Helping addicts find their unique Flavor of Confidence to achieve and maintain their sobriety_ (1).mp3

Massimo Rigotti is my guest today


Every life story is certainly unique yet you'll find my story of rise across multiple industries as an entrepreneur that loses it all to rise again is perhaps common yet cross it with the irony that the girl that helped me find sobriety was later murdered by a drunk driver in a highly publicized case and it's a lot more fascinating. I wrote Flavors of Confidence to share my SOBER Method and give hope to anyone struggling with addiction.



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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh no, cool on.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
Hey guys, it's Pete for Beef Anxiety here. Welcome in
today's episode. I appreciate all being here so much. Let's
talk about a few things real quick. The P for
SO Anxiety Team anxiety Facebook group. Are you a part
of it?

Speaker 1 (00:13):
You're not?

Speaker 2 (00:13):
What are you waiting for? The leaks out here in
the description now below, or go to Facebook and search
P for so Anxiety, then look for the team anxiety
team page and joining today went on, you can join
the help it'll be great, Like right now, hurry up,
stop it doing paused video?

Speaker 1 (00:26):
Go do around.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
But anyways, let's also talk about the P for Anxiety
YouTube page. You guys, if you're here right now, you're
probably fallowing it most likely. If not, head on over
there subscribe fu shure I don't like in comment on
the videos and let me know because all that suff
really heals. Guys, I really appreciate it and help me
break the stigma that mental health is talked about enough.
But anyways, guys, let's get in today's episode. I'll have
a great one. Thank you so much again, and as always, say,

(00:49):
don't ask. Your day is asking your mental health is today.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
Guys, Welcome to excited getside of Pete for anxiety here
on the Oracle talk for your network. Before we get
started today, I want Tom going to bring a little
light to something I'm working of now. I am showing
the Wrestle for the Cure of twenty sixteen what it
is for taking donations for Saint Jude's Me and the
Best of a podcast and a few other people are
having a contest. The winner takes home the title, but
with the title with my logo on it or their

(01:13):
logo on it. So, guys, if you want to donate,
the link will be in the bile you see the
pop it across screen. But anyways, today my guest is
an accomplished Arthur inspiring figure. He has journey through life's
debts and sort to remarkable heights. His story is one
of the unwavering determination, resilience, and profound transformation that comes
from conquering one's inner demons. As an acclaimed addiction recovery advocate,
he is also the creator the groundbreaking Flavor of Confidence

(01:37):
sober method. Welcome Massimo Regati. How you doing, Bud?

Speaker 3 (01:42):
I'm doing great? Thank you, Pete. It's great to be
here today and I've got a question for you, swinning today,
Pete or the anxiety?

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Pete's winning today? Actually, so we're going a good day.
We'll see what happens. Though sometimes it's a you know,
under David versus good life kind of moment. You know
that I wanted to hear you.

Speaker 3 (01:59):
See you were an upbeat mood, so I figured that
heat was definitely you know.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
The other person threw me off when I sweep this,
He's like, Hey, how's your how's your how's your mental health?
I was like, so, why don't you tell me a
little bit more about your shoking little phil for who
you are? We will you know, none know who Massimo is?

Speaker 3 (02:14):
You know, yeah, absolutely well. You know. I hail from Lincoln, Nebraska.
I was born where I am now, but life took
me all over this great country and it has been
a fascinating journey. I often tell people that I have
had a blessed life, and that is no lie. But
it's also been absolute hell at some times, including living
on the street homeless. But we'll get to that in

(02:36):
a second. So I started out life as a precocious
beast that just was out to tackle anything in the
world and grew up in a household that allowed me
to really explore everything that I wanted to do. My
dad took me under his wing and would take me
to meetings and trade shows, and I was like his
little sidekick. You know. Oftentimes I see Elon with little

(03:00):
X and that's how I kind of existed in the
early part of my life. And that really had a
great impact on being able to understand business and see
interactions socially and business interactions that laid the groundwork for
my life as an entrepreneur. After I graduated from high school,
which was in the Kansas City area in Overland Park,

(03:23):
I went to Kansas State University for about a year.
I was just not too enthusiastic about my education because
I had the calling of doing something else. And at
that time, it was nineteen ninety three and telecom was deregulating,
and I noticed that I could probably make a lot

(03:44):
of money if I started working in telecom at this
exact moment, so I did. I started selling buying mass
blocks of time and selling them to businesses at a
reduced rate. People don't know, but long distance at the
time was about forty cents a minute for businesses.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
I remember that yep.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
Yeah, we're old.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
God, we're old. That just makes us feel the right there,
just talking man, you know, like remember when we finally
got colored v on our phones. Oh, that was a
new one for us too.

Speaker 3 (04:17):
Remember when I got the first answering machine, that's the
one that's like, wait a second, you didn't have an
answering machine as a kid. No, you ran to the phone.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
You didn't, Oh god, no, no, no, no, you heard
that phone you were taking off running.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
Yeah, exactly, And then it was a race to see
who could get to it first, right, right, Uh, those
are great competitions that I remember with my siblings, right,
So that the call to do something else was just
like within me. And at the same time, though, I
was really starting to struggle in that first year of college.

(04:52):
I didn't know what was really wrong with me, but
I didn't feel like I had full control over what
was going on. And I went to the campus psychiatrist
and I was diagnosed as mixed bipolar, and of course
they wanted to put me on medication, but being eighteen
years old, I said, oh, there's nothing wrong with me,

(05:13):
and I didn't do anything about it. I did notice
that alcohol would curb the challenges anytime that I had them,
and I managed to force it down and not be
on any medication for the next twenty years of my life.
So those things are probably worth looking at. But we
also both grew up in a time period where looking

(05:36):
at mental health was still a little bit of a
there was a stigma. There still is a stigma, but
it's much much less, and so I didn't want to
be known as someone who had mental problems. So I
wasn't going to allow myself to be medicated for it.
And that was the start of the journey in my

(05:58):
long relationship with alcohol. And the challenge with alcohol, of course,
is that once you start, you need more and more
of it to get the same result. And that's exactly
what happened to me. But as we continue the journey here,
it was not done too often. It was just enough

(06:18):
to allow me to function. So if I had a challenge,
I'd leaned into alcohol. But then it became I'm gonna
go do this big speech, you know, to a group
of business executives. I need a shot, and I would
lean into it anytime I had anxiety.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
Yeah, so it was.

Speaker 3 (06:35):
The anxiety cure is we're just gonna we're gonna drink
that isn't healthy either. I kind of fell backwards into
the entertainment industry in the early aughts and ended up
in Los Angeles representing talent, and when that occurred, that

(06:59):
gave me open access to a lot more things that
the midwestern guy that I was had not seen before.

Speaker 1 (07:05):
That makes sense.

Speaker 3 (07:07):
Yeah, it was like a candy store of all sorts
of stuff that you could gain access to.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
Yeah, it's like going to the corner store. You could
just choose what you want, though, well, like this and
it tastes of that. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (07:19):
Yeah, and that's incredibly dangerous for someone who's high functioning
and probably borderline alcoholic already by that point. Because I
was drinking every day. I wouldn't drink to excess, but
I was drinking every day, and so I would drink
at lunch, I would drink at dinner. I might have
a drink socially later. So there there was probably six

(07:40):
to eight drinks that being had every day, but it
was still being consumed out not by myself alone or
hiding it or anything like that.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yeah, so basic camouflage it almost because people didn't realize
it looked like you were socially drinking, but they didn't
know how many you had had through the day. That
makes sense, Okay, that makes sense. I mean, and you
yourself don't realize it because you're just like, okay, well,
I'm just gonna have drink these guys. I drinking those guys,
and they just start adding up, and then you don't
realize where the problem is. You just see it as, oh, no, no,
I'm just socially drinking. I'm not really doing anything I

(08:09):
shouldn't be doing at this point.

Speaker 3 (08:11):
Yeah, no, exactly that. And I think that the other
challenge was the fact that I didn't have any noticeable
decline in my abilities, so you know, like in any
interaction that I had. As a matter of fact, there
were a few people after I wrote my first book,
which was a memoir of my entire existence to that point,
they were like, well, hold on a second, you were

(08:33):
drunk during that meeting.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
Right, you know, that's not really shocking. A lot of
people say that too when they read they hear people's stories,
are like, really, I didn't know that. I'm like, yeah,
because a lot of people don't tell you about it.
Because if I were to tell you about it. I
don't know how you're gonna look at me from that point.

Speaker 3 (08:47):
Yes, exactly, and that plays into what I do today,
of course. But so I I added cocaine into the
mix while I was in Los Angeles. So then I
became an alcoholic cocaine addict, and so so then things
became the ability to drink could increase dramatically because I
would use cocaine to tamper the lows and that, and

(09:09):
it became this great balancing act, and then it became
just even more dangerous. But I left the Los Angeles
scene in nine and headed back to the Kansas City area,
where I started a printing company, and I got married
and things. You know, I'm going to settle down, or
so I thought that instead, those addictions were like this

(09:32):
huge weight that were, you know, on my back, and
I couldn't get rid of them because they had become
so heavy and so great in that time period while
I was interacting in my previous business that I didn't
know how to get out of it. And I was
also in this position where I had employees, I had
business owners, I was interacting with how do you talk

(09:55):
to anybody about this? The stigma of what I was
going through was so great, and my wife didn't have
any answers for me, so you don't have anywhere to
turn to. So you're left trying to figure this all
out by yourself. And that's where I was at.

Speaker 1 (10:09):
Uh yeah, I believe it, though you don't thinking about
it because I you know, trying to talk to anybody,
but because you're like, listen, I'm bringing outcol for It's
almost like have you seen you've seen the Wolf of
Wall Street at the beginning, Yeah, talking about all the shity.
He was just balancing out and everybody's just like, probably
like whoa hold on. It's like that conversation. You know,
you're like, yeah, we'll take a little call of this,
a little cocaine for that. You know, you're just like

(10:30):
and they're just like, huh wait, what did you just say?
You know, because a lot of people, you know, when
it comes to that stuff, don't even experience any any
interactions with people that have done harder drugs. With that alcohol, Okay,
everybody knows alcohol, everybody knows like marijuana, things like that,
but when you get to that real heavy stuff. I
don't think a lot of people have met people that
have actually interacted that. Now you've heard people that have
had experiences with it, but a lot of most people

(10:53):
don't think even though, what the heck half that stuff is,
or what's how to identify a lot of this stuff,
or anybody that's been on that kind of stuff, you know,
So to for you to tell them that, they'd be
looking at you going huh what, yeah, like, what the
hell are you talking about? What is that? You know,
and it's like, well, yeah, it's a drug, you know.
It's it's like you trying to explain to some of
the like like a cave man and seeing fire for

(11:13):
the first time, that that shot kind of thing, you know,
and it's really not. And then as for the nineties, god, dude,
I can't even imagine. I know what it was like
in nineteen fifty because I had a guest on he
he said in nineteen fifty four, he told somebody he
was suctually assaulted, and he told the therapist, and both
of them just avoided the conversation completely. But you know,
then we have to remember though they didn't know a
lot then. Hell, they thought PTSD was shell shocked, and

(11:35):
only military people got it. For the longest time, and
then eventually you figured out that everybody can get it.

Speaker 3 (11:40):
Yeah, very true, and understanding that you bring it up,
the Wolf of Wall Street really hits home because there
couldn't be anything that is closer resembling what I started
acting and existing like, you know, behind the scenes, yet
holding it all together in this public larger than damage.
And I think that that's why so many people thought, oh,

(12:02):
you know, he's just a little creative this morning.

Speaker 1 (12:06):
Yeah, yeah, you know, And that's the first thing I
call it. Since you said that, I'm like, that's probably
the best reference for most people realize what you were
going through because it was the same thing he was
doing the balance stick, but in the Vack scene, it
was just a complete mess, you know. But everyonells didn't
see that because you projected that, oh, everything was great,
and no one really knew what you were dealing with internally.

Speaker 3 (12:24):
Yeah, no, absolutely, you nailed it. So I saw the
wheel starting to come off, though. I realized that I
couldn't hold this together much longer. I'm, you know, in
my late thirties, and it's just there's there's no way
I'm going to hold this together.

Speaker 1 (12:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
So I went to my wife and I asked, well,
I told her that I was going to divorce her
because I could see the thing that, you know, things
were just not going to work out because I was
in love with the drugs and alcohol and it was
not fair to her. And so we got a divorced
and then the business was starting to fall apart. And
I remember telling all my employees once shortly before it did,

(13:03):
it's like, it's my company and I'll run it into
the ground if I want to famous last words.

Speaker 1 (13:10):
I'm taking this thing down. We're crashing one way or another.
You're you're here for the rider, You're you're getting out, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3 (13:16):
That was actually kind of the talk, either you're with
me or get out right now. And and uh so
then when that that collapsed, it wasn't but just a
couple months later and I found myself out on the
street homeless. Yeah, and that lasted for sixteen months. That
was that was a very difficult time. But you know what,

(13:37):
you got to want it. And that's one thing I
really learned when I was when I was living on
the streets and you're you're fending for yourself and fighting
for the next meal, and it's it's a really tough thing.
So here I've gone from in what I would say
would be like almost the pinnacle of where you would
want to be. Any one dreams of having the types

(13:59):
of lifestyle that I'd had, and now suddenly I'm interacting
and trying to figure out what I'm going to eat,
which dumpster has the best food at what time? Uh
you know, these are actual thoughts that I and and
uh so to tell.

Speaker 1 (14:14):
People that story about being homeless, I guarantee you've got
a lot of people to look at you like they
look you up now and go, there's no way you're
lying to me. This didn't really happen, you know, because
where you're now you know, a publish author and things
like that too, and it's like, yeah, I've been there.
I could tell you what it's like, you know. And
I think that a lot of times that's how people
really connect with those people are really connect to you
because they're like, well, damn, he's lost everything. This guy

(14:35):
knows exactly what he's talking about, you know. But then
when you tell people that, there's still like jaw price
Uf the foar, like wait, huh.

Speaker 3 (14:43):
You have no idea if if I do not give
my backstory nobody would know.

Speaker 1 (14:50):
Yeah. I mean they're in the same way though too.
Though I don't really share a lot about myself, and
I'm going to do a memoir all about my own
story about things. But there's a lot of things that
don't tell people. I tell little tidbits of it. I've
told a little more of it recently, but I haven't
told them all man like, exactly what's going on, all
the things that are going on, because people look at
me in a different way. They'd be like, oh my god.
But they have to realize that these are the things

(15:11):
that happened in the past. These don't continue to happen now.
These are the things that happen that lit up to
the events of Matt now. Because I don't have a
great relationship with my kids, and there's a reason why
there's a whole chunk of the story that does it.
People don't know the exact things that happen. When I
tell them, like, I guarantee, some looks are going to
come and be like, what, holy crap, I didn't know.

Speaker 3 (15:29):
But you know, it frames you in a new light
and oftentimes a well, it increases the depth of the
connection between you and whoever because I leave. I leave
this part of my life out to any new person
I meet. I never talk about it. It just slowly
kind of comes out, and then they're like, they're like,

(15:51):
they'll google me and they'll see that I have like
an author panel on Google and they're like, whoa hold
on a second, and you mentioned you were an author.
I've known you for a couple of months. I'm like,
it didn't seem important, you know, like.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
Because you don't know how some people interact. They're like,
you're not through okay, so you know that some people
don't even read books. They're kind of like, oh, what's that. Yeah,
it's like, why go into the subject if you're not
even interested in not even talk to you about it?
I mean it makes sense to me.

Speaker 3 (16:16):
Yeah, so it it. But it is really an important,
uh in the work that I do now because as
a confidential recovery specialist, Because in doing that work, I
can relate to anyone who's come up all the way
from the bottom or someone who's about to crash into
that rock bottom scenario and and coach both directions as like, Okay,

(16:40):
I've been where you're at and you're going to crash
and burn or Hey, look, I came back. You can
come back. This isn't the end, you know. And uh
and and arguably I'm in a better position now than
I have ever been in my life and on all levels.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
So let me ask you this question. Would you say
that the hitting rock bottomless the way to make you
achieve more? Because you were already at the high proverbial
level that you wanted to be, but then you came down.
It had to rise back up kind of like a phoenix.
You think that rebirth part is what really did it
for you? You think that was you know what I'm saying, Like,
you know, do you think that's what the critical point
in your life you needed was at sixteen months to

(17:16):
realize that, you know, you got to change the way
and look at things from a different light.

Speaker 3 (17:20):
Absolutely, it totally allowed me to I had something unique
happened to me that most people don't. And that's how
I like to frame that when I coach people, is
that you have the ability right now, nobody believes that
you can stand up. I remember my dad telling me
after I had had hit some milestone. I don't even
remember what it was. It was a sobriety milestone and

(17:42):
I had managed to get some traction and it was
starting to make some money again. And he said, you
know what, I'm so proud of you because all I
thought was ever going to become of you was maybe
a Walmart Greeter. And I geez, and I was like wow, and.

Speaker 1 (17:57):
Gave me Walmart. You know, he could have said something else. Real,
this is wallar Manka, you have a high class. He said,
for you. Let's go. You get at least a Walmart Greeder.

Speaker 3 (18:04):
Come on, now, I know, but here's a guy who
had had been my biggest fan and and had been
there with me early in life. And and uh so
that was really it struck me in such a way
that allowed me to reframe everything and now look at
everybody I work with in a new light, to tell them,

(18:27):
nobody believes that you're going to do anything. They think
you're you're never going to amount to anything now, so
you can do anything you want. You want to change careers,
you want to do something entirely different, You want to
not do this, you want to live someplace else. This
is the time to do it because you can really
reconstruct yourself and you're not starting over, You're starting from
a point with a ton of experience knowing what not

(18:49):
to do with your life.

Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
I think that's a great way to phrase it though,
because that's what it was like with this podcast. I
started this and people are like, oh, you sound so intelligent.
I'm like, but is it really though? Maybe I had
something to tell you and you just didn't listen to
what I said. Because that's the thing is though, Like
I could agree that I understand because I was younger,
I was an angrier kid. I was always making really
mad at things. You know, I had a lot of
things going on in my head, and I always denied
it for the longest time that I had problems until

(19:13):
about a year before I start this podcast. I basically
had not dealt with the problems. And then, you know,
like I said, when the whole story comes out, people
are gonna understand more about it because a lot of
it affected how he interacted with people. You know, I
in my ex and eye when we spoke up, I
had taken three kids. That my three kids on my own,
and I'm one. I'm a single dad trying to raise

(19:33):
three girls, and it was just it was chaotic for
me because like when of them was becoming a woman,
so then I had to deal with that scenario, and
it's just more layers and layers and layers, because you know,
boys and girls operate differently. So I had so much
going on, and those poor kids would so through so
much with me because they saw me just coming down.
I was going down hard, and I denied it to
myself for the longest time, you know that that's what

(19:56):
was happening. So but now I do this and a
lot of people come up to me and they're just like,
oh man, I heard your podcast, and it's still so real.
Though my own family members listen to this. You know,
my brother my Sef was my biggest supporter though he's
the one that's donated the well. He made the new
logo for me. He sent me some you know, other
equipment and things like that too, and it's like we
never really had these interactions early on. I didn't really

(20:17):
talk much of them. After I left Chicago, I'd never
really talked to anybody. I just kind of did my
own thing for a bit, and I was always so bitter,
but I couldn't figure out what I was bitter about.
But then when I figured it out, you know, now
it's like this show from the beginning to where I'm
now is usually the evolution of me because I start
learning more about myself and other things I pick up
along the way too. So it's been great.

Speaker 3 (20:37):
That's that's really fascinating. And it also plays back into
what a fundamental belief I have and that every single
and you're alluding to it. So I'm gonna go with
it and believe that this is probably true. Is that
you generally can track back the challenge that you're facing
to one event in your life, and then how you

(20:57):
play Everything that happens after that one event in your
life can impact literally every decision you make and how
you frame the world, and that trauma that occurred, it
shifts your mindset forever until you were able to rewire
it and say, wait a second, why am I letting
that impact me at all?

Speaker 1 (21:16):
You know? Yeah, that too, And the fact that where
you had said that, people look at you from a
different light now knowing your backstory to now, and it's like,
that's really what it is now. I have to go
against the green for a lot of people that knew
me prior to doing this, So when I told them
what I do now, a lot of them are like
really my own My own dad has been a big supporter,
and I didn't know a lot of things about After
doing this show, he started revealing a lot of things

(21:37):
that I didn't know. We were on a trip doing
to a memorial for my godmother who had passed away
a few months ago. We went and he started sharing
some things too, and it was just so weird because
all of a sudden, he just started like this man
I've done all my life, doesn't really say much about himself,
started telling me about some of the things he was
dealing with too. He's like, oh, you see these scars,
and he was telling me of the story behind Eh. Yeah,
I tried a few times and things. I was just

(21:59):
sitting there going, who the hell is this guy sitting there?
Because I when I remember as a kid, he would
never really say much about it because I didn't really
see him much as a kid. He worked a lot
of nights and things, so I didn't really interact with
him as much, and I spent a lot of time
by myself, you know, And he would sit there and
he was telling me things I know, and a lot
of people do that now. Man, It's crazy because now
they know what I do. They come up to me

(22:20):
and they're like, oh, hey, listen, I know you handle
some of these conversations sometimes so kind. I know I
can talk to you about this, and I'm just like, okay, cool,
what's about that happen? Okay, cool, here we go. So
it's it's I could relate to your story one hundred
percent where you have to tell people, you know, after
they see everything and then go against that grain. I mean,
it's it's rough, but I mean it's the same time.
You got to remember that all these people saw you

(22:41):
that way, so don't get mad when they start reinferencing
back to that because that's what they remember seeing.

Speaker 3 (22:47):
Yeah. Yeah, and that's uh. I'm I look at it
as a point as I'm trying not to be selfish
about projecting what I'm up to now. Yeah, and you know,
a lot of a lot of people have said to me,
why aren't you pushing hard into your huge network of
people to try to promote yourself more? And I'm like,
you know what, there are plenty of people who don't

(23:08):
know what I'm doing, So I'm going to go focus
on them and everybody else will eventually figure out and
find out what I'm doing and when they do, it
will take that natural course. And then things like you're
talking about with your dad and by the way, that
is just that's fantastic.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
I was shocked, honestly, I'm gonna be honest, I was shocked.
He started telling me some things and I was just like, huh,
and we're just sitting here. He's just casually about it
like he normally. It's just real casual talking about stuff.
You know, because my brother works in the mental field too,
so you know, he and I talk all the time.
And then, like I said, my older brother who I
didn't really have a real big relationship with because he
lived in he was my step brother. He lived with
his mom, so we'd see him on the weekends, but

(23:44):
after that we didn't really interact as much. But then
for him to message me one day and be like, hey, listen,
I've been listening to your show. I was just like,
you've been listening, okay, and he's like, hey, listen, we
need to reflesh your logo. Things like that. He had
for some advice because he's a big entrepreneur, you know,
things like that too. So it was really cool actually
because it happened on my anniversary he had sent me
a message. I was at a casino and he's like

(24:05):
sending me message and I'm looking at him like, hey, baby,
check this out, you know, showing my wife like look.
And then he's like, yeah, you need you need some
new equipment. And he sends this thing to me, goes, okay,
it's on my either, and I show my wife. I go, uh, yeah,
I got a whole setup now of things I got
to figure out how the hell even use.

Speaker 3 (24:20):
Well, that's just fantastic. It's great to have a fan,
and it to be someone who truly believes in you
and as a family member. Right, and uh and your
new logo is really sharp.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
Thank you so much. Yeah, it was the first one
was real sentimental to me though, because my wife and
I when we were dating, I sent her that picture
originally the non stylized one, and then she sent it back.
And when the original show started was actually because of her,
because me and her had an interaction that caused me
to really reflect really fast and go, wait a minute,
I'm freaking out. And somebody who's been supportive since day
one through all the crap, I've been through it, all

(24:52):
the other shit I've you know, was doing She's still here,
like how much. I can't let this fracture something when
someone here has been so supportive of me, you know.
And that's why the picture was so sentimental. And then
he was like here this one. I was like, okay,
well I really like this one too. I'm going to
keep that one for the back and I'm going to
take that one and run with it. But it's like,
you know, and he's like, yo, just consider like a sponsorship.
I'm like, okay, whatever you want to call it, it's fine.

(25:14):
I don't care. You know, I appreciate it greatly because
I love the new design too. Everybody does too, because
I started unveiling it to everybody. It's like, yeah, here
you go check it out. This is a new redesign of things.
And they're like, oh, I love it. It's awesome. I'm like,
I do too. I think it's great. And plus it's
set a metal because you know, he's the one that
gave it to me, and you know, and it was
like just somebody, just a completely random stranger coming to
you and say, you know, hey, listen, I love what
you do. And I still hear people tell me all

(25:36):
the time, but different people don't talk to I haven't
seen it in a while, coming with you and go hey,
I love what you're doing, you know, and things like that.
So it's so interesting, you know, these interactions I'm having
now with people, you know, And at first I didn't
talk much about myself, you know, like, you know, I
could reach out to these different people I knew. I
just talked to new people all the time. There's the
fact a gentleman that comes in He's like, hey, listen,
I like to show up and listening to it, you know,

(25:57):
and everything. And I was like, awesome, I'm glad you
like it. Just keep let me know if you're you know,
I'll let you know if anything really good comes across,
you know, like really big that you might want to
check out, you know. And and it's interesting, you know
when people find I'm run a podcast like you run
a podcasts, I'm like, yeah, what's it called? I'm always
talking about Yeah, you know, I do tell my friends
online when I'm playing games. See there's a couple guys
who ran in to last name. One guy was like, hey, yeah,

(26:18):
you're the guy with the beard and the ball head
and the picture. I'm like, yeah, that's me. Dude. He goes, oh,
that's right, man, I remember who you are. It's so
funny too. He's like, can you used describe me to
other people? I'm like, okay, there you go. Did my job.
If you start talking about it for me, I don't
have to say anything, okay. And then you know, people
are asking me question about, hey, what should I go
check out? Like like they always ask you what episodes
to check out? Like, and I'm like, all my guests
are great, Like it depends what your what your area

(26:40):
of thoughts are, what you like, like I could I
could suggest certain people to you to check out they
get you started. But I enjoy everybody that comes, you know,
everybody comes, as I'm always grateful, And I told them, like,
I've had more people in the top three percent in
their podcast series come on this show. You know, then
most I've done a lot of people can say they've
ever had on their shows and things like that too,
and I'm humbled for It's great, But there's such it's

(27:01):
so cool people. So I don't value anybody, but there
are top fives I have, like people I really enjoyed
conversations with and things like that too, So it's not
to say outrank them. But it's just, you know, it's
just so surreal to say that I've had all these
people to this point. I'm not even a full You're
into this thing.

Speaker 3 (27:16):
Yeah, that's fascinating. Well, sorry, if you hear the sirens going,
but there's a huge fire truck running down the road.

Speaker 1 (27:21):
That's gonna say. Okay, You're like, it's all right, guys,
the background's on fire. You're like, it's a right, guys,
I'm doing right up here.

Speaker 3 (27:28):
With the prior alarms going off in the building.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
So let's get into the sober method. How did it
up with that? And is it it's a it's abbreviated, right,
Is it that it's sober st you know all the
way that, yes, it's an abbreviation.

Speaker 3 (27:41):
Well, let's backtrack just a little bit. And you had
almost the perfect transition for me to latch onto here,
and so I'm gonna take it because you talked about
your wife and how she was instrumental in all of
her support and guidance and everything. Well, at the peak
of my addiction, right before I Love Everything, I was
on a trip with some friends in dustin Florida, and

(28:03):
on the beach, I met a girl, Samantha Alison Thomas,
and we hit it off immediately, and yeah, we're pretty
much inseparable after that. She saw something in me in
that very first night that we were together. We're out
and she's like, you know what, I don't think you
need to drink to be incredible, And I just looked

(28:24):
at her and like, who the hell are you and
what do you think you know? Where do you get
off saying something like that to me? It just like
struck me as almost too much. But then I wondered
if there was a reason why I was hearing this,
and she must have just caught me at the right
moment in my life to be okay, I'm listening. And

(28:46):
so when I ended up on the street and didn't
have a phone, didn't have anything, I had a po
box and Samantha would write me letter. She was in
Alabama going to college and here I am living on
the streets, and she became like my therapist by mail.
For lack of a better description of how that relationship
continued after I no longer could visit her, and she

(29:07):
never left though she stick stuck it out with me.
She'd write me letters, asked me to reflect on different things.
I would write her back. One time I wrote her
a letter with like everything that had triggered me to
drink the previous week, and she wrote me back seriously.
It was on a postcard and it said do it
every drink every other time. It was there her advice

(29:32):
that week, and I took those things to heart. Because
my family had abandoned me as well. I was literally
all alone except this person who was out in the
wilderness willing to guide me. And so as I stood
up sober on March twenty third to twenty sixteen, I
was going to AA and NA and oh, yeah, this

(29:54):
is great, this is fantastic. But you get down that
path for a little bit and I find that I'm
not alone in this. The longer that I've been sober
is that I started thinking, is this it? You know,
this is pretty boring if my goal is just to
be sober, and I'm going to talk about things I
used to do all the time, and I'm going to
get up and I'm going to tell people that I
am an alcoholic when I don't feel like I'm an alcoholic.

(30:15):
You know, I've got to put this behind me. There's
got to be something better. There's got to be something different,
and that's when I came up with what originally was
the Flavors of Confidence method and looking at the fact
that we're the confidence is that underlying thing that keeps
everything else at bay. Because if you're confident in your skin,
you're confident in your abilities, you're confident when you walk

(30:35):
into a room, you never feel like you have the
anxiety that will overtake you. And that at least for
me that need to drink or to use drugs, because
anxiety was that thing that would creep in and push
and require me to like, this will just be that
social lubricant.

Speaker 1 (30:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (30:54):
So it started out as a ten step method, and
as I started working with people and telling people, you know,
in meetings, like what I was doing because I wouldn't
go to AA as often anymore, and they're like, oh,
that's pretty cool. And then people started using it, and
Samantha was encouraged me. It's like, you need to write
a book and share this because it seems like it's
really something that would work well. And then on August

(31:18):
first of twenty twenty, she was murdered by a drunk driver.

Speaker 1 (31:22):
Oh no, yeah, just.

Speaker 3 (31:24):
Shy of her twenty fifth birthday, and she was about
to graduate from med school too, So it was just
absolutely tragic. We're coming up on five years here in
a couple of weeks, and everybody that knew that she
was a part of my life was immediately at my
side making sure that I didn't drink. They were all

(31:47):
and you know what, I had nothing more than like
a fleeting thought. Instead. I was nearly immediately Okay, how
am I going to honor her legacy? She helped me
get sober? How am I going to help others do
what we did for me? And that's when I doubled
down and I wrote my first book, which is Flavors
of Confidence, and then the second book as Flavors of

(32:08):
Confident Sober Method. Because once the ten Step Deal got
out and more people read the book and they and
I started coaching people more seriously, I realized that it
was clunky. I was having a tough time keeping track
of my own method. And if that's the case, how
am I ever going to market this to be better?
So I went back to the drawing board and I thought, oh,

(32:29):
let's name it the Sober Method. And of course I thought, well,
there's no way sober can be available. It's twenty twenty three,
but sure enough it was, and I took every action
to immediately lock that down trainmark wise. And so today
we have the SOBER method. It's a five step continuous
improvement method. It stands for stoic, observed behavior, execute and

(32:51):
restore and it works like the deming cycle. And where
this comes from is that I had the wild belief
that in the original Flavors of Confidence method, I could
look at my mind as a machine where I could
tinker with little things and improve those things and then
go work on another thing. And if I slowly did
that time and time again, I would be able to

(33:12):
completely improve myself. And so that's that's how it works.
I mean at a very high level.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Because I was looking at
it was like you know, and then I well, I
saw the silver vent and then I saw it was
broken down and at little you know, individuals, I was like, yeah,
it's got to be abbreviated for something else. And I
think it's so interesting that you went from ten to
five steps though, because you had the ten Flavors of
Confidence and then it's just you know, these five steps, Okay,
these are the five core beliefs and things that work

(33:41):
really well, you know, And I think that's really cool though,
So when you were explaining that to people, did people
take it a lot better though with only five steps?
Because you go with ten. I'm sure they're like, oh
Jesus ten, there's a lot of tasks to do, but
five makes it a little more digestible for them.

Speaker 3 (33:54):
It does. And it's easy to remember because the steps
literally tell you what I'm working on right now. Stoicism. Okay, well,
in the stoic step, you know, you're looking at that
holistic thing, and so it's a reflection. And the recommendation
here is like starting with a Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
is my go to here. It's like pick something out,

(34:15):
like we'll do something that everyone knows, like the obstacle
is the way, right, So whatever the challenges, we need
to charge through the challenge rather than try to go
around it. And so what would that look like in
real life? And it might be, well, this is a
trigger I face every time I see this individual. They
caused me challenges and I want to drink. Okay, well,
then we're going to try to look at why that's

(34:37):
happening and reflect on that, and then you go that's
into the observe step, where you're like literally behavior chain
analysis on this is like, Okay, when I have a
tough meeting, that's my cue, and then I want the distraction,
and then I need to pour a drink, and that
drink becomes a routine because most of our lives are
just have it. You don't actually necessarily need to go

(35:00):
for that drink. It's just become a habit that whenever
you be like every time I see Pete, I'm going
to take a drink. I don't even know why I
do it anymore because Pete and I are friends, he
used to be, you know what I mean. But like
you get into these patterns, we all do it. Yeah,
and and so once you have that observation down you
understand what's going on, then you go into the behavior step,

(35:23):
which is literally looking at your existing behavior and how
you might adjust it. So instead instead of doing this,
I'm going to do this and oh okay, yeah, okay,
that should work. You know, it's you You're playing this out.
It's like this mind game of what I'm going to
do the next time that I that I see you
and then you go into execute. Okay, let's test it.

(35:45):
I'm going to go see Pete right now. Oh okay,
I'm playing this out. Everything looks good. I'm fine. Oh wow,
my new system is going to work. And if it does,
you go on to the restore step, and if it doesn't,
you go back to observe. You try to figure out, okay,
well what went wrong? And this is how you deal
with relapses, because I try to be very forgiving and

(36:06):
relapses in my method because I think it's so important.
It happens to everybody. And rather than beat yourself up,
which is what some of the other programs teach you,
you should beat yourself up and be really you know,
I was like, that doesn't work. Why did it happen?
You know?

Speaker 1 (36:21):
Yeah, yeah, I think it'd make a really good point though,
just to cutch up really quick, is that when you
say that, don't beat them up when they get them.
Because that's the advice I give to other people too.
Because somebody had asked me that said, oh, you know,
my girlfriend stealing with her dealing, trying to get sober again,
and I said, listen, man, if she messes up, do
not blow this out of proportion for understand she is
struggling to even get to that point. It's hard because

(36:44):
once you're once you're hooked, your hooked to think of
any kind of addiction you have, it's anything in general,
it's hard to cut that out, you know. But if
you end up relapsing, don't make it like a big deal.
Be very supportive. I understand things happen. Don't go in
there and just start browbeating her down because you're not
going to get anywhere that You're gonna push her to
continue to say, well, fuck it, I don't want to
do this no more, because all you're gonna do is
shit on me every time something happens.

Speaker 3 (37:07):
Oh yeah, And once you get the fuck, it's yeah.
I mean it's all over.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
You know what I'm saying. Though, It's like it doesn't
make any sense for you to sit there, and probably
because he asked me about it, and it's the same thing.
It's like, well, you know, you talk to people like
this other time they ask you the scenario, and it's like, well,
let me tell you. First advice and I can tell
you right now, is that you if something happens, don't
make it bigger. This situation is if she's upset, console her.
Don't make her feel bad for something it's gonna happen
regardless it's it's gonna happen. It's hard. These guys, you know,

(37:33):
are so used to these things are doing. They're gonna
come back and slip up. But it just don't make
it like the world's coming to an end kind of
thing and baradbeater and make her feel so bad about
it that she's just like, we'll forget it. I'm not
going to try and encourage her, like, hey, listen, that's okay.
You know, you'll you'll get it. You got it, you know,
just just take it with try to take the positive
from the negatives, you know, don't sit there and just
keep throwing more on top, because I'm sure she already

(37:53):
in her head is just already upset because the fact
that you know, she just slipped up again and now
she's got to tell you, you know, and I've had
some ideal with that too. They were afraid to tell me,
but then they told me, and I was just like,
you know, hey, man, it happens, something you can do about.
It's already a done with situation. I mean, you blow
it out of proportion. I could, but what's the point.
You're not gonna get anywhere with it.

Speaker 3 (38:12):
Yeah, it's so true. I like and relapse to having
a stuck car and you have to rock it back
and forth. I mean, you get restuck, you almost get out,
and then you think you're out, and then you roll
back in and you're like, ah, dang it, you know,
and so you start rocking the car again. And that's
exactly what the end step is. Once you really have
decided you're going to be sober, it's like it's back

(38:34):
and forth and back and forth, and then finally you
get out and you're unstuck. And once you're unstuck, it's
relatively easy to stay unstuck. But you know, that's why
relapses sometimes can happen three four months down the road
and you're like, why why did that happen? You know,
and it's okay, fine, let's look at it. I mean,
what happened that day. Let's break it down. Ohh this happened. Well,

(38:58):
I guess we better try to figure how to deal
with that. And it'll be something obscure that they hadn't
thought about that was tied to their past trauma and
how they react to it. Everything that we have within
our minds can be overcome if you think about dealing
with it differently.

Speaker 1 (39:16):
Yeah, yeah, no, I agree with you. I agree one
hundred and seventeen though, because I was there at one point,
I was I was drinking a lot too. I was
nowhere near any of where a lot of these other
guys are at, so I could relate a little bit.
But when it comes to that kind of stuff, it's
like you to hear them four five, six months on
the road, they just start freaking out, Oh well, I
slipped up. Okay, you slipped up. What's the problem? It happened?

(39:37):
You know what what were you doing? Like you said,
break it down? What happened? What were you doing at
the time that you accidentally just slipped up? You know?
Did you get wild? Okay? If you didn't, all right,
cool more powers. That's good though, Look at the positive though.
You didn't get it. You didn't get into this raging
alcoholic state that you're at. You had a drink, you
slipped up. It's you know, the world's not going to
come to an end. I'm not going to sit here
and be the avalanche that falls on you. Oh god,
you drink again, and just it's gonna happen. It's just

(40:01):
how it goes with this kind of thing, you know.
And after talking to enough sobriety coaches and people that
have been through it though, it's like you hear the
same thing. It's like, oh, I slipped up. You know,
I had to slip Okay, cool, you know, it happens
like you It's just there, it's gonna happen. Do just
don't beat yourself up about it. I mean, like, you know,
look like you said, go back and I analyze. Okay,
so what happened that I got myself into the situation

(40:21):
where I should have cut it off? That we didn't
have to have this relapse of a problem to happen,
you know, don't you know? And I think that's the
hardest part for a lot of people. It's like they
don't know how to deal with people addiction because a
lot of them are self destructive, you know. And depending
on who you talk to, some people are like, well
you just got a little self destruct and I'm like,
I don't know if that's really the case. So because
some people when they hit rock bottom, you don't know

(40:42):
what they're gonna do next. You, they may unfortunately take
their life for all we know. They hit that bottom
and think, Okay, there's nothing else left here for me.
It's it. I'm done, and you know and you don't
want that. So I mean, I guess, I know, I
understand everybody has their own opinions. When it comes to
to me, I just don't think like leading people hit
that rock bottom a lot of times is a great
idea for me, because some of them don't come back
up bottom.

Speaker 3 (41:01):
Yeah, a lot of them don't. If if it can
be avoided, and I think it can and I've successfully
done that on with people I've coached. Is if you
can avoid the rock bottom, it's definitely better.

Speaker 1 (41:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (41:12):
Yet you have to have a really set regimen path
up from wherever you're at. I mean, like if you're
on a steep decline, you have to have an answer
and a plan and follow that plan like exactly, or
you will keep sliding, You'll keep you I mean, you're
going to crash and burn, And so that requires a

(41:33):
commitment level that oftentimes I think as you're in that
slippery slope down to the bottom of those hard rocks,
sometimes I think that you start wanting to hit the
rock body. And I say that because that's exactly what
I wanted to do. And I talk about this in
my first book as like I was determined to have
the greatest crash and burn ever. I actually got that

(41:55):
in my mind, and I was like, I'm just gonna
make sure.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
That the fireworks and you're going to show up in exactly.

Speaker 3 (42:01):
I'm like, here, hold my whiskey.

Speaker 1 (42:05):
Yep, here hold my bird. Let me go show you
off through some crazy shit at this point.

Speaker 3 (42:09):
Yeah, yep, yep, exactly.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
I've been in those situations before. There's there's one I
can remember. I ended up fifteen miles away from where
the original spot was. I was at I don't remember
how I got there. I was so drunk. I was
sitting outside this store and luckily no one picked me
up for public intoxication because they knew who I was.
And I was like, that's even worse, Like when you
know the people and you're there, you don't know how
you got there. And I was like, well, hey, assholes,
y'all let me leave, Like what were y'all doing? You know?

(42:34):
But it was it was just I've had I have
some wild stories I haven't told people about. There there's
that's one of them, but there's one of them where
I ended up making it like forty miles away. I
drove down the main highway and I don't even remember
how you even got home. I was like, I think
by In fact, my dad found me out by the pool,
just sitting in the lawn chair and he was yelling
at me. He's like, what the fuck are you doing?
You're like, you know, he's freaking out because he's like,
I do you said you're going to a party with

(42:56):
some friends because you were leaving to do whatever, you know,
and you're having to go way part because you know,
and then all of a sudden I find you here.
He's like, I didn't expect to be home this some
time later today. I was like, I don't even know
how i'n't got here, honestly, And everybody was calling me.
Someone's phone was in the back. It was like one
of those real bad like teen movies where you know,
somebody does something stupid and their phone stuck in the
car and all these like the series of unfortunate events

(43:18):
started happening, and people are calling the phone and they're
like calling my phone, and somebody called them from another phone. Dude,
what the hell are Yeah, man, we can't find you anywhere.
It was almost like the Hangover, you know, when they're
looking for dug and dugs on the roof the whole time.
I'm gone. I'm like like, I don't know, I don't
remember it happened. They're like, dude, you blacked out. This
is that you know these things. I'm just like, huh.
And they're telling you about the series of events are
going on, and you're like, really, that's what happened, Like, dude,

(43:39):
I don't even It's all a blur to me. Man,
I have no clue, Like, yeah, dude, you were just
like it. And then they started tanking. I drank like
a fish. So that whole thing kept going on for
a while, and I was like, oh god, did you
see Peter Man. He drank like a fish out there.
I'm like, oh god, here we go, oh man. And
then the story started continuing, and then the story started
continuing further, so then just the telephone game, Oh well,
Peter did this, I did this. A story kept changing

(44:01):
little by little. I'm like, oh my god, here we go.

Speaker 3 (44:04):
Oh lord, that's a good one. And it totally reminds
me of something. I haven't shared this one. I don't
think I've shared this with anyone. Actually, I had an
instance like this where I left the bar and I
headed in the wrong direction down the highway, and I

(44:25):
must have been smart enough. I ended up waking up
the following morning in the middle of a cornfield when
the center pivot irrigation system started sprinkling water into my
sun roof that was open. And this was at like
ten o'clock in the morning, and I'm like, where the
hell am I. I was like, in the middle of
this field of corn. This is in the middle of July.

(44:47):
So the corn is like all eight feet tall, and
I'm like, I had no idea where I was. And
this is pre GPS, so I'm like totally freaking out,
and so I'm like, well, I guess I should try
to get out of it here. So I get out
onto the road. I still don't know where I'm going,
and I'm like, I think I'm gonna go left and
get back to the highway, and I realized how far away.

(45:08):
I'm like, how the hell did I get here? And
why did I go here? I must have had something
in my mind. It's like I need to get away
because if I'm anywhere I'm gonna get arrested for being
drunk driving. I must just somehow had that thought in
my mind, and that's where I went.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
Yeah, there's a wild one. I've been tony, but yeah,
I'll tell you this one though it got wild. We
were out with this guy, you know, and I just
turned twenty one, okay, So I was always the youngest
person and this other guy had a fake idea with us.
So we all want to hang out with everybody that
we you know, we worked in a restaurant, so anybody's
seen waiting at the beginning of that movie, I can
tell you right now. A lot of times it's just

(45:47):
like that, except for it got crazier. So we were
hanging out and we all went to this this bar
they all were hanging out at. So the guy, me
and this one younger guy and another guy we were with.
The other guy was completely drunk. We had no idea
and like, we've been drinking too, so we didn't know.
We all just hang out in the car, jamming out
to some music or whatever. Then he starts the car
up and I didn't realize how drunk this guy was.

(46:07):
We end up somewhere near where the old Dallas Cowboys
Stadium is out there in Irving, Texas. Okay, car broke
down and everything, and this dude just like going completely nuts,
and like we're just all just hanging out like oh yeah, yeah,
you know, he's okay, And then everybody's seemed mad at us.
I'm like, dude, we were drinking too. What do you
mean you're the ones allowed us to leave with this guy?
You know how drunk he was, you shata take his
damn keys away, Like we didn't know what he was doing.

(46:29):
But he's like going on the road, freaking out. We're
going high speeds down the road, we're flying on and
all of a sudden, the car just kicks out and
it's like, oh shit. He's like, oh no, we're abandoned
somewhere in the middle. We're in some I don't even
know where the hell we were at. We were some
gas station abandon out there. Called to call this guy's
mom to come pick us up, you know, and then
we eventually got home. We all went to sleep, didn't
talk about it. None of us talked about the situation,

(46:49):
you know. And the one guy, younger guy, we pulled
them to a gas station were stuck at. He was
out there throwing up in the trash can, and it
was just like everything that possibly could have gone wrong.
They're like, and then when we showed back up, everydy's like,
what the hell happened to all? You Like, you don't
even know. They're like, you let them drive them, Like, dude,
I was not sober. What the hell are you talking about?
I was drinking too, so I don't know if this
guy stayed in mind. It's like, I've never been around

(47:10):
this guy before. You know, I know why I work
with them. I don't know how crazy he gets. But
you guys allowed to leave too, So you're all like,
they're all throwing the blame on me. It's trying to
say it's my fault that we allowed him to I'm like,
we were not in the state of mind to do anything.
You all should have taken the keys away if you
knew he was this wild. We didn't know, but it
was the craziest thing. I took you for the wildest
ride of your life, like you know, and I was

(47:30):
just like I could tell I thought my life was
flashing my eyes because this dude was just flying down
the highway in like one hundred miles an hours, like,
oh god, here we go. We're all having a great
time out there. Somehow we didn't get pulled over, you know,
Luckily no cops found us, because we would have all
have been done. That would have been it. We all
have been picked up for, you know, intoxication, because there
was no way none of us should have been driving
that car, you know. And then everybody's blaming me, and

(47:51):
I'm like, well, hold on, listen, why are you blaming
me when I didn't know anything about this guy like that.
You all knew exactly what he's like, you know, and
it's just like everyone wants to blame you for everything.
They're like, oh, no, it's your fault, your fault. I'm like,
my fault. Whoa hold up, listen, I was I'm not
the responsible adult. This guy's holding up holding up to
me like dadd he should know deck who Delly's do whatever.
But you all know he gets this drunk and he
acts crazy, you know. And I didn't really think anything

(48:13):
of it at the time, you know, because I was
just like, all right, cool, I can finally hang out
with everybody, you know. But I've heard stories about some
of these parties, like we've had a guy what they said,
one guy he jumped over the railing and broke both
his heels, shattered both his heels flying over the things.
I was like, yeah, uh, that's a party I don't
want to be a part of. I'm good, thanks anyways, guys,
you know, And it's just like it's crazy. But when
that movie came out, a lot of people were asking

(48:35):
me questions about like, oh, do you guys really do
this kind of stuff here? You know this scene where
they're like defecating the woman's food, doing all that weird
shit to it. Do you guys do that too when
we send things back? And I'm like, no, dude, that's
it's a movie. Don't have the cipher between what reality
of the movie is because I don't know, we don't
do that here. God know, you know. And it was
so funny because people kept asking those questions about him,
like no, no, no.

Speaker 3 (48:58):
The party aspect of way to though you could argue
it's relatively.

Speaker 1 (49:02):
It's pretty real. For what I experienced, it was even
worse than that. Yeah, we won't go into full disclosure,
but it gets it. Get wid they there are sometimes
there's some wild stories that have come from that, there's
something that come to work drunk. So one guy, in fact,
he was going, we had a we had another place
across the way. He was going across the way and
his break, tossing back a few and then coming back
to work, and you could just smell the alcohol coming

(49:22):
off them, Like, bro, don't you know people can tell
that you're drunk. He's like, oh, what do you mean, Man,
I'm good. I was like, no, no, you're not. But
like I can tell, Like if I can tell, I'm
sure as well they can tell, you know how somebody
hasn't noticed this or smelt it yet. He goes, oh,
you can smell it, okay, can we get some mints
in there? And I'm like, oh no, stop, dude, please stop.

Speaker 3 (49:40):
You're beyond mints.

Speaker 1 (49:42):
But like, but you need mints, you need a shower,
you need to wake you need to do something. He stopped,
and he kept going over there because I think it
was during the holiday season. He had taken another break
and he went over there because we were all working
like doubles and stuff, you know, working all day. He
kept going over there and coming back say, man, I
was that nex stoor doing a little drinking, like you
don't you think so you can smell like barning from
The Simpsons. I think we can tell at this point.

Speaker 3 (50:02):
A great reference.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
So we're at the part of the show. I don't
know if you've heard this between this whole Recently, I've
been asking people this question massive move your mental health
had a song, what would it be?

Speaker 3 (50:16):
Oh boy, that's a tough one.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
It's a great one for people because people are like,
kind of break it down to seven them, like, you
can break it down in which way you want. We
have Rage against the Machine from Susan Snow. I had
another Middle Eastern woman tell me that Michael Jackson's beat
it was her song.

Speaker 3 (50:31):
Yeah, well, I can tell you in Recovery Sea's Unstoppable.
It's definitely been a fighting song for me. Yeah. And
she had her own struggles with addiction. That's definitely been
a go to for me a lot.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, it's so funny when
you ask me that question, because they're like, they say, there, damn,
that's a good question. I know it is, because it's
interesting to hear people's responses to it.

Speaker 3 (50:52):
You know.

Speaker 1 (50:53):
In so far, I think Susan Snow has the best one.

Speaker 3 (50:55):
Right.

Speaker 1 (50:55):
She's like, you're gonna make fun of me? And like
why she goes, well, let's rage against the machine and say,
who's gonna make funy? I can raise against the machine.
Get out of here. That's that's the most That was
probably the most interesting answer to day. It's like raise
against the machine, Like, all right, season, I see how
you get it down?

Speaker 3 (51:07):
Okay, girl, I'll tell you the The first song that
came to my mind though, when you said it was
Eve six inside out.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
There you go, yeah, that's a good one too. Yeah,
that was a good one mine. Mine was was it
the I can't do what It's called? Now? There's a
there's a movie called Scott Pilgrim Versus the World. It's
one of my favorite movies just because of the curers
aaniness of it. But the beginning song is an actual
band I don't remember the name, but that's just like
my anxiety way. It's kicking full throttle. It's like that.
It's called real Fast, you know. It's almost like the

(51:36):
ultimate Warrior for any wrestling fans. It's like that intros
that's just constant streaming and going. That's just constant guitar riffed,
and then when I'm down it's it's it's just a
numerous songs. It doesn't matter, could be anything. I think
Epiphany for Stain is the me new one I've been using,
you know, but there's so many different answers. When I
feel down and dumps my depression kicks up, it's it's
like Epiphany from Stain or was it years by Cold
is another one to a lot of times I'll reference

(51:57):
as well that one, but you know, it's always so
seen hypiples responses because I got to answer it. I
got the question from a friend of mine runs a
podcast a shit that goes on in her heads, and
she had asked me during my thing. I was like,
this is actually interesting. Let me start asking people this
question because I'm curious what your song would be. So
the other question I have for you now is that
if you could break this stigma about mental health anything

(52:18):
you want, what would it be.

Speaker 3 (52:23):
That you are what you used to be? I think
that we I would really love to break this whole
stigma that whatever somebody was or however they acted in
the past, that that's who they are, that you cannot
redefine or become somebody new. I'm living proof that you can.
Anybody else who's found their sobriety and has stuck to

(52:45):
it year after year, they're a different person. Give them
a chance, give them a shot. Yeah, you know, don't
look back. And this applies not only to individual people.
This applies to even our court system. You know. It's
like totally stacked against people who really have made a change,
because all they do is they look back and go, oh, well,
you had three d u eyes at one point in

(53:05):
your life, so I'm sorry you kind of suck, you know.

Speaker 1 (53:08):
Like it's just it's crazy though, because it is like,
just like you said, you have to fight your own
You almost have to fight your own mirrorself though you
think about it, because you're fighting what you used to
be versus who you are now, you know, and people
keep looking back at how you were, you know. Yeah,
and it's it's hard for those people to change when
you keep telling them, well, you're this person, you're this person.
Well understand they're making changes, you know. How about encourage

(53:31):
them like, hey, great, I'm glad you're doing better. You know.
Don't keep reminding them of their mistakes, because I'm sure
they already know what their mistakes are you know, I
think that's the worst thing you could do.

Speaker 3 (53:40):
Yeah, we beat ourselves up enough. I think that we
don't need anyone else adding to the fire. Encouragement at
every turn. If you see somebody who's truly genuinely trying
to improve themselves, encourage them a simple hey, I've noticed
that you've been working hard. Keep it up. That's enough
that that is an amazing amount of encouragement to somebody

(54:02):
who's trying to do something. They just want to make.

Speaker 1 (54:04):
Your amalge of effect. Yeah exactly. You just said you're
beating to it. Yeah, exactly. Noticing exactly somebody's doing something like, hey, listen,
they're doing real great. Those a little bit of an
encouragements could could save their life too, for all, you know,
because you don't know what people are thinking. You know
a lot of times you hear people when they take
their lives. You're like, well, I don't know what they
were thinking. We don't that's right, You're right, we don't
know what they're thinking. We didn't know what they're what
their thought process was. But that little bit of encouragement

(54:27):
you could make them feel like okay, while being noticed
somebody's noticing I'm doing something. This is awesome, you know,
And some people don't have that mentality, you know, and
other people are just like, well, I don't care you
notice or not. I'm changing. So you like it, there's
the door, you know. But not everybody could be as
as strong as that. So sometimes that little bit of
encouragement you could you could make their day right there,
you know, like I always closed out the showays say,
you know, one kind of act, you could say. Something's

(54:48):
like you really could think about it because that positive
message or that positive interactions that day, you could you
could extend it even longer without being realizing that you
just made somebody's day and you made them feel like
they're being noticed, because a lot of times when it
comes to the active suicide, that's you, you what it is,
they don't feel noticed, you know. And even even just
compling your shirt, Hey listen, I like your shirt a lot.
Hey I like your hair stuff. You know, right there,
that's it. You could just make them feel great just there.

(55:10):
That positive comment could just be the thing.

Speaker 3 (55:12):
So it's leading with kindness, you know, and and you
can do that everywhere, lead with a smile. How are
you today? It just to complete strangers. There's there's nothing
wrong with doing that. And uh, some people will tell
you to get lost, and other people will say, I'm
doing great, how are you well?

Speaker 1 (55:29):
Look, you just or options. They just don't answer, They
just walk past. You're like, okay, all right, so you
don't answer me. All right, you do that? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (55:36):
Well yeah, I mean you're going to get both.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (55:38):
But that one person that answers, might it might do
something for him. Hey, I was noticed today there. You know,
you're in a sea of people, especially in a big city.
You're walking down the street in Chicago and New York.
You know it. Think about it. It's easy to be
lost if you don't if and and feel unseen in
a in and a massive people, which is wild to

(56:02):
think of, but it's really easy to happen.

Speaker 1 (56:04):
All right, guys, Well let me start wrapping up massa. Well,
do you want to tell me where they can find you?
I know you have all these social media sites and
all these type things like I do. So what is
the best way to reach you?

Speaker 3 (56:13):
Best way to reach me is on my website, sobermethod
dot com. As you just mentioned, I'm on all the socials.
My handle is at Sober Method. You can find me
on any of those reach out I'm always at the ready.
I answer all of my own stuff. So I also
have a Reddit community that's Sober Method, so interact with

(56:35):
people out there as well. And it's anonymous out there,
so I'm really happy to interact with people.

Speaker 1 (56:40):
Definitely know a funny story though, when you say that
I answer my own messages. I had a friend of mine,
her name is Melissa kim Korter. She does a lot
of shadow work and things like that. She said that
somebody got mad at her one time because she didn't
answer her own messages. Sometimes I'm like, hey, guys, I'm
gonna get jealous. But she answers a lot of my messages.
But it was so funny because when you said that,

(57:00):
it's the first thing I was saying, because we had
a five minute conversation about that, like, you know, people
get mad when you don't respond, and it's like, but
depending how many followers I here's fifty thousand of you
and one of me, I'm like I can only answer
so many, you know, or whatever it was, and she's
like somebody got mad and wrote her letter and said, well,
I don't appreciate the fact that you're not answering me,
and your assistants answering. I say, well, sometimes it's not

(57:21):
her answering you, it's the assistant. I could tell because
I've had a conversation with her several times. And I
know what a writing style because in the beginning me
and her were going back and for exchanging emails when
I try to get it when I got on the
show the first time, so I know when it's hurt,
I know when it's not. But I understand. You know,
she's got all these things going on, publishing books, working
on all these things, you know, and people get so
upset when it's not just a genuine you. But it's
like it's hard when there's so many people, when you

(57:44):
amassed such a big enough following it, it's like you
get lost. Your message gets lost in that sea, if
you know whatever, So be be genuine, be authentic, you know,
and you know, just understand, a lot of people don't
have time to respond all the time. It don't feel
like they're ignoring you because they're really not. Like I
had a woman on the show that has like twenty
thousand plus fallow and how I got her on the shows.
I just made a comment about mental health and she

(58:04):
responded back, and I was still even shocked that she said, yes,
you know. So it's it's so cool though. You're answering
your own messages and things like that too, you know,
and I think people really enjoy that stuff. We thank
you so much for coming, man, this has been a
great conversation. I had a real blast and everything too.
Do you have anything coming down the line that you
haven't told us about any any future publications you're working on.

Speaker 3 (58:22):
I'm actually working on a third book right now that
deals with UH device addiction, because one of the wild
things that's come about with Sober Method out is people
have told me they've used it to curb their device addiction,
which was fascinating to me. So I walked into that one.

Speaker 1 (58:38):
That just means that we neither have you come back
then definitely for sure, See look awesome, me Well is
going to be back. When he said the book comes
out and everything, we'll get all the details figured out.

Speaker 3 (58:45):
Man.

Speaker 1 (58:46):
I'm definitely inviting you right now to come back when
you if you you bet, I don't know what what
the stages of the book are, but when you get
closer to a date, let me know for sure, and
we we'll get you come back and we can talk
about that book too as well. You know, give a
little more promotion because this has been great. I had
a great time having you here. Man, it's awesome. I
appreciate you in here, guys. And as always, you know,
I'm Pete for anxiety. I'm pretty much that X all
the way down to TikTok. I'm on Spotify elay down
our hurt radio guys. And as I always say, it

(59:06):
costs nothing, absolutely nothing to be kind to somebody. One
kind act you could do. You could say, soon's life
for hell, you can make their day. I'm Pete for
his anxiety. Signed now saying hey, don't ask how your
days today, say hey, how's your mental health today,