December 3, 2024 • 57 mins
In this empowering episode of Soul CPR, we dive deep into the journey of healing after leaving a narcissistic relationship with Relationship Clarity Coach and EFT Practitioner Bre Wolta.
The confusion from the mind games often leaves us feeling lost and disconnected from our authentic self-identity with crushed confidence and tanked esteem. Misplaced guilt and responsibility can keep us stuck, but breaking free is possible. My special guest shares her personal story and brings transformative insights along with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to help you release emotional baggage, regain clarity, and rediscover your authentic self.
Whether you're navigating the aftermath of a toxic relationship or supporting someone who is, this episode offers practical tools and heartfelt guidance to move forward in wholeness and wellness.
#SoulCPR #HealingJourney #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalFreedom #PeoplePleasing #ToxicRelationships #EFTTechniques #SelfDiscovery #EmotionalHealing #SelfLove #HeartbreaktoWholeness #BreWolta #AnnPapayoti
Website: www.brewolta.com
Podcast (Heartbreak to Wholeness: Untangling the Mindf*ck of Narcissistic Relationships): https://tinyurl.com/soulcprpod
Get the free RELATIONSHIP RESET GUIDE: https://tinyurl.com/soulcpr
The confusion from the mind games often leaves us feeling lost and disconnected from our authentic self-identity with crushed confidence and tanked esteem. Misplaced guilt and responsibility can keep us stuck, but breaking free is possible. My special guest shares her personal story and brings transformative insights along with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to help you release emotional baggage, regain clarity, and rediscover your authentic self.
Whether you're navigating the aftermath of a toxic relationship or supporting someone who is, this episode offers practical tools and heartfelt guidance to move forward in wholeness and wellness.
#SoulCPR #HealingJourney #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalFreedom #PeoplePleasing #ToxicRelationships #EFTTechniques #SelfDiscovery #EmotionalHealing #SelfLove #HeartbreaktoWholeness #BreWolta #AnnPapayoti
Website: www.brewolta.com
Podcast (Heartbreak to Wholeness: Untangling the Mindf*ck of Narcissistic Relationships): https://tinyurl.com/soulcprpod
Get the free RELATIONSHIP RESET GUIDE: https://tinyurl.com/soulcpr
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Are you ready to untangle from your past, recover from heartbreak,
and revive your life. This is Soul CPR with your
host and Papa Yode. We've all had soul crushing experiences
and lost ourselves in our pain, but there is a
way out. On this podcast, Amazon best selling author, award
winning life coach and advice columnist and Papa Yode helps
(00:27):
us navigate the path from heartbreak to healing. So now
please welcome the host of Soul CPR and Papa Yode.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Have you ever felt lost in a relationship? I'm sure
where you stand or even who you are. If so,
you're not alone. I've been there, and so has my guests.
Thank you for joining us today for this episode of
Soul CPR. You know, in just about a month from now,
I will celebrate my sixty second first day, and I
(01:01):
recognize it as a milestone that reflects a journey from
heartbreak to wholeness and probably one from unwellness to wellness
as well. And one thing that I've learned throughout the years,
and something that I find remains universal, is that relationships,
(01:21):
whether toxic or nurturing, offer valuable lessons. And along the way,
my relationships have been debilitating and rewarding and probably run
the gamut of everything in between. But regardless of the
nature of each and everyone, it was up to me
(01:43):
to notice the lesson and to learn and grow from
each of those so that I could build a healthy
and secure relationship with the one person that I would
always be with, and that is with myself, of course.
And I've noticed also that toxic relationships, in particular often
(02:08):
follow familiar, repetitive patterns, and the pain that they bring
is inevitable. People will disappoint and betray us and struggle
to love us in the way that we deserve. But
I also learned that suffering is optional if you will,
(02:31):
and that parts on us, and that the greatest lesson
of all is in letting go, and it's more than
just letting go of the person. And that's really where
our work begins, is learning what it is that we
need to let go of. That is the work ahead
of us, and I believe that that begins a journey
(02:56):
of really getting to first know our self and then
choosing to always stay true to ourself, and then really
really learning to love ourself. And I think there's a
struggle that many of us have with that. But when
we do these things, healing happens. Now. While my guest
(03:20):
today is much younger, I believe it's our shared life
experiences and our passion for serving others that bridges that
age gap and unites us. So my guest today, Free Walta,
is an EFT and the Clearing Work practitioner, and she
is a relationship clarity coach passionate about helping women heal
(03:43):
from the mind gains of toxic relationships so that they
can securely attach and finally experience healthy love. Breeze own
toxic relationship healing journey, and her ability to hold safe
space allows her to walk alongside clients as they find
clarity and build trust from within, rekindling the most important
(04:06):
relationship of all, the one they have with themselves. Free
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Thank you so much for having me. It's great to
be here.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I know I've been I've been eagerly awaiting this date
because we said it quite a while ago. But I'm
so happy that that you're here in joining me for
this discussion. But there's so much I want to talk
to you about. But let's start by giving the audience
a little background on that toxic relationship. We did you
first recognize in your with your past partner that that
(04:41):
relationship was actually toxic.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
When I was in that relationship, I didn't really have
an understanding of what toxic relationships were. I didn't have
the vocabulary around narcissism. It was more for me a
very confusing experience of having started this relationship feeling so euphoric.
It was perfect. He was perfect, you know, the soulmate,
(05:07):
the riding in on his white horse, like this man
that I never thought existed, In the way that he
pursued me, in the gifts that he gave me, and
the experiences that we had, in just the amount of
attention that he showered me with in the beginning, it
(05:27):
felt really good, and I didn't know that it was
too good to be true at that point in time.
I was just like, this is what I've been missing. Awesome.
And so to go from that experience of feeling desired
and wanted and seen and communicated with to then starting
to feel a lot of anxiety in the relationship and
(05:51):
a lot of confusion around what was going wrong and
why we were fighting so much and why we couldn't
come to any sort of resolve after fighting was really
where I just started questioning the relationship and questioning what
was happening. And it took me a while to get
to the place of actually seeing the red flags and
(06:12):
not staying in self blame because I took on the
responsibility of the entire relationship and needing to fix it.
And so that journey for me was a long one.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
And that taking on responsibility and need to fix Is
there an origin story behind that? Perhaps? Where did that
come from?
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Yeah, this relationship really was the perfect storm for me
because I came into it with specific patterns that I
have had since childhood. Right. I grew up in a
family where I had a caretaking role and taking care
of my mother. She went through several health issues. When
(06:58):
I was younger, I had a family member who struggled
with addiction, and so I took on that rescuer role.
Right at four years old. I started up like I'm
going to hold the family together. So I had ingrained
understandings around responsibility and that everyone else's needs get put
(07:19):
before mine, and I didn't know what boundaries were. I
was very codependent. I was very consumed with other people
and them being okay in order for me to be okay.
So I was coming into this relationship really primed to
find somebody who could take advantage of those traits and
who could take advantage of my empathy and my lack
(07:41):
of boundaries. And unfortunately, those unhealed traits of mine made
me very malleable, which is very appealing to somebody who
wants control. And so it was it was the you know,
the puzzle piece that fit in. I allowed a lot
of things to happen in terms of not standing up
(08:03):
for myself, not feeling confident, not feeling worthy. He took
advantage of a lot of those places by being manipulative
and using gaslighting and further chipping away my self esteem.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Yeah, I think that is And I'm going to say
we're speaking specifically about women today, but this happens to
men too, as the victims of narcissistic abuse, if you will.
But I think it's every woman's story, if you will,
that comes from some kind of background of being the fixer,
(08:41):
the pleaser, the hold it together in the family, whatever
it may be. So there had been toxic relationships in
your life before, if for no other reason than the
burden that had been placed on you at such a
young age, I mean four years old, my goodness. So
you really had carried in this patterns. So when things
started so beautifully, I'm sure you just leaned in and
(09:04):
melted into this relationship. So you use confusing, and I know,
because I'm a clean rated show, we can't use the
word you use. But you don't call it mind as.
You call it a mind f and we all know
what that means. So talk to us a little bit
about when it turns confusing, when there is a manipulator
(09:25):
controller person. What does that look like sound like in
a relationship.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
That's a great question. The term gaslighting has become popularized now,
and just like a lot of popularized terms, some people
use it the correct way and some people use it
the not correct way. So when you think about gaslighting,
it's really somebody intentionally trying to skew your version of reality,
trying to tell you something different than what you feel,
(09:53):
think or believe. And so where I started to feel
this this confusion was in converse stations where we were
trying to talk about I was trying to bring something
to the table that I was upset about, and I
would leave that conversation thinking everything was my fault, and
there was no there was no actual talk around the
(10:16):
thing that I was upset about. So I would bring
up something that I was upset about, and he would
say something to the tune of, we wouldn't have so
many problems if you didn't bring problems to the table,
and why can't you just be happy with what you have?
And I'm really trying here, can't you see? And there
were enough little pieces of truth in those statements to
(10:38):
get me to start to question if he was right, Oh,
am I bringing too much up? Am I making things
bigger than they need to be? Should I just be
grateful that he's trying as best he can. And so
that's where that's where gas slighting really becomes insidious, is
because they're not like these far out lies that they're
(11:01):
trying to make you believe they really are. They play
on your weaknesses and they're rooted in some amount of
truth because I did have a tendency to make things
big because I couldn't find resolve around them, and so
he just knew the exact buttons to push. And when
you leave conversations feeling more confused than clear, and feeling
(11:25):
like everything is your fault all of the time. You
really lose your motivation to try to continue to have
conversations with that person, and there's almost like a self
resignation that happens. That is also very confusing, because you
think about a partnership and you should be able to
communicate in the partnership. But to me, I had just
(11:46):
sort of written it off as relationships are hard. This
is just part of our dynamic. This is just gonna
be hard for us forever. And I need to do
more work on myself so that I can show up
different and not need so much from him.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Wow. I imagine that listeners are just nodding their heads, going,
oh my god, somebody has experienced what I experience, and yes,
and me too. This is a whole me too thing.
So gas lighting is so confusation is that is the
(12:27):
big thing. It is so confusing when your reality you're
being told it's not. I used to say that my
ex could tell me that the wall behind me was
green and white striped with pink polka dots, and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
It's not.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
It is.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
What's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
You can't see it? And I would and eventually convinced
me there's something wrong with me that I can't see
the green stripes and the pink polka dots and it
was just that. And I think insidious is a great
word to describe that as well. And I would leave
feeling like something was wrong with me from a conversation
(13:05):
or an experience that mine was not the same as his,
and I would be either laughed at or put down,
or you know, maybe you need to go talk to somebody.
You know there is something wrong with me. So you
do lose sense of self, You do lose self resignation,
(13:25):
you said, I think that's amazing. I think it leads
to self betrayal as well.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Oh yeah, we then start to gaslight ourselves, right, We
start to second guess what we know to be true,
what our intuition is trying to tell us about what's
happening in the relationship. And it's like a tornado. We
just get spun up. A lot of people use the
term like being in the fog, and that's really what
(13:52):
it feels like, is you can't make sense of things.
You can't see in front of you, you can't see
behind you, you don't know where you are, you don't
know where you're going, and it turns into real survival
state living where you're just in that sympathetic nervous system
just trying to not do the wrong thing or trying
to fix the thing in a panic because you need
(14:14):
it to be okay. And when we're living in those
heightened nervous system states, that's really bad for our mental
health and our physical health. Absolutely, absolutely, So.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
What was the turning point for you that allowed you
to be able to make the decision to leave the
relationship and begin a journey to wholeness.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Yeah, like many women can relate, there were several attempts.
There was some let's take a break, let's try to
actually be broken up while living in the same house.
I'll stay on the top four, you stay on the
bottom floor. There was some negotiation that happened within myself
before I felt finally ready to say this is not working.
(15:04):
And that I think is so common because a lot
of us come into these relationships with loyalty. We have
fallen in love with this person at some level and
have committed ourselves to figuring it out of trying everything
that we can before we call something off, before we
(15:24):
leave a relationship, and there can be a lot of
fears wrapped in that too. But I remember one specific
conversation with my therapists that planted that first seed that
you know, when you recognize something you can't unsee, it's like,
I can't go backwards from here. She had asked me
what I liked about my partner right now? And I
(15:47):
started listing all of the things that we used to do.
And I started listing all of the things that were
going to happen when he started going to therapy, when
then we could go to couples therapy, when then we
learned how to communicate. And she was like, you're telling
me about your nostalgic past, and you're holding onto the
hope of something coming in the future, But what do
(16:07):
you like about him right now? And and I went
silent for set like it seemed like an hour. I'm
sure it was only a few seconds, but I was like,
I can't, I don't know nothing. And that was a
real eye opener for me, because that was the moment
(16:27):
where I'm like, why am I in a relationship that
isn't that isn't working right now? It used to work,
and I'm hoping it'll work. But we've been in this
middle space of fighting and arguing and not liking each
other and the silent treatments and all the things for
several months with no resolve and no action towards resolve.
(16:51):
And so that was the first specific seed that planted
I think where I'm like, I need to really figure
this out. I need to either get out or tribal
one last thing that's going to finally finally get me there.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Yeah, And I imagine it feels like a sense of
failure when you feel responsible for fixing a relationship or
keeping something the family together, as you did as a
four year old. Here you're carrying that pattern forward. So
it's giving up on yourself somehow to give up on
(17:26):
the relationship. So there's a lot of work to do
inside on that. And I know I carried that as well. So,
but you got there and got your journey, got there
And was it a difficult breakup? How did he respond?
Speaker 4 (17:45):
Or?
Speaker 2 (17:45):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Yes, I can look back now and have a lot
of gratitude for the way that it unfolded, even though
it was tremendously painful in the moment to experience what
I experienced, because he showed me his true colors in
the events leading up to the actual breakup, and then
definitely more so in the post separation abuse that I
(18:09):
endured afterward. And so there were a couple of things
that like you just can't justify away right. Things he
would say, he wouldn't show up at home, he would
just disappear for days at a time, and we're in
a four year committed relationship, Like, you can't just not
do that, right. So it got to the point where
(18:29):
I finally got the courage after a whole day of
being on the phone with two different girlfriends, being like,
I'm going to do it. I'm going to call him
right now. This is going to be the end. And
then I would call the other girlfriend and be like,
I can't do it, talk me into it again, I'm
so afraid. And I did that for like literally a
whole work day, for eight hours, until finally I got
(18:52):
on the phone with him and he said something that
just put me over the edgem, like it's done, We're done,
don't come back. And it was after that that the
real narcissistic abuse, the post separation abuse started and there
was a lot of harassment, intimidation, had to file a
restraining order, had to move houses. It got really that
(19:16):
summer was very ugly and very intense for me moving
through that the fire of what that was.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Wow, it is time for our first break and when
we come back, we're going to pick it up there
with breeze, So don't go far.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
We'll be back with more.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Celcypr Mike Zorich a three time California state champion in
Greco Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike
blind six birth, was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was
a six time national placer, including two seconds, two thirds,
and two fourths. He also won the Veterans Folk Style
(19:52):
Wrestling twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In
all these tournaments, he was the only blind compaig to
Dirk Nancy Zorich a creative spirit whose talents have taken
her to the stage and into galleries and exhibitions in
several states. Her father, a commercial artist who shared his
instruments with his daughter and helped her fine tune her
(20:14):
natural abilities, influenced her decision to follow in his footsteps.
Miss Zorich has enjoyed a fruitful career doing what she loves.
Listen Saturday mornings at twelve Eastern for The Nancy and
Mike Show for heartwarming stories and interesting talk on the
BBM Global Network.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse?
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining? Are you an aging
adult who wants to remain independent but you're not sure how.
(20:54):
I'm Pamela Dee Wilson. Join me for the Caring Generation
radio show for caregivers and aging adults Wednesday evenings, six Pacific,
seven Mountain, eighth Central and nine Eastern, where I answer
these questions and share tips for managing stress, family relationships, health, wellbeing,
and more. Podcasts and transcripts of The Carrying Generation are
(21:14):
on my website Pamela Dwilson dot com, plus my Caregiving library.
Online caregiver support programs and programs for corporations interested in
supporting working caregivers. Help, hope and support for caregivers is
here on The Carrying Generation and Pamela Dwilson dot com.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Thank you for joining us today on Bold Grape TV.
I'm Anne Papaotti with my guests Brie Walta, and we
are discussing journeys from heartbreak to wholeness. And Bree was
just sharing with us a bit about her leaving her
narcissistic abuse of relationship and that that's when some intimidating
(22:01):
behaviors began. So tell us a little more about that
and the importance of having a support system.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Yeah, I really believe that when we have been so
spun up in a narcissistic relationship, when we're in that fog,
we can't see, So we need someone from the outside
to help guide us out of that fog and to
help us understand what reality is, what's acceptable, what's not acceptable,
where our part is and things what's not our responsibility.
(22:30):
These are things that honestly, in the very acute stages
of the beginning of healing, we can't figure out on
our own because we have been manipulated and we have
been under all of these belief systems that are untrue.
So the first support system that I needed was the
two girlfriends that were on the phone with me off
(22:52):
and on all day to remind me of what I
wanted to remind me of the amount of pain that
I was in, and one of them told me, she
was like, you're in two situations. You have two you
have a decision decision to make. Either you stay in
long term pain or you go through short term pain
(23:13):
knowing that healing and relief is on the other side.
And when she framed it that way, I was like, so,
either way I'm in pain. One is going to take
all like, is going to be foreshore forever. The other
one there's an end to. And that's what really helped
me finally say the words to my ex and say
(23:34):
this is over. And then on the other side of that,
I needed support with people that understood the gravity of
what I had just gone through. So I had a
wonderful therapist, Thank goodness, I had a wonderful close group
of friends, and I intentionally kept that really small. There
(23:56):
was like three friends who knew it was going on.
My family knew it was going on, but I wasn't
giving everybody updates about everything because I was in again
an acute place of trying to find safety, trying to
move houses, and just navigate all the emotions on top
of all of that. So having people who can understand,
(24:19):
even if they can't, even if they haven't been specifically
in that situation, if they are emotionally immature enough to
be able to hold the space for you to say,
I don't know what's happening, I don't know why I
miss him right now, and not come at you with,
oh my god, are you going to get back together?
What's wrong with you? Can't you see all the things
that he did to you? That's not helpful to people
(24:42):
listening who might have loved ones who are going through this.
They just held space. They held space for whatever emotion
I was feeling, whatever I needed to talk through, and
they created a lot of safety in places that I
had not felt safety in a long time, because each
time in that relationship when I tried to share my
(25:02):
experience or my feelings or my needs, it got shut down.
I got punished for it, I got reprimanded, I was
told I was wrong. So to start to re experience
what that was like with new people or with friends
and a new experience was really really doing.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Yeah. I loved that because that's such great advice to say,
just hold space if you know someone or you're the
one going through it, and someone asked, what you need,
just that holding space because someone intentions may be wonderful
and they want to protect you, and they and and
(25:42):
maybe they're they want to go you know, fight for
you in some way, or or they don't see the
bad They were charmed by him or her as well,
and they don't they're questioning it, they don't understand. But
a lot of times that can fue. We may still
love this person even though we know that the relationship
(26:07):
was toxic and bad for us, and so there's a
grieving process happening while we're also trying to escape what
we've determined is unhealthy or dangerous for us. So there's
a lot going on. So that support system having an
exit plan, because a lot of time, if a narcissist
(26:28):
doesn't choose to end the relationship, they don't let the
relationship end is one of those patterns I was mentioning
at the opening of the show. So there's often that behavior.
Sometimes it's hoovering, they go back, they come back with
love bombing again and try to pull you back in.
And that's why some people go through the multiple times
(26:50):
trying to break it off. But sometimes it's going to
be or become this more toxic behavior and pretty extreme
in your case when you had to move location. And
that's that's pretty extreme, all right, Well, your journey to
(27:12):
wholeness now goes. And then what led you to to
tell us a little bit about that journey to wholeness?
How long did it take? Because I get that question often,
when will I be okay?
Speaker 3 (27:23):
And then who?
Speaker 2 (27:25):
What led you to serving others?
Speaker 3 (27:28):
Yeah? I dove in head first to my work around
this relationship. Part of the abuse that was happening was
him unveiling things that had happened in the relationship that
on some level I knew there was a betrayal. I
knew there was other women, but didn't like know No,
(27:50):
So afterwards he was sending me photos of him with
other women while we had been together and saying things
like it must be it must be alarming to know
that you were never in control in this relationship and
just very scary things, right of somebody that you had
been in relationship with for four years, and that I
(28:12):
had divulged everything to him, Right, I went in with
an open, vulnerable heart that was being used against me.
And so after breaking it off and telling him we
couldn't come back scheduled with my therapist and saw her
weekly for the whole summer. It really was from spring
(28:34):
through fall where his behavior was really scary, and then
his behavior started to peter off. And it was during
that time again where I can see now the gratitude
that I have for how intense that was because I
didn't have the choice anymore to continue in the same
(28:55):
behaviors that I was in. So, because codependency was an
issue for me, when I tried to set a boundary
in the past, I felt really guilty. I was like,
how's he going to feel about this boundary? What's this
going to do? Is he going to be upset? But
when you get to the point where you have to
change the locks on your house, it's a pretty big boundary,
and it doesn't it no longer matters how he feels
(29:16):
about it. It's protecting me. So I got these very
extreme examples of what it was to take care of myself,
which was really healing for me and understanding what that
switch was and so working with the literal actions of
changing my behavior towards him and with my therapist doing
(29:38):
some brain spotting around the trauma I was actually diagnosed
with PTSD before the relationship ended, actually because of everything
that I had gone through with the deception, the betrayal,
and the lies that had happened in that relationship, and
so I knew what it was I wanted to work
on immediately, and I dove in and it was scary
(29:59):
and it was and it was many many nights curled
up on the living room floor just bawling, and I
had to go there. I had to be in that place.
And I am thankful that I allowed myself to do that.
In a lot of ways, it felt like I didn't
have a choice, but we always have a choice, right
(30:19):
It was me, it was my higher self. I believe
that really helped me feel safe enough to be able
to do that and know that I was going to
come through on the other side beeatful. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
I take really great notes, whether it's support group or
one on one clients, so that I can go back
and remind them, Like you said, your friend would remind
you of the truth, of your truth, of your experience
or what have you, to keep you on track or
moving forward. And I find that with some of my people,
(30:56):
I'm reminding them and repeating to them often their truth
because of the fog and to help them stay on
that path because, like you said before, it will end
this pain, this going through we say, you don't get over,
(31:17):
but you get through and there is, you know, another side,
as you were described so eloquently, so having that diagnosis,
and I think that that's a very common diagnosis when
we've been in relationship with the narcissist and codependency has
been involved and there's that origin story behind it. PTSD
is quite common. And moving through that kind of work
(31:43):
and getting to wholeness, I know that you've developed what
led you to serving others. I'm sorry I did ask that,
So what led you to wanting to serve others after
you found more way to wholeness and wellness?
Speaker 3 (31:56):
Yeah. And to answer your question about the length of
time too for me to get to the place where
I could speak about it without having that the emotional
charge is how I knew that I was in a
place to be able to start to share my story
more publicly and work with people in that situation. And
(32:16):
that took me about almost a year to get to
that place. And that was with very intentional therapy and
very intentional work that I was doing around all of
this stuff. So I really believe there's not a specific
timeline like some people say half the time that you
were in the relationship. I believe that it is more
(32:36):
dependent on how willing you are to go into the
feeling and integrate the feeling, because we can stay in
that analyzing place of why did this happen? And how
could he do that? And how could he not see
how much he's hurting me? And who is he? And
we stay in this spin of trying to figure out
why and how, but we don't drop into the feeling.
(33:00):
And so the more that you can get in there,
as painful as that might be, that, in my opinion,
is the way through. That is the way through the experience.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
I love that explanation because I have so many people
who really ruminate on the why and the how, and
I convinced that that's something sometimes we just have to
file away and put it back in the want to know,
don't need to know as we to move forward. So
(33:31):
drop into the feeling is really going to be the
expedited way.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
And I love that.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
It's time for our second break. When we come back,
I know that as you started serving others and you've
got some certifications and some specific healing modalities. I want
to talk about the three elements that you've identified that
women need in their life when healing from narcissistic abuse.
I believe you described it. Go from feeling confused, full
(34:00):
of guilt to confident and deserving of a healthy relationship.
So don't go far. When we come back, prieze going
to talk to us about those healing elements.
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Speaker 2 (36:12):
Welcome back everyone, and thank you for tuning in today.
Talking with Bri Walta and Bree. We were talking during
the break actually, and I was saying that some of
my people are going to be thrilled to hear the
Q a year, and I was commenting on you know,
you were saying you went in with really intention on
your healing. I think that's so important because people aren't
(36:36):
always willing, ready, able to do the work, and you were,
so I think it's very motivating to hear it can
be done in a year, because psychologists tell us on
average it's two years. But again that's an average. So
you're an example that you can get with intention and
make it happen within a year. Now what let you
(37:00):
to want to now help others? Once you helped yourself.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
So as I came through that dark tunnel, as I
came out the other side and started to really build
that self confidence. I had always wanted to do some
sort of coaching, and before this experience, I was kind
of lost on what that was going to look like.
And it was sort of this thing that I had
a desire for but didn't know how to actualize. And
(37:27):
so after going through this experience, I was like, Oh,
I'm going to help other women do this. Duh? Like
that It just it made so much sense because I
knew what worked, I knew what I needed that I
didn't have, and I knew that I could provide a
really safe space for people to open up and be
(37:47):
honest and truthful and heal. And I had been told
in different ways my whole life that people just feel
like they can open up to me. People that I
didn't know very well would divulge a lot of information
should and they're just like, I'm sorry, I said all that, Like,
you just feel very safe, and it's just an energy
that I have. So I knew that that was a
(38:07):
part of my gift in this world and to use
it to help women be able to process the mind
games and the confusion and make sense of what happened
while also integrating the feeling while also being in community
with other people who have been through it. That to
(38:27):
me was it is such an honor to be able
to hold that space. But really, going through this situation
was the catalyst for all right, I'm gonna start. I'm
gonna start working with women. And the business has morphed
and grown since that first client, but it's it is
just a dream, every single day wonderful.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
So tell us about these healing elements that you've identified
for women.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Yes, we have touched on a few of them already,
so we'll reiterate what that that looks like and why
they're so important. So the first element to heal truly
from these relationships is clarity, and as we have talked about,
this is finding the whyse finding the hows, listening to
(39:15):
the podcast, doing educational material, analyzing the situation, using your
analytical mind to make sense of something. It's important to
honor this part of us because as humans we need
understanding around things that happen. Right we're meaning making machines,
(39:37):
and so to give ourselves some amount of information around
narcissism or around boundaries, or around codependency or whatever it
is that we're learning is an important piece to this puzzle.
The problem is where we get stuck on that piece,
so we just keep consuming material. We just keep going
(39:58):
down the rabbit holes of the narcissism videos on YouTube,
and we just are like overly consuming. We're not even
we're not even integrating or understanding the information anymore. It's
just like more and more and more and more. And
I know, in my case, I thought that if I
could understand narcissism, and I could understand why narcissists betray
(40:24):
their partners that I would feel from that experience because
I understood it, and that's not the case. Understanding betrayal
is much different than feeling betrayed and moving through the experience,
the felt experience of what that was like to be
betrayed in a relationship. The second element, then, is feeling,
(40:50):
and we need a safe way to be able to
feel feelings that are hard to feel. A lot of
us haven't been taught how to sit with anger, how
to sit with sadness, and not go straight to feeling
guilty or straight to justifying or straight to finding figuring
out the why of why we're feeling the way we're feeling,
(41:12):
just simply being in the feeling, and so we need
a skill to be able to do that. Otherwise we're
just clinging to the analyzing to make us feel safe.
One of my favorite metaphors for this is if you
think about being in the middle of the ocean, and
the ocean being these these feelings that are overwhelming. You're
(41:35):
holding onto this booy and I call it the analytical bowy,
and it's keeping you above water. Barely. You're getting little
glimps like gas of air, and you're just trying to
hold onto why and how when Really what we need
is a safe tool to give us the oxygen so
that we can go underneath the feeling, be in the feeling,
(41:57):
and then process through the feeling. So for me in
my practice, that oxygen mask is EFT tapping, which stands
for Emotional Freedom Techniques, and this is a nervous system
regulation tool that we use while we're processing something that's distressing.
And what happens when we can regulate the system while
(42:18):
we're feeling a hard emotion is that we're able to
sit with that emotion and move it through the stress
response cycle. So instead of starting to feel anger and
then pushing it away or distracting with Netflix or pretending
like it's not really that big of deal, I can
(42:38):
sit with it. I can say I'm so angry that
this happened, and move through that anger in a way
that my body feels safe to be able to do.
So love that.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
Yes, I'm asking more about EFT in a minute. But
what's the third element?
Speaker 3 (42:57):
Yes, so we have clarity, we have feeling. The third
element is connection, So specifically, if you can find connection
with other women who have been through it, that's like
the cherry on top of the cake. But connection with
people in general again who can hold that safe space
is really, really, really important because of the isolation and
(43:20):
the mind games that we have been in. So to
have that person that can reflect back and say, of
course you miss him, you spent four years with him,
and he's doing these things and this is the reality
that's happening right now, right Or to have that woman
be like, oh, he said the same thing to you
as my partner said to me. Maybe that's a manipulation tactic.
(43:42):
This is a different way that I'm seeing it now. Yeah.
In the way that I work with women, part of
the program is a group component where they get to
converse in live group sessions. They get to converse in
our private platform of just me too, oh my gosh,
me too, or validating like I've been there, I'm a
(44:03):
couple of steps ahead of you, but I know exactly what
that feels like, and that is so validating when your
feelings have been invalidated.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
Yes for so long, and denied, and especially when you've
denied them yourself. I loved the imagery of holding onto
the buoy and then putting on the going going under
and being with the feeling I can. I can relate
to all of that and then coming up and being
in group connection. That's amazing. So let's take a few
(44:33):
more minutes with ef T if we can. I've seen
I've done e f T. I had a friend who's
an EFT practitioner and she taught me, and I've used
it on myself and I've seen it used for overcoming
fears and for stress relief, worry, anxiety. So how might
(44:54):
ef T be used to face the fear of letting
go of relationship? Can you give me what someone might
say as they do, or maybe show us for those
who are actually viewing the podcast.
Speaker 3 (45:07):
I know some are just.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
Listening, but what could you tell us? Maybe they're fearing
being alone, or fearing loneliness, or being unloved or unwanted.
Speaker 3 (45:16):
Yes, that's beautiful, so ef T. How we use ef
T tapping is we tap on specific points in a
consecutive motion, so that sequence will help to regulate the
nervous system just from a pure somatic state. While we're right.
While we're tapping on the points, then we're naming the
(45:38):
thing that feels hard to be with. So we're naming
the fear. So let's say that I have a fear
of leaving because if I leave, I'm going to be
alone forever. Okay, So we would start by acknowledging have fear.
Have a fear that I'm going to be alone forever.
And when I think about this fear, I feel feel
(46:00):
a pit in my stomach. You want to identify what
happens in your body when you feel this overwhelming emotion.
So you identify the fear, you identify the pit in
your stomach, and then you move through the points. So
we can do that together. I'll queue it audibly also
so for the people listening they can follow along with
when we're moving points. We start with the side of
(46:23):
the hand, which is you use your other hand to
tap right below your pinky. It's called the karate chap
point for obvious reasons. And we stay here as we
repeat what's called the setup statement three times. All the
setup statement is is just naming what we're feeling and
naming where we're feeling it. So even though I'm feeling
(46:43):
this fear in the pit of my stomach, I know
that I'm safe to be with this feeling. Even though
I'm feeling this fear of being alone forever, and I
feel it in the pit of my stomach, I know
that I'm safe to be with this feeling. Even though
I'm feeling this fear and this pit in my stomach,
(47:03):
I know that I'm safe to be with this feeling.
Then we come up to the eyebrow. This is right
where your hair starts, and we just repeat, I'm feeling fear,
and we come to the side of the eye, right
behind your temple. I fear I'm going to be alone forever.
Under the eye, pretty close up to your eyeball, I
(47:27):
feel this fear, and then the pit of my stomach
coming down under the nose. There's so much fear here. Chin.
I'm too scared to be alone, too scared to leave. Collarbones.
This is right underneath your collarbones. I feel this fear
(47:48):
in the pit of my stomach, and then under the arm.
For women, this is right in line with your brawl line.
For men, this is right in line with your nipple.
I feel too afraid to leave. I feel I'm going
to be alone forever. And then top of the head,
all of this fear in the pit of my stomach,
(48:12):
and then you'll bring your hand to your chest. You'll
just take a moment, close your eyes and tune in
to see how you feel. Did that fear go up
or down? Did that sensation in your stomach? Did it move? Maybe?
Now you feel it in your throat, right, So then
you go through another round naming that it's in your throat.
(48:32):
And the purpose here is to bring space to what
we're feeling long enough for that energy to shift. So
sometimes we feel that in just a couple of rounds.
Sometimes when we start to tap, the feeling actually escalates
to a point where we can actually emote. We do cry,
or we do scream, or we do let out that
(48:54):
emotion in some other way, and then it starts to
come back down. But we just want to be with
the feeling long enough to find some curiosity about it
and to allow it to change.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
Yeah. Wow, So name the fear, identify the feeling in
the body, and then go through the different points the
Brunian point for tapping. Okay, thank you for demonstrating and
talking us through ef T. And again EFT stands.
Speaker 3 (49:27):
For Emotional Freedom Techniques. Wonderful and if you forget everything
that you're supposed to say, just tapping on the points
alone while you're feeling something is doing the work on
your body to then bring your mind back online to
help kind of analyze their or find curiosity around that situation.
Speaker 2 (49:52):
Okay, wonderful, And you're also a certified clearing work practitioner.
Tell us what that is.
Speaker 3 (50:00):
Yeah, the clearing work is a method that was coined
by my EFT teacher's mother actually, and she trademarked this
method because it is so transformational and helping to remove
subconscious blocks. So it is a version of tapping. We're
using different points in that type of session, and before
(50:22):
the session, I'm using intuitive kinesiology or muscle testing to
test energy blocks on behalf of my client so I
can move through the different chakras and find the blocks
that are in that client's highest invest that day to clear.
And then we find eight of those blocks and we
move through a specific tapping sequence to help clear those blocks.
(50:48):
So it's a little bit more of a energy energy
work feeling session versus a processing session because it's a
call and response experience. We're also something and then they'll
repeat it back to me while they're tapping and that process,
the tapping and the repeating helps them to move that energy.
Speaker 2 (51:09):
Interesting, okay, I was not familiar with that until I
saw it in your bio. So in what ways have
you found that helping others continues to help yourself?
Speaker 3 (51:23):
Oh my gosh. And in every single client thus far,
there has been some piece of the story that I'm like,
we too. Some of them are almost exactly parallel, some
of them are are less parallel. But there are moments
where our story is intertwined and I can see myself
in them, they can see themselves and me, And being
(51:44):
able to watch and guide women in the way that
I needed is so healing for me because I know
that I am helping somebody else do it differently and
potentially more quickly then even I did it. And so
it's just such It's such an honor when somebody trusts
(52:06):
you with such a raw piece of themself. There's nothing
there's nothing like a session where a client will say,
I can't believe I just told you that. I've not
I've never told anybody that before.
Speaker 2 (52:19):
Yeah, yeah, I get that. I've had that happen before
as well. Well, Bree, I know someone listening today has
heard their truth and your story for sure, and it's
taking away some practical tools for their healing. And you
had a key takeaway for the audience today, what would
it be.
Speaker 3 (52:41):
Have compassion for yourself, especially as you're in the very
beginning stages and trying to figure out what was real,
what wasn't real, if you had been deceived, if you'd
been betrayed, if you're still in that seeking place of information,
having compassion that trying to make sense of the nonsensical
(53:02):
is a really hard thing to do, and trusting that
when you're ready, you're going to move into the safe
place where you can start integrating the feeling and that's
where the deeper healing is going to come. But we
can't judge ourselves into healing. So the more you can
meet yourself with compassion with patients, the more that you're
(53:24):
going to move forward in your journey without without adding
more stress and more judgment and more criticism than stuff
you're already trying to unpack.
Speaker 2 (53:37):
Right right, beautifully said, I know judgment held me back
quite a bit, but know that you may feel alone,
that you're not alone. There are people who understand and
breed and I are two of those people. So let's
hear how the audience can connect with you. You want
to share your website in your podcast that you have
(53:59):
and other information.
Speaker 3 (54:01):
Absolutely, yeah. My website is briewalta dot com and that's
b r e w l t A. And my podcast
is Heartbreak to Wholeness and that I'm going to send
you a specific episode that I think will resonate with
your audience. It's called finding Self, Love and Trust in
Yourself Again after Heartbreak and it talks about EFT tapping
(54:25):
and using this nervous system regulation tool. So there's more examples,
there's more description around what that is, so that you
can add that to your toolkit.
Speaker 2 (54:35):
Beautiful, Thank you so much, and I think you had
a gift for the audience too.
Speaker 3 (54:42):
Yes, there's a link that will be.
Speaker 2 (54:44):
In the show notes, but tell them about that please.
Speaker 3 (54:47):
Yes. I have a self guided course called Find Yourself Again,
and this course is intended for you when you are
fresh out of that relationship and you're not sure who
you are anymore. You don't know your values, you don't
know what you need, you don't know what you want,
you don't know where to start to figure all of
that out. So for podcast listeners, I offer ten percent
(55:08):
off of that self guided course. It's under one hundred dollars,
very affordable. The code is podcast ten and we'll be
sure to get those links in the show notes as well.
Speaker 2 (55:20):
Perfect, thank you so much, so brief. I just really,
once again, I just want to hug you through the screen.
Thank you for being here today. I know we could
just talk more, and no doubt that we will, but
unfortunately it's time for us to say goodbye today. So
(55:40):
is this this episode of soul CPR comes to close.
I have to send a shout out to my brother
from school, Wade. He was watching today. Remember that healing
is not a linear journey, but it is a process
of profound transformation. And if today's stories resonated with you,
then please share this podcast with someone who may need
(56:01):
a lifeline of their own. Subscribe rate and leave a
review to help us reach more hearts. And you can
always connect with me on social media as well. On Facebook,
it is at Skyview Coaching and on all the other platforms.
It is at a papayote.
Speaker 3 (56:17):
Let me know your.
Speaker 2 (56:17):
Thoughts, your stories, and the topics that you would like
to explore in future episodes. I was giving an idea
last night, and I will work on that for next week.
Chrissy Walker, I'll be working on it. So until next time,
we may you find strength in your vulnerability and courage
in your journey. Thank you for listening. Breathe deeply, love openly,
(56:37):
and live soulfully.
Speaker 3 (56:39):
Good day.
Speaker 1 (56:43):
This has been Soul CPR with host and Papa Yode
Breathe life back into your spirit with each episode where
she and special guests explore the relationships that hurt us
and discover that healing can only begin with you. Tuesdays
at three d p m. Eastern on the Bold Brave
TV Network
Are you ready to untangle from your past, recover from heartbreak,
and revive your life. This is Soul CPR with your
host and Papa Yode. We've all had soul crushing experiences
and lost ourselves in our pain, but there is a
way out. On this podcast, Amazon best selling author, award
winning life coach and advice columnist and Papa Yode helps
(00:27):
us navigate the path from heartbreak to healing. So now
please welcome the host of Soul CPR and Papa Yode.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Have you ever felt lost in a relationship? I'm sure
where you stand or even who you are. If so,
you're not alone. I've been there, and so has my guests.
Thank you for joining us today for this episode of
Soul CPR. You know, in just about a month from now,
I will celebrate my sixty second first day, and I
(01:01):
recognize it as a milestone that reflects a journey from
heartbreak to wholeness and probably one from unwellness to wellness
as well. And one thing that I've learned throughout the years,
and something that I find remains universal, is that relationships,
(01:21):
whether toxic or nurturing, offer valuable lessons. And along the way,
my relationships have been debilitating and rewarding and probably run
the gamut of everything in between. But regardless of the
nature of each and everyone, it was up to me
(01:43):
to notice the lesson and to learn and grow from
each of those so that I could build a healthy
and secure relationship with the one person that I would
always be with, and that is with myself, of course.
And I've noticed also that toxic relationships, in particular often
(02:08):
follow familiar, repetitive patterns, and the pain that they bring
is inevitable. People will disappoint and betray us and struggle
to love us in the way that we deserve. But
I also learned that suffering is optional if you will,
(02:31):
and that parts on us, and that the greatest lesson
of all is in letting go, and it's more than
just letting go of the person. And that's really where
our work begins, is learning what it is that we
need to let go of. That is the work ahead
of us, and I believe that that begins a journey
(02:56):
of really getting to first know our self and then
choosing to always stay true to ourself, and then really
really learning to love ourself. And I think there's a
struggle that many of us have with that. But when
we do these things, healing happens. Now. While my guest
(03:20):
today is much younger, I believe it's our shared life
experiences and our passion for serving others that bridges that
age gap and unites us. So my guest today, Free Walta,
is an EFT and the Clearing Work practitioner, and she
is a relationship clarity coach passionate about helping women heal
(03:43):
from the mind gains of toxic relationships so that they
can securely attach and finally experience healthy love. Breeze own
toxic relationship healing journey, and her ability to hold safe
space allows her to walk alongside clients as they find
clarity and build trust from within, rekindling the most important
(04:06):
relationship of all, the one they have with themselves. Free
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Thank you so much for having me. It's great to
be here.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I know I've been I've been eagerly awaiting this date
because we said it quite a while ago. But I'm
so happy that that you're here in joining me for
this discussion. But there's so much I want to talk
to you about. But let's start by giving the audience
a little background on that toxic relationship. We did you
first recognize in your with your past partner that that
(04:41):
relationship was actually toxic.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
When I was in that relationship, I didn't really have
an understanding of what toxic relationships were. I didn't have
the vocabulary around narcissism. It was more for me a
very confusing experience of having started this relationship feeling so euphoric.
It was perfect. He was perfect, you know, the soulmate,
(05:07):
the riding in on his white horse, like this man
that I never thought existed, In the way that he
pursued me, in the gifts that he gave me, and
the experiences that we had, in just the amount of
attention that he showered me with in the beginning, it
(05:27):
felt really good, and I didn't know that it was
too good to be true at that point in time.
I was just like, this is what I've been missing. Awesome.
And so to go from that experience of feeling desired
and wanted and seen and communicated with to then starting
to feel a lot of anxiety in the relationship and
(05:51):
a lot of confusion around what was going wrong and
why we were fighting so much and why we couldn't
come to any sort of resolve after fighting was really
where I just started questioning the relationship and questioning what
was happening. And it took me a while to get
to the place of actually seeing the red flags and
(06:12):
not staying in self blame because I took on the
responsibility of the entire relationship and needing to fix it.
And so that journey for me was a long one.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
And that taking on responsibility and need to fix Is
there an origin story behind that? Perhaps? Where did that
come from?
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Yeah, this relationship really was the perfect storm for me
because I came into it with specific patterns that I
have had since childhood. Right. I grew up in a
family where I had a caretaking role and taking care
of my mother. She went through several health issues. When
(06:58):
I was younger, I had a family member who struggled
with addiction, and so I took on that rescuer role.
Right at four years old. I started up like I'm
going to hold the family together. So I had ingrained
understandings around responsibility and that everyone else's needs get put
(07:19):
before mine, and I didn't know what boundaries were. I
was very codependent. I was very consumed with other people
and them being okay in order for me to be okay.
So I was coming into this relationship really primed to
find somebody who could take advantage of those traits and
who could take advantage of my empathy and my lack
(07:41):
of boundaries. And unfortunately, those unhealed traits of mine made
me very malleable, which is very appealing to somebody who
wants control. And so it was it was the you know,
the puzzle piece that fit in. I allowed a lot
of things to happen in terms of not standing up
(08:03):
for myself, not feeling confident, not feeling worthy. He took
advantage of a lot of those places by being manipulative
and using gaslighting and further chipping away my self esteem.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Yeah, I think that is And I'm going to say
we're speaking specifically about women today, but this happens to
men too, as the victims of narcissistic abuse, if you will.
But I think it's every woman's story, if you will,
that comes from some kind of background of being the fixer,
(08:41):
the pleaser, the hold it together in the family, whatever
it may be. So there had been toxic relationships in
your life before, if for no other reason than the
burden that had been placed on you at such a
young age, I mean four years old, my goodness. So
you really had carried in this patterns. So when things
started so beautifully, I'm sure you just leaned in and
(09:04):
melted into this relationship. So you use confusing, and I know,
because I'm a clean rated show, we can't use the
word you use. But you don't call it mind as.
You call it a mind f and we all know
what that means. So talk to us a little bit
about when it turns confusing, when there is a manipulator
(09:25):
controller person. What does that look like sound like in
a relationship.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
That's a great question. The term gaslighting has become popularized now,
and just like a lot of popularized terms, some people
use it the correct way and some people use it
the not correct way. So when you think about gaslighting,
it's really somebody intentionally trying to skew your version of reality,
trying to tell you something different than what you feel,
(09:53):
think or believe. And so where I started to feel
this this confusion was in converse stations where we were
trying to talk about I was trying to bring something
to the table that I was upset about, and I
would leave that conversation thinking everything was my fault, and
there was no there was no actual talk around the
(10:16):
thing that I was upset about. So I would bring
up something that I was upset about, and he would
say something to the tune of, we wouldn't have so
many problems if you didn't bring problems to the table,
and why can't you just be happy with what you have?
And I'm really trying here, can't you see? And there
were enough little pieces of truth in those statements to
(10:38):
get me to start to question if he was right, Oh,
am I bringing too much up? Am I making things
bigger than they need to be? Should I just be
grateful that he's trying as best he can. And so
that's where that's where gas slighting really becomes insidious, is
because they're not like these far out lies that they're
(11:01):
trying to make you believe they really are. They play
on your weaknesses and they're rooted in some amount of
truth because I did have a tendency to make things
big because I couldn't find resolve around them, and so
he just knew the exact buttons to push. And when
you leave conversations feeling more confused than clear, and feeling
(11:25):
like everything is your fault all of the time. You
really lose your motivation to try to continue to have
conversations with that person, and there's almost like a self
resignation that happens. That is also very confusing, because you
think about a partnership and you should be able to
communicate in the partnership. But to me, I had just
(11:46):
sort of written it off as relationships are hard. This
is just part of our dynamic. This is just gonna
be hard for us forever. And I need to do
more work on myself so that I can show up
different and not need so much from him.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Wow. I imagine that listeners are just nodding their heads, going,
oh my god, somebody has experienced what I experience, and yes,
and me too. This is a whole me too thing.
So gas lighting is so confusation is that is the
(12:27):
big thing. It is so confusing when your reality you're
being told it's not. I used to say that my
ex could tell me that the wall behind me was
green and white striped with pink polka dots, and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
It's not.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
It is.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
What's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
You can't see it? And I would and eventually convinced
me there's something wrong with me that I can't see
the green stripes and the pink polka dots and it
was just that. And I think insidious is a great
word to describe that as well. And I would leave
feeling like something was wrong with me from a conversation
(13:05):
or an experience that mine was not the same as his,
and I would be either laughed at or put down,
or you know, maybe you need to go talk to somebody.
You know there is something wrong with me. So you
do lose sense of self, You do lose self resignation,
(13:25):
you said, I think that's amazing. I think it leads
to self betrayal as well.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Oh yeah, we then start to gaslight ourselves, right, We
start to second guess what we know to be true,
what our intuition is trying to tell us about what's
happening in the relationship. And it's like a tornado. We
just get spun up. A lot of people use the
term like being in the fog, and that's really what
(13:52):
it feels like, is you can't make sense of things.
You can't see in front of you, you can't see
behind you, you don't know where you are, you don't
know where you're going, and it turns into real survival
state living where you're just in that sympathetic nervous system
just trying to not do the wrong thing or trying
to fix the thing in a panic because you need
(14:14):
it to be okay. And when we're living in those
heightened nervous system states, that's really bad for our mental
health and our physical health. Absolutely, absolutely, So.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
What was the turning point for you that allowed you
to be able to make the decision to leave the
relationship and begin a journey to wholeness.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Yeah, like many women can relate, there were several attempts.
There was some let's take a break, let's try to
actually be broken up while living in the same house.
I'll stay on the top four, you stay on the
bottom floor. There was some negotiation that happened within myself
before I felt finally ready to say this is not working.
(15:04):
And that I think is so common because a lot
of us come into these relationships with loyalty. We have
fallen in love with this person at some level and
have committed ourselves to figuring it out of trying everything
that we can before we call something off, before we
(15:24):
leave a relationship, and there can be a lot of
fears wrapped in that too. But I remember one specific
conversation with my therapists that planted that first seed that
you know, when you recognize something you can't unsee, it's like,
I can't go backwards from here. She had asked me
what I liked about my partner right now? And I
(15:47):
started listing all of the things that we used to do.
And I started listing all of the things that were
going to happen when he started going to therapy, when
then we could go to couples therapy, when then we
learned how to communicate. And she was like, you're telling
me about your nostalgic past, and you're holding onto the
hope of something coming in the future, But what do
(16:07):
you like about him right now? And and I went
silent for set like it seemed like an hour. I'm
sure it was only a few seconds, but I was like,
I can't, I don't know nothing. And that was a
real eye opener for me, because that was the moment
(16:27):
where I'm like, why am I in a relationship that
isn't that isn't working right now? It used to work,
and I'm hoping it'll work. But we've been in this
middle space of fighting and arguing and not liking each
other and the silent treatments and all the things for
several months with no resolve and no action towards resolve.
(16:51):
And so that was the first specific seed that planted
I think where I'm like, I need to really figure
this out. I need to either get out or tribal
one last thing that's going to finally finally get me there.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Yeah, And I imagine it feels like a sense of
failure when you feel responsible for fixing a relationship or
keeping something the family together, as you did as a
four year old. Here you're carrying that pattern forward. So
it's giving up on yourself somehow to give up on
(17:26):
the relationship. So there's a lot of work to do
inside on that. And I know I carried that as well. So,
but you got there and got your journey, got there
And was it a difficult breakup? How did he respond?
Speaker 4 (17:45):
Or?
Speaker 2 (17:45):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Yes, I can look back now and have a lot
of gratitude for the way that it unfolded, even though
it was tremendously painful in the moment to experience what
I experienced, because he showed me his true colors in
the events leading up to the actual breakup, and then
definitely more so in the post separation abuse that I
(18:09):
endured afterward. And so there were a couple of things
that like you just can't justify away right. Things he
would say, he wouldn't show up at home, he would
just disappear for days at a time, and we're in
a four year committed relationship, Like, you can't just not
do that, right. So it got to the point where
(18:29):
I finally got the courage after a whole day of
being on the phone with two different girlfriends, being like,
I'm going to do it. I'm going to call him
right now. This is going to be the end. And
then I would call the other girlfriend and be like,
I can't do it, talk me into it again, I'm
so afraid. And I did that for like literally a
whole work day, for eight hours, until finally I got
(18:52):
on the phone with him and he said something that
just put me over the edgem, like it's done, We're done,
don't come back. And it was after that that the
real narcissistic abuse, the post separation abuse started and there
was a lot of harassment, intimidation, had to file a
restraining order, had to move houses. It got really that
(19:16):
summer was very ugly and very intense for me moving
through that the fire of what that was.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Wow, it is time for our first break and when
we come back, we're going to pick it up there
with breeze, So don't go far.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
We'll be back with more.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Celcypr Mike Zorich a three time California state champion in
Greco Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike
blind six birth, was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was
a six time national placer, including two seconds, two thirds,
and two fourths. He also won the Veterans Folk Style
(19:52):
Wrestling twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In
all these tournaments, he was the only blind compaig to
Dirk Nancy Zorich a creative spirit whose talents have taken
her to the stage and into galleries and exhibitions in
several states. Her father, a commercial artist who shared his
instruments with his daughter and helped her fine tune her
(20:14):
natural abilities, influenced her decision to follow in his footsteps.
Miss Zorich has enjoyed a fruitful career doing what she loves.
Listen Saturday mornings at twelve Eastern for The Nancy and
Mike Show for heartwarming stories and interesting talk on the
BBM Global Network.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse?
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining? Are you an aging
adult who wants to remain independent but you're not sure how.
(20:54):
I'm Pamela Dee Wilson. Join me for the Caring Generation
radio show for caregivers and aging adults Wednesday evenings, six Pacific,
seven Mountain, eighth Central and nine Eastern, where I answer
these questions and share tips for managing stress, family relationships, health, wellbeing,
and more. Podcasts and transcripts of The Carrying Generation are
(21:14):
on my website Pamela Dwilson dot com, plus my Caregiving library.
Online caregiver support programs and programs for corporations interested in
supporting working caregivers. Help, hope and support for caregivers is
here on The Carrying Generation and Pamela Dwilson dot com.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Thank you for joining us today on Bold Grape TV.
I'm Anne Papaotti with my guests Brie Walta, and we
are discussing journeys from heartbreak to wholeness. And Bree was
just sharing with us a bit about her leaving her
narcissistic abuse of relationship and that that's when some intimidating
(22:01):
behaviors began. So tell us a little more about that
and the importance of having a support system.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Yeah, I really believe that when we have been so
spun up in a narcissistic relationship, when we're in that fog,
we can't see, So we need someone from the outside
to help guide us out of that fog and to
help us understand what reality is, what's acceptable, what's not acceptable,
where our part is and things what's not our responsibility.
(22:30):
These are things that honestly, in the very acute stages
of the beginning of healing, we can't figure out on
our own because we have been manipulated and we have
been under all of these belief systems that are untrue.
So the first support system that I needed was the
two girlfriends that were on the phone with me off
(22:52):
and on all day to remind me of what I
wanted to remind me of the amount of pain that
I was in, and one of them told me, she
was like, you're in two situations. You have two you
have a decision decision to make. Either you stay in
long term pain or you go through short term pain
(23:13):
knowing that healing and relief is on the other side.
And when she framed it that way, I was like, so,
either way I'm in pain. One is going to take
all like, is going to be foreshore forever. The other
one there's an end to. And that's what really helped
me finally say the words to my ex and say
(23:34):
this is over. And then on the other side of that,
I needed support with people that understood the gravity of
what I had just gone through. So I had a
wonderful therapist, Thank goodness, I had a wonderful close group
of friends, and I intentionally kept that really small. There
(23:56):
was like three friends who knew it was going on.
My family knew it was going on, but I wasn't
giving everybody updates about everything because I was in again
an acute place of trying to find safety, trying to
move houses, and just navigate all the emotions on top
of all of that. So having people who can understand,
(24:19):
even if they can't, even if they haven't been specifically
in that situation, if they are emotionally immature enough to
be able to hold the space for you to say,
I don't know what's happening, I don't know why I
miss him right now, and not come at you with,
oh my god, are you going to get back together?
What's wrong with you? Can't you see all the things
that he did to you? That's not helpful to people
(24:42):
listening who might have loved ones who are going through this.
They just held space. They held space for whatever emotion
I was feeling, whatever I needed to talk through, and
they created a lot of safety in places that I
had not felt safety in a long time, because each
time in that relationship when I tried to share my
(25:02):
experience or my feelings or my needs, it got shut down.
I got punished for it, I got reprimanded, I was
told I was wrong. So to start to re experience
what that was like with new people or with friends
and a new experience was really really doing.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Yeah. I loved that because that's such great advice to say,
just hold space if you know someone or you're the
one going through it, and someone asked, what you need,
just that holding space because someone intentions may be wonderful
and they want to protect you, and they and and
(25:42):
maybe they're they want to go you know, fight for
you in some way, or or they don't see the
bad They were charmed by him or her as well,
and they don't they're questioning it, they don't understand. But
a lot of times that can fue. We may still
love this person even though we know that the relationship
(26:07):
was toxic and bad for us, and so there's a
grieving process happening while we're also trying to escape what
we've determined is unhealthy or dangerous for us. So there's
a lot going on. So that support system having an
exit plan, because a lot of time, if a narcissist
(26:28):
doesn't choose to end the relationship, they don't let the
relationship end is one of those patterns I was mentioning
at the opening of the show. So there's often that behavior.
Sometimes it's hoovering, they go back, they come back with
love bombing again and try to pull you back in.
And that's why some people go through the multiple times
(26:50):
trying to break it off. But sometimes it's going to
be or become this more toxic behavior and pretty extreme
in your case when you had to move location. And
that's that's pretty extreme, all right, Well, your journey to
(27:12):
wholeness now goes. And then what led you to to
tell us a little bit about that journey to wholeness?
How long did it take? Because I get that question often,
when will I be okay?
Speaker 3 (27:23):
And then who?
Speaker 2 (27:25):
What led you to serving others?
Speaker 3 (27:28):
Yeah? I dove in head first to my work around
this relationship. Part of the abuse that was happening was
him unveiling things that had happened in the relationship that
on some level I knew there was a betrayal. I
knew there was other women, but didn't like know No,
(27:50):
So afterwards he was sending me photos of him with
other women while we had been together and saying things
like it must be it must be alarming to know
that you were never in control in this relationship and
just very scary things, right of somebody that you had
been in relationship with for four years, and that I
(28:12):
had divulged everything to him, Right, I went in with
an open, vulnerable heart that was being used against me.
And so after breaking it off and telling him we
couldn't come back scheduled with my therapist and saw her
weekly for the whole summer. It really was from spring
(28:34):
through fall where his behavior was really scary, and then
his behavior started to peter off. And it was during
that time again where I can see now the gratitude
that I have for how intense that was because I
didn't have the choice anymore to continue in the same
(28:55):
behaviors that I was in. So, because codependency was an
issue for me, when I tried to set a boundary
in the past, I felt really guilty. I was like,
how's he going to feel about this boundary? What's this
going to do? Is he going to be upset? But
when you get to the point where you have to
change the locks on your house, it's a pretty big boundary,
and it doesn't it no longer matters how he feels
(29:16):
about it. It's protecting me. So I got these very
extreme examples of what it was to take care of myself,
which was really healing for me and understanding what that
switch was and so working with the literal actions of
changing my behavior towards him and with my therapist doing
(29:38):
some brain spotting around the trauma I was actually diagnosed
with PTSD before the relationship ended, actually because of everything
that I had gone through with the deception, the betrayal,
and the lies that had happened in that relationship, and
so I knew what it was I wanted to work
on immediately, and I dove in and it was scary
(29:59):
and it was and it was many many nights curled
up on the living room floor just bawling, and I
had to go there. I had to be in that place.
And I am thankful that I allowed myself to do that.
In a lot of ways, it felt like I didn't
have a choice, but we always have a choice, right
(30:19):
It was me, it was my higher self. I believe
that really helped me feel safe enough to be able
to do that and know that I was going to
come through on the other side beeatful. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
I take really great notes, whether it's support group or
one on one clients, so that I can go back
and remind them, Like you said, your friend would remind
you of the truth, of your truth, of your experience
or what have you, to keep you on track or
moving forward. And I find that with some of my people,
(30:56):
I'm reminding them and repeating to them often their truth
because of the fog and to help them stay on
that path because, like you said before, it will end
this pain, this going through we say, you don't get over,
(31:17):
but you get through and there is, you know, another side,
as you were described so eloquently, so having that diagnosis,
and I think that that's a very common diagnosis when
we've been in relationship with the narcissist and codependency has
been involved and there's that origin story behind it. PTSD
is quite common. And moving through that kind of work
(31:43):
and getting to wholeness, I know that you've developed what
led you to serving others. I'm sorry I did ask that,
So what led you to wanting to serve others after
you found more way to wholeness and wellness?
Speaker 3 (31:56):
Yeah. And to answer your question about the length of
time too for me to get to the place where
I could speak about it without having that the emotional
charge is how I knew that I was in a
place to be able to start to share my story
more publicly and work with people in that situation. And
(32:16):
that took me about almost a year to get to
that place. And that was with very intentional therapy and
very intentional work that I was doing around all of
this stuff. So I really believe there's not a specific
timeline like some people say half the time that you
were in the relationship. I believe that it is more
(32:36):
dependent on how willing you are to go into the
feeling and integrate the feeling, because we can stay in
that analyzing place of why did this happen? And how
could he do that? And how could he not see
how much he's hurting me? And who is he? And
we stay in this spin of trying to figure out
why and how, but we don't drop into the feeling.
(33:00):
And so the more that you can get in there,
as painful as that might be, that, in my opinion,
is the way through. That is the way through the experience.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
I love that explanation because I have so many people
who really ruminate on the why and the how, and
I convinced that that's something sometimes we just have to
file away and put it back in the want to know,
don't need to know as we to move forward. So
(33:31):
drop into the feeling is really going to be the
expedited way.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
And I love that.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
It's time for our second break. When we come back,
I know that as you started serving others and you've
got some certifications and some specific healing modalities. I want
to talk about the three elements that you've identified that
women need in their life when healing from narcissistic abuse.
I believe you described it. Go from feeling confused, full
(34:00):
of guilt to confident and deserving of a healthy relationship.
So don't go far. When we come back, prieze going
to talk to us about those healing elements.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
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(34:34):
taught invaluable lessons through her personal experiences. She will also
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Live to Dare to Soar Saturdays ten am Eastern on
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(34:57):
RC will provide thought provoking information that will power, encourage,
and strengthen students, families, and communities across our nation. You
can also visit her at Soarwithkatie dot Com. Author, radio
show host and coach John M. Hawkins reveals strategies to
(35:17):
help gain perspective, build confidence, find clarity, achieve goals. John M.
Hawkins' new book Coached to Greatness Unlock Your Full Potential
with Limitless Growth, published by I Universe, Hawkins reveals strategies
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coach them to greatness. Hawkins says that the best athletes
(35:41):
get to the top of their sport with the help
of coaches, mentors, and others. He shares guidance that helps
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(36:05):
one pm Easter on the BBM Global Network and tune
in Radio.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Welcome back everyone, and thank you for tuning in today.
Talking with Bri Walta and Bree. We were talking during
the break actually, and I was saying that some of
my people are going to be thrilled to hear the
Q a year, and I was commenting on you know,
you were saying you went in with really intention on
your healing. I think that's so important because people aren't
(36:36):
always willing, ready, able to do the work, and you were,
so I think it's very motivating to hear it can
be done in a year, because psychologists tell us on
average it's two years. But again that's an average. So
you're an example that you can get with intention and
make it happen within a year. Now what let you
(37:00):
to want to now help others? Once you helped yourself.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
So as I came through that dark tunnel, as I
came out the other side and started to really build
that self confidence. I had always wanted to do some
sort of coaching, and before this experience, I was kind
of lost on what that was going to look like.
And it was sort of this thing that I had
a desire for but didn't know how to actualize. And
(37:27):
so after going through this experience, I was like, Oh,
I'm going to help other women do this. Duh? Like
that It just it made so much sense because I
knew what worked, I knew what I needed that I
didn't have, and I knew that I could provide a
really safe space for people to open up and be
(37:47):
honest and truthful and heal. And I had been told
in different ways my whole life that people just feel
like they can open up to me. People that I
didn't know very well would divulge a lot of information
should and they're just like, I'm sorry, I said all that, Like,
you just feel very safe, and it's just an energy
that I have. So I knew that that was a
(38:07):
part of my gift in this world and to use
it to help women be able to process the mind
games and the confusion and make sense of what happened
while also integrating the feeling while also being in community
with other people who have been through it. That to
(38:27):
me was it is such an honor to be able
to hold that space. But really, going through this situation
was the catalyst for all right, I'm gonna start. I'm
gonna start working with women. And the business has morphed
and grown since that first client, but it's it is
just a dream, every single day wonderful.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
So tell us about these healing elements that you've identified
for women.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Yes, we have touched on a few of them already,
so we'll reiterate what that that looks like and why
they're so important. So the first element to heal truly
from these relationships is clarity, and as we have talked about,
this is finding the whyse finding the hows, listening to
(39:15):
the podcast, doing educational material, analyzing the situation, using your
analytical mind to make sense of something. It's important to
honor this part of us because as humans we need
understanding around things that happen. Right we're meaning making machines,
(39:37):
and so to give ourselves some amount of information around
narcissism or around boundaries, or around codependency or whatever it
is that we're learning is an important piece to this puzzle.
The problem is where we get stuck on that piece,
so we just keep consuming material. We just keep going
(39:58):
down the rabbit holes of the narcissism videos on YouTube,
and we just are like overly consuming. We're not even
we're not even integrating or understanding the information anymore. It's
just like more and more and more and more. And
I know, in my case, I thought that if I
could understand narcissism, and I could understand why narcissists betray
(40:24):
their partners that I would feel from that experience because
I understood it, and that's not the case. Understanding betrayal
is much different than feeling betrayed and moving through the experience,
the felt experience of what that was like to be
betrayed in a relationship. The second element, then, is feeling,
(40:50):
and we need a safe way to be able to
feel feelings that are hard to feel. A lot of
us haven't been taught how to sit with anger, how
to sit with sadness, and not go straight to feeling
guilty or straight to justifying or straight to finding figuring
out the why of why we're feeling the way we're feeling,
(41:12):
just simply being in the feeling, and so we need
a skill to be able to do that. Otherwise we're
just clinging to the analyzing to make us feel safe.
One of my favorite metaphors for this is if you
think about being in the middle of the ocean, and
the ocean being these these feelings that are overwhelming. You're
(41:35):
holding onto this booy and I call it the analytical bowy,
and it's keeping you above water. Barely. You're getting little
glimps like gas of air, and you're just trying to
hold onto why and how when Really what we need
is a safe tool to give us the oxygen so
that we can go underneath the feeling, be in the feeling,
(41:57):
and then process through the feeling. So for me in
my practice, that oxygen mask is EFT tapping, which stands
for Emotional Freedom Techniques, and this is a nervous system
regulation tool that we use while we're processing something that's distressing.
And what happens when we can regulate the system while
(42:18):
we're feeling a hard emotion is that we're able to
sit with that emotion and move it through the stress
response cycle. So instead of starting to feel anger and
then pushing it away or distracting with Netflix or pretending
like it's not really that big of deal, I can
(42:38):
sit with it. I can say I'm so angry that
this happened, and move through that anger in a way
that my body feels safe to be able to do.
So love that.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
Yes, I'm asking more about EFT in a minute. But
what's the third element?
Speaker 3 (42:57):
Yes, so we have clarity, we have feeling. The third
element is connection, So specifically, if you can find connection
with other women who have been through it, that's like
the cherry on top of the cake. But connection with
people in general again who can hold that safe space
is really, really, really important because of the isolation and
(43:20):
the mind games that we have been in. So to
have that person that can reflect back and say, of
course you miss him, you spent four years with him,
and he's doing these things and this is the reality
that's happening right now, right Or to have that woman
be like, oh, he said the same thing to you
as my partner said to me. Maybe that's a manipulation tactic.
(43:42):
This is a different way that I'm seeing it now. Yeah.
In the way that I work with women, part of
the program is a group component where they get to
converse in live group sessions. They get to converse in
our private platform of just me too, oh my gosh,
me too, or validating like I've been there, I'm a
(44:03):
couple of steps ahead of you, but I know exactly what
that feels like, and that is so validating when your
feelings have been invalidated.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
Yes for so long, and denied, and especially when you've
denied them yourself. I loved the imagery of holding onto
the buoy and then putting on the going going under
and being with the feeling I can. I can relate
to all of that and then coming up and being
in group connection. That's amazing. So let's take a few
(44:33):
more minutes with ef T if we can. I've seen
I've done e f T. I had a friend who's
an EFT practitioner and she taught me, and I've used
it on myself and I've seen it used for overcoming
fears and for stress relief, worry, anxiety. So how might
(44:54):
ef T be used to face the fear of letting
go of relationship? Can you give me what someone might
say as they do, or maybe show us for those
who are actually viewing the podcast.
Speaker 3 (45:07):
I know some are just.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
Listening, but what could you tell us? Maybe they're fearing
being alone, or fearing loneliness, or being unloved or unwanted.
Speaker 3 (45:16):
Yes, that's beautiful, so ef T. How we use ef
T tapping is we tap on specific points in a
consecutive motion, so that sequence will help to regulate the
nervous system just from a pure somatic state. While we're right.
While we're tapping on the points, then we're naming the
(45:38):
thing that feels hard to be with. So we're naming
the fear. So let's say that I have a fear
of leaving because if I leave, I'm going to be
alone forever. Okay, So we would start by acknowledging have fear.
Have a fear that I'm going to be alone forever.
And when I think about this fear, I feel feel
(46:00):
a pit in my stomach. You want to identify what
happens in your body when you feel this overwhelming emotion.
So you identify the fear, you identify the pit in
your stomach, and then you move through the points. So
we can do that together. I'll queue it audibly also
so for the people listening they can follow along with
when we're moving points. We start with the side of
(46:23):
the hand, which is you use your other hand to
tap right below your pinky. It's called the karate chap
point for obvious reasons. And we stay here as we
repeat what's called the setup statement three times. All the
setup statement is is just naming what we're feeling and
naming where we're feeling it. So even though I'm feeling
(46:43):
this fear in the pit of my stomach, I know
that I'm safe to be with this feeling. Even though
I'm feeling this fear of being alone forever, and I
feel it in the pit of my stomach, I know
that I'm safe to be with this feeling. Even though
I'm feeling this fear and this pit in my stomach,
(47:03):
I know that I'm safe to be with this feeling.
Then we come up to the eyebrow. This is right
where your hair starts, and we just repeat, I'm feeling fear,
and we come to the side of the eye, right
behind your temple. I fear I'm going to be alone forever.
Under the eye, pretty close up to your eyeball, I
(47:27):
feel this fear, and then the pit of my stomach
coming down under the nose. There's so much fear here. Chin.
I'm too scared to be alone, too scared to leave. Collarbones.
This is right underneath your collarbones. I feel this fear
(47:48):
in the pit of my stomach, and then under the arm.
For women, this is right in line with your brawl line.
For men, this is right in line with your nipple.
I feel too afraid to leave. I feel I'm going
to be alone forever. And then top of the head,
all of this fear in the pit of my stomach,
(48:12):
and then you'll bring your hand to your chest. You'll
just take a moment, close your eyes and tune in
to see how you feel. Did that fear go up
or down? Did that sensation in your stomach? Did it move? Maybe?
Now you feel it in your throat, right, So then
you go through another round naming that it's in your throat.
(48:32):
And the purpose here is to bring space to what
we're feeling long enough for that energy to shift. So
sometimes we feel that in just a couple of rounds.
Sometimes when we start to tap, the feeling actually escalates
to a point where we can actually emote. We do cry,
or we do scream, or we do let out that
(48:54):
emotion in some other way, and then it starts to
come back down. But we just want to be with
the feeling long enough to find some curiosity about it
and to allow it to change.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
Yeah. Wow, So name the fear, identify the feeling in
the body, and then go through the different points the
Brunian point for tapping. Okay, thank you for demonstrating and
talking us through ef T. And again EFT stands.
Speaker 3 (49:27):
For Emotional Freedom Techniques. Wonderful and if you forget everything
that you're supposed to say, just tapping on the points
alone while you're feeling something is doing the work on
your body to then bring your mind back online to
help kind of analyze their or find curiosity around that situation.
Speaker 2 (49:52):
Okay, wonderful, And you're also a certified clearing work practitioner.
Tell us what that is.
Speaker 3 (50:00):
Yeah, the clearing work is a method that was coined
by my EFT teacher's mother actually, and she trademarked this
method because it is so transformational and helping to remove
subconscious blocks. So it is a version of tapping. We're
using different points in that type of session, and before
(50:22):
the session, I'm using intuitive kinesiology or muscle testing to
test energy blocks on behalf of my client so I
can move through the different chakras and find the blocks
that are in that client's highest invest that day to clear.
And then we find eight of those blocks and we
move through a specific tapping sequence to help clear those blocks.
(50:48):
So it's a little bit more of a energy energy
work feeling session versus a processing session because it's a
call and response experience. We're also something and then they'll
repeat it back to me while they're tapping and that process,
the tapping and the repeating helps them to move that energy.
Speaker 2 (51:09):
Interesting, okay, I was not familiar with that until I
saw it in your bio. So in what ways have
you found that helping others continues to help yourself?
Speaker 3 (51:23):
Oh my gosh. And in every single client thus far,
there has been some piece of the story that I'm like,
we too. Some of them are almost exactly parallel, some
of them are are less parallel. But there are moments
where our story is intertwined and I can see myself
in them, they can see themselves and me, And being
(51:44):
able to watch and guide women in the way that
I needed is so healing for me because I know
that I am helping somebody else do it differently and
potentially more quickly then even I did it. And so
it's just such It's such an honor when somebody trusts
(52:06):
you with such a raw piece of themself. There's nothing
there's nothing like a session where a client will say,
I can't believe I just told you that. I've not
I've never told anybody that before.
Speaker 2 (52:19):
Yeah, yeah, I get that. I've had that happen before
as well. Well, Bree, I know someone listening today has
heard their truth and your story for sure, and it's
taking away some practical tools for their healing. And you
had a key takeaway for the audience today, what would
it be.
Speaker 3 (52:41):
Have compassion for yourself, especially as you're in the very
beginning stages and trying to figure out what was real,
what wasn't real, if you had been deceived, if you'd
been betrayed, if you're still in that seeking place of information,
having compassion that trying to make sense of the nonsensical
(53:02):
is a really hard thing to do, and trusting that
when you're ready, you're going to move into the safe
place where you can start integrating the feeling and that's
where the deeper healing is going to come. But we
can't judge ourselves into healing. So the more you can
meet yourself with compassion with patients, the more that you're
(53:24):
going to move forward in your journey without without adding
more stress and more judgment and more criticism than stuff
you're already trying to unpack.
Speaker 2 (53:37):
Right right, beautifully said, I know judgment held me back
quite a bit, but know that you may feel alone,
that you're not alone. There are people who understand and
breed and I are two of those people. So let's
hear how the audience can connect with you. You want
to share your website in your podcast that you have
(53:59):
and other information.
Speaker 3 (54:01):
Absolutely, yeah. My website is briewalta dot com and that's
b r e w l t A. And my podcast
is Heartbreak to Wholeness and that I'm going to send
you a specific episode that I think will resonate with
your audience. It's called finding Self, Love and Trust in
Yourself Again after Heartbreak and it talks about EFT tapping
(54:25):
and using this nervous system regulation tool. So there's more examples,
there's more description around what that is, so that you
can add that to your toolkit.
Speaker 2 (54:35):
Beautiful, Thank you so much, and I think you had
a gift for the audience too.
Speaker 3 (54:42):
Yes, there's a link that will be.
Speaker 2 (54:44):
In the show notes, but tell them about that please.
Speaker 3 (54:47):
Yes. I have a self guided course called Find Yourself Again,
and this course is intended for you when you are
fresh out of that relationship and you're not sure who
you are anymore. You don't know your values, you don't
know what you need, you don't know what you want,
you don't know where to start to figure all of
that out. So for podcast listeners, I offer ten percent
(55:08):
off of that self guided course. It's under one hundred dollars,
very affordable. The code is podcast ten and we'll be
sure to get those links in the show notes as well.
Speaker 2 (55:20):
Perfect, thank you so much, so brief. I just really,
once again, I just want to hug you through the screen.
Thank you for being here today. I know we could
just talk more, and no doubt that we will, but
unfortunately it's time for us to say goodbye today. So
(55:40):
is this this episode of soul CPR comes to close.
I have to send a shout out to my brother
from school, Wade. He was watching today. Remember that healing
is not a linear journey, but it is a process
of profound transformation. And if today's stories resonated with you,
then please share this podcast with someone who may need
(56:01):
a lifeline of their own. Subscribe rate and leave a
review to help us reach more hearts. And you can
always connect with me on social media as well. On Facebook,
it is at Skyview Coaching and on all the other platforms.
It is at a papayote.
Speaker 3 (56:17):
Let me know your.
Speaker 2 (56:17):
Thoughts, your stories, and the topics that you would like
to explore in future episodes. I was giving an idea
last night, and I will work on that for next week.
Chrissy Walker, I'll be working on it. So until next time,
we may you find strength in your vulnerability and courage
in your journey. Thank you for listening. Breathe deeply, love openly,
(56:37):
and live soulfully.
Speaker 3 (56:39):
Good day.
Speaker 1 (56:43):
This has been Soul CPR with host and Papa Yode
Breathe life back into your spirit with each episode where
she and special guests explore the relationships that hurt us
and discover that healing can only begin with you. Tuesdays
at three d p m. Eastern on the Bold Brave
TV Network
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