April 22, 2025 • 46 mins
Are you done with love that feels like chaos, confusion, and constant emotional highs and lows? In this solo episode of Soul CPR, we’re exploring the rise of soft life love—a peaceful, emotionally safe, and deeply nourishing kind of relationship that’s trending for all the right reasons. Stop mistaking chaos for passion, get off the rollercoasters, and ditch the trauma bonds once and for all. This isn’t just about relationships. It’s about healing your nervous system, honoring your peace, and choosing love that doesn’t hurt to hold onto.
#SoulCPRPodcast#SoftLifeLove #HealingGirlEra #SecureAttachment #EmotionalSafety #TraumaInformedLove #ConsciousDating #InstaLove #LoveQuotes #PositiveVibes #Motivation #Inspiration #PodcastEpisode #Love #SelfLove #RelationshipGoals #EmotionalHealing #WellnessJourney #MindfulLiving #SoftLife, #SoftGirlEra, #SoftLove
#SoulCPRPodcast#SoftLifeLove #HealingGirlEra #SecureAttachment #EmotionalSafety #TraumaInformedLove #ConsciousDating #InstaLove #LoveQuotes #PositiveVibes #Motivation #Inspiration #PodcastEpisode #Love #SelfLove #RelationshipGoals #EmotionalHealing #WellnessJourney #MindfulLiving #SoftLife, #SoftGirlEra, #SoftLove
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Are you ready to untangle from your past, recover from heartbreak.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
And revive your life? This is Soul CPR with your
host and Papa Yode. We've all had soul crushing experiences
and lost ourselves and our pain, but there is a
way out. On this podcast, Amazon best selling author, award
winning life coach and advice columnist and Papa Yode helps
us navigate the path from heartbreak to healing. So now
(00:31):
please welcome the.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Host of Soul CPR and Papa Yode.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Perhaps you've been taught that love should be wild and
messy and all consuming, but what if the healthiest love
is calm and safe and drama free. In this episode
of Soul CPR, we're exploring the rise of soft life love.
It's a shift away from chaos and trauma bonds into
(01:03):
relationships that feel like exhaling. And if you've ever confused
intensity for intimacy, then this one's for you. Thank you
for tuning in today. Let's get into it. So what
is the soft life movement? Well, it originated as a
(01:23):
lifestyle choice, one of ease and joy, simplicity and rest
over hustle and stress and always feeling like you're in
survival mode, and according to articles in both Forbes and
Psychology Today by Mark Travers, PhD, the term soft life
(01:43):
originated within a Nigerian influencer community and has since literally
spread globally and largely through social media platforms. This movement
emphasizes comfort and relaxation and the prioritization of personal well
being over the relentless productivity and societal expectations. And according
(02:07):
to this author, it's more than a fleeting social media phenomenon.
It's truly a mindset shift in what matters most, which
results in a fundamental shift in how people then approach
their lives at both work and home. It's about seeking
balance and peace and wellness above all other so in essence,
(02:33):
it is a redefining of success. So this really aligns
with an entire generational shift towards wellness and therapy and
what we call conscious stating. So hashtags are popping up
like soft life or soft girl era, soft love, healing
(02:54):
girl era, and they have millions of views at this point,
and the movement has a expanded into the realm of relationships.
So creators talk about dating people who make them feel
emotionally safe and respected and cared for no longer tolerating
(03:17):
projects if you will, or struggle types of love or
emotionally unavailable partners. So choosing relationships that feel emotionally safe
and peaceful and reciprocal. Now, that is quite the contrast
(03:38):
with a mindset of ride or die and hard love
or healing through a partner type mentality. Right, Each of
those implies the addictive cycle of highs and lows, the
roller coaster ride if you will, the kind you get
in line for over and over again. There is a
(04:00):
sense of thrill, but then it leaves you. You have
to go back for it again. Now, therapists and coaches
on platforms like psychology today very well mined substack, they're
writing about the desire for secure, regulated, and reciprocal relationships.
(04:20):
And again that's a start contrast to this roller coaster
love that many people were once conditioned to chase. Attachment theory,
nervous system regulation, and trauma informed dating are becoming mainstream topics,
and you've probably heard a lot about that. We've talked
about attachment theory on this show ourselves. So why do
(04:46):
we mistake chaos, this roller coaster rite of a relationship
for chemistry? Well, experts say, it has to do with
what's known as trauma bonding, and that has to do
with how unstable childhoods or past toxic partners program us
(05:09):
to seek adrenaline over attainment if you will with someone.
So what is trauma bonding? Trauma bonding is a psychological
response where a person forms an intense emotional attachment to
someone who's causing them harm. Often it's through a repeated
(05:34):
cycle of it could be abuse or just manipulation of
some sort some kind of emotional instability. Now it's most
common in relationships marked by what's known as intermittent reinforcement,
and that's where there are periods of affection or connection
(05:57):
followed by periods of emotionalness, neglect, or criticism, or some
sort of volatility. So this creates a push pull dynamic
that keeps the brain craving what the next hide, the
next thrill, much like an addiction. So this emotional roller
(06:19):
coaster creates literally a biochemical bond rooted in dopamine, cortisol, oxytocin.
Meaning you're gonna feel hooked, not because the love is
real or healthy, but because your nervous system is constantly
in survival mode. Now I know this sounds messed up,
(06:41):
and many people I meet are keenly aware that they
are in a trauma bond with someone else, but they
can't break up. Just like an addiction to an illicit
drug that's harmful to their system, so is their relationship.
Yet the addiction creates that craving for the next hit,
and so they stay or they return. There's a lure
(07:07):
that they can't kick on their own. So it's going
to take a detox and I'm serious here, full on abstinence,
no exposure, quitting cold turkey. We were talking about this
in support group last night. Just started a new spring group,
and there's a lot of trauma in the relationships that
(07:27):
have the stories that have been shared so far. So
people have to be willing to go through the withdrawals,
have support a person or a group of people who
will not let you return to the relationship while you detox,
and it's a process. Until you are clear, you can't
(07:50):
even do the next step, which is to create those
healthy boundaries because you're vulnerable and subject to relapse. I
hope that may sense to you listeners, And if you've
been in a toxic relationship in which you've had a
difficult time letting go. I imagine it does make sense.
(08:11):
So in this sense, the chaos is chemistry in the
hormonal way. But it's not the chemistry you've romanticized about,
is it. It's not the chemistry you wanted to replicate
from your favorite romantic movies. It's toxic, unhealthy, and habit
(08:35):
forming that keeps you from your best life. It negatively
affects your nervous system, keeping your survival instinct lit on fire,
meaning your sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for handling
perceived threats. It's responsible for increasing your heart and your
(08:58):
breathing rates, responsible for releasing hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.
It is a stress response that's unhealthy if activated for
long periods of time, and for long periods of time,
in this sense, it's going to take a toll on
(09:18):
your mental and your physical well being. The stress response
is intended to be activated only for short bursts to
help you survive real threats. It's not intended for your
daily living. Many of our modern day diseases are linked
(09:39):
to prolonged periods of stress. Okay, I'm gonna stop with that.
You get the picture. Love should not be this chaotic chemistry.
So back to trauma bonds, it skews our perception of
(10:02):
true passion. Would you agree with that? And people who've
experienced trauma bonding often mistake anxiety for what excitement and
they confuse emotional unavailability with mystery or intrigue, and they
(10:27):
view drama and chaos perhaps as a sign of deep
love or passion, and they equate this being obsessed with
being in love. And this comes from what did you
learn about love as a child or what were your
(10:51):
first experiences with romantic love? Like how were you conditioned
when it comes to romantic Because this type of relationships,
highs are so intense. The low's feel something like something
must be wrong with you. I can't tell you how
(11:14):
often I hear this, something must be wrong with me,
not the relationship, if something's low, and then when the
other person pulls away, the pain activates fear of as
you can imagine abandonment or not being good enough making
(11:39):
the eventual reunion and it's going to happen because it's
a cycle. The reunion feels like that next hit of
the drug euphoric. Now, over time, this conditions you to
believe that love must feel like fireworks and then heartbreak,
(12:07):
not safety and calm. So again, there's an entire movement
to get away from this type of love and come
to a new type of love that is safe and
calm and different. We're going to go to our first
(12:28):
commercial break now, and when we come back, we're going
to talk about We're gonna get real and talk about
what's not passion, what is a pattern? Instead? Don't go far,
We'll be back with more cel CPR.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Mike Zurich are three time California state champion in Greco
Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike blind
six birth, was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was a
six time national placer, including two seconds, two thirds, and
two fourth. He also won the Veterans Folk Style Wrestling
(13:03):
twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In all
these tournaments, he was the only blind competitor. Nancy Zorich
a creative spirit whose talents have taken her to the
stage and into galleries and exhibitions in several states. Her father,
a commercial artist who shared his instruments with his daughter
and helped her fine tune. Her natural abilities influenced her
(13:26):
decision to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zorich has enjoyed
a fruitful career doing what she loves. Listen Saturday mornings
at twelve Eastern with a Nancy and Mike Show for
heartwarming stories and interesting talk on the BBM Global Network.
Speaker 4 (13:43):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse?
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining? Are you you an
aging adult who wants to remain independent but you're not
sure how. I'm Pamela d Wilson. Join me for the
(14:05):
Carrying Generation radio show for caregivers and aging adults Wednesday evenings,
six Pacific, seven Mountain, eighth Central and nine Eastern, where
I answer these questions and share tips for managing stress,
family relationships, health, wellbeing and more. Podcasts and transcripts of
the Carrying Generation are on my website, Pamela Dwilson dot com,
(14:26):
plus my Caregiving library, online caregiver support programs and programs
for corporations interested in supporting working caregivers. Help, hope and
support for caregivers is here on the Carrying Generation and
Pamela d Wilson dot com.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Welcome back to sol CPR everyone. I'm in Popyote and
today we are talking about the soft life movement and
what that means when it comes to love, and what
it means is really getting read at the drama and
the trauma and instead choosing something that's more calm and
peaceful and reciprocal. So before the break, we were talking
(15:05):
about trauma bonds and what many people call passion in
these relationships is actually really more of a trauma response.
Now you're not drawn to the person because of compatibility
or love. In this sense, you are reacting really to
an unsolved or unresolved if you will wound, you're replaying
(15:27):
an unfamiliar or actually you're replaying a familiar emotional script,
whereas the soft love would be unfamiliar to you. So
unresolved wounds keep replaying the same emotional script. And that's
(15:48):
why soft love can feel boring at first. It doesn't
spike you're adrenaline, it doesn't trigger old fears, But that's
exactly why it's healthy let's get into some real talk
about all this for just a minute. Perhaps you've been
told that the butterflies, the adrenaline rush, that can't eat,
(16:09):
can't sleep, obsession, that that's passion. I get it, that
that's chemistry, that that's how you know it's love. But
what if I told you that that intense, addictive feeling
isn't passion at all, that it's a pattern. Because if
(16:32):
you related to everything I said before the break, it's
a trauma pattern. It's a nervous system loop that feels
like home. And I say home because it's familiar, not
because it's healthy. When you've grown up with emotional inconsistency, neglect, abandonment,
(16:55):
or chaos, your brain will start associating, associating unpredictability with
love unpredictability. So when someone shows up and gives you
mixed signals hot one minute, cold the next, you don't run.
(17:17):
You chase it, and you call it chemistry because that's
what your nervous system has been trained to expect. But
it's not love. It's this loop, and it's toxic. It's
the body confusing anxiety with attraction, and over time we
(17:37):
start glamorizing that high thinking the highs and the lows
are both just part of the passion. But here's the truth.
Real love feels like stability and not suspense. It's not fireworks,
it's a fireplace, warm, consistent, it's not the roller coaster.
(18:03):
It's a road trip with some nice stops along the way,
some nice adventures. And yes they can be exciting, and
yes you may fill the butterflies, but they're not built
on that. And when you're healing from a trauma bond,
(18:23):
it truly can feel boring at first, But boring is
actually your body adjusting to safe love, to regulated love,
to love that doesn't feel like survival. So if you've
ever found yourself addicted to chaos in a relationship, don't
shame yourself. Just recognize the pattern and understand where it
(18:46):
came from in your life and start choosing differently. Believe
you're worth something different, because once you heal, soft love
doesn't feel boring, it feels like peace, and that's where
you'll find the real passion in love and in life.
(19:11):
But what about this? What about pop culture glamorizing dysfunctional
love in love stories? So I don't want to bust
anybody's bubble here, But one of the most popular movies
and love stories is from The Notebook. So Ali and
Noah's characters there. They have a passionate love, but it's
(19:33):
very volatile, and Hollywood really sold that to us. So
just think about it for a moment. If you're familiar
with The Notebook, the film and or the book, Ali
and Noah screaming, fighting, making up, tearing each other apart,
and then collapsing into each other like it's the grandest
(19:56):
love ever experienced. Well, psychology, just give us a different
lens to look at their love. They say, while their
love is enduring, it lasts over time, and that's the
central theme of the story. The intensity of it and
(20:16):
the lack of communication. The unresolved conflicts lead to a
portrayal that's actually unhealthy and romanticizes emotional abuse, and that
sets us, the viewers up for what were the readers
(20:38):
wanting that kind of love? Are you sure? I hate
to again, I hate to ruin that story for you. However,
I do want to point these things out because we
do glamorize and romanticize from the movies. But in this
particular story, there are power control dynamics expressed through manipulation, coercion, possessiveness, cheating,
(21:03):
lack of communication, and those unresolved conflicts that perpetuate throughout
their story. So I don't think that's healthy passion. It's
actually emotional dysregulation on display for us. So if we
can observe it that way and recognize what we do
(21:25):
not want in our lives, that push pull intense kind
of love may be familiar if you grow chaos, if
your nervous system only knows survival mode, then that kind
of relationship feels right, even if it's not healthy. But again,
(21:45):
it's not passion. It's a pattern. It's a trauma bond
in disguise. Real love doesn't feel like suspense. It's not
will they won't they? It's of course they will, because
they're consistent and clear and emotionally available. So if what
(22:09):
we're calling soft love feels weird to you at first,
if it feels boring, again, it's not. It's your nervous
system learning to feel safe and secure and trusting. Now,
safe luff might not make a box office hit, I
don't know, but it is what lasts, It is what heals.
(22:32):
So trying to think of a I don't know, a
movie character or book character, in contrast to the Notebook,
where yelling and passionate fights and reunion sex we're all
signs and presented as true love. Maybe a couple like
if you're familiar with This Is Us, that was a series.
(22:56):
I think it streams on Netflix INBC now maybe some
other channels. Maybe a couple like Beth and Randall. And
actually there are a few couples in here that we
see model relationships throughout the storyline. But the way they
navigate life stressors with care and respect and emotional teamwork,
(23:18):
how they resolve conflict might be better models of healthy
relationships and what I think would be in alignment with
the soft love movement. So to choose the soft life
when it comes to love, you got to start by
(23:40):
perhaps redefining love for yourself. What does it look like,
sound like, feel like? Are you walking on eggshells? Are
you walking steady with your partner? I can tell you
(24:01):
this passion doesn't equal pain, or it shouldn't. So let's
talk about something that's been romanticized far too long, and
that is the idea that if love doesn't hurt a
little or a lot, then it's not real and that's
another mindset that may come from stories, books, movies, even
(24:24):
songs that tell us love should be intense and all
consuming and hard to hold on to and if it
doesn't break you at least once, is it even love.
But here's the truth. Real love isn't supposed to hurt.
Is it work? Yes, relationships are work, but they're not
(24:47):
supposed to be so hard, and they're not supposed to
hurt us or harm us. They take effort, there will
be challenges, but there's a difference betwe working through things
together and suffering in the name of love or in
the name of passion. So there's some things we have
(25:11):
to stop doing. We have to stop confusing chaos with chemistry.
We have to stop thinking that emotional highs and lows
are proof of how deeply we care, because here's what
happens with all of that. We start to normalize pain
(25:33):
in our relationships, and we overlook red flags because we'll
justify and say, well, nobody's perfect, and we think that
walking on eggshells is just part of love, or we'll
explain away that they weren't, they're just stressed because of
their work, or they didn't mean to take it out
(25:55):
on me again, and then we end up addicted to
the drama because it feels familiar. But love doesn't have
to be a battlefield. Despite what Pat Benattar saying about
healthy love is passionate and peaceful. It has I guess
(26:18):
you could say it has fire and foundation. You can
have butterflies without bruises to your self worth. So let's
redefine love today. We're going to go for our second
break and when we come back, we're going to do
it right here together. Don't go far. We'll be back
(26:42):
with more sulcypr.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Doctor RC will share extraordinary resources and services that promote
educational success as well as making a difference in the
lives of all social workers as well as the lives
of children, adolescents and teens of today. She will have
opened this gushions addressing many of the issues that we
face about our youth and how being employed in the
uniquely skilled profession of social work for over eighteen years
(27:08):
has taught invaluable lessons through her personal experiences. She will
also provide real life facts, examples and personal stories that
will confirm that why serving as a child advocate is
extremely beneficial when addressing the needs of the whole child.
Listen Live to Dare to Soar Saturday's ten am Eastern
on the BBM Global Network and tune in radio as
(27:30):
Doctor RC will provide thought provoking information that will empower,
encourage and strengthen students, families and communities across our nation.
You can also visit her at soarwith Katie dot Com. Author,
radio show host and coach John M. Hawkins reveals strategies
(27:51):
to help gain perspective, build confidence, find clarity, achieve goals.
John M. Hawkins' new book Coached to Greatness Unlock Your
Full Potential with Limitless Growth, published by I Universe, Hawkins
reveals strategies to help readers accomplish more. He believes the
book can coach them to greatness. Hawkins says that the
(28:14):
best athletes get to the top of their sport with
the help of coaches, mentors, and others. He shares guidance
that helps readers reflect on what motivates them. We discover
and assess their core values, philosophies and competencies, find settings
that allow them to be the most productive, and track
their progress towards accomplishing goals. Listen to John Hawkins My
(28:37):
strategy Saturdays one pm Eastern on the BBM Global Network
and tune in radio.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
Hello, everyone, welcome back to sol CPR. Today we are
talking about healthy love versus unhealthy love at the end
of the day, and the movement called the soft Life
movement and how that applies to love. And we were
talking about trauma bonds and how that keeps us in
an unhealthy definition of love. And now we're going to
(29:07):
redefine love right here, right now for ourselves. So let's
talk about what love is not. It is not about
being rescued or broken and fixed or fighting for each
other every single day. Let's talk about what love is.
Love is about peace, safety, consistency, emotional presence, respect, keep going.
(29:34):
Fill in the blanks with the words that you need
to replace whatever love has been for you, if it
has been toxic, if it's been chaotic, if it has
been bound through trauma rather than through true passion. Love
is about feeling like you can breathe fully around someone,
(29:56):
be authentic, not hold your breath waiting for the next
blow up, which is again something I hear repeatedly from clients. So,
if you grew up believing that love had to hurt somehow,
or that it was okay, it was just part of it.
Let today's episode be your permission to rewrite that story.
(30:21):
You don't have to earn love, you don't and you
certainly don't have to suffer in love. You don't have
to mistake emotional turbulence for depth, and you don't have
to bleed to prove it's real. Passion doesn't equal pain,
(30:48):
and from now on love should not either. What real
intimacy feels like is consistency, curiosity about one another, compassion
for one another and for one's self. We talk about
(31:09):
red flags a lot. What are green flags? Green flags
in soft love would be emotional attunement, gentle communication, slow
and steady progression in the relationship, respect for boundaries. I
heard someone say emotional safety is the new sexy. I
(31:34):
gotta like that. How about you? So, if you were
to choose to live the soft life in your love life,
let's talk about that. What does it actually look like
to live the soft life in your love life? And
are you ready to at least imagine it? Because choosing
(31:57):
peace over chaos doesn't mean giving up passion, excitement, or connection.
It means giving up self abandonment. It means giving up hypervigilance,
people pleasing, and overfunctioning to be loved. Soft love says
(32:18):
you don't have to hustle for your worth. Here you
get to show up as you are rested and regulated
and respected. So what does soft love look like in
real life? Let's think about it. It's texting back when
you say you will. It's showing up when you say
(32:43):
you will. It's consistency without having to beg for it.
It's deep belly laughs instead of walking on eggshells. It's
being able to disagree with your partner without fearing abandoned.
It's choosing emotional safety over emotional intensity. Think of it
(33:11):
like this. Think of soft love like a easy Sunday
morning kind of love, Coffee in bed, honest conversations, knowing
that even on your worst days, you're still worthy of tenderness.
And here's the thing. When you've lived in survival mode,
when you've been conditioned to earn love through your effort,
(33:35):
this kind of love might feel foreign at first. You
might even question it. I get that. You might even
think is it too easy? Is there something I'm missing?
So there may be doubt for you at first, because
what's missing? There is something missing, But what's missing is anxiety.
(34:01):
But again, seft love isn't boring, even though it feels
that way, it's actually healing. It's not about laziness. It's
about the mutual effort that doesn't come at the cost
of your peace or your authenticity. So if you're choosing
soft love now, if you're waiting for the kind of
connection where your nervous system can actually feel safe, then
(34:24):
let me tell you you are not asking for too much.
You're asking for the kind of love you are always
meant to have, the kind that's going to honor your
softness and helps you stay soft even in perhaps a
hard world. So, according to the soft life movement, peace
(34:50):
is the new passion, and the soft life is not
just a trend. Psychologists tell us it's a rebellion against
everything that told you love had to be hard and
had to hurt to be real. So my question is,
(35:11):
are you ready for a soft love? Well, you're ready
if you're no longer attracted to emotionally unavailable people. Now
you may have to sit with that a little bit,
especially if you're in one of these trauma bonded, toxic
(35:34):
type of relationships, because you may be attracted to this person,
you're still in this bond with them, so you may
have to do the work first. You may want it,
but you're not ready for it, So you may have
to do the work first before you're no longer attracted
(35:54):
to the emotionally unavailable people. But if you're single and dating,
pay attention. You're ready for a soft love when you
don't confuse boredom with peace. Okay, So there's some self
love that's going to need to take place if you're
in this transition between as well get self love. It
(36:17):
should requires some self compassion as you transition as well.
You're also ready for a self love if you can
crave the support that your nervous system needs. If you're
craving that support and craving that stability and not the
dysregulation that you're used to, makes sense, So you gotta
(36:43):
really want it. So how do we get there? So
for your nervous system regulation, some of the tools of
the trade are going to always start with breath work.
Really learn how to breathe mindfully. Okay, lots of things
on YouTube you can pull up for breath work, take
(37:03):
a yoga class, anything that can help you learn to
regulate your breath into being the present moment. Of course,
therapy coaching, journaling is a great way to regulate your
nervous system. Really get out the emotions and the feelings
from your head onto paper and leave them there. It's
(37:24):
been proven to really help us. Now, another practice is
inner child healing. That is something you may or may
not be able to do on your own, but it's
all about becoming your own safe space. And we said
a lot of this stuff, this learning, this conditioning, your
(37:44):
defining of love and what you accept in relationships may
come from your childhood experiences and observations of love. So
your inner child healing is very important for this. I
have a soul CPR. The worst it's going to deal
with some of that. There are in therapy. It's there's
(38:06):
certainly you can deal with your inner child healing, but
that may have to be healed before you can be
ready and successful in a soft type of love. The third,
and I think possibly the final, most all encompassing tip
(38:27):
is be the soft partner that you seek, which first
is going to require the nervous system regulation and the
inner child healing. But be the partner you seek, Be kind,
have boundaries, honest communication, be emotionally available, be a compassionate person.
(38:52):
But if you are the people pleaser and you're with
the toxic person, that might all. You may have all
that in play, but you're also allowing that to be abused.
So it's understanding it and having it in a place
where you honor, no honor, and love thyself if that
makes sense. All right, so self love. You gotta want it,
(39:17):
you gotta prepare for it, and then you can call
it in for yourself. It is time for our third
and final break, and don't go far. We'll be more
with sulcypr my closing thoughts on this subject and other
things that are trending in love and relationships. Don't go
far will be that with more selcypr.
Speaker 4 (39:41):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse?
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining? Are you an aging
adult who wants to remain independent but you're not sure how.
(40:01):
I'm Pamela D. Wilson. Join me for the Carrying Generation
radio show for caregivers and aging adults Wednesday evenings, six Pacific,
seven Mountain, eighth Central, and nine Eastern, where I answer
these questions and share tips for managing stress, family relationships, health, wellbeing,
and more. Podcasts and transcripts of The Carrying Generation are
on my website Pamela Dwilson dot com, plus my caregiving library.
(40:26):
Online caregiver support programs and programs for corporations interested in
supporting working caregivers. Help, hope and support for caregivers is
here on The Carrying Generation and Pamela d Wilson dot com.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Mike Zorich a three time California state champion in Greco
Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike blind
six birth, was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was a
six time national placer, including two seconds, two thirds and
two fourths as one the Veterans Folk Style Wrestling twice
(41:03):
at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In all these tournaments,
he was the only blind competitor. Nancy Zurich a creative
spirit whose talents have taken her to the stage and
into galleries and exhibitions in several states. Her father, a
commercial artist who shared his instruments with his daughter and
helped her fine tune her natural abilities, influenced her decision
(41:26):
to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zorich has enjoyed a
fruitful career doing what she loves. Listen Saturday mornings at
twelve Eastern for the Nancy and Mike Show for heartwarming
stories and interesting talk on the BBM Global Network.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
Welcome back everyone. As we're coming to a close in
today's episode, I just want you to think about, as
you're redefining love that first you need to acknowledge the
damage of prior loves that were hurtful and harmful in
your life, and then you can work on healing the
patterns of unhealthy attachments that existed for you, whatever those
(42:08):
may have been, and then establish new healthy expectations, which
include a new definition of love. All Right, as we
talk about this soft life movement, all encompassing for your
entire life, including your love life, remember that soft love
isn't boring, it's actually brave. It takes courage to stop
(42:31):
chasing chaos and what you've known your whole life, perhaps
and choosing peace instead. You deserve a relationship that feels
like rest and not rescue perhaps is the right word.
So I'm going to ask you to think about these
two questions. What does emotional safety in love look like
(42:55):
for you? That might be something you could reflect on
in journaling. And where are you still confusing intensity for intimacy?
So what does emotional safety in love look like for you?
And where are you still confusing intensity for intimacy? I'll
(43:17):
leave you with those two questions to ponder as you're
considering ditching the drama and trading it in for the
soft life love. And as always, you do not have
to journey alone in this or anything that you're trying
to make a change in in your life. If you
(43:38):
have an addiction to toxic relationships, or you recognize your
stock in trauma bonds or unhealthy attachments, it's not your fault,
it's your conditioning. However, it is your responsibility to do
the work of healing to change your life. You're not
the first and you're not going to be the last
that's in this type of situation, But you do not
(43:58):
have to be where you are today tomorrow. Make a
decision to change your life, and the first steps already done.
Next reach out for support and you'll be on your way,
all right. I hope you found some inspiration in today's show,
And as we conclude this episode of Soul CPR Healing
out Loud, remember that healing is not a linear journey.
(44:20):
It is a process of profound transformation. And if today's
episode resonated with you, please share this podcast with those
who might need a lifeline of their own. Subscribe, rate
and leave a review to help us reach more hearts.
As always, you can connect with me at my website,
Skyviewcoaching dot com or on social media. You'll find me
(44:41):
on Facebook at Skyview Coaching or at Annpapayote on Instagram,
LinkedIn and x and thank you Zach Scott. The QR
code there up on screen and the website as well.
Let me know your thoughts, your stories, and the topics
you'd like to explore in future episodes, and we're certainly
going to look out on this show for you. There
are other hot topics in love and relationships that I'm
(45:04):
going to be bringing to you in future episodes, but
I do like to know what you would like to
hear about as well. Until next time, may you find
strength in your vulnerability, encouraging your journey. I thank you
for listening. Breathe deeply, love openly, and live soulfully.
Speaker 1 (45:22):
Good day everyone, This has been Soul CPR with host
and Papa Yode Breathe life back into your spirit with
each episode where she and special guests explore the relationships
that hurt us and discover that healing can only begin
with you. Tuesdays at three pm Eastern on the Bold
(45:45):
Brave TV network.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
S
Are you ready to untangle from your past, recover from heartbreak.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
And revive your life? This is Soul CPR with your
host and Papa Yode. We've all had soul crushing experiences
and lost ourselves and our pain, but there is a
way out. On this podcast, Amazon best selling author, award
winning life coach and advice columnist and Papa Yode helps
us navigate the path from heartbreak to healing. So now
(00:31):
please welcome the.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Host of Soul CPR and Papa Yode.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Perhaps you've been taught that love should be wild and
messy and all consuming, but what if the healthiest love
is calm and safe and drama free. In this episode
of Soul CPR, we're exploring the rise of soft life love.
It's a shift away from chaos and trauma bonds into
(01:03):
relationships that feel like exhaling. And if you've ever confused
intensity for intimacy, then this one's for you. Thank you
for tuning in today. Let's get into it. So what
is the soft life movement? Well, it originated as a
(01:23):
lifestyle choice, one of ease and joy, simplicity and rest
over hustle and stress and always feeling like you're in
survival mode, and according to articles in both Forbes and
Psychology Today by Mark Travers, PhD, the term soft life
(01:43):
originated within a Nigerian influencer community and has since literally
spread globally and largely through social media platforms. This movement
emphasizes comfort and relaxation and the prioritization of personal well
being over the relentless productivity and societal expectations. And according
(02:07):
to this author, it's more than a fleeting social media phenomenon.
It's truly a mindset shift in what matters most, which
results in a fundamental shift in how people then approach
their lives at both work and home. It's about seeking
balance and peace and wellness above all other so in essence,
(02:33):
it is a redefining of success. So this really aligns
with an entire generational shift towards wellness and therapy and
what we call conscious stating. So hashtags are popping up
like soft life or soft girl era, soft love, healing
(02:54):
girl era, and they have millions of views at this point,
and the movement has a expanded into the realm of relationships.
So creators talk about dating people who make them feel
emotionally safe and respected and cared for no longer tolerating
(03:17):
projects if you will, or struggle types of love or
emotionally unavailable partners. So choosing relationships that feel emotionally safe
and peaceful and reciprocal. Now, that is quite the contrast
(03:38):
with a mindset of ride or die and hard love
or healing through a partner type mentality. Right, Each of
those implies the addictive cycle of highs and lows, the
roller coaster ride if you will, the kind you get
in line for over and over again. There is a
(04:00):
sense of thrill, but then it leaves you. You have
to go back for it again. Now, therapists and coaches
on platforms like psychology today very well mined substack, they're
writing about the desire for secure, regulated, and reciprocal relationships.
(04:20):
And again that's a start contrast to this roller coaster
love that many people were once conditioned to chase. Attachment theory,
nervous system regulation, and trauma informed dating are becoming mainstream topics,
and you've probably heard a lot about that. We've talked
about attachment theory on this show ourselves. So why do
(04:46):
we mistake chaos, this roller coaster rite of a relationship
for chemistry? Well, experts say, it has to do with
what's known as trauma bonding, and that has to do
with how unstable childhoods or past toxic partners program us
(05:09):
to seek adrenaline over attainment if you will with someone.
So what is trauma bonding? Trauma bonding is a psychological
response where a person forms an intense emotional attachment to
someone who's causing them harm. Often it's through a repeated
(05:34):
cycle of it could be abuse or just manipulation of
some sort some kind of emotional instability. Now it's most
common in relationships marked by what's known as intermittent reinforcement,
and that's where there are periods of affection or connection
(05:57):
followed by periods of emotionalness, neglect, or criticism, or some
sort of volatility. So this creates a push pull dynamic
that keeps the brain craving what the next hide, the
next thrill, much like an addiction. So this emotional roller
(06:19):
coaster creates literally a biochemical bond rooted in dopamine, cortisol, oxytocin.
Meaning you're gonna feel hooked, not because the love is
real or healthy, but because your nervous system is constantly
in survival mode. Now I know this sounds messed up,
(06:41):
and many people I meet are keenly aware that they
are in a trauma bond with someone else, but they
can't break up. Just like an addiction to an illicit
drug that's harmful to their system, so is their relationship.
Yet the addiction creates that craving for the next hit,
and so they stay or they return. There's a lure
(07:07):
that they can't kick on their own. So it's going
to take a detox and I'm serious here, full on abstinence,
no exposure, quitting cold turkey. We were talking about this
in support group last night. Just started a new spring group,
and there's a lot of trauma in the relationships that
(07:27):
have the stories that have been shared so far. So
people have to be willing to go through the withdrawals,
have support a person or a group of people who
will not let you return to the relationship while you detox,
and it's a process. Until you are clear, you can't
(07:50):
even do the next step, which is to create those
healthy boundaries because you're vulnerable and subject to relapse. I
hope that may sense to you listeners, And if you've
been in a toxic relationship in which you've had a
difficult time letting go. I imagine it does make sense.
(08:11):
So in this sense, the chaos is chemistry in the
hormonal way. But it's not the chemistry you've romanticized about,
is it. It's not the chemistry you wanted to replicate
from your favorite romantic movies. It's toxic, unhealthy, and habit
(08:35):
forming that keeps you from your best life. It negatively
affects your nervous system, keeping your survival instinct lit on fire,
meaning your sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for handling
perceived threats. It's responsible for increasing your heart and your
(08:58):
breathing rates, responsible for releasing hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.
It is a stress response that's unhealthy if activated for
long periods of time, and for long periods of time,
in this sense, it's going to take a toll on
(09:18):
your mental and your physical well being. The stress response
is intended to be activated only for short bursts to
help you survive real threats. It's not intended for your
daily living. Many of our modern day diseases are linked
(09:39):
to prolonged periods of stress. Okay, I'm gonna stop with that.
You get the picture. Love should not be this chaotic chemistry.
So back to trauma bonds, it skews our perception of
(10:02):
true passion. Would you agree with that? And people who've
experienced trauma bonding often mistake anxiety for what excitement and
they confuse emotional unavailability with mystery or intrigue, and they
(10:27):
view drama and chaos perhaps as a sign of deep
love or passion, and they equate this being obsessed with
being in love. And this comes from what did you
learn about love as a child or what were your
(10:51):
first experiences with romantic love? Like how were you conditioned
when it comes to romantic Because this type of relationships,
highs are so intense. The low's feel something like something
must be wrong with you. I can't tell you how
(11:14):
often I hear this, something must be wrong with me,
not the relationship, if something's low, and then when the
other person pulls away, the pain activates fear of as
you can imagine abandonment or not being good enough making
(11:39):
the eventual reunion and it's going to happen because it's
a cycle. The reunion feels like that next hit of
the drug euphoric. Now, over time, this conditions you to
believe that love must feel like fireworks and then heartbreak,
(12:07):
not safety and calm. So again, there's an entire movement
to get away from this type of love and come
to a new type of love that is safe and
calm and different. We're going to go to our first
(12:28):
commercial break now, and when we come back, we're going
to talk about We're gonna get real and talk about
what's not passion, what is a pattern? Instead? Don't go far,
We'll be back with more cel CPR.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Mike Zurich are three time California state champion in Greco
Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike blind
six birth, was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was a
six time national placer, including two seconds, two thirds, and
two fourth. He also won the Veterans Folk Style Wrestling
(13:03):
twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In all
these tournaments, he was the only blind competitor. Nancy Zorich
a creative spirit whose talents have taken her to the
stage and into galleries and exhibitions in several states. Her father,
a commercial artist who shared his instruments with his daughter
and helped her fine tune. Her natural abilities influenced her
(13:26):
decision to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zorich has enjoyed
a fruitful career doing what she loves. Listen Saturday mornings
at twelve Eastern with a Nancy and Mike Show for
heartwarming stories and interesting talk on the BBM Global Network.
Speaker 4 (13:43):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse?
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining? Are you you an
aging adult who wants to remain independent but you're not
sure how. I'm Pamela d Wilson. Join me for the
(14:05):
Carrying Generation radio show for caregivers and aging adults Wednesday evenings,
six Pacific, seven Mountain, eighth Central and nine Eastern, where
I answer these questions and share tips for managing stress,
family relationships, health, wellbeing and more. Podcasts and transcripts of
the Carrying Generation are on my website, Pamela Dwilson dot com,
(14:26):
plus my Caregiving library, online caregiver support programs and programs
for corporations interested in supporting working caregivers. Help, hope and
support for caregivers is here on the Carrying Generation and
Pamela d Wilson dot com.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Welcome back to sol CPR everyone. I'm in Popyote and
today we are talking about the soft life movement and
what that means when it comes to love, and what
it means is really getting read at the drama and
the trauma and instead choosing something that's more calm and
peaceful and reciprocal. So before the break, we were talking
(15:05):
about trauma bonds and what many people call passion in
these relationships is actually really more of a trauma response.
Now you're not drawn to the person because of compatibility
or love. In this sense, you are reacting really to
an unsolved or unresolved if you will wound, you're replaying
(15:27):
an unfamiliar or actually you're replaying a familiar emotional script,
whereas the soft love would be unfamiliar to you. So
unresolved wounds keep replaying the same emotional script. And that's
(15:48):
why soft love can feel boring at first. It doesn't
spike you're adrenaline, it doesn't trigger old fears, But that's
exactly why it's healthy let's get into some real talk
about all this for just a minute. Perhaps you've been
told that the butterflies, the adrenaline rush, that can't eat,
(16:09):
can't sleep, obsession, that that's passion. I get it, that
that's chemistry, that that's how you know it's love. But
what if I told you that that intense, addictive feeling
isn't passion at all, that it's a pattern. Because if
(16:32):
you related to everything I said before the break, it's
a trauma pattern. It's a nervous system loop that feels
like home. And I say home because it's familiar, not
because it's healthy. When you've grown up with emotional inconsistency, neglect, abandonment,
(16:55):
or chaos, your brain will start associating, associating unpredictability with
love unpredictability. So when someone shows up and gives you
mixed signals hot one minute, cold the next, you don't run.
(17:17):
You chase it, and you call it chemistry because that's
what your nervous system has been trained to expect. But
it's not love. It's this loop, and it's toxic. It's
the body confusing anxiety with attraction, and over time we
(17:37):
start glamorizing that high thinking the highs and the lows
are both just part of the passion. But here's the truth.
Real love feels like stability and not suspense. It's not fireworks,
it's a fireplace, warm, consistent, it's not the roller coaster.
(18:03):
It's a road trip with some nice stops along the way,
some nice adventures. And yes they can be exciting, and
yes you may fill the butterflies, but they're not built
on that. And when you're healing from a trauma bond,
(18:23):
it truly can feel boring at first, But boring is
actually your body adjusting to safe love, to regulated love,
to love that doesn't feel like survival. So if you've
ever found yourself addicted to chaos in a relationship, don't
shame yourself. Just recognize the pattern and understand where it
(18:46):
came from in your life and start choosing differently. Believe
you're worth something different, because once you heal, soft love
doesn't feel boring, it feels like peace, and that's where
you'll find the real passion in love and in life.
(19:11):
But what about this? What about pop culture glamorizing dysfunctional
love in love stories? So I don't want to bust
anybody's bubble here, But one of the most popular movies
and love stories is from The Notebook. So Ali and
Noah's characters there. They have a passionate love, but it's
(19:33):
very volatile, and Hollywood really sold that to us. So
just think about it for a moment. If you're familiar
with The Notebook, the film and or the book, Ali
and Noah screaming, fighting, making up, tearing each other apart,
and then collapsing into each other like it's the grandest
(19:56):
love ever experienced. Well, psychology, just give us a different
lens to look at their love. They say, while their
love is enduring, it lasts over time, and that's the
central theme of the story. The intensity of it and
(20:16):
the lack of communication. The unresolved conflicts lead to a
portrayal that's actually unhealthy and romanticizes emotional abuse, and that
sets us, the viewers up for what were the readers
(20:38):
wanting that kind of love? Are you sure? I hate
to again, I hate to ruin that story for you. However,
I do want to point these things out because we
do glamorize and romanticize from the movies. But in this
particular story, there are power control dynamics expressed through manipulation, coercion, possessiveness, cheating,
(21:03):
lack of communication, and those unresolved conflicts that perpetuate throughout
their story. So I don't think that's healthy passion. It's
actually emotional dysregulation on display for us. So if we
can observe it that way and recognize what we do
(21:25):
not want in our lives, that push pull intense kind
of love may be familiar if you grow chaos, if
your nervous system only knows survival mode, then that kind
of relationship feels right, even if it's not healthy. But again,
(21:45):
it's not passion. It's a pattern. It's a trauma bond
in disguise. Real love doesn't feel like suspense. It's not
will they won't they? It's of course they will, because
they're consistent and clear and emotionally available. So if what
(22:09):
we're calling soft love feels weird to you at first,
if it feels boring, again, it's not. It's your nervous
system learning to feel safe and secure and trusting. Now,
safe luff might not make a box office hit, I
don't know, but it is what lasts, It is what heals.
(22:32):
So trying to think of a I don't know, a
movie character or book character, in contrast to the Notebook,
where yelling and passionate fights and reunion sex we're all
signs and presented as true love. Maybe a couple like
if you're familiar with This Is Us, that was a series.
(22:56):
I think it streams on Netflix INBC now maybe some
other channels. Maybe a couple like Beth and Randall. And
actually there are a few couples in here that we
see model relationships throughout the storyline. But the way they
navigate life stressors with care and respect and emotional teamwork,
(23:18):
how they resolve conflict might be better models of healthy
relationships and what I think would be in alignment with
the soft love movement. So to choose the soft life
when it comes to love, you got to start by
(23:40):
perhaps redefining love for yourself. What does it look like,
sound like, feel like? Are you walking on eggshells? Are
you walking steady with your partner? I can tell you
(24:01):
this passion doesn't equal pain, or it shouldn't. So let's
talk about something that's been romanticized far too long, and
that is the idea that if love doesn't hurt a
little or a lot, then it's not real and that's
another mindset that may come from stories, books, movies, even
(24:24):
songs that tell us love should be intense and all
consuming and hard to hold on to and if it
doesn't break you at least once, is it even love.
But here's the truth. Real love isn't supposed to hurt.
Is it work? Yes, relationships are work, but they're not
(24:47):
supposed to be so hard, and they're not supposed to
hurt us or harm us. They take effort, there will
be challenges, but there's a difference betwe working through things
together and suffering in the name of love or in
the name of passion. So there's some things we have
(25:11):
to stop doing. We have to stop confusing chaos with chemistry.
We have to stop thinking that emotional highs and lows
are proof of how deeply we care, because here's what
happens with all of that. We start to normalize pain
(25:33):
in our relationships, and we overlook red flags because we'll
justify and say, well, nobody's perfect, and we think that
walking on eggshells is just part of love, or we'll
explain away that they weren't, they're just stressed because of
their work, or they didn't mean to take it out
(25:55):
on me again, and then we end up addicted to
the drama because it feels familiar. But love doesn't have
to be a battlefield. Despite what Pat Benattar saying about
healthy love is passionate and peaceful. It has I guess
(26:18):
you could say it has fire and foundation. You can
have butterflies without bruises to your self worth. So let's
redefine love today. We're going to go for our second
break and when we come back, we're going to do
it right here together. Don't go far. We'll be back
(26:42):
with more sulcypr.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Doctor RC will share extraordinary resources and services that promote
educational success as well as making a difference in the
lives of all social workers as well as the lives
of children, adolescents and teens of today. She will have
opened this gushions addressing many of the issues that we
face about our youth and how being employed in the
uniquely skilled profession of social work for over eighteen years
(27:08):
has taught invaluable lessons through her personal experiences. She will
also provide real life facts, examples and personal stories that
will confirm that why serving as a child advocate is
extremely beneficial when addressing the needs of the whole child.
Listen Live to Dare to Soar Saturday's ten am Eastern
on the BBM Global Network and tune in radio as
(27:30):
Doctor RC will provide thought provoking information that will empower,
encourage and strengthen students, families and communities across our nation.
You can also visit her at soarwith Katie dot Com. Author,
radio show host and coach John M. Hawkins reveals strategies
(27:51):
to help gain perspective, build confidence, find clarity, achieve goals.
John M. Hawkins' new book Coached to Greatness Unlock Your
Full Potential with Limitless Growth, published by I Universe, Hawkins
reveals strategies to help readers accomplish more. He believes the
book can coach them to greatness. Hawkins says that the
(28:14):
best athletes get to the top of their sport with
the help of coaches, mentors, and others. He shares guidance
that helps readers reflect on what motivates them. We discover
and assess their core values, philosophies and competencies, find settings
that allow them to be the most productive, and track
their progress towards accomplishing goals. Listen to John Hawkins My
(28:37):
strategy Saturdays one pm Eastern on the BBM Global Network
and tune in radio.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
Hello, everyone, welcome back to sol CPR. Today we are
talking about healthy love versus unhealthy love at the end
of the day, and the movement called the soft Life
movement and how that applies to love. And we were
talking about trauma bonds and how that keeps us in
an unhealthy definition of love. And now we're going to
(29:07):
redefine love right here, right now for ourselves. So let's
talk about what love is not. It is not about
being rescued or broken and fixed or fighting for each
other every single day. Let's talk about what love is.
Love is about peace, safety, consistency, emotional presence, respect, keep going.
(29:34):
Fill in the blanks with the words that you need
to replace whatever love has been for you, if it
has been toxic, if it's been chaotic, if it has
been bound through trauma rather than through true passion. Love
is about feeling like you can breathe fully around someone,
(29:56):
be authentic, not hold your breath waiting for the next
blow up, which is again something I hear repeatedly from clients. So,
if you grew up believing that love had to hurt somehow,
or that it was okay, it was just part of it.
Let today's episode be your permission to rewrite that story.
(30:21):
You don't have to earn love, you don't and you
certainly don't have to suffer in love. You don't have
to mistake emotional turbulence for depth, and you don't have
to bleed to prove it's real. Passion doesn't equal pain,
(30:48):
and from now on love should not either. What real
intimacy feels like is consistency, curiosity about one another, compassion
for one another and for one's self. We talk about
(31:09):
red flags a lot. What are green flags? Green flags
in soft love would be emotional attunement, gentle communication, slow
and steady progression in the relationship, respect for boundaries. I
heard someone say emotional safety is the new sexy. I
(31:34):
gotta like that. How about you? So, if you were
to choose to live the soft life in your love life,
let's talk about that. What does it actually look like
to live the soft life in your love life? And
are you ready to at least imagine it? Because choosing
(31:57):
peace over chaos doesn't mean giving up passion, excitement, or connection.
It means giving up self abandonment. It means giving up hypervigilance,
people pleasing, and overfunctioning to be loved. Soft love says
(32:18):
you don't have to hustle for your worth. Here you
get to show up as you are rested and regulated
and respected. So what does soft love look like in
real life? Let's think about it. It's texting back when
you say you will. It's showing up when you say
(32:43):
you will. It's consistency without having to beg for it.
It's deep belly laughs instead of walking on eggshells. It's
being able to disagree with your partner without fearing abandoned.
It's choosing emotional safety over emotional intensity. Think of it
(33:11):
like this. Think of soft love like a easy Sunday
morning kind of love, Coffee in bed, honest conversations, knowing
that even on your worst days, you're still worthy of tenderness.
And here's the thing. When you've lived in survival mode,
when you've been conditioned to earn love through your effort,
(33:35):
this kind of love might feel foreign at first. You
might even question it. I get that. You might even
think is it too easy? Is there something I'm missing?
So there may be doubt for you at first, because
what's missing? There is something missing, But what's missing is anxiety.
(34:01):
But again, seft love isn't boring, even though it feels
that way, it's actually healing. It's not about laziness. It's
about the mutual effort that doesn't come at the cost
of your peace or your authenticity. So if you're choosing
soft love now, if you're waiting for the kind of
connection where your nervous system can actually feel safe, then
(34:24):
let me tell you you are not asking for too much.
You're asking for the kind of love you are always
meant to have, the kind that's going to honor your
softness and helps you stay soft even in perhaps a
hard world. So, according to the soft life movement, peace
(34:50):
is the new passion, and the soft life is not
just a trend. Psychologists tell us it's a rebellion against
everything that told you love had to be hard and
had to hurt to be real. So my question is,
(35:11):
are you ready for a soft love? Well, you're ready
if you're no longer attracted to emotionally unavailable people. Now
you may have to sit with that a little bit,
especially if you're in one of these trauma bonded, toxic
(35:34):
type of relationships, because you may be attracted to this person,
you're still in this bond with them, so you may
have to do the work first. You may want it,
but you're not ready for it, So you may have
to do the work first before you're no longer attracted
(35:54):
to the emotionally unavailable people. But if you're single and dating,
pay attention. You're ready for a soft love when you
don't confuse boredom with peace. Okay, So there's some self
love that's going to need to take place if you're
in this transition between as well get self love. It
(36:17):
should requires some self compassion as you transition as well.
You're also ready for a self love if you can
crave the support that your nervous system needs. If you're
craving that support and craving that stability and not the
dysregulation that you're used to, makes sense, So you gotta
(36:43):
really want it. So how do we get there? So
for your nervous system regulation, some of the tools of
the trade are going to always start with breath work.
Really learn how to breathe mindfully. Okay, lots of things
on YouTube you can pull up for breath work, take
(37:03):
a yoga class, anything that can help you learn to
regulate your breath into being the present moment. Of course,
therapy coaching, journaling is a great way to regulate your
nervous system. Really get out the emotions and the feelings
from your head onto paper and leave them there. It's
(37:24):
been proven to really help us. Now, another practice is
inner child healing. That is something you may or may
not be able to do on your own, but it's
all about becoming your own safe space. And we said
a lot of this stuff, this learning, this conditioning, your
(37:44):
defining of love and what you accept in relationships may
come from your childhood experiences and observations of love. So
your inner child healing is very important for this. I
have a soul CPR. The worst it's going to deal
with some of that. There are in therapy. It's there's
(38:06):
certainly you can deal with your inner child healing, but
that may have to be healed before you can be
ready and successful in a soft type of love. The third,
and I think possibly the final, most all encompassing tip
(38:27):
is be the soft partner that you seek, which first
is going to require the nervous system regulation and the
inner child healing. But be the partner you seek, Be kind,
have boundaries, honest communication, be emotionally available, be a compassionate person.
(38:52):
But if you are the people pleaser and you're with
the toxic person, that might all. You may have all
that in play, but you're also allowing that to be abused.
So it's understanding it and having it in a place
where you honor, no honor, and love thyself if that
makes sense. All right, so self love. You gotta want it,
(39:17):
you gotta prepare for it, and then you can call
it in for yourself. It is time for our third
and final break, and don't go far. We'll be more
with sulcypr my closing thoughts on this subject and other
things that are trending in love and relationships. Don't go
far will be that with more selcypr.
Speaker 4 (39:41):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse?
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining? Are you an aging
adult who wants to remain independent but you're not sure how.
(40:01):
I'm Pamela D. Wilson. Join me for the Carrying Generation
radio show for caregivers and aging adults Wednesday evenings, six Pacific,
seven Mountain, eighth Central, and nine Eastern, where I answer
these questions and share tips for managing stress, family relationships, health, wellbeing,
and more. Podcasts and transcripts of The Carrying Generation are
on my website Pamela Dwilson dot com, plus my caregiving library.
(40:26):
Online caregiver support programs and programs for corporations interested in
supporting working caregivers. Help, hope and support for caregivers is
here on The Carrying Generation and Pamela d Wilson dot com.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Mike Zorich a three time California state champion in Greco
Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike blind
six birth, was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was a
six time national placer, including two seconds, two thirds and
two fourths as one the Veterans Folk Style Wrestling twice
(41:03):
at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In all these tournaments,
he was the only blind competitor. Nancy Zurich a creative
spirit whose talents have taken her to the stage and
into galleries and exhibitions in several states. Her father, a
commercial artist who shared his instruments with his daughter and
helped her fine tune her natural abilities, influenced her decision
(41:26):
to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zorich has enjoyed a
fruitful career doing what she loves. Listen Saturday mornings at
twelve Eastern for the Nancy and Mike Show for heartwarming
stories and interesting talk on the BBM Global Network.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
Welcome back everyone. As we're coming to a close in
today's episode, I just want you to think about, as
you're redefining love that first you need to acknowledge the
damage of prior loves that were hurtful and harmful in
your life, and then you can work on healing the
patterns of unhealthy attachments that existed for you, whatever those
(42:08):
may have been, and then establish new healthy expectations, which
include a new definition of love. All Right, as we
talk about this soft life movement, all encompassing for your
entire life, including your love life, remember that soft love
isn't boring, it's actually brave. It takes courage to stop
(42:31):
chasing chaos and what you've known your whole life, perhaps
and choosing peace instead. You deserve a relationship that feels
like rest and not rescue perhaps is the right word.
So I'm going to ask you to think about these
two questions. What does emotional safety in love look like
(42:55):
for you? That might be something you could reflect on
in journaling. And where are you still confusing intensity for intimacy?
So what does emotional safety in love look like for you?
And where are you still confusing intensity for intimacy? I'll
(43:17):
leave you with those two questions to ponder as you're
considering ditching the drama and trading it in for the
soft life love. And as always, you do not have
to journey alone in this or anything that you're trying
to make a change in in your life. If you
(43:38):
have an addiction to toxic relationships, or you recognize your
stock in trauma bonds or unhealthy attachments, it's not your fault,
it's your conditioning. However, it is your responsibility to do
the work of healing to change your life. You're not
the first and you're not going to be the last
that's in this type of situation, But you do not
(43:58):
have to be where you are today tomorrow. Make a
decision to change your life, and the first steps already done.
Next reach out for support and you'll be on your way,
all right. I hope you found some inspiration in today's show,
And as we conclude this episode of Soul CPR Healing
out Loud, remember that healing is not a linear journey.
(44:20):
It is a process of profound transformation. And if today's
episode resonated with you, please share this podcast with those
who might need a lifeline of their own. Subscribe, rate
and leave a review to help us reach more hearts.
As always, you can connect with me at my website,
Skyviewcoaching dot com or on social media. You'll find me
(44:41):
on Facebook at Skyview Coaching or at Annpapayote on Instagram,
LinkedIn and x and thank you Zach Scott. The QR
code there up on screen and the website as well.
Let me know your thoughts, your stories, and the topics
you'd like to explore in future episodes, and we're certainly
going to look out on this show for you. There
are other hot topics in love and relationships that I'm
(45:04):
going to be bringing to you in future episodes, but
I do like to know what you would like to
hear about as well. Until next time, may you find
strength in your vulnerability, encouraging your journey. I thank you
for listening. Breathe deeply, love openly, and live soulfully.
Speaker 1 (45:22):
Good day everyone, This has been Soul CPR with host
and Papa Yode Breathe life back into your spirit with
each episode where she and special guests explore the relationships
that hurt us and discover that healing can only begin
with you. Tuesdays at three pm Eastern on the Bold
(45:45):
Brave TV network.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
S
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.