January 11, 2024 • 31 mins
In this episode, my special guest Julie DeLucca-Collins shares her story of leaving a legacy filled with confidence and teaching others to do it too.
Julie is a highly sought-after speaker, business coach, and author dedicated to empowering entrepreneurs to build and grow successful businesses. With a passion for helping women establish and expand their brands, Julie has become a trusted advisor for many women out there. Certified in Tiny Habits, Julie leverages her expertise to guide individuals toward positive behavioral changes that lead to lasting success.
As a dynamic speaker, Julie has captivated audiences with her insightful talks and has been featured on prominent media outlets such as ABC, NBC, and FOX. She was also a dynamic speaker on the TEDx stage, TEDx MellenStreet, in November 2023. Her expertise has also been recognized on a broader scale, as she serves as a member of the Governor's Counsel for Women and Girls in CT. Julie's influence extends to the airwaves, where she hosts a radio show, Confident You, on a top-rated Global Radio network, providing a platform to inspire and educate listeners. When she’s not on the airwaves, she’ll be recording episodes for her top-rated podcast, Casa DeConfidence, where she co-hosts alongside her #hothandsomehusband.
Connect with Julie DeLucca-Collins at www.goconfidentlycoaching.com
Julie is a highly sought-after speaker, business coach, and author dedicated to empowering entrepreneurs to build and grow successful businesses. With a passion for helping women establish and expand their brands, Julie has become a trusted advisor for many women out there. Certified in Tiny Habits, Julie leverages her expertise to guide individuals toward positive behavioral changes that lead to lasting success.
As a dynamic speaker, Julie has captivated audiences with her insightful talks and has been featured on prominent media outlets such as ABC, NBC, and FOX. She was also a dynamic speaker on the TEDx stage, TEDx MellenStreet, in November 2023. Her expertise has also been recognized on a broader scale, as she serves as a member of the Governor's Counsel for Women and Girls in CT. Julie's influence extends to the airwaves, where she hosts a radio show, Confident You, on a top-rated Global Radio network, providing a platform to inspire and educate listeners. When she’s not on the airwaves, she’ll be recording episodes for her top-rated podcast, Casa DeConfidence, where she co-hosts alongside her #hothandsomehusband.
Connect with Julie DeLucca-Collins at www.goconfidentlycoaching.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:53):
Hello and welcome to all beautiful soulsout Hello, and welcome to all beautiful
souls out there. You're listening tothe Restore My Soul Podcast with Princess Millin's,
your favorite grief coach and emotional wellnessspecialist. In this spase, we
will help those who struggle with griefand loss and have real conversations about how
(01:15):
to overcome it in every area oflife through our personal stories, practical information,
and wisdom from Princess and her specialguests. We are here to educate,
inspire, and empower you with thestrategies you need in your emotional healing
journey. We do not offer medicaladvice, but we believe that we can
all learn to heal by creating amindset to grow, pass our pain and
(01:40):
push toward our purpose. Our goalis to remind you that grief is a
journey and you do not have towalk it alone. No matter what the
pain or loss is, you canbe restored and live fully in your purpose.
But let's push through the pain togetheras we share our stories of resilience
in one episode at a time.Hello and gay Day everybody. Welcome to
(02:05):
the Restore My Soul Podcast For thisnext episode. I am so excited and
so glad that you're here and you'retuned in to listen to what we have
to offer today. I am yourhost, Princess Millan's your favorite grief and
emotional wellness specialist. And you knowwhat we do here, We teaching it,
We inspire and we encourage others alongtheir emotional wellness journey. I believe
(02:31):
that we all have a story andit should be told, it should be
heard around the world, and that'swhat we do here today. We have
such an amazing guest today. Iam so excited that we have Julie de
Luca Collins in the building today.And she is a highly sought after speaker,
(02:53):
and she's a business coach and alife strategist and an author, and
she is dedicated really to empowering entrepreneursand individuals to build and grow successful businesses.
And I love her passion for helpingwomen and just to establish and expand
(03:15):
their brands. And she has becomea trusted advisor for many women out there
right. She is the CEO ofGo Confidentially Services and is certified in Tiny
Habits. She's certified in tiny Habitswhere she leverages her expertise to guide individuals
(03:38):
toward positive behavioral changes that leads tolasting success. And she has captivated so
many audiences around the world with hertalk. She's been featured on so many
platforms like ABC, NBC, Fox. She is an upcoming and a prominent
(03:59):
I will go ahead and say thatted X speaker on the ted X stage
in TEDx Mellon Street that is scheduledvery very soon. She serves as a
member of the Governor's Council for Womenand Girls in Connecticut. I believe and
Julie influences. It extends into allthe airwaves. She hosts a radio show
(04:27):
called Confident You and it's a toprated global radio network, right and she's
inspiring like I do in educating listeners. And when she's not on those airways,
she's recording episodes on her own podcast, Pasa des Confidence Okay, where
she hosts alongside of her has taghot handsome husband. Okay, So I
(04:54):
want to welcome to the show today, Miss Julie de Luca Collins. Thank
you so much for being here.I'm so excited for our conversation today,
Princess. I am so honored tobe here as a part of your show.
Thank you so much for having me. I am, you know just
(05:15):
in all the work that you're doingand how you're inspiring individuals and really helping
them in their journey. Absolutely absolutely, and I know that we're going to
do that today together and we're justgoing to dive into the conversation. I
know that you are a business anda life strategist, life coach and a
(05:40):
business coach as well. I seethe work confidence and a lot of what
you do right you're a part ofyour podcast is the confident. I keep
getting the time twisted it with thatand even in your business right go confidently
(06:05):
with Julie in their services, right. And so I see that word confidence,
Can you just explain where did thatcome from? Why are you focus
really on that word to empower womenin their journey? You know, thank
(06:26):
you so much for asking. Youknow, the word confidence is something that
has been part of my life fora long time. I consider myself that
I'm an outgoing extrovert first born,so you know, being a little gregarious
has always been part of my life. There was a time in which I
did lose a little bit of myconfidence, and that was really because I
(06:47):
lacked belonging, and I felt thatI was the odd man out. And
this is something that I think happensto many of us when we begin to
second guess who we are, ourability. We used to do something,
and as I started to find theevidence that I was capable, that I
belong that I mattered right, Istarted to stack up those little winds and
(07:13):
evidences. And the more that weshow up, whether we feel the confidence
or not, the more that we'rebuilding the confidence. Confidence is something that
helps us build their motivation to showup. When we show up, we
learn, and when we learn,we continued to grow in that confidence.
My dad shared a quote with mein high school. It's go confidently in
(07:38):
the direction of your dreams, livethe life you have imagined. And that
is a quote by Henry David Thureaux. And for many years that was really
kind of the north star for mewhen I didn't feel I could do something,
when he felt like out of placeclimbing the corporate ladder, because I
(07:59):
climbed the corporate line are in thetimes any individuals would take, Oh,
I wish I was confident as youare, And what princess I wasn't.
I was just showing up and doingthe work. And that's how I build
the confidence. And now that hasbecome a mission to help others do the
same things. Wow, And youknow it's so you just reminded me that
(08:22):
it's so important that our parents pourinto us, right, that confidence,
And you just said something that Ididn't even realize. And I think most
people don't realize that even if you'reextroverted, right, we always categorize and
I think stereotype the extroverts as beingthe ones will always all the confidence and
(08:43):
all of that kind of stuff.Well that might be true, but nobody
talks about that struggle even with extroverts. Now, I know me as being
an extroverted person, introverted. Ithink maybe I'm ambivert. I don't know,
but I've learned to have some extrovertedtendencies because of what I do and
who I serve. But I thinkI know I'm an introverted heart. And
(09:07):
so if there is nobody to pourinto you like your dad did, right,
I think our confidence goes somewhere.You know, I think as children
we are even more confident. We'rea little bit more bolder, because you
know, children, we don't knowany better and we don't know of all
(09:28):
of those struggles that we pick upalong the way in life. And so
what do you think what happens toour confidence along the way? What happens
you know, even if you growup in a household where like you did,
where confidence was instilled in you,right, even the ones that don't
(09:48):
grow up in that type of household, right, what happens to our confidence
along the way? What do youthink? You know? Thank you so
much for asking this. This isan excellent in question because I want to
normalize for the extroverts, the introverts, and the ones in between. Feeling
(10:09):
that you are not confident, thatyou don't have what it takes is very
normal. This is what our brainis programmed to do. We have a
little part of our brain called thereticular activator, and that reticular activator is
the one that is programmed to keepus alive. When our ancestors had these
(10:31):
tigers chasing them, the reticular activatorwould say danger, danger. Now we
don't have tigers in twenty twenty three, but we do have circumstances that throw
us out of our comfort zone.And for instance, if you are a
beginner at anything, you're not goingto feel confident in doing so. You
(10:54):
know, for instance, I wantto highlight women in particular. There's a
study I believe from I want tosay it's Hardware University, and don't quote
me on that, but it's beenquoted in several different places. I know
that. In the book lean Inby Sheryl Sandberg, she talks about this,
how if there is a job postingand the woman only fits maybe sixty
(11:22):
to eighty percent of it, shewon't apply for the job, whereas a
man will apply for the job evenif they don't you know. Or rather,
the woman can be at one hundredpercent meeting the job requirements but not
feel confident enough to apply. Andthe thing is, I want to remind
(11:43):
all of us that our brain willsay, who are you to do that
thing? Look at that person,there's so much better than you. We
compare in despair, and when weallow that background noise to be the voice
that it's running, we're going totake a step back. We're not going
to put ourselves out there. Thebiggest thing that we can do is really
(12:05):
become aware that that is normal andnormalize it for all of us. Because
Princess, when I don't feel confident, and I didn't feel confident for many
years. I would go and Iwould go down the spiral of feeling bad
and shameful and inadequate. But thebiggest thing that we can do to stop
(12:28):
that pattern is to say, oh, I hear you boys. You're telling
me I can't do it, butI'm going to try, right, because
the trying part is the one thatcreates the evidence that we're becoming better at
it. Absolutely, that is sogood. And you said, compare in
the despair a T shirt, Julie, that's a T shirt. That's a
(12:52):
T shirt. And you're right.Comparison I always say, comparison is the
thief of joy. Yes, Soas we compare and we look at people,
and this happens every day, especiallyin business, right even when we
see people that are doing similar thingsthan we are doing, Like you know,
(13:13):
it's like we have this invisible measuringstick all the time. And I
don't know if that's like gender related. I don't know if it is mostly
women or not, but I knowfor me, there's something that I really
had to deal with earlier on andstill in some ways now, dealing with
the area of confidence and being ableto even walk out there and do things
(13:39):
that I've never done before, andyou're so sometimes that we haven't done a
thing before, and then that voicecomes. I love the author, doctor
Carolyn Leef, and she does.She's brought a lot of things out as
far as what you were talking about, the new science behind what happens in
(14:03):
the brain, when certain things happen, when pain happens, when fear happens,
in all of this, right,and it was knell on what you
said about the thinking behind you know, what we do, our thinking,
and our negative thinking and our negativeself talk, right can be our demise.
(14:28):
So I want to question, isthat what are some things if we
have people out there that are stillstruggling some way with confidence, because you
know, sometimes confidence don't look likeor the lack thereof don't look like the
(14:48):
lack of confidence, if that makessense. Sometimes people put on a good
face but they really are not confidence. Can you explain maybe some ways that
the lack of confidence shows up inus? Yeah? Absolutely, you know
(15:09):
so, so the comparison game isreally one of the things that first happens
the lack of confidence, right,and and for many individuals, and by
the way, it's okay if youdon't feel confident, because I want to
reiterate that it's really we cannot driveour actions by the feelings that we have.
(15:35):
Yeah, and and and ultimately youractions are driven by your feelings.
So let me let me unpack this. If I have a thought that says
I am terrible, you know,my business bestie is doing the same thing,
and she's signing up all the clientsand she's got all the money and
(15:58):
it's the perfect life. And thenI start to measure my gifts, my
calling, my mission to hers,I am always going to come up short.
That thought that I don't measure upis going to then create that feeling
(16:18):
of inadequacy within me. That feelingof inadequacy within me is going to create
an action. The action is goingto be I'm going to go and climb
into bed and have some ice creamand Netflix and chill because I don't mean
to work my business. Why wouldI? This person is awesome, I'm
not right. So when we're drivingright, our results from the negative emotions
(16:45):
that we're allowing ourselves to feel becauseof the thoughts we are having right,
then we're always going to get thatresult that we're not moving forward so now
how do we create that conflcts IfI say, you know what, I
have a vision of what Julie isgoing to be. Julie is going to
(17:07):
impact the lives of thousands of womenin the next couple of years. They're
going to build businesses that are goingto give them a financial freedom, that
are going to help them with timemanagement, that are going to allow them
to make an impact. And Iknow, and I start to look at
Okay, of course, my firstthought is like, who the heck do
you think you are to think thatyou can do that? Right? That's
(17:30):
my brain, that's that reticular activatoror doing its job. So saying,
oh, I'm thinking that, allright, well, I am going to
try because I don't have to Idon't have to have a thousand women today,
but I can have the one personwho perhaps is listening to the radio
tell me and it's thinking, oh, I've never heard of this. I
(17:52):
feel so much better. Right,So then I am getting evidence that I
showed up that I did the thingthat I am. I'm working towards that,
and I'm becoming better and moving inthe direction of my dreams, in
my director direction of my mission.Slowly every single day, and therefore that's
what begins to create that feeling ofI can do it. But many of
(18:17):
us spend time in the comparison orin the regret I didn't do it before.
Oh no, that doesn't happen,look at what is going on?
Or I was terrible at it.We need to give ourselves permission to be
beginners, right because our parents didwhen we were walking. Right, when
(18:40):
we were learning to walk and wefell, No one said, oh look
at you, terrible baby, what'swrong with you? You can't walk?
No, they encourage, they said, oh, congratulations, Yeah you got
up. Keep going right, keepgoing, And that's what created that feeling
of hey, let me try again, and let me get better at it.
(19:02):
Try again, get better at it. Oh yeah, that's so good.
And that was a great analogy becauseyou're right, you know, our
parents when we were first born,and we get to do our first with
them and they congratulate that, theycelebrate us in doing that, you know,
(19:22):
but it was so powerful that yousaid that we have to give ourselves
permission to be beginners, permission togo out and do that thing that you
have never done before, you know, or just kind of put yourself out
there. I think maybe sometimes oursubconscious we don't want to be judged.
(19:47):
We don't want to you know,the negative things. Our mind always go
to the worst case scenario, Right, what if this thing don't work?
How am I going to look toother people? Right? So, this
this thing, in this area ofconfidence, it becomes just overwhelming and all
in most of what you just saidand outlined that was me to a t.
(20:11):
You know, that was I wouldsee somebody, I would just go
in my corner and stop doing whatI'm doing because I see them doing it
so much better, and all ofthat. But I know there's some work
behind getting that confidence and getting tothat place where you know, it's not
(20:33):
confidence. I don't believe it's theabsence of fear. It's not instead of
acce absence of fear, But it'sthe empowerment that you give yourself to go
and do it anyway. Right,And so in your experience, have you
ever seen the lack of confidence asthe opposite? In other words, you
(21:00):
just said about how we just wantto go and stop doing it. We
want to just go and pull ourhead the cover over our heads. Have
you ever seen it in the oppositewhere people start now doing too much,
so you see somebody else do something, and now you start trying to do
(21:21):
everything to try to catch up withthem. Have you ever seen that?
I see that a lot. Isee that a lot with the entrepreneurs that
I work with. And you know, again it's and I'd like to talk
about how some of the things thatwe had when we were young actually started
to create some of the sabotaging behaviorsthat we we take we use every day.
(21:48):
For instance, I am a personthat I was always told be a
good girl, set an example,be a good student, be number one.
And by the way, that's it'snot bad. You know, those
are encouraging, you know, highgoal setting. But I became a high
achiever, which in theory could bea good thing. But that high achiever
(22:12):
is the one that at times willsay, oh, you're not going to
be perfect at it, so don'tdo it, girl, don't do it.
You're oh, you're going to fail. And it taught me, that
high achiever taught me for a verylong time that failure was a bad thing.
(22:33):
But failure is our friend because whenwe fail, and we fail fast,
we learn the lesson that allows usto show up and do it again
and learn from what we did wrong, do it right, and then feel
like, oh, look at me, I got it right. So that's
the one thing that I see ina lot of places that individuals are are
(23:00):
afraid of the failure. I thinkthat we also, and you alluded to
this, princess, I see alot of individuals that also spend a lot
of time thinking that they need toOh, I don't want to do this
because I don't know what people aregoing to think of me. Oh I
don't want to do this because myhusband, my mother, my wife,
(23:22):
my neighbor, the bus driver,they need me. They're the people pleaserst
right, those we have these behaviorsand that are sabotaging us when we allow
these things. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with being a person
that loves to please people. Whatis wrong is when it comes at a
(23:47):
cost, at the price of yourdreams, when we allow that to have
wings as opposed to saying it,Hey, I know that I love my
family, and if I am workingon my business, if I am working
on my personal development, if I'mworking toward my dreams, it doesn't make
me a bad person because I stilllove my family. I'm still there for
(24:08):
them, but I can prioritize myself. How many people, and I wonder
from your listeners right, how manyof you are putting yourself first? And
we don't because we feel that it'sgoing to define us as oh, selfish,
it's going to define us as someonewho is not there for others.
(24:30):
And we also think that everybody isjudging us. Oh, look at this
person, look at what they're doing. But the reality is that they're not
even paying attention to us. Ninetimes out of ten, they're doing their
own thing and they don't even noticewhat we're doing. That because all of
(24:53):
us like to listen to the whatis in it for me radio station?
Yeh w whiff them I honestly.And by the way, it's funny because
my husband, he is one personthat a lot of times he will be
(25:14):
in the car and maybe we're ata gathering and he's like, oh,
what do you think I said thewrong thing? When I responded to that,
I'm like, I don't even hearyou say that. I don't even
think that that's a concern for otherpeople, right, But that's what really
trips us up. And then weruminate in these things, and when we
ruminate, then we're really playing thesethings and don't allow us to have the
(25:37):
clarity to move forward. So Iwant to empower people. Notice what you're
thinking, Notice and then normalize it. By the way, even if you're
thinking, oh, my girlfriend somuch better than I am, and look
she's got game and I don't.If that's what you're thinking, normalize that.
I am telling myself this in whenyou normalize it, then you're going
(26:03):
to be able to create a nextbest step plan. Oh it's a true,
maybe not, but I'm going tokeep going. Revisit your dreams,
revisit the vision of who you wantto be, what you want to have,
where you want to be. Whenyou revisit that vision, it keeps
you in the straight and narrow.It keeps you moving forward. And by
(26:26):
the way, a lot of usthink that moving forward. If I don't
move one hundred miles per minute,I am not good. But by the
way, if you're moving one percentbetter every day, at the end of
the year, you're going to bethree hundred and sixty five percent better than
(26:47):
before. So wouldn't you rather dothat then go big fail and then give
up? Because that's what happens.Yeah, that's what happened. And that's
the reality of it. Right.You have dropped gems on this broadcast today,
(27:07):
and you just kind of reminded methat when we lack that confidence that
we really need, it prevents usfrom showing up. Yeah, and we
have to remember that somebody else iswaiting on us to get our stuff together.
They are waiting on us. Thereare people that are waiting on us
(27:27):
to walk in our purpose so thatwe can solve their problem. Right.
They never see a problem that needsto be that they're looking for a solution,
And when we lack that confidence,it prevents us from showing up.
So thank you so much today forgivingus to empowering us to continue to show
(27:49):
up for our clients, show upfor our family, show up for you
know, the people that are calledto us. Because this this is a
big thing that I think we don'ttalk enough about. And I'm so glad
that you were here today care aboutthis thing called confidence and how we can
(28:15):
some things that we can do toeven strengthen that part of our life.
Thank you so much, Julie forThank you for the for the ability to
have a conversation that I feel sopassionate about. And you know, if
anybody just walks away with one nuggetand they feel like, Okay, I'm
scared, but I'm gonna do itanyway, right then not really what this
(28:37):
is all about. Absolutely, absolutely, And so before we leave here,
I want you to just tell thepeople where to follow you on social media,
how to get in contact with youif they want to learn more.
Thank you so much. I amJulie de Luca Collins on all of the
social media platforms. So if ifyou google Julie DeLuca Collins and de Luca
(29:02):
is two c's, you can findme also at go confidentlycaching dot com and
that's the website. I have alot of really fun resources for you there
as well. I have a confidencemini course that if people want to check
it out, it's free and youknow, you can watch it at your
(29:25):
leisure and it's going to give yousome really actionable tips as well. And
of course if you want to checkout my book, you can find it
on Amazon. The book is ConfidentYou. The podcast is Cost of the
Confidence. All right, thank youso much, and I'm gonna head on
over there and get me some ofthose free resources as well. Well you've
(29:45):
got it. And by the way, if anybody is listening and you find
me on social you send me yousend me a DM just say book and
I will send you an e copyof my book so you don't have to
buy on Amazon. You can readthe kindle version. Oh great. Well,
thank you so much and being sucha missing to the audience today.
(30:08):
I look forward to talking with youagain, so me too, Princess.
Thank you so much for the workthat you do, and you are creating
a blessing in the life of somany different people. So thank you so
much for the work that you do. Absolutely, thank you so much,
Thank you so much. Well,hey, that is the last of this
(30:29):
episode of the Restore My Soul podcast. You heard it from Julie that failure
is our friend, so make surethat you remember that and go confidently in
everything that God has called you tobe. Remember to continue to follow me
on all social media at Princess Millionsand my website at princessmillions dot com.
(30:51):
Remember that brief is a journey whereyou don't have to walk it along and
we will see you in the nextepisode of the Restore My Soul. Hi,
thank you for joining another episode ofRestore My Soul Podcast. Be sure
to listen and watch each week aswe continue the conversation on how to bounce
back from the setback of grief andloss and to become resilient so that you
(31:15):
too can thrive in life. Don'tforget to like and subscribe so that you
don't miss out on any new episodes, and share this with as many people
as possible so they can be encouragedin their emotional wellness journey. We invite
you to follow Princess Milions on allsocial media platforms and on the website at
princessmilins dot com. Thank you forlistening and we'll see you in the next
(31:36):
episode of the Restore My Soul Podcast
Hello and welcome to all beautiful soulsout Hello, and welcome to all beautiful
souls out there. You're listening tothe Restore My Soul Podcast with Princess Millin's,
your favorite grief coach and emotional wellnessspecialist. In this spase, we
will help those who struggle with griefand loss and have real conversations about how
(01:15):
to overcome it in every area oflife through our personal stories, practical information,
and wisdom from Princess and her specialguests. We are here to educate,
inspire, and empower you with thestrategies you need in your emotional healing
journey. We do not offer medicaladvice, but we believe that we can
all learn to heal by creating amindset to grow, pass our pain and
(01:40):
push toward our purpose. Our goalis to remind you that grief is a
journey and you do not have towalk it alone. No matter what the
pain or loss is, you canbe restored and live fully in your purpose.
But let's push through the pain togetheras we share our stories of resilience
in one episode at a time.Hello and gay Day everybody. Welcome to
(02:05):
the Restore My Soul Podcast For thisnext episode. I am so excited and
so glad that you're here and you'retuned in to listen to what we have
to offer today. I am yourhost, Princess Millan's your favorite grief and
emotional wellness specialist. And you knowwhat we do here, We teaching it,
We inspire and we encourage others alongtheir emotional wellness journey. I believe
(02:31):
that we all have a story andit should be told, it should be
heard around the world, and that'swhat we do here today. We have
such an amazing guest today. Iam so excited that we have Julie de
Luca Collins in the building today.And she is a highly sought after speaker,
(02:53):
and she's a business coach and alife strategist and an author, and
she is dedicated really to empowering entrepreneursand individuals to build and grow successful businesses.
And I love her passion for helpingwomen and just to establish and expand
(03:15):
their brands. And she has becomea trusted advisor for many women out there
right. She is the CEO ofGo Confidentially Services and is certified in Tiny
Habits. She's certified in tiny Habitswhere she leverages her expertise to guide individuals
(03:38):
toward positive behavioral changes that leads tolasting success. And she has captivated so
many audiences around the world with hertalk. She's been featured on so many
platforms like ABC, NBC, Fox. She is an upcoming and a prominent
(03:59):
I will go ahead and say thatted X speaker on the ted X stage
in TEDx Mellon Street that is scheduledvery very soon. She serves as a
member of the Governor's Council for Womenand Girls in Connecticut. I believe and
Julie influences. It extends into allthe airwaves. She hosts a radio show
(04:27):
called Confident You and it's a toprated global radio network, right and she's
inspiring like I do in educating listeners. And when she's not on those airways,
she's recording episodes on her own podcast, Pasa des Confidence Okay, where
she hosts alongside of her has taghot handsome husband. Okay, So I
(04:54):
want to welcome to the show today, Miss Julie de Luca Collins. Thank
you so much for being here.I'm so excited for our conversation today,
Princess. I am so honored tobe here as a part of your show.
Thank you so much for having me. I am, you know just
(05:15):
in all the work that you're doingand how you're inspiring individuals and really helping
them in their journey. Absolutely absolutely, and I know that we're going to
do that today together and we're justgoing to dive into the conversation. I
know that you are a business anda life strategist, life coach and a
(05:40):
business coach as well. I seethe work confidence and a lot of what
you do right you're a part ofyour podcast is the confident. I keep
getting the time twisted it with thatand even in your business right go confidently
(06:05):
with Julie in their services, right. And so I see that word confidence,
Can you just explain where did thatcome from? Why are you focus
really on that word to empower womenin their journey? You know, thank
(06:26):
you so much for asking. Youknow, the word confidence is something that
has been part of my life fora long time. I consider myself that
I'm an outgoing extrovert first born,so you know, being a little gregarious
has always been part of my life. There was a time in which I
did lose a little bit of myconfidence, and that was really because I
(06:47):
lacked belonging, and I felt thatI was the odd man out. And
this is something that I think happensto many of us when we begin to
second guess who we are, ourability. We used to do something,
and as I started to find theevidence that I was capable, that I
belong that I mattered right, Istarted to stack up those little winds and
(07:13):
evidences. And the more that weshow up, whether we feel the confidence
or not, the more that we'rebuilding the confidence. Confidence is something that
helps us build their motivation to showup. When we show up, we
learn, and when we learn,we continued to grow in that confidence.
My dad shared a quote with mein high school. It's go confidently in
(07:38):
the direction of your dreams, livethe life you have imagined. And that
is a quote by Henry David Thureaux. And for many years that was really
kind of the north star for mewhen I didn't feel I could do something,
when he felt like out of placeclimbing the corporate ladder, because I
(07:59):
climbed the corporate line are in thetimes any individuals would take, Oh,
I wish I was confident as youare, And what princess I wasn't.
I was just showing up and doingthe work. And that's how I build
the confidence. And now that hasbecome a mission to help others do the
same things. Wow, And youknow it's so you just reminded me that
(08:22):
it's so important that our parents pourinto us, right, that confidence,
And you just said something that Ididn't even realize. And I think most
people don't realize that even if you'reextroverted, right, we always categorize and
I think stereotype the extroverts as beingthe ones will always all the confidence and
(08:43):
all of that kind of stuff.Well that might be true, but nobody
talks about that struggle even with extroverts. Now, I know me as being
an extroverted person, introverted. Ithink maybe I'm ambivert. I don't know,
but I've learned to have some extrovertedtendencies because of what I do and
who I serve. But I thinkI know I'm an introverted heart. And
(09:07):
so if there is nobody to pourinto you like your dad did, right,
I think our confidence goes somewhere.You know, I think as children
we are even more confident. We'rea little bit more bolder, because you
know, children, we don't knowany better and we don't know of all
(09:28):
of those struggles that we pick upalong the way in life. And so
what do you think what happens toour confidence along the way? What happens
you know, even if you growup in a household where like you did,
where confidence was instilled in you,right, even the ones that don't
(09:48):
grow up in that type of household, right, what happens to our confidence
along the way? What do youthink? You know? Thank you so
much for asking this. This isan excellent in question because I want to
normalize for the extroverts, the introverts, and the ones in between. Feeling
(10:09):
that you are not confident, thatyou don't have what it takes is very
normal. This is what our brainis programmed to do. We have a
little part of our brain called thereticular activator, and that reticular activator is
the one that is programmed to keepus alive. When our ancestors had these
(10:31):
tigers chasing them, the reticular activatorwould say danger, danger. Now we
don't have tigers in twenty twenty three, but we do have circumstances that throw
us out of our comfort zone.And for instance, if you are a
beginner at anything, you're not goingto feel confident in doing so. You
(10:54):
know, for instance, I wantto highlight women in particular. There's a
study I believe from I want tosay it's Hardware University, and don't quote
me on that, but it's beenquoted in several different places. I know
that. In the book lean Inby Sheryl Sandberg, she talks about this,
how if there is a job postingand the woman only fits maybe sixty
(11:22):
to eighty percent of it, shewon't apply for the job, whereas a
man will apply for the job evenif they don't you know. Or rather,
the woman can be at one hundredpercent meeting the job requirements but not
feel confident enough to apply. Andthe thing is, I want to remind
(11:43):
all of us that our brain willsay, who are you to do that
thing? Look at that person,there's so much better than you. We
compare in despair, and when weallow that background noise to be the voice
that it's running, we're going totake a step back. We're not going
to put ourselves out there. Thebiggest thing that we can do is really
(12:05):
become aware that that is normal andnormalize it for all of us. Because
Princess, when I don't feel confident, and I didn't feel confident for many
years. I would go and Iwould go down the spiral of feeling bad
and shameful and inadequate. But thebiggest thing that we can do to stop
(12:28):
that pattern is to say, oh, I hear you boys. You're telling
me I can't do it, butI'm going to try, right, because
the trying part is the one thatcreates the evidence that we're becoming better at
it. Absolutely, that is sogood. And you said, compare in
the despair a T shirt, Julie, that's a T shirt. That's a
(12:52):
T shirt. And you're right.Comparison I always say, comparison is the
thief of joy. Yes, Soas we compare and we look at people,
and this happens every day, especiallyin business, right even when we
see people that are doing similar thingsthan we are doing, Like you know,
(13:13):
it's like we have this invisible measuringstick all the time. And I
don't know if that's like gender related. I don't know if it is mostly
women or not, but I knowfor me, there's something that I really
had to deal with earlier on andstill in some ways now, dealing with
the area of confidence and being ableto even walk out there and do things
(13:39):
that I've never done before, andyou're so sometimes that we haven't done a
thing before, and then that voicecomes. I love the author, doctor
Carolyn Leef, and she does.She's brought a lot of things out as
far as what you were talking about, the new science behind what happens in
(14:03):
the brain, when certain things happen, when pain happens, when fear happens,
in all of this, right,and it was knell on what you
said about the thinking behind you know, what we do, our thinking,
and our negative thinking and our negativeself talk, right can be our demise.
(14:28):
So I want to question, isthat what are some things if we
have people out there that are stillstruggling some way with confidence, because you
know, sometimes confidence don't look likeor the lack thereof don't look like the
(14:48):
lack of confidence, if that makessense. Sometimes people put on a good
face but they really are not confidence. Can you explain maybe some ways that
the lack of confidence shows up inus? Yeah? Absolutely, you know
(15:09):
so, so the comparison game isreally one of the things that first happens
the lack of confidence, right,and and for many individuals, and by
the way, it's okay if youdon't feel confident, because I want to
reiterate that it's really we cannot driveour actions by the feelings that we have.
(15:35):
Yeah, and and and ultimately youractions are driven by your feelings.
So let me let me unpack this. If I have a thought that says
I am terrible, you know,my business bestie is doing the same thing,
and she's signing up all the clientsand she's got all the money and
(15:58):
it's the perfect life. And thenI start to measure my gifts, my
calling, my mission to hers,I am always going to come up short.
That thought that I don't measure upis going to then create that feeling
(16:18):
of inadequacy within me. That feelingof inadequacy within me is going to create
an action. The action is goingto be I'm going to go and climb
into bed and have some ice creamand Netflix and chill because I don't mean
to work my business. Why wouldI? This person is awesome, I'm
not right. So when we're drivingright, our results from the negative emotions
(16:45):
that we're allowing ourselves to feel becauseof the thoughts we are having right,
then we're always going to get thatresult that we're not moving forward so now
how do we create that conflcts IfI say, you know what, I
have a vision of what Julie isgoing to be. Julie is going to
(17:07):
impact the lives of thousands of womenin the next couple of years. They're
going to build businesses that are goingto give them a financial freedom, that
are going to help them with timemanagement, that are going to allow them
to make an impact. And Iknow, and I start to look at
Okay, of course, my firstthought is like, who the heck do
you think you are to think thatyou can do that? Right? That's
(17:30):
my brain, that's that reticular activatoror doing its job. So saying,
oh, I'm thinking that, allright, well, I am going to
try because I don't have to Idon't have to have a thousand women today,
but I can have the one personwho perhaps is listening to the radio
tell me and it's thinking, oh, I've never heard of this. I
(17:52):
feel so much better. Right,So then I am getting evidence that I
showed up that I did the thingthat I am. I'm working towards that,
and I'm becoming better and moving inthe direction of my dreams, in
my director direction of my mission.Slowly every single day, and therefore that's
what begins to create that feeling ofI can do it. But many of
(18:17):
us spend time in the comparison orin the regret I didn't do it before.
Oh no, that doesn't happen,look at what is going on?
Or I was terrible at it.We need to give ourselves permission to be
beginners, right because our parents didwhen we were walking. Right, when
(18:40):
we were learning to walk and wefell, No one said, oh look
at you, terrible baby, what'swrong with you? You can't walk?
No, they encourage, they said, oh, congratulations, Yeah you got
up. Keep going right, keepgoing, And that's what created that feeling
of hey, let me try again, and let me get better at it.
(19:02):
Try again, get better at it. Oh yeah, that's so good.
And that was a great analogy becauseyou're right, you know, our
parents when we were first born,and we get to do our first with
them and they congratulate that, theycelebrate us in doing that, you know,
(19:22):
but it was so powerful that yousaid that we have to give ourselves
permission to be beginners, permission togo out and do that thing that you
have never done before, you know, or just kind of put yourself out
there. I think maybe sometimes oursubconscious we don't want to be judged.
(19:47):
We don't want to you know,the negative things. Our mind always go
to the worst case scenario, Right, what if this thing don't work?
How am I going to look toother people? Right? So, this
this thing, in this area ofconfidence, it becomes just overwhelming and all
in most of what you just saidand outlined that was me to a t.
(20:11):
You know, that was I wouldsee somebody, I would just go
in my corner and stop doing whatI'm doing because I see them doing it
so much better, and all ofthat. But I know there's some work
behind getting that confidence and getting tothat place where you know, it's not
(20:33):
confidence. I don't believe it's theabsence of fear. It's not instead of
acce absence of fear, But it'sthe empowerment that you give yourself to go
and do it anyway. Right,And so in your experience, have you
ever seen the lack of confidence asthe opposite? In other words, you
(21:00):
just said about how we just wantto go and stop doing it. We
want to just go and pull ourhead the cover over our heads. Have
you ever seen it in the oppositewhere people start now doing too much,
so you see somebody else do something, and now you start trying to do
(21:21):
everything to try to catch up withthem. Have you ever seen that?
I see that a lot. Isee that a lot with the entrepreneurs that
I work with. And you know, again it's and I'd like to talk
about how some of the things thatwe had when we were young actually started
to create some of the sabotaging behaviorsthat we we take we use every day.
(21:48):
For instance, I am a personthat I was always told be a
good girl, set an example,be a good student, be number one.
And by the way, that's it'snot bad. You know, those
are encouraging, you know, highgoal setting. But I became a high
achiever, which in theory could bea good thing. But that high achiever
(22:12):
is the one that at times willsay, oh, you're not going to
be perfect at it, so don'tdo it, girl, don't do it.
You're oh, you're going to fail. And it taught me, that
high achiever taught me for a verylong time that failure was a bad thing.
(22:33):
But failure is our friend because whenwe fail, and we fail fast,
we learn the lesson that allows usto show up and do it again
and learn from what we did wrong, do it right, and then feel
like, oh, look at me, I got it right. So that's
the one thing that I see ina lot of places that individuals are are
(23:00):
afraid of the failure. I thinkthat we also, and you alluded to
this, princess, I see alot of individuals that also spend a lot
of time thinking that they need toOh, I don't want to do this
because I don't know what people aregoing to think of me. Oh I
don't want to do this because myhusband, my mother, my wife,
(23:22):
my neighbor, the bus driver,they need me. They're the people pleaserst
right, those we have these behaviorsand that are sabotaging us when we allow
these things. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with being a person
that loves to please people. Whatis wrong is when it comes at a
(23:47):
cost, at the price of yourdreams, when we allow that to have
wings as opposed to saying it,Hey, I know that I love my
family, and if I am workingon my business, if I am working
on my personal development, if I'mworking toward my dreams, it doesn't make
me a bad person because I stilllove my family. I'm still there for
(24:08):
them, but I can prioritize myself. How many people, and I wonder
from your listeners right, how manyof you are putting yourself first? And
we don't because we feel that it'sgoing to define us as oh, selfish,
it's going to define us as someonewho is not there for others.
(24:30):
And we also think that everybody isjudging us. Oh, look at this
person, look at what they're doing. But the reality is that they're not
even paying attention to us. Ninetimes out of ten, they're doing their
own thing and they don't even noticewhat we're doing. That because all of
(24:53):
us like to listen to the whatis in it for me radio station?
Yeh w whiff them I honestly.And by the way, it's funny because
my husband, he is one personthat a lot of times he will be
(25:14):
in the car and maybe we're ata gathering and he's like, oh,
what do you think I said thewrong thing? When I responded to that,
I'm like, I don't even hearyou say that. I don't even
think that that's a concern for otherpeople, right, But that's what really
trips us up. And then weruminate in these things, and when we
ruminate, then we're really playing thesethings and don't allow us to have the
(25:37):
clarity to move forward. So Iwant to empower people. Notice what you're
thinking, Notice and then normalize it. By the way, even if you're
thinking, oh, my girlfriend somuch better than I am, and look
she's got game and I don't.If that's what you're thinking, normalize that.
I am telling myself this in whenyou normalize it, then you're going
(26:03):
to be able to create a nextbest step plan. Oh it's a true,
maybe not, but I'm going tokeep going. Revisit your dreams,
revisit the vision of who you wantto be, what you want to have,
where you want to be. Whenyou revisit that vision, it keeps
you in the straight and narrow.It keeps you moving forward. And by
(26:26):
the way, a lot of usthink that moving forward. If I don't
move one hundred miles per minute,I am not good. But by the
way, if you're moving one percentbetter every day, at the end of
the year, you're going to bethree hundred and sixty five percent better than
(26:47):
before. So wouldn't you rather dothat then go big fail and then give
up? Because that's what happens.Yeah, that's what happened. And that's
the reality of it. Right.You have dropped gems on this broadcast today,
(27:07):
and you just kind of reminded methat when we lack that confidence that
we really need, it prevents usfrom showing up. Yeah, and we
have to remember that somebody else iswaiting on us to get our stuff together.
They are waiting on us. Thereare people that are waiting on us
(27:27):
to walk in our purpose so thatwe can solve their problem. Right.
They never see a problem that needsto be that they're looking for a solution,
And when we lack that confidence,it prevents us from showing up.
So thank you so much today forgivingus to empowering us to continue to show
(27:49):
up for our clients, show upfor our family, show up for you
know, the people that are calledto us. Because this this is a
big thing that I think we don'ttalk enough about. And I'm so glad
that you were here today care aboutthis thing called confidence and how we can
(28:15):
some things that we can do toeven strengthen that part of our life.
Thank you so much, Julie forThank you for the for the ability to
have a conversation that I feel sopassionate about. And you know, if
anybody just walks away with one nuggetand they feel like, Okay, I'm
scared, but I'm gonna do itanyway, right then not really what this
(28:37):
is all about. Absolutely, absolutely, And so before we leave here,
I want you to just tell thepeople where to follow you on social media,
how to get in contact with youif they want to learn more.
Thank you so much. I amJulie de Luca Collins on all of the
social media platforms. So if ifyou google Julie DeLuca Collins and de Luca
(29:02):
is two c's, you can findme also at go confidentlycaching dot com and
that's the website. I have alot of really fun resources for you there
as well. I have a confidencemini course that if people want to check
it out, it's free and youknow, you can watch it at your
(29:25):
leisure and it's going to give yousome really actionable tips as well. And
of course if you want to checkout my book, you can find it
on Amazon. The book is ConfidentYou. The podcast is Cost of the
Confidence. All right, thank youso much, and I'm gonna head on
over there and get me some ofthose free resources as well. Well you've
(29:45):
got it. And by the way, if anybody is listening and you find
me on social you send me yousend me a DM just say book and
I will send you an e copyof my book so you don't have to
buy on Amazon. You can readthe kindle version. Oh great. Well,
thank you so much and being sucha missing to the audience today.
(30:08):
I look forward to talking with youagain, so me too, Princess.
Thank you so much for the workthat you do, and you are creating
a blessing in the life of somany different people. So thank you so
much for the work that you do. Absolutely, thank you so much,
Thank you so much. Well,hey, that is the last of this
(30:29):
episode of the Restore My Soul podcast. You heard it from Julie that failure
is our friend, so make surethat you remember that and go confidently in
everything that God has called you tobe. Remember to continue to follow me
on all social media at Princess Millionsand my website at princessmillions dot com.
(30:51):
Remember that brief is a journey whereyou don't have to walk it along and
we will see you in the nextepisode of the Restore My Soul. Hi,
thank you for joining another episode ofRestore My Soul Podcast. Be sure
to listen and watch each week aswe continue the conversation on how to bounce
back from the setback of grief andloss and to become resilient so that you
(31:15):
too can thrive in life. Don'tforget to like and subscribe so that you
don't miss out on any new episodes, and share this with as many people
as possible so they can be encouragedin their emotional wellness journey. We invite
you to follow Princess Milions on allsocial media platforms and on the website at
princessmilins dot com. Thank you forlistening and we'll see you in the next
(31:36):
episode of the Restore My Soul Podcast
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