July 31, 2025 • 45 mins
Bob is a visionary leader and is passionate about inspiring, challenging, and encouraging men to break their status quo.
Serving as a life-strategist, creator, and a personal development junkie, Bob empowers men with what they need to find purpose, forge connection, and live in alignment.
As a husband, father, and disciple, Bob believes that no man should float through life without a guide and most men did not get that from their fathers. Every man needs to have a man or two in his life to help him see the potholes, or to help him get back on the road after he does.
Bob has worked with over 100 men in some capacity to break out of their status quo and take a bigger bite out of life. He places a strong emphasis on creating connections with loved ones, community, and most importantly self, on living by a certain set of standards and rules that when adhered to create trust and faith in us by those around us, and to further or establish a man's purpose in life.
All while standing shoulder to shoulder and in their corner!
🎙️ New to streaming or looking to level up? Check out StreamYard and get $10 discount! 😍 https://streamyard.com/pal/d/6...
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/pete-vs-anxiety--6084228/support.
Serving as a life-strategist, creator, and a personal development junkie, Bob empowers men with what they need to find purpose, forge connection, and live in alignment.
As a husband, father, and disciple, Bob believes that no man should float through life without a guide and most men did not get that from their fathers. Every man needs to have a man or two in his life to help him see the potholes, or to help him get back on the road after he does.
Bob has worked with over 100 men in some capacity to break out of their status quo and take a bigger bite out of life. He places a strong emphasis on creating connections with loved ones, community, and most importantly self, on living by a certain set of standards and rules that when adhered to create trust and faith in us by those around us, and to further or establish a man's purpose in life.
All while standing shoulder to shoulder and in their corner!
🎙️ New to streaming or looking to level up? Check out StreamYard and get $10 discount! 😍 https://streamyard.com/pal/d/6...
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/pete-vs-anxiety--6084228/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, guys, it's Pete for Beef Anxiety here. Welcome in
today's episode. I appreciate all being here so much. Let's
talk about a few things real quick. The P for
so Anxiety Team anxiety Facebook group. Are you a part
of it? You're not? What are you waiting for? The
links out here in the description now below, or go
to Facebook and search P for Anxiety, Then look for
the team Anxiety team page and join it today. Why
(00:22):
on you can join the help it'd be great, Like
right now, hurry up, stop it doing paused video? Go
do around. But anyways, let's also talk about the P
for Anxiety YouTube page. You guys, if you're here right now,
you're probably following the most likely. If not, head on
over there, subscribe, do shure, don't like in comment on
the videos and let me know because all that suff
really helps. Guys, I really appreciate it and help me
break the stigma that mental health is talked about enough.
(00:44):
But anyways, guys, let's get in today's episode. Oh I
have a great one. Thank you so much again, and
as always say, don't ask your day is asking your
mental health is today.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Guys, welcome into the triple header of pe versus I
hear the Oracle talk for your network. My guest today
is when it's the Relationship Engineer. He is the founder
of the Men Becoming Better Men coaching and the host
of the Men Becoming Better Men podcast loocome into one
the only Bob Weisser. How you doing, Bob good? It's
wish a wisher, My bad. Sorry, all right.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Bob's like a lot of podcasts.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
He's like, get your name, last names right, But I'm like, okay, okay,
Bob right, and usually get it. I've actually, you know,
I've done pretty well with pretty difficult last names. I
think the only one that drew me off was what's
her name? To Tigeria? I got to give you say
her name now. She she has a very one, very
interesting first name. But she runs like a plant podcast basically,
but it's like like plant music and things like that.
(01:39):
But anyways, Bob the Relationship Engineer, why don't you tell it
a little more broud yourself? You know, how is it
you became the relationship Engineer?
Speaker 4 (01:46):
Well, I spent a lot of time uh in in
the automotive industry.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
I work.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
I live in the Detroit area, so I work with
engineers all the time, and as I uncovered the strengths
and gifts that I have a lot of it in
coaching was around relationships. So you know, my biggest, biggest
place I like to work is with men. And I
(02:12):
a lot of guys walk around their homes on eggshells
and they're they're afraid to say the wrong thing, They're
afraid to do the wrong thing. They're afraid that, you know,
anything they do is going to tip off their wife
to start an argument or fight or whatever. And I
like to work with guys to help them repair those
those pieces of their marriages, rebuild their trust, rebuild the
connection and especially the intimacy with their wife.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
No, I get that completely too. I think it's an
interesting take that, you know, I like that you work
with men because I think we as men need to
have these conversations more. Honestly. You know, I feel like
too many times we're in that situation where we're eggshells
and all that other kind of stuff. And you know,
things like that too, you know, know the women are always saying, oh,
I'm looking for a good man, and then they want
all these like ridiculous things and then it's like, really like.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
How do how do I live up to that? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
You know what I'm saying, But it's like, on the
flip side, what is it? One person I saw a
video guy was like, yeah, but think about those guys
and that where you want the top tier, you're not
even fitting their parameters of what they want. I was
just you know, it makes you laugh though, you know,
and things like that too, because it's like you see
those videos and it's like, oh, I want to man,
it does this, but then it's like, that's not how
it works. So unfortunate. So let me ask you this
(03:26):
question obviously, like why why men? Like is this something
you've always wanted to do?
Speaker 4 (03:35):
It's it just it was a path that I got
onto and a path that I started rolling down. And
I do work with women, all of them, so it's
but primarily, at least up to this point, it's it's
been primarily with guys.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
It's just because it's what I know, right, I'm yeah,
I'm a guy, so and and it all hit A
lot of it hits home with me because I went
through a long twenty year.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
Marriage first round, and you know, I learned a lot
of things that I did wrong. Not that it was
all one hundred percent my fault, obviously, but a good
portion of it was. And I I think I could
have done a lot of things differently, a lot of
things better than I was doing, and could have made
(04:27):
it a lot easier to navigate and have the boundaries
in place and then really live the life that I
wanted to live versus the life that I was I
was living because I was afraid.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, so let me ask you. Let me ask you
a question. Okay, So divorce, how did it go with
the kids, because sometimes, you know, it gets messy a
lot of times, you know, it'll be uh, you know, everybody,
you guys decided to split, and then it's like mom
turning the kids against the dad kind of thing, you
know what I'm saying, Like, and then there was like
Dad's talking named about Mom. You know that kind of
(04:59):
back and forth kind of thing. You know.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Yeah, yeah, I unfortunately left a lot of that.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
My my ex was very upset when I left, and
she did everything in her power to drive a wedge
between my kids and I. Uh, they were they were
My daughter was about out of high well, she was
graduating high school at the time. My son was a
couple of years behind, so it wasn't it wasn't too
long of a period of time, but a lot of
(05:27):
damage was done in that first year or so while
we were going through the process, and and I learned
very quickly, thankfully from a from a very good friend,
to to not talk, no, not not air my issues
with my ax to my kids. And unfortunately she was
doing that on the other side, which obviously I can't control,
(05:50):
so I just had to deal with. But it did
doing that though, it did help me in in the
aftermath to rebuild those relationships with my kids. Yeah, get
back and you know, show them who who the real
meat was and not the me that she was telling
them I was. And it's worked out to this point
(06:13):
fairly well. I mean they're off doing their own thing now.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
They're both.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
Excelling in life and and doing the things. There's there's really, uh,
you know, other than I don't get to see them
as much as i'd like to because they both live,
you know, at least forty five an hour away.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
So but yeah, that's uh, it is difficult.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
And and so you advice for people is don't don't
get in the mud.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I was about to ask you that right there.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
Yeah, don't don't don't sling the mud, don't throw them
let you know if she wants to throw the mud letter,
because if you just throw it back, that's just fueling
hurt to want to do more.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
If you just let it go and let her wear
herself out and eventually it will stop and go away
and and you can move on with your life.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Yeah, you know, And well, a lot of guys get
in that situation, like myself. I'm in that same situation.
My kids and I don't have a great relationship. But
a lot of it's my own fault though, like the
things like I avoid it getting my mental health figured
out way too long. But because when we split up,
their mom disappeared for a while and then they were
staying with me. So I'm like phrasing three young ladies,
(07:20):
I know, you know, obviously I'm a guy. I don't
know a lot, you know, and it's like I've got
into some interesting situations. And then when mom reappeared, it
was Mom telling them that I'm such a bad person
and these and that you know all these things, you know,
and turning them against me kind of thing. So we
don't have a great relationship. Right now. But I mean
it's one of those things I'm still just kind of
holding out for to see if we could, you know,
(07:41):
eventually repair it, you know. But I mean it's rough.
You're rough.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
You want the most important piece of advice that you
will ever receive from.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Anyone ever, just so laid on me.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
So you know, the little.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Girls, you know how they are. So when they're growing up,
what ages are they now?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
They're thirteen, thirteen, and sixteen.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
Okay, so they'll be at so there should be beyond that.
So rewind to back when they were somewhere between four
or five and eight or nine.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
What did they love to do? Probably had Disney princesses everywhere?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Right, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, you're right. Yeah, Disney princesses, barbies. Yeah,
they were in some really one and the other one
is and the other stuff.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
But yeah, and they would play dress up, right, girls,
the little girls like to dress up as princesses where
the high heels and carry the wound around. Right, That's
what they all want all the time forever. They always
want to be seen as that princess.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Now, I I have I have an issue because of
an old relationship of calling I never called my daughter princess.
I refused to because I called an ex girlfriend princess
way back when and it was a disaster. So I
will never call a woman princess ever, especially even my daughter.
I would not put that on her.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
But I will treat her in my actions, my reactions,
my presence with her. Treat her like a princess. See her,
hear her, and understand her.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
And and the other most important part, that's that's individually.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
You need to do that.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
With each of your daughters, and then for you, the
hard part is each of them independently. The second most
important thing I learned during my divorce was when my
kids again they were they were in their late teens
at that point. They came to me and said, Dad,
and we appreciate you wanting to take us out to
dinner or get together with us and see us whatever,
(09:39):
but we don't want to do it together because we
have to share you. And there's things we want to
tell you. There's things we want to talk to you about.
There's one on one dad time that we need for ourselves.
And when we do, you know, when we do a
meal with the three of us, we're competing for your
attention and it is very hard as as that person competing.
You're always like back and forth, back and forth tennis match, Right,
(10:00):
You're trying to pay attention to both of them, but
you're in that and at the at the end of
that meal, you're actually paid attention to either of them.
That neither one of them got what they wanted because
your attention was divided.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Yeah, So being able.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
To focus on them, you know, hearing them, seeing them
and understanding them individually and separately best advice I ever got.
And and that's what's helped me repair those relationships with
both of them, is is keeping keeping them when it's
just us one on one, focusing attention on them, being
paying attention to them, not being on my.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Phone or being distracted in some other way, just you know,
how are you doing? What do you need? Where can
I be there for you? And that cures a lot
a lot of the stuff that happened in the past.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
I mean, because you're asking them directly the questions like
what can I where, what do I need to do
to be more more present in your life kind of thing?
What can I do? You know? And I don't think
a lot of people ask them that though you're like,
don't go just ask them because there's older's a kid,
they don't they do know, and you valuing their opinion.
It really helps too.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Though. Most painful thing my daughter ever said to me
is Dad, you don't know me. Yeah, got your bone
right in a chest. I had to fix that. I
had to fix that right away.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
No, I agree. I agree totally with that one, because
you know, especially when they say that to you, it hurts.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Man.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Wor's hurt though, especially when it comes to that kind
of thing, especially kids, it's like, you know, then they're like, well,
you don't know me. It's like, you're my daughter, what
do you mean? I don't know you? You know a
lot of people are like, what do you mean? Though, No,
that doesn't make sense to me, and things like that too,
you know. But so let me ask you this question though,
after your divorce, how long was it before you started
(11:43):
getting into coaching? Like what inspired you to do? What
was that one moment in your life You're like, you
know what, I got to help these guys they need help.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
Yeah, it was the rock bottom moment that I hit.
I was.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Well to see I was two years two years after
my divorce.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
Yeah, so I was still kind of struggling, you know,
I was in a relationship, wasn't wasn't really sure how
how I wanted that to unfold. Yeah, still repairing the
relationship with my kids, trying, you know, trying to figure
out you know, life post divorce or post marriage for
twenty years, right, And I was going through a job
(12:26):
change or I went through a job change, got a promotion,
and it was a lot bigger, bigger piece of meat
than I could thought I could chew, and I really
just between all of it, I just was like, you
know what, this is ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I'm done and I can't. I can't do this on
my own anymore.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
And it was, oddly enough, it was a Facebook ad obviously,
you know, of course Facebook listens to us all the time, right.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
And it was I started all of them.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
Yeah, I started getting ads for for men's men's coaching.
So I ended up hiring my own coach. And it
was the best investment I ever made in my life,
just from a from a perspective of of having someone
to listen to, someone to guide me, somebody to tell,
you know, show me those things that I hadn't been
(13:18):
doing that I should have been doing as far as
self care, education, all that kind of stuff, and I
just I dove right into that relationship and that experience
and realized very quickly that oh my god, this is
this is something I want to do for men and
for people and for people at the time.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
And then no, you're right, You're right. You hit it
on the men especially, man.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
Well it started, it started with people, and then it
whittled its way down to men as as I started
learning more and refining with the things that I really
learned to work, work.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
With and work and talk to people about. So yeah,
but yeah, that's that was what That's how it happened.
Speaker 4 (13:54):
I I just hit that hit that rock bottom moment,
was like, that was the almost I was on anti
presence and anti anxiety medications and I was just like,
what am I doing?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Yeah? So yeah, Yeah. It's hard, though, man, especially when
it comes to that kind of stuff, because you know,
some of those side effects of this stuff is rough too. Man.
You know, you're dealing with all that, You're juggling all
these thoughts, and then you know you have to think,
what is my son seeing that I'm doing through all
this kind of stuff, you know, and what he thinks
of you, you know, and and you know this is
gonna leave me to my next question. So do you
(14:25):
and your son have open conversation about like, you know,
different things, you know, like any any kind of like
is he very open about his mental health at all?
Or do you have conversations about that kind of stuff?
Speaker 3 (14:34):
A little bit?
Speaker 4 (14:35):
Okay, it hasn't hasn't been too too in depth at
this point. He's actually he's actually my he's my youngest
and he's he's been married now for.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
A year and a half.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
So okay, he's he's got his wife, his wife to
lean on, and he needs Dad a little less than
but he I hope that he knows that I'm here.
I tell him all the time that if you ever
you ever meet me, you'd ever want to talk, you know,
I'm always here for you.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Man. That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
So that's awesome. I think that's really great because I
rely on my dad a lot of times stuff too,
because sometimes I need his advice. So listen, hand needs
some advice, and I'll call and ask him about things,
you know, and sometimes I'll just make up shit to
call him, you know, just to set call him to
make sure he doesn't feel like I have forgot about
him because me and him actually live fairly close to
each other. But it's always just weird. We always had
(15:24):
a real weird relationship. My dad was never really present
when I was young. A lot of times she's always
working and things like that. So I spend a lot
of times with my mom, you know, and my mom
and I didn't get along. And then when they divorced,
it was like a war zone, man because like he
she wouldn't allow us go see him because she was
always like, oh no, you can't talk to him, d
D these things, and you know, and it was always
like back and forth, like the pettiness is just like
(15:46):
you're just watching this pettiness continue and you're just like yourself,
just like, I don't want to be in the middle
of list, but unfortunately I'm stuck in the middle of
this because you know, being the kids, you know, you're
the you're the item at war. Therefore there you're using
you as the pawn piece that you basically leverage each
there's conversations about it, you know, and it's it's, yeah,
it's always frustrating when you have people that do like
that and things like that.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Too.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
So let me ask you though this question. I'm curious
though your podcast. How long have you been doing it?
Speaker 4 (16:13):
It's a it's on hiatus now, but we started back
in twenty we started back in twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
We've done eight seasons, I think a very various formats,
various various with with a guest host, without a guest host,
with guests are I'm sorry, co hosts with them, without
co host with them, without.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Guests, probably two hundred so episodes almost I think we're
I think it's close to ten thousand downloads at this point.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
In totally for that period of time, so it's not bad.
It's been fun.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
My lest my last, uh my last interview was with
doctor Robert Glover, who wrote No More mister nice Guy,
very big, very big in the men's personal growth space,
and it was awesome conversation and great great to have
him on tonight's I'm not sure if I can do
any better than that.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
I think I'm gonna shut it down for a.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
No, I get that completely, man, I'm I got so
many different conversations if I had to look at it,
think between now in October, I have one hundred and
forty more guests after you, one hundred and forty more
after you.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
All.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Well, you know, the conversation I take on a lot
of conversations honestly, Like I'm gonna be honestly, I had
every I try to hit any kind of conversation. Maybe
somebody comes to me something unique. I'm like, let's go
for it. Why not, because it's I'm always curious to know,
like where the conversation is gonna go, And a lot
a lot of times, man, it's great conversations. I think
we only had one conversation was kind of like you know,
but it's like, you know, you run into that once
(17:39):
and every while though, and things like that too, so
you know, but I love it though. I mean I've
only been doing any about a year now. I've been
podcasting two years altogether, you know, but in the first
year this show alone, the first half of the year,
I was already booked out far. So I mean, like
it's it's clearly an issue. People want to talk about things,
you know, and stuff like that too. So you know,
as as we get into the topic that what what
(18:02):
about your program is different? Because you know, like everybody
has their own little unique thing, So what sets the
relationship engineer apart from everybody else.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
So one of the things that I do with clients
is is we got we kind of go deep into.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
The why. Yeah. For example, if you had you know.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
You're struggling, you're struggling in your marriage, your your wife
is is threatening divorce or you feel like she might
be threatening divorce. We we dive into how are you being?
You know, what kind of manner you being? How are
you showing up? Are you being present? Are you being
you understanding what her needs? Are you understanding what your
(18:44):
needs are? Do you know what your your your personal
traumas and and things that you've had happened to you
in your life that that have maybe maybe gotten in
the way of you being able to be the of
a person that she needs. Not to say that, you know,
we want to do everything, you know, be at her
(19:06):
back and call I'm talking more about boundaries.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
I'm talking about setting setting up excuse me, setting up a.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
Better understanding of what she needs and and and how
you can play into those type of things without or
how do we want to say it? Without without causing
causing your own self personal damage or anxiety?
Speaker 3 (19:33):
You know what I mean? Yeah, for for example, my
my current client is he was struggling.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
He did he didn't even he had known about what
love languages were when we started, but didn't really understand
how to use them. And it ended up he was
he was trying to be he was trying to put
onto his wife his language and not giving her her language.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
So they were they were going.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
To opposite direction for you know, over a decade and
wondering why they weren't able to connect. And now that
we got him back on track, he's connecting with her,
she's connecting with him, and you know, everything's starting to
starting to turn. So that that and and just being
able to be you know it kind of kind of
(20:22):
go deep into into your own thoughts and trying to understand,
you know, maybe where those came from. That's a that's
another big, key, key portion.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Of the program. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
So like my next question though, like I'm here's what
I'm thinking though, It's like, okay, so that you're having
the conflicts, what's the number one conflict A lot of
couples have that you see though, like just based on
the people that you've met with, what is like the
number one thing that keeps showing up that you're like,
come on, guys, Like at this point, it's like, it's
obviously the top problem that you're seeing from people that
are having is is it always means communication.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Always.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
Communication, It's always lack lack of communication or not communicating
in the right way. It's you know, baking, make baking,
making assumptions of oh, she's she thinks this or she
thinks that or whatever, assuming the other person is thinking
one way, when.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
It could be completely fabricated, you know.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Isn't that so funny though? Thinking about it, we communicate,
It's like we pick up the phone, we call people,
but we can't communicate with their own partner. Why why
do you feel like that is that's the biggest issue
for us? Is it because you know we're so afraid
to hear the answer We don't want to hear.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
It's a fear.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
No, it's a fear of disconnecting further to where you're
you permanent, they disconnect, you know that that fear of
being alone, fear you know, any any shame type of
situations that come that can bubble up. For your childhood,
they maybe you were export exposed to pornography at a
very early age and and you know, have our hyper
(21:55):
sexual hyper sexuality type of thing, and you you want
to have it all the time, and your wife doesn't
want to have it. But to be able to have
that conversation and have her rebuke you, to say, well, no,
I only want you know, I'm good with only having
sex like once I'm off, and but you need it
every other day, and you know that's going to cause
a big problem. But to be able to talk about
those things and understand each other. You know, maybe maybe
(22:17):
you separate, maybe you don't, but understanding all all of
where she's at or all of where he's at is
better than assuming and making things up to to make
you just make yourself miserable.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Well, you know, because you think about it. Sex as
a taboo topic for a lot of people. Absolutely, they
get upset instantly, get and raged and like, oh that's
all you're thinking about. No, I'm trying to talk to
you about this. You know a lot of times I
feel like when you get into conversations like that, it's
just a constant let's see you can jab at the
other person harder type thing, and I think people need
to stop doing that. It's just making any sense. It's
like if you're asking you a question. It's because they
(22:53):
generally want to know, Hey, listen, is this you know, yeah,
what what am I missing here? Or you know something
like you know mean, like you're you're trying to get answers.
But I feel like a lot of time it turns
into who can who can piss off the other person
more kind of thing, and it's like you're taking jabs
at this one. It's like, guys, that's not what we're
trying to do here. We're trying to get the conversation
going about having an actual healthy conversation about our personal problems,
(23:15):
to figure out where we can meet in the middle
ground somewhere, you know, and things like that too.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
Absolutely absolutely, So let's.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Let's go on the topic of a good man. Okay.
You know all these women say, oh, I'm looking for
a good man. What's your best advice for a woman
looking for the quote unquote proverbial good man.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Oh, easy one.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
Uh, he's got to be into personal growth. Yeah, and
and by that I mean demonstrated personal growth. I tell
women this all the time. If you're, especially with women
in the dating pool, if you're if you you know
you you connect on the app or however, you connect
as you're having those conversations, ask those questions, what are
(23:54):
you doing for personal growth?
Speaker 3 (23:57):
And see what he says.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
Is he attending on men's Does he have a a
group of men that he can go to and and
count on to to vent his problems, to not.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
You know, not use drugs or alcoholic porn or anything else?
Is he is he? Is he educating himself? If we're
not learning, we're Yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
The yin and yang of personal growth, right is if
you're not learning, you're you're doing the opposite, or you're dying.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
So basically, if we're not learning, we're dying. So he's
not doing that. It's it's you're going backwards. And then
I in that I lost my throat. I had a
third point there somewhere, But you get the gist.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
No, I got you. It's it's always funny because you
always see the videos of people going, oh, I'm looking
for this, I want all these things. I wanted to
have all these major incomes, and it's like, huh what
It's like, you know, some of these guys are making
these statements. You're like, I'm sorry, what income?
Speaker 3 (24:53):
And income is not everything?
Speaker 4 (24:55):
And for the men, women you know who look like
Barbie or a better, better exit. They're not like calle Berry.
Doesn't mean you know they're bad women. Now, where women
can have curves, they can have some extra pounds, they
can maybe not be as totally as attractive.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
As tell them in the back. But I don't think
you're here loud. Yeah, that's ridiculous problem.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
I've heard so many guys tell me how lonely.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
They are and how frustrating they are with the dating pool.
But then you know, you you ask them, what kind
of women are you looking for?
Speaker 3 (25:25):
Well, she's got you know, she's got to be thirty six,
twenty four to thirty six, and you know, have a PhD.
And like you're looking for a unicorn brother.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
You know what I'm saying though, case it's it's the
same thing that most of these women posting those videos too.
They're they're unrealistic expectations and it's like huh, Like you're listening,
You're like, wait, what did you just say? Oh, they
got to have all these and you're like okay, yeah,
like can we come back down, Peter Pan right on
a fantasy island near Let's come back down this reality here?
You know, it's it's the dating pool, man. God, I
(25:55):
remember that. God, it was horrible mean.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Meeting people. There's no no better example than meeting people
and having honest conversations about what you are, who you are,
what makes you tick. That's that's the important part. You
could she could, you know, she could be completely opposite
of your your your vision, your visual vision of a woman,
but she could have everything else to the perfect one
(26:21):
hundred percent of what you're looking for. But you're just
counting her because she doesn't look good.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
It's just Bob, I love that already, man the way.
It's just because I think that's the thing a lot
of people. I think that's what a lot of a
lot of these social media sites, these younger kids are
seeing that. It's like, oh, there's always this perfect ten,
but the perfect ten isn't always a perfect package. A
lot of times guys like sometimes they can't even hold
a conversation to me, that what's the big thing to me?
It's like, Okay, you could be pretty, but can you
have an actual conversation because if you can't talk to me,
(26:47):
then I don't know what to tell you. There that
that's that's it for me.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Yeah, yeah, but you're basically you're basically making a choice
to make yourself miserable because you're unwilling to be flexible.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Right exactly, you know. And it's it's so funny because
you know, you see all these well social media. I
just think it's just poisonous to a lot of people.
I think that that a lot of these younger kids
are seeing these things and think this is whether you
should think these young gentlemen out there, you know, are
looking at this going oh, well, I need to do
this because this is what someone's doing. Or that Andrew
Tate guy that was on there for a little bit,
(27:18):
him selling all those crazy things, Oh you need to
do this or that. The one recently though, I've been
watching was the guy and Joe Rogan who said he
was doing like he's doing some kind of hard drug
or something. This dude is just like talking about the
craziest things possible. I'm teaching these young men how to
do these and it's like, what the hell are you? Like,
Joe's looking him like, huh, what are you talking about? Man,
It's like, what the hell you know? And it's it's
(27:41):
just hilarious. So but at the same time, it's like,
these younger kids are seeing these things and although it's
like they're growing up, thinking to these is how a
relationship should go, you know, and it's like, no, I
don't think that's it is, so, you know, and I
think that's the scariest part. So, if do you have
any advice for younger guys out there, like, you know,
anybody their early teens, Like, hey, listen, if I could
(28:01):
give you some advice that I've learned all these years,
what what kind of advice would you give them?
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Don't listen to anybody else.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
We just demonstrated, you know, it's saying.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
No, no, I say that, don't don't listen to anybody
that is not doing what you want to be doing.
So for example, if you know, if your buddy has
got you know, is dating halle Berry, I'm probably dating
myself with the halle Berry references, but I can't think.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
Of anybody else.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
You're good, No, you're good.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
If he If he's telling you how to find a
good woman like that, then great if he's got one.
But if he's single and trying to help you meet
you know, this unicorn girl, he doesn't know what he's
talking about. You know, it's never never take advice from
people that haven't achieved what you're after, whether it's in
(28:57):
business or relationships or or whatever. You know, listen listening
to you know, somebody that doesn't know what they're talking
about tell you how to do what you shouldn't do
in the first place.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
Is is just it's it's.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Damn Andrew Tate's out there again doing those things again,
you know, Jesus almighty man. So what uh, let me
see I have got you just had to question my
head down trying to think of Okay, So why do
you feel like most men are stuck? Like you know,
like some of them feel like they're stuck like you know,
I feel like more. It's like, why do men settle
for less.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Because they don't think they can have more?
Speaker 2 (29:34):
You think it's more of a self doubt thing, like
you know, they're being told other life they're not good enough,
you know, and things like that.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
You know, whether it's parents or teachers or or or friends.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
I think those friends, like like you said that you're
looking you're looking up to this this person as a
friend and he's telling you, no, you got to do this, this,
this and this, and you just can't do you physically
can't bring yourself to do that.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
You're you're in a wrong relationship, you know what I.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Was thinking of? It says, you know what is that
the Fast and Finish series, the Little the One Guy
that when the Tokyo Drift series, When when you got
to that movie the One Guy? Remember he always said
to elevate your company, which I think is a good
point though. Think about it. Elevate the people that you
keep around you, you know, keep keep the people that
add value and that devalue you. You know what I mean.
It's like that one friend he can they have that
thing great and go okay, well that's cool, But is
(30:22):
he a good friend at the end of the day,
Like I said, can you come to and ask him
advice and give you actual advice or is he going
to give you that meat heead advice? Like oh you
got to do it? Like no, you know, and and
it's okay. Like the thing with boundaries too. I think
I loved when you said boundaries because I don't think
of the people set boundaries. I think like when it
comes to that, a lot of people are told that
their boundaries are selfish, which it's wrong, Like it's not
wrong in set boundaries, you're setting up the way that
(30:44):
you want to be treated. These are the things, These
are my boundaries. If you don't like them, then I
don't know what to tell you. Eighty six, you're out
of here, whatever term you want to use, you know,
just tell them to take an exit, right. I mean,
it's it's just crazy. Yeah, absolutely so, you know, and
it's it's just nuts though, because it's like it's so simple.
But then a lot of people are like, oh, well,
I don't want to because you're selfish. Because I think
(31:05):
that's what the first thing that a lot of people
say is like, you're selfish. How are you being selfish
if you're setting the standards for what you want. I mean,
don't don't let somebody else tell you, like you were saying,
don't let somebody else give you advice that doesn't go
in the same direction you are. But at the same time,
set your own boundaries, like don't let people come in
here and tell you how to run your life. Like
you tell them, listen, this is what I want. If
you don't like it and stick to them, I think
(31:26):
that's the hardest part is most people feel like they're
being mean. No man, It's nothing wrong with keeping your boundaries.
These are the boundaries you set. If people can't respect
that boundary, then see you later, Like you're not being mean,
You're just keeping to your boundaries. And I think that's
the hardest part for most people is that once they
set them, they'll start hearing all these negative comments and
then they'll let it get in their head and you know,
and it's just it makes no sense. Like it's like,
(31:47):
stop letting these people poison you and tell you that
you're doing something wrong for you standing by your own convictions.
You know. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel. Now,
set reasonable ones. Don't go sit in like these crazy
boundaries that don't make any sense, said, nobody can stick to.
You know, I'm gonna have Bob come in there and
give you some advice, like listen, Hey, You're gonna come
in like, hey, listen. You can't say though that that
makes no sense, you know what I mean? Yeah, So Bob,
(32:10):
let me ask you a question, though, what are you
passionate about?
Speaker 3 (32:14):
What am I passionate about?
Speaker 2 (32:16):
What's the one thing that drives you? Man? What is
it the one thing that drives you?
Speaker 3 (32:25):
I'd say between my wife and Jesus to top to
now Jesus, I love it though obviously my savior, and
you know, I want to be more like him every day.
I want to be a good man. I want to
be a strong man. I want to be a giving man,
a man who serves other people and helps other people
(32:45):
get better. And then my wife number two, she might
I'm married obviously since that divorce, and she has been
just an absolute blessing in my life. She supports me
whether I'm whether I'm on track or off track, She
(33:07):
really support me no matter what.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Yeah, that's awesome. Though, that's awesome. Yes, I feel the
same way because me and my ex we were together for
so long and then now I'm married down to my wife.
Now it's a whole different dynamic now because we have open,
honest conversations, you know, And I'm I before I could
never say this before this past year, that I was
not religious, But now I am. I, you know, accept
the faith and everything just seems to fall into place
(33:30):
in there, you know. But it was like it was
always because people kept brainwashing you that, oh every thing
you do is to say no. It's not like that,
Like I think people need to stop reading into everybody
else's thoughts about things and just kind of like, you know,
go do your own research, you know what I mean.
It's it's crazy, though. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:46):
The most important thing for me, because I accepted Christ
back in twenty eighteen, it has been very long for
me either is understanding that it's a relationship with him.
It's not about anything else. It's not about rules, it's
not about commandments. It's not about all that other you know,
all all the the the what you call them, the
(34:07):
rituals and things that that different religions do to It's
it's about your relationship with Him and believing that there
is a force that guides your life and that loves
you and cares about you and wants the best for you,
regardless of of what's going on and.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
In your life.
Speaker 4 (34:27):
It's those are those are always he teaches us to
do better, but knowing that he does it with a
loving heart is the most amazing thing I've ever learned
in my life, and I I'm grateful for it every
single day.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
That I have that in my life.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Yeah, I agree. I couldn't say that any better myself. Bob.
Let's let me ask you a very uncomfortable question. Have
you ever thought about have you ever had suicide?
Speaker 3 (34:51):
I Eation before absolutely, that's when when I when I
have that hit that rock bottom. It's it was a
consideration and I was like, yeah, I could, I could easy,
I could easily do this. And and that's why you
asked earlier. Why why men? That's that's one of my motivations.
I've had five men in my life that I've known
(35:12):
that have either taken their own lives or or some
some version thereof. And uh I I it hurts every
time I hear it. It even hurts to think about
some of those men that that I've known, and that
I wish they were still here.
Speaker 4 (35:28):
I wish we could still be having conversations about how
how to help them out and get them out of
that mindset because you know they.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
You know, especially leaving kids behind. It's just it's so
hard on them, and you know, it's a very very selfish.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Act, it is. And at the same time too, it's
hard because you know you don't understand what the person
is thinking. Now now you've been there, you your own
thoughts or your your own thoughts, you know we're saying,
and you don't have you have. You told many people
about it though. I mean, that's the thing is this
conversation is very uncomfortable a lot of people though, a
lot of times.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
When I've talked on podcasts about it before.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Okay, well that's awesome though, because my next thing is
I'm willing up with this. You know, the statistics are
just insane for any man out there that is that
that's having these thoughts, Bob, what is your advice to them?
Do you have any advice from like, hey, listen, fellas,
I know it's rough. You know, what would you tell them? Like,
you know, any anything you can think of.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
Find other men to talk to.
Speaker 4 (36:28):
Don't don't don't just lean on your wife or your
significant other. Find men you can talk to, whether it's
through a men's group.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
I'm part of.
Speaker 4 (36:38):
I'm part of two different men's groups right now. One
it's actually called Men's Group, it's an online group, and
another group called F three which stands for Fitness, Fellowship
and Faith. It's it's it's it's mostly about workouts, free
workouts for men, but we also have a fellowship and
a brotherhood within that group that any one of those
guys right now, if I if I felt that need
(37:01):
that I needed to get something off my chest. I
have guys that I can go to and talk to
right now, and just just to be able to clear
my head and get it off my chest and not
let it eat me up from the inside.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Yeah, I love that. I think my message would beat
Tim is just talk to somebody. I mean, we are
losing men in an alarming rates. We make fifty percent
of the population of all those statistics. Outside that, it's
we need to talk. I think talk is the hardest
thing that a lot of guys do. But you know,
the funny thing is, though I've had several guys on
the show. One in particular I can remember was named Blake.
(37:32):
He was talking about his friends and his fantasy and
football league. So Blake was like, I think it was
him that started the conversation about his mental health, and
then everybody else started jumping in. And it's so funny because
we as men, we go down that role. You know
what I'm saying. We're all looking for that one person
to say something so we all can jump in the
conversation kind of thing. And that's awesome though that you're
a part of a group online, we'll definitely get the
(37:52):
link for back, because I want to make sure people
have some good resources, like, hey listen, if you want
to be a part of the group, you know, this
is where where Bob's at. But you know, give him,
you know, you can give them some resources and stuff
like that. You I'll make sure to add that description
and the added the link in to the video so
people know where to find it so they can get
on there. Because I think that we have men don't
talk enough. I think it's it's just time that we
start talking more because at the rate that we're going,
(38:13):
it's like, if you think about it, there's five friends
and a group, three of them aren't going to be there,
and in suicide's going to be the reason, unfortunately, think
you know, and it's it's like and the scary statistic
is that that women talk more than men do. And
you know, it's it's crazy though, because like you know,
when when someone takes their life, then you always hear,
oh well I could have done more. But the funny
thing is, though, is that several guests have talked to
(38:36):
they said the situation was that they called that one
person and were trying to talk to me all that
Hey listen, calm if you ever need anything person. You know,
we all got done with the exactly they shut them down.
They didn't answer them, none of that stuff. And it's like,
you know, when you open end that conversation, Like I
get it's hard for people to talk about. But at
the same time, I think people need to realize, you know,
(38:58):
we have mean, if we're talking to you, you're already
winning the battle there, because most people don't want to
talk to you about these kind of things. It gets
so uncomfortable. Their skin starts crawling all that crazy stuff, so,
you know, and that's why I you know, I think, like,
you know, we should start talking to gentle young gentlemen
at an earlier age about these things, just in general,
their mental health, how to break it, their emotions. I
feel like, you know, we start teaching them now we
(39:19):
have these young gentlemen set up for a better future
and they'll better understand their own emotions. Me and my guests, actually,
right before we jumped in together, we were actually talking
about that. She said that she has a book already
about that kind of stuff, but we were talking about
a wheel of feelings and things and it's just these
different words you can show men that they could pick
up on these different feeling things. And then we were
(39:40):
we were talking about that for a little bit. But
it's so funny because all you're doing is you're showing
these guys words, and their first thing that jumps out
to them is they're feeling, they're having, you know, and
things like that too. So I just don't get it
why we have to keep telling these guys to be quiet,
you know. It's like, obviously we need help, we need
to talk about it, you know. And it's it's scary, man,
(40:01):
it really is. If you think about the statistics the
numbers are, it's just alarming and crazy. And then the
other thing I found out recently from a couple other
guests I've had is that did you know that when
social media was introduced that young men's suicide rates went
up by twenty percent? Isn't that insane? Not a surprise,
you know, because it's like now you can bully people more.
(40:22):
You don't have to be face to face anymore, you
don't have to call them on the phone. Now you
got all these different ways to attack them and things
like that too.
Speaker 4 (40:28):
Oh the comparison too, you comparing yourself to everybody else
on Facebook is I've done it myself, and it's it's
a no win situation.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
Yeah, it's hard, though, Man's it's just because there's so
much information coming at you so fast, you know, and
so much misinformation out there, and things like okay too,
you know. So, Bob, I'm gonna ask you a very
interesting question. I asked, Oh, my guests, okay, so if
your mental health had a song, what would that song be?
Oh wow, it's a good question. I'm telling you you'll had
a song.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
My current mental health or my any.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
However you want to break it down, go for it,
because it's always interesting to hear somebody's response. I had
so far. One told me I was going to make
fun of her, and she responded, rage against the Machine.
Gloria Vanderhurst the New York Times bestseller. She said it
was what was his name? There was like I singing
the children about it's okay to cry or something. I
was laughing because I'm like, what the answers are just
(41:25):
there's no wrong answer to it. So, like, you could
break it down however you want.
Speaker 4 (41:29):
I guess the old me it was Highway Kenny Loggin's
danger Zone Highway to the danger zone.
Speaker 3 (41:36):
Yeah, yeah, that would have been my old life.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
There you go. Yeah that see Top comes a good
one too. That was a great movie too. So so it's.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
One of my favorite songs.
Speaker 4 (41:45):
That always it always inspires me to to to pick
myself up and.
Speaker 3 (41:49):
Do more instead of, you know, really being in a
danger zone.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Yeah. Yeah, it's music a big part of your life though.
Do you like a lot of music do you listen.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
To you like us? It used to be not so
much anymore. They don't make it. They don't make it
like they used to. You know.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
That's that's that's pretty true. Okay, I'll be honest with
some of these guys. Yeah, they're just yeah, they're not
doing it for me. Like it's it's gotten to that
point where it's just like, you know. So my next
question for you, that I've been asking all my guests
is that if you could break the stigma about mental
health now, anything you can think of that that one
thing that always shows up, you're like, well, god, dang it,
enough of this man, you know that one glaring point.
(42:26):
What would it be.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
Men Ney to stop trying to be so tough, stop
being tough, strong, invincible, admit that it just admit that
you're you're confused, you're lost, and you're scared, and and
and like you've said six or seven times your community,
communicate with other people, whether it's your spouse or your
friends or other men, to get that all that stuff out.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
Of your head, right right. I absolutely love that. I
think that's pretty I think that's a fantastic message, you know.
And the reason why I agree with you on that one,
it's like, I think this whole alpha male thing to me, Now,
let me see what you think about this, because you know,
I think if you're the alpha male, you should be
able to talk about your feelings. I mean I correct
about that. I think this because me and one of
(43:14):
my guests, Betsy Holberg, and I were talking about that.
She said that, you know, men tend to do the
tower system alpha mal being your top dog and everybody
else kind of falling down below. But if the alpha
male he can't talk about his feelings, then how's he
the alpha male? You know what I'm saying. I think
we give it too much credit and we only go
byased on physical appearance versus you know, the all round.
If you out you're at alpha, to me, you can
(43:35):
talk about it. You can do it all. You can
talk about your feelings, you can do this, you know
what I'm saying. And it's it's so funny though, because
it's like we all put these people on a pedestal
and then it's like they have some kind of flaw there.
They can't talk about that because you know, we're not
allowed to talk about it. We're not to talk to
these things anyway. So you know what I'm saying though,
But it's it's just so crazy, man, it really is.
(43:56):
So my other thought is that you are you thinking
about back the podcast? Are you thinking about doing something different?
Speaker 3 (44:03):
It comes and goes. I actually I have I had
a plan.
Speaker 4 (44:06):
I kind of post a note here of some brainstorming
I did about a week ago that hasn't hasn't fully
rebaked itself yet.
Speaker 3 (44:13):
So you never know.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
Awesome. Well, so let me ask you a more thing though,
So what do you What are you up to these days?
Are you doing anything interesting? Anybody needs to know any
special projects you're working on right now?
Speaker 4 (44:24):
Just just work, working to try to uh to help
as many men as I can that that that are
looking for help and try to try to keep them
from from having to walk on those eggshells at home.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Exactly well, Bob. As we get ready to start wrapping
up this episode of Pete for Anxiety, do you want
to live? Really know where they can find you? Say,
listen some fellas at home or listening, like, hey, listen,
I want to reach out of Bob. I like what
he's talking about. What is the best way to reach Bob?
Speaker 4 (44:48):
Yep, my website is www dot men Becoming Better men
dot com.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
There you go, guys, you heard him, Go check out Bob,
reach out to him, littim know, lit'tle know you saw
him on the show. Let him if that's where we
found him. And like I said, I'm gonna get that
link from Bob for that men's group he's a part of,
and we're gonna put it down load below in case
some of you fellas, you know you need to get
out and jump with these groups and get you know,
get some support. Ain't nothing wrong with having a support
system in place. Bob is the first one to tell you,
I'm sure I agree with you. You is if you
(45:15):
don't have that friend you can call them the li
on then it's just kind of pointless. But Bob, thank
you so much for coming to talk to me, and
I appreciate it. It was a great time. I enjoyed having
you here and averything like that. You know, I Do
you have anything else you want to give a shout
out to anybody before we sign.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
Off, I'm off SAT. Thanks Bob, It's fun.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Not a problem. Vibes guys, and I'm peted for sonxiety.
You know, order to find me. I'm ex I'll be
down to TikTok. I'm on Spotify all the way down
to iHeartRadio And as always say, it costs nothing, absolutely
nothing to be kind to somebody. One kind actor you
can do can save times life for hell, you can
make their day. I'm pete for anxiety. Sign up saying
don't ask your days, they say, hey, how's your mental
health today,
Hey, guys, it's Pete for Beef Anxiety here. Welcome in
today's episode. I appreciate all being here so much. Let's
talk about a few things real quick. The P for
so Anxiety Team anxiety Facebook group. Are you a part
of it? You're not? What are you waiting for? The
links out here in the description now below, or go
to Facebook and search P for Anxiety, Then look for
the team Anxiety team page and join it today. Why
(00:22):
on you can join the help it'd be great, Like
right now, hurry up, stop it doing paused video? Go
do around. But anyways, let's also talk about the P
for Anxiety YouTube page. You guys, if you're here right now,
you're probably following the most likely. If not, head on
over there, subscribe, do shure, don't like in comment on
the videos and let me know because all that suff
really helps. Guys, I really appreciate it and help me
break the stigma that mental health is talked about enough.
(00:44):
But anyways, guys, let's get in today's episode. Oh I
have a great one. Thank you so much again, and
as always say, don't ask your day is asking your
mental health is today.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Guys, welcome into the triple header of pe versus I
hear the Oracle talk for your network. My guest today
is when it's the Relationship Engineer. He is the founder
of the Men Becoming Better Men coaching and the host
of the Men Becoming Better Men podcast loocome into one
the only Bob Weisser. How you doing, Bob good? It's
wish a wisher, My bad. Sorry, all right.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Bob's like a lot of podcasts.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
He's like, get your name, last names right, But I'm like, okay, okay,
Bob right, and usually get it. I've actually, you know,
I've done pretty well with pretty difficult last names. I
think the only one that drew me off was what's
her name? To Tigeria? I got to give you say
her name now. She she has a very one, very
interesting first name. But she runs like a plant podcast basically,
but it's like like plant music and things like that.
(01:39):
But anyways, Bob the Relationship Engineer, why don't you tell it
a little more broud yourself? You know, how is it
you became the relationship Engineer?
Speaker 4 (01:46):
Well, I spent a lot of time uh in in
the automotive industry.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
I work.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
I live in the Detroit area, so I work with
engineers all the time, and as I uncovered the strengths
and gifts that I have a lot of it in
coaching was around relationships. So you know, my biggest, biggest
place I like to work is with men. And I
(02:12):
a lot of guys walk around their homes on eggshells
and they're they're afraid to say the wrong thing, They're
afraid to do the wrong thing. They're afraid that, you know,
anything they do is going to tip off their wife
to start an argument or fight or whatever. And I
like to work with guys to help them repair those
those pieces of their marriages, rebuild their trust, rebuild the
connection and especially the intimacy with their wife.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
No, I get that completely too. I think it's an
interesting take that, you know, I like that you work
with men because I think we as men need to
have these conversations more. Honestly. You know, I feel like
too many times we're in that situation where we're eggshells
and all that other kind of stuff. And you know,
things like that too, you know, know the women are always saying, oh,
I'm looking for a good man, and then they want
all these like ridiculous things and then it's like, really like.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
How do how do I live up to that? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
You know what I'm saying, But it's like, on the
flip side, what is it? One person I saw a
video guy was like, yeah, but think about those guys
and that where you want the top tier, you're not
even fitting their parameters of what they want. I was
just you know, it makes you laugh though, you know,
and things like that too, because it's like you see
those videos and it's like, oh, I want to man,
it does this, but then it's like, that's not how
it works. So unfortunate. So let me ask you this
(03:26):
question obviously, like why why men? Like is this something
you've always wanted to do?
Speaker 4 (03:35):
It's it just it was a path that I got
onto and a path that I started rolling down. And
I do work with women, all of them, so it's
but primarily, at least up to this point, it's it's
been primarily with guys.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
It's just because it's what I know, right, I'm yeah,
I'm a guy, so and and it all hit A
lot of it hits home with me because I went
through a long twenty year.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
Marriage first round, and you know, I learned a lot
of things that I did wrong. Not that it was
all one hundred percent my fault, obviously, but a good
portion of it was. And I I think I could
have done a lot of things differently, a lot of
things better than I was doing, and could have made
(04:27):
it a lot easier to navigate and have the boundaries
in place and then really live the life that I
wanted to live versus the life that I was I
was living because I was afraid.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, so let me ask you. Let me ask you
a question. Okay, So divorce, how did it go with
the kids, because sometimes, you know, it gets messy a
lot of times, you know, it'll be uh, you know, everybody,
you guys decided to split, and then it's like mom
turning the kids against the dad kind of thing, you
know what I'm saying, Like, and then there was like
Dad's talking named about Mom. You know that kind of
(04:59):
back and forth kind of thing. You know.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Yeah, yeah, I unfortunately left a lot of that.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
My my ex was very upset when I left, and
she did everything in her power to drive a wedge
between my kids and I. Uh, they were they were
My daughter was about out of high well, she was
graduating high school at the time. My son was a
couple of years behind, so it wasn't it wasn't too
long of a period of time, but a lot of
(05:27):
damage was done in that first year or so while
we were going through the process, and and I learned
very quickly, thankfully from a from a very good friend,
to to not talk, no, not not air my issues
with my ax to my kids. And unfortunately she was
doing that on the other side, which obviously I can't control,
(05:50):
so I just had to deal with. But it did
doing that though, it did help me in in the
aftermath to rebuild those relationships with my kids. Yeah, get
back and you know, show them who who the real
meat was and not the me that she was telling
them I was. And it's worked out to this point
(06:13):
fairly well. I mean they're off doing their own thing now.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
They're both.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
Excelling in life and and doing the things. There's there's really, uh,
you know, other than I don't get to see them
as much as i'd like to because they both live,
you know, at least forty five an hour away.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
So but yeah, that's uh, it is difficult.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
And and so you advice for people is don't don't
get in the mud.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I was about to ask you that right there.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
Yeah, don't don't don't sling the mud, don't throw them
let you know if she wants to throw the mud letter,
because if you just throw it back, that's just fueling
hurt to want to do more.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
If you just let it go and let her wear
herself out and eventually it will stop and go away
and and you can move on with your life.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Yeah, you know, And well, a lot of guys get
in that situation, like myself. I'm in that same situation.
My kids and I don't have a great relationship. But
a lot of it's my own fault though, like the
things like I avoid it getting my mental health figured
out way too long. But because when we split up,
their mom disappeared for a while and then they were
staying with me. So I'm like phrasing three young ladies,
(07:20):
I know, you know, obviously I'm a guy. I don't
know a lot, you know, and it's like I've got
into some interesting situations. And then when mom reappeared, it
was Mom telling them that I'm such a bad person
and these and that you know all these things, you know,
and turning them against me kind of thing. So we
don't have a great relationship. Right now. But I mean
it's one of those things I'm still just kind of
holding out for to see if we could, you know,
(07:41):
eventually repair it, you know. But I mean it's rough.
You're rough.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
You want the most important piece of advice that you
will ever receive from.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Anyone ever, just so laid on me.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
So you know, the little.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Girls, you know how they are. So when they're growing up,
what ages are they now?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
They're thirteen, thirteen, and sixteen.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
Okay, so they'll be at so there should be beyond that.
So rewind to back when they were somewhere between four
or five and eight or nine.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
What did they love to do? Probably had Disney princesses everywhere?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Right, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, you're right. Yeah, Disney princesses, barbies. Yeah,
they were in some really one and the other one
is and the other stuff.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
But yeah, and they would play dress up, right, girls,
the little girls like to dress up as princesses where
the high heels and carry the wound around. Right, That's
what they all want all the time forever. They always
want to be seen as that princess.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Now, I I have I have an issue because of
an old relationship of calling I never called my daughter princess.
I refused to because I called an ex girlfriend princess
way back when and it was a disaster. So I
will never call a woman princess ever, especially even my daughter.
I would not put that on her.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
But I will treat her in my actions, my reactions,
my presence with her. Treat her like a princess. See her,
hear her, and understand her.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
And and the other most important part, that's that's individually.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
You need to do that.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
With each of your daughters, and then for you, the
hard part is each of them independently. The second most
important thing I learned during my divorce was when my
kids again they were they were in their late teens
at that point. They came to me and said, Dad,
and we appreciate you wanting to take us out to
dinner or get together with us and see us whatever,
(09:39):
but we don't want to do it together because we
have to share you. And there's things we want to
tell you. There's things we want to talk to you about.
There's one on one dad time that we need for ourselves.
And when we do, you know, when we do a
meal with the three of us, we're competing for your
attention and it is very hard as as that person competing.
You're always like back and forth, back and forth tennis match, Right,
(10:00):
You're trying to pay attention to both of them, but
you're in that and at the at the end of
that meal, you're actually paid attention to either of them.
That neither one of them got what they wanted because
your attention was divided.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Yeah, So being able.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
To focus on them, you know, hearing them, seeing them
and understanding them individually and separately best advice I ever got.
And and that's what's helped me repair those relationships with
both of them, is is keeping keeping them when it's
just us one on one, focusing attention on them, being
paying attention to them, not being on my.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Phone or being distracted in some other way, just you know,
how are you doing? What do you need? Where can
I be there for you? And that cures a lot
a lot of the stuff that happened in the past.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
I mean, because you're asking them directly the questions like
what can I where, what do I need to do
to be more more present in your life kind of thing?
What can I do? You know? And I don't think
a lot of people ask them that though you're like,
don't go just ask them because there's older's a kid,
they don't they do know, and you valuing their opinion.
It really helps too.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Though. Most painful thing my daughter ever said to me
is Dad, you don't know me. Yeah, got your bone
right in a chest. I had to fix that. I
had to fix that right away.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
No, I agree. I agree totally with that one, because
you know, especially when they say that to you, it hurts.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Man.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Wor's hurt though, especially when it comes to that kind
of thing, especially kids, it's like, you know, then they're like, well,
you don't know me. It's like, you're my daughter, what
do you mean? I don't know you? You know a
lot of people are like, what do you mean? Though, No,
that doesn't make sense to me, and things like that too,
you know. But so let me ask you this question though,
after your divorce, how long was it before you started
(11:43):
getting into coaching? Like what inspired you to do? What
was that one moment in your life You're like, you
know what, I got to help these guys they need help.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
Yeah, it was the rock bottom moment that I hit.
I was.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Well to see I was two years two years after
my divorce.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
Yeah, so I was still kind of struggling, you know,
I was in a relationship, wasn't wasn't really sure how
how I wanted that to unfold. Yeah, still repairing the
relationship with my kids, trying, you know, trying to figure
out you know, life post divorce or post marriage for
twenty years, right, And I was going through a job
(12:26):
change or I went through a job change, got a promotion,
and it was a lot bigger, bigger piece of meat
than I could thought I could chew, and I really
just between all of it, I just was like, you
know what, this is ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I'm done and I can't. I can't do this on
my own anymore.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
And it was, oddly enough, it was a Facebook ad obviously,
you know, of course Facebook listens to us all the time, right.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
And it was I started all of them.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
Yeah, I started getting ads for for men's men's coaching.
So I ended up hiring my own coach. And it
was the best investment I ever made in my life,
just from a from a perspective of of having someone
to listen to, someone to guide me, somebody to tell,
you know, show me those things that I hadn't been
(13:18):
doing that I should have been doing as far as
self care, education, all that kind of stuff, and I
just I dove right into that relationship and that experience
and realized very quickly that oh my god, this is
this is something I want to do for men and
for people and for people at the time.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
And then no, you're right, You're right. You hit it
on the men especially, man.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
Well it started, it started with people, and then it
whittled its way down to men as as I started
learning more and refining with the things that I really
learned to work, work.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
With and work and talk to people about. So yeah,
but yeah, that's that was what That's how it happened.
Speaker 4 (13:54):
I I just hit that hit that rock bottom moment,
was like, that was the almost I was on anti
presence and anti anxiety medications and I was just like,
what am I doing?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Yeah? So yeah, Yeah. It's hard, though, man, especially when
it comes to that kind of stuff, because you know,
some of those side effects of this stuff is rough too. Man.
You know, you're dealing with all that, You're juggling all
these thoughts, and then you know you have to think,
what is my son seeing that I'm doing through all
this kind of stuff, you know, and what he thinks
of you, you know, and and you know this is
gonna leave me to my next question. So do you
(14:25):
and your son have open conversation about like, you know,
different things, you know, like any any kind of like
is he very open about his mental health at all?
Or do you have conversations about that kind of stuff?
Speaker 3 (14:34):
A little bit?
Speaker 4 (14:35):
Okay, it hasn't hasn't been too too in depth at
this point. He's actually he's actually my he's my youngest
and he's he's been married now for.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
A year and a half.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
So okay, he's he's got his wife, his wife to
lean on, and he needs Dad a little less than
but he I hope that he knows that I'm here.
I tell him all the time that if you ever
you ever meet me, you'd ever want to talk, you know,
I'm always here for you.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Man. That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
So that's awesome. I think that's really great because I
rely on my dad a lot of times stuff too,
because sometimes I need his advice. So listen, hand needs
some advice, and I'll call and ask him about things,
you know, and sometimes I'll just make up shit to
call him, you know, just to set call him to
make sure he doesn't feel like I have forgot about
him because me and him actually live fairly close to
each other. But it's always just weird. We always had
(15:24):
a real weird relationship. My dad was never really present
when I was young. A lot of times she's always
working and things like that. So I spend a lot
of times with my mom, you know, and my mom
and I didn't get along. And then when they divorced,
it was like a war zone, man because like he
she wouldn't allow us go see him because she was
always like, oh no, you can't talk to him, d
D these things, and you know, and it was always
like back and forth, like the pettiness is just like
(15:46):
you're just watching this pettiness continue and you're just like yourself,
just like, I don't want to be in the middle
of list, but unfortunately I'm stuck in the middle of
this because you know, being the kids, you know, you're
the you're the item at war. Therefore there you're using
you as the pawn piece that you basically leverage each
there's conversations about it, you know, and it's it's, yeah,
it's always frustrating when you have people that do like
that and things like that.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Too.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
So let me ask you though this question. I'm curious
though your podcast. How long have you been doing it?
Speaker 4 (16:13):
It's a it's on hiatus now, but we started back
in twenty we started back in twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
We've done eight seasons, I think a very various formats,
various various with with a guest host, without a guest host,
with guests are I'm sorry, co hosts with them, without
co host with them, without.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Guests, probably two hundred so episodes almost I think we're
I think it's close to ten thousand downloads at this point.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
In totally for that period of time, so it's not bad.
It's been fun.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
My lest my last, uh my last interview was with
doctor Robert Glover, who wrote No More mister nice Guy,
very big, very big in the men's personal growth space,
and it was awesome conversation and great great to have
him on tonight's I'm not sure if I can do
any better than that.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
I think I'm gonna shut it down for a.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
No, I get that completely, man, I'm I got so
many different conversations if I had to look at it,
think between now in October, I have one hundred and
forty more guests after you, one hundred and forty more
after you.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
All.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Well, you know, the conversation I take on a lot
of conversations honestly, Like I'm gonna be honestly, I had
every I try to hit any kind of conversation. Maybe
somebody comes to me something unique. I'm like, let's go
for it. Why not, because it's I'm always curious to know,
like where the conversation is gonna go, And a lot
a lot of times, man, it's great conversations. I think
we only had one conversation was kind of like you know,
but it's like, you know, you run into that once
(17:39):
and every while though, and things like that too, so
you know, but I love it though. I mean I've
only been doing any about a year now. I've been
podcasting two years altogether, you know, but in the first
year this show alone, the first half of the year,
I was already booked out far. So I mean, like
it's it's clearly an issue. People want to talk about things,
you know, and stuff like that too. So you know,
as as we get into the topic that what what
(18:02):
about your program is different? Because you know, like everybody
has their own little unique thing, So what sets the
relationship engineer apart from everybody else.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
So one of the things that I do with clients
is is we got we kind of go deep into.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
The why. Yeah. For example, if you had you know.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
You're struggling, you're struggling in your marriage, your your wife
is is threatening divorce or you feel like she might
be threatening divorce. We we dive into how are you being?
You know, what kind of manner you being? How are
you showing up? Are you being present? Are you being
you understanding what her needs? Are you understanding what your
(18:44):
needs are? Do you know what your your your personal
traumas and and things that you've had happened to you
in your life that that have maybe maybe gotten in
the way of you being able to be the of
a person that she needs. Not to say that, you know,
we want to do everything, you know, be at her
(19:06):
back and call I'm talking more about boundaries.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
I'm talking about setting setting up excuse me, setting up a.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
Better understanding of what she needs and and and how
you can play into those type of things without or
how do we want to say it? Without without causing
causing your own self personal damage or anxiety?
Speaker 3 (19:33):
You know what I mean? Yeah, for for example, my
my current client is he was struggling.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
He did he didn't even he had known about what
love languages were when we started, but didn't really understand
how to use them. And it ended up he was
he was trying to be he was trying to put
onto his wife his language and not giving her her language.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
So they were they were going.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
To opposite direction for you know, over a decade and
wondering why they weren't able to connect. And now that
we got him back on track, he's connecting with her,
she's connecting with him, and you know, everything's starting to
starting to turn. So that that and and just being
able to be you know it kind of kind of
(20:22):
go deep into into your own thoughts and trying to understand,
you know, maybe where those came from. That's a that's
another big, key, key portion.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Of the program. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
So like my next question though, like I'm here's what
I'm thinking though, It's like, okay, so that you're having
the conflicts, what's the number one conflict A lot of
couples have that you see though, like just based on
the people that you've met with, what is like the
number one thing that keeps showing up that you're like,
come on, guys, Like at this point, it's like, it's
obviously the top problem that you're seeing from people that
are having is is it always means communication.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Always.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
Communication, It's always lack lack of communication or not communicating
in the right way. It's you know, baking, make baking,
making assumptions of oh, she's she thinks this or she
thinks that or whatever, assuming the other person is thinking
one way, when.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
It could be completely fabricated, you know.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Isn't that so funny though? Thinking about it, we communicate,
It's like we pick up the phone, we call people,
but we can't communicate with their own partner. Why why
do you feel like that is that's the biggest issue
for us? Is it because you know we're so afraid
to hear the answer We don't want to hear.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
It's a fear.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
No, it's a fear of disconnecting further to where you're
you permanent, they disconnect, you know that that fear of
being alone, fear you know, any any shame type of
situations that come that can bubble up. For your childhood,
they maybe you were export exposed to pornography at a
very early age and and you know, have our hyper
(21:55):
sexual hyper sexuality type of thing, and you you want
to have it all the time, and your wife doesn't
want to have it. But to be able to have
that conversation and have her rebuke you, to say, well, no,
I only want you know, I'm good with only having
sex like once I'm off, and but you need it
every other day, and you know that's going to cause
a big problem. But to be able to talk about
those things and understand each other. You know, maybe maybe
(22:17):
you separate, maybe you don't, but understanding all all of
where she's at or all of where he's at is
better than assuming and making things up to to make
you just make yourself miserable.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Well, you know, because you think about it. Sex as
a taboo topic for a lot of people. Absolutely, they
get upset instantly, get and raged and like, oh that's
all you're thinking about. No, I'm trying to talk to
you about this. You know a lot of times I
feel like when you get into conversations like that, it's
just a constant let's see you can jab at the
other person harder type thing, and I think people need
to stop doing that. It's just making any sense. It's
like if you're asking you a question. It's because they
(22:53):
generally want to know, Hey, listen, is this you know, yeah,
what what am I missing here? Or you know something
like you know mean, like you're you're trying to get answers.
But I feel like a lot of time it turns
into who can who can piss off the other person
more kind of thing, and it's like you're taking jabs
at this one. It's like, guys, that's not what we're
trying to do here. We're trying to get the conversation
going about having an actual healthy conversation about our personal problems,
(23:15):
to figure out where we can meet in the middle
ground somewhere, you know, and things like that too.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
Absolutely absolutely, So let's.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Let's go on the topic of a good man. Okay.
You know all these women say, oh, I'm looking for
a good man. What's your best advice for a woman
looking for the quote unquote proverbial good man.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Oh, easy one.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
Uh, he's got to be into personal growth. Yeah, and
and by that I mean demonstrated personal growth. I tell
women this all the time. If you're, especially with women
in the dating pool, if you're if you you know
you you connect on the app or however, you connect
as you're having those conversations, ask those questions, what are
(23:54):
you doing for personal growth?
Speaker 3 (23:57):
And see what he says.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
Is he attending on men's Does he have a a
group of men that he can go to and and
count on to to vent his problems, to not.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
You know, not use drugs or alcoholic porn or anything else?
Is he is he? Is he educating himself? If we're
not learning, we're Yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
The yin and yang of personal growth, right is if
you're not learning, you're you're doing the opposite, or you're dying.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
So basically, if we're not learning, we're dying. So he's
not doing that. It's it's you're going backwards. And then
I in that I lost my throat. I had a
third point there somewhere, But you get the gist.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
No, I got you. It's it's always funny because you
always see the videos of people going, oh, I'm looking
for this, I want all these things. I wanted to
have all these major incomes, and it's like, huh what
It's like, you know, some of these guys are making
these statements. You're like, I'm sorry, what income?
Speaker 3 (24:53):
And income is not everything?
Speaker 4 (24:55):
And for the men, women you know who look like
Barbie or a better, better exit. They're not like calle Berry.
Doesn't mean you know they're bad women. Now, where women
can have curves, they can have some extra pounds, they
can maybe not be as totally as attractive.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
As tell them in the back. But I don't think
you're here loud. Yeah, that's ridiculous problem.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
I've heard so many guys tell me how lonely.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
They are and how frustrating they are with the dating pool.
But then you know, you you ask them, what kind
of women are you looking for?
Speaker 3 (25:25):
Well, she's got you know, she's got to be thirty six,
twenty four to thirty six, and you know, have a PhD.
And like you're looking for a unicorn brother.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
You know what I'm saying though, case it's it's the
same thing that most of these women posting those videos too.
They're they're unrealistic expectations and it's like huh, Like you're listening,
You're like, wait, what did you just say? Oh, they
got to have all these and you're like okay, yeah,
like can we come back down, Peter Pan right on
a fantasy island near Let's come back down this reality here?
You know, it's it's the dating pool, man. God, I
(25:55):
remember that. God, it was horrible mean.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Meeting people. There's no no better example than meeting people
and having honest conversations about what you are, who you are,
what makes you tick. That's that's the important part. You
could she could, you know, she could be completely opposite
of your your your vision, your visual vision of a woman,
but she could have everything else to the perfect one
(26:21):
hundred percent of what you're looking for. But you're just
counting her because she doesn't look good.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
It's just Bob, I love that already, man the way.
It's just because I think that's the thing a lot
of people. I think that's what a lot of a
lot of these social media sites, these younger kids are
seeing that. It's like, oh, there's always this perfect ten,
but the perfect ten isn't always a perfect package. A
lot of times guys like sometimes they can't even hold
a conversation to me, that what's the big thing to me?
It's like, Okay, you could be pretty, but can you
have an actual conversation because if you can't talk to me,
(26:47):
then I don't know what to tell you. There that
that's that's it for me.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Yeah, yeah, but you're basically you're basically making a choice
to make yourself miserable because you're unwilling to be flexible.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Right exactly, you know. And it's it's so funny because
you know, you see all these well social media. I
just think it's just poisonous to a lot of people.
I think that that a lot of these younger kids
are seeing these things and think this is whether you
should think these young gentlemen out there, you know, are
looking at this going oh, well, I need to do
this because this is what someone's doing. Or that Andrew
Tate guy that was on there for a little bit,
(27:18):
him selling all those crazy things, Oh you need to
do this or that. The one recently though, I've been
watching was the guy and Joe Rogan who said he
was doing like he's doing some kind of hard drug
or something. This dude is just like talking about the
craziest things possible. I'm teaching these young men how to
do these and it's like, what the hell are you? Like,
Joe's looking him like, huh, what are you talking about? Man,
It's like, what the hell you know? And it's it's
(27:41):
just hilarious. So but at the same time, it's like,
these younger kids are seeing these things and although it's
like they're growing up, thinking to these is how a
relationship should go, you know, and it's like, no, I
don't think that's it is, so, you know, and I
think that's the scariest part. So, if do you have
any advice for younger guys out there, like, you know,
anybody their early teens, Like, hey, listen, if I could
(28:01):
give you some advice that I've learned all these years,
what what kind of advice would you give them?
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Don't listen to anybody else.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
We just demonstrated, you know, it's saying.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
No, no, I say that, don't don't listen to anybody
that is not doing what you want to be doing.
So for example, if you know, if your buddy has
got you know, is dating halle Berry, I'm probably dating
myself with the halle Berry references, but I can't think.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
Of anybody else.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
You're good, No, you're good.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
If he If he's telling you how to find a
good woman like that, then great if he's got one.
But if he's single and trying to help you meet
you know, this unicorn girl, he doesn't know what he's
talking about. You know, it's never never take advice from
people that haven't achieved what you're after, whether it's in
(28:57):
business or relationships or or whatever. You know, listen listening
to you know, somebody that doesn't know what they're talking
about tell you how to do what you shouldn't do
in the first place.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
Is is just it's it's.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Damn Andrew Tate's out there again doing those things again,
you know, Jesus almighty man. So what uh, let me
see I have got you just had to question my
head down trying to think of Okay, So why do
you feel like most men are stuck? Like you know,
like some of them feel like they're stuck like you know,
I feel like more. It's like, why do men settle
for less.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Because they don't think they can have more?
Speaker 2 (29:34):
You think it's more of a self doubt thing, like
you know, they're being told other life they're not good enough,
you know, and things like that.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
You know, whether it's parents or teachers or or or friends.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
I think those friends, like like you said that you're
looking you're looking up to this this person as a
friend and he's telling you, no, you got to do this, this,
this and this, and you just can't do you physically
can't bring yourself to do that.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
You're you're in a wrong relationship, you know what I.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Was thinking of? It says, you know what is that
the Fast and Finish series, the Little the One Guy
that when the Tokyo Drift series, When when you got
to that movie the One Guy? Remember he always said
to elevate your company, which I think is a good
point though. Think about it. Elevate the people that you
keep around you, you know, keep keep the people that
add value and that devalue you. You know what I mean.
It's like that one friend he can they have that
thing great and go okay, well that's cool, But is
(30:22):
he a good friend at the end of the day,
Like I said, can you come to and ask him
advice and give you actual advice or is he going
to give you that meat heead advice? Like oh you
got to do it? Like no, you know, and and
it's okay. Like the thing with boundaries too. I think
I loved when you said boundaries because I don't think
of the people set boundaries. I think like when it
comes to that, a lot of people are told that
their boundaries are selfish, which it's wrong, Like it's not
wrong in set boundaries, you're setting up the way that
(30:44):
you want to be treated. These are the things, These
are my boundaries. If you don't like them, then I
don't know what to tell you. Eighty six, you're out
of here, whatever term you want to use, you know,
just tell them to take an exit, right. I mean,
it's it's just crazy. Yeah, absolutely so, you know, and
it's it's just nuts though, because it's like it's so simple.
But then a lot of people are like, oh, well,
I don't want to because you're selfish. Because I think
(31:05):
that's what the first thing that a lot of people
say is like, you're selfish. How are you being selfish
if you're setting the standards for what you want. I mean,
don't don't let somebody else tell you, like you were saying,
don't let somebody else give you advice that doesn't go
in the same direction you are. But at the same time,
set your own boundaries, like don't let people come in
here and tell you how to run your life. Like
you tell them, listen, this is what I want. If
you don't like it and stick to them, I think
(31:26):
that's the hardest part is most people feel like they're
being mean. No man, It's nothing wrong with keeping your boundaries.
These are the boundaries you set. If people can't respect
that boundary, then see you later, Like you're not being mean,
You're just keeping to your boundaries. And I think that's
the hardest part for most people is that once they
set them, they'll start hearing all these negative comments and
then they'll let it get in their head and you know,
and it's just it makes no sense. Like it's like,
(31:47):
stop letting these people poison you and tell you that
you're doing something wrong for you standing by your own convictions.
You know. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel. Now,
set reasonable ones. Don't go sit in like these crazy
boundaries that don't make any sense, said, nobody can stick to.
You know, I'm gonna have Bob come in there and
give you some advice, like listen, Hey, You're gonna come
in like, hey, listen. You can't say though that that
makes no sense, you know what I mean? Yeah, So Bob,
(32:10):
let me ask you a question, though, what are you
passionate about?
Speaker 3 (32:14):
What am I passionate about?
Speaker 2 (32:16):
What's the one thing that drives you? Man? What is
it the one thing that drives you?
Speaker 3 (32:25):
I'd say between my wife and Jesus to top to
now Jesus, I love it though obviously my savior, and
you know, I want to be more like him every day.
I want to be a good man. I want to
be a strong man. I want to be a giving man,
a man who serves other people and helps other people
(32:45):
get better. And then my wife number two, she might
I'm married obviously since that divorce, and she has been
just an absolute blessing in my life. She supports me
whether I'm whether I'm on track or off track, She
(33:07):
really support me no matter what.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Yeah, that's awesome. Though, that's awesome. Yes, I feel the
same way because me and my ex we were together for
so long and then now I'm married down to my wife.
Now it's a whole different dynamic now because we have open,
honest conversations, you know, And I'm I before I could
never say this before this past year, that I was
not religious, But now I am. I, you know, accept
the faith and everything just seems to fall into place
(33:30):
in there, you know. But it was like it was
always because people kept brainwashing you that, oh every thing
you do is to say no. It's not like that,
Like I think people need to stop reading into everybody
else's thoughts about things and just kind of like, you know,
go do your own research, you know what I mean.
It's it's crazy, though. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:46):
The most important thing for me, because I accepted Christ
back in twenty eighteen, it has been very long for
me either is understanding that it's a relationship with him.
It's not about anything else. It's not about rules, it's
not about commandments. It's not about all that other you know,
all all the the the what you call them, the
(34:07):
rituals and things that that different religions do to It's
it's about your relationship with Him and believing that there
is a force that guides your life and that loves
you and cares about you and wants the best for you,
regardless of of what's going on and.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
In your life.
Speaker 4 (34:27):
It's those are those are always he teaches us to
do better, but knowing that he does it with a
loving heart is the most amazing thing I've ever learned
in my life, and I I'm grateful for it every
single day.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
That I have that in my life.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Yeah, I agree. I couldn't say that any better myself. Bob.
Let's let me ask you a very uncomfortable question. Have
you ever thought about have you ever had suicide?
Speaker 3 (34:51):
I Eation before absolutely, that's when when I when I
have that hit that rock bottom. It's it was a
consideration and I was like, yeah, I could, I could easy,
I could easily do this. And and that's why you
asked earlier. Why why men? That's that's one of my motivations.
I've had five men in my life that I've known
(35:12):
that have either taken their own lives or or some
some version thereof. And uh I I it hurts every
time I hear it. It even hurts to think about
some of those men that that I've known, and that
I wish they were still here.
Speaker 4 (35:28):
I wish we could still be having conversations about how
how to help them out and get them out of
that mindset because you know they.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
You know, especially leaving kids behind. It's just it's so
hard on them, and you know, it's a very very selfish.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Act, it is. And at the same time too, it's
hard because you know you don't understand what the person
is thinking. Now now you've been there, you your own
thoughts or your your own thoughts, you know we're saying,
and you don't have you have. You told many people
about it though. I mean, that's the thing is this
conversation is very uncomfortable a lot of people though, a
lot of times.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
When I've talked on podcasts about it before.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Okay, well that's awesome though, because my next thing is
I'm willing up with this. You know, the statistics are
just insane for any man out there that is that
that's having these thoughts, Bob, what is your advice to them?
Do you have any advice from like, hey, listen, fellas,
I know it's rough. You know, what would you tell them? Like,
you know, any anything you can think of.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
Find other men to talk to.
Speaker 4 (36:28):
Don't don't don't just lean on your wife or your
significant other. Find men you can talk to, whether it's
through a men's group.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
I'm part of.
Speaker 4 (36:38):
I'm part of two different men's groups right now. One
it's actually called Men's Group, it's an online group, and
another group called F three which stands for Fitness, Fellowship
and Faith. It's it's it's it's mostly about workouts, free
workouts for men, but we also have a fellowship and
a brotherhood within that group that any one of those
guys right now, if I if I felt that need
(37:01):
that I needed to get something off my chest. I
have guys that I can go to and talk to
right now, and just just to be able to clear
my head and get it off my chest and not
let it eat me up from the inside.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Yeah, I love that. I think my message would beat
Tim is just talk to somebody. I mean, we are
losing men in an alarming rates. We make fifty percent
of the population of all those statistics. Outside that, it's
we need to talk. I think talk is the hardest
thing that a lot of guys do. But you know,
the funny thing is, though I've had several guys on
the show. One in particular I can remember was named Blake.
(37:32):
He was talking about his friends and his fantasy and
football league. So Blake was like, I think it was
him that started the conversation about his mental health, and
then everybody else started jumping in. And it's so funny because
we as men, we go down that role. You know
what I'm saying. We're all looking for that one person
to say something so we all can jump in the
conversation kind of thing. And that's awesome though that you're
a part of a group online, we'll definitely get the
(37:52):
link for back, because I want to make sure people
have some good resources, like, hey listen, if you want
to be a part of the group, you know, this
is where where Bob's at. But you know, give him,
you know, you can give them some resources and stuff
like that. You I'll make sure to add that description
and the added the link in to the video so
people know where to find it so they can get
on there. Because I think that we have men don't
talk enough. I think it's it's just time that we
start talking more because at the rate that we're going,
(38:13):
it's like, if you think about it, there's five friends
and a group, three of them aren't going to be there,
and in suicide's going to be the reason, unfortunately, think
you know, and it's it's like and the scary statistic
is that that women talk more than men do. And
you know, it's it's crazy though, because like you know,
when when someone takes their life, then you always hear,
oh well I could have done more. But the funny
thing is, though, is that several guests have talked to
(38:36):
they said the situation was that they called that one
person and were trying to talk to me all that
Hey listen, calm if you ever need anything person. You know,
we all got done with the exactly they shut them down.
They didn't answer them, none of that stuff. And it's like,
you know, when you open end that conversation, Like I
get it's hard for people to talk about. But at
the same time, I think people need to realize, you know,
(38:58):
we have mean, if we're talking to you, you're already
winning the battle there, because most people don't want to
talk to you about these kind of things. It gets
so uncomfortable. Their skin starts crawling all that crazy stuff, so,
you know, and that's why I you know, I think, like,
you know, we should start talking to gentle young gentlemen
at an earlier age about these things, just in general,
their mental health, how to break it, their emotions. I
feel like, you know, we start teaching them now we
(39:19):
have these young gentlemen set up for a better future
and they'll better understand their own emotions. Me and my guests, actually,
right before we jumped in together, we were actually talking
about that. She said that she has a book already
about that kind of stuff, but we were talking about
a wheel of feelings and things and it's just these
different words you can show men that they could pick
up on these different feeling things. And then we were
(39:40):
we were talking about that for a little bit. But
it's so funny because all you're doing is you're showing
these guys words, and their first thing that jumps out
to them is they're feeling, they're having, you know, and
things like that too. So I just don't get it
why we have to keep telling these guys to be quiet,
you know. It's like, obviously we need help, we need
to talk about it, you know. And it's it's scary, man,
(40:01):
it really is. If you think about the statistics the
numbers are, it's just alarming and crazy. And then the
other thing I found out recently from a couple other
guests I've had is that did you know that when
social media was introduced that young men's suicide rates went
up by twenty percent? Isn't that insane? Not a surprise,
you know, because it's like now you can bully people more.
(40:22):
You don't have to be face to face anymore, you
don't have to call them on the phone. Now you
got all these different ways to attack them and things
like that too.
Speaker 4 (40:28):
Oh the comparison too, you comparing yourself to everybody else
on Facebook is I've done it myself, and it's it's
a no win situation.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
Yeah, it's hard, though, Man's it's just because there's so
much information coming at you so fast, you know, and
so much misinformation out there, and things like okay too,
you know. So, Bob, I'm gonna ask you a very
interesting question. I asked, Oh, my guests, okay, so if
your mental health had a song, what would that song be?
Oh wow, it's a good question. I'm telling you you'll had
a song.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
My current mental health or my any.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
However you want to break it down, go for it,
because it's always interesting to hear somebody's response. I had
so far. One told me I was going to make
fun of her, and she responded, rage against the Machine.
Gloria Vanderhurst the New York Times bestseller. She said it
was what was his name? There was like I singing
the children about it's okay to cry or something. I
was laughing because I'm like, what the answers are just
(41:25):
there's no wrong answer to it. So, like, you could
break it down however you want.
Speaker 4 (41:29):
I guess the old me it was Highway Kenny Loggin's
danger Zone Highway to the danger zone.
Speaker 3 (41:36):
Yeah, yeah, that would have been my old life.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
There you go. Yeah that see Top comes a good
one too. That was a great movie too. So so it's.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
One of my favorite songs.
Speaker 4 (41:45):
That always it always inspires me to to to pick
myself up and.
Speaker 3 (41:49):
Do more instead of, you know, really being in a
danger zone.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Yeah. Yeah, it's music a big part of your life though.
Do you like a lot of music do you listen.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
To you like us? It used to be not so
much anymore. They don't make it. They don't make it
like they used to. You know.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
That's that's that's pretty true. Okay, I'll be honest with
some of these guys. Yeah, they're just yeah, they're not
doing it for me. Like it's it's gotten to that
point where it's just like, you know. So my next
question for you, that I've been asking all my guests
is that if you could break the stigma about mental
health now, anything you can think of that that one
thing that always shows up, you're like, well, god, dang it,
enough of this man, you know that one glaring point.
(42:26):
What would it be.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
Men Ney to stop trying to be so tough, stop
being tough, strong, invincible, admit that it just admit that
you're you're confused, you're lost, and you're scared, and and
and like you've said six or seven times your community,
communicate with other people, whether it's your spouse or your
friends or other men, to get that all that stuff out.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
Of your head, right right. I absolutely love that. I
think that's pretty I think that's a fantastic message, you know.
And the reason why I agree with you on that one,
it's like, I think this whole alpha male thing to me, Now,
let me see what you think about this, because you know,
I think if you're the alpha male, you should be
able to talk about your feelings. I mean I correct
about that. I think this because me and one of
(43:14):
my guests, Betsy Holberg, and I were talking about that.
She said that, you know, men tend to do the
tower system alpha mal being your top dog and everybody
else kind of falling down below. But if the alpha
male he can't talk about his feelings, then how's he
the alpha male? You know what I'm saying. I think
we give it too much credit and we only go
byased on physical appearance versus you know, the all round.
If you out you're at alpha, to me, you can
(43:35):
talk about it. You can do it all. You can
talk about your feelings, you can do this, you know
what I'm saying. And it's it's so funny though, because
it's like we all put these people on a pedestal
and then it's like they have some kind of flaw there.
They can't talk about that because you know, we're not
allowed to talk about it. We're not to talk to
these things anyway. So you know what I'm saying though,
But it's it's just so crazy, man, it really is.
(43:56):
So my other thought is that you are you thinking
about back the podcast? Are you thinking about doing something different?
Speaker 3 (44:03):
It comes and goes. I actually I have I had
a plan.
Speaker 4 (44:06):
I kind of post a note here of some brainstorming
I did about a week ago that hasn't hasn't fully
rebaked itself yet.
Speaker 3 (44:13):
So you never know.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
Awesome. Well, so let me ask you a more thing though,
So what do you What are you up to these days?
Are you doing anything interesting? Anybody needs to know any
special projects you're working on right now?
Speaker 4 (44:24):
Just just work, working to try to uh to help
as many men as I can that that that are
looking for help and try to try to keep them
from from having to walk on those eggshells at home.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Exactly well, Bob. As we get ready to start wrapping
up this episode of Pete for Anxiety, do you want
to live? Really know where they can find you? Say,
listen some fellas at home or listening, like, hey, listen,
I want to reach out of Bob. I like what
he's talking about. What is the best way to reach Bob?
Speaker 4 (44:48):
Yep, my website is www dot men Becoming Better men
dot com.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
There you go, guys, you heard him, Go check out Bob,
reach out to him, littim know, lit'tle know you saw
him on the show. Let him if that's where we
found him. And like I said, I'm gonna get that
link from Bob for that men's group he's a part of,
and we're gonna put it down load below in case
some of you fellas, you know you need to get
out and jump with these groups and get you know,
get some support. Ain't nothing wrong with having a support
system in place. Bob is the first one to tell you,
I'm sure I agree with you. You is if you
(45:15):
don't have that friend you can call them the li
on then it's just kind of pointless. But Bob, thank
you so much for coming to talk to me, and
I appreciate it. It was a great time. I enjoyed having
you here and averything like that. You know, I Do
you have anything else you want to give a shout
out to anybody before we sign.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
Off, I'm off SAT. Thanks Bob, It's fun.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Not a problem. Vibes guys, and I'm peted for sonxiety.
You know, order to find me. I'm ex I'll be
down to TikTok. I'm on Spotify all the way down
to iHeartRadio And as always say, it costs nothing, absolutely
nothing to be kind to somebody. One kind actor you
can do can save times life for hell, you can
make their day. I'm pete for anxiety. Sign up saying
don't ask your days, they say, hey, how's your mental
health today,
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