January 4, 2024 • 32 mins
In this episode, special guest Angelina Squire and I have a conversation about her experience with rape and her overcoming grief, alcoholism, and drugs. She also talks about Mindset health, her Christian walk, and how her Autistic son inspires her daily.
Angelina Squire is a Mindset Mastery Coach, Writer/Author, and Life Speaker Angelina is also a wife, and a mother of three, and her oldest is Autistic. Angelina’s childhood pain increased a burning desire to no longer see others hurting. Becoming a part of the solution, 2015 Angelina began to help Women clarify their thinking, grow into their potential, and regain balance. This landed Angelina in a coach's seat. In 2016 Queens Awakening LLC was born.
Angelina’s drive and love to also help special needs families overcome their personal struggles, Angelina and her husband created Unique Hearts Foundation Inc. - for Autism/ Various Disabilities, giving these families a meaningful life outside their disabilities. Angelina’s first book, “Tune into the Right Voice” - propelled her to continue writing. She also became a best seller Co-Author. She continues inspiring others in various anthologies and her new book projects.
Connect with Angelina at www.queensawakening.com
Angelina Squire is a Mindset Mastery Coach, Writer/Author, and Life Speaker Angelina is also a wife, and a mother of three, and her oldest is Autistic. Angelina’s childhood pain increased a burning desire to no longer see others hurting. Becoming a part of the solution, 2015 Angelina began to help Women clarify their thinking, grow into their potential, and regain balance. This landed Angelina in a coach's seat. In 2016 Queens Awakening LLC was born.
Angelina’s drive and love to also help special needs families overcome their personal struggles, Angelina and her husband created Unique Hearts Foundation Inc. - for Autism/ Various Disabilities, giving these families a meaningful life outside their disabilities. Angelina’s first book, “Tune into the Right Voice” - propelled her to continue writing. She also became a best seller Co-Author. She continues inspiring others in various anthologies and her new book projects.
Connect with Angelina at www.queensawakening.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:53):
Hello and welcome to all beautiful soulsout there. You're listening to the Restore
My Soul Podcast with Princess Millons,your favorite grief coach and emotional wellness specialist.
In this space, we will helpthose who struggle with grief and loss
and have real conversations about how toovercome it in every area of life through
(01:14):
our personal stories, practical information,and wisdom from Princess and her special guests.
We are here to educate, inspire, and empower you with the strategies
you need in your emotional healing journey. We do not offer medical advice,
but we believe that we can alllearn to heal by creating a mindset to
grow, pass our pain and pushtoward our purpose. Our goal is to
(01:37):
remind you that grief is a journeyand you do not have to walk it
alone. No matter what the painor loss is, you can be restored
and live fully in your purpose.But let's push through the pain together as
we share our stories of resilience inone episode at a time. Welcome in
(01:57):
everybody to another episode of Restore MySoul Podcast. I am so elated that
you're here and you're listening. You'rewatching from wherever you are. You know
that this is a place where weeducate and we inspire you on your emotional
wellness journey. And I am yourhost, Princess Millan is your favorite grief
(02:21):
and emotional wellness coach. And I'mjust so blessed to be here to present
this next episode because I believe thatwe all can create that mindset that we
can grow past our pain and pushthrough to our God given purpose. So
that is the soul place for restoremy soul. From my microphone to your
(02:49):
ears, and from our guests whoare are so transparent about their journeys.
And we have a special guest today, very very special to me. I
had a pleasure of meeting her forthe very first time. We had been
a Facebook friends of social media friendsfor a few years and I had the
(03:09):
pleasure of meeting her just quite recentlyin the last couple of months. Our
guest today is Angelina Squire and sheis a mindset and mastery coach and a
writer, a best selling author.She is a life speaker. I would
call her an empowerment speaker. Andshe is also a wife, a mother
(03:34):
of three wonderful children and her oldestis artistic and I like to call that
special abilities, all right. SoAngelina's childhood pain and increased her a burning
desire to help other people and tono longer see other people hurting, right,
(03:57):
becoming a part of that solution.In twenty fifteen, she began to
help women clarify their thinking, growinto their potential, and regain balance.
Right, and this landed Angelina intothe coaching seat, and in twenty sixteen,
Queen's Awakening LLC was born, andher drive and love to help families
(04:21):
and help people who nurture special needchildren overcome their personal struggles, Angelina and
her husband created United Unique Heart Foundation. Right, they created the Foundation Unique
Hearts Foundation, and that's for autismand various disabilities. And she gives these
(04:44):
families and meaningful life outside of theirdisabilities to guide them in that direction.
And so she continues to be aninspiration to everybody, even through her book
projects and everything that she has goingon in her community of people who she
serves. So I want to welcometoday to the podcast Angelina Squire. Thank
(05:10):
you so much for being here andblessing us today. We know we're gonna
have a powerful story today. Thankyou for having me absolutely. I know
we're gonna have a powerful conversation.I know that you have a powerful testimony
and a powerful story of some thingsthat you had to overcome, some things
(05:32):
that you have to push through,right, And we just want to make
sure that you know we are inthis place where we're helping others. So
I love that about you that everysingle day, in every single way,
you're able to embrace and even serveother people, even through the pain that
(05:53):
you have been through, right,and to give people strength and hope and
the growth that they need to overcomelife obstacles. So I know there's so
much right that's to unpack. SoI just want you to kind of start
off by maybe sharing some things withthe audience about who you are and some
(06:15):
things that you had to overcome inyour life to be the coach that you
are. Now. Thank you,as she said, and thank you for
that great introduction. If I hadto sum it all up, who I
am, I am someone just likeyou who have journeyed through some part places.
Right. I experienced universal pain,but it has a universal anointing.
(06:40):
So I pray that after you hearsome of the things that I've gone through
today, that you can understand thatfor yourself, you know, because the
pain that I know, there areso many others enduring that same pain,
but they are not at that placewhere they know that it's something you know,
that God can actually utilize. SoI had the journey through these dark
(07:05):
places, and some of those placesare you know, rape. I have
gone through alcoholic abuse. And also, as she mentioned, I have an
autistic son. And I'm going tostart there because with the birth of my
son, we experience negligent right,but it was not our fault. So
(07:30):
in my ninth month, I gointo the doctor, you know, a
routine visit like we do when we'repregnant, and they discovered protein in my
yurine. So the doctor at thattime, he said, whoa, you
have what it's called toximia. AndI'm like, okay, whoa, what
is this? You know, it'salso called preclempsier and they say that it's
(07:54):
something when you have abnormalities in aplacentum. But went on, I went
to you know, have my son. I ended up in full lady.
I developed grandma seizures while in fullactive labor. So I awakened. I'm
(08:16):
in a room I'm all by myself. I had no idea that my son
was even born. And in thatmoment, I had lost my memory for
a short period of time. Andwhen it did come back, and looking
down, you know at my stomach, my baby is gone. So I
(08:37):
began screaming, and I'm sure thatit was so light that you know that.
This nurse she ran so fast.I literally saw this white uniform just
flying past the door. She wasmoving so fast, and she came in
and she said, what's wrong.So I was trying to say, where
is my baby? Because my lastmemory he was you're in the hospital.
(09:03):
The nurse say, you're two centimeters. It's gonna be a long night.
But here I am no baby.Wow. The only thing that quieted me
down she had three pictures of beautifulbaby boy. She said, let me
introduce you to your son. Forthat moment, I was okay, but
(09:24):
I'm still, you know, confused. I'm trying to understand. I'm not
he's not here with me. I'min one hospital. He's in another hospital.
Literally, I was fighting from mylife still, even though you know
he was born. He was inanother hospital, fighting for his life.
(09:46):
He flatlined a couple of times.He He ended up having two after he
was being born, and he sufferedmaconeum aspiration. This is the first school
you know of the newborn and amixture with the amniotic Floyd and apparently him
(10:09):
he had gotten a submit you know, significant amount more than what they normally
see happening babies, So he wasin trouble to fast forward even in that.
Years later, I found out thatit could have been avoided. Wow,
But I didn't get that information orarrived to that point until the statue
(10:35):
of limitation was out. So Ifelt so beated. I hated God.
I blamed God right because at thattime God didn't have my life. I
didn't have a relationship. I didn'tknow him then, But I didn't hate
my son. You know, Iwanted the doctor to pay. I really
wanted him to pay. You know. So now here I am eighteen years
(10:58):
old. You know, I'm practicallya baby myself, trying to raise a
baby. And now I'm trying tofigure out how, you know, what
I'm gonna do with this child.But then when I get to that growth
part right where I'm now healed fromthat throw in, you know the aspect
of my life where rape comes intothe scene. And when that happened,
(11:26):
it was so devastating because I knewthe person my family, right, someone
I trusted. I didn't think thatthis will happen. So here I am
again. I'm thinking, you know, I had already healed from my son,
but then here come you know,some of those same experiences. Hey
(11:48):
angry, you know I felt,you know, it was my fault.
I blame myself for so many yearsfor this, and as it's happening,
I felt this mental disconnect, rightbut physically I'm there why it's happening.
And what made it even more soworse was that he was smiling during that
(12:13):
time, and I turned my headto the wall. And it took me
years to get to this place whereI can say it without even breaking down
to even say the word rape.I remember saying, just let me die,
just let me die. You know, I'm pretty sure it wasn't a
(12:37):
long time, but to me,it felt like, you know, forever,
I just say, just let medie. And the reason why I
mentioned that because that's one place wherewe have so many women, boys and
men who have become silent, youknow, by back. And I went
to the rape first before my homeexpel parents, you know, with my
(13:01):
father being an alcoholic, because thatwas my first place really believing that a
woman's voice doesn't matter. So althoughmy father was you know, a great
physical provider, loving man, whenhe had that part of him of alcoholism,
(13:24):
and my mother would try to youknow, intervene or you know,
don't say these you know, nastythings were down talk her. So I
saw her become silent, so asthat little girl after my first impression that
a woman's voice carries no weight,that no matter what you go through,
(13:48):
no one is going to leave you, so you're better quiet. Yeah,
So in that moment of break,I literally felt like that little girl that
if you say something, they're notgonna believe you. And so I believe
that, and that belief was truebecause I made it true. Right,
(14:09):
I believed it, and I blamemyself for that. But through all of
that, I realized that silence isreally a faulty safety net. You know.
We think that, Okay, ifI just keep it to myself,
it'll go away. I'll just keepit to myself, it'll go away.
(14:35):
It may go away for some time, it may go away for years.
But let me tell you it willcome back with a vengeance. It sure
will, because like fifteen years afterthat, I'm now married. Didn't tell
anybody but one best friend, soit was just me and her only knew
at the time. And I beganhaving nightmares, so my husband would shake
(14:58):
me up. People say, wakeup, honey, wake up, you're
screaming. So I say, you'recrazy, No, I'm not, let
me go back to sleep. Butone night I screamed so loudly. But
it was different this time. Therap came back, the memories came back.
It was as if it was happeningall over again. But I say
(15:20):
this to say, I thank Godfor that moment, because now that became
a safety outlet, you know,letting me know it's time to say something.
It's time to face this, becauseif you don't face something traumatic,
it's just going to keep occurring andyou're actually mentally living in whether you know
(15:43):
it or not. But I wantpeople to understand that even though we go
through something so painful in life,here you know there is a place,
there is a space and time wherewe can remember painful things, but without
the anger attached to it, withoutthe rejection attached to it, right without
(16:06):
that that pain attached to it,but it takes in a healing, It
takes, honey, Yes it does. And that that is such a powerful
testimony of just going back the difficultbirth that you had, the rape that
you had to go through, thethings that the challenges are, the things
(16:30):
even in your childhood. And thisis what I know is sometimes that that
blame and guilt sometimes redirect our livesin such a way that we start responding
in a way that it prevents usfrom healing. Right, it prevents us
from healing, and we begin tosuffer in silence a lot of times.
(16:52):
And and so I believe that howwe respond to something, it it starts
kind of we learn how to respondin our childhood. So you know,
I heard you say about you know, even how your dad was responding to
you, and how that kind ofsilenced your voice, and how it kind
(17:15):
of taught you indirectly that you know, your words are not powerful, your
words are not valuable, and thingslike that. And so as we respond
to learn how to respond to thethings in a healthy way, that takes
some work, right, that takessome work. So can you kind of
(17:36):
talk about some of the work thatyou had to do behind after all of
these things has happened to you.You know, you're now in a marriage,
right, You're now in a marriagewhere you know you were blessed to
find this man of God. Youwere blessed to find him, and you're
still in this place where you're evenhaving nightmare's right, So can you talk
(18:00):
to us a little back bit aboutthe work that you had to do to
be able to bounce back from thosethings and to get to truly healed from
the things in your past. Thework that I've done, I like to
call it dirty work, okay,And the reason why I call it,
(18:22):
you know, dirty work, isit's really internal work because for years I
found myself trying to fix me upoutside. You know, it's good,
put on a you know, nicelate front, put your makeup on,
put on your jury. You know, maybe I can pretend to be okay,
(18:45):
nobody wouldn't know. But that isa life. That is a it's
really a prison cell for your potential, for your destiny, for your future.
It becomes a holding sell of everythingthat God wants for you. But
it's all it becomes locked away becauseyou're pretending, right, you're you're not
(19:08):
whole and a lot of times peoplethink that, well, if I tell
someone I'm hurting, if I tellsomeone I'm bleeding, if they know I'm
mentally not good, they're gonna thinkthat I'm not good enough, that they're
gonna think, well, I'm toomessed up for God to use. I'm
(19:30):
living, I'm a living witness thatno one is too messed up for God
to use. So the first placeI had to start with was forgiveness.
And it wasn't even forgiving the doctorfirst. It wasn't even forgiving my father
first. It wasn't even forgiving mymother because I blamed her too, right,
(19:55):
that was my mother. I waslike, why did she save us?
You know, my brother? Andnow why did she save us?
But see part of that inner work, I had to also now understand that
she was traumatized as well, soshe can only do what she could do
(20:17):
from that space. But forgiveness firststarted with me forgiving myself, forgiving myself,
you know, for calling myself stupid, for feeling you know, shameful,
forgiving myself, for even blaming myself. I had to understand that we're
not responsible for you know, howpeople treat us. That goes for our
(20:41):
parents, I loved ones. That'snot my fault. You can't control anyone.
But part of that forgiveness also cameawareness. I had to really become
aware that I was really missing stuff. There is no such thing as pretending,
(21:06):
because one wound will expose another wound. That's why I talked about those
different places in my life because allof it, it's still intertwined together.
Yeah, it all intertwined together,So that forgiveness begins first with yourself,
(21:26):
right. Yeah. And another thingthat helped me like being, you know,
a special needs mother. I didn'tunderstand that there is a level of
grief when it comes to special needsmom because see what happened. When we
talk about grief, the universal Iwould say, thing that come up is
(21:49):
you lost a loved one. Youlost a loved one. Yes, that
is true. That's not grief allin one. There are different frank legs
of grief. So with my son, right, every mother we become pregnant,
the only thing we have in ourmind. We're not thinking about anything
(22:11):
else. We know we're gonna havethis perfect baby. Right, we know
we're gonna have this perfect people.We're not inspecting, you know, anything
to go wrong. So when lifehappened, right, we have to understand
that we live in a world.We do have a real enemy. There
(22:32):
are things that's going on, youknow, and no God does not because
your child to become artistic, disabled, whatever. I had to learn that
right, and within that all ofthose images that we build up about especially
you know, well before that aboutour child. You know, we see
(22:53):
them going to college, we seethem going to their prom, their first
date. We have all of thisplan before we even meet this child.
So then when you're hit with,oh, your child is gonna be autistic.
Yeah, at three we stopped talking. At five he was diagnosis.
(23:21):
So when I healed and thought back, everything was over because he hit all
his mouths, he walked on time, he crawled on time. At two
he had words, he had fullsentences. You know, I thought,
okay, clearly everything okay. Butthen three and like everything in reverse.
(23:44):
So listen, all of those oldemotions will come back. But I want
you to understand when those things comeback, it does not mean that you're
done right. You're human. Whenyou go through something dramatic, those those
memories will come back. But ifwe do the inner work and we really
(24:06):
heal, right, they could comeback without the pain. We'll begin to
look more in what's going on andbegin to say, okay, God,
I'm here, Now, what canI do with this to help somebody else?
Oh? Yeah, the more youhelp somebody else, you're helping yourself.
And that's what I begin to do. I begin to go on a
(24:29):
treasure hunt, That's what I callit. So anytime that i'm hire with
an opposition, guess what, it'sno longer? Oh God, what I
mean? Haven't I suffered enough?I know a lot of y'all have said
that, but no, it's nowOkay, God, what's the treasure?
Were finna dig up out of here? Now? Yeah? Well, surely
(24:52):
it's connected to someone that's overcoming.So I now take all of that pain,
all of that trump, and there'sso much more in my life.
Right, I'm still human going throughLike they say, life is still life.
Yeah, but I look for thegenes in it. I look for
what can I do with it tobetter somebody else? And that's healing within
(25:15):
itself. When you want to helpsomebody else, it really does become a
bridge for you to cross over.And that's one of the healing parts.
The last leg of it, andI have a whole system of it.
But I would say that cleinal bridgewhere you get to that point of what
(25:36):
we said, that you can havethat memory of the pain, but no
longer be you know, negatively affectedby that pain and those toxic negative thoughts.
Right. So getting back to thatgrief about especial need children, I
had to understand that it was okaythat I had this image of a perfect
(25:59):
baby in my mind, but Godshowed me that I had to change what
my definition of perfect was and whatit looked like. He said, you
still have the same child, thesame love. That child is still here.
Right. So pain, any typeof trauma, it does not erase
(26:23):
love and that's the most important thing. And I would say self love,
self care have to be at thattop of the list. And it's doing
it even when we don't feel likeit. Because the more you do something,
the more you become it. Sojust think about that. The more
we are stressed out and overthinking,the more we are believe in that we're
(26:45):
not good and that doom, that'sthe more what we become. So we
have to be mindful of what wethink because it affects how we look at
things. It affects what we beginto say. It pollutes our heart,
then it goes down into our spiritand being. We're not living in our
(27:06):
purpose. Absolutely, So with allof that that I said on today,
my voice right is my purpose.The very thing that the enemy tried to
silence, God is using. It'snow a sounding word to other people.
(27:27):
The alcohol, the drugs, allof those things come when a person has
to lack self regulation right that they'relooking for something. I need something just
to take the pain away, evenit's just for a moment. But the
problem is still there and even biggerthan when it started. And we're trying
(27:48):
to feel that inside of us,this boy that only God can feel.
Right, all these falty things tohelp us, but they're not helping us,
is only keeping us bound again inone place of hurt. When you're
unhealed, it does have the capacityto just it looks for another opportunity.
(28:15):
It waits for another you know,painful place to come up in your life,
and then it connects. Yes,it does next. And then that's
why we have to really change ourperspective on a lot of We have to
change our mindset, we have tochange our perspective and stop caring too much
about what other people are saying,because that is a point where we prevent
(28:42):
ourselves from healing as well. Justlike you were talking about the shell that
we put on the outside, wewant to on that same smile. We
want to buy a new wig,we want to get some eyelashes, We
want to address ourselves. Right,we continue to show up in places but
in our if people could only seethe inside of us when we're going through
(29:04):
that pain and we're going through thatgrief point right, Uh, it doesn't
match up. And so I'm soglad that we're here today to give us
that encouragement that you know, theway that we respond to our griefs,
it can put us in a Ithink you said a prison cell. It
prevents us in a prison cell forour future. And we don't want to
(29:27):
go down that rabbit hood hole.We want to make sure that we are
telling our story. And I agreewith you, sharing your story is healing.
It's healing to you, it's healingto your soul. And we have
to make sure that we're in thatplace that we are doing the work behind
(29:47):
healing, no matter what we're goingthrough, no matter you know how it
looks. No matter what the outcomeis, right, we can we you
and our testimony of God's goodness andand his ability to pull us up and
give us beauty for ashes. Right, and so I just thank God for
(30:08):
you and being here today to shareyour powerful testimony and give encouragement to other
people that no matter if you havespecial needs a child, no matter if
you've gone through even rape, ifyou've gone through alcoholism, don't matter what
it is, that you can useyour story right and it can be a
power to somebody else. So thankyou so much for being here and share
(30:33):
your story. I want before weget off here, I want you to
make sure that you tell everybody whohow they can connect with you, how
to follow your on social media andall of that. Okay, you can
connect with me on Facebook and Instagram. It's Angelina Squire, so it'll be
easy to find me. Or youcan connect with me on my website www
(30:56):
dot Queen's Awakening dot or you canemail me Angelina Squire at Queen's Awakening dot
com. All right, well,thank you again for being here, and
we are going to go ahead andend this segment of the Restore My Soul
(31:18):
podcast. Thank you all so muchfor watching and listening in today. I
hope you were blessed by this powerfultestimony, and remember that you don't want
to create that prison cell for ourfuture by remaining in our grief and not
pressing toward our healing. So y'allremember to follow me on all social media
at Princess Millings and my website atPrincessmillons dot com. You remember that grief
(31:44):
is a journey, but you don'thave to walk along. Okay, you're
here every week on this podcast andyou're not walking along. We're gonna do
it one episode at a time andwe will see you next time on another
episode of the Restore My Soul Podcast. Thank you, thank you for joining
(32:07):
another episode of Restore My Soul Podcast. Be sure to listen and watch each
week as we continue the conversation onhow to bounce back from the setback of
grief and loss and to become resilientso that you too can thrive in life.
Don't forget to like and subscribe sothat you don't miss out on any
new episodes, and share this withas many people as possible so they can
(32:29):
be encouraged in their emotional wellness journey. We invite you to follow Princess Milions
on all social media platforms and onthe website at princessmilins dot com. Thank
you for listening and we'll see youin the next episode of the Restore My Soul podcast
Hello and welcome to all beautiful soulsout there. You're listening to the Restore
My Soul Podcast with Princess Millons,your favorite grief coach and emotional wellness specialist.
In this space, we will helpthose who struggle with grief and loss
and have real conversations about how toovercome it in every area of life through
(01:14):
our personal stories, practical information,and wisdom from Princess and her special guests.
We are here to educate, inspire, and empower you with the strategies
you need in your emotional healing journey. We do not offer medical advice,
but we believe that we can alllearn to heal by creating a mindset to
grow, pass our pain and pushtoward our purpose. Our goal is to
(01:37):
remind you that grief is a journeyand you do not have to walk it
alone. No matter what the painor loss is, you can be restored
and live fully in your purpose.But let's push through the pain together as
we share our stories of resilience inone episode at a time. Welcome in
(01:57):
everybody to another episode of Restore MySoul Podcast. I am so elated that
you're here and you're listening. You'rewatching from wherever you are. You know
that this is a place where weeducate and we inspire you on your emotional
wellness journey. And I am yourhost, Princess Millan is your favorite grief
(02:21):
and emotional wellness coach. And I'mjust so blessed to be here to present
this next episode because I believe thatwe all can create that mindset that we
can grow past our pain and pushthrough to our God given purpose. So
that is the soul place for restoremy soul. From my microphone to your
(02:49):
ears, and from our guests whoare are so transparent about their journeys.
And we have a special guest today, very very special to me. I
had a pleasure of meeting her forthe very first time. We had been
a Facebook friends of social media friendsfor a few years and I had the
(03:09):
pleasure of meeting her just quite recentlyin the last couple of months. Our
guest today is Angelina Squire and sheis a mindset and mastery coach and a
writer, a best selling author.She is a life speaker. I would
call her an empowerment speaker. Andshe is also a wife, a mother
(03:34):
of three wonderful children and her oldestis artistic and I like to call that
special abilities, all right. SoAngelina's childhood pain and increased her a burning
desire to help other people and tono longer see other people hurting, right,
(03:57):
becoming a part of that solution.In twenty fifteen, she began to
help women clarify their thinking, growinto their potential, and regain balance.
Right, and this landed Angelina intothe coaching seat, and in twenty sixteen,
Queen's Awakening LLC was born, andher drive and love to help families
(04:21):
and help people who nurture special needchildren overcome their personal struggles, Angelina and
her husband created United Unique Heart Foundation. Right, they created the Foundation Unique
Hearts Foundation, and that's for autismand various disabilities. And she gives these
(04:44):
families and meaningful life outside of theirdisabilities to guide them in that direction.
And so she continues to be aninspiration to everybody, even through her book
projects and everything that she has goingon in her community of people who she
serves. So I want to welcometoday to the podcast Angelina Squire. Thank
(05:10):
you so much for being here andblessing us today. We know we're gonna
have a powerful story today. Thankyou for having me absolutely. I know
we're gonna have a powerful conversation.I know that you have a powerful testimony
and a powerful story of some thingsthat you had to overcome, some things
(05:32):
that you have to push through,right, And we just want to make
sure that you know we are inthis place where we're helping others. So
I love that about you that everysingle day, in every single way,
you're able to embrace and even serveother people, even through the pain that
(05:53):
you have been through, right,and to give people strength and hope and
the growth that they need to overcomelife obstacles. So I know there's so
much right that's to unpack. SoI just want you to kind of start
off by maybe sharing some things withthe audience about who you are and some
(06:15):
things that you had to overcome inyour life to be the coach that you
are. Now. Thank you,as she said, and thank you for
that great introduction. If I hadto sum it all up, who I
am, I am someone just likeyou who have journeyed through some part places.
Right. I experienced universal pain,but it has a universal anointing.
(06:40):
So I pray that after you hearsome of the things that I've gone through
today, that you can understand thatfor yourself, you know, because the
pain that I know, there areso many others enduring that same pain,
but they are not at that placewhere they know that it's something you know,
that God can actually utilize. SoI had the journey through these dark
(07:05):
places, and some of those placesare you know, rape. I have
gone through alcoholic abuse. And also, as she mentioned, I have an
autistic son. And I'm going tostart there because with the birth of my
son, we experience negligent right,but it was not our fault. So
(07:30):
in my ninth month, I gointo the doctor, you know, a
routine visit like we do when we'repregnant, and they discovered protein in my
yurine. So the doctor at thattime, he said, whoa, you
have what it's called toximia. AndI'm like, okay, whoa, what
is this? You know, it'salso called preclempsier and they say that it's
(07:54):
something when you have abnormalities in aplacentum. But went on, I went
to you know, have my son. I ended up in full lady.
I developed grandma seizures while in fullactive labor. So I awakened. I'm
(08:16):
in a room I'm all by myself. I had no idea that my son
was even born. And in thatmoment, I had lost my memory for
a short period of time. Andwhen it did come back, and looking
down, you know at my stomach, my baby is gone. So I
(08:37):
began screaming, and I'm sure thatit was so light that you know that.
This nurse she ran so fast.I literally saw this white uniform just
flying past the door. She wasmoving so fast, and she came in
and she said, what's wrong.So I was trying to say, where
is my baby? Because my lastmemory he was you're in the hospital.
(09:03):
The nurse say, you're two centimeters. It's gonna be a long night.
But here I am no baby.Wow. The only thing that quieted me
down she had three pictures of beautifulbaby boy. She said, let me
introduce you to your son. Forthat moment, I was okay, but
(09:24):
I'm still, you know, confused. I'm trying to understand. I'm not
he's not here with me. I'min one hospital. He's in another hospital.
Literally, I was fighting from mylife still, even though you know
he was born. He was inanother hospital, fighting for his life.
(09:46):
He flatlined a couple of times.He He ended up having two after he
was being born, and he sufferedmaconeum aspiration. This is the first school
you know of the newborn and amixture with the amniotic Floyd and apparently him
(10:09):
he had gotten a submit you know, significant amount more than what they normally
see happening babies, So he wasin trouble to fast forward even in that.
Years later, I found out thatit could have been avoided. Wow,
But I didn't get that information orarrived to that point until the statue
(10:35):
of limitation was out. So Ifelt so beated. I hated God.
I blamed God right because at thattime God didn't have my life. I
didn't have a relationship. I didn'tknow him then, But I didn't hate
my son. You know, Iwanted the doctor to pay. I really
wanted him to pay. You know. So now here I am eighteen years
(10:58):
old. You know, I'm practicallya baby myself, trying to raise a
baby. And now I'm trying tofigure out how, you know, what
I'm gonna do with this child.But then when I get to that growth
part right where I'm now healed fromthat throw in, you know the aspect
of my life where rape comes intothe scene. And when that happened,
(11:26):
it was so devastating because I knewthe person my family, right, someone
I trusted. I didn't think thatthis will happen. So here I am
again. I'm thinking, you know, I had already healed from my son,
but then here come you know,some of those same experiences. Hey
(11:48):
angry, you know I felt,you know, it was my fault.
I blame myself for so many yearsfor this, and as it's happening,
I felt this mental disconnect, rightbut physically I'm there why it's happening.
And what made it even more soworse was that he was smiling during that
(12:13):
time, and I turned my headto the wall. And it took me
years to get to this place whereI can say it without even breaking down
to even say the word rape.I remember saying, just let me die,
just let me die. You know, I'm pretty sure it wasn't a
(12:37):
long time, but to me,it felt like, you know, forever,
I just say, just let medie. And the reason why I
mentioned that because that's one place wherewe have so many women, boys and
men who have become silent, youknow, by back. And I went
to the rape first before my homeexpel parents, you know, with my
(13:01):
father being an alcoholic, because thatwas my first place really believing that a
woman's voice doesn't matter. So althoughmy father was you know, a great
physical provider, loving man, whenhe had that part of him of alcoholism,
(13:24):
and my mother would try to youknow, intervene or you know,
don't say these you know, nastythings were down talk her. So I
saw her become silent, so asthat little girl after my first impression that
a woman's voice carries no weight,that no matter what you go through,
(13:48):
no one is going to leave you, so you're better quiet. Yeah,
So in that moment of break,I literally felt like that little girl that
if you say something, they're notgonna believe you. And so I believe
that, and that belief was truebecause I made it true. Right,
(14:09):
I believed it, and I blamemyself for that. But through all of
that, I realized that silence isreally a faulty safety net. You know.
We think that, Okay, ifI just keep it to myself,
it'll go away. I'll just keepit to myself, it'll go away.
(14:35):
It may go away for some time, it may go away for years.
But let me tell you it willcome back with a vengeance. It sure
will, because like fifteen years afterthat, I'm now married. Didn't tell
anybody but one best friend, soit was just me and her only knew
at the time. And I beganhaving nightmares, so my husband would shake
(14:58):
me up. People say, wakeup, honey, wake up, you're
screaming. So I say, you'recrazy, No, I'm not, let
me go back to sleep. Butone night I screamed so loudly. But
it was different this time. Therap came back, the memories came back.
It was as if it was happeningall over again. But I say
(15:20):
this to say, I thank Godfor that moment, because now that became
a safety outlet, you know,letting me know it's time to say something.
It's time to face this, becauseif you don't face something traumatic,
it's just going to keep occurring andyou're actually mentally living in whether you know
(15:43):
it or not. But I wantpeople to understand that even though we go
through something so painful in life,here you know there is a place,
there is a space and time wherewe can remember painful things, but without
the anger attached to it, withoutthe rejection attached to it, right without
(16:06):
that that pain attached to it,but it takes in a healing, It
takes, honey, Yes it does. And that that is such a powerful
testimony of just going back the difficultbirth that you had, the rape that
you had to go through, thethings that the challenges are, the things
(16:30):
even in your childhood. And thisis what I know is sometimes that that
blame and guilt sometimes redirect our livesin such a way that we start responding
in a way that it prevents usfrom healing. Right, it prevents us
from healing, and we begin tosuffer in silence a lot of times.
(16:52):
And and so I believe that howwe respond to something, it it starts
kind of we learn how to respondin our childhood. So you know,
I heard you say about you know, even how your dad was responding to
you, and how that kind ofsilenced your voice, and how it kind
(17:15):
of taught you indirectly that you know, your words are not powerful, your
words are not valuable, and thingslike that. And so as we respond
to learn how to respond to thethings in a healthy way, that takes
some work, right, that takessome work. So can you kind of
(17:36):
talk about some of the work thatyou had to do behind after all of
these things has happened to you.You know, you're now in a marriage,
right, You're now in a marriagewhere you know you were blessed to
find this man of God. Youwere blessed to find him, and you're
still in this place where you're evenhaving nightmare's right, So can you talk
(18:00):
to us a little back bit aboutthe work that you had to do to
be able to bounce back from thosethings and to get to truly healed from
the things in your past. Thework that I've done, I like to
call it dirty work, okay,And the reason why I call it,
(18:22):
you know, dirty work, isit's really internal work because for years I
found myself trying to fix me upoutside. You know, it's good,
put on a you know, nicelate front, put your makeup on,
put on your jury. You know, maybe I can pretend to be okay,
(18:45):
nobody wouldn't know. But that isa life. That is a it's
really a prison cell for your potential, for your destiny, for your future.
It becomes a holding sell of everythingthat God wants for you. But
it's all it becomes locked away becauseyou're pretending, right, you're you're not
(19:08):
whole and a lot of times peoplethink that, well, if I tell
someone I'm hurting, if I tellsomeone I'm bleeding, if they know I'm
mentally not good, they're gonna thinkthat I'm not good enough, that they're
gonna think, well, I'm toomessed up for God to use. I'm
(19:30):
living, I'm a living witness thatno one is too messed up for God
to use. So the first placeI had to start with was forgiveness.
And it wasn't even forgiving the doctorfirst. It wasn't even forgiving my father
first. It wasn't even forgiving mymother because I blamed her too, right,
(19:55):
that was my mother. I waslike, why did she save us?
You know, my brother? Andnow why did she save us?
But see part of that inner work, I had to also now understand that
she was traumatized as well, soshe can only do what she could do
(20:17):
from that space. But forgiveness firststarted with me forgiving myself, forgiving myself,
you know, for calling myself stupid, for feeling you know, shameful,
forgiving myself, for even blaming myself. I had to understand that we're
not responsible for you know, howpeople treat us. That goes for our
(20:41):
parents, I loved ones. That'snot my fault. You can't control anyone.
But part of that forgiveness also cameawareness. I had to really become
aware that I was really missing stuff. There is no such thing as pretending,
(21:06):
because one wound will expose another wound. That's why I talked about those
different places in my life because allof it, it's still intertwined together.
Yeah, it all intertwined together,So that forgiveness begins first with yourself,
(21:26):
right. Yeah. And another thingthat helped me like being, you know,
a special needs mother. I didn'tunderstand that there is a level of
grief when it comes to special needsmom because see what happened. When we
talk about grief, the universal Iwould say, thing that come up is
(21:49):
you lost a loved one. Youlost a loved one. Yes, that
is true. That's not grief allin one. There are different frank legs
of grief. So with my son, right, every mother we become pregnant,
the only thing we have in ourmind. We're not thinking about anything
(22:11):
else. We know we're gonna havethis perfect baby. Right, we know
we're gonna have this perfect people.We're not inspecting, you know, anything
to go wrong. So when lifehappened, right, we have to understand
that we live in a world.We do have a real enemy. There
(22:32):
are things that's going on, youknow, and no God does not because
your child to become artistic, disabled, whatever. I had to learn that
right, and within that all ofthose images that we build up about especially
you know, well before that aboutour child. You know, we see
(22:53):
them going to college, we seethem going to their prom, their first
date. We have all of thisplan before we even meet this child.
So then when you're hit with,oh, your child is gonna be autistic.
Yeah, at three we stopped talking. At five he was diagnosis.
(23:21):
So when I healed and thought back, everything was over because he hit all
his mouths, he walked on time, he crawled on time. At two
he had words, he had fullsentences. You know, I thought,
okay, clearly everything okay. Butthen three and like everything in reverse.
(23:44):
So listen, all of those oldemotions will come back. But I want
you to understand when those things comeback, it does not mean that you're
done right. You're human. Whenyou go through something dramatic, those those
memories will come back. But ifwe do the inner work and we really
(24:06):
heal, right, they could comeback without the pain. We'll begin to
look more in what's going on andbegin to say, okay, God,
I'm here, Now, what canI do with this to help somebody else?
Oh? Yeah, the more youhelp somebody else, you're helping yourself.
And that's what I begin to do. I begin to go on a
(24:29):
treasure hunt, That's what I callit. So anytime that i'm hire with
an opposition, guess what, it'sno longer? Oh God, what I
mean? Haven't I suffered enough?I know a lot of y'all have said
that, but no, it's nowOkay, God, what's the treasure?
Were finna dig up out of here? Now? Yeah? Well, surely
(24:52):
it's connected to someone that's overcoming.So I now take all of that pain,
all of that trump, and there'sso much more in my life.
Right, I'm still human going throughLike they say, life is still life.
Yeah, but I look for thegenes in it. I look for
what can I do with it tobetter somebody else? And that's healing within
(25:15):
itself. When you want to helpsomebody else, it really does become a
bridge for you to cross over.And that's one of the healing parts.
The last leg of it, andI have a whole system of it.
But I would say that cleinal bridgewhere you get to that point of what
(25:36):
we said, that you can havethat memory of the pain, but no
longer be you know, negatively affectedby that pain and those toxic negative thoughts.
Right. So getting back to thatgrief about especial need children, I
had to understand that it was okaythat I had this image of a perfect
(25:59):
baby in my mind, but Godshowed me that I had to change what
my definition of perfect was and whatit looked like. He said, you
still have the same child, thesame love. That child is still here.
Right. So pain, any typeof trauma, it does not erase
(26:23):
love and that's the most important thing. And I would say self love,
self care have to be at thattop of the list. And it's doing
it even when we don't feel likeit. Because the more you do something,
the more you become it. Sojust think about that. The more
we are stressed out and overthinking,the more we are believe in that we're
(26:45):
not good and that doom, that'sthe more what we become. So we
have to be mindful of what wethink because it affects how we look at
things. It affects what we beginto say. It pollutes our heart,
then it goes down into our spiritand being. We're not living in our
(27:06):
purpose. Absolutely, So with allof that that I said on today,
my voice right is my purpose.The very thing that the enemy tried to
silence, God is using. It'snow a sounding word to other people.
(27:27):
The alcohol, the drugs, allof those things come when a person has
to lack self regulation right that they'relooking for something. I need something just
to take the pain away, evenit's just for a moment. But the
problem is still there and even biggerthan when it started. And we're trying
(27:48):
to feel that inside of us,this boy that only God can feel.
Right, all these falty things tohelp us, but they're not helping us,
is only keeping us bound again inone place of hurt. When you're
unhealed, it does have the capacityto just it looks for another opportunity.
(28:15):
It waits for another you know,painful place to come up in your life,
and then it connects. Yes,it does next. And then that's
why we have to really change ourperspective on a lot of We have to
change our mindset, we have tochange our perspective and stop caring too much
about what other people are saying,because that is a point where we prevent
(28:42):
ourselves from healing as well. Justlike you were talking about the shell that
we put on the outside, wewant to on that same smile. We
want to buy a new wig,we want to get some eyelashes, We
want to address ourselves. Right,we continue to show up in places but
in our if people could only seethe inside of us when we're going through
(29:04):
that pain and we're going through thatgrief point right, Uh, it doesn't
match up. And so I'm soglad that we're here today to give us
that encouragement that you know, theway that we respond to our griefs,
it can put us in a Ithink you said a prison cell. It
prevents us in a prison cell forour future. And we don't want to
(29:27):
go down that rabbit hood hole.We want to make sure that we are
telling our story. And I agreewith you, sharing your story is healing.
It's healing to you, it's healingto your soul. And we have
to make sure that we're in thatplace that we are doing the work behind
(29:47):
healing, no matter what we're goingthrough, no matter you know how it
looks. No matter what the outcomeis, right, we can we you
and our testimony of God's goodness andand his ability to pull us up and
give us beauty for ashes. Right, and so I just thank God for
(30:08):
you and being here today to shareyour powerful testimony and give encouragement to other
people that no matter if you havespecial needs a child, no matter if
you've gone through even rape, ifyou've gone through alcoholism, don't matter what
it is, that you can useyour story right and it can be a
power to somebody else. So thankyou so much for being here and share
(30:33):
your story. I want before weget off here, I want you to
make sure that you tell everybody whohow they can connect with you, how
to follow your on social media andall of that. Okay, you can
connect with me on Facebook and Instagram. It's Angelina Squire, so it'll be
easy to find me. Or youcan connect with me on my website www
(30:56):
dot Queen's Awakening dot or you canemail me Angelina Squire at Queen's Awakening dot
com. All right, well,thank you again for being here, and
we are going to go ahead andend this segment of the Restore My Soul
(31:18):
podcast. Thank you all so muchfor watching and listening in today. I
hope you were blessed by this powerfultestimony, and remember that you don't want
to create that prison cell for ourfuture by remaining in our grief and not
pressing toward our healing. So y'allremember to follow me on all social media
at Princess Millings and my website atPrincessmillons dot com. You remember that grief
(31:44):
is a journey, but you don'thave to walk along. Okay, you're
here every week on this podcast andyou're not walking along. We're gonna do
it one episode at a time andwe will see you next time on another
episode of the Restore My Soul Podcast. Thank you, thank you for joining
(32:07):
another episode of Restore My Soul Podcast. Be sure to listen and watch each
week as we continue the conversation onhow to bounce back from the setback of
grief and loss and to become resilientso that you too can thrive in life.
Don't forget to like and subscribe sothat you don't miss out on any
new episodes, and share this withas many people as possible so they can
(32:29):
be encouraged in their emotional wellness journey. We invite you to follow Princess Milions
on all social media platforms and onthe website at princessmilins dot com. Thank
you for listening and we'll see youin the next episode of the Restore My Soul podcast
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