October 15, 2024 • 30 mins
You know the drill - triggers to the side so you can open up your mind ;) XO
For all of my books and journals click here: Sis Get Your Ish Together
For all of my books and journals click here: Sis Get Your Ish Together
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is cc B, but most people just call
me B. I am thirty nine years young. I've been
through a lot. I've also put myself through a lot,
and one day I got sick and tired of my
own shit. And that's the day when change started happening.
I stopped lying to myself and started getting painfully honest
with myself. But it was only painful because I had
(00:22):
been lying to myself for so long. About nine or
ten years ago, now, give or take, I started writing
books about my journey through my toxic relationships and how
I got out of them and then stayed out of
them by building a healthy relationship with myself. So there
is nothing that I say on this podcast that I
haven't already had to say to myself at some point
(00:42):
in time, and yes, in the exact same tone as
I say it here. So if you are sensitive to honesty, babe,
be this is not the place for you to be.
I don't sugarcoat shit for myself, so I'm not doing
it for anyone else. Besides, how are you going to
be more offended by another woman being honest with you,
telling you the truth than you are by the men
(01:04):
or men who lie to you every day and treat
you like shit food for thought. Please finish your plate?
What up blueses your girl be? And Welcome back to
another episode of the SIS Get Your Ish Together Podcast.
(01:26):
I hope that you guys are having a great day today.
I hope that you woke up feeling revived and rejuvenated
with faith that everything that you spoke about with your
spirit team the night before is being worked out for
you in the background, somehow, some way. But please remember
that you've got to help your spirit team help you. Okay,
that means you've got to put yourself in the position
to get the things that you want. Needs to chest,
(01:47):
needs to chest, because that's right. Even the person who
wishes to when the lottery knows that they've got to
play the numbers. It is currently tennel three am here
in cold It rained last night. It's gloomy outside today, Montreal, Canada.
I'm thrilled. Can you tell on today's episode. I don't
know what I'm titling this episode, but it has to
do with some lover's blind stuff and dating in general.
(02:10):
So just you know, you'll see the title when you
click on it. Go get a snack, juice box or
a glass of wine. Hey, listen to me. Put your
triggers at aside. So you got room to open up
your mind now, and let's get into the episode, shall we.
(02:43):
So this morning, Brighton Ali, my homegirl sent me this
TikTok and she was like, what do you think about this?
And so I have many thoughts about this, many thoughts,
not really many thoughts, but I have a specific thought
and we're going to talk about it. We're going to
talk about it. So I'm going to play the first
(03:04):
All why is it still running in the background? Okay,
I'm going to play it, and then we'll talk. Okay,
where is it? Okay?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
So I don't think the show Love is Blind is
fair to women, and I'll explain why. And before anyone
tells me that I'm being too radical or sensitive, I
really don't give a fuck, Okay, And why do you
care so much how I feel about things? Anyway, I'd
rather be too sensitive than too apathetic. I've been watching
Love is Blind since season one. I think it's the
worst show on television. I will watch every single season
of it, but the past few seasons specifically, and I
(03:34):
think it's always been a pattern, but it's been really
clear the past few seasons that the way that they
cast the men on the show is very different from
the way they cast women, because they find the most stunning,
like the most beautiful women for the show, like gorgeous,
driven successful for the men.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
I think their casting process.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
For that is maybe just sending someone down to the
sewers and seeing what they find, because what is going.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
On they are not and so many of them are
like manipulative man children.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
My thing is it kind of defeats the purpose of
the show because it.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Really fucks with a woman's head when the person she's
engaged to is being like, love is of course, love
is blind. I love her, Yeah, of course you do.
She's gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
She's having a harder time figuring out whether or not
love is blind because she is marrying a muppet.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
And then they're always like, do you think we'd be together
in the real world if we met. No, you wouldn't
even be allowed in the same room as her. Kyle,
give me a fucking break.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I don't think the show Love is okay. So I
thinks to say, first of all, let me start up
by saying this. I had dropped a few of my
commentaries as I usually do when I'm watching Love is
Blind on a few of my Instagram stories, and I've
had people be like, you know, because you know, usually
(04:57):
I do an episode of about Love is Blind and
we talk about it. I'm not gonna lie to y'all.
I could not make it through the I abandoned Love
is Blind at this season at I think, I don't
know what episode, but I after the one girl Alice
and tim is that the who it is? Alice and
(05:17):
Timothy mineral but the two ones I guess they had
some blowout argument that the show did chose not to
fucking air. And then she was, you know, trying to
apologize to him and he was, you know, she went
in to hug him, and he was kind of like,
I'm kind of over this. That's where I stopped. I'm like,
(05:38):
I actually, I'm actually fucking sick of this show. I'm
sick of the show. I'm sick of the storylines, I'm
sick of the fool I'm just I'm just done. I
just and Plus, I feel like this it was so boring.
I was bored. It was bored, bored board watching this,
and so I decided to just have Dwayne because Dwayne
(06:00):
Dwyane watches Love is Blind, and it's my fault.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
You know.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
I started making him watch Love Is Blind when I
was really into Love is Blind. And now every time
there's a new season, he's like, bebe bebe bebe bebe
did you watch? You've seen that? You need to watch
the ses so we can talk about it. I can
tell you the team, We can have discord. So now
Dwayne has all caught up. He's you know, and he's
(06:22):
a Gemini. So Dwane will watch an entire, an entire
season of a show in one day. Okay, he will
watch it while he's taking a shower, he'll watch it
while he's cooking, he'll watch it while he's okay, while
he's at work. He's just watching the show anyways. But
I've abandoned it, and so he's given me the cliff notes.
And plus I'm not scrolling on TikTok anymore, so I
wasn't even seeing any of the hot tape. That's not
(06:44):
a thing too that I'm really enjoying about not scrolling
on any social media apps anymore. Because I no longer
get spoiler alerts. I get to think for myself. I
don't get to participate and listen to other people. So
it's right. So I had Dwayne get me most of
my spoiler alerts, my spoilers, and I just you know,
(07:07):
the Tyler dude has three pickknies. I'm like, what are
you talking? What are you talking about? This is crazy,
you know, the Hannah girl with her stuff, you know. Anyways,
but one thing that Dwayne said in the very beginning
the first season, Duyne was like, oh god Doana was like, man,
(07:32):
these dudes are not handsome this season at all. And
Dwayne's like that, right, Dwayne is able to say when
a guy's handsome, when he's not handsome. Right, Dwayne is
able to. He's comfortable enough with himself he could be
able to. He's like, man, like these these guys, these
guys ain't it this season. And he's like, you know,
(07:53):
the women are are really beautiful. And the women are
really nice, really beautiful. The one girl who's with the
dude with the babies, I don't remember her name.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
She is.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Beautiful. I was like, a girl, what's her name? I
don't know what the names it, didn't know the names,
but she's what they would do with the babies. Anyways,
I digress. So there has been a lot of discussion
before the TikTok that has played you about you know,
the men on this show, right versus the women who
(08:26):
go on the show. And I want to oh god,
here comes the dog. Yeah, Bentley, can I help you
with something please? I'm kind of doing something. Okay, that's great.
Okay literally had to pause the episode for a whole
three minutes because Bentley takes yes to take his time drinking.
(08:47):
You said, take us time walking to find a new
spot to lay down. Anyways, I digress. So Okay has
to get comfortable. Okay. So the conversation throughout you know
time and when I'm having conversations with my homegirls and
stuff like that is also you know, these men on
Love is blind. These men, these men, these men. The
(09:08):
other day, I was talking to one of my clients
who is considering getting back on a dating app, and
you know, she's been doing it, and I worked at
it out, what are you, casey b and who's considering
getting back in a dating app? And I was like, okay,
and this is actually now three of three of my
(09:29):
clients who have been like, you know, I'm considering getting
back in dating app I've been doing my in a
work for a year. I haven't spoken to mana having
whatever the case they mean. I'm like, yo, my answer
is go for it, right, And they end up coming
back to me and they're like, yo, it is hell.
That's what I was, That's what I was addicted to.
You know, after one day of them being on it,
they're like, fuck this shit. Right. One of my clients
(09:49):
told me the other day that there was a guy
in jail who's she's how did I match with a
guy in jail? He's in jail on the app for
he's going to be there for another thirteen year anyways. Okay,
(10:10):
so we're having a conversation about it, and I said
one of the things that I say all the time
is a lot of women don't realize that the reason why.
And look, let's just get this out of the way.
If you met the love of your fucking life on
a dating app, good for you, congratulations. I'm not saying
(10:33):
that you cannot find love on a dating app. That's
not what I'm saying that. I've never said that that you
will never find any of that. That's not what I'm saying, right, Okay,
just want to make that really clear. I'm speaking for
the most part, not the minority, Okay, for the majority,
all right, not the anomaly, for the majority, okay. A
(10:58):
lot of women when it comes to dating apps, always
feel like they're scraping at the bottom of the barrel.
And the reason why is because you are men. Most men, okay,
who are confident in themselves, securing themselves, who are doing
their inner work, who are all the things that you
wanted a man. Are not searching for love. They are
(11:25):
not trying to find their person. They are more of
the mindset of I would love to be in a relationship,
but when it happens, it'll happen. They are more organic
into organic meetings, meeting somebody you have to I think
(11:45):
a lot of women still don't get it, you know,
still don't get it. Men who are focused on themselves
are They're not like women. When women say, for the
most part that they're focused on themselves'll are not. You're not,
(12:07):
you're not. You know you might do a lot of
times a lot. I'm not saying all women, but for
a lot of women's the unfocused on myself thing is
very performative. It's something that women say to sound good
to sound like, you know, they're confident, they're in their
shit right. A lot of times women do a lot
of talking, and a lot of women think that men
(12:29):
are set up the same way. No, the only men
who do a lot of talking are men who are
not about that life. You see, when I talk about that,
a lot of y'all, a lot of women are in
fact dating men on their level. When y'all are like,
I just need a man who's on my level, when
I'm like, but you are dating men who are on
(12:49):
your level. And when I talk about the fact that
these relationships are mirrors of the relationship that we have
with ourselves, this is what I mean. When you're really
focused on yourself, You are focused on yourself. You are
not trying to get no man. You ain't chasing no
no dick, You ain't well, where is he already? You
(13:11):
ain't complaining about men. You are not. This is that
your mind is not even there. Yes, one's in a
blue moon, you know, like, oh, it would be nice
to have somebody, and da da da, And yes you
have those feelings and those thoughts and those sentiments, but
that is not that does not make up the whole pie.
That maybe if you're looking at a pie chart, right,
that maybe makes up, you know, ten percent of your pie,
(13:34):
and then the ninety percent is you doing all things
that are very much self involved, right, and not in
a bad way, in a good way, right. You rediscovering yourself,
you getting yourself into a good routine, you learning to
enjoy your life, you doing your whatever it is, all
all the things that are about you building a relationship
(13:56):
with yourself. And when that happens. A lot of women
who are truly doing that, their focus is maintaining or
sustaining the mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial health that they
have learned to build for themselves. Do you know what
I'm saying? They a lot of women who are if
(14:18):
they're truly focusing on themselves, that's what they mean in
all areas of their life. And anybody who comes into
their lives is a plus, and that's wonderful. And if
we're on the same page, cool. If we're not, you
gotta fucking go right. Men do the same in that aspect.
Men who are truly focusing on themselves are not on
(14:39):
a fucking dating app. I'm sorry some of them might
hop on there when they're board once in a blue
moon and then be like, what the fuck is it? Like?
You know what I mean? Now, you know. But for
the most part, especially men who are focused on themselves,
they're there, are focused on themselves, you know. And when
(15:02):
it comes to Love is Blind, it is a dating
app that we're watching on TV. That's it. That's that's
really it. So the quality of men for the most part,
not all, not all, but for the most part, the
quality of men that you're seeing on dating on Love
(15:25):
is Blind compared to the quality of women you're seeing
on Love is Blind. Is it making you? Are you
putting the things together?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Now?
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Is it clicking? It's no different these beautiful women right
with these men who you know have all these you know,
have all these issues. Right. However, something I would like
to point out that you know, maybe other people have
put it out, I don't know, but something I would
(15:55):
like to point out is we are seeing a lot
of beautiful women time after time love is Blind, and
by beautiful I mean ohwordly appearance wise, but we also
end up seeing how a lot of them are just
as toxic. Right right, Let's not act as though we
(16:18):
have not seen multiple women now on Love is Blind
who are pretty on the outside need some motherfucking help
on the inside. Okay, right, And when we think of
dating apps, if you're bringing you back to dating apps,
there are a lot of women who are absolutely out here,
beautiful on the outside, who are on these dating apps,
(16:39):
who on the inside there's a few screws missing and
or there's a lot of wounds happening in there that
they haven't addressed. So you have beautiful women on the outside,
men who are who they themselves need a whole lot
(17:01):
of inner work, right, who are gravitating and choosing you
because you're pretty on the outside. It's just something to
think about. It's something to think about. I don't think
love is blind is purposely going out of their way
to be unfair to women and cassise men who are
(17:22):
quote unquote less than I think these are the only
men who are signing up. I think out of the
men who are putting in there, who are signing up
or I don't know what to call it, who are
putting in their casting calls, I don't know what to
call it. And you know what I mean, applying Jesus,
(17:43):
that took a long time. Men who are applying I
think the ones that get chosen are the best of
what's being of what's applying. I don't think it is
a matter of I don't think. I really don't think
that they are like, Yeah, you know, we're gonna do
We're gonna get these women and then we're gonna choose
(18:04):
the worst of the worst men and we're gonna put
them money, and we're gonna be yeaw that goes m
and then at the end we're gonna be like, but
did you die? Like, I don't think that's what they're do.
I really don't think that's what they're doing. I think
they are really doing the best they can from what
they have to pick from, you see. And I think
(18:24):
that this should be a you know, just food for
thought if nothing else, you know, finish your plate. But
I think a lot of food for thought in terms
of how you are dating and what your dating life
is like, and your thoughts and you're the conversations you're
having with your homegirls and the ship that you're listening
(18:45):
to right about dating and relationships. You know, men who
are focused on themselves are really focused on themselves, and
they're not they're not seeking arrangements. Man, They are very
very much on some if it happens, that it happens,
and those type of men, you know, they they're usually
(19:06):
laying low. They don't want no drama, they don't want
they don't want none of that shit. And it's the
same thing for women. Women who are genuinely focused on themselves,
they're laying low. They don't want no drama, they don't
want to be a new mix up. They don't want
to hear nobody's bullshit. They don't want to be a
part of anybody's bullshit. And they understand that the way
to do that, or the way rather to not be
involved in anybody's bullshit is to lay low, to be
(19:27):
in their cut, to learn about themselves, explore themselves, whatever
the case may be, da da, and to really spend
you know, a year, two years, whatever they feel like
it's appropriate for them, right on their growth journey. They're learning,
they're healing, they are doing things, they're enjoying their lives
for themselves, and they don't want to really consider anybody else.
(19:49):
It's the same thing for men, and they are very
much of the mind of when it happens, it happens,
and they trust, they trust in their They've built pretty
good relationships with their spirit team, God, whoever it is
it they believe in right, and they genuinely trust they're
not they're not faking the funks, you know, they're really
(20:16):
giving it to God and not teetered totting back and forth.
Because a lot of people be giving it to God
and then taking it back. You know what, I'm just
gonna give it to God, and then five business says
I'm gonna take it back. I'm gonna take it BA,
because you're taking too motherfucking la. I'm just gonna do
it myself, you know. Oh my ladies, who independent you're like,
this is why I can't put nothing in a motherfucking
man's hand, because y'all be taking too long and I'm
just gonna do it myself. God, It's like, what what
(20:40):
God up there looking at you like, okay, girl, all right,
go off. Then I guess okay, see you in another
twelve days because you'll be back like you. I mean,
if God is a man. But I digress. I none
of our business, right, you can believe what we want.
But yeah, a lot of times these are people, both
(21:02):
men and women, who are truly focused on themselves who
are really they have faith in their process, and they're
not just it's not just something that they say to
sound good on Instagram, to sound good on social media,
to sound good on Twitter. They actually really do have
faith in their their their process and their journey, and
it took them a long time to get there. They
(21:23):
worked really hard in building that relationship. And so that's
what they're doing. It's not performative, it's not an act.
They're not just talking about it. They're being about it.
And that's I think the thing that a lot of
women when we have conversations about dating relationships and the
love is blind thing and the dating apps and all everything,
I think that's really the part that a lot of
women keep missing. And the reason why a lot of
(21:44):
women keep missing it is because the women I'm talking
about in specific, are because these are the very women
who are absolutely not focused on themselves, and so they
can't recognize what it takes and what it really means
to be focused on yourself.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Right.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
It's like in the beginning of the Self Love Bible,
the book that I wrote, one of the books that
I wrote, I say, you know, you know what, hold on.
Let me say verbatim I had to reach back and
grab it. Okay, to the man that I've had the
most toxic relationship with and have since left behind, I
am now unrecognizable. Word gets back to me that he
(22:23):
often keeps up with my life from a distance via
social media and says things like, that's not the rail
her and she's not as bold as she wants people
to believe she is. The thing is, he is absolutely right,
the woman I am now is not who he remembers
at all. With him, I was underdeveloped, broken, unsure. I
was lacking in all the departments of self love and confidence,
(22:46):
which sent me on a search for love in all
the wrong places. Ironically, this search also led me with
a desperate need to be validated and accepted by the
man in my life that I look up to. That
I looked up to him, But see, he knew all
these things about me already, which is why he enjoyed
me as much as he did. I was the woman
(23:07):
who fed both his ego and his burning desire to
have total control over another person. I was the one
who never said no to him, never put any boundaries
in place for him or myself. I was the one
who would drop any and everything for him, the one
who willingly put my life on hold and waited for
him no matter the hurtful things he said or did.
I was the one who always forgave and let him
(23:30):
right back in, which is why he continued to say
and do the things that he did. What a toxic cycle. Indeed,
that said, I think it's so important to understand that
I'm not putting all the blame on him if you
really look at it. We both feeled each other miserably.
I taught him to treat me like I was less
than because I'd already grown used to accepting that treatment
(23:50):
for myself, and on his end will he took full
advantage of it. We were both fucked up in our
own ways, both battling and struggling with things internally. However,
here's what's Here's what lets me know that he's still
fucked up. He looks at me now and thinks that's
not the real her, because the idea that I have
(24:12):
grown and changed for the better, fixed my broken pieces,
found my voice and confidence, learned how to love and
take care of myself, thus no longer needing validation or
acceptance from anyone else, has never crossed his mind. Why.
Simply put, he is the exact same person he was
the day I mustered up some courage and decided it
(24:33):
was time to leave both him and that old version
of myself behind. He has yet to evolve in his
own mind, spirit, heart, and soul, therefore has no clue
as to what evolution looks like in others. This is
not This is why I'm not mad at him? How
can I be? I had to let go of him
and all of the other toxic people I was surrounded
(24:55):
by in order to find me. Perhaps, amongst other things
he needs to do for himself, he has to let
go of the woman I was when I was with
him in order to see the woman I've become without him. Okay,
this is taken from my book The Self Love Bible,
How I Learned to Love Myself. You can get that
through the link in the description Okay of this episode,
(25:16):
but yeah, you can also go to CIS www dot sis,
get your ish together dot com. Anyways, when we do
not grow ourselves, we can't or when we're not doing
things for ourselves we don't think of we don't think
(25:39):
of it in other people that that's what other people
might be doing because we're not there yet. Do you
just say what I'm saying, We're not there yet. So
if you are truly not focusing on yourself, you can't
under You don't know what it looks like for somebody
to be actually focusing on themselves, like what that actually means.
(25:59):
And granted they're nuances on focusing on yourself. For one
person it could look like something else for another person
to go look for something else? Right there, there are
slight nuances because we're individuals, right, So focusing on yourself
one person can be you know, going to the gym,
eating right, da da da da. For another person it
could be really focusing on their spirituality whatever whatever. Right,
But the the idea, the umbrella of it, right, the
(26:20):
idea is irregardless of the nuances that make the focusing
on yourself journey personal and unique, it still is that
you are focused on self, truly on you and what
you need to do for you and in that area,
you see what I'm saying. So it's like when people
say real, recognize is real? You know what I mean?
(26:41):
If you ain't being real, you can't recognize real. You
know what I'm saying. If you are not doing what
you need to do for you. You can't recognize that
that's somebody that is and where that what that might
look like, and where that person might be akaa, not
out here in these streets and not out here on
these fucking dating apps, because they are not searching for someone.
(27:05):
They're not searching, you know, they're the relationship with themselves
is the most important thing right now, and and whatever
comes and whoever comes into their lives, we have to
fit together or otherwise you know that it's not gonna fit.
But they're not actively searching, you see. So I think
this is where we are with the with the love
(27:27):
is blind situation. And I think that's that's why when
my homegirls sent me the video this morning, I was like, yes,
I God, I got thoughts. So so yeah, like I said,
just something to think about, you know, fa yourself. Maybe
you never had that perspective before. Maybe you know, there's
something to think about for yourself. Okay, okay, So on
(27:48):
that note, we head into random what do I have
random life news? No, I don't, I probably do, And
I forgot, Well whatever I forgot, I'll if I remember
it later, I'll write it down and then maybe I'll
include it in the next episode. Cool something Tanta something
(28:13):
I'm grateful for. I'm very grateful for the weekend that
we had, had a lovely weekend. It was Thanksgiving weekend
here in Montreal, Canada. Here in Canada period, had a
very very lovely, relaxed, yummy weekend. Very grateful, very thankful
for my family, my Duaney, Duaney. Please, you're definitely not
(28:40):
gonna call him Dwaney. That's terrible. Don't even tell him.
I said, Duaney, get out of here from a Dwayne
and my Pyndam and a Bentley and all the things.
So I definitely was very grateful for this weekend. And
then we're back to work, baby, were back to work.
It's your turn around. I think that's something that you're
grateful for. Or say it out loud, or write it down,
(29:05):
send a friend, text message, phone call later on, let
them know that you appreciate them. I'm sure that it
will make their day ladies and sometimes gentlemen. I hope
that you guys enjoyed today's episode. Hope, but you have
a very good rest of your morning's evenings, afternoons or
over bick y'all aer in the world, please be safe,
(29:27):
use condoms if you out here fucking trust your intuition
and use your discernment, and I will catch y'all again soon, Okay,
sending y'all much love. Go'll be great spot
My name is cc B, but most people just call
me B. I am thirty nine years young. I've been
through a lot. I've also put myself through a lot,
and one day I got sick and tired of my
own shit. And that's the day when change started happening.
I stopped lying to myself and started getting painfully honest
with myself. But it was only painful because I had
(00:22):
been lying to myself for so long. About nine or
ten years ago, now, give or take, I started writing
books about my journey through my toxic relationships and how
I got out of them and then stayed out of
them by building a healthy relationship with myself. So there
is nothing that I say on this podcast that I
haven't already had to say to myself at some point
(00:42):
in time, and yes, in the exact same tone as
I say it here. So if you are sensitive to honesty, babe,
be this is not the place for you to be.
I don't sugarcoat shit for myself, so I'm not doing
it for anyone else. Besides, how are you going to
be more offended by another woman being honest with you,
telling you the truth than you are by the men
(01:04):
or men who lie to you every day and treat
you like shit food for thought. Please finish your plate?
What up blueses your girl be? And Welcome back to
another episode of the SIS Get Your Ish Together Podcast.
(01:26):
I hope that you guys are having a great day today.
I hope that you woke up feeling revived and rejuvenated
with faith that everything that you spoke about with your
spirit team the night before is being worked out for
you in the background, somehow, some way. But please remember
that you've got to help your spirit team help you. Okay,
that means you've got to put yourself in the position
to get the things that you want. Needs to chest,
(01:47):
needs to chest, because that's right. Even the person who
wishes to when the lottery knows that they've got to
play the numbers. It is currently tennel three am here
in cold It rained last night. It's gloomy outside today, Montreal, Canada.
I'm thrilled. Can you tell on today's episode. I don't
know what I'm titling this episode, but it has to
do with some lover's blind stuff and dating in general.
(02:10):
So just you know, you'll see the title when you
click on it. Go get a snack, juice box or
a glass of wine. Hey, listen to me. Put your
triggers at aside. So you got room to open up
your mind now, and let's get into the episode, shall we.
(02:43):
So this morning, Brighton Ali, my homegirl sent me this
TikTok and she was like, what do you think about this?
And so I have many thoughts about this, many thoughts,
not really many thoughts, but I have a specific thought
and we're going to talk about it. We're going to
talk about it. So I'm going to play the first
(03:04):
All why is it still running in the background? Okay,
I'm going to play it, and then we'll talk. Okay,
where is it? Okay?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
So I don't think the show Love is Blind is
fair to women, and I'll explain why. And before anyone
tells me that I'm being too radical or sensitive, I
really don't give a fuck, Okay, And why do you
care so much how I feel about things? Anyway, I'd
rather be too sensitive than too apathetic. I've been watching
Love is Blind since season one. I think it's the
worst show on television. I will watch every single season
of it, but the past few seasons specifically, and I
(03:34):
think it's always been a pattern, but it's been really
clear the past few seasons that the way that they
cast the men on the show is very different from
the way they cast women, because they find the most stunning,
like the most beautiful women for the show, like gorgeous,
driven successful for the men.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
I think their casting process.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
For that is maybe just sending someone down to the
sewers and seeing what they find, because what is going.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
On they are not and so many of them are
like manipulative man children.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
My thing is it kind of defeats the purpose of
the show because it.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Really fucks with a woman's head when the person she's
engaged to is being like, love is of course, love
is blind. I love her, Yeah, of course you do.
She's gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
She's having a harder time figuring out whether or not
love is blind because she is marrying a muppet.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
And then they're always like, do you think we'd be together
in the real world if we met. No, you wouldn't
even be allowed in the same room as her. Kyle,
give me a fucking break.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I don't think the show Love is okay. So I
thinks to say, first of all, let me start up
by saying this. I had dropped a few of my
commentaries as I usually do when I'm watching Love is
Blind on a few of my Instagram stories, and I've
had people be like, you know, because you know, usually
(04:57):
I do an episode of about Love is Blind and
we talk about it. I'm not gonna lie to y'all.
I could not make it through the I abandoned Love
is Blind at this season at I think, I don't
know what episode, but I after the one girl Alice
and tim is that the who it is? Alice and
(05:17):
Timothy mineral but the two ones I guess they had
some blowout argument that the show did chose not to
fucking air. And then she was, you know, trying to
apologize to him and he was, you know, she went
in to hug him, and he was kind of like,
I'm kind of over this. That's where I stopped. I'm like,
(05:38):
I actually, I'm actually fucking sick of this show. I'm
sick of the show. I'm sick of the storylines, I'm
sick of the fool I'm just I'm just done. I
just and Plus, I feel like this it was so boring.
I was bored. It was bored, bored board watching this,
and so I decided to just have Dwayne because Dwayne
(06:00):
Dwyane watches Love is Blind, and it's my fault.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
You know.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
I started making him watch Love Is Blind when I
was really into Love is Blind. And now every time
there's a new season, he's like, bebe bebe bebe bebe
did you watch? You've seen that? You need to watch
the ses so we can talk about it. I can
tell you the team, We can have discord. So now
Dwayne has all caught up. He's you know, and he's
(06:22):
a Gemini. So Dwane will watch an entire, an entire
season of a show in one day. Okay, he will
watch it while he's taking a shower, he'll watch it
while he's cooking, he'll watch it while he's okay, while
he's at work. He's just watching the show anyways. But
I've abandoned it, and so he's given me the cliff notes.
And plus I'm not scrolling on TikTok anymore, so I
wasn't even seeing any of the hot tape. That's not
(06:44):
a thing too that I'm really enjoying about not scrolling
on any social media apps anymore. Because I no longer
get spoiler alerts. I get to think for myself. I
don't get to participate and listen to other people. So
it's right. So I had Dwayne get me most of
my spoiler alerts, my spoilers, and I just you know,
(07:07):
the Tyler dude has three pickknies. I'm like, what are
you talking? What are you talking about? This is crazy,
you know, the Hannah girl with her stuff, you know. Anyways,
but one thing that Dwayne said in the very beginning
the first season, Duyne was like, oh god Doana was like, man,
(07:32):
these dudes are not handsome this season at all. And
Dwayne's like that, right, Dwayne is able to say when
a guy's handsome, when he's not handsome. Right, Dwayne is
able to. He's comfortable enough with himself he could be
able to. He's like, man, like these these guys, these
guys ain't it this season. And he's like, you know,
(07:53):
the women are are really beautiful. And the women are
really nice, really beautiful. The one girl who's with the
dude with the babies, I don't remember her name.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
She is.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Beautiful. I was like, a girl, what's her name? I
don't know what the names it, didn't know the names,
but she's what they would do with the babies. Anyways,
I digress. So there has been a lot of discussion
before the TikTok that has played you about you know,
the men on this show, right versus the women who
(08:26):
go on the show. And I want to oh god,
here comes the dog. Yeah, Bentley, can I help you
with something please? I'm kind of doing something. Okay, that's great.
Okay literally had to pause the episode for a whole
three minutes because Bentley takes yes to take his time drinking.
(08:47):
You said, take us time walking to find a new
spot to lay down. Anyways, I digress. So Okay has
to get comfortable. Okay. So the conversation throughout you know
time and when I'm having conversations with my homegirls and
stuff like that is also you know, these men on
Love is blind. These men, these men, these men. The
(09:08):
other day, I was talking to one of my clients
who is considering getting back on a dating app, and
you know, she's been doing it, and I worked at
it out, what are you, casey b and who's considering
getting back in a dating app? And I was like, okay,
and this is actually now three of three of my
(09:29):
clients who have been like, you know, I'm considering getting
back in dating app I've been doing my in a
work for a year. I haven't spoken to mana having
whatever the case they mean. I'm like, yo, my answer
is go for it, right, And they end up coming
back to me and they're like, yo, it is hell.
That's what I was, That's what I was addicted to.
You know, after one day of them being on it,
they're like, fuck this shit. Right. One of my clients
(09:49):
told me the other day that there was a guy
in jail who's she's how did I match with a
guy in jail? He's in jail on the app for
he's going to be there for another thirteen year anyways. Okay,
(10:10):
so we're having a conversation about it, and I said
one of the things that I say all the time
is a lot of women don't realize that the reason why.
And look, let's just get this out of the way.
If you met the love of your fucking life on
a dating app, good for you, congratulations. I'm not saying
(10:33):
that you cannot find love on a dating app. That's
not what I'm saying that. I've never said that that you
will never find any of that. That's not what I'm saying, right, Okay,
just want to make that really clear. I'm speaking for
the most part, not the minority, Okay, for the majority,
all right, not the anomaly, for the majority, okay. A
(10:58):
lot of women when it comes to dating apps, always
feel like they're scraping at the bottom of the barrel.
And the reason why is because you are men. Most men, okay,
who are confident in themselves, securing themselves, who are doing
their inner work, who are all the things that you
wanted a man. Are not searching for love. They are
(11:25):
not trying to find their person. They are more of
the mindset of I would love to be in a relationship,
but when it happens, it'll happen. They are more organic
into organic meetings, meeting somebody you have to I think
(11:45):
a lot of women still don't get it, you know,
still don't get it. Men who are focused on themselves
are They're not like women. When women say, for the
most part that they're focused on themselves'll are not. You're not,
(12:07):
you're not. You know you might do a lot of
times a lot. I'm not saying all women, but for
a lot of women's the unfocused on myself thing is
very performative. It's something that women say to sound good
to sound like, you know, they're confident, they're in their
shit right. A lot of times women do a lot
of talking, and a lot of women think that men
(12:29):
are set up the same way. No, the only men
who do a lot of talking are men who are
not about that life. You see, when I talk about that,
a lot of y'all, a lot of women are in
fact dating men on their level. When y'all are like,
I just need a man who's on my level, when
I'm like, but you are dating men who are on
(12:49):
your level. And when I talk about the fact that
these relationships are mirrors of the relationship that we have
with ourselves, this is what I mean. When you're really
focused on yourself, You are focused on yourself. You are
not trying to get no man. You ain't chasing no
no dick, You ain't well, where is he already? You
(13:11):
ain't complaining about men. You are not. This is that
your mind is not even there. Yes, one's in a
blue moon, you know, like, oh, it would be nice
to have somebody, and da da da, And yes you
have those feelings and those thoughts and those sentiments, but
that is not that does not make up the whole pie.
That maybe if you're looking at a pie chart, right,
that maybe makes up, you know, ten percent of your pie,
(13:34):
and then the ninety percent is you doing all things
that are very much self involved, right, and not in
a bad way, in a good way, right. You rediscovering yourself,
you getting yourself into a good routine, you learning to
enjoy your life, you doing your whatever it is, all
all the things that are about you building a relationship
(13:56):
with yourself. And when that happens. A lot of women
who are truly doing that, their focus is maintaining or
sustaining the mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial health that they
have learned to build for themselves. Do you know what
I'm saying? They a lot of women who are if
(14:18):
they're truly focusing on themselves, that's what they mean in
all areas of their life. And anybody who comes into
their lives is a plus, and that's wonderful. And if
we're on the same page, cool. If we're not, you
gotta fucking go right. Men do the same in that aspect.
Men who are truly focusing on themselves are not on
(14:39):
a fucking dating app. I'm sorry some of them might
hop on there when they're board once in a blue
moon and then be like, what the fuck is it? Like?
You know what I mean? Now, you know. But for
the most part, especially men who are focused on themselves,
they're there, are focused on themselves, you know. And when
(15:02):
it comes to Love is Blind, it is a dating
app that we're watching on TV. That's it. That's that's
really it. So the quality of men for the most part,
not all, not all, but for the most part, the
quality of men that you're seeing on dating on Love
(15:25):
is Blind compared to the quality of women you're seeing
on Love is Blind. Is it making you? Are you
putting the things together?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Now?
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Is it clicking? It's no different these beautiful women right
with these men who you know have all these you know,
have all these issues. Right. However, something I would like
to point out that you know, maybe other people have
put it out, I don't know, but something I would
(15:55):
like to point out is we are seeing a lot
of beautiful women time after time love is Blind, and
by beautiful I mean ohwordly appearance wise, but we also
end up seeing how a lot of them are just
as toxic. Right right, Let's not act as though we
(16:18):
have not seen multiple women now on Love is Blind
who are pretty on the outside need some motherfucking help
on the inside. Okay, right, And when we think of
dating apps, if you're bringing you back to dating apps,
there are a lot of women who are absolutely out here,
beautiful on the outside, who are on these dating apps,
(16:39):
who on the inside there's a few screws missing and
or there's a lot of wounds happening in there that
they haven't addressed. So you have beautiful women on the outside,
men who are who they themselves need a whole lot
(17:01):
of inner work, right, who are gravitating and choosing you
because you're pretty on the outside. It's just something to
think about. It's something to think about. I don't think
love is blind is purposely going out of their way
to be unfair to women and cassise men who are
(17:22):
quote unquote less than I think these are the only
men who are signing up. I think out of the
men who are putting in there, who are signing up
or I don't know what to call it, who are
putting in their casting calls, I don't know what to
call it. And you know what I mean, applying Jesus,
(17:43):
that took a long time. Men who are applying I
think the ones that get chosen are the best of
what's being of what's applying. I don't think it is
a matter of I don't think. I really don't think
that they are like, Yeah, you know, we're gonna do
We're gonna get these women and then we're gonna choose
(18:04):
the worst of the worst men and we're gonna put
them money, and we're gonna be yeaw that goes m
and then at the end we're gonna be like, but
did you die? Like, I don't think that's what they're do.
I really don't think that's what they're doing. I think
they are really doing the best they can from what
they have to pick from, you see. And I think
(18:24):
that this should be a you know, just food for
thought if nothing else, you know, finish your plate. But
I think a lot of food for thought in terms
of how you are dating and what your dating life
is like, and your thoughts and you're the conversations you're
having with your homegirls and the ship that you're listening
(18:45):
to right about dating and relationships. You know, men who
are focused on themselves are really focused on themselves, and
they're not they're not seeking arrangements. Man, They are very
very much on some if it happens, that it happens,
and those type of men, you know, they they're usually
(19:06):
laying low. They don't want no drama, they don't want
they don't want none of that shit. And it's the
same thing for women. Women who are genuinely focused on themselves,
they're laying low. They don't want no drama, they don't
want to be a new mix up. They don't want
to hear nobody's bullshit. They don't want to be a
part of anybody's bullshit. And they understand that the way
to do that, or the way rather to not be
involved in anybody's bullshit is to lay low, to be
(19:27):
in their cut, to learn about themselves, explore themselves, whatever
the case may be, da da, and to really spend
you know, a year, two years, whatever they feel like
it's appropriate for them, right on their growth journey. They're learning,
they're healing, they are doing things, they're enjoying their lives
for themselves, and they don't want to really consider anybody else.
(19:49):
It's the same thing for men, and they are very
much of the mind of when it happens, it happens,
and they trust, they trust in their They've built pretty
good relationships with their spirit team, God, whoever it is
it they believe in right, and they genuinely trust they're
not they're not faking the funks, you know, they're really
(20:16):
giving it to God and not teetered totting back and forth.
Because a lot of people be giving it to God
and then taking it back. You know what, I'm just
gonna give it to God, and then five business says
I'm gonna take it back. I'm gonna take it BA,
because you're taking too motherfucking la. I'm just gonna do
it myself, you know. Oh my ladies, who independent you're like,
this is why I can't put nothing in a motherfucking
man's hand, because y'all be taking too long and I'm
just gonna do it myself. God, It's like, what what
(20:40):
God up there looking at you like, okay, girl, all right,
go off. Then I guess okay, see you in another
twelve days because you'll be back like you. I mean,
if God is a man. But I digress. I none
of our business, right, you can believe what we want.
But yeah, a lot of times these are people, both
(21:02):
men and women, who are truly focused on themselves who
are really they have faith in their process, and they're
not just it's not just something that they say to
sound good on Instagram, to sound good on social media,
to sound good on Twitter. They actually really do have
faith in their their their process and their journey, and
it took them a long time to get there. They
(21:23):
worked really hard in building that relationship. And so that's
what they're doing. It's not performative, it's not an act.
They're not just talking about it. They're being about it.
And that's I think the thing that a lot of
women when we have conversations about dating relationships and the
love is blind thing and the dating apps and all everything,
I think that's really the part that a lot of
women keep missing. And the reason why a lot of
(21:44):
women keep missing it is because the women I'm talking
about in specific, are because these are the very women
who are absolutely not focused on themselves, and so they
can't recognize what it takes and what it really means
to be focused on yourself.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Right.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
It's like in the beginning of the Self Love Bible,
the book that I wrote, one of the books that
I wrote, I say, you know, you know what, hold on.
Let me say verbatim I had to reach back and
grab it. Okay, to the man that I've had the
most toxic relationship with and have since left behind, I
am now unrecognizable. Word gets back to me that he
(22:23):
often keeps up with my life from a distance via
social media and says things like, that's not the rail
her and she's not as bold as she wants people
to believe she is. The thing is, he is absolutely right,
the woman I am now is not who he remembers
at all. With him, I was underdeveloped, broken, unsure. I
was lacking in all the departments of self love and confidence,
(22:46):
which sent me on a search for love in all
the wrong places. Ironically, this search also led me with
a desperate need to be validated and accepted by the
man in my life that I look up to. That
I looked up to him, But see, he knew all
these things about me already, which is why he enjoyed
me as much as he did. I was the woman
(23:07):
who fed both his ego and his burning desire to
have total control over another person. I was the one
who never said no to him, never put any boundaries
in place for him or myself. I was the one
who would drop any and everything for him, the one
who willingly put my life on hold and waited for
him no matter the hurtful things he said or did.
I was the one who always forgave and let him
(23:30):
right back in, which is why he continued to say
and do the things that he did. What a toxic cycle. Indeed,
that said, I think it's so important to understand that
I'm not putting all the blame on him if you
really look at it. We both feeled each other miserably.
I taught him to treat me like I was less
than because I'd already grown used to accepting that treatment
(23:50):
for myself, and on his end will he took full
advantage of it. We were both fucked up in our
own ways, both battling and struggling with things internally. However,
here's what's Here's what lets me know that he's still
fucked up. He looks at me now and thinks that's
not the real her, because the idea that I have
(24:12):
grown and changed for the better, fixed my broken pieces,
found my voice and confidence, learned how to love and
take care of myself, thus no longer needing validation or
acceptance from anyone else, has never crossed his mind. Why.
Simply put, he is the exact same person he was
the day I mustered up some courage and decided it
(24:33):
was time to leave both him and that old version
of myself behind. He has yet to evolve in his
own mind, spirit, heart, and soul, therefore has no clue
as to what evolution looks like in others. This is
not This is why I'm not mad at him? How
can I be? I had to let go of him
and all of the other toxic people I was surrounded
(24:55):
by in order to find me. Perhaps, amongst other things
he needs to do for himself, he has to let
go of the woman I was when I was with
him in order to see the woman I've become without him. Okay,
this is taken from my book The Self Love Bible,
How I Learned to Love Myself. You can get that
through the link in the description Okay of this episode,
(25:16):
but yeah, you can also go to CIS www dot sis,
get your ish together dot com. Anyways, when we do
not grow ourselves, we can't or when we're not doing
things for ourselves we don't think of we don't think
(25:39):
of it in other people that that's what other people
might be doing because we're not there yet. Do you
just say what I'm saying, We're not there yet. So
if you are truly not focusing on yourself, you can't
under You don't know what it looks like for somebody
to be actually focusing on themselves, like what that actually means.
(25:59):
And granted they're nuances on focusing on yourself. For one
person it could look like something else for another person
to go look for something else? Right there, there are
slight nuances because we're individuals, right, So focusing on yourself
one person can be you know, going to the gym,
eating right, da da da da. For another person it
could be really focusing on their spirituality whatever whatever. Right,
But the the idea, the umbrella of it, right, the
(26:20):
idea is irregardless of the nuances that make the focusing
on yourself journey personal and unique, it still is that
you are focused on self, truly on you and what
you need to do for you and in that area,
you see what I'm saying. So it's like when people
say real, recognize is real? You know what I mean?
(26:41):
If you ain't being real, you can't recognize real. You
know what I'm saying. If you are not doing what
you need to do for you. You can't recognize that
that's somebody that is and where that what that might
look like, and where that person might be akaa, not
out here in these streets and not out here on
these fucking dating apps, because they are not searching for someone.
(27:05):
They're not searching, you know, they're the relationship with themselves
is the most important thing right now, and and whatever
comes and whoever comes into their lives, we have to
fit together or otherwise you know that it's not gonna fit.
But they're not actively searching, you see. So I think
this is where we are with the with the love
(27:27):
is blind situation. And I think that's that's why when
my homegirls sent me the video this morning, I was like, yes,
I God, I got thoughts. So so yeah, like I said,
just something to think about, you know, fa yourself. Maybe
you never had that perspective before. Maybe you know, there's
something to think about for yourself. Okay, okay, So on
(27:48):
that note, we head into random what do I have
random life news? No, I don't, I probably do, And
I forgot, Well whatever I forgot, I'll if I remember
it later, I'll write it down and then maybe I'll
include it in the next episode. Cool something Tanta something
(28:13):
I'm grateful for. I'm very grateful for the weekend that
we had, had a lovely weekend. It was Thanksgiving weekend
here in Montreal, Canada. Here in Canada period, had a
very very lovely, relaxed, yummy weekend. Very grateful, very thankful
for my family, my Duaney, Duaney. Please, you're definitely not
(28:40):
gonna call him Dwaney. That's terrible. Don't even tell him.
I said, Duaney, get out of here from a Dwayne
and my Pyndam and a Bentley and all the things.
So I definitely was very grateful for this weekend. And
then we're back to work, baby, were back to work.
It's your turn around. I think that's something that you're
grateful for. Or say it out loud, or write it down,
(29:05):
send a friend, text message, phone call later on, let
them know that you appreciate them. I'm sure that it
will make their day ladies and sometimes gentlemen. I hope
that you guys enjoyed today's episode. Hope, but you have
a very good rest of your morning's evenings, afternoons or
over bick y'all aer in the world, please be safe,
(29:27):
use condoms if you out here fucking trust your intuition
and use your discernment, and I will catch y'all again soon, Okay,
sending y'all much love. Go'll be great spot
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Ruthie's Table 4
For more than 30 years The River Cafe in London, has been the home-from-home of artists, architects, designers, actors, collectors, writers, activists, and politicians. Michael Caine, Glenn Close, JJ Abrams, Steve McQueen, Victoria and David Beckham, and Lily Allen, are just some of the people who love to call The River Cafe home. On River Cafe Table 4, Rogers sits down with her customers—who have become friends—to talk about food memories. Table 4 explores how food impacts every aspect of our lives. “Foods is politics, food is cultural, food is how you express love, food is about your heritage, it defines who you and who you want to be,” says Rogers. Each week, Rogers invites her guest to reminisce about family suppers and first dates, what they cook, how they eat when performing, the restaurants they choose, and what food they seek when they need comfort. And to punctuate each episode of Table 4, guests such as Ralph Fiennes, Emily Blunt, and Alfonso Cuarón, read their favourite recipe from one of the best-selling River Cafe cookbooks. Table 4 itself, is situated near The River Cafe’s open kitchen, close to the bright pink wood-fired oven and next to the glossy yellow pass, where Ruthie oversees the restaurant. You are invited to take a seat at this intimate table and join the conversation. For more information, recipes, and ingredients, go to https://shoptherivercafe.co.uk/ Web: https://rivercafe.co.uk/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/therivercafelondon/ Facebook: https://en-gb.facebook.com/therivercafelondon/ For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iheartradio app, apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com