Why Your Relationship Is Falling Apart (And How to Fix It) with Melissa Nanavati, Relationship Coach
November 25, 2025 • 40 mins
You can’t build a powerful life on a foundation of chaos at home. And most men don’t struggle because they don’t love their partner — they struggle because no one ever taught them how to talk about hard things without it blowing up.
Download The BRAVE Framework here: https://www.melissananavati.com/BRAVEscripts
In this powerful episode, you will learn:
🔥 Why love is not enough without structure
🔥 How to talk about hard topics without triggering defensiveness
🔥 Why creating safety must happen before chemistry
🔥 How physical touch regulates the nervous system during conflict
🔥 Why “I’m sorry” means nothing without action
🔥 And how to co-create solutions that actually stick
If you’ve broken trust, kept secrets, or feel disconnected from your partner, this episode will give you a system to repair, rebuild, and lead your relationship with courage.
Download The BRAVE Framework here: https://www.melissananavati.com/BRAVEscripts
Melissa Nanavati is a speaker, author, and Relationship Architect who helps high performers rebuild trust, reignite chemistry, and create systems for love that last. She blends neuroscience, biology, and lived experience to teach the art of relational courage.
Despite early success as a Fortune 100 consultant and bestselling textbook author, Melissa spent years struggling with an anxiety disorder, battling alcohol abuse, and enduring over 100 first dates in her search for a partner.
When she finally met her husband, their relationship was forged under extraordinary pressure, including raising $1.1 million for his world-record expedition and spending 4 months apart while running two businesses.
Through that journey, Melissa developed frameworks and tools to help high achievers build peaceful, powerful relationships. She is a trusted relationship coach for executives, founders, and driven individuals seeking actionable, science-backed tools to navigate love.
Melissa reveals her BRAVE Framework, a neuroscience-backed, action-driven structure that transforms the way couples communicate. This isn’t fluffy advice — it’s tactical, practical, and built for real life.
Download The BRAVE Framework here: https://www.melissananavati.com/BRAVEscripts
She offers powerful one-on-one coaching, so reach out and apply here:
Apply for Coaching: https://www.melissananavati.com/coaching
Learn more at: www.MelissaNanavati.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/MelissaNanavati
YouTube: www.youtube.com/@PeakPerformanceLove
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/MelissaNanavati
Remember: Your relationship won’t fix itself. Courage will.
Download The BRAVE Framework here: https://www.melissananavati.com/BRAVEscripts
In this powerful episode, you will learn:
🔥 Why love is not enough without structure
🔥 How to talk about hard topics without triggering defensiveness
🔥 Why creating safety must happen before chemistry
🔥 How physical touch regulates the nervous system during conflict
🔥 Why “I’m sorry” means nothing without action
🔥 And how to co-create solutions that actually stick
If you’ve broken trust, kept secrets, or feel disconnected from your partner, this episode will give you a system to repair, rebuild, and lead your relationship with courage.
Download The BRAVE Framework here: https://www.melissananavati.com/BRAVEscripts
Melissa Nanavati is a speaker, author, and Relationship Architect who helps high performers rebuild trust, reignite chemistry, and create systems for love that last. She blends neuroscience, biology, and lived experience to teach the art of relational courage.
Despite early success as a Fortune 100 consultant and bestselling textbook author, Melissa spent years struggling with an anxiety disorder, battling alcohol abuse, and enduring over 100 first dates in her search for a partner.
When she finally met her husband, their relationship was forged under extraordinary pressure, including raising $1.1 million for his world-record expedition and spending 4 months apart while running two businesses.
Through that journey, Melissa developed frameworks and tools to help high achievers build peaceful, powerful relationships. She is a trusted relationship coach for executives, founders, and driven individuals seeking actionable, science-backed tools to navigate love.
Melissa reveals her BRAVE Framework, a neuroscience-backed, action-driven structure that transforms the way couples communicate. This isn’t fluffy advice — it’s tactical, practical, and built for real life.
Download The BRAVE Framework here: https://www.melissananavati.com/BRAVEscripts
She offers powerful one-on-one coaching, so reach out and apply here:
Apply for Coaching: https://www.melissananavati.com/coaching
Learn more at: www.MelissaNanavati.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/MelissaNanavati
YouTube: www.youtube.com/@PeakPerformanceLove
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/MelissaNanavati
Remember: Your relationship won’t fix itself. Courage will.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up, everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
This is Craig Pera and you are listening to Sex
Afflictions and Porn Addictions, a podcast to help you create
and sustain healthy sexuality in a great life. And as
everyone knows who's been listening for many, many years, a
critical component of creating a great life.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Part of the obvious is your relationship. Right.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
If your relationship isn't thriving, you die younger, you have
more physical pain, emotional pain. And if you're listening to
this right, you've made some mistakes. You've stumbled, you've lied,
you've kept secret sexual secrets that have caused your partner
great harm, and undoubtedly your relationship needs attention. Well, today
(00:50):
I have a very special guest and someone who I'm
so excited to introduce to my audience.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Her name is Melissa Nanavadi.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
And as I've been sharing lately with some of you,
we've been going on this journey Michelle and I together
and we've been meeting.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
All these amazing people.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Melissa and her husband were two of the most amazing
people that we ever met. So let me introduce her
and then we're going to get her here. But no, no, first,
let me welcome you. Melissa, you're here listening to all
this stuff. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Thank you so much. Greg. I am so grateful to
be here with you today.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Well, and guys, you're going to get in. Gals, you're
going to get a lot of value today. We're going
to get practical with some really important tools. But let
me tell you about Melissa. So, she is a speaker,
she's an author, and she's a relationship architect. We're going
to talk about that later because when we met, I
fell in love with that word, and that really was cool.
(01:46):
She helps high performers rebuild trust, reignite chemistry, and creates
systems for love that lap. She blends neuroscience, biology, and
lived experience to teach the art of relational courage. And
if you've been paying attention, you know how important that is.
Despite early success as a fortune one hundred consultant, best
(02:09):
selling textbook author, Melissa spent years struggling with an anxiety disorder,
battling alcohol abuse, and enduring over one hundred first dates
in her search for her partner. When she finally met
her husband, their relationship was forged through extraordinary pressure. Raising
one point one million for his world record expedition and
(02:30):
maybe it's someday, if we're lucky, we'll have him on
here guys, this is.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
This wild story.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Spending four months apart while running two businesses, and through
that journey, Melissa developed frameworks and tools to help high
achievers build peaceful, powerful relationships. She's a trusted relationship coach
for executives, founders, and driven individuals seeking actionable science pass
tools to navigate love. Boom, I am so glad you're here, Melissa.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Oh, I'm so great to be here with you today.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
So here is my first question.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I thought love was just supposed to happen, and if
it's not happening, it means something's broken, there's something.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Wrong with us. Why do we need and I know
the answer, so I'm teasing it a little bit. Why
do we need.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
These systems and these tools and these frameworks to actually
have a good relationship?
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Shouldn't it come naturally?
Speaker 4 (03:27):
That is a fantastic question and one I often get
a lot. But like any other goal in life, you
don't just leave it to chance, especially one this important.
And that's where I think complacency really kills. Complacency kills
relationships when we think that the love should just be there.
That if chemistry isn't there, there's nothing we can do
about it. If passion fates, there's nothing we can do
(03:49):
about it. But when we begin to take real ownership
over our approach to love and set up systems and
apply frameworks, we actually create the foundation for love to grow.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
So, yeah, and people who are listening, you've probably heard
some similar themes that I've been sharing with you over
the years.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
You can't leave it to chance.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
How can you leave something so important, so complex, so rewarding,
so devastating to chance?
Speaker 1 (04:17):
You can't. You can't.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
So let let let let's talk about some of those frameworks, Melissa,
what are you passionate about. I know you've got a
couple that are really, really practical, and I was going
down the Brave framework and then the fast Apology framework.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
They're both important, So what's calling you right now?
Speaker 4 (04:37):
I think the Brave framework is one of the most
important critical frameworks that I teach not only on stages
but in one on one work with coaching clients. And
there's actually a free gift at the end for any
of the listeners that gets access to a detailed version
of this framework. But this is really the foundation of
how do you start to weave in research from neuroscience
(04:58):
biology to create the con additions for your partner to
really hear you to get to a point of resolution.
So it is a simplified way of thinking about how
do I bring up the really uncomfortable conversations in a
way that my partner's not only going to hear, but
going to be prepared to have a really deep conversation
and actually find solutions a lot of times, what I've
(05:19):
found in my research and there's a lot of great
frameworks when it comes to communication talking about hard things.
But what's unique about this framework is the action element,
because I think similar to apologies, without action, it really
falls flat. And there are some very specific things you
can do not only from a verbal standpoint, but from
a physical standpoint that allows your partner to really hear
(05:41):
you and to feel safe and connected. But even before
we dive into this, I think it's important to understand
from a neuroscience perspective, what are the elements that really
create a sense of chemistry and safety. And I'm sure
you've talked about this on your podcast before, but the
importance and the role of the neuro neurotransmitter dopamine. So
dopamine is that reward system within the brain, and you
(06:04):
activate dopamine through things like novelty and play. And then
you have oxytocin, which is the critical both hormone and
neurotransmitter that is responsible for creating that sense of bonding
and safety. So that's why it's really important in these frameworks,
not just from a verbal standpoint, but to make sure
you're creating some sort of physical contact when you're having
(06:25):
hard conversations, you're holding hands, you have a hand on
their leg because it releases oxytocin. And then the third
really important neurotransmitter is serotonin, So this is the mood stabilizer.
So thinking about how can we activate all of these
different chemicals and things that are happening in the brain
when we're having these hard conversations lays the foundation for
(06:48):
a more effective conversation.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah, I absolutely love that.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
And one of the words that you said, Melissa, really
means a lot here.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Safety And so one of.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
My favorite podcast that I've ever done was the most
important word in recovery and healing and life, and I
used to think it was love, and that's important, and
of course that's important. But I realized about me because
of all the challenges that I've had attaching bonding, addiction, trauma.
(07:19):
I can't have love if I don't feel.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Safe, absolutely, and I think that's one of the most
critical elements of repair and rebuilding trust and even is
the precursor to feeling a sense of chemistry with your partner. Again,
I think a lot of times in these cases where
there's been some sort of mistake, it doesn't have to
be a massive infraction and trust, but we have to
(07:41):
create safety not only for ourselves but for our partner
before we can come to resolution. And we have to
create safety before we can feel attraction to our partner,
because that is the precursor. I think that's where a
lot of people miss the mark. They go to immediately
big romantic gestures after making a mistake. But you have
to create safety first. And we do that really intentionally,
(08:03):
even in having conversations, requesting, hey, could we hold hands
while we're having this conversation. And this is a tactic
I not only teach my coaching clients, but I do
in my own marriage whenever we've had a hard conversation,
and there's been many funny instances too, where one of
us would let go of the other person's hand and
we'd immediately grab it again, and just that act down
regulates your nervous system. The act of creating physical touch
(08:26):
through really hard conversations does two things. So first it
releases oxytocin, and that's the bonding neurotransmitror or hormone. And
then second, it reminds you that you're on the same team,
because that is one of the key things we're engaging
in these hard conversations is framing it in a way
that it doesn't feel adversarial. It's not you versus me,
(08:46):
it's you and me versus the.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Issue so so so important and good.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
I'm so glad. There's so much that Melissa and I
have in common. I have relationship infrastructure, use, a relationship architect.
So let's talk about this this brave framework. What what
I There's so many things that I love about it
and what.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
And guys, you're gonna get this right. So this is
a free gift.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
You're gonna out, You're you're gonna get this, You're gonna
be able to print it out. This is something that
really really gonna bring value. So let's let's let's let's
further inspire people to make sure they get this download
on Melissa because I absolutely love it.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It's just so well done and so well structured. Tell
me more.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
So the be really starts with begin within and within
this initial step, there are a couple of things that
need to happen. The very first one is that you
need to decide on what outcome do you want from
the conversation, And usually the outcomes fall into one of
three categories. It is you want deeper connection, you want
to feel like this sense of support, so you want
(09:56):
more support in your relationship in some way. Or is
it you want to break pattern? And so first identifying
what is the outcome that you want of the conversation
is what allows it to be more productive and not
simply rehashing the past. I think that's absolutely critical. And
within that, you also want to begin by assuming positive intent,
especially if it's something like breaking a pattern. What is
(10:18):
the positive reason that my partner could be doing this
thing that I don't like? Because anytime we engage in
any kind of behavior, even if it's destructive, there is
a reason, and there's usually actually a positive reason that
people forget so when we can look at our partner
and the actions they are taking and assume that they
are coming from a positive frame, we can start to
engage in the conversation a way that again is less adversarial,
(10:40):
and then finally get regulated. So often we want to
have these really hard conversations when we're in the heat
of the moment, the emotions are running really high, but
that's never the time to have the conversation ever, never, ever,
And that getting regulated can be as simple as taking
a few conscious breaths out through the mouth health whatever
that may be. Yeah, So after we've done all that
(11:03):
pre work, the BEE is all about beginning within. Then
we get into R, which stands for request a time
to talk, And this one I have been guilty of
not doing very well early in my marriage. Even I
would want to talk about it immediately. I'm somebody who
wants solutions right away, and having the conversation at a
time where your partner is prepared means they can also
(11:25):
be in a regulated state. So this can be as
simple as a script that is also in the download.
Hey there's something that's been on my heart. When's a
good time to talk?
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Right?
Speaker 4 (11:34):
There's no accusation. There, you're simply framing it and giving
your partner an opportunity to identify a time when they
can be in the right headspace to have a deeper conversation.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
And I want to highlight and pause there just for
a minute, please, That is ridiculously impoor and timing is
everything in every one of my clients nine percent of them, no,
oh that professionally and then in the women right, if
they're in a professional environment, a leader or an entrepreneur
(12:06):
and an executive, they know that to be a great leader,
timing that conversation, preparing someone for that difficult conversation, setting expectations.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
But timing alone.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Is really can be the big, big, big difference between
having a successful outcome and a poor outcome.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
So I'm so glad that you focused on that.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
Thank you for underscoring that, because it really is the
missed step so often and again the way that you
frame it, and that's why I include scripts in that
download is so important because if you say, hey, I
have an issue that I have to bring up with you,
that's going to create a lot of fear. That's going
to put your partner in their amigdala in their part
of their brain that's in fight or flight instead of
(12:48):
their prefrontal cortex, which is our thinking mind where we
want our partner to be when we're having these conversations,
and that asking for a time is profoundly important.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Ye, so yeah, good, keep going, keep going.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
We'll keep working our way on a light level of
this framework so that people can actually start to even
think about how they can apply it. And A in
the BRAVE framework stands for affirm and share, And again
there are scripts in there that explain exactly how to
do this. But it is so critical when we engage
in a difficult conversation that we pre frame it with
some very specific language, things like I'm not going to
(13:25):
say this perfectly. Please don't get attached to my exact words,
because what can happen is if you start to engage
in a hard conversation your partner knows it's coming, they're
going to nitpick every word. And the importance of saying
I'm not going to say this perfectly sets you both
up for success. You then want to follow it up
with something along the lines of we're on the same team,
(13:45):
I love you, I want the best possible outcome for
this conversation, but again reminding the other person that you
are on the same team shifts the dynamic.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, we're in this together together.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Exactly and only after that affirmation, and can you then
share the issue, the thing that is on your heart,
always using I feel statements instead of you always right.
It's so critical that we frame it in the impact
that something has had on you versus that accusation of
what they're doing wrong, and that framing is everything right.
(14:19):
It's the difference between whether or not someone can hear
you and you're on the same team, or they get
immediately defensive. So after that a comes to V. V
actually might be on par in terms of the most
important step with R so requesting a time and V
stands for a view and validate. People cannot hear us
if they do not feel seen, felt and heard. So
(14:42):
even though this is about you bringing up an issue
of something you want to work through, then ask your
partner what is your perspective, what's the story you're telling
yourself when this incident happens, what is your experience? And
then after they share, you have to validate their experience
and validation I will say this twice. Validation does not
(15:03):
mean agreement. Validation does not mean agreement. Validation means acknowledging
the impact that your actions or the scenario had on them.
It's about validating their emotional experience. Just like say you
bump into someone at the grocery store, you bump carts,
you're going to apologize and acknowledge the impact. You're not
(15:24):
apologizing for the intention, but you're apologizing for the impact
that you had. So you don't have to agree with
your partner to validate them. And I think that this
is particularly difficult for people to understand. But validation is
not agreement. It is simply the acknowledgment of the feelings.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
And throughout this giveaway, I noticed that you have very.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Specific scripts, Melissa, Why are those important?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Why you?
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I mean, I'm literally reading the words and by the way,
I borrowed one of them from my own personal life
already amazing.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
But tell me why again should I have to do this?
Tell me why script?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
Yes, it seems formulaic, and this can feel there can
be some initial resistance to having a conversation go in
this formula, But this formula and these specific scripts are
what allows someone to feel that felt, seen, heard, in
the conversation and it keeps them out of getting into
fight or flight, because if you start to use language
that is combative in any way, you push your partner
(16:27):
out of their thinking mind and into their reactive brain.
And so that's why these scripts and the language that
you use is so critical. And these are scripts that
we literally use in our marriage every time we have
a hard conversation, and it will become natural and organic
over time. And again, if something doesn't feel perfectly natural
for you to say, and it feels almost like you're
a robot, adapt the script. But keep these framing scripts
(16:52):
because you can adapt how you say it right. But
the importance is having the right language that does not
feel adversarial.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Yeah, And to reinforce that point is we need the
scripts because we're conditioned to react from a place of fear,
get defensive, shut down, fight, flight, freeze or people please fawning.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
We don't have the words.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
We don't have the words to have honest, vulnerable conversations
because we didn't learn to have those conversations. So just
like when I was a lawyer, I'm getting ready to
go into court for the first time, You damn well
sure I knew exactly what I was going to say.
In the beginning, maybe I wasn't sure where the judge
was gonna take me, but I had the questions I
(17:41):
knew I had to ask. I was prepared to ask them.
They were written down, they were in front of me.
My intro was scripted. I learned it, and it sounded
so unnatural in the beginning, but over time I found
my voice. And this is what this is for you listeners.
This is to help you find your voice and seek
your truth in your relationship so you don't stuff it
(18:03):
down so it doesn't go haywire and come out the
other side doing things that are going to destroy your
legacy in your marriage. So yeah, I wanted to highlight
that that point around scripting because.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
I am a huge fan.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
I literally when I was at my rock bottom, Melissa,
I realized, I said to myself, I was like, if
I was going into court or going into meet with
the board, like I would be prepared, and here I
am showing up for these deep conversations with no preparation.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
And I used to and I, look, they're going to
be right here. I must have moved them. Okay.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
I usually have my three x five card props that
I pull out for guys and say I wrote on
the three by five cards. I literally I pulled out
my notes because I needed them, because I did not
have the script to communicate my truth exactly.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
And I think too, if you think about anything you
do in business, you don't go into a sales meeting prepared.
You have a couple of key talking points, and you
allow the conversation to evolve naturally. And that's exactly what
this is. We're not saying use these scripts for every
response to everything your partner says, but this will give
you the foundation to start the conversation in a way
that keeps you both regulated and on the same team.
(19:18):
And like we mentioned a little while ago, through every
one of these steps, the intention is that you are
holding hands. You have a hand on their leg, maintaining
that physical contact because it's releasing oxytocin and allowing you
to feel more connected through the conversation.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Yeah, I and I've done that before, and you know
you can feel the urge to pull away, and then
that urge to pull away is a reminder of why
you're holding hands in the first place. And sometimes you
kind of you know you're you're you're not feeling it,
but it comes back. You know, you're able to ground yourself.
(19:53):
And we are trying to do something special. We're trying
to break generational patterns. We're trying to be better parents
for our children so they can learn how to do this.
Because right, there's no relationship that doesn't have it, does it.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
One hundred percent, And this conversation, any of these brave conversations,
the ultimate goal is to bring you closer together. The
ultimate goal is to close your energy leaks within your relationships.
You can have the energy to do the things that matter.
But if we are stuffing things under, if we are
ignoring things, shoving it under the rug, if we are
(20:27):
leaving these energy leaks open, it's going to have a
compounding effect on every other part of your relationship.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
And I I'll every other part of your life because eventually,
as much as it'll bleed over, and eventually it'll bleed over.
And there's an interesting phenomenon, Melissa. You might think this
is a so whenever when most men come into my program,
(20:54):
eighty percent of them.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Marriage is a mess, life is a mass house work.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Oh it's okay, yeah, No, I'm good there, right, And
because they're able to they feel they're able to compartmentalize.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
But if you're not communicating your.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Truth where you need to do it most, what impact
does that have on you as a professional? Are you
people pleasing there too? Are you disagreeable? Are you reactive?
Are you defensive? People think they can compartmentalize it to
the home, but they can't.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Gain They absolutely not, and it drips out over time.
You may be able to keep that compartment for some time,
but eventually, to your point, it topples over. Yeah, and
then the last step in this framework is E, which
stands for end with action, And this is really all
about co creating a plan forward. So a lot of
(21:45):
the conversational frameworks that I found about how to have
hard conversations where I thought there was a gap was
this last piece. And again coming back to this idea
that an apology without a change in behavior means nothing.
And similarly, when you can have this hard conversation, you
can get into alignment. But if you don't take accountability
for actually co creating, what is the one or two
(22:08):
actions that we each need to take moving forward in
order to break the pattern, to feel more supported, to
feel more deeply connected, so really making an action plan
and putting it in your calendar, treating it like you
would absolutely anything else in any other part of your life,
because you know, if something's not in your calendar, it's
probably not happening. And finding that opportunity to say, hey,
(22:31):
or when this issue comes up again, this is what
I'm commit to doing differently, and then having your partner
also commit to what they are doing differently, and that
co creation element. I cannot underscore the importance enough because
that's how you want to frame it. Say hey, let's
co create a plan for moving forward, and it brings
your partner in not feeling like they are just sitting
there listening to you or just sharing their feelings with
(22:53):
no end in action, because the actions are where you
start to make meaningful change.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
And I want to a size something you said, Melissa
that I absolutely love and it's such a low hanging
piece of fruit, and sometimes I feel like I'm highlighting
things that are so simple and so obvious. Put it
in the calendar. My old boss said to me, I'll
never forget her. Her name's Maria Retarta from the Hartford
Financial Services Group. It was my first non legal role.
(23:21):
I drove this poor woman, crazy Melissa. I have to
give her props because she changed my life. She was
helping me manage my calendar to be a better leader.
And she opens up my calendar and she sees, I
have all my appointments there, and I got my dentist
appointments there, my doctor's appointments there. And she says, now,
I've asked you to do something for me. Where's that?
(23:44):
And I went, you have your doctor appointment there? You
have like this is in Craig. This isn't just you.
This is the most important project you're working on. This
is your your you know what you get rewarded for.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
This is it? Where is it?
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Where is that time dedicated to this important thing in
the calendar? And it wasn't there. And it was a
lesson I eventually brought over to my personal life. If
it's important, it goes in the calendar, because we are
managing our most precious resource of time. If it's not
in the calendar, it ain't getting done.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Could not agree more.
Speaker 4 (24:20):
And that's even true for when you're thinking about how
you can start setting up frameworks within your relationship, rituals
within your relationship for connection. And again this may feel
foreign initially, but it's so profound. Even early in my
marriage with my husband Aucshay So, we had put in
our calendar eight pm every night are appreciation ritual, So
(24:40):
we take fifteen minutes at the end of every day
to express appreciation for what the other person did for
us that day or something we admire about them. And
that may sound very tactical and foreign initially, and it
eventually fell off the calendar because we were doing it
so habitually. But for the first I would say six months,
it was on the calendar. It would pop up as
(25:02):
a reminder and was a way to make sure that
we were orienting ourselves towards the positive, looking for what
is our partner doing right and for us, and taking
the time to express it, because that's often we're thinking
these wonderful things about our partner, how much we'd love them,
how much we admire them, But how often do we
take that next step to say it, to share it.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Oh wait, take it for granted. We assume they know
we know we love them.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Why do I have to say it?
Speaker 1 (25:29):
I'll tell them on Valentine's you know I love this.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Scheduling and having that was it hard for you to
get into that pattern. Did you fall off and come
back in? Can you share some of the struggles about
maintaining a routine like that? Did you have any of those?
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
So we were very, very dedicated and diligent doing this
leading up to my husband's expedition across Antarctica where we
had to raise the one point one million that you mentioned.
So our first year of marriage was very intense, and
that's actually where this ritual was really born from, was
making sure that even if we weren't getting the same
kind of date night's quality time, we were juggling a lot.
(26:11):
We were traveling the world for eighty percent of the year,
we were chasing snow basically for his training, and through
all the stress and that extra element, we wanted to
make sure that we had some sort of system in
place to really feel deeply connected at least at the
end of every day. And so we built this ritual,
and then once the expedition was over, we fell off.
Life got a little bit easier. We could breathe for
(26:33):
a moment, and we stopped doing it for about a month,
and I noticed a distinct difference in the quality of
our connection and how we got a little bit routine
in the way we were engaging with each other, and
there just wasn't that same level of appreciation being expressed,
and so I brought up to him, I said, hey,
can we bring this back. We didn't necessarily put on
the calendar, but we just made the intention because by
(26:55):
that point we had built the habit. But like anything,
if you stop feeding it, you can fall off, but
that doesn't mean it's done and you can't come back
to it. So now it is firmly a part of
our evening ritual every single night and has been for
over a year.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
It's so important I'm going to incorporate that. I declare
it here now. Michelle and I are going to do
that every night. It's an important thing that we're going
to integrate it into our infrastructure. I do, but as
always I love this opportunity to improve. So thank you for.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
That my pleasure, and I will say one great question
for anyone listening, if you are struggling with what do
I express appreciation for or what do I acknowledge my
partner for a fantastic question you can ask is what
can I acknowledge you for today? And what that does
is it gives your partner the opportunity also to share
the things they would like acknowledgment for there's probably a
(27:45):
lot of things they're doing for you that go very unseen,
and that's where it gives them the opportunity to express it.
And the caveat I want to add here is do
not just reply thanks. I've heard this when I've done
some couple's facilitation around Hey, let's implement this ritual that
the initial response is just thank you, especially if you're
not someone who's used to giving a lot of verbal affirmation.
(28:06):
So instead of just simply saying thank you, after they
identify what they would like to be acknowledged for, the
next step is to, again this will feel formulaic, repeat
back everything they just said. So instead of saying thanks,
you say thank you for picking up the kids from school,
thank you for everything you do to keep our house running.
Thank you for the effort you put into your job today,
(28:27):
and for making the money that contributes to our life.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Right.
Speaker 4 (28:30):
So, repeating back the specific things they do is a
critical and often missed step when someone starts to implement
this ritual. But it only takes two or three minutes
at most every evening, and you can do this whether
or not you are in the same place, even if
your partner is traveling. This can be a quick phone call,
it can even be a text message. But building that
habit and really really committing to it is how you
(28:52):
start to orient yourself towards the positive for your partner,
especially in cases where you're rebuilding trust. This is great
for the partner that but it maybe feels a little
concern and they're now looking for things you are doing wrong.
This is a way to orient them towards the positive.
A great example of this, let's say you decide one
day that you're really wanting to buy a Red Tesla.
(29:14):
All of a sudden, you start to see red Teslas
in every parking lot every time you drive because you're
looking for it. Our brains are taking in so much
information every single day and we are filtering it through
the lens of what our goals are. So if your
goal is to now look for the things that your
partner's doing well, you are going to see more things
(29:34):
they are doing well. And this goes for both partners.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
It's such an important like relational leadership. You know, each
person taking accountability for the outcome that they seek and
like we would do professionally putting in place the protocols, processes.
And I use those words on purpose because they're so
not romantic. I'm saying that, yeah, you know, the policies
(29:57):
and procedures. I never would have thought dreamed that when
I with the project manager, how much I loathe the PMPs,
the policies and procedures, that I would come to realize
how important it is to have that that infrastructure, that commitment,
that consistency, particularly in one of the most important areas
of your life.
Speaker 4 (30:15):
And so I was just going to say add to that,
that's especially true for people who say their objection is well,
but I want spontan aid in our relationship. Structure actually
creates the conditions.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
It creates it, It creates, it creates it. Yes, I
want to second that. Now, end with action. We talked
about the co creating a solution plan of time to
take action, and there was the last thing. Did you
Did you say that or did I miss it? Because
I want to make sure we end on a bang.
What's number three there?
Speaker 4 (30:45):
Yeah, I think it's it's really committing to doing the action,
and I think it's a taking piece of that ownership
and ending with a hug yes, yes, and ending with
it ending with more physical affection.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (30:55):
The ending with the hug is absolutely critical, or some
sort of additional squeeze, something physical to really just kind
of lock that in, because there's a lot of research
of the shows actually I believe eighty percent of the
damage is reduced when you have physical contact. The emotional
damage was reduced by eighty percent at the end of
a hard conversation simply by having physical contact.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
That makes so much sense because I mean, I mean,
I've done it, and the pull, you know, especially with
clients who have issues around touch, yeah, issues around vulnerability.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
This really compels you. Who guides you, leads.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
You into a framework that's actually going to get results
in your relationship. Now, what do you say, Melissa to
the person whose partner refuses to participate, doesn't want to
commit the effort to see, they don't need they don't
they don't, they don't need to do anything. And the
(31:57):
person really really really wants to make it work or
not at that point yet where they're ready to pull
the plug. It's been a long standing marriage, there's been
a lot of damage done.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
How can the what do you say to that person,
I say to.
Speaker 4 (32:12):
That person initially trying this, if this does not have
the impact, if they're not willing to do that, you
model the behavior you want to see. And I think
a lot of times in these cases where there's been
a lot of longstanding damage, things that have happened that
pull people part in the relationship is to begin by
simply modeling the behavior show, don't tell, and that's how
(32:32):
you start to begin that to build that sense of
safety and trust and doing that over time. So committing
to taking these actions even if they haven't, you start
taking these actions, and that will naturally begin to shift
it for your partner in that they will start to
trust you more and over time, as that trust is built,
then you re engage this conversation. But you don't just
(32:53):
leave it. So if the first time it doesn't work.
There have been many conversations, not only in the couples
that I work with, but in my own marriage where
we had to have the same conversation three four times
before we came to resolution. It's not about coming to
resolution on the first time. It's about that commitment to
continue the conversation and demonstrate through your actions that there
has been a shift and a change in you and
(33:14):
how you want to show up and operate.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Yeah, it's one of the principles we talk here because
we do a lot of parts work Melissa's self leadership
and this is a perfect example you and I want
to be clear for you guys listenings who might be
hesitant to bring something like this to your partner, I say,
lean into that discomfort because if she's with you, she
wants people want to be happy, all right, So being
(33:38):
proactive in bringing her this and her to him can
bring value. But I want to be clear, like Melissa said,
there's a couple of areas. Yeah, there's specific things around
the couple, but you can do everything here. There's nothing
here besides scheduling a time, you know, but you can lead,
You can schedule your time, you can be pro active,
(34:00):
you can begin within And I.
Speaker 4 (34:03):
Really have to say too that it only takes one
person to begin breaking a pattern.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
That's right.
Speaker 4 (34:09):
And when we are in these cycles of conflict and
hard conversations not going well, if you stop reacting, your
partner doesn't have something to keep the cycle going with.
And it doesn't mean the other person doesn't need to
take ownership. But you can be the catalyst for change.
And I think that complete ownership and radical ownership even
(34:29):
in things in partnership, is how you really begin to
show up as your best self and to your language, you.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Begin to lead.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
And I think taking that leadership role even in hard
conversations is key. The other thing I want to acknowledge too,
is there should be fear that comes up when you
go to have these conversations. Fear means you care. Fear
means there's something of value here. And you do not
need the fear to go away or to be fearless
to take action, because you cannot have courage without fear.
(34:56):
And so the fact that the fear is there is
actually an indicator that you were about to go into
a conversation that matters.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
It's an indicator of yeah, importance or significance. It means
I'm leaning into discomfort, I'm doing the right thing here. Yeah,
that's an excellent like a barometer. Am I afraid to
have this conversation? And one of the questions I pose
for my guys that some of them ask themselves regularly
(35:23):
is what would I say to.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
My partner if I was brave, courageous.
Speaker 4 (35:28):
A leader, beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
And I saw that brave conversation idea.
Speaker 4 (35:35):
That's that's a beautiful trigger to remember this framework.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
So let's let's let's review the framework high level overview.
Then we'll talk about Melissa where people can find you
and don't worry, guys and gals, Melissa's coming back. We've
got a lot to talk about. We've really made a
great connection. Let's let's so we leave them with that overview,
let's go for.
Speaker 4 (36:00):
The tops from B so B is begin within so
decide the clear outcome that you want, whether that's deeper connection,
more support, or to break a pattern. Really assume positive intent,
visualize a positive outcome, get yourself into a regulated state,
and then you request a time to talk. So R
is request a time to talk. Ask your partner when
(36:20):
would be a good time for them to have a conversation.
A is a firm and share. So opening the conversation
with this idea that you are on the same page
or on the same team. You're not going to say
this perfectly, and then sharing using I feel statements not
accusation language. What is it that you feel has been
off and what would you like to see differently? V
stands for view and validate, So requesting your partners take
(36:45):
their story, they're telling themselves, their lens of reality, if
you will, and then validating their emotional experience, acknowledging the
impact on their emotions their well being that maybe an
action in the past has had and that validation does
not mean agreement, but it is absolutely essential before they
can fully hear you. And then E is ending with
action co creating a plan. What is one or two
(37:07):
actions you and your partner can take moving forward, whether
that's a check in every Sunday or something to that
effect that can really move the needle, putting it in
your calendar, and yes, ending with a hug and really
maintaining that physical contact through the whole conversation. But that
extra layer of physical affection at the end will really
help to integrate and down regulate both of your nervous systems.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
So and core and so guys, Gal, you got to
get this, You really have to guess this.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
This is something that Michelle and I you heard me
say earlier, have incorporated. It brings together a lot of
the concepts that we've talked about here over the course
of thirteen years.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
But in a beautiful, accessible, easier.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
I'm not going to suggest right because we're talking about
fear and difficult conversations. So to make sure you get this,
please please please get this, And how can people find
you Melissa on the web and tell us a little
bit about that? And I'm going to put all this
in the show notes everybody, so don't worry, but let's
hear it.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
Here too, beautiful.
Speaker 4 (38:12):
So the way that you can connect with me. My
website is Melissa Nanavadi dot com. You can also type
in peak Performancelove dot com. It will send you there,
and on Instagram it's at Melissa Nanavadi and on YouTube
it is at Peak Performance Love. Peak Performance Love is
actually the title of the upcoming manuscript that my husband
and I just finished co authoring. So it's all about
(38:34):
high high achievers how they can really find the one,
build chemistry, navigate hard conversations, a lot of things we
talked about today but unpacked in a very detailed way,
and build the foundation for a connection that lasts. So
that is still we're still ways out from publishing, but
in the meantime, connect with me on any of these platforms.
I would love to be able to help answer any
(38:55):
questions that you had while listening, and always feel free
to reach out because really this is my soul's path
and the work that lights me up. And having been
through a lot of my own challenges in this department,
and now having worked with so many executive founders leaders
that find that this is the one area of life
they still really struggle to have that same level of courage.
I just want to reiterate you are not alone and
(39:16):
it does not mean you have failed. Relationship is simply
a set of skills and to be effective at it
you can. Anybody can develop these skills. You are already
applying them in your work life, and my work is
showing you how to apply them in your love life.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
Yeah, thank you Melissa.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
And what I love about what Melissa and her husband
have done is this is the relationship architecture right in
the mindful habit system to how to live a life
of self leadership and control. What systems do you need
in order to accomplish this objective?
Speaker 1 (39:50):
Right?
Speaker 2 (39:51):
And so's Melissa's really developed this out on the relationship side.
I'm so excited we met Melissa, and I'm really looking
forward to collaborate in the future.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 3 (40:03):
Thank you, it's been a pleasure, all.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Right, everybody, Thank you so much for listening. Thank you
for giving me your most precious time. Please make sure
you download this. It will bring instant value to your life.
Whether your partners participating or not. You can create the reality.
So this is something that brings value into your relationship.
It doesn't come natural. We don't have the skills, but
(40:28):
we can learn them. Thank you so much for listening.
Make it great. Catch you in the next episode.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
By everybody,
What's up, everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
This is Craig Pera and you are listening to Sex
Afflictions and Porn Addictions, a podcast to help you create
and sustain healthy sexuality in a great life. And as
everyone knows who's been listening for many, many years, a
critical component of creating a great life.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Part of the obvious is your relationship. Right.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
If your relationship isn't thriving, you die younger, you have
more physical pain, emotional pain. And if you're listening to
this right, you've made some mistakes. You've stumbled, you've lied,
you've kept secret sexual secrets that have caused your partner
great harm, and undoubtedly your relationship needs attention. Well, today
(00:50):
I have a very special guest and someone who I'm
so excited to introduce to my audience.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Her name is Melissa Nanavadi.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
And as I've been sharing lately with some of you,
we've been going on this journey Michelle and I together
and we've been meeting.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
All these amazing people.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Melissa and her husband were two of the most amazing
people that we ever met. So let me introduce her
and then we're going to get her here. But no, no, first,
let me welcome you. Melissa, you're here listening to all
this stuff. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Thank you so much. Greg. I am so grateful to
be here with you today.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Well, and guys, you're going to get in. Gals, you're
going to get a lot of value today. We're going
to get practical with some really important tools. But let
me tell you about Melissa. So, she is a speaker,
she's an author, and she's a relationship architect. We're going
to talk about that later because when we met, I
fell in love with that word, and that really was cool.
(01:46):
She helps high performers rebuild trust, reignite chemistry, and creates
systems for love that lap. She blends neuroscience, biology, and
lived experience to teach the art of relational courage. And
if you've been paying attention, you know how important that is.
Despite early success as a fortune one hundred consultant, best
(02:09):
selling textbook author, Melissa spent years struggling with an anxiety disorder,
battling alcohol abuse, and enduring over one hundred first dates
in her search for her partner. When she finally met
her husband, their relationship was forged through extraordinary pressure. Raising
one point one million for his world record expedition and
(02:30):
maybe it's someday, if we're lucky, we'll have him on
here guys, this is.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
This wild story.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Spending four months apart while running two businesses, and through
that journey, Melissa developed frameworks and tools to help high
achievers build peaceful, powerful relationships. She's a trusted relationship coach
for executives, founders, and driven individuals seeking actionable science pass
tools to navigate love. Boom, I am so glad you're here, Melissa.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Oh, I'm so great to be here with you today.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
So here is my first question.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I thought love was just supposed to happen, and if
it's not happening, it means something's broken, there's something.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Wrong with us. Why do we need and I know
the answer, so I'm teasing it a little bit. Why
do we need.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
These systems and these tools and these frameworks to actually
have a good relationship?
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Shouldn't it come naturally?
Speaker 4 (03:27):
That is a fantastic question and one I often get
a lot. But like any other goal in life, you
don't just leave it to chance, especially one this important.
And that's where I think complacency really kills. Complacency kills
relationships when we think that the love should just be there.
That if chemistry isn't there, there's nothing we can do
about it. If passion fates, there's nothing we can do
(03:49):
about it. But when we begin to take real ownership
over our approach to love and set up systems and
apply frameworks, we actually create the foundation for love to grow.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
So, yeah, and people who are listening, you've probably heard
some similar themes that I've been sharing with you over
the years.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
You can't leave it to chance.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
How can you leave something so important, so complex, so rewarding,
so devastating to chance?
Speaker 1 (04:17):
You can't. You can't.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
So let let let let's talk about some of those frameworks, Melissa,
what are you passionate about. I know you've got a
couple that are really, really practical, and I was going
down the Brave framework and then the fast Apology framework.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
They're both important, So what's calling you right now?
Speaker 4 (04:37):
I think the Brave framework is one of the most
important critical frameworks that I teach not only on stages
but in one on one work with coaching clients. And
there's actually a free gift at the end for any
of the listeners that gets access to a detailed version
of this framework. But this is really the foundation of
how do you start to weave in research from neuroscience
(04:58):
biology to create the con additions for your partner to
really hear you to get to a point of resolution.
So it is a simplified way of thinking about how
do I bring up the really uncomfortable conversations in a
way that my partner's not only going to hear, but
going to be prepared to have a really deep conversation
and actually find solutions a lot of times, what I've
(05:19):
found in my research and there's a lot of great
frameworks when it comes to communication talking about hard things.
But what's unique about this framework is the action element,
because I think similar to apologies, without action, it really
falls flat. And there are some very specific things you
can do not only from a verbal standpoint, but from
a physical standpoint that allows your partner to really hear
(05:41):
you and to feel safe and connected. But even before
we dive into this, I think it's important to understand
from a neuroscience perspective, what are the elements that really
create a sense of chemistry and safety. And I'm sure
you've talked about this on your podcast before, but the
importance and the role of the neuro neurotransmitter dopamine. So
dopamine is that reward system within the brain, and you
(06:04):
activate dopamine through things like novelty and play. And then
you have oxytocin, which is the critical both hormone and
neurotransmitter that is responsible for creating that sense of bonding
and safety. So that's why it's really important in these frameworks,
not just from a verbal standpoint, but to make sure
you're creating some sort of physical contact when you're having
(06:25):
hard conversations, you're holding hands, you have a hand on
their leg because it releases oxytocin. And then the third
really important neurotransmitter is serotonin, So this is the mood stabilizer.
So thinking about how can we activate all of these
different chemicals and things that are happening in the brain
when we're having these hard conversations lays the foundation for
(06:48):
a more effective conversation.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah, I absolutely love that.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
And one of the words that you said, Melissa, really
means a lot here.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Safety And so one of.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
My favorite podcast that I've ever done was the most
important word in recovery and healing and life, and I
used to think it was love, and that's important, and
of course that's important. But I realized about me because
of all the challenges that I've had attaching bonding, addiction, trauma.
(07:19):
I can't have love if I don't feel.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Safe, absolutely, and I think that's one of the most
critical elements of repair and rebuilding trust and even is
the precursor to feeling a sense of chemistry with your partner. Again,
I think a lot of times in these cases where
there's been some sort of mistake, it doesn't have to
be a massive infraction and trust, but we have to
(07:41):
create safety not only for ourselves but for our partner
before we can come to resolution. And we have to
create safety before we can feel attraction to our partner,
because that is the precursor. I think that's where a
lot of people miss the mark. They go to immediately
big romantic gestures after making a mistake. But you have
to create safety first. And we do that really intentionally,
(08:03):
even in having conversations, requesting, hey, could we hold hands
while we're having this conversation. And this is a tactic
I not only teach my coaching clients, but I do
in my own marriage whenever we've had a hard conversation,
and there's been many funny instances too, where one of
us would let go of the other person's hand and
we'd immediately grab it again, and just that act down
regulates your nervous system. The act of creating physical touch
(08:26):
through really hard conversations does two things. So first it
releases oxytocin, and that's the bonding neurotransmitror or hormone. And
then second, it reminds you that you're on the same team,
because that is one of the key things we're engaging
in these hard conversations is framing it in a way
that it doesn't feel adversarial. It's not you versus me,
(08:46):
it's you and me versus the.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Issue so so so important and good.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
I'm so glad. There's so much that Melissa and I
have in common. I have relationship infrastructure, use, a relationship architect.
So let's talk about this this brave framework. What what
I There's so many things that I love about it
and what.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
And guys, you're gonna get this right. So this is
a free gift.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
You're gonna out, You're you're gonna get this, You're gonna
be able to print it out. This is something that
really really gonna bring value. So let's let's let's let's
further inspire people to make sure they get this download
on Melissa because I absolutely love it.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It's just so well done and so well structured. Tell
me more.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
So the be really starts with begin within and within
this initial step, there are a couple of things that
need to happen. The very first one is that you
need to decide on what outcome do you want from
the conversation, And usually the outcomes fall into one of
three categories. It is you want deeper connection, you want
to feel like this sense of support, so you want
(09:56):
more support in your relationship in some way. Or is
it you want to break pattern? And so first identifying
what is the outcome that you want of the conversation
is what allows it to be more productive and not
simply rehashing the past. I think that's absolutely critical. And
within that, you also want to begin by assuming positive intent,
especially if it's something like breaking a pattern. What is
(10:18):
the positive reason that my partner could be doing this
thing that I don't like? Because anytime we engage in
any kind of behavior, even if it's destructive, there is
a reason, and there's usually actually a positive reason that
people forget so when we can look at our partner
and the actions they are taking and assume that they
are coming from a positive frame, we can start to
engage in the conversation a way that again is less adversarial,
(10:40):
and then finally get regulated. So often we want to
have these really hard conversations when we're in the heat
of the moment, the emotions are running really high, but
that's never the time to have the conversation ever, never, ever,
And that getting regulated can be as simple as taking
a few conscious breaths out through the mouth health whatever
that may be. Yeah, So after we've done all that
(11:03):
pre work, the BEE is all about beginning within. Then
we get into R, which stands for request a time
to talk, And this one I have been guilty of
not doing very well early in my marriage. Even I
would want to talk about it immediately. I'm somebody who
wants solutions right away, and having the conversation at a
time where your partner is prepared means they can also
(11:25):
be in a regulated state. So this can be as
simple as a script that is also in the download.
Hey there's something that's been on my heart. When's a
good time to talk?
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Right?
Speaker 4 (11:34):
There's no accusation. There, you're simply framing it and giving
your partner an opportunity to identify a time when they
can be in the right headspace to have a deeper conversation.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
And I want to highlight and pause there just for
a minute, please, That is ridiculously impoor and timing is
everything in every one of my clients nine percent of them, no,
oh that professionally and then in the women right, if
they're in a professional environment, a leader or an entrepreneur
(12:06):
and an executive, they know that to be a great leader,
timing that conversation, preparing someone for that difficult conversation, setting expectations.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
But timing alone.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Is really can be the big, big, big difference between
having a successful outcome and a poor outcome.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
So I'm so glad that you focused on that.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
Thank you for underscoring that, because it really is the
missed step so often and again the way that you
frame it, and that's why I include scripts in that
download is so important because if you say, hey, I
have an issue that I have to bring up with you,
that's going to create a lot of fear. That's going
to put your partner in their amigdala in their part
of their brain that's in fight or flight instead of
(12:48):
their prefrontal cortex, which is our thinking mind where we
want our partner to be when we're having these conversations,
and that asking for a time is profoundly important.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Ye, so yeah, good, keep going, keep going.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
We'll keep working our way on a light level of
this framework so that people can actually start to even
think about how they can apply it. And A in
the BRAVE framework stands for affirm and share, And again
there are scripts in there that explain exactly how to
do this. But it is so critical when we engage
in a difficult conversation that we pre frame it with
some very specific language, things like I'm not going to
(13:25):
say this perfectly. Please don't get attached to my exact words,
because what can happen is if you start to engage
in a hard conversation your partner knows it's coming, they're
going to nitpick every word. And the importance of saying
I'm not going to say this perfectly sets you both
up for success. You then want to follow it up
with something along the lines of we're on the same team,
(13:45):
I love you, I want the best possible outcome for
this conversation, but again reminding the other person that you
are on the same team shifts the dynamic.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, we're in this together together.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Exactly and only after that affirmation, and can you then
share the issue, the thing that is on your heart,
always using I feel statements instead of you always right.
It's so critical that we frame it in the impact
that something has had on you versus that accusation of
what they're doing wrong, and that framing is everything right.
(14:19):
It's the difference between whether or not someone can hear
you and you're on the same team, or they get
immediately defensive. So after that a comes to V. V
actually might be on par in terms of the most
important step with R so requesting a time and V
stands for a view and validate. People cannot hear us
if they do not feel seen, felt and heard. So
(14:42):
even though this is about you bringing up an issue
of something you want to work through, then ask your
partner what is your perspective, what's the story you're telling
yourself when this incident happens, what is your experience? And
then after they share, you have to validate their experience
and validation I will say this twice. Validation does not
(15:03):
mean agreement. Validation does not mean agreement. Validation means acknowledging
the impact that your actions or the scenario had on them.
It's about validating their emotional experience. Just like say you
bump into someone at the grocery store, you bump carts,
you're going to apologize and acknowledge the impact. You're not
(15:24):
apologizing for the intention, but you're apologizing for the impact
that you had. So you don't have to agree with
your partner to validate them. And I think that this
is particularly difficult for people to understand. But validation is
not agreement. It is simply the acknowledgment of the feelings.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
And throughout this giveaway, I noticed that you have very.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Specific scripts, Melissa, Why are those important?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Why you?
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I mean, I'm literally reading the words and by the way,
I borrowed one of them from my own personal life
already amazing.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
But tell me why again should I have to do this?
Tell me why script?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
Yes, it seems formulaic, and this can feel there can
be some initial resistance to having a conversation go in
this formula, But this formula and these specific scripts are
what allows someone to feel that felt, seen, heard, in
the conversation and it keeps them out of getting into
fight or flight, because if you start to use language
that is combative in any way, you push your partner
(16:27):
out of their thinking mind and into their reactive brain.
And so that's why these scripts and the language that
you use is so critical. And these are scripts that
we literally use in our marriage every time we have
a hard conversation, and it will become natural and organic
over time. And again, if something doesn't feel perfectly natural
for you to say, and it feels almost like you're
a robot, adapt the script. But keep these framing scripts
(16:52):
because you can adapt how you say it right. But
the importance is having the right language that does not
feel adversarial.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Yeah, And to reinforce that point is we need the
scripts because we're conditioned to react from a place of fear,
get defensive, shut down, fight, flight, freeze or people please fawning.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
We don't have the words.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
We don't have the words to have honest, vulnerable conversations
because we didn't learn to have those conversations. So just
like when I was a lawyer, I'm getting ready to
go into court for the first time, You damn well
sure I knew exactly what I was going to say.
In the beginning, maybe I wasn't sure where the judge
was gonna take me, but I had the questions I
(17:41):
knew I had to ask. I was prepared to ask them.
They were written down, they were in front of me.
My intro was scripted. I learned it, and it sounded
so unnatural in the beginning, but over time I found
my voice. And this is what this is for you listeners.
This is to help you find your voice and seek
your truth in your relationship so you don't stuff it
(18:03):
down so it doesn't go haywire and come out the
other side doing things that are going to destroy your
legacy in your marriage. So yeah, I wanted to highlight
that that point around scripting because.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
I am a huge fan.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
I literally when I was at my rock bottom, Melissa,
I realized, I said to myself, I was like, if
I was going into court or going into meet with
the board, like I would be prepared, and here I
am showing up for these deep conversations with no preparation.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
And I used to and I, look, they're going to
be right here. I must have moved them. Okay.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
I usually have my three x five card props that
I pull out for guys and say I wrote on
the three by five cards. I literally I pulled out
my notes because I needed them, because I did not
have the script to communicate my truth exactly.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
And I think too, if you think about anything you
do in business, you don't go into a sales meeting prepared.
You have a couple of key talking points, and you
allow the conversation to evolve naturally. And that's exactly what
this is. We're not saying use these scripts for every
response to everything your partner says, but this will give
you the foundation to start the conversation in a way
that keeps you both regulated and on the same team.
(19:18):
And like we mentioned a little while ago, through every
one of these steps, the intention is that you are
holding hands. You have a hand on their leg, maintaining
that physical contact because it's releasing oxytocin and allowing you
to feel more connected through the conversation.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Yeah, I and I've done that before, and you know
you can feel the urge to pull away, and then
that urge to pull away is a reminder of why
you're holding hands in the first place. And sometimes you
kind of you know you're you're you're not feeling it,
but it comes back. You know, you're able to ground yourself.
(19:53):
And we are trying to do something special. We're trying
to break generational patterns. We're trying to be better parents
for our children so they can learn how to do this.
Because right, there's no relationship that doesn't have it, does it.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
One hundred percent, And this conversation, any of these brave conversations,
the ultimate goal is to bring you closer together. The
ultimate goal is to close your energy leaks within your relationships.
You can have the energy to do the things that matter.
But if we are stuffing things under, if we are
ignoring things, shoving it under the rug, if we are
(20:27):
leaving these energy leaks open, it's going to have a
compounding effect on every other part of your relationship.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
And I I'll every other part of your life because eventually,
as much as it'll bleed over, and eventually it'll bleed over.
And there's an interesting phenomenon, Melissa. You might think this
is a so whenever when most men come into my program,
(20:54):
eighty percent of them.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Marriage is a mess, life is a mass house work.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Oh it's okay, yeah, No, I'm good there, right, And
because they're able to they feel they're able to compartmentalize.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
But if you're not communicating your.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Truth where you need to do it most, what impact
does that have on you as a professional? Are you
people pleasing there too? Are you disagreeable? Are you reactive?
Are you defensive? People think they can compartmentalize it to
the home, but they can't.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Gain They absolutely not, and it drips out over time.
You may be able to keep that compartment for some time,
but eventually, to your point, it topples over. Yeah, and
then the last step in this framework is E, which
stands for end with action, And this is really all
about co creating a plan forward. So a lot of
(21:45):
the conversational frameworks that I found about how to have
hard conversations where I thought there was a gap was
this last piece. And again coming back to this idea
that an apology without a change in behavior means nothing.
And similarly, when you can have this hard conversation, you
can get into alignment. But if you don't take accountability
for actually co creating, what is the one or two
(22:08):
actions that we each need to take moving forward in
order to break the pattern, to feel more supported, to
feel more deeply connected, so really making an action plan
and putting it in your calendar, treating it like you
would absolutely anything else in any other part of your life,
because you know, if something's not in your calendar, it's
probably not happening. And finding that opportunity to say, hey,
(22:31):
or when this issue comes up again, this is what
I'm commit to doing differently, and then having your partner
also commit to what they are doing differently, and that
co creation element. I cannot underscore the importance enough because
that's how you want to frame it. Say hey, let's
co create a plan for moving forward, and it brings
your partner in not feeling like they are just sitting
there listening to you or just sharing their feelings with
(22:53):
no end in action, because the actions are where you
start to make meaningful change.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
And I want to a size something you said, Melissa
that I absolutely love and it's such a low hanging
piece of fruit, and sometimes I feel like I'm highlighting
things that are so simple and so obvious. Put it
in the calendar. My old boss said to me, I'll
never forget her. Her name's Maria Retarta from the Hartford
Financial Services Group. It was my first non legal role.
(23:21):
I drove this poor woman, crazy Melissa. I have to
give her props because she changed my life. She was
helping me manage my calendar to be a better leader.
And she opens up my calendar and she sees, I
have all my appointments there, and I got my dentist
appointments there, my doctor's appointments there. And she says, now,
I've asked you to do something for me. Where's that?
(23:44):
And I went, you have your doctor appointment there? You
have like this is in Craig. This isn't just you.
This is the most important project you're working on. This
is your your you know what you get rewarded for.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
This is it? Where is it?
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Where is that time dedicated to this important thing in
the calendar? And it wasn't there. And it was a
lesson I eventually brought over to my personal life. If
it's important, it goes in the calendar, because we are
managing our most precious resource of time. If it's not
in the calendar, it ain't getting done.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Could not agree more.
Speaker 4 (24:20):
And that's even true for when you're thinking about how
you can start setting up frameworks within your relationship, rituals
within your relationship for connection. And again this may feel
foreign initially, but it's so profound. Even early in my
marriage with my husband Aucshay So, we had put in
our calendar eight pm every night are appreciation ritual, So
(24:40):
we take fifteen minutes at the end of every day
to express appreciation for what the other person did for
us that day or something we admire about them. And
that may sound very tactical and foreign initially, and it
eventually fell off the calendar because we were doing it
so habitually. But for the first I would say six months,
it was on the calendar. It would pop up as
(25:02):
a reminder and was a way to make sure that
we were orienting ourselves towards the positive, looking for what
is our partner doing right and for us, and taking
the time to express it, because that's often we're thinking
these wonderful things about our partner, how much we'd love them,
how much we admire them, But how often do we
take that next step to say it, to share it.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Oh wait, take it for granted. We assume they know
we know we love them.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Why do I have to say it?
Speaker 1 (25:29):
I'll tell them on Valentine's you know I love this.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Scheduling and having that was it hard for you to
get into that pattern. Did you fall off and come
back in? Can you share some of the struggles about
maintaining a routine like that? Did you have any of those?
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
So we were very, very dedicated and diligent doing this
leading up to my husband's expedition across Antarctica where we
had to raise the one point one million that you mentioned.
So our first year of marriage was very intense, and
that's actually where this ritual was really born from, was
making sure that even if we weren't getting the same
kind of date night's quality time, we were juggling a lot.
(26:11):
We were traveling the world for eighty percent of the year,
we were chasing snow basically for his training, and through
all the stress and that extra element, we wanted to
make sure that we had some sort of system in
place to really feel deeply connected at least at the
end of every day. And so we built this ritual,
and then once the expedition was over, we fell off.
Life got a little bit easier. We could breathe for
(26:33):
a moment, and we stopped doing it for about a month,
and I noticed a distinct difference in the quality of
our connection and how we got a little bit routine
in the way we were engaging with each other, and
there just wasn't that same level of appreciation being expressed,
and so I brought up to him, I said, hey,
can we bring this back. We didn't necessarily put on
the calendar, but we just made the intention because by
(26:55):
that point we had built the habit. But like anything,
if you stop feeding it, you can fall off, but
that doesn't mean it's done and you can't come back
to it. So now it is firmly a part of
our evening ritual every single night and has been for
over a year.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
It's so important I'm going to incorporate that. I declare
it here now. Michelle and I are going to do
that every night. It's an important thing that we're going
to integrate it into our infrastructure. I do, but as
always I love this opportunity to improve. So thank you for.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
That my pleasure, and I will say one great question
for anyone listening, if you are struggling with what do
I express appreciation for or what do I acknowledge my
partner for a fantastic question you can ask is what
can I acknowledge you for today? And what that does
is it gives your partner the opportunity also to share
the things they would like acknowledgment for there's probably a
(27:45):
lot of things they're doing for you that go very unseen,
and that's where it gives them the opportunity to express it.
And the caveat I want to add here is do
not just reply thanks. I've heard this when I've done
some couple's facilitation around Hey, let's implement this ritual that
the initial response is just thank you, especially if you're
not someone who's used to giving a lot of verbal affirmation.
(28:06):
So instead of just simply saying thank you, after they
identify what they would like to be acknowledged for, the
next step is to, again this will feel formulaic, repeat
back everything they just said. So instead of saying thanks,
you say thank you for picking up the kids from school,
thank you for everything you do to keep our house running.
Thank you for the effort you put into your job today,
(28:27):
and for making the money that contributes to our life.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Right.
Speaker 4 (28:30):
So, repeating back the specific things they do is a
critical and often missed step when someone starts to implement
this ritual. But it only takes two or three minutes
at most every evening, and you can do this whether
or not you are in the same place, even if
your partner is traveling. This can be a quick phone call,
it can even be a text message. But building that
habit and really really committing to it is how you
(28:52):
start to orient yourself towards the positive for your partner,
especially in cases where you're rebuilding trust. This is great
for the partner that but it maybe feels a little
concern and they're now looking for things you are doing wrong.
This is a way to orient them towards the positive.
A great example of this, let's say you decide one
day that you're really wanting to buy a Red Tesla.
(29:14):
All of a sudden, you start to see red Teslas
in every parking lot every time you drive because you're
looking for it. Our brains are taking in so much
information every single day and we are filtering it through
the lens of what our goals are. So if your
goal is to now look for the things that your
partner's doing well, you are going to see more things
(29:34):
they are doing well. And this goes for both partners.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
It's such an important like relational leadership. You know, each
person taking accountability for the outcome that they seek and
like we would do professionally putting in place the protocols, processes.
And I use those words on purpose because they're so
not romantic. I'm saying that, yeah, you know, the policies
(29:57):
and procedures. I never would have thought dreamed that when
I with the project manager, how much I loathe the PMPs,
the policies and procedures, that I would come to realize
how important it is to have that that infrastructure, that commitment,
that consistency, particularly in one of the most important areas
of your life.
Speaker 4 (30:15):
And so I was just going to say add to that,
that's especially true for people who say their objection is well,
but I want spontan aid in our relationship. Structure actually
creates the conditions.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
It creates it, It creates, it creates it. Yes, I
want to second that. Now, end with action. We talked
about the co creating a solution plan of time to
take action, and there was the last thing. Did you
Did you say that or did I miss it? Because
I want to make sure we end on a bang.
What's number three there?
Speaker 4 (30:45):
Yeah, I think it's it's really committing to doing the action,
and I think it's a taking piece of that ownership
and ending with a hug yes, yes, and ending with
it ending with more physical affection.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (30:55):
The ending with the hug is absolutely critical, or some
sort of additional squeeze, something physical to really just kind
of lock that in, because there's a lot of research
of the shows actually I believe eighty percent of the
damage is reduced when you have physical contact. The emotional
damage was reduced by eighty percent at the end of
a hard conversation simply by having physical contact.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
That makes so much sense because I mean, I mean,
I've done it, and the pull, you know, especially with
clients who have issues around touch, yeah, issues around vulnerability.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
This really compels you. Who guides you, leads.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
You into a framework that's actually going to get results
in your relationship. Now, what do you say, Melissa to
the person whose partner refuses to participate, doesn't want to
commit the effort to see, they don't need they don't
they don't, they don't need to do anything. And the
(31:57):
person really really really wants to make it work or
not at that point yet where they're ready to pull
the plug. It's been a long standing marriage, there's been
a lot of damage done.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
How can the what do you say to that person,
I say to.
Speaker 4 (32:12):
That person initially trying this, if this does not have
the impact, if they're not willing to do that, you
model the behavior you want to see. And I think
a lot of times in these cases where there's been
a lot of longstanding damage, things that have happened that
pull people part in the relationship is to begin by
simply modeling the behavior show, don't tell, and that's how
(32:32):
you start to begin that to build that sense of
safety and trust and doing that over time. So committing
to taking these actions even if they haven't, you start
taking these actions, and that will naturally begin to shift
it for your partner in that they will start to
trust you more and over time, as that trust is built,
then you re engage this conversation. But you don't just
(32:53):
leave it. So if the first time it doesn't work.
There have been many conversations, not only in the couples
that I work with, but in my own marriage where
we had to have the same conversation three four times
before we came to resolution. It's not about coming to
resolution on the first time. It's about that commitment to
continue the conversation and demonstrate through your actions that there
has been a shift and a change in you and
(33:14):
how you want to show up and operate.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Yeah, it's one of the principles we talk here because
we do a lot of parts work Melissa's self leadership
and this is a perfect example you and I want
to be clear for you guys listenings who might be
hesitant to bring something like this to your partner, I say,
lean into that discomfort because if she's with you, she
wants people want to be happy, all right, So being
(33:38):
proactive in bringing her this and her to him can
bring value. But I want to be clear, like Melissa said,
there's a couple of areas. Yeah, there's specific things around
the couple, but you can do everything here. There's nothing
here besides scheduling a time, you know, but you can lead,
You can schedule your time, you can be pro active,
(34:00):
you can begin within And I.
Speaker 4 (34:03):
Really have to say too that it only takes one
person to begin breaking a pattern.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
That's right.
Speaker 4 (34:09):
And when we are in these cycles of conflict and
hard conversations not going well, if you stop reacting, your
partner doesn't have something to keep the cycle going with.
And it doesn't mean the other person doesn't need to
take ownership. But you can be the catalyst for change.
And I think that complete ownership and radical ownership even
(34:29):
in things in partnership, is how you really begin to
show up as your best self and to your language, you.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Begin to lead.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
And I think taking that leadership role even in hard
conversations is key. The other thing I want to acknowledge too,
is there should be fear that comes up when you
go to have these conversations. Fear means you care. Fear
means there's something of value here. And you do not
need the fear to go away or to be fearless
to take action, because you cannot have courage without fear.
(34:56):
And so the fact that the fear is there is
actually an indicator that you were about to go into
a conversation that matters.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
It's an indicator of yeah, importance or significance. It means
I'm leaning into discomfort, I'm doing the right thing here. Yeah,
that's an excellent like a barometer. Am I afraid to
have this conversation? And one of the questions I pose
for my guys that some of them ask themselves regularly
(35:23):
is what would I say to.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
My partner if I was brave, courageous.
Speaker 4 (35:28):
A leader, beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
And I saw that brave conversation idea.
Speaker 4 (35:35):
That's that's a beautiful trigger to remember this framework.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
So let's let's let's review the framework high level overview.
Then we'll talk about Melissa where people can find you
and don't worry, guys and gals, Melissa's coming back. We've
got a lot to talk about. We've really made a
great connection. Let's let's so we leave them with that overview,
let's go for.
Speaker 4 (36:00):
The tops from B so B is begin within so
decide the clear outcome that you want, whether that's deeper connection,
more support, or to break a pattern. Really assume positive intent,
visualize a positive outcome, get yourself into a regulated state,
and then you request a time to talk. So R
is request a time to talk. Ask your partner when
(36:20):
would be a good time for them to have a conversation.
A is a firm and share. So opening the conversation
with this idea that you are on the same page
or on the same team. You're not going to say
this perfectly, and then sharing using I feel statements not
accusation language. What is it that you feel has been
off and what would you like to see differently? V
stands for view and validate, So requesting your partners take
(36:45):
their story, they're telling themselves, their lens of reality, if
you will, and then validating their emotional experience, acknowledging the
impact on their emotions their well being that maybe an
action in the past has had and that validation does
not mean agreement, but it is absolutely essential before they
can fully hear you. And then E is ending with
action co creating a plan. What is one or two
(37:07):
actions you and your partner can take moving forward, whether
that's a check in every Sunday or something to that
effect that can really move the needle, putting it in
your calendar, and yes, ending with a hug and really
maintaining that physical contact through the whole conversation. But that
extra layer of physical affection at the end will really
help to integrate and down regulate both of your nervous systems.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
So and core and so guys, Gal, you got to
get this, You really have to guess this.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
This is something that Michelle and I you heard me
say earlier, have incorporated. It brings together a lot of
the concepts that we've talked about here over the course
of thirteen years.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
But in a beautiful, accessible, easier.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
I'm not going to suggest right because we're talking about
fear and difficult conversations. So to make sure you get this,
please please please get this, And how can people find
you Melissa on the web and tell us a little
bit about that? And I'm going to put all this
in the show notes everybody, so don't worry, but let's
hear it.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
Here too, beautiful.
Speaker 4 (38:12):
So the way that you can connect with me. My
website is Melissa Nanavadi dot com. You can also type
in peak Performancelove dot com. It will send you there,
and on Instagram it's at Melissa Nanavadi and on YouTube
it is at Peak Performance Love. Peak Performance Love is
actually the title of the upcoming manuscript that my husband
and I just finished co authoring. So it's all about
(38:34):
high high achievers how they can really find the one,
build chemistry, navigate hard conversations, a lot of things we
talked about today but unpacked in a very detailed way,
and build the foundation for a connection that lasts. So
that is still we're still ways out from publishing, but
in the meantime, connect with me on any of these platforms.
I would love to be able to help answer any
(38:55):
questions that you had while listening, and always feel free
to reach out because really this is my soul's path
and the work that lights me up. And having been
through a lot of my own challenges in this department,
and now having worked with so many executive founders leaders
that find that this is the one area of life
they still really struggle to have that same level of courage.
I just want to reiterate you are not alone and
(39:16):
it does not mean you have failed. Relationship is simply
a set of skills and to be effective at it
you can. Anybody can develop these skills. You are already
applying them in your work life, and my work is
showing you how to apply them in your love life.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
Yeah, thank you Melissa.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
And what I love about what Melissa and her husband
have done is this is the relationship architecture right in
the mindful habit system to how to live a life
of self leadership and control. What systems do you need
in order to accomplish this objective?
Speaker 1 (39:50):
Right?
Speaker 2 (39:51):
And so's Melissa's really developed this out on the relationship side.
I'm so excited we met Melissa, and I'm really looking
forward to collaborate in the future.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 3 (40:03):
Thank you, it's been a pleasure, all.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Right, everybody, Thank you so much for listening. Thank you
for giving me your most precious time. Please make sure
you download this. It will bring instant value to your life.
Whether your partners participating or not. You can create the reality.
So this is something that brings value into your relationship.
It doesn't come natural. We don't have the skills, but
(40:28):
we can learn them. Thank you so much for listening.
Make it great. Catch you in the next episode.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
By everybody,
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