off from the entirelarge cup of coffee spilled all over me

(11:46):
and this woman's car. But forwhatever reason, because I had no idea,
I couldn't get my other leg out. As much as I tried and
I really tried. Oh while shecontinues sccreaming, screaming for me to get

(12:07):
out, but I couldn't. AndI tell her I am trying. I
am really really trying the doors open. I keep throwing my body o,
all my weight, trying so hardto get out of her car. When

(12:33):
she realizes that I'm still seatbelted in, she unclicks with no warning and I
fall to the ground. Catapult yourselfout at that point, covereding coffee,
ruised hands and knees with tears,And I tell you, the tears had

(12:58):
nothing to do with my many cutsand scrapes. I stand up and look
at this woman who is not Laura, and she's screaming for me to close
the door. And I find thatall I can tell is you're not Laura.

(13:22):
Close my door. You're not Laura. Oh God. She reached over
and closed and locked the door herself, and I look up and I am

(13:45):
indeed at pump number six and thinking, what the fuck is going on here?
Now? I have to ask you, when you were at the wahwah
and you looked back, You didn'tlook back at the car, just look
back at the pomp exactly exactly okay, so beaten, battered, stained,

(14:09):
and traumatized. Who the traumatized personwas there? I think we both were.
I walk up to the front ofWawa, and I would have called
Laura, but my phone was inher car. I desperately needed a cigarette,

(14:35):
but my pack was also in hercar. I meanwhile, was expecting
the police to show up and arrestme for breaking and entering or something worse.
I don't know what the charges wouldhave been. I just knew that

(14:56):
I needed to find Laura and getthe hell out of the out. But
I couldn't find her because I didn'tknow what her car looked like. So
I stood in front of Wawa andjust started looking around. Now, Yes,

(15:20):
I had gotten into Laura's car sowe could go to the meeting,
gotten out of her car once wegot to the meeting, twice, gotten
back into her car on the wayto Wahua. Gotten out of her car
once we got to Wahwa. Turnedaround and looked to verify pump number six.

(15:41):
Perhaps I should have known what kindof car she drove. Sure probably
did I even know what color hercar was? He didn't even know what
color it was? No, No, I did not. I had no

(16:06):
idea what car I was looking for. I had just aimlessly followed Laura to
her car, and then I assumedstupidly that she would be where she said
she would be. So I amlooking at all the parked car cars and

(16:34):
I see what may be Laura.But this woman had her head down,
looking at her phone in her ownlittle fucking world, having no idea what
I just went through. And Iwasn't about to approach this woman just in

(16:56):
case this was again Laura. Ididn't want to. There's somebody else.
I just waited and did the hardstare until she finally looked up at me
and waved towards me like confusion,like why are you just standing there?

(17:22):
So it was, in fact Laura. I get into her car. I
yell, pump number six, pumpnumber six, you were supposed to be
at pump number six. When yousay you're gonna be somewhere, that's the

(17:42):
fuck where you should be. Now, remember this is my supervisor. Yes,
pump number fucking six. We're gonnatake a quick break and we'll be
right back. As a therapist herself, she stood back and looked someone's having

(18:15):
a moment here. Thankfully she didnot see this as subordination, rather as
a person on and or over theverge of having a complete mental breakdown.

(18:36):
Remy, she started, very calmly, why don't you tell me what happened?
Now? Really, if you thinkabout this story from Laura's side,
how could she possibly imagine that's somuch could have gone down while she was

(19:03):
simply pumping gas and going through heremail, right, it could not have
been possible. I wouldn't have pickedthat one out there. Never, Pump
number six is what happened. Youneed to pull the fuck out of this
parking lot before the police show up. On our way back from Wawa,

(19:26):
I made her pull into a parkinglot where I smoked many cigarettes trying to
calm myself down, and told herthe quite unbelievable story of pump number six.
And so this was another and yettotally different kind of case of car

(19:51):
blindness. Okay, I'm trying tocalm myself down because I'm little anxious.
I mean, I kind of givea tea on the other story. But
this one you didn't even at leastthe other were two white cars. This
was literally just an object in apump, yes, but it was pump

(20:17):
number six. She very specifically toldme that is where she was going to
be. I had no reason toquestion it, none at all. I
am sure after that she never movedfrom the pump that she was at.
I have no idea except that thisis my regular Wahwah, and so every

(20:42):
time I go there, I seepump numbers. It's a trigger. It
is. It's a trigger. Everysingle time I go to wah Wah,
I say, oh my god,pump number six every single time. Oh
okay, one last story. Okay, this is the one that happened actually

(21:08):
pretty recently that got me thinking aboutcar blindness to begin with. So I
had to go to the market,which I always dread. I mean,
I have enough cans of soup tolast me at least six months, so
I'm good. But like, apparently, so I'm told kids need to eat,

(21:32):
Like, oh, come on,what else do you need from me?
So susin answer, I mean,come on, you ask for so
much, leave me alone. Sowe were actually low on both human food
and dog food. I think itwas the low on dog food that really

(21:56):
got me going. I had choicesto make. I figured I could possibly
stretch out all the food and waituntil the weekend. What I wouldn't have
to go to the market alone.I could take my youngest with me,
which really was a much better choice. Correct. But then I checked the

(22:21):
forecast and we were expecting rain allweekend. And the only thing I hate
more than going to the market isgoing to the market in the rain.
So I had to make a decisiongo to the market by myself, in
which case any number of things couldgo very very wrong or right, wait

(22:48):
until a rainy weekend and go tothe market with my little one. I
decided not to hold off and justgo to the market that day, get
it over with, much to mydismay. May I add, now,
when I go to the market bymyself, I have a couple of techniques

(23:12):
that I use. Okay, Ialways try to park in the same misle
because it gives me a much betterchance of finding my car. I use
my grounding techniques and some de escalationtechniques. Before I leave the car,
I review my list at least twiceso I know exactly what I need with

(23:33):
the goal of getting out of thereas quickly as possible. The list is
handwritten, I hold it in myhand the entire time. For really easy
and quick reviews so I don't haveto keep checking my phone. And then
I head into the market with thehope that nothing terribly awful is going to

(23:57):
a car. That's like a fulltime job right there. It is a
whole thing. Now I have wholeroutines for pretty much everything I do.
That is my market routine. Okay, Okay, I couldn't believe what was

(24:17):
happening. I made it to thecheckout line. Food was being backed.
Okay, I was almost out incidentfree. I was heading towards the exit.
The only thing at this point thatcould go wrong is the alarm going

(24:41):
off as I'm leaving, which hashappened before, so it would be nothing
new. Okay. I had myreceipt in hand, so that when the
alarm goes off, I am readyto prove that I have paid for my
groceries. I take some very deepbreaths because I'm waiting for the alarm,
and I walk through the door.No alarm less. Perfect. So now

(25:07):
I'm listening for the miss, missplease stop. But it doesn't come.
Liz, I'm free. I didit. I made it successfully. I
go to the aisle that I knowI parked in because it's my regular aisle,

(25:32):
and from the curb, I clickmy key fob to unlock my car,
which is like way down, butit unlocks. I see the lights
go on. I am starting toapproach my car. I get to the
white suv. I open the trunk, I put all my groceries inside,
put the cart in the cart in, close my trunk, Get into my

(25:53):
car, buckle up. Put thekey in the ignition, but the key
won't go in. Oh, thisis not a fake. The key fits
thing. The key did not fit. Now listen, I am really truly,

(26:15):
and I know that it sometimes comesoff like I am, But I
am not a fucking idiot. Ido, indeed know how to put a
key in an ignition. I've doneit a million times. So I try
again to no avail. Clearly,something's wrong with my key. Okay,

(26:41):
I turn the key over, whichI should not have to do because it
goes in both ways. I turnthe key over and I try again,
and it's not working. Okay,calm calm down, Calm down. I

(27:02):
must be rushing without realizing that I'mrushing. So I take my seatbelt off
because now I need room to work, and I get a much better look
at the ignition area, and it'slike trying to fit a square peg in

(27:25):
a round hole. What the fuck? Why won't it go in? I
have no idea what's happening in thismoment. And then I noticed that my
pink, fuzzy steering wheel cover isnot on my steering wheel. Oh good
god, you're in someone else's car. I look into the back seat and

(27:51):
it's full of stuff, stuff thatshould not be there. I don't keep
stuff in my back seat because ifI kept stuff in my back seat,
Lucy would eat right. I lookup front again. No box of tissues,

(28:14):
no cigarettes, no trash back.Oh my god, is this like
a slow roll or a fast roll? To the Oh crap, I'm in
the wrong car. It I sodidn't understand what was happening. It was
slow. It was a fair slowprocess. And then, like you said,

(28:41):
I realized that I'm in the wrongcar, that this is not my
car, and that I just loadedall my groceries into a car that is
not my line, that I amsitting in the driver's seat of a car

(29:06):
that is not mine, and I'mwondering what do I do now. I
well, I was thinking, doI go back into the market and get

(29:27):
the owner of this car and explainwhat happened. Do I just unload all
my groceries back into a cart andthen reload them whenever it is I find
my car, Like, people aregoing to see this, right, They'll

(29:48):
think I'm stealing. So many thingscan go wrong in this scenario, so
many people can call the police.And what am I going to say?
Because is my story even believable?Like, I'm not sure that it is.
What should I do here? Iget out of the car and I

(30:15):
use my key fob, and itturns out that my car is exactly two
cars over from this car? Okay? And I decide to take the risk.
I get back into this car thatis not mine and use the trunk

(30:37):
release and very quickly, very quicklylearn the car transfer all my groceries two
cars over into my actual car.Much to my surprise, no one stopped
me, no one questioned me,and somehow the owners did not come out

(31:04):
during this process, Thank goodness,Thang God. When done, I locked
their door and left as though Ihad never been there. Do I need

(31:25):
to tell you that I expected thepolice to arrive at my house all day
long? Oh? My God,I can't imagine, because I would have
just been okay, drove away.No one saw it, were good to
go all day. I expected likea call from the police, like knock

(31:48):
knock, knock knock. I wasterrified. Now I usually throw my grocery
receipts away this second I get home. Not this time. I still have
that receiver clipped to my refrigerator,just in case. Car blindness, Liz.

(32:12):
I expected that first the white SUVcar to be my car, and
therefore in my head it was mycar, and no, I did not
notice that the entire trunk had acompletely different layout and had things in it
that my trunk doesn't have. AndI did not notice that my car magnets

(32:38):
that are on the back of mycar, so I can tell it is
in fact my car were not onthis car that I opened. I did
not notice that the entire inside wascompletely different until my key. Want to

(33:00):
start the ignition. I'm guessing you'venow created a new process for when you
come out of the market. Ireally I think I figured it out now.
Had the key worked, I wouldhave ended up driving. Oh yeah,
you would have Yes, yes,I would have car blindness. List

(33:22):
or shall I say change blindness.So I have now shared three very different
kind of change blindness stories, allof which have a very real impact on

(33:45):
my life, all of which couldget me in serious trouble, like legal
trouble. Can I tell you howscary and exhausting it is to always be
waiting to be caught by the policefor something that I feel like I have

(34:10):
no control over, and clearly Ido have control over this. I think
the answer is to pay a closerattention, be aware, like, yes,
be more aware. And yet Ifeel like at some point I will

(34:38):
get a call from you that you'rein you're in the clink because you stole
a car. I am just waitingfor that time. I am waiting,
like literally waiting for that. Idon't know how that hasn't happened yet,

(34:59):
and I'm terrified for it. It'slike one thing to commit a crime because
you want to and or me to, and like this is your goal,
You're set, You're setting out tocommit a crime, versus being so fucking

(35:22):
oblivious you have committed like like youknow you're under arrest for And my response
is like what I did? What? God? You have flaw Lawyers in
the family man, Thank God,And I am so like intimidated by you

(35:45):
know how, like they on TVthey put people in interrogation rooms, Like
if that really happened, if apolice officer came to arrest me, like
right then and there, I wouldbe like, yes, and I'm sure
I committed a murder. Show we'rethinking messing to everything. Yeah, it

(36:06):
would be horrible, horrible. Sofor those listening, if you have experiences
with change blindness, now, minehappens to be like all car related,
but yours can be related to anything. Please share your stories. We would
love to hear from you. Youcan reach us at Voyage Media at Twitter,

(36:29):
Instagram, and on Facebook, andyou can reach out directly to me
at Panicked Remy on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook