November 30, 2023 • 27 mins
In this episode, special guest Stephanie Williams shares the gripping story of her past and how stepping outside of her comfort zone led to the path to surrender and fulfilling her purpose.
Stephanie Williams, the CEO and Founder of Stephanie Speaks, Destined to Conquer. She is a published author, motivational speaker, and transformation coach. She has been a featured leading expert in the media, video, and interviews. Stephanie is passionate about empowering her audiences and clients with her step-by-step systems so they can release past pain and hurt. With her proven techniques, her clients and audiences easily connect by identifying themselves with who they are so they can live a fulfilling lifestyle to be genuinely free. Stephanie has a life-long commitment to being the Best of the Best for her clients so that they can remove the blinders of limiting beliefs placed by others and themselves so they can emerge and flourish into the gifts and talents they possess within.
Stephanie Williams, the CEO and Founder of Stephanie Speaks, Destined to Conquer. She is a published author, motivational speaker, and transformation coach. She has been a featured leading expert in the media, video, and interviews. Stephanie is passionate about empowering her audiences and clients with her step-by-step systems so they can release past pain and hurt. With her proven techniques, her clients and audiences easily connect by identifying themselves with who they are so they can live a fulfilling lifestyle to be genuinely free. Stephanie has a life-long commitment to being the Best of the Best for her clients so that they can remove the blinders of limiting beliefs placed by others and themselves so they can emerge and flourish into the gifts and talents they possess within.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:54):
Hello and welcome to all beautiful soulsout there. You're listening to the Restore
My Soul Podcast with Princess Millins,your favorite grief coach and emotional wellness specialist.
In this space, we will helpthose who struggle with grief and loss
and have real conversations about how toovercome it in every area of life through
(01:14):
our personal stories, practical information,and wisdom from Princess and her special guests.
We are here to educate, inspire, and empower you with the strategies
you need in your emotional healing journey. We do not offer medical advice,
but we believe that we can alllearn to heal by creating a mindset to
grow, pass our pain and pushtoward our purpose. Our goal is to
(01:37):
remind you that grief is a journeyand you do not have to walk it
alone. No matter what the painor loss is, you can be restored
and live fully in your purpose.But let's push through the pain together as
we share our stories of resilience inone episode at a time. We welcome
in everybody to another episode of RestoreMy Soul Podcast. I'm so happy and
(02:04):
elated that you are here in joiningus today for this episode. You know,
we are here to empower and teachyou and to inspire you in your
emotional healing journey. And we arehaving real conversations around it with real people,
real conversations, real adversity, realbreakthrough so that we can overcome and
(02:30):
be all that God has called usto be. So I'm very excited.
I'm your host, Princess Milan isyour favorite grief and emotional wellness specialist,
and we are here again for anotherepisode, can you believe it? And
so we have a very very specialguest today. She is so near and
(02:50):
dear to my heart. We havein the studio today Stephanie Williams. She
is the CEO and founder of StephanieSpeaks Destined to Conquer, and she is
a published author and she is anempowerment speaker. That's what I like to
call her right and transformation coach,and she has been featured in so many
(03:14):
media, video and interviews. Stephaniehas a passion about empowering audiences and her
clients with step by step systems thatthey can release that paining at her and
she has proven techniques that she usesin her business that easily connect the client
(03:36):
with identifying themselves to be truly freeand to be truly who God has caused
them to be. So Stephanie hasa long life commitment to being the best
of the best of her clients andso that she can remove those blinders right
of limiting beliefs. And that's alland what encompasses a transformation coach is that
(04:00):
you can take the blinders off,the blinders of limiting beliefs placed by others
and ourselves, right, that causesthose things to come up in our lives
so that they can flourish in theirgifts and their talents. So I just
want to welcome to the podcast today, Stephanie Williams. Thank you so much,
so much for being here today.I'm excited to be here. Well,
(04:27):
you know I've been. This hasbeen a long time coming. We
were supposed to be, say,a couple of times ago, but hey,
we're here now, right, andI know I know, right,
So we're gonna have this conversation Iknow that will bless the audience that will
watch and listen, and just aconversation about stepping outside of our comfort zone,
(04:49):
right and finding our healing and growththat leads us to our purpose.
Right, y. So I wejust gonna dive into this conversation and we
just gonna let the Holy Spirit flow, right. So I want you to
first just just kind of say whoyou are, maybe some things about you
(05:14):
that's important that you want people toknow, and pretty much how did you
become a transformation coach? What thingsled to that? Of course? So
I love the introduction. Thank youfirst of all. So to tell you
a little bit about why I becamea transformation coach. I became a transformation
coach in the process of my ownhealing. And while I was healing through
(05:42):
the things that I went through andexperienced in my life, it was revealed
to me that I've been through alot of things and through the trenches of
life, I mean in a bighole, like didn't feel like I could
get out of it, right,And most of us go through that in
like if most of us life justbe keep on life and right. So
(06:02):
it's like we're always in a transition. We're always like trying to survive,
right, And I had to removemyself from the survival mentality and get into
a thriving mood. So that's wheretransformation coaching was birth through my own healing
(06:23):
and watching other people go through similarthings as me and still be struggling,
you know, And I was like, how can I help them? I
know that I've went through things andI've overcome some things, and I want
to be able to help the nextperson to overcome the things that they're going
(06:45):
through, you know. And alot of people get blinded with life,
you know, and it becomes moredifficult for them to even see a light
at the end of the time.Absolutely. Yeah, that's why it became
a transformation coach. That's the wholemain reason. Yeah, yeah, because
(07:06):
you know, we know that thethings that we go through is not only
for us. It's forced to healto help somebody else heal and for their
deliverance and for them to be setfree for them things that have them hindered
from living their life right, andthis is right also for them to live
(07:27):
in purpose because out of all ofthat, out of all of the chaos
that you're going through, guess what, there's purpose intertwined in it. And
that pressure of life is supposed tobe there. It's supposed to push us
into the purpose. You know,it's not there for us to sink.
Just like this Jesus with the theboat, right, like it's not there
(07:50):
for us to sink, it's actuallythere to push us into purposes. Yeah,
and you know a lot of uswe and we suffer in silence,
right, We suffer in silence becauseas I've said, stated many many times,
is that we a lot of usdid not grow up feeling comfortable even
(08:13):
knowing how to discuss the grief,the pain, the trauma in our lives.
And so we grew up, wekind of got through it. We
grew up and we realized that westill had those things that we never dealt
with. And then the things thatwe never dealt with it also compounded with
the things that we're now going through, and so you know, it just
(08:35):
makes a whole thing because we justin our communities it just wasn't common.
We were talked to just kind ofget over it. And even for us,
you know, women, we areseemed and so strong and so strong
and being able to handle a lotand a lot of times because we wear
(08:58):
the crown. That don't mean thatit's not heavy. Right, So we
suffer in silence. And I heardyou talk about survival, right, Sometimes
we go through a lifetime of survivingand that kind of prevents us from thriving
(09:20):
in the life that God has calledus to be. So can you talk
a little bit about some things thatyou have survived and you have overcome.
Sure, yes, most definitely.So I would start off with my childhood
there. I was say forced achild from the age of four years old
(09:43):
until I aged out at eighteen yearsold. And in the midst of force
to care, I did go througha few group family and then a group
home, then back to that samefamily, and then to another family.
And in the midst of that Iwent through abuse and went through physical,
(10:05):
mental, emotional, spiritual abuse,and that in that stage of my life
I was younger, of course,and it was difficult to go through.
And even it obviously transpired to myadult life because I ended up getting into
a marriage that was also abusive andthat I allowed and accepted into my life,
(10:28):
you know, and even married knowingthat he was abusive. Yeah so,
and had children. So it's likeit's a cycle that keeps on following
us until we actually sit down anddeal with ourselves and deal with the issues
that are inside of us, youknow, and just being able to pour
(10:52):
it out, pour it all outand surrender'. That's the key point right
there to going from survival mode thrivein. We have to surrender. We
cannot hold onto things, we cannotblame people, we cannot look at the
outside of us. We have towork within to deal with those inner issues
(11:13):
from childhood until now. And that'sthat's not a it's not comfortable. It's
not comfortable not to sit in anddeal with. Yeah, it's not comfortable
at all. And I think thatis the thing that is one of the
main things that prevents people from doingthat inner work right. They're afraid of
(11:37):
what they might discover and uncover asthey begin to heal. But it's very
necessary if we want to be free. And so I heard you say the
word surrender, right, and it'svery important to surrender what we think,
to surrender our pain. Right.So those of us who are believers,
(11:58):
we render our pain to God himself, right, you know, because the
word says that we cast our careson him because He cares for us.
And so you're right. It becomesa pattern. And sometimes I believe people
don't see Some people don't see thepain, they don't see the trauma.
(12:24):
They may or may not know yourstory, but they can't see your internal
struggles that you are going through.Right, Sometimes our internal struggles manifest in
physical form or things that people cansee, sometimes not sometimes not sometimes Because
(12:46):
I know, I went through depression, suicidal thoughts, all of that,
and nobody knew because I went towork smiling, I went everywhere I went.
I was still smiling and you know, trying to pull myself together to
not be sad all the time orgoing to a depression. But I was
(13:09):
really depressed, right, I guessyou would call me walking walking depressed if
that's not a word. But Iwant you and you can fall into that
pattern, but I want you tokind of share what did that pattern look
like for you when when you weregoing through the pain and the trauma of
your past, even in your marriage. What are some of the things that
(13:35):
that maybe had manifested uh and aspain for you? Hmmm. So I
would say things that I went throughduring the transition of holding onto my pain
and surrender bring my pain. Iwould say that I went through depression,
(14:03):
I went through anger, I wentthrough denial, denial, wow, blaming
myself, and honestly, I wasat a point where I was even disliking
myself, like I was, like, really, stuff me, like really,
(14:28):
you know, like I was.I had to face my reality and
that wasn't It wasn't a place thatI wanted to be at. However,
it was a place I needed tobe at it, you know, and
I had to sit with it.And Plus, while I was in transition
of healing, I was also inschool. So every day I went to
(14:50):
school learning about Yeah, every dayI was going to school living on purpose.
But I was in a marriage thatwas tearing me down. I mean
tearing me down. And I wouldbe working at a job that I loved.
I will go work. Come.I didn't even want to go home.
(15:11):
There was time for I didn't evenwant to go home. And I
just started hating the life I wasliving, the life that I was accepting.
I was hating it, and Ihad to come to a place and
in position to say enough is enough. I need to make change. I
was here trying to change him,and I needed to change myself. So
(15:37):
that's when I sat down, andthat's when I surrendered and I said,
Okay, it's time for me tochange. So I started focusing on me.
That was my main goal, wasme and getting myself out of the
trunches, and either he will followor he would have to be that goal.
(15:58):
And I left that in God's handsand I said, I let you
take over. It didn't happen immediately, but eventually I was like, it's
time for me to release you.We can no longer be in this marriage.
This marriage is not conducive for meor for my kids, our kids.
Yeah, you know, so Ihad to learn to communicate. I
(16:22):
had to learn to communicate because Iwas starting to become angry, so when
I would communicate, it would beangry words, you know. And then
I was going through the transition ofhealing, and then I said, no,
I can't talk like that. I'mhealing and I need to allow him
the space to heal. But whenI was allowing him the space to heal,
he wasn't there, and I couldn'tforce him to be there. I
(16:47):
had to release him, though,because eventually, eventually, if I'm healing
and he's not, I'm going tobe pulled back down and that's not where
I wanted to be. And likeyou were saying, sometimes it takes like
over our physical body, and Iwas having seizures in my sleep I was
having. I was starting to haveseizures again, and seizures. I had
(17:10):
stopped having seizures for about since Iwas twenty years old, and then I
was back to having seizures. Andeven after my divorce, I started like
and I started doing more things.I started putting the cape on and getting
involved in activities and doing things around, you know, doing things for the
(17:32):
church, doing things for the community, doing things for my business, doing
things for the nonprofit, doing things. So I was like like putting my
arms and hands out everywhere I couldthink of, right, and I started
having seizures again because I was putI was over extending myself. So sometimes
we could do that too, becaulddestruct ourselves from the healing that we need.
(17:56):
You know. Yeah, like thisleads me to even say that two
years ago God moved me to Taxesfrom Florida, and in that time and
I was in Texas, he wasalso putting me through some healing. I
was healing. He was preparing mefor a new season. And I couldn't
pour out because he wasn't allowing meto pour out because he needed to deliver
(18:21):
me from certain things, from certainpeople. He had to believe me from
other things and silence me so thatI can hear him. Yeah, you
know, so, yeah, Andit seems like from a lot of what
you said, it has been aprocess of just surrender, just surrender.
(18:45):
Yes, you know, we don'thave to be held captive by our pain,
by our struggles, by all ofthat. And I know really what
that feels like is for as working, overworking or over extending yourself is a
trauma response. Yes, And alot of people don't see that, you
(19:10):
know, they don't know, theydon't recognize that, and they just kind
of think you're normal. People willsay you're being so strong, and you
know, they if they know whatyou've been through, but they don't realize
that that is a trauma response,and it can lead to different other things.
Over extending your body, over extendingyour mind, your emotions, all
(19:32):
of that leads to burnout, leadsto more stress, lead to all these
things. Right, and so wesee that it's a process of any work
that we have to do. Andthe biggest thing that I am hearing you
say it is all about surrender.And so I want to kind of ask
(20:00):
you because I heard you say angerwas a part of what kind of manifested
with you as well as blaming andthings like that. So when we are
going through pain and trauma, whyis it that we blame ourselves? I
(20:23):
hear that a lot, but Inever really kind of unpacked that. So
kind of can you unpack the reasonwhy? Maybe that happened because a lot
of things we do to ourselves tobring pain, but sometimes out it's external.
It's other people that brings us pain, like our expouses or the people
(20:45):
that you know, friendships that wereabandoned and things like that. But why
do we blame ourselves when we arenot at fault? Kind of unpacked that
for me just a few minutes.We blame ourselves, like because, wow,
(21:07):
I know that I blamed myself becauseI felt like I probably could have
done more. I felt like Iput myself in that position. I felt
like I allowed this to happen forso long and it started to become a
(21:29):
part of me, and it toreme, It broke me apart, and
I felt like it was becoming apart of my identity, you know,
and who I was. And Iknow I had more for my life.
I know. When I was thirteenyears old, I wrote down on our
(21:49):
power point point what my life wasto look like when I graduated from high
school, and I know that mylife did not look like that. So
I blamed myself and I was angrywith myself because of the fact that I
wasn't where I wanted to be,and I allow things to happen. I
(22:11):
allow things to come into my lifein a temporary situation and made it permanent,
you know. And that's why it'simportant to have self forgiveness first,
because when we learn to forgive ourselves, then we learned to forgive all this
(22:33):
true forgiveness, not just say Iforgive you for what you've done and then
walk away. No true forgiveness sittingwith yourself, loving on yourself, showing
yourself who you are again, rebuildingyourself up, and saying, Stephanie,
I love you, Stephanie, Icare about you, Stephanie. You are
someone. Stephanie, You're going togo somewhere, you know, just keep
(22:56):
on speaking life. And that Ithink that's why we blame ourselves is because
we wanted more for our life andit ended up that's good. I love
that because it explains a lot,right, explains a lot and a lot
of things that we don't even thinkthat we can blame ourselves for we end
(23:23):
up doing that. You know whatI'm saying, even right, and I
want to ask away, Yeah,go ahead, And I want to add
to that, it's not regretting,it's just blaming ourselves. But it's not
regretting the things that we've gone throughbecause the things that we went through is
a part of our purpose. It'snot a part of part of who we
(23:47):
are, but it's a part ofour purpose. So everything connects. So
God alway has our pathway clear upbefore us. It's a choice. What
we true is a choice, youknow. So at the end of the
day, even if we choose lifeor not right, we're still got to
write, well, it's just gonnatake as long as to get there because
(24:08):
we took a detour and at theopposite way that God desired us to go.
Even though we took that detour,guess what his purpose is still going
to be in alignment because you chosethat path. So now you got to
learn to let go so that youcan be able to get back on the
right track. Absolutely absolutely, becauseGod he knows the plans that he has
(24:33):
for us, right, and it'she knows the end from the beginning.
And so since we know that,I'm glad you brought that out, is
that it's not necessarily a regretful time. It's a time to realize that you
went through it for something and whatand it's part of your story. And
that's so that is really why yourstory matters. Every piece of it,
(24:57):
every piece of it is to regret, is not to blame. It's not
to be angry or anything like that. It's just to learn from it,
pick up the pieces, do theinner work, surrender like you said,
and walk in your purpose. Right, So, thank you so much Stephanie
for being here today. Before weleave, I want you to tell everybody
(25:22):
how to connect with you, whatto follow you on social media and everything.
Yes, of course, so youcan follow me on Facebook underneath Stephanie
Williams my name, and then Ialso have a business page called Stephanie Speaks,
and I have an Instagram under thename staph ste p h Dot Speaks
(25:45):
s p e A k S.You can go ahead and follow me on
those pages as well as I dohave a website ww dot Dustined to Conquer
dot com. Okay, okay,great, well, thanks again Stephanie for
being here. It was an honorto interview to you today and blessings for
(26:07):
everything that God has you for youin the future. Yees all right,
all right, well, thank youeverybody for listening in and viewing in and
tuning in with us on this episodeof Restore My Soul Podcast. Remember to
follow me on all social media atPrincess Millions and my website at princessmillions dot
(26:33):
com. Remember that grief is ajourney, but you don't have to walk
it alone, and we're gonna doit together every episode and I'll see you
in the next episode of Restore MySoul Podcast. Thank you for joining another
episode of Restore My Soul Podcast.Be sure to listen and watch each week
as we continue the conversation on howto bounce back from the setback of grief
(26:57):
and loss and to become resilient sothat you too can thrive in life.
Don't forget to like and subscribe sothat you don't miss out on any new
episodes, and share this with asmany people as possible so they can be
encouraged in their emotional wellness journey.We invite you to follow Princess Milons on
all social media platforms and on thewebsite at Princessmilins dot com. Thank you
(27:19):
for listening, and we'll see youin the next episode of the Restore My
Soul Podcast.
Hello and welcome to all beautiful soulsout there. You're listening to the Restore
My Soul Podcast with Princess Millins,your favorite grief coach and emotional wellness specialist.
In this space, we will helpthose who struggle with grief and loss
and have real conversations about how toovercome it in every area of life through
(01:14):
our personal stories, practical information,and wisdom from Princess and her special guests.
We are here to educate, inspire, and empower you with the strategies
you need in your emotional healing journey. We do not offer medical advice,
but we believe that we can alllearn to heal by creating a mindset to
grow, pass our pain and pushtoward our purpose. Our goal is to
(01:37):
remind you that grief is a journeyand you do not have to walk it
alone. No matter what the painor loss is, you can be restored
and live fully in your purpose.But let's push through the pain together as
we share our stories of resilience inone episode at a time. We welcome
in everybody to another episode of RestoreMy Soul Podcast. I'm so happy and
(02:04):
elated that you are here in joiningus today for this episode. You know,
we are here to empower and teachyou and to inspire you in your
emotional healing journey. And we arehaving real conversations around it with real people,
real conversations, real adversity, realbreakthrough so that we can overcome and
(02:30):
be all that God has called usto be. So I'm very excited.
I'm your host, Princess Milan isyour favorite grief and emotional wellness specialist,
and we are here again for anotherepisode, can you believe it? And
so we have a very very specialguest today. She is so near and
(02:50):
dear to my heart. We havein the studio today Stephanie Williams. She
is the CEO and founder of StephanieSpeaks Destined to Conquer, and she is
a published author and she is anempowerment speaker. That's what I like to
call her right and transformation coach,and she has been featured in so many
(03:14):
media, video and interviews. Stephaniehas a passion about empowering audiences and her
clients with step by step systems thatthey can release that paining at her and
she has proven techniques that she usesin her business that easily connect the client
(03:36):
with identifying themselves to be truly freeand to be truly who God has caused
them to be. So Stephanie hasa long life commitment to being the best
of the best of her clients andso that she can remove those blinders right
of limiting beliefs. And that's alland what encompasses a transformation coach is that
(04:00):
you can take the blinders off,the blinders of limiting beliefs placed by others
and ourselves, right, that causesthose things to come up in our lives
so that they can flourish in theirgifts and their talents. So I just
want to welcome to the podcast today, Stephanie Williams. Thank you so much,
so much for being here today.I'm excited to be here. Well,
(04:27):
you know I've been. This hasbeen a long time coming. We
were supposed to be, say,a couple of times ago, but hey,
we're here now, right, andI know I know, right,
So we're gonna have this conversation Iknow that will bless the audience that will
watch and listen, and just aconversation about stepping outside of our comfort zone,
(04:49):
right and finding our healing and growththat leads us to our purpose.
Right, y. So I wejust gonna dive into this conversation and we
just gonna let the Holy Spirit flow, right. So I want you to
first just just kind of say whoyou are, maybe some things about you
(05:14):
that's important that you want people toknow, and pretty much how did you
become a transformation coach? What thingsled to that? Of course? So
I love the introduction. Thank youfirst of all. So to tell you
a little bit about why I becamea transformation coach. I became a transformation
coach in the process of my ownhealing. And while I was healing through
(05:42):
the things that I went through andexperienced in my life, it was revealed
to me that I've been through alot of things and through the trenches of
life, I mean in a bighole, like didn't feel like I could
get out of it, right,And most of us go through that in
like if most of us life justbe keep on life and right. So
(06:02):
it's like we're always in a transition. We're always like trying to survive,
right, And I had to removemyself from the survival mentality and get into
a thriving mood. So that's wheretransformation coaching was birth through my own healing
(06:23):
and watching other people go through similarthings as me and still be struggling,
you know, And I was like, how can I help them? I
know that I've went through things andI've overcome some things, and I want
to be able to help the nextperson to overcome the things that they're going
(06:45):
through, you know. And alot of people get blinded with life,
you know, and it becomes moredifficult for them to even see a light
at the end of the time.Absolutely. Yeah, that's why it became
a transformation coach. That's the wholemain reason. Yeah, yeah, because
(07:06):
you know, we know that thethings that we go through is not only
for us. It's forced to healto help somebody else heal and for their
deliverance and for them to be setfree for them things that have them hindered
from living their life right, andthis is right also for them to live
(07:27):
in purpose because out of all ofthat, out of all of the chaos
that you're going through, guess what, there's purpose intertwined in it. And
that pressure of life is supposed tobe there. It's supposed to push us
into the purpose. You know,it's not there for us to sink.
Just like this Jesus with the theboat, right, like it's not there
(07:50):
for us to sink, it's actuallythere to push us into purposes. Yeah,
and you know a lot of uswe and we suffer in silence,
right, We suffer in silence becauseas I've said, stated many many times,
is that we a lot of usdid not grow up feeling comfortable even
(08:13):
knowing how to discuss the grief,the pain, the trauma in our lives.
And so we grew up, wekind of got through it. We
grew up and we realized that westill had those things that we never dealt
with. And then the things thatwe never dealt with it also compounded with
the things that we're now going through, and so you know, it just
(08:35):
makes a whole thing because we justin our communities it just wasn't common.
We were talked to just kind ofget over it. And even for us,
you know, women, we areseemed and so strong and so strong
and being able to handle a lotand a lot of times because we wear
(08:58):
the crown. That don't mean thatit's not heavy. Right, So we
suffer in silence. And I heardyou talk about survival, right, Sometimes
we go through a lifetime of survivingand that kind of prevents us from thriving
(09:20):
in the life that God has calledus to be. So can you talk
a little bit about some things thatyou have survived and you have overcome.
Sure, yes, most definitely.So I would start off with my childhood
there. I was say forced achild from the age of four years old
(09:43):
until I aged out at eighteen yearsold. And in the midst of force
to care, I did go througha few group family and then a group
home, then back to that samefamily, and then to another family.
And in the midst of that Iwent through abuse and went through physical,
(10:05):
mental, emotional, spiritual abuse,and that in that stage of my life
I was younger, of course,and it was difficult to go through.
And even it obviously transpired to myadult life because I ended up getting into
a marriage that was also abusive andthat I allowed and accepted into my life,
(10:28):
you know, and even married knowingthat he was abusive. Yeah so,
and had children. So it's likeit's a cycle that keeps on following
us until we actually sit down anddeal with ourselves and deal with the issues
that are inside of us, youknow, and just being able to pour
(10:52):
it out, pour it all outand surrender'. That's the key point right
there to going from survival mode thrivein. We have to surrender. We
cannot hold onto things, we cannotblame people, we cannot look at the
outside of us. We have towork within to deal with those inner issues
(11:13):
from childhood until now. And that'sthat's not a it's not comfortable. It's
not comfortable not to sit in anddeal with. Yeah, it's not comfortable
at all. And I think thatis the thing that is one of the
main things that prevents people from doingthat inner work right. They're afraid of
(11:37):
what they might discover and uncover asthey begin to heal. But it's very
necessary if we want to be free. And so I heard you say the
word surrender, right, and it'svery important to surrender what we think,
to surrender our pain. Right.So those of us who are believers,
(11:58):
we render our pain to God himself, right, you know, because the
word says that we cast our careson him because He cares for us.
And so you're right. It becomesa pattern. And sometimes I believe people
don't see Some people don't see thepain, they don't see the trauma.
(12:24):
They may or may not know yourstory, but they can't see your internal
struggles that you are going through.Right, Sometimes our internal struggles manifest in
physical form or things that people cansee, sometimes not sometimes not sometimes Because
(12:46):
I know, I went through depression, suicidal thoughts, all of that,
and nobody knew because I went towork smiling, I went everywhere I went.
I was still smiling and you know, trying to pull myself together to
not be sad all the time orgoing to a depression. But I was
(13:09):
really depressed, right, I guessyou would call me walking walking depressed if
that's not a word. But Iwant you and you can fall into that
pattern, but I want you tokind of share what did that pattern look
like for you when when you weregoing through the pain and the trauma of
your past, even in your marriage. What are some of the things that
(13:35):
that maybe had manifested uh and aspain for you? Hmmm. So I
would say things that I went throughduring the transition of holding onto my pain
and surrender bring my pain. Iwould say that I went through depression,
(14:03):
I went through anger, I wentthrough denial, denial, wow, blaming
myself, and honestly, I wasat a point where I was even disliking
myself, like I was, like, really, stuff me, like really,
(14:28):
you know, like I was.I had to face my reality and
that wasn't It wasn't a place thatI wanted to be at. However,
it was a place I needed tobe at it, you know, and
I had to sit with it.And Plus, while I was in transition
of healing, I was also inschool. So every day I went to
(14:50):
school learning about Yeah, every dayI was going to school living on purpose.
But I was in a marriage thatwas tearing me down. I mean
tearing me down. And I wouldbe working at a job that I loved.
I will go work. Come.I didn't even want to go home.
(15:11):
There was time for I didn't evenwant to go home. And I
just started hating the life I wasliving, the life that I was accepting.
I was hating it, and Ihad to come to a place and
in position to say enough is enough. I need to make change. I
was here trying to change him,and I needed to change myself. So
(15:37):
that's when I sat down, andthat's when I surrendered and I said,
Okay, it's time for me tochange. So I started focusing on me.
That was my main goal, wasme and getting myself out of the
trunches, and either he will followor he would have to be that goal.
(15:58):
And I left that in God's handsand I said, I let you
take over. It didn't happen immediately, but eventually I was like, it's
time for me to release you.We can no longer be in this marriage.
This marriage is not conducive for meor for my kids, our kids.
Yeah, you know, so Ihad to learn to communicate. I
(16:22):
had to learn to communicate because Iwas starting to become angry, so when
I would communicate, it would beangry words, you know. And then
I was going through the transition ofhealing, and then I said, no,
I can't talk like that. I'mhealing and I need to allow him
the space to heal. But whenI was allowing him the space to heal,
he wasn't there, and I couldn'tforce him to be there. I
(16:47):
had to release him, though,because eventually, eventually, if I'm healing
and he's not, I'm going tobe pulled back down and that's not where
I wanted to be. And likeyou were saying, sometimes it takes like
over our physical body, and Iwas having seizures in my sleep I was
having. I was starting to haveseizures again, and seizures. I had
(17:10):
stopped having seizures for about since Iwas twenty years old, and then I
was back to having seizures. Andeven after my divorce, I started like
and I started doing more things.I started putting the cape on and getting
involved in activities and doing things around, you know, doing things for the
(17:32):
church, doing things for the community, doing things for my business, doing
things for the nonprofit, doing things. So I was like like putting my
arms and hands out everywhere I couldthink of, right, and I started
having seizures again because I was putI was over extending myself. So sometimes
we could do that too, becaulddestruct ourselves from the healing that we need.
(17:56):
You know. Yeah, like thisleads me to even say that two
years ago God moved me to Taxesfrom Florida, and in that time and
I was in Texas, he wasalso putting me through some healing. I
was healing. He was preparing mefor a new season. And I couldn't
pour out because he wasn't allowing meto pour out because he needed to deliver
(18:21):
me from certain things, from certainpeople. He had to believe me from
other things and silence me so thatI can hear him. Yeah, you
know, so, yeah, Andit seems like from a lot of what
you said, it has been aprocess of just surrender, just surrender.
(18:45):
Yes, you know, we don'thave to be held captive by our pain,
by our struggles, by all ofthat. And I know really what
that feels like is for as working, overworking or over extending yourself is a
trauma response. Yes, And alot of people don't see that, you
(19:10):
know, they don't know, theydon't recognize that, and they just kind
of think you're normal. People willsay you're being so strong, and you
know, they if they know whatyou've been through, but they don't realize
that that is a trauma response,and it can lead to different other things.
Over extending your body, over extendingyour mind, your emotions, all
(19:32):
of that leads to burnout, leadsto more stress, lead to all these
things. Right, and so wesee that it's a process of any work
that we have to do. Andthe biggest thing that I am hearing you
say it is all about surrender.And so I want to kind of ask
(20:00):
you because I heard you say angerwas a part of what kind of manifested
with you as well as blaming andthings like that. So when we are
going through pain and trauma, whyis it that we blame ourselves? I
(20:23):
hear that a lot, but Inever really kind of unpacked that. So
kind of can you unpack the reasonwhy? Maybe that happened because a lot
of things we do to ourselves tobring pain, but sometimes out it's external.
It's other people that brings us pain, like our expouses or the people
(20:45):
that you know, friendships that wereabandoned and things like that. But why
do we blame ourselves when we arenot at fault? Kind of unpacked that
for me just a few minutes.We blame ourselves, like because, wow,
(21:07):
I know that I blamed myself becauseI felt like I probably could have
done more. I felt like Iput myself in that position. I felt
like I allowed this to happen forso long and it started to become a
(21:29):
part of me, and it toreme, It broke me apart, and
I felt like it was becoming apart of my identity, you know,
and who I was. And Iknow I had more for my life.
I know. When I was thirteenyears old, I wrote down on our
(21:49):
power point point what my life wasto look like when I graduated from high
school, and I know that mylife did not look like that. So
I blamed myself and I was angrywith myself because of the fact that I
wasn't where I wanted to be,and I allow things to happen. I
(22:11):
allow things to come into my lifein a temporary situation and made it permanent,
you know. And that's why it'simportant to have self forgiveness first,
because when we learn to forgive ourselves, then we learned to forgive all this
(22:33):
true forgiveness, not just say Iforgive you for what you've done and then
walk away. No true forgiveness sittingwith yourself, loving on yourself, showing
yourself who you are again, rebuildingyourself up, and saying, Stephanie,
I love you, Stephanie, Icare about you, Stephanie. You are
someone. Stephanie, You're going togo somewhere, you know, just keep
(22:56):
on speaking life. And that Ithink that's why we blame ourselves is because
we wanted more for our life andit ended up that's good. I love
that because it explains a lot,right, explains a lot and a lot
of things that we don't even thinkthat we can blame ourselves for we end
(23:23):
up doing that. You know whatI'm saying, even right, and I
want to ask away, Yeah,go ahead, And I want to add
to that, it's not regretting,it's just blaming ourselves. But it's not
regretting the things that we've gone throughbecause the things that we went through is
a part of our purpose. It'snot a part of part of who we
(23:47):
are, but it's a part ofour purpose. So everything connects. So
God alway has our pathway clear upbefore us. It's a choice. What
we true is a choice, youknow. So at the end of the
day, even if we choose lifeor not right, we're still got to
write, well, it's just gonnatake as long as to get there because
(24:08):
we took a detour and at theopposite way that God desired us to go.
Even though we took that detour,guess what his purpose is still going
to be in alignment because you chosethat path. So now you got to
learn to let go so that youcan be able to get back on the
right track. Absolutely absolutely, becauseGod he knows the plans that he has
(24:33):
for us, right, and it'she knows the end from the beginning.
And so since we know that,I'm glad you brought that out, is
that it's not necessarily a regretful time. It's a time to realize that you
went through it for something and whatand it's part of your story. And
that's so that is really why yourstory matters. Every piece of it,
(24:57):
every piece of it is to regret, is not to blame. It's not
to be angry or anything like that. It's just to learn from it,
pick up the pieces, do theinner work, surrender like you said,
and walk in your purpose. Right, So, thank you so much Stephanie
for being here today. Before weleave, I want you to tell everybody
(25:22):
how to connect with you, whatto follow you on social media and everything.
Yes, of course, so youcan follow me on Facebook underneath Stephanie
Williams my name, and then Ialso have a business page called Stephanie Speaks,
and I have an Instagram under thename staph ste p h Dot Speaks
(25:45):
s p e A k S.You can go ahead and follow me on
those pages as well as I dohave a website ww dot Dustined to Conquer
dot com. Okay, okay,great, well, thanks again Stephanie for
being here. It was an honorto interview to you today and blessings for
(26:07):
everything that God has you for youin the future. Yees all right,
all right, well, thank youeverybody for listening in and viewing in and
tuning in with us on this episodeof Restore My Soul Podcast. Remember to
follow me on all social media atPrincess Millions and my website at princessmillions dot
(26:33):
com. Remember that grief is ajourney, but you don't have to walk
it alone, and we're gonna doit together every episode and I'll see you
in the next episode of Restore MySoul Podcast. Thank you for joining another
episode of Restore My Soul Podcast.Be sure to listen and watch each week
as we continue the conversation on howto bounce back from the setback of grief
(26:57):
and loss and to become resilient sothat you too can thrive in life.
Don't forget to like and subscribe sothat you don't miss out on any new
episodes, and share this with asmany people as possible so they can be
encouraged in their emotional wellness journey.We invite you to follow Princess Milons on
all social media platforms and on thewebsite at Princessmilins dot com. Thank you
(27:19):
for listening, and we'll see youin the next episode of the Restore My
Soul Podcast.
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