September 11, 2025 • 28 mins
ANGELS!!!! I’m BACK again with a NEW pod episode !!!!
In this episode I go over various situations that we may not be accepting of in hopes to keep a guy or save a relationship or lack there of!
I hope that you all enjoy this video, let me know what other kind of videos you guys would like to see in the comment section below!!!!
Thumbs up for NEW amazing content!!!! 👸🏽
*PLEASE SUBSCRIBE, FOLLOW & CLICK THE 🔔 FOR NOTIFICATIONS EVERY TIME I POST! :)
In this episode I go over various situations that we may not be accepting of in hopes to keep a guy or save a relationship or lack there of!
I hope that you all enjoy this video, let me know what other kind of videos you guys would like to see in the comment section below!!!!
Thumbs up for NEW amazing content!!!! 👸🏽
*PLEASE SUBSCRIBE, FOLLOW & CLICK THE 🔔 FOR NOTIFICATIONS EVERY TIME I POST! :)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, Angels, Welcome back to my channel. For those of
you that are new here, Hi, my name is Asha,
very nice to meet you. Welcome to the A team.
I call all of you guys my angels because I
just genuinely feel like you guys have saved my life
and you guys have been there for me, and you
(00:21):
guys are there for me on a consistent basis all
the time. Before we jump into this topic, okay, I
just want to give a shout out to this amazing company, Okay,
Kalate Hair. Guys, I have literally been wearing their hair
for over a month now, and I've had three different hairstyles,
(00:41):
including one that looks just like this. And this actually
was done today fresh hair by Mark Anthony of course,
and the hair has still kept its integrity and everything.
And as you angels know, if you know me, you
know that I love a good ponytail. Okay, this is
(01:02):
such an easy style to maintain, and Mark is incredible
my hairstylus. He really made it look very very flawless
and the hairline looks slamming okay, banging. So be share
to check my description box so that you guys can
purchase this hair and sly this look just like me.
(01:26):
To be specific, this is actually a full wig. Actually
now it's a full lace front wig, and the bundles
were added to the ponytail of the hair. And I
actually do like this style even better than I did
the first time that I did a ponytail, because the
first time it was a frontal ponytail and my hair
was out. This time, none of my hair is out,
(01:48):
and it's the same exact look, but all of my
hair is protected and covered, which I absolutely love. So
that is the view you got the little you know,
neck care situation happening. Okay, and guys, I'm pretty much
gonna be wearing ponytails all summer twenty nineteen. Before we
(02:09):
move any further, you guys know the joke by now.
For all my newcomers, follow me on Instagram and that
will be right here of course. And also do not
forget to subscribe to the channel if you have not already,
and turn on your post notifications. Set your notified every
single time that I post. Okay, now let's I'm right
into this video, ladies, angels. As you can see from
(02:31):
the title, Yes, I have my notebook here where I
write all my video treatments. This video is going to
talk about the harsh truths. Are you wasting your time?
Pay very close attention to the things that I'm discussing.
I know my last video I said that that might
hurt some feelings. This very well might hurt some feelings too,
(02:52):
But nonetheless, I just want to help you, ladies. That's all.
A lot of the times I get questions, am I
wasting my time? What should I do? All of these things?
And I understand that no matter how much we're in
a situation, it's always better sometimes to hear an outsider
say what we already know right or what we already feel.
(03:15):
So a lot of the times we are in instances,
or we have been in instances where a guy will
come back into our lives after ghosting us or after
we left them, and they come back and we tell ourselves, Hm,
he probably wants me back because he came back around
all of these things. No, sweetie, he's just bored. Right.
(03:39):
If the door's open, they're going to walk through. It's
not science. What did he do? Text you, babe, it's
a text. Texts our minimal effort. I've said this in
another video. Stop giving guys credit and praising them for
simple things that they do, for showing simple acts of
(04:01):
respect and kindness. I'm not going to reward you and
congratulate you on something that you should already be doing
right And quite frankly, if you mess up the first time,
why am I? What reason are you coming back around?
Because you already ruined the first gyms. All he's trying
to do is add you back into rotation. He came
(04:23):
back to stop by to check in to see if
your brain is still where it needs to be right,
and your job is to make sure that you show
him that it is. Yeah, I actually am thinking with
my common sense. Yes, I am actually thinking with logic.
Now you're not, you know, doing your rounds checking in
(04:44):
to see if I'm gonna jump right on the train again.
Another harsh truth, ladies, I'm busy. Excuse let me tell
you something. Okay, Men make time for what they want
to make time for. He's not. He's disinterested. He's putting
you on a shelf so he can pick you back
up again at his convenience. But why does he do that? Asha,
(05:08):
That doesn't make sense? Why bother if he doesn't want me? Well,
it's because they don't want to make you lose hope
by showing that they are completely disinterested. Right, they're not
gonna tell you. Listen, busy with the other chick right now,
busy chasing some other girls, don't want to talk to you.
(05:29):
They're gonna keep that little glimpse of hope alive busy,
because then it's gonna tell you in your head. Well,
he said, he's really busy, So I guess when he
has time he will, you know, hit me up wherever
the case is. No, it doesn't work like that with men.
If they wanted to, they would period another harsh truth.
(05:50):
He's fake jealous. Oh this is hitting home for someone,
isn't it. You think that because he acts a little
possessive over you to your friends or asks you why
you were talking to that guy, that shows that, Wow,
he really must care about me, because I mean, if
(06:11):
he didn't, then why would he even bring it up?
Why is he acting a little possessive if he didn't
care at all. I was reading something from one of
my favorite authors who wrote the book Hoe Tactics, gl Lambert,
and he said, and I quote this, you don't have
to mean anything to a guy. For him to want
to control you. Rewind that and listen again. Control does
(06:36):
not mean love. Possessiveness does not mean love or let alone.
Like listen, Guys will flatter you with attention, coo you
to death, act territorial around you, act territorial over you,
around his friends here and there, and all this does
is stroke your ego and make you think, wow, he
(07:00):
really does like me. I mean, he was totally hugging
me in front of his friend, and he was having
me sit closer to him, was kissing me and showing
the affection. And why would he do that in front
of his friend if he didn't really like me. Meanwhile,
let you do that. Let you start acting possessive, a
(07:22):
little jealous, and you're going to be the annoying girl
that he doesn't want to be around anymore. Now, how
does that work? Right? Guys don't want to be claimed initially,
especially if they really don't want to be in a
relationship with you, and they get to act possessive over you.
That's not your man, You're not his girlfriend. But if
(07:46):
you did the same thing showing that possessiveness of why
did you like this girl's photo or insinuate that that's
your man per se in his head, he's gonna be like, what, No,
I'm not where Remember a guy pretending to be jealous
(08:06):
doesn't mean anything. Men like to divide and conquer. I
mean literally, Next, we have my most biggest pet peeve
with some guys, the let's see where it goes. I
have no expectations guy, right, here's the horse truth about that.
(08:27):
Guys will run along with the narrative of you know,
I don't really have any expectations because I don't want
to be disappointed. Yawn, because I'm laughing at you because
you're lying and you think I'm falling for this. But
keep going right, whatever helps you sleep at night. This
is just a ploy to keep you wishing on a hope.
(08:49):
They don't want to shut down the door because they know.
Guys know, if they were to say, sometimes, listen, I
don't want anything serious. I just want to be friends
but still get the benefits. More than likely a woman
hearing that is going to say not really interested. That's
why a lot of the times us as women, we think,
(09:11):
why couldn't he just tell me the truth? I mean,
I literally don't understand different girls for different people. Yeah,
there are girls that would accept those terms, and there
are girls that wouldn't. A lot of the times, guys
know that majority of women are not going to accept
those terms. It's just not what we want. No girl
wants to just be used all day for her body
and be a girlfriend to someone knowingly that she isn't
(09:34):
committed to. So what do they have to do instead?
You know, let's just see where it goes. Because that's
going to tell you in your brain, Okay, there's still
a chance, there's hope. He wants to see where it goes.
Let me be on my best behavior, so I make
sure that I see to it that this is gonna
(09:56):
go my way. No, baby, it does not work like that.
Don't wait around for men like this and be a
placeholder and a pick me. Those are the only two
options that you can be. Bob the bill chick, whatever
you want to call it, every chick, but of a
girlfriend chick is the category that you will fall into
(10:16):
if you chill and hang out with the guy that
wants to see where it's going. Don't wait around trying
to settle for a man that you are crying over,
stressing over. You've literally been with this person off and
on up and down for god knows how long. I
don't care if it's a month, it's too much. And
(10:39):
you're doing all of this because you don't want to
look for something better. Meanwhile, he is always on the
prowl too. Listen to me, babe, what that man won't do,
another one will. Guys don't forget this concept. It's so
natural to them, not even an actual thought. You have
(11:01):
to remind yourself, Okay, well, if you're not going to
do it, somebody else will. Somebody else is going to
treat me the exact way that I deserve to be treated.
I don't really need to settle for this quality queen mentality.
Be careful, avoid honestly leave the let's see where it
goes type of guys, because all they're looking to do
(11:23):
is one or two things, replace you or train you.
They're going to replace you with the actual girl that
they want to be with by the time they actually
want to do something with someone and actually put an effort.
Or they're going to train you to stay in your
lane and do whatever they say, pick you up, put
(11:44):
you down at their own convenience, have you crying and
crawling on your knees to be with them who wants that?
Come on, sweetie, and honestly, in the end, even if
if you got the relationship, look at what you had
to sacrifice your youth, your time, your body, your common sense,
(12:11):
and your dignity to beg for a man and be
the last woman standing. I don't know how much more
pathetic it gets than that. I really just don't get it.
I don't. I've got nothing respect yourself because he's not harsh.
(12:34):
Truth number four, you're gathering evidence to leave when you're
not even with him. Listen, I've been guilty of this myself,
where I'm trying to search for reasons to leave this
person and I'm not even with him, and I'm just like,
hold on, rewind Asha, what are you doing? Sweedie, what
(12:58):
are you doing? Just leave as like your boyfriend. You
know what I mean, it's not it's not Ladies, we
must do better. Let's be honest. This guy doesn't owe
you an explanation technically for why he's messing with pick
me Patty one more chance, Wanda chasing him around endlessly,
(13:21):
Charlene like these those are examples of girls that will lose.
They will always lose. I'm sorry, don't be any of those,
because at the end of the day, let's be honest,
it's not even about sometimes looking for the reasons to leave.
It's more about searching for reasons to stay. How does
(13:45):
Lady Gaga's song go, You're giving me a million reasons,
but she just needs one good one to say. Now,
you give me a million reasons, you give me one
reason to leave, and I'm leaving you. I mean, that's
really just it. You're not my husband, you're not my boyfriend.
(14:08):
I'm leaving. I don't have the tolerance. I just don't.
I don't. Guys do the most effortless things, and we
give them extraordinary credit for it. Oh my god, he
texted me. Oh my gosh. He hasn't spoken to me
in a week and a half, but he told me
he was busy, and he finally texted me again. Oh
he's so amazing, He's so what. Let's let our mouths
(14:33):
match our actions, because really, guys, understand that we have
a cognitive dissonance for some reason, between what we say
and what we do. As women, we have the power
to leave. No one is forcing you to say, I
think the most harsh truth to accept in a situation
(14:55):
like that is we don't want to be proven right
that holy crit I wasted my time with this person.
They really don't care. I think that's really where it
stems from. We don't want to prove ourselves right, and
we are thinking to ourselves, Okay, I haven't spoken to
him in a while, and he has even reached out
(15:16):
to me. But maybe if I keep that line of
communication open between us, I can kind of tell myself that, Okay,
he's still responding, so he does care. Men don't think
like that. Girls stop. You know, Guys know that we
as women tend to hide our feelings sometimes because who
(15:37):
wants to really be vulnerable And they know that while
they're playing games with you that you're still choosing to
stick around. But on a consistent basis, a lot of
us are letting men hijack our common sense. And I'm
gonna tell you why you feel like that in one
simple word, sex hmm. Because if you didn't do that,
(16:00):
you wouldn't really have that strong of an emotional connection
to him because you didn't invest anything. The only time
you're going to feel extremely short changed and really angry
is when you give that up, because in a way,
you are relinquishing your power. You're giving something special to
you to someone else, and to find out that this
(16:22):
person didn't deserve that, and to find out that you
potentially wasted your time, it's not an easy pill to swallow.
So what do you start doing? Fixing it? Making it work?
Because oh no, that did not just happen to me.
I am not that girl. It's okay. If you were
that girl, just don't be her moving forward. Don't make
(16:45):
it work when it's not going to work, when it
hasn't worked. Case closed. At the end of the day, Babe,
you were not helpless. Let go move on. And yes,
it's easier said than done. And a lot of girls
ask me, well, how do you even do it? There
really is no other way to do it other than
to do it. And I think also, I know this
(17:07):
is going to sound really strange, but even if you
were to take on another persona right just to get
you through those motions, you will eventually start believing it.
Think about it. If you were to tell yourself, okay,
I'm going to be create an alter ego name for yourself.
(17:28):
I'm going to be Ashley. Right, Ashley doesn't care about anything.
Ashley wouldn't take that from a man. Become Ashley, turn
her on, become Ashley, and create that sort of separation
so that you don't keep on falling prey to these
types of circumstances. And eventually, and you shouldn't, and eventually
(17:51):
you really won't. You will actually start identifying with Ashley
and you won't continue to make those mistakes. You should
not be repeating your mistakes over and over again. Anyways.
That means that you're not learning. I think the biggest
mistake that we make is that we entertain men after
we've already figured out their game. Guilty, But really the
(18:14):
reality is that men will always go through an open door. Yeah.
And the last harsh truth that I'm going to discuss
to differentiate whether or not you're wasting your time is
the let's take things slow guy. Sweetie, having sex with
(18:36):
a man who says he wants to take things slow
is actually going nowhere fast. You are belining nowhere fast.
Please understand that concept. How is it that a guy
wants to take things slow, but yet he's reaping the
benefits of a girlfriend when you're not his girlfriend. What's
(18:59):
going on on here? Let me know, Let me know.
Let me help you. I don't know how many times
or languages I can say this, but it doesn't mean anything.
I gotta drill this in you guys' heads. I have
to drive this point home. Sex does not mean the
same to men as it means to women. It will
(19:23):
never mean the same thing. Play the game or get played.
You know, you can't be convenient and then play victim
on top of that. Oh, I don't understand why this
keeps happening to me. Men are this way, men are
that way. Take responsibility. The only way to learn and
(19:44):
to grow right is to go through something. So yeah,
all men can be this, all men can be that.
But what are you doing to change the narrative, to
shift the narrative for yourself? That's the real question, right,
Because they're doing their job. They're just being guys, really,
if you think about it, and a lot of the
(20:06):
times guys are not even wronging us. It's just our naivity,
that's really what it is. And it took me all
this time to finally realize that this one guy that
I was talking to before, he said to me that
it was my naivity that prohibited any form of a
(20:27):
progression of a relationship between us, and I remembered that
verbatim because at the time I was just so resentful
of him, because I really felt betrayed by what he did.
And now that I realize more and so much has
(20:48):
changed up until this very point, he was right in
the end. It was my naivity right that prohibited any
form of a progress, And he worded it so well
because really progression to what right? Where were we actually heading?
(21:09):
He wasn't trying to head anywhere real He was just
saying escalating to get I guess certain benefits, whatever that
may be in his eyes. But he basically was trying
to tell me without saying it is that you don't
really understand the game here. You don't really understand what
it is that I'm doing, and that is preventing us
(21:30):
from kind of moving the way that I wanted to move.
That's really kind of what he was saying. I'd say,
out of all the people that I dated, I don't
know if it's because I'm older now, but he taught
me the most. I completely and thoroughly understood everything all
of a sudden, right, and not even just with him,
(21:53):
I mean in general, with guys and how they think
so in retrospect, I came even actually hate this person
because he doesn't realize that he taught me so much,
so much without even actually trying. You know, the point is,
don't play victim because it's so easy to look at
(22:17):
guys and say, oh my gosh, they're wronging us. They're
doing all of these things. I'm not saying that sometimes
they are not, but majority of the time they're just
doing what they normally do. It is our job to
recognize the game, to not fool ourselves and talk ourselves
out of common sense, to look at actions and to
(22:37):
think logically. It is very difficult because it's innate to
us to think emotionally, but you have to do it
or you will recycle the same behaviors and patterns all
the time. You know, let's not justifying and searching for
reasons why we think that a guy really wants us,
(22:59):
when in reality we all know when a guy really
actually wants us. It's an inexplicable feeling. Almost. It doesn't
feel like a cat and mouse game. Where does he
like me? I mean, I can't tell did he mean
it when he said this? And this person is talking
about how you guys have an amazing time together, and
(23:23):
you are so fun and you're fabulous, and you guys
have all this great chemistry. Well, that's good for you
because that doesn't mean anything to me, and it shouldn't
mean anything to you either, because chemistry can honestly be
with I don't want to say anyone, but it can
be with multiple people. You can have chemistry with a
(23:45):
lot of people, and it doesn't even have to be
romantic chemistry. It could be just as friends. You guys
have chemistry as friends. Right, There's going to be many
people in your life that you meet, that you connect
with and that you have chemistry with. But what is
that actually mean? The word play? You have to be
(24:05):
really intelligent to catch on to the word play that
guys use. It's a lot of nothing. A lot of
the time I find that if we are searching for
whether or not something is there, you already lost me.
I don't want to have to question anything. You should
(24:25):
not have to question anything. Is there something there? Yeah?
You know what's there? Your common sense in his hands,
because it's not in your brain. That's what's there. Keep
your dignity, understand what's happening, and progress from that and
actually progress from that. No more justifying why these guys
(24:51):
are doing what they're doing. No more. It ends. Listen, babe,
summer is around the corner. Fall in love with that man.
I saw this on Instagram. It was great. It said,
do not fall in love with that man. He doesn't
love you. In fact, he barely even likes you. And
(25:12):
I know that's such a hard concept to grasp, But
what do I always say? Men compartmentalize. They can like
you a little bit, love the next chick like the
other chick's body, and be with all three of you
for all different reasons, and not even think twice when
he's with either of you about the other girl. It's
(25:33):
just how they're wired. And you're probably asking yourself if
you're someone that's in a situationship. I don't understand why
he's even with the other girl. What is he seeing her? Convenience? Comfort?
He can predict all of her moves. This is not
a strong girl. I mean strong girls, quality queens don't
(25:57):
do things like that what she's doing. Don't become her.
That's that's the best thing you can do is to
not become her. Don't try to outwin her in the race,
because she will always be there. And I hate to
say it, she's pathetic. Pick me's are pathetic, And it's okay,
(26:18):
We've all probably been pathetic at some point in our lives.
Just don't keep doing it right when you truly understand
your power and your value. This is using. It probably
abused and sounds so cliche, but it really is an
inexplicable feeling. You will leave whoever treats you subpar because
(26:41):
you know that you don't need to put up with that,
because what one won't one will always. So if this
guy doesn't think you're special and he's treating you like
you're basic, who cares what he thinks? I mean, honestly,
he has bad judgment anyway, clearly has bad taste. He's
not with you, duh, start over, don't repeat your mistakes,
(27:03):
don't play victim. The only closure that you need to
know is that he's not the one. It's really that simple.
I mean, you will move through people so much faster
when you start filtering these things out. I mean, it's
innate to me now where I filter things out, And
I'm like, okay, I know what that is. Answer, you know,
I know how to approach situation, deal with it accordingly,
(27:27):
And all in all, who even wants someone that doesn't
even want you, who wants a guy that they have
to always feel like they're working to get their attention,
working to get clarity and some sort of answer to
figure out how this guy feels. I don't care how
you feel, because I already know that the second I
(27:52):
find myself questioning your feelings, I'm in the wrong place.
It is as basic as that clearcut. So don't sell
yourself short anymore. Understand that these harsh truths are harsh
for a reason, but they are here to help you.
(28:13):
We are not about victimization here on this channel at all.
And it's okay if you make mistakes. What's not okay
is repeating your mistakes. Okay, So, my beautiful angels, thank
you so much for watching this video. I know that
it is a bit lengthy. I mean I haven't uploaded
(28:33):
a lengthy video in a while. And also, again, do
not forget to check my description box that you guys
can see the details about this hair. And with that
being said, I love me and God loves me, and
I'll see you guys
Hello, Angels, Welcome back to my channel. For those of
you that are new here, Hi, my name is Asha,
very nice to meet you. Welcome to the A team.
I call all of you guys my angels because I
just genuinely feel like you guys have saved my life
and you guys have been there for me, and you
(00:21):
guys are there for me on a consistent basis all
the time. Before we jump into this topic, okay, I
just want to give a shout out to this amazing company, Okay,
Kalate Hair. Guys, I have literally been wearing their hair
for over a month now, and I've had three different hairstyles,
(00:41):
including one that looks just like this. And this actually
was done today fresh hair by Mark Anthony of course,
and the hair has still kept its integrity and everything.
And as you angels know, if you know me, you
know that I love a good ponytail. Okay, this is
(01:02):
such an easy style to maintain, and Mark is incredible
my hairstylus. He really made it look very very flawless
and the hairline looks slamming okay, banging. So be share
to check my description box so that you guys can
purchase this hair and sly this look just like me.
(01:26):
To be specific, this is actually a full wig. Actually
now it's a full lace front wig, and the bundles
were added to the ponytail of the hair. And I
actually do like this style even better than I did
the first time that I did a ponytail, because the
first time it was a frontal ponytail and my hair
was out. This time, none of my hair is out,
(01:48):
and it's the same exact look, but all of my
hair is protected and covered, which I absolutely love. So
that is the view you got the little you know,
neck care situation happening. Okay, and guys, I'm pretty much
gonna be wearing ponytails all summer twenty nineteen. Before we
(02:09):
move any further, you guys know the joke by now.
For all my newcomers, follow me on Instagram and that
will be right here of course. And also do not
forget to subscribe to the channel if you have not already,
and turn on your post notifications. Set your notified every
single time that I post. Okay, now let's I'm right
into this video, ladies, angels. As you can see from
(02:31):
the title, Yes, I have my notebook here where I
write all my video treatments. This video is going to
talk about the harsh truths. Are you wasting your time?
Pay very close attention to the things that I'm discussing.
I know my last video I said that that might
hurt some feelings. This very well might hurt some feelings too,
(02:52):
But nonetheless, I just want to help you, ladies. That's all.
A lot of the times I get questions, am I
wasting my time? What should I do? All of these things?
And I understand that no matter how much we're in
a situation, it's always better sometimes to hear an outsider
say what we already know right or what we already feel.
(03:15):
So a lot of the times we are in instances,
or we have been in instances where a guy will
come back into our lives after ghosting us or after
we left them, and they come back and we tell ourselves, Hm,
he probably wants me back because he came back around
all of these things. No, sweetie, he's just bored. Right.
(03:39):
If the door's open, they're going to walk through. It's
not science. What did he do? Text you, babe, it's
a text. Texts our minimal effort. I've said this in
another video. Stop giving guys credit and praising them for
simple things that they do, for showing simple acts of
(04:01):
respect and kindness. I'm not going to reward you and
congratulate you on something that you should already be doing
right And quite frankly, if you mess up the first time,
why am I? What reason are you coming back around?
Because you already ruined the first gyms. All he's trying
to do is add you back into rotation. He came
(04:23):
back to stop by to check in to see if
your brain is still where it needs to be right,
and your job is to make sure that you show
him that it is. Yeah, I actually am thinking with
my common sense. Yes, I am actually thinking with logic.
Now you're not, you know, doing your rounds checking in
(04:44):
to see if I'm gonna jump right on the train again.
Another harsh truth, ladies, I'm busy. Excuse let me tell
you something. Okay, Men make time for what they want
to make time for. He's not. He's disinterested. He's putting
you on a shelf so he can pick you back
up again at his convenience. But why does he do that? Asha,
(05:08):
That doesn't make sense? Why bother if he doesn't want me? Well,
it's because they don't want to make you lose hope
by showing that they are completely disinterested. Right, they're not
gonna tell you. Listen, busy with the other chick right now,
busy chasing some other girls, don't want to talk to you.
(05:29):
They're gonna keep that little glimpse of hope alive busy,
because then it's gonna tell you in your head. Well,
he said, he's really busy, So I guess when he
has time he will, you know, hit me up wherever
the case is. No, it doesn't work like that with men.
If they wanted to, they would period another harsh truth.
(05:50):
He's fake jealous. Oh this is hitting home for someone,
isn't it. You think that because he acts a little
possessive over you to your friends or asks you why
you were talking to that guy, that shows that, Wow,
he really must care about me, because I mean, if
(06:11):
he didn't, then why would he even bring it up?
Why is he acting a little possessive if he didn't
care at all. I was reading something from one of
my favorite authors who wrote the book Hoe Tactics, gl Lambert,
and he said, and I quote this, you don't have
to mean anything to a guy. For him to want
to control you. Rewind that and listen again. Control does
(06:36):
not mean love. Possessiveness does not mean love or let alone.
Like listen, Guys will flatter you with attention, coo you
to death, act territorial around you, act territorial over you,
around his friends here and there, and all this does
is stroke your ego and make you think, wow, he
(07:00):
really does like me. I mean, he was totally hugging
me in front of his friend, and he was having
me sit closer to him, was kissing me and showing
the affection. And why would he do that in front
of his friend if he didn't really like me. Meanwhile,
let you do that. Let you start acting possessive, a
(07:22):
little jealous, and you're going to be the annoying girl
that he doesn't want to be around anymore. Now, how
does that work? Right? Guys don't want to be claimed initially,
especially if they really don't want to be in a
relationship with you, and they get to act possessive over you.
That's not your man, You're not his girlfriend. But if
(07:46):
you did the same thing showing that possessiveness of why
did you like this girl's photo or insinuate that that's
your man per se in his head, he's gonna be like, what, No,
I'm not where Remember a guy pretending to be jealous
(08:06):
doesn't mean anything. Men like to divide and conquer. I
mean literally, Next, we have my most biggest pet peeve
with some guys, the let's see where it goes. I
have no expectations guy, right, here's the horse truth about that.
(08:27):
Guys will run along with the narrative of you know,
I don't really have any expectations because I don't want
to be disappointed. Yawn, because I'm laughing at you because
you're lying and you think I'm falling for this. But
keep going right, whatever helps you sleep at night. This
is just a ploy to keep you wishing on a hope.
(08:49):
They don't want to shut down the door because they know.
Guys know, if they were to say, sometimes, listen, I
don't want anything serious. I just want to be friends
but still get the benefits. More than likely a woman
hearing that is going to say not really interested. That's
why a lot of the times us as women, we think,
(09:11):
why couldn't he just tell me the truth? I mean,
I literally don't understand different girls for different people. Yeah,
there are girls that would accept those terms, and there
are girls that wouldn't. A lot of the times, guys
know that majority of women are not going to accept
those terms. It's just not what we want. No girl
wants to just be used all day for her body
and be a girlfriend to someone knowingly that she isn't
(09:34):
committed to. So what do they have to do instead?
You know, let's just see where it goes. Because that's
going to tell you in your brain, Okay, there's still
a chance, there's hope. He wants to see where it goes.
Let me be on my best behavior, so I make
sure that I see to it that this is gonna
(09:56):
go my way. No, baby, it does not work like that.
Don't wait around for men like this and be a
placeholder and a pick me. Those are the only two
options that you can be. Bob the bill chick, whatever
you want to call it, every chick, but of a
girlfriend chick is the category that you will fall into
(10:16):
if you chill and hang out with the guy that
wants to see where it's going. Don't wait around trying
to settle for a man that you are crying over,
stressing over. You've literally been with this person off and
on up and down for god knows how long. I
don't care if it's a month, it's too much. And
(10:39):
you're doing all of this because you don't want to
look for something better. Meanwhile, he is always on the
prowl too. Listen to me, babe, what that man won't do,
another one will. Guys don't forget this concept. It's so
natural to them, not even an actual thought. You have
(11:01):
to remind yourself, Okay, well, if you're not going to
do it, somebody else will. Somebody else is going to
treat me the exact way that I deserve to be treated.
I don't really need to settle for this quality queen mentality.
Be careful, avoid honestly leave the let's see where it
goes type of guys, because all they're looking to do
(11:23):
is one or two things, replace you or train you.
They're going to replace you with the actual girl that
they want to be with by the time they actually
want to do something with someone and actually put an effort.
Or they're going to train you to stay in your
lane and do whatever they say, pick you up, put
(11:44):
you down at their own convenience, have you crying and
crawling on your knees to be with them who wants that?
Come on, sweetie, and honestly, in the end, even if
if you got the relationship, look at what you had
to sacrifice your youth, your time, your body, your common sense,
(12:11):
and your dignity to beg for a man and be
the last woman standing. I don't know how much more
pathetic it gets than that. I really just don't get it.
I don't. I've got nothing respect yourself because he's not harsh.
(12:34):
Truth number four, you're gathering evidence to leave when you're
not even with him. Listen, I've been guilty of this myself,
where I'm trying to search for reasons to leave this
person and I'm not even with him, and I'm just like,
hold on, rewind Asha, what are you doing? Sweedie, what
(12:58):
are you doing? Just leave as like your boyfriend. You
know what I mean, it's not it's not Ladies, we
must do better. Let's be honest. This guy doesn't owe
you an explanation technically for why he's messing with pick
me Patty one more chance, Wanda chasing him around endlessly,
(13:21):
Charlene like these those are examples of girls that will lose.
They will always lose. I'm sorry, don't be any of those,
because at the end of the day, let's be honest,
it's not even about sometimes looking for the reasons to leave.
It's more about searching for reasons to stay. How does
(13:45):
Lady Gaga's song go, You're giving me a million reasons,
but she just needs one good one to say. Now,
you give me a million reasons, you give me one
reason to leave, and I'm leaving you. I mean, that's
really just it. You're not my husband, you're not my boyfriend.
(14:08):
I'm leaving. I don't have the tolerance. I just don't.
I don't. Guys do the most effortless things, and we
give them extraordinary credit for it. Oh my god, he
texted me. Oh my gosh. He hasn't spoken to me
in a week and a half, but he told me
he was busy, and he finally texted me again. Oh
he's so amazing, He's so what. Let's let our mouths
(14:33):
match our actions, because really, guys, understand that we have
a cognitive dissonance for some reason, between what we say
and what we do. As women, we have the power
to leave. No one is forcing you to say, I
think the most harsh truth to accept in a situation
(14:55):
like that is we don't want to be proven right
that holy crit I wasted my time with this person.
They really don't care. I think that's really where it
stems from. We don't want to prove ourselves right, and
we are thinking to ourselves, Okay, I haven't spoken to
him in a while, and he has even reached out
(15:16):
to me. But maybe if I keep that line of
communication open between us, I can kind of tell myself that, Okay,
he's still responding, so he does care. Men don't think
like that. Girls stop. You know, Guys know that we
as women tend to hide our feelings sometimes because who
(15:37):
wants to really be vulnerable And they know that while
they're playing games with you that you're still choosing to
stick around. But on a consistent basis, a lot of
us are letting men hijack our common sense. And I'm
gonna tell you why you feel like that in one
simple word, sex hmm. Because if you didn't do that,
(16:00):
you wouldn't really have that strong of an emotional connection
to him because you didn't invest anything. The only time
you're going to feel extremely short changed and really angry
is when you give that up, because in a way,
you are relinquishing your power. You're giving something special to
you to someone else, and to find out that this
(16:22):
person didn't deserve that, and to find out that you
potentially wasted your time, it's not an easy pill to swallow.
So what do you start doing? Fixing it? Making it work?
Because oh no, that did not just happen to me.
I am not that girl. It's okay. If you were
that girl, just don't be her moving forward. Don't make
(16:45):
it work when it's not going to work, when it
hasn't worked. Case closed. At the end of the day, Babe,
you were not helpless. Let go move on. And yes,
it's easier said than done. And a lot of girls
ask me, well, how do you even do it? There
really is no other way to do it other than
to do it. And I think also, I know this
(17:07):
is going to sound really strange, but even if you
were to take on another persona right just to get
you through those motions, you will eventually start believing it.
Think about it. If you were to tell yourself, okay,
I'm going to be create an alter ego name for yourself.
(17:28):
I'm going to be Ashley. Right, Ashley doesn't care about anything.
Ashley wouldn't take that from a man. Become Ashley, turn
her on, become Ashley, and create that sort of separation
so that you don't keep on falling prey to these
types of circumstances. And eventually, and you shouldn't, and eventually
(17:51):
you really won't. You will actually start identifying with Ashley
and you won't continue to make those mistakes. You should
not be repeating your mistakes over and over again. Anyways.
That means that you're not learning. I think the biggest
mistake that we make is that we entertain men after
we've already figured out their game. Guilty, But really the
(18:14):
reality is that men will always go through an open door. Yeah.
And the last harsh truth that I'm going to discuss
to differentiate whether or not you're wasting your time is
the let's take things slow guy. Sweetie, having sex with
(18:36):
a man who says he wants to take things slow
is actually going nowhere fast. You are belining nowhere fast.
Please understand that concept. How is it that a guy
wants to take things slow, but yet he's reaping the
benefits of a girlfriend when you're not his girlfriend. What's
(18:59):
going on on here? Let me know, Let me know.
Let me help you. I don't know how many times
or languages I can say this, but it doesn't mean anything.
I gotta drill this in you guys' heads. I have
to drive this point home. Sex does not mean the
same to men as it means to women. It will
(19:23):
never mean the same thing. Play the game or get played.
You know, you can't be convenient and then play victim
on top of that. Oh, I don't understand why this
keeps happening to me. Men are this way, men are
that way. Take responsibility. The only way to learn and
(19:44):
to grow right is to go through something. So yeah,
all men can be this, all men can be that.
But what are you doing to change the narrative, to
shift the narrative for yourself? That's the real question, right,
Because they're doing their job. They're just being guys, really,
if you think about it, and a lot of the
(20:06):
times guys are not even wronging us. It's just our naivity,
that's really what it is. And it took me all
this time to finally realize that this one guy that
I was talking to before, he said to me that
it was my naivity that prohibited any form of a
(20:27):
progression of a relationship between us, and I remembered that
verbatim because at the time I was just so resentful
of him, because I really felt betrayed by what he did.
And now that I realize more and so much has
(20:48):
changed up until this very point, he was right in
the end. It was my naivity right that prohibited any
form of a progress, And he worded it so well
because really progression to what right? Where were we actually heading?
(21:09):
He wasn't trying to head anywhere real He was just
saying escalating to get I guess certain benefits, whatever that
may be in his eyes. But he basically was trying
to tell me without saying it is that you don't
really understand the game here. You don't really understand what
it is that I'm doing, and that is preventing us
(21:30):
from kind of moving the way that I wanted to move.
That's really kind of what he was saying. I'd say,
out of all the people that I dated, I don't
know if it's because I'm older now, but he taught
me the most. I completely and thoroughly understood everything all
of a sudden, right, and not even just with him,
(21:53):
I mean in general, with guys and how they think
so in retrospect, I came even actually hate this person
because he doesn't realize that he taught me so much,
so much without even actually trying. You know, the point is,
don't play victim because it's so easy to look at
(22:17):
guys and say, oh my gosh, they're wronging us. They're
doing all of these things. I'm not saying that sometimes
they are not, but majority of the time they're just
doing what they normally do. It is our job to
recognize the game, to not fool ourselves and talk ourselves
out of common sense, to look at actions and to
(22:37):
think logically. It is very difficult because it's innate to
us to think emotionally, but you have to do it
or you will recycle the same behaviors and patterns all
the time. You know, let's not justifying and searching for
reasons why we think that a guy really wants us,
(22:59):
when in reality we all know when a guy really
actually wants us. It's an inexplicable feeling. Almost. It doesn't
feel like a cat and mouse game. Where does he
like me? I mean, I can't tell did he mean
it when he said this? And this person is talking
about how you guys have an amazing time together, and
(23:23):
you are so fun and you're fabulous, and you guys
have all this great chemistry. Well, that's good for you
because that doesn't mean anything to me, and it shouldn't
mean anything to you either, because chemistry can honestly be
with I don't want to say anyone, but it can
be with multiple people. You can have chemistry with a
(23:45):
lot of people, and it doesn't even have to be
romantic chemistry. It could be just as friends. You guys
have chemistry as friends. Right, There's going to be many
people in your life that you meet, that you connect
with and that you have chemistry with. But what is
that actually mean? The word play? You have to be
(24:05):
really intelligent to catch on to the word play that
guys use. It's a lot of nothing. A lot of
the time I find that if we are searching for
whether or not something is there, you already lost me.
I don't want to have to question anything. You should
(24:25):
not have to question anything. Is there something there? Yeah?
You know what's there? Your common sense in his hands,
because it's not in your brain. That's what's there. Keep
your dignity, understand what's happening, and progress from that and
actually progress from that. No more justifying why these guys
(24:51):
are doing what they're doing. No more. It ends. Listen, babe,
summer is around the corner. Fall in love with that man.
I saw this on Instagram. It was great. It said,
do not fall in love with that man. He doesn't
love you. In fact, he barely even likes you. And
(25:12):
I know that's such a hard concept to grasp, But
what do I always say? Men compartmentalize. They can like
you a little bit, love the next chick like the
other chick's body, and be with all three of you
for all different reasons, and not even think twice when
he's with either of you about the other girl. It's
(25:33):
just how they're wired. And you're probably asking yourself if
you're someone that's in a situationship. I don't understand why
he's even with the other girl. What is he seeing her? Convenience? Comfort?
He can predict all of her moves. This is not
a strong girl. I mean strong girls, quality queens don't
(25:57):
do things like that what she's doing. Don't become her.
That's that's the best thing you can do is to
not become her. Don't try to outwin her in the race,
because she will always be there. And I hate to
say it, she's pathetic. Pick me's are pathetic, And it's okay,
(26:18):
We've all probably been pathetic at some point in our lives.
Just don't keep doing it right when you truly understand
your power and your value. This is using. It probably
abused and sounds so cliche, but it really is an
inexplicable feeling. You will leave whoever treats you subpar because
(26:41):
you know that you don't need to put up with that,
because what one won't one will always. So if this
guy doesn't think you're special and he's treating you like
you're basic, who cares what he thinks? I mean, honestly,
he has bad judgment anyway, clearly has bad taste. He's
not with you, duh, start over, don't repeat your mistakes,
(27:03):
don't play victim. The only closure that you need to
know is that he's not the one. It's really that simple.
I mean, you will move through people so much faster
when you start filtering these things out. I mean, it's
innate to me now where I filter things out, And
I'm like, okay, I know what that is. Answer, you know,
I know how to approach situation, deal with it accordingly,
(27:27):
And all in all, who even wants someone that doesn't
even want you, who wants a guy that they have
to always feel like they're working to get their attention,
working to get clarity and some sort of answer to
figure out how this guy feels. I don't care how
you feel, because I already know that the second I
(27:52):
find myself questioning your feelings, I'm in the wrong place.
It is as basic as that clearcut. So don't sell
yourself short anymore. Understand that these harsh truths are harsh
for a reason, but they are here to help you.
(28:13):
We are not about victimization here on this channel at all.
And it's okay if you make mistakes. What's not okay
is repeating your mistakes. Okay, So, my beautiful angels, thank
you so much for watching this video. I know that
it is a bit lengthy. I mean I haven't uploaded
(28:33):
a lengthy video in a while. And also, again, do
not forget to check my description box that you guys
can see the details about this hair. And with that
being said, I love me and God loves me, and
I'll see you guys
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.