A LOOK BACK: Amanda Seales talks Recent Break-Up, Relationship Standards, Dating In This New Age + More

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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(01:06):
But you know, last time you were here, you remember
in a relationship, you had a real that went viral
on this show and people really loved what you were saying.
And one of the things you said in it was
until you never experienced a nigga try.

Speaker 2 (01:20):
I have never experienced until being with you, I have
never experienced a nigga try.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
That's never one, not one, never.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
It's true. And then I experienced the niggas I'm trying,
And I know niggas in the comments right now, like
see that's why she's single, And it's like, yeah, that
is exactly why I'm single. Because we live in a
society that hasn't caught up to women like me as

(01:47):
black people, Like we just aren't really taught how to
love ourselves, Like we don't even know what that looks like,
a lot of times, Like I think so many of
us are in that process on a regular basis, Like
what does that actually mean? Why can't we support each
other and know that you have your strengths and I
have my strengths. Like your digging balls does not give
you leadership shills. The idea that you would trust someone
to birth the baby that you would give everything to,

(02:09):
but not to handle your feelings is bonkers. But it's
also like women, we also need to be very practiced
at how to handle feelings. I'm faby okay, well craft.

Speaker 3 (02:24):
To That's why my people say wild shit to me
like a man of steel hates like man, I'm like,
check my record, you know, you know how the politicians
just be like check my voting records.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
I'm like, check my money record.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Okay, Hey, guys, welcome back to shout out all our
real lovers out there.

Speaker 3 (02:47):
Everybody, Welcome back.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
Welcome back, Rond. Don't you want to tell them we're're
at today?

Speaker 3 (02:51):
Ooh, I do because we are in a very nice
looking place. I'm on, y'all, see all the fixtures, all
the things. I just want to shout out the fine,
fine fine folks. City Rich Apartments. We so appreciate you
sponsoring this episode. If you are in the market for
a beautiful, luxurious DC home, please visit City RICHDC dot
com and Erica you know, I love you. I appreciate you.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
We appreciate you guys so much. Beautiful spot.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
It's very sexy, yeah, very sexy in here.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
So before we get started, if welcome, if you're new here,
you are now part of the real Lover Gang. And
to officially be initiated, just hit the subscribe.

Speaker 3 (03:27):
That's it all show. Just hit the subscribe button. That
like share. You got to do like seven things to
get in gang.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yeah, you just and what they call it?

Speaker 3 (03:37):
When when between the preliminaries, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, you got it, yes, yeah, and then you gotta
go through all the initiation.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
Then you gotta write a review.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
And then once you do that gang gang.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
There we go, there we go. Well the special day,
what'd you call it? Around our first second?

Speaker 3 (03:57):
Yes, our first second?

Speaker 1 (03:59):
Explain that to them.

Speaker 3 (04:00):
So this very special guest has already been a guest,
but she was also our first guest, and now she's
our first Part.

Speaker 1 (04:09):
Two, do you feel special?

Speaker 2 (04:10):
I didn't know I was the first guest, because I
did know.

Speaker 3 (04:12):
I was Welcome back to.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
You said, every time you're in DC, DC, treat you well,
how's DC been thus far? On your trip?

Speaker 2 (04:26):
Fabulous?

Speaker 1 (04:27):
DC?

Speaker 2 (04:28):
Really treats me well. Now I have I have the
radio show here in d C. So you can listen
to the Amanda Sils Show ten to three on Magic
and DC. You can also listen to it where you
get your podcast. But it's a syndicated radio show, so
I mean it's all over the nation. But to be
on the air in d C, which has always been
like a market that's shown me so much love, like
it really means a lot. So you know, I am

(04:50):
happy to be here.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
We're happy to have you here. And I will say
with we have our friendship with working with Amanda, Amanda,
it is just amazing.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
Oh Dre.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
It's amazing to see it from the outside, but when
you're on the inside and see how somebody works too,
it's just like he's just.

Speaker 3 (05:06):
Working, black woman.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
I appreciate that.

Speaker 1 (05:11):
No problem, No problem. So you're here for the second time, Yes,
I think we have to address I wouldn't call it
an elephant in the room. But you know, last time
you were here, you were in a relationship and I
want to quote, you had a real that went viral
on this show.

Speaker 3 (05:29):
I did.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah, yeah, we did, and people really loved what you
were saying and One of the things you said in
it was until you never experienced a nigga try.

Speaker 2 (05:41):
I have been with people who were like, not gonna
let me go, but they also weren't trying to improve,
So like, what are we really doing? I have never
experienced until being with you, I have never experienced a
nigga try.

Speaker 1 (05:51):
That's never, not one never, It's true.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
And then I experienced the niggas I'm trying.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
You were in a relationship, but shortly after you were
no longer in one, and you did it creatively on Instagram.
That announcement was very creative. Ron to actually say, love
death very creative. We should probably plug that real Like
too good. How you announced that. I think people just
want to.

Speaker 3 (06:22):
Know what happened. Oh well, that little thing, you know
what it is.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
It's it's always interesting when you're on a healing process
that if you're constantly in a healing process, then you
are constantly becoming more aware of things that you may
not have been aware of before. Like even in listening
to that, that makes me cringe that a nigga trying

(06:50):
was enough, that was the standard, Like that's wild to me.
Like hearing you say that back is like, oh, my
you hear the I'm over here heavy.

Speaker 3 (06:58):
Breathing, because I have been there.

Speaker 2 (07:01):
Yeah, Like, and I think a lot of women who
are so like you started out this podcast by saying,
like a man that works so hard, like you know,
she's like really you know, on her shit, et cetera.
And I think a lot of women, like myself suffer
from smart woman dumb girl syndrome.

Speaker 3 (07:16):
That girl, I will leave this room.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
And what I consider smart woman dumb girl syndrome to
be is that we are like book smart. We are
even like we are savvy, like we might be bereard driven, yeah,
but we're not heart smart. So and that doesn't mean
that you don't have emotional intelligence. What that means is
that like there really is a dynamic to like being

(07:43):
in relationships with like cisgendered heterosexual men that like some
women have mastered and that are able to understand. And like,
if you didn't have the right people around you, like
growing up, you kind of never like learn those skills,
you know, Like I have a lot of skins. I'd
never had those skills. I was also flat chested till
like ninety eight, so like I was also like a

(08:07):
late bloomer yeah, and so there's just a constant work
in progress around like my own. Now, mind you, I
can see somebody else's easy clear as day twenty twenty,
actually more than twenty twenty. I'm like Jordan on Star
Trek with the visor, like I could actually see better
than all of y'all, you know. But when it's my
own self, which is the norm, like your own self,

(08:30):
like you don't have the same ability. But I feel
like what really happened was that I like crossed over
into a space of maturity that like my partner just
did not want to go to, and that ends up
being a catalyst for seeing like a lot of other

(08:50):
things that I hadn't really maybe not allowed myself to
be before, but that I didn't consider to be deal
breakers before. But if you don't want to grow up,
that's a deal breaker. We have to grow. We have
to grow. And you know, I think that the biggest

(09:11):
lesson I learned was what it looks like when someone
loves themselves, and just as black people like we just
aren't really taught how to love ourselves, like we don't
even know what that looks like a lot of times,
like I think so many of us are in that
process on a regular basis, Like what does that actually mean?
Does it just mean like going and get my nails done? Like, hey,

(09:32):
you know what I'm saying. Like Audrey Lord talks about
how like no, like loving yourself is loving your community,
you know, like loving yourself is being a part of
like creating the spaces that you're in, making them lovable, right,
and also like allowing the possibility for you to experience joy,
allowing for you to heal. There's work that you have

(09:54):
to do to do that. And so a lot of
the brothers that I know that I have dated, like
they have not actively done that. So if they're not
even giving themselves the opportunity to love themselves. And I'm
not saying anything new, people have said this before, but
if they're not giving themselves the opportunity to love themselves
in a real way, how can you possibly love someone else?
Not even just love me, like that's that's your kids,

(10:15):
like et cetera, anyone. You know. So that was like
a real like like, oh, you're not even doing the
things for yourself that would be demonstrative of you loving yourself.
Like I know that I've had to go to therapy
because I'm like standing in the way, Like I have
trauma and I have behaviors that are in the way

(10:36):
of my access to joy. So then it's my responsibility
to go and do that, to go and do that. Yeah,
and I brought some of that in our relationship and
it was in the way of our joy in our relationship.
So I had to actively work to remove that from
getting in the way of our joy in our relationship.
But then if I remove it and they.

Speaker 3 (10:55):
Still enjoy it and our labge with somebody elimination, both
of us have to be on that like did like
And I think at the end of the day, like
the nigga didn't like me? That damn. That was a
that was a very sharp summation, a very sharp I
mean like grew to not or never did in your assessment,

(11:19):
I don't.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
Know that he ever.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
Did you think he was using you?

Speaker 3 (11:24):
Just playing the game as long as so after.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
After we broke up about it, months after we broke up,
I got a letter. I got an anonymous letter from
somebody that said that they had seen me on this podcast,
this one, this podcast, this podcast. Okay, so shout out
to y'all, and they were like, oh, I saw you
on that podcast and you were saying that you were

(11:47):
in love with and you must be like the only
person in the world that didn't know that they were
an opportunist. Oh damn. And then they went on to
say a lot of things in this letter that I'm
not even going to share here, but they were all accurate.
And it wasn't a horned person that had been with
him before, but it was somebody who said, I wanted
to share this with you because it's clear that you
didn't know and you know that it's you know, just

(12:15):
like women to a woman. I just wanted you to
have that knowledge. And again, like I'm not calling him
an abuser, Like I'm not saying any of those things, right,
but at the end of the day, like opportunism plays
out in a number of different ways, and it can
represent itself in relationships in a myriad of ways. Sometimes
someone's an opportunists and just that like they just want

(12:38):
to have somebody.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
Yep, yeah, Like they're not trying to clout chase necessarily.

Speaker 2 (12:42):
I just want partnership.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
They want to float, they want to be floated and
whatever that looks like, yesh, Yeah, So I.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Think it was more that like, I don't think he
was cloud chasing, but I think that this setup was
probably advantageous. And and I desire to make the person
I'm with comfortable, right, so like, and that's part of
my own self low self esteem.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
There's so many things that you said I have a
question about. I want to go back. First is when
it comes to those men that you were talking to.
Did they see that they had issues and were going
about their own way or trying to solve them or
they didn't think they had issues at all.

Speaker 3 (13:32):
No.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
I've always feel like I've dated men who, for the
most part, I acknowledge they have issues and they've accepted
it about themselves.

Speaker 1 (13:43):
Like I'm not changing, this is just.

Speaker 3 (13:44):
This is just who I am.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
And it feels like it's like it's somehow for them
a sense of I don't know, it's like a source
of strength that I've accepted these flaws.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
And should be proud of me.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yeah, And you know what, a lot of us do
this thing where we have been taught about this whole
like making lemons from making lemonade from lemons type shit
with our trauma and like that's bullshit, Like making lemonade
from lemons is like, oh, I got suck at the beach,
so I made it a beach day. You know what
I'm saying, Like making lemonade from lemons isn't like my

(14:21):
parents abandoned me. And so you know, now I'm a
real nigga because I know how to be abandoned. Like
that's not making lemonade from lemons, right, Because also a
lot of times it's like you've accepted a behavior that
was never okay and you didn't deserve that. You didn't
deserve to be treated that way, and whether you want
to judge them or not, like that was not how

(14:44):
you should have been treated as a child, and you
have to be able to acknowledge that, to be able
to acknowledge how it affected you and how you are
now carrying and perpetuating through that. So like even for myself,
like my dad is whack, and you know, I have
abandonment issues because of that, and now I like respond

(15:05):
to certain things a certain way because of those abandoning issues.
But I had to be able to grasp like, oh,
this is because of this, and so I do that,
and that's in the way of me getting this source
of joy in order to like move past it. But
that's also like an ego thing. You have to be
able to be willing to say like, oh, I'm toxic too.

Speaker 3 (15:28):
I gotta work on that.

Speaker 2 (15:29):
I gotta work on that. It's funny.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
One of the other things you talked about, which could
have been a part of thing but maybe not, is
just like when you know that you are going through
your own stuff, everything that you just said, you're trauma,
you're working on your stuff. Then you have a partner
that may feel like they don't have all of that right,
like they don't have trauma. They don't or they haven't
immediately associated any I feel like even still sometimes it's like,

(15:53):
but you may still need outside help to help me,
to support me. You can't necessarily fix my process like
I have. I have my own process, but you may
not have the tools to be my partner while I
work through my process like I still, you still have
to be doing some work. You can't just think, well,
you do that and I'll be over here, like I'll

(16:15):
be kicking it and chilling while you work on your stuff.
To me, everyone needs to be working on something. My
lift might be heavier, right, my I might have to
carry way more lumber, but you need to be able
to like hold my backup while I'm doing it, or
make sure there's nothing on the steps, Like we have
to be a team in order to work through the things,
whatever the things are, if it's my things, your things, whatever,

(16:35):
Like I mean, we I don't feel like our society
has like the tools, Like we're not taught that, Like
I mean some of us did like peer counseling, you.

Speaker 2 (16:43):
Know, in middle school. But also everybody has trauma. There's that, right,
so like they're nobody is devoid of trauma. Like even
when white people be like there's no such thing as
white privilege, we all have traumas, like that's not what
we're talking about. But yes, even you rich Becky, like
you have trauma too. But to me, that is the

(17:06):
biggest lie is to tell yourself that you didn't have trauma,
and the lie of like now I'm good. Yeah, it's
like but you're not, Like you're not and that's okay.
But in order for that to work for both of us,
like we gotta acknowledge those things. And in the best

(17:27):
case scenario, I guess, like trust your partner is coming
from the best place, Like I don't think in hindsight
that he ever really trusted that I was coming from
the best place, Like there was always a certain adversarialness
that I would talk about, like why are we coming from?
Why is there adversarialness in our interaction? You know, like

(17:48):
I am on your side, like I have demonstrated this
through words, through actions, through money, Like I am on
your side. But that's the type of shit that ain't
got nothing to do with me, Yo, that has nothing
to do with me. Like they're like, I'm sure every
broad before me and whoever you living with now, is
it also dealing with that you play sports?

Speaker 1 (18:06):
Yes, I understand, Like I learned that in sports, Like
my coach would yell at me, scream at me during practice,
but game time it was like we're all on the
same team and all of this is collective.

Speaker 2 (18:18):
There's a man, you got mama issues. You ain't never
going to be able to look at a woman like
she's on your team. Ever, Damn am I lying? No?

Speaker 3 (18:26):
Not at all, not at all. I think I'm like
having such a.

Speaker 2 (18:30):
And I say that as something. Let me, can I
just say something. I say that as someone who it
took me who I daddy issues years to be able
to look at brothers like, oh, you're on my like
in a relate, in a romantic relationship, Oh we're on
the same team. Because I had the adversarial on this too,
and then I had to get over my ship to
be like, no, that's not my like, that's you're not
coming at me. We're we're doing this again. We're doing

(18:53):
this together. And that's how I came into this. That
was my last relationship, Like I had that breakthrough of like, oh,
like I can wholly care about you without it putting
me in danger because I got me.

Speaker 1 (19:07):
What you said is I feel like what people will
do to manipulate you, especially if you're mature enough to
recognize your own trauma, your own issues, you're going to therapy.
They could look at you and say, see, you got
all the issues, you have, all the problems you need
to get yourself together, and then they'll act perfect, but
they'll use that to manipulate you. And I've seen that
so many times. We've had people right in to where

(19:28):
it's like the man that's truly manipulating them, making that
girl or playing the victim, essentially saying that like you're
the one doing everything wrong right and you have all
the issues. You need to go to therapy. I don't
need to go to therapy. We don't need to go
to therapy together at you.

Speaker 3 (19:43):
Same, I've lived, same, same, and I felt so this
person was someone from my past, so similar to like
your dynamic where we dated when we were so much younger,
and so we entered it with a lot of euphoria
like oh this is so in the style, oh my god.
But it was probably I don't know, maybe ten or

(20:04):
fifteen years in between the time and then we reconnect
and I have, like I'm in therapy. I had been
through therapy. I had identified so many things, and one
of the things that I had was trust issues. Again
because similar to you, daddy issues, abandonment issues, so I
inherently distrust. I'm forty, Oh these are father issues. Now, yeah,
these are forty.

Speaker 2 (20:24):
They become father issues, his father issues.

Speaker 3 (20:29):
And I admitted that to him in a time where
I felt like we had gotten to a place I
felt safe to say like yeah, bow, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was like, you know, I have trust issues and
I want you to know that because I want you
to give me grace when it appears. And I haven't emotionally,

(20:50):
I just want grace when it happens, and once it happened,
it was totally used against me, it was wielded against me,
when truly he was like, you know, like me not
calling you for nine hours when I normally would call you,
is that's not I was, I mean, what do you mean, Like, see,
that's your trust issues? Like that's what And I was like,
dog the fact, I wish I never told you this,

(21:13):
Like it is literally being used against me as a weapon,
and then that makes you clam up even more. Then
it almost feels like it's undoing until you learn that
that can then be used against you, until you learn
that it's like, oh now I just need to go
back at my show. Now I didn't trust my father,
I didn't trust any of the men up to this moment,
and now I can't even I don't even know when

(21:35):
I'm supposed to feel safe because what I thought was
safety wasn't safety. It's like, how do you know when
it's a truly safe space? Like that's a real question
that I'm asking you, whether you can answer it or not.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
But like had he said to you, Okay, let's get
down to brass tacks. Like me not calling you for
nine hours. Do you feel like that may be part
of your trust issues. I feel like even just broaching
it that way, that way allows you to self explore.
And if you're like, no, it's not nigga, you usually

(22:08):
call me a night, you know, then the safe space
is in him trusting that you are, that you are
a valid examiner of your own behaviors and like someone
should be able to watch and see through action if
someone does that, right, are you a valid examiner of
your own behaviors? I will tell you that in my relationship,

(22:31):
in my effort to try to like create safe spaces,
one of the things that I know that used to
happen was, for whatever reason, like he just wouldn't say
things that were bothering him until they were retaliations, so
it wouldn't get said. But then now that I have
something that's bothering me, it's we're going to deflect by
talking about this thing, and so to try to curtail that.

Speaker 3 (22:56):
Mike.

Speaker 2 (22:57):
So I'm a root person, right, I'm not going to
tell talk about the branches. I'm like the root of this.
Feels like you don't feel comfortable sharing things in the
moment when they upset you. Why is that? So let's
talk about that. And then I was like, so, what
if we do a thing where every day at the
end of the day, because for the most part, like
we would go to bed together. I was like, what

(23:20):
if at the end of every day, like we have
a safe space where we like share whatever is on
our chest for the day, and we also like share
whatever gratitude we have for each other for the day.
And that was me trying to make like a space
that we both know is non judgment space, Like I'm
coming to the space like all right, whatever they and

(23:43):
so like these are the types of things that I
was trying to like employ for our wellness because I
do feel like at this point, especially if they're in
your forties, trying to be in a relationship and it's
like new, like you need tools. Like I mean, everybody
needs the tools, but like we're so fucked up we
need tool And because we're so conditioned by moving alone, yeah, yeah,

(24:05):
we're not used.

Speaker 3 (24:06):
To being in tandem.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
Yes, And I think some people come into the relationship
thinking that you'll just like figure get with someone and
yeah and figure it out, or that it'll just be
an attachment, you know, Like I know that there were
certain things with him that he seemed to just not
grasp would shift if you're with somebody, you know, like
even just basic stuff like if it's by thirty am

(24:29):
and you want to go for a run, so be it,
But like, can you be quiet about it because I'm
still sleep? Oh so I got a tiptoe.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
Yes it please, I mean, but that's like why wouldn't
you want to? Like nobody's saying like, don't go run,
but like maybe you put your shoes, like your sneakers
by the door in the morning, right, Like it's a
big enough house. Maybe you go get dressed in the
other room or something, you know, Like but it's just
that kind of thoughtfulness that comes with partnership.

Speaker 1 (24:54):
And that comes with successful relationships. Are really healthy relationships
they put each other first. If you're constantly thinking about
the other person, then I think you'll have a healthy relationship.
But what you said is important because I was that
type of person, like not sharing things, And I realized
that I was doing my own relationship with disservice because
my wife would think nothing bothered me because so she

(25:17):
would even go harder on me, and like express all
this stuff, and she's like, oh, you're fine, like you
can take the brunt and everything, and I'm like I can't.
And she was like, well, why don't you share that things?
Why don't you share the things with me?

Speaker 2 (25:31):
Because I don't want to be extra. I don't want
to upset the apple card.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
Well, it's more I think it was my sports background,
like the mentality of like if you're injurising on the sideline,
but if you're if you are on the field, I
don't want to hear you complain about nothingship I know,
but in my mind certain things and it's just like
you just suck it up and just do it like
you don't gotta and it doesn't bother you as much.
It's like, all right, whatever, I'm just gonna do it,

(25:55):
all right, whatever, I'm just gonna do it, all right, whatever.
I'm just gonna do it. And I think your condition
as a man sometimes too, to not complain or even
sharing about certain things because it looks weak. Yeah, so
it's like, nah, I'm good. But I would constantly say
things in this you'll come at me or give me
this perfection complex, which was really damaging for us early
on is that she saw me as perfect because I

(26:18):
never complained about anything, never said I had any issues,
never said I had any problems. So the moment I
did something wrong, which is just a normal thing that
people do because I'm not perfect, it was like all
hell broke loose and everything was wrong and everything, and
I'm like, just because of this, like just because of this,
you're mad at me. But I set the standard because
I never told her I had any problems, never told

(26:38):
her I had any issues. I made it seem like
everything was great. But I was hurting inside because I'm like,
I understand that you have a lot of things that
you're going through, like what about me? Like what about me?
But it's like you got to say something in order
for people to know that there's something wrong with tuly
And don't.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
You want like the support, you know what I'm saying.
I mean, like the other part of that.

Speaker 1 (27:02):
To unlearned that, I guess.

Speaker 2 (27:06):
Because it's not hard to do. It's just hard to
unlearn it because it's been positioned. And then even with
the effort of trying to like let men know, like no,
really no, you have so many men who were like
quit trying to get us to share our feelings, Like
there's like movements.

Speaker 1 (27:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (27:22):
I literally saw a common the other day that was like, men,
don't fall for this because the moment you let it down,
she's never good.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
I'm like, do you know how wildly scary that is? Like, yeah,
I just feel like that's that all connects to this idea,
which is a really imperialist idea. And it's at the
end of the day, it's not even just imperialists, but
this idea that women are really only like meant for

(27:49):
property value, and that we are not fully like thinking,
breathing vessels, and the idea that you would trust someone
to birth the baby, that you would give everything but
not to handle your feelings is bonkers. But it's also
like women, we also need to be very practiced at
how to handle feelings because we're in the same patriarchal

(28:10):
system and we be perpetuating that bullshit too. Dann nigga,
why are you crying? You know? Or damn nigga, why
are you crying? You know? You know the rachidemics. It's like,
stop And I feel like the softness that we all
deserve for each other, we have to give for each other.
Like I know that even in being able to say like, Okay,

(28:35):
I have an issue with something like I would be
met with like I don't want to be like you.
I don't want to be somebody who complains or who
has an issue with things, and like he's looking at
me like there's something wrong with me for stating when
I don't like something, etc. But that all goes back
to your trauma because you grew up in a space
where when you did that, you were scolded for that right.

(28:56):
And I just think that we all have so much.

Speaker 3 (29:00):
Work through so much, and also that it's a human experience.
It is not a I say this so much on
the show, it's not a woman experience. It's not a
man experience. Like we all need to be able to
be like let it out. We all need to have
room to do that. Like you have tear ducks, my guy,

(29:20):
it's like your heart free stacks. Yeah, Okay, if you cry,
God literally made you to do so.

Speaker 2 (29:28):
So on Cat Williams interview on that show on CB,
he is like saying, uh, he had said something in
passing that a lot of men were like catching latching onto.
Even though the thought it got expounded upon, they just
latched onto this first little part where he said a
lot of women don't get men because they are acting
like men. Right, So then I asked my like instagram like,

(29:51):
so men, I just want to hear from y'all. I mean,
so many women failed the need to chime men. I'm
just like I didn't ask y'all. We also got to
stop that. We got got that's part of me a
safe space, right yep. And so many men were like
listing the ways in which that the ways in which
they felt women act like men, and all of them
had examples that were simply just things that are toxic

(30:15):
toxic masculinity, like you know, just being competitive, you know,
just try trying to run shit to you know, trying
to question things. And I'm like, this is if this
is women acting like men? Is it okay when men
do me?

Speaker 3 (30:28):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (30:29):
Yes, I remember this post. I remember this post and like,
no answer. None.

Speaker 1 (30:33):
I mean the issue is that what we're taught as men. Well,
a lot of men think that the title of leader
of being a man is a title that's just given,
I guess, and not earned, like when it comes to
like relationships. So if a man is like, you should
submit to me. He's like, because I'm a man, just
because because this is my gender, you should submit to

(30:54):
me and give up all control and have me lead.
But if it's like, if you haven't proven that I
can trust, if you haven't shown up consistently time over time,
over time over time, why would I submit to you?

Speaker 2 (31:05):
Why am I? Why do I have to submit that?
That is a weird word. Like it's like, why can't
we support each other and know that you have your
strengths and I have my strengths. Like your dicking balls
does not give you leadership shills, broy true, Like I
can tell you, like there's things that I'm really good

(31:27):
at that like my partner is just maybe not good at, Like,
but there's also things that they may be really good
at that I'm not good at. And it's not even
anything gender based. I'm a really effective leader. I am
an MC. I move crowds, right, So, like if we
had to be in a situation, we're I to move shit,

(31:47):
you know, move crowds. Like, so because you're the man,
we're gonna expect you to be better at that. No,
we got the movettle crowd.

Speaker 3 (31:53):
Like, so you don't think there there should be a
tiered structure in the household. I don't even know.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
This is bonkers to me, Like, I just don't. I
don't know why that's necessary, because we have seen time
and time again when we actually talk to our elders
that that isn't actually the real way that things were working.
Like in some like Okay, the man had this like
status that was given to him by society, by society,

(32:20):
but then in one household, like Granny was actually handling
all the bills, you know, and actually running all of that.

Speaker 3 (32:28):
In fact, Grandpa couldn't even read, so he can't count
the money, right yep.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
Then you know, you have another household where it's like, Okay,
the man's supposed to be the one who's the farmer,
but Granny was the one who actually had the green thumb,
you know what I'm saying. And then I just think
that when we look at like this idea that men
are at the head of the household, I think that
that's like the idea about that is protectiveness, et cetera.
But I don't know why that has to be contended

(32:55):
with the head that to me ends up being about dominance.
And I feel like that because that's what patriarchy is.
Patriot is about dominance. And I know niggas in the
comments right now like see that's why she's single, and
it's like, yeah, that is exactly why I'm single because
we live in a society that hasn't caught up to
women like me, bars and I know that, and so

(33:18):
many women in the comments are like yes, because there's
there are men who have caught up and they are
in loving, healthy relationships with women who are bad about
it or at it.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
Yeah, I think so too. I just I think there's
no one size fits all. You have to do what
works for your household. If that structured that him here,
you there kids, If that's what works for y'all, right, great,
but that is not the blanketed You cannot just paint
that with a with a big brush.

Speaker 2 (33:47):
You can't even when we just look at like people
just love to throw things out there, like what about Africa?
And I'm like, okay, so there would be households you
know that had like three wives, right, but it's not
always the first wife who was the most loved, right,
or who was the most skilled or whatever. Like we
are humans, we are so complex, Like there is no
just like you know, blanket way of putting things, and

(34:10):
for the most part those efforts that have been made
were made to control people like Henry the Eighth literally
started a whole other church because niggas wuldn't let him
getting get married to Ambolin, like they'll just change rules
when it doesn't fit. That doesn't work. He was married,
like completely married. Lady was in Spain, like we married,

(34:33):
and he was like, nah, I'm trying to get a divorced.
They were like, you can't get a divorce. Not by
the Church of England. No, I think he started the
Church of England. They were like, by the Catholic Church,
you can't get divorced. He was like watch this, watch
me work.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
Then started a whole other church just to marry a woman.
Then he beheaded, So like when are.

Speaker 2 (34:52):
We eating out what it is? It's just the way
you said it. So ultimately, like all of this stuff
is really malleable, you know, it's it's malleable, Like it's
only in place for like the little the little people
because the people at the top making the decisions about
what we get to do.

Speaker 1 (35:14):
I'm still trying to digest at all.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
Because it's overwhelming to think, like oh, so we do
have choice. Like even gender, which the whole other topic
than this episode, but like, even gender is a ma
It's literally a made up thing. Like it's just a construct.
And we live in a society that has accepted that construct,
and so thus people are like, well, I like that construct,
so let's hold on to it. But you still have

(35:38):
to acknowledge it is a construct. Though, it's just that
you like it. Yeah, it just fits. It works for you,
It's worked for a long time. I want to go
back to this smart woman, dumb girl like thing.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
I wanted to talk about that too.

Speaker 2 (35:53):
Why am I so good at my work and so
bad at my house?

Speaker 3 (35:57):
Why?

Speaker 1 (35:58):
Like?

Speaker 3 (35:58):
What are what are? Because clearly I almost imped out
of my chair because I've done it. I've done it
and I do not want to repeat it. But you
know what it made me think about. And it was
an interview I can't remember where it was, but I
believe it was Tyler Perry who was talking about like
they're with women in his that he knows that are
very well set up, Like they have everything. They have
a great career, they have money, they're very wealthy. The

(36:20):
only thing they don't have is a person, and they
are with a man who is really good to them,
right good to them based on his definition, but they
can't like contribute financially. And I think sometimes that that's
such a limited as it is a very very limited contribution,

(36:41):
but also a very limited perspective around the relationship because
you don't really know.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
No, that's what I was saying. Yeah, not the contribution part.
But that's a limited perspective. Yes, this it's a very
limited perspective.

Speaker 3 (36:51):
But I feel like that those women or because I'm
gonna put myself in that group too. Clearly, I'm not
a millionaire by far, but oftentimes I have out earned
the men that I've dated. I've and not for any
other reason than I made better choices perhaps, or maybe
I was just in the right place at the right time.

(37:11):
Maybe they just weren't afforded that, whatever the reasons were,
And I found that in majority of those dynamics, that
dumb girl thing overpowered or it's just like, oh, I'm
really smart and I know how to process this and
I can fix them and I can push them in
this direction. But that was a dumb thing I thought
I was actually sometimes Yeah, because I was I was

(37:33):
like that was a dumb thing.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
I don't think that was a dumb.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
Not know, not that because he didn't make more than me.
But when that was the dynamic, I felt like, well,
I just need to bring him along, like I just
need and and he wasn't even showing that he should
have been brought a hardy It was the It was
the I feel like I can because I don't really
I don't need you to help me pay my bills.
I don't need you to contribute to this, So that's cool.

(37:58):
You could just kind of like.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
Doing shit for people that didn't ask us to do
it for them, it for theirselves. That's the same. That's
a whole circle back exactly, like I'm over here loving
you more than you're loving yourself. Like, but I mean,
the smart woman's girl concept is really just this idea
also that like the skills that make us effective in

(38:22):
our work life aren't helpful in our love life. I'm like,
I remember a scenario where I was having a conversation
with the brother where I was toe to toe with
him in terms of like he's saying something, I'm like, well,
you know that I have a retort because I know
what I'm talking about and he just got so kerfuffled

(38:45):
and he was just like, oh my god, like I
just it's just it's too much. And I was like,
what is too much? He's like, I mean I'm trying
to talk to you, and I was like, yeah, I'm
talking back to you. But I wasn't emotional, like it
was like we're just having I mean, I would say
it was heated, but we weren't like raising our voices

(39:06):
or anything, but like I was keeping up. Yeah, and
he was like, it's just you know, you're just like
you're just doing too much. And that made me emotional
because that made me feel like damn, like I'm literally
just talking to you and it's just and now I'm
getting insulted, right, So then I started crying. Well, now

(39:27):
he know what to do. Once I became an emotional
blob of a girl. Now it was now you can
have compassion. Now you can like see where I'm coming from,
or now you even care to see where I'm coming from.
And that made me feel like, oh, so you need
me to feel you need to meet, You need me
to be like low key in a smaller place than you, like,

(39:50):
you need to meet, you need to feel like I'm
impaired even though I'm not. But like you, you need
to feel like that to be able to handle me.

Speaker 3 (40:00):
What's that?

Speaker 2 (40:01):
And so like that felt like when I was in
my smart woman phase, I was too much Right. When
I'm speaking to you logically and we're having on exchange,
you know, I'm responding to what you're saying very clearly
and thoughtfully. Listen, this is how I sound, right. I
sound like I don't have a vagina or foods or anything.
I'm just an AI machine. But now that I'm over here,

(40:22):
like yeah, yeah, now it's come here, come here, groh,
go sweet sweetheart. He was from Brooklyn. Yeah, like I
just you.

Speaker 1 (40:38):
Know what else y'all doing that? Smart woman? Dumb girl face?
Y'all listen to your homeboys? Could they be trying to
tell you a lot of times? Like listen and then
y'all will just go, I got so many homegirls you're
telling him, like, bro, is not it at all? He
lying to you?

Speaker 3 (40:58):
But then y'all just let me think, Well, no, when
you were doing it, you were lying. But he's a
great verson.

Speaker 2 (41:06):
I had a homeboy who so you know, like the
folks on the street that are unable to get mental
health help, yeah, will label them like oh, like that's
crazy Jody or etc.

Speaker 3 (41:18):
Etc.

Speaker 2 (41:18):
But they'd be saying real shit, yeap. I had a
homeboy who who was unable to get mental health help,
and he, like you know, was just having like episodes.
And he pulled up at my mom's house one day
and started telling my mom like, yo, you got to
get her away from him, like her her light has
dimmed since she's been with him, like her crown has

(41:40):
shifted or whatever.

Speaker 3 (41:41):
And I was like, what who is he? First of all,
I'm like, why are you pulling to my mom's house?

Speaker 2 (41:45):
Like you know? But I and I didn't know that
at that time that he was in a mental health space.
I thought he was like on streams or some shit. Nonetheless,
if I'm being honest either way, I would have been.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
Like what.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
But he was right. He was right, But you're so right,
And now I actually now I go straight to my boys,
Like my homeboys saved me so much time recently because
I hit him and was like do you feel about
this person? And he was like, oh, that's a cornball,
Like that's a full on cornball, And I was like, okay, okay,

(42:20):
in what fashion and.

Speaker 3 (42:22):
Talk to me how you got to so I don't
have to ask you again. I'll just know how to figure.

Speaker 2 (42:27):
So he like ran it down. Now did I still proceed? Absolutely?

Speaker 1 (42:31):
But you were now aware.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
So now when the cornballery showed up, I took myself
out of it. I was like, oh, yes he is, Yeah,
he was a cornball to help y'all.

Speaker 1 (42:46):
I don't get. It's that glade of like, No.

Speaker 3 (42:50):
It's hope.

Speaker 2 (42:53):
It's both like we really want to be loved and
want to love. Like it's so funny. Like people ask
me people like, oh, I'm sure your dms are blowing up.
No they're not.

Speaker 1 (43:04):
It's just an assumption that people have.

Speaker 3 (43:07):
Quiet.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
My dms are full of Palestine and puppies like those
are my dms, Like there's nobody, and anytime a man
does come in my DM, they're.

Speaker 3 (43:17):
So wild it's extreme. It is like adicture.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
I had an mancome my DMS recently and was like,
you need to date a regular nigga, and I was like, actually,
I've done quite a bit of that and I'm not regular,
so I don't know why that would be what I
need to date. Uh, your shade is so good. It's
just so good. I don't pay attention. Okay.

Speaker 1 (43:45):
I just remember when you did your documentary here in
DC and you were talking after and you were talking
about your investment in black and black men.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
I should have returns by this point, Okay. I have invested.
And that's why when people say wild shit to me,
like a man is hates black men, I'm like, check
my record, you know, you know how the politicians just
be like, check my voting record, and I'm like, check
my money record. Okay, check my time record. I should
be getting Amazon gift cards from women who are with
these men now saying thank you for the time that

(44:17):
you put into Hussein, you know what I mean. Like
that's where it should be. Like, no, I've given niggas careers,
literal careers, and be like, all right, go up in
the world. Be somebody like that at that needs to
be your next skit, Like you know, commercials. I feel
like you need to do that, Like if you've had
the benefit of being upgraded and taken care of by

(44:40):
a man of sells, listen and they know who they are,
they know who they are. Welcome, I listen. It's and
sometimes it's monetary sometimes just education.

Speaker 3 (44:49):
Oh yeah, like it it can be so much just this.

Speaker 2 (44:53):
Game, you know, just even just like you should get
a therapist, right and like now they're like in therapy.
But I mean I've also had the benefit to of
like exits who became homies and like seeing their growth.
And that's also like really great because we're able to
continuously like show and see each other like you know, elevate.
But I just feel like there's this idea that one

(45:23):
that like women are turning down like so many great men,
and I'm just like, that's not I don't think that's
I don't know what it is because I'm I'm I'm
not turning down great men.

Speaker 3 (45:36):
I'm turning down the men that should be turned down.
I'm turning down the ones that are.

Speaker 2 (45:41):
Turned down by whack niggas, like by ones they shouldn't.

Speaker 3 (45:47):
Even then you question your like, oh, I'm absolutely in
that phase right now?

Speaker 2 (45:55):
Is that possible? I'm not as fly as I think.
I like, I have to go back to therapy for
a number of reasons, but also because I was like, oh,
like my self esteem is shot shot.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
I know when your backups, like nah, I'm good that
self esteem, Like somebody you always knew, like.

Speaker 2 (46:14):
I never had backups. But I will say that like
at this point, all of us have that person we
know can call that can be like, nah, you still
the baddest, and you're like, it's when that person's that's
what it actually is. It's when you're your person. It's
not making you actually feel better because typically and you
can go back to that person and you're like, yeah,

(46:34):
I am, Yeah, I'm a fly ass. And now they
say it to you and you're like, well, you actually
don't want to consider some things.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
So how do you remain hopeful? Like do you like how.

Speaker 2 (46:45):
That I am at this point really hopeful for what?
Like who knows the next time I'm going to have sex?
Like really, let's be real, who knows. I mean, let's
be honest.

Speaker 3 (46:54):
I mean if you want to, if you just wanted
to have sex with me and you can have sex,
like stop like like like we we are not going
to do that. Think so like like like the sex
that I mean, just the act at this point, it
needs to be the sex I want. Okay, understandable, Yes.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
Thinking pussy game, it's just a waste of time.

Speaker 3 (47:16):
Okay, we snickers. I get that I said, I've read
that snickers then like waste the waste the cookies on
like something that doesn't deserve it.

Speaker 2 (47:24):
I thought you were rather watching like Niggers with a
hard R And I was like, what is she saying?
Would rather have a Snickerly?

Speaker 3 (47:32):
Sometimes I would just rather be home under the blanket,
Like I don't even want to do the sport of
like playing a game just to have a quick little
sex moment.

Speaker 1 (47:40):
Like like one person that from the past that you
can always go to that.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
Just yes, you don't want to do that. You're in
your twenties, like your past is you're barely out of
your thirties, but your twenties is yesterday. Last year was
your twenties, so like your past is very like short
and and most of those people are probably still in
that same part of their life. I'm now forty two,

(48:05):
so like my past, like people have moved on in
their lives, like people are in marriages. Can't just go back,
I said, Like we've moved out of that phase, like
the whole phase. Everybody was in the whole phase at
one time together. Now there may be some scragglers and
you're looking at them like, no, don't even know why

(48:25):
I did it. Maybe I'm okay, no, like I tried
to talk to a politician for a moment, but then
it was just like.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
His stances weren't where they need to be.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
You know what. That's what actually deaded it. But what
should have debdited it was when he was like, you know,
I'm gonna come to LA and like take you on
a date. And I was like, oh, wow, like I
deserve that, so yes, that would be lovely. And then
I was like, where do you stay when you come
to LA. He's like, oh, I'm a Marriott kind of guy.
I was like, oh, that's what's up. There's actually a
Marriotte like around like my way, so you know, that'd
be convenient to like stay over here to go to
dinner and stuff. And so later in the conversation, I

(49:01):
was talking about how like, since the breakup, I was
actually like painting my house and the colors that I
wanted to because in the relationship he was always like, oh,
I'm a minimalist, so I was being respectful of the
fact that we're sharing a space. And he was like,
so you got all these rooms and I got to
stay at a Maria.

Speaker 3 (49:17):
Make it make sense, dog, sir, that should have been
the end that Also, you know, Okay, the number one
reason the niggas holler at me, that they'll tell me
is because they feel challenged by me.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
And I do not want discourse. I want intercourse, Like
I don't know what that is, but I have had
multiple men be like yeah, Like what turns them on
about me is like they feel like there's going to
be something.

Speaker 3 (49:48):
Yes, like there's going to be a tussle.

Speaker 2 (49:50):
They want as yes. And so then when I don't
give that because contrary to what people believe, like when
I'm with a man, I don't speak to them the
way I speak about the occupation of Palestine, which people
think that like the passion that I have about that, Like, yeah,
I'm not speaking to my man with that tone.

Speaker 1 (50:12):
When I'm you're saying that you're actually irritated too, like
if you're speaking in that manner. So if they want
you to speak to them in that way, it's not.

Speaker 2 (50:21):
A thing I'm responding. So like they when they don't
get that from me, like for some reason, that's what
they are wanting, but I'm showing up in softness, they
will then try to trigger it. So they'll neg me.
You know what negging is, so they'll try and neg me,
And like that was wild to experience. Like we were

(50:41):
on the phone and like when he like this dude,
he had called me when I was driving and I
was listening to a try called quest Record, and so
when I answered the phone, I was like, back in
the days on the Bulevard of Linden, we used to
get routines when the presence was fitten. He was like, ugh,
you're rapping. That's so annoying. He just wanted to just

(51:03):
wanted to argue, like that's you know, I remember like
we were and this is over the course of just
one week. And then we're on the phone and he
was like, I was like, you know, I would love
to send you some videos about palestime because I feel
like there's like information that you're missing that could be
really helpful and just forming an opinion because he was

(51:25):
saying that he just didn't know how to think about it,
he just knew how to feel about it. And I
was like, you know, I do feel that you you know,
respect my mind, and he went for now, girl, I.

Speaker 3 (51:37):
Just so.

Speaker 2 (51:43):
No, oh, yes, yes, because I have self esteem issues. Yeah,
smart woman, smart woman girl. Also because I'm so trained,
some in part by you people on this internet to
not come off as like too hard or too short
or too sharp. So I will allow mistreatment to not

(52:03):
look like I am a certain way. You'll take it.
It's very dangerous, you'll take it, yes, And so you know,
I'm trying to be better to myself of like mm hmm.
So then like we ended up stopping talking because he
was like, actually, I'm gonna run scenario biole because you're
probably gonna be tell me I'm tripping, but it's fine.
I can't wait.

Speaker 3 (52:22):
Let's hear it this.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
Scenario.

Speaker 3 (52:25):
So okay, So first off, let me just tell you
that at first, the first reason it ended was because
that next morning he had called me in the morning
at like on a Saturday morning, and.

Speaker 2 (52:35):
I, well, no, I had texted him and was like, hey,
I told you about those links I was going to
send you. You said it was okay, So I'm not sure
what you don't know, so I'm kind of like shooting
in the dark. And he replied back and said, well,
you're mistaking you're confusing me, saying I don't know how
to feel about it with I don't know, okay, And
I said, oh, I guess I just assumed you didn't
know how to feel about it because you needed more information.

(52:58):
And he said, well, that's not an assumption you should
have made. He was a smart that happened, Yes, very smart.
So this happened on text and he calls me and
he's like, man, you starting early. And I was like, well,
the the Genesis didn't stop because I went to sleep.
So I just that's how I've been living since October seventh,
Like I go to sleep, I wake up, I'm like

(53:19):
consuming right, Like this is where we are living. And
I don't know when this is going to air, but like,
I mean I came in to do this today and
saw that they were like, yeah, we're about to obliterate
the rest of the Palestinians. So like, if you're into
trying to understand something like you're in it, I'm a cancer.
We like, yeah, long story short. He was like, well, yeah,
like I felt like you were making an assumption and

(53:41):
you're really just trying to send me these videos because
you want me to think about it the way you
want to think about it. And I was like, well,
there's really only one moral way to think about this
and ultimately like, you're not gonna fuck me if you
don't think that way about it, right, And I'm just
keeping it about the fuck okay, and uh he was like, well,

(54:03):
you know, I don't even got time for this, and
then I was like, I gotta clear. But so then
when we clicked, I text him I said, you know,
I guess there's because there was just things we just
didn't have in common. I was like, you know, I
guess we have more things not in common than I thought,
including like our ideology on integrity. And he replied back

(54:25):
and said, don't tell me about integrity when you won't
even have a conversation now, mind you. I had been
trying to have this conversation. R Yeah, clearly. So I
let that rock for a day, and then the next
day I texted and said I would like to have
a conversation because you know, I'm a glutton for punishment.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
Yeah, yep, I hate that. By the way, though, Well, Dre.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
I'm glad we're friends. So I said, like to have
a conversation and he never responded until I did Celebrity Jeopardy.
Then I get a text. I get a text on
celebrity Jepard should should? I have responded no, but I
am got him for punishment father issues. That's my nineties version.

(55:15):
So we got on the phone and we actually had
a very interesting conversation where he did take accountability for
his behavior and all of that, and it was just like,
you know, I really didn't handle that properly, and I
thought so many times about calling you, and then I
would stop and just for the men out there, like,
don't say that to people. Keep that to yourself. That
sounds crazy. Why are you not calling? What's gonna happen?

(55:38):
What's the worst thing that could happen? I don't answer.

Speaker 3 (55:41):
I don't answer.

Speaker 2 (55:42):
Do you think I'm gonna scream on you?

Speaker 3 (55:44):
Like?

Speaker 2 (55:45):
I was like, this is this on a phone call?
So if I do, you can hang out.

Speaker 1 (55:47):
I think he was trying to excuse the absence by
saying that he had thought about him multiple times.

Speaker 3 (55:52):
Possibly No, it's not a Brownie point. Nope.

Speaker 2 (55:55):
So then he goes, well, you know, I got to
tell you this, but you know I'm gonna say, I'm
gonna just say it one time. You know what I'm saying.
If you tell anybody, I'm gonna deny it like ship.

Speaker 3 (56:06):
He was like, it was very difficult not to call you. Boy,
this is.

Speaker 2 (56:16):
A very game.

Speaker 3 (56:19):
Are you ready for the answer to the real love
scenario that just like that trying to run game?

Speaker 2 (56:27):
Yes, I hate it.

Speaker 3 (56:29):
Listen, he got the I don't want to get jail.

Speaker 2 (56:33):
I mean I do anything.

Speaker 3 (56:34):
You don't see anything?

Speaker 2 (56:38):
Is that your people? He's He's like, I need fine me.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
I played football.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
So I just was like, so anyways, we got off
the phone with the to me, We got off the phone, like, okay,
so we're we cleared the air.

Speaker 3 (57:00):
And we will resume, Yes, okay.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
Because I am a redemptive person, by the way, so
like some of it is my glutton for punishment, but
some of it is like I really believe the best
in people, and like we all have missteps. So the
same way that like maybe I shouldn't have hung up
the phone, I'm asking for us to have a conversation. Right,

(57:24):
So the next day I don't hear from him all day.
This is my real live scenario. Y'all are gonna be
like I told you she was crazy so.

Speaker 1 (57:33):
Prepared.

Speaker 2 (57:34):
So I texted him and was like, Hey, did I
not hear from you today? Because you were busy or
because you were like questioning whether or not you should
hit me. And he was like, oh man, it's just
been a crazy day, you know what I'm saying, Like
there's just been so much going on. Now, let me
just say this. My homegirls a gun a coologist, And
one time I called her and she answered the phone

(57:55):
and said, Hey, I'm elbows deep in a uterus? Can
I call you back? So I don't ever want to
hear nobody tell me who cares about me? Like, yo,
I was too busy, like and we got text and
DM and all the things. Now did you forget that
happens right? Like, oh my god, I kept saying, I
kept telling myself that I need to hit you, and

(58:17):
I just kept getting pulled into I apologize. No, I
was just so busy, you know, I'm saying, etcetera, etcetera.
So I thought about that, y'all, and I wanted to
be okay with that. But I wasn't okay with that
because I feel like, if you know that you exactly

(58:38):
like you said yesterday, like played yourself and you know
you actually acted out of pocket and you ruined the
opportunity for this, then to me, I feel like this
second chance should be treated with preciousness. And so if
you're not going to hit me all day the next
day and then say it's because you're busy and not
even be like you up now or or anything like that,

(58:59):
there's no preciousness there.

Speaker 3 (59:01):
And so I thought about it, and I was like,
am I going to sound like a crazy bitch?

Speaker 2 (59:09):
Maybe? And then I texted and I say, you know what,
Actually it's fine. Like if we were really starting back again,
which is what I thought was happening, then I would
have expected to hear from you. But clearly I had
a different indication of what last night's conversation was. And
so it's all good, Like I'll catch you in the mix.
He hits me back and says, Okay, this is a lot,

(59:31):
and I said perhaps perhaps, and he said i'll call
you later. And I have never heard from him since.

Speaker 1 (59:40):
You might the right decision.

Speaker 2 (59:43):
But he said i'll call you later, and I have
never heard from him since. So I made the right decision. Yes, yes,
But did I sound like a crazy bitch?

Speaker 3 (59:54):
I don't think you sounded like a crazy bitch. I
think that if I was you writing into the show
and you wrote that whole thing, and I would have said,
maybe three interactions ago, that it was time to be
done with it. It was even like the like the
redemptive thing. I appreciate, but when you were talking about this,
it made it made me think about a guy I

(01:00:15):
was dating very briefly and we got on the topic
of having a child who is trans and they learned
this when they're very young.

Speaker 2 (01:00:23):
I was.

Speaker 3 (01:00:23):
I watched Jody Patterson's story with her her with her Yes,
her son, my podcast Small Doses. She's amazing, and I
was so inspired by this and I had just watched it.
I'm telling him about it and I'm like, yes, I'm like,
I's like and then it just brings up the conversation
like would you know if this were you, like, how
do you think you would handle it as a parent.

(01:00:45):
And his reaction told me, I cannot proceed. I cannot
go past go. He can have his feelings about it, which,
as you can imagine, he's like, I would not be
okay with it, like my child cannot, my son would
never he could. I would be this, he would have
to leave my house.

Speaker 2 (01:01:01):
Okay. Yes.

Speaker 3 (01:01:02):
So so with that set, fundamentally, we were not on
the same page, and so when you have found that
out specifically around Palestine, because I think he was giving
off the per he was giving enough clues that he
did not feel the way that I will say this.

Speaker 2 (01:01:17):
When we had our redemptive convo, he was like, you
were right about that, and I and thank you for
inspiring me to actually get in the weeds. And now
I understand got it. And being that that's been so
many people's story, right, Like I just had somebody DM
me the other day, like when you said on October seventh,

(01:01:39):
what you said, I was so angry with you, Like
I felt like you had betrayed me. And you know,
for three weeks I was just like a man of
seals on some bs and then I had to check
myself to someone in in my DMS. They said they
checked themselves because they were like, you literally agree with
her on like everything else, so like maybe it's worth researching.
And they said that they literally committed themselves to research

(01:01:59):
for an hour. And with an hour, we're.

Speaker 3 (01:02:01):
Like, oh, so that's part of why I was like,
but how he was handling it was just that's it
was too much like you could say like even like oh,
you're you at it early.

Speaker 2 (01:02:15):
It's like, why even be honest? Though, yes, I think
that they're so okay. So I'm a public figure, and
that adds a whole other thing to like my just life, right,
because like I have to worry about my world, and
then I'm worrying about the world, and then I'm worrying

(01:02:36):
about how the world is worrying about my world. That's
a lot of other things. That's a lot and so
like dating is like a weird thing that I don't
necessarily have insight into because it's like, it's not just
about if someone has enough money or to feel to
feel comfortable being with me. It's not just about if

(01:02:58):
someone has the like inte lie, et cetera, or the positioning.
So like this was somebody who seemed like a possibility
because they had like they had an eduction, like the
education level, like they had like the the they were
established in their career, et cetera. And that just feels
like it's such a small bucket because it is, right,
So I think I was still I was trying to like,

(01:03:21):
come on.

Speaker 3 (01:03:22):
It's so close, yes, please, yeah, And it's just but
I don't.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
I think there's just like you said, like there was
just so there were just flags for all of that
from the beginning. When you say, so you gotta you
got a house, but I gotta stay at the Marryott nigga.

Speaker 3 (01:03:41):
Yeah, like yes, because you should.

Speaker 2 (01:03:43):
I'm want you should want to take about that. You
would not have stayed at the Marriotte if you had
got your ass here and had a great dinner. Don't
tell them nothing, don't tell them nothing. I just I
you know, I have to because so many of us
deserve this, Like shut the fuck up, shut up, show up,

(01:04:04):
shut up, and show up, shut up, shut up. It's
so real, like you don't need to, like you're all
your ego is so in the way, and like what's
the goal. I don't even know what the goal is
for some of these men anymore. I don't. It used
to be pussy, and now it's clearly not not that either,
because the amount of ship they're doing to not get pussy,

(01:04:26):
it's beyond my scope of comprehension.

Speaker 1 (01:04:28):
Maybe they don't know how to that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:33):
No, these are men that I know that they're getting.
I know people's who's pussies they've been in. Just like
so you know, it's it's a very kind of like,
where do we go from here?

Speaker 1 (01:04:48):
Well, my perspective on it is I don't mind you
giving the extra chances. I don't think there was a
lot at stake, Like he wasn't in person, It wasn't
like you were having sex or anything like that. It
was just a few conversations that were exchange. So even
a second chance is just an additional conversation. And then
I can see, you know, sometimes you get into a
situation that you may have thought, like than I had,

(01:05:10):
I put that person on short leash, and maybe I
didn't give them a chance. So then when he came
and apologized and said, you know, after looking it over,
you're like, that's a redeeming quality. Maybe some people need time, right,
some people need a little time to just digest think
to figure it out. Yeah, But I think once you
got to the point to where you were done, I
think that's fine. Because I think there's standard things that

(01:05:33):
people have in relationships that we universally say you should
and shouldn't do, like communicate. Trust is a big thing
in relationships. You should be honest.

Speaker 3 (01:05:42):
But I think I think that's why I said that, probably.

Speaker 1 (01:05:46):
But I think outside of those main things, everything else
is just particular to you and what you like. And
I think that when it came to, you know, the
guy that you were talking to, there were certain things
internally for you that just didn't work. So you saying, you.

Speaker 2 (01:06:03):
Know, I really should have ended it. And this is
a lesson that I will carry with myself moving forward.
People telling themselves all the time.

Speaker 3 (01:06:13):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:06:13):
Within the first conversation, he referred to himself as an asshole,
but I'm a nice asshole. Interesting, and then he told
a story where he was mean to something, like he
was mean to someone he was dating, and I was like,
that was mean, and he was like, you know, we're
friends now, so like we cleared it up, and I
was like, yeah, but like that was mean. Yes, And

(01:06:34):
that is actually when I should have been like, Amanda,
this isn't for you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:38):
Was he somebody who's known you for a long time
or was he more somebody who knew I guess you're
a persona or saw you publicly and that was how
you guys came to know each other. Because I wonder
if he said and that he was somehow relating to you.

Speaker 2 (01:06:54):
Or no, he wasn't saying that to relate to me,
like he was just we were on a panel together
at an event, and I mean I think that I
think that he was maybe relating to like you mean,
like by him calling himself an asshole, like, oh, you're

(01:07:15):
an asshole.

Speaker 1 (01:07:16):
An asshole, I think he may have thought that, like
you understand, right, like just based off of the persona right, It's.

Speaker 2 (01:07:22):
Like you genuinely can't remember the context. But you know,
what's something that's also a weird flag. And I won't
call it necessarily a red flag, but it's a weird
flag when you're a public person. Is I'm not just
a public person. I am a legit artist. Like I
want to shout out my homeboy, Wilmo Big Wilmo reminded
me the other day. He was like, I just want

(01:07:43):
you to remember because it came up like in his
like Facebook reminder thing. He was like, your HBO comedy
special came out on this day five years ago. You
have been working at the highest level for thirty years,
like you started on Nickelod. Like you've been working at
the highest level for thirty years. He was like, that's
not a common thing that people have done. And I

(01:08:06):
I've never thought of it that way. And I was like,
god damn, I am an icon and I have a
breath of work. So when someone is trying to holler
at me and it's like, yeah, I don't want to
learn about you or your work, like I want to
learn about you from you, Like I don't want to
look at your work. That's like a weird flag because
I am so I am an artist. I've lived through

(01:08:30):
my work. So for you to not want to explore that,
that's not my ego. That makes you want to know
my work like that's my heart. Yes, yes, yes, my
art is my heart.

Speaker 3 (01:08:41):
It is because you are an artist that it is
very different because I have the perspective of I don't
want I don't want you to learn me from that.
But I'm also not an artist, right, Like I have
a corporate nine to five outside of Right, don't want
you to learn me through that because that's just business,
that's paper. That's like yes, but when you're an artist,
it is it is a part of your fabric. It
is a part of who you are.

Speaker 1 (01:09:03):
But some people have that balance of like, oh, if
I'm talking to somebody like you, I can't approach you
like a fan.

Speaker 2 (01:09:09):
But you don't have to be a fan. But you
do have to be a fan, yes, yes, yes, so
you do have to be a fan, not like a
celebrity you met. Yeah, Like, I don't mean a fan,
Like you know you're gonna interview me at dinner, but
you best believe I'm gonna be my niggas biggest fan.
If you ever run into my ex ask to ask
about me, I am his biggest fan. I will sit

(01:09:30):
here today and tell you that's one of the most
talented producers on this earth. He asshole and he ain't
shit but on an end, yes, but that man is
gifted as fuck, you know, and I will never take
that from him. That man is a skilled, gifted audio engineer.

Speaker 1 (01:09:52):
Is that part of the frustration when it comes to
the relationship too, It's like I see the potential there.

Speaker 2 (01:09:56):
That's not even potential, that is actual, that's.

Speaker 1 (01:09:59):
Actual that can translate into providing more for you. I
guess how you can take that talent because some people
have the talent in the building.

Speaker 2 (01:10:07):
And I was just looking at him like, why aren't
you for me? Like why aren't doing this for you?
Like there'd be times where he's playing beats in the house.
I'm coming, I come in the room, like I remember
crying one time because I was like, I don't know
why the world, like I wish the world could hear
your music, like you're so good, like you're so fucking good,

(01:10:28):
like he did some of the music for my documentary,
and then we broke up and he dropped the fucking
ball and left and left me hanging and quit in
the middle of it, and I was left with having
to learn how to line up the ship, like I
had to learn a whole new skill because of this nigga.
And I just want to shout out my other homeboy,
Willard Hill, who swooped in and actually helped me complete

(01:10:49):
the music, because artists don't leave artists hanging, and that's
why he will never be truly successful, because you can
have all the skill in the world, but if you
don't have the heart of your art, it will never
actually win. And I don't care what kind of breakup
we had, you don't leave my ship hanging, because that's.

Speaker 3 (01:11:05):
Your authors, your are, Like you don't want.

Speaker 2 (01:11:09):
That out there, you feel me would in your heart
like yeah, like I don't care what you know, like
and so, but I would never like take that from
from him, and I just feel like there's something so
pure in like artists creating, you know, And so when

(01:11:30):
you get to meet somebody that does that, if you
don't see that in them, then you actually aren't really
approaching them. And you have such the opportunity with someone
like myself to know that before you even get to me,
you have a cheat code to like actually learn me
in a real way.

Speaker 3 (01:11:47):
So like why not why not explore that? Why not
explore that?

Speaker 2 (01:11:51):
You know, don't don't don't tell me about and I'm not.
And that's the thing. It's like I've had to accept,
like Amanda, you had a different experience in this life,
like you our Republic figure, Like it's not the same.
You can keep trying to act like you and the
Peanut Gallery nigga you not? Do you not?

Speaker 1 (01:12:06):
So what's the correct approach? Like somebody was like, I'm
interested in Amanda. Do they slide in the dms? Do
they come up to you in person when they see you? Like,
how should they approach.

Speaker 2 (01:12:19):
A power point presentation? And what money and escro that's
what you said. I had a Ganyang driver picked me
up from the airport, and I don't know how we
got in this conversation you played too much. So Slide
one shows you where I was like, this is what
I this is what I would like for us. Like

(01:12:42):
on slide ten, we get to the future. This is
the other thing to tell me how you feel about
this real love scenario.

Speaker 3 (01:12:47):
Si, Manda's got to do the theme song, hold the money,
We'll start to go. It's on the camera, on the camera,
you heard it, Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:12:59):
I would the first the second. At this point in
my life, I'm not interested in people who are approaching
me casually, Like I'm not saying like I like low key,

(01:13:23):
like you need to be pressed.

Speaker 1 (01:13:25):
What does that look like?

Speaker 2 (01:13:27):
That looks like consistency and intentionalism. That looks like.

Speaker 1 (01:13:31):
I want to guess if you like me. I want
to know you like me.

Speaker 2 (01:13:34):
Mm hmmmm. You're already arriving liking me. You're arriving liking
me right, Like, we're not doing a like you're going
to figure out if you love me, but you're already
arriving with like because you've seen how I move in
the world. You've already observed, you've already done your your

(01:13:56):
Instagram forensic specialist, right yeah, you n CSI my my,
damn it's like you already see what it is. You've
already like said like, that's the type of you know woman,
you know I would like to entertain. And I say
this because a revolutionary woman's will I say this because
a revolutionary woman's love will not be one passively Like

(01:14:19):
I don't exist in this world passively, So do not
come at me passively and don't give me another task.

Speaker 3 (01:14:28):
Please watch your cash so I can send you a
little offer, like, don't add to my tasks, you know,
like our interaction should be a relief, you know when
they say be there, be his peace, be my piece, piece,
I will be your piece.

Speaker 2 (01:14:43):
Yes, all I want is to be a nigga piece.
Please too far away? Please, I'm a peaceful nigga baby.
Okay what I'm a part of?

Speaker 3 (01:14:58):
What?

Speaker 2 (01:14:58):
Can we watch on the couch?

Speaker 1 (01:14:59):
Click?

Speaker 2 (01:15:00):
Like that's the click I'm in? Can we hand on
the couch?

Speaker 3 (01:15:03):
You want kettle or butter?

Speaker 2 (01:15:05):
Share? Right? Can we share the blanket? Can we put
our feet together? Yes, let's watch another one. Let's cuddle?
Do you want to stop?

Speaker 1 (01:15:14):
No?

Speaker 2 (01:15:14):
Like? Part of the reason me and stay together so
long is because we had an incredibly extensive watch habit,
like one thing about us that we got right was
niggas know how to watch a show. Yeah, you know,
shout out to the piky fucking blind does like that.
Nigga would be down to watch. Like when we started
Peaky Blinders, it was like we would watch that shit
on the plane like wherever. Like he was down for that.

(01:15:35):
But I think that that's something I've had to just
become very honest with myself and not like shade myself
for Like, no, like you you show up ready? Yeah,
so show up ready. I'm not saying you're showing up
to live with me or to be like in a
I'm not even saying we're showing up to claim each other. Yeah,

(01:15:56):
but show up with intention and on a basic level,
show up how show up knowing how to treat me? Yes,
you know that's why I went. Homie was like, I
will come to LA and take you out because that's
what you deserve. I'm like, correct, that is right, and
I will be here. And I bought a dress for
that outing. Damn I returned it.

Speaker 3 (01:16:16):
Okay, fair enough, I do have a date dress. I
have a look for the for the first date.

Speaker 2 (01:16:20):
I next one. Yes, okay, good, some day you're gonna
end up taking somebody. It's gonna happen.

Speaker 3 (01:16:27):
I want you to keep that because it's gonna happen.

Speaker 2 (01:16:29):
And let me tell you that dress is a motherfucking problem.

Speaker 1 (01:16:33):
It is.

Speaker 2 (01:16:34):
It is. I mean, I'm just saying I'm in shape
kind of gal and it's to get it's gonna do
the things. But I just think that that's something. These
are like things I've had to like be honest with
myself about right, Like I have really good homeboys and
I was telling my homeboy the story of the of
the of the Redemption conversation everything, And when I told
him that, he said that was a lot. He was like, soap,

(01:16:56):
this is my homeboy who's French Chateaulgan. He was like,
so it's it's okay. Like sometimes you are lots. So
he was like, I mean that's part of you. Like
that's what someone is getting and they are going to
get a lot like for them as well, like in
a good way, like if you are in a lot
of Pilson sometimes like it's like that is part of
like what makes you such a great pert song like
you are.

Speaker 3 (01:17:15):
That's we got the Florida one on part one amazing
French on part two. You are this is why she
needs consistency, because she's consistent.

Speaker 2 (01:17:26):
That's actually very true. Yeah, yeah, I'm I've had to
be consistent because I've been an only child and I've
been like alone short charing this course for so long.
So I mean we've been doing my podcast now those
is for six years, like we haven't missed a week.
Like it's because consistency in a relationship is caring.

Speaker 3 (01:17:50):
Yeah, for sure it is.

Speaker 2 (01:17:51):
You know, and a lot of women actually don't want
a lot of women I'm not saying all of us,
but a lot of women and don't need your money.
We need security, and consistency is tied up in security, right,
Like there is something it's reliability. It's protection, not in

(01:18:12):
the physical sense, but in the emotional sense. Consistency protects
your feelings. So that's why when a nigga don't call
you for nine fucking hours, tell him, his response should be, hey,
my bad.

Speaker 3 (01:18:24):
I can see how that could make you feel like
that's why he didn't do it.

Speaker 2 (01:18:30):
It's it's true.

Speaker 3 (01:18:31):
It's very true. Hence we are well for other reasons too,
because God rest his soul.

Speaker 2 (01:18:36):
But prior to that would be a reason why.

Speaker 3 (01:18:38):
That would be a primary reason, but it ended prior
to that, you know, because.

Speaker 2 (01:18:42):
He tries to make me laugh about something that's not funny. Sorry, okay,
I'm a comic. I will laugh about Darkshire.

Speaker 3 (01:18:49):
Is like, yeah, if you aren't consistent, you won't be consistent.
If you're not consistent in the early phases and the
dating phases, and to me, where it should be here
to be consistent.

Speaker 2 (01:19:01):
Consistence should be a part of your character. It should
have nothing to do with me. You're consistent in paying
your bills every month? Or are you?

Speaker 1 (01:19:07):
Or are you? But that's when things start off with
games and being weird. It's just it's not like when
I met my wife, there wasn't games. There were things
we need to work on, but I didn't have to
guess if she liked me, or if she was committed
to me, or if she wanted to spend every moment
with me. That wasn't a guess. But if you're in

(01:19:27):
the beginning parts and you're guessing about those things, it's like, but.

Speaker 2 (01:19:30):
I don't tell you this, and I know that this
isn't of course like everybody, but a lot of the
societal setup of dating ends up requiring you to do
that because so many are programmed to feel like anything
other than that is you being extra, or you being

(01:19:53):
needy or a lie a lot, you know, and as
opposed to you just being deliberate. Right, So a lot
of women we're told like, don't do that, like no,
you gotta really act on et cetera. And then men
will tell you like, yeah, you gotta do that. Don't
let these niggas think that you like them off tops.

(01:20:16):
Everybody's playing games, and so I'm someone who's never I've
never played games. So that's also, like I said earlier,
like that's why you ain't with nobody, because I'm not
playing the game, like I'm even in like the business
of Hollywood. I realized that I needed to find a
different course because I don't want to play the game
and it's not like I can change the game game so.

Speaker 3 (01:20:40):
Like space, so you.

Speaker 2 (01:20:43):
Know, and then and then the lesbians watching are like,
create your own space, and I'm like, I just don't
want cities on my titties. I'm sorry, I can't.

Speaker 3 (01:20:55):
I am like you.

Speaker 2 (01:20:55):
I feel there's all the lesbians be in my like dms,
like come on, it is so it's not that easy,
Like I can't don't. If I could, I probably would.
I don't want to eat pussy, and I don't. It's
just that something. I don't want a woman to eat
my pussy. I just don't. Lord's you got it that fast?

Speaker 3 (01:21:17):
Oh no?

Speaker 2 (01:21:18):
About the games?

Speaker 3 (01:21:19):
Like I feel like we're from a generation where it's
like I remember the press thing was a thing like
if you weren't outside my house, if you weren't like
making sure you got to the phone by a certain
time to call me before I couldn't take calls because
it was nine o'clock. Like I came from that tribe
where you wrote the letters, you brought, the flowers, you did,
you did all the extra stuff. And because the games

(01:21:41):
have been so prevalent today, like the way that I
hold on the hope, plus I don't ask you that question,
but the way I hold on the hope is to
go back to the things that were like that, like
nostalgic music, where like they are begging. I literally made
a playlist called black Love signed him, and it is
filled with songs of men that are like baby please,

(01:22:02):
literally and I listened to that when I'm faby.

Speaker 2 (01:22:06):
Okay, will cry.

Speaker 3 (01:22:10):
Tonight before I let you go? Can I get a
kiss to night? You just bag it?

Speaker 2 (01:22:16):
Yes, listen, they just wanted to know your name.

Speaker 3 (01:22:20):
Can we talk for a minute, descending that the entire
playlist is like that. So when I'm feeling like I
don't know how this is gonna work out, I go
to that because I'm like, these meant they exist. I
know they exist.

Speaker 2 (01:22:36):
They they exist.

Speaker 1 (01:22:37):
You know what the issue is they exist? Is that
the man who's way below your standards or way below
you know, where you are with things, he's intimidated by you.

Speaker 2 (01:22:47):
No he's not. And let me tell you, no, he's not,
because he's in my dms. Them niggas are not intimidated.
They're actually very confident.

Speaker 1 (01:22:55):
And in a relationship they wouldn't be able to be
in a relationship with you.

Speaker 2 (01:22:58):
Fair.

Speaker 1 (01:22:59):
And then the guys who are at where the level
let's say, career, all that stuff like that, they're desired
by so many right, So sometimes those men they.

Speaker 2 (01:23:07):
Had another coveyat for that. Yes, they also have all
of those things, but they're smart men, dumb men. Yes,
they have the emotional intelligence to be with someone who
is on their intellectual level.

Speaker 1 (01:23:22):
But sometimes when they're that position of being highly desired,
it's almost like you gotta court me, you know, and
show me that you are worth my time, because now
the like there is that that standard that you describe
is no longer right, so you have that in between
of that, the lower dude and the top dude. And
they see so many of those dudes below that they're like,

(01:23:45):
I'm the catch. Yes, we're going to.

Speaker 2 (01:23:53):
We're not going are we going there? You want to
go there? Here's what my thing is, we go in there. Well,
not even like this thing about courting is I think
that's like a that term itself ends up really being
attached to, like this old fashioned idea of acquiring property,

(01:24:13):
when ultimately it's just I want to show you who
I am and I want the opportunity to learn who
you are at the same time. Yes, that to me
is what it should be. Yes, And like I'm somebody
that it's not a money thing, but for a lot

(01:24:35):
of men it is like they need that.

Speaker 3 (01:24:39):
I don't need that.

Speaker 2 (01:24:40):
I'm so serious that I don't need that, but they
need that. And so since y'all need that, you better
have that.

Speaker 3 (01:24:47):
Okay, that's for you.

Speaker 1 (01:24:51):
You need that.

Speaker 2 (01:24:53):
So fuck it, then let's just do that. Make sure
you got fifty racks in escrow before we even start,
because you need that. Do that for you because I
would hate for this to get ruined off of something
that you already knew you needed on that, Like, I mean,
I just this shit is so complicated and it's so difficult.

(01:25:16):
It's not simple. And we've also been tricked to think
it is, like why can't y'all just get together because
we are complex computers. We don't even know our own programming,
you know, and some people have not downloaded a new
iOS for a loss.

Speaker 3 (01:25:31):
About this time.

Speaker 2 (01:25:32):
My operating system is top.

Speaker 1 (01:25:34):
Not I think in theory it is simple, but an application,
it's very difficult whatever. That's it. So when people say
it's simple, they think like, oh, all you got to
do is do this, And yeah, you could say all
you got to.

Speaker 2 (01:25:46):
Do that, But putting a dick in a pussy is simple.
Everything beyond and even that requires a certain level of wetness,
if we're being honest, it does.

Speaker 3 (01:25:55):
So you know, it needs some processing, It needs some processing.

Speaker 2 (01:26:03):
Can we prime? Can we Amazon prime? Like you know,
moistness is preferred. I'm just saying all of this shit.
As I've gotten older, I've actually just changed even the
way that I because people ask me for advice all
the time, and I've just even changed the way I
deliver advice because I think that I was coming from
the school of the way so many others give advice,

(01:26:25):
which is these generalities and ultimately it's like you have
to understand you to even be able to take advice.
Say that again, So a lot of us are really
just asking for permission. We're not even asking for advice.
We're asking for permission to do the thing that we
already know that we're going to do right. Or we're

(01:26:47):
asking for affirmation, for affirming Like I'm asking y'all like,
am I crazy bitch right? And I mean, whatever y'all say,
I still think I am, because if I'm saying that,
I'm like, Okay, I'm just trying to learn. But I
just I just feel like we're we're getting better at talking,

(01:27:11):
and I do think that is really like we're getting
better on these spaces. I think some podcasts need to
actually go to hell, agreed, because they're not having real
conversations from a solution space or a love space. It
really is from an egospace, which is not helpful to anybody.
But we have to get we have to continue to

(01:27:32):
get back to talking. Like even on my radio show,
I do like a word of the day, and for
some people they may think that's perfunctory, But the reason
why is because I'm like, we need more words. We
need more words to describe like one of the things
I can tell you. So so many people I know

(01:27:57):
in my life that were very close to me only
know three words happy, three feelings, happy, sad, mad. If
that's the extent of your emotional vocabulary, what are we
really going to be able to do? Because even if
I'm just slightly annoyed, you think I'm mad, so you're

(01:28:18):
responding to that. Maybe I'm just miffed. Let it go,
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:28:23):
Then it's like okay, happy, Well, happy has like a
lot of phases.

Speaker 2 (01:28:27):
And if I'm not giving you this, that doesn't mean
I'm not so pleased. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:28:31):
Yeah. They say it as a switch versus like a spectrum.

Speaker 2 (01:28:34):
You need the spectrum to examine yourself to know how
to respond to things, etc. So that's when we see
mindfulness being taught in children. It's so beautiful because it's
giving them language to exist in the complex world. Your
feelings are as complex as this world, and if you
can't identify them, then it's always going to be overwhelming
for you. And now you're trying to be in someone

(01:28:54):
else's world. How's that gonna work? You know? So, Like
I love seeing men the these days who are excited
about learning the adventure of themselves, like the emotional journey
of themselves. Like I think that if more men, specifically
Black men, saw that as like the true warrior effort, Like,

(01:29:14):
we would be in such a different place as a
society of black people, in our families, in our family structures,
if so many more black men saw providing as something
more than just monetary support and security, but like providing
emotional support and security in your home, Like that is

(01:29:35):
so much of what we need for like the black
family structure to grow. And I think that people are like, no,
we need marriage, etc. And it's like, listen, some people
just aren't compatible mentally and emotionally. They were physically, and
so they made a person. But that doesn't mean you
can't still have compatibility as parents, yes, right, and creating
an emotionally secure place, I can tell you that at
forty two, I'm in therapy and I'm trying to figure

(01:29:56):
my shit out because I didn't have two people that could.

Speaker 3 (01:30:00):
Competed it to do that.

Speaker 2 (01:30:01):
Ye do it for you, Yeah, I will put you
don't got to stay with the nigga, but stay with
the parenting.

Speaker 3 (01:30:08):
Yes, work with That was my experience.

Speaker 1 (01:30:10):
My parents were divorced ever since I could remember, but
always were cordial, great, never had any issue. So when
I hear people say like, we're staying together for the kids,
but it's like super unhealthy, I'm like, have you ever
talked to a kid who grew up in that unhealthy
environment with both the parents? They would tell you like, no,
I'm good, y'all can yeah, because.

Speaker 2 (01:30:30):
You can feel all the time.

Speaker 3 (01:30:32):
My excess kids were like, we were so happy when
they sat us down and said we're getting divorced. We
were like, great, finally we are done weird, Finally glad
y'all got here because it was it was it was
rough for them for a long time.

Speaker 2 (01:30:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:30:46):
Well, listen, speaking of advice and small doses, we got
a quick little segment to wrap things up. Small doses
of dating advice.

Speaker 1 (01:30:55):
There we go.

Speaker 3 (01:30:56):
I don't know if I'm even you're qualified. You're one
of the brightest mind in the world. Literally literally, I've
actually learned words from your world in the world. So
this is light work. This is light work, all right.
So here's a scenario.

Speaker 2 (01:31:11):
Two people.

Speaker 3 (01:31:12):
They're really good for each other, like on paper, very
like matter of fact, this works out. You went here,
we do that. But the sex isn't great. Should they
try to stick it through, maybe explore nominogamy or is
the sex just a deal breaker and they should let
it go?

Speaker 2 (01:31:30):
I mean, how how deep into this are they?

Speaker 3 (01:31:33):
Like a couple of years have they talked about this? Yeah,
they just it's a lack of attraction. It's just really
not there. They're attracted on everything, but the physical piece. Yes,
you like it.

Speaker 2 (01:31:45):
I love it. I mean, I just you know, because
now we're in this whole world of like, well, what
does what does partnership really look like? Right? Like they
might decide like, you know what, we don't need that,
we don't need that, but I want to get it
from somewhere else. And if you're okay with that, and
I'm okay with that, then so fucking be it. But

(01:32:05):
like sometimes it's I feel like, no, like I do
need that, or sometimes you try and convince yourself that
you don't really need that, and it's like, if you've
got to convince yourself that you're not you, then I
don't know if that's really sustainable or if that's like
the most healthiest situation. I agree, but I think that
we are in a society that does allow for a

(01:32:26):
lot more versatility in what partnership looks like. And that's
a conversation away.

Speaker 3 (01:32:34):
Agree, all right? Next one, your homeboy. We talked about
about having really good friends. He does not like your man.
He admits this after y'all in a relationship. He never
says anything while you're dating, but y'all get together and
he's like, you know, I really don't like it, and
he starts to make it obvious, like when you all
you're around him with your dude, how do you handle it?

Speaker 2 (01:32:56):
He don't come around and do no more. Yeah, yeah, friends,
but you just I don't bring you wrong? Okay, easy enough?
All right? Next all, So, like, why don't you like
my nigga? Because Dre has said that we don't listen
to our homeboys like him.

Speaker 1 (01:33:11):
Why I feel like, as your homeboy, you gotta be respectful.
You know a certain level of respect.

Speaker 2 (01:33:16):
Yeah, you can't.

Speaker 3 (01:33:18):
I even feel like it's weird to just out write
say that. Maybe you just say, like, it's just certain
things that he did this, I don't like how he
treats you when it comes some of the things you
told me makes me feel uneasy about him. But just
to like flat out say that is like, but.

Speaker 1 (01:33:32):
We're on camera. Also, don't be telling me everything bad
about your person, everything bad about your person and then
you surprised when I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:33:43):
Like them, Right, that's true, that's true. That give me,
give me a mixture.

Speaker 1 (01:33:51):
And come to me every time something wrong. And then
you're like, you don't like him.

Speaker 3 (01:33:57):
I don't understand why. All right, I feel like I
already know what you're gonna say on this one. But
you're in therapy, you yourself, but your partner won't go
because they don't think they need it.

Speaker 2 (01:34:10):
Oh, at this point, that's a deal breaker. Yeah, everybody
needs it. You don't need it all the time, and
you don't need it in the same way. Like some
therapy is talk therapy. Then there's reiki, there's float therapy.
I mean, there's a myriad of ways. But I at
this point, feel like you can't be a conscious person

(01:34:35):
in this world and not be constantly like taking care
of your brain. It's like being a basketball player and
not going working out, not going to gym, not watching No, no,
I don't even mean that. I mean like you have
to when you're a basketball player, Like you have to
take care of your body, like you have to get massage,
you need to be in the whirlpool. You may need

(01:34:57):
to get you know, you need the ice. Like this
is just a yeah, it's just maintenance. So at this point,
I would love to meet somebody who's in the maintenance
level of their healing, you know, who already has identified
like yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:35:14):
They've gone and done the deep work, the.

Speaker 2 (01:35:16):
Deep root work, and they may be in a new
phase of you know, but they they identify like yes,
this is the phases. But ultimately it's like I don't
know that I have met enough men in a romantic space.
Let me not say I don't know, I have not

(01:35:37):
met enough men in a romantic space that like women.
They're like pussy, but they don't like women, they don't
They just tolerate them. Yeah, like they don't think we're cool.
You know what I'm saying like they don't think we're

(01:35:59):
on their level, Like they don't see joy in us,
Like they don't see our uniqueness as additive to their individualism,
like and so they don't have like a inherent kindness
that they extend to us. And I feel like that's

(01:36:20):
been something that a lot of my female friends have
like extended. My homeboys are men who I've never felt
like I wasn't equal to, and when I did, it
was like, oh, well we're not you know what I'm saying.
But they have always regarded me as a full person

(01:36:44):
and like shared in my space. Right, So I've had
men who are like I don't want my girl to
be my friends. My girl is my girl. Yeah, that's common.
That's really common. My girl girl is my girl. My
friends are my friends. That's very common. And you know,

(01:37:07):
I'm I'm really just like it's it. There's just a
kindness that I think a lot of men don't have
for women. And I've experienced it in a real way,
Like why are you talking to me that way? You know,
like why are you treating like why you would never

(01:37:27):
treat your niggas like this? Like ever, you would never
treat your niggas like this, Why are you treating me
this way? Why do you think this is an appropriate interaction?
You know? Like stuff like that is the part that
makes me not as hopeful because I don't think society
is interested in nurturing that, and I want, at the

(01:37:51):
very least our Black community to be to say, well them,
crack is over there and may not be about that,
but we are.

Speaker 3 (01:37:58):
We have to be. We have to be.

Speaker 1 (01:38:00):
We haven't hate hearing that, man.

Speaker 3 (01:38:02):
Yes, it's very disappointed. I feel like I've had a balance.
I feel definitely feel like I've had a balance. I've
experienced that wholeheartedly where it's like, wow, you just want
it for what it can do for you, not because
you feel it brings joy or just camaraderie and love
and respect. But I've also thankfully friends and men that
I've dated, And I'm thankful for the men specifically that

(01:38:23):
I dated, because they helped me understand my worth. They
at least introduced it to me so that I can
start exploring it for myself, but then also like giving
me that hope that like, oh yeah, y'all might be
of small.

Speaker 2 (01:38:36):
I would say my first boyfriend ever was that Okay?
That's what's allowed for even you know what I'm saying,
Like my first boyfriend, Walkie's like I was treated with
respecting it with respect, I was treated with kindness, Like
I was never pressured, you know, or pushed to do anything.
You look so devastated.

Speaker 1 (01:38:55):
It just doesn't make any sense because I mean, if
you talk to men who are truly married and happy,
they'll tell you that it is an amazing thing when
you find the right person. But then I look at
the guys that maybe you're talking about, and it's there
for them, but it seems like they don't want to
have that accountability and a responsibility that it takes to
be in a relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:39:14):
Well, yeah, because the right person means that you're gonna
have to like do stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:39:19):
And yeah, be accountable.

Speaker 2 (01:39:21):
Like I had someone tell me recently. They were like, yeah,
like I want to I'm going to have to leave
your company because I don't have the mental health to
work at a job I care about what. Yeah, they
were like, I realized that I need to work somewhere
where I don't care about it because it will stress
me out working for someone who I actually care about

(01:39:44):
the work. And I was just like Wow, and I
think that can be related to I'm not even just
gonna say men just like people in relationships like that,
that's part of the whole. Like I don't want to
have feelings.

Speaker 3 (01:39:53):
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:39:53):
Mental health is like the stomach ache of the second
grade when you're trying to get out of you try
to get out of school. Yeah. Episode, And it's like
people use that mental health word for lot around, don't
they abusing?

Speaker 3 (01:40:10):
Abusing it? That was it? Those are those are my
small doses. Thank you for participating. I appreciate that those are.

Speaker 2 (01:40:16):
Your are those are the ones. So you handle that
like a pro, like a pro, you know, it's it's
a weird thing to be not a weird thing, but
it's actually been an honor to like now be in
this place where I've been on the earth long enough
and I've been visible long enough where people like trust,
you know. So I try my best to always be

(01:40:38):
like incredibly thoughtful about my responses to things, and you know,
just understanding of how many of us don't have sounding
boards and don't have community and like so like with
my Patreon, like for a long time, like my Patreon

(01:40:58):
was just like somewhere that I was just like posting
like ad free episodes of my podcast. But I've started
treating it as a community and it's been really dope
to just see how folks are feeling nurtured by that,
Like they're telling me, like you know this chat that
we have and you know, the conversations and the different postings.

(01:41:19):
It's it's creating more of a dynamic space outside of
like this social media shit, right and even over there,
like I feel like I'm getting to learn more about
how to even be more present in that way, and
with the podcast with Small Doses, you know, I've I've
learned over these years, like Small Doses has been therapy

(01:41:40):
for me. Yeah, it's been therapy for me.

Speaker 1 (01:41:42):
We changed a category, right.

Speaker 2 (01:41:43):
Yes we did. We changed the category from comedy to
self improvement education should have been. But I'm in a
new cycle, like a new season as a creative and
really entering. Like I I feel like when I did
the podcast last time, like I was already embracing that,

(01:42:06):
like you are in this independent space. But now it's
like really that like where Hollywood is kind of just
like make sure I get my health insurance, you know,
But I I really take like my work seriously and
I appreciate that people like, take me seriously, not you

(01:42:26):
the nigga in the comments. Who's going to say, I don't,
but but I feel like it's it's just like the
work in progress that I am, like I've had to do,
like in front of people, and like it's been it's
it's been a ride, and y'all are on the ride.
And I just signed my next book deal this week.

Speaker 1 (01:42:48):
Congratulations.

Speaker 2 (01:42:51):
Let's good. So yeah, I got to write another book.

Speaker 3 (01:42:55):
That's amazing. Well, I'm happy for you and proud, even
if it doesn't mean much, but very very proud of you.
It's amazing.

Speaker 2 (01:43:01):
I ever, let nobody tell you that that don't mean much.
Everybody wants to be told someone's proud of them.

Speaker 3 (01:43:05):
Yeah, very very proud of you, very very proud of you.
Honored to sit with you for a second time. And
you can come back whenever you like, whenever you like,
whatever you like.

Speaker 2 (01:43:15):
Please I plug something.

Speaker 3 (01:43:16):
I what to say, Please plug away. Where to find
you all the stuff?

Speaker 2 (01:43:21):
You can find me on Instagram at Amanda Seals. You
can find me on YouTube at Amanda Seals TV. I
do lives on YouTube now where I'm really trying to
just expound upon like more like information based content. So
like my podcast, I feel like it's more it's themed,
whereas like I'll like pick a headline and be like,

(01:43:41):
we're gonna bring somebody on like to talk about this.
You can also check out the Amanda Seals Show. We
are every day where you get your podcasts. We're also
syndicated in select cities and you can go follow us
on YouTube and Instagram at Seals set It, and you
can catch me on tour, so you can go to
Amanda Seals dot com. On tour, I'm in various cities.

(01:44:01):
I'm not sure when this is going to air, so
check out when I'm coming to your city. And you
can sign up for my newsletters that you don't miss
out on any of these things that's going on. And last,
but not least, you can subscribe to my Patreon. You
can get there at the Amanda Verse dot com or
just go to Patreon and put in my name. My
Small Ghosts podcast that airs weekly. We will have video
episodes of that on my Patreon as well as bonus

(01:44:23):
episodes that I have now started to do on my Patreon.
And all of this is really a part of creating
an ecosystem that is supported by grassroots and by the people,
and not by the Hollywood system that controls people. And
that's why I get to sit up here with a
kefa and say free Palestine word and happy Black History.

Speaker 3 (01:44:47):
Are Oh my god, that was awesome.

Speaker 1 (01:44:51):
Thank you so much and I appreciate you.

Speaker 2 (01:44:54):
Yes, always coming through Amanda Seals lead.

Speaker 3 (01:45:00):
He's a gentleman.

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