September 24, 2025 • 20 mins
Hi my Angels!!!! In today's episode I give my own personal story about how I experienced the "nice girl syndrome" and I also discuss the 7 types of nice girls as well.
Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below!
Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Class is officially in session, Angels, I took some notes
on my handy dandy iPad and.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Let the music again.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Hello Angels, welcome back to my channel. I'm here today
in my red Lululemon zip up.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Is it just me?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Or does everybody love these types of jackets? They fit
so good and red is not normally my ideal color,
but I was feeling spicy today in lieu of I
don't know if that's the correct dirm, but considering today's topic,
we're gonna be talking about the nice girl syndrome.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Nice for what, Like Drake says, that's.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
A real you know, Yeah, We're gonna be talking about
the nice girl syndrome. And I'm gonna share with you
guys a brief story about how I experienced, you know,
the nice girl syndrome and where I am at right now,
and also describe to you the types of girls, you
know how I love to nickname people to watch out
(01:01):
for that have the nice girl syndrome.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Classes officially in session, Angels.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
I took some notes on my handy dandy iPad, okay,
and I'm going.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
To be reading from them.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
So we're gonna be talking about why being nice isn't
always good?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Why being nice isn't usually good?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I unfortunately have ended up at one point in my
life or suffered from the nice girl syndrome. And here's
why and how it will never happen again all my life.
I feel like I was a very confident person. But
in life, as I'm sure many of us have experienced,
there will be people that will try and stifle you
(01:41):
and suffocate you and make you feel like you're too
much and you're to this and oh she thinks she's
all that. Like, yeah, that was the story that people
like to say. Oh she thinks she's better than everyone?
Did I ever say that? But you know what, now
you're right? How about that these types of individuals find
pleasure or seek pleasure in trying to humble people.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
We all know people.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Like that, where they take some sort of joy and
they seek thrill in trying to humble people. But truthfully,
these people are just bothered by your confidence and your energy.
And do not be fooled because people can see your
potential sometimes before you can, and they'll try to get
close to you because they're drawn to your magnetism and
(02:23):
your charisma. But then your light highlight their insecurities and
shines on their darkness and insecurities, and they begin to
despise you for the very thing that they were drawn
to when they realize that they cannot mimic it. Wow,
story of story of Mabe. Okay, yes, this has happened
(02:47):
to me so many times. And the older that you
get it does get a lot easier. But when you
are in high school and when you are growing up,
it's difficult to deal with not being accepted for who
you are and people making comments and things saying that, oh,
you think you're better than people because you like to
do this. I know in school, I won best dressed
(03:10):
and I always took pride in my appearance and it's
just who I am. And there would be people that
would be like, where are you going?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
It's just school?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Why are you acting like you're going somewhere? Like you
act like school is like your runway. Well, let me
correct you, because one, yes it is, and two I
care about my appearance, So just because you don't doesn't
mean that I don't have to as well.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Why is it bothering you? I don't understand. And those same.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Girls that would make fun of me for dressing the
way that I dress and wearing heels and being cute.
Are the same girls that for their birthday put on
their little church heels and penciled in their little eyebrows
eat h okay, And they were trying to mimic me
on that designated day when they really wanted to do
that for the whole year. So yes, I have experienced
(04:03):
multiple times in my life where people were drawn to me,
but they also tried to stifle me in the same breath.
At this point, I have learned to let them choke
because I have allowed certain people to make me feel
like I had to play small. I felt like I
had to make a conscious decision to not be all
(04:24):
of myself and to be very mindful of not outshining them.
And let me just say that you're always going to
be too much for all of the wrong people, and.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Honestly, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Not everybody likes nice things, not everyone can handle having
nice things. So unfortunately, as a result of feeling bad
and not wanting people to think that I'm too much
or not wanting to play into that stereotype of them,
maybe saying that I think I'm all that, even though
(04:57):
those words never came out of my mouth. I began
to stifle myself and to be transparent even here on
my channel. I feel like I experienced that, and I'm
now obviously out of that situation. And someone said to
me the other day when I posted on Instagram, like, wow, Asha,
you have ascended, and that comment still can bring me
(05:17):
to tears because it means so much to me to
like know that the way that I am and me
being and walking in the fullness of myself is translating
on screen and it just feels so good.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
It feels like welcome home.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Right, So back to what I was saying on my channel,
I felt like I began to do that. I began
to play small because here and there people would extract
the message and then you know, hyper focus on oh,
your delivery could have been this, your delivery could have
been that, And so I began to feel like, even
though it was very foreign, few, I just began to
feel like, oh, I don't want people to actually think
(05:53):
I'm mean, oh whatever, So let me just try and
be nice on how I say certain things, because I
want what I'm saying, because I still stand by it,
to be receptive, because you know, people usually say, oh,
it's not what you say.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
It's how you say it.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I do consider myself to be a very kind person,
and that's why I've been able to have such successful
and amazing friendships and people in my life, people that
truly actually know me. And I just simply thought that
if I quit the tough love type of approach and delivery,
that it would make people happier and that they wouldn't complain.
(06:31):
But I have realized now as I have ascended into myself,
that I do not care. Anything that isn't for you
will either run its course or it will expire.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
So I want this video to be thought.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Provoking and also encourage all my angels that have big
personalities and super outgoing and charismatic. And you like to
dress up, and you like to be girly, and you
enjoy these simple things about life, and these are the
essence of who you are. It's just you can't run
away from it. That it's okay to have a big personality,
(07:08):
it's okay to be exactly the way that you are.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I want you to be you and be all of you.
And here's why.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
When you are a nice girl and you're just like
Mousey in the corner, you are more susceptible to becoming
a target of abuse and manipulation.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
People don't respect nice girls. Nice girls don't.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Make history, and if you are being nice, you are
less likely to speak your mind, which means that if
you're upset about something, you're just going to keep it
to yourself, hold those feelings in, and that means that
there will never be any sort of resolution to how
is however it is that you're feeling. And this leads
to dishonesty because you feel like because you've always presented
(07:53):
as such a timid and malmannered person. I don't even
know if that's the correct term, but you understand what
I'm saying, saying that you can't express yourself and that
vocalizing yourself will be so different from who you really
are or aggressive because you're just used to not saying anything.
And unfortunately, this will make it harder for you to
(08:13):
form real bonds with people because you have to be
able to express yourself. That emotional intimacy allows you to
truly bond with people. Here's the interesting thing about nice girls.
Nice girls are not even always really nice. You will
be shocked to know how many nice girls that even
(08:34):
appear on YouTube as super nice. Are nothing like that
in real life, nothing like that. We all even know
girls that we've gone to high school with or even
college with, and they seem like they're just, oh my god, yeah, girl, I.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Love your outfit.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
You should totally wear that, and then as soon as
you walk, it's like that is the ugliest thing thing
I've ever seen, Like, come on, Like, we all know
people that are like that. And the reason that these
types of people talk behind people's bad is because they're
too coward to say any of these.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Things to people's faces. That's really all that it is.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Or they have the tendency to become very passive, aggressive
and pretending like everything's okay when clearly it's not. Being
overly nice makes you explosive. You are a ticking time bomb,
and where you may be overcompensating in one area, you
will be very dismissive and cold in another area and
then feel guilty and then try to cover that up
(09:26):
with more niceness. So there's a great book that I
actually did read called the Nice Girl Syndrome as I
was doing my research, and there are seven types of
nice girls. So we're going to dive into what those
types actually look like. And you can tell me if
you relate in the comment section down below, or if
you know someone that relates to this.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
And the reason why I.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Genuinely feel so called to talk about this today is
because I just have this moment where I realize to myself,
in this short, little like phase that I went through
of just like kind of just cowering down and not
being the full version of myself that you guys are
used to me being and saying whatever it is that
I want to say, which is truly who I am.
(10:08):
I realized that that was just me having that fear
of being seen. That was me playing into, you know,
maybe even the high school version of myself where I
felt like I would try and peek through and just
like be myself, and at times I would be successful,
and then at other times I would just like cower
down and like kind of want to be a little
invisible because I didn't want to step on toes and
(10:32):
make jealous people and haters mad. Well, let me tell
you something, right now, be prepared to be very mad,
be prepared to be big mad, because no door that
God opens for me you can close, and no door
that opens for any of you that are watching this,
anyone can close whatever door that God has opened up
(10:54):
for you is going to be for you. Don't listen
to he she they whatever it is your life that
is predetermined for you, the things that you're called to do,
the things that you want to do, are for you.
That's what this pep talk is about. No more playing small,
no more allowing people to dictate you what your future
is gonna look like. Who do you think you are?
(11:14):
All these different things? Those people wouldn't be so scared
and trying to stifle you if they didn't feel like
you had the potential to be big. Because who gets
threatened by people that are non threatening?
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Nobody.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
So obviously, anytime someone's trying to bring you down and
tear you down, that should tell you that you're a threat.
And so if you're a threat, then be very threatening.
How about that? So nice girl number one, dormat Derinda,
this is the stereotypical nice girl that lets everybody do
(11:47):
whatever whatever they want to her, and she never seems
to learn, no matter how many times that she's being
taken advantage of.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And she's just a dormat.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
These types of people like Dormat dereinda are very susceptible
to con our and people that lack morals moral less
individuals because they make excuses for those individuals' behavior because
they are not learning at all in their experience. That okay, girl,
the same thing keeps happening to you over and over again,
(12:15):
and you're just gonna let it slide on by and
make excuses for it. And when you're in the thick
of these types of situations or these types of mindsets,
especially if it's all you know and it has always
been your personality, it's second nature to you, so you
don't think, Wow, I'm really making an excuse for what
this person has done to me. You're just thinking, No,
they really didn't mean it like that, Like I feel
(12:36):
like you're just looking at it wrong. No, girl, they
do mean it exactly how they came off. No, that
number two is prea the pretender. This type of nice
girl appears to be very nice and cooperative and charming,
but behind the scenes, she's very resentful, and she is
the type of person that seems like she's very agreeable
(12:57):
but actually feels the opposite of what she So this
is probably gonna be the type of girl that will
compliment you even though she literally dislikes your outfit. So
it's like, girl, why are you even saying anything if
you literally don't even like it? This is gonna be
the girl that's gonna be super nice.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
See your face.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Oh my god, oh my god, it's been so long
since I have seen you.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Stop. I love your outfit. You are so cute. Give
you a little girl, I love it. Oh my god.
I literally hate her.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
I don't even understand why she was even talking to me,
Like she's so weird, like, and she follows me on Instagram,
and like I follow her too, but like every time
I see her, like I don't even understand why we
follow each other, Like we don't even like each other,
pretending very much fake. Next we have innocent Isabelle. Now,
this type of nice girl is very naive and gullible,
(13:51):
easily manipulated and conned. And this type of nice girl
is going to always defend any time things are done
wrong to her. She's going to defend that person's honor
and make it seem as though they didn't really mean that,
even if people tell.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Her that care for her.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Hey girl, like, you're kind of being used, Hey girl,
Like you should really examine what's going on in the situation,
like you're being cheated on. Like we have the photo
right here of your man, literally Tristan Thompson and you
and you should really like chicken with that, and they
defend the behavior. Oh well, I don't that day like
we were like on a break, so like he can
(14:29):
kind of do whatever he wanted, or oh my god,
that's are you sure that's him? I mean, girl, it's
kind of dark, and like, how do we really know
if that's him? Like it's the same car and it's
the same height as him, but like he would not
do something like that for you to even get that picture,
So like I don't really think it's not at all.
I think you're just I don't know, Like I think
(14:50):
you just don't like him, so that's why you're like
feeling like that. But like, thank you for like trying
to help me. I do appreciate it, Like, girl, what
is going on here?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (14:59):
And these are the worst type of people to be
because in relationships, it's like you can literally take them
through the wringer and back and it doesn't even phasee
them because they will always justify the abusive behavior.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Number four is Mattie the Martyr.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
This type of nice girl is basically a human sacrifice.
You know, Marty the Martyr has no boundaries, okay, and
always is bending backwards to do things for people, even
if she really doesn't even want to do it, you know,
sacrificing her time, you know, her health, even financial security
to help and rescue others.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
And here's the kicker.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
She will feel like all these people that she helped out,
they now are in debt to her. They owe her
sacrifices and favors in return because she went out of
her way to do that for them.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
No, no, no, no, no, no, that's not how life goes.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Someone once told me that when you do something, when
you do good, expect nothing in return. If you're out
here handing out favors and passing them out because hoping
that you could get something, you know, a favor back
in return, then don't do it, because that's how you
set yourself up for disappointment. If you're not going to
do it and just let it be and leave it
in peace, then don't do it at all.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Number five is Vicki the Victim.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
This girl feels hopeless and helpless to the circumstances in
her life, and she is one hundred percent the architect
of her own misfortune.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
And she has.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Repressed her intuition and power so much that she has
lost touch with it completely. And honestly, women like this, unfortunately,
are more prone to staying in abusive type of dynamics
multiple times and going back and forth multiple times because
they feel helpless to their circumstances.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Number six is Pia the prude.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Now, this girl is like this would be like the
Karen of all these all these types, right, She's very
moral and feels this strong need to be very perfect,
and she usually adheres to very rigid types of you
know standards like you know, not having premiere sex or
not consuming alcohol, and in general is very very conservative. Now, unfortunately,
(17:07):
this type tends to be extremely judgmental of others that
do not participate in behaviors that she wouldn't participate in,
but she hides that disapproval under niceness, but really she's
judging you in her head. And lastly, number seven Erica
the enlightened one. This type of nice girl believes strongly
(17:27):
in compassion and has extreme tolerance and you know, forgiveness
to the extent that she represses her own actual feelings
of you know, anger or resentment, and just doesn't allow
herself to express normal emotions. And this is also going
to be someone that lets you do whatever. Anytime you
(17:48):
are being something that you are not, someone that you
were not, it is simply not sustainable. The real you
is clawing to get out. Okay, your soul has to
be found. Your soul has to be actualized. You can't
keep pretending to be someone that you're not. Here's what
we can learn. Strong women understand that niceness does not
(18:09):
guarantee respect, nor does it guarantee that you will be
treated fairly all the time. And this is the number
one thing that I had to learn, is that you're
kind of damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
You know what I say.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
There was a drastic difference between like me like delivering
the message and saying, ugh, don't date men that wouldn't
do certain things for you, versus me saying don't date
men that won't do certain things for you. Was there
a drastic difference between how I received No people that
subscribe to this channel in twenty nineteen, Okay, are there
are here for that version of myself, the real version
(18:44):
of myself right, and sometimes along the way you do
lose yourself. And that's exactly what happened. And this is
why covering things up under being nice is never the
way to go. I'm not nice. I'm kind, but I'm
not nice. Know that there's a difference. Strong women do
not compromise their safety or self esteem to keep or
(19:04):
please a man. Strong women are self respecting and they
value their peace of mind.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
This one I love.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Strong women know what it is that they want and
believe that they can have it and will figure out
how to achieve it without walking over others or allowing
others to walk over her.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Strong women they know how to stand up for themselves and.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Understand that our voices do have power, and we pick
and choose our battles. Not everything needs to be addressed,
not everything needs your reaction. And strong women also understand
that it's more important to stay true to yourself than
for someone to like you. I don't want you, guys,
to ever feel like you have to play small and
be backed into a corner. And I want you to
(19:48):
also understand that both men and women do this. You
will encounter people that will dislike you, seemingly for no
reason at all. You don't have to ever do anything
to them. You will encounter people that are determined to
humble you, destroy you, and you will encounter romantic partners
that will do the exact same. Nice is not best,
being genuine and kind is nice is pleasing and agreeable,
(20:11):
and kind is an action. It's the way you treat people,
So always remember that and keep that in the back
of you guys' minds. I hope that you angels have
enjoyed this video because this pertains to friendships and both
romantic dynamics. If you fall under any of these categories,
it's just food for thought, something to think about. Let
(20:32):
me know in the comment section down below. If you
guys have ever encountered a situation like this, or you
have learned this lesson yourself and you're working on your confidence.
Let's all help each other. Give each other tips in
the comment section down below, and if you have it
by now, make sure that you give this video big
thumbs up.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
With that being said, do not forget this.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
I love you, and God loved you, and I'll see you,
beautiful angels in my next videos.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Again you say you've always been
Class is officially in session, Angels, I took some notes
on my handy dandy iPad and.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Let the music again.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Hello Angels, welcome back to my channel. I'm here today
in my red Lululemon zip up.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Is it just me?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Or does everybody love these types of jackets? They fit
so good and red is not normally my ideal color,
but I was feeling spicy today in lieu of I
don't know if that's the correct dirm, but considering today's topic,
we're gonna be talking about the nice girl syndrome.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Nice for what, Like Drake says, that's.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
A real you know, Yeah, We're gonna be talking about
the nice girl syndrome. And I'm gonna share with you
guys a brief story about how I experienced, you know,
the nice girl syndrome and where I am at right now,
and also describe to you the types of girls, you
know how I love to nickname people to watch out
(01:01):
for that have the nice girl syndrome.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Classes officially in session, Angels.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
I took some notes on my handy dandy iPad, okay,
and I'm going.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
To be reading from them.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
So we're gonna be talking about why being nice isn't
always good?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Why being nice isn't usually good?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I unfortunately have ended up at one point in my
life or suffered from the nice girl syndrome. And here's
why and how it will never happen again all my life.
I feel like I was a very confident person. But
in life, as I'm sure many of us have experienced,
there will be people that will try and stifle you
(01:41):
and suffocate you and make you feel like you're too
much and you're to this and oh she thinks she's
all that. Like, yeah, that was the story that people
like to say. Oh she thinks she's better than everyone?
Did I ever say that? But you know what, now
you're right? How about that these types of individuals find
pleasure or seek pleasure in trying to humble people.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
We all know people.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Like that, where they take some sort of joy and
they seek thrill in trying to humble people. But truthfully,
these people are just bothered by your confidence and your energy.
And do not be fooled because people can see your
potential sometimes before you can, and they'll try to get
close to you because they're drawn to your magnetism and
(02:23):
your charisma. But then your light highlight their insecurities and
shines on their darkness and insecurities, and they begin to
despise you for the very thing that they were drawn
to when they realize that they cannot mimic it. Wow,
story of story of Mabe. Okay, yes, this has happened
(02:47):
to me so many times. And the older that you
get it does get a lot easier. But when you
are in high school and when you are growing up,
it's difficult to deal with not being accepted for who
you are and people making comments and things saying that, oh,
you think you're better than people because you like to
do this. I know in school, I won best dressed
(03:10):
and I always took pride in my appearance and it's
just who I am. And there would be people that
would be like, where are you going?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
It's just school?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Why are you acting like you're going somewhere? Like you
act like school is like your runway. Well, let me
correct you, because one, yes it is, and two I
care about my appearance, So just because you don't doesn't
mean that I don't have to as well.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Why is it bothering you? I don't understand. And those same.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Girls that would make fun of me for dressing the
way that I dress and wearing heels and being cute.
Are the same girls that for their birthday put on
their little church heels and penciled in their little eyebrows
eat h okay, And they were trying to mimic me
on that designated day when they really wanted to do
that for the whole year. So yes, I have experienced
(04:03):
multiple times in my life where people were drawn to me,
but they also tried to stifle me in the same breath.
At this point, I have learned to let them choke
because I have allowed certain people to make me feel
like I had to play small. I felt like I
had to make a conscious decision to not be all
(04:24):
of myself and to be very mindful of not outshining them.
And let me just say that you're always going to
be too much for all of the wrong people, and.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Honestly, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Not everybody likes nice things, not everyone can handle having
nice things. So unfortunately, as a result of feeling bad
and not wanting people to think that I'm too much
or not wanting to play into that stereotype of them,
maybe saying that I think I'm all that, even though
(04:57):
those words never came out of my mouth. I began
to stifle myself and to be transparent even here on
my channel. I feel like I experienced that, and I'm
now obviously out of that situation. And someone said to
me the other day when I posted on Instagram, like, wow, Asha,
you have ascended, and that comment still can bring me
(05:17):
to tears because it means so much to me to
like know that the way that I am and me
being and walking in the fullness of myself is translating
on screen and it just feels so good.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
It feels like welcome home.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Right, So back to what I was saying on my channel,
I felt like I began to do that. I began
to play small because here and there people would extract
the message and then you know, hyper focus on oh,
your delivery could have been this, your delivery could have
been that, And so I began to feel like, even
though it was very foreign, few, I just began to
feel like, oh, I don't want people to actually think
(05:53):
I'm mean, oh whatever, So let me just try and
be nice on how I say certain things, because I
want what I'm saying, because I still stand by it,
to be receptive, because you know, people usually say, oh,
it's not what you say.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
It's how you say it.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I do consider myself to be a very kind person,
and that's why I've been able to have such successful
and amazing friendships and people in my life, people that
truly actually know me. And I just simply thought that
if I quit the tough love type of approach and delivery,
that it would make people happier and that they wouldn't complain.
(06:31):
But I have realized now as I have ascended into myself,
that I do not care. Anything that isn't for you
will either run its course or it will expire.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
So I want this video to be thought.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Provoking and also encourage all my angels that have big
personalities and super outgoing and charismatic. And you like to
dress up, and you like to be girly, and you
enjoy these simple things about life, and these are the
essence of who you are. It's just you can't run
away from it. That it's okay to have a big personality,
(07:08):
it's okay to be exactly the way that you are.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I want you to be you and be all of you.
And here's why.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
When you are a nice girl and you're just like
Mousey in the corner, you are more susceptible to becoming
a target of abuse and manipulation.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
People don't respect nice girls. Nice girls don't.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Make history, and if you are being nice, you are
less likely to speak your mind, which means that if
you're upset about something, you're just going to keep it
to yourself, hold those feelings in, and that means that
there will never be any sort of resolution to how
is however it is that you're feeling. And this leads
to dishonesty because you feel like because you've always presented
(07:53):
as such a timid and malmannered person. I don't even
know if that's the correct term, but you understand what
I'm saying, saying that you can't express yourself and that
vocalizing yourself will be so different from who you really
are or aggressive because you're just used to not saying anything.
And unfortunately, this will make it harder for you to
(08:13):
form real bonds with people because you have to be
able to express yourself. That emotional intimacy allows you to
truly bond with people. Here's the interesting thing about nice girls.
Nice girls are not even always really nice. You will
be shocked to know how many nice girls that even
(08:34):
appear on YouTube as super nice. Are nothing like that
in real life, nothing like that. We all even know
girls that we've gone to high school with or even
college with, and they seem like they're just, oh my god, yeah, girl, I.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Love your outfit.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
You should totally wear that, and then as soon as
you walk, it's like that is the ugliest thing thing
I've ever seen, Like, come on, Like, we all know
people that are like that. And the reason that these
types of people talk behind people's bad is because they're
too coward to say any of these.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Things to people's faces. That's really all that it is.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Or they have the tendency to become very passive, aggressive
and pretending like everything's okay when clearly it's not. Being
overly nice makes you explosive. You are a ticking time bomb,
and where you may be overcompensating in one area, you
will be very dismissive and cold in another area and
then feel guilty and then try to cover that up
(09:26):
with more niceness. So there's a great book that I
actually did read called the Nice Girl Syndrome as I
was doing my research, and there are seven types of
nice girls. So we're going to dive into what those
types actually look like. And you can tell me if
you relate in the comment section down below, or if
you know someone that relates to this.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
And the reason why I.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Genuinely feel so called to talk about this today is
because I just have this moment where I realize to myself,
in this short, little like phase that I went through
of just like kind of just cowering down and not
being the full version of myself that you guys are
used to me being and saying whatever it is that
I want to say, which is truly who I am.
(10:08):
I realized that that was just me having that fear
of being seen. That was me playing into, you know,
maybe even the high school version of myself where I
felt like I would try and peek through and just
like be myself, and at times I would be successful,
and then at other times I would just like cower
down and like kind of want to be a little
invisible because I didn't want to step on toes and
(10:32):
make jealous people and haters mad. Well, let me tell
you something, right now, be prepared to be very mad,
be prepared to be big mad, because no door that
God opens for me you can close, and no door
that opens for any of you that are watching this,
anyone can close whatever door that God has opened up
(10:54):
for you is going to be for you. Don't listen
to he she they whatever it is your life that
is predetermined for you, the things that you're called to do,
the things that you want to do, are for you.
That's what this pep talk is about. No more playing small,
no more allowing people to dictate you what your future
is gonna look like. Who do you think you are?
(11:14):
All these different things? Those people wouldn't be so scared
and trying to stifle you if they didn't feel like
you had the potential to be big. Because who gets
threatened by people that are non threatening?
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Nobody.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
So obviously, anytime someone's trying to bring you down and
tear you down, that should tell you that you're a threat.
And so if you're a threat, then be very threatening.
How about that? So nice girl number one, dormat Derinda,
this is the stereotypical nice girl that lets everybody do
(11:47):
whatever whatever they want to her, and she never seems
to learn, no matter how many times that she's being
taken advantage of.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And she's just a dormat.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
These types of people like Dormat dereinda are very susceptible
to con our and people that lack morals moral less
individuals because they make excuses for those individuals' behavior because
they are not learning at all in their experience. That okay, girl,
the same thing keeps happening to you over and over again,
(12:15):
and you're just gonna let it slide on by and
make excuses for it. And when you're in the thick
of these types of situations or these types of mindsets,
especially if it's all you know and it has always
been your personality, it's second nature to you, so you
don't think, Wow, I'm really making an excuse for what
this person has done to me. You're just thinking, No,
they really didn't mean it like that, Like I feel
(12:36):
like you're just looking at it wrong. No, girl, they
do mean it exactly how they came off. No, that
number two is prea the pretender. This type of nice
girl appears to be very nice and cooperative and charming,
but behind the scenes, she's very resentful, and she is
the type of person that seems like she's very agreeable
(12:57):
but actually feels the opposite of what she So this
is probably gonna be the type of girl that will
compliment you even though she literally dislikes your outfit. So
it's like, girl, why are you even saying anything if
you literally don't even like it? This is gonna be
the girl that's gonna be super nice.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
See your face.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Oh my god, oh my god, it's been so long
since I have seen you.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Stop. I love your outfit. You are so cute. Give
you a little girl, I love it. Oh my god.
I literally hate her.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
I don't even understand why she was even talking to me,
Like she's so weird, like, and she follows me on Instagram,
and like I follow her too, but like every time
I see her, like I don't even understand why we
follow each other, Like we don't even like each other,
pretending very much fake. Next we have innocent Isabelle. Now,
this type of nice girl is very naive and gullible,
(13:51):
easily manipulated and conned. And this type of nice girl
is going to always defend any time things are done
wrong to her. She's going to defend that person's honor
and make it seem as though they didn't really mean that,
even if people tell.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Her that care for her.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Hey girl, like, you're kind of being used, Hey girl,
Like you should really examine what's going on in the situation,
like you're being cheated on. Like we have the photo
right here of your man, literally Tristan Thompson and you
and you should really like chicken with that, and they
defend the behavior. Oh well, I don't that day like
we were like on a break, so like he can
(14:29):
kind of do whatever he wanted, or oh my god,
that's are you sure that's him? I mean, girl, it's
kind of dark, and like, how do we really know
if that's him? Like it's the same car and it's
the same height as him, but like he would not
do something like that for you to even get that picture,
So like I don't really think it's not at all.
I think you're just I don't know, Like I think
(14:50):
you just don't like him, so that's why you're like
feeling like that. But like, thank you for like trying
to help me. I do appreciate it, Like, girl, what
is going on here?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (14:59):
And these are the worst type of people to be
because in relationships, it's like you can literally take them
through the wringer and back and it doesn't even phasee
them because they will always justify the abusive behavior.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Number four is Mattie the Martyr.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
This type of nice girl is basically a human sacrifice.
You know, Marty the Martyr has no boundaries, okay, and
always is bending backwards to do things for people, even
if she really doesn't even want to do it, you know,
sacrificing her time, you know, her health, even financial security
to help and rescue others.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
And here's the kicker.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
She will feel like all these people that she helped out,
they now are in debt to her. They owe her
sacrifices and favors in return because she went out of
her way to do that for them.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
No, no, no, no, no, no, that's not how life goes.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Someone once told me that when you do something, when
you do good, expect nothing in return. If you're out
here handing out favors and passing them out because hoping
that you could get something, you know, a favor back
in return, then don't do it, because that's how you
set yourself up for disappointment. If you're not going to
do it and just let it be and leave it
in peace, then don't do it at all.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Number five is Vicki the Victim.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
This girl feels hopeless and helpless to the circumstances in
her life, and she is one hundred percent the architect
of her own misfortune.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
And she has.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Repressed her intuition and power so much that she has
lost touch with it completely. And honestly, women like this, unfortunately,
are more prone to staying in abusive type of dynamics
multiple times and going back and forth multiple times because
they feel helpless to their circumstances.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Number six is Pia the prude.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Now, this girl is like this would be like the
Karen of all these all these types, right, She's very
moral and feels this strong need to be very perfect,
and she usually adheres to very rigid types of you
know standards like you know, not having premiere sex or
not consuming alcohol, and in general is very very conservative. Now, unfortunately,
(17:07):
this type tends to be extremely judgmental of others that
do not participate in behaviors that she wouldn't participate in,
but she hides that disapproval under niceness, but really she's
judging you in her head. And lastly, number seven Erica
the enlightened one. This type of nice girl believes strongly
(17:27):
in compassion and has extreme tolerance and you know, forgiveness
to the extent that she represses her own actual feelings
of you know, anger or resentment, and just doesn't allow
herself to express normal emotions. And this is also going
to be someone that lets you do whatever. Anytime you
(17:48):
are being something that you are not, someone that you
were not, it is simply not sustainable. The real you
is clawing to get out. Okay, your soul has to
be found. Your soul has to be actualized. You can't
keep pretending to be someone that you're not. Here's what
we can learn. Strong women understand that niceness does not
(18:09):
guarantee respect, nor does it guarantee that you will be
treated fairly all the time. And this is the number
one thing that I had to learn, is that you're
kind of damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
You know what I say.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
There was a drastic difference between like me like delivering
the message and saying, ugh, don't date men that wouldn't
do certain things for you, versus me saying don't date
men that won't do certain things for you. Was there
a drastic difference between how I received No people that
subscribe to this channel in twenty nineteen, Okay, are there
are here for that version of myself, the real version
(18:44):
of myself right, and sometimes along the way you do
lose yourself. And that's exactly what happened. And this is
why covering things up under being nice is never the
way to go. I'm not nice. I'm kind, but I'm
not nice. Know that there's a difference. Strong women do
not compromise their safety or self esteem to keep or
(19:04):
please a man. Strong women are self respecting and they
value their peace of mind.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
This one I love.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Strong women know what it is that they want and
believe that they can have it and will figure out
how to achieve it without walking over others or allowing
others to walk over her.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Strong women they know how to stand up for themselves and.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Understand that our voices do have power, and we pick
and choose our battles. Not everything needs to be addressed,
not everything needs your reaction. And strong women also understand
that it's more important to stay true to yourself than
for someone to like you. I don't want you, guys,
to ever feel like you have to play small and
be backed into a corner. And I want you to
(19:48):
also understand that both men and women do this. You
will encounter people that will dislike you, seemingly for no
reason at all. You don't have to ever do anything
to them. You will encounter people that are determined to
humble you, destroy you, and you will encounter romantic partners
that will do the exact same. Nice is not best,
being genuine and kind is nice is pleasing and agreeable,
(20:11):
and kind is an action. It's the way you treat people,
So always remember that and keep that in the back
of you guys' minds. I hope that you angels have
enjoyed this video because this pertains to friendships and both
romantic dynamics. If you fall under any of these categories,
it's just food for thought, something to think about. Let
(20:32):
me know in the comment section down below. If you
guys have ever encountered a situation like this, or you
have learned this lesson yourself and you're working on your confidence.
Let's all help each other. Give each other tips in
the comment section down below, and if you have it
by now, make sure that you give this video big
thumbs up.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
With that being said, do not forget this.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
I love you, and God loved you, and I'll see you,
beautiful angels in my next videos.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Again you say you've always been
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