April 1, 2025 • 49 mins
In this fun and insightful episode of Soul CPR, we explore the age-old question: Why do fools rush in when it comes to love? Is it all butterflies, or should we be cautious about rushing in too fast? We dive into the psychology behind falling for someone quickly, the role of intuition, and why some fast-moving relationships end up lasting a lifetime. We’ll uncover the characteristics of falling fast—and the signs that you might want to slow down. Tune in for a fun discussion on trusting your gut, balancing love and logic, and learning how to navigate those whirlwind connections without losing yourself in the process.
#SoulCPR #foolsrushin #loveatfirstsight #FastLove #trustyourintuition #romanticintuition #relationshiptips #fallingfast #lovejourney #relationshipwisdom #mindfullove #LoveLife #psychologyoflove #relationshipwisdom #lovejourney #loveandlogic #relationshiptips
#SoulCPR #foolsrushin #loveatfirstsight #FastLove #trustyourintuition #romanticintuition #relationshiptips #fallingfast #lovejourney #relationshipwisdom #mindfullove #LoveLife #psychologyoflove #relationshipwisdom #lovejourney #loveandlogic #relationshiptips
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Are you ready to untangle from your past, recover from heartbreak,
and revive your life. This is soul CPR with your
host and Papa Yode. We've all had soul crushing experiences
and lost ourselves in our pain, but there is a
way out. On this podcast, Amazon best selling author, award
winning life coach and advice columnist and Papa Yode helps
(00:28):
us navigate the path from heartbreak to healing. So now
please welcome the host of soul CPR and Papa Yode.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
They say fools rush in, but why and is it
really so foolish, we might ask Romeo and Juliet, or
more realistically, George and Emol. Welcome to soul CPR. Let's
talk about and what makes people fall fast and is
it really a mistake. Let's start with the psychology of
(01:08):
falling in love.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
You know, it's really about the brain.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
It's the brain on dopamine and oxytocin and adrenaline in
the early stages. So it's really a chemical cocktail, if
you will, and it is intoxicating. So if we break
it down into the varied ingredients, the dopamine is really
that feel good neurotransmitter that spikes when we experience pleasure,
(01:35):
so falling in love triggers the same reward system as drugs,
making it addictive. And then there's the other ingredient, oxytocin,
and that is known as the cuddle hormone, and it
fosters bonding and trust sometimes before we really know someone.
(01:58):
And another ingredient in that cog tell is adrenaline that
racing hard and excitement butterflies. It's that same fight or
flight response which can make new love feel thrilling and
sometimes even dangerous. And then there's a drop actually in serotonin,
(02:20):
and early stages of love can lower serotonin levels, which
is linked to obsessive thinking, and this is why people
in new relationships can't stop thinking about their partner now
when it gets to the speed of falling in love,
(02:41):
attachment styles can determine or have a role in that.
So what is an attachment style? You may have heard
about these so first and foremost, it's either secure or insecure,
and according to developmental psychologists, is part of human nature
and its related to our capacity to form an attachment
(03:03):
as an infant to our mothers or our primary caregivers
initially and then to others who are most present and
responsible for our very survival. So psychologists have distinguished different
insecure attachment styles based on the quality of caregiver interaction,
and these attachment styles become relevant to behavior patterns that
(03:27):
present in adult relationships in romantic love. So, for example,
someone with an anxious attachment may crave closeness yet fear abandonment,
and this leads them to dive into relationships quickly, and
(03:48):
it also has them hold on way too long after
signs indicate that the relationship is unhealthy or even simply
not right for them. And then there's avoidant types of attachment,
and someone with this style might resist rushing in, but
can also get caught up in the passion because they're
(04:10):
having that same cocktail right before they pull away, and
that leaves their lovers confused because it looked the same
as the anxious at catchment.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Then there's secure attachment.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Actually, who are more likely to pace themselves can still
get caught up and swept away in that chemistry. So
again it's all about what's happening in the brain and
this immediate rush of this being bathed in in this cocktail.
So it is intoxicating. We do fall in love and
(04:50):
a fall happens pretty quickly. Now let's talk about romantic
idealism versus reality and why we leave in the one
and if we get caught up in that too quickly,
what might happen. So, of course there's the fairy tale conditioning.
So from childhood we're told love is instant or it
(05:11):
seems to be, and a lot of the stories and
princes and princesses fall in love at first sight. And
then we've got Hollywood and pop culture and movies and
books and social influencers who make glorify instant attraction, leading
us to believe that it's normal and the way it
happens for most happens for some. We'll talk more about
(05:37):
that in a little bit. And then there's destiny believers
who think that love should be effortless and immediate, versus
the growth believers or growth mindset, if you will, who
see love is something that develops over time. And you know,
those who Russian often lean towards which one would you
(05:58):
guess that Sidney mindset. So let's take a little bit
closer look at these and how that might relate to
the concept of a soulmate that we so often hear
well a destiny believer really is someone who will think
that certain events or people or outcomes are really part
(06:21):
of a larger plan, whether it's divine or cosmic or faded.
And this could include meeting the one or experiencing just
particular milestones in life.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
So I'm going to come back to that.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
So in romantic destiny, in relationships, destiny believers feel there's
a predetermined connection with a significant other, one that's often
linked to the concept of soulmates or twin flames, something else.
You may have heard of, the idea that someone is
uniquely and perfectly suited for you. Now, the soulmate concept
(07:02):
for many, believing in destiny means believing in soulmates, which
may be defined as people who are destined to come
into your life because of a cosmic connection. Soulmates are
seen as the perfect match for someone, not just in
terms of chemistry, but in a deeper spiritual sense. Perhaps
that might be the differentiating factor. So if we look
(07:25):
at destiny versus soulmates, soulmate believers might think there's only
one person out there for them. Destiny believers may take
a broader view, seeing many relationships as part of a
larger destiny they might believe that, say, every romantic partner,
even if not the one, has a purpose in their
(07:47):
life path, teaching them lessons and bringing them closer to
true love. So you hear the difference.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Now when we.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Think about fools rushing in and why we fall in
love so fast, destiny belief might come into play when
people feel they found the one almost immediately, and for
some the intensity of the connection can feel like fate
the universe aligning perfectly. However, it's important to ask whether
(08:17):
if you're having this or if you've ever experienced this.
It's important to ask about your gut feelings and are
they based on intuition and real combatibility or are they
simply attributing a deep connection to destiny or soulmate beliefs.
(08:37):
And I see people confusingly to you know, is this
just you believe it so much that it's checking those
boxes if you will, or is there really combatibility with
this person? Now here's a cautionary note for my destiny
believers out there. While it's beautiful to believe in fate,
(08:59):
it's also important to make sure that you're not rushing
into a relationship just because it feels like it's meant
to be true love, no matter how destined, still requires effort, communication,
and mutual respect. Would you agree Now, there's the role
(09:21):
of emotional and situational factors that happen when we're thinking
about love and falling in love. Sometimes there's that rebounding
from heartbreak that makes people.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Fall fast right.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Sometimes we rush in to fill a void rather than
for a true connection. We also have that fear of
being alone in societal pressure around us that can push
us into fast moving relationships and often staying, as I
mentioned before, in the wrong ones too long. And then
(09:59):
there's just timing and life circumstances, external factors like a
big life change, a major event that can make new
romance feel more intense than it actually is. When you
put all the pieces together of what's happening, you might
get a more clear picture of the role that this
(10:20):
relationship is playing in your life. There's risks of rushing in,
as you can imagine what would those be when we
go too fast. We tend to ignore red flags because
passion will what blind us. You know, cliches are cliche
for a reason because there's truth in their origin.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
When we are.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, we
tend to overlook warning signs that would otherwise be obvious.
And some common red flags that get dismissed in a
lot of these whirlwind romances are the love bombing, because
this is that excessive affection and attention and grand gestures
(11:05):
that happen really, really soon and people start saying, I've
never felt this way before. I want to spend every
moment with you. And this happens within days, often hours
sometimes and certainly within weeks. It's a lot of attention
and affection. And when all this is happening with that
(11:26):
love cocktail in the brain love bombing tip, this is
absolutely taking you down if you will. And when you
start talking about moving in or marriage or deep emotional
connections that early making that commitment, have you really gotten
to know the person? And this type of love bombing
(11:48):
tends to start bringing you in and isolating you, taking
all of your time, pulling you away from friends and family.
You have to notice these things if this is happening
early on, and are you noticing inconsistencies when they say
and do something that don't quite match up, but your
infatuation keeps you from questioning it, So here's an example.
(12:14):
There's someone named Rachel who met a man on a
dating app and within two weeks he was talking about
their meeting his family, then suggesting that she move in,
and she ignored these small and consistencies in his stories,
and a few months in after she moved in, his
(12:34):
charm had faded and she realized he was highly controlling
and emotionally manipulative. So Rachel's story is one of many
that I meet in support groups, or I hear in
support groups when I meet people. So here's your soul
(12:55):
CPR tip. Give yourself time to observe someone's patterns before
making big commitments. The honeymoon phase trap, that's another thing.
What happens when the high fades. Well, That early stage
of a relationship is often fueled by that novelty and excitement,
(13:18):
But this phase isn't meant.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
To last forever. That's why it's called a honeymoon.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Right after a few months, real personalities emerge in that
dopamine rush will decline. You start sobering up if you will,
So any relationship that was built only on chemistry may
not survive once reality sets in. So think of whirlwind
(13:44):
celebrity marriages. It only lasts a few months, and the
Vegas marriages seem like passionate first and then they collapse
under the weight of real life challenges. So you have
to ask yourself, do I love this person or do
I love the way they made me feel.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Right now?
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Because right now it's maybe different than next month. And
that's why allowing some time for a relationship to develop
could be the better choice.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
All Right, I.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Believe it's time for our first break, and when we
come back, we're going to talk about the science of
slow love and why taking your time leads to deeper
connections for most of us.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Don't go far.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
We'll be back with more sol CPR.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
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(14:59):
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Speaker 2 (16:42):
Hello everyone, and welcome back to soul CPR. Thank you
for tuning in today. And we are talking about falling
in love and that rush, either rushing into it or
the rush of chemicals that keep us there. So the
science of slow love is what we're going to talk
about now and why taking your time can lead to
(17:02):
deeper connections. Studies show that relationships that develop over time
have stronger foundations, and when people take time to build
emotional intimacy before diving in physically or committing fully, they're
more likely to stay together long term. So slow burning love,
(17:24):
as if you would like to say, allows you to
evaluate if you have shared values, if you're emotionally compatible,
and how you handle stress or conflict together. Right, there's
something called the three month rule that I want to
talk to you about, and it's about giving yourself at
(17:45):
least three months to truly get to know someone before
making major commitments. The three month rule is not a
scientifically established principle, but rather a widely referenced relationship guideline
based on psychologic insights and dating trends, and it suggests
that it takes about three months for initial infatuation the
(18:08):
honeymoon phase to fade, allowing you to see someone's true character.
So that honeymoon phase timeline, according to doctor Helen Fisher,
who is a biological anthropologist and expert on love, says,
early stage romantic love is heavily influenced by that cocktail
(18:31):
we were talking about, the dopamine and those other hormones
creating a sense of euphoria and obsession, and this effect
tends to last a few months before stabilizing. So you
have to sober up from the intoxication from the brain cocktail.
(18:54):
Bottom line, you're going to sober up and approximately, so
let's give it three months. Another reason psychologists say is
that around that ninety day mark, people start to reveal
their natural habits. So if they were masking, if they
were hiding their true self, their true nature, it's going
(19:22):
to start to be revealed.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
So think back to relate.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
It doesn't have to be a romantic relationship, could be
a friendship, just meaning someone new if they masked.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Did the mask come.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Off around three month mark and your relationship you have
ever remate, Perhaps that you realize they weren't who you
thought they were.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
This type of thing. Think about that.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Attachment styles start becoming more apparent as that initial excitement
wanes as well. Think about that. So many dating experts,
such as Matthew Hussey and doctor Seth Myers recommend also
waiting at least three months before making major commitments like
(20:09):
moving in together or an engagement, or any long term commitment,
because this allows you some time to at least assess
long term combatibility. All right, so what about when it
does work? Can it work rushing into love? Let's think
(20:32):
about that. If caution is usually wise, are there some
fast moving relationships that do last? There are, and the
key is intentionality. When a couple rushes in with awareness
and alignment, it can actually lead to a strong and
(20:53):
lasting bond. If two people already share a deep connection,
whether it's through shared history for example, or values or
mutual trust, a fast moving relationship can be built on
something more than just infatuation. So, for example, rekindled love
(21:16):
childhood sweethearts who reconnect years later and realize their connection
never faded. This is a common phenomena in the age
of what we call silver divorce, divorce in the fifties
and older, or perhaps even due to death of a partner.
Reconnecting with the childhood flame tends to heat up quickly
(21:38):
and lead to marriages that last until truly death.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Do they part?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
And then what about friends to lovers? Do you believe
friends can cross that line?
Speaker 3 (21:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Psychologists say two best friends who have already built emotional
intimacy can make the transition to romance fairly smoothly.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Why why with all of this work.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
In either case, the childhood rekindling or the friends to lovers,
it's going to work because they already know each other's personalities,
their strengths, their weaknesses. There's already acceptance in that, there's
already respect, there's existing trust and emotional safety. They're not
(22:30):
chasing the thrill of something new, They're literally deepening something
that already exists. Another time when this kind of fast
paced love can actually be successful is when both partners
are emotionally mature, and I've seen this when people have
(22:53):
done their inner work, like you know, therapy, coaching, self reflection,
past relationship lessons, they're more capable of recognizing true compatibility
quickly because they've learned to trust themselves. They don't confuse
chemistry with compatibility. They assess both. So for an example,
(23:17):
let's say a couple meets both divorced in their forties,
and they're clear on what they want because they've learned
from their past mistakes. They've taken the time and the
responsibility to heal, to get reacquainted with themselves and what
they want, and so they recognize that in someone early on.
(23:40):
They know what real compatibility is, and so they may
move forward within the first year of this new relationship.
And this works because they know their deal breakers, they
communicate them, and they don't waste time. They're not rushing
(24:02):
out of a place of fear or neediness or an attachment.
It's more because they actually do see a clear future.
They're able to communicate, as I said, their expectations, their intentions,
their values, their long term goals. From the start, this
is my second marriage. It's spelled out for you. This
(24:25):
is exactly how ours began. And we did marry within
that first year. When there's clear, honest communication of a
whirlwind romance can work if both partners are completely transparent
and emotionally open from day one, asking deep questions early
(24:50):
about finances and children and values, and sharing past traumas,
understanding conflict resolution style. All of this ensures respect and
respect is key throughout any successful relationship.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
So when a.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Couple meets and falls in love quickly, but they can
actively discuss what each of them want long term and
how they're going to handle stress and conflict and actually
sit back and assess realistically, are we rushing because of
external pressure or true compatibility? And when they can ensure
that they have not just the communication intact, but they
(25:38):
have the ability to compromise in a balanced way, and
then that comes with respect. Right that the communications respectful,
compromise is respectful, then they can make that commitment to
move forward. Those are your three sees people, That's what
(26:01):
I like to call them. Okay, communication, compromise and commitment
for successful relationship. And this works because there's no fantasy
based assumptions. It's just raw honesty and you can love
someone and recognize that you can't move forward with them
for various reasons, and that takes maturity now when timing
(26:26):
is right. Sometimes life circumstances may create the perfect moment
for a fast moving relationship, and this could include situational
urgency like a job relocation or some kind of travel.
And this can accelerate love without having to doom it
(26:47):
if both partners approach it wisely, you know, like long
distance love.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
Right.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
I think of two people from different countries who meet
while traveling and they know they're going to be apart soon,
so they may fast track their relationship with deep, meaningful
conversations over the course of time. Rather than this a
dinner date once a week, they're on FaceTime having these
(27:15):
really in depth conversations for a while, so they may
end up seemingly getting engaged quickly, but they've truly taken
the time to understand each other's lifestyles and beliefs before marriage.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
That can work.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
And then there's that laid in life. Let's say people
who meet in their sixties knowing that they don't want
to spend years dating before committing, and they may move
quickly but deliberately. So we've talked about intentionality at the
beginning of this, So what does that mean quickly but deliberately.
It means you're going to discuss family dynamics, lifestyle expectations,
(27:58):
financial plans early on, and again willing to let go
if there's not alignment. You acknowledge the fast pace and
you still make these intentional decisions, but you don't let
passion override logic when you plan for real life compatibility.
(28:22):
It's about growing together, right. Everybody who falls in love
tends to do so quickly. But what's going to keep
you together as commitment to growing as individuals and as partners,
and that's choosing to love. So if both people are
adapting and evolving, the fast start doesn't have to become
(28:48):
a downfall. It's time for our second break and when
we come back, we'll have more. With soul CPR and
some examples of some fast us tract relationships.
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Speaker 3 (31:07):
And we're back.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
I'm Anne Papaillotti. You were listening to Soul CPR on
the Bold Brake TV network and we are talking about
falling in love today, staying in love and all of
those things about rushing in love. And I was going
to share some examples of the quick love that has
worked out. And I mentioned Romeo and Juliette earlier, and
(31:31):
we all know how that one ended that maybe didn't
work out so well. I also mentioned George and Amal Clooney. Well,
they were engaged within six engaged and married within six months.
So Hollywood's former bachelor met Ammal in July twenty thirteen,
and sparks instantly were told and they I guess he
(31:55):
proposed in April of the next year. Six months later
he had proposed as what I'm going that doesn't add.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Up to me.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
But anyway, they had a big, lavish a wedding six
months after the proposal.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
There we go, there's your six.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Months and now their parents are twins and still happily together.
And why did this work? I would say it's because
both established in their careers, emotionally mature, had shared passions,
understanding those to be philanthropy, world affairs, and probably privacy.
(32:28):
How about strong communication and respect despite their fast start.
Now I think about my parents who dated six weeks
and got married and were married for fifty eight years
before my dad's passing. Why did that relationship work?
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Now?
Speaker 2 (32:52):
While in nineteen forty seven it was the norm to
marry young, I think well, both were dependable, employed, had
shared values, goals in a vision for their future. I
think that's a fair statement. I also believe they had
a strong communication, commitment, compromise, ability to compromise with respect again,
(33:16):
which is the foundation for any successful relationship.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
So look at couples you admire, ask them why it
has worked? You know? I found this one.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
Couple that I think is extremely interesting. John and Charlotte
Henderson married eighty three years, considered the longest living couple
by the Guinness Book.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Of World Records.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Okay, their lust story began in nineteen thirty four when
John spotted Charlotte at the University of Texas and was
immediately smitten. He says he said that he knew from
the moment he met her that she was the one. Now,
despite societal changes and financial struggles and global events that
(34:04):
they had to live through like World War Two, they
remained devoted and deeply in love, and they credited the
longevity of their marriage to mutual respect. There you go again, kindness,
and never going.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
To bed angry. We've heard that one before, right, And.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
When you think about intuition, John's instant knowing wasn't just chemistry.
It was a gut feeling that Charlotte was his lifelong partner,
and they built their relationship on shared values and a
commitment to growing together.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Right.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
So what do you think about intuition in love versus
wishful thinking? We all loved the idea of knowing when
we've met the one, But how do you tell the
difference between true intuition, that gut feeling and wishful thinking,
infatuate or perhaps even fear based decision making. Well, here's
(35:07):
a few things we can take into consideration. Real intuition
feels calm. It's not desperate or overwhelming. Think about that.
It's peaceful. There's no anxious rush. Remember those those attachment
(35:28):
styles we talked about, you know, there's one that's anxiety ridden,
one that's avoidant ridden.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
This was calm and peaceful.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Wishful thinking may feel urgent, like you need to lock
this person down before they disappear. My ex husband literally
said he needed to close the deal, that it was
like a sales job and he needed to close it.
So there you go, so a sense of peace. People
(35:58):
have said it felt like coming home. There was something
about it. So think about the feeling and truly get
honest with yourself. Wishful thinking maybe more. I need to
make this work. I'll never find the one I am
getting older. It's got to happen, now, you know those
(36:19):
types of that mindset. Okay, So just test yourself. Do
you feel at ease when you're with this person or
does it feel like an emotional rollercoaster? And if this
person suddenly pulled away, would you still trust that love
is out there for you. Your brain is going to pick
(36:42):
up on behavioral cues. And energy and values quickly, and
wishful thinking is ignores those. It fills in gaps with fantasy.
It makes excuses. You know, the red flag is slightly pink,
a faded red.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
There's an excuse for it. Okay, So intuition.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Would be I don't know why, but something about them
just clicks our humor values are energy aligned effortlessly, whereas
wishful thinking might be they're not really affectionate or community,
but I feel like they're my soulmate anyway. Justification aligns
with wishful thinking.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
So tested are you?
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Are you seeing this person for who they are or
who you hope they'll be? And can you name at
least three core values you both share. You need at
least ninety days maybe to figure all that out right,
I don't know. Well, people who've experienced true love at
(37:49):
first sight can usually point to real reasons why their
connection is special, real reasons, reality, not fantasy. So wish
thinking will thrive on imagination over the reality. So an example,
we both grew up with the same values about family,
(38:10):
We have the same sense of humor. It's effortless there again,
which we're thinking, I just feel like we're meant to
be together even though we barely know each other. Okay,
you got to test that sounds like gut, sounds like intuition,
but give me be able to answer, what's the real thing?
(38:36):
Values humor effortless? Would you still feel this strongly if
you had to list practical reasons why this relationship works.
If a friend was describing their relationship to you in
(38:57):
this way without being able to give the practical reasons,
would it sound wise or would you advise them to
slow down? Now, true intuition is going to be backed
by action and alignment. Intuition isn't just a feeling. There's
(39:19):
also you have to see consistency in their words and actions.
That's the alignment. So intuition is like trust.
Speaker 3 (39:28):
But verify.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Right, there's the verification that comes when you see their
words and actions that validate your gut feeling. But wishful
thinking would ignore mismatches and it will justify those inconsistencies.
You have to to really ask are we both really
(39:51):
invested in moving forward or is it just one of
us making all the effort. I just had this conversation
recently with someone, and I think next week's show is
going to about being the one to give your all,
but does this person's behavior match with your initial gut
feeling about them? That's something you got it, so it's
an ongoing trust. But verify if you will. Another thing
(40:18):
that we've learned through research is people who knew quickly
and lasted had longevity in the relationship took time to
nurture their love, while as wishful thinking forces the relationship
to move fast without a solid foundation. And I experienced
that in my first marriage, and looking back, I was
(40:41):
swept up. I was in the love bombing, I was
in all of that, and it just was this caught
up in that rush without stepping back and taking time
to really recognize what was happening. In my world, real
(41:01):
intuition would be something like knowing that you clicked instantly
but still took the time to really get to know
each other and build something solid. And wish we'll thinking
as we just met and I think we should move
in together next, but because love shouldn't wait, you know,
really kind of getting into that freedom thinking. But if
your relationship progress is progressing naturally and comfortably, or are
(41:25):
you forcing the next step?
Speaker 3 (41:26):
That's your test.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Step back and assess and reassess and do you trust it.
Even if you slow down, this connection will be strong.
So when it comes to intuition and intention to equal
lasting love, you got to remember, real love isn't just
a gut feeling. It's intuition lining up with reality and
(41:48):
actions and always with shared values. So remember calm, aligned,
respected and excited, but emotionally safe and grounded in reality.
All right, there's true intuition, and that's how you know
(42:13):
your gut is leading you to a solid and successful relationship.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
All right.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
I don't want to give the wish well the thinking
red flags, but let's go ahead. If it's wishful thinking,
you're going to feel anxious and urgent, idealizing the person
over knowing them. You're going to ignore the red flags
and justify the bad behavior, and you're going to try
to fast track love before it's ready. All right, it
(42:42):
is time for our final breaking. When we come back,
I'll have closing thoughts for you on fools rushing into
love on this April Fool's Day.
Speaker 3 (42:53):
Don't go far. We'll be back with more.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
Sulcypre Mica Zorich three time in California State champion in
Greco Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike
Blind six birth was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was
a six time national placer, including two seconds, two thirds,
and two fourths. He also won the Veterans Folk Style
(43:17):
Wrestling twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In
all these tournaments, he was the only blind competitor. Nancy
Zurich a creative spirit whose talents have taken her to
the stage and into galleries and exhibitions in several states.
Her father, a commercial artist who shared his instruments with
his daughter and helped her fine tune her natural abilities
(43:40):
influenced her decision to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zurich
has enjoyed a fruitful career doing what she loves. Listen
Saturday mornings at twelve Eastern for the Nancy and Mike
Show for heartwarming stories and interesting talk on the BBM
Global Network.
Speaker 4 (43:58):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse?
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining. Are you an aging
adult who wants to remain independent but you're not sure how?
(44:18):
I'm Pamela d Wilson. Join me for the Carrying Generation
radio show for caregivers and aging adults Wednesday evenings, six Pacific,
seven Mountain, eighth Central, and nine Eastern, where I answer
these questions and share tips for managing stress, family relationships,
health wellbeing, and more. Podcasts and transcripts of The Carrying
Generation are on my website Pamela Dwilson dot com, plus
(44:42):
my caregiving library online caregiver support programs and programs for
corporations interested in supporting working caregivers. Help, hope and support
for caregivers is here on The Carrying Generation and Pamela
d Wilson dot com.
Speaker 2 (45:00):
If you were tuned in live, then we had a
little tech issue and the show dropped off, But we
are back and we're just going to conclude. And if
I am repetitive, then it's okay to hear something more
than once, right, So I wanted to just leave you
with key takeaways from successful fast moving relationships. And what
we know is that mutual maturity exists, that most of
(45:23):
the couples who are successful were established in some way.
They were emotionally self aware, They had created a dependability
in their lives and responsibility. There was a pattern of
that in their lives. There was strong communication. They were
open about their values, their goals, their expectations early on,
(45:46):
and they had a commitment to growth. They were adaptable
to one another's needs, and they supported their individual personal evolution,
which is highly important. And they shared a life vision.
Despite their whirlwind romance, perhaps there was clarity on what
they wanted to share long term to build together. So
(46:12):
your fast paced love, we want it to be built
to last, you know. Want to reassess from time to
time and ask the big questions and pay attention. Do
we truly know each other beyond the honeymoon phase, that
three months or ninety day window that we were bathed
(46:32):
in those neurochemicals that intoxicate us and make us obsess
over the person and perhaps get lost in a little
bit of a fantasy. Are we aligned in core values
or are we just so consumed with our attraction to
this person? Are we making big decisions based on excitement
(46:54):
or real compatibility? And can we communicate openly about our
fears our flaws in the future, because this is emotional safety.
So when the masks come off, when the chemicals wear off,
(47:15):
who are we and who are they? And who are
we to one another? So these are the questions to
assess right before making those long term commitments. Now, as always,
I appreciate you being here with me, and as this
episode of SULCYPR comes to a close, remember that healing
(47:36):
is not a linear journey. It is a process, a
profound transformation. And if today's episode resonated with you, please
do share it with those who may need a lifeline
of their own. You can subscribe, rate and leave a
review to help us reach more hearts. We greatly appreciate that.
And you can always connect with me on social media.
Reach out to me on Facebook It's Skyview Coaching, and
(47:59):
on LinkedIn, Twitter and ioll, Twitter x and Instagram, is
at and fafaotti. One of these days I'll catch up
to all the changes with that. Let me know your thoughts,
your stories, and your topics that you'd like for us
to explore more of here on soul CPR, because this
show is for you and we're going to make them happen.
(48:22):
So until next time, you find strengthen your vulnerability and
courage in your journey. I thank you for listening. Breathe deeply,
love openly, and live soulfully.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
Good day.
Speaker 1 (48:39):
This has been Soul CPR with host and Papa Yod
Breathe life back into your spirit with each episode where
she and special guests explore the relationships that hurt us
and discover that healing can only begin with you Tuesdays
at three pm Eastern on the Bold Brave TV network.
Are you ready to untangle from your past, recover from heartbreak,
and revive your life. This is soul CPR with your
host and Papa Yode. We've all had soul crushing experiences
and lost ourselves in our pain, but there is a
way out. On this podcast, Amazon best selling author, award
winning life coach and advice columnist and Papa Yode helps
(00:28):
us navigate the path from heartbreak to healing. So now
please welcome the host of soul CPR and Papa Yode.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
They say fools rush in, but why and is it
really so foolish, we might ask Romeo and Juliet, or
more realistically, George and Emol. Welcome to soul CPR. Let's
talk about and what makes people fall fast and is
it really a mistake. Let's start with the psychology of
(01:08):
falling in love.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
You know, it's really about the brain.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
It's the brain on dopamine and oxytocin and adrenaline in
the early stages. So it's really a chemical cocktail, if
you will, and it is intoxicating. So if we break
it down into the varied ingredients, the dopamine is really
that feel good neurotransmitter that spikes when we experience pleasure,
(01:35):
so falling in love triggers the same reward system as drugs,
making it addictive. And then there's the other ingredient, oxytocin,
and that is known as the cuddle hormone, and it
fosters bonding and trust sometimes before we really know someone.
(01:58):
And another ingredient in that cog tell is adrenaline that
racing hard and excitement butterflies. It's that same fight or
flight response which can make new love feel thrilling and
sometimes even dangerous. And then there's a drop actually in serotonin,
(02:20):
and early stages of love can lower serotonin levels, which
is linked to obsessive thinking, and this is why people
in new relationships can't stop thinking about their partner now
when it gets to the speed of falling in love,
(02:41):
attachment styles can determine or have a role in that.
So what is an attachment style? You may have heard
about these so first and foremost, it's either secure or insecure,
and according to developmental psychologists, is part of human nature
and its related to our capacity to form an attachment
(03:03):
as an infant to our mothers or our primary caregivers
initially and then to others who are most present and
responsible for our very survival. So psychologists have distinguished different
insecure attachment styles based on the quality of caregiver interaction,
and these attachment styles become relevant to behavior patterns that
(03:27):
present in adult relationships in romantic love. So, for example,
someone with an anxious attachment may crave closeness yet fear abandonment,
and this leads them to dive into relationships quickly, and
(03:48):
it also has them hold on way too long after
signs indicate that the relationship is unhealthy or even simply
not right for them. And then there's avoidant types of attachment,
and someone with this style might resist rushing in, but
can also get caught up in the passion because they're
(04:10):
having that same cocktail right before they pull away, and
that leaves their lovers confused because it looked the same
as the anxious at catchment.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Then there's secure attachment.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Actually, who are more likely to pace themselves can still
get caught up and swept away in that chemistry. So
again it's all about what's happening in the brain and
this immediate rush of this being bathed in in this cocktail.
So it is intoxicating. We do fall in love and
(04:50):
a fall happens pretty quickly. Now let's talk about romantic
idealism versus reality and why we leave in the one
and if we get caught up in that too quickly,
what might happen. So, of course there's the fairy tale conditioning.
So from childhood we're told love is instant or it
(05:11):
seems to be, and a lot of the stories and
princes and princesses fall in love at first sight. And
then we've got Hollywood and pop culture and movies and
books and social influencers who make glorify instant attraction, leading
us to believe that it's normal and the way it
happens for most happens for some. We'll talk more about
(05:37):
that in a little bit. And then there's destiny believers
who think that love should be effortless and immediate, versus
the growth believers or growth mindset, if you will, who
see love is something that develops over time. And you know,
those who Russian often lean towards which one would you
(05:58):
guess that Sidney mindset. So let's take a little bit
closer look at these and how that might relate to
the concept of a soulmate that we so often hear
well a destiny believer really is someone who will think
that certain events or people or outcomes are really part
(06:21):
of a larger plan, whether it's divine or cosmic or faded.
And this could include meeting the one or experiencing just
particular milestones in life.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
So I'm going to come back to that.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
So in romantic destiny, in relationships, destiny believers feel there's
a predetermined connection with a significant other, one that's often
linked to the concept of soulmates or twin flames, something else.
You may have heard of, the idea that someone is
uniquely and perfectly suited for you. Now, the soulmate concept
(07:02):
for many, believing in destiny means believing in soulmates, which
may be defined as people who are destined to come
into your life because of a cosmic connection. Soulmates are
seen as the perfect match for someone, not just in
terms of chemistry, but in a deeper spiritual sense. Perhaps
that might be the differentiating factor. So if we look
(07:25):
at destiny versus soulmates, soulmate believers might think there's only
one person out there for them. Destiny believers may take
a broader view, seeing many relationships as part of a
larger destiny they might believe that, say, every romantic partner,
even if not the one, has a purpose in their
(07:47):
life path, teaching them lessons and bringing them closer to
true love. So you hear the difference.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Now when we.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Think about fools rushing in and why we fall in
love so fast, destiny belief might come into play when
people feel they found the one almost immediately, and for
some the intensity of the connection can feel like fate
the universe aligning perfectly. However, it's important to ask whether
(08:17):
if you're having this or if you've ever experienced this.
It's important to ask about your gut feelings and are
they based on intuition and real combatibility or are they
simply attributing a deep connection to destiny or soulmate beliefs.
(08:37):
And I see people confusingly to you know, is this
just you believe it so much that it's checking those
boxes if you will, or is there really combatibility with
this person? Now here's a cautionary note for my destiny
believers out there. While it's beautiful to believe in fate,
(08:59):
it's also important to make sure that you're not rushing
into a relationship just because it feels like it's meant
to be true love, no matter how destined, still requires effort, communication,
and mutual respect. Would you agree Now, there's the role
(09:21):
of emotional and situational factors that happen when we're thinking
about love and falling in love. Sometimes there's that rebounding
from heartbreak that makes people.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Fall fast right.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Sometimes we rush in to fill a void rather than
for a true connection. We also have that fear of
being alone in societal pressure around us that can push
us into fast moving relationships and often staying, as I
mentioned before, in the wrong ones too long. And then
(09:59):
there's just timing and life circumstances, external factors like a
big life change, a major event that can make new
romance feel more intense than it actually is. When you
put all the pieces together of what's happening, you might
get a more clear picture of the role that this
(10:20):
relationship is playing in your life. There's risks of rushing in,
as you can imagine what would those be when we
go too fast. We tend to ignore red flags because
passion will what blind us. You know, cliches are cliche
for a reason because there's truth in their origin.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
When we are.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, we
tend to overlook warning signs that would otherwise be obvious.
And some common red flags that get dismissed in a
lot of these whirlwind romances are the love bombing, because
this is that excessive affection and attention and grand gestures
(11:05):
that happen really, really soon and people start saying, I've
never felt this way before. I want to spend every
moment with you. And this happens within days, often hours
sometimes and certainly within weeks. It's a lot of attention
and affection. And when all this is happening with that
(11:26):
love cocktail in the brain love bombing tip, this is
absolutely taking you down if you will. And when you
start talking about moving in or marriage or deep emotional
connections that early making that commitment, have you really gotten
to know the person? And this type of love bombing
(11:48):
tends to start bringing you in and isolating you, taking
all of your time, pulling you away from friends and family.
You have to notice these things if this is happening
early on, and are you noticing inconsistencies when they say
and do something that don't quite match up, but your
infatuation keeps you from questioning it, So here's an example.
(12:14):
There's someone named Rachel who met a man on a
dating app and within two weeks he was talking about
their meeting his family, then suggesting that she move in,
and she ignored these small and consistencies in his stories,
and a few months in after she moved in, his
(12:34):
charm had faded and she realized he was highly controlling
and emotionally manipulative. So Rachel's story is one of many
that I meet in support groups, or I hear in
support groups when I meet people. So here's your soul
(12:55):
CPR tip. Give yourself time to observe someone's patterns before
making big commitments. The honeymoon phase trap, that's another thing.
What happens when the high fades. Well, That early stage
of a relationship is often fueled by that novelty and excitement,
(13:18):
But this phase isn't meant.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
To last forever. That's why it's called a honeymoon.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Right after a few months, real personalities emerge in that
dopamine rush will decline. You start sobering up if you will,
So any relationship that was built only on chemistry may
not survive once reality sets in. So think of whirlwind
(13:44):
celebrity marriages. It only lasts a few months, and the
Vegas marriages seem like passionate first and then they collapse
under the weight of real life challenges. So you have
to ask yourself, do I love this person or do
I love the way they made me feel.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Right now?
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Because right now it's maybe different than next month. And
that's why allowing some time for a relationship to develop
could be the better choice.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
All Right, I.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Believe it's time for our first break, and when we
come back, we're going to talk about the science of
slow love and why taking your time leads to deeper
connections for most of us.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Don't go far.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
We'll be back with more sol CPR.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Mike Zurich a three time California state champion in Greco
Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike blind
six birth, was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was a
six time national placer, including two seconds, two thirds, and
two fourths. He also won the Veterans Folk Style Wrestling
(14:59):
twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In all
these tournaments, he was the only blind competitor. Nancy Zurich
a creative spirit whose talents have taken her to the
stage and into galleries and exhibitions in several states. Her father,
a commercial artist who shared his instruments with his daughter
and helped her fine tune her natural abilities, influenced her
(15:22):
decision to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zorich has enjoyed
a fruitful career doing what she loves. Listen Saturday mornings
at twelve Eastern with a Nancy and Mike Show for
heartwarming stories and interesting talk on the BBM Global Network.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse.
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work, life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining? Are you an aging
adult who wants to remain independent but you're not sure how.
(16:00):
I'm Pamela d Wilson. Join me for the Carrying Generation
Radio show for caregivers and aging adults Wednesday evenings, six Pacific,
seven Mountain, eighth Central and nine Eastern, where I answer
these questions and share tips for managing stress, family relationships, health,
wellbeing and more. Podcasts and transcripts of The Carrying Generation
are on my website Pamela Dwilson dot com, plus my
(16:23):
Caregiving library Online caregiver support programs and programs for corporations
interested in supporting working caregivers. Help, Hope and support for
caregivers is here on the Carrying Generation and Pamela Dwilson
dot com.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Hello everyone, and welcome back to soul CPR. Thank you
for tuning in today. And we are talking about falling
in love and that rush, either rushing into it or
the rush of chemicals that keep us there. So the
science of slow love is what we're going to talk
about now and why taking your time can lead to
(17:02):
deeper connections. Studies show that relationships that develop over time
have stronger foundations, and when people take time to build
emotional intimacy before diving in physically or committing fully, they're
more likely to stay together long term. So slow burning love,
(17:24):
as if you would like to say, allows you to
evaluate if you have shared values, if you're emotionally compatible,
and how you handle stress or conflict together. Right, there's
something called the three month rule that I want to
talk to you about, and it's about giving yourself at
(17:45):
least three months to truly get to know someone before
making major commitments. The three month rule is not a
scientifically established principle, but rather a widely referenced relationship guideline
based on psychologic insights and dating trends, and it suggests
that it takes about three months for initial infatuation the
(18:08):
honeymoon phase to fade, allowing you to see someone's true character.
So that honeymoon phase timeline, according to doctor Helen Fisher,
who is a biological anthropologist and expert on love, says,
early stage romantic love is heavily influenced by that cocktail
(18:31):
we were talking about, the dopamine and those other hormones
creating a sense of euphoria and obsession, and this effect
tends to last a few months before stabilizing. So you
have to sober up from the intoxication from the brain cocktail.
(18:54):
Bottom line, you're going to sober up and approximately, so
let's give it three months. Another reason psychologists say is
that around that ninety day mark, people start to reveal
their natural habits. So if they were masking, if they
were hiding their true self, their true nature, it's going
(19:22):
to start to be revealed.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
So think back to relate.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
It doesn't have to be a romantic relationship, could be
a friendship, just meaning someone new if they masked.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Did the mask come.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Off around three month mark and your relationship you have
ever remate, Perhaps that you realize they weren't who you
thought they were.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
This type of thing. Think about that.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Attachment styles start becoming more apparent as that initial excitement
wanes as well. Think about that. So many dating experts,
such as Matthew Hussey and doctor Seth Myers recommend also
waiting at least three months before making major commitments like
(20:09):
moving in together or an engagement, or any long term commitment,
because this allows you some time to at least assess
long term combatibility. All right, so what about when it
does work? Can it work rushing into love? Let's think
(20:32):
about that. If caution is usually wise, are there some
fast moving relationships that do last? There are, and the
key is intentionality. When a couple rushes in with awareness
and alignment, it can actually lead to a strong and
(20:53):
lasting bond. If two people already share a deep connection,
whether it's through shared history for example, or values or
mutual trust, a fast moving relationship can be built on
something more than just infatuation. So, for example, rekindled love
(21:16):
childhood sweethearts who reconnect years later and realize their connection
never faded. This is a common phenomena in the age
of what we call silver divorce, divorce in the fifties
and older, or perhaps even due to death of a partner.
Reconnecting with the childhood flame tends to heat up quickly
(21:38):
and lead to marriages that last until truly death.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Do they part?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
And then what about friends to lovers? Do you believe
friends can cross that line?
Speaker 3 (21:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Psychologists say two best friends who have already built emotional
intimacy can make the transition to romance fairly smoothly.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Why why with all of this work.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
In either case, the childhood rekindling or the friends to lovers,
it's going to work because they already know each other's personalities,
their strengths, their weaknesses. There's already acceptance in that, there's
already respect, there's existing trust and emotional safety. They're not
(22:30):
chasing the thrill of something new, They're literally deepening something
that already exists. Another time when this kind of fast
paced love can actually be successful is when both partners
are emotionally mature, and I've seen this when people have
(22:53):
done their inner work, like you know, therapy, coaching, self reflection,
past relationship lessons, they're more capable of recognizing true compatibility
quickly because they've learned to trust themselves. They don't confuse
chemistry with compatibility. They assess both. So for an example,
(23:17):
let's say a couple meets both divorced in their forties,
and they're clear on what they want because they've learned
from their past mistakes. They've taken the time and the
responsibility to heal, to get reacquainted with themselves and what
they want, and so they recognize that in someone early on.
(23:40):
They know what real compatibility is, and so they may
move forward within the first year of this new relationship.
And this works because they know their deal breakers, they
communicate them, and they don't waste time. They're not rushing
(24:02):
out of a place of fear or neediness or an attachment.
It's more because they actually do see a clear future.
They're able to communicate, as I said, their expectations, their intentions,
their values, their long term goals. From the start, this
is my second marriage. It's spelled out for you. This
(24:25):
is exactly how ours began. And we did marry within
that first year. When there's clear, honest communication of a
whirlwind romance can work if both partners are completely transparent
and emotionally open from day one, asking deep questions early
(24:50):
about finances and children and values, and sharing past traumas,
understanding conflict resolution style. All of this ensures respect and
respect is key throughout any successful relationship.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
So when a.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Couple meets and falls in love quickly, but they can
actively discuss what each of them want long term and
how they're going to handle stress and conflict and actually
sit back and assess realistically, are we rushing because of
external pressure or true compatibility? And when they can ensure
that they have not just the communication intact, but they
(25:38):
have the ability to compromise in a balanced way, and
then that comes with respect. Right that the communications respectful,
compromise is respectful, then they can make that commitment to
move forward. Those are your three sees people, That's what
(26:01):
I like to call them. Okay, communication, compromise and commitment
for successful relationship. And this works because there's no fantasy
based assumptions. It's just raw honesty and you can love
someone and recognize that you can't move forward with them
for various reasons, and that takes maturity now when timing
(26:26):
is right. Sometimes life circumstances may create the perfect moment
for a fast moving relationship, and this could include situational
urgency like a job relocation or some kind of travel.
And this can accelerate love without having to doom it
(26:47):
if both partners approach it wisely, you know, like long
distance love.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
Right.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
I think of two people from different countries who meet
while traveling and they know they're going to be apart soon,
so they may fast track their relationship with deep, meaningful
conversations over the course of time. Rather than this a
dinner date once a week, they're on FaceTime having these
(27:15):
really in depth conversations for a while, so they may
end up seemingly getting engaged quickly, but they've truly taken
the time to understand each other's lifestyles and beliefs before marriage.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
That can work.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
And then there's that laid in life. Let's say people
who meet in their sixties knowing that they don't want
to spend years dating before committing, and they may move
quickly but deliberately. So we've talked about intentionality at the
beginning of this, So what does that mean quickly but deliberately.
It means you're going to discuss family dynamics, lifestyle expectations,
(27:58):
financial plans early on, and again willing to let go
if there's not alignment. You acknowledge the fast pace and
you still make these intentional decisions, but you don't let
passion override logic when you plan for real life compatibility.
(28:22):
It's about growing together, right. Everybody who falls in love
tends to do so quickly. But what's going to keep
you together as commitment to growing as individuals and as partners,
and that's choosing to love. So if both people are
adapting and evolving, the fast start doesn't have to become
(28:48):
a downfall. It's time for our second break and when
we come back, we'll have more. With soul CPR and
some examples of some fast us tract relationships.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
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track their progress towards accomplishing goals. Listen to John Hawkins
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Network and tune in radio.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
And we're back.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
I'm Anne Papaillotti. You were listening to Soul CPR on
the Bold Brake TV network and we are talking about
falling in love today, staying in love and all of
those things about rushing in love. And I was going
to share some examples of the quick love that has
worked out. And I mentioned Romeo and Juliette earlier, and
(31:31):
we all know how that one ended that maybe didn't
work out so well. I also mentioned George and Amal Clooney. Well,
they were engaged within six engaged and married within six months.
So Hollywood's former bachelor met Ammal in July twenty thirteen,
and sparks instantly were told and they I guess he
(31:55):
proposed in April of the next year. Six months later
he had proposed as what I'm going that doesn't add.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Up to me.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
But anyway, they had a big, lavish a wedding six
months after the proposal.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
There we go, there's your six.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Months and now their parents are twins and still happily together.
And why did this work? I would say it's because
both established in their careers, emotionally mature, had shared passions,
understanding those to be philanthropy, world affairs, and probably privacy.
(32:28):
How about strong communication and respect despite their fast start.
Now I think about my parents who dated six weeks
and got married and were married for fifty eight years
before my dad's passing. Why did that relationship work?
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Now?
Speaker 2 (32:52):
While in nineteen forty seven it was the norm to
marry young, I think well, both were dependable, employed, had
shared values, goals in a vision for their future. I
think that's a fair statement. I also believe they had
a strong communication, commitment, compromise, ability to compromise with respect again,
(33:16):
which is the foundation for any successful relationship.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
So look at couples you admire, ask them why it
has worked? You know? I found this one.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
Couple that I think is extremely interesting. John and Charlotte
Henderson married eighty three years, considered the longest living couple
by the Guinness Book.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Of World Records.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Okay, their lust story began in nineteen thirty four when
John spotted Charlotte at the University of Texas and was
immediately smitten. He says he said that he knew from
the moment he met her that she was the one. Now,
despite societal changes and financial struggles and global events that
(34:04):
they had to live through like World War Two, they
remained devoted and deeply in love, and they credited the
longevity of their marriage to mutual respect. There you go again, kindness,
and never going.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
To bed angry. We've heard that one before, right, And.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
When you think about intuition, John's instant knowing wasn't just chemistry.
It was a gut feeling that Charlotte was his lifelong partner,
and they built their relationship on shared values and a
commitment to growing together.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Right.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
So what do you think about intuition in love versus
wishful thinking? We all loved the idea of knowing when
we've met the one, But how do you tell the
difference between true intuition, that gut feeling and wishful thinking,
infatuate or perhaps even fear based decision making. Well, here's
(35:07):
a few things we can take into consideration. Real intuition
feels calm. It's not desperate or overwhelming. Think about that.
It's peaceful. There's no anxious rush. Remember those those attachment
(35:28):
styles we talked about, you know, there's one that's anxiety ridden,
one that's avoidant ridden.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
This was calm and peaceful.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Wishful thinking may feel urgent, like you need to lock
this person down before they disappear. My ex husband literally
said he needed to close the deal, that it was
like a sales job and he needed to close it.
So there you go, so a sense of peace. People
(35:58):
have said it felt like coming home. There was something
about it. So think about the feeling and truly get
honest with yourself. Wishful thinking maybe more. I need to
make this work. I'll never find the one I am
getting older. It's got to happen, now, you know those
(36:19):
types of that mindset. Okay, So just test yourself. Do
you feel at ease when you're with this person or
does it feel like an emotional rollercoaster? And if this
person suddenly pulled away, would you still trust that love
is out there for you. Your brain is going to pick
(36:42):
up on behavioral cues. And energy and values quickly, and
wishful thinking is ignores those. It fills in gaps with fantasy.
It makes excuses. You know, the red flag is slightly pink,
a faded red.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
There's an excuse for it. Okay, So intuition.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Would be I don't know why, but something about them
just clicks our humor values are energy aligned effortlessly, whereas
wishful thinking might be they're not really affectionate or community,
but I feel like they're my soulmate anyway. Justification aligns
with wishful thinking.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
So tested are you?
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Are you seeing this person for who they are or
who you hope they'll be? And can you name at
least three core values you both share. You need at
least ninety days maybe to figure all that out right,
I don't know. Well, people who've experienced true love at
(37:49):
first sight can usually point to real reasons why their
connection is special, real reasons, reality, not fantasy. So wish
thinking will thrive on imagination over the reality. So an example,
we both grew up with the same values about family,
(38:10):
We have the same sense of humor. It's effortless there again,
which we're thinking, I just feel like we're meant to
be together even though we barely know each other. Okay,
you got to test that sounds like gut, sounds like intuition,
but give me be able to answer, what's the real thing?
(38:36):
Values humor effortless? Would you still feel this strongly if
you had to list practical reasons why this relationship works.
If a friend was describing their relationship to you in
(38:57):
this way without being able to give the practical reasons,
would it sound wise or would you advise them to
slow down? Now, true intuition is going to be backed
by action and alignment. Intuition isn't just a feeling. There's
(39:19):
also you have to see consistency in their words and actions.
That's the alignment. So intuition is like trust.
Speaker 3 (39:28):
But verify.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Right, there's the verification that comes when you see their
words and actions that validate your gut feeling. But wishful
thinking would ignore mismatches and it will justify those inconsistencies.
You have to to really ask are we both really
(39:51):
invested in moving forward or is it just one of
us making all the effort. I just had this conversation
recently with someone, and I think next week's show is
going to about being the one to give your all,
but does this person's behavior match with your initial gut
feeling about them? That's something you got it, so it's
an ongoing trust. But verify if you will. Another thing
(40:18):
that we've learned through research is people who knew quickly
and lasted had longevity in the relationship took time to
nurture their love, while as wishful thinking forces the relationship
to move fast without a solid foundation. And I experienced
that in my first marriage, and looking back, I was
(40:41):
swept up. I was in the love bombing, I was
in all of that, and it just was this caught
up in that rush without stepping back and taking time
to really recognize what was happening. In my world, real
(41:01):
intuition would be something like knowing that you clicked instantly
but still took the time to really get to know
each other and build something solid. And wish we'll thinking
as we just met and I think we should move
in together next, but because love shouldn't wait, you know,
really kind of getting into that freedom thinking. But if
your relationship progress is progressing naturally and comfortably, or are
(41:25):
you forcing the next step?
Speaker 3 (41:26):
That's your test.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Step back and assess and reassess and do you trust it.
Even if you slow down, this connection will be strong.
So when it comes to intuition and intention to equal
lasting love, you got to remember, real love isn't just
a gut feeling. It's intuition lining up with reality and
(41:48):
actions and always with shared values. So remember calm, aligned,
respected and excited, but emotionally safe and grounded in reality.
All right, there's true intuition, and that's how you know
(42:13):
your gut is leading you to a solid and successful relationship.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
All right.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
I don't want to give the wish well the thinking
red flags, but let's go ahead. If it's wishful thinking,
you're going to feel anxious and urgent, idealizing the person
over knowing them. You're going to ignore the red flags
and justify the bad behavior, and you're going to try
to fast track love before it's ready. All right, it
(42:42):
is time for our final breaking. When we come back,
I'll have closing thoughts for you on fools rushing into
love on this April Fool's Day.
Speaker 3 (42:53):
Don't go far. We'll be back with more.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
Sulcypre Mica Zorich three time in California State champion in
Greco Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike
Blind six birth was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was
a six time national placer, including two seconds, two thirds,
and two fourths. He also won the Veterans Folk Style
(43:17):
Wrestling twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In
all these tournaments, he was the only blind competitor. Nancy
Zurich a creative spirit whose talents have taken her to
the stage and into galleries and exhibitions in several states.
Her father, a commercial artist who shared his instruments with
his daughter and helped her fine tune her natural abilities
(43:40):
influenced her decision to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zurich
has enjoyed a fruitful career doing what she loves. Listen
Saturday mornings at twelve Eastern for the Nancy and Mike
Show for heartwarming stories and interesting talk on the BBM
Global Network.
Speaker 4 (43:58):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse?
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining. Are you an aging
adult who wants to remain independent but you're not sure how?
(44:18):
I'm Pamela d Wilson. Join me for the Carrying Generation
radio show for caregivers and aging adults Wednesday evenings, six Pacific,
seven Mountain, eighth Central, and nine Eastern, where I answer
these questions and share tips for managing stress, family relationships,
health wellbeing, and more. Podcasts and transcripts of The Carrying
Generation are on my website Pamela Dwilson dot com, plus
(44:42):
my caregiving library online caregiver support programs and programs for
corporations interested in supporting working caregivers. Help, hope and support
for caregivers is here on The Carrying Generation and Pamela
d Wilson dot com.
Speaker 2 (45:00):
If you were tuned in live, then we had a
little tech issue and the show dropped off, But we
are back and we're just going to conclude. And if
I am repetitive, then it's okay to hear something more
than once, right, So I wanted to just leave you
with key takeaways from successful fast moving relationships. And what
we know is that mutual maturity exists, that most of
(45:23):
the couples who are successful were established in some way.
They were emotionally self aware, They had created a dependability
in their lives and responsibility. There was a pattern of
that in their lives. There was strong communication. They were
open about their values, their goals, their expectations early on,
(45:46):
and they had a commitment to growth. They were adaptable
to one another's needs, and they supported their individual personal evolution,
which is highly important. And they shared a life vision.
Despite their whirlwind romance, perhaps there was clarity on what
they wanted to share long term to build together. So
(46:12):
your fast paced love, we want it to be built
to last, you know. Want to reassess from time to
time and ask the big questions and pay attention. Do
we truly know each other beyond the honeymoon phase, that
three months or ninety day window that we were bathed
(46:32):
in those neurochemicals that intoxicate us and make us obsess
over the person and perhaps get lost in a little
bit of a fantasy. Are we aligned in core values
or are we just so consumed with our attraction to
this person? Are we making big decisions based on excitement
(46:54):
or real compatibility? And can we communicate openly about our
fears our flaws in the future, because this is emotional safety.
So when the masks come off, when the chemicals wear off,
(47:15):
who are we and who are they? And who are
we to one another? So these are the questions to
assess right before making those long term commitments. Now, as always,
I appreciate you being here with me, and as this
episode of SULCYPR comes to a close, remember that healing
(47:36):
is not a linear journey. It is a process, a
profound transformation. And if today's episode resonated with you, please
do share it with those who may need a lifeline
of their own. You can subscribe, rate and leave a
review to help us reach more hearts. We greatly appreciate that.
And you can always connect with me on social media.
Reach out to me on Facebook It's Skyview Coaching, and
(47:59):
on LinkedIn, Twitter and ioll, Twitter x and Instagram, is
at and fafaotti. One of these days I'll catch up
to all the changes with that. Let me know your thoughts,
your stories, and your topics that you'd like for us
to explore more of here on soul CPR, because this
show is for you and we're going to make them happen.
(48:22):
So until next time, you find strengthen your vulnerability and
courage in your journey. I thank you for listening. Breathe deeply,
love openly, and live soulfully.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
Good day.
Speaker 1 (48:39):
This has been Soul CPR with host and Papa Yod
Breathe life back into your spirit with each episode where
she and special guests explore the relationships that hurt us
and discover that healing can only begin with you Tuesdays
at three pm Eastern on the Bold Brave TV network.
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