Karen Neighbor Demands I Get Rid Of My Chicken! - Reddit Stories - Reddit Stories Podcast - Mr. Redder

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey there, mister Redder here, welcome back to another episode
of Reddit podcast Stories. Our first story will be reading today.
Karen next Door demands I get rid of my pet chicken.
After that Hoa tried to punish us, told us to
stop them if we can. And after that, my son's
girlfriend is hogging up all of our water. Now, for

(00:20):
every thumbs up, this video gets one, Karen does not
get to make anyone get rid of their pet chicken.
So please smash that like button and subscribe and turn
on notifications for new stories from Reddit every single day.
Karen next Door demands I get rid of my pet chicken.
I've always loved animals, and a few months ago I

(00:41):
decided to get a pet chicken. I named her Lucy,
and she quickly became the sweetest little creature. She follows
me around the house and garden, and I love having
her around. My neighbor, however, is not so thrilled. She
has complained several times that Lucy's presence makes her uncomfortable.
She says she finds the sight of a chicken in
my garden unsettling, and she doesn't like the sound of

(01:01):
her clucking. I tried to be understanding. At first, I
made sure to keep Lucy in a coop during the night,
and I even offered to bring her inside during the
day when my neighbor was around, but she still seemed unhappy,
and eventually she told me that she thought it was
unhygienic to have a chicken in a residential area. I
was taken aback by this, and I tried to explain
that Lucy was perfectly clean and well cared for. I

(01:24):
also pointed out that several of our other neighbors have pets,
including dogs and cats, which can be just as messy
as a chicken, but my neighbor was still insistent that
Lucy needed to go. I don't want to get rid
of Lucy, but I also don't want to cause any
problems with my neighbor. Am I the jerk for keeping
my pet chicken even though it makes her uncomfortable at it?
Thanks everyone for the thoughtful comments. I just woke up,

(01:46):
and I'll answer a few of the recurring questions here.
There is no law or regulation in my area that
prevents me from having chickens. I've seen your comments and
messages about getting another chicken, and I will consider that
now that I already thought of the name Bradford. I
also love the petty route, but I think I'll just
fortify the fence a little to make sure Lucy stays
on my side.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
Not the jerk.

Speaker 1 (02:08):
I would start filling my yard with various chicken sculptures
in decor so that she can be really unsettled. But
I'm petty, not the jerk for getting one chicken soft.
You're the jerk for only having one. Get some more.
They are very social creatures. Hoa tried to punish us,
told us to stop them if we can. This happened

(02:28):
several years ago. We installed cameras in front of our
home that were looking at our vehicles. Part of the
camera angles did overlook part of two neighbors properties, one
backyard and one side yard. The cameras were battery operated
and had a function where you could gray out areas
that you didn't want to film. When motion occurred in
the grade out areas, the cameras would not be activated

(02:48):
to film. The neighbors entire properties and several bushes on
our property were grayed out. We did this when installing them.
One of the neighbors was a friend and had no
issues with this. Whatsoever. Showed her the camera angle and
she said she didn't care whether or not we grade
out that area. We still left it grade out over
battery life concerns. The other neighbor's name was Karen, not really,

(03:10):
but we all know why I chose that name. Karen
was on the HOA board. As you can imagine, we
didn't get along with Karen or the HOA board. We
told Karen about the camera and showed her the grade
out areas at the same time that we told our
friendly neighbor about it. It was simply an FYI conversation
we're not on friendly terms, not an asking permission conversation.

(03:31):
She told us to take the cameras down immediately or
we would regret it. About a week after we hung
the camera up, we got a notice from our HOA
that we were violating the bylaws. The byelaw in question
a nuisance to your neighbor's by law. There wasn't a
specific bylaw preventing placement of the cameras, so this is
all they could find to try and punish us. We

(03:52):
responded with a letter detailing how we were not violating
any bylaws or laws in general, and we asked them
to cease and desist. We all know how these stories go.
Though they did not cease and they certainly did not desist.
Their first response, the HOA has the right to enforce
these by laws. Try to stop us if you think
you can. These types of responses were unfortunately quite common

(04:15):
from this board. We entered this battle with one goal
in mind, to cost them as much money and time
as possible. The HOA hired a lawyer specifically to fight us.
To my knowledge, this has not happened to any other residents,
and the following four months we ended up costing the
HOA over four thousand dollars in lawyer's fees fighting this battle.
For reference, the entire HOA income was twenty five thousand

(04:38):
dollars a year. When it came time for our official
HOA hearing over the matter, we had successfully postponed it
thanks to an attorney friend. Three separate times. There were
over one hundred back and forth emails with the HOA
attorney in ourselves. Each one of those emails was a
fifteen minute expense from the HOA, and I was happy
to follow up a follow up question with another follow

(04:59):
up question. If it meant the HOA attorney was going
to keep billing them, did I say follow up enough times?
We didn't actually want to take this battle to court,
so we ended up removing the cameras the day of
the hearing to prevent being fined. Even if the fine
wouldn't hold up in court. The HOA decided in the
hearing that we were guilty, surprise surprise, of violating the

(05:19):
bye law. They couldn't find us as the by laws
don't allow a fine until after a hearing has been
held and the cameras were already removed. In the end,
the punishment was a sternly written piece of paper on
the attorney's letterhead, delivered via certified mail that stated that
we were not allowed to place the camera on our
home that had the potential to invade a neighbor's privacy.

(05:40):
Keep in mind the letter specifically stated the camera could
not be placed on our home. We left the cameras
off the home for about four months until the annual
HOA meeting. You should have seen the look on the
HOA board's faces when I asked them to explain the
four thousand dollars line item for attorney's fees that simply
stated title searches an attorney feees. The board actually tried

(06:02):
to hide the fact that they spent four thousand dollars
trying to fight us over a couple of cameras by
putting the fees in as title searches. Needless to say
that meeting did not go well for them. About half
of them lost their positions on the board. The other half,
including Karen, unfortunately, remained on the board. About a week
after the annual meeting, we installed new cameras facing the

(06:23):
same direction as the prior cameras, only this time we
installed a post in the ground and mounted the cameras
to the post. The admonishment we received after the hearings
specifically stated that we were not allowed to install cameras
on our home and said nothing about putting them on
a post. They did send a letter to try to
tell us to remove the cameras, but a sternly worded
response indicating that we were prepared to fight them actually

(06:46):
work this time around. I guess they didn't want to
spend another four thousand dollars fighting us. We didn't receive
any follow up responses, and the cameras on the post
are still installed to this day. Over two years and
running strong. Girlfriend is hogging up all of our water.
My husband thinks I'm in the right, but my niece
helped me make this post to help see what other

(07:07):
people think. I fifty two female, have three sons, ages
ranging from thirteen to twenty. My oldest son, who's twenty,
has a girlfriend who's nineteen that hangs around our house
a lot. It's a really small house and doesn't have
a lot of space. She's a nice girl, but gets
on my nerves sometimes because she's always over. I really
don't think she's right for my son either. Our tap

(07:29):
water has a weird aftertaste, so I order gallon water
bottles and use them to refill a big glass bowl
with a tap. It is not cheap to get water
and other groceries delivered, so I tell my son's husband
and the girlfriend to be courteous of the other people
who live here and not use up the water, as
it runs out fast in our big household.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yesterday I caught.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
Her filling up her big metal water bottle with the
jug water, and I calmly told her that other people
live here too, and she shouldn't hog the water all
to herself. She was rather short with me and said
something along the lines of, actually, this water bottle is
big enough to hold all the water someone should be
drinking in a day. I'm not hogging water. I'm just
trying to stay hydrated. I found her tone to be

(08:10):
disrespectful and ordered her to leave. She scoffed and went
back to my son's room. That's when I really got frustrated.
I opened the door and told her she has to leave.
My son got really angry with me and told me
that his girlfriend didn't do anything wrong and why is
it a crime for her to drink water. I explained
that I order this water for our family to use,

(08:31):
not leeches who hang around all day rent free. My
son's girlfriend got a little teary eyed and left the
room and went out the front door without saying anything.
My son told me that I was a major jerk
and I should have just minded my own business. I
think she's just wasteful in a brad, Am I the jerk. Okay,
you're the jerk, but I'm going to try to explain

(08:52):
why in a constructive way so the hopefully you understand
all signs of this. First of all, you have the
right to lay down the law of your land in
your house, that includes who is in it, who's using
your supplies, how they're used, and what conduct you expect
from guests. Your guests, including your son, also have the
basic human right to take offense at your hostility. Nobody

(09:12):
likes to be treated like a burden or an imposition,
and you've put this girl in a difficult situation where
she feels like in order to enjoy her boyfriend, she
has to put up with your antagonism. Justified or not,
that's exhausting for everyone. The fact is that you're fifty
two and she's nineteen, and as the owner of your house,
you need to be the one who communicates your desires clearly,

(09:32):
not passive aggressively. You're trying to play both sides by
subtly driving her away with your antagonism while also not
giving your son cause to be angry with you. The
absolute kindest way I can put this is that what
you're doing right now is reactionary communication instead of preemptive communication.
You clearly have a problem with this girl, and everybody
knows it. By being passive, aggressive, and at times openly

(09:55):
hostile to her in order to drive her away, you're
disrespecting your son's choice and trying to impose your will
on him. This isn't about the water. It's about you
wanting her out of your house, and because you're not
clearly putting down boundaries, these little things are adding up
and blowing over. She's nineteen and likely doesn't understand why
you're so hostile. If you would rather not have her
in your house all the time, communicate that with her.

(10:18):
Tell her it's stressing you out to have guests over
all the time, and that you're feeling claustrophobic. There are
many direct, mature ways you can handle this situation, but
it starts with you, not her. You're the one with
the problem.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
Edit.

Speaker 1 (10:31):
I wanted to respond to one comment I keep seeing
popping off which person O P should be taking her
complaints to her son or his girlfriend. To be honest,
when I reread the post, the proprietary tone OP took
when speaking about him, I don't think she's right for him,
suggested a couple of things to me. Her methods with
communicating with her sons are outdated and new adult boundaries

(10:51):
need to be drawn so that they can coexist in
a healthy way, and the value she places in their
relationship is preventing her from expressing her frustrations. Honestly, she
doesn't mind her son being there in that small space.
She minds his girlfriend. In an either or situation where
she forces him to choose, she might not like the
choice he makes. Instead of taking that risk, she settled

(11:11):
for a passive, aggressive antagonism. That pressure cooked the situation
up to a point where everything exploded over boiling water.
My first paying job, and the person thought they would
be clever paying me. I've always been interested in electronics
and did a lot of reading and studying on my own,
and I was very good at buying things at swap
meets and repairing them and reselling them. As a teen,

(11:33):
my first real paying job, a friend of my mom
knew a guy who ran a place that supplied answering
machines to businesses. They were new tech back at that
point in time. He said he was desperate for someone
who could fix them, as he had once with issues
spelling over the shelves. So I went to see him.
It was an interesting meeting, a middle aged businessman and
me I was fifteen or so. We kind of eye

(11:56):
each other and he asks me if I can fix them.
I was pretty sure I could, and when he pulled
out the service manuals for them, he had a couple
that were based on the same base.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
I was quite sure. So he asked me what I.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
Wanted an hour, and I was used to getting three
dollars an hour for watching the kiddo next door on occasion,
so I asked for that. He pondered that for a
minute and made me an offer that I could not refuse,
ten dollars cash for each one I fix. I quickly
agreed and agreed to stop by after school the next
day with my tools to dig in the next day,
I show up and he takes me in the back,

(12:29):
and sure enough, he has a couple of big sets
of industrial shells overflowing with the things. I start pulling
them off and looking at them. He gives me a
smile and drifts off and leaves me to it. I
quickly discovered this guy had no tech skills whatsoever.

Speaker 2 (12:43):
None.

Speaker 1 (12:44):
Most of them had a brainlessly simple problem. The outgoing
message was kept on a big, loose loop of tape
with a metallic splice at the end. It was a
pretty simple problem. The splices in the posts got dirty
and did not make good contact, and the tape would.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
Just go on forever.

Speaker 1 (12:58):
About three minutes. With alcohol and a Q tip, cleaning
those parts as well as the other things in the
tape path not only had them going again but sounding
like new. I cleaned the front panels up with some
spray cleaner and hit the wooden cases with some lemon pledge,
and they would look like new. I spent more time
carefully coiling up the power cords than repairing them, but
when I was done, they looked and sounded like new.

(13:21):
The owner came back to check on me a few
hours later to see if I was going to be
able to crank one out for him that night, and
I pointed to a pile of five or so and
I told him to check them out. His eyes just
about popped out of his head. I got nearly ten
done a night for a while. It did slow down
a bit once I got the easy ones knocked out,
but I just kept picking the low hanging fruit and

(13:42):
learning more and more about them and getting deeper and
deeper into them. He also had units coming in all
the time, so I did still have some easy ones
mixed in with the bunch. I thought he was going
to lose it. When we settled up at the end
of the first week, I had spent like three afternoons
there and got near thirty of them fixed.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
It was a really good payday.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
He was not super happy with our agreement, but he
had proposed it, and he had someone who was kicking
butt getting them fixed, so he was cornered into honoring it.
It was not lost on him that he could have
been paying me like twelve dollars at night and I
would have been happy with that, but he thought he
would get the better of me. Am I the jerk
for not helping my wife and the kids when she

(14:21):
wanted to keep them home from daycare. And I have
to work. So my wife and I have two kids,
one who's a bit over two years old and the
other is five months old. I work Monday through Friday
nine to five at home. Occasionally I go into the office.
My wife is on maternity leave and taking care of
the five month old. I take care of the baby
for overnights, walkings and feedings. The two year old is

(14:44):
in daycare. Whether I send my kid to daycare one
day or five days a week for one hour or
eight it costs the same. My wife likes to pick
up our toddler from daycare around three fifteen every day
instead of letting me go when I finish work, because
she doesn't want our kid to be there so much
during the day. The problem is I'm left watching the
baby for the forty five minutes while she's gone, and

(15:04):
then for the hour that she's taking care of both
of them. She gets overwhelmed, stressed, very annoyed at me
and our kids. It's just not great overall. Every day
my wife tells me that she's exhausted, she has no
time to herself, she doesn't get things done that she
needs to, she's overwhelmed, just wants to relax when the
baby naps, et cetera. I try to help out with
the baby during the day when I can, like feeding

(15:26):
and putting him down during my lunch break. I just
try to be available throughout the day if my wife
needs me. Anyways, on to the main point of this post.
Last night, my wife tells me she wants to keep
the toddler home from daycare today. I tell her that
I didn't think that was a good idea. How is
she going to feed and put down the baby for
a nap while taking care of the toddler. She already

(15:47):
gets stressed and overwhelmed just looking after the baby. Why
put herself through more stress. I told her that I
could not take the day off of work and she
would be alone taking care of both kids. She said
she really wanted to spend time with both kids and
felt like she didn't see our toddler enough. Fine, no problem.
If she wants to do this, it's up to her.
I reiterated that I would not be around to help.

(16:08):
Cut to this morning. I got up at midnight and
four am to take care of the baby. I get
both kids ready and I made breakfast for everyone. I
start work, and sure enough, twenty minutes after I started,
I hear my wife trying to tell our toddler that
she just needs to go in the other room and
put the baby down.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
For a nap.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
Of course, the toddler doesn't want to leave her side.
Toddler starts crying. I can hear my wife getting frustrated.
Wife finally leaves to put the baby down and comes back.
She now has to juggle going back and forth trying
to settle the baby by putting the pacifier back in
or starting some sleep training and the toddler who wants
all of her attention. Finally, baby gets settled. Wife is

(16:46):
obviously stressed and tired, and it's nine forty five am.
She comes into my office where I'm working and asks,
did I not hear her struggling?

Speaker 2 (16:53):
Why did I not come and help?

Speaker 1 (16:55):
Am I the jerk for telling my wife I told
you so that I said I would not be around
to help. And this is what you get that she
should have let me bring our toddler to daycare, not
the jerk. You have set your wife up for success
and she's choosing to fail. Listen, I don't have kids
for a reason, and I absolutely appreciate how much work
kids are, but your wife's struggle seems excessive. Lots of

(17:16):
people take care of two kids at once and they
don't have miltdowns. And then she doesn't even have to
take care of two kids at once, and the one
day she chooses to do so, she can't even make
it four hours time for us sit down. She's on
leave to take care of the kids. The toddler has
daycare so she doesn't get overwhelmed. She needs to come
up with the system and stick to it, and it
can't involve interrupting your work. Your work is the current thing,

(17:39):
keeping a roof over your head and providing for the family,
and there's no reason you should stop work to help
her with problems she's creating herself. I can't find much
sympathy for her at all. My mom raised me and
my sister, who were two years apart, and she often
took care of my cousins as well. Your wife needs
to get it together. No jerk's here. Your wife is
suffering from mom guilt, which is a societal pressure to

(18:02):
do everything all at once with a smile and high efficiency.
It's ridiculous and unreasonable, but still a valid emotion that
you might understand as well. Instead of the complete logical
approach of trying to prove your point, take into consideration
that your youngest isn't even five months, so hormones and
stress are playing a part in this. Talk to your
wife to see how to handle this as a team.

(18:22):
Offer some empathy and see if she'll open up about
why she wants to keep putting this pressure on herself.
Remind her that she's the backbone of the house and
if she's stressed and overwhelmed, then things crumble. Give her
space to take care of herself so she can be
the best mom she wants to be. But if you
do thee I told you so game, it will cause
resentment all around and everyone loses. Am I the jerk

(18:44):
for telling my son he's delusional to think that I'll
approve of his marriage. My son, who's twenty five, introduced
me to his fiancee, Sarah, who's twenty. He informed me
yesterday that he was going to marry her. He's dated
her for about seven months in total. I was introduced
to her two months ago. I'll say outright, I don't
like Sarah. She's messy, and by MESSI I mean she

(19:07):
looks like she lives in a dumpster.

Speaker 2 (19:09):
Rude.

Speaker 1 (19:09):
She'll go off on you when you eat the last
of the chocolate, even if it's your own chocolate, because
she wanted it. She did this to my daughter. I
saw it with my own eyes. She's wasteful and quite conceited.
My son and her are banned from family gatherings after
a particular incident. I've told my son the truth about
it when he asked for my honest opinion after I
met her. But in the end, he's an adult and

(19:30):
I don't control his life. When he told me about
the engagement, he asked me, since it's been two months,
if I approve of her now. I laughed a bit
and told him no, I don't, and he got mad
and asked me why. So I gave him the following reasons.
One they're twenty and twenty five and getting married, which
I think is a bit too early since they've known
each other for around seven months. Two neither of them

(19:53):
have a stable income or know how to cook and clean,
so they're hitting a disaster zone. Three, they're not going
to out a pre nap.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
Four.

Speaker 1 (20:01):
Again, I don't like her, but again I told him
he's an adult, so it's his choice. I also told
him they were going to have to move out because
I have three other kids to look after and Sarah
is not at all nice or kind to them, and
I won't support him in Sarah, just if they're in
an emergency. Right now, I fully pay for and house him.
He pays no rent, and he has a part time

(20:23):
job and his monthly salary. If they budgeted, we'll give
them more than enough for essentials plus savings. Sarah owns
her own apartment, so no rent plus I'm fully paying
for his college, so no loans to worry about. But
other than that, they have to figure out something themselves.
I also told him not to expect me to pay
for his wedding because A they want an extravagant one

(20:44):
and B with the cost of living rising, I want
to save enough money to make sure my youngest, who's
in eighth grade right now, will have the same opportunity
as him. He got mad at me and left. I
recounted this to a few of my coworkers, and they
think I'm in the wrong. So I've come here to
ask some strange Am I wrong?

Speaker 2 (21:02):
You're the jerk.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
You're working hard at making your son kick you out
of his life. The only positive thing here is that
he will be free of you much earlier than without that.
I'm sick of being screamed at by entitled people that
don't get their way, So my boss has us not
seat anyone past a quarter to close. From that point
until five minutes to close, we are to go only.

(21:25):
After that we're essentially closed, but we make exceptions, especially
if someone comes in at the last minute and just
wants like a cup of soup or some meatballs or
something of the like Monday night. It's eight forty eight.
We close at nine. Three people come inside and I
immediately tell them that we are to go, only we
aren't seating anymore for the night. Pretty Much everything except

(21:45):
the floors are done, and the kitchen is two thirds
of the way done cleaning up. Anyway, it's two women
and one guy. The first woman is the main aggressor here.
She starts trying to barter with us to let her sit,
essentially before going nuclear. Well, why cant tweet sit?

Speaker 2 (22:00):
There's people still in here.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
Me, ma'am, all the people in here are finished eating
and about to leave. Stuff like that. I proceed to
tell her, I'm sorry, it's not my rule. Our boss
doesn't want us sitting until the last minute because we're
a local place, and he doesn't want to have to
pay the entire staff for over an hour after close
because you decided you can't go out to eat until
ten minutes before the restaurant closes. This woman literally stomps

(22:25):
her foot and starts throwing a tantrum like a kid.

Speaker 2 (22:28):
This is BS.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
I work in restaurants. Nowhere else does this. There are
still people in here. You should that does sit anyway.
The other woman in the group is peppering her friend's
tirade with insults and screams of her own. This is
horrible service. How dare you not seat us? I offered
them to go like six times, but it wasn't good enough.
This entire time, I'm staying calm and apologizing. It's not

(22:53):
my rule. I'm not doing this just to be rude.
They go to stomp out the door, and they hilariously
try to slam the door, which has the thing that
makes it shut slowly because it's glass. I don't know
if that made them matter or what. As the door
starts to shut, I'm ashamed to admit I lost my
patience again and I snapped at them without raising my voice.
You don't need to be so rude. A guy comes

(23:15):
to grab his to go and she screams in his face.
They're refusing to sit us. They're to go only, so
I hope you don't want to sit and eat. They
wouldn't let us sit. The poor guy just shrinks away
and comes inside. The lady's friend comes back to the
door and opens it again. We're never coming back here,
she shrieks into the restaurant. I feel bad for all

(23:37):
the customers still in the restaurant. They all just think
this lady is nuts. After they leave, I lose it
a little and kind of started to break down in
front of my coworker. I'm so sick of all these
people screaming at me for stuff that isn't my fault
or that I didn't do.

Speaker 2 (23:51):
I went outside and called my mom and cried.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
I've been doing this for over ten years, and I've
never had so many rude customers the entire time I've
been doing this as I have in the last three months.
Can someone please tell me what's going on? Am I
the jerk for telling my nephew he is his father's
only heir. Recently, my older brother passed. At that time,
he had become engaged to a woman he had only

(24:14):
rekindled a relationship with four months prior, and after having
been apart for more than twenty years prior to my
brother's passing. He had become upset with my nephew, his
only child, for failing to return two phone messages, and
voiced his frustration to our mother and stepfather on the
day he passed. Our mother was extremely cruel in how
she told my nephew that this had happened. She even

(24:36):
bragged to me about it and re enacted her conversation
with my nephew before exclaiming that she was less than
warm about it. She also informed my nephew that the
fiance was going to inherit everything, but asked if there
was anything of my brothers that my nephew wanted. My
mother lied to my nephew. My brother passed without a will,
which means my nephew inherits everything and all decisions are

(24:58):
his to be made. I told my mother that's the
law in our state, but my mother stated emphatically that
my nephew wasn't getting anything, along with my stepfather claiming
that my brother told him he could have my brother's
money another lie. I was absolutely disgusted by what my
mother and stepfather said and immediately left their home and
haven't been back. Over the next few days. I tried

(25:19):
in vain to reason with my mother, but she would
not back down from trying to give all of my
brother's money and possessions to the fiance and ensuring that
my nephew only received a few token pieces of my
brother's estate. So I made the decision to tell my
nephew the truth. Now, my mother, stepfather, and brother's fiance
are furious with me and said that I had no
right and should have stayed out of the situation. Telling

(25:42):
my nephew the truth has caused a huge rift within
my family, and I feel responsible. I fear my actions
may have created a bigger issue that my family may
not be able to overcome. If I had asked an
attorney to explain the law to my mother or taken
a more diplomatic course of action, we might have been
able to grieve my brother's passing as if family. Instead,
neither I nor my nephew was informed of my brother's

(26:04):
memorial service and only learned of it after it had
taken place. At this point, I no longer communicate with
my mother and stepfather, which seems to be the case
with most of the extended family. Am I the jerk
for taking matters into my own hands and destroying what
was left of my grieving family? Hmm, you may have
prevented your mother from committing fraud and going to jail.

(26:25):
The only way you are a jerk is if you
waited too long to notify an attorney of what's going on.
So that they can get something in place to stop her,
and anything given away cannot be recovered. Your mom is
a piece of work. I can't imagine anything a grandson
could do that would make me be cruel to him
the way that your mother was not.

Speaker 2 (26:43):
The jerk.

Speaker 1 (26:44):
Stay at home partner wants me to help with.

Speaker 2 (26:46):
The baby, but I work one hundred hours a week.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
I know the title sounds bad, but I'm finding myself
in a very difficult situation and I'm genuinely not sure
if I'm in the wrong here. H twenty seven male
am a surgical resident. Partner twenty seven female was a
teacher but is currently a stay at home mother to
our newborn child. We met in college and have been
together for just over seven years now. Last year, she

(27:10):
took a pregnancy test and found out that she was pregnant.
We were both happy, but also concerned about taking care
of a child. My main concern when we found out
was that I could not help out with the kid
because I work between eighty to one hundred hours a week.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
However, we both.

Speaker 1 (27:26):
Love each other and did want a family, so in
the end we decided to keep it and then she
would take time off of work while I was completing
my residency and take care of the baby. I would
complete my residency, and then, after having somewhat more humane hours,
I would obviously split child caring duties equally with her
so that she can also return to work. It's been

(27:47):
three months since our kid was born now, and things
have been rough, to say the least. I'm still working
nearly one hundred hours a week, and I'm constantly at
the break of exhaustion. If anything, my workload has increased
since then as I'm now now learning how to perform
larger operations. My sleep is almost non existent, and I'm
constantly under intense pressure due to my work environment. Things

(28:08):
have obviously been rough for her too. The pregnancy and
delivery were without complication, but it goes without saying that
it was still hugely taxing on her mentally and physically. Recently,
my partner has been asking me to take care of
our kid when I get home. Initially, I helped her
without hesitation, feeling like it was within my capacity and
wanting to support her. But in the past few weeks

(28:30):
she's been asking more and more of me, and a
few days ago she demanded I'd take care of our
kid immediately as I walked into the door. I hadn't
even had time to take off my shoes yet, and
when I said, just give me a second, she told
me to hurry up. I later learned that she had
an incredibly rough day and was just a capacity, but
in the moment I was so caught off guard I

(28:52):
yelled back at her to back off. I was too
exhausted to deal with it then, so I locked myself
in the bathroom to take a long shower and calm down.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
We later talked.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
About what had happened and apologized to each other, but
during it she essentially told me that she felt like
I wasn't doing enough to take care of the kid,
and that it was our responsibility. Equally, I told her
that I felt like I was already doing more than
we agreed on and that I can literally not do
any more than what I am currently doing. After talking
and arguing about this for about two hours, we still

(29:22):
couldn't come to an agreement and decided to leave the
topic for now. So am I the jerk for not
wanting to take on a larger parenting role during residency.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
Friends I've talked to seem split on the matter. Not
the jerk. This is a case of two people.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
Drowning and arguing over who has their head up out
of the water a few inches more than the other.
You have a newborn, you're working one hundred hours a week,
and a wife who is most likely so overwhelmed she
can't see straight. Both of you are sleep deprived and
not in your right mind. What you need is help.
I don't care who said they would do what before
the baby came. It's here now and it's not what

(29:57):
either of you expected. It's time to start from scratch
and use your limited energy to find solutions to give
you both reprieve this this ride here. No one in
this situation is the jerk. They're just both exhausted doing
very taxing and demanding jobs and tasks and need help.
I know Op said they can't afford help right now,
but they both need to figure out something before this

(30:19):
tears them apart. Call for reinforcements. Get a cleaning lady
or a person once a week to deal with the
household chores. Vacuuming, dusting, doing some laundry, ironing, scrubbing bathrooms
well worth the money. Call in Grandma or family and friends.
If possible to watch the baby while wife can just
have a nap and maybe even have someone to visit with.

(30:40):
Or find a responsible teenager who has experience with babies
who can come over a few hours a week and
watch the baby or watch TV while wife catches a nap.
If childcare options are really good, try to allow your
wife to escape child free for a few hours to
the gym, yoga, dance, or whatever that may allow her
a bit of child free physical activity that can help

(31:00):
reset her mental and physical health.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
Being home with a baby is tough.

Speaker 1 (31:05):
Try to find a few hours each week for you
as a couple or family, even if it's just to
meet for lunch. If possible, arrange for groceries to be
bought online and delivered. Walmart Click and Collect can be
picked up by an uber or a taxi and delivered
to the door. Some grocery stores deliver. Find out what
system works. Encourage your wife to find other moms in
the same position. Having a support system with other parents

(31:27):
or babies allows her to actually visit someone who doesn't
mind if baby tags along and cries the whole time. Plus,
as the kids get older, it allows them to have
other kids in their lives and offer your wife the
opportunity to put baby in child care and go back
to work. Not every person is cut out to be
at home with their kids twenty four seven. Doesn't mean
she's a bad parent, but she re energizes by outside

(31:48):
of home interaction, not the jerk. You're both in a
hard situation, but you can get through it. Don't be
afraid to call for reinforcements. Also check what the hospital
you're doing a residency at. Do they have a child
care programme that you could use even part time or
can they recommend one. Just start brainstorming ideas with your
wife on how to make this work. Write down good
ideas and some absolutely silly ones too. It actually will

(32:11):
help even if you are met with glares. Then, after
you have tons of ideas, serious and ridiculous, you go
through the ideas together and start crossing some off to
narrow down the list. Don't narrow it down too much.
You want plans A through E because sometimes plans change,
and try to agree to help your wife figure out
what she needs at this point to be happy and
how you both can make it work.

Speaker 2 (32:32):
Good luck, op.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
Support our channel by joining as a member today and
we'll give you a shout out in our next video,
or come watch this video next. You won't believe what
Karen does in that one

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Karen Neighbor Demands I Get Rid Of My Chicken! - Reddit Stories