December 19, 2025 • 40 mins
Ever caught yourself justifying why he only calls after 10 PM? Or why you’ve never met his friends… in two years?
Girl, let’s talk about it. On this episode of Quality Queen Control, we’re asking the uncomfortable question: Are YOU accidentally the side chick?
Spoiler: A lot of powerful, driven women end up here — not because we’re naive, but because we’re busy winning everywhere else and let dating slide into low-effort territory.
I’m breaking down the red flags you’re probably excusing, the mindset traps keeping you stuck, and the non-negotiable moves that upgrade you from “secret” to “sole priority.”
It’s time to stop auditioning for a role he’s already cast someone else in.
Your crown is waiting.
Girl, let’s talk about it. On this episode of Quality Queen Control, we’re asking the uncomfortable question: Are YOU accidentally the side chick?
Spoiler: A lot of powerful, driven women end up here — not because we’re naive, but because we’re busy winning everywhere else and let dating slide into low-effort territory.
I’m breaking down the red flags you’re probably excusing, the mindset traps keeping you stuck, and the non-negotiable moves that upgrade you from “secret” to “sole priority.”
It’s time to stop auditioning for a role he’s already cast someone else in.
Your crown is waiting.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Angels. Welcome back to my channel and for all of
my new subscribers, Hi, how are you? My name is Asha.
Very nice to meet you, and now I know you're
excited to hear this video, so let's just jump right
on into it.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Be sure to follow me on.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Instagram that'll be right here, of course, and also do
not forget to subscribe to this channel if you have
not already, and also click the bell notifications that you're
notified every single time that I post, and be sure
to watch this video all the way to the end
so that I know that you are a true supporter
and that you are a part of the eighteen. So
without further ado, let's get RM toy this video. Hello, Hello, Hello, attention, Yes,
(00:42):
this is another chit chat video.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Are you being used? Are you a side check?
Speaker 1 (00:50):
This video, guys, is extremely important because a lot of girls,
obviously everyone's not going to say it, are in this
situation right now as we speak. I'm going to start
out this video by saying everything that I'm explaining just
goes to show how different men are from women, whether
(01:12):
that's physiologically, biologically, all of the above, whatever the case is, Men,
unlike women, are capable of liking you just.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
A little bit.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I've seen this in multiple instances in my life. This
is why men are capable of having relationships outside of
their actual relationship, their committed relationship for years, months, however
long because they are capable of loving who they're with
(01:47):
and keeping you right where you are in your lane.
And the only time it ever even becomes long term
is because, of course, the fact that it's long term
clearly means that by now you know that they have
a girlfriend, you know that they have a wife, and
they know hmm, okay, well she already stayed this long,
so nothing's really going to make a difference. She's going
(02:08):
to stay in her lane and I get to do
whatever I want to do. Men are capable of liking
you just enough, but not enough to leave who they're
with to be with you. Let that really resonate in
your head. For instance, how do you know if you're
the side chick. Let's say you have no idea? Well, inconsistency.
(02:30):
He doesn't even have to necessarily be in a relationship
to be inconsistent with you.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
For all purposes.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
For this video, this is a good example inconsistency. With
texting you you notice that he texts you more frequently
during certain times than others, meaning specifically, on weekends he
magically becomes unavailable and barely texts you a word. But
as soon as Monday rolls back around, we're back into
(02:56):
the workflow of things. He's able to communicate with you
during the day much easier, maybe even at night he
is telling you, Hey, gonna head off to bed at
nine pm. We're gonna gonna head to bed at eight pm,
And it's like you just know, intuitively, like what, I'm
so sure you're going to bed at that time every
(03:16):
single day consistently that you're able to communicate with me
NonStop throughout the day, But as soon as that time hits,
or as soon as that or as soon as the
weekend hits, you become so unavailable like clockwork. That's a
clear indication that he's in some sort of serious commitment.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
The fact that he can.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Consistently be inconsistent with the same time schedule, does that
make sense?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
This also just goes.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
To show if you are someone that is a quality queen, right,
you're not going to put up with certain behavior, meaning
you're not going to not have boundaries, not have demands
on someone. It's very easy to become the side chick,
even if that wasn't even your intention, because you have
(04:05):
no demands on this person. You have no expectations, no requirements.
I name some of this in my last video of
being a quality queen. You put no expectations on this person.
You are definitely the perfect situation to be a side chick.
Why because if you're demanding little to nothing, that's perfect
(04:28):
because he's only gonna give you little to nothing. It
goes hand in hand. And obviously it's a perfect situation
because if you're not asking for a lot, they don't
even have to give a lot. And in their heads
they're justifying it, saying, you know, I'm not really doing
anything really that wrong, because it's not like I'm I
(04:50):
love this girl. I don't love this girl because maybe
that would be cheating. I feel like men, because they
naturally always have a wondering eye. I feel like to them,
they define official cheating sometimes as the emotional investment, because
normally when women cheat, not all the time, but some
there is any there is an emotional investment, which is
(05:13):
why women tend to be better cheaters or better at
hiding it or it hurts men more when women cheat,
but when men cheat, it's more socially acceptable or they
feel like it's justifiable in their heads because it's like, Babe,
I still.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Love you, I still want to be with you.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
I just have urges and I wanted to just bang
this girl real quick, but this has no effect on
our relationship whatsoever at all.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I just want you to know that.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
I feel like sometimes some men justify them cheating as
being okay because they're not emotionally attached to this person.
It's solely a physical connection, and that's just not how
it goes. Anything that you cannot do in front of
your partner willingly is cheating. If you're hiding information, Omitting
(06:04):
information can still be classified sometimes as lying, depending on
the situation. Omitting in a relationship, especially in a committed
relationship where someone is.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Your girlfriend and your wife.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Omitting information in that type of situation is lying. As
we know, men people in general want to manipulate or
control the narrative of how you see things so that
you can't get any sort of outside opinion. I was
reading a DM that I got from a girl, and
she was explaining to me that she is seeing this guy.
(06:43):
But he told her to tell no one about their
breakup because he still cares about her.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
YadA, YadA, YadA.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
But really he's just trying to control the narrative because
he doesn't want her to have any sort of outside
opinion to expose his actions and how unfairly he's treating her.
And I'm talking about when you know that you're a
(07:10):
side chick now, you know, because just because we know
that McDonald's isn't good for us doesn't mean that we're
not gonna eat it. It's like, oh, but it's so good.
And now you have this emotional attachment to this person.
You know, more than likely you're sleeping with this person already,
and it's like, darn, you know, I really do like
him still. I know he has a girlfriend, but I
(07:32):
don't know. I mean, maybe there's some sort of hope.
Maybe no, there is none. Becoming involved with someone that
is emotionally and physically unavailable. You're just living for stolen moments.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
What is that about?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
When you go home and you take inventory of your day,
does it make you feel good at night when you're
just like, I love that he took me to get
ice cream today, or he took me to this nice restaurant.
But now I know that when he goes home, he's
going to go home to his girlfriend. He's going to
go home to his wife. I mean, you're in the
worst position possible. You really are, because you are the
(08:12):
person that's getting the shorter end of the stick. You're
the person that knows everything, and he knows you know everything,
and he's thinking, Wow, you know everything and you're still here.
This is great. I can really do whatever I want.
He's not respecting you, thinking wow, she's a great girl.
She accepts all that I come with. I can't wait
(08:34):
to leave my girlfriend for her. I can't wait to
leave my.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Wife for her.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
That's not normally how it goes. I'm sorry, sweetie, it doesn't.
Wishing on a hope and waiting for this guy to
maybe see your worth is a huge gamble because nine
times out of ten, men that have side relationships are
not trying to change their stable situation. The independ variable
(09:01):
in the situation would be the girlfriend or the wife.
That's the independent variable, meaning that is that is the
that is the thing in the situation that will not change.
Whether you try to make him so happy by doing
everything he says, and yesing him to death and always
(09:23):
being at his beckoning call. You are not by any
means showing him that you're worthy of him leaving.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
His situation for.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
The respect. Really hate to break it to you is tarnished.
It's done. Doesn't mean he's going to disrespect you per se,
but he's not going to really respect you that much
because you know what he's doing. He knows what he's doing.
You're accepting the situation. It's like, like, what do you
really expect from someone that's doing something like that, and
(09:55):
you're still choosing to entertain them and hang out with
them and wish on hope that maybe he'll pull the
trigger and be with you. The reason why this is
so important because you know, I have girls of all
ages on this channel. The older that you are, you know,
(10:17):
our bodies are on a time clock. And if you're
someone that's in your thirties and you want to settle
down and you want to have children, this stuff really
doesn't fly because you are trying to create a family
or something serious with someone that is involved with someone else,
(10:38):
and then, god forbid.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
You do have a child with this person.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Now we have a bigger situation now you who is
in charge of yourself.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
You just created a.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Situation where now you're breaking up someone's family, You're having
a child. You put yourself in a position to have
a child with someone who is unavailable. That doesn't make
any sense, and you need to understand that and take
responsibility for that. And I hate to even bring this
up because personally I am a fan of the Kardashians.
(11:10):
I like the Kardashians a lot. But to me, Chloe
being thirty four expecting a twenty seven year old NBA
player to commit to her after when she got with
him he was having a baby with someone else, to me,
just doesn't make sense. How did you think that was
(11:32):
gonna work, Chloe? Did you think you were going to
sail off into the sunset and it was going to
be just rainbows and smiles. What did you really expect
from that situation? How can you rightfully so justify in
your head? Okay, I know this guy was seeing someone
else and he's having a baby with her. The baby
(11:54):
I don't even think was born yet when they got together.
I think it was actually about I think the girl
he was with she was about to have the baby,
and then they got together, and.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
It really is the truth.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
At the end of the day. Sometimes how you get
him is how you lose them. You can't enter into
a situation with infidelity, lies and deceit, sneaking and cheating
and expect to be with that person in self into
the sunset.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
It doesn't work like that.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Has it worked ever in life, maybe because everything is circumstantial,
But eventually all it does is uproot mora, lies and
deceit within you and that other person, especially, like I said,
for all of my subscribers that are older, the side
chick stuff has got to stop. You have to love
(12:45):
yourself and know that you're worth more than being someone's
second option or someone's potential option, or maybe it's just
potential in your head. In his eyes, you're just there.
You're a good friend. You don't hold any significant place.
You have to understand that when you step into situations,
(13:08):
you should be looking at it as what am I
getting from this person?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
And it sounds selfish, but.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Initially men are dating, they're not instantly thinking majority of
the time, all right, this is gonna be my girlfriend.
I know that I want this to happen. The first
thing that they're thinking of is what do I have
to do? How long do I have to wait to
get in her pants? What do I need to invest
to get that? So you need to think about what
are you getting from this situation? That's what you need
(13:40):
to think about. If you are someone that is the
side chick currently, you need to think about what am
I really getting here? I was watching this I am
currently watching this show called Doctor Foster on Netflix and
I'm only what four episodes in it amazing, and it's
(14:01):
basically about a man who was cheating on his wife.
The wife found out simply by accident. She was rushing
to go to work. She couldn't find her scarf, so
he gave her his scarf. When she got to work
and hung her coat up on the door handle, she
noticed a long blonde hair and then it was just
(14:22):
like a spiraling intuition of oh my gosh, my husband's
cheating on me. Inevitably, she did find evidence. She found
out he was with this young girl for two years.
She didn't even know the affair was that long. She
thought it lasted for maybe three months, and everyone knew
but her, and the girl became pregnant, and he is
(14:47):
saying he's in love with both of them. I think
all of you guys should watch that show. It is
very realistic and really good, really really good. The point
is why I'm bringing that up is the girl who
became pregnant is getting the short end of the stick.
She was wishing on a hope that yes, this man
(15:08):
may be in love with me, but not enough still
to leave his wife.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Because it's not easy to just.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Rip a future from your child, break the home up
for your child.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Because of an adult decision that you made.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
It's not easy to just do that when from a
man's perspective, why can't we just kind of keep things
as they are till the day we die and no
one will ever have to know?
Speaker 2 (15:37):
How can you?
Speaker 1 (15:38):
How are you setting yourself up to make demands when
you're not in the most respectable position to begin with.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
You can just see what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
It's kind of like, this is a completely different situation,
but it's kind of like stealing something from the store
and you get booked and you go to jail, and
it's like, oh, can you put me in like a
nicer cell because I really don't want to be, you know,
with everyone else, And this is my first offense with stealings.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
So I'm really a nice person.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I'm a good person, but I just really feel like
I should be in like a different cell, you know,
by myself, something a little nicer and more accommodating. It's like, Okay,
you broke the law and you want special accommodations. You're
not in a position to request anything at all.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
You're just not And especially the further along you.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Let this happen, and you let this fester, you are,
the chances of you actually getting a relationship from this person,
I'm sorry is zero. I'm sorry, it's absolutely zero to
begin with. How can you even tell if a guy
is serious about being in a relationship with you? Well, one,
(16:51):
he's consistent, and two you see that he's taking actions,
consistent actions and heading towards being in a monogamous, committed
relationship with you. That's how you can tell if he
really wants to be with you. But he can't really
do that now, can he? If he is barely texting
(17:12):
you and you know it intuitively, and you realize his
texting patterns and his availability is limited to a certain
amount of hours, you know the truth. Come on, I
don't think that enough of us understand the significance of time.
Time is so important because, like I've said in previous videos,
(17:37):
you can make money back, you can change your appearance
if you want. All of these things changeable, fixable, but
your time you cannot ever get back. Don't waste your
time wishing and hoping. It's easier said than done. I
get that, but you have to do it because there
(17:58):
will never be a good time to not pull the cord.
There's never going to be a perfect day and situation
where you're just like, you know what, today's the day
that I end things with you. I don't want this anymore. Sorry,
today was the day I felt It's like, there's never
it's because it's not an easy thing to do, So
it's never going to be a right time to do
(18:21):
that type of right thing. There just isn't. Then love
to have their cake and eat it too. If they
can be with you and then have their girlfriend on
the side or their wife, their stable, you know, environment,
it boosts their ego. It's like, oh my gosh, wow,
this is I'm living life.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I get to go home to my wife, be.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
The picture perfect husband, be the great boyfriend to everyone,
and I still get to do whatever I want. And
this girl, this friend of mine, she accepts all the terms.
I mean, honestly, she's a great pal. They're not thinking, oh,
I love this girl accepting all the terms that I
come with, because at the end of the day, it's
hard to hear. But it's not a respectable position to
(19:06):
be in. It's muddy, and it's muddy for a reason.
It's not respectable for a reason. That's why they naturally
innately don't want to be with you for a reason.
You're not in a position to get something like that.
You don't get to win their heart by stealing it
from someone else. And I say stealing, you know, figuratively,
(19:31):
because some can argue, well, a guy can't be stolen
if he was never really anyone else's anyway. Okay, that's fair,
you can argue that. But the point is you're getting
this short end of the stick. He is committed to
somebody else. He doesn't want to be with you. If
he did, he would you might think hooking up with
(19:51):
him or however long, is going to eventually make him
leave his girlfriend. Doing everything he wants you to do,
filling all his knee, all his desires. Yeah, that'll show
him he's really gonna want me. Now, who wouldn't want this? Yeah,
he's still going to stay with who he's with because
it doesn't matter because at the end of the day,
(20:12):
why ruin.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
The situation outside of your feelings.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Understand that there's another life that he has with somebody
else that you are literally ruining.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
It's not even just them too.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
There's family involved, friends involved, and you're No matter how
you enter into the situation, it's never gonna be easy
to talk about because more questions are gonna come up.
If he actually were to even leave his girlfriend or
leave his wife for you, everyone's going to say, well,
(20:47):
when did this start?
Speaker 2 (20:48):
How long has this been going on?
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Eventually it'll come out that you guys were in some
sort of affair anyway, and you will be disliked solely
for that reason. Anyway, no one's going to welcome me
with open arms given the circumstances. It just doesn't work
like that when you stay with someone that you know
has a girlfriend. Because now we're talking about the fact
that you know he has a girlfriend. You accepted these
(21:12):
silent terms. You basically signed an agreement that you accept
all he's coming with, which means you do not get
to have any expectations, any demands on your end, because
you already know the situation and you chose to stay.
And I can assure you it is not your job
(21:32):
to show in emotionally unavailable man who's in a committed
relationship what he's missing.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
That is not your job.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
This is not some sort of silent competition of yeah, well,
let me just keep showing that I'm better than the
girl that he's with. If you were, he would have
left her by now. He's not leaving for a reason.
He doesn't want to, and he does want you. Even
though you feel like you're blowing his mind, it's just
(22:05):
that it's just blowing his mind. Great, then he goes
home to who he really wants to be with. And
this sounds crazy, but men are very capable of doing
things like this, that's the thing. They are very capable
of loving who they're with, wife or girlfriend and still
cheating and not wanting anything to change about that. And yes,
(22:31):
you can definitely argue that that person is selfish. Of course,
you can definitely argue that you can't make an excuse saying, oh, well,
he's unhappy anyway, and she's you know, she only cares about.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Herself and all this stuff.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Okay, of course he's going to tell you all these things.
If he were to tell you that, you know, my
girlfriend's great, my wife is great, you're going to literally
want to not see him anymore because you're just gonna think,
oh my gosh, I'm literally ruining someone's family.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Why am I here?
Speaker 1 (23:03):
If you have someone that you love and that is
great and you're cheating with me, you're going to want
to pull the cord. But if he paints a picture
that she's not really that fulfilling, or you know, things
just don't work out, because that's a very vague term.
He doesn't have to get into depth, especially if there
(23:25):
really is nothing wrong. He doesn't have to get into depth.
Things just you know, don't work out. You know, we
just kind of, you know, grew apart.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
At the moment you.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Feel like, oh wow, this is a niche for me.
I can fulfill a duty here. I have some sort
of purpose here.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
No, you don't.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
And unfortunately he doesn't owe you anything because you know everything. Now,
what more does he have to prove to you? Does
it feel good that you have to sneak around that
you have to text him at certain times, email him
at certain times, you know, hide when you're going to
(24:05):
certain places, travel far away from your city to go
meet up with him because you can't be seen in
your immediate city. Does that feel good? Does that feel
like a legitimate relationship? Does that feel like a relationship
with lots of possibility and hope? Does it in regards
again to what you're getting in return? If you take
(24:28):
inventory of you being in this position, and you see
and analyze what you're getting, you're getting nothing.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
You're getting wishes.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
And hopes and a lot of it in your own head.
And on his end, he's getting to bang you with
the best possible circumstance because you know everything, He has
nothing to even hide to you, and yet you're still
hiding with him. Friends with benefits situations do not blossom.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Into relationships a lot of the time.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Does it happen, maybe, but specifically friends who benefits relationships
that start with infidelity do not blossom into happy relationships
by no means. Please understand that and let that resonate.
I don't care what lie you're trying to convince yourself of.
How much you know about his girlfriend and how horrible
(25:30):
she is or his wife, whatever the situation is. You
look really pathetic, you really do. And you will not
get happy ending with this man. You won't letting someone
sample you over and over and over again in hopes
that maybe he'll see your worth. This is not even
(25:51):
a guarantee. This is maybe he'll see your worth. So
all you're doing is proving, proving, proving, give and give
and giving, trying to show hello, like okay, any day now,
maybe he'll see I'm the right one. He should just
be with me, drop her, be with me. And there's
something that when you're in that type of situation, there's
(26:14):
like a really blind ignorance that follows those types of situations,
especially with us as woman. It's like really blinding ignorance
where it's like you start to ration out all the
possibilities of how it can work when logically it is
impossible and unrealistic without extreme collateral damage to the effect
(26:36):
of never even having a standing chance of being with
this person after all the dust has settled. Does that
make sense? And I know a lot of the times
we also tell ourselves in this delusion of okay, but
you don't understand this situation is like different. This situation
is different this time, it's not different. Cheating is nothing new.
(26:58):
It's nothing new any different. Your situation is not unique
at all. I'm sorry, it's not. At the end of
the day, if he wanted to be with you, he
would be with you instead of constantly complaining over and
over again about his girlfriend or his wife that he
can't stand or he grew apart from. Especially if there's
children involved, forget about it. Forget about it, especially even
(27:24):
more if the children are young. But if there are
no children, that doesn't mean that it's going to be
any easier. He still just probably doesn't want to leave
the person that he's with. He created a life with
this person, spend X amount of time with this person.
Is he's not ready to give it up yet? And
if he does, it's not gonna be with you. It's
not gonna be with a girl who let him cheat
(27:46):
while he was with the girl he's currently with. Why
would any guy choose to do that? That doesn't make
any sense, do you think about that? And I would
be very cautious because even for myself, I would never
enter into a situation expecting to stay off into the
sunset with somebody that acts like this, because more times
than none, it didn't start with you. You're not the
first one, and if it did, it's not gonna end
(28:09):
with you. This person is selfish and clearly just wants.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Whatever they want.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Whether that's from you another person, it doesn't matter. They're
going to want to keep this sort of dynamic up
because men can, and as long as they can get
away with it, they will. If the situation were explained
to you before you even entered it, would you have
gotten into this relationship to be in this position to
just hurt yourself over and over again.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
It's self sabotaging. That's what it is.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
If somebody were to say, hey, girl, you're going to
meet this guy on your job, or you're going to
meet this guy at the grocery store, or you're gonna
meet this guy at Starbucks and he's going to be married,
or he's going to have a serious girlfriend that he's
been with for the last two and a half years,
and you're going to end up in an affair with him.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
You're going to cry.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
You're going to cry a lot of nights because you're
gonna wish that he would just break up with his girlfriend.
Or that he will just divorce his wife and you're
never gonna see that day. Would you have entered into
the situation then, so why are you doing it now?
Like why are you continuing? Doesn't make any sense. Men
(29:22):
that enter into situations with side chicks do it because
side chicks make it easy. They have no boundaries, no
demands on them whatsoever, and it's easy and they can.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
So they do it. There's different things for different people.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Some girls are very comfortable with being a side chick,
and some even have the audacity to pride themselves in
being the side chick. And I think that that just
highlights an insecurity in them that they feel like they
can't get anything on their own. They like to take
from something else, remove from another situation, and it makes
(30:01):
them feel good like they won, they got it. Try
doing that on your own, Try doing that with someone
that's actually available and someone that's free.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
That's real winning.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
And in regards to even leaving the situation, it may
not always be easy to just leave. It's not an
easy conversation to have, and it's heartbreaking when you have
to force yourself to do the right thing sometimes, especially
after you've endured such a long time with this person,
and you do have a bond with this person, you
(30:34):
feel and painted a picture in your head that this
kind of is your boyfriend, but it's your secret. You're
his secret. Do you deserve to be someone's secret? Especially
the older you get it. It's a little juvenile, it
really is, in my opinion. He's not gonna just let
(30:56):
you walk away that easily. He's gonna try and pull
and hug a little. Come on, are you sure you
want to do this?
Speaker 2 (31:02):
You're sure? You just want to end things?
Speaker 1 (31:03):
You know, everything was working out so great for us,
Like why even bother? And it's clearly because you want
more and he cannot give you more. He cannot give
you more. So instead of even promising all right, I'm
gonna leave her or I'm gonna do this, he'll just
say other things like, but we've been together for this long,
(31:25):
but why change anything? I know what you want, but
you know it's kind of hard. It's like it's a
little difficult for me at the moment. Just give me
more time, give me more time, only because not because
they really care and they want to be with you,
but solely for the simple fact that why change the situation?
That I'm in, I'm gonna have to start all over
again with someone else, go through the notions of explaining
(31:46):
to her that I have a girlfriend, or her finding
out that I have a girlfriend, or I have a wife,
and starting that all over again.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
It's like, why bother?
Speaker 1 (31:52):
When I could just stay where I am and everyone
knows their respective place.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
You know the rules, you follow the rules. Why bother?
Speaker 1 (32:01):
So don't look at it as oh my gosh, you
really must want me because he is kind of checking
on me still and seeing how I'm doing after I
tried to end things and he does seem like he
wants to see me again. No, he doesn't. He just
wants to bang you again. That was the terms of
this relationship. He never approached you saying he's looking for
a girlfriend. You just stepped into this signing a silent
(32:25):
agreement of I'm going to be the side chick getting
no benefits while he reaps all the benefits. And he's
not emotionally attached to you really whatsoever, because his heart
is with somebody else. He can sleep very well at
night knowing he doesn't have to worry about you or
what you're doing because he thinks, hey, you get it.
(32:47):
You know what I'm doing over here. I'm with someone.
Keep yourself busy till I get there. That's what he's
thinking in his head. And you're crying at night. Oh
my god, I just I don't know what to do.
This is so hard. It's not easy. I can imagine that,
but it has to be done, and certain things have
to be done.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
As an adult, we have certain consequences.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
We have to accept the consequences of the decisions that
we make. I really wish that a lot of ladies
in life understood how many men there are on this earth,
because men sure never forget how many women there are
on this earth, how many other options they have that
they easily explore a lot of the times us as women,
(33:33):
because we get so emotionally attached and involved, we want
everything from this one person, doesn't matter how tacky they are,
how horrible they are from us. We tend to just
forget about every other person on the earth and think
it has to be this one man, when that's not
the case. There are tons of men all around the
(33:55):
world outside of your current country that you have not
even scen not even met yet, and you think that
one person that's not even doing right by you, that's
keeping you in the dark is for you or you
desire to be with them so eagerly and so bad
they were never honest with you in the beginning. Why
(34:18):
do you deserve dishonesty? Why?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
You know?
Speaker 1 (34:23):
And this is coming from someone like myself where I
really always wanted closure in any and every situation, friendship, relationship.
I always wanted closure, and it was very difficult for
me to understand and finally come to the conclusion that
I'm not always going to get the closure that I
feel like I deserve, or closure at all. And it's
(34:47):
important to understand that sometimes, yes, we are left piecing
together things all on our own, and it sucks, it
really does. But you have to think about it from
a logical standpoint. When you enter into something that was
messed up from the beginning, and you did have a
choice to make once you found out, and you chose
(35:09):
to stay instead, this is the repercussion of that losing
the guy, wasting your time, not getting closure. It was fun,
that's all it was for him. You have to think,
if this person can't even be faithful to their girlfriend
(35:30):
or their wife, what reason do I have to believe
that this person is going to be faithful to me.
If they can't even end things with the person that
they care about so much, then why would they do
that for me or with me?
Speaker 2 (35:47):
They're not.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
When you take inventory and you go home after hanging
out with that guy that you know has a girlfriend,
it's exhausting.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Trust me.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
It may seem all fun and games in the beginning,
like hah, yeah, I bet I'm gonna win this. I
bet I'm gonna get him to leave her, whatever the
case is. But in the end, you don't feel good
and you feel unworthy, devalued, disposable because you know he
can dump you and still be with her.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
It's not worth it, and life has a.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Funny way of getting you back karma per se. Let's
say that this guy does decide to hey, I'm gonna
leave my girlfriend or my wife for you, you will
never truly have peace of mind knowing that that's what
he did to get with you. What are you gonna
(36:45):
tell your friends when people say, oh, how'd you guys meet?
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Oh, we met at work and you know we were.
Speaker 1 (36:50):
Having an affair, and he you know, left his girlfriend,
his longtime girlfriend, He left his wife. Maybe a kid
he left also, and uh, yeah, yeah, we're great. Honestly,
we're glad we did it like that. We wouldn't have
done it any other way. No, life has a funny
way of making you pay for certain decisions that are
(37:12):
negative that you've done. And I believe that if there
were a possibility that that person were to decide to
be with you, I genuinely believe that you will eventually
start having the same exact issues that you gave the
other girl with the guy that you are with, Because
(37:34):
that's just life. And at the end of the day,
that man cheated, cheated to get with you, So what
reason do you have to believe that he's not going
to cheat on you to get with someone else. And
he knows that you once played the role of the
other girl, so maybe you won't mind just another time.
(37:54):
That's just how men think. All of that being said,
I want you late to understand that you are worth
more than being someone's potential option second best side chick.
You are better than this. If you were looking for
(38:16):
a sign here, it is let him go. It's not
worth it. It's not worth your peace of mind. It's
not worth having to take inventory of what he meant
or what you feel like he meant. At the end
of the night, it's not worth having to pretend like
you don't care when you do, and your feelings are
really hurt because you wish you never would have gotten
(38:38):
into this situation to begin with. It's not going to
be easy, but the right thing to do is to
just leave. And you know that, and don't even expect
to be friends immediately after. Be realistic, say what you
need to say, and block and delete him, ghost him completely,
(39:00):
because if you continue to leave that door open, he
will walk through it.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Don't even give him that room. Don't give him that
room at all. Let him go. Move on with your life.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Cry for a week, cry for two, cry for a
month if you have to, but do not continue on
with that behavior. The longer you wait, the longer you're
delaying your ability to meet someone that actually deserves you.
To meet someone that's actually available to give you what
you're worthy of, having, real emotional investment, someone to really
(39:39):
care for you and reciprocate the love that you are
trying to give.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
You deserve that.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
Okay, So, my angels, I really hope that you guys
enjoyed this video. I really felt it in my heart
to talk about this because I think aint that a
lot of women are in this type of situation and
they may be looking for a sign, or they may
be looking for a way out, or they're not really
(40:09):
sure what they should do because they're so deep into it.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
And here's your answer right here.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
So guys, of course, do not forget to subscribe if
you have not already.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
For more content like this.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Also, do not forget to turn on your post notifications
that you guys are notified every single time that I post,
And do not forget that I love you and God
loves you, and I'll see you guys in my next
video
Angels. Welcome back to my channel and for all of
my new subscribers, Hi, how are you? My name is Asha.
Very nice to meet you, and now I know you're
excited to hear this video, so let's just jump right
on into it.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Be sure to follow me on.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Instagram that'll be right here, of course, and also do
not forget to subscribe to this channel if you have
not already, and also click the bell notifications that you're
notified every single time that I post, and be sure
to watch this video all the way to the end
so that I know that you are a true supporter
and that you are a part of the eighteen. So
without further ado, let's get RM toy this video. Hello, Hello, Hello, attention, Yes,
(00:42):
this is another chit chat video.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Are you being used? Are you a side check?
Speaker 1 (00:50):
This video, guys, is extremely important because a lot of girls,
obviously everyone's not going to say it, are in this
situation right now as we speak. I'm going to start
out this video by saying everything that I'm explaining just
goes to show how different men are from women, whether
(01:12):
that's physiologically, biologically, all of the above, whatever the case is, Men,
unlike women, are capable of liking you just.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
A little bit.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I've seen this in multiple instances in my life. This
is why men are capable of having relationships outside of
their actual relationship, their committed relationship for years, months, however
long because they are capable of loving who they're with
(01:47):
and keeping you right where you are in your lane.
And the only time it ever even becomes long term
is because, of course, the fact that it's long term
clearly means that by now you know that they have
a girlfriend, you know that they have a wife, and
they know hmm, okay, well she already stayed this long,
so nothing's really going to make a difference. She's going
(02:08):
to stay in her lane and I get to do
whatever I want to do. Men are capable of liking
you just enough, but not enough to leave who they're
with to be with you. Let that really resonate in
your head. For instance, how do you know if you're
the side chick. Let's say you have no idea? Well, inconsistency.
(02:30):
He doesn't even have to necessarily be in a relationship
to be inconsistent with you.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
For all purposes.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
For this video, this is a good example inconsistency. With
texting you you notice that he texts you more frequently
during certain times than others, meaning specifically, on weekends he
magically becomes unavailable and barely texts you a word. But
as soon as Monday rolls back around, we're back into
(02:56):
the workflow of things. He's able to communicate with you
during the day much easier, maybe even at night he
is telling you, Hey, gonna head off to bed at
nine pm. We're gonna gonna head to bed at eight pm,
And it's like you just know, intuitively, like what, I'm
so sure you're going to bed at that time every
(03:16):
single day consistently that you're able to communicate with me
NonStop throughout the day, But as soon as that time hits,
or as soon as that or as soon as the
weekend hits, you become so unavailable like clockwork. That's a
clear indication that he's in some sort of serious commitment.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
The fact that he can.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Consistently be inconsistent with the same time schedule, does that
make sense?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
This also just goes.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
To show if you are someone that is a quality queen, right,
you're not going to put up with certain behavior, meaning
you're not going to not have boundaries, not have demands
on someone. It's very easy to become the side chick,
even if that wasn't even your intention, because you have
(04:05):
no demands on this person. You have no expectations, no requirements.
I name some of this in my last video of
being a quality queen. You put no expectations on this person.
You are definitely the perfect situation to be a side chick.
Why because if you're demanding little to nothing, that's perfect
(04:28):
because he's only gonna give you little to nothing. It
goes hand in hand. And obviously it's a perfect situation
because if you're not asking for a lot, they don't
even have to give a lot. And in their heads
they're justifying it, saying, you know, I'm not really doing
anything really that wrong, because it's not like I'm I
(04:50):
love this girl. I don't love this girl because maybe
that would be cheating. I feel like men, because they
naturally always have a wondering eye. I feel like to them,
they define official cheating sometimes as the emotional investment, because
normally when women cheat, not all the time, but some
there is any there is an emotional investment, which is
(05:13):
why women tend to be better cheaters or better at
hiding it or it hurts men more when women cheat,
but when men cheat, it's more socially acceptable or they
feel like it's justifiable in their heads because it's like, Babe,
I still.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Love you, I still want to be with you.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
I just have urges and I wanted to just bang
this girl real quick, but this has no effect on
our relationship whatsoever at all.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I just want you to know that.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
I feel like sometimes some men justify them cheating as
being okay because they're not emotionally attached to this person.
It's solely a physical connection, and that's just not how
it goes. Anything that you cannot do in front of
your partner willingly is cheating. If you're hiding information, Omitting
(06:04):
information can still be classified sometimes as lying, depending on
the situation. Omitting in a relationship, especially in a committed
relationship where someone is.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Your girlfriend and your wife.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Omitting information in that type of situation is lying. As
we know, men people in general want to manipulate or
control the narrative of how you see things so that
you can't get any sort of outside opinion. I was
reading a DM that I got from a girl, and
she was explaining to me that she is seeing this guy.
(06:43):
But he told her to tell no one about their
breakup because he still cares about her.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
YadA, YadA, YadA.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
But really he's just trying to control the narrative because
he doesn't want her to have any sort of outside
opinion to expose his actions and how unfairly he's treating her.
And I'm talking about when you know that you're a
(07:10):
side chick now, you know, because just because we know
that McDonald's isn't good for us doesn't mean that we're
not gonna eat it. It's like, oh, but it's so good.
And now you have this emotional attachment to this person.
You know, more than likely you're sleeping with this person already,
and it's like, darn, you know, I really do like
him still. I know he has a girlfriend, but I
(07:32):
don't know. I mean, maybe there's some sort of hope.
Maybe no, there is none. Becoming involved with someone that
is emotionally and physically unavailable. You're just living for stolen moments.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
What is that about?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
When you go home and you take inventory of your day,
does it make you feel good at night when you're
just like, I love that he took me to get
ice cream today, or he took me to this nice restaurant.
But now I know that when he goes home, he's
going to go home to his girlfriend. He's going to
go home to his wife. I mean, you're in the
worst position possible. You really are, because you are the
(08:12):
person that's getting the shorter end of the stick. You're
the person that knows everything, and he knows you know everything,
and he's thinking, Wow, you know everything and you're still here.
This is great. I can really do whatever I want.
He's not respecting you, thinking wow, she's a great girl.
She accepts all that I come with. I can't wait
(08:34):
to leave my girlfriend for her. I can't wait to
leave my.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Wife for her.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
That's not normally how it goes. I'm sorry, sweetie, it doesn't.
Wishing on a hope and waiting for this guy to
maybe see your worth is a huge gamble because nine
times out of ten, men that have side relationships are
not trying to change their stable situation. The independ variable
(09:01):
in the situation would be the girlfriend or the wife.
That's the independent variable, meaning that is that is the
that is the thing in the situation that will not change.
Whether you try to make him so happy by doing
everything he says, and yesing him to death and always
(09:23):
being at his beckoning call. You are not by any
means showing him that you're worthy of him leaving.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
His situation for.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
The respect. Really hate to break it to you is tarnished.
It's done. Doesn't mean he's going to disrespect you per se,
but he's not going to really respect you that much
because you know what he's doing. He knows what he's doing.
You're accepting the situation. It's like, like, what do you
really expect from someone that's doing something like that, and
(09:55):
you're still choosing to entertain them and hang out with
them and wish on hope that maybe he'll pull the
trigger and be with you. The reason why this is
so important because you know, I have girls of all
ages on this channel. The older that you are, you know,
(10:17):
our bodies are on a time clock. And if you're
someone that's in your thirties and you want to settle
down and you want to have children, this stuff really
doesn't fly because you are trying to create a family
or something serious with someone that is involved with someone else,
(10:38):
and then, god forbid.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
You do have a child with this person.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Now we have a bigger situation now you who is
in charge of yourself.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
You just created a.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Situation where now you're breaking up someone's family, You're having
a child. You put yourself in a position to have
a child with someone who is unavailable. That doesn't make
any sense, and you need to understand that and take
responsibility for that. And I hate to even bring this
up because personally I am a fan of the Kardashians.
(11:10):
I like the Kardashians a lot. But to me, Chloe
being thirty four expecting a twenty seven year old NBA
player to commit to her after when she got with
him he was having a baby with someone else, to me,
just doesn't make sense. How did you think that was
(11:32):
gonna work, Chloe? Did you think you were going to
sail off into the sunset and it was going to
be just rainbows and smiles. What did you really expect
from that situation? How can you rightfully so justify in
your head? Okay, I know this guy was seeing someone
else and he's having a baby with her. The baby
(11:54):
I don't even think was born yet when they got together.
I think it was actually about I think the girl
he was with she was about to have the baby,
and then they got together, and.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
It really is the truth.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
At the end of the day. Sometimes how you get
him is how you lose them. You can't enter into
a situation with infidelity, lies and deceit, sneaking and cheating
and expect to be with that person in self into
the sunset.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
It doesn't work like that.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Has it worked ever in life, maybe because everything is circumstantial,
But eventually all it does is uproot mora, lies and
deceit within you and that other person, especially, like I said,
for all of my subscribers that are older, the side
chick stuff has got to stop. You have to love
(12:45):
yourself and know that you're worth more than being someone's
second option or someone's potential option, or maybe it's just
potential in your head. In his eyes, you're just there.
You're a good friend. You don't hold any significant place.
You have to understand that when you step into situations,
(13:08):
you should be looking at it as what am I
getting from this person?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
And it sounds selfish, but.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Initially men are dating, they're not instantly thinking majority of
the time, all right, this is gonna be my girlfriend.
I know that I want this to happen. The first
thing that they're thinking of is what do I have
to do? How long do I have to wait to
get in her pants? What do I need to invest
to get that? So you need to think about what
are you getting from this situation? That's what you need
(13:40):
to think about. If you are someone that is the
side chick currently, you need to think about what am
I really getting here? I was watching this I am
currently watching this show called Doctor Foster on Netflix and
I'm only what four episodes in it amazing, and it's
(14:01):
basically about a man who was cheating on his wife.
The wife found out simply by accident. She was rushing
to go to work. She couldn't find her scarf, so
he gave her his scarf. When she got to work
and hung her coat up on the door handle, she
noticed a long blonde hair and then it was just
(14:22):
like a spiraling intuition of oh my gosh, my husband's
cheating on me. Inevitably, she did find evidence. She found
out he was with this young girl for two years.
She didn't even know the affair was that long. She
thought it lasted for maybe three months, and everyone knew
but her, and the girl became pregnant, and he is
(14:47):
saying he's in love with both of them. I think
all of you guys should watch that show. It is
very realistic and really good, really really good. The point
is why I'm bringing that up is the girl who
became pregnant is getting the short end of the stick.
She was wishing on a hope that yes, this man
(15:08):
may be in love with me, but not enough still
to leave his wife.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Because it's not easy to just.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Rip a future from your child, break the home up
for your child.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Because of an adult decision that you made.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
It's not easy to just do that when from a
man's perspective, why can't we just kind of keep things
as they are till the day we die and no
one will ever have to know?
Speaker 2 (15:37):
How can you?
Speaker 1 (15:38):
How are you setting yourself up to make demands when
you're not in the most respectable position to begin with.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
You can just see what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
It's kind of like, this is a completely different situation,
but it's kind of like stealing something from the store
and you get booked and you go to jail, and
it's like, oh, can you put me in like a
nicer cell because I really don't want to be, you know,
with everyone else, And this is my first offense with stealings.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
So I'm really a nice person.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I'm a good person, but I just really feel like
I should be in like a different cell, you know,
by myself, something a little nicer and more accommodating. It's like, Okay,
you broke the law and you want special accommodations. You're
not in a position to request anything at all.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
You're just not And especially the further along you.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Let this happen, and you let this fester, you are,
the chances of you actually getting a relationship from this person,
I'm sorry is zero. I'm sorry, it's absolutely zero to
begin with. How can you even tell if a guy
is serious about being in a relationship with you? Well, one,
(16:51):
he's consistent, and two you see that he's taking actions,
consistent actions and heading towards being in a monogamous, committed
relationship with you. That's how you can tell if he
really wants to be with you. But he can't really
do that now, can he? If he is barely texting
(17:12):
you and you know it intuitively, and you realize his
texting patterns and his availability is limited to a certain
amount of hours, you know the truth. Come on, I
don't think that enough of us understand the significance of time.
Time is so important because, like I've said in previous videos,
(17:37):
you can make money back, you can change your appearance
if you want. All of these things changeable, fixable, but
your time you cannot ever get back. Don't waste your
time wishing and hoping. It's easier said than done. I
get that, but you have to do it because there
(17:58):
will never be a good time to not pull the cord.
There's never going to be a perfect day and situation
where you're just like, you know what, today's the day
that I end things with you. I don't want this anymore. Sorry,
today was the day I felt It's like, there's never
it's because it's not an easy thing to do, So
it's never going to be a right time to do
(18:21):
that type of right thing. There just isn't. Then love
to have their cake and eat it too. If they
can be with you and then have their girlfriend on
the side or their wife, their stable, you know, environment,
it boosts their ego. It's like, oh my gosh, wow,
this is I'm living life.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I get to go home to my wife, be.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
The picture perfect husband, be the great boyfriend to everyone,
and I still get to do whatever I want. And
this girl, this friend of mine, she accepts all the terms.
I mean, honestly, she's a great pal. They're not thinking, oh,
I love this girl accepting all the terms that I
come with, because at the end of the day, it's
hard to hear. But it's not a respectable position to
(19:06):
be in. It's muddy, and it's muddy for a reason.
It's not respectable for a reason. That's why they naturally
innately don't want to be with you for a reason.
You're not in a position to get something like that.
You don't get to win their heart by stealing it
from someone else. And I say stealing, you know, figuratively,
(19:31):
because some can argue, well, a guy can't be stolen
if he was never really anyone else's anyway. Okay, that's fair,
you can argue that. But the point is you're getting
this short end of the stick. He is committed to
somebody else. He doesn't want to be with you. If
he did, he would you might think hooking up with
(19:51):
him or however long, is going to eventually make him
leave his girlfriend. Doing everything he wants you to do,
filling all his knee, all his desires. Yeah, that'll show
him he's really gonna want me. Now, who wouldn't want this? Yeah,
he's still going to stay with who he's with because
it doesn't matter because at the end of the day,
(20:12):
why ruin.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
The situation outside of your feelings.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Understand that there's another life that he has with somebody
else that you are literally ruining.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
It's not even just them too.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
There's family involved, friends involved, and you're No matter how
you enter into the situation, it's never gonna be easy
to talk about because more questions are gonna come up.
If he actually were to even leave his girlfriend or
leave his wife for you, everyone's going to say, well,
(20:47):
when did this start?
Speaker 2 (20:48):
How long has this been going on?
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Eventually it'll come out that you guys were in some
sort of affair anyway, and you will be disliked solely
for that reason. Anyway, no one's going to welcome me
with open arms given the circumstances. It just doesn't work
like that when you stay with someone that you know
has a girlfriend. Because now we're talking about the fact
that you know he has a girlfriend. You accepted these
(21:12):
silent terms. You basically signed an agreement that you accept
all he's coming with, which means you do not get
to have any expectations, any demands on your end, because
you already know the situation and you chose to stay.
And I can assure you it is not your job
(21:32):
to show in emotionally unavailable man who's in a committed
relationship what he's missing.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
That is not your job.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
This is not some sort of silent competition of yeah, well,
let me just keep showing that I'm better than the
girl that he's with. If you were, he would have
left her by now. He's not leaving for a reason.
He doesn't want to, and he does want you. Even
though you feel like you're blowing his mind, it's just
(22:05):
that it's just blowing his mind. Great, then he goes
home to who he really wants to be with. And
this sounds crazy, but men are very capable of doing
things like this, that's the thing. They are very capable
of loving who they're with, wife or girlfriend and still
cheating and not wanting anything to change about that. And yes,
(22:31):
you can definitely argue that that person is selfish. Of course,
you can definitely argue that you can't make an excuse saying, oh, well,
he's unhappy anyway, and she's you know, she only cares about.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Herself and all this stuff.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Okay, of course he's going to tell you all these things.
If he were to tell you that, you know, my
girlfriend's great, my wife is great, you're going to literally
want to not see him anymore because you're just gonna think,
oh my gosh, I'm literally ruining someone's family.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Why am I here?
Speaker 1 (23:03):
If you have someone that you love and that is
great and you're cheating with me, you're going to want
to pull the cord. But if he paints a picture
that she's not really that fulfilling, or you know, things
just don't work out, because that's a very vague term.
He doesn't have to get into depth, especially if there
(23:25):
really is nothing wrong. He doesn't have to get into depth.
Things just you know, don't work out. You know, we
just kind of, you know, grew apart.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
At the moment you.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Feel like, oh wow, this is a niche for me.
I can fulfill a duty here. I have some sort
of purpose here.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
No, you don't.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
And unfortunately he doesn't owe you anything because you know everything. Now,
what more does he have to prove to you? Does
it feel good that you have to sneak around that
you have to text him at certain times, email him
at certain times, you know, hide when you're going to
(24:05):
certain places, travel far away from your city to go
meet up with him because you can't be seen in
your immediate city. Does that feel good? Does that feel
like a legitimate relationship? Does that feel like a relationship
with lots of possibility and hope? Does it in regards
again to what you're getting in return? If you take
(24:28):
inventory of you being in this position, and you see
and analyze what you're getting, you're getting nothing.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
You're getting wishes.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
And hopes and a lot of it in your own head.
And on his end, he's getting to bang you with
the best possible circumstance because you know everything, He has
nothing to even hide to you, and yet you're still
hiding with him. Friends with benefits situations do not blossom.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Into relationships a lot of the time.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Does it happen, maybe, but specifically friends who benefits relationships
that start with infidelity do not blossom into happy relationships
by no means. Please understand that and let that resonate.
I don't care what lie you're trying to convince yourself of.
How much you know about his girlfriend and how horrible
(25:30):
she is or his wife, whatever the situation is. You
look really pathetic, you really do. And you will not
get happy ending with this man. You won't letting someone
sample you over and over and over again in hopes
that maybe he'll see your worth. This is not even
(25:51):
a guarantee. This is maybe he'll see your worth. So
all you're doing is proving, proving, proving, give and give
and giving, trying to show hello, like okay, any day now,
maybe he'll see I'm the right one. He should just
be with me, drop her, be with me. And there's
something that when you're in that type of situation, there's
(26:14):
like a really blind ignorance that follows those types of situations,
especially with us as woman. It's like really blinding ignorance
where it's like you start to ration out all the
possibilities of how it can work when logically it is
impossible and unrealistic without extreme collateral damage to the effect
(26:36):
of never even having a standing chance of being with
this person after all the dust has settled. Does that
make sense? And I know a lot of the times
we also tell ourselves in this delusion of okay, but
you don't understand this situation is like different. This situation
is different this time, it's not different. Cheating is nothing new.
(26:58):
It's nothing new any different. Your situation is not unique
at all. I'm sorry, it's not. At the end of
the day, if he wanted to be with you, he
would be with you instead of constantly complaining over and
over again about his girlfriend or his wife that he
can't stand or he grew apart from. Especially if there's
children involved, forget about it. Forget about it, especially even
(27:24):
more if the children are young. But if there are
no children, that doesn't mean that it's going to be
any easier. He still just probably doesn't want to leave
the person that he's with. He created a life with
this person, spend X amount of time with this person.
Is he's not ready to give it up yet? And
if he does, it's not gonna be with you. It's
not gonna be with a girl who let him cheat
(27:46):
while he was with the girl he's currently with. Why
would any guy choose to do that? That doesn't make
any sense, do you think about that? And I would
be very cautious because even for myself, I would never
enter into a situation expecting to stay off into the
sunset with somebody that acts like this, because more times
than none, it didn't start with you. You're not the
first one, and if it did, it's not gonna end
(28:09):
with you. This person is selfish and clearly just wants.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Whatever they want.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Whether that's from you another person, it doesn't matter. They're
going to want to keep this sort of dynamic up
because men can, and as long as they can get
away with it, they will. If the situation were explained
to you before you even entered it, would you have
gotten into this relationship to be in this position to
just hurt yourself over and over again.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
It's self sabotaging. That's what it is.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
If somebody were to say, hey, girl, you're going to
meet this guy on your job, or you're going to
meet this guy at the grocery store, or you're gonna
meet this guy at Starbucks and he's going to be married,
or he's going to have a serious girlfriend that he's
been with for the last two and a half years,
and you're going to end up in an affair with him.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
You're going to cry.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
You're going to cry a lot of nights because you're
gonna wish that he would just break up with his girlfriend.
Or that he will just divorce his wife and you're
never gonna see that day. Would you have entered into
the situation then, so why are you doing it now?
Like why are you continuing? Doesn't make any sense. Men
(29:22):
that enter into situations with side chicks do it because
side chicks make it easy. They have no boundaries, no
demands on them whatsoever, and it's easy and they can.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
So they do it. There's different things for different people.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Some girls are very comfortable with being a side chick,
and some even have the audacity to pride themselves in
being the side chick. And I think that that just
highlights an insecurity in them that they feel like they
can't get anything on their own. They like to take
from something else, remove from another situation, and it makes
(30:01):
them feel good like they won, they got it. Try
doing that on your own, Try doing that with someone
that's actually available and someone that's free.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
That's real winning.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
And in regards to even leaving the situation, it may
not always be easy to just leave. It's not an
easy conversation to have, and it's heartbreaking when you have
to force yourself to do the right thing sometimes, especially
after you've endured such a long time with this person,
and you do have a bond with this person, you
(30:34):
feel and painted a picture in your head that this
kind of is your boyfriend, but it's your secret. You're
his secret. Do you deserve to be someone's secret? Especially
the older you get it. It's a little juvenile, it
really is, in my opinion. He's not gonna just let
(30:56):
you walk away that easily. He's gonna try and pull
and hug a little. Come on, are you sure you
want to do this?
Speaker 2 (31:02):
You're sure? You just want to end things?
Speaker 1 (31:03):
You know, everything was working out so great for us,
Like why even bother? And it's clearly because you want
more and he cannot give you more. He cannot give
you more. So instead of even promising all right, I'm
gonna leave her or I'm gonna do this, he'll just
say other things like, but we've been together for this long,
(31:25):
but why change anything? I know what you want, but
you know it's kind of hard. It's like it's a
little difficult for me at the moment. Just give me
more time, give me more time, only because not because
they really care and they want to be with you,
but solely for the simple fact that why change the situation?
That I'm in, I'm gonna have to start all over
again with someone else, go through the notions of explaining
(31:46):
to her that I have a girlfriend, or her finding
out that I have a girlfriend, or I have a wife,
and starting that all over again.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
It's like, why bother?
Speaker 1 (31:52):
When I could just stay where I am and everyone
knows their respective place.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
You know the rules, you follow the rules. Why bother?
Speaker 1 (32:01):
So don't look at it as oh my gosh, you
really must want me because he is kind of checking
on me still and seeing how I'm doing after I
tried to end things and he does seem like he
wants to see me again. No, he doesn't. He just
wants to bang you again. That was the terms of
this relationship. He never approached you saying he's looking for
a girlfriend. You just stepped into this signing a silent
(32:25):
agreement of I'm going to be the side chick getting
no benefits while he reaps all the benefits. And he's
not emotionally attached to you really whatsoever, because his heart
is with somebody else. He can sleep very well at
night knowing he doesn't have to worry about you or
what you're doing because he thinks, hey, you get it.
(32:47):
You know what I'm doing over here. I'm with someone.
Keep yourself busy till I get there. That's what he's
thinking in his head. And you're crying at night. Oh
my god, I just I don't know what to do.
This is so hard. It's not easy. I can imagine that,
but it has to be done, and certain things have
to be done.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
As an adult, we have certain consequences.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
We have to accept the consequences of the decisions that
we make. I really wish that a lot of ladies
in life understood how many men there are on this earth,
because men sure never forget how many women there are
on this earth, how many other options they have that
they easily explore a lot of the times us as women,
(33:33):
because we get so emotionally attached and involved, we want
everything from this one person, doesn't matter how tacky they are,
how horrible they are from us. We tend to just
forget about every other person on the earth and think
it has to be this one man, when that's not
the case. There are tons of men all around the
(33:55):
world outside of your current country that you have not
even scen not even met yet, and you think that
one person that's not even doing right by you, that's
keeping you in the dark is for you or you
desire to be with them so eagerly and so bad
they were never honest with you in the beginning. Why
(34:18):
do you deserve dishonesty? Why?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
You know?
Speaker 1 (34:23):
And this is coming from someone like myself where I
really always wanted closure in any and every situation, friendship, relationship.
I always wanted closure, and it was very difficult for
me to understand and finally come to the conclusion that
I'm not always going to get the closure that I
feel like I deserve, or closure at all. And it's
(34:47):
important to understand that sometimes, yes, we are left piecing
together things all on our own, and it sucks, it
really does. But you have to think about it from
a logical standpoint. When you enter into something that was
messed up from the beginning, and you did have a
choice to make once you found out, and you chose
(35:09):
to stay instead, this is the repercussion of that losing
the guy, wasting your time, not getting closure. It was fun,
that's all it was for him. You have to think,
if this person can't even be faithful to their girlfriend
(35:30):
or their wife, what reason do I have to believe
that this person is going to be faithful to me.
If they can't even end things with the person that
they care about so much, then why would they do
that for me or with me?
Speaker 2 (35:47):
They're not.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
When you take inventory and you go home after hanging
out with that guy that you know has a girlfriend,
it's exhausting.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Trust me.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
It may seem all fun and games in the beginning,
like hah, yeah, I bet I'm gonna win this. I
bet I'm gonna get him to leave her, whatever the
case is. But in the end, you don't feel good
and you feel unworthy, devalued, disposable because you know he
can dump you and still be with her.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
It's not worth it, and life has a.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Funny way of getting you back karma per se. Let's
say that this guy does decide to hey, I'm gonna
leave my girlfriend or my wife for you, you will
never truly have peace of mind knowing that that's what
he did to get with you. What are you gonna
(36:45):
tell your friends when people say, oh, how'd you guys meet?
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Oh, we met at work and you know we were.
Speaker 1 (36:50):
Having an affair, and he you know, left his girlfriend,
his longtime girlfriend, He left his wife. Maybe a kid
he left also, and uh, yeah, yeah, we're great. Honestly,
we're glad we did it like that. We wouldn't have
done it any other way. No, life has a funny
way of making you pay for certain decisions that are
(37:12):
negative that you've done. And I believe that if there
were a possibility that that person were to decide to
be with you, I genuinely believe that you will eventually
start having the same exact issues that you gave the
other girl with the guy that you are with, Because
(37:34):
that's just life. And at the end of the day,
that man cheated, cheated to get with you, So what
reason do you have to believe that he's not going
to cheat on you to get with someone else. And
he knows that you once played the role of the
other girl, so maybe you won't mind just another time.
(37:54):
That's just how men think. All of that being said,
I want you late to understand that you are worth
more than being someone's potential option second best side chick.
You are better than this. If you were looking for
(38:16):
a sign here, it is let him go. It's not
worth it. It's not worth your peace of mind. It's
not worth having to take inventory of what he meant
or what you feel like he meant. At the end
of the night, it's not worth having to pretend like
you don't care when you do, and your feelings are
really hurt because you wish you never would have gotten
(38:38):
into this situation to begin with. It's not going to
be easy, but the right thing to do is to
just leave. And you know that, and don't even expect
to be friends immediately after. Be realistic, say what you
need to say, and block and delete him, ghost him completely,
(39:00):
because if you continue to leave that door open, he
will walk through it.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Don't even give him that room. Don't give him that
room at all. Let him go. Move on with your life.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Cry for a week, cry for two, cry for a
month if you have to, but do not continue on
with that behavior. The longer you wait, the longer you're
delaying your ability to meet someone that actually deserves you.
To meet someone that's actually available to give you what
you're worthy of, having, real emotional investment, someone to really
(39:39):
care for you and reciprocate the love that you are
trying to give.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
You deserve that.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
Okay, So, my angels, I really hope that you guys
enjoyed this video. I really felt it in my heart
to talk about this because I think aint that a
lot of women are in this type of situation and
they may be looking for a sign, or they may
be looking for a way out, or they're not really
(40:09):
sure what they should do because they're so deep into it.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
And here's your answer right here.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
So guys, of course, do not forget to subscribe if
you have not already.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
For more content like this.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Also, do not forget to turn on your post notifications
that you guys are notified every single time that I post,
And do not forget that I love you and God
loves you, and I'll see you guys in my next
video
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