December 28, 2023 • 32 mins
In this episode, special guest Dionna Anderson talks about her experience of rejection and abandonment throughout her life and being raised in a home of domestic violence with a mother who suffered from alcoholism.
Tammi Parnell is the author of The Power of the Mirror and strives to be in alignment with the purpose and plan God has for her life. Tammi is a certified life coach who helps women identify their inner strengths and conquer their fears and the perceived barriers that hold them back. Tammi declares that failure is not an option, and she wants other women to see their value because there is power in the mirror.
Connect with Tammi at tammiparnell67@gmail.com
Tammi Parnell is the author of The Power of the Mirror and strives to be in alignment with the purpose and plan God has for her life. Tammi is a certified life coach who helps women identify their inner strengths and conquer their fears and the perceived barriers that hold them back. Tammi declares that failure is not an option, and she wants other women to see their value because there is power in the mirror.
Connect with Tammi at tammiparnell67@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:53):
Hello and welcome to all beautiful soulsout there. You're listening to the Restore
My Soul Podcast with Princess Milan,your favorite grief coach and emotional wellness specialist.
In this space, we will helpthose who struggle with grief and loss
and have real conversations about how toovercome it in every area of life through
our personal stories, practical information,and wisdom from Princess and her special guests.
(01:19):
We are here to educate, inspire, and empower you with the strategies
you need in your emotional healing journey. We do not offer medical advice,
but we believe that we can alllearn to heal by creating a mindset to
grow, pass our pain and pushtoward our purpose. Our goal is to
remind you that grief is a journeyand you do not have to walk it
(01:40):
alone. No matter what the painor loss is, you can be restored
and live fully in your purpose.But let's push through the pain together as
we share our stories of resilience inone episode at a time. Well,
welcome everybody to another episode Restore mySoul Podcast. Thank you so much for
(02:01):
joining today and being a part ofthis great conversation that we have over here
where we have real conversations, realpeople to talk about how they pushed through
their pain and the struggles and obstaclesthat have adversity in their life and was
able to walk into their God givenpurpose. I am Princess Millan's, I'm
(02:25):
your favorite grief and emotional wellness coach, and I'm your host today and every
single day, and I am soglad that you are here. Hopefully you're
ready for another powerful testimony and wehave such a one that will bring us
to us today. And today wehave a special guest. Her name is
(02:47):
Tammy Parnell. She is very veryspecial to me and I had the pleasure
of meeting her in person for thefirst time last year and just love her
so much. And she is awife, She is a mother and a
grandmother and a native of Michigan,but she currently resides in Georgia right now.
(03:12):
She has spent twenty years in theGeorgia Department of Juvenile Justice. And
she has a passion for women andwho have dealt with rejection and abandonment issues
early in life, and women wholack self identity as well and lack of
worth and brokenness and who seem tofocus on their past hurt and just can't
(03:36):
move forward. So she is alicensed minister of the Gospel who have faithfully
served God for over twenty five years, and she exemplifies a woman after God's
own heart. And she is anaspiring upcoming new author. Well actually she
is an author right now, butshe has a new book coming out is
(03:59):
coming out in in pre sales rightnow. But she is desiring to always
share her store, her life storyof rejection and abandonment and one who has
so emotional trauma starting from a veryyoung age. So I'm want to welcome
to the podcast today, Tammy Parntnew. Thank you so much for being here,
(04:24):
my beautiful Thank you so much.Thank you so much, Princess for
welcoming me, Thank you so much. Absolutely, now we're gonna go ahead
and get started because I know thatwe're gonna have such a great conversation and
you're gonna know that your story willbless so many people today. A story
(04:45):
about rejection, a story about howyou came up and the things that you
have to struggle with even early inchildhood, and how God helped you to
pick those pieces up right. SoI want you to just kind of share
with the audience. Who is TammyParnell at the core? You know,
(05:05):
and how did you get to bethis beautiful woman of God that has such
a strong passion to serve other womenin the area of rejection and abandonment.
Okay, again, thank you Princessfor welcoming me again. My name is
Tammy Parnell, Nama native from Michigan. Who is she? Who is she?
(05:28):
Right in the beginning, she didn'tknow who she was. You know,
I was raised by single mother,singer mother home, a mother who
was addicted to alcohol. Right,she was addicted to alcohol. I didn't
have of course I have a father, but I didn't know who he was,
right, So, just being raisedin a single mother home who suffered
from an addiction of alcohol, itwas a real struggle for me. It
(05:50):
was a struggle for me. Idid have an older brother, maybe three
years older than me, but heand I when my mother had him,
her parents took him and so theyraised him. And so then it left
me back three years later on whereit was just me and my mom,
(06:10):
and so during that time, youknow, she still had the same struggles.
But I was left there, youknow, I was left there.
So I seen it all, andit was many times that you know,
due to mom's addictions, she couldn'thold a job, right, she couldn't
hold a job. So people,you know, people say that they're for
you, people say that they gotyour bags. But it was different from
(06:33):
my mom. It was different frommy mom. People actually called the state
on her right due to me nothaving the necessities, due to living conditions,
right, due to my mom beingan alcoholic, right. And so
it got to the time where theywere called, you know, the state
(06:53):
Michigan on my mom and I wouldbe taken away. You know, I
remember at the earlier age of firesold, you know, being taken away
from the first time that I remember, right, I was five years old,
and I remembered so vivid, youknow that I was looking out the
back window and my mom was wavingat me, you know, she was
(07:15):
waving at me, and I didn'tunderstand anything, of course, right,
I didn't understand anything. So,you know, after she was able to
get herself together and you know,be able to get the things that she
needed, and the stake felt thatshe could bring me back into her home.
You know, they allowed me backinto the home of the cycle,
the cycle or the cycle, thereis a cycle, right because her father,
(07:36):
you know, my grandfather, hewas also alcoholic, but he was
a functional one, right, andhe and his wife, my grandmother is
the one that raised my brother withmy uncle, so he was a functional
one. So it's a generational thing. It's a generational thing. So as
that time came, you know,I became older to the point where I
(07:59):
started in the same domestic violence.Domestic violence and seeing my mother meet and
bruise and things like that. Internally, he wounded me. It wounded me
to the point that I would gointo this concuon, I would go into
this shell, and I felt Ididn't have a voice. I didn't feel
like I had a voice. SoI struggled with that for years. You
(08:20):
know, I really didn't talk aboutthe story. You know, we just
deal with life, right because askids wouldn't know to do right. And
so as that time came, mygreat grandmother is the one that actually took
me in for some odd reason.My mom's mom parents, they wouldn't take
me, but they took my brother. Right. So I had been inside
(08:43):
of the system for so many yearsbecause I didn't have anyone to care for
me. I thank God that hedidn't allow me to be adopted out or
going to a foster kid, becauseI never had to do that to the
point where they finally ate me overto my great grandmother. And that's where
I started seeing, probably at theage of seven eight, I started seeing
(09:07):
what we call love. I knewwhat that was, and now I know
my mom loved me. But dueto her condition, due to the trauma
that she had dealt, due toher own addiction and her own self infliction,
right, she didn't know how tolove. She didn't know how to
express that, to show that.So I finally felt that, you know,
and I still have those pictures whereyou know, that's where I first
(09:30):
learned the Lower's prayer, you know, from Granny. You know, I
called her Granny and I remember beingby her bedside and she taught me the
Lower's prayer, and so I feltthe love, I felt the comfort,
you know, she ensured me thatno harm was gonna come to me.
You know, I started feeling mysmelling my first flowers because she loved to
have a She had a garden ofvegetables, fruits, but then she had
(09:54):
rose gardens everywhere so that's when Ilove to smell your flowers, mail your
flowers, and it was a wonderfulthing. And I stayed with her for
years, and you know, I'velearned that's where I learned church. You
know, I learned church and Ilearned the Bible through her. I learned
the basic principles of who Christ was, you know, who Jesus was.
(10:16):
As a kid, I learned thoseprinciples from her, which was an awesome
thing. And just knowing how tocare for others. I also learned that
from her. You know, beingyoung, I used to go from house
to housing and help the elderly takethe garbage out, or I'll go to
the store for them. So that'swhere I believe that I learned how to
serve others. In spite of whatI was going through, in spite of
(10:41):
my little emotions, I still hadthe feeling to care for others. I
never wanted to see anyone wounded orher That was something that I always felt
that I had to put the bandaid on. And I'm still like that
today. I feel like I canput the band aid on to care to
make sure that that wound doesn't andopen back up again. So I went
(11:03):
through that until the point where Grannyfinally transitioned and went home to be with
the Lord. I had to goback to the unknown, which I called
the unknown right, and the unknownwas because I hadn't been with Mom for
so many years. I had togo back to the unknown, and I
wasn't getting the love that I hadgotten. You know, Mom was still
(11:24):
in their addiction. She was still, you know, with the domestic violence
and things like that. So hereI go from a child who felt rejected
and abandoned from her mother to goinginto a place of comfort, a place
of support, or a place oflove being shown and being touched, you
(11:45):
know, to a place where Idon't know with this look. I don't
know how this feels. And nowI don't have that touch, I don't
have that confidine to be able tospeak those things into me. They were
in me because gret folk, butsometimes we just need to hear that regular
basis as kids. So I hadto go back into much I called the
(12:07):
unknown, and from that point itwas still the addiction. It was still
the domestic violence. So what doI do as a young teenager? Not
right? I looked for love andall the wrong places I call it that
look for love and all the wrongplaces right and where did that looks like?
Somebody tell you're cute, you know, somebody show you at attention.
And that's what happened, and tothe point where I became a teen teenage
(12:31):
mother, teenage mother, and Ialways told myself that I would never abandon
this child. Now, my mom, she tried to do everything she could
for me not to bring that childto existence, you know, but it
was in God's choice, you know, it was in God's choice, and
God brought that child to life,you know. And I love that child,
(12:52):
and I nurtured that child. Ifortected that child, and I let
that child know that he was loved, you know. And so that's what
life begave me. You know.Now I really have somebody to love,
I have somebody to care for,to protect, and that's who I am.
I am a protector. I lovepeople to feel comfortable to be,
(13:13):
to know who they are. Butwho did I know I was. I
still don't know who I was.I didn't I just knew I was saying,
you know, I knew I wasa mother, I didn't know that.
I didn't know who I was.So I still dealt with the self
of lack of identity. I didn'thave that. I didn't have that.
I just move with life. Andthat's when many of us do. We
(13:37):
just move in life, you know, we just allow ourself to move in
life and not really take the timeto look with themself to know who we
are or who had God called usto be right and what do he see
us? As always had God inme. I went back to the unknown.
I drifted off because I didn't havethat push, right, yeah,
(13:58):
And so that's all things that Ididn't want coming up into the place where
I had the other trials andriulations andthere that's so good because a lot of
us we we we go back tothe unknown or what we call the unknown
place, and because we know thatchildhood memories, childhood traumas can be so
(14:20):
debilitating. And even when things happenwhen we two, three, four,
five years old, as it happenedto you, those things we take with
us, you know what I'm saying, Yeah, take with us. And
it takes some work, it takessupport from it takes love, it takes
(14:41):
embrace right to get away from that. And God always knows what we need,
right, right, So if weknew that you needed your great grandmother.
He knew that you needed your grandmotherright to the He always have a
remedy, I believe, to pullyou out of the place where he can
(15:01):
then love on you right that hecan on us. But I do know
that sometimes we still deal with thechildhood traumas, right, we still deal
with those things that happened so longago. And some people that might be
listening, they don't know how toget out of it. They don't know
how they're still feeling the pressure ofsome of the things that happened to them
(15:24):
in their past. And it isI love what you said about you know
that sometimes we have that support system. We need that support system. So
can you kind of go into alittle bit more about how important a real
support system is. Who you're healing, to your development, to your strength,
(15:52):
and what can that look like forsomebody? What can support look like?
Okay, So I come from avery small family, very just immediate
family, right, only had theone sibling, brother, you know,
and as years passed, he youknow, was murdered. So it just
left me by myself. So Idon't have as far as a big family
(16:15):
support, you know, I havecousins and things of that sort, right,
but just that immediate I'm the onlychild left. And I had been
like that for the last probably twentysome years until I come in contact with
my sister princess, you know,and other women of that and brothers and
things like that. But when Ifinally felt the tug to rededicate my life
(16:38):
to Christ, right, because Ihad been out of church for so long,
I'm just living life, trying toyou know, I didn't have my
second child, and I'm just tryingto live and trying to support them,
try not to bring them up inthe environment that I was brought up in.
Right, So I felt that tugfrom God to come to church.
So the church that I have visitedas a young child, I ended up
(17:02):
going back to that same church,not really remembering this church, but I
felt a connection when I got there, right, but not really knowing this
is the church that you had visitedwhen you were a child, and just
going and visiting and visiting and allowingmyself to just be in a place where
(17:22):
just me and God because I wasso lost and again not having that self
identity, not having that support.Right, dedicated my life to Christ.
You know, got baptized and becamevery active in church. Became very active
in church, and that's where mysupport started because Mom was still you know,
(17:42):
in living her lifestyle and I wasjust living minds with my children.
And that's when I found the support. I found the love, I found
the connection. I found a belongingfear feeling right, a feeling of belonging
finally, you know, and itwas it was, it was. It
was a pull for me because Ididn't know how to accept love, and
(18:06):
so many of us that do notknow how to accept love. I didn't
know how to accept it, andit was a withdrawal for me because it's
like, okay, what you want, right, Like, what do you
want? This is not normal.It's not normal for people to show themselves
friendly. It's not normal for peopleto gravitate to people that they don't That's
not normal. It wasn't normal forme at that time, right, So
(18:29):
it was kind of a push offfor me, and I wasn't really accepted
to it. I didn't know howto be I can say I didn't know
how to accept it. But asthe times went on, and I remember
every time I would leave, whichI would ask my Bishop, what's my
name? You know, he standsat the doors leaving out. I was
like, Bishop, what's my name? And he'll look and I'll say Tam.
(18:53):
He was like, Tammy. Right. But I did this every Sunday.
I did it every Sunday. Right, he stay in the door.
What's my name? He look?Said said yes. So I finally feel,
really, Bishop know who I am. He knows my name. That's
a feeling of acceptance, right whensomebody can call you by your name and
not just her or she over there. Right, So I felt, okay,
(19:18):
it's connection. And then by justaccepting being a part of the industry.
And I remember my my bishop's granddaughtergave me my first Bible. She
ordered it for me. She gaveme my first Bible, and she put
in there. It's a long description, but the thing that stuck with me
most she said, Lord, Ipray that Tammy comes into knowing who she
(19:41):
is and bringing off the softness ofher because I was so hard. I
was just you know, because that'swhat I knew. I was a protector.
So the only thing I know isto not allow nobody to put in
to destroy or to break down whatI believed in. And that was protect
me, protecting my children, andnot allowing you to come in and wound
(20:03):
me any more than what I was. So when she put that inscription in
there bring out the softness and tammy, that made me really think. And
I still look at that inscription offvery often because I can feel myself going
back sometimes, right, And that'swhen I really found that really just open
enough allowing God to bring them individualsto you. And you're not pushing yourself
(20:26):
into a certain circle because it looksno, Allow God, and that's when
you will be able to relax andallow God to move you into that direction.
So being in that support team,it allowed me to have a spirit
of more of a discernment spirit,and not because I've always been a person
(20:47):
that I was always an individual bymyself. I never had a real large
group of people around me. Imean I think that's just from being growing
up. I really didn't have anysiblings, so I didn't know what that
looks like, right, So along on God to just move you into
that. So what a support teamlooks like? Someone that allowed you to
be you? You know, you'renot to be judged for one we're in
(21:11):
a place of healing right, andif your support team is to really allowed
to be you so God can manifestin you, so you can be able
to move according to what He's foryou to move, and to groom you
and most you, to shape you. They're gonna be there even when you're
falling off, even when you feellike okay. He just really didn't flip
(21:32):
the script again, because there weremany times I was like, come on,
Tammy, you're in here. Youin the You're in the foundation where
people love you and you're welcoming in. And I used to stay to night
at my house and I used toI'm gonna bear my my, my pastor's
granddaughter. I've been all over theworld with them, but I just didn't
know how to act for incess.I didn't know what that was like.
(21:52):
I wasn't allowing voiters or anything likethat, but I didn't feel like I
knew how to be normal. Ididn't know how better person to say engaging
in conversation with people, yeah,because I didn't really have people to really
conversate withou, Right, So howdo you do that? How do you
open yourself up to know how toengage in a meaningful conversation and then having
(22:15):
those people to not judge you whenit feels like you're going off on the
deep end, right, So justallowing God to bring those individuals to you
and for them to when they're acceptingfor who you are, because that's what
Christ they They accept us for whowe are. You know, in the
midst of that them helping you change, you know, they hear what you're
(22:37):
saying, but they're not judging you. They're not judging you for where you
are or where you're not at.And that circle right there will will allow
you to feel somewhat free. Ifeel free to be around my family,
I feel free to being around mycoworkers. I feel free to be in
a setting like this. I feelfree. Years ago, I wouldn't be
able to feel free. Why becauseI didn't know who I was and I
(23:00):
didn't know how to really voice whatI'm really feeling. Now I can voice
what I'm feeling in a way thatit's not coming off wrong, but it's
coming up where people can receive it, and knowing and having their spirit of
deservement just as well right to say, Okay, God, I'll hear you.
I see you, God, Isee you God, right, and
thank you God for bringing me inher life, because now you brought me
(23:23):
here. So when she feels likeshe fall in, the spirit man is
gonna tell me call her. Thespirit Man is gonna tell me to text
right and for us to be ableto accept it. So once we become
free, you start loving yourself,then you'll allow somebody else to love you
just as well. And that's wherethat circle will grow and it'll make you
(23:45):
come home. Yeah, that's sogood because we know that a lot of
time support is not gonna look likewhat you wanted to look like. God
is gonna always send those people inyour present that all we need to do
is receive, right, And I'mso glad you hit on the topic of
(24:07):
sometimes we don't know how to receivebecause of our trauma, because of the
things that we've gone through, becausethat trauma has turned our mentality in such
a way. We build up thesewalls, right, build the walls that
you know that cannot be torn down. Right, But the thing that tears
it down is just what you're saying. When people embrace you in a in
(24:32):
a non judgmental way that allows usto be free, that allows us to
you know, it's almost like itchips away at that wall their love and
they're judge a non judgmental spirit.It chips away at that at wall and
one day you keep chipping, right, you keep chipping at the wall,
(24:53):
It's gonna come down, yes.And so that's what your support system does,
is that it's that the things,the people that chip away at that
wall, that one day you willbecome free to be able to even share
your story, be preached to liveyour life and not just live and say
that you overcame or just you survivedit, but you can also thrive in
(25:17):
life. And sometimes that we knowbecause we know how it feels to be
rejected, because we know how itfeels to be abandoned, We know how
it feels. Now we have compassionfor other people right to be able to
help them along in their journey aswell. Right, Yeah, I just
(25:37):
I you know, I thank Godfor his word because even when you are
talking, I know that a lotof things. Uh, even that our
listeners are our people that are watchingtheir listening, I'm pretty you know they
they have gone through some stuff intheir past and they still have these walls
up. And it goes back towhat you were saying, you have to
(26:02):
know who you are. You haveto know who you are in Christ,
who you are, you know thething that you are called to do and
be strong in that. But thatsupport system I'm telling you is it's a
tremendous thing that we need to alwayshave in place. Right. I know
at our time is almost running out, But I wanted to ask you.
(26:25):
I know that you're you're out withthe with the new book, and I
know it's a it's a story aboutthe mirrors and uh, you know,
seeing yourself in the mirror. Socan you just briefly tell us what the
book is about and what kind ofprompted you to write the book? Okay,
yes, yes, I do havea new book that is in pre
sale and it's called The Power ofthe Mirror. How that book came I
(26:49):
was back in Michigan again, nothaving the identity of who I was right,
not knowing how to smile, notknowing how to be per se right.
God took me. He told meone day to go to the mirror.
I went to my bathroom mirror,really not knowing understand. So that's
why it's good to when you hearGod's voice, follow what he's telling you,
(27:11):
because he's taking you somewhere, right, So do this power of the
mirror. He took me back andI had to literally look inside this mirror
for a year before I would gowith on my day, before I got
my children up. He had mein front of this mirror. What took
place in this mirror your accent?Right? So what took place in the
mirror. I had to learn howto smile. I had to learn how
(27:33):
to give myself affirmations. I hadto because these are muscles and things that
I didn't know how to do.It's normal to smile, right, But
because I had to be someone,I had to have a certain persona about
myself that was a normal thing forme to smile. So I always had
a serious look on my face asa defense mechanism. Right. So he
took me back because smiling is aform of release, a form of bloe,
(28:00):
a passion. Right, So hetook me back to the mirror.
He started having me to smile.I have maken all these different phrases,
you know, and not just havinga bland look. Then he's had me
to start of speaking. I heardthe voice he was speaking. I was
speaking to myself, so that Icall what self affirmations right. So that's
what the power of the Mirror book. It is a book that I went
through twenty some years ago. Thebook has finally come to pass. I
(28:23):
finally depth out of fear of whatothers may think. We got to break
that. I finally broke out ofnot in care what people say feel right.
So the Power of the Mirror isa book of scripture, is a
book of affirmation as a mirror onthere for you to be able to reflect
(28:44):
yourself, to see what God seesin you, right, and for you
to make it to reflect that back. Because what the mirror doesn't lie,
the mirror gives you exactly what isin that mirror you identity and you see
that. So that book is soprofound. It gives you, based the
scripture on self love. It givesyou an affirmation to read to yourself vaguely,
(29:08):
to speak those things to life,so you can stop being able to
not being scared of what you seein the mirror and be able to speak
those things. It's not what nobodyelse says, but what the Word says
of who you are. So thatis what the power of the Mirror is
is a definitely profound It's a thirtyday book of affirmation for women and it's
(29:30):
very powerful, very meaningfuld and it'sto heal your soul and for you to
be able to look in that mirrorand be able to say life to self.
Absolutely well, thank you so muchfor being here on the podcast.
So wonderful to hear this powerful story. And I know that it will be
so many people that will be blessedand honored by what you had to say,
(29:56):
and hopefully they will be able tofind their own way. They have
similar backgrounds of being rejected and comingthrough those things in that childhood and just
being able to bounce back and livea fulfilling life, the life that God
wants us to live. Right,I want to make sure that everybody knows.
(30:17):
Tell everybody quickly how they can getin touch with you, how they
can follow you on social media,and how they can purchase your book.
Okay, So I am on Facebookas Tammy t A M M I L.
Parnell as p A r n El L. That's Tammy L.
(30:37):
Parnell. On Facebook, on igon Instagram, you can find me as
coach Tammy. Coach Tammy eighteen arethe ways that you can reach me.
You can also reach me by myemail and that is my name again,
Tammy T A. M. MI. Parnell p A R N E
L L sixty seven at gmail dotcom. And all right, this book
(31:00):
is my pre orders out there onFacebook for my ordering of my new book.
Okay, well, thanks again Tammyfor being here. Story absolutely absolutely
well, y'all. That was anotherepisode of Restoring My Soul podcast. Thank
you so much for being here today. And we're gonna do what Tammy has
(31:25):
said. We're gonna break free fromthe fear of judgment so that we can
live our lives and just not onlyjust live, but to thrive. So
make sure that you continue to followme on all social media at Princess Millions
and my website at Princessmillions dot com. Y'all, remember that grief is a
journey, but you don't have towalk that thing along. We're here every
(31:48):
week and just we'll see you nexttime in the next episode of the Restore
My Soul podcast. Thank you forjoining another episode of Restore My Soul podcast.
Be sure to listen and watch eachweek as we continue the conversation on
(32:10):
how to bounce back from the setbackof grief and loss, and to become
resilient so that you too can thrivein life. Don't forget to like and
subscribe so that you don't miss outon any new episodes, and share this
with as many people as possible sothey can be encouraged in their emotional wellness
journey. We invite you to followPrincess Milons on all social media platforms and
(32:32):
on the website at Princessmilins dot com. Thank you for listening and we'll see
you in the next episode of TheRestore My Soul
Hello and welcome to all beautiful soulsout there. You're listening to the Restore
My Soul Podcast with Princess Milan,your favorite grief coach and emotional wellness specialist.
In this space, we will helpthose who struggle with grief and loss
and have real conversations about how toovercome it in every area of life through
our personal stories, practical information,and wisdom from Princess and her special guests.
(01:19):
We are here to educate, inspire, and empower you with the strategies
you need in your emotional healing journey. We do not offer medical advice,
but we believe that we can alllearn to heal by creating a mindset to
grow, pass our pain and pushtoward our purpose. Our goal is to
remind you that grief is a journeyand you do not have to walk it
(01:40):
alone. No matter what the painor loss is, you can be restored
and live fully in your purpose.But let's push through the pain together as
we share our stories of resilience inone episode at a time. Well,
welcome everybody to another episode Restore mySoul Podcast. Thank you so much for
(02:01):
joining today and being a part ofthis great conversation that we have over here
where we have real conversations, realpeople to talk about how they pushed through
their pain and the struggles and obstaclesthat have adversity in their life and was
able to walk into their God givenpurpose. I am Princess Millan's, I'm
(02:25):
your favorite grief and emotional wellness coach, and I'm your host today and every
single day, and I am soglad that you are here. Hopefully you're
ready for another powerful testimony and wehave such a one that will bring us
to us today. And today wehave a special guest. Her name is
(02:47):
Tammy Parnell. She is very veryspecial to me and I had the pleasure
of meeting her in person for thefirst time last year and just love her
so much. And she is awife, She is a mother and a
grandmother and a native of Michigan,but she currently resides in Georgia right now.
(03:12):
She has spent twenty years in theGeorgia Department of Juvenile Justice. And
she has a passion for women andwho have dealt with rejection and abandonment issues
early in life, and women wholack self identity as well and lack of
worth and brokenness and who seem tofocus on their past hurt and just can't
(03:36):
move forward. So she is alicensed minister of the Gospel who have faithfully
served God for over twenty five years, and she exemplifies a woman after God's
own heart. And she is anaspiring upcoming new author. Well actually she
is an author right now, butshe has a new book coming out is
(03:59):
coming out in in pre sales rightnow. But she is desiring to always
share her store, her life storyof rejection and abandonment and one who has
so emotional trauma starting from a veryyoung age. So I'm want to welcome
to the podcast today, Tammy Parntnew. Thank you so much for being here,
(04:24):
my beautiful Thank you so much.Thank you so much, Princess for
welcoming me, Thank you so much. Absolutely, now we're gonna go ahead
and get started because I know thatwe're gonna have such a great conversation and
you're gonna know that your story willbless so many people today. A story
(04:45):
about rejection, a story about howyou came up and the things that you
have to struggle with even early inchildhood, and how God helped you to
pick those pieces up right. SoI want you to just kind of share
with the audience. Who is TammyParnell at the core? You know,
(05:05):
and how did you get to bethis beautiful woman of God that has such
a strong passion to serve other womenin the area of rejection and abandonment.
Okay, again, thank you Princessfor welcoming me again. My name is
Tammy Parnell, Nama native from Michigan. Who is she? Who is she?
(05:28):
Right in the beginning, she didn'tknow who she was. You know,
I was raised by single mother,singer mother home, a mother who
was addicted to alcohol. Right,she was addicted to alcohol. I didn't
have of course I have a father, but I didn't know who he was,
right, So, just being raisedin a single mother home who suffered
from an addiction of alcohol, itwas a real struggle for me. It
(05:50):
was a struggle for me. Idid have an older brother, maybe three
years older than me, but heand I when my mother had him,
her parents took him and so theyraised him. And so then it left
me back three years later on whereit was just me and my mom,
(06:10):
and so during that time, youknow, she still had the same struggles.
But I was left there, youknow, I was left there.
So I seen it all, andit was many times that you know,
due to mom's addictions, she couldn'thold a job, right, she couldn't
hold a job. So people,you know, people say that they're for
you, people say that they gotyour bags. But it was different from
(06:33):
my mom. It was different frommy mom. People actually called the state
on her right due to me nothaving the necessities, due to living conditions,
right, due to my mom beingan alcoholic, right. And so
it got to the time where theywere called, you know, the state
(06:53):
Michigan on my mom and I wouldbe taken away. You know, I
remember at the earlier age of firesold, you know, being taken away
from the first time that I remember, right, I was five years old,
and I remembered so vivid, youknow that I was looking out the
back window and my mom was wavingat me, you know, she was
(07:15):
waving at me, and I didn'tunderstand anything, of course, right,
I didn't understand anything. So,you know, after she was able to
get herself together and you know,be able to get the things that she
needed, and the stake felt thatshe could bring me back into her home.
You know, they allowed me backinto the home of the cycle,
the cycle or the cycle, thereis a cycle, right because her father,
(07:36):
you know, my grandfather, hewas also alcoholic, but he was
a functional one, right, andhe and his wife, my grandmother is
the one that raised my brother withmy uncle, so he was a functional
one. So it's a generational thing. It's a generational thing. So as
that time came, you know,I became older to the point where I
(07:59):
started in the same domestic violence.Domestic violence and seeing my mother meet and
bruise and things like that. Internally, he wounded me. It wounded me
to the point that I would gointo this concuon, I would go into
this shell, and I felt Ididn't have a voice. I didn't feel
like I had a voice. SoI struggled with that for years. You
(08:20):
know, I really didn't talk aboutthe story. You know, we just
deal with life, right because askids wouldn't know to do right. And
so as that time came, mygreat grandmother is the one that actually took
me in for some odd reason.My mom's mom parents, they wouldn't take
me, but they took my brother. Right. So I had been inside
(08:43):
of the system for so many yearsbecause I didn't have anyone to care for
me. I thank God that hedidn't allow me to be adopted out or
going to a foster kid, becauseI never had to do that to the
point where they finally ate me overto my great grandmother. And that's where
I started seeing, probably at theage of seven eight, I started seeing
(09:07):
what we call love. I knewwhat that was, and now I know
my mom loved me. But dueto her condition, due to the trauma
that she had dealt, due toher own addiction and her own self infliction,
right, she didn't know how tolove. She didn't know how to
express that, to show that.So I finally felt that, you know,
and I still have those pictures whereyou know, that's where I first
(09:30):
learned the Lower's prayer, you know, from Granny. You know, I
called her Granny and I remember beingby her bedside and she taught me the
Lower's prayer, and so I feltthe love, I felt the comfort,
you know, she ensured me thatno harm was gonna come to me.
You know, I started feeling mysmelling my first flowers because she loved to
have a She had a garden ofvegetables, fruits, but then she had
(09:54):
rose gardens everywhere so that's when Ilove to smell your flowers, mail your
flowers, and it was a wonderfulthing. And I stayed with her for
years, and you know, I'velearned that's where I learned church. You
know, I learned church and Ilearned the Bible through her. I learned
the basic principles of who Christ was, you know, who Jesus was.
(10:16):
As a kid, I learned thoseprinciples from her, which was an awesome
thing. And just knowing how tocare for others. I also learned that
from her. You know, beingyoung, I used to go from house
to housing and help the elderly takethe garbage out, or I'll go to
the store for them. So that'swhere I believe that I learned how to
serve others. In spite of whatI was going through, in spite of
(10:41):
my little emotions, I still hadthe feeling to care for others. I
never wanted to see anyone wounded orher That was something that I always felt
that I had to put the bandaid on. And I'm still like that
today. I feel like I canput the band aid on to care to
make sure that that wound doesn't andopen back up again. So I went
(11:03):
through that until the point where Grannyfinally transitioned and went home to be with
the Lord. I had to goback to the unknown, which I called
the unknown right, and the unknownwas because I hadn't been with Mom for
so many years. I had togo back to the unknown, and I
wasn't getting the love that I hadgotten. You know, Mom was still
(11:24):
in their addiction. She was still, you know, with the domestic violence
and things like that. So hereI go from a child who felt rejected
and abandoned from her mother to goinginto a place of comfort, a place
of support, or a place oflove being shown and being touched, you
(11:45):
know, to a place where Idon't know with this look. I don't
know how this feels. And nowI don't have that touch, I don't
have that confidine to be able tospeak those things into me. They were
in me because gret folk, butsometimes we just need to hear that regular
basis as kids. So I hadto go back into much I called the
(12:07):
unknown, and from that point itwas still the addiction. It was still
the domestic violence. So what doI do as a young teenager? Not
right? I looked for love andall the wrong places I call it that
look for love and all the wrongplaces right and where did that looks like?
Somebody tell you're cute, you know, somebody show you at attention.
And that's what happened, and tothe point where I became a teen teenage
(12:31):
mother, teenage mother, and Ialways told myself that I would never abandon
this child. Now, my mom, she tried to do everything she could
for me not to bring that childto existence, you know, but it
was in God's choice, you know, it was in God's choice, and
God brought that child to life,you know. And I love that child,
(12:52):
and I nurtured that child. Ifortected that child, and I let
that child know that he was loved, you know. And so that's what
life begave me. You know.Now I really have somebody to love,
I have somebody to care for,to protect, and that's who I am.
I am a protector. I lovepeople to feel comfortable to be,
(13:13):
to know who they are. Butwho did I know I was. I
still don't know who I was.I didn't I just knew I was saying,
you know, I knew I wasa mother, I didn't know that.
I didn't know who I was.So I still dealt with the self
of lack of identity. I didn'thave that. I didn't have that.
I just move with life. Andthat's when many of us do. We
(13:37):
just move in life, you know, we just allow ourself to move in
life and not really take the timeto look with themself to know who we
are or who had God called usto be right and what do he see
us? As always had God inme. I went back to the unknown.
I drifted off because I didn't havethat push, right, yeah,
(13:58):
And so that's all things that Ididn't want coming up into the place where
I had the other trials andriulations andthere that's so good because a lot of
us we we we go back tothe unknown or what we call the unknown
place, and because we know thatchildhood memories, childhood traumas can be so
(14:20):
debilitating. And even when things happenwhen we two, three, four,
five years old, as it happenedto you, those things we take with
us, you know what I'm saying, Yeah, take with us. And
it takes some work, it takessupport from it takes love, it takes
(14:41):
embrace right to get away from that. And God always knows what we need,
right, right, So if weknew that you needed your great grandmother.
He knew that you needed your grandmotherright to the He always have a
remedy, I believe, to pullyou out of the place where he can
(15:01):
then love on you right that hecan on us. But I do know
that sometimes we still deal with thechildhood traumas, right, we still deal
with those things that happened so longago. And some people that might be
listening, they don't know how toget out of it. They don't know
how they're still feeling the pressure ofsome of the things that happened to them
(15:24):
in their past. And it isI love what you said about you know
that sometimes we have that support system. We need that support system. So
can you kind of go into alittle bit more about how important a real
support system is. Who you're healing, to your development, to your strength,
(15:52):
and what can that look like forsomebody? What can support look like?
Okay, So I come from avery small family, very just immediate
family, right, only had theone sibling, brother, you know,
and as years passed, he youknow, was murdered. So it just
left me by myself. So Idon't have as far as a big family
(16:15):
support, you know, I havecousins and things of that sort, right,
but just that immediate I'm the onlychild left. And I had been
like that for the last probably twentysome years until I come in contact with
my sister princess, you know,and other women of that and brothers and
things like that. But when Ifinally felt the tug to rededicate my life
(16:38):
to Christ, right, because Ihad been out of church for so long,
I'm just living life, trying toyou know, I didn't have my
second child, and I'm just tryingto live and trying to support them,
try not to bring them up inthe environment that I was brought up in.
Right, So I felt that tugfrom God to come to church.
So the church that I have visitedas a young child, I ended up
(17:02):
going back to that same church,not really remembering this church, but I
felt a connection when I got there, right, but not really knowing this
is the church that you had visitedwhen you were a child, and just
going and visiting and visiting and allowingmyself to just be in a place where
(17:22):
just me and God because I wasso lost and again not having that self
identity, not having that support.Right, dedicated my life to Christ.
You know, got baptized and becamevery active in church. Became very active
in church, and that's where mysupport started because Mom was still you know,
(17:42):
in living her lifestyle and I wasjust living minds with my children.
And that's when I found the support. I found the love, I found
the connection. I found a belongingfear feeling right, a feeling of belonging
finally, you know, and itwas it was, it was. It
was a pull for me because Ididn't know how to accept love, and
(18:06):
so many of us that do notknow how to accept love. I didn't
know how to accept it, andit was a withdrawal for me because it's
like, okay, what you want, right, Like, what do you
want? This is not normal.It's not normal for people to show themselves
friendly. It's not normal for peopleto gravitate to people that they don't That's
not normal. It wasn't normal forme at that time, right, So
(18:29):
it was kind of a push offfor me, and I wasn't really accepted
to it. I didn't know howto be I can say I didn't know
how to accept it. But asthe times went on, and I remember
every time I would leave, whichI would ask my Bishop, what's my
name? You know, he standsat the doors leaving out. I was
like, Bishop, what's my name? And he'll look and I'll say Tam.
(18:53):
He was like, Tammy. Right. But I did this every Sunday.
I did it every Sunday. Right, he stay in the door.
What's my name? He look?Said said yes. So I finally feel,
really, Bishop know who I am. He knows my name. That's
a feeling of acceptance, right whensomebody can call you by your name and
not just her or she over there. Right, So I felt, okay,
(19:18):
it's connection. And then by justaccepting being a part of the industry.
And I remember my my bishop's granddaughtergave me my first Bible. She
ordered it for me. She gaveme my first Bible, and she put
in there. It's a long description, but the thing that stuck with me
most she said, Lord, Ipray that Tammy comes into knowing who she
(19:41):
is and bringing off the softness ofher because I was so hard. I
was just you know, because that'swhat I knew. I was a protector.
So the only thing I know isto not allow nobody to put in
to destroy or to break down whatI believed in. And that was protect
me, protecting my children, andnot allowing you to come in and wound
(20:03):
me any more than what I was. So when she put that inscription in
there bring out the softness and tammy, that made me really think. And
I still look at that inscription offvery often because I can feel myself going
back sometimes, right, And that'swhen I really found that really just open
enough allowing God to bring them individualsto you. And you're not pushing yourself
(20:26):
into a certain circle because it looksno, Allow God, and that's when
you will be able to relax andallow God to move you into that direction.
So being in that support team,it allowed me to have a spirit
of more of a discernment spirit,and not because I've always been a person
(20:47):
that I was always an individual bymyself. I never had a real large
group of people around me. Imean I think that's just from being growing
up. I really didn't have anysiblings, so I didn't know what that
looks like, right, So along on God to just move you into
that. So what a support teamlooks like? Someone that allowed you to
be you? You know, you'renot to be judged for one we're in
(21:11):
a place of healing right, andif your support team is to really allowed
to be you so God can manifestin you, so you can be able
to move according to what He's foryou to move, and to groom you
and most you, to shape you. They're gonna be there even when you're
falling off, even when you feellike okay. He just really didn't flip
(21:32):
the script again, because there weremany times I was like, come on,
Tammy, you're in here. Youin the You're in the foundation where
people love you and you're welcoming in. And I used to stay to night
at my house and I used toI'm gonna bear my my, my pastor's
granddaughter. I've been all over theworld with them, but I just didn't
know how to act for incess.I didn't know what that was like.
(21:52):
I wasn't allowing voiters or anything likethat, but I didn't feel like I
knew how to be normal. Ididn't know how better person to say engaging
in conversation with people, yeah,because I didn't really have people to really
conversate withou, Right, So howdo you do that? How do you
open yourself up to know how toengage in a meaningful conversation and then having
(22:15):
those people to not judge you whenit feels like you're going off on the
deep end, right, So justallowing God to bring those individuals to you
and for them to when they're acceptingfor who you are, because that's what
Christ they They accept us for whowe are. You know, in the
midst of that them helping you change, you know, they hear what you're
(22:37):
saying, but they're not judging you. They're not judging you for where you
are or where you're not at.And that circle right there will will allow
you to feel somewhat free. Ifeel free to be around my family,
I feel free to being around mycoworkers. I feel free to be in
a setting like this. I feelfree. Years ago, I wouldn't be
able to feel free. Why becauseI didn't know who I was and I
(23:00):
didn't know how to really voice whatI'm really feeling. Now I can voice
what I'm feeling in a way thatit's not coming off wrong, but it's
coming up where people can receive it, and knowing and having their spirit of
deservement just as well right to say, Okay, God, I'll hear you.
I see you, God, Isee you God, right, and
thank you God for bringing me inher life, because now you brought me
(23:23):
here. So when she feels likeshe fall in, the spirit man is
gonna tell me call her. Thespirit Man is gonna tell me to text
right and for us to be ableto accept it. So once we become
free, you start loving yourself,then you'll allow somebody else to love you
just as well. And that's wherethat circle will grow and it'll make you
(23:45):
come home. Yeah, that's sogood because we know that a lot of
time support is not gonna look likewhat you wanted to look like. God
is gonna always send those people inyour present that all we need to do
is receive, right, And I'mso glad you hit on the topic of
(24:07):
sometimes we don't know how to receivebecause of our trauma, because of the
things that we've gone through, becausethat trauma has turned our mentality in such
a way. We build up thesewalls, right, build the walls that
you know that cannot be torn down. Right, But the thing that tears
it down is just what you're saying. When people embrace you in a in
(24:32):
a non judgmental way that allows usto be free, that allows us to
you know, it's almost like itchips away at that wall their love and
they're judge a non judgmental spirit.It chips away at that at wall and
one day you keep chipping, right, you keep chipping at the wall,
(24:53):
It's gonna come down, yes.And so that's what your support system does,
is that it's that the things,the people that chip away at that
wall, that one day you willbecome free to be able to even share
your story, be preached to liveyour life and not just live and say
that you overcame or just you survivedit, but you can also thrive in
(25:17):
life. And sometimes that we knowbecause we know how it feels to be
rejected, because we know how itfeels to be abandoned, We know how
it feels. Now we have compassionfor other people right to be able to
help them along in their journey aswell. Right, Yeah, I just
(25:37):
I you know, I thank Godfor his word because even when you are
talking, I know that a lotof things. Uh, even that our
listeners are our people that are watchingtheir listening, I'm pretty you know they
they have gone through some stuff intheir past and they still have these walls
up. And it goes back towhat you were saying, you have to
(26:02):
know who you are. You haveto know who you are in Christ,
who you are, you know thething that you are called to do and
be strong in that. But thatsupport system I'm telling you is it's a
tremendous thing that we need to alwayshave in place. Right. I know
at our time is almost running out, But I wanted to ask you.
(26:25):
I know that you're you're out withthe with the new book, and I
know it's a it's a story aboutthe mirrors and uh, you know,
seeing yourself in the mirror. Socan you just briefly tell us what the
book is about and what kind ofprompted you to write the book? Okay,
yes, yes, I do havea new book that is in pre
sale and it's called The Power ofthe Mirror. How that book came I
(26:49):
was back in Michigan again, nothaving the identity of who I was right,
not knowing how to smile, notknowing how to be per se right.
God took me. He told meone day to go to the mirror.
I went to my bathroom mirror,really not knowing understand. So that's
why it's good to when you hearGod's voice, follow what he's telling you,
(27:11):
because he's taking you somewhere, right, So do this power of the
mirror. He took me back andI had to literally look inside this mirror
for a year before I would gowith on my day, before I got
my children up. He had mein front of this mirror. What took
place in this mirror your accent?Right? So what took place in the
mirror. I had to learn howto smile. I had to learn how
(27:33):
to give myself affirmations. I hadto because these are muscles and things that
I didn't know how to do.It's normal to smile, right, But
because I had to be someone,I had to have a certain persona about
myself that was a normal thing forme to smile. So I always had
a serious look on my face asa defense mechanism. Right. So he
took me back because smiling is aform of release, a form of bloe,
(28:00):
a passion. Right, So hetook me back to the mirror.
He started having me to smile.I have maken all these different phrases,
you know, and not just havinga bland look. Then he's had me
to start of speaking. I heardthe voice he was speaking. I was
speaking to myself, so that Icall what self affirmations right. So that's
what the power of the Mirror book. It is a book that I went
through twenty some years ago. Thebook has finally come to pass. I
(28:23):
finally depth out of fear of whatothers may think. We got to break
that. I finally broke out ofnot in care what people say feel right.
So the Power of the Mirror isa book of scripture, is a
book of affirmation as a mirror onthere for you to be able to reflect
(28:44):
yourself, to see what God seesin you, right, and for you
to make it to reflect that back. Because what the mirror doesn't lie,
the mirror gives you exactly what isin that mirror you identity and you see
that. So that book is soprofound. It gives you, based the
scripture on self love. It givesyou an affirmation to read to yourself vaguely,
(29:08):
to speak those things to life,so you can stop being able to
not being scared of what you seein the mirror and be able to speak
those things. It's not what nobodyelse says, but what the Word says
of who you are. So thatis what the power of the Mirror is
is a definitely profound It's a thirtyday book of affirmation for women and it's
(29:30):
very powerful, very meaningfuld and it'sto heal your soul and for you to
be able to look in that mirrorand be able to say life to self.
Absolutely well, thank you so muchfor being here on the podcast.
So wonderful to hear this powerful story. And I know that it will be
so many people that will be blessedand honored by what you had to say,
(29:56):
and hopefully they will be able tofind their own way. They have
similar backgrounds of being rejected and comingthrough those things in that childhood and just
being able to bounce back and livea fulfilling life, the life that God
wants us to live. Right,I want to make sure that everybody knows.
(30:17):
Tell everybody quickly how they can getin touch with you, how they
can follow you on social media,and how they can purchase your book.
Okay, So I am on Facebookas Tammy t A M M I L.
Parnell as p A r n El L. That's Tammy L.
(30:37):
Parnell. On Facebook, on igon Instagram, you can find me as
coach Tammy. Coach Tammy eighteen arethe ways that you can reach me.
You can also reach me by myemail and that is my name again,
Tammy T A. M. MI. Parnell p A R N E
L L sixty seven at gmail dotcom. And all right, this book
(31:00):
is my pre orders out there onFacebook for my ordering of my new book.
Okay, well, thanks again Tammyfor being here. Story absolutely absolutely
well, y'all. That was anotherepisode of Restoring My Soul podcast. Thank
you so much for being here today. And we're gonna do what Tammy has
(31:25):
said. We're gonna break free fromthe fear of judgment so that we can
live our lives and just not onlyjust live, but to thrive. So
make sure that you continue to followme on all social media at Princess Millions
and my website at Princessmillions dot com. Y'all, remember that grief is a
journey, but you don't have towalk that thing along. We're here every
(31:48):
week and just we'll see you nexttime in the next episode of the Restore
My Soul podcast. Thank you forjoining another episode of Restore My Soul podcast.
Be sure to listen and watch eachweek as we continue the conversation on
(32:10):
how to bounce back from the setbackof grief and loss, and to become
resilient so that you too can thrivein life. Don't forget to like and
subscribe so that you don't miss outon any new episodes, and share this
with as many people as possible sothey can be encouraged in their emotional wellness
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