December 7, 2023 • 28 mins
In this episode, special guest Ginger Fitchett shares her story of domestic abuse and how to rediscover yourself after the pain.
Ginger is a passionate problem-solver and voice for this generation. She is a personal development speaker and coach, host of the Get Up Ten Podcast, nurse, entrepreneur, investor, and mom. As a nurse, she cares for and desires to help everyone she comes in contact with. She truly values people and relationships. She helps others pursue their dreams and goals with increased self-awareness, clear goals, and a resilient mentality. She believes that your best life requires your best self.
Ginger is a passionate problem-solver and voice for this generation. She is a personal development speaker and coach, host of the Get Up Ten Podcast, nurse, entrepreneur, investor, and mom. As a nurse, she cares for and desires to help everyone she comes in contact with. She truly values people and relationships. She helps others pursue their dreams and goals with increased self-awareness, clear goals, and a resilient mentality. She believes that your best life requires your best self.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:54):
Hello and welcome to all beautiful soulsout there. You're listening to the Restore
My Soul Podcast with Princess Millons,your favorite grief coach and emotional wellness specialist.
In this space, we will helpthose who struggle with grief and loss
and have real conversations about how toovercome it in every area of life through
(01:14):
our personal stories, practical information,and wisdom from Princess and her special guests.
We are here to educate, inspire, and empower you with the strategies
you need in your emotional healing journey. We do not offer medical advice,
but we believe that we can alllearn to heal by creating a mindset to
grow, pass our pain and pushtoward our purpose. Our goal is to
(01:38):
remind you that grief is a journeyand you do not have to walk it
alone. No matter what the painor loss is, you can be restored
and live fully in your purpose.But let's push through the pain together as
we share our stories of resilience inone episode at a time. Well,
great day, everybody, and welcometo another episode of Restoring My Soul Podcast.
(02:02):
I'm so blessed to be here todayfor another episode. You know that
this is the place where we talkabout grief, loss, burnout, stress
and those paths to resiliencies. Wehave real people with real conversations on there
because I believe that we all canlearn to heal by creating a mindset to
(02:25):
grow past our pain. So weare here in another episode, and I'm
so excited about our special guest today. My special guest today is Ginger finch
It and Ginger is a passionate problemsolver and a voice for this generation.
She is a personal development speaker.I call her an empowerment speaker right,
(02:50):
and a coach and a host andshe has her own podcast and she is
the host of the Get Up teenpodcast available on all platforms. She is
a nurse and entrepreneur and investor,and most importantly, she is a mother
all right. As a nurse,she cares for and desires to help everyone
(03:13):
she comes in contact with. AndI know that even not being on the
nerve side, she has such agenuine and caring heart. And it's been
a truly honor to know her.And I know that she values people,
she values relationship and she helps othersto pursue their dreams and goals and That's
what it's all about. And Ijust want to welcome to the podcast today,
(03:37):
Ginger Finch It. Thank you somuch for being here today, for
having me. I'm so excited forour conversation. Absolutely, you know,
I've been trying to get you onhere, so now you're finally here.
So now we're gonna have I knowwe're gonna have some conversation about a lot
of things, and mostly about howwe rediscover ourselves, right, And so
(04:03):
my intro question to you, Ijust want you to tell get the audience
a little bit familiar about who Gingeris and how what kind of things in
your life kind of led you upto the path that you have chosen to
take today. That's a good question. Okay, So right now I'm living
(04:24):
in the Tampa Bay Area in Florida, and it's great, but I'm originally
from New York and I have toclarify and say not the city because people
get real picky about that. I'mfrom Rockland County, which is just north
of New York City. And Isay growing up around New York City and
kind of in New York City becauseI would go to church in Brooklyn.
(04:45):
My dad's from Brooklyn. My mom'sfrom the Bronx, and so I was
in New York City often and justin that environment, I guess you could
say, and it's definitely hustle andbustle, and if you can make it
in New York, you can makeit anywhere. So from a young age,
I told myself like, Okay,I love what I see in New
(05:05):
York and I want to live here. And if I want to live in
New York, I need a lotof money, so we're going to have
to figure something out. But thenI got a little older and I realized
all that comes with living in NewYork and I was like, oh,
never mind, never mind, wedon't want this anymore because I grew up
in the suburbs and I like todrive and have parking spots and that's not
(05:27):
New York City lifestyle. So anyways, I end up going to school for
nursing because I always love science andmath and people, and I felt like
it was just a great way touse all of my gifts and you know
just what my heart is passionate about. So that's why I chose nursing.
But on top of nursing, Ialso played basketball in college and that basketball
(05:54):
has been. That's like one ofmy loves. Like love in basketball,
I have my own version and thathas done so much for my mentality and
who I am as a person.And so through basketball, I got introduced
to motivational speaking. That's the firsttime I ever heard Eric Thomas, and
it changed my life and it mademe realize that I was meant for more
(06:16):
than just I. Initially, Ijust wanted to be a nurse, make
a lot of money, buy nicethings, go on trips. But listening
to ET, I realized that mylife is so much bigger than that.
There's so much more for me.And so that's what really made me excited
about entrepreneurship. Actually I didn't reallyI kind of skipped some steps. I
(06:38):
went through a breakup that made mequestion, you know, but who am
I? What do I want?Because I had always been so focused on
being in a relationship and making thatother person happy and never really thought about
myself. So when I thought aboutmyself and the women that I looked up
to, I realized they were allentrepreneurs. And so I was like,
entrepreneurship it is nursing career. BecauseI was almost finished with my degree,
(07:02):
I think if I found out aboutentrepreneurship a little earlier, and I wouldn't
have finished my degree, but Godit did, and he knew that I
needed that degree. So I graduatedwith my nursing degree, went into the
nursing world. That's a very interestingexperience, to say the least. And
I also found myself in an abusiverelationship because even though I had took the
(07:27):
time to ask myself, who amI, what do I want? What
do I value? What kind ofman do I want? I wasn't really
like fully living it out like Iwrote it down, but I didn't really
go back to what I had writtendown. And I still very much wanted
love, wanted to be somebody's wifeI thought I had. I was so
close to checking all the boxes off. I got my career. I just
need my man and then we canmake some babies and we're good to go.
(07:49):
So I just forced myself into thisrelationship and ended up being abusive,
and so I had to leave thatsituation. And then at that time I
was also now a mom, Soyeah, and there is a lot of
getting back up because we have anyways, I had said, bounce back to
(08:15):
where I am here today. Withyou. That's so wonderful. Yes,
because history. You know, Idon't know, Ginger, why I never
knew that you were a nurse.Why did I never not know that?
I don't know, But anyway,I agree. New York is so I
had a pleasure to go to NewYork UH this year and it was so
(08:41):
awesome. I was only there acouple of days, So don't beat me
up. I know I didn't cometo see you, but next time I
will. But you have been througha journey of caring. You know.
I believe that the people who areanointed and they're gifted at nurse you have
(09:01):
to have a genuine heart to care. And sometimes our caring heart it leads
us to into these relationships or itleads us into places where it's not suited
for us. Right, And soI heard you say about you know you
you wanted to get back to whoyou were. You wanted to make sure
and we all have this checklist,right. I know I had the same
(09:24):
checklist. I don't know about anybodywatching or listening, but I had the
same checklist as far as if Ihave this, if I have that,
I have the right man. IfI have this, and we have some
babies. Well I'm good, right, and we have this checklist in our
in our minds and our hearts,and then it turns out that our life
don't go that way. Right,So in your relationships, how did what
(09:52):
was the thing? Because again,we care so much, right, we
care so much about people, sometimesneglected neglect our own self. Right,
what was the thing that in yourrelationship that probably caused that pattern? You
think that you were even attracted tosomeone who may not have been the right
(10:18):
person for you, because I thinksometimes we can get into a pattern.
Did you see yourself going into apattern of relationships like this or was it
something that just kind of came outof the blue. Oh? No,
It's definitely a pattern, a cycle, And I would say like a downward
(10:39):
spiral, because it starts off notas bad, and then it just it's
weird because it gets It's like itgets better and worse. It gets better
in the way that you tell yourself, oh, well, this guy's better
than the last guy, but itgets worse in the way that we're still
not going in the right direction.We're going to the director of where we
(11:00):
need to be going. And Itrace back my downward sparl as I call
it. Honestly, back to middleschool, I am. I was the
type of girl A was. Idon't know as a young girl, like
in kindergarten, I was already likelooking for my husband. I had a
crush on every little boy in myclass, Like if I like one thing
(11:24):
about you, you're my crush.It was that simple to my four year
old Yeah, and so fast forwardto middle school, when things are a
little bit more not more serious,but you're more aware of like dating and
relationships. I found myself in arelationship with this guy, and I I
(11:46):
wanted to prove myself to him thatI that I wasn't just like a goodie
two shoes, and I knew somethings, honestly, knew something sexually because
I don't I want to be transparent. I wanted to prove myself in that
way. And so even though Ididn't go all the way with him,
I think that relationship was like myfirst kiss. And then from the next
(12:09):
relationship, we did a little more, and the next guy we did a
little more, and I just foundmyself in these relationships where I just wanted
to be married so bad and aslong as you were agreed to my terms
at the time, which usually itwas just like, okay, you know
about God and you want to getmarried too. And at first I didn't
(12:31):
have any boundaries around physically, butthen I tried to. So I was
like, Okay, you know aboutGod and you're a decent guy, and
you're willing to wait till marriage.Okay, cool, even like they'll say
that, but do they really meanIt's another question. And so I just
saw that pattern and another pattern wasjust me going above and beyond. I
(12:52):
never really sat back to let aguy chase me, not even chase me,
but pursue me, is really theway. I never really let it
go. I pursued me. Iwas always the one like meeting driving to
wherever he's at, picking him up, meeting up with him. And I
never really let a man put fortheffort to earn me. And so when
(13:16):
I met my daughter's father, Iwas in an angry space. And I
can talk about this in hindsight nowthat I was definitely angry and entitled.
I didn't really have a real reasonto be upset, but at the time
my reasoning to be upset was veryvalid to me. In that version of
myself and so I had just graduatedcollege. I'm making good money. I
(13:39):
was a nurse, and I didn'thave a car, and that really bothered
me because I wasn't in the positionfinancially just yet to get my own car.
And I didn't have my parents thatI could rely on either to help
me out, unfortunately, and soI was mad at them because Mommy and
(14:01):
Daddy couldn't just buy me a newcar. I was frustrated because I wanted
to go places. I wanted todo things. I'm a woman now,
I got a college degree, andI couldn't. But I know that God
needed me in that season because hehad things to show me. But yeah,
that was my mentality. I wasangry, I was upset. I
was trying to do my own thingas a young woman, and so as
(14:24):
an angry person at the time,because I'm not in general, I'm not
an angry person. I do notlike to be angry, but in that
season, I was, and soI attracted an angry person. And yeah,
that was crazy because I remember,no, yeah, I was.
I remember being in my marriage andI looked at how this man was acting,
(14:46):
how this man treated me, andI was confused because I was like,
relationships are supposed to be a reflectionof us, of ourselves, and
I'm looking at this man and hedon't look like me. I don't act
like that. So I was confused, but I know it's at the time,
it was that anger, that familiarspirit that connected. Yeah, but
(15:07):
that seems like a very reflective momentbecause sometimes we're not able to see that,
and it was great that you're ableto see that. Our boundaries,
I think, are the things thatwe create for ourselves can be sometimes twisted
(15:28):
and what we think things how thingsshould be. And I believe the cycle
sometimes it begins it ends with rejectionor a spirit of abandonment and things like
that, or the things that wefeel that we deserve and what we desire
so much, and it'll cause usto go down this path of you know,
(15:52):
just just anybody, you know,anybody who will love me and make
me feel fe a certain type ofway. You know, they good,
right, But it is so important. This is what I've learned, is
so important to create those boundaries thatnot only keeps out, because I always
(16:15):
teach boundaries don't necessarily keep people out. It shows people how to treat you,
right, yes, So can youtalk a little bit about some boundaries
that you had to set in yourown life to make sure that you are
protected from any of those things thatwould bring you back into the cycle that
(16:37):
you were in in the past.Yeah. So I just want to say,
first of all, the way thatI talk is very much like reflective
because in the moment I was notthinking like this, and in the moment,
when you're in it, it's hardto seek. So clearly, that's
for sure. But as far assome of the boundaries that I've created,
(17:02):
so like I said, I havewritten things down as far as my goals
to think my values literally what Iwant in a man. I have been
studying and listening to all these thingsthat are related to godly relationships. But
it's one thing to hear things andsay things. It's another thing to actually
do it. It's a lot harderto actually do it. So that's one
(17:26):
thing that I know I will willdo going forward, is to honor the
things that I have said are importantto me. Another thing is to take
seriously the opinions or input i'd rathersay the input of people who truly love
me. So my family, myclose friends, they all told me,
(17:48):
like, this is not a goodrelationship, He's not the one for you.
Actually, in every relationship I've everbeen in so far, they've said
this is not the guy. Thisno, like please, what are you
doing? And I ignored everyone.I thought I was going to prove them
wrong. Yeah, we're not doingthat no more. When all my friends
and family, yeah, when theyhave when they raise the red flag,
(18:11):
when they say when they have aquestion mark, I'm going to take that
a little bit more seriously. Andalso, I've just done a lot of
growth spiritually, and so if Idon't have a sense of peace about a
relationship, about the conversation about movingforward, I'm not going to ignore that.
Because when I was in the relationshipwith my daughter's father, there was
(18:33):
a lot of red flags and momentswhere God was trying to get my attention,
but I was like blinders on.I want what I want. I
don't care what God has to say, which is crazy because at the time
I was still like praying and listeningto sermons and I thought I was okay
spiritually, but I was my heartwas not in the right place, and
so that is another thing. I'mvery prayerful now and I got a damn
(19:00):
on what God shows me. Ihave to honor those things. So those
are three things that I could thinkof off the top of my head that
I do now moving forward. Yeah, and that's a big thing to honor
the things that are inside of youand to honor what God is showing you,
right. And I know what itfeels like as well, because sometimes
(19:22):
that, you know, sometimes Hetalks to us and he tells us personally,
right, And then those other peoplelike our family, our friends,
the ones who know and love andrespect us, they'll come and say,
just like you said, this isnot the one for you. But we
don't listen because it goes right onback to what we want and what we
feel like we need in our relationship. But it keeps us in that cycle,
(19:48):
you know. And I know thatit is very very important for us,
even as mothers, right, oreven for us as mothers, to
show our children that this is notthe way, This is not the way.
And I'm so honored to be ableto My children saw me in a
transition. They saw me the transition. They've seen the transition in me from
(20:14):
the one who used to be soyou know, I was in angry space
I was in that place where Iwasn't being spiritually fed and things like that
to the person that I am now, and so I know they were probably
testified, like, yeah, mom, you got it right. Now,
you got it right. But Iwant you to to give some kind of
(20:37):
wisdom about what it means for usor what it means for you as a
mom to make sure that you setthe correct space for your your child.
What what does it? What isit for you as a mom that that
(20:59):
that you can you know, teachyour child, show show her that it's
more to life, It's more tojust what you see, right, How
important is that to you? It'sso important. I think I've always seen
those posts that say, like becominga mom saved my life or my children
(21:21):
saved my life, and I reallyresonate with those posts. I know,
if you don't have any kids orwhatever, you could look at that and
be like what me mean? Butno, like, having my daughter really
saved my life because I refuse tonormalize abuse for her. First of all,
Like I realized that the household thatI brought her into as a baby
(21:45):
was not healthy, and I refusedfor her to think that the way her
father was treating me and even theway that I was acting, because you
know, I wasn't always perfect andI was very emotional, and it it
make me afraid that I was goingto hurt her in the cloudiness of my
emotions on top of the abusive thingsthat were happening. So that was the
(22:07):
first step where I said, mydaughter, this will not be normalized for
my daughter because I was not raisedlike that and she will not be either.
And then after I realized the painof divorce and the aftermath of domestic
violence and how heavy that is becausea lot of the responsibility falls on the
victim. So when I realized likehow it was painful, and I was
(22:32):
like, I'm getting a reward forthis pain, Like this pain is going
to birth some purpose, like thesewounds are coming with some wisdom, like
this is not where it ends.And that really lit a fire under me
as well to really take my purposeseriously and the things that God has put
on my heart. And furthermore,I wanted my daughter to see that your
(22:53):
dreams are so important and you don'thave to just have a average life or
just get a job and keep yourhead down, like no, you were
put on this earth for a purpose. You're a world changer. There is
something in you that God needs out. And so Mother had really put a
(23:15):
fire underneath me to realize my dreamsand stop playing around with my purpose and
my dreams because I needed to showmy daughter that whatever God puts on your
heart, as long as you're inagreement with him and you're submitted to him,
like it can happen. And sothat really helped me to take my
entrepreneurial dreams more seriously to where Iam today because I know that she's watching
(23:40):
me, and I want her tosee like, yeah, Mom, Mom
did it. She didn't. Itwasn't always easy. She didn't always she
wasn't perfect every day. Some dayshe cried, some day she laid in
the bed. But I see mymom and I see her on stages speaking,
I see her recording her podcast,I see her flying to a I
(24:00):
see her buying properties. I'm speakingthat into existence because I need her to
know that there's better than I don'tknow. People are so quick to throw
average on you or subpar, andI'm like, no, thank you.
So motherhood, really it's another levelof accountability for sure, because I know
that she's watching me. And myactions more than what I say. Absolutely,
(24:22):
And it's so important because you know, whatever generational thing that we see
or the hindrances that we've seen inour family generation line, I say that
it starts with me. You know, we're not going to have that poverty
mindset. We're not going to havethe mindset where we can only just just
(24:44):
do this one thing and live ina box, you know what I'm saying.
So it's so important that we teachour children the way that they should
go, like the Bible says,and when they get old, they will
not depart right. And that stopsthe generation. I believe that that stops
the generational curses, the generational thingsthat has happened throughout your bloodline or whatever
(25:11):
the case is. You know,it could be somewhere in somebody's family that
alcoholism, drug addicts all throughout thebloodline. But it has to stop somewhere,
and why not with us, Whynot someone in the family making a
decision that we're not gonna go throughabusive relationships anymore, We're not going to
(25:34):
just settle for less anymore. We'renot gonna do these things, and so
that we can birth the next generationthat will have that growth mindset. Right.
So this has been such a greatconversation. Ginger, I'm just gonna
leave everybody with this is I wantyou to give just one thing to encourage
(25:56):
the young mothers out there, thepeople that might be listening that are in
emotional or domestic violence situations. Givethem some encouragement. What would you say
to encourage them today? I thinkmy favorite thing to remind people of is
that you are worthy and you arevaluable. Whatever situation that you're in,
(26:19):
however you're feeling the change, theshift, it starts with you. So
I need you to know that youare worthy and you are valuable. Absolutely
well, thank you so much Gingerfor being here on this episode. I
pray that everything that you your heartdesires, that you continue to get it
(26:42):
in your life and so that youin your line you're not just your daughter,
but your children's children, right,is blessed? All right? So
before we leave, I want everybody. I want you to tell everybody how
to connect with you, where tofind your social media and all the things.
(27:03):
Yes, okay, my favorite placeto send people is Instagram. So
my Instagram is Ginger and Fit.It's just the first three letters in my
last name, so fit. Andthen I do have a website, Gingerfiture
dot com and there you can findout more about my podcast. You could
send me a message if you areinterested in having me at any of your
(27:26):
events. There's a form. It'sall there, so yeah, and I'm
on Facebook and LinkedIn and everything TikTok. I'm forgetting one, but I'm on
pretty much everything under my name.All right. Well, thank you again
Ginger for being here. It wasawesome to do this episode with you.
(27:47):
Thank you. Well, that's anotherepisode, everybody. Thank you for joining
us today on another episode of RestoreMy Soul Podcast. Don't forget to follow
me on all social media at PrinceMillons and my website at Princessmilans dot com.
You remember that grief is a journey, but you don't have to walk
(28:07):
it along. I will see youin the next episode of the Restore My
Soul Podcast. Thank you for joininganother episode of Restore My Soul Podcast.
Be sure to listen and watch eachweek as we continue the conversation on how
to bounce back from the setback ofgrief and loss and to become resilient so
that you too can thrive in life, don't forget to like and subscribe so
(28:32):
that you don't miss out on anynew episodes, and share this with as
many people as possible so they canbe encouraged in their emotional wellness journey.
We invite you to follow Princess Milonson all social media platforms and on the
website at Princessmilons dot com. Thankyou for listening and we'll see you in
the next episode of The Restore MySoul
Hello and welcome to all beautiful soulsout there. You're listening to the Restore
My Soul Podcast with Princess Millons,your favorite grief coach and emotional wellness specialist.
In this space, we will helpthose who struggle with grief and loss
and have real conversations about how toovercome it in every area of life through
(01:14):
our personal stories, practical information,and wisdom from Princess and her special guests.
We are here to educate, inspire, and empower you with the strategies
you need in your emotional healing journey. We do not offer medical advice,
but we believe that we can alllearn to heal by creating a mindset to
grow, pass our pain and pushtoward our purpose. Our goal is to
(01:38):
remind you that grief is a journeyand you do not have to walk it
alone. No matter what the painor loss is, you can be restored
and live fully in your purpose.But let's push through the pain together as
we share our stories of resilience inone episode at a time. Well,
great day, everybody, and welcometo another episode of Restoring My Soul Podcast.
(02:02):
I'm so blessed to be here todayfor another episode. You know that
this is the place where we talkabout grief, loss, burnout, stress
and those paths to resiliencies. Wehave real people with real conversations on there
because I believe that we all canlearn to heal by creating a mindset to
(02:25):
grow past our pain. So weare here in another episode, and I'm
so excited about our special guest today. My special guest today is Ginger finch
It and Ginger is a passionate problemsolver and a voice for this generation.
She is a personal development speaker.I call her an empowerment speaker right,
(02:50):
and a coach and a host andshe has her own podcast and she is
the host of the Get Up teenpodcast available on all platforms. She is
a nurse and entrepreneur and investor,and most importantly, she is a mother
all right. As a nurse,she cares for and desires to help everyone
(03:13):
she comes in contact with. AndI know that even not being on the
nerve side, she has such agenuine and caring heart. And it's been
a truly honor to know her.And I know that she values people,
she values relationship and she helps othersto pursue their dreams and goals and That's
what it's all about. And Ijust want to welcome to the podcast today,
(03:37):
Ginger Finch It. Thank you somuch for being here today, for
having me. I'm so excited forour conversation. Absolutely, you know,
I've been trying to get you onhere, so now you're finally here.
So now we're gonna have I knowwe're gonna have some conversation about a lot
of things, and mostly about howwe rediscover ourselves, right, And so
(04:03):
my intro question to you, Ijust want you to tell get the audience
a little bit familiar about who Gingeris and how what kind of things in
your life kind of led you upto the path that you have chosen to
take today. That's a good question. Okay, So right now I'm living
(04:24):
in the Tampa Bay Area in Florida, and it's great, but I'm originally
from New York and I have toclarify and say not the city because people
get real picky about that. I'mfrom Rockland County, which is just north
of New York City. And Isay growing up around New York City and
kind of in New York City becauseI would go to church in Brooklyn.
(04:45):
My dad's from Brooklyn. My mom'sfrom the Bronx, and so I was
in New York City often and justin that environment, I guess you could
say, and it's definitely hustle andbustle, and if you can make it
in New York, you can makeit anywhere. So from a young age,
I told myself like, Okay,I love what I see in New
(05:05):
York and I want to live here. And if I want to live in
New York, I need a lotof money, so we're going to have
to figure something out. But thenI got a little older and I realized
all that comes with living in NewYork and I was like, oh,
never mind, never mind, wedon't want this anymore because I grew up
in the suburbs and I like todrive and have parking spots and that's not
(05:27):
New York City lifestyle. So anyways, I end up going to school for
nursing because I always love science andmath and people, and I felt like
it was just a great way touse all of my gifts and you know
just what my heart is passionate about. So that's why I chose nursing.
But on top of nursing, Ialso played basketball in college and that basketball
(05:54):
has been. That's like one ofmy loves. Like love in basketball,
I have my own version and thathas done so much for my mentality and
who I am as a person.And so through basketball, I got introduced
to motivational speaking. That's the firsttime I ever heard Eric Thomas, and
it changed my life and it mademe realize that I was meant for more
(06:16):
than just I. Initially, Ijust wanted to be a nurse, make
a lot of money, buy nicethings, go on trips. But listening
to ET, I realized that mylife is so much bigger than that.
There's so much more for me.And so that's what really made me excited
about entrepreneurship. Actually I didn't reallyI kind of skipped some steps. I
(06:38):
went through a breakup that made mequestion, you know, but who am
I? What do I want?Because I had always been so focused on
being in a relationship and making thatother person happy and never really thought about
myself. So when I thought aboutmyself and the women that I looked up
to, I realized they were allentrepreneurs. And so I was like,
entrepreneurship it is nursing career. BecauseI was almost finished with my degree,
(07:02):
I think if I found out aboutentrepreneurship a little earlier, and I wouldn't
have finished my degree, but Godit did, and he knew that I
needed that degree. So I graduatedwith my nursing degree, went into the
nursing world. That's a very interestingexperience, to say the least. And
I also found myself in an abusiverelationship because even though I had took the
(07:27):
time to ask myself, who amI, what do I want? What
do I value? What kind ofman do I want? I wasn't really
like fully living it out like Iwrote it down, but I didn't really
go back to what I had writtendown. And I still very much wanted
love, wanted to be somebody's wifeI thought I had. I was so
close to checking all the boxes off. I got my career. I just
need my man and then we canmake some babies and we're good to go.
(07:49):
So I just forced myself into thisrelationship and ended up being abusive,
and so I had to leave thatsituation. And then at that time I
was also now a mom, Soyeah, and there is a lot of
getting back up because we have anyways, I had said, bounce back to
(08:15):
where I am here today. Withyou. That's so wonderful. Yes,
because history. You know, Idon't know, Ginger, why I never
knew that you were a nurse.Why did I never not know that?
I don't know, But anyway,I agree. New York is so I
had a pleasure to go to NewYork UH this year and it was so
(08:41):
awesome. I was only there acouple of days, So don't beat me
up. I know I didn't cometo see you, but next time I
will. But you have been througha journey of caring. You know.
I believe that the people who areanointed and they're gifted at nurse you have
(09:01):
to have a genuine heart to care. And sometimes our caring heart it leads
us to into these relationships or itleads us into places where it's not suited
for us. Right, And soI heard you say about you know you
you wanted to get back to whoyou were. You wanted to make sure
and we all have this checklist,right. I know I had the same
(09:24):
checklist. I don't know about anybodywatching or listening, but I had the
same checklist as far as if Ihave this, if I have that,
I have the right man. IfI have this, and we have some
babies. Well I'm good, right, and we have this checklist in our
in our minds and our hearts,and then it turns out that our life
don't go that way. Right,So in your relationships, how did what
(09:52):
was the thing? Because again,we care so much, right, we
care so much about people, sometimesneglected neglect our own self. Right,
what was the thing that in yourrelationship that probably caused that pattern? You
think that you were even attracted tosomeone who may not have been the right
(10:18):
person for you, because I thinksometimes we can get into a pattern.
Did you see yourself going into apattern of relationships like this or was it
something that just kind of came outof the blue. Oh? No,
It's definitely a pattern, a cycle, And I would say like a downward
(10:39):
spiral, because it starts off notas bad, and then it just it's
weird because it gets It's like itgets better and worse. It gets better
in the way that you tell yourself, oh, well, this guy's better
than the last guy, but itgets worse in the way that we're still
not going in the right direction.We're going to the director of where we
(11:00):
need to be going. And Itrace back my downward sparl as I call
it. Honestly, back to middleschool, I am. I was the
type of girl A was. Idon't know as a young girl, like
in kindergarten, I was already likelooking for my husband. I had a
crush on every little boy in myclass, Like if I like one thing
(11:24):
about you, you're my crush.It was that simple to my four year
old Yeah, and so fast forwardto middle school, when things are a
little bit more not more serious,but you're more aware of like dating and
relationships. I found myself in arelationship with this guy, and I I
(11:46):
wanted to prove myself to him thatI that I wasn't just like a goodie
two shoes, and I knew somethings, honestly, knew something sexually because
I don't I want to be transparent. I wanted to prove myself in that
way. And so even though Ididn't go all the way with him,
I think that relationship was like myfirst kiss. And then from the next
(12:09):
relationship, we did a little more, and the next guy we did a
little more, and I just foundmyself in these relationships where I just wanted
to be married so bad and aslong as you were agreed to my terms
at the time, which usually itwas just like, okay, you know
about God and you want to getmarried too. And at first I didn't
(12:31):
have any boundaries around physically, butthen I tried to. So I was
like, Okay, you know aboutGod and you're a decent guy, and
you're willing to wait till marriage.Okay, cool, even like they'll say
that, but do they really meanIt's another question. And so I just
saw that pattern and another pattern wasjust me going above and beyond. I
(12:52):
never really sat back to let aguy chase me, not even chase me,
but pursue me, is really theway. I never really let it
go. I pursued me. Iwas always the one like meeting driving to
wherever he's at, picking him up, meeting up with him. And I
never really let a man put fortheffort to earn me. And so when
(13:16):
I met my daughter's father, Iwas in an angry space. And I
can talk about this in hindsight nowthat I was definitely angry and entitled.
I didn't really have a real reasonto be upset, but at the time
my reasoning to be upset was veryvalid to me. In that version of
myself and so I had just graduatedcollege. I'm making good money. I
(13:39):
was a nurse, and I didn'thave a car, and that really bothered
me because I wasn't in the positionfinancially just yet to get my own car.
And I didn't have my parents thatI could rely on either to help
me out, unfortunately, and soI was mad at them because Mommy and
(14:01):
Daddy couldn't just buy me a newcar. I was frustrated because I wanted
to go places. I wanted todo things. I'm a woman now,
I got a college degree, andI couldn't. But I know that God
needed me in that season because hehad things to show me. But yeah,
that was my mentality. I wasangry, I was upset. I
was trying to do my own thingas a young woman, and so as
(14:24):
an angry person at the time,because I'm not in general, I'm not
an angry person. I do notlike to be angry, but in that
season, I was, and soI attracted an angry person. And yeah,
that was crazy because I remember,no, yeah, I was.
I remember being in my marriage andI looked at how this man was acting,
(14:46):
how this man treated me, andI was confused because I was like,
relationships are supposed to be a reflectionof us, of ourselves, and
I'm looking at this man and hedon't look like me. I don't act
like that. So I was confused, but I know it's at the time,
it was that anger, that familiarspirit that connected. Yeah, but
(15:07):
that seems like a very reflective momentbecause sometimes we're not able to see that,
and it was great that you're ableto see that. Our boundaries,
I think, are the things thatwe create for ourselves can be sometimes twisted
(15:28):
and what we think things how thingsshould be. And I believe the cycle
sometimes it begins it ends with rejectionor a spirit of abandonment and things like
that, or the things that wefeel that we deserve and what we desire
so much, and it'll cause usto go down this path of you know,
(15:52):
just just anybody, you know,anybody who will love me and make
me feel fe a certain type ofway. You know, they good,
right, But it is so important. This is what I've learned, is
so important to create those boundaries thatnot only keeps out, because I always
(16:15):
teach boundaries don't necessarily keep people out. It shows people how to treat you,
right, yes, So can youtalk a little bit about some boundaries
that you had to set in yourown life to make sure that you are
protected from any of those things thatwould bring you back into the cycle that
(16:37):
you were in in the past.Yeah. So I just want to say,
first of all, the way thatI talk is very much like reflective
because in the moment I was notthinking like this, and in the moment,
when you're in it, it's hardto seek. So clearly, that's
for sure. But as far assome of the boundaries that I've created,
(17:02):
so like I said, I havewritten things down as far as my goals
to think my values literally what Iwant in a man. I have been
studying and listening to all these thingsthat are related to godly relationships. But
it's one thing to hear things andsay things. It's another thing to actually
do it. It's a lot harderto actually do it. So that's one
(17:26):
thing that I know I will willdo going forward, is to honor the
things that I have said are importantto me. Another thing is to take
seriously the opinions or input i'd rathersay the input of people who truly love
me. So my family, myclose friends, they all told me,
(17:48):
like, this is not a goodrelationship, He's not the one for you.
Actually, in every relationship I've everbeen in so far, they've said
this is not the guy. Thisno, like please, what are you
doing? And I ignored everyone.I thought I was going to prove them
wrong. Yeah, we're not doingthat no more. When all my friends
and family, yeah, when theyhave when they raise the red flag,
(18:11):
when they say when they have aquestion mark, I'm going to take that
a little bit more seriously. Andalso, I've just done a lot of
growth spiritually, and so if Idon't have a sense of peace about a
relationship, about the conversation about movingforward, I'm not going to ignore that.
Because when I was in the relationshipwith my daughter's father, there was
(18:33):
a lot of red flags and momentswhere God was trying to get my attention,
but I was like blinders on.I want what I want. I
don't care what God has to say, which is crazy because at the time
I was still like praying and listeningto sermons and I thought I was okay
spiritually, but I was my heartwas not in the right place, and
so that is another thing. I'mvery prayerful now and I got a damn
(19:00):
on what God shows me. Ihave to honor those things. So those
are three things that I could thinkof off the top of my head that
I do now moving forward. Yeah, and that's a big thing to honor
the things that are inside of youand to honor what God is showing you,
right. And I know what itfeels like as well, because sometimes
(19:22):
that, you know, sometimes Hetalks to us and he tells us personally,
right, And then those other peoplelike our family, our friends,
the ones who know and love andrespect us, they'll come and say,
just like you said, this isnot the one for you. But we
don't listen because it goes right onback to what we want and what we
feel like we need in our relationship. But it keeps us in that cycle,
(19:48):
you know. And I know thatit is very very important for us,
even as mothers, right, oreven for us as mothers, to
show our children that this is notthe way, This is not the way.
And I'm so honored to be ableto My children saw me in a
transition. They saw me the transition. They've seen the transition in me from
(20:14):
the one who used to be soyou know, I was in angry space
I was in that place where Iwasn't being spiritually fed and things like that
to the person that I am now, and so I know they were probably
testified, like, yeah, mom, you got it right. Now,
you got it right. But Iwant you to to give some kind of
(20:37):
wisdom about what it means for usor what it means for you as a
mom to make sure that you setthe correct space for your your child.
What what does it? What isit for you as a mom that that
(20:59):
that you can you know, teachyour child, show show her that it's
more to life, It's more tojust what you see, right, How
important is that to you? It'sso important. I think I've always seen
those posts that say, like becominga mom saved my life or my children
(21:21):
saved my life, and I reallyresonate with those posts. I know,
if you don't have any kids orwhatever, you could look at that and
be like what me mean? Butno, like, having my daughter really
saved my life because I refuse tonormalize abuse for her. First of all,
Like I realized that the household thatI brought her into as a baby
(21:45):
was not healthy, and I refusedfor her to think that the way her
father was treating me and even theway that I was acting, because you
know, I wasn't always perfect andI was very emotional, and it it
make me afraid that I was goingto hurt her in the cloudiness of my
emotions on top of the abusive thingsthat were happening. So that was the
(22:07):
first step where I said, mydaughter, this will not be normalized for
my daughter because I was not raisedlike that and she will not be either.
And then after I realized the painof divorce and the aftermath of domestic
violence and how heavy that is becausea lot of the responsibility falls on the
victim. So when I realized likehow it was painful, and I was
(22:32):
like, I'm getting a reward forthis pain, Like this pain is going
to birth some purpose, like thesewounds are coming with some wisdom, like
this is not where it ends.And that really lit a fire under me
as well to really take my purposeseriously and the things that God has put
on my heart. And furthermore,I wanted my daughter to see that your
(22:53):
dreams are so important and you don'thave to just have a average life or
just get a job and keep yourhead down, like no, you were
put on this earth for a purpose. You're a world changer. There is
something in you that God needs out. And so Mother had really put a
(23:15):
fire underneath me to realize my dreamsand stop playing around with my purpose and
my dreams because I needed to showmy daughter that whatever God puts on your
heart, as long as you're inagreement with him and you're submitted to him,
like it can happen. And sothat really helped me to take my
entrepreneurial dreams more seriously to where Iam today because I know that she's watching
(23:40):
me, and I want her tosee like, yeah, Mom, Mom
did it. She didn't. Itwasn't always easy. She didn't always she
wasn't perfect every day. Some dayshe cried, some day she laid in
the bed. But I see mymom and I see her on stages speaking,
I see her recording her podcast,I see her flying to a I
(24:00):
see her buying properties. I'm speakingthat into existence because I need her to
know that there's better than I don'tknow. People are so quick to throw
average on you or subpar, andI'm like, no, thank you.
So motherhood, really it's another levelof accountability for sure, because I know
that she's watching me. And myactions more than what I say. Absolutely,
(24:22):
And it's so important because you know, whatever generational thing that we see
or the hindrances that we've seen inour family generation line, I say that
it starts with me. You know, we're not going to have that poverty
mindset. We're not going to havethe mindset where we can only just just
(24:44):
do this one thing and live ina box, you know what I'm saying.
So it's so important that we teachour children the way that they should
go, like the Bible says,and when they get old, they will
not depart right. And that stopsthe generation. I believe that that stops
the generational curses, the generational thingsthat has happened throughout your bloodline or whatever
(25:11):
the case is. You know,it could be somewhere in somebody's family that
alcoholism, drug addicts all throughout thebloodline. But it has to stop somewhere,
and why not with us, Whynot someone in the family making a
decision that we're not gonna go throughabusive relationships anymore, We're not going to
(25:34):
just settle for less anymore. We'renot gonna do these things, and so
that we can birth the next generationthat will have that growth mindset. Right.
So this has been such a greatconversation. Ginger, I'm just gonna
leave everybody with this is I wantyou to give just one thing to encourage
(25:56):
the young mothers out there, thepeople that might be listening that are in
emotional or domestic violence situations. Givethem some encouragement. What would you say
to encourage them today? I thinkmy favorite thing to remind people of is
that you are worthy and you arevaluable. Whatever situation that you're in,
(26:19):
however you're feeling the change, theshift, it starts with you. So
I need you to know that youare worthy and you are valuable. Absolutely
well, thank you so much Gingerfor being here on this episode. I
pray that everything that you your heartdesires, that you continue to get it
(26:42):
in your life and so that youin your line you're not just your daughter,
but your children's children, right,is blessed? All right? So
before we leave, I want everybody. I want you to tell everybody how
to connect with you, where tofind your social media and all the things.
(27:03):
Yes, okay, my favorite placeto send people is Instagram. So
my Instagram is Ginger and Fit.It's just the first three letters in my
last name, so fit. Andthen I do have a website, Gingerfiture
dot com and there you can findout more about my podcast. You could
send me a message if you areinterested in having me at any of your
(27:26):
events. There's a form. It'sall there, so yeah, and I'm
on Facebook and LinkedIn and everything TikTok. I'm forgetting one, but I'm on
pretty much everything under my name.All right. Well, thank you again
Ginger for being here. It wasawesome to do this episode with you.
(27:47):
Thank you. Well, that's anotherepisode, everybody. Thank you for joining
us today on another episode of RestoreMy Soul Podcast. Don't forget to follow
me on all social media at PrinceMillons and my website at Princessmilans dot com.
You remember that grief is a journey, but you don't have to walk
(28:07):
it along. I will see youin the next episode of the Restore My
Soul Podcast. Thank you for joininganother episode of Restore My Soul Podcast.
Be sure to listen and watch eachweek as we continue the conversation on how
to bounce back from the setback ofgrief and loss and to become resilient so
that you too can thrive in life, don't forget to like and subscribe so
(28:32):
that you don't miss out on anynew episodes, and share this with as
many people as possible so they canbe encouraged in their emotional wellness journey.
We invite you to follow Princess Milonson all social media platforms and on the
website at Princessmilons dot com. Thankyou for listening and we'll see you in
the next episode of The Restore MySoul
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