February 11, 2025 • 51 mins
Valentine’s Day. For some, it’s a celebration. For others, it’s a painful reminder of what’s missing. But what if I told you that love—real, lasting love—was never about a relationship status? In this episode of Soul CPR, we’re unraveling the myths about love and worthiness, exploring the surprising history of this holiday, and giving you powerful ways to reclaim this day for yourself. Whether you’re single, healing, or just feeling disconnected, this episode is your invitation to redefine love—on your own terms.
#SoulCPR #valentinesday #selflove #youareenough #healingjourney #singleonvalentinesday #selfworth #mindsetshift #hearthealing #selfempowerment #redefininglove #thegiftofshift #selflove #annpapayoti
#SoulCPR #valentinesday #selflove #youareenough #healingjourney #singleonvalentinesday #selfworth #mindsetshift #hearthealing #selfempowerment #redefininglove #thegiftofshift #selflove #annpapayoti
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Are you ready to untangle from your past, recover from heartbreak,
and revive your life. This is Soul CPR with your
host and Papa Yode. We've all had soul crushing experiences
and lost ourselves and our pain, but there is a
way out. On this podcast, Amazon best selling author, award
winning life coach and advice columnist and Papa Yode helps
(00:28):
us navigate the path from heartbreak to healing. So now
please welcome the host of Soul CPR and Papa Yode.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Hello, and thank you for joining me today on SOULCPR,
where we try to breath life back into hearts that
need healing. And today's episode is for anyone feeling the
sting of being single on Valentine's Day. If this day
feels like an arrow through your heart, art you're not alone,
(01:02):
but we're going to try to shift that for you today.
You know, for some Valentine's Day is a celebration and
for others it's a painful reminder of what's missing. But
what if I told you that love, real lasting love
was never about a relationship status. In this episode of
(01:28):
Soul CPR, we're unraveling the myths about love and worthiness
and exploring the surprising history of this holiday and giving
you powerful ways to reclaim this day for yourself. So,
whether you're single, healing, or just feeling disconnected, this episode
is your invitation to redefine love on your own terms. Now.
(01:54):
Last night, my support group participants and I talked about
struggling with Valentine Day while single. Some are struggling and
some are more kind of numb to it, depending on
where they're at in their journeys and what the holiday
meant to them in their relationships. And I can tell
(02:14):
you that I remember when I was single. I remember
a time when I dreaded Valentine's Day, seeing couples and
the pressure of it all, feeling like I was missing something.
But I also remember in my first marriage never being
able to find the right card to express my feelings,
(02:38):
you know, saying things like I wish you spoke to
me with kindness, or I wish your actions toward me
made me feel loved rather than scared and alone. And
I remember feeling like Valentine's Day became more about checking
(02:58):
the boxes of what you're so posed to do, like
going to dinner, and like he usually gave me roses
and chocolates. But how confusing is that when most every
other day I was made to feel less than, you know,
maybe humiliated and maybe like or oftentimes like I was
(03:23):
prudish for telling him how it hurt me to see
him openly flirt and be interested in other women. But
over the years, as I let go of people and
really took hold of myself, I realized something powerful. Love
isn't confusing or really missing in my life. Sometimes we
(03:51):
just have to take the time to redefine it clearly,
crystal clearly. So we're not just here today to make
the best of it when it comes to Valentine's We're
here to claim this day as our own, to see
(04:12):
love in a different light, and to nurture the most
important relationship of all, the one with ourselves. So why
does this day hurt so much? So when you think
about it, Let's go back to childhood. Weren't we kind
of taught that love for adults kind of looks like
(04:33):
flowers and chocolates and candlelit dinners when it comes to
Valentine's Day? But what if that really was a limited version?
If we were sold some sort of limited version of love. Now,
speaking of childhood, do you remember those little cards and
little box of cards and carefully choosing which message went
(04:56):
to which person in your class, so it's not to
it imply the wrong thing, or sometimes not wanting to
give one at all to someone in particular, but it
was maybe required by your teacher to bring one for everyone.
I did love writing them and reading them, though, but
I remember struggling sometimes with what to say or what
(05:18):
should be said. And in this day and age perhaps
of social media of course, Instagram, Facebook, those platforms don't
always show the full story, do they. Behind every perfect
couple posts could be struggles, boredom, or even heartbreak, So
(05:39):
what you see isn't the whole truth. Don't get stuck
in comparing your life. Comparison is literally the thief of
joy now. Last night we also talked about past relationship triggers,
of course, because this day can definitely bring up memories
(06:00):
of relationships that ended, of betrayals, and of loneliness. Now.
A lovely woman in my support group last night said
that Valentine's Day was her and her ex's first dates.
Of course, the calendar date is a trigger and the
first anniversary of any significant marker in a lost relationship
(06:25):
is going to hurt the most. But eventually, instead of
seeing it as a reminder of loss, we can choose
to start seeing it as maybe a marker in our growth.
You'll get there, I promise. Let's give it time. There's
(06:48):
a truth I want to bring up about love and
worthiness that tends to come up when we're talking about
Valentine's Day and being single, especially if the loss of
relationship is recent. Love is not proof of worthiness. Being
single does not mean you're unlovable. You are whole, whether
(07:10):
in a relationship or not. Now you may not feel
that right now, but maybe by the end of the
show you will. Now when you think back to childhood,
do you ever feel like you've been sold a lie?
From childhood, we are conditioned to believe that love, especially
(07:32):
romantic love, is the ultimate validation of our worth, perhaps
through fairy tales or movies or even well meaning family members.
This idea is reinforced that we complete each other, that
love is something perhaps that must be earned, and that
being single means we're missing something. But here's the truth.
(07:56):
Your worth is not determined by your relationship ship status.
Write that down. Your worth is not determined by your
relationship status. You are not incomplete. You were born whole.
You do not need another person to complete you. Jerry Maguire.
(08:18):
Relationships can compliment your life, but they are not the
source of your worthiness. Now, many of us subconsciously believe
that love must be earned. But love is not a
reward for being good enough. I often hear people say
(08:39):
things like, if I were prettier, i'd be loved. If
I were more successful, someone would want me. If I
weren't so difficult, I wouldn't be alone. Can we just
stop that madness. Love is not a prize you win
for being perfect. It's an experience. It's a connection, and
(09:03):
it's something that we give and we receive in many
forms with and from many people. You are no less
worthy of love simply because you are not in a
romantic relationship today. So let's flip that script, shall we.
(09:23):
Instead of looking outward for validation, let's start inward, because
the love that matters most starts within. I want you
to ask yourself a few questions. If you're listening to
this show today and you have felt heartbreak, or you
feel lonely, or you feel that something's missing because you're
(09:47):
not in a romantic relationship in Valentine's Day's approaching and
you feel this pressure about that, ask yourself this, Do
I treat myself with the same love that I expect
from a partner? That's a pretty big question. Do I
(10:09):
offer myself the same kindness and patience and respect that
I give to others? What beliefs do I have about
love and worthiness that I need to rewrite. Another topic
that came up in support group last night was the
(10:30):
term choose you, and one of the women said, what
does that really mean? And the way I define when
it says choose you is to say that you consider
yourself first in every question and option that comes in
(10:51):
front of you. You consider yourself first. How will this
impact me? How does this affect me? So? For example,
in this particular person's situation, she's facing divorce, but for now,
(11:12):
they're having family pizza movie night to put up a
facade for their sixteen year old child, and she hates it.
She loathes it. It's uncomfortable for her to do this.
(11:33):
So what would choose you look like for her in
that situation? Does she keep putting up the front to
please someone else, to protect someone else's feelings? Or does
she honor herself, take responsibility for herself, and in so
(11:55):
doing be responsible to others to communicate her truth that
this is hurting her, that it's not good for her,
and then allow them to process their own feelings about it.
That's the example I would share with you. But do
ask yourself these questions. Do I treat myself with the
same love I expect from a partner? Do I offer
(12:17):
myself the same kindness and patience and respect that I
give to others? And what beliefs do I have about
love and worthiness that I need to rewrite? Instead of
saying why am I alone this Valentine's try, how can
I love myself more deeply on this day? How does
(12:42):
that sound? Recognize that love is already in your life
if you will, It's just romantic love, which is only
one form of love. So think about how does love
already exist in your life. Maybe it's the way your
(13:03):
friend checks in on you. I welke up this morning
to a text from a friend wishing me well on
my retreat that I leave for tomorrow. Maybe it's the
way your pet greets you with excitement. And if you
(13:24):
don't have a pet, I highly recommend you get one
or three. Come on, they really help you feel loved.
Maybe it's simply noticing things like the way the sun
rises each morning and think of it as for you,
offering you a new beginning, no matter what the day
(13:46):
before held. Maybe it's recognizing the way you've survived, healed,
continued to grow. I mean, what else would you add
to that list? I felt loved this morning when I
went to Starbucks. My barista gave me my coffee complimentary.
(14:08):
And it wasn't even the free coffee day after a
super Bowl. It was a lovely time. I felt loved.
How have you felt loved? To pay attention to your
life and notice it, write it down, remind yourself. So
if you could define love on your own terms, what
(14:30):
would it look like? And what if love was more
about connection and kindness and the way you nurture your
own soul rather than something someone else has to give
you or romantic love. You don't have to wait for
someone to love you to feel loved. Be your own
(14:53):
source of love, starting right now, and let's redefine Valentine's Day.
It's time for our first break and I want to
come back. We're gonna continue reframing that narrative. We're also
going to visit the history of Valentine's Day, So do
go Barr. We'll be back with more SOLCPR.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Mike Zorich a three time California state champion in Greco
Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike blind
six birth, was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was a
six time national placer, including two seconds, two thirds, and
two fourths. He also won the Veterans Folk Style Wrestling
(15:32):
twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In all
these tournaments, he was the only blind competitor. Nancy Zorich
a creative spirit whose talents have taken her to the
stage and into galleries and exhibitions in several states. Her father,
a commercial artist, who shared his instruments with his daughter
and helped her fine tune her natural abilities, influenced her
(15:55):
decision to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zorich has enjoyed
a fruitful career doing what she loves. Listen Saturday mornings
at twelve Eastern with a Nancy and Mike Show for
heartwarming stories and interesting talk on the BBM Global Network.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse.
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining? Are you an aging
adult who wants to remain independent but you're not sure how.
(16:33):
I'm Pamela d Wilson. Join me for The Carrying Generation
radio show for caregivers and aging adults Wednesday evenings, six Pacific,
seven Mountain, eighth Central, and nine Eastern, where I answer
these questions and share tips for managing stress, family relationships,
health wellbeing and more. Podcasts and transcripts of The Carrying
Generation are on my website Pamela Dwilson dot com, plus
(16:57):
my Caregiving library, online caregiver support program and programs for
corporations interested in supporting working caregivers. Help, Hope and support
for caregivers is here on The Caring Generation and Pamela
Dwilson dot com.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Welcome back everyone. I'm an Papaioti and this is sole
CPR on Bold Brief TV. Now. Before the break, I
challenged listeners on their beliefs to reframe their mindset and
basically to recognize that love is already present in their lives,
whether romantic love is or not. So would you now
(17:35):
at least agree that love is more than romance. Love
exists in friendships and family and our passions and in
the way we show up for ourselves. So Valentine's Day
can be a celebration of love in all its forms.
So before we go further, let's take a look at
(17:57):
the history of Valentine's Day. You know, a historical perspective
if you will. Did you know that Valentine's Day wasn't
always about romance? Well, according to various resources on the web,
before it became associated with romance, Valentine's Day had ties
(18:18):
to an ancient Roman festival called luper Callia, celebrated from
February thirteenth to fifteenth and this was a fertility festival
honoring fawnas the Roman god of agriculture and Lupa, the
she wolf, who, according to legend, raised Romulus and Remus,
the founders of Rome. Now, during luper Calia, men would
(18:42):
sacrifice a goat and use its hide to symbolically bless
women for fertility and good fortune. Now here's where it
really gets interesting. There was also a match making lottery
where young men in win would be paired together for
the festival, sometimes leading to marriage. So the original Valentine celebrations,
(19:11):
what I'm kind of taking from it, were more about fertility, luck,
and perhaps hooking up than romantic love as we know
it today. Then, the holiday began to take on a
new meaning around the third century AD, during the reign
of Roman Emperor Claudius the Second. Now this Emperor Claudius
(19:36):
reportedly banned marriages for young men because he believed that
single men made better soldiers than A Christian priest named
Valentine defied this order in secretly performed marriages for soldiers
in love. Now I'll give I'll give you that that
sounds romantic right that. When Claudius discovered Time's defiance, he
(20:02):
sentenced the priest to execution, reportedly on February fourteenth, sometime
around two hundred and sixty nine a d. And according
to legend, before his death, Valentine wrote a farewell letter
to a woman that he cared for, signing it from
your Valentine. And then later the Catholic Church canonized Valentine
(20:23):
as a saint and declared February fourteenth as Saint Valentine's
Day to honor his memory. So Valentine's Day became associated
with love because of a man who fought for the
right of others to love and Mary even when it
was forbidden. Call that romantic if you will. But it
(20:43):
wasn't until the Middle Ages that romantic love really took
a turn. By the fourteenth century, the idea of courtly love,
sort of idealized romance between noblemen and their beloved, became
very popular in Europe, and the poet Jeffrey Chaucer was
(21:04):
one of the first to link Valentine's Day to romantic
love in his thirteen eighty two poem Parliament of Fowls,
where he wrote, for this was on Saint Valentine's Day,
when every bird cometh there to choose his mate. Now,
by the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries, people in England and
(21:24):
France exchanged love letters on February fourteenth, believing it to
be the day birds began to mate. By the eighteenth century,
handwritten notes and small gifts became common, so Valentine's Day
shifted from a religious holiday to a day of romance
because poets and writers romanticized it. Right now, the modern
(21:48):
era a commercial holiday, right So, by the nineteenth century,
mass produced Valentine's Day cards became popular. Palmark launched its
first Valentine's Cards in nineteen thirteen, turning the holiday into
a major commercial event. Today it is an estimated twenty
five billion dollar industry, driven by marketing, social media, and
(22:13):
societal expectations. So while Valentine's Day is now a celebration
of couples, it's our origins are far more diverse, aren't they,
involving these ancient festivals and acts of defiance, in centuries
of evolving traditions. Why is that important to what we're
(22:36):
talking about today? I say it's because YouTube can evolve
the tradition that exists for you and Valentine's Day. So
instead of seeing Valentine's Day as a test of your
romantic status, let's redefine it in a way that serves you.
(23:01):
Let it evolve. Valentine's Day can be about all forms
of love, self love, friendship, community, personal growth. What if
today was simply a day to celebrate love in all
its forms Today, as in Valentine's Day, how will you
spend this Valentine's Day? Claim that power of choice rather
(23:28):
than letting the day spend you if you will, So
let's take a minute and talk about the power of
being single and maybe the joy as well. To take
(23:49):
this for a moment with me. Solitude can equal growth.
Some of the greatest transformation happen when we are alone.
Use this time to deepen your self awareness and your
(24:10):
personal power. Oprah Winfrey once said, alone time is when
I distanced myself from the voices of the world so
that I can hear my own. Many of the strongest,
most successful people embrace solitude before they found their path.
(24:33):
So if this is a difficult time for you still,
I recommend that you use the day for solitude. So
I'm going to ask you to reflect what is it
you need right now, considering how you're feeling about this
(24:53):
particular day, as you try to redefine it and let
it evolve for you. If you could rewrite the meaning
a Valentine's Day for yourself, what would it be and
what would the day look like? Now we can talk
about some practical ways to feel good on Valentine's Day.
(25:18):
Sometimes we kind of get stuck and can't really imagine
what those might be, so let's share a few. Pamper yourself.
It's an idea, and we talked about some ideas last
night in support group. Take yourself on a date, a movie,
a spa, a favorite meal, a cozy night in. What
(25:41):
would that look like for you? How would you define
pampering yourself? Could be different for any one of us.
Write a love letter to yourself. This is something I
recommended to my group last night, and I sent them
a link to an article that I wrote on your
ango in twenty twenty, so it's it's a little dated
(26:04):
to that, but the sentiment's the same. Grab a journal
and write a letter to yourself as if you were
writing to a dear friend. What do you love about you?
Create a love inventory. I saw this on someone else's blog.
(26:26):
List out the ways you do have love in your
life those things we were talking about. I love the
idea of this, a love inventory. What do you already
have that brings you joy, whether it's friends, mentors, passions,
what's already there okay that brings you joy? Do you
(26:49):
have a favorite park that you go to that you
spend time in, where you find clarity, where you know,
is there an environmental thing that's around you? Is it
your morning stop at Starbucks? That's one of I you know,
what is it? Find a way to make Valentines fun.
(27:13):
I know a lot of my single friends have Gallantines
or Palatines get togethers and instead of worrying about not
having the date, if you will, even my married friends
still have Gallantines lunches, get together for a pot luck
or a movie night out, or love is meant to
(27:37):
be shared in all its forms. Some of the support
group participants last night we're talking about, you know, one
of those little paint shops where you go paint and sip.
I think it's called that. That would be a fun
night out to get a group together. For acts of kindness,
when you do something for others. Wow, that's even better.
(28:00):
Sometimes so giving giving buying flowers and giving them to
a stranger, taking them to a senior citizens center, or
write a thank you note to someone who's made a
difference in your life. Getting out there and trying something new.
What a gift to yourself, you know, take it, take
(28:20):
a dance class, go on a solo trip. Have you
ever done that? Give them an art museum, by yourself
things that you've always thought you had to wait for
a partner to do, do it. That was That's someone
in my in my support groups say she's always waiting
for a partner to do the things that she always
(28:42):
wanted to do. New experiences create new energy and you'll
discover joy. And one last thing before our next break
that I will highly recommend is take a break from
social media, especially on Valentine's Day. Instead be present in
(29:05):
your own life. That is truly an act of self love.
All right, We're going to take a short break. Don't
go far. We'll be back with more sol CPR.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Doctor RC will share extraordinary resources and services that promote
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(29:42):
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(30:05):
RC will provide thought provoking information that will empower, encourage
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show host and coach John M. Hawkins reveals strategies to
(30:26):
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Hawkins new book Coached to Greatness Unlock Your Full Potential
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(30:49):
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(31:13):
one pm Eastering on the BBM Global Network and tune
In Radio.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Welcome back everyone, Thank you for joining me for today's show. Listen.
If Valentine's Day brings up heartbreak, and I know it
will for many of you listening, I'm going to invite
you to do some journaling. And I find the lesson
is always in letting go, no matter what we're dealing
(31:43):
with in life. And I was speaking to a client
this week about letting go. So I'm going to ask you,
to journalists, what do I need to let go of
today to help me with my heartbreak? What are you
holding on to that is is delaying your healing? Perhaps,
(32:03):
so ask yourself that, sit with that, be with that,
see what comes up for you with that? What do
I need to let go of today that might be
delaying my healing from this heartbreak? And another journal prompt
for you may be something like how can I show
myself more love? Not just on Valentine's Day but in general.
(32:29):
Valentine's Day can be a beautiful opportunity to release past pain.
So write down what you need to let go of,
and perhaps even ceremonially tear up the paper or safely
burn it. If you have a ceremonial release of what
(32:50):
you've written down, a truly letting go, that can be
really lovely. We're going to do something like that at
our retreat. This Also, instead of dwelling on what's missing
in your life, do list five things you love about
your life right now. At least five things, okay, because
(33:16):
when we focus on the negative, anything we focus on,
anything that we magnify is bigger, right, So rather than
putting the magnifying glass on what's missing, let's focus on
and magnify what we love about our life right now.
And it's there, even if it's seemingly hard to find,
(33:40):
it's there, so look for it, notice it. I want
to give you some affirmations for self love, and then
we're going to bring a little humor into play. That
may sound a little awkward, but I think you'll enjoy it.
Here's some affirmations if you want to write them down.
(34:00):
I am worthy of love just as I am. I
choose to celebrate love in all its forms. My happiness
is not defined by my relationship status, so I'll say
(34:23):
those again. I am worthy of love. Just as I am.
I choose to celebrate love in all its forms. My
happiness is not defined by my relationship status. All right.
(34:48):
I found a book on my shelf that someone gave
me when I had gone through my divorce some point
in the nineties, okay, in the late nineties, and I
picked it up just prior to the show, and I thought,
(35:08):
oh my goodness, I'm going to have to share this
with my listeners. It's called The Joy of Being Single.
It's a very small book, but it's adorable. All right,
So let me read you from this. It's by Aliyah Zobel,
(35:28):
and she begins it with being singles gotten a bad rap.
It's not awful, it's always interesting, and from my point
of view, it has great benefits. A friend of mine
who's getting married does not agree. She bet me her
little black book. I could not come up with twenty
(35:49):
good reasons. I sure hope those guys like to cook.
So I think her challenge was to come up with
twenty good reasons. She came up with a few more.
But I'm going to share some of my favorites with you.
So the Joy of being single. You don't have to
be nice to anybody's mother but your own. You can
(36:14):
vacuum whenever you want or not at all. You don't
have to make up excuses if you did your car.
You never have to watch Monday night football unless you're
a tailor Swift fan. Baby. You can cut your toenails
in bed. Oh that's gross. You can bring home Sarah
Lee cake for two and eat both portions. You can
(36:37):
rip out anything you want from the newspaper. You can
use all the hot water, and you never have to
worry about taking the last clean towel, which you can
leave in a wet clump by the tub when you're
through with it. You can hang wet pantyhose or just cleared,
cleaned car mats over the shower rod. You can take
a two hour soak and there's no problem if you
(36:59):
forget to clean the tub. Best of all, there's never
a weight or the bathroom I would add, and the
toilet seats always down. Pantyhose that does date the book
right nineties? Y see, okay, this was published in ninety two.
You can put cream on your face, petroleum jelly and
(37:21):
gloves on your hands, and wear an old T shirt
to bed. You never have to tell anyone how your
day was. You can go dancing until three am, no
questions asked. You can eat cold pizza for breakfast, jelly
beans and a coke for dinner. All right, that works,
I'll skip that when you can sit in a chair
(37:42):
and read a novel cover to cover without feeling guilty.
You can drink the last cold beer. No one will
mind if you take a course in mid East lentils.
You won't annoy anyone if you whistle bird calls while
you paint your nails. Sleeping is always list. You can
snore all you want, hog the sheets, and take your
(38:02):
cat or dog to bed if you want to. You
can turn on the air conditioner for white noise, even
if it's winter, and leave on all the lights when
you get up in the middle of the night. Then too,
you won't offend anyone if you just fall asleep on
the couch after dinner either. The money you save on
anniversary gifts can be spent on sending your laundry out.
(38:25):
If you get only one ticket to a music concert,
you can go without feeling guilty. You can spend one
hundred and fifty dollars on a haircut without fear of
reprisals in nineteen ninety two. I here fifty dollars, Oh,
New York. Okay. You'll never have to change and or
hyphenate your name, unless, of course you want to. You know,
(38:47):
when you're out of milk. You can play the same
record over and over and over again. You can keep
everything where it's easiest for you to reach it, use it,
pet it, eat it, look at it, and store it.
You never have to pick out bridesmaid's dresses. When you
(39:07):
get a box of candy, you can stick your fingers
and all the pieces to see which one is best.
You can make as much noise as you want when
you eat, and you don't have to worry about anyone
drinking your contact lenses when you leave them in a
glass overnight. Dirty dishes, you can wash them immediately or
leave them in the oven. You can pile them on
(39:28):
the counters for days weeks until you ride out. If
you scorch a pot and can't get it clean, you
can just toss it, no questions asked. Then again, you
can just eat off paper plates and be done with it.
Doesn't matter how you open the cereal box. You can
have a video marathon on Saturday instead of cleaning. You
(39:48):
don't have to worry about earning more money than anyone else.
You can wear as much makeup as you want, you
can date as many people as you can keep the
track of, and you never have to fight about turning
down the electric blanket. You can decorate your apartment with
posters of the grateful Dead, or paint the kitchen purple
(40:09):
and pink without anyone making a fuss. And if you
win the lottery, you don't have to share it. And
I'll stop there. I think it's a good way to
take a moment and recognize what joy is there for
you in being single. Sometimes we actually romanticize our past
(40:35):
relationships and we think they were wonderful when actually there
were things that we did not enjoy about them. We
were talking last night about losing our identity, sometimes not
being our authentic selves in some relationships, feeling we couldn't
(40:55):
be because of criticisms and or the fact that we
withheld who we are and that's on us, rather than
showing up true to ourselves and allowing our partner to
embrace the full version of us, and then if that
was not in alignment and cohesive, then bowing out rather
(41:20):
than staying committed, and those are things to be talked
about and understood. When we truly get in alignment with
who we are and showing up in life true to ourselves,
then we can recognize when a relationship is good for
us or not. All right, let's talk a little more
(41:42):
about Valentine's Day. Ultimately, it does not define you, right,
it does not define you. It's your relationship status does
not define you. You define you. You define you, and
(42:05):
you define your happiness. So I want you to remember
and think of love as an energy and not a
relationship status. So today, focus on breathing love into your
hearts and your souls and know that you are loved,
You are love, and you are loved, and extend that
(42:27):
to yourself. We're going to take our third and final
break and I'll come back with some final enclosing thoughts
on Valentine's Day. When you're single, Doctor RC will.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
Share extraordinary resources and services that promote educational success as
well as making a difference in the lives of all
social workers as well as the lives of children, adolescents,
and teens of today. She will have open discussions addressing
many of the issues that we face about our youth
and how being employed in the uniquely skilled profession of
social work for over eighteen years has taught invaluable lessons
(43:05):
through her personal experiences. She will also provide real life facts, examples,
and personal stories that will confirm that why serving as
a child advocate is extremely beneficial when addressing the needs
of the whole child. Listen Live to Dare to Soar
Saturdays ten am Eastern on the BBM Global Network and
tune in radio as Doctor RC will provide thought provoking
(43:28):
information that will empower, encourage, and strengthen students, families and
communities across our nation. You can also visit her at
soarwith Katie dot com. Mike Zurich are three time California
state champion in Greco Roman wrestling at one hundred and
(43:48):
fourteen pounds. Mike blind SI's birth was born in Hartford, Connecticut.
He was a six time national placer, including two seconds,
two thirds and two fourths. Also won the Veterans Folk
Style Wrestling twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds.
In all these tournaments, he was the only blind competitor.
(44:10):
Nancy Zorich a creative spirit whose talents have taken her
to the stage and into galleries and exhibitions in several states.
Her father, a commercial artist who shared his instruments with
his daughter and helped her fine tune her natural abilities,
influenced her decision to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zorich
has enjoyed a fruitful career doing what she loves. Listen
(44:33):
Saturday mornings at twelve Eastern with a Nancy and Mike
Show for heartwarming stories and interesting talk on the BBM
Global Network.
Speaker 2 (44:48):
Hello again, I really appreciate your being here today, and
I hope that you have reframed Valentine's Day if you're
single and recognize that whatever your past traditions were or
when you are in a romantic relationship, that you can evolve,
just like the history of Valentine's Day itself has, so
(45:11):
taking some time with and for yourself to recognize what
might be best for you. Now, what does it need
to look like, what does it need to involve? Is
it something fun? Is it something in solitude? What's best
for you is what matters, and whatever you choose, it
(45:33):
becomes self love and action created and chosen by you.
And just to again remember, you do not need a
person to complete you, no matter what the movies say.
One day that is someone is to compliment your life.
So if you can work on your healing and really
(45:56):
becoming whole alone, it becomes a really beautiful thing. Then
to share life with someone else, and that's really the
romantic ending we're all looking for. So I'd love to
hear from you and know what is your favorite self
love practice and how you may have decided to evolve
(46:19):
Valentine's Day and know that it can continue to evolve
depending on where you're at in your journey. Message me
and share your story or post it on social media
and tag me. I'd love to know now. Next week
I'll be in San Salvador hosting the SULCPR Self Love Retreat,
(46:39):
and I look forward to sharing transformation stories from that
experience with you. When I return, I'll be looking through
our repertoire and ask Stan to replay a previous show
that was enlightening and empowering for listeners that you may
have missed during our time slot next week. If there's
anything that you'd like to see Jes that we a
(47:01):
topic that we cover on this show, please do send
that along because this show is for you and I'll
look forward to doing that now. As this episode comes
to a close, remember that healing is not a linear journey.
It is a process of profound transformation. And I'm always
wishing that you find strength in your vulnerability and courage
(47:21):
in your journey. If today's episode resonated with you, please
to share the podcast with those who may need a
lifeline of their own. Subscribe, rate and leave a review
to help us reach more hearts. Connect with me on
social media on Facebook, It's at Skyview Coaching, Instagram, LinkedIn,
and x at Anne Papayote and I thank you for listening.
(47:45):
And until next time, breathe deeply, love openly, and live
soulfully and make it a happy Valentine's Day. Everyone, Good day.
(48:05):
We have lost stand we're still in the air. Well.
We can keep talking about writing those Valentine's Day love
letters to yourself. Don't forget the thank you notes to
people in your life. That's an act of love. When
you express gratitude, it is an expression of love as well,
(48:30):
for yourself and others. What else can we talk about?
The triggers, the relationship triggers. Acknowledge your feelings, be with them,
and then let them pass. Emotions should wash over us
in about ninety seconds unless we hold on to them.
(48:53):
So when you do your what you need to let
go of? Perhaps you can think about that. Sometimes we
hold on to feelings longer than we should. And what
do you need to do if you realize you're holding
on to those feelings? What action can you take? And
sometimes if you can't change your mind, change your body,
(49:14):
change your physiology, get up and move, Get up and
move your body, and that will help you shift your mindset. Dan,
are you back? Okay? Well, I wish I had some
questions coming in, so I can just answer your questions live.
You're welcome to call into the show, but the numbers
(49:34):
not up there. You can put them in comments and
I can answer those as well. What else can we
talk about? Do you agree? Do you feel like you've
been sold this, this marketing thing about Valentine's Day? Do
you feel like there's a societal pressure? Do you self
(49:55):
impose pressure about Valentine's Day? Is this something you're willing
to to relinquish? And do you like the romantic idea
of it? Just something you want to re establish? Yeah?
(50:15):
All right, Well let's take this opportunity to sign off
once again, and we appreciate your listening always and thank
you for sharing the episode with others. You know where
to find me. And until next week, breath deeply, love openly,
(50:38):
and live sulfully happy Valentine's Day. Make it that way.
Speaker 1 (50:45):
This has been sole CPR with host and Papa Yode
breathe life back into your spirit with each episode where
she and special guests explore the relationships that hurt us
and discover that healing can only begin with you. Tuesdays
at three pm Eastern on the Bold Brave TV network.
Are you ready to untangle from your past, recover from heartbreak,
and revive your life. This is Soul CPR with your
host and Papa Yode. We've all had soul crushing experiences
and lost ourselves and our pain, but there is a
way out. On this podcast, Amazon best selling author, award
winning life coach and advice columnist and Papa Yode helps
(00:28):
us navigate the path from heartbreak to healing. So now
please welcome the host of Soul CPR and Papa Yode.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Hello, and thank you for joining me today on SOULCPR,
where we try to breath life back into hearts that
need healing. And today's episode is for anyone feeling the
sting of being single on Valentine's Day. If this day
feels like an arrow through your heart, art you're not alone,
(01:02):
but we're going to try to shift that for you today.
You know, for some Valentine's Day is a celebration and
for others it's a painful reminder of what's missing. But
what if I told you that love, real lasting love
was never about a relationship status. In this episode of
(01:28):
Soul CPR, we're unraveling the myths about love and worthiness
and exploring the surprising history of this holiday and giving
you powerful ways to reclaim this day for yourself. So,
whether you're single, healing, or just feeling disconnected, this episode
is your invitation to redefine love on your own terms. Now.
(01:54):
Last night, my support group participants and I talked about
struggling with Valentine Day while single. Some are struggling and
some are more kind of numb to it, depending on
where they're at in their journeys and what the holiday
meant to them in their relationships. And I can tell
(02:14):
you that I remember when I was single. I remember
a time when I dreaded Valentine's Day, seeing couples and
the pressure of it all, feeling like I was missing something.
But I also remember in my first marriage never being
able to find the right card to express my feelings,
(02:38):
you know, saying things like I wish you spoke to
me with kindness, or I wish your actions toward me
made me feel loved rather than scared and alone. And
I remember feeling like Valentine's Day became more about checking
(02:58):
the boxes of what you're so posed to do, like
going to dinner, and like he usually gave me roses
and chocolates. But how confusing is that when most every
other day I was made to feel less than, you know,
maybe humiliated and maybe like or oftentimes like I was
(03:23):
prudish for telling him how it hurt me to see
him openly flirt and be interested in other women. But
over the years, as I let go of people and
really took hold of myself, I realized something powerful. Love
isn't confusing or really missing in my life. Sometimes we
(03:51):
just have to take the time to redefine it clearly,
crystal clearly. So we're not just here today to make
the best of it when it comes to Valentine's We're
here to claim this day as our own, to see
(04:12):
love in a different light, and to nurture the most
important relationship of all, the one with ourselves. So why
does this day hurt so much? So when you think
about it, Let's go back to childhood. Weren't we kind
of taught that love for adults kind of looks like
(04:33):
flowers and chocolates and candlelit dinners when it comes to
Valentine's Day? But what if that really was a limited version?
If we were sold some sort of limited version of love. Now,
speaking of childhood, do you remember those little cards and
little box of cards and carefully choosing which message went
(04:56):
to which person in your class, so it's not to
it imply the wrong thing, or sometimes not wanting to
give one at all to someone in particular, but it
was maybe required by your teacher to bring one for everyone.
I did love writing them and reading them, though, but
I remember struggling sometimes with what to say or what
(05:18):
should be said. And in this day and age perhaps
of social media of course, Instagram, Facebook, those platforms don't
always show the full story, do they. Behind every perfect
couple posts could be struggles, boredom, or even heartbreak, So
(05:39):
what you see isn't the whole truth. Don't get stuck
in comparing your life. Comparison is literally the thief of
joy now. Last night we also talked about past relationship triggers,
of course, because this day can definitely bring up memories
(06:00):
of relationships that ended, of betrayals, and of loneliness. Now.
A lovely woman in my support group last night said
that Valentine's Day was her and her ex's first dates.
Of course, the calendar date is a trigger and the
first anniversary of any significant marker in a lost relationship
(06:25):
is going to hurt the most. But eventually, instead of
seeing it as a reminder of loss, we can choose
to start seeing it as maybe a marker in our growth.
You'll get there, I promise. Let's give it time. There's
(06:48):
a truth I want to bring up about love and
worthiness that tends to come up when we're talking about
Valentine's Day and being single, especially if the loss of
relationship is recent. Love is not proof of worthiness. Being
single does not mean you're unlovable. You are whole, whether
(07:10):
in a relationship or not. Now you may not feel
that right now, but maybe by the end of the
show you will. Now when you think back to childhood,
do you ever feel like you've been sold a lie?
From childhood, we are conditioned to believe that love, especially
(07:32):
romantic love, is the ultimate validation of our worth, perhaps
through fairy tales or movies or even well meaning family members.
This idea is reinforced that we complete each other, that
love is something perhaps that must be earned, and that
being single means we're missing something. But here's the truth.
(07:56):
Your worth is not determined by your relationship ship status.
Write that down. Your worth is not determined by your
relationship status. You are not incomplete. You were born whole.
You do not need another person to complete you. Jerry Maguire.
(08:18):
Relationships can compliment your life, but they are not the
source of your worthiness. Now, many of us subconsciously believe
that love must be earned. But love is not a
reward for being good enough. I often hear people say
(08:39):
things like, if I were prettier, i'd be loved. If
I were more successful, someone would want me. If I
weren't so difficult, I wouldn't be alone. Can we just
stop that madness. Love is not a prize you win
for being perfect. It's an experience. It's a connection, and
(09:03):
it's something that we give and we receive in many
forms with and from many people. You are no less
worthy of love simply because you are not in a
romantic relationship today. So let's flip that script, shall we.
(09:23):
Instead of looking outward for validation, let's start inward, because
the love that matters most starts within. I want you
to ask yourself a few questions. If you're listening to
this show today and you have felt heartbreak, or you
feel lonely, or you feel that something's missing because you're
(09:47):
not in a romantic relationship in Valentine's Day's approaching and
you feel this pressure about that, ask yourself this, Do
I treat myself with the same love that I expect
from a partner? That's a pretty big question. Do I
(10:09):
offer myself the same kindness and patience and respect that
I give to others? What beliefs do I have about
love and worthiness that I need to rewrite. Another topic
that came up in support group last night was the
(10:30):
term choose you, and one of the women said, what
does that really mean? And the way I define when
it says choose you is to say that you consider
yourself first in every question and option that comes in
(10:51):
front of you. You consider yourself first. How will this
impact me? How does this affect me? So? For example,
in this particular person's situation, she's facing divorce, but for now,
(11:12):
they're having family pizza movie night to put up a
facade for their sixteen year old child, and she hates it.
She loathes it. It's uncomfortable for her to do this.
(11:33):
So what would choose you look like for her in
that situation? Does she keep putting up the front to
please someone else, to protect someone else's feelings? Or does
she honor herself, take responsibility for herself, and in so
(11:55):
doing be responsible to others to communicate her truth that
this is hurting her, that it's not good for her,
and then allow them to process their own feelings about it.
That's the example I would share with you. But do
ask yourself these questions. Do I treat myself with the
same love I expect from a partner? Do I offer
(12:17):
myself the same kindness and patience and respect that I
give to others? And what beliefs do I have about
love and worthiness that I need to rewrite? Instead of
saying why am I alone this Valentine's try, how can
I love myself more deeply on this day? How does
(12:42):
that sound? Recognize that love is already in your life
if you will, It's just romantic love, which is only
one form of love. So think about how does love
already exist in your life. Maybe it's the way your
(13:03):
friend checks in on you. I welke up this morning
to a text from a friend wishing me well on
my retreat that I leave for tomorrow. Maybe it's the
way your pet greets you with excitement. And if you
(13:24):
don't have a pet, I highly recommend you get one
or three. Come on, they really help you feel loved.
Maybe it's simply noticing things like the way the sun
rises each morning and think of it as for you,
offering you a new beginning, no matter what the day
(13:46):
before held. Maybe it's recognizing the way you've survived, healed,
continued to grow. I mean, what else would you add
to that list? I felt loved this morning when I
went to Starbucks. My barista gave me my coffee complimentary.
(14:08):
And it wasn't even the free coffee day after a
super Bowl. It was a lovely time. I felt loved.
How have you felt loved? To pay attention to your
life and notice it, write it down, remind yourself. So
if you could define love on your own terms, what
(14:30):
would it look like? And what if love was more
about connection and kindness and the way you nurture your
own soul rather than something someone else has to give
you or romantic love. You don't have to wait for
someone to love you to feel loved. Be your own
(14:53):
source of love, starting right now, and let's redefine Valentine's Day.
It's time for our first break and I want to
come back. We're gonna continue reframing that narrative. We're also
going to visit the history of Valentine's Day, So do
go Barr. We'll be back with more SOLCPR.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Mike Zorich a three time California state champion in Greco
Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike blind
six birth, was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was a
six time national placer, including two seconds, two thirds, and
two fourths. He also won the Veterans Folk Style Wrestling
(15:32):
twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In all
these tournaments, he was the only blind competitor. Nancy Zorich
a creative spirit whose talents have taken her to the
stage and into galleries and exhibitions in several states. Her father,
a commercial artist, who shared his instruments with his daughter
and helped her fine tune her natural abilities, influenced her
(15:55):
decision to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zorich has enjoyed
a fruitful career doing what she loves. Listen Saturday mornings
at twelve Eastern with a Nancy and Mike Show for
heartwarming stories and interesting talk on the BBM Global Network.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse.
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining? Are you an aging
adult who wants to remain independent but you're not sure how.
(16:33):
I'm Pamela d Wilson. Join me for The Carrying Generation
radio show for caregivers and aging adults Wednesday evenings, six Pacific,
seven Mountain, eighth Central, and nine Eastern, where I answer
these questions and share tips for managing stress, family relationships,
health wellbeing and more. Podcasts and transcripts of The Carrying
Generation are on my website Pamela Dwilson dot com, plus
(16:57):
my Caregiving library, online caregiver support program and programs for
corporations interested in supporting working caregivers. Help, Hope and support
for caregivers is here on The Caring Generation and Pamela
Dwilson dot com.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Welcome back everyone. I'm an Papaioti and this is sole
CPR on Bold Brief TV. Now. Before the break, I
challenged listeners on their beliefs to reframe their mindset and
basically to recognize that love is already present in their lives,
whether romantic love is or not. So would you now
(17:35):
at least agree that love is more than romance. Love
exists in friendships and family and our passions and in
the way we show up for ourselves. So Valentine's Day
can be a celebration of love in all its forms.
So before we go further, let's take a look at
(17:57):
the history of Valentine's Day. You know, a historical perspective
if you will. Did you know that Valentine's Day wasn't
always about romance? Well, according to various resources on the web,
before it became associated with romance, Valentine's Day had ties
(18:18):
to an ancient Roman festival called luper Callia, celebrated from
February thirteenth to fifteenth and this was a fertility festival
honoring fawnas the Roman god of agriculture and Lupa, the
she wolf, who, according to legend, raised Romulus and Remus,
the founders of Rome. Now, during luper Calia, men would
(18:42):
sacrifice a goat and use its hide to symbolically bless
women for fertility and good fortune. Now here's where it
really gets interesting. There was also a match making lottery
where young men in win would be paired together for
the festival, sometimes leading to marriage. So the original Valentine celebrations,
(19:11):
what I'm kind of taking from it, were more about fertility, luck,
and perhaps hooking up than romantic love as we know
it today. Then, the holiday began to take on a
new meaning around the third century AD, during the reign
of Roman Emperor Claudius the Second. Now this Emperor Claudius
(19:36):
reportedly banned marriages for young men because he believed that
single men made better soldiers than A Christian priest named
Valentine defied this order in secretly performed marriages for soldiers
in love. Now I'll give I'll give you that that
sounds romantic right that. When Claudius discovered Time's defiance, he
(20:02):
sentenced the priest to execution, reportedly on February fourteenth, sometime
around two hundred and sixty nine a d. And according
to legend, before his death, Valentine wrote a farewell letter
to a woman that he cared for, signing it from
your Valentine. And then later the Catholic Church canonized Valentine
(20:23):
as a saint and declared February fourteenth as Saint Valentine's
Day to honor his memory. So Valentine's Day became associated
with love because of a man who fought for the
right of others to love and Mary even when it
was forbidden. Call that romantic if you will. But it
(20:43):
wasn't until the Middle Ages that romantic love really took
a turn. By the fourteenth century, the idea of courtly love,
sort of idealized romance between noblemen and their beloved, became
very popular in Europe, and the poet Jeffrey Chaucer was
(21:04):
one of the first to link Valentine's Day to romantic
love in his thirteen eighty two poem Parliament of Fowls,
where he wrote, for this was on Saint Valentine's Day,
when every bird cometh there to choose his mate. Now,
by the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries, people in England and
(21:24):
France exchanged love letters on February fourteenth, believing it to
be the day birds began to mate. By the eighteenth century,
handwritten notes and small gifts became common, so Valentine's Day
shifted from a religious holiday to a day of romance
because poets and writers romanticized it. Right now, the modern
(21:48):
era a commercial holiday, right So, by the nineteenth century,
mass produced Valentine's Day cards became popular. Palmark launched its
first Valentine's Cards in nineteen thirteen, turning the holiday into
a major commercial event. Today it is an estimated twenty
five billion dollar industry, driven by marketing, social media, and
(22:13):
societal expectations. So while Valentine's Day is now a celebration
of couples, it's our origins are far more diverse, aren't they,
involving these ancient festivals and acts of defiance, in centuries
of evolving traditions. Why is that important to what we're
(22:36):
talking about today? I say it's because YouTube can evolve
the tradition that exists for you and Valentine's Day. So
instead of seeing Valentine's Day as a test of your
romantic status, let's redefine it in a way that serves you.
(23:01):
Let it evolve. Valentine's Day can be about all forms
of love, self love, friendship, community, personal growth. What if
today was simply a day to celebrate love in all
its forms Today, as in Valentine's Day, how will you
spend this Valentine's Day? Claim that power of choice rather
(23:28):
than letting the day spend you if you will, So
let's take a minute and talk about the power of
being single and maybe the joy as well. To take
(23:49):
this for a moment with me. Solitude can equal growth.
Some of the greatest transformation happen when we are alone.
Use this time to deepen your self awareness and your
(24:10):
personal power. Oprah Winfrey once said, alone time is when
I distanced myself from the voices of the world so
that I can hear my own. Many of the strongest,
most successful people embrace solitude before they found their path.
(24:33):
So if this is a difficult time for you still,
I recommend that you use the day for solitude. So
I'm going to ask you to reflect what is it
you need right now, considering how you're feeling about this
(24:53):
particular day, as you try to redefine it and let
it evolve for you. If you could rewrite the meaning
a Valentine's Day for yourself, what would it be and
what would the day look like? Now we can talk
about some practical ways to feel good on Valentine's Day.
(25:18):
Sometimes we kind of get stuck and can't really imagine
what those might be, so let's share a few. Pamper yourself.
It's an idea, and we talked about some ideas last
night in support group. Take yourself on a date, a movie,
a spa, a favorite meal, a cozy night in. What
(25:41):
would that look like for you? How would you define
pampering yourself? Could be different for any one of us.
Write a love letter to yourself. This is something I
recommended to my group last night, and I sent them
a link to an article that I wrote on your
ango in twenty twenty, so it's it's a little dated
(26:04):
to that, but the sentiment's the same. Grab a journal
and write a letter to yourself as if you were
writing to a dear friend. What do you love about you?
Create a love inventory. I saw this on someone else's blog.
(26:26):
List out the ways you do have love in your
life those things we were talking about. I love the
idea of this, a love inventory. What do you already
have that brings you joy, whether it's friends, mentors, passions,
what's already there okay that brings you joy? Do you
(26:49):
have a favorite park that you go to that you
spend time in, where you find clarity, where you know,
is there an environmental thing that's around you? Is it
your morning stop at Starbucks? That's one of I you know,
what is it? Find a way to make Valentines fun.
(27:13):
I know a lot of my single friends have Gallantines
or Palatines get togethers and instead of worrying about not
having the date, if you will, even my married friends
still have Gallantines lunches, get together for a pot luck
or a movie night out, or love is meant to
(27:37):
be shared in all its forms. Some of the support
group participants last night we're talking about, you know, one
of those little paint shops where you go paint and sip.
I think it's called that. That would be a fun
night out to get a group together. For acts of kindness,
when you do something for others. Wow, that's even better.
(28:00):
Sometimes so giving giving buying flowers and giving them to
a stranger, taking them to a senior citizens center, or
write a thank you note to someone who's made a
difference in your life. Getting out there and trying something new.
What a gift to yourself, you know, take it, take
(28:20):
a dance class, go on a solo trip. Have you
ever done that? Give them an art museum, by yourself
things that you've always thought you had to wait for
a partner to do, do it. That was That's someone
in my in my support groups say she's always waiting
for a partner to do the things that she always
(28:42):
wanted to do. New experiences create new energy and you'll
discover joy. And one last thing before our next break
that I will highly recommend is take a break from
social media, especially on Valentine's Day. Instead be present in
(29:05):
your own life. That is truly an act of self love.
All right, We're going to take a short break. Don't
go far. We'll be back with more sol CPR.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Doctor RC will share extraordinary resources and services that promote
educational success as well as making a difference in the
lives of all social workers as well as the lives
of children, adolescents, and teens of today. She will have
open discussions addressing many of the issues that we face
about our youth and how being employed in the uniquely
skilled profession of social work for over eighteen years has
(29:42):
taught invaluable lessons through her personal experiences. She will also
provide real life facts, examples, and personal stories that will
confirm that why serving as a child advocate is extremely
beneficial when addressing the needs of the whole child. Listen
Live to Dare to Soar Savage ten Am Eastern on
the BBM Global Network and tune in radio as Doctor
(30:05):
RC will provide thought provoking information that will empower, encourage
and strengthen students, families and communities across our nation. You
can also visit her at Soarwithkatie dot Com. Author, radio
show host and coach John M. Hawkins reveals strategies to
(30:26):
help gain perspective, build confidence, find clarity, achieve goals. John M.
Hawkins new book Coached to Greatness Unlock Your Full Potential
with Limitless Growth, published by I Universe, Hawkins reveals strategies
to help readers accomplish more. He believes the book can
coach them to greatness. Hawkins says that the best athletes
(30:49):
get to the top of their sport with the help
of coaches, mentors, and others. He shares guidance that helps
readers reflect on what motivates them. We discover and assess
their core values, philosophies and competencies, find settings that allow
them to be the most productive, and track their progress
towards accomplishing goals. Listen to John Hawkins My Strategy Saturdays,
(31:13):
one pm Eastering on the BBM Global Network and tune
In Radio.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Welcome back everyone, Thank you for joining me for today's show. Listen.
If Valentine's Day brings up heartbreak, and I know it
will for many of you listening, I'm going to invite
you to do some journaling. And I find the lesson
is always in letting go, no matter what we're dealing
(31:43):
with in life. And I was speaking to a client
this week about letting go. So I'm going to ask you,
to journalists, what do I need to let go of
today to help me with my heartbreak? What are you
holding on to that is is delaying your healing? Perhaps,
(32:03):
so ask yourself that, sit with that, be with that,
see what comes up for you with that? What do
I need to let go of today that might be
delaying my healing from this heartbreak? And another journal prompt
for you may be something like how can I show
myself more love? Not just on Valentine's Day but in general.
(32:29):
Valentine's Day can be a beautiful opportunity to release past pain.
So write down what you need to let go of,
and perhaps even ceremonially tear up the paper or safely
burn it. If you have a ceremonial release of what
(32:50):
you've written down, a truly letting go, that can be
really lovely. We're going to do something like that at
our retreat. This Also, instead of dwelling on what's missing
in your life, do list five things you love about
your life right now. At least five things, okay, because
(33:16):
when we focus on the negative, anything we focus on,
anything that we magnify is bigger, right, So rather than
putting the magnifying glass on what's missing, let's focus on
and magnify what we love about our life right now.
And it's there, even if it's seemingly hard to find,
(33:40):
it's there, so look for it, notice it. I want
to give you some affirmations for self love, and then
we're going to bring a little humor into play. That
may sound a little awkward, but I think you'll enjoy it.
Here's some affirmations if you want to write them down.
(34:00):
I am worthy of love just as I am. I
choose to celebrate love in all its forms. My happiness
is not defined by my relationship status, so I'll say
(34:23):
those again. I am worthy of love. Just as I am.
I choose to celebrate love in all its forms. My
happiness is not defined by my relationship status. All right.
(34:48):
I found a book on my shelf that someone gave
me when I had gone through my divorce some point
in the nineties, okay, in the late nineties, and I
picked it up just prior to the show, and I thought,
(35:08):
oh my goodness, I'm going to have to share this
with my listeners. It's called The Joy of Being Single.
It's a very small book, but it's adorable. All right,
So let me read you from this. It's by Aliyah Zobel,
(35:28):
and she begins it with being singles gotten a bad rap.
It's not awful, it's always interesting, and from my point
of view, it has great benefits. A friend of mine
who's getting married does not agree. She bet me her
little black book. I could not come up with twenty
(35:49):
good reasons. I sure hope those guys like to cook.
So I think her challenge was to come up with
twenty good reasons. She came up with a few more.
But I'm going to share some of my favorites with you.
So the Joy of being single. You don't have to
be nice to anybody's mother but your own. You can
(36:14):
vacuum whenever you want or not at all. You don't
have to make up excuses if you did your car.
You never have to watch Monday night football unless you're
a tailor Swift fan. Baby. You can cut your toenails
in bed. Oh that's gross. You can bring home Sarah
Lee cake for two and eat both portions. You can
(36:37):
rip out anything you want from the newspaper. You can
use all the hot water, and you never have to
worry about taking the last clean towel, which you can
leave in a wet clump by the tub when you're
through with it. You can hang wet pantyhose or just cleared,
cleaned car mats over the shower rod. You can take
a two hour soak and there's no problem if you
(36:59):
forget to clean the tub. Best of all, there's never
a weight or the bathroom I would add, and the
toilet seats always down. Pantyhose that does date the book
right nineties? Y see, okay, this was published in ninety two.
You can put cream on your face, petroleum jelly and
(37:21):
gloves on your hands, and wear an old T shirt
to bed. You never have to tell anyone how your
day was. You can go dancing until three am, no
questions asked. You can eat cold pizza for breakfast, jelly
beans and a coke for dinner. All right, that works,
I'll skip that when you can sit in a chair
(37:42):
and read a novel cover to cover without feeling guilty.
You can drink the last cold beer. No one will
mind if you take a course in mid East lentils.
You won't annoy anyone if you whistle bird calls while
you paint your nails. Sleeping is always list. You can
snore all you want, hog the sheets, and take your
(38:02):
cat or dog to bed if you want to. You
can turn on the air conditioner for white noise, even
if it's winter, and leave on all the lights when
you get up in the middle of the night. Then too,
you won't offend anyone if you just fall asleep on
the couch after dinner either. The money you save on
anniversary gifts can be spent on sending your laundry out.
(38:25):
If you get only one ticket to a music concert,
you can go without feeling guilty. You can spend one
hundred and fifty dollars on a haircut without fear of
reprisals in nineteen ninety two. I here fifty dollars, Oh,
New York. Okay. You'll never have to change and or
hyphenate your name, unless, of course you want to. You know,
(38:47):
when you're out of milk. You can play the same
record over and over and over again. You can keep
everything where it's easiest for you to reach it, use it,
pet it, eat it, look at it, and store it.
You never have to pick out bridesmaid's dresses. When you
(39:07):
get a box of candy, you can stick your fingers
and all the pieces to see which one is best.
You can make as much noise as you want when
you eat, and you don't have to worry about anyone
drinking your contact lenses when you leave them in a
glass overnight. Dirty dishes, you can wash them immediately or
leave them in the oven. You can pile them on
(39:28):
the counters for days weeks until you ride out. If
you scorch a pot and can't get it clean, you
can just toss it, no questions asked. Then again, you
can just eat off paper plates and be done with it.
Doesn't matter how you open the cereal box. You can
have a video marathon on Saturday instead of cleaning. You
(39:48):
don't have to worry about earning more money than anyone else.
You can wear as much makeup as you want, you
can date as many people as you can keep the
track of, and you never have to fight about turning
down the electric blanket. You can decorate your apartment with
posters of the grateful Dead, or paint the kitchen purple
(40:09):
and pink without anyone making a fuss. And if you
win the lottery, you don't have to share it. And
I'll stop there. I think it's a good way to
take a moment and recognize what joy is there for
you in being single. Sometimes we actually romanticize our past
(40:35):
relationships and we think they were wonderful when actually there
were things that we did not enjoy about them. We
were talking last night about losing our identity, sometimes not
being our authentic selves in some relationships, feeling we couldn't
(40:55):
be because of criticisms and or the fact that we
withheld who we are and that's on us, rather than
showing up true to ourselves and allowing our partner to
embrace the full version of us, and then if that
was not in alignment and cohesive, then bowing out rather
(41:20):
than staying committed, and those are things to be talked
about and understood. When we truly get in alignment with
who we are and showing up in life true to ourselves,
then we can recognize when a relationship is good for
us or not. All right, let's talk a little more
(41:42):
about Valentine's Day. Ultimately, it does not define you, right,
it does not define you. It's your relationship status does
not define you. You define you. You define you, and
(42:05):
you define your happiness. So I want you to remember
and think of love as an energy and not a
relationship status. So today, focus on breathing love into your
hearts and your souls and know that you are loved,
You are love, and you are loved, and extend that
(42:27):
to yourself. We're going to take our third and final
break and I'll come back with some final enclosing thoughts
on Valentine's Day. When you're single, Doctor RC will.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
Share extraordinary resources and services that promote educational success as
well as making a difference in the lives of all
social workers as well as the lives of children, adolescents,
and teens of today. She will have open discussions addressing
many of the issues that we face about our youth
and how being employed in the uniquely skilled profession of
social work for over eighteen years has taught invaluable lessons
(43:05):
through her personal experiences. She will also provide real life facts, examples,
and personal stories that will confirm that why serving as
a child advocate is extremely beneficial when addressing the needs
of the whole child. Listen Live to Dare to Soar
Saturdays ten am Eastern on the BBM Global Network and
tune in radio as Doctor RC will provide thought provoking
(43:28):
information that will empower, encourage, and strengthen students, families and
communities across our nation. You can also visit her at
soarwith Katie dot com. Mike Zurich are three time California
state champion in Greco Roman wrestling at one hundred and
(43:48):
fourteen pounds. Mike blind SI's birth was born in Hartford, Connecticut.
He was a six time national placer, including two seconds,
two thirds and two fourths. Also won the Veterans Folk
Style Wrestling twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds.
In all these tournaments, he was the only blind competitor.
(44:10):
Nancy Zorich a creative spirit whose talents have taken her
to the stage and into galleries and exhibitions in several states.
Her father, a commercial artist who shared his instruments with
his daughter and helped her fine tune her natural abilities,
influenced her decision to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zorich
has enjoyed a fruitful career doing what she loves. Listen
(44:33):
Saturday mornings at twelve Eastern with a Nancy and Mike
Show for heartwarming stories and interesting talk on the BBM
Global Network.
Speaker 2 (44:48):
Hello again, I really appreciate your being here today, and
I hope that you have reframed Valentine's Day if you're
single and recognize that whatever your past traditions were or
when you are in a romantic relationship, that you can evolve,
just like the history of Valentine's Day itself has, so
(45:11):
taking some time with and for yourself to recognize what
might be best for you. Now, what does it need
to look like, what does it need to involve? Is
it something fun? Is it something in solitude? What's best
for you is what matters, and whatever you choose, it
(45:33):
becomes self love and action created and chosen by you.
And just to again remember, you do not need a
person to complete you, no matter what the movies say.
One day that is someone is to compliment your life.
So if you can work on your healing and really
(45:56):
becoming whole alone, it becomes a really beautiful thing. Then
to share life with someone else, and that's really the
romantic ending we're all looking for. So I'd love to
hear from you and know what is your favorite self
love practice and how you may have decided to evolve
(46:19):
Valentine's Day and know that it can continue to evolve
depending on where you're at in your journey. Message me
and share your story or post it on social media
and tag me. I'd love to know now. Next week
I'll be in San Salvador hosting the SULCPR Self Love Retreat,
(46:39):
and I look forward to sharing transformation stories from that
experience with you. When I return, I'll be looking through
our repertoire and ask Stan to replay a previous show
that was enlightening and empowering for listeners that you may
have missed during our time slot next week. If there's
anything that you'd like to see Jes that we a
(47:01):
topic that we cover on this show, please do send
that along because this show is for you and I'll
look forward to doing that now. As this episode comes
to a close, remember that healing is not a linear journey.
It is a process of profound transformation. And I'm always
wishing that you find strength in your vulnerability and courage
(47:21):
in your journey. If today's episode resonated with you, please
to share the podcast with those who may need a
lifeline of their own. Subscribe, rate and leave a review
to help us reach more hearts. Connect with me on
social media on Facebook, It's at Skyview Coaching, Instagram, LinkedIn,
and x at Anne Papayote and I thank you for listening.
(47:45):
And until next time, breathe deeply, love openly, and live
soulfully and make it a happy Valentine's Day. Everyone, Good day.
(48:05):
We have lost stand we're still in the air. Well.
We can keep talking about writing those Valentine's Day love
letters to yourself. Don't forget the thank you notes to
people in your life. That's an act of love. When
you express gratitude, it is an expression of love as well,
(48:30):
for yourself and others. What else can we talk about?
The triggers, the relationship triggers. Acknowledge your feelings, be with them,
and then let them pass. Emotions should wash over us
in about ninety seconds unless we hold on to them.
(48:53):
So when you do your what you need to let
go of? Perhaps you can think about that. Sometimes we
hold on to feelings longer than we should. And what
do you need to do if you realize you're holding
on to those feelings? What action can you take? And
sometimes if you can't change your mind, change your body,
(49:14):
change your physiology, get up and move, Get up and
move your body, and that will help you shift your mindset. Dan,
are you back? Okay? Well, I wish I had some
questions coming in, so I can just answer your questions live.
You're welcome to call into the show, but the numbers
(49:34):
not up there. You can put them in comments and
I can answer those as well. What else can we
talk about? Do you agree? Do you feel like you've
been sold this, this marketing thing about Valentine's Day? Do
you feel like there's a societal pressure? Do you self
(49:55):
impose pressure about Valentine's Day? Is this something you're willing
to to relinquish? And do you like the romantic idea
of it? Just something you want to re establish? Yeah?
(50:15):
All right, Well let's take this opportunity to sign off
once again, and we appreciate your listening always and thank
you for sharing the episode with others. You know where
to find me. And until next week, breath deeply, love openly,
(50:38):
and live sulfully happy Valentine's Day. Make it that way.
Speaker 1 (50:45):
This has been sole CPR with host and Papa Yode
breathe life back into your spirit with each episode where
she and special guests explore the relationships that hurt us
and discover that healing can only begin with you. Tuesdays
at three pm Eastern on the Bold Brave TV network.
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