Cindy Burns

What if hiding your feelings leads to hiding your true self? Dive into Cindy Burns' story, from overwhelming grief to rediscovering purpose and positivity. After the loss of her husband, Cindy faced a dark period, burdened by hidden emotions and the facade of strength. Hear how she transformed her life by embracing her feelings, shedding negativity, and finding a new mission in helping others navigate their own grief. Cindy's story is a testament to resilience and the healing power of authenticity. Don’t miss this inspiring episode on Search and Replace! 

To view full transcript and expanded show notes: https://bit.ly/3yIBYUe

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Support for the following podcast is providedby the user experience specialists at Johnson Taylor.
More information follows this episode. Whatif you get so good at hiding
your feelings you end up hiding yourself. I'm Joe Taylor Tayor. This is
Search and Replace. When tragedy struckCindy Burns and her family, she stepped

(00:33):
up to take care of everyone,but she wasn't prepared for what would happen
next. It was about five orsix years after my husband died. In
the intermaning time, my sons neededme physically to be there and you know,
help them out with some medical issuesthat they were having and things like
that. So everybody got healthy.I retired. I had no reason to

(00:59):
begin out of bed in the morning. It was a dark, dark place
I went to. It's not alot of fun being there, no reason
to get out of bed in themorning. So most days I was in
my nightgown all day. And Ididn't really I didn't want to burden my
sons. I didn't want them toworry about me. All moms, you
know, she's really depressed. Whatare we going to do? I didn't

(01:23):
want that. I ended up witha bleeding ulcer because I hid my feelings.
People thought I had it all together, you know, even while I
was searching. Oh she's so strong. I heard that so much. You're
so strong. Yeah, you dobecome strong because you have to. Life
still goes on. Cindy noticed thateveryone else seemed to be moving on around

(01:46):
her, even as she felt stuckin the same place, and that brought
her to a crucial realization. Itwas close to a year maybe, and
I wasn't sad. I just didn'tcare because there was nothing to care about.
I finally realized that that's not living, and I could live another twenty

(02:08):
thirty, maybe even forty years,and I didn't want the rest of my
life to look like what it wasat that point. So I decided I
needed to do something about it,and I talked to my doctor and I
got on medications, and I wasvery lucky that the first medications I was
put on worked. That does notalways happen. Sometimes you have to keep

(02:30):
trying different ones to find the rightcombination for you. I spent so much
time being negative, and it wastired of that. So I worked really
hard in bringing positivity into my life. I kept a gratitude journal. I
kept a prayer journal. I surroundedmyself by people who were positive. If

(02:51):
I was, you know, likeFacebook friends with somebody, and all they
did was drama. Sorry, Iunfollowed them drama, I said, I
don't do drama unless it's on astage. Sonny says that getting rid of
the drama in her life opened herup to a new focus. I used
to call myself an optimistic pessimist,and now I'm definitely an optimist. You

(03:13):
know, the pessimism just doesn't there'swhy, you know, why look at
the negative when there's so many positivesfloating around. But then I figure,
Okay, I need a purpose.I need a reason to get out of
bed in the morning. So Itried a bunch of different things. I
tried all kinds of things that weren'treally true to me. And it wasn't

(03:38):
until I realized that what I reallyreally wanted to do, keep in my
heart, was to help other widows. It makes me happy to see somebody
come out the other side of grief. It makes me feel good to know
that I'm helping them. It makesme happy, you know, it fills

(03:59):
my soul. Cindy says her approachto working through grief isn't about blocking out
the memories of the people that youlove. It's not that I don't miss
my husband. Of course I do. And both my parents are gone now
and I miss them terribly. Andthere are times when I think, oh,
I've got to you know, Iactually reach for my phone to call
one of them. And my husband'sbeen dead almost thirteen years, and my

(04:21):
mother's been gone ten years. Andin the past that would make me sad
and bring me down, but nowit's like, I think of the good
memories that I have of them.For the most part, I've learned who
I am Now, I'm different.You know, you're forever changed. And

(04:41):
once you know who you are andlike who you are, that's a huge
step. After that, you canlearn to dream again. And once you
can dream again, once you canenvision a future for yourself, you can
actually reach for that future. Youcan find your p Those are my four
steps. Feel your feelings, findyourself, dream again, and find your

(05:05):
purpose. Those That sounds simple,and it is, but it's not easy.
Sidney reminds us that grief comes forus in lots of different ways.
Grief is not just for widows andwidowers. You grieve the loss of a
dog, you grieve the loss ofa job, the loss of a friendship.
You can grief somebody while they're stillalive. There's so much grief out

(05:30):
there and people don't It's I callit hidden grief. People don't know that
what they're feeling, it's a wholeconstellation of emotions and they don't realize that
what they're experiencing is actually grief,and that's what's keeping them from moving forward
in their lives. It's what's keepingthem stagnant and maybe even you know,

(05:56):
putting them back a little bit.And once you deal with grief, once
you manage it, it's there fora reason. Grief is good for us.
Believe it or not, it isgood for us. It helps us
get these feelings and emotions taken careof. Once you do that, then
you can open yourself up to whatlife really has to offer. That's Cindy

(06:20):
Burns a life coach for the widowedand for people experiencing any kind of grief.
We've got links to Cindy and herwork in our show notes and on
our website at Search and Replace dotShow. Also in our show notes Hope.
Gillette writes about nine distinct types ofgrief, including one kind that happens
even before you've experienced a loss inyour life, and Natalie Amato writes about

(06:46):
an experience similar to Cindy's and arenewed sense of purpose that can happen when
you channel grief into a new capacityfor connection. All that and more in
our show notes and at Search andReplace dot show. Today's episode was produced
by Nicole Hubbard with help from theentire podcast Taxi team. I'm Joe Taylor
Jr. This has been a podcastTaxi Radio production support for Search and Replace

(07:10):
is provided by Johnson Taylor User Experiencespecialists serving media and technology companies that want
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