May 8, 2025 • 34 mins
Mother’s Day isn’t joyful for everyone. For some, it’s a day of grief, estrangement, unresolved trauma, or deep longing. In this special Soul CPR episode, we open space for the hearts that ache on this holiday—whether you’ve lost your mom, never had a relationship with her, are estranged, experienced emotional or physical abuse, feel unseen in your role as a mother, or long for the opportunity to be a mom. This conversation is about truth, tenderness, and the healing that comes when we give ourselves permission to feel what we feel—without guilt or pressure to perform “gratitude.” Join us as we unpack the different faces of mother wounds, share ways to honor your story, and offer gentle tools for self-compassion, grounding, and finding peace.
Hashtags: #soulcpr #motherwound #mothersday #mothersdaygrief #healingoutloud #emotionalhealing #childloss
#innerchildhealing #grievingmother #mentalhealthawareness #youarenotalone #breakthecycleofabuse #generationalhealing #beyourownmother #traumainformed #selfcompassion
#podcastforhealing
Hashtags: #soulcpr #motherwound #mothersday #mothersdaygrief #healingoutloud #emotionalhealing #childloss
#innerchildhealing #grievingmother #mentalhealthawareness #youarenotalone #breakthecycleofabuse #generationalhealing #beyourownmother #traumainformed #selfcompassion
#podcastforhealing
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The mother wound refers to the emotional pain, the unmet needs,
or the patterns of behavior that can be passed down
through generations due to the ways a mother may have
been emotionally absent, controlling, critical, neglectful, or even abusive. And
(00:24):
this wound often stems from societal pressures placed on women
and mothers, pressures that many couldn't live up to themselves,
in which they unconsciously passed on Psychologists. Doctor Mariy Covenant
defines the mother wound as the mother daughter pain carried
(00:48):
by a daughter when her mother is unable to love, nurture,
or accept her fully unable. It's different than unwilling right.
It also applies to sons too, in a different but
equally impactful way. Now, when we don't receive the kind
of love we need from the first person who is
(01:10):
supposed to care for us, it shapes everything our self worth,
our relationships, our voice, how we use it or how
we suppress it, even our ability to feel safe in
the world. The mother wound is often visible because we're
(01:31):
taught it's often invisible, I'm sorry, because we're often taught
to keep it quiet, to not speak ill of a parent.
If you will or to minimize our pain in the
face of their struggles, of her struggles, but unhealed, the
mother wound can manifest in us as people pleasing perfectionism,
(01:58):
guilt for setting boundaries, trust issues, difficulty trusting ourselves as
well as others. Of course, chronic self doubt and shame,
a pattern of choosing unavailable or critical partners, sort of
mirroring what we're used to, even emotional numbness and disconnection
(02:25):
in relationships. Does any of this sound like you if
you feel like you have the mother wound? So, speaking
of the differences, the mother wind does manifest differently in
boys or men compared to girls or women, largely due
to social conditioning and gender expectations, but the emotional impact
(02:48):
is just as jeep. So let's break down those differences
for girls and women. The mother wind frequently centers around identity,
self emotional expression, even appearance. And I can tell you
even on the Self Love Retreat, I believe I did
talk about it on the show. A lot of appearance,
(03:11):
a lot of how women view themselves even now in
their forties, fifties, sixties, still comes back to something their
mother criticized in their childhood daughters may internalize that criticism.
They may compete for attention from their mom, or feel
(03:32):
pressure to meet an emotional criteria or even a societal
standard that their mother also struggled with. And their mother
may have imposed this on them, trying in her mind
to protect them from criticism from others. But it set
(03:54):
their daughter up for a terrible internal self criticism, right,
and this can result in people pleasing low self esteem
or difficulty asserting boundaries. So again, for girls and women,
mother wound often centers around identity, worth, appearance, emotional expression,
(04:20):
So girls may receive messages like play nice, be nice,
don't be too much, never be too much right, don't
outshine your mother. I've had clients tell me they were
supposed to play small, care for others before yourself. Wow.
(04:50):
Can you imagine how that shows up in life? And
this again leads to people pleasing self sacrifice, perfectionism, body
image struggles, emotional caretaking of their mother, yes all right.
For boys and men, the wound often shows up as
(05:12):
emotional suppression and confusion about intimacy. Sons of emotionally unavailable
or overbearing mothers may be taught that vulnerability is a weakness.
Or it may be used as men and boys may
(05:35):
be used as emotional surrogates for their mother's unmeat emotional needs.
You know what I mean by that, Like he becomes
their the main man in their life and as adults,
this can lead to fear of commitment, chronic guilt, emotional shutdown,
(05:55):
or the pursuit of validation through romantic relationships. So for
boys and men, boys often experienced the mother went through
emotional disconnection, shame for being vulnerable, or over dependence if
boundaries were not set. Boys may be taught not to cry.
(06:19):
Real men don't cry. Man up those kind of statements.
Don't be a mama's boy, but be mama's boy. Did
you see the confusion? Be mama's boy, and that be
mama's man. If the mother was emotionally unavailable, overbearing, or
(06:43):
use the son to meet her own emotional needs, which
is a form of covert enmeshment we call it, He's
likely to struggle with emotional regulation of his own feel
guilt and fear around having any kind of independence, and
is likely going to experience difficulty committing to or trusting
(07:05):
partners in his adult relationships. He's going to seek maternal
validation in romantic relationships. So, ladies, if you feel like
you're his mother, think about this, and he's likely to
have unresolved anger or avoid intimacy altogether. So in short,
(07:26):
girls often internalize their mother's unhealed pain and mold themselves
to be lovable or acceptable, and boys may externalize or
suppress their pain and become emotionally guarded or overly attached
(07:47):
to maternal figures. In both cases, the pain is real,
valid and worthy of healing. So recognizing it and naming
it is the first step. And it's courageous. It's courageous,
(08:10):
all right. So that's talking about the trauma related to
a mom, or the abuse or the neglect related to
a mom. Let's talk about some of those other points
we brought up in the first segment, other pain points
when it comes to Mother's Day, I want to say
to the mom who feels unappreciated and unloved, I see
(08:33):
that you've given a lot. I see you in my practices,
I hear you speak. You may have worked hard and
sacrificed and shown up in the best ways you knew how,
and yet your child seems distant and ungrateful, or maybe
even angry, and that hurts deeply. I want to ask
(08:55):
you to ask yourself this, what if there's more to
the story, Because sometimes love gets tangled in control or
fear or unmet emotional needs. What feels like care to
you may have felt like pressure, criticism, or emotional suffocation
to them. What you meant as guidance may have landed
(09:18):
as judgment. What felt like protection to you may have
felt like a cage to them. This doesn't mean you've
done anything wrong. It means you're human. We all parent
through the lens of our own wounds until we choose
to see them and heal them. Love without awareness can
(09:42):
still cause pain. So if your child is pulling away
or asking for space, they might not be rejecting your love,
but rather trying to breathe. That's hard to hear, but
it's also an invitation. It's an invitation to get curious,
(10:07):
to ask rather than to accuse, and to listen without defense.
Healing is possible even now, But healing starts with humility,
not with guilt, with reflection, not resentment. Just remember that
(10:30):
being a good mom isn't about perfection. It's about being
willing and open to grow. So take a step back,
and it's not your fault, it's your responsibility because these
generational wounds will keep being passed down until we break
(10:51):
the patterns. So step back, take an observation, get curious,
to have a conversation. And for those of you who
have possibly chosen estrangement from your mom's I ask you this,
have you given them the opportunity to understand your why?
(11:16):
My advice is always in any relationship to give the
other person the opportunity the opportunity to understand by communicating
with clarity and without judgment, and when doing so, allowing
them time and space to process without expectation of a
(11:38):
particular income outcome. A particular outcome, does this make sense?
In essence, opportunity to understand does not guarantee the ability
or the willingness to understand. That's why you have to
let go of the outcome. While I would say still
(11:59):
hoping for it, hope is always good because hope keeps
things afloat. Now, if you've done this already and you're
at peace, then so be it. But if you're not
at peace, ask yourself why. It may be because there
was no clear, respectful opportunity given. And if they've chosen
(12:24):
to be estranged from you. This can happen in reverse. Right,
then you can step up and ask for clarity, Ask
for the opportunity to understand, so that if there is
something that you can take responsibility for having had no
awareness of, but can now adjust your behavior accordingly to
(12:49):
reconcile the relationship. The bravo Again, ask without judgment and
without expectation that they will meet your request. At least
you will know you've done what you can to influence
the situation. Now to the mother navigating divorce and custody,
(13:13):
I've also been you right. This isn't what you've ever imagined,
is it? Calendar's court dates in tea rooms, quiet in
your house? You feel torn apart, literally, I remember it
(13:33):
so kay to grieve this. In fact, you must grieve
this while they're gone. While they're away the moments that
you're going to miss them, grieve those. Recognize the feelings,
the guilt, the fear, even that you're going to be
feeling everything, every feeling that pops up. Note it, it's real.
(14:00):
Respect it. But remember this. The truth is, your bond
with your child is greater than this time apart. You
have to remember that when you're together, be present, be
consistent for them, recharge when you're not with them. That's
(14:25):
very important, so that you can be present, fully and
holy and at your best when they return to you.
Even if another woman comes into their lives, and I
know how difficult that is as well. No one will
replace you. You are still their mom. You are their
(14:46):
safe place, you are their soft place to fall, You
are their landing, you are their home if you choose
to still be so, take care of you. Listen. Motherhood
after divorce is a new kind of strength. It requires
you to show up strong when it's hard, but you
(15:14):
can do it, and you can pull on your love,
source your strength from the love that you have for
your children. To do this, it requires you to let
go of the things that are outside of your control,
and it requires you to love them through all of
(15:35):
it and allow them to love others, and that can
be a difficult one. This Mother's Day, honor yourself. It's
time for our second break. Don't go far, We'll be
back with more sulcypr.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
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(16:50):
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Speaker 3 (16:57):
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(17:17):
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Speaker 1 (18:00):
Thank you for joining me today on CELCPR. Right here
on Bold Brave TV, we were talking about Mother's Day
and all the different pains associated with it. Sometimes we're grieving,
we're not celebrating, So let's talk about now the tools
we're healing and how to hold ourself through this holiday.
I haven't spoken to those of you who are grieving,
(18:22):
perhaps the loss of a beloved mother this Mother's Day.
I also know this pain. Sometimes there are no words
big enough to hold the space that your mom once filled.
Her love may have been your anchor, your safe place,
(18:42):
you're guiding light. And now the world feels different without
her in it. It might be quiet or emptier, maybe
even surreal. I know I still want to pick up
the phone and call my mom about something. And she's
been passed for eight years now. But grief like this
(19:05):
doesn't have a timeline. It shows up in those unexpected moments,
like in a song, a favorite song, of photograph, a recipe,
the scent of her perfume. It lives in the love
she gave you, in all the ways she shaped who
you are, so in that way, this day on the
calendar can be especially tender because you can't call her,
(19:30):
because you can't send her flowers or a card. Everyone
else seems to be celebrating, perhaps while your heart is aching.
So please be gentle with yourself. Let yourself cry or
smile at a memory light. A candle holds something of
hers close. Whatever brings comfort is sacred. There's no right
(19:50):
or wrong way to remember your mom. Your pain is
a reflection of your love. Remember that it doesn't mean
you're stuck. It means that she mattered and that she
still does. You're not alone in missing her, and you
are allowed to carry her with you always so to
(20:11):
those there are those also who never even knew their mom. Right, so,
whether your mom passed before you could remember her. I
have one client whose mom passed when she was too
She doesn't remember her, or left before you understood why,
(20:32):
or was physically present but emotionally absent. For whatever reason,
that you never knew your mom, you carry a unique
kind of ache, and this is perhaps the pain of
just not knowing, not knowing maybe what her voice sounded like,
(20:54):
or her laugh, or not knowing what it feels like
to have been by her, not knowing if you some
of you, if you look like her or act like her,
or if she thought of you, And that can be confusing,
that kind of emptiness, and it's invisible to others, but
(21:15):
it's very real for you, and you may feel like
you missed out on something kind of sacred, and that
loss is valid even if people around you don't talk
about it or try to minimize it. Just know that
your worth is not defined by who was or was
not there to raise you. You're not broken or abandoned
(21:39):
at your core, and you're allowed to grieve what you
never had while also creating you kinds of love and
belonging and family in your life. And I really encourage
you to listen to next week's show, to Johnny's creation
of bringing in different women into this life and consider them,
(22:02):
considering them moms. But no, it's okay to mourn the unknown,
and it's okay to long for connection that never existed.
You deserve to be mothered and it's still possible to
nurture that part of you now with gentleness, with intention,
and by healing now. Regardless of which pain point is
(22:29):
your backstory, and if I missed any backstory, pain points
today that hold your own close to your heart now,
regardless of it, what do we do with the pain?
How do we survive or even soften it on a
(22:50):
day like this on the calendar? How do we heal?
So let's talk about some of the tools that we
can use. Okay, let's explore some of them. These are
some of the gentler ones that I can share with you.
One is you have to give yourself permission to feel,
and what I mean by that is let your self grieve, cry.
(23:16):
Rage was a big word at support group last night.
Rage or feel nothing at all. There's no right way
to move through Mother's day grief. Okay, But permission to
feel whatever it is that you feel. Creating a ritual
is proven to be helpful for people as they deal
(23:40):
with their emotions, whatever that may need to be for you.
Lighting a candle, writing a letter to the mother you lost,
never had, or wish you'd had. Burn it, bury it,
keep it, reread it your over years, see if your
feelings change. Whatever brings you an emotion. Release grounding practices
(24:04):
is another one, and by that it's just that deep breathing,
maybe holding something soft, taking a walk, allowing your bare
feet to actually touch the earth, or cutting a flower
from your garden. Reminding yourself that you're safe and that
(24:26):
your life is beautiful, regardless of your experience. Inner child
work is so important for those who have trauma in
your past, and this means you're gonna parent yourself. You're
gonna mother yourself. Talk to the younger version of yourself,
the child who just wanted to be held, senor love.
(24:48):
Let them know that you're here for them, now that
you are the protector, the nurture, or the compassionate caregiver
they can now depend on. You're gonna have to listen
to the inner narrative and stop talking to yourself in
a critical way, and if the messaging's still there, you've
got to change it. Not your fault, but it is
(25:10):
your responsibility to heal. The other thing I would say
that would be important around the holiday is to limit
social media if it triggers you. You're allowed to take
a break from everybody else's picture perfect tributes. Right, protect
your piece. It's just a personal boundary. Put it in place.
(25:32):
Boundaries are for protection. And then if you want honor
chosen mothers like my guests next week, if you had
a mentor, an aunt, a friend who mothered you in
some way, honor that relationship. In fact, if you could
call one woman who was motherly toward you to show
(25:55):
gratitude toward her, who would it be. By the way,
did you know that, according to history dot Com, more
phone calls are made on Mother's Day than any other
day of the year, and that these holiday chats with
mom often calls fun traffic to spike by as much
as thirty seven percent. I think that's a pretty cool statistic. Yeah,
(26:18):
So who would you call? Who would it be? Is
it your own mom or is there someone who represented
a mom. I have a friend who actually has honored
me her mother passed away, honored me with flowers as
a mom role figure to her, as she has done
(26:39):
that to different women. Every year she sends flowers to
a different woman who's a mother figure to her. It's
a beautiful gesture, be your own mother. What would a loving, wise,
nurturing mom say to you right now? Say it to
yourself out loud as we do on this show. Those
(27:01):
are my suggestions for you. We're going to take her
final break and come back with some closing thoughts and comments.
Don't go far. We'll be back with marcel cypr.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Mike Zorich a three time California state champion in Greco
Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike blind
six birth, was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was a
six time national placer, including two seconds, two thirds, and
two fourths. He also won the Veteran's Folk Style Wrestling
(27:32):
twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In all
these tournaments, he was the only blind competitor. Nancy Zorich
a creative spirit whose talents have taken her to the
stage and into galleries and exhibitions in several states. Her father,
a commercial artist, who shared his instruments with his daughter
and helped her fine tune her natural abilities, influenced her
(27:55):
decision to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zorich has enjoyed
a fruitful doing what she loves. Listen Saturday mornings at
twelve Eastern for the Nancy and Mike Show for heartwarming
stories and interesting talk on the BBM Global Network. Doctor
rc will share extraordinary resources and services that promote educational
(28:19):
success as well as making a difference in the lives
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(28:42):
life facts, examples and personal stories that will confirm that
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(29:06):
families and communities across our nation. You can also visit
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Speaker 1 (29:20):
Welcome back everyone. So in this closing segment, I always
like to give a key takeaway, and I think mine
today is that if you're struggling with Mother's Day as
a holiday, how to approach it, how to celebrate it,
how to avoid it? I think it's really about reframing
and reclaiming the day, no matter your pain point. Look,
motherhood isn't one size fits all. It isn't just biology
(29:45):
or a hallmark card. It's nurturing, its love, and it
can come from within you if you haven't had it
from outside of you. You can mother your own heart.
You can mother others in your community if you haven't
had the opportunity to mother your own. You can define
this day for yourself. Maybe today becomes a day of rest,
(30:06):
or a day of reflection, a day where you choose
compassion over some kind of performance or expectation. Whatever it becomes,
may it be honest, excuse me, and may it sorry,
May it serve your healing. I want sorry, I got
(30:39):
choked up. I wanted.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
To share with you.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
That we'll let me try again. Here we go this
Mother's Day week, I've had the pleasure of watching a
Mallard duck mom who has chosen to make a nest
(31:07):
and lay her eggs in the mulch, which she blends
so nicely with tugged in beneath the mendovillas by my pool,
tells me her ducklings first whim will likely be in
my pool. So while there will likely be a lot
of clean up to do after they're born, after they hatch,
I should say I've gotten my family's commitment to not
(31:29):
disturb the nest and to allow this mom and her
ducklings to have a chance. So talk about sacrifice and commitment.
She sits there twenty three of twenty four hours a
day in wind and rain, doing absolutely all she can
for this very important time in their development. She is
(31:54):
fully committed to her role. My husband even put a
camera where we can watch these next few weeks unfold.
Now we do back up to a creek area, so
I'm hoping that I don't see predators or it's going
to be another grief stricken mothering event for me. But
I've named her Darcy, and I'll keep you posted, but
(32:16):
again I do. I don't know if you could hear
me when I was choking up, but I do want
to encourage you to honor this Mother's Day in whatever
way that you need it, and a day of reflection
sometimes is all we need. As we conclude this episode
of SOULCPR Healing out Loud, I want to remind you
(32:37):
that healing is not a linear journey. It's a process
of profound transformation. And if today's story and episode resonated
with you, please share the podcast with those who might
need a lifeline of their own. Subscribe, rate and leave
a review to help us reach more hearts. You can
connect with me at my website at Skyviewcoaching dot com
or on social media. You'll find me at Facebook at
(32:59):
Skyview Coaching and at Anne Papayotte on Instagram, LinkedIn and
x and Viewers can always gin my QR code. Thank
you Dan for beiding it up, or you can find
me at skyview Coaching dot com straight up. Let me
know your thoughts, your stories, and topics you'd like to
explore in future episodes, and today, I'd really like to
dedicate this episode to my mom, Evelyn Linzi, who was
(33:22):
a wonderful mom and who wanted children so much so
that it took her eleven years three miscarriages. There was
no in vitro back in that day, but it meant
so much to her. And I'm so happy for her
that she was able to have my brother and myself.
And when you want something that badly, you really dedicate
(33:44):
yourself to it. And I'm thinking of her as I
watch the Stuck this year, and I think that's going
to be my way of honoring her as taking care
of the Stuck. Anyway, until next time, everyone, may you
find strength and your vulnerability and couraging your journey. I
think you for listening. Breathe deeply, love openly, live soulfully.
I wish you are meaningful and a healing mothers. Stay
(34:06):
waking ahead. Good day everyone.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
This has been Soul CPR with host and Papa Yode
Breathe life back into your spirit with each episode where
she and special guests explore the relationships that hurt us
and discover that healing can only begin with you. Tuesdays
at three pm Eastern on the Bold Brave TV Network
The mother wound refers to the emotional pain, the unmet needs,
or the patterns of behavior that can be passed down
through generations due to the ways a mother may have
been emotionally absent, controlling, critical, neglectful, or even abusive. And
(00:24):
this wound often stems from societal pressures placed on women
and mothers, pressures that many couldn't live up to themselves,
in which they unconsciously passed on Psychologists. Doctor Mariy Covenant
defines the mother wound as the mother daughter pain carried
(00:48):
by a daughter when her mother is unable to love, nurture,
or accept her fully unable. It's different than unwilling right.
It also applies to sons too, in a different but
equally impactful way. Now, when we don't receive the kind
of love we need from the first person who is
(01:10):
supposed to care for us, it shapes everything our self worth,
our relationships, our voice, how we use it or how
we suppress it, even our ability to feel safe in
the world. The mother wound is often visible because we're
(01:31):
taught it's often invisible, I'm sorry, because we're often taught
to keep it quiet, to not speak ill of a parent.
If you will or to minimize our pain in the
face of their struggles, of her struggles, but unhealed, the
mother wound can manifest in us as people pleasing perfectionism,
(01:58):
guilt for setting boundaries, trust issues, difficulty trusting ourselves as
well as others. Of course, chronic self doubt and shame,
a pattern of choosing unavailable or critical partners, sort of
mirroring what we're used to, even emotional numbness and disconnection
(02:25):
in relationships. Does any of this sound like you if
you feel like you have the mother wound? So, speaking
of the differences, the mother wind does manifest differently in
boys or men compared to girls or women, largely due
to social conditioning and gender expectations, but the emotional impact
(02:48):
is just as jeep. So let's break down those differences
for girls and women. The mother wind frequently centers around identity,
self emotional expression, even appearance. And I can tell you
even on the Self Love Retreat, I believe I did
talk about it on the show. A lot of appearance,
(03:11):
a lot of how women view themselves even now in
their forties, fifties, sixties, still comes back to something their
mother criticized in their childhood daughters may internalize that criticism.
They may compete for attention from their mom, or feel
(03:32):
pressure to meet an emotional criteria or even a societal
standard that their mother also struggled with. And their mother
may have imposed this on them, trying in her mind
to protect them from criticism from others. But it set
(03:54):
their daughter up for a terrible internal self criticism, right,
and this can result in people pleasing low self esteem
or difficulty asserting boundaries. So again, for girls and women,
mother wound often centers around identity, worth, appearance, emotional expression,
(04:20):
So girls may receive messages like play nice, be nice,
don't be too much, never be too much right, don't
outshine your mother. I've had clients tell me they were
supposed to play small, care for others before yourself. Wow.
(04:50):
Can you imagine how that shows up in life? And
this again leads to people pleasing self sacrifice, perfectionism, body
image struggles, emotional caretaking of their mother, yes all right.
For boys and men, the wound often shows up as
(05:12):
emotional suppression and confusion about intimacy. Sons of emotionally unavailable
or overbearing mothers may be taught that vulnerability is a weakness.
Or it may be used as men and boys may
(05:35):
be used as emotional surrogates for their mother's unmeat emotional needs.
You know what I mean by that, Like he becomes
their the main man in their life and as adults,
this can lead to fear of commitment, chronic guilt, emotional shutdown,
(05:55):
or the pursuit of validation through romantic relationships. So for
boys and men, boys often experienced the mother went through
emotional disconnection, shame for being vulnerable, or over dependence if
boundaries were not set. Boys may be taught not to cry.
(06:19):
Real men don't cry. Man up those kind of statements.
Don't be a mama's boy, but be mama's boy. Did
you see the confusion? Be mama's boy, and that be
mama's man. If the mother was emotionally unavailable, overbearing, or
(06:43):
use the son to meet her own emotional needs, which
is a form of covert enmeshment we call it, He's
likely to struggle with emotional regulation of his own feel
guilt and fear around having any kind of independence, and
is likely going to experience difficulty committing to or trusting
(07:05):
partners in his adult relationships. He's going to seek maternal
validation in romantic relationships. So, ladies, if you feel like
you're his mother, think about this, and he's likely to
have unresolved anger or avoid intimacy altogether. So in short,
(07:26):
girls often internalize their mother's unhealed pain and mold themselves
to be lovable or acceptable, and boys may externalize or
suppress their pain and become emotionally guarded or overly attached
(07:47):
to maternal figures. In both cases, the pain is real,
valid and worthy of healing. So recognizing it and naming
it is the first step. And it's courageous. It's courageous,
(08:10):
all right. So that's talking about the trauma related to
a mom, or the abuse or the neglect related to
a mom. Let's talk about some of those other points
we brought up in the first segment, other pain points
when it comes to Mother's Day, I want to say
to the mom who feels unappreciated and unloved, I see
(08:33):
that you've given a lot. I see you in my practices,
I hear you speak. You may have worked hard and
sacrificed and shown up in the best ways you knew how,
and yet your child seems distant and ungrateful, or maybe
even angry, and that hurts deeply. I want to ask
(08:55):
you to ask yourself this, what if there's more to
the story, Because sometimes love gets tangled in control or
fear or unmet emotional needs. What feels like care to
you may have felt like pressure, criticism, or emotional suffocation
to them. What you meant as guidance may have landed
(09:18):
as judgment. What felt like protection to you may have
felt like a cage to them. This doesn't mean you've
done anything wrong. It means you're human. We all parent
through the lens of our own wounds until we choose
to see them and heal them. Love without awareness can
(09:42):
still cause pain. So if your child is pulling away
or asking for space, they might not be rejecting your love,
but rather trying to breathe. That's hard to hear, but
it's also an invitation. It's an invitation to get curious,
(10:07):
to ask rather than to accuse, and to listen without defense.
Healing is possible even now, But healing starts with humility,
not with guilt, with reflection, not resentment. Just remember that
(10:30):
being a good mom isn't about perfection. It's about being
willing and open to grow. So take a step back,
and it's not your fault, it's your responsibility because these
generational wounds will keep being passed down until we break
(10:51):
the patterns. So step back, take an observation, get curious,
to have a conversation. And for those of you who
have possibly chosen estrangement from your mom's I ask you this,
have you given them the opportunity to understand your why?
(11:16):
My advice is always in any relationship to give the
other person the opportunity the opportunity to understand by communicating
with clarity and without judgment, and when doing so, allowing
them time and space to process without expectation of a
(11:38):
particular income outcome. A particular outcome, does this make sense?
In essence, opportunity to understand does not guarantee the ability
or the willingness to understand. That's why you have to
let go of the outcome. While I would say still
(11:59):
hoping for it, hope is always good because hope keeps
things afloat. Now, if you've done this already and you're
at peace, then so be it. But if you're not
at peace, ask yourself why. It may be because there
was no clear, respectful opportunity given. And if they've chosen
(12:24):
to be estranged from you. This can happen in reverse. Right,
then you can step up and ask for clarity, Ask
for the opportunity to understand, so that if there is
something that you can take responsibility for having had no
awareness of, but can now adjust your behavior accordingly to
(12:49):
reconcile the relationship. The bravo Again, ask without judgment and
without expectation that they will meet your request. At least
you will know you've done what you can to influence
the situation. Now to the mother navigating divorce and custody,
(13:13):
I've also been you right. This isn't what you've ever imagined,
is it? Calendar's court dates in tea rooms, quiet in
your house? You feel torn apart, literally, I remember it
(13:33):
so kay to grieve this. In fact, you must grieve
this while they're gone. While they're away the moments that
you're going to miss them, grieve those. Recognize the feelings,
the guilt, the fear, even that you're going to be
feeling everything, every feeling that pops up. Note it, it's real.
(14:00):
Respect it. But remember this. The truth is, your bond
with your child is greater than this time apart. You
have to remember that when you're together, be present, be
consistent for them, recharge when you're not with them. That's
(14:25):
very important, so that you can be present, fully and
holy and at your best when they return to you.
Even if another woman comes into their lives, and I
know how difficult that is as well. No one will
replace you. You are still their mom. You are their
(14:46):
safe place, you are their soft place to fall, You
are their landing, you are their home if you choose
to still be so, take care of you. Listen. Motherhood
after divorce is a new kind of strength. It requires
you to show up strong when it's hard, but you
(15:14):
can do it, and you can pull on your love,
source your strength from the love that you have for
your children. To do this, it requires you to let
go of the things that are outside of your control,
and it requires you to love them through all of
(15:35):
it and allow them to love others, and that can
be a difficult one. This Mother's Day, honor yourself. It's
time for our second break. Don't go far, We'll be
back with more sulcypr.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
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(16:50):
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(17:17):
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(17:37):
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Speaker 1 (18:00):
Thank you for joining me today on CELCPR. Right here
on Bold Brave TV, we were talking about Mother's Day
and all the different pains associated with it. Sometimes we're grieving,
we're not celebrating, So let's talk about now the tools
we're healing and how to hold ourself through this holiday.
I haven't spoken to those of you who are grieving,
(18:22):
perhaps the loss of a beloved mother this Mother's Day.
I also know this pain. Sometimes there are no words
big enough to hold the space that your mom once filled.
Her love may have been your anchor, your safe place,
(18:42):
you're guiding light. And now the world feels different without
her in it. It might be quiet or emptier, maybe
even surreal. I know I still want to pick up
the phone and call my mom about something. And she's
been passed for eight years now. But grief like this
(19:05):
doesn't have a timeline. It shows up in those unexpected moments,
like in a song, a favorite song, of photograph, a recipe,
the scent of her perfume. It lives in the love
she gave you, in all the ways she shaped who
you are, so in that way, this day on the
calendar can be especially tender because you can't call her,
(19:30):
because you can't send her flowers or a card. Everyone
else seems to be celebrating, perhaps while your heart is aching.
So please be gentle with yourself. Let yourself cry or
smile at a memory light. A candle holds something of
hers close. Whatever brings comfort is sacred. There's no right
(19:50):
or wrong way to remember your mom. Your pain is
a reflection of your love. Remember that it doesn't mean
you're stuck. It means that she mattered and that she
still does. You're not alone in missing her, and you
are allowed to carry her with you always so to
(20:11):
those there are those also who never even knew their mom. Right, so,
whether your mom passed before you could remember her. I
have one client whose mom passed when she was too
She doesn't remember her, or left before you understood why,
(20:32):
or was physically present but emotionally absent. For whatever reason,
that you never knew your mom, you carry a unique
kind of ache, and this is perhaps the pain of
just not knowing, not knowing maybe what her voice sounded like,
(20:54):
or her laugh, or not knowing what it feels like
to have been by her, not knowing if you some
of you, if you look like her or act like her,
or if she thought of you, And that can be confusing,
that kind of emptiness, and it's invisible to others, but
(21:15):
it's very real for you, and you may feel like
you missed out on something kind of sacred, and that
loss is valid even if people around you don't talk
about it or try to minimize it. Just know that
your worth is not defined by who was or was
not there to raise you. You're not broken or abandoned
(21:39):
at your core, and you're allowed to grieve what you
never had while also creating you kinds of love and
belonging and family in your life. And I really encourage
you to listen to next week's show, to Johnny's creation
of bringing in different women into this life and consider them,
(22:02):
considering them moms. But no, it's okay to mourn the unknown,
and it's okay to long for connection that never existed.
You deserve to be mothered and it's still possible to
nurture that part of you now with gentleness, with intention,
and by healing now. Regardless of which pain point is
(22:29):
your backstory, and if I missed any backstory, pain points
today that hold your own close to your heart now,
regardless of it, what do we do with the pain?
How do we survive or even soften it on a
(22:50):
day like this on the calendar? How do we heal?
So let's talk about some of the tools that we
can use. Okay, let's explore some of them. These are
some of the gentler ones that I can share with you.
One is you have to give yourself permission to feel,
and what I mean by that is let your self grieve, cry.
(23:16):
Rage was a big word at support group last night.
Rage or feel nothing at all. There's no right way
to move through Mother's day grief. Okay, But permission to
feel whatever it is that you feel. Creating a ritual
is proven to be helpful for people as they deal
(23:40):
with their emotions, whatever that may need to be for you.
Lighting a candle, writing a letter to the mother you lost,
never had, or wish you'd had. Burn it, bury it,
keep it, reread it your over years, see if your
feelings change. Whatever brings you an emotion. Release grounding practices
(24:04):
is another one, and by that it's just that deep breathing,
maybe holding something soft, taking a walk, allowing your bare
feet to actually touch the earth, or cutting a flower
from your garden. Reminding yourself that you're safe and that
(24:26):
your life is beautiful, regardless of your experience. Inner child
work is so important for those who have trauma in
your past, and this means you're gonna parent yourself. You're
gonna mother yourself. Talk to the younger version of yourself,
the child who just wanted to be held, senor love.
(24:48):
Let them know that you're here for them, now that
you are the protector, the nurture, or the compassionate caregiver
they can now depend on. You're gonna have to listen
to the inner narrative and stop talking to yourself in
a critical way, and if the messaging's still there, you've
got to change it. Not your fault, but it is
(25:10):
your responsibility to heal. The other thing I would say
that would be important around the holiday is to limit
social media if it triggers you. You're allowed to take
a break from everybody else's picture perfect tributes. Right, protect
your piece. It's just a personal boundary. Put it in place.
(25:32):
Boundaries are for protection. And then if you want honor
chosen mothers like my guests next week, if you had
a mentor, an aunt, a friend who mothered you in
some way, honor that relationship. In fact, if you could
call one woman who was motherly toward you to show
(25:55):
gratitude toward her, who would it be. By the way,
did you know that, according to history dot Com, more
phone calls are made on Mother's Day than any other
day of the year, and that these holiday chats with
mom often calls fun traffic to spike by as much
as thirty seven percent. I think that's a pretty cool statistic. Yeah,
(26:18):
So who would you call? Who would it be? Is
it your own mom or is there someone who represented
a mom. I have a friend who actually has honored
me her mother passed away, honored me with flowers as
a mom role figure to her, as she has done
(26:39):
that to different women. Every year she sends flowers to
a different woman who's a mother figure to her. It's
a beautiful gesture, be your own mother. What would a loving, wise,
nurturing mom say to you right now? Say it to
yourself out loud as we do on this show. Those
(27:01):
are my suggestions for you. We're going to take her
final break and come back with some closing thoughts and comments.
Don't go far. We'll be back with marcel cypr.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Mike Zorich a three time California state champion in Greco
Roman wrestling at one hundred and fourteen pounds. Mike blind
six birth, was born in Hartford, Connecticut. He was a
six time national placer, including two seconds, two thirds, and
two fourths. He also won the Veteran's Folk Style Wrestling
(27:32):
twice at one hundred and fifty two pounds. In all
these tournaments, he was the only blind competitor. Nancy Zorich
a creative spirit whose talents have taken her to the
stage and into galleries and exhibitions in several states. Her father,
a commercial artist, who shared his instruments with his daughter
and helped her fine tune her natural abilities, influenced her
(27:55):
decision to follow in his footsteps. Miss Zorich has enjoyed
a fruitful doing what she loves. Listen Saturday mornings at
twelve Eastern for the Nancy and Mike Show for heartwarming
stories and interesting talk on the BBM Global Network. Doctor
rc will share extraordinary resources and services that promote educational
(28:19):
success as well as making a difference in the lives
of all social workers as well as the lives of children,
adolescents and teens of today. She will have open discussions
addressing many of the issues that we face about our
youth and how being employed in the uniquely skilled profession
of social work for over eighteen years has taught invaluable
lessons through her personal experiences. She will also provide real
(28:42):
life facts, examples and personal stories that will confirm that
why serving as a child advocate is extremely beneficial when
addressing the needs of the whole child. Listen Live to
Dare to Soar Saturdays ten am Eastern on the BBM
Global Network and tune in Radio as Doctor will provide
thought provoking information that will empower encourage and strengthen students,
(29:06):
families and communities across our nation. You can also visit
her at Soarwithkatie dot com.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Welcome back everyone. So in this closing segment, I always
like to give a key takeaway, and I think mine
today is that if you're struggling with Mother's Day as
a holiday, how to approach it, how to celebrate it,
how to avoid it? I think it's really about reframing
and reclaiming the day, no matter your pain point. Look,
motherhood isn't one size fits all. It isn't just biology
(29:45):
or a hallmark card. It's nurturing, its love, and it
can come from within you if you haven't had it
from outside of you. You can mother your own heart.
You can mother others in your community if you haven't
had the opportunity to mother your own. You can define
this day for yourself. Maybe today becomes a day of rest,
(30:06):
or a day of reflection, a day where you choose
compassion over some kind of performance or expectation. Whatever it becomes,
may it be honest, excuse me, and may it sorry,
May it serve your healing. I want sorry, I got
(30:39):
choked up. I wanted.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
To share with you.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
That we'll let me try again. Here we go this
Mother's Day week, I've had the pleasure of watching a
Mallard duck mom who has chosen to make a nest
(31:07):
and lay her eggs in the mulch, which she blends
so nicely with tugged in beneath the mendovillas by my pool,
tells me her ducklings first whim will likely be in
my pool. So while there will likely be a lot
of clean up to do after they're born, after they hatch,
I should say I've gotten my family's commitment to not
(31:29):
disturb the nest and to allow this mom and her
ducklings to have a chance. So talk about sacrifice and commitment.
She sits there twenty three of twenty four hours a
day in wind and rain, doing absolutely all she can
for this very important time in their development. She is
(31:54):
fully committed to her role. My husband even put a
camera where we can watch these next few weeks unfold.
Now we do back up to a creek area, so
I'm hoping that I don't see predators or it's going
to be another grief stricken mothering event for me. But
I've named her Darcy, and I'll keep you posted, but
(32:16):
again I do. I don't know if you could hear
me when I was choking up, but I do want
to encourage you to honor this Mother's Day in whatever
way that you need it, and a day of reflection
sometimes is all we need. As we conclude this episode
of SOULCPR Healing out Loud, I want to remind you
(32:37):
that healing is not a linear journey. It's a process
of profound transformation. And if today's story and episode resonated
with you, please share the podcast with those who might
need a lifeline of their own. Subscribe, rate and leave
a review to help us reach more hearts. You can
connect with me at my website at Skyviewcoaching dot com
or on social media. You'll find me at Facebook at
(32:59):
Skyview Coaching and at Anne Papayotte on Instagram, LinkedIn and
x and Viewers can always gin my QR code. Thank
you Dan for beiding it up, or you can find
me at skyview Coaching dot com straight up. Let me
know your thoughts, your stories, and topics you'd like to
explore in future episodes, and today, I'd really like to
dedicate this episode to my mom, Evelyn Linzi, who was
(33:22):
a wonderful mom and who wanted children so much so
that it took her eleven years three miscarriages. There was
no in vitro back in that day, but it meant
so much to her. And I'm so happy for her
that she was able to have my brother and myself.
And when you want something that badly, you really dedicate
(33:44):
yourself to it. And I'm thinking of her as I
watch the Stuck this year, and I think that's going
to be my way of honoring her as taking care
of the Stuck. Anyway, until next time, everyone, may you
find strength and your vulnerability and couraging your journey. I
think you for listening. Breathe deeply, love openly, live soulfully.
I wish you are meaningful and a healing mothers. Stay
(34:06):
waking ahead. Good day everyone.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
This has been Soul CPR with host and Papa Yode
Breathe life back into your spirit with each episode where
she and special guests explore the relationships that hurt us
and discover that healing can only begin with you. Tuesdays
at three pm Eastern on the Bold Brave TV Network
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