September 8, 2025 • 6 mins
The Psychology of Breakups & The Power of No ContactBreakups feel like withdrawals — you’re not just missing the person, you’re missing the dopamine, the comfort, and the routine they brought into your life. That’s why so many people struggle with letting go.In this episode, I break down:
Download the Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationship Rating Sheet here:
https://www.ishagaines.com/store/p/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationship-rating-sheetIf you’re in the middle of a breakup, don’t go through it alone.
I’d love to support you with tools, strategy, and my Rooted Function Theory™ to help you heal, rebuild, and attract the love you deserve.
Subscribe for more on relationship repair, breakups, and emotional healing.
Rooted Function Theory™ Podcast | I’sha Gaines, M.Ed, LPC
A movement from survival to liberated living.
Booking → www.ishagaines.com
Website → www.ishagaines.com
Courses & Certification → www.honeybenatural.com/institute
YouTube → youtube.com/@rootedfunction
Support the Show | Rate & Review | Share this episode with a friend.
Safety & Care
This content is educational and not a substitute for therapy, diagnosis, or emergency services. In the U.S., call/text 988 for mental health crises; 911 for immediate danger; outside the U.S., contact your local hotline
- Why breakups activate the same parts of the brain as addiction
- Why no contact is not punishment but recovery
- The biggest mistakes people make when trying to hold on
- What to do instead — self-care, movement, meditation, journaling, and rebuilding your identity
- How to tell if you’re craving love or just attachment
Download the Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationship Rating Sheet here:
https://www.ishagaines.com/store/p/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationship-rating-sheetIf you’re in the middle of a breakup, don’t go through it alone.
I’d love to support you with tools, strategy, and my Rooted Function Theory™ to help you heal, rebuild, and attract the love you deserve.
Subscribe for more on relationship repair, breakups, and emotional healing.
Rooted Function Theory™ Podcast | I’sha Gaines, M.Ed, LPC
A movement from survival to liberated living.
Booking → www.ishagaines.com
Website → www.ishagaines.com
Courses & Certification → www.honeybenatural.com/institute
YouTube → youtube.com/@rootedfunction
Support the Show | Rate & Review | Share this episode with a friend.
Safety & Care
This content is educational and not a substitute for therapy, diagnosis, or emergency services. In the U.S., call/text 988 for mental health crises; 911 for immediate danger; outside the U.S., contact your local hotline
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, y'all, it's Aisha, your licensed professional counselor, relationship prepared practitioner.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
And breakup coach.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Today on episode two, we're talking about the psychology of
breakups and the power of no contact.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Breakups feel like with draws.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
You're not just missing a person, You're missing the dopamine,
the boutine, the comfort they gave you. That's why so
many people struggle with letting go. Today we're gonna talk
about the psychology of breakups while no contact is one
of the most powerful tools for healing, and most importantly,
what to do instead so you can reprogram your mind, body,
and spirit while you heal. Part one breakups and the brain.
(00:37):
Breakups activate the same parts of the brain as addiction.
That's why you feel restless, anxious, even physically sick when
you're not in contact with your ex. Every call, every text,
every scroll through their social media is equal a relax
So listen, no contact isn't a punishment, it's recovery. And
(00:58):
I remember when I went through breakups and I would
read about no contact, I would be like, absolutely no.
But you have to know that no contact is a
space for your nervous system to reset and actually heal.
Part two. What no contact does for you. When you
actually commit to no contact, here's what happens. You give
both partners clarity and I know it seems strange and weird,
(01:23):
but you allow the wounds to close instead of being
constantly reopened. By you reaching out and going through their
social media profiles. You create the possibility of actual, true
repair if it's meant to be. But no contact isn't
just about silence. It's about using this season to rebuild yourself.
(01:46):
That's the part most people forget. It's about your self care.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Part three. What to do instead. Here's what to do
with all that extra energy.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Instead of texting, checking in or bargaining with them, move
your body, go to the gym, do yoga, take walks,
anything that helps you regulate your nervous system.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Be kind to yourself.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Meditation and breathwork also give your mind new ways to
calm down when the cravings hit, but you have to
practice them. Can't do it one time and expect it
to fix everything.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Read and learn.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Pour into your personal growth so that you're shaping the
next version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Be the person you've always wanted to become.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Explore new things, new hobbies, new people, new spaces, and
show up authentically online, post the real things you're doing,
trying a new class, traveling with friends, picking up a
hobby that you dropped while you were in the relationship,
finding yourself again. This is not about playing games. It's
about authentically expanding your life. But here's a twist. When
(02:53):
you're excs you moving forward when they see you, when
they see you glowing, it triggers something in there on psychology.
Suddenly you're more attracted to them and they can become
open to new possibilities.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Part four. Why they seem to move on so quickly.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Many times the person who initiates to break up has
been grieving for months before they've ever even said the words.
By the time they tell you, they've already gone through
the motions privately. That's why it can look like they're
fine while you're falling apart. Your grief is fresh. Theirs
has been hidden. But don't let appearances fool you. The
brain records memories and moments. Love and attraction doesn't vanish overnight.
(03:36):
Even if the intensity changes, It's inevitable that they will
think about you.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Part five. Is it love or disattachment? Sometimes?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
What we think we're craving is loved. What we're really
attached to is the routine. That's where you have to
stop and ask was this even really healthy to begin with?
And here's what I want you to do. I want
you to use a tool. I created the Healthy Relilationship Checklist.
It lists qualities of healthy love, things like trust, accepting, stability, respect.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Honesty, and playfulness.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
If your relationship was missing most of these and what
you're missing right now is in love is just attachment.
I've put the full checklist in a free PDF and
you can download in the comments. It's called Healthy Versus
Unhealthy Relationships and it'll help you reflect honestly. Here's your
reflection homework journal on this. What's one unhealthy way I've
tried to hold on after a breakup? And what would
(04:29):
it look like if I gave myself permission to let
go for a season. Then rate your last relationship using
the Healthy Relationship Checklist. Be honest with yourself. Was it
truly love or was it attachment? Now, if you're in
the middle of a breakup, don't go through it alone.
Click the link in the comments to download the free
Healthy verse Versus Unhealthy relationship Guide and check out the
(04:53):
blog where I break down this episode a little further.
And if you want support repairing or rebuilding yourself, I
love to help you with tools, strategy, and my rooted
function theory. Remember, no contact isn't punishment, it's recovery. It's
the actual beginning of your healing. You just got to
let it happen, and I'm not coming for you. You have
(05:16):
to know that even if you break no contact, you can.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Always start over.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
I've been there where I'm like every Friday, I want
to send a check in message just to let them
know I'm still here. What that does is it devalues
you every time in their eyes, they look at you
as somebody that's trying to force them to do something
they've already said they don't want to do. So, if
you believe in your love, if you believe in your connection,
(05:41):
sometimes you have to give people what they want.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
I promise you.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
The better you become it doing that, the more you
will be able to show up and your relationships better,
and even conceptualize breakups a little better. It's not always
that you did something wrong. Although sometimes we can make
mosas days, Sometimes it only has to make sense to
that other person why they want the breakup, and many
(06:06):
times it's best to give them what they want and.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Let them experience life without you.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
I can guarantee you with the psychology of breakups, they
will think about you. What you need to be focused
on right now is your personal growth, becoming the person
you want to become. And you need to create a
plan for how you are going to respond if for
when they reach out, because you don't want to fall
into the cycle of getting so excited that they reach
(06:32):
out and then you overpour your love, you overpour your affection,
and then you fall.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Into the same tracks.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Use this as an opportunity, use this time to become
the best version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
All right, Peace out,
Hey, y'all, it's Aisha, your licensed professional counselor, relationship prepared practitioner.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
And breakup coach.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Today on episode two, we're talking about the psychology of
breakups and the power of no contact.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Breakups feel like with draws.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
You're not just missing a person, You're missing the dopamine,
the boutine, the comfort they gave you. That's why so
many people struggle with letting go. Today we're gonna talk
about the psychology of breakups while no contact is one
of the most powerful tools for healing, and most importantly,
what to do instead so you can reprogram your mind, body,
and spirit while you heal. Part one breakups and the brain.
(00:37):
Breakups activate the same parts of the brain as addiction.
That's why you feel restless, anxious, even physically sick when
you're not in contact with your ex. Every call, every text,
every scroll through their social media is equal a relax
So listen, no contact isn't a punishment, it's recovery. And
(00:58):
I remember when I went through breakups and I would
read about no contact, I would be like, absolutely no.
But you have to know that no contact is a
space for your nervous system to reset and actually heal.
Part two. What no contact does for you. When you
actually commit to no contact, here's what happens. You give
both partners clarity and I know it seems strange and weird,
(01:23):
but you allow the wounds to close instead of being
constantly reopened. By you reaching out and going through their
social media profiles. You create the possibility of actual, true
repair if it's meant to be. But no contact isn't
just about silence. It's about using this season to rebuild yourself.
(01:46):
That's the part most people forget. It's about your self care.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Part three. What to do instead. Here's what to do
with all that extra energy.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Instead of texting, checking in or bargaining with them, move
your body, go to the gym, do yoga, take walks,
anything that helps you regulate your nervous system.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Be kind to yourself.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Meditation and breathwork also give your mind new ways to
calm down when the cravings hit, but you have to
practice them. Can't do it one time and expect it
to fix everything.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Read and learn.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Pour into your personal growth so that you're shaping the
next version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Be the person you've always wanted to become.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Explore new things, new hobbies, new people, new spaces, and
show up authentically online, post the real things you're doing,
trying a new class, traveling with friends, picking up a
hobby that you dropped while you were in the relationship,
finding yourself again. This is not about playing games. It's
about authentically expanding your life. But here's a twist. When
(02:53):
you're excs you moving forward when they see you, when
they see you glowing, it triggers something in there on psychology.
Suddenly you're more attracted to them and they can become
open to new possibilities.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Part four. Why they seem to move on so quickly.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Many times the person who initiates to break up has
been grieving for months before they've ever even said the words.
By the time they tell you, they've already gone through
the motions privately. That's why it can look like they're
fine while you're falling apart. Your grief is fresh. Theirs
has been hidden. But don't let appearances fool you. The
brain records memories and moments. Love and attraction doesn't vanish overnight.
(03:36):
Even if the intensity changes, It's inevitable that they will
think about you.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Part five. Is it love or disattachment? Sometimes?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
What we think we're craving is loved. What we're really
attached to is the routine. That's where you have to
stop and ask was this even really healthy to begin with?
And here's what I want you to do. I want
you to use a tool. I created the Healthy Relilationship Checklist.
It lists qualities of healthy love, things like trust, accepting, stability, respect.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Honesty, and playfulness.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
If your relationship was missing most of these and what
you're missing right now is in love is just attachment.
I've put the full checklist in a free PDF and
you can download in the comments. It's called Healthy Versus
Unhealthy Relationships and it'll help you reflect honestly. Here's your
reflection homework journal on this. What's one unhealthy way I've
tried to hold on after a breakup? And what would
(04:29):
it look like if I gave myself permission to let
go for a season. Then rate your last relationship using
the Healthy Relationship Checklist. Be honest with yourself. Was it
truly love or was it attachment? Now, if you're in
the middle of a breakup, don't go through it alone.
Click the link in the comments to download the free
Healthy verse Versus Unhealthy relationship Guide and check out the
(04:53):
blog where I break down this episode a little further.
And if you want support repairing or rebuilding yourself, I
love to help you with tools, strategy, and my rooted
function theory. Remember, no contact isn't punishment, it's recovery. It's
the actual beginning of your healing. You just got to
let it happen, and I'm not coming for you. You have
(05:16):
to know that even if you break no contact, you can.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Always start over.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
I've been there where I'm like every Friday, I want
to send a check in message just to let them
know I'm still here. What that does is it devalues
you every time in their eyes, they look at you
as somebody that's trying to force them to do something
they've already said they don't want to do. So, if
you believe in your love, if you believe in your connection,
(05:41):
sometimes you have to give people what they want.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
I promise you.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
The better you become it doing that, the more you
will be able to show up and your relationships better,
and even conceptualize breakups a little better. It's not always
that you did something wrong. Although sometimes we can make
mosas days, Sometimes it only has to make sense to
that other person why they want the breakup, and many
(06:06):
times it's best to give them what they want and.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Let them experience life without you.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
I can guarantee you with the psychology of breakups, they
will think about you. What you need to be focused
on right now is your personal growth, becoming the person
you want to become. And you need to create a
plan for how you are going to respond if for
when they reach out, because you don't want to fall
into the cycle of getting so excited that they reach
(06:32):
out and then you overpour your love, you overpour your affection,
and then you fall.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Into the same tracks.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Use this as an opportunity, use this time to become
the best version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
All right, Peace out,
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