March 11, 2025 • 46 mins
In this milestone episode of Soul CPR Healing Out Loud, we’re diving into the truth about manifestation and how it differs from magical thinking—especially when it comes to finding love. Are you truly aligning with the energy of love, or just hoping the universe drops your soulmate at your doorstep? We'll break down the mindset shifts, actions, and beliefs that turn wishful thinking into real transformation. Tune in to learn how to manifest love in a way that actually works!
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#SoulCPR #soulcprpodcast #healingoutloud #podcastmilestone #50thepisode #manifestinglove #magicalthinking #manigestationvsmagicalthinking #alignedaction #energyattraction #selflovefirst #lovemindset #spiritualgrowth #relationshiphealing #lawofattractiontruth #thereisnosecret #consciousdating
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https://www.yourtango.com/experts/ann-papayoti
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https://www.facebook.com/skyviewcoaching
https://www.linkedin.com/in/annpapayoti/
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Check out Ann's website: https://skyviewcoaching.com/
Buy Ann's book from Amazon: https://tinyurl.com/soulcprpodcast
#SoulCPR #soulcprpodcast #healingoutloud #podcastmilestone #50thepisode #manifestinglove #magicalthinking #manigestationvsmagicalthinking #alignedaction #energyattraction #selflovefirst #lovemindset #spiritualgrowth #relationshiphealing #lawofattractiontruth #thereisnosecret #consciousdating
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Are you ready to untangle from your past, recover from heartbreak,
and revive your life. This is soul CPR with your
host and Papa Yode. We've all had soul crushing experiences
and lost ourselves and our pain, but there is a
way out. On this podcast, Amazon best selling author, award
winning life coach and advice columnist and Papa Yode helps
(00:27):
us navigate the path from heartbreak to healing. So now
please welcome the host of Soul CPR and Papa Yode.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Hello, and thank you for tuning in today. This is
a milestone week as SOULCPR Healing Out Loud has reached
its fiftieth episode and I want to thank my loyal
listeners for your support and for sharing the show with
others and for those who found us and are finding guidance. Now,
(01:00):
thank you all for subscribing on the platform of your
choice and for those amazing ratings and reviews that help
us reach more hearts and inspire future broadcasts. I'd also
like to give a shout out to all the team
at Bold Brave TV for hosting the show and supporting
me on this journey that I was. I have to
say a bit intimidated to embark on last year, but
(01:23):
it has been very rewarding in every sense, especially to John,
my producer, and to Dan who's always with me behind
the scenes in the Long Island studio, trying to keep
us up and running despite our geographical distance and the
occasional tech issues. Thank you all from the bottom of
my heart, and to my clients who've allowed me to
(01:43):
share their stories to help illustrate ideas and problem solving
techniques and strategies for you, my audience, and also to
the numerous guests that I've had on the show who
have been here and been so open and vulnerable, whose
trials and triumphs have been inspirational for us all. And
(02:07):
in these previous forty nine episodes, we've talked about everything
from a divorce and death to diagnosis and domestic abuse
and dating. That's a lot of D words, and we've
also had topics like mindfulness and mental health and mind shifts,
(02:32):
body awareness, and much much more. And we're only really
getting started in today's episode. While I'm feeling a lot
of love and gratitude for all of you, I wanted
to talk about something that comes up often with my clients,
which is love and how to approach romantic love? And
(02:56):
I think one of the key elements that gets left
out of a lot of conversations is the how to.
And last week, if you were watching episode or listening
to episode forty nine, when I had my lovely guest Charlotte,
we talked about modern day love versus classic day love
(03:17):
and meaning my generation, but where we still had a
lot in common when it came to the personal issues
that we brought into our romantic partnerships, and so we
were calling that the modern versus the old fashion. So
if you haven't listened to that episode, please go back
and do that. Now. When comes to finding love and
(03:39):
the how tos, I find that there is confusion in
pop culture terminology about manifestation, and I've led a seminar
before called manifest Your man So I really want to
get clear on this manifestation and magical thinking, and I'd
like to clear it up. You may have heard things
(04:01):
said like what you fear will appear, or what you
think about you bring about. You may have heard of
The Secret, which is a book in a movie, and
it's all about what is called the law of attraction.
And I've spoken about some of these things previously on
the show myself, but today I'd really like to get
(04:22):
really clear and really real, shall we? So what is
manifestation and what is magical thinking? And is there a difference? Well,
at its core, manifestation is the idea that thinking positively
about a desired outcome and imagining it vividly, really visioning
(04:46):
it and believing it will happen, can make it become
a reality, make it come to fruition. And as I mentioned,
you may have heard of the book and filmed The Secret,
which is about the law of attraction and manifesting outcomes
in life, and we'll talk more about that. Bottom line
is there is no real secret. There is science behind it.
(05:11):
But what's left out of the secret is that you
have to put action with it. So what is magical thinking?
According to Medical News Today, magical thinking is when a
person believes that specific words, thoughts, emotions, or rituals can
influence their external world. For example, magical thinking might include
(05:37):
worrying that something bad will happen to a person if
you do not wish them well. Now, psychologists would say
that superstitions are a form of magical thinking, like where
in your lucky game day, Jersey or your team won't win. Now,
even some symptoms of OCD are associated with magical thinking,
(06:00):
and that can you know, means it's taken the form
of an anxiety driven ritual right now. Of course, young
children are still learning about how the world works around them,
so they may assume that their internal and external worlds
are more closely connected than they actually are. So they
(06:24):
may believe that something bad happened to a family member
just because they were angry at them. So you see
how it can be dangerous to have a magical thinking mindset.
(06:44):
So manifesting and magical thinking may be hard to distinguish.
And we're going to get to this as it applies
to relationships soon. So when manifesting anything, you cannot be
attached to particular or outcome. Instead, it's about being open
to things coming to you in ways that you do
(07:06):
not expect. So if you have too many expectations of
how you want events to unfold, you can kind of
get into the territory now of magical thinking. So there
is it can get blurry in there between manifesting and
magical thinking. Manifestation is the idea again that through these
(07:30):
focused thoughts beliefs and actions. That's the key. It's not
a secret. It's the key that you can bring about
specific desires and goals or outcomes into reality. So it
involves clear goal setting. You have to know what it
is that you want to achieve to manifest it. It
(07:52):
also involves this positive thinking and visualization, so focusing on
that desired outcome and acting as if it is already true.
Right that fake it till you make it, just for
the job you want, not the job you have, taking action,
(08:14):
implementing strategies and behaviors that align with your goals to
move you towards that successful outcome. So there's no wu
wou manifestation happening. You've decided what you want, you're taking
steps to get there. You're using positivity and optimism to
(08:36):
move you towards that goal. But it's the action that's
the difference. Now. Manifestation draws on concepts like self efficacy, optimism,
as I mentioned, the power of positive thinking, all of
these which have some scientific backing and have been proven
(08:57):
in psychological studies. For example, someone who wants to let's say,
manifest a promotion at work, they may focus on their
skills and accomplishments and they go ahead and visualize themselves
in that new role. Okay, that's how they're using the visualization,
(09:21):
but what they're doing, the action that they're taking is
they're going ahead and they're educating themselves. They're seeking opportunities
to start improving their knowledge and their performance. That's helping
move themselves towards the possibility of that promotion. Vision boarding
(09:47):
is a great example of visualizing your goals so that
you can take actions that align with those goals. It
tends to be what I call a guide for your subconscious.
It's like setting a GPS for your life. Here's my roadmap,
this is where I want to arrive. And by having
that visual representation of your goals in front of you
(10:09):
every day, you tend to make decisions and choices that
are aligned with those goals to help get you there now.
As opposed to that, magical thinking is the belief that
unrelated events are casually connected despite the absence of any
(10:35):
really link between them, often with a reliance on sort
of illogical explanations or and it's more reliant on this
supernatural if you will, so magical thinking gets a little
more woo woo. If we want to use that term.
So this often can be seen in superstitious beliefs, believing
(10:56):
that certain actions or thoughts can directly influence outcomes without
any logical connection. Like the black cat crosses the road,
I'm going to have bad luck. I broke a mirror
seven years of bad luck and start waiting on the calendar,
and every time something goes wrong in your life because
(11:16):
I broke the mirror, or lack of action, relaying on
that belief alone without taking concrete steps to achieve the
desired outcomes is part of magical thinking. There's no action involved.
You're just leaning on that belief for everything to happen
(11:38):
for you, and that involves basically then ignoring logic in
any evidence that would contradict your belief. So, when we
think about it, magical thinking can be normal in childhood, right,
it's kind of part of childhood development that it can
(11:59):
also be a symptom of certain mental health conditions as
I mentioned before, like OCD, or it can become a
coping mechanism. I've read about people believing that seeing a
specific color will even bring them good luck, or that
simply wishing for something will make it happen. Without any effort.
(12:21):
These are examples of magical thinking. Now, the main problem
with non clinical magical thinking, the everyday magical thinking that
you or I may engage in, is that it leaves
out one of the primary steps for obtaining what we
really want in life. And I hope by now you
know what that is. It's the doing, it's taking the action.
(12:47):
It is time for our very first break. And when
we come back, we're going to talk about an article
that I wrote for Your Tango a few years ago
about the magical habit you must break if you want
a great relationship ship. Deka Farr will be back with
more Selcypure, Welcome back to sol CPR. I'm and Papioti
(14:10):
and you are listening to build Grape TV. An article
I wrote for the online mega magazine Your Tango a
few years back and most recently refurbished in January of
twenty twenty four, entitled the magical habit you Must Break
if you Want a Great Relationship allowed me to look
deeper at the topic of magical thinking and apply it
(14:31):
to romantic relationships. So let's take a deeper look together now.
So we're talking about magical thinking can be a bit
of a normal part of childhood development. So as a kid,
think about it. You may have been told there were
magic words like please and thank you, and when you
(14:51):
use them you got specific results. Right. You learned how
to magically elicit a positive response from another person just
by uttering these charming words. Right. You were also likely
told mystical stories that led to your believing in the
supernatural and wondrous feats of characters like the tooth Fairy
(15:15):
and the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. And it was
a fantastic, exciting and magical world that you traveled to
in your mind, and you adapted your behaviors to create
the outcome you desired. And did you hear that you
adapted your behaviors to create the outcome you desired? You
(15:37):
did specific things, You took action to be on the
nice list instead of the naughty list. Right. So, in
the context of human behavior, magical thinking is defined as
the belief that one's thoughts by themselves can bring about
effects in the world. In the case of the tooth Fairy,
(16:02):
perhaps not just the pleas and the thank yous, but
more complex systems that may include superstitions of belief that
one can wish their way into feeling something they may
not feel, or manifest an outcome that would not otherwise
have occurred. But now we're all grown up, our magical
(16:25):
thinking about love has likely been influenced by everything we've
seen and heard and read, from Disney to the rom
coms to our favorite Nicholas Spark style novels and movies,
each with its own happy ending. Now, speaking of those
Nicholas Sparks novels and movies, which is your favorite? Do
(16:46):
you have one? The Notebook comes to my mind. I
can still see the scene with Ryan Goslin and Rachel McAdams.
It was a magical setting when they were on a
beautiful lake in a rowboat, surrounding by countless white geese,
and then there was that kiss in the rain. Okay,
(17:09):
if you've not seen that movie, put it on your
watch list, But remember that it is just a movie,
and there's an entire backstory to creating that magical scene,
which is rather comical actually about the geese. It took
a lot of effort to create magic on that screen
and in those scenes. It also took a lot of
(17:34):
effort in that storyline. If you listen to it carefully,
for that couple to end up having the relationship that
they had. Now, if you've been following this show, you
likely know that I'm a bit of a science stard,
and I will always seek the science behind what I
(17:54):
share with you. So what does the science of psychology
say about me? Manifestation and magical thinking? To be sure,
I referenced an article published in Psychology Today written by
Janie ville Houer, PhD. As psychologists in Los Angeles, the
developer of future directed Therapy FDT and author of the
(18:18):
best selling book Think Forward to Thrive. And according to
vill Hower, research in psychology has shown us that our
thoughts significantly impact our emotions and behavior. And that's something
that I talk about a lot. That our thoughts create
our feelings and our emotions, and those drive our actions
(18:38):
what we do or don't do in life. She says
that this idea is central to manifestation practices. If you
believe something good will happen, you may behave in ways
that will increase the likelihood of it happening. Santa Claus, Right,
if I'm on the good list, Santa Claus will bring
(18:59):
me present. Now, when we think about self fulfilling prophecies,
occurring when our beliefs influence our actions in a way
that makes those beliefs come true. Right, that's self fulfilling prophecy.
If you're convinced that you'll ace a job interview, for example,
you may enter it with more confidence, poison enthusiasm, which
(19:20):
in turn is going to increase your chances of success.
This isn't magic, it's psychology. And I would say, by
that same token, if you're convinced you're going to screw
it up, you're going to enter with low confidence and
weak posture, perhaps apathy or what appears to the interviewer disinterest. Now.
(19:47):
Bill Hower also says that one of the most tangible
aspects of manifestation is visualization. So just like mentally rehearsing
an outcome as if it has already occurred, and there's
a lot of research and sports psychology proving visualization can
enhance performance. Athletes frequently use visualization as a technique to
(20:10):
mentally prepare for games and competitions. They see themselves succeeding
in their goals before they even step onto the field
or on the court, or on the mat for gymnastics,
whatever it is that they do. But is this all
they do visualization, absolutely not. They also do what they
(20:33):
go to practice every day, right, They train their bodies,
They commit to a healthy lifestyle including what they eat,
how they sleep, and more. They practice repeatedly the same
three point shot on the court that they visualize making.
There's the action that's missing in the secret for manifestation. Now,
(20:56):
I love that there are studies that reveal that the
brain does and always differentiate between actual physical actions and
vividly imagined actions. So when people visualize a specific goal,
the brain activates similar neural networks as when they're actually
performing the task. And this is where the science of
manifestation intersects with psychological techniques like mental imagery, and that
(21:23):
is why it is often used in specific healing therapies
like cognitive behavioral therapy. And I know that I have
clients when they're struggling with something, we will go and
use a meditation or something, and will will choose a
happy place that they can go to and visit in
(21:44):
their mind, whether it's the beach or the mountains or
Grandma's house where they're now getting in touch with their
five senses. And if it's grandma's house, you know what's
the room that they're in. That's comforting. What's the smell,
all the fresh baked cookies, all of the different senses
(22:05):
and bring that sensory connection, and that brings them into
the present moment rather than being in that anxious state
of worry and fear of the future, or in that
state that has something to do with the past that
has them also in either a fear based or anxious state.
So this is how mental imagery is very powerful. And
(22:27):
again we can bring ourselves in using these psychological techniques
to help us heal. It's part of therapy because the
brain can do that. So much of manifestation may sound
like positive thinking. However, to manifest positive thinking is not
(22:48):
enough on its own. That hopeful outlook can definitely increase
resilience and motivation and even overall well being, improve our health.
And why is that. It's because optimistic individuals tend to
do what they engage in behaviors that support their goals.
(23:16):
They do the do, they do the doing, they do
the work. So positive thinking must be paired with practical action.
So merely visualizing success without effort will not lead to
meaningful reserves the results. So psychological research underscores the importance
(23:39):
of effort and strategy and achieving goals. And that aligns
more with something we've spoken about before on this show,
which is the growth mindset model of doctor Carol Dweg.
And this concept emphasizes that progress comes from hard work
and learning and adapting and not just from belief alone.
(24:04):
So when does manifestation actually become magical thinking? Again, it
kind of gets blurred in there when the belief that
simply wishing for something can make it so without the effort,
it's that simple, not doing the doing, Okay, not taking
(24:25):
the action. So it's the same thing in romantic love.
The psychological science is clear that this kind of thinking
can be harmful, we said, in certain ways, when it
can become an anxiety driven behavior. So people believe that
all they need to do is visualize a relationship or
(24:45):
some kind of success, they may avoid the necessary steps
to achieve those goals. Why can't I find love? That's
what I hear. Moreover, manifestation as a practice, doctor Bill
Howard mentioned might lead to blaming. So if we assume
(25:07):
that our thoughts create reality alone, just our thoughts, it
would follow that anyone who's struggling in life, whether it's
from a relationship loss, or it's from illness, or any
of those other things we talk about on the show.
If they blame themselves for not having thought positively enough,
(25:32):
this can be debilitating, wouldn't you imagine? It can be
emotionally damaging, and it certainly minimizes and oversimplifies some very
complex life challenges. So back to magical thinking in relationships.
When we come back, it's time for our second break.
(25:55):
Don't go far. We'll be back with more SULCPR. Hello
(26:46):
and thank you for tuning in again. We are back,
and we were talking about manifesting and magical thinking, and
specifically when it comes to relationships. Now, as a coach,
I help my clients untank from their past and move
forward into their best life. And in reflecting on your life,
(27:07):
you may discover that you've had magical thinking about relationships
and that it's been influenced by perhaps past emotional trauma
and maybe even the need to control this area of
your life. Now that we've talked a little bit about
trying to understand the difference about manifesting and magical thinking,
(27:28):
But if it's been about control, controlling how another human
being thinks or feels and behaves truly is just an illusion.
We can't do it, and generally speaking is what gets
in our heads that holds us back in life. And
when it comes to magical thinking and romantic relationships, the
(27:52):
way you think can actually be texting if you will.
So from my article that was published in Your Tango,
I listed four ways magical thinking sabotages potentially great relationships.
So let's look at those together. The first one that
I like to talk about is that magical thinking is
(28:14):
a barrier to finding true love. We all want someone
to love and to be loved in return. However, a
magical mindset will keep you from showing up as your
authentic self. And what I mean by that is that
magical thinking will block the opportunity for someone to know
(28:37):
and love you for who you are. It prevents you
from knowing them. Look, love is a real emotion and
there's no potion to create it. It comes from two
real people with real character flaws in awe, So casting
a spell, if you will, will not make someone love you.
(28:57):
There's no powerful incantation to manipulate or force loves. So
all those vibity bobbity doos in the world will not
make someone your boot, So let go of the pretend
play and just be you. Oh my god, Dan, that
was some that was kind of catchy and it even rhymed,
So you're welcome. The second thing that I talk about
(29:21):
is that it undermines potentially great relationships with unrealistic expectations.
Magical thinkers expect their romantic partners to have this magical
gift of mind reading. Have you ever expected your partner
(29:41):
to just know what you're thinking? Unspoken expectations going unmet
create frustration and disappointment and resentfulness and restlessness and relationships.
Your partner is left confused and possibly feeling like a failure.
(30:05):
So this magic carpet ride is not for the healthy mindset,
and they will likely call it quits from the sheer
nausea of this crazy ride that they're on with you.
So expectations turn potential I don't know princes into frogs
(30:25):
and maybe frogs into princes. Their ongoing inability to fulfill
your fantasy leaves you miserable and them too. When you
focus on an outcome dependent on the unforeseen future with
a person that you can't control, even the potentially strongest
(30:49):
of relationships will fail under the burden when you know
and can commun unicate what you truly desire in love,
which I promise you is a deep connection, deep connection
(31:10):
that you were trying to seek when you couldn't show
up as yourself is going to vanish like a magician's
assistant number three. It thwarts the capacity to develop into
something special. Magical thinking thwarts the capacity of what could
(31:33):
have been possibly a really great relationship. Potential is an
interesting concept because it implies that the energy is there,
but it's just potential until movement occurs. Capacity is yet
(31:53):
to be determined. So magical thinking can bar any gravitation
toward one another that may have naturally occurred. One block
to relationship development can be holding on to someone who
may not even be suitable for you. This comes up
in private sessions a lot holding on to the wrong person. Why,
(32:18):
lots of fears, fear of being alone, people pleasing, not
even realizing it, just trying to fix it, feeling like
if I can take care of everything at work, why
can't I fix this? So trying to make yourself right
(32:39):
and capable. But when you hold on to the wrong person,
you may miss out on the right one. It looks
like and that energy is somewhat of a desperation and
it's not enchanting when we think of magic. If anything,
it is suffocating. And when you believe that you must
(33:01):
be with someone all the time and expect them to
fulfill all of your needs, you deny yourself a life
of growth and balance. Attraction, mutual interests, and autonomy are
essential ingredients in a healthy relationship recipe. And even if
(33:26):
they were the right one, you wouldn't know it. If
you hold on tight to someone, they're going to feel trapped.
Someone with a healthy mindset about love will feel the
need to break out and presto, you are what alone again.
(33:50):
The fourth thing in my list in this article about
magical thinking and relationships is that it blocks rational and
critical judgment. And yeah, that's actually part of love when
you're making decisions about partners. Not to be confused with optimism.
(34:11):
Magical thinkers see what they wish to see and not
what is. There's no discernment of who may be a
good match based on reality and the natural progression of
a healthy relationship. It's easy to become, I don't know,
complacent while you wish and wait for your dreams to
(34:34):
come true wishing and waiting, and wishing and waiting, you
hear me, you feel me. When there's an expectation that
something will happen in the future without your participation, without
your taking actions, you rob yourself of learning how to
(34:56):
communicate your needs, and you hide the opportunity for your
partner to connect with you, to learn about you, to
know you, to have the opportunity to be and to
share in this relationship with you, to allow it to
(35:18):
grow and develop. Magical thinking is not a relationship fix.
Hoping for the outcome you desire is one thing, but
trying to force it and being overrun with negative thoughts
and feelings when it doesn't work out is another. Charlotte
and I were talking about this last week. I believe
it was after the show, but it may have been
(35:42):
during the show. But trying to she said, she's often
found that she's trying to take a square peg and
put it in a round hole, whether it was a
romantic partner or even a friendship, because of that need
to have connection, But in doing so, it had her
attached to the wrong people and for long periods of
(36:04):
time until they either left her or until she finally
found a way out so your partner may surprise you
with an escape act. Because healthy, reality based relationships allow
you to be yourself and motivate you to become the
best version of yourself. And I don't care if these
(36:26):
are friendships or romantic relationships. It's the same now. Real
love and great relationships require mutual and consistent effort, communication, commitment,
and compromise. Write that down if you need to mutual
(36:49):
and consistent effort, communication, commitment, and compromise. What do you
hear in that? Relationships require action, They require work. They
allow you to experience the natural highs and lows of life,
but with security and support. You may hear people say
(37:13):
relationships shouldn't be so hard. The relationship itself shouldn't be hard,
but it does take effort. Someone wise once told me
that fantasy and reality have only two things in common. One,
they're both seven letter words. And two those two words
(37:33):
both and why? So let's leave the magic to Disney
and Vegas. There's no magic in finding true love, and
people ask me how do I find it? There's no magic,
but there's something magical that happens when you let go
of the fantasy and focus on reality. You have to
(37:57):
allow yourself to experience genuine, stay able, healthy, fulfilling relationship.
You have to. If you've yet to have that, maybe
consider professional guidance for overcoming whatever distorted your view of
love and learn how to stop sabotaging your real relationship
potential because you have it. Start building up your happiness
(38:21):
and confidence in something you do have power over, which
is your belief system. Know that a healthy, confident you
will attract and maintain powerful love. You'll be able to
discern and let go of those who are not a match.
(38:42):
An energetic match is what I like to say. And
let me add for my people who have learned the confusing,
a confusing definition of love. If you've learned that love
is love hurts, or that love hits, or that love leaves,
or that love the littles, that love is demeaning, that
(39:03):
love has to be earned, or that love is conditional,
you need to read a fine love. It's not magical
to define and seek love as respectful and kind and
compassionate and caring and nurturing and exciting. It can be
(39:24):
supportive and fun and adventurous, positive, safe and warm. So
when people ask me how am I supposed to find love?
How do I find love? I say, find yourself first,
and know and honor and love yourself, and be active
in your life. Go do be you. You will be
(39:50):
in the places in doing the things that support and
honor and nurture you. And while you're active in your
own life, be open to meeting someone who's doing the same.
And it may not be in the way that you
would have expected. Sometimes it's the unfolding of life that's magical.
(40:16):
It's time for our third and final break. Don't go far.
We'll be back with more SULCYPR. Hi everyone, thank you
(42:46):
for joining me today again for this fiftieth episode of
soul CPR Healing Out Loud, and we are in our
closing segment. I just wanted to share this book with
you that I do offer to some of my clients
if I think it's appropriate for them. It's called If
the Buddha Dated I Love It, A Handbook for Finding
Love on a Spiritual Path by Charlotte Castle Kasl And
(43:10):
I'm just going to read a quick excerpt from this.
She says, I urge people who are bewildered about why
they haven't attracted a lover to explore the negative messages
they are transmitting. Many people have a litany of reasons
why they haven't met anyone yet. I'm afraid of being
hurt again. I pick out the wrong people. There are
no good people out there. I'm too old, too young,
(43:31):
too fat, too smart, too stupid, too poor, too rich,
too opinionated, too passionate, too messed up to evolve, too boring,
she says, Make a list of all your reasons, and
then remember they are just that reasons or maybe excuses.
Listen to your ego protests, and then imagine what kind
of spaciousness would emerge if your internal Greek chorus would
(43:55):
take an intermission, or if you would stop taking all
these thoughts. So seriously, people find lovers when they're afraid,
when they're open, when they're happy, when they're sad, when
they're sick, when they are well, when they're looking, when
they're enjoying single life. To some degree, it's inexplicable why
we meet someone at a given time. In the meantime, however,
(44:18):
we can make a concerted effort to find a partner
but not be attached to the outcome. So my key
takeaway for you today is that I believe when it's
all about finding someone finding love. There's a balance in
(44:38):
letting go of the outcome, as she says, letting go
while you're putting yourself out there and yet being open
and again while you're putting yourself out there, there's the action,
all right. Thank you again for your support leading into
this fiftieth at the bapisode of SOLCPR Healing Out Loud.
(45:03):
We wouldn't be here without you. I hope you will
continue to join us and let us know what else
you would like to hear from in this show. So
as we can conclude this episode of SOLCPR Healing out Loud,
remember that healing is not a linear journey, is the
process of profound transformation. If today's episode resonated with you,
(45:24):
please share the podcast with those who might need a
lifeline of their own. Subscribe, rate and leave a review
to help us reach more hearts. You can connect with
me at my website, skybewcoaching dot com or on social media.
You'll find me on Facebook at skyview Coaching, at Annpapaiotti,
on Instagram, LinkedIn and x Viewers. You can scan my
(45:46):
QR code. Dan has it there on the screen for
me and again let me know your thoughts, your stories,
topics you'd like to explore more in future episodes, and
until next time, may you find strengthen your vulnerability and
courage in your journey. I think you for listening. Breath deeply,
love openly, and live soulfully. Good day.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
This has been Soul CPR with host and Papa Yode
breathe life back into your spirit with each episode where
she and special guests explore the relationships that hurt us
and discover that healing can only begin with you. Tuesdays
at three pm Eastern on the Bold Brave TV Network
Are you ready to untangle from your past, recover from heartbreak,
and revive your life. This is soul CPR with your
host and Papa Yode. We've all had soul crushing experiences
and lost ourselves and our pain, but there is a
way out. On this podcast, Amazon best selling author, award
winning life coach and advice columnist and Papa Yode helps
(00:27):
us navigate the path from heartbreak to healing. So now
please welcome the host of Soul CPR and Papa Yode.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Hello, and thank you for tuning in today. This is
a milestone week as SOULCPR Healing Out Loud has reached
its fiftieth episode and I want to thank my loyal
listeners for your support and for sharing the show with
others and for those who found us and are finding guidance. Now,
(01:00):
thank you all for subscribing on the platform of your
choice and for those amazing ratings and reviews that help
us reach more hearts and inspire future broadcasts. I'd also
like to give a shout out to all the team
at Bold Brave TV for hosting the show and supporting
me on this journey that I was. I have to
say a bit intimidated to embark on last year, but
(01:23):
it has been very rewarding in every sense, especially to John,
my producer, and to Dan who's always with me behind
the scenes in the Long Island studio, trying to keep
us up and running despite our geographical distance and the
occasional tech issues. Thank you all from the bottom of
my heart, and to my clients who've allowed me to
(01:43):
share their stories to help illustrate ideas and problem solving
techniques and strategies for you, my audience, and also to
the numerous guests that I've had on the show who
have been here and been so open and vulnerable, whose
trials and triumphs have been inspirational for us all. And
(02:07):
in these previous forty nine episodes, we've talked about everything
from a divorce and death to diagnosis and domestic abuse
and dating. That's a lot of D words, and we've
also had topics like mindfulness and mental health and mind shifts,
(02:32):
body awareness, and much much more. And we're only really
getting started in today's episode. While I'm feeling a lot
of love and gratitude for all of you, I wanted
to talk about something that comes up often with my clients,
which is love and how to approach romantic love? And
(02:56):
I think one of the key elements that gets left
out of a lot of conversations is the how to.
And last week, if you were watching episode or listening
to episode forty nine, when I had my lovely guest Charlotte,
we talked about modern day love versus classic day love
(03:17):
and meaning my generation, but where we still had a
lot in common when it came to the personal issues
that we brought into our romantic partnerships, and so we
were calling that the modern versus the old fashion. So
if you haven't listened to that episode, please go back
and do that. Now. When comes to finding love and
(03:39):
the how tos, I find that there is confusion in
pop culture terminology about manifestation, and I've led a seminar
before called manifest Your man So I really want to
get clear on this manifestation and magical thinking, and I'd
like to clear it up. You may have heard things
(04:01):
said like what you fear will appear, or what you
think about you bring about. You may have heard of
The Secret, which is a book in a movie, and
it's all about what is called the law of attraction.
And I've spoken about some of these things previously on
the show myself, but today I'd really like to get
(04:22):
really clear and really real, shall we? So what is
manifestation and what is magical thinking? And is there a difference? Well,
at its core, manifestation is the idea that thinking positively
about a desired outcome and imagining it vividly, really visioning
(04:46):
it and believing it will happen, can make it become
a reality, make it come to fruition. And as I mentioned,
you may have heard of the book and filmed The Secret,
which is about the law of attraction and manifesting outcomes
in life, and we'll talk more about that. Bottom line
is there is no real secret. There is science behind it.
(05:11):
But what's left out of the secret is that you
have to put action with it. So what is magical thinking?
According to Medical News Today, magical thinking is when a
person believes that specific words, thoughts, emotions, or rituals can
influence their external world. For example, magical thinking might include
(05:37):
worrying that something bad will happen to a person if
you do not wish them well. Now, psychologists would say
that superstitions are a form of magical thinking, like where
in your lucky game day, Jersey or your team won't win. Now,
even some symptoms of OCD are associated with magical thinking,
(06:00):
and that can you know, means it's taken the form
of an anxiety driven ritual right now. Of course, young
children are still learning about how the world works around them,
so they may assume that their internal and external worlds
are more closely connected than they actually are. So they
(06:24):
may believe that something bad happened to a family member
just because they were angry at them. So you see
how it can be dangerous to have a magical thinking mindset.
(06:44):
So manifesting and magical thinking may be hard to distinguish.
And we're going to get to this as it applies
to relationships soon. So when manifesting anything, you cannot be
attached to particular or outcome. Instead, it's about being open
to things coming to you in ways that you do
(07:06):
not expect. So if you have too many expectations of
how you want events to unfold, you can kind of
get into the territory now of magical thinking. So there
is it can get blurry in there between manifesting and
magical thinking. Manifestation is the idea again that through these
(07:30):
focused thoughts beliefs and actions. That's the key. It's not
a secret. It's the key that you can bring about
specific desires and goals or outcomes into reality. So it
involves clear goal setting. You have to know what it
is that you want to achieve to manifest it. It
(07:52):
also involves this positive thinking and visualization, so focusing on
that desired outcome and acting as if it is already true.
Right that fake it till you make it, just for
the job you want, not the job you have, taking action,
(08:14):
implementing strategies and behaviors that align with your goals to
move you towards that successful outcome. So there's no wu
wou manifestation happening. You've decided what you want, you're taking
steps to get there. You're using positivity and optimism to
(08:36):
move you towards that goal. But it's the action that's
the difference. Now. Manifestation draws on concepts like self efficacy, optimism,
as I mentioned, the power of positive thinking, all of
these which have some scientific backing and have been proven
(08:57):
in psychological studies. For example, someone who wants to let's say,
manifest a promotion at work, they may focus on their
skills and accomplishments and they go ahead and visualize themselves
in that new role. Okay, that's how they're using the visualization,
(09:21):
but what they're doing, the action that they're taking is
they're going ahead and they're educating themselves. They're seeking opportunities
to start improving their knowledge and their performance. That's helping
move themselves towards the possibility of that promotion. Vision boarding
(09:47):
is a great example of visualizing your goals so that
you can take actions that align with those goals. It
tends to be what I call a guide for your subconscious.
It's like setting a GPS for your life. Here's my roadmap,
this is where I want to arrive. And by having
that visual representation of your goals in front of you
(10:09):
every day, you tend to make decisions and choices that
are aligned with those goals to help get you there now.
As opposed to that, magical thinking is the belief that
unrelated events are casually connected despite the absence of any
(10:35):
really link between them, often with a reliance on sort
of illogical explanations or and it's more reliant on this
supernatural if you will, so magical thinking gets a little
more woo woo. If we want to use that term.
So this often can be seen in superstitious beliefs, believing
(10:56):
that certain actions or thoughts can directly influence outcomes without
any logical connection. Like the black cat crosses the road,
I'm going to have bad luck. I broke a mirror
seven years of bad luck and start waiting on the calendar,
and every time something goes wrong in your life because
(11:16):
I broke the mirror, or lack of action, relaying on
that belief alone without taking concrete steps to achieve the
desired outcomes is part of magical thinking. There's no action involved.
You're just leaning on that belief for everything to happen
(11:38):
for you, and that involves basically then ignoring logic in
any evidence that would contradict your belief. So, when we
think about it, magical thinking can be normal in childhood, right,
it's kind of part of childhood development that it can
(11:59):
also be a symptom of certain mental health conditions as
I mentioned before, like OCD, or it can become a
coping mechanism. I've read about people believing that seeing a
specific color will even bring them good luck, or that
simply wishing for something will make it happen. Without any effort.
(12:21):
These are examples of magical thinking. Now, the main problem
with non clinical magical thinking, the everyday magical thinking that
you or I may engage in, is that it leaves
out one of the primary steps for obtaining what we
really want in life. And I hope by now you
know what that is. It's the doing, it's taking the action.
(12:47):
It is time for our very first break. And when
we come back, we're going to talk about an article
that I wrote for Your Tango a few years ago
about the magical habit you must break if you want
a great relationship ship. Deka Farr will be back with
more Selcypure, Welcome back to sol CPR. I'm and Papioti
(14:10):
and you are listening to build Grape TV. An article
I wrote for the online mega magazine Your Tango a
few years back and most recently refurbished in January of
twenty twenty four, entitled the magical habit you Must Break
if you Want a Great Relationship allowed me to look
deeper at the topic of magical thinking and apply it
(14:31):
to romantic relationships. So let's take a deeper look together now.
So we're talking about magical thinking can be a bit
of a normal part of childhood development. So as a kid,
think about it. You may have been told there were
magic words like please and thank you, and when you
(14:51):
use them you got specific results. Right. You learned how
to magically elicit a positive response from another person just
by uttering these charming words. Right. You were also likely
told mystical stories that led to your believing in the
supernatural and wondrous feats of characters like the tooth Fairy
(15:15):
and the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. And it was
a fantastic, exciting and magical world that you traveled to
in your mind, and you adapted your behaviors to create
the outcome you desired. And did you hear that you
adapted your behaviors to create the outcome you desired? You
(15:37):
did specific things, You took action to be on the
nice list instead of the naughty list. Right. So, in
the context of human behavior, magical thinking is defined as
the belief that one's thoughts by themselves can bring about
effects in the world. In the case of the tooth Fairy,
(16:02):
perhaps not just the pleas and the thank yous, but
more complex systems that may include superstitions of belief that
one can wish their way into feeling something they may
not feel, or manifest an outcome that would not otherwise
have occurred. But now we're all grown up, our magical
(16:25):
thinking about love has likely been influenced by everything we've
seen and heard and read, from Disney to the rom
coms to our favorite Nicholas Spark style novels and movies,
each with its own happy ending. Now, speaking of those
Nicholas Sparks novels and movies, which is your favorite? Do
(16:46):
you have one? The Notebook comes to my mind. I
can still see the scene with Ryan Goslin and Rachel McAdams.
It was a magical setting when they were on a
beautiful lake in a rowboat, surrounding by countless white geese,
and then there was that kiss in the rain. Okay,
(17:09):
if you've not seen that movie, put it on your
watch list, But remember that it is just a movie,
and there's an entire backstory to creating that magical scene,
which is rather comical actually about the geese. It took
a lot of effort to create magic on that screen
and in those scenes. It also took a lot of
(17:34):
effort in that storyline. If you listen to it carefully,
for that couple to end up having the relationship that
they had. Now, if you've been following this show, you
likely know that I'm a bit of a science stard,
and I will always seek the science behind what I
(17:54):
share with you. So what does the science of psychology
say about me? Manifestation and magical thinking? To be sure,
I referenced an article published in Psychology Today written by
Janie ville Houer, PhD. As psychologists in Los Angeles, the
developer of future directed Therapy FDT and author of the
(18:18):
best selling book Think Forward to Thrive. And according to
vill Hower, research in psychology has shown us that our
thoughts significantly impact our emotions and behavior. And that's something
that I talk about a lot. That our thoughts create
our feelings and our emotions, and those drive our actions
(18:38):
what we do or don't do in life. She says
that this idea is central to manifestation practices. If you
believe something good will happen, you may behave in ways
that will increase the likelihood of it happening. Santa Claus, Right,
if I'm on the good list, Santa Claus will bring
(18:59):
me present. Now, when we think about self fulfilling prophecies,
occurring when our beliefs influence our actions in a way
that makes those beliefs come true. Right, that's self fulfilling prophecy.
If you're convinced that you'll ace a job interview, for example,
you may enter it with more confidence, poison enthusiasm, which
(19:20):
in turn is going to increase your chances of success.
This isn't magic, it's psychology. And I would say, by
that same token, if you're convinced you're going to screw
it up, you're going to enter with low confidence and
weak posture, perhaps apathy or what appears to the interviewer disinterest. Now.
(19:47):
Bill Hower also says that one of the most tangible
aspects of manifestation is visualization. So just like mentally rehearsing
an outcome as if it has already occurred, and there's
a lot of research and sports psychology proving visualization can
enhance performance. Athletes frequently use visualization as a technique to
(20:10):
mentally prepare for games and competitions. They see themselves succeeding
in their goals before they even step onto the field
or on the court, or on the mat for gymnastics,
whatever it is that they do. But is this all
they do visualization, absolutely not. They also do what they
(20:33):
go to practice every day, right, They train their bodies,
They commit to a healthy lifestyle including what they eat,
how they sleep, and more. They practice repeatedly the same
three point shot on the court that they visualize making.
There's the action that's missing in the secret for manifestation. Now,
(20:56):
I love that there are studies that reveal that the
brain does and always differentiate between actual physical actions and
vividly imagined actions. So when people visualize a specific goal,
the brain activates similar neural networks as when they're actually
performing the task. And this is where the science of
manifestation intersects with psychological techniques like mental imagery, and that
(21:23):
is why it is often used in specific healing therapies
like cognitive behavioral therapy. And I know that I have
clients when they're struggling with something, we will go and
use a meditation or something, and will will choose a
happy place that they can go to and visit in
(21:44):
their mind, whether it's the beach or the mountains or
Grandma's house where they're now getting in touch with their
five senses. And if it's grandma's house, you know what's
the room that they're in. That's comforting. What's the smell,
all the fresh baked cookies, all of the different senses
(22:05):
and bring that sensory connection, and that brings them into
the present moment rather than being in that anxious state
of worry and fear of the future, or in that
state that has something to do with the past that
has them also in either a fear based or anxious state.
So this is how mental imagery is very powerful. And
(22:27):
again we can bring ourselves in using these psychological techniques
to help us heal. It's part of therapy because the
brain can do that. So much of manifestation may sound
like positive thinking. However, to manifest positive thinking is not
(22:48):
enough on its own. That hopeful outlook can definitely increase
resilience and motivation and even overall well being, improve our health.
And why is that. It's because optimistic individuals tend to
do what they engage in behaviors that support their goals.
(23:16):
They do the do, they do the doing, they do
the work. So positive thinking must be paired with practical action.
So merely visualizing success without effort will not lead to
meaningful reserves the results. So psychological research underscores the importance
(23:39):
of effort and strategy and achieving goals. And that aligns
more with something we've spoken about before on this show,
which is the growth mindset model of doctor Carol Dweg.
And this concept emphasizes that progress comes from hard work
and learning and adapting and not just from belief alone.
(24:04):
So when does manifestation actually become magical thinking? Again, it
kind of gets blurred in there when the belief that
simply wishing for something can make it so without the effort,
it's that simple, not doing the doing, Okay, not taking
(24:25):
the action. So it's the same thing in romantic love.
The psychological science is clear that this kind of thinking
can be harmful, we said, in certain ways, when it
can become an anxiety driven behavior. So people believe that
all they need to do is visualize a relationship or
(24:45):
some kind of success, they may avoid the necessary steps
to achieve those goals. Why can't I find love? That's
what I hear. Moreover, manifestation as a practice, doctor Bill
Howard mentioned might lead to blaming. So if we assume
(25:07):
that our thoughts create reality alone, just our thoughts, it
would follow that anyone who's struggling in life, whether it's
from a relationship loss, or it's from illness, or any
of those other things we talk about on the show.
If they blame themselves for not having thought positively enough,
(25:32):
this can be debilitating, wouldn't you imagine? It can be
emotionally damaging, and it certainly minimizes and oversimplifies some very
complex life challenges. So back to magical thinking in relationships.
When we come back, it's time for our second break.
(25:55):
Don't go far. We'll be back with more SULCPR. Hello
(26:46):
and thank you for tuning in again. We are back,
and we were talking about manifesting and magical thinking, and
specifically when it comes to relationships. Now, as a coach,
I help my clients untank from their past and move
forward into their best life. And in reflecting on your life,
(27:07):
you may discover that you've had magical thinking about relationships
and that it's been influenced by perhaps past emotional trauma
and maybe even the need to control this area of
your life. Now that we've talked a little bit about
trying to understand the difference about manifesting and magical thinking,
(27:28):
But if it's been about control, controlling how another human
being thinks or feels and behaves truly is just an illusion.
We can't do it, and generally speaking is what gets
in our heads that holds us back in life. And
when it comes to magical thinking and romantic relationships, the
(27:52):
way you think can actually be texting if you will.
So from my article that was published in Your Tango,
I listed four ways magical thinking sabotages potentially great relationships.
So let's look at those together. The first one that
I like to talk about is that magical thinking is
(28:14):
a barrier to finding true love. We all want someone
to love and to be loved in return. However, a
magical mindset will keep you from showing up as your
authentic self. And what I mean by that is that
magical thinking will block the opportunity for someone to know
(28:37):
and love you for who you are. It prevents you
from knowing them. Look, love is a real emotion and
there's no potion to create it. It comes from two
real people with real character flaws in awe, So casting
a spell, if you will, will not make someone love you.
(28:57):
There's no powerful incantation to manipulate or force loves. So
all those vibity bobbity doos in the world will not
make someone your boot, So let go of the pretend
play and just be you. Oh my god, Dan, that
was some that was kind of catchy and it even rhymed,
So you're welcome. The second thing that I talk about
(29:21):
is that it undermines potentially great relationships with unrealistic expectations.
Magical thinkers expect their romantic partners to have this magical
gift of mind reading. Have you ever expected your partner
(29:41):
to just know what you're thinking? Unspoken expectations going unmet
create frustration and disappointment and resentfulness and restlessness and relationships.
Your partner is left confused and possibly feeling like a failure.
(30:05):
So this magic carpet ride is not for the healthy mindset,
and they will likely call it quits from the sheer
nausea of this crazy ride that they're on with you.
So expectations turn potential I don't know princes into frogs
(30:25):
and maybe frogs into princes. Their ongoing inability to fulfill
your fantasy leaves you miserable and them too. When you
focus on an outcome dependent on the unforeseen future with
a person that you can't control, even the potentially strongest
(30:49):
of relationships will fail under the burden when you know
and can commun unicate what you truly desire in love,
which I promise you is a deep connection, deep connection
(31:10):
that you were trying to seek when you couldn't show
up as yourself is going to vanish like a magician's
assistant number three. It thwarts the capacity to develop into
something special. Magical thinking thwarts the capacity of what could
(31:33):
have been possibly a really great relationship. Potential is an
interesting concept because it implies that the energy is there,
but it's just potential until movement occurs. Capacity is yet
(31:53):
to be determined. So magical thinking can bar any gravitation
toward one another that may have naturally occurred. One block
to relationship development can be holding on to someone who
may not even be suitable for you. This comes up
in private sessions a lot holding on to the wrong person. Why,
(32:18):
lots of fears, fear of being alone, people pleasing, not
even realizing it, just trying to fix it, feeling like
if I can take care of everything at work, why
can't I fix this? So trying to make yourself right
(32:39):
and capable. But when you hold on to the wrong person,
you may miss out on the right one. It looks
like and that energy is somewhat of a desperation and
it's not enchanting when we think of magic. If anything,
it is suffocating. And when you believe that you must
(33:01):
be with someone all the time and expect them to
fulfill all of your needs, you deny yourself a life
of growth and balance. Attraction, mutual interests, and autonomy are
essential ingredients in a healthy relationship recipe. And even if
(33:26):
they were the right one, you wouldn't know it. If
you hold on tight to someone, they're going to feel trapped.
Someone with a healthy mindset about love will feel the
need to break out and presto, you are what alone again.
(33:50):
The fourth thing in my list in this article about
magical thinking and relationships is that it blocks rational and
critical judgment. And yeah, that's actually part of love when
you're making decisions about partners. Not to be confused with optimism.
(34:11):
Magical thinkers see what they wish to see and not
what is. There's no discernment of who may be a
good match based on reality and the natural progression of
a healthy relationship. It's easy to become, I don't know,
complacent while you wish and wait for your dreams to
(34:34):
come true wishing and waiting, and wishing and waiting, you
hear me, you feel me. When there's an expectation that
something will happen in the future without your participation, without
your taking actions, you rob yourself of learning how to
(34:56):
communicate your needs, and you hide the opportunity for your
partner to connect with you, to learn about you, to
know you, to have the opportunity to be and to
share in this relationship with you, to allow it to
(35:18):
grow and develop. Magical thinking is not a relationship fix.
Hoping for the outcome you desire is one thing, but
trying to force it and being overrun with negative thoughts
and feelings when it doesn't work out is another. Charlotte
and I were talking about this last week. I believe
it was after the show, but it may have been
(35:42):
during the show. But trying to she said, she's often
found that she's trying to take a square peg and
put it in a round hole, whether it was a
romantic partner or even a friendship, because of that need
to have connection, But in doing so, it had her
attached to the wrong people and for long periods of
(36:04):
time until they either left her or until she finally
found a way out so your partner may surprise you
with an escape act. Because healthy, reality based relationships allow
you to be yourself and motivate you to become the
best version of yourself. And I don't care if these
(36:26):
are friendships or romantic relationships. It's the same now. Real
love and great relationships require mutual and consistent effort, communication, commitment,
and compromise. Write that down if you need to mutual
(36:49):
and consistent effort, communication, commitment, and compromise. What do you
hear in that? Relationships require action, They require work. They
allow you to experience the natural highs and lows of life,
but with security and support. You may hear people say
(37:13):
relationships shouldn't be so hard. The relationship itself shouldn't be hard,
but it does take effort. Someone wise once told me
that fantasy and reality have only two things in common. One,
they're both seven letter words. And two those two words
(37:33):
both and why? So let's leave the magic to Disney
and Vegas. There's no magic in finding true love, and
people ask me how do I find it? There's no magic,
but there's something magical that happens when you let go
of the fantasy and focus on reality. You have to
(37:57):
allow yourself to experience genuine, stay able, healthy, fulfilling relationship.
You have to. If you've yet to have that, maybe
consider professional guidance for overcoming whatever distorted your view of
love and learn how to stop sabotaging your real relationship
potential because you have it. Start building up your happiness
(38:21):
and confidence in something you do have power over, which
is your belief system. Know that a healthy, confident you
will attract and maintain powerful love. You'll be able to
discern and let go of those who are not a match.
(38:42):
An energetic match is what I like to say. And
let me add for my people who have learned the confusing,
a confusing definition of love. If you've learned that love
is love hurts, or that love hits, or that love leaves,
or that love the littles, that love is demeaning, that
(39:03):
love has to be earned, or that love is conditional,
you need to read a fine love. It's not magical
to define and seek love as respectful and kind and
compassionate and caring and nurturing and exciting. It can be
(39:24):
supportive and fun and adventurous, positive, safe and warm. So
when people ask me how am I supposed to find love?
How do I find love? I say, find yourself first,
and know and honor and love yourself, and be active
in your life. Go do be you. You will be
(39:50):
in the places in doing the things that support and
honor and nurture you. And while you're active in your
own life, be open to meeting someone who's doing the same.
And it may not be in the way that you
would have expected. Sometimes it's the unfolding of life that's magical.
(40:16):
It's time for our third and final break. Don't go far.
We'll be back with more SULCYPR. Hi everyone, thank you
(42:46):
for joining me today again for this fiftieth episode of
soul CPR Healing Out Loud, and we are in our
closing segment. I just wanted to share this book with
you that I do offer to some of my clients
if I think it's appropriate for them. It's called If
the Buddha Dated I Love It, A Handbook for Finding
Love on a Spiritual Path by Charlotte Castle Kasl And
(43:10):
I'm just going to read a quick excerpt from this.
She says, I urge people who are bewildered about why
they haven't attracted a lover to explore the negative messages
they are transmitting. Many people have a litany of reasons
why they haven't met anyone yet. I'm afraid of being
hurt again. I pick out the wrong people. There are
no good people out there. I'm too old, too young,
(43:31):
too fat, too smart, too stupid, too poor, too rich,
too opinionated, too passionate, too messed up to evolve, too boring,
she says, Make a list of all your reasons, and
then remember they are just that reasons or maybe excuses.
Listen to your ego protests, and then imagine what kind
of spaciousness would emerge if your internal Greek chorus would
(43:55):
take an intermission, or if you would stop taking all
these thoughts. So seriously, people find lovers when they're afraid,
when they're open, when they're happy, when they're sad, when
they're sick, when they are well, when they're looking, when
they're enjoying single life. To some degree, it's inexplicable why
we meet someone at a given time. In the meantime, however,
(44:18):
we can make a concerted effort to find a partner
but not be attached to the outcome. So my key
takeaway for you today is that I believe when it's
all about finding someone finding love. There's a balance in
(44:38):
letting go of the outcome, as she says, letting go
while you're putting yourself out there and yet being open
and again while you're putting yourself out there, there's the action,
all right. Thank you again for your support leading into
this fiftieth at the bapisode of SOLCPR Healing Out Loud.
(45:03):
We wouldn't be here without you. I hope you will
continue to join us and let us know what else
you would like to hear from in this show. So
as we can conclude this episode of SOLCPR Healing out Loud,
remember that healing is not a linear journey, is the
process of profound transformation. If today's episode resonated with you,
(45:24):
please share the podcast with those who might need a
lifeline of their own. Subscribe, rate and leave a review
to help us reach more hearts. You can connect with
me at my website, skybewcoaching dot com or on social media.
You'll find me on Facebook at skyview Coaching, at Annpapaiotti,
on Instagram, LinkedIn and x Viewers. You can scan my
(45:46):
QR code. Dan has it there on the screen for
me and again let me know your thoughts, your stories,
topics you'd like to explore more in future episodes, and
until next time, may you find strengthen your vulnerability and
courage in your journey. I think you for listening. Breath deeply,
love openly, and live soulfully. Good day.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
This has been Soul CPR with host and Papa Yode
breathe life back into your spirit with each episode where
she and special guests explore the relationships that hurt us
and discover that healing can only begin with you. Tuesdays
at three pm Eastern on the Bold Brave TV Network
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