The Real Reason You Can’t Beat Sex & Porn Addiction (And What to Do Instead): Systems

You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.

That quote from Atomic Habits by James Clear changed my life—and in this episode, I’m going to show you why it needs to change yours. If you’re struggling with sex and porn addiction, or supporting someone who is, you’re likely overwhelmed, stuck, and maybe even hopeless.

You’ve tried therapy. Support groups. Willpower. White-knuckling it.

But here’s the truth… ➡️ Sex and porn addiction isn’t a “bad habit.” It’s a deeply entrenched coping strategy—wired in childhood, reinforced by shame, supercharged by biology, and sustained by secrecy.

➡️ Most recovery plans obsess over the problem—but few focus on the systems that build lasting transformation.

➡️ That’s why so many men fail. In this episode, I’ll break down:

• Why this quote is mandatory training if you want to build healthy sexuality and a great life
• Why sex and porn addiction is so hard to break
• How your biology, early exposure, shame, and emotional repression create a perfect storm
• And the 9 essential systems of The Mindful Habit System—developed over 13 years, used by thousands of men, and built to help you take back control of your life

These systems are the foundation for sustained success:

1. Purpose & Direction
2. Risk Management
3. Self-Leadership (including self-control & self-esteem)
4. Accountability
5. Community & Connection
6. Mindfulness & Faith
7. Gratitude
8. Healthy Sexuality

If you don’t have your own system—borrow mine. I’m Craig Perra, founder of The Mindful Habit. I help high-performing professionals—doctors, lawyers, executives, and men around the world—break free from destructive sexual behaviors and create powerful lives rooted in integrity, connection, and purpose.

▶️ Watch. Take notes. Reflect. This is the stuff no one taught us—but it's what we all need.

🔗 Ready to start your journey? Go to https://mindfulhabithelp.com and watch the free training.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I want to share with you a quote that had
a massive impact on my life and I wanted to
have a massive impact on yours because this is part
of the mandatory training. What I want to share with
you today is like must know information if you're going

(00:20):
to create healthy sexuality in a great life. And that
quote is from the book Atomic Habits by James Clear,
chapter one. It's chapter one for a reason. And here's
the quote. You do not rise to the level of
your goals, you fall to the level of your systems.

(00:42):
I want to say that one more time. This is
one that you want to not just write down, but understand.
And we're going to talk exactly why this quote is
chapter one from the book Atomic Habits. Why it's mandatory
if you want to create healthy sexuality, great life. We're
going to go over that today. I'm going to share

(01:02):
with you also the essential systems of the Mindful Habit system,
the system that Michelle and I, my wife and I
created that we've been evolving over the course of the
past thirteen years to move men and partners forward faster,
do it at a deep identity level, and sustain it right.

(01:25):
So these systems and I'm going to share with you
today are the essential elements of healthy sexuality and a
great life. I'm Craig Perra. I'm the founder of the
Mindful Habit System, and like I said, my wife and
I for the past thirteen years have been honestly ethically
helping guys kick some serious ass. It's been just an

(01:47):
amazing privilege. Two weeks ago we had our second annual
retreat in Oceanside, California, and it was such a blessing
and a privilege to be part of something so special.
There was last there was tears, there was adventures. We
went on a surf lesson, which I thought would just

(02:10):
be a lesson in failure, was a really really powerful experience.
I'm honored that you're listening. Please take notes. I think
when I'm sharing with you today is very, very, very important.
And I want to start with why this problem sex
addiction and porn addiction is so difficult to solve, Why

(02:32):
creating healthy sexuality and a great life is ridiculously hard
to solve and sustain, and the reason for that. And sometimes,
like you guys listening right, you may have heard from
your partners just stop. And I remember Michelle would say
that to me, like Listen, you're doing something that's clearly

(02:55):
bad for you. It's devastating me. Just stop. And it
took me a while, and you know, eventually Michelle came
to understand it. It doesn't mean that she didn't a
set boundaries that she didn't you know, have a line
where hey, if things don't change and this happens, I'm out.

(03:15):
But this awareness that this is a there is a
capacity issue. And what I mean by this, brother, is
you can't help it. And I don't just mean porn, prostitutes, massage, parlors,
any negative reaction, right, We're talking about any negative reaction,
because any negative reaction contributes that energy shift in the

(03:39):
body from positive to negative judgment, criticism, stress, anxiety, resentment.
That's bad for your body. And it is the aggregate
of those triggers that you're numbing, coping, and escaping from
where you're using porn or other behaviors as a way

(03:59):
to numb, coping, escape, and a reward. And the reason
why it is ridiculously difficult to stop and why systems
are necessary is because number one, we are wired for
variety as men, and pornography has exploited that in ways
that our ancestors couldn't even fathom. We're wired to be

(04:22):
more visual, men tend to have a higher sex drive.
And so you've got the biology. You've got just starting
with the biology, and it started in childhood for most
of my clients, the oogling and objectifying that started pre puberty.
And nowadays the average age of exposure I've read is eleven,

(04:47):
but it's even younger. And think about what those kids
are watching. Guys. This is why we have to step
up as fathers. Not only can we not let our
shortcomings shame us from doing what we need to do
to protect our kids online and to have open and
honest conversations with them about failure and sexuality and pleasure

(05:09):
and bodies and all the things that come up with it. Right,
not only we have to do it, we have to
be a leader in that regard because we appreciate the damage.
And for us, brothers, it started in magazines, right. So
this is for you fathers out there and for you
grandfathers out there, just a side note to think about

(05:33):
where shame is preventing you from being a leader in
an area where it is more important than ever to
be a leader. So it started in childhood. So we've
got biological wiring started in childhood, and not just pleasure
seeking either a way to numb, cop and escape from

(05:53):
difficult feeling. So at a primal human feeling level, you've
got discomfort and now you have pleasure. Right, that started
in childhood. And not only did it start in childhood,
the hiding it and the shame started in childhood. Right

(06:17):
you knew this wasn't something you did on the front lawn,
nor should you have been. My point is only the hiding,
the shame, the secrets, the programming around sin, the programming
around shame. So the lying, the hiding started in childhood.

(06:45):
So that's why this is such a ridiculously difficult problem
to solve. This is not a bad habit. It is
a deeply entrenched coping strategy that has evolved on top
of a natural biology to meet needs, to meet needs.

(07:06):
The only way you're not going to get those needs
met reactively is to meet them proactively, and you need
systems to do it. You need systems. And what a
system is, And so for you guys who are executives,
who are leaders, just look at your organization. There is

(07:27):
a combination of systems that have evolved over time to
create this output of great product, great service, great accounting,
great legal Right, or it's a mess because while the
goals might be there, the systems are not. The systems

(07:49):
are the different buckets of your life that you pay
attention to at the fifty thousand foot level. Okay, it's
what are the different category of your life that demand
intentional focus. It's considered a framework, a playbook, something that

(08:09):
empowers you to operationalize your purpose, your direction, your drive.
Where do you want to go? Which systems do you
need to get there? So you think of a business,
You've got departments. There's a finance department, really really important.
There's human resources, operations, risk management. We'll talk about risk management,

(08:33):
each with structure, process protocols, standard operating procedure, and accountability.
We'll talk about that. Right. Your life is no different.
If you want to create healthy sexuality sustain healthy sexuality,

(08:54):
which you have to do by living a great life,
you need to have a focus on systems and we'll
talk about those today. So what are the essential systems
of the mindful habit? So I have been trying to
distill this list down for over a decade, and I've

(09:16):
tried to come up with creative ways to make an
acronym so it spells like power or healthy sexuality in
a great life. I haven't done that, so I do
not have a cute moniker or an abbreviation. But what
I want to focus on or is invite you to say, hmm,

(09:37):
you know what I connect with this? I agree with
Craig that first of all, I get the systems thing,
see guys, because this habit is so difficult to break,
you know by now right, it's not sobriety. Sobriety is
the result, It is the byproduct. It is you've broken

(09:58):
the habit because you've made other HAPs habits. And when
you think about it from a systems perspective, if the
formula is break a habit, make a habit, then what
systems do you need on the make a habit side
of the equation. And I have been wrestling with that
for over a decade and here's the best I got.
So first first, first, first, you need purpose in direction.

(10:23):
If you do not know your north star, you will drift.
People who have purpose live longer and have better both
mental and physical health. Your purpose can be sobriety, and
in your purpose certainly can be to not hurt your wife,

(10:45):
but your purpose should be to build the best relationship
with the most important relationship in your life that impacts
your physical health, mental health, spiritual health, her physical health,
mental health, and spiritual health. You have purpose, there is
purpose on that make a habit, and in that purpose

(11:05):
there's direction. Where do you want to go? Where do
you want to go? So in the program we break
it down by career, finances, health, hobbies, relationships, and spirituality.
What do you want to accomplish and why? So direction

(11:27):
and purpose really really really important. And it's not just
doing it either, it's operationalizing it. How do you incorporate
your direction and purpose into the fabric of your reality
so you can create and sustain healthy sexuality in a
great life which is ridiculously hard. Life is hard, and

(11:50):
there's a really simple coping strategy that makes it easier
short term, but in the long term can potentially destroy
your life. Listening to me, So, it's not just defining
direction and purpose, it's operationalizing direction and purpose, and that

(12:10):
means weaving it into the fabric of your reality. And
we'll talk about that a little bit. How to do
that second, So you've heard me say to break a habit,
you have to make a habit, and I so often
focus on the make a habit part of the equation,
and the break a habit part of the equation needs

(12:33):
focus too, Right, Businesses need to manage risk. So you
need to know exactly when, where, why how you are
most vulnerable and have a specific plan for that. So
that time and place where you're most vulnerable we call
the red zone. It's not perfect, but it's something to

(12:56):
build on. What are you going to do instead? And
the first red zone plan that clients typically do is
usually a reactive plan. I have to do, read a book, meditate, exercise,
call somebody to distract me. And I'm like, ah, now no, no,
that's not the distraction. The numbing, coping and escaping and

(13:18):
beating your dick to death, that's the distraction. So the
risk management goes from red zone starts reactive, then red
zone incorporate purpose. How do you reclaim that space? So
that office where you did all these things that you
now regret that cause great pain in your life, you

(13:40):
want that space to reflect your identity, which comes from
direction and purpose. So you see how they build on
each other. So of course you're going to get triggered.
You need a plan for that. Okay, Really really important
concept in the Mindful Habit is what do you do
exactly when you get triggered? And not only knowing exactly

(14:04):
what you do that leads me to the next system,
which is self leadership. And self leadership includes self control
and self esteem. And the theory is just like from
the Pixar movie Inside Out, And anybody who's been in
recovery long term knows these parts don't go away, the

(14:27):
attic part, the liar part, the not good enough part,
the shame part. Given the right set of circumstances, those
parts will be triggered into hijacking your system. But if
you know how to lead them. And there's like literally
an evidence based framework, the Internal Family Systems model. The

(14:49):
Mindful Habit system which incorporates elements of the Internal Family
Systems model. Some of the best professional training that I
did was in the Internal Family Systems model. I have
the next level of training coming up in June and
I cannot wait. But this concept of leading your parts
to positive outcomes, which is so important because what a

(15:13):
lot of people do and what you might be doing
is diseasifying that part or even demonizing that attic part
of you, and that certainly makes sense because of the
poor outcomes that this part has created in your life.
You're listening to me right like sorry, that means there's
been a lot of pain and the God's honest truth.

(15:36):
Though in the scientific truth and from a neuroscience perspective,
there's no such thing as bad habits are good habits.
There's just train condition responses. So when that attic part
hijacks agency and control and takes over right the concept
of self leadership and understanding what that part needs, putting

(15:58):
them the container of all the family of origin root
cause work that maybe if you're listening you've done in therapy.
This puts it in that container. This is how that
part was trained. So self leadership, self control, all of
that's great. And the third prong of that is self esteem.
If you don't feel good about yourself, if you're not

(16:18):
moving towards something, if that pilot light in you isn't
burning hotter, then that's something you got to fix. Right.
No one successful long term who continues to feel like
a worthless piece of shit, they learn that forgiveness is
not a Self forgiveness is not a one time act.
It may come in the emotional catharsis epiphany moment that

(16:41):
you've had in group work or in therapy, and those
are awesome, I love them, but use that as a
model as a template. Self forgiveness is a process. And
if you understand your parts, you know that, right, So
really really really important self leadership, self control, and self esteem. Okay,
here's the next one. The next one is ridiculously obvious,

(17:06):
and it is accountability. Greatness never happens in isolation. If
you believe me that this is a ridiculously difficult problem
to solve. To break a habit, you have to make
a habit, and all these make a habit. Things result
in the cure, which I've been saying for thirteen years,

(17:27):
honestly with integrity, able to hold myself up high, to
despise despite my two months pop up phase error. Sorry
about that is the cure is the aggressive pursuit of
a great life. Because greatness isn't like, oh, maybe we'll
get there. That's the solution. We talked about how difficult

(17:49):
this problem is to solve. That's just at a basic level,
without even understanding what you have going on in your life.
So you need accountability in you need primary accountability. You
can have secondary accountability. Primary accountability has to be on
the make a habit. Part of the equation has to

(18:11):
be on your fundamental five eating, sleeping, hydrating, exercising, practice, mindfulness.
You need accountability on the basics. If you're not doing
the basics, please don't set those goals and expectation for yourself.
You won't achieve them. You can't. You can't create healthy
sexuality and have a shitty diet. Put poison in your body,

(18:37):
not sleep, not hydrate, not train the monkey minds, not
move your body around. And you need accountability, right And
anybody who's listening who has any business background, which a
lot of my clients do, they know right, like that,
you know, you know that nothing great comes without accountability. Hey,

(19:03):
I get a good idea. Let's not worry about cash
in a retail business because everything's gonna work its way out.
Like that's ridiculous, it's preposterous. If it's important, you need accountability.
If your marriage is important to you, if legacy is
important to you, family is important to you, you need accountability,

(19:28):
and that accountability must be primarily on the make a
habit part of the equation because you agree, right, I'm
not telling you this. You experience this as your own truth,
your own reality, your own research. To break a habit,
you have to make a habit. So if you have
to do that, then we need accountability on that. And

(19:52):
I have been analyzing what would my what would the
mindful habit sobriety chips be like, what is there a
way to, you know, create a measurement that you know
measures these streaks. And the one idea that I had
is the right track chip versus the wrong track chip.

(20:13):
So in terms of accountability, one aspect of your accountability
system you want is to pull that ripcord and like, hey,
you're on the wrong track. And certainly in life you
will be on the wrong track. The key is being
aware of it, having this distress tolerant skills to be
able to sit in it while simultaneously taking steps to

(20:35):
get out of it. You can't just run away from
the pain because that which you resist persist. What would
that metric be? And I feel like right track wrong
track is like if you measured it over maybe a
month period, like every thirty day window, you on the
right track. Or a one week window. You on the
right track are you on the wrong track, And you
have to define that. In the mindful habit system, you

(20:58):
define that minimum performance. It's critical. It's critical because that
sends up the flares, like I can't lie to myself
anymore and tell me that I'm on the right track,
not doing these things right that mandatory minimum. So accountability
number four is very important. One of the gosha the

(21:20):
accountability I don't remember the name of the study, but
accountability increases success rate by ninety five percent back you
know kind of you know that that's probably obvious. So
next number five community connection in relationships. There is a
wonderful ted talk by Johann Hari which is everything I

(21:42):
knew about addiction is wrong. I would really encourage you
to watch it, and here's what he says. The opposite
of addiction is in sobriety, it's connection. So within that connection,
if you can create vulnerability and accountability, which is like
a wick and important part of our next level long

(22:02):
term support program. We got to leverage those three things. Right.
If the opposite of addiction is in sobriety, it's connection,
you need to connect. You need to prioritize your relationship.
You need to prioritize connection, and that for us men
is ridiculously difficult. It's why faith can be so important, right,

(22:29):
even if you're not feeling all of it. But you
go to a place and there's community there, and there's
faith there, and there's people, you know, sharing their wisdom
and trying to do the right thing by other people.
So it's really really hard for us men. Right. There's
a loneliness epidemic. You might be part of that loneliness epidemic.

(22:51):
It's why I joined Rotary Club. I wasn't practicing what
I preached. Let me be honest. Michelle asked me to
run an errand, and I realized that I hadn't been
out of the house in like twenty something days. I
live at home, I work at home, my gym is
in my garage. I love taking walks around the neighborhood.

(23:14):
I'm in my zone, doing what I do, my routine.
And I went, oh, oh, I am on the wrong track.
My community, my connection, that which I preach, I had isolated.
You know, little post COVID, Oh yeah, no, a lot
post COVID. Definitely post COVID that had a big impact anyway.

(23:38):
So I joined my local Rotary club, which is a
wonderful organization. We give back to the community. We meet
once a week, we have lunch together, we have meetings,
we answer a few trivia questions. We all are doing
it because we care about the community. So community is
really important. Connection is really important. And if your wife

(24:01):
is your queen, and as the rappers say, your ride
or die like the woman that you're taken to the
hospital if something bad happens, or she's taking you to
the hospital when something bad happens, and you want to
grow old with this lady, and you want to leave
a legacy that you can be proud of. And not

(24:21):
a man who chases cheap thrills addicted to high fructose
corn syrup, but was a man of integrity, a man
who used this crisis to as a catalyst to recognize, like, oh,
our sexual energy is really powerful and very destructive if

(24:43):
left unchecked. So community, connection and relationships number five. Number
six mindfulness and faith, and I put that together. Although
they are distinct concepts, ours is a secular p I
have this buffet approach to faith that you know, I've

(25:07):
learned and gotten so much value from my clients. I
was raised a Catholic, still figuring things out love mindfulness,
So it's I just want to tell you mindfulness reduces depression, anxiety, PTSD,

(25:29):
reduces the stress level, cortisol increases well being, increases gratitude,
literally changes the gray matter in your brain. After thirty days,
you have to train the monkey mind, just like your body,
just like your mind. And it's a difficult pill to swallow. No,

(25:49):
like you know what, I'm gonna sit there and be
still and listen. The dopamine with the short term attention
span and you fathers right, you see it with your kids,
it's getting worse. Well, it's impacting you too. So you
have to train the monkey mind. And I got a
host of other videos on what you can do. And
if anybody has any questions about mindfulness, put them in

(26:12):
the comments or email support at Themindfulhabit dot com with
any comments that you have or any suggestions for an episode.
So for my men of faith, surprise surprise, here's the
statistic for you. Men who embrace their faith are an
active part of a healing, loving, connecting, grace centric charity community,

(26:42):
live happier lives. Surprise, Surprise, so ridiculously important. The Yeah,
mindfulness based RELAP prevention was shown to be as effective
as CBT cognitive behavioral therapy, and the documented studies regarding

(27:03):
faith are just obvious, right, it really really helps, really
really helps. And for you brothers who can't figure it
out right, you maybe might have be rebelling against your
childhood faith, which is what I did. My altar boy

(27:24):
priest who took care of us, who I felt very
warm towards, and I remember like gentle hugs and I remember,
you know, kindness and warmth and softness. Well, he ended
up killing himself after he was accused of with very
credible allegations of being a child molester. And so not

(27:47):
only did the church have those problems, but I had
a you know, personal connection to that problem. So I rebelled.
I rebelled, and working with clients, I would see how
much joy they got, how much hope they got, how
they got like this destructure of like being kind doing
onto others and the connections that they had. And so

(28:11):
I realized for me, like I didn't have to throw
it all away. There are a lot of great lessons there,
and I can embrace those lessons. I can embrace that philosophy.
I can ask myself what would Jesus do and pull
on those lessons from my childhood to form my identity.
And so faith or mindfulness or a connection to something

(28:33):
greater that identity is really really important. Another identity centric
system that I want to highlight is gratitude. So there
is so much evidence. I invite you to google the
science of gratitude. It has become such an important perspective.

(28:54):
And I personally learned this lesson through being forced to
up my mindfulness game because of significant, significant physical pain.
And I won't bore you with the whole story, Ben,
hopefully you're listening to this. I went to talk to
a friend of mine. I was dying in pain. I'm

(29:14):
having fantasy about Heroin again. Is it really that bad?
I think I can manage it this time, all but
it's got the f and all no I can order
it online. Like my thoughts are starting to wander. I'm
an incredible pain, and I go reach out to my
friend who really knew this stuff. We talk on the
phone and he says, Craig, you teach this stuff. You

(29:34):
teach mindfulness, right, yep, you know what to do. All
you have to do is breathe and practice gratitude. And
in my mind, I thought, you son of a bitch.
How about I hugged the tree and sing Kumbai Yah
and wave my sage around. I was pissed and he

(29:56):
could tell based on my energetic reaction. So he had
me take this chronic pain class with this famous surgeon,
doctor David Hanscomb, the author of the book Back in Control.
If you struggle with chronic pain, you need to hear this.
And I went into this deep scientific dive on the
impact of breathing and practicing gratitude and it literally changed

(30:18):
my life and it will change yours too. It is perspective.
Your cup is half full, it's half empty, there is
no cup whatever, whatever perspective you want to have, and
it's not using gratitude as a sword. I shouldn't feel
this way because someone else is suffering, right, your pain
is doesn't that which you resist persist, right, So it's

(30:41):
not like a shot of heroine. It's perspective. It's perspective,
and it is very very important. And one perspective I
want you to have is that this your problem. You
solving this problem and solving it over extended periods of
time like you're living a great life. Your issues forced

(31:04):
you to confront your deepest shame, your darkest secrets, your
capacity to lie, the profound lack of empathy despite loving
your family and would do anything for your family. The
same man who would push his family out of the
way of a car to save them, lies, cheats, sneaks

(31:27):
gas lights. Right, and that feels pretty shitty, Right, But
here's the thing, there's reasons for it. Right, you were trained,
not an excuse. Right, you lacked capacity. This is about
learning capacity, building capacity, sustaining capacity to be proactive instead

(31:48):
of reactive. And you need to build systems if you're
gonna make that happen. Gratitude is an important aspect of
the system. Last, but not least. Last, but not least,
Last but not leaf least is healthy sexuality. I think
this is so important because if you're listening to this,

(32:10):
you have a deep appreciation or are gaining a deep
appreciation for the destructive power of this powerful force. Run
amock it, moving away from love, moving away from connection.
You know this river that flows towards shame, towards isolation.

(32:30):
And so if you are developing a deep appreciation for
its destructive power, and if you're listening, you have some
appreciation for it. Well. As destructive as it is, the
other side of that is as constructive as it can be.
It is a powerful force, and with great power comes

(32:51):
great responsibility. You have to learn how to honor it,
respect it, nurture it, cherish it. Protected. You have to
protect it now more than ever, Now, more than ever.
It's everywhere. Even if you structure your stream and your
feed and you try to do everything right boom right,

(33:14):
you're gonna have to learn to that's not good for me.
Not because you'll get in trouble, Not because mommy's gonna
spank you, because you've been a bad boy, right, Not
that projecting mother bullshit onto your wife, but building an
identity of a man who says, deuce is powerful. I
need to protect it. I am no longer letting these

(33:35):
outside sources stain my arousal template push me deeper into
despair of isolation, loneliness, darkness, and whatever you're looking at.
You know what you're looking at, right? Is that healthy? Unhealthy?
Only you can decide that. Only you can decide that

(33:56):
the goal cannot be sobriety. The goal must be healthy sexuality.
And I want you to think about that. I want
you to define it to the best of your ability.
Write it down. What does it look like? Right? Is

(34:17):
healthy sexuality? Fighting with your wife about your ability to
look at a bathing suit? Pitcher? Is that the hill
you're dying on? Is that healthy? Or is there a
teenage sexuality a boy you know, feeling empowered by disobeying mommy?

(34:41):
Right do you? Is that healthy? Doesn't mean it's you
don't notice, guys, that's the thing. It doesn't mean you
don't notice. But for those of you who sexuality is
banged up and stained early childhood, sexual experiences, religious shame,
fire and brimstone, secrets, isolation, more shame as you get

(35:02):
older and older, that has to be a priority. Right,
That powerful force needs to be channeled and directed, And
for at least me, it took like twenty years of
working on this to have that perspective, and like, wait

(35:22):
a minute, what I know what I don't want? Well,
part of me wants that, the other part of me
knows it will destroy everything that's good for my family.
Like what's healthy? What's healthy? You know? Peaking well, that's healthy?
You know? Looking down blouses that's healthy looking up skirts,
you know, losing yourself to an Instagram video? Right? Is

(35:44):
that healthy? And so that's how I want you or
I encourage you to define this journey. What's healthy? And
how do you want your If you had a teenage son,
how would you want him to honor and respect women?
Would you want him to be a slave to boobies

(36:06):
and butts and these highly sophisticated marketing funnels using sex
to sell us shit, We do not need. No. You
want him to be strong. You want him not to
be insecure, You want him not to be rattled. You
want him to know that this is a powerful force
that must be channeled and directed and you must protect it.

(36:29):
You must protect it. There's a often a spiritual or
religious moral grounds that it's important for you to communicate.
But you got to communicate to make a habit part right,
And if you don't connect with how are you going
to communicate it with your child? These are conversations that
you can have, say, hey, let's talk about that. You know,
I remember when I was a kid, I couldn't stop

(36:52):
staring obsessed. I remember once in college I peeked out
the window, sat there for three hours hoping for a
peak age appropriate, of course. But here's the thing, this
is my last footnote on helping your children. I think
that it is going to take men to say, hey, kid,
I need you to know that this shit fucked me up.

(37:16):
I need you to know that this created space between
me and your mom. I want you to know it
turned me into a liar. I want you to know
it brought me down some crazy dark path that I
wish I never went down. I think it's going to
take that level of honesty, brothers, to counter the narrative

(37:39):
that hey, it is what it is. Yeah, they're protected.
There's disillusion we're telling ourselves they're not. They're not, And
the only way to pierce through that noise is being honest.
So there's a powerful opportunity here, man. I just don't
think you can pierce them at healthy porn narrative, which

(38:02):
it's everywhere right. If your kid gets sucked up into
the manosphere, gets the porn industry line and at regular
entertainment line has been obliterated. It doesn't exist anymore. Your
kids could be watching the non nude content from the
sex house in LA and you wouldn't know. You'd say, well,
what's that nothing right? You wouldn't know. You wouldn't know,

(38:24):
it's become mainstream. So you have to be a leader.
And that is why, brother, your focus must be on
creating healthy sexuality. And for me, you know the way
that I came to think of it, my twelve step meetings,
my therapy all helped me. I needed to focus on

(38:46):
my problems. I needed to know about, you know, other
people's slips to keep me from going. And I knew
I needed to build an identity around healthy sexuality. I
knew that I needed to focus on the make a
habit part of the equation. And once I realized that

(39:08):
at that low point coming out of impatient, it was
to feed the right wolf's story and break a habit.
Make a habit came to me at the same time
after I got my prescription, after getting out of the
hospital for trying to hurt myself, more therapy, more meetings,
and I remember being very, very depressed at that time.

(39:30):
And I actually slipped with drugs as soon as I
got out of impatience and made some phone calls that
I shouldn't have been making. And I was so so
so so down, so low, and two concepts punched me
in the face. At the same time, break a habit,
make a habit, and feed the right wolf. Two wolves

(39:51):
inside you, one good, one bad. Which one wins the
one you feed? So those two stories or let and said,
you have to focus on the make a habit. You've
got to focus on feeding the right wolf. And over time,
hence the mindful habit system was born. So take the

(40:12):
examples that I gave you purpose, risk management, self leadership, accountability,
community connection and relationships, mindfulness, faith, gratitude, and healthy sexuality.
Ask yourself, what do you need to be paying attention
to at that fifty thousand foot level? What containers do

(40:36):
you need to make sure these necessary systems? Because again, guys,
there's an expression in twelve Steps that I love. No
matter how far down the road you get, you're always
three feet away from the ditch. No matter how far
down the road you go, you're always three feet away

(40:59):
from the ditch. I think this one is your one
foot away. Well, my phone's right there. You're less than
one foot away. It is such an easy escape and
easy release and easy reward. And if you want to
channel that energy into greatness, you have to feed the

(41:23):
right wolf. You have to focus on make a habit,
and you do not rise to the level of your goals,
you fall to the level of your systems. If you
don't have your system, borrow mind. All right, brothers, that's
all I got for today. Thank you so much for listening.
Remember to like and subscribe, and if you have any

(41:46):
questions or any comments, please put them in the comments.
Email it to support at themindfulhabit dot com. What our
systems do you need to create and sustain healthy sexuality
in a great life? Go to Mindfulhabit heelp dot com.

(42:06):
Watch the free training book a call if you are
ready to aggressively pursue a great life. Thanks for listening,
Embrace your power of choice and feed the right wolf.
Bye everybody.