Plug Into Your Unique and Essential Voice with Corey Lyon Folsom

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to the Perfect Life Awakening Show, hosted by Royce Morales.
Royce has been a transformational facilitator, teaching groundbreaking spiritually based
courses for more than four decades. She is the author
of three books about her teachings. Join Royce as she
takes you on a journey into how to live your
best life and find your true purpose through discovering the

(00:31):
origins of subconscious, disempowering notions and releasing them. She talks
with experts and inspiring people just like you who learned
to trust their intuitive inner wisdom, which led to life
changing shifts. Today, her guests live in empowered existence and
are helping change the world to a higher consciousness place

(00:52):
based on truth and love. You deserve to awaken, to
align with and embody your true self and live a
life filled with love. Transform yourself from triggered to empowered
and create your perfect life. Here is your host, Royce Morales.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
Hello, Welcome, very excited as always to be here today
with you. And before I even introduce my guest for
the day, I would like to tell you a little
bit about what's happening on Friday, which is such an
honor and such a thrill I have put together a

(01:33):
panel discussion and it's all about awakening. The title that
we came up with is great. It's called awakening or remembering.
Haven't we done this? And I'm just going to give
you the you know, spoiler alert, Yes we have done this,
but we're right in the middle of some huge awakenings,

(01:54):
whether personally, planetarily, socially. All our consciousness is just awakening
all over the place. So in case you have questions
or concerns about what's going on in you or in
the world, tune in this Friday, which is August eighth,
which some of you may know is the Lion's Gate.

(02:16):
I know nothing about it, but one of my guests
knows all about it, and she's going to talk about
what that means astrologically and planetarily, because apparently it's a
big deal. So August eighth, Friday, two days from now,
at ten a m. Pacific time, and Chris, if you
wouldn't mind showing that wonderful banner that explains So the

(03:16):
three other guests besides me or panelists, I should say,
one of them is Mary Maduna Gross and she's been
on my show several times. She's amazing, she's very grounded
and very focused on conscious business, and she's going to
talk about that sort of thing. A very grounded, informational person.

(03:38):
And Amy Ponds is the one who knows all about
astrology and she calls herself the Witchy Witch. She is
a wonderful coach and she works with energy and has
some really interesting things to say about this awakening. And
aziz A priest Day is a social activist and she's

(04:00):
been a social activist since she was a child, a
small child, So she has some interesting things to say,
of course, and of course so do I. But you
probably know all that about me. Okay, without further ado,
I want to introduce my guest today. We have Corey
Lyon Folsom and he is a certified NLP practitioner and

(04:25):
a relationship coach and he's very passionate about helping people
connect mindfully because most of us are kind of walking
around not real conscious, and especially he focuses on communication,
which is so great. He wrote a book that is
called The Soul's Statement. I'll get the words out today,

(04:49):
I will. And it's a technique that allows people to
discover their unique and essential voice and come from confidence,
which I need right now and from an intuitive, confident, empathic,
clear communication which really radiates our core values who we

(05:11):
really are into the world. And he is also the
author of Oh Actually, the whole title of the book
is Sole Statements, a love Coach's Guide to Successful Communication,
and it's full of potent tools to really help you
achieve intimacy with yourself and connect with others. So welcome, Corey.

(05:34):
I'm so glad you're here.

Speaker 3 (05:36):
Thank you, Royce. I'm happy to be here as well.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
You are welcome. So before we even start with all
my questions, I want to say that one of the
things I talk about so much in my course and
my Perfect Life Awakening course is communication. And I think
it's undoubtedly the most important aspect of a relationship, especially
with ourselves, because we're so out of communication with ourselves,

(06:02):
how can we be in communication with others? And we're
even more out of touch with our inner voice, whether
it's the voice of our fears and our beliefs and
our programming or our consciousness voice, the part that is
trying to lead us into an evolved place. So it's
just so important. So I want to first of all

(06:25):
ask you how did you get started in this tell
us your story. What's your background in this?

Speaker 3 (06:32):
Oh gosh, Well, I had a great childhood, but I
didn't learn communication in terms of when there's conflict, and
so naturally, when I became an adult, I didn't know

(06:53):
how to do difficult conversations with any measure of grace.
And so after a series of heartaches, I decided enough
is enough, and I attended workshop after workshop of personal
development communication tools to center and ground and speak better.

(07:19):
So and I actually hired a coach as well to
kind of get me over at least where I could
see the promised land and so and people just started
asking me to help them, and then eventually I trained

(07:41):
to be a coach, and so now I'm a love
and relationship coach of all things.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
Wow, sounds like we have the same life. My family,
there was never any discussion of conflict. It was, you know,
my mother would like pout my father and say a word.
And you know, I never knew how to address anything
that was a conflict of any kind. And it took

(08:07):
me years to be able to finally come up with
ways that I think I can say this to this. So, yeah,
very interesting. And my direction came about in kind of
a similar way as well, just kind of landed in
my lap. So that's interesting. So tell us it says

(08:30):
on your file that you had a spiritual soul awakening
in two thousand and nine. Tell us a little bit
about that.

Speaker 3 (08:37):
Well, I had wanted to go to this communication workshop
communication specifically intimate communication, and it was full and I
had been talking to someone about, well, I can't get in,

(08:57):
and so this person who I really knew, said, well,
I know there's this other workshop happening this weekend and
you might want to check that out. I've liked it.
And so it was a Taunter workshop and I really
knew not not quite not the first thing, but I
knew very very little about it, and I thought, okay, fine,

(09:18):
uh and.

Speaker 2 (09:21):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (09:21):
And so in the middle of it, at one point,
you have this four hours where you are sitting knee
to knee with another person and meditating together, running energy together.
And I was really really nervous leading into it, and
I'm like, how how am I going to even last

(09:43):
an hour? And yeah, and and I remember sitting there
in this this and it's it's kind of they do
it Sadie Hawkins style, where the men are sitting around
in a room and the worl and comes up and
sits in front of you. And that's that's how she
picks who she wants to do this. And I was

(10:06):
the person not picked. It was an it was an
an equal number as an odd number of students. And
so the assistant teacher then in that case, she steps
in and takes that lone person, which was me. And
so I remember sitting there and and my thoughts were

(10:29):
not very not very focused, and I had trouble being present,
and and she just reached out and tapped my sternum
with her finger and said, be here, be with me.
And I was like, okay, I got that, thank you.
And and as we continued to just I gaze, everything

(10:54):
all of a sudden changed and it was the way
I the way I describe how it felt is that
all the air, all the oxygen in the room went
away and it was replaced by breathable joy.

Speaker 2 (11:11):
Oh wow.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
And it changed me. It felt like it changed me
on a molecular level. And I didn't have to practice
anything that I wanted. I was just me and I
was integrated and empowered and complete. I didn't want for anything.
It's like I think it was it Ron Dass who

(11:33):
might have said, you know, nowhere to go, nothing to
do like that. So I had that ultimate moment of
coming home to myself. And so it was shortly after
that that I hired that coach because now that I
found Corey, I wanted to keep him and that's where
the tools and practices and day to day comes in.

Speaker 2 (11:56):
Well, I like that you said you wanted to keep
him in practicing helps to do that, because I think
a lot of people, in fact, that's one of the
reasons I'm doing this panel discussion on Friday, is that
by myself and lots of other people thought, well, once
you have one of those spiritual awakenings, that's it. Everything's great.

(12:17):
But I find that I have an analogy for it.
It's like you're sitting in a pile of do do
shall we say? And you've taken one shovel and what
that one shovel is? Feels really good? But then what
have you done? You've exposed the next layer, so you
know you've got to keep digging. But that's great, that's
that's an amazing story. So you went from that to

(12:43):
creating something called soul statements. Tell us what that.

Speaker 3 (12:46):
Is well, when I was working with my coaching clients,
you know, we would try to I would try to
help them get to that point of difficulty and how
they handled it versus maybe how they could do it differently.

(13:07):
And so I remembered something that Tony Robbins said when
I was in the room with him, and he said,
our minds are designed to look for what's wrong, and
what's wrong is always available, but so is what's right.
And that percolated for quite a while in me. I'm like, yeah,

(13:28):
and so so I'm asking this person when when you're
at that moment, what are you thinking? What message is
your brain telling you? And typically it was some kind
of message of hopelessness or frustration or disempowerment. And that's

(13:51):
not false. But there's also the stronger, more centered you,
that's more who you really are, and so why not
in that moment remind yourself of what you're made of.
And so a sole statement is a it's a type

(14:13):
of affirmation, but it's not a future desired state. It's
something that's true about who you really are. So your
resources and what's true and good and resourced about you.
And so a soul statement is based on the premise

(14:33):
that answers are in your center, truth is in your center,
and so why not remind yourself, await, And what's really
true is you know, I'm held in love, there's grit
at my center. I got this. And so you're not
trying to trick your brain as much as you're reminding yourself,

(14:56):
which we all need reminders again and again and again.
Just life. You're reminding yourself what you're really made of
and that you can be more resource than you were
a second ago.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
Yeah. So let's say you're in a situation and you
find yourself judging somebody or being angry at somebody, and
you tune into that sole statement, that truth about yourself.
What do you do with the other stuff? What do
you recommend that people do with all that stuff about, Oh,
that person's a jerk and I hate that person and
I'm out of here, you know, all that garbage.

Speaker 3 (15:32):
Yeah, well, sole statements are really looking. They're not so
much describing or informing about maybe what you think of
another person. I do love what Teddy Roosevelt said one
time when he and someone else were brought up subject

(15:55):
of someone that he didn't like any and Teddy Roosevelt's said,
you know what, I don't like that man, I must
get to know him better. Great, but that that's not
sole statements. That's just an awesome thing that Teddy reminded
us of. But with a soul statement, I'll actually say

(16:15):
in my head, you know what I used to think that,
and what's really true is and so it's that that
inner dialogue that is more your ally. And so so
I might say, you know, some form of i'm not
sure or i'm not sure I could do X or Y,
or I'm not sure how we're going to get through this,

(16:36):
and I can go, you know what, that's an old story.
What's true is my heart is a trusted guide. My
soul knows what to do. And so that's a sole statement.
Then your next that next thought can be informed by
what's really true, that my soul does know what to do.
I will find a way.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
And so you basically just kind of ignore all the
other chatter, the mind chatter that's going on, or do
you incorporate that in some ways.

Speaker 3 (17:07):
I don't incorporate it. The I just say, I just
tell myself that's not true. I mean, that's just my
mind looking for a way or whatever it is that's
that's the better thought for me to focus on right
now is And so it's it's about changing your own focus.

(17:28):
And you know, like I might even say, what's what's
the best thought for me right now? And so, you know,
step one, realize you're having an unhelpful thought, unhelpful attitude,
and then declare that soul statement, usually silently out loud
if you if you're if that's appropriate, And then the

(17:49):
real power comes when you can feel the truth and
the rightness of it. And so that feeling that that
thought generates is more important than the thought. So when
I say my heart is a trusted guide, if I
can really feel that that's powerful and that that's and
so then of course the next action is a little

(18:14):
easier to be congruent with that than if you if
you're just thinking those other it's a way to get there,
it's a way to get to the you know, what's
the best thought for me right now? What's the next
best action for me right now? So, so.

Speaker 2 (18:32):
You're not asking people to fake it, you're asking them
to experience it.

Speaker 3 (18:37):
In other words, right, so you're it's a way of
not pretending to be your mind's trying to maybe convince
you you're a little more helpless than you actually are,
or a little more reason for fear than there actually
should be. And so that exaggerated monkey mind, you're you're

(18:59):
countering it. You're like a like a swordsman. And and
so there's a there's a more capable version of you
that's that's available. And so it's a way to just
not just accept that voice in your head. You're you're

(19:20):
challenging it a bit. And and so you're along with
a soul statement should come a little more optimism. A
you're touching this truth and so it's not something you
don't have, it's something that is down there. And so
it's it's aligning with the more capable you versus the

(19:44):
critical you.

Speaker 2 (19:46):
Yeah, one of the things that I teach in my program.
In fact, I have another side program that I do
once in a while on this network called mirroring. And
basically what mirror is is when somebody pushes your buttons
or triggers you, you know, and you want to say
all those horrible things to them and blame them and

(20:08):
feel like a victim. It's just showing you a mirror
of something that you're in denial of about yourself, and
I find that doing that can immediately take me to
that place of being able to do a soul statement
or come from my higher consciousness or whatever. Do you
ever help help people with that kind of thing?

Speaker 3 (20:28):
Yeah? Absolutely. I mean the world offers endless opportunities to
you know, buy into this or buy into that. That's
that's will just lead you to a more poor place.
And so we want to just keep circling back to

(20:53):
the strength inside of us, the contact with your own heart.
And so I might even put my hand on my
heart when I say, you know, my heart is a
loving guide and or my body knows how to heal itself,
or I have a certainty that's deeper than my thoughts,
and so knowing, you know, getting to that place where

(21:16):
you're like there's a there's a real me, that's okay.
It's also a wonderful thing to spend time in silence,
preferably every day to where you're and that's maybe where
the soul statement can arise from, because you know a
little bit more about you as the real you just

(21:39):
from sitting sitting in silence. You know, people have different
ways they contact their center some people it's a hard workout.
Some people it's going in the ocean. Other people it's
sitting on a meditation cushion. But whatever connects you more
to you do more of that, or at least do
it regularly.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
And how do people usually respond when you come from
that place? Do you generally have positive things that happen
from them?

Speaker 3 (22:07):
Yeah? And it allows for some space, especially when it's
like a couple that are having a conflict. If you
can remember that you know, I am enough, basically whatever
version of that you want to say to yourself, like
I am enough, you're just less threatened by the other

(22:28):
person's opinion or experience, and it gives a little more
space to respond from how you would hope you would
have responded. And so and one I had another teacher
was really it's really good at this. But if you're

(22:53):
going to say offer empathy or compassionate listening to another person,
but you're also feeling your wounded heart, it's helpful. And
I do this often to notice your heart and speak
directly to your own heart first, like I see you're hurting,

(23:16):
it's you know, and breathe and if you can offer
a bit of love, a bit of empathy, a bit
of compassion to your own wounded heart. That acknowledgment, then
you're less hungry for immediate acknowledgment from this other person,
and you can just hear their distress and not be

(23:40):
so impacted in a negative way by it, but you
can just wow, you know, I have a beautiful heart.
They do too, actually, And so that it's that if
you're wanting to offer something beautiful to another, even if

(24:01):
it's just a little space, offer it to yourself on
the inside first. And that's a great technique.

Speaker 2 (24:08):
Yeah, I'm just trying to picture how this would happen,
how this would look in the real world, And because
you know, you and I come from a very spiritual,
higher consciousness place, but most people don't. And I'm just
you know, I'm picturing some of the people that I know,
some people in my family even that if I started
doing that, they would just like lock me up, you know.

(24:30):
I mean, I've had to really tone down my woo
woo news for a lot of people, you know, And
it's fine, it doesn't bother me. It's just interesting. But
how would that work with somebody that's like completely at
the opposite end of the spectrum of this.

Speaker 3 (24:46):
Well, you're doing it primarily quietly on the inside. Okay,
You're not saying any of this to them. You're just
getting to a better place within you, a more calm place,
a more alone, hind place, and then you know, hopefully
the winds of conflict can feel a little less strong.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
Yeah. Yeah, So you wouldn't say these things to them
and have them go oh my god.

Speaker 3 (25:13):
No, you're doing it silently on the inside.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
Good. Okay, So how in this world where we are so,
shall we say twenty five words? Are less communication lately
with texts? And you know, I have two granddaughters and

(25:35):
every time I write them a text, my son has said,
you know, they roll their eyes when they get a
text from you because you're too wordy. You know, I've
got it. You have to get it down to twenty
five words. How does that fit in with all of
this communication stuff.

Speaker 3 (25:53):
Well, the more that you're in touch with your own center,
the more you're better suited to speak directly to what's
really the essence of the issue. And you know, to
acknowledge another person as useful and whole and complete and valuable.

(26:20):
And so you just want to get to the bull's
eye of what it's real. So in other words, another
way that can work out is, you know, the everyone
else in the world is the expert on how you
come across and your impact. You're the expert on your

(26:44):
intention and what you mean where you're coming from, and
so you so it's valuable to pay attention to your
impact because if it's something other than what you want,
there's a there's a course adjustment perhaps or doing it differently,

(27:07):
or you know, and I ask people, well, how would
you like, what do you want to hear in this
situation or that instance, like like what do you want
your what's the words that you want your husband to
say when I'm when I'm this or I'm that, and
and that's a beautiful thing with couples, and because the

(27:30):
guy's like, oh I could do that, it's like, you know,
it's kind of a page from an instruction manual. Awesome.
So that's the the other part of that coin is
just speaking to this is what would help me in
that situation, So just tell me it's going to be okay,
or you know, whatever it is.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
To me, that would sound like fake in a way,
it's like it's rehearsed I mean if I said to
my husband, Okay, so tell me that I look beautiful
because I really need you to say that, and then
he says it, and it's like, well, it's not real,
it's not authentic. How do you get past that level

(28:14):
of things.

Speaker 3 (28:22):
You could ask for in order for me to really
believe it? Could you say it in your own words
or say some version of this, or you know, say
those kind of things maybe without being prompted. Just here

(28:42):
and there sprinkled throughout the week. So there's that. And
then you can also inquire more deeply, like do you
do you? Are you doing this because I asked you to?
I mean, can you can you articulate late what I
am for you or how I am for you? And

(29:05):
just you know, if they're willing to go more, that's
you know, and that may not be the case, but
you can ask.

Speaker 2 (29:13):
Yeah, because it seems like you know, what I talk
about in my courses is you can say all kinds
of words, but if your intention isn't there, it doesn't work,
you know at all. I mean I always think about
this one this one story. I was doing a retreat
and I was talking about intention and I was talking

(29:37):
about mirroring and all kinds of stuff that nobody wanted
to hear. And one of the participants that the retreat
looked at me and she goes, I hate you, Royce.
I looked at her and what I heard was, I
love you so much, Royce, thank you so much for
waking me up to the truth. And I just mirrored
back to her, Oh God, I love you too, and

(29:58):
she started to cry because she knew saying was true.
So it's the intention underneath our words that people get.
So what do you have to say about that?

Speaker 3 (30:10):
Yeah, just keep going for the bullseye, you know. And
also you know you're the you're the emotional weather vean
perhaps for the for the for the exchange. And so
I call it like it's a form of bravery two

(30:33):
to ask for more to say, well, you know, are
you feeling that? Is that? Is that your truth? Or
are you just saying what you think I need to hear.

Speaker 4 (30:44):
I'm just it's it's the courage to be clear.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
Yeah, okay, Well we need to take a bit of
a break just to remind everybody. I'm talking to Corey
Lyon Folsom about sold statements, and we will be right back.

Speaker 3 (31:05):
Home.

Speaker 1 (31:05):
Times TV. Do you crave joy but feel stuck? Do
you go through life feeling constantly triggered and frustrated? Fear
is likely the culprit and subconscious fear is likely sabotaging you.
Perfect Life Awakening is a time tested, spiritually based approach

(31:29):
to inner transformation created by Royce Morales. For over forty years,
she has helped people get to the origins of subconscious
fears and ultimately help them find their true purpose and
a life full of joy. Sign up for Perfect Life
Awakening today at Roysmorales dot com. You deserve to go
from triggered to empowered, shifting your life with Perfect Life Awakening.

(31:59):
Imagine becoming a super influencer, reinvent yourself, invest in your brand,
and then manifest your success with a robust, spheric approach.
Ome Times Media and Broadcasting offers a unique and multifaceted
way to become the spiritual and conscious influencer you deserve
to be by putting your message across our powerful platform

(32:21):
with its proven record of integrity and excellence through our
produced shows. Own Times offers the opportunity to become a
social media TV personality, a radio show host, an Own
Times magazine columnist, and a syndicated podcaster all in one shot.
By live streaming your show on ome Times TV and

(32:42):
broadcasting it across the extensive Home Times, radio and TV networks,
you become more than a host. You become an ambassador
and a force for positive change. Home Times. Open yourself
to the possibilities.

Speaker 5 (33:00):
I want to eat apples and bananas. I need to
ate eight apples and bananas. Why can I eat apples
and bananas? Support the Feeding America nationwide network of food

(33:21):
banks to help provide meals to those in need.

Speaker 3 (33:24):
Join us at Feeding America dot org.

Speaker 2 (33:31):
Welcome back. I am talking with Corey lyon Falsome and
we're talking about sol statements and communication and getting in
touch with what you really want to say, having a
clear intention. You mentioned in your bio that sole statements
are they come from an intuitive, empathic place. Can you

(33:54):
talk a little bit more about that.

Speaker 3 (33:59):
Yeah, And I was actually just thinking during the break
that that time for self connection is really the foundational
and so that's where you you learn what more about
what your truths are, what you value and the more

(34:20):
you're in touch with your values, the more you'll stand
up for them and and a lot of the basis
for unhappy communication is not or putting up with whatever
circumstance is some version of fear. While I don't want

(34:41):
it to be a big blow up, it's not worth
the trouble, or whatever the case may be. And so
I like the one definition of fear if you make
an at the word an acronym false evidence appearing appearing real,
or future events already ruined. And so if we just

(35:03):
the more we know who we are and what we're
made of, the more we'll stand up for for that
value or our own value. And so you know that
the courage to be clear really is courage, and it's
being willing to get past that discomfort or or judgment

(35:24):
or or what you think might be judgment coming down
the road. And so just just that time knowing yourself
builds that desire to stand up for yourself and and
hopefully with using some good communication skills, which my book

(35:47):
is chock full of, uh, you can do that with
some measure of grace. And one of the good news
is successful communication is a learned skill, so that means
that we can learn it. It's learnable, and so the
whole thing about soul statements is just getting to that
bull's eye, speaking powerfully from our center because we have

(36:09):
that statement to anchor us to what's our basis, and
so you know, what's right about me is always available.
As my serenity increases, I can whold circumstance more lightly.
There's a place at my center where I can tune
out everything that's not me. And I love that one
where I can a place where I can tune out
everything that's not me. And so I encourage everyone to

(36:33):
find that quiet space too, without in order to get
to that quiet space within.

Speaker 2 (36:41):
And that's where intuition comes into play.

Speaker 3 (36:46):
The intuition I think of as an ability that comes
from willing to be honest. And so if I'm if
I honestly want to know that you know the truth

(37:07):
about my own motivations, say why I did something, or
why I failed to do something, why I didn't speak up?
If I want to know the truth about that and
about how I've been compared to how I want to
think about how I've been. If I have, if I
cultivate that fearlessness, then the kind of intuitive knowledge will

(37:33):
it'll be. It'll provide a safe environment for it to
just happen.

Speaker 2 (37:37):
Yeah, you mentioned something that I have a question about.
You said that the more you know yourself and the
more clarity you have, the more willing you will be
to stand up for yourself. Talk a little bit more
about that, because I find that the more I know myself,
I don't I feel like I don't have to stand

(37:58):
up for myself. It's just a being rather than a doing.
I mean, I can, I can't make that choice. But
it's kind of like the difference between going on an
anti war march versus going on a peace march. It
feels like one is coming from anger and you've got
to stop this, versus one that we're creating peace together.
Does that make sense?

Speaker 3 (38:18):
The analogy, So, standing up for yourself and your values
and what you value doesn't mean getting into fights. It
might mean that.

Speaker 4 (38:29):
You gracefully ask something a situation, or you might say
no to an activity because it would be draining or
it would just be taking away from what you really
want to do.

Speaker 3 (38:46):
And so the soul statement helps you to anchor to
your value, and so it's like letting your soul influence
your communication. And so that increased capacity to love yourself
from whatever quiet time you know, brings you in that

(39:09):
fosters clear communication. You're willing to just say what you
need to in defense of or in support of your values.
And so I also like as saying that I came
up with, is that clarity is the new sexy.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
Yeah. So again, I'm still thinking situations in my life
where I have tried to stand up for myself and
they backfire because the person just takes it personally, or
they think I'm attacking them, or you know, all kinds

(39:49):
of stuff that goes on on their end. So a
lot of times I've just backed off and again, just
work on me on this side. And it really doesn't
matter what they think or what they say to me. Really,
you know, if it bothers me, then I need to
look at that. But I basically come from a place
of it's it's me over here, and I deserve to

(40:13):
be understood and I deserve to speak my truth, but
I don't need to.

Speaker 3 (40:18):
It's very different, yeah, yeah, And so yeah, communication tends
to be received better if it's if it doesn't start
if the sentence doesn't start with you, You're a dummy dog,
you did this, you forgot that. But if it starts
with you know when such and such happened. This is

(40:42):
how I was impacted. It didn't you know when when
you weren't there, I felt concerned. You know. So you're
not saying, hey, you you didn't you did, uh, But
this is how I felt when that event happened. And
just leave it at that. You've said you've you've made

(41:03):
it known that your value or values were compromised in
some fashion. It didn't feel good, and leave it up
to the other person to respond. But the less you
can say you, and the more you can say I
I felt then leads to better outcomes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:25):
Yeah, although usually with certain people that I'm thinking of
in my life, it leads to defensiveness and arguments and
you're wrong and that sort of thing. So it's like, okay,
that's how I felt.

Speaker 3 (41:39):
It's a big enough task to work on me and
so all I can do.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
Yeah, So what about you've alluded to intimacy. Let's talk
about that a little bit, because people just have such
a hard time talking about sex and it should be
just a natural communitvcation thing. So how do you help
people with that or what do you recommend with that?

Speaker 3 (42:07):
Well, more good news is that intimacy is another one
of these learned skills, or there's skills to support it,
and so I think it begins with an attitude. So
one attitude is that my beloved is a volunteer. She
wasn't drafted for the position. And also to think we

(42:33):
more than me. And the times where I'll drift into
trouble is when I'm thinking about myself. And like, for instance,
some months ago, my beloved wanted some shades drawn. It's
this big talk Kurtney thing that's kind of difficult to do,
and so she was wanting me to do it, and

(42:55):
I was, I don't know what I was doing, but
it wasn't didn't feel like a convenient time for me
to do that, and so I was snarky and and
then and I stopped and I realized, you know, this

(43:16):
is a beautiful person with a beautiful request, and let's
make her the most important person in the room for
right now. And it's no big deal. I'll fix the thing.
And so when I get off is when I'm thinking
about me and my needs or what I think my

(43:39):
needs are. And so just learning to pay attention to
your impact making the other person important will carry you
a long way, and that that sole statement allows you that,
like I said, that bit of space to suspend judgment
and just listen. So I could say, as a soul statement,

(44:00):
when I trust love, I can handle whatever happens. And
so it's easier than to then go from that to
practice empathy attunement and just listen acknowledge. And that's the
other thing acknowledgment. I can't stress enough how important that is.

(44:21):
And so what I love about acknowledgment. One thing I
love about it is that you don't have to agree.
You can just acknowledge. You can say I get that
this is distressing you. Well, I don't have to agree
that they should feel distressed or they have any kind
of serious basis to it. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter

(44:41):
what I think. The fact is they're distress. So I
can say I see that you're distressed. That's acknowledgment, and
that goes a long way. And so in going back
to when you're acknowledging, acknowledging your own wounded heart, like
I see that you're hurt, you know, got it, and

(45:02):
then you're more able to be there for someone else.
And so, but just to validate the other person's experience
is huge.

Speaker 2 (45:13):
Yeah, I find sometimes when people do that though, they're
interpreting it through their own lens. And you know, I
way back in the I don't know, seventies when I
did ST which is now called the Forum, there was
a lot of training that they gave us about doing

(45:33):
that kind of communication. So if somebody's upset, you just
go got it, you know, And I found it left
me cold. You know, it's like, okay, got it, I
get it that you just want to ground this whole situation.
You don't want to make it worse or try to
fix me or invalidate me. But it just felt like

(45:56):
it's like a standard you know, respond that you get
from a robot. So it felt like there had to
be something more to communication than just going got it.

Speaker 3 (46:08):
Oh you're hurting. So you might say, I get that
you're distressed. I get that you're unhappy. Right now, what
do you what do you think? You know? What would
help you right now? And what I get that you're
feeling in trouble whatever version of that, what would help you?

(46:29):
Is there something you need from me? Something I can do?
So yeah, it's not it's not a standalone and just
shut it down, and so and it matters how you argue,
you know, lead with the as I said, instead of
pointing fingers, lead with the feelings. And because if my

(46:50):
girlfriend is saying this and saying that, and it's like,
well that's what you think, and I think something too,
I mean it's probably different. Whereas if she'll say these
are my feelings with this or that, that actually something

(47:11):
in me cases with me because I think it's because
I care about this person that when they feel something
other than you know, what the awesomeness, then hmm, that
affects me. And so how she feels affects me more
than what she thinks, because you know, thoughts can be
argued with. And so, yeah, it matters. It matters how

(47:36):
you argue. When you're emotionally sunburned, that's the time to
slow down and maybe maybe separate for a time, come back,
do whatever you have to do to get right and
be available. And it's okay to be uncomfortable. It's not
okay to react badly.

Speaker 2 (47:57):
Yeah, so what if you do react, how do you
how do you recommend that people clean up communication situations
that you look back on and go, oh, I was
a jerk there, which any recommendations about that.

Speaker 3 (48:11):
Well, I mean, if if someone it's really helpful. When
when a person will speak to you know, hey, my
value for respect wasn't met. Could we do could you?
Would you be willing to do that differently? And I
respond to that quite well versus oh, now you're being

(48:33):
a jerk. It's like, yeah, I want to be a jerk,
you know, let's go. I mean, so, so rather than
that's more of a pointing a finger, you're describing, you know,
you're evaluating me. I don't want to hear that. But
if somebody says, oh, my value for respect is of
being met, okay, I have somewhere to go with that,
you know, because they're talking about their own experience. They're

(48:55):
not trying to tell me what my experience is or
or you know, what they think of my experience, what
they think of my actions.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
Yeah, so what about I think we probably have time
for just one more big question, and you've kind of
been addressing it, but I just want to bring it
out in the world the current political situation where everybody
is just so split, shall we say divided? You know,

(49:23):
that doesn't seem like there's a bridge that can be
crossed to connect anybody with all of this stuff going on?
What words of wisdom?

Speaker 3 (49:33):
You know?

Speaker 2 (49:33):
What if you're sitting down to lunch and you find
out your best friend is somebody that has voted for
somebody that you would never in a million years that
they would have done, how can you start a conversation
with that or even turn it into a heart to
heart soul statement.

Speaker 3 (49:52):
Yeah, and so you might ask, because you know, one
of the things I learned. I got a chance to
speak with mary An Williamson a while back when she
was running for president, and she was saying that, you know,
we all share basic values. We all want the best

(50:13):
for our kids, we all and if we can take
the conversation down to that essential bit, you know how
we're going to get There's a different you know, downstream
from that. But if we can both agree that we
value we value our children, we value a safe place

(50:34):
to live, we value a clean environment, we we can
we have a place to begin at least. Or if
someone's saying, well, I'm in favor of this and that policy,

(50:55):
I think that just the best thing to do is
just get curious and say, I'm really curious why you
support that? What value of yours is in alignment with that,
And I think being curious is a really good way
to disagree with somebody. Just ask questions and let them
circle around their own logic and just just ask questions.

(51:19):
Oh that's really interesting. I'm wondering why you think that.
You know, how does that? What value of yours does
that support? And I think that's really the place to
go is just get curious.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
Yeah, in other words, not trying to convince them that
they're wrong, or you know, tell them to switch.

Speaker 3 (51:39):
Parties or guide them through their own thinking. Let them go.
Well that's a mismatch perhaps, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (51:50):
So okay, Well tell us about your book and your
offerings and your website and tell us everything.

Speaker 3 (52:01):
Yeah. Well, I did write this book, Soul Statements, a
love Coach's Guide to successful successful Communication. There it is,
and it's I'm really proud of it. It's chock full
of Every page has useful takeaways, techniques, tips, and all

(52:24):
with the basis of this is the attitude. It's not
just some a list of to do things, and it's
mixed with a story here and there of my experience
that would relate a lesson. And I'm also I'm easy
to find Corey liin fulsome on Instagram, Pinterest, Corey f

(52:44):
on Facebook. My website, core relationship dot com has coaching
info as well as a couple dozen articles that I've written.
There's a page on there to purchase the book Sole
Statements via bookshop or Amazon. You can always ask your
local bookstore to order it.

Speaker 2 (53:05):
Great, well, thank you so much, and just give us
your website one more time so people can get.

Speaker 3 (53:11):
That Core relationship dot com.

Speaker 2 (53:15):
Core relationship dot com, thank you so much, Corey. Keep
up the good work. Let's get those Soul Statements out
in the world and get people communicating from truth and
higher consciousness and pure intention and we will get there.

Speaker 3 (53:32):
We will.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
Thank you. And don't forget about the Friday panel discussion
called Awakening.

Speaker 3 (53:40):
What is it?

Speaker 2 (53:41):
Really? Have we done this already? You know what is Awakening?
And I will see you Friday at ten am Pacific.
Just go to my website to enroll or to register,
and it's Roycemrales dot com. The registration form for whatever
reason landed on the bottom of the page, so you've
got to go down, scroll down to the bottom and

(54:03):
you'll find it and it's free and there's some wonderful
information and amazing women that will be talking and teaching
and sharing their experiences. I know I've got a lot
of experiences that i can share about Awakening. And we
will see you on Friday, and I'll see you everybody
next Wednesday for my next show. Thanks for being here.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Ruthie's Table 4

The Joe Rogan Experience

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Plug Into Your Unique and Essential Voice with Corey Lyon Folsom

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Ruthie's Table 4

The Joe Rogan Experience

All Episodes

Plug Into Your Unique and Essential Voice with Corey Lyon Folsom

On Purpose with Jay Shetty