August 1, 2023 • 60 mins
Lani Elliott is a 60s Scoop Survivor who grew up in foster care in the small town of Abernethy, Saskatchewan. As a child, she dreamed of working in law enforcement, and at the age of 19, joined the RCMP as a special constable, hoping to one day become a regular member of the police force. Unfortunately, Lani’s dreams were shattered when her marriage ended in an unspeakable act of violence that left her with broken legs, homeless, and with two small children to raise on her own.
Although starting over was not easy, Lani managed to rebuild her life for the sake of her
sons. With the help of various shelters and organizations, Lani was determined to end
the cycle of violence so that she and her children could live happy, fulfilling lives. Today,
Lani is an accomplished motivational speaker and travels all over North America,
sharing her message of hope and inspiring positive change in those who may be
struggling with the many issues related to domestic violence and sexual violence,
including self-worth, and positive mental health. Lani is passionate about giving back to
her community, and is involved with several different charities throughout the city of
Regina. Her past accomplishments include working as the Co-Director of International
Indigenous Fashion Week Inc., as well as a freelance photographer, a writer and copy
editor for RezX Multimedia Inc., and Co-Producer/Director and Lead Actress for the
Regina production of The Vagina Monologues®, the internationally acclaimed play that
not only raises awareness regarding violence against women, but also empowers
women who are affected by violence. Lani’s own, personal story and poetry have been
featured in Maclean’s Magazine, and has also been featured in three separate
documentaries, including “The War at Home” by award winning film maker, Shelley
Saywell.
Currently, Lani’s passion involves giving presentations to young people in schools
regarding healthy vs. unhealthy relationships, because she strongly believes in the idea
that prevention is better than having to deal with the alternative, and lives with the
philosophy that we need to be whom we needed when we were younger, and hopes
that through her work, one less person will experience violence in their life.
Although starting over was not easy, Lani managed to rebuild her life for the sake of her
sons. With the help of various shelters and organizations, Lani was determined to end
the cycle of violence so that she and her children could live happy, fulfilling lives. Today,
Lani is an accomplished motivational speaker and travels all over North America,
sharing her message of hope and inspiring positive change in those who may be
struggling with the many issues related to domestic violence and sexual violence,
including self-worth, and positive mental health. Lani is passionate about giving back to
her community, and is involved with several different charities throughout the city of
Regina. Her past accomplishments include working as the Co-Director of International
Indigenous Fashion Week Inc., as well as a freelance photographer, a writer and copy
editor for RezX Multimedia Inc., and Co-Producer/Director and Lead Actress for the
Regina production of The Vagina Monologues®, the internationally acclaimed play that
not only raises awareness regarding violence against women, but also empowers
women who are affected by violence. Lani’s own, personal story and poetry have been
featured in Maclean’s Magazine, and has also been featured in three separate
documentaries, including “The War at Home” by award winning film maker, Shelley
Saywell.
Currently, Lani’s passion involves giving presentations to young people in schools
regarding healthy vs. unhealthy relationships, because she strongly believes in the idea
that prevention is better than having to deal with the alternative, and lives with the
philosophy that we need to be whom we needed when we were younger, and hopes
that through her work, one less person will experience violence in their life.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
You're listening to Vancouver Corp Radio CFRone hundred point five FM. We're coming
to you from the unseta traditional territoriesof the Squamish, Musquiam and Slaveytooth nations
around Vancouver b Seen. I'm yourhost, Bernardine Fox, and this is
this show that dares to change howwe think about mental health. Welcome to
Rethreading Madness. When I've ever beenfurther, know what the hell I'm gonna
(00:33):
do when I can't seem a fineway under over? Today, I'm speaking
with Lonnie Elliott, a woman whosurvived severe domestic battering. I will warn
our listeners that some of these detailswill be hard to hear. Please do
(00:53):
what you need to to keep yourselfsafe. We'll be right back. Do
you feel unseafe in your home,You are not alone. Transition Houses offer
free support and shelter for women andchildren. We are here for you.
We are here for you, Weare here for you. Make the call
(01:15):
one eight under Victim Link one eighthundred five six three zero eight zero eighth
BCSHTA. You're listening to re ThreadingMadness on Vancouver CARP Radio CFR O one
O two point five f m I'myour host, Bernardine Fox, and today
I'm speaking with Lonnie Elliott, whois a sixty scoop survivor who grew up
(01:38):
in foster care in a small townin Saskatchewan, and at nineteen she joined
the RCMP, which was her dream, but was forced to leave because of
domestic violence. And she has becomea spokesperson and advocate raising awareness about violence
against women. And I'm very luckyto have her here chatting with me.
Welcome, Lonnie, thank you forhaving me. Oh, you're welcome.
(02:02):
So Lonnie, tell us about yourchildhood. What does it mean to be
a sixties scoop kid? What happened? Well, I was three years old
when I was taken into foster care. I had four other siblings. I
had two older brothers and two youngersisters, and we were fortunate in that
we ended up in a foster homethat took in all of us at the
(02:24):
same time. I was really fortunatein that I actually spent my entire childhood
in that foster home. And Iwill say this, my foster parents were
great people. They were very strict. We had very strict upbringing. We
(02:45):
went to church on Sundays, groupon Thursday nights. I was in junior
choir right from the time I wasfive years old all the way up until
I was I think sixteen or seventeen. So my parents were were very strict,
but they they found ways to showus that they loved us every single
(03:07):
day. And and I was Iwas really lucky in that sense that I
had great parents. However, um, because they were a foster home.
Um, they constantly took in otherfoster kids. So our home was a
revolving door of foster children. Howthen they would you say, Um,
(03:30):
I think the final number was somewherearound one hundred and twenty foster Oh my
gosh, something like that. SoI can't even imagine what that's like to
live with kids coming and going,but living with you like they are a
sibling. In some ways, it'sit's um, it's actually quite traumatic because
(03:58):
you you you grew grow up infear. You have this fear hanging over
your head that when the social workersshow up, they're coming to take you.
So I remember that I was absolutelyterrified of the blue cars, the
blue cars with the Government of Canadainsignia on the side. I was absolutely
(04:23):
terrified when I would see that carcome because I didn't know if they were
coming to pick up any of us, like if they were coming to pick
up me one of my siblings,or like, we didn't we never knew
why they were, why they wereshowing up. So when that car showed
up, you would just like quiteoften the kids would scramble and like because
(04:46):
we didn't want them. I mean, like I said, my parents were
good people, and the kids whoended up in our home didn't want to
leave, right. So, alsobeing a sixty scoop survivor, there's so
many dynamics to it. I rememberbeing a I remember being a very little
(05:14):
girl, I don't even know howold it was, and having a social
worker picked me up and set meon a counter or a desk. It's
one of my very first memories,and explained to me that my parents threw
me away and that my parents werechoosing alcohol and drugs over their children.
It wasn't until way later that Ifound out that that wasn't true. This
(05:38):
was a general story that they toldto a lot of the camp that they
took during the sixty Scoop. Ihaven't met a sixty Scoop survivor who doesn't
say that exact same thing and thenalso say that they found out it wasn't
true. Yeah, so and itwas. It was actually really devastating when
(05:58):
I found like, because you youyou numb yourself to it after a while,
right, It's it just becomes anormal part of your yourself talk,
right, because this is what theadults in your life have told you,
and this like, this is aperson of trust, a person that you're
(06:20):
supposed to look up to. Andat the time, it was also a
revolving door of social workers right right. So I couldn't tell you what that
social worker's name was, um,but I can tell you that she specifically
explained to me that my parents threwme away like garbage. And how old
(06:41):
were you when they said that?I was probably, oh goodness, I
don't know, between three and four, so I was really really little.
Did you Were you able to findyour family? I was. I met
my mother for the very first timein person about three years ago. Wow,
(07:04):
so, um, but we've spokenon the phone, like we we
did talk on the phone um fora few years before that, but I
just finally got to meet her inperson about three years ago. So,
And was that an okay experience ordid you find out what happened when they
took you or yeah, it wasan okay experience and it was like we
(07:30):
We still chat regularly and she shereveals bits and pieces to me because she
is also experiencing, you know,um PTSD and and everything that comes with
having experienced that kind of trauma whenyou have your kids taken away from you.
Yeah, I'm just so we canbe really clear about that trauma.
(07:53):
The people who studied torture throughout theworld, like torture in all these sort
of countries where they do it ona regular basis, they know that for
mothers, the biggest torture you cando, the most impactful thing you can
do, is take away their children. Yes, so it's torture. So
(08:15):
PTSD is a reasonable outcome of that. Yeah, she like she every once
in a while she will talk aboutit. It's it's a very hard thing
for her to talk about. Soand I don't press her on it.
I've had to let her. I'vehad to remind her on a couple of
occasions that I don't hold her like, I don't hold her accountable. I
(08:37):
don't I don't blame her for whathappened. And I'm actually very grateful for
the for the childhood that I didhave. Even though there were some bad
experiences, I was really lucky inthat I had the parents that I did,
and I had the upbringing that Idid. You talked about things happening
(08:58):
in the foster home. Were thoseabusive type things with the other foster kids.
Yes, Like I said, itwas a revolving door of foster kids.
So I remember my first experience withsexual abuse with molestation. I was
probably about six years old, ifthat so, and we learned to be
(09:26):
quiet about it. And that wasthrough no fault of my parents, that
was actually because of the social workers. So when we attempted to disclose anything
with the social workers, I hadthe unfair advantage at the time of being
an older sibling to two little tomy two younger sisters, and the social
(09:48):
worker I distinctly remember her telling me, do you want me to write that
down? Do you really want meto write that down? Because if I
have to put this in my report, I might have to move you.
And if I have to move you, you're not going to get to see
your sisters. Well, I'm theirbig sister, and even though I'm a
really really little girl, you know, I still think that it's my job
(10:11):
to protect my little sisters. Ye. So, so the fear was always
there that I was going to gettaken away. Um. One of the
threats, and it was actually athreat that carried um, carried through right
up until I think I left myfoster home. Um was that if I
(10:31):
didn't behave, or if I didn'tdidn't comply with what was being asked of
me, I would get removed andplaced into into residential school. And so
who is who is threatening that thewell, the social workers initially right,
(10:52):
Um, My parents would occasionally repeatthat threat, right. I don't think
they realized what kind of like damageit did. Right. It was something
that you know, they were instructedto to let us know, right right,
Like my mom, Like my momwas, she was one of those
(11:16):
foster parents who grew really really attachedto the kids that came in her home.
So it always broke her heart whenshe had to say goodbye to those
kids, right, right, Sofor her to like for her to say,
if you know, if if youdon't start listening or if you don't
behave, the social workers going tocome and take you and you might end
(11:37):
up in residential school. Right.It was just something that was simply said
to her by the social workers,and she would simply repeat it, not
realizing at the time. But youknow how just how damaging that was.
It's one thing for that to comefrom the social worker. It's another thing
for it to come from your mom. Yes, And so you grew up
(12:00):
sort of with no anchor. You. You grew up with always feeling like
at any moment, everything about yourworld could change and the outcome of that
would be worse than what you hadat the moment. Yes, So when
when things happened with the other fosterkids, you just learned to to absorb
(12:22):
it and take it. Yeah.Yeah, Yeah, that's that's a that's
a hard way to grow up,lonnie. Um. It makes you feel
like you have nobody holding your back, you know, taking making sure you're
okay. The weird thing about itis when you when you're growing up like
that, And because I I Iwas thrown into that environment from a very
(12:46):
young agent. Like I said,I was three and grew up like that.
It was it was just my norm. So I didn't realize at the
time, Um, like, howhow much of an impact it had on
my, like my psychological and emotionalwell being, It really didn't. It
(13:09):
was just it was just normal forme. So and learned to function like
that. Yeah, and that's allyou can do when you're a little kid.
Things become normalized. You don't questionit, you don't really look at
it. It just is what you'reliving with. U And how were you
How how was school for you?How was having other friends? Did it
(13:33):
impact on those things? It totallydid in the sense that I became one
of those kids who was an absolutepeople pleaser. I wanted to make sure
that I excelled at everything that Idid because I was afraid that if I
didn't that I would get sent away. Right. So, um, I
(13:58):
like I got really good grades inschool. I you know, did my
best in like, like I madethe track team every year. I was
like, I wanted to excel ineverything that I did just because I felt
that, like, I had thisabsolute fear of failure because I felt that
(14:20):
if I had failed at anything,then that would mean absolute rejection. Right.
It's an interesting thing because people wouldlook at what girls for one,
that are you know, are youknow doing things to make people happy and
you're excelling at school, and you'rein the track team, and you're doing
(14:43):
all these amazing things, and you'redoing so well. They could look at
that and say, wow, Lonnieis doing well. Like there, Lonnie
has no emotional problems whatsoever. Butin fact, these are the things that
you were doing because of the fearsthat you had and growing out. It
was an absolute survival mode, rightabout even realizing it, right, right,
(15:05):
So we need to take a littlebreak, Lonnie. But then when
I come back, I want totalk about the domestic of violence that you
went through. So so everybody juststay tuned. We'll be right back with
Lonnie Elliott. The Greater Vancouver Feedbankhas been providing support for our cities for
almost forty years and has been fatalto helping thousands of community members through the
(15:28):
COVID nineteen crisis. To find outhow you might benefit from the Greater Vancouver
Food banks services, or to learnhow you might donate money or volunteer your
time, please visit their website atFoodbank dot BC DOTA. You're listening to
Rethreading Madness on Vancouver Call Up RadioCFR one hundred point five f M.
(15:50):
I'm Bernadine Fox. And today I'mtalking with Lonnie Elliott about her experience of
growing up as a sixties scoop kidand experienced domestic stick of violence. So
Lonnie, you we've just chatted aboutyour childhood and thank you for that.
And I was hoping that maybe wecould chat a little bit about what happened
(16:11):
around the domestic violence. When didyou meet your partner? I met my
partner. I had actually moved awayto Manitoba and lived in Manitoba for a
while and finished my schooling there,and then I moved back to Saskatchewan and
I had joined the RCMP, andthat was my that was my dream.
(16:37):
I thought that I had the worldat my fingertips. I had my career
laid out for me. I had, you know, a great group of
friends. I was living with aroommate and and I really, I honestly
thought I had the world at myfingertips. And I was nineteen at the
time. And then I met Imet this guy who was a master corporal
(17:00):
and the Canadian Armed Forces, andI thought that he was everything that I
was looking for in a partner.Um he was was that Oh okay,
go ahead and pready he was charming. Um, you know he was.
I thought he was handsome. Um, he seemed to have a great career,
(17:22):
he seemed to come from a goodfamily. Um, he just he
seemed to possess all of the samevalues that I did. And at the
same time, UM, he likehe had like traditional knowledge, like cultural
knowledge, which I didn't possess.So that was part of what attracted me
(17:44):
to him. Um, but helike he was just he just seemed to
possess all the qualities that I wouldhave wanted in a partner. And the
fact that he was a soldier andhe seemed to support my career. Um
was the icing on the cake.Right. And then, so did you
(18:07):
date for a while or did youOur relationship was um, happened very very
quickly. Okay, so um wewe got together. Um started dating and
within six months he had proposed mH. And it's funny because at the
(18:29):
time, like I was so enamoredm that I didn't recognize any of the
red size like the red flags thatwere there right in front of in front
of me, And I would oftendescribe myself as getting them, you know,
out of my way. I'm notgood at looking at them. Either,
So tell us what were the redflags? So? Um, the
(18:56):
red flags were. Um. LikeI said, I thought that he came
from a great family and whatnot,but the way that he interacted with his
siblings, especially his sisters, hewas very domineering and his total disregard for
(19:17):
animals, Like he would joke aboutrunning over cats and things like that,
and and like it's it. Ididn't take it seriously. I didn't take
him like they didn't take it seriously. When he did things like that,
I was like, Okay, um, this is just like a weird little
quirk and he's just doing it toscare me. And then like he would
(19:38):
do things when we were driving,he would like speed up in traffic and
if someone cut him off, hewould like he would show like road rage
and where he would speed up andlike literally like try to bump their back
(19:59):
bumper and think like that in thecar. And and I mean it was
terrifying when he did things like that, right, but he would laugh,
and it was he was quite sadisticabout it. And I don't know why
I just completely disregarded all of thatlike it, But I think a lot
of it had to do with witheven at the very beginning, I was
(20:23):
starting to feel fear and I didn'tknow how to I didn't know how to
deal with it. I didn't knowhow to compartmentalize it. Is it fair
to say that you dealt with itthe same way you did as a child,
which is too normalize it? AndI think so. I think I
(20:44):
think it was because in the beginningof our relationship, he completely bombarded me
with with how how special I was, and you know, and he absolutely
built me up to this person thathe had put on a pedestal. And
(21:04):
and it's funny because that's an absolutered flag when someone does that, right,
so so he but it's hard ifyou come out of a bad childhood
or even you know, childhood whereyou're wanting, you know, to try
and take all that really good stuffsomebody is giving you and say, well,
(21:26):
that's a red flag and I reallyshouldn't pay attention to it. Yeah
it's not really great. Oh mygod, I'm finally getting this and I'm
finally succeeding at having somebody see meand or see me in a really great
light. And so it's really hardto say no, I shouldn't. Yeah,
that's yeah, he was like hedid classic love bombing right right,
(21:48):
um so where I could do nowrong, right I was. I was
absolutely perfect in his eyes and Iand I ate it up right, absolutely
right. This was a man whoadored me blah blah blah. But that
very quickly went away. And andso what happened was we ended up getting
(22:12):
married, like within the year.We got married so so quickly. It
was like and at the time Ihad thought, this is a whirlwind romance,
right, we got married so quickly. And on our wedding day,
the day of our wedding, itwas like someone flipped a light switch.
(22:33):
Because what happened was we're sitting inthe car outside the chapel and I lost
my wedding ring in the car.It fell off my finger. So he's
looking for it, and he makesthis huge display of placing it back on
my finger when he finds it,except that when he put it on my
(22:56):
finger, he looks at me andhe says, with a little bit of
a laugh, I own you now. Oh sorry, I said that day.
I gasped out loud, Yeah,I said, I own you now.
And I remember this chill went upmy spine because it was just what
(23:22):
an odd thing to say, andwhat a scary thing to say. And
I remember that I had kind oflaughed it off, right, but at
the same time, I just remembergetting that odd chill on my spine,
just wept, feeling that things weren'tright, And it was like someone had
honestly flipped a switch, because allof a sudden, he became this entirely
(23:42):
different person. So he got youguys, got married, and almost immediately,
basically one could say his true colorscame out. Yes, yes,
So what happened from there? Sofrom there, all of a sudden,
it was everything became about him.So if I wanted to go out with
(24:11):
my friends, he would he wouldget upset with me, or he would
find a reason to argue, oror he would have something to say about
my friends, about one of myfriends, Like there was always there was
always a reason that I couldn't gettogether with my friends, or or I
(24:32):
would cancel on them because I justwanted to avoid the fight with him.
And what I didn't realize what washappening was that he was he was already
already starting the isolation process, sowhere he was isolating me from my friends,
and then when it came to myfamily because my family, my parents
(24:55):
were white. My husband would tellme repeatedly, like, they don't really
love you. They don't you don'tYou're not equal to them. They don't
look at you the same way asthey do their other kids. And he
would put that little bit of doubtin my head, right, and he
would tell me all the time,no one's ever gonna love you the way
(25:15):
that I love you. Can familywill never be able to love you the
way that I love you, right, which is echoing what the social workers
said when you were at three andfour. Yeah. So, so he
would constantly make me doubt my family, doubt my friends, and then at
the same time, if I wantedto go and see them, he would
(25:37):
pick a fight. He would getangry, or he would get upset,
and sometimes it was really subtle.Sometimes it was just in the way that
he acted like he would out orhe would withhold, he would withhold sex,
or he would withhold privileges. Myhusband controlled the purse strings and are
in the family. So even thoughI had a job and I worked,
(26:02):
my paycheck went directly to him,and then he paid the bills. Per
se um Lacy told me he waspaying the bills and he would give me
a weekly allowance. I had aweekly allowance of twenty five dollars a week
and this is what year. Thiswas in nineteen ninety Oh my god,
(26:25):
So twenty five dollars a week wasthe allowance that I had. And so
how isolated did you become? Money? Um? I lived with with him
and his family out in their community, and I didn't get to see my
family or my friends because we movedfrom the city out to his community,
(26:48):
and so I was very very isolated. And then I didn't have any any
I felt like I didn't have anysupport whatsoever. And initially I had viewed
it as romantic. It was justthe two of us against the world and
blah blah blah. But very quicklyit became very scary because I was I
(27:11):
was pregnant, like immediately after wegot married, and six months into my
pregnancy, he was the very firsttime that he hit me that he became
physically violent with me. And heactually did it in his parents' house during
Easter weekend. I'm during Easter break, so like everybody was home that weekend,
(27:36):
but it was his family, anddid they know that he had hit
you? Um, I'm sure thatthey could hear. The walls were very
very thin in the house. Wewere upstairs. We were in an upstairs
bedroom and we were watching TV andI had taken the remote control away from
him and changed the channel on theTV. And because I changed channel without
(28:00):
asking his permission, he freaked outand he ripped the remote out of my
hand and he started hitting me withit and then like literally pushed me down
onto the floor and just started pummelingme while I was on the floor,
and you were six months pregnant.Six months pregnant, And how often I
(28:22):
know these horrible questions really about howoften would the physical abuse happen from that
point on? And and where didit Where did it escalate to the physical
abuse? I think the first fewtimes it was probably like like after that
time, he didn't do it formaybe about a month and then And it's
(28:45):
funny because when he apologized, becausehe did apologize after the first time and
said and said that it would neverhappen again, he begged me. He
was afraid that I was going toleave him, and he had said that
I was going to abandon him theway that his own mother had abandoned him
(29:06):
um, and like he I actuallyended up feeling sorry for him. And
it's funny because even though he washurting me, I was taking responsibility for
the things that he was doing.And I would feel bad for him because
he had already told me stories aboutwhat his childhood was like. So and
(29:33):
he didn't have the same kind ofchildhood that I didn't. He didn't seem
to have like the happy memories ofhis parents that I did, and so
I felt bad for him. Likewhen he when he would lose control and
become violent, you know, hewould be remorseful later. And his biggest
fear was that I was going toleave him and abandon him. And he
(29:57):
always held that over my head.I suppose you're going to abandon me the
way that my mom did, right. And the funny thing is his mom
didn't physically abandon him, but thatwas the way that he viewed it,
and that when his father abused him, she didn't intervene, right, that
was the way that he looked atit, I think so. So he
(30:19):
always held that over my hat andand would make me feel guilty even though
I wasn't a guilty partner, right, right, that seems to be a
running them in your life of youtaking responsibility and we'll be right back.
Do you feel unsafe in your home? You are not alone. Transition houses
(30:40):
offer free support and shelter for womenand children. We are here for you,
We are here for you. Weare here for you. Makes a
cough one eight hundred victim link oneeight hundred five six three zero eight zero
eight BCSHA. You're listening to reThreading Madness on Vancouver Corp Radio c FR
(31:04):
one hundred point five FM. Iam Bernardine Fox, and I've been speaking
with Lonnie Elliott about surviving domestic violence. Again. This interview contains details that
may be hard for some of youto hear. Please do what you need
to to keep yourself safe. So, Lonnie, you left at one point
and got caught. Can you canyou talk about that a little bit for
(31:30):
folks? Sure? So, Ihad actually left my attempted to leave my
husband a few times before the finaltime, and sorry to keep clearing my
throat, I had attempted to leavea few times before I left for the
final time, and and the secondlast time that I left, I had
(31:56):
gone to stay in a women shelterin the city and Unfortunately there because there
was no room in that shelter.I got bust to Saskatoon and I had
two little boys. So I hada two and a half year old and
a six month old, so theywere just little, and there I was.
(32:22):
I took the bus to Saskatoon andthey went to put I was supposed
to stay in a women shelter inSaskatoon, and unfortunately, there was an
outbreak of in Petago in that shelter, and I freaked out because I was
already dealing with trying to run froma violent person and and having to leave
(32:45):
everything behind, and that's enough onsomeone's shoulders, but to have two little
kids at the same time and thenbe faced with the dilemma of putting them
in a situation where they could possiblyget sick. I didn't want that.
Like I didn't I didn't want toput them in that situation. It was
just too much for me to handle. And fortunately the the workers at the
(33:07):
shelter were very understanding. They putme up in a hotel room, and
it wasn't the best hotel room.It was actually the Idle Wild Hotel in
Saskatoon, which, if anybody isfamiliar with the area, they would know
that that's a very's the that's thelowest of the low end of hotels,
(33:30):
and so that's where they put meand with my two little boys. And
they gave me a food voucher totake to the grocery store so I could
get some groceries for the duration.And I'd never been on social assistance before,
so I didn't know that I wasactually receiving social assistance. I didn't
(33:51):
understand what that was. But anyway, I took this food voucher, I
went and got groceries. I stayedin the hotel room with my two little
boys, and I was absolutely atmy lowest point, I think so.
(34:12):
But at the time I had stillalways believed that even though my husband and
I were going through, you know, a separation, and even though he
was violent with me, I stillmistakenly believed that my children deserved their father
in their life. So I wouldupdate him on how they were doing,
(34:34):
and I would let him, youknow, talk to his babies on the
phone and stuff. And so thatwas probably my one mistake. He he
would always try to convince me tocome home, and he would always weaken
my resolve in that he would explainto me that like, tell me that
(34:59):
you know my kids need me.But he would go from saying, you
know my kids need their father too. If you don't do what I want
you to do, I'm going totake them away from you and you only
ever see them again. So therewas always a power struggle when it came
(35:21):
to the kids. Anyway, westayed in the shelter. We stayed in
the hotel in Saskatoon and then eventuallygot bust back to Regia when there was
a spot left in the shelter there. And while I was in the shelter,
I made the mistake of letting himtake one of our boys. We'll
(35:42):
take both of our boys, actuallyfor ice cream. He wanted to take
them for ice cream, so Isaid, okay, you can take them
out for ice cream. That's fine, except that when he returned, he
only returned with one and I wasabsolutely like, I didn't know what to
(36:05):
do. I was. I wasterrified because he only brought one baby back,
right, And so he had said, if you want to see your
other kid, you have to comehome. Well, that's my kid,
right, And because I did notwant like to be away from my child,
(36:32):
of course I went home m hm. So once I got home,
things were okay for the first umcouple of weeks. And then on the
third week he had said that wewere going to go grocery shopping. So
I packed up my oldest toddler andput him in the put him in the
(36:57):
van, and left the be withhis siblings to look after for the day.
And away we went. And wewere going to we were going to
go grocery shopping, except that wemade a stop along the way, and
we stopped at the band office inhis community, and he went inside and
(37:20):
when he came back outside, hehad some paperwork with him that he threw
at me. And I could tell, like just from his body language and
his facial expression, his demeanor,that something was very, very, very
wrong. And I remember that Ifelt absolute not in my stomach, and
you just get this overwhelming feeling ofdread. And that was how I felt.
(37:45):
And it's just something I think thatevery victim of domestic violence is quite
familiar with. They know when someoneis about to go off, they know,
right. So he gets in thevehicle and he wants me to explain
these these pieces of paper, andI looked at them, and I and
(38:08):
I remember trying to figure out likewhat he was talking about, and I
realized that one of them was thehotel receipt from the Idlewild Hotel in Saskatoon,
and the other was a copy ofthe food voucher that I had received.
Apparently because I had received social assistance, he was being asked to pay
(38:34):
it back. And therefore he knewthat you had actually tried to leave him,
as opposed to I think you saidvisiting a friend or something. Yeah.
Well, yeah, well it wasn'tso much that I had tried to
leave. He knew that I triedto leave him. He knew he knew
(38:55):
that I had gone to stay ata shelter. O. Sorry, but
because I had gone to stay inSaskatoon and never let him know that I
had gone to Saskatoon. Oh,I'll see. And the reason I didn't
let him know was because I thoughtSaskatoon would be a safe place for me
to be. If I had toleave again, I could go to Saskatoon.
It would be a safe place.Right But because I failed to disclose
(39:17):
that information to him, in hismind, I lied to him, right
so, and it was something thatI absolutely could not do. It was
he absolutely forbid me to ever beuntruthful to him. So and because in
his mind I lied to him,he freaked out. And so as we're
(39:42):
driving in the van, we startedwe started to drive, and he's still
as far as I knew, wewere still going grocery shopping. We started
to drive, and all of asudden, I feel this stinging sensation on
the left side of my face,and he as he's driving, he starts
waching me great, like he justhauled off and cracked me one. And
(40:06):
the weird thing about it was,I remember feeling the first hit, and
then after that I didn't feel anything, which is bizarre because he my little
boy sitting in the car seat betweenus. Like we were actually driving in
this in this um Ford Ecno Linevan, which is a cargo van,
(40:30):
right, so it's got two bucketseats right right, and then there's just
floor in between us, right,So that's where my little that's where my
baby was in. He's in acar seat in sitting between us, And
I mean, there's no logic tothat. Um. It wasn't safe,
um, but I was. Youknow, that was the way that my
(40:50):
husband wanted to travel, and Iwasn't going to speak out against him.
Um So, anyway, we're drivingand he's hitting me, and he's yelling
at me and swearing at me,and then all of a sudden, he
pulls over to the side of theroad and keep in mind, we're in
the middle of nowhere, pulls overto the side of the road and gets
(41:15):
out of his seat and then literallystraddles me in my seat and just starts
pummeling me and like just freaked outand starts beating the crap out of my
head and face and shoulders, andlike he had to step over our little
boy to do this, right.So, and then when his energy was
(41:37):
spent, he went back to sittingin a seat and started to drive again.
And he's still ranting and raving abouthow I would never be able to
leave him, that the only waythat I would be able to leave him
was if I left him in abody bag, that he could very easily
make me disappear, that my familydidn't know, like they never talked to
(42:00):
me anyway, that it would bemonths before they even realized that I was
gone. And I distinctly remember himtelling me, I could have you scattered
in little pieces all over this valley. And nobody would even know. Wow.
And like he's driving and saying thesecrazy things to me, and I'm
(42:22):
like terrified. And I remember lookingaround in the van to see whether or
not there was anything in there thatI could protect myself with. I remember
seeing a rusty, old chain inthe console and thinking that I could use
that as a weapon if I hadto. And then all of a sudden,
(42:42):
he pulls off to down. Heveers down and another road that wasn't
you know, it wasn't the roadthat we would normally take, and he
drives for a bet and I cansee this house in a distance, and
he pulls over and he looks atme and he says one word. He
says run. And without even thinkingabout it, and I pulled that door
(43:05):
open and I jumped out of thevan and I started to run because I
could see this house in the distance, and I thought, if there's people
in the house, you know,maybe I could run to safety. My
only thought was to get away fromhim, and so I started to run.
I remember thinking, I'm a trackrunner. I'm a track runner,
(43:28):
you know, I'm I could probablyget away from him. But he was
also a track runner, So I'mrunning and I can feel something hit the
back of my head, and Ithought he had punched me, but I
kept running and then I felt tohit again, and I kept running,
and then I felt something hit theback of my knees, and all of
(43:49):
a sudden, my feet went outfrom underneath me, and I was tumbling
into the gravel. And I tumbleddown into the ditch and it was like
raining. It had been raining thatmorning, so it was kind of like
wet gravel and wet grass. Andtumbled down into the ditch and when I
spun around, that's when I realizedthat he wasn't punching me. He was
(44:13):
actually hitting me with an aluminum baseballback and he continued to hit me over
and over and over again as Ilay in that ditch, and then I
remember thinking that I was going todie. I remember thinking that this is
(44:35):
it, this is this is theend. And you know how they tell
you that your whole life flash wasbefore you in that moment, It does,
but it's not for me. Itwasn't like the moments of the past.
What was flashing before me was themoments that I wasn't going to get
to have. I started to thinkabout my little boy going to school,
(45:00):
going to kindergarten, his first dayof school, thinking about him growing up,
thinking about him having his first girlfriend. I'm telling me about his first
kiss, telling me about, youknow, graduating. I thought about him
his graduation, that I was goingto miss his wedding day, that I
was going to miss all of thosebig events that you expect to see your
(45:22):
children experience. I was going tomiss those. And then the thought flashed
in my head that that if Ileft, they were going to grow up
with him, and they were goingto grow up in that same cycle of
(45:45):
violence that he grew up in.And it was with that thought that I
sent up one last prayer. Iremember sending up a prayer, and it
was funny because I'm at the time, like I wasn't religious. I completely
lost my faith, and I spentup this prayer and I just remember telling
God, Please, please, God, please just give me a reason to
(46:07):
get up, Just give me areason. And then suddenly I could hear
the sound in the wind, andI couldn't identify it at first, but
I strained to listen. My husband'sstill swinging at that and then all of
a sudden he could hear it.Too, and that's when I remembered that
my little boy was still in thevan and the wind had picked up the
(46:32):
sound of his voice and carried itto us. And that was my reason
to get up. And I don'tknow what I said to him. I
don't know how I convinced him tostop hitting me. I don't know what
I said to him to convince himto let me get up and walk back
(46:53):
to that van, but I did. I got up, and I walked
back to that van unassisted, andbecause I wanted to tend to our son,
right, and he followed me.He got it back into the van
through the baseball that into the backlike it was nothing. And and then
(47:16):
I remember looking at my little boy, who looked at me with absolute terror
in his face. And I didn'trealize like like how like scary I looked
at the time, because I wasliterally covered from head to toe in mud
and my own blood. But Iremember singing to my little boy and trying
(47:38):
to comfort him. That was myonly thought, was trying to comfort my
baby. And my husband started todrive, and as we drove, he
started to talk to me about whatwe were going to buy at the grocery
store. Oh my god. HSo, yeah, he started talking.
(48:04):
I remember he said we could getchicken nuggets. Like he started like listing
off all of the foods that hethought I would like, which was weird,
but yeah, And I didn't reallypay attention to the things that he
was saying so much as I startedto every once in a while pure out
the window to see where we were. And I remember when we got back
(48:29):
to the highway there was a verydistinct difference in how the rain smelled.
Rain smells very different on pavement thanit doesn't, yes, right, so
I could smell the rain on thepavement when we got to the highway,
and I remember thinking that I wasfinally safe to a certain degree because if
(48:52):
we had to pull over again,at least there would be people. We
weren't in the middle of nowhere,right, at least there would be people,
and I could probably flag somebody downto help me if I needed to.
I remember feeling safe because of thestyle of rain on pavement. And
then I didn't pay attention to wherewe were until we actually got into the
(49:15):
city and we got to the shoppingcenter where we were supposed to go grocery
shopping, right and I had toconvince him to go into the store without
me. I didn't realize until hehad demanded that I get out of the
(49:36):
van just how injured I was.When I went to get out of the
vehicle, my legs wouldn't work,and I think the adrenaline was starting to
wear off, because all of asudden, my whole body was a multitude
of pain. So I told himthat he needed to go grocery shopping without
(50:00):
and he got upset and he wasscreaming at me and saying like, you're
as like, you're gonna leave assoon as I as soon as I go
in the store, You're gonna leave. And I remember telling him that,
you know, how am I goingto leave? And I gave him my
wallet, I gave him, Imade him take the keys to the van,
(50:22):
and then I told him to takeour little boy into the store with
him, and I said, like, how am I going to leave?
Like you have my keys, youhave my wallet, you have my kid.
Where am I going to go?So he went into the store,
and the minute that he was outof sight, the minute I couldn't see
(50:44):
him anymore, I literally flung myselfout of that vehicle even though I couldn't
walk, and I remember using theside of the van and the car beside
me as crutches to hold me up, and I started begging people to help
me. Oh my gosh. Andagain I didn't realize how scary I looked.
I just remember people looking at meand backing away. Oh my god.
(51:09):
So um. When I realized thatI wasn't going to get the help
that I wanted from the people walkingby m I kind of sort of threw
myself in front of a postal truck. There's a postal truck coming through and
(51:30):
buy in. The postal truck hadlike a radio that he could radio for
help. We didn't have cell phones, and like hardly anybody had cell phones
at the time. So um.The postal truck driver was really really awesome
in that he didn't no questions asked. He just said get in. And
(51:52):
I remember voisting myself up into thatpostal truck and he drove me around to
the other side of the mall.And I don't know how I managed to
do it, but I managed toget out of the truck and go to
a pay phone and use the phoneto down nine one one and I called
(52:13):
I called nine one one, andas soon as I like, I remember
a um, the ambulance attended,the EMT tapping me on the shoulder and
asking me if my name was Lonnieand then hitting the ground. H.
So, so the EMTs showed upbefore the police got there, and then
(52:38):
when the police got there. It'sfunny because I remember my husband telling me
my husband showing up, and becauseall of a sudden you could see like
police cars and the ambulance and myhusband showing up and standing by my side.
It was like the most bizarre thing. He's standing there and he's like
(52:59):
a being to hold my hand andhe's like, oh my god, howney,
who did this to you? Blahblah blah. Yeah, And it
was like probably one of the scariestthings for me to do was to point
to him when the police officer asskedme, do you know who did this
(53:22):
to you? And I had topoint and my husband wow. And I
think that was the very first timethat I actually took a stand for myself.
Right, Well, I'm glad youdid, because you're here. M
we've run out of time, Lonnie. UM so um you have U continued
(53:46):
on. That was that was suchan impactful story. I've kind of got
lost listening to so Lonnie, youhave, can't You have taken this horrible
experience in your life and turned itaround and now you give back by working
(54:08):
on behalf of other domestic violence victims. Can you tell us a little bit
about what it is you do.Absolutely? So. I was asked to
share my story in a public forumand and it was to raise awareness regarding
(54:30):
domestic violence. So the first timethat I did that was in twenty ten,
I think, and I felt itwas important for me to be able
to start start doing that, startraising awareness, but at the same time
also raise awareness to the kind ofimpact that women shelters had and the workers
(54:51):
in the women shelters had on mylife, because I truly believe that if
it weren't for those, for thosewonderful, wonderful people, I wouldn't still
be here. Their job is toeducate you. Their job is to teach
you what it is that you're goingthrough without judgment, to give you the
(55:14):
knowledge and the tools to survive it, get through it, leave it,
and thrive afterwards. And I wasvery, very fortunate in that I took
everything that that I learned and havebeen able to turn it around and rebuild
my life for myself and my sons, and because I'm so grateful to the
(55:39):
work that those shelters do. That'swhat I do now is I use my
story to give back to them,and I use it to raise awareness and
to raise charitable funds for women sheltersacross North America. That's wonderful, Lonnie.
Thank you so much for coming andchatting with us. So, folks,
that was Lonnie Elliott, who isa sixties Scoop survivor but also a
(56:04):
domestic violence survivor giving back to thecommunity in a profound way. Thank you
so much for sharing your story withus. Lonnie, thank you so much
for having me. You're welcome.Bye bye, Yer Tanu yap Qui get
Yuan's queen sna Hi, everybody.My name is Quiet Yuans. I'm a
member of the Squamish nation and theYagolanis clan of the Hida Nation. You're
(56:25):
listening to co Op Radio cfr Oone hundred point five FM. We live,
work, play and broadcast from thetraditional ancestral and unseated territories of the
Musquiam, Squamish and Slave withtooth nations. You've been listening to Rethreading Madness on
Vancouver Corp Radio cfr OH one hundredpoint five FM. I'm Bernadine Fox and
my guest Lonnie Elliott and I havebeen discussing surviving domestic violence. It has
(56:50):
been a difficult conversation, but sovery important for us to understand. If
you have any questions for Lonnie,please do not hesitate to reach out to
us here at Rethreading Madness at CopperRadio dot org. My thanks to Lonnie
for her willingness to be open withus about this terrifying part of her life.
Also to Sherry Alric for the giftof her music. But again,
most importantly, our thanks goes outto you for joining us today. Stay
(57:13):
safe out there. You've just listenedto Rethreading Madness, where we dare to
change how we think about mental health. We air live on Vancouver Call Up
Radio cf R O one hundred pointfive FM every Tuesday at five pm or
online at Coopradio dot org. Ifyou have questions or feedback about this program,
(57:34):
or want to share your story orhave something to say to us,
we want to hear from you.You can reach us by email rethreading madness
at coopradio dot org. This isBernardine Fox. We'll be back next week.
Until then, we live been fno, what the hell I'm gonna
do? What I can't sing?Mine my way under over true? Just
(58:07):
when I'm ready to give up thelight, they are when we turned out
the lights and it's all right,it's all right. Don't you really be
all right? Why don't I alwaysbelieve it when you tell me everything's gonna
(58:34):
be your brain? Why don't Iwonder how you know? Surely you don't
have all of the facts. Youcould be just making it up. Why
(58:58):
don't live and think of that?It's some' gott imagine in the words that
you breathe saying, baby, takeit from me, it's all right,
it's all right. Don't to reallybe all right? Why do I always
(59:23):
believe that when he tas everything's gonnabe all right, everything's gonna be all
right? Then anyone else. It'ssuch a cliche, just words people say
(59:45):
to be nice somehow and name farfrom your land. I am convinced your
You're listening to Vancouver Corp Radio CFRone hundred point five FM. We're coming
to you from the unseta traditional territoriesof the Squamish, Musquiam and Slaveytooth nations
around Vancouver b Seen. I'm yourhost, Bernardine Fox, and this is
this show that dares to change howwe think about mental health. Welcome to
Rethreading Madness. When I've ever beenfurther, know what the hell I'm gonna
(00:33):
do when I can't seem a fineway under over? Today, I'm speaking
with Lonnie Elliott, a woman whosurvived severe domestic battering. I will warn
our listeners that some of these detailswill be hard to hear. Please do
(00:53):
what you need to to keep yourselfsafe. We'll be right back. Do
you feel unseafe in your home,You are not alone. Transition Houses offer
free support and shelter for women andchildren. We are here for you.
We are here for you, Weare here for you. Make the call
(01:15):
one eight under Victim Link one eighthundred five six three zero eight zero eighth
BCSHTA. You're listening to re ThreadingMadness on Vancouver CARP Radio CFR O one
O two point five f m I'myour host, Bernardine Fox, and today
I'm speaking with Lonnie Elliott, whois a sixty scoop survivor who grew up
(01:38):
in foster care in a small townin Saskatchewan, and at nineteen she joined
the RCMP, which was her dream, but was forced to leave because of
domestic violence. And she has becomea spokesperson and advocate raising awareness about violence
against women. And I'm very luckyto have her here chatting with me.
Welcome, Lonnie, thank you forhaving me. Oh, you're welcome.
(02:02):
So Lonnie, tell us about yourchildhood. What does it mean to be
a sixties scoop kid? What happened? Well, I was three years old
when I was taken into foster care. I had four other siblings. I
had two older brothers and two youngersisters, and we were fortunate in that
we ended up in a foster homethat took in all of us at the
(02:24):
same time. I was really fortunatein that I actually spent my entire childhood
in that foster home. And Iwill say this, my foster parents were
great people. They were very strict. We had very strict upbringing. We
(02:45):
went to church on Sundays, groupon Thursday nights. I was in junior
choir right from the time I wasfive years old all the way up until
I was I think sixteen or seventeen. So my parents were were very strict,
but they they found ways to showus that they loved us every single
(03:07):
day. And and I was Iwas really lucky in that sense that I
had great parents. However, um, because they were a foster home.
Um, they constantly took in otherfoster kids. So our home was a
revolving door of foster children. Howthen they would you say, Um,
(03:30):
I think the final number was somewherearound one hundred and twenty foster Oh my
gosh, something like that. SoI can't even imagine what that's like to
live with kids coming and going,but living with you like they are a
sibling. In some ways, it'sit's um, it's actually quite traumatic because
(03:58):
you you you grew grow up infear. You have this fear hanging over
your head that when the social workersshow up, they're coming to take you.
So I remember that I was absolutelyterrified of the blue cars, the
blue cars with the Government of Canadainsignia on the side. I was absolutely
(04:23):
terrified when I would see that carcome because I didn't know if they were
coming to pick up any of us, like if they were coming to pick
up me one of my siblings,or like, we didn't we never knew
why they were, why they wereshowing up. So when that car showed
up, you would just like quiteoften the kids would scramble and like because
(04:46):
we didn't want them. I mean, like I said, my parents were
good people, and the kids whoended up in our home didn't want to
leave, right. So, alsobeing a sixty scoop survivor, there's so
many dynamics to it. I rememberbeing a I remember being a very little
(05:14):
girl, I don't even know howold it was, and having a social
worker picked me up and set meon a counter or a desk. It's
one of my very first memories,and explained to me that my parents threw
me away and that my parents werechoosing alcohol and drugs over their children.
It wasn't until way later that Ifound out that that wasn't true. This
(05:38):
was a general story that they toldto a lot of the camp that they
took during the sixty Scoop. Ihaven't met a sixty Scoop survivor who doesn't
say that exact same thing and thenalso say that they found out it wasn't
true. Yeah, so and itwas. It was actually really devastating when
(05:58):
I found like, because you youyou numb yourself to it after a while,
right, It's it just becomes anormal part of your yourself talk,
right, because this is what theadults in your life have told you,
and this like, this is aperson of trust, a person that you're
(06:20):
supposed to look up to. Andat the time, it was also a
revolving door of social workers right right. So I couldn't tell you what that
social worker's name was, um,but I can tell you that she specifically
explained to me that my parents threwme away like garbage. And how old
(06:41):
were you when they said that?I was probably, oh goodness, I
don't know, between three and four, so I was really really little.
Did you Were you able to findyour family? I was. I met
my mother for the very first timein person about three years ago. Wow,
(07:04):
so, um, but we've spokenon the phone, like we we
did talk on the phone um fora few years before that, but I
just finally got to meet her inperson about three years ago. So,
And was that an okay experience ordid you find out what happened when they
took you or yeah, it wasan okay experience and it was like we
(07:30):
We still chat regularly and she shereveals bits and pieces to me because she
is also experiencing, you know,um PTSD and and everything that comes with
having experienced that kind of trauma whenyou have your kids taken away from you.
Yeah, I'm just so we canbe really clear about that trauma.
(07:53):
The people who studied torture throughout theworld, like torture in all these sort
of countries where they do it ona regular basis, they know that for
mothers, the biggest torture you cando, the most impactful thing you can
do, is take away their children. Yes, so it's torture. So
(08:15):
PTSD is a reasonable outcome of that. Yeah, she like she every once
in a while she will talk aboutit. It's it's a very hard thing
for her to talk about. Soand I don't press her on it.
I've had to let her. I'vehad to remind her on a couple of
occasions that I don't hold her like, I don't hold her accountable. I
(08:37):
don't I don't blame her for whathappened. And I'm actually very grateful for
the for the childhood that I didhave. Even though there were some bad
experiences, I was really lucky inthat I had the parents that I did,
and I had the upbringing that Idid. You talked about things happening
(08:58):
in the foster home. Were thoseabusive type things with the other foster kids.
Yes, Like I said, itwas a revolving door of foster kids.
So I remember my first experience withsexual abuse with molestation. I was
probably about six years old, ifthat so, and we learned to be
(09:26):
quiet about it. And that wasthrough no fault of my parents, that
was actually because of the social workers. So when we attempted to disclose anything
with the social workers, I hadthe unfair advantage at the time of being
an older sibling to two little tomy two younger sisters, and the social
(09:48):
worker I distinctly remember her telling me, do you want me to write that
down? Do you really want meto write that down? Because if I
have to put this in my report, I might have to move you.
And if I have to move you, you're not going to get to see
your sisters. Well, I'm theirbig sister, and even though I'm a
really really little girl, you know, I still think that it's my job
(10:11):
to protect my little sisters. Ye. So, so the fear was always
there that I was going to gettaken away. Um. One of the
threats, and it was actually athreat that carried um, carried through right
up until I think I left myfoster home. Um was that if I
(10:31):
didn't behave, or if I didn'tdidn't comply with what was being asked of
me, I would get removed andplaced into into residential school. And so
who is who is threatening that thewell, the social workers initially right,
(10:52):
Um, My parents would occasionally repeatthat threat, right. I don't think
they realized what kind of like damageit did. Right. It was something
that you know, they were instructedto to let us know, right right,
Like my mom, Like my momwas, she was one of those
(11:16):
foster parents who grew really really attachedto the kids that came in her home.
So it always broke her heart whenshe had to say goodbye to those
kids, right, right, Sofor her to like for her to say,
if you know, if if youdon't start listening or if you don't
behave, the social workers going tocome and take you and you might end
(11:37):
up in residential school. Right.It was just something that was simply said
to her by the social workers,and she would simply repeat it, not
realizing at the time. But youknow how just how damaging that was.
It's one thing for that to comefrom the social worker. It's another thing
for it to come from your mom. Yes, And so you grew up
(12:00):
sort of with no anchor. You. You grew up with always feeling like
at any moment, everything about yourworld could change and the outcome of that
would be worse than what you hadat the moment. Yes, So when
when things happened with the other fosterkids, you just learned to to absorb
(12:22):
it and take it. Yeah.Yeah, Yeah, that's that's a that's
a hard way to grow up,lonnie. Um. It makes you feel
like you have nobody holding your back, you know, taking making sure you're
okay. The weird thing about itis when you when you're growing up like
that, And because I I Iwas thrown into that environment from a very
(12:46):
young agent. Like I said,I was three and grew up like that.
It was it was just my norm. So I didn't realize at the
time, Um, like, howhow much of an impact it had on
my, like my psychological and emotionalwell being, It really didn't. It
(13:09):
was just it was just normal forme. So and learned to function like
that. Yeah, and that's allyou can do when you're a little kid.
Things become normalized. You don't questionit, you don't really look at
it. It just is what you'reliving with. U And how were you
How how was school for you?How was having other friends? Did it
(13:33):
impact on those things? It totallydid in the sense that I became one
of those kids who was an absolutepeople pleaser. I wanted to make sure
that I excelled at everything that Idid because I was afraid that if I
didn't that I would get sent away. Right. So, um, I
(13:58):
like I got really good grades inschool. I you know, did my
best in like, like I madethe track team every year. I was
like, I wanted to excel ineverything that I did just because I felt
that, like, I had thisabsolute fear of failure because I felt that
(14:20):
if I had failed at anything,then that would mean absolute rejection. Right.
It's an interesting thing because people wouldlook at what girls for one,
that are you know, are youknow doing things to make people happy and
you're excelling at school, and you'rein the track team, and you're doing
(14:43):
all these amazing things, and you'redoing so well. They could look at
that and say, wow, Lonnieis doing well. Like there, Lonnie
has no emotional problems whatsoever. Butin fact, these are the things that
you were doing because of the fearsthat you had and growing out. It
was an absolute survival mode, rightabout even realizing it, right, right,
(15:05):
So we need to take a littlebreak, Lonnie. But then when
I come back, I want totalk about the domestic of violence that you
went through. So so everybody juststay tuned. We'll be right back with
Lonnie Elliott. The Greater Vancouver Feedbankhas been providing support for our cities for
almost forty years and has been fatalto helping thousands of community members through the
(15:28):
COVID nineteen crisis. To find outhow you might benefit from the Greater Vancouver
Food banks services, or to learnhow you might donate money or volunteer your
time, please visit their website atFoodbank dot BC DOTA. You're listening to
Rethreading Madness on Vancouver Call Up RadioCFR one hundred point five f M.
(15:50):
I'm Bernadine Fox. And today I'mtalking with Lonnie Elliott about her experience of
growing up as a sixties scoop kidand experienced domestic stick of violence. So
Lonnie, you we've just chatted aboutyour childhood and thank you for that.
And I was hoping that maybe wecould chat a little bit about what happened
(16:11):
around the domestic violence. When didyou meet your partner? I met my
partner. I had actually moved awayto Manitoba and lived in Manitoba for a
while and finished my schooling there,and then I moved back to Saskatchewan and
I had joined the RCMP, andthat was my that was my dream.
(16:37):
I thought that I had the worldat my fingertips. I had my career
laid out for me. I had, you know, a great group of
friends. I was living with aroommate and and I really, I honestly
thought I had the world at myfingertips. And I was nineteen at the
time. And then I met Imet this guy who was a master corporal
(17:00):
and the Canadian Armed Forces, andI thought that he was everything that I
was looking for in a partner.Um he was was that Oh okay,
go ahead and pready he was charming. Um, you know he was.
I thought he was handsome. Um, he seemed to have a great career,
(17:22):
he seemed to come from a goodfamily. Um, he just he
seemed to possess all of the samevalues that I did. And at the
same time, UM, he likehe had like traditional knowledge, like cultural
knowledge, which I didn't possess.So that was part of what attracted me
(17:44):
to him. Um, but helike he was just he just seemed to
possess all the qualities that I wouldhave wanted in a partner. And the
fact that he was a soldier andhe seemed to support my career. Um
was the icing on the cake.Right. And then, so did you
(18:07):
date for a while or did youOur relationship was um, happened very very
quickly. Okay, so um wewe got together. Um started dating and
within six months he had proposed mH. And it's funny because at the
(18:29):
time, like I was so enamoredm that I didn't recognize any of the
red size like the red flags thatwere there right in front of in front
of me, And I would oftendescribe myself as getting them, you know,
out of my way. I'm notgood at looking at them. Either,
So tell us what were the redflags? So? Um, the
(18:56):
red flags were. Um. LikeI said, I thought that he came
from a great family and whatnot,but the way that he interacted with his
siblings, especially his sisters, hewas very domineering and his total disregard for
(19:17):
animals, Like he would joke aboutrunning over cats and things like that,
and and like it's it. Ididn't take it seriously. I didn't take
him like they didn't take it seriously. When he did things like that,
I was like, Okay, um, this is just like a weird little
quirk and he's just doing it toscare me. And then like he would
(19:38):
do things when we were driving,he would like speed up in traffic and
if someone cut him off, hewould like he would show like road rage
and where he would speed up andlike literally like try to bump their back
(19:59):
bumper and think like that in thecar. And and I mean it was
terrifying when he did things like that, right, but he would laugh,
and it was he was quite sadisticabout it. And I don't know why
I just completely disregarded all of thatlike it, But I think a lot
of it had to do with witheven at the very beginning, I was
(20:23):
starting to feel fear and I didn'tknow how to I didn't know how to
deal with it. I didn't knowhow to compartmentalize it. Is it fair
to say that you dealt with itthe same way you did as a child,
which is too normalize it? AndI think so. I think I
(20:44):
think it was because in the beginningof our relationship, he completely bombarded me
with with how how special I was, and you know, and he absolutely
built me up to this person thathe had put on a pedestal. And
(21:04):
and it's funny because that's an absolutered flag when someone does that, right,
so so he but it's hard ifyou come out of a bad childhood
or even you know, childhood whereyou're wanting, you know, to try
and take all that really good stuffsomebody is giving you and say, well,
(21:26):
that's a red flag and I reallyshouldn't pay attention to it. Yeah
it's not really great. Oh mygod, I'm finally getting this and I'm
finally succeeding at having somebody see meand or see me in a really great
light. And so it's really hardto say no, I shouldn't. Yeah,
that's yeah, he was like hedid classic love bombing right right,
(21:48):
um so where I could do nowrong, right I was. I was
absolutely perfect in his eyes and Iand I ate it up right, absolutely
right. This was a man whoadored me blah blah blah. But that
very quickly went away. And andso what happened was we ended up getting
(22:12):
married, like within the year.We got married so so quickly. It
was like and at the time Ihad thought, this is a whirlwind romance,
right, we got married so quickly. And on our wedding day,
the day of our wedding, itwas like someone flipped a light switch.
(22:33):
Because what happened was we're sitting inthe car outside the chapel and I lost
my wedding ring in the car.It fell off my finger. So he's
looking for it, and he makesthis huge display of placing it back on
my finger when he finds it,except that when he put it on my
(22:56):
finger, he looks at me andhe says, with a little bit of
a laugh, I own you now. Oh sorry, I said that day.
I gasped out loud, Yeah,I said, I own you now.
And I remember this chill went upmy spine because it was just what
(23:22):
an odd thing to say, andwhat a scary thing to say. And
I remember that I had kind oflaughed it off, right, but at
the same time, I just remembergetting that odd chill on my spine,
just wept, feeling that things weren'tright, And it was like someone had
honestly flipped a switch, because allof a sudden, he became this entirely
(23:42):
different person. So he got youguys, got married, and almost immediately,
basically one could say his true colorscame out. Yes, yes,
So what happened from there? Sofrom there, all of a sudden,
it was everything became about him.So if I wanted to go out with
(24:11):
my friends, he would he wouldget upset with me, or he would
find a reason to argue, oror he would have something to say about
my friends, about one of myfriends, Like there was always there was
always a reason that I couldn't gettogether with my friends, or or I
(24:32):
would cancel on them because I justwanted to avoid the fight with him.
And what I didn't realize what washappening was that he was he was already
already starting the isolation process, sowhere he was isolating me from my friends,
and then when it came to myfamily because my family, my parents
(24:55):
were white. My husband would tellme repeatedly, like, they don't really
love you. They don't you don'tYou're not equal to them. They don't
look at you the same way asthey do their other kids. And he
would put that little bit of doubtin my head, right, and he
would tell me all the time,no one's ever gonna love you the way
(25:15):
that I love you. Can familywill never be able to love you the
way that I love you, right, which is echoing what the social workers
said when you were at three andfour. Yeah. So, so he
would constantly make me doubt my family, doubt my friends, and then at
the same time, if I wantedto go and see them, he would
(25:37):
pick a fight. He would getangry, or he would get upset,
and sometimes it was really subtle.Sometimes it was just in the way that
he acted like he would out orhe would withhold, he would withhold sex,
or he would withhold privileges. Myhusband controlled the purse strings and are
in the family. So even thoughI had a job and I worked,
(26:02):
my paycheck went directly to him,and then he paid the bills. Per
se um Lacy told me he waspaying the bills and he would give me
a weekly allowance. I had aweekly allowance of twenty five dollars a week
and this is what year. Thiswas in nineteen ninety Oh my god,
(26:25):
So twenty five dollars a week wasthe allowance that I had. And so
how isolated did you become? Money? Um? I lived with with him
and his family out in their community, and I didn't get to see my
family or my friends because we movedfrom the city out to his community,
(26:48):
and so I was very very isolated. And then I didn't have any any
I felt like I didn't have anysupport whatsoever. And initially I had viewed
it as romantic. It was justthe two of us against the world and
blah blah blah. But very quicklyit became very scary because I was I
(27:11):
was pregnant, like immediately after wegot married, and six months into my
pregnancy, he was the very firsttime that he hit me that he became
physically violent with me. And heactually did it in his parents' house during
Easter weekend. I'm during Easter break, so like everybody was home that weekend,
(27:36):
but it was his family, anddid they know that he had hit
you? Um, I'm sure thatthey could hear. The walls were very
very thin in the house. Wewere upstairs. We were in an upstairs
bedroom and we were watching TV andI had taken the remote control away from
him and changed the channel on theTV. And because I changed channel without
(28:00):
asking his permission, he freaked outand he ripped the remote out of my
hand and he started hitting me withit and then like literally pushed me down
onto the floor and just started pummelingme while I was on the floor,
and you were six months pregnant.Six months pregnant, And how often I
(28:22):
know these horrible questions really about howoften would the physical abuse happen from that
point on? And and where didit Where did it escalate to the physical
abuse? I think the first fewtimes it was probably like like after that
time, he didn't do it formaybe about a month and then And it's
(28:45):
funny because when he apologized, becausehe did apologize after the first time and
said and said that it would neverhappen again, he begged me. He
was afraid that I was going toleave him, and he had said that
I was going to abandon him theway that his own mother had abandoned him
(29:06):
um, and like he I actuallyended up feeling sorry for him. And
it's funny because even though he washurting me, I was taking responsibility for
the things that he was doing.And I would feel bad for him because
he had already told me stories aboutwhat his childhood was like. So and
(29:33):
he didn't have the same kind ofchildhood that I didn't. He didn't seem
to have like the happy memories ofhis parents that I did, and so
I felt bad for him. Likewhen he when he would lose control and
become violent, you know, hewould be remorseful later. And his biggest
fear was that I was going toleave him and abandon him. And he
(29:57):
always held that over my head.I suppose you're going to abandon me the
way that my mom did, right. And the funny thing is his mom
didn't physically abandon him, but thatwas the way that he viewed it,
and that when his father abused him, she didn't intervene, right, that
was the way that he looked atit, I think so. So he
(30:19):
always held that over my hat andand would make me feel guilty even though
I wasn't a guilty partner, right, right, that seems to be a
running them in your life of youtaking responsibility and we'll be right back.
Do you feel unsafe in your home? You are not alone. Transition houses
(30:40):
offer free support and shelter for womenand children. We are here for you,
We are here for you. Weare here for you. Makes a
cough one eight hundred victim link oneeight hundred five six three zero eight zero
eight BCSHA. You're listening to reThreading Madness on Vancouver Corp Radio c FR
(31:04):
one hundred point five FM. Iam Bernardine Fox, and I've been speaking
with Lonnie Elliott about surviving domestic violence. Again. This interview contains details that
may be hard for some of youto hear. Please do what you need
to to keep yourself safe. So, Lonnie, you left at one point
and got caught. Can you canyou talk about that a little bit for
(31:30):
folks? Sure? So, Ihad actually left my attempted to leave my
husband a few times before the finaltime, and sorry to keep clearing my
throat, I had attempted to leavea few times before I left for the
final time, and and the secondlast time that I left, I had
(31:56):
gone to stay in a women shelterin the city and Unfortunately there because there
was no room in that shelter.I got bust to Saskatoon and I had
two little boys. So I hada two and a half year old and
a six month old, so theywere just little, and there I was.
(32:22):
I took the bus to Saskatoon andthey went to put I was supposed
to stay in a women shelter inSaskatoon, and unfortunately, there was an
outbreak of in Petago in that shelter, and I freaked out because I was
already dealing with trying to run froma violent person and and having to leave
(32:45):
everything behind, and that's enough onsomeone's shoulders, but to have two little
kids at the same time and thenbe faced with the dilemma of putting them
in a situation where they could possiblyget sick. I didn't want that.
Like I didn't I didn't want toput them in that situation. It was
just too much for me to handle. And fortunately the the workers at the
(33:07):
shelter were very understanding. They putme up in a hotel room, and
it wasn't the best hotel room.It was actually the Idle Wild Hotel in
Saskatoon, which, if anybody isfamiliar with the area, they would know
that that's a very's the that's thelowest of the low end of hotels,
(33:30):
and so that's where they put meand with my two little boys. And
they gave me a food voucher totake to the grocery store so I could
get some groceries for the duration.And I'd never been on social assistance before,
so I didn't know that I wasactually receiving social assistance. I didn't
(33:51):
understand what that was. But anyway, I took this food voucher, I
went and got groceries. I stayedin the hotel room with my two little
boys, and I was absolutely atmy lowest point, I think so.
(34:12):
But at the time I had stillalways believed that even though my husband and
I were going through, you know, a separation, and even though he
was violent with me, I stillmistakenly believed that my children deserved their father
in their life. So I wouldupdate him on how they were doing,
(34:34):
and I would let him, youknow, talk to his babies on the
phone and stuff. And so thatwas probably my one mistake. He he
would always try to convince me tocome home, and he would always weaken
my resolve in that he would explainto me that like, tell me that
(34:59):
you know my kids need me.But he would go from saying, you
know my kids need their father too. If you don't do what I want
you to do, I'm going totake them away from you and you only
ever see them again. So therewas always a power struggle when it came
(35:21):
to the kids. Anyway, westayed in the shelter. We stayed in
the hotel in Saskatoon and then eventuallygot bust back to Regia when there was
a spot left in the shelter there. And while I was in the shelter,
I made the mistake of letting himtake one of our boys. We'll
(35:42):
take both of our boys, actuallyfor ice cream. He wanted to take
them for ice cream, so Isaid, okay, you can take them
out for ice cream. That's fine, except that when he returned, he
only returned with one and I wasabsolutely like, I didn't know what to
(36:05):
do. I was. I wasterrified because he only brought one baby back,
right, And so he had said, if you want to see your
other kid, you have to comehome. Well, that's my kid,
right, And because I did notwant like to be away from my child,
(36:32):
of course I went home m hm. So once I got home,
things were okay for the first umcouple of weeks. And then on the
third week he had said that wewere going to go grocery shopping. So
I packed up my oldest toddler andput him in the put him in the
(36:57):
van, and left the be withhis siblings to look after for the day.
And away we went. And wewere going to we were going to
go grocery shopping, except that wemade a stop along the way, and
we stopped at the band office inhis community, and he went inside and
(37:20):
when he came back outside, hehad some paperwork with him that he threw
at me. And I could tell, like just from his body language and
his facial expression, his demeanor,that something was very, very, very
wrong. And I remember that Ifelt absolute not in my stomach, and
you just get this overwhelming feeling ofdread. And that was how I felt.
(37:45):
And it's just something I think thatevery victim of domestic violence is quite
familiar with. They know when someoneis about to go off, they know,
right. So he gets in thevehicle and he wants me to explain
these these pieces of paper, andI looked at them, and I and
(38:08):
I remember trying to figure out likewhat he was talking about, and I
realized that one of them was thehotel receipt from the Idlewild Hotel in Saskatoon,
and the other was a copy ofthe food voucher that I had received.
Apparently because I had received social assistance, he was being asked to pay
(38:34):
it back. And therefore he knewthat you had actually tried to leave him,
as opposed to I think you saidvisiting a friend or something. Yeah.
Well, yeah, well it wasn'tso much that I had tried to
leave. He knew that I triedto leave him. He knew he knew
(38:55):
that I had gone to stay ata shelter. O. Sorry, but
because I had gone to stay inSaskatoon and never let him know that I
had gone to Saskatoon. Oh,I'll see. And the reason I didn't
let him know was because I thoughtSaskatoon would be a safe place for me
to be. If I had toleave again, I could go to Saskatoon.
It would be a safe place.Right But because I failed to disclose
(39:17):
that information to him, in hismind, I lied to him, right
so, and it was something thatI absolutely could not do. It was
he absolutely forbid me to ever beuntruthful to him. So and because in
his mind I lied to him,he freaked out. And so as we're
(39:42):
driving in the van, we startedwe started to drive, and he's still
as far as I knew, wewere still going grocery shopping. We started
to drive, and all of asudden, I feel this stinging sensation on
the left side of my face,and he as he's driving, he starts
waching me great, like he justhauled off and cracked me one. And
(40:06):
the weird thing about it was,I remember feeling the first hit, and
then after that I didn't feel anything, which is bizarre because he my little
boy sitting in the car seat betweenus. Like we were actually driving in
this in this um Ford Ecno Linevan, which is a cargo van,
(40:30):
right, so it's got two bucketseats right right, and then there's just
floor in between us, right,So that's where my little that's where my
baby was in. He's in acar seat in sitting between us, And
I mean, there's no logic tothat. Um. It wasn't safe,
um, but I was. Youknow, that was the way that my
(40:50):
husband wanted to travel, and Iwasn't going to speak out against him.
Um So, anyway, we're drivingand he's hitting me, and he's yelling
at me and swearing at me,and then all of a sudden, he
pulls over to the side of theroad and keep in mind, we're in
the middle of nowhere, pulls overto the side of the road and gets
(41:15):
out of his seat and then literallystraddles me in my seat and just starts
pummeling me and like just freaked outand starts beating the crap out of my
head and face and shoulders, andlike he had to step over our little
boy to do this, right.So, and then when his energy was
(41:37):
spent, he went back to sittingin a seat and started to drive again.
And he's still ranting and raving abouthow I would never be able to
leave him, that the only waythat I would be able to leave him
was if I left him in abody bag, that he could very easily
make me disappear, that my familydidn't know, like they never talked to
(42:00):
me anyway, that it would bemonths before they even realized that I was
gone. And I distinctly remember himtelling me, I could have you scattered
in little pieces all over this valley. And nobody would even know. Wow.
And like he's driving and saying thesecrazy things to me, and I'm
(42:22):
like terrified. And I remember lookingaround in the van to see whether or
not there was anything in there thatI could protect myself with. I remember
seeing a rusty, old chain inthe console and thinking that I could use
that as a weapon if I hadto. And then all of a sudden,
(42:42):
he pulls off to down. Heveers down and another road that wasn't
you know, it wasn't the roadthat we would normally take, and he
drives for a bet and I cansee this house in a distance, and
he pulls over and he looks atme and he says one word. He
says run. And without even thinkingabout it, and I pulled that door
(43:05):
open and I jumped out of thevan and I started to run because I
could see this house in the distance, and I thought, if there's people
in the house, you know,maybe I could run to safety. My
only thought was to get away fromhim, and so I started to run.
I remember thinking, I'm a trackrunner. I'm a track runner,
(43:28):
you know, I'm I could probablyget away from him. But he was
also a track runner, So I'mrunning and I can feel something hit the
back of my head, and Ithought he had punched me, but I
kept running and then I felt tohit again, and I kept running,
and then I felt something hit theback of my knees, and all of
(43:49):
a sudden, my feet went outfrom underneath me, and I was tumbling
into the gravel. And I tumbleddown into the ditch and it was like
raining. It had been raining thatmorning, so it was kind of like
wet gravel and wet grass. Andtumbled down into the ditch and when I
spun around, that's when I realizedthat he wasn't punching me. He was
(44:13):
actually hitting me with an aluminum baseballback and he continued to hit me over
and over and over again as Ilay in that ditch, and then I
remember thinking that I was going todie. I remember thinking that this is
(44:35):
it, this is this is theend. And you know how they tell
you that your whole life flash wasbefore you in that moment, It does,
but it's not for me. Itwasn't like the moments of the past.
What was flashing before me was themoments that I wasn't going to get
to have. I started to thinkabout my little boy going to school,
(45:00):
going to kindergarten, his first dayof school, thinking about him growing up,
thinking about him having his first girlfriend. I'm telling me about his first
kiss, telling me about, youknow, graduating. I thought about him
his graduation, that I was goingto miss his wedding day, that I
was going to miss all of thosebig events that you expect to see your
(45:22):
children experience. I was going tomiss those. And then the thought flashed
in my head that that if Ileft, they were going to grow up
with him, and they were goingto grow up in that same cycle of
(45:45):
violence that he grew up in.And it was with that thought that I
sent up one last prayer. Iremember sending up a prayer, and it
was funny because I'm at the time, like I wasn't religious. I completely
lost my faith, and I spentup this prayer and I just remember telling
God, Please, please, God, please just give me a reason to
(46:07):
get up, Just give me areason. And then suddenly I could hear
the sound in the wind, andI couldn't identify it at first, but
I strained to listen. My husband'sstill swinging at that and then all of
a sudden he could hear it.Too, and that's when I remembered that
my little boy was still in thevan and the wind had picked up the
(46:32):
sound of his voice and carried itto us. And that was my reason
to get up. And I don'tknow what I said to him. I
don't know how I convinced him tostop hitting me. I don't know what
I said to him to convince himto let me get up and walk back
(46:53):
to that van, but I did. I got up, and I walked
back to that van unassisted, andbecause I wanted to tend to our son,
right, and he followed me.He got it back into the van
through the baseball that into the backlike it was nothing. And and then
(47:16):
I remember looking at my little boy, who looked at me with absolute terror
in his face. And I didn'trealize like like how like scary I looked
at the time, because I wasliterally covered from head to toe in mud
and my own blood. But Iremember singing to my little boy and trying
(47:38):
to comfort him. That was myonly thought, was trying to comfort my
baby. And my husband started todrive, and as we drove, he
started to talk to me about whatwe were going to buy at the grocery
store. Oh my god. HSo, yeah, he started talking.
(48:04):
I remember he said we could getchicken nuggets. Like he started like listing
off all of the foods that hethought I would like, which was weird,
but yeah, And I didn't reallypay attention to the things that he
was saying so much as I startedto every once in a while pure out
the window to see where we were. And I remember when we got back
(48:29):
to the highway there was a verydistinct difference in how the rain smelled.
Rain smells very different on pavement thanit doesn't, yes, right, so
I could smell the rain on thepavement when we got to the highway,
and I remember thinking that I wasfinally safe to a certain degree because if
(48:52):
we had to pull over again,at least there would be people. We
weren't in the middle of nowhere,right, at least there would be people,
and I could probably flag somebody downto help me if I needed to.
I remember feeling safe because of thestyle of rain on pavement. And
then I didn't pay attention to wherewe were until we actually got into the
(49:15):
city and we got to the shoppingcenter where we were supposed to go grocery
shopping, right and I had toconvince him to go into the store without
me. I didn't realize until hehad demanded that I get out of the
(49:36):
van just how injured I was.When I went to get out of the
vehicle, my legs wouldn't work,and I think the adrenaline was starting to
wear off, because all of asudden, my whole body was a multitude
of pain. So I told himthat he needed to go grocery shopping without
(50:00):
and he got upset and he wasscreaming at me and saying like, you're
as like, you're gonna leave assoon as I as soon as I go
in the store, You're gonna leave. And I remember telling him that,
you know, how am I goingto leave? And I gave him my
wallet, I gave him, Imade him take the keys to the van,
(50:22):
and then I told him to takeour little boy into the store with
him, and I said, like, how am I going to leave?
Like you have my keys, youhave my wallet, you have my kid.
Where am I going to go?So he went into the store,
and the minute that he was outof sight, the minute I couldn't see
(50:44):
him anymore, I literally flung myselfout of that vehicle even though I couldn't
walk, and I remember using theside of the van and the car beside
me as crutches to hold me up, and I started begging people to help
me. Oh my gosh. Andagain I didn't realize how scary I looked.
I just remember people looking at meand backing away. Oh my god.
(51:09):
So um. When I realized thatI wasn't going to get the help
that I wanted from the people walkingby m I kind of sort of threw
myself in front of a postal truck. There's a postal truck coming through and
(51:30):
buy in. The postal truck hadlike a radio that he could radio for
help. We didn't have cell phones, and like hardly anybody had cell phones
at the time. So um.The postal truck driver was really really awesome
in that he didn't no questions asked. He just said get in. And
(51:52):
I remember voisting myself up into thatpostal truck and he drove me around to
the other side of the mall.And I don't know how I managed to
do it, but I managed toget out of the truck and go to
a pay phone and use the phoneto down nine one one and I called
(52:13):
I called nine one one, andas soon as I like, I remember
a um, the ambulance attended,the EMT tapping me on the shoulder and
asking me if my name was Lonnieand then hitting the ground. H.
So, so the EMTs showed upbefore the police got there, and then
(52:38):
when the police got there. It'sfunny because I remember my husband telling me
my husband showing up, and becauseall of a sudden you could see like
police cars and the ambulance and myhusband showing up and standing by my side.
It was like the most bizarre thing. He's standing there and he's like
(52:59):
a being to hold my hand andhe's like, oh my god, howney,
who did this to you? Blahblah blah. Yeah, And it
was like probably one of the scariestthings for me to do was to point
to him when the police officer asskedme, do you know who did this
(53:22):
to you? And I had topoint and my husband wow. And I
think that was the very first timethat I actually took a stand for myself.
Right, Well, I'm glad youdid, because you're here. M
we've run out of time, Lonnie. UM so um you have U continued
(53:46):
on. That was that was suchan impactful story. I've kind of got
lost listening to so Lonnie, youhave, can't You have taken this horrible
experience in your life and turned itaround and now you give back by working
(54:08):
on behalf of other domestic violence victims. Can you tell us a little bit
about what it is you do.Absolutely? So. I was asked to
share my story in a public forumand and it was to raise awareness regarding
(54:30):
domestic violence. So the first timethat I did that was in twenty ten,
I think, and I felt itwas important for me to be able
to start start doing that, startraising awareness, but at the same time
also raise awareness to the kind ofimpact that women shelters had and the workers
(54:51):
in the women shelters had on mylife, because I truly believe that if
it weren't for those, for thosewonderful, wonderful people, I wouldn't still
be here. Their job is toeducate you. Their job is to teach
you what it is that you're goingthrough without judgment, to give you the
(55:14):
knowledge and the tools to survive it, get through it, leave it,
and thrive afterwards. And I wasvery, very fortunate in that I took
everything that that I learned and havebeen able to turn it around and rebuild
my life for myself and my sons, and because I'm so grateful to the
(55:39):
work that those shelters do. That'swhat I do now is I use my
story to give back to them,and I use it to raise awareness and
to raise charitable funds for women sheltersacross North America. That's wonderful, Lonnie.
Thank you so much for coming andchatting with us. So, folks,
that was Lonnie Elliott, who isa sixties Scoop survivor but also a
(56:04):
domestic violence survivor giving back to thecommunity in a profound way. Thank you
so much for sharing your story withus. Lonnie, thank you so much
for having me. You're welcome.Bye bye, Yer Tanu yap Qui get
Yuan's queen sna Hi, everybody.My name is Quiet Yuans. I'm a
member of the Squamish nation and theYagolanis clan of the Hida Nation. You're
(56:25):
listening to co Op Radio cfr Oone hundred point five FM. We live,
work, play and broadcast from thetraditional ancestral and unseated territories of the
Musquiam, Squamish and Slave withtooth nations. You've been listening to Rethreading Madness on
Vancouver Corp Radio cfr OH one hundredpoint five FM. I'm Bernadine Fox and
my guest Lonnie Elliott and I havebeen discussing surviving domestic violence. It has
(56:50):
been a difficult conversation, but sovery important for us to understand. If
you have any questions for Lonnie,please do not hesitate to reach out to
us here at Rethreading Madness at CopperRadio dot org. My thanks to Lonnie
for her willingness to be open withus about this terrifying part of her life.
Also to Sherry Alric for the giftof her music. But again,
most importantly, our thanks goes outto you for joining us today. Stay
(57:13):
safe out there. You've just listenedto Rethreading Madness, where we dare to
change how we think about mental health. We air live on Vancouver Call Up
Radio cf R O one hundred pointfive FM every Tuesday at five pm or
online at Coopradio dot org. Ifyou have questions or feedback about this program,
(57:34):
or want to share your story orhave something to say to us,
we want to hear from you.You can reach us by email rethreading madness
at coopradio dot org. This isBernardine Fox. We'll be back next week.
Until then, we live been fno, what the hell I'm gonna
do? What I can't sing?Mine my way under over true? Just
(58:07):
when I'm ready to give up thelight, they are when we turned out
the lights and it's all right,it's all right. Don't you really be
all right? Why don't I alwaysbelieve it when you tell me everything's gonna
(58:34):
be your brain? Why don't Iwonder how you know? Surely you don't
have all of the facts. Youcould be just making it up. Why
(58:58):
don't live and think of that?It's some' gott imagine in the words that
you breathe saying, baby, takeit from me, it's all right,
it's all right. Don't to reallybe all right? Why do I always
(59:23):
believe that when he tas everything's gonnabe all right, everything's gonna be all
right? Then anyone else. It'ssuch a cliche, just words people say
(59:45):
to be nice somehow and name farfrom your land. I am convinced your
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