Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
So because guys are able to look at things from
an objective perspective, they're able to separate, of course, logic
and emotion. So, with that being said, when you approach
him with the fact that you're upset about your current
relationship status or lack thereof, and he's answering nonchalantly and
(00:25):
feeling blindsided, saying wait, like where is this coming from?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Like come on, like we were doing good, like we
were doing well. What happened all of.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
A sudden and you're just like, I'm just start being
cheated like this, like all this stuff.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
He's looking at you like, I don't get it.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
We were doing fun, like you were accepting every of
everything that was going on.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Because as long.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
As you don't bring up anything which has to be
established in the beginning, then.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
He's just going to keep on keeping on.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
So at this point, now that you're upset and you
feel like you're tired of waiting around for him to
finally choose you, you know, for him to finally make
a commitment to you, for him to finally figure out
what it is that he wants.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
To do.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
To him, it's like, all right, well, I don't know
why you're being so emotional about it because in my head,
I already checked off that box of I already knew
what you were I already made the decision that you
weren't going to be my girlfriend, whether it was conscious
or not. One of my favorite quotes that Steve Harvey
(01:36):
said was you were either being played with or planned with. Really,
actually think about that, because it's one of the two.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
There is no other option.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
So again, when you sort of are in a you know,
a state of emotional distress and you're approaching a guy
or starting to act funny and giving him this silent
treatment or acting weird, he will be confused. And that's
not to say that some guys don't know what they're doing,
because they do. But a lot of the times guys
(02:14):
will feel blindsided by your sudden change of behavior or
your sudden interest in taking things to the next level
after a while, because in their mind, they've already placed
you where they wanted to place you, and by that
time it's kind of like, okay, well, I'm assuming she
already knows what's up and she's already accepting of you
(02:37):
know what is So by that time they already got
all that they needed to get from you.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
So whether you say, whether you go, it doesn't really
make that much of a difference.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
And that's why guys are able to play it so
cool when you're trying to make a departure to get
them to care, and they are not really showing any
sort of emotion or an emotion of wanting to fight
for you in any way because you're not really connected
(03:09):
to their emotions. They didn't invest anything in you. So,
you know, sex just happens to be one of the
added benefits. Men will compartmentalize you into emotional unloading cleaning lady,
pretend wife, laundry lady, you know, and even mommy number
two better have.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
A home cooked meal when I get home because that's
what my mom always us to do. Oh really, Oh okay,
well we are not together really at all. Here.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I am cooking for you, cleaning for you, doing laundry
for you, like you're my man. You're not my man
in hopes of you being my man, and you are
still not my man.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Do you Ladies see why that's wrong? Because it's kind of.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Like, why buy something now that you've been getting for free.
It's like, well, this is great if I can get
her to do this much.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
By time she figures out that.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
She's doing a lot, I will be ready to move
on to the next prospect. And that is why, like
I said, guys are able to move on so quickly
from a lot of us because they were never emotionally
invested anyway.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Does that make sense? So when you guys ask me,
I don't know how he was able to get over.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Things this fast and things of that nature, it's because
there was a role you were fulfilling. There was a
compartment that you were in. It wasn't in the wife
or the girlfriend, and you fulfill that role for your
designated time until you finally came to the realization that
you were short changed.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
And now he's going to move on.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
And yes, it's very possible that men will expect you
or you get into the he of always fulfilling these
different duties, okay, and they will still refuse to be
monogamous after all of these things, after you showing that
you are the souldier to cry on, after you showing
that you can hold him down and pay for dinner sometimes,
(05:17):
after you showing him that you'll go half and half
on the bills, after you taking him around, letting him
use your car so he can go to his boy's house,
or so he can you know, run errands and go
to game, stop.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Whatever. And also understand.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
If he's not using you to fulfill all of these roles,
he may be using you to fulfill one of these
roles and to get the other desires fulfilled.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
He has other girls in his roster.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
The girl that lets him borrow his car, the girl
that you know consistently comes over at any time of
the night that he may ask and expect nothing in return,
the girl that cooks for him okay, the girl that
he may flirt with in the office.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Everyone is fulfilling a different role in his life.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
So yes, men do love a challenge, and not in
an attitude or nagging way.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Because delivery is everything. You can say something like, well,
I just want to know, like what am I to you?
Like what do you want? Or you can say I
want to know what we are? What do you want?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Because I'm tired of coming over here doing all this
stuff for you. I'm not getting anything in return, like
what are you trying to do? Delivery is everything, and
a lot of the times when we've gone too far,
we then want to start reaching out for help.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Oh my god, Asha, do you think I can like
fix the situation?
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Like I've been with this for two years and he
never really said we were boyfriend and girlfriend, but he
said that it's just because he was trying to establish
himself and get his life together. Oh my god, Asha, help,
I've been with this guy for five years and he's
always dating other girls. I found dating apps on his phone,
(07:19):
and every time I try to bring something up, he
just says, you know what, if you want better, you
should go find better because you deserve more.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
And I get so hurt.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
When he says that, because I just feel like he's
disposing of me and throwing me away. But it just
sucks because when we're together, everything feels great. A lot
of the times, guys will tell you what it is
that they really want, but were you listening. Sometimes it's
so much of a hit to our ego that it's
(07:53):
like no, no, no, no, nout.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
He couldn't mean that.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
No, but like he couldn't actually mean that, because no,
I don't think so, and it's and it's like, no, actually.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yeah, they did mean that.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
If a guy literally says to you after you're trying
to establish some sort of you know, commitment from him,
which is crazy, the fact that you know even has
to really be pushed on you know him to begin with.
It's like you already know the truth deep down. You're
bringing it up because you don't feel like it's really happening.
(08:30):
You're bringing it up because you're not sure what's going
on when you do these things and you don't realize
that you've been doing too much, or you try to
oversell yourself. Whether it's conscious or not, we're all guilty
of it at some point in our lives. Wonder why
you all of a sudden feel empty and all these things.
(08:52):
It's because you gave and gave and gave freely without
receiving anything in return. Really, besides what sleeping over here
and there and you have someone to cuddle with at.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Night here and there? What was the.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Actual benefit of that relationship that you were trying to establish.
How can you now establish anything soluble or try to
switch up the game and become a challenge all of
a sudden, when too much time has elapsed. He's been
getting all the benefits for free. You're emotionally invested. Now,
(09:31):
you can't just all of a sudden pull out just
like that, without going through the whole process of trying
to understand why and feeling like you are dumb for
putting up with this for so long and not understanding
why you didn't see this sooner.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
That's the problem.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
You did see it sooner, and you chose to ignore
it actively. If you are self aware, okay, you really
start to first point the finger at yourself then other people,
because you have to understand what was my role.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
In this situation? Why I got this outcome instead.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Of I don't get why he doesn't want me like no,
aside from him being an idiot?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
What was your role?
Speaker 1 (10:21):
What did you do that made him feel like I
don't really have to, you know, move on with this
In the pursuit of this relationship, what did you do?
Did you not set boundaries from the beginning? Did you
not focus on what his intention might have been? Did
you ignore all the signs in the beginning of what
(10:43):
he said when he said he wasn't ready for a relationship.
Did you somehow think you could change his mind? Did
you somehow think that by doing all of these wife
duties for him that you were going to show him
what kind of woman you are?
Speaker 2 (10:58):
So he can he cannot refuse use the offer? Did
it work?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Name a time where it's worked, because it hasn't and
it won't.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Because just like.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
How for men, it's natural to protect, profess, and provide,
Like Steve Harvey said, it's natural for women to be nurturing.
So you don't really need to show him that you're
capable of doing those things when he doesn't even deserve
it anyways.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
So understand this. You overqualified for your current.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Role, meaning this, you were single, faithful to a single
man who compartmentalized you as just someone that he's having
fun with, and you know you're a great person, but
he doesn't really know what he wants right now.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
He does know what he wants right now, and it's
not you.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
When we're with someone, especially men, they know when they
really want to be with someone and they move fast
when they want to. So don't ever buy that excuse.
Your role was simply just the friend. You were doing
wife things, girlfriend things. Overqualified for your role, You were
way above your pay grade.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
What was the payoff?
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Heartbreak, emptiness, sadness, regret. So the next question becomes, how
do you get in to the right compartment or you know,
be taken seriously. You have to one learn your role
(12:40):
and by the way, you guys should watch my video
I posted on playing your role. Understand your roles that
you can act accordingly. You have to understand men stay
when they've invested something, time, money, emotions. If you are
not touching any of these three, they're going to effortlessly
(13:01):
walk away from you. Because men do not fall in
love by what you do for them. They fall in
love by what they do for you.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
So please understand that, ladies, that it's not about you
constantly doing, doing doing for him to show him why
he should stay with you or choose you. It's about
how much he is willing to do for you and
invest in you in order for him to reach that
(13:36):
compartment of where he wants to stick around and progress
with you into being his girlfriend, into or you know,
or the next level in relationships. What makes things work
is a natural, healthy progression. If things are not progressing anywhere,
(13:57):
there's a reason for that. And a lot of times,
you guys have to understand that you're not blindsided by
many of these things. You were just ignoring the signs
along the way.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Because people always kind of show you who they are.
At some point, it's just did you take heed or not?
Speaker 1 (14:18):
And this is why it's important to not act on consequence.
Don't wait till it's too late, till you have no option,
till you feel so down that you decide that you're done.
So what The only way out of this situation that
(14:38):
you don't already like is to wait around for him
to give you a greater reason to leave. Decide what
it is that you want, so angel is. That is
the end of this video. Thank you guys so much
for hanging out with me. I really appreciate it. I
knew that I wanted to start out this video jumping
(15:01):
right into it instead of doing an intro in the
beginning of the video like I normally do, because if
I was watching a part two of something, I would
want it to go like that.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Be sure to subscribe to this channel if you have not.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Already, and also follow me on Instagram, which will be
right here, and make sure that your post notifications are
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Speaker 2 (15:23):
I love you and God loves you. Nlce you Angels.
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