September 5, 2025 • 4 mins
Love is complicated—but repair doesn’t have to be.
On this podcast, I, I’sha Gaines—licensed professional counselor, relationship repair practitioner, and creator of Rooted Function Theory™— break down the difference between healthy and unhealthy willingness in relationships and friendships.
We’ll explore:
Want to go deeper? Download the Healthy vs. Unhealthy Willingness Worksheet and start journaling your way into stronger, more authentic connections on www.ishagaines.com
If you’re struggling in your relationship, going through a breakup, or on the verge of one, it may be time to seek support. Reach out to me at ishagaines@gmail.com and learn more about Rooted Function Theory™ at www.ishagaines.com.
Rooted Function Theory™ Podcast | I’sha Gaines, M.Ed, LPC
A movement from survival to liberated living.
Booking → www.ishagaines.com
Website → www.ishagaines.com
Courses & Certification → www.honeybenatural.com/institute
YouTube → youtube.com/@rootedfunction
Support the Show | Rate & Review | Share this episode with a friend.
Safety & Care
This content is educational and not a substitute for therapy, diagnosis, or emergency services. In the U.S., call/text 988 for mental health crises; 911 for immediate danger; outside the U.S., contact your local hotline
On this podcast, I, I’sha Gaines—licensed professional counselor, relationship repair practitioner, and creator of Rooted Function Theory™— break down the difference between healthy and unhealthy willingness in relationships and friendships.
We’ll explore:
- Why willingness is essential for true connection
- How boundaries make willingness possible
- The role of repair when you don’t show up as your best self
- Examples of healthy vs. unhealthy willingness in love and friendships
- Reflection prompts you can journal on today
Want to go deeper? Download the Healthy vs. Unhealthy Willingness Worksheet and start journaling your way into stronger, more authentic connections on www.ishagaines.com
If you’re struggling in your relationship, going through a breakup, or on the verge of one, it may be time to seek support. Reach out to me at ishagaines@gmail.com and learn more about Rooted Function Theory™ at www.ishagaines.com.
Rooted Function Theory™ Podcast | I’sha Gaines, M.Ed, LPC
A movement from survival to liberated living.
Booking → www.ishagaines.com
Website → www.ishagaines.com
Courses & Certification → www.honeybenatural.com/institute
YouTube → youtube.com/@rootedfunction
Support the Show | Rate & Review | Share this episode with a friend.
Safety & Care
This content is educational and not a substitute for therapy, diagnosis, or emergency services. In the U.S., call/text 988 for mental health crises; 911 for immediate danger; outside the U.S., contact your local hotline
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, yeah, you take a pause because school is in session.
It's me I should gains here your licensed professional counselor
relationship prepare practitioner and break up coach. I'm also the
creator of rooted function theory. Welcome to my series on relationships, friendships,
dating and breakups. I've been at this education and empowerment
(00:24):
mission for a long time, twelve years of be exact,
and I've had to pivot a lot of times. But
now it's time to talk about what I really care about. Relationships.
How we are to one another in the black and
brown community deserves repair and I'm on a mission to
do it. I've learned over the years that dysfunction has
been impacting connections for a while. Many are lost on
(00:44):
resources on how to learn new skills. And let's be real,
many of us have received awful and sometimes terrible advice
that has burned bridges and then major damage. So consider
my role as a healthy bridge helping you navigate chaotic
relationship waters. So let's get into it. If you're going
through a breakup, on the verge of one or working
to repair a relationship or friendship, this message is for
(01:06):
you today. I want to talk about something. My partners
often praise me for my willingness. Let me be clear,
I'm not perfect, none of us are. But what I
am is willing. I'm willing to have heard conversations, Willing
to admit when the root of the dysfunction might actually
be me. Willing to grow even when it's uncomfortable. See,
willingness is what takes us further than surface level connection,
(01:28):
the day nights, the matching outfits, the highlight real on
social media. True willingness shows your partner or your friend
how you actually show up when things aren't convenient or
picture perfect. But here's the thing. Willingness doesn't mean you
abandon yourself. It's not the same as being a pushover.
In fact, it's the opposite. I've found that it's easier
(01:49):
to be willing because I have boundaries. Boundaries are what
are what allowed me to give without resentment. Boundaries say
I'll listen, but I won't let you belittle me. I'll compromise,
but I won't abandon my values. I'll forgive, but I
won't tolerate abuse of any kind, emotional or physical. And
here's another key part. If willingness isn't there in the moment,
(02:11):
and I'm not able to show up as my best self.
The real repair comes from being able to recognize it,
having the willingness to circle back to say I didn't
handle that well. How can I make it right? That
humility is often what rebuilds trust faster than pretending we
never messed up at all through avoidance. In romantic relationships,
willingness looks like listening, really hearing your partner out, trying
(02:35):
something new together even when it feels uncomfortable, compromising instead
of shutting down, offering an apology when it's needed. In friendships,
willingness looks like showing up when your friend is grieving,
even if you don't have the perfect words, Having the
courage to say, hey, I feel hurt by what happened,
instead of silently withdrawing celebrating their wins, even if you're
(02:58):
in a low season yourself. Sometimes those small acts of
willingness become the very security blanket your connection has been missing.
Think about how many men are afraid to ask for
a compromise, afraid to say, can we try another way?
Think of how many people resist the idea of going
to therapy all together because they feared it means that
(03:19):
they've failed. And imagine how many friendships quietly dissolved because
nobody was willing to have one uncomfortable conversation. Avoidance costs
more than willingness, ever will Willingness removes combativeness, It shifts
the focus from me versus you to us. It opens
the door to collaboration, exploration, and true partnership. So here's
(03:44):
your reflection homework for today. In your current relationship or
looking back at past ones, ask yourself, work were the things?
What were the things I was not willing to compromise on?
What were the conversations I was not willing to have?
What were the things I was not willing to accept?
Take a moment to journal on that. And if you're
(04:05):
unsure about what healthy versus unhealthy willingness looks like, I've
created a free PDF guide and it's linked in the comments.
And as always, if you're struggling in your relationship, going
through a breakup, or on the verge of a breakup,
it may be time to seek support for your relationship
or friendship. You can email me directly I shuld gains
(04:27):
Do gmail dot com. You can also learn more about
rootdifunction theory on www dot issugains dot com, so thanks
for listening and remember willingness can change everything. Piece y'all.
Hey, yeah, you take a pause because school is in session.
It's me I should gains here your licensed professional counselor
relationship prepare practitioner and break up coach. I'm also the
creator of rooted function theory. Welcome to my series on relationships, friendships,
dating and breakups. I've been at this education and empowerment
(00:24):
mission for a long time, twelve years of be exact,
and I've had to pivot a lot of times. But
now it's time to talk about what I really care about. Relationships.
How we are to one another in the black and
brown community deserves repair and I'm on a mission to
do it. I've learned over the years that dysfunction has
been impacting connections for a while. Many are lost on
(00:44):
resources on how to learn new skills. And let's be real,
many of us have received awful and sometimes terrible advice
that has burned bridges and then major damage. So consider
my role as a healthy bridge helping you navigate chaotic
relationship waters. So let's get into it. If you're going
through a breakup, on the verge of one or working
to repair a relationship or friendship, this message is for
(01:06):
you today. I want to talk about something. My partners
often praise me for my willingness. Let me be clear,
I'm not perfect, none of us are. But what I
am is willing. I'm willing to have heard conversations, Willing
to admit when the root of the dysfunction might actually
be me. Willing to grow even when it's uncomfortable. See,
willingness is what takes us further than surface level connection,
(01:28):
the day nights, the matching outfits, the highlight real on
social media. True willingness shows your partner or your friend
how you actually show up when things aren't convenient or
picture perfect. But here's the thing. Willingness doesn't mean you
abandon yourself. It's not the same as being a pushover.
In fact, it's the opposite. I've found that it's easier
(01:49):
to be willing because I have boundaries. Boundaries are what
are what allowed me to give without resentment. Boundaries say
I'll listen, but I won't let you belittle me. I'll compromise,
but I won't abandon my values. I'll forgive, but I
won't tolerate abuse of any kind, emotional or physical. And
here's another key part. If willingness isn't there in the moment,
(02:11):
and I'm not able to show up as my best self.
The real repair comes from being able to recognize it,
having the willingness to circle back to say I didn't
handle that well. How can I make it right? That
humility is often what rebuilds trust faster than pretending we
never messed up at all through avoidance. In romantic relationships,
willingness looks like listening, really hearing your partner out, trying
(02:35):
something new together even when it feels uncomfortable, compromising instead
of shutting down, offering an apology when it's needed. In friendships,
willingness looks like showing up when your friend is grieving,
even if you don't have the perfect words, Having the
courage to say, hey, I feel hurt by what happened,
instead of silently withdrawing celebrating their wins, even if you're
(02:58):
in a low season yourself. Sometimes those small acts of
willingness become the very security blanket your connection has been missing.
Think about how many men are afraid to ask for
a compromise, afraid to say, can we try another way?
Think of how many people resist the idea of going
to therapy all together because they feared it means that
(03:19):
they've failed. And imagine how many friendships quietly dissolved because
nobody was willing to have one uncomfortable conversation. Avoidance costs
more than willingness, ever will Willingness removes combativeness, It shifts
the focus from me versus you to us. It opens
the door to collaboration, exploration, and true partnership. So here's
(03:44):
your reflection homework for today. In your current relationship or
looking back at past ones, ask yourself, work were the things?
What were the things I was not willing to compromise on?
What were the conversations I was not willing to have?
What were the things I was not willing to accept?
Take a moment to journal on that. And if you're
(04:05):
unsure about what healthy versus unhealthy willingness looks like, I've
created a free PDF guide and it's linked in the comments.
And as always, if you're struggling in your relationship, going
through a breakup, or on the verge of a breakup,
it may be time to seek support for your relationship
or friendship. You can email me directly I shuld gains
(04:27):
Do gmail dot com. You can also learn more about
rootdifunction theory on www dot issugains dot com, so thanks
for listening and remember willingness can change everything. Piece y'all.
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