July 19, 2024 • 52 mins
- Embracing Change: From Closing the Gym to Publishing 'Joyful Warrior
- In this solo episode of Strive 365, your host Justen Arnold takes you on a personal journey through a year of significant challenges and growth. Broadcasting from the Roc Vox studio, Justen delves into the tough decision to close his gym after more than eight years, sharing the emotional and practical hurdles faced along the way. He also celebrates the release of his book, 'Joyful Warrior,' exploring the inspiration behind it and the key messages it conveys.
Whether you're dealing with your own set of challenges or looking for ways to support others, this episode is packed with insights and inspiration to help you navigate life's twists and turns. Tune in, reflect on your journey, and embrace the opportunities for growth that come with every challenge.
Grab my books, my services, freebies, and more at https://linktr.ee/Flexxmp Link also in bio.For more insights and wisdom, visit our website and follow the link in the description to learn more about Nate's work and our other episodes on Strive 365About Justen Arnold: For a comprehensive gateway to all things related to Justen Arnold, including helpful links, exclusive affiliate deals, and special discounts, visit http://linktr.ee/Flexxmp
Unlock My Personal Insights: Gain free access to my personal journal and explore the strategies I use for success at flexxmp.phonesites.com/flexxmpjournal. Learn more about my journey at www.flexxmp.com
Discover My Literary Journey:
Check out my new book, "Purpose Through Pain: Living a Limitless Lifestyle in the Presence of Adversity," at www.justenarnold.com This heartfelt exploration delves into overcoming challenges and finding strength in adversity.Join Me in My Mission: I've embarked on a fulfilling new role in sports ministry and mission work with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA). To support this cause or to learn more, please visit my donation page at https://my.fca.org/justenarnoldSupport the Podcast: Strive 365 is 100% listener-supported. Your support, whether monetary, through likes, positive comments, or shares, is deeply appreciated and helps us continue bringing inspiring content to our audience.And remember, if you're looking to produce your own podcast or any audio project, Roc Vox is offering a special discount. Mention 'Justen Arnold and Strive 365' to receive 15% off your session. Find out more about their services at Roc Vox.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:19):
Hey, welcome to another episode ofStrive three sixty five, your go to
source for conquering life's challenges and thrivingno matter the odds. Whether you're seeking
a mental, physical, emotional,or spiritual growth, we're here to help
guide you towards a better life.I am your host, Justin Arn't on
the Amazing Rock Box Studio. Andit's been a few months since I put
out an episode. Reason being one, it was getting warmer. Two.
(00:42):
I have been reeling in challenges thatI needed to just take my time away
from things I needed to work onmyself, my family, my professional life,
my personal life, and I thoughtit was best for everything involved that
I have been doing and I mighthave my hands in a lot for those
that know from coaching and things ofthat nature, that I think it was
(01:03):
time to just put pause. Limitthe distractions, limit the stimulations, limit
the things that I was doing.And you know you've heard the statement less
is more, and that's what it'sbeen. And it's been. It's been
a roller coaster ride, but it'sbeen great. But I decided to come
back in the studio here because Iwanted to provide what I've been doing.
(01:26):
I know a lot of you outthere deal with a lot, and most
of people don't know what you're workingthrough, dealing with and mental, physical,
emotional, spiritual, whatever it maybe, and you don't have things
to lean on, or you don'thave tools, or you're at loss,
or worst case scenario, you know, you find yourself with vices, whatever
(01:49):
those might be, whether it mightbe porn, drugs, alcohol, infidelity,
things of that nature, maybe suicide, odal thoughts. And you know,
this is Drive three sixty five.We talk a lot about health,
and we've had a ton of episodeson on all kinds of things that you
know, from food, nutrition,movement, all that. But I thought
(02:12):
it was time to do this,especially with some of the things, like
you know, my book came outin March, but some of the challenges
there. I finally just had mypaperback come out, so you know,
it's gonna be a sole episode.Scott the producer Mike chime in. I've
had everything from you know, closingmy gym a couple of weeks ago,
which we'll talk about, to personalchallenges that we'll get into a little bit,
(02:34):
the book challenges and just a lotof the things that have compounded in
my life and how I've been ableto still find joy to which really was
a hard process to still wake upevery day, live for life, work
on self, the tools that I'vebeen able to use, the lessons I've
learned during this, and some otherreflective questions. It's probably me shorter than
(03:00):
normal, but I wanted again tocome on here and have this conversation and
feel free to if you do listento this, I would love to hear
how it may have helped you andimpacted you. Again, this isn't some
kind of like trauma sharing or woeis Me story. This is here's my
stuff. Here's what I've learned andbenefit from these these experiences and possibly how
(03:29):
they can help you strive. Solet's start out with closing the gym.
So I closed the gym a coupleweeks ago, but in all honesty,
since last year and a half,I've been navigating, you know, being
an author and coaching different sports andother things. There's also a new owner
in my building that took over myrent went up twenty percent, and found
myself and other challenges. Trainers weredropping out, most of my clients were
(03:53):
turning online. So I was likegetting the point do I need a facility,
And so, I mean some ofthe biggest challenges is like I've been
doing. I've been a business ownerfor over a decade. I've had that
space for or eight years. Somy daughter, my youngest daughter's eight,
she got really emotional. Probably Idid, because she's just like, I've
(04:15):
been here since I was born,and she was really sad about it,
and she was still brought it upand she's like, if we bring it
up, she gets super emotional becauseshe literally grew up in that place and
I was holding onto something I reallydidn't need. But it's like if anybody
can relate, you know, sometimeswhen you start something or you work somewhere,
you work hard at something, itbecomes a part of you. And
(04:36):
it became so much a part ofme that it was like a child and
I realized I didn't eat it fora while, but it was like,
man, what do I do?What's the next phase? What's the next
step? And it literally came toforcing my hand where eventually my landlord sent
me a letter, you know,they're not renewing leases, and that I
(04:58):
literally had about out less than aweek to get out of get all my
stuff out of there they would seizeit and I was like, whoa.
And you know, obviously some ofmy friends who are lawyers like you can
go at it with this, youcan go at it with that. But
I'm like, I don't know ifI have that time, and I don't
know how serious this is. AndI was like, you know what,
it's time. I've been looking fora reason and I found it and so
(05:23):
got a bunch of friends together.Thank God for that, man. I
got great people and those who helpedme out and one day, so I
had about a little over two thousandsquare foot's face and one day and literally
we started about seven thirty am andwent till about three. I was able
to get everything out or sold.And now I've created an amazing home gym
and I'm already starting to train someclients there self promotion there, I can
(05:44):
on my show and then what's coolis this is what's so cool when you
close the door and more open.I've had several people already reach out to
do online training roach of trains,specifically they want somebody that's not in their
state, which is wow, prettycool stuff that's happening there. I also
started working at a place called nextLevel, which does a lot of local
athletic training, working with hockey teams, some of the adult groups, some
(06:05):
semi and professional athletes, which hasbeen really neat, and it's attached to
an ice rink, which those thatdon't know, I have two kids that
skate, they're going to be skatingat this rink. The team they're on,
I am skating at this rink,so it's like it's two first.
So it's been a pretty neat experiencethere, and a lot of other good
things have come out of it.But it literally took that and it reminds
(06:27):
me a lot of my other stories, which i'll bring up another fitness.
Before I started my business, Iwas still had one foot in the y
because I was scared. I washonestly scared, and I've talked about this
story, so i'll keep this oneshort. Talk about the story of this
podcast. But as soon as Ipulled that foot out of the y,
my business blew up, and soI'm hopeful that this will have that turn
as well. So you know,what's cool is how the support you know,
(06:50):
I think, you know, sometimeswhen we're shutting one door, especially
when it's a business or moving orclosing, there's that, at least with
me, what will people think,Oh my god, am I a failure?
Am I giving up? And youknow, sometimes it's just a transition.
And as long as you continue towork and keep your head off and
headstrong, it's amazing, Like youknow, you'll have the support you'll get,
(07:15):
and it's been incredible. And what'sbeen cool is how you know,
now I have less bills. Myinsurance went down, you know, and
I don't have this mortgage, secondmortgage. I'm paying on a facility and
I'm able to gratefully like train onlineand out of my house, which is
pretty cool that I have a basinthat I could do that. So anyho,
(07:35):
so my book, too is anotherchallenge. So the digital copy came
out in March. And what's funnyis when I published my first book,
Scott was everybody wanted digital. Iwasn't getting a whole lot of paperback with
this one, Like as soon asit came out, I want paperback.
I'm like, and here I havea hiccup with the whole paperback situation.
(07:57):
And and part of it was likethe word count and I made a lot
of the word count was more thanme and the publishing company agreed on so
working through that and then also like, I made a lot of changes after
it was printed, more than mostand it wasn't like massive changes, but
(08:20):
I deleted some sections, I addedsome sections, I reworded entire sections because
it wasn't getting But I like nowthat I wanted a perfect product, but
after you read something and makes youcringe, and it's like, you want
to put out a good first draftessentially, And so because of all that,
we were able to release the digital. But then there was a lot
of adjustments that cost time and moneyfor the paperback, which was different.
(08:41):
So by the time all that gotsaid and done months and I'm like,
man, is this paperback ever goingto get out? And finally it came
out last week. Yay, Soyou can get your paper back on Amazon
right now. And you know,I love this. It's definitely more of
a guidebook. It's the Joyful Warrior. But you know it makes sense,
(09:05):
right, you know, the bookis literally about overcoming adversity through like the
storms of your life, and ofcourse the book would have its own I
don't know if I've told this onhere, but I'll say it again.
Literally want to hit send on myfirst draft to send to the publisher.
The sky was sunny, but assoon as I hit sound on the computer,
this massive windstorm and hailstorm came outside, And I'm like, this is
(09:26):
ironic, right, And even justthe challenges during this book process of writing.
You know, the first one lookedit wasn't easy, but it seemed
easy compared to this one. Ittook a lot longer. The first book
took ten months. It took overa year. The amount of changes and
things that went on with it andso forth with it. So I mean
(09:50):
to people ask me, like,why write a second? What inspired you
with it? Well, I wasn'tgoing to even write a first, but
I wasn't going to write a second, but I I still had a lot
more aerial to recover. But itwas again similar to the first, where
you know, people had read thefirst and they loved it and they agreed
(10:11):
with like the purpose beyond the pain. A lot of people never thought about
that, which we'll get into this. But also it was man, I
still struggle with joy through the hardtimes and the pain. And so like
this past year and a half,I've had a lot of pain, a
lot of challenges, and I've reallyhad to. Like, man, this
(10:31):
has probably been one of the hardestseasons of my life. And I've had
some challenging seasons, especially in myyouth, and it literally comes to like
when it seems so hard to createjoy, like I really had to.
So you know, that was thepurpose of it. That the fact that
I realized how hard it is forpeople to find joy, create joy,
(10:54):
have joy, have happiness, thosethings every day. But also like when
it gets really really and I'm talkinghard, I'm talking where you're like you're
on your knees in the shower crying, which I've done, or you're just
you want to give up, oryou barely want to get out of bed,
(11:15):
but you do those things, andas you start to compound little things,
little steps, things do get better. So that what inspired me,
and I want to provide all thosetists because I've been through a lot of
storms through my life, and man, you know, the reception of it,
even just the digital has been great. So that was it. And
that's basically the key themes and thekey ideas are behind the book. Like
(11:35):
you know, it's a it's definitelymore of like a textbook type study guide
and there's informations and tips, there'sstories, there's it's it's a different read
and than my first book in thatyou know, like you can go to
different sections and take notes in thechapter and refer back to and like if
there's you can bounce around if youwant to, if there's something more pertaining
(11:58):
to you, and things of thatnature, which is really cool. But
it's it's it's you know, howdo we navigate this life. I've learned
that through my life that the growth, the best things come through the hardest
times. But you've got to bewilling to put in the work. You
(12:18):
got to really be able to uhmanage during the low points. They're gonna
come. Uh you know, noteverything, as I've said before, is
rainbows and unicorns, and it's oneof the hard things of life. It
doesn't mean like life sucks. Ihear that said a lot. I don't
think life sucks. I think lifecan be great. But it can be
great when you know how to managethe hard because for some people, hard
(12:41):
is every day every week. Ialso say, if you're not having hardship,
like business owners out there, ifyou're if it's not hard, then
you're probably not moving the needle inyour business. So when you start to
do things and challenge things and takechances, it's really hard and it's really
stressful, and maybe you have somesleepless nights. But the joy comes when
you get through those times right,and when you can manage joy through those
(13:05):
times as well, you can getmore self done instead of being in your
feelings and your motions and staying inbed. But it's really really hard,
and there's a lot of things throughit. So I provide all that in
that book. You know, youknow what I have. Let's I say
about joy? Say it just sortof button in on your show here,
But I've heard this a lot frompeople, and it's you know a lot
(13:30):
of people are looking for joy,they're looking for happiness, They're looking for
those things m h in something elselike oh if I if I made more
money, I'd have more happiness andmore joy. If I had a boat,
or if I had a better houseor whatever. And you know that
the joy comes from within. Yeah, the happiness comes from within that you
(13:52):
have to be good with yourself andsometimes it takes effort to get there,
and there's things that you have stepsthat you have to overcome. Right,
Yeah, And I would say thatyou pretty much could explain in a neat
way the difference between joy and happiness. So many people that I've talked to
think that one and the same andthey're not. Happiness is like you know,
(14:15):
like like you just talked about,Yeah, you can go find happiness.
You can go to a birthday partyand go hang on the friends.
You could whatever makes you happy,play a sport, get on a boat.
Those things are happy. Could theyprovide joy depends whatever? Like the
joy comes within. What if you'rehaving a bad day and you're at the
most fun theme park that you've loved, but you're not feeling it, But
(14:39):
you could make the conscious choice,especially when it's hard in here and for
me, you know, or foranybody of a spiritual nature, For me,
it's God. But even like notjust from within, but from above
or whatever it is that you mightbelieve in that something deeper is what I'm
getting at. It's gotta be renewingof the mind, almost a renewing of
(15:01):
your thoughts if they're in a placeof scarcity or depression or resentment or bitterness,
all these things. And I couldlist a ton of other words like
that, but hopefully you know whereI'm going. It's like if you're living
in there, it becomes so mucha part of you. And I'm telling
my own story. Like those wordsthat I just use have been in my
(15:22):
mind, have been in my place, and I've had to rewrite, and
reword and reframe all the reads everysingle day of my life. I would
say, some days you probably don'teven notice you're doing that, but like
I would say, the last forthree or four months, it's been an
(15:43):
overdrive and it's literally now those arepart of my tools of Like I by
the way, I've written so manypoems. I might come out with a
poetry book next for those, andso many like short stories, And is
that your outlet? Is that likeyour creative way of dealing with things?
It is now, Like I mean, for those that know I've been following
(16:03):
me for a while, Like myfirst book, I said I would never
write because I couldn't write, andlike here I am like like I'm like
whether these things get published, butanybody listening out there, No, I've
got a poop ton of material,like tons not in a notebook. Don't
worry, it's all on my iPhone. No pattern, my my MacBook.
So as long as that doesn't getlost, it's there. But we're talking
(16:25):
like I mean, I'm not Ihaven't written the Bible of sorts, but
it's a lot. I mean,what's been cool is the poems is probably
most exciting because I wrote some poemsin My Joyful Warrior that was probably more
for me. But you know,also, like it explained, that's one
of the outlets. I think writingis one of the most therapeutic things you
can do. I literally tell mykids. I told my dog the other
day she was dealing with some struggles. I was like, you need to
(16:48):
write it out because if it staysup here, is what I said to
her, it's only gonna manifest,it's gonna build, and it's only become
so much part of your story thatthat becomes you. And if you don't
get it out to a person,and that's not comfort for You've got to
get it out on paper at least, And then I'll encourage you to read
whatever that is out loud. Andthen if you realize how whatever you wrote,
if you write continually negative stuff likeTool one of my favorite bands,
(17:12):
but like, if you could continuallywrite that, it will become a party.
But it's like you also have toread that look at a different perspective,
possibly if it's in a negative,like how can we flip this around
and see it in a more agrowth, a positive or whatever. But
yeah, sometimes it can be andI have no problem with it. Like
one of the things, without givingtoo much detail, one of the poems
(17:34):
I wrote was about the devil inmy life and like how he was getting
in my thoughts and in my mindand writing that out helped like release those
pieces in a lot of ways.It was very angry, Like that was
like a very angry like teenage esque. But it's like definitely when I'll definitely
put in a poetry book if Ido put it out. But yeah,
(17:57):
writing is one of those tools thatI've been using regularly, which has been
helpful. I've shared it with somepeople, which has been helpful, But
that's been one of the other toolsis like you do need people in your
life, but find a small groupthat's going to support you no matter what
you decide, what your decisions are, like, for example, if you're
(18:18):
going through financial challenges or relationship challenges, or a health challenge of some sort.
For example, my grandma. She'spassed away now. She was diagnosed
spinkret of cancer and she had anopportunity to have surgery, but she's like,
I lived a good life. Mymom was so against it, fighting
(18:40):
her go do whatever, chemo,surgery, whatever was available. She refused.
It wasn't that she was giving upon life, but she wanted to
go the way she wanted to go. Similar like, you know, some
people are going to make decisions thatyou don't agree with. And I'm not
saying don't have those people, butlike I have a small we're talking like
for people, for good men inmy life that I talked to at least
(19:02):
weekly, and they're all men thatdon't tell me what to do, but
maybe give me some helpful advice butknow that it's ultimately my choice. You
know, They like, well thisis this, this is that perspective,
you could do this, this couldmean this, you know what I mean,
like and giving me thoughts around itand challenging me for sure, not
(19:22):
trying to say oh you're right,justin not agreeing with me all the time
either. And when you find though, those are real friends, those are
good people that you know if youdon't have those and you know, you
can go out and search, butalso like what I did? How did
I find these? I prayed onthese people. Whatever that looks like if
you're not a praying person, butthat's what I did. Meditate on it.
If that's your thing, Like,you got to be deep enough in
(19:44):
your thoughts. And for people thatare dealing with heavy thoughts, it's hard.
But when you can get through themand breathe through them and find like
love and peace and calmness and safetyin those thoughts, your brain can usually
at least for me, been ableto navigate a direction and idea, a
person a way to go through.And so I posted actually about that a
(20:08):
month ago. Like some I've beensaying and meditating in my Cold Punch almost
almost daily, is like I amsafe, I am loved, I am
calm, and I mean and sometimesI'm like, no, I'm not.
But if I say it, Ireally started to feel that way. And
so, and I talk about thisin my book as well. So yeah,
(20:29):
some of my personal life challenges.So yeah, like in so I'm
looking at I wrote some noteses tokeep me on task because I have ADHD
so I go crazy. But someof my personal life challenge adhd no.
But like so these things have affectedme mentally, emotionally even like my spiritual
growth. But like so, something'sgoing on in my personal life that I
(20:51):
don't want to dive too deep intohere as far as because it deals with
other people and that you know,it's my perspective, but just know that
there's like personal things within close relationshipin my life that have been challenged more
than ever and and it's getting meto my lowest moments and broken me down.
But with that said, it's alsowhat it's done is it put a
(21:12):
mirror back on me and realize,oh my god, I can sit here
and have bitterness, have resentment,have hate, have anger, nothing necessarily
wrong with that, but you can'tstay there. That's not healthy. But
it's got me an opportunity to lookin a mirror and realize I still have
a lot of work with you onmyself. You know, I'm going to
be this health guru guy that peopleput a title on that I don't think
I but I've been that I don'tagree with necessarily, But I have a
(21:33):
lot of people reach out to measking me for advice for all kinds of
things. Prayer, nutrition, food, health, How do you stay so
positive and in shape and all thesethings? How do you write all this
stuff? But that doesn't mean Idon't have my challenges too, And that's
why I'm like, I'm just thisopen guy, like I'm gonna come on
here and be like, look,I'm a real human who has real life
problems, and I have tools thatI use, and so I've dealt with
(21:56):
some of these and it's been hard, but it's also been one of the
Like I have a chapter in abook called winning or growing, and I've
been winning a lot for the lastdecade in my life, like really well,
and so I guess that was duetime for some massive growth. It
sucks that so much came at tome at once, but it's also like
(22:18):
when you take the time to realizethe benefits in the storms, which is
what I'm going through, you canstart to see the growth that is needed
in yourself. Because right, we'reall we can consider ourselves masterpieces, but
like we might have a lot ofgreat qualities, and we should we should
see like that we have gifts togive this world because we all do,
(22:38):
right, but we're also works inprogress. And that's a line I you
know, paraphrase for my book,that we're all masterpieces in progress. And
and sometimes it takes getting kicked down, beat down, But we have to
look at that reflection in the mirror, because sometimes the things that are happening
to us are for good reason,and it's because of maybe we've fallen short
(23:00):
in an area, Maybe we've fallenshort in the way we treated people.
Yeah, maybe we're really good,but maybe there are things that we weren't
doing as well as we thought.And maybe sometimes we're upset at these people
in our life. Yeah, maybethey did something to hurt you, but
also is it just about you?Maybe they hurt you because you hurt them.
Did you take a moment to lookat maybe some things you did to
(23:21):
them, or you just in yourown you know, I'm going to say
this for myself, I've been selfishin my feelings. What about me?
What about my feelings? What aboutmy emotions? And not to say those
aren't important, but if you reallycare about somebody, you need to also
look at theirs. And so likethis is deep in my relationship with myself,
my spiritual life. You know,like for those in the spiritual realm,
(23:42):
there's layers and levels of everything,right, like we might be deep
into it. So since I'm aChristian, I'm a follower of Jesus,
Like you know, there was atime where I didn't believe in this stuff.
And so I'm at this point wherelike, oh, I'm doing way
better than I was. I cancompare all day to my past self.
But again there's layers and levels.I really as deep in my relationships as
(24:02):
I can with Jesus, and Iam really as deep in my faith.
Am I really as knowledgeable? No, because I don't really like if I'm
truly deep in than I trust him. I have hope and everything that all
these things that are happening may notbe you know, are happening. I
don't want to use for a reason, but they're happening, and there's opportunity
in it, and we need tosee that opportunity within those challenging moments in
(24:26):
our life. And and so itdoesn't mean when I have some kick down,
drag out days where you just wantto give up and quit. But
like, even through all this,you know what I've done. I've still
meditated, I've still journaled, Istill ran. I think I'm close to
like six hundred days of running straight. And once I did these things,
I started at least feel better.You know, it was easier when doing
moving. I talk about it allthe day. I'm eating healthy, I'm
(24:49):
not like drinking. I mean,I'm having a cocktail or soften, but
like I'm not. I don't havevices where I'm like I have to drink
or definitely not drugs or that nature. So it's like, you know,
somebody said to be Man that oneof the four men I talked about,
like he said, you know,he realizes, like you're going through a
lot, and I'm blown away athow disciplined you are and how like,
(25:12):
because he was saying, like whenhe's gone through similar stuff, like he
goes to certain vices like porn andalcohol, and and I think it's because
I realize how much I don't havecontrol over except for my mind. And
I know that like when I'm takingcare of myself my physical, mental,
and emotional and nutritional health and allthese things that like, it's easier to
(25:34):
navigate those things that are completely outof my control. And so I don't
want to give what I'll call thedevil more control by weakening my mind,
by weakening my gut by weakening myself. It's not easy, but like it's
more like, you know, Ican control so little, So do I
want to give up more control ofmyself? Or do I want to start
taking control? And Scott said earlier, it's all comes from within, So
(25:56):
how does it come from within?If you're letting the within? Like go
with if you're letting all these otherthings, because we know that when we're
inebriated or when we're addicted anything again, porn, drugs, whatever, like
social media, they're distractions from reallygetting to your deep self, Like I'm
not really finding that deep joy becausewe've literally gotten to the point where we're
(26:21):
using all these other things to distractfrom things up here, and it just
becomes another breakdown and it makes usweaker to be able to find that joy
in the storms, to be ableto navigate those challenges in our personal life,
to really have some kind of strategy, like, for example, if
you're like, if you're under anykind of like distractive influence, if you're
(26:45):
overstimulated, even just from a technologystandpoint, you're probably working at a rapid
face rapid pace already, Like likewhat's what I'm looking for, Like a
like everything's an emergency. I seeit in people. I've been there,
and so like say there's a conflictin your home or the friend, instead
(27:07):
of taking their time to listen totheir words and maybe not say a damn
thing, you want to fire offbecause you feel back to the wall because
you're working in that you know inthat state. And while it's hard,
for example, when there's conflict,some of the people on the other side
of that conflict want you to saysomething and they'll create more and sometimes but
I want you to know it's okayjust to be like, hey, I
want to think about what you said. I don't want to come back to
(27:29):
this and they'll they might get pissedoff at that because I've been in these
situations, but know that it canbe for the better. Don't feel like
you have to say something like youknow in the Bible says you have two
years in one mouth, but peopleknow this too. You don't need to
read that to understand that, andthere's a reason for that. Sometimes you
just need to listen, go meditateit on it. And if people aren't
okay with that, don't be controlledby that. Don't be controlled by them.
(27:52):
Remember you're working on yourself. Andif you want to be the show
up for the best person in yourself, your kids, your wife, whoever
it might be, then you alsoneed to be give boundaries to your own
self, and that could be oneof them. Boundaries is a key thing
that I've been managing through these lastthree months, even with everyone knows I'm
an active oot. I love mykids, but sometimes I'm like kids.
They want to go play, theywant to play catch, they want to
do these things. But sometimes Ineed a break and I need to just
(28:15):
go lay on a shock mat.I need to go meditate. These are
some of my tools. I needto go jump in a cold plunge,
I take a nap, I needto go for a run, because those
are part of being able to maximizeourself, to work on ourself. Do
you have any thoughts or questions onthat, Scott, anything you want to
ask me? Dude, I wouldn'tto go back to something you said about
(28:37):
You said winning and growth, right, winning and growing and the difference between
that. So you were winning andwinning and winning, but you weren't growing.
Is that what I so like winning? I was growing. So it's
like winning and growing and grow andwin at the same time, I'm not
saying that, but like instead ofsaying like winning or losing, Like instead
(29:00):
of saying like, I see likeI told like I coached baseball, I
coach hockey, and I say,some of the best lessons are learned when
you lose. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, So that's what
I'm getting at. I see,yeah, because I was I was wondering
about that because I'm like, allright, because sometimes it's hard to tell.
It's hard to tell when you're winning. Sometimes you don't know you're winning
(29:23):
until you look back on it andyou say, oh, wow, I
was actually winning. That was actuallygood, that was actually positive. You
know, at the time, itmight be pain, it might be you
know, a challenge that you're like, oh, I was just bad.
Everything was bad. Everything was bad. But then when you came out of
it, you realized that you learnedsomething, and so in retrospect, you
(29:48):
won, you know what I mean. But at the time you didn't think
you were winning, Like yeah,yeah. Like as kids, I mean,
like I've talked my life. Mywhole child, I was in like
death and destruction and trauma. LikeI had good moments, and I would
say for the most part. Ifwe had to compare most people's not all
(30:10):
childhood with their adulthood, people wouldpicture childhood all day, I would imagine,
I would assume because like it's fun, it's easy, it's playful,
you don't have to build like allthe things, right, like I should
go back being a kid. Akid again, as a statement often mat
and that's why we need to prepareour kids. It does mean give them
a tough lie, but like makedecisions, overcome adversary, try out for
(30:33):
sports, like you know, andfail and whatever it might look like.
Because I know everybody's adulthood. Weall got our own lives we're living.
But any adult that hasn't had ahard time, I'm like, you're lying,
like because it's like we're all havinghard lives. I think even post
COVID, I mean especially like I'mnot going to bring up politics per se,
(30:55):
but like even just the political climateright now, and like how people
have lost friends even over COVID.People lost friends because of how they felt
about vaccinations versus not getting vaccinated.And it's just amazing, like what that
is. And I've always been abeliever that we're all human, Like we're
all just human beings and you know, I don't expect us all to get
along and sing Kumbai Yah and bebest friends. But it's like if we
(31:17):
start to just have more empathy inthis world around people and are saying they're
all going through their stuff, yep. And I think that's like if anything
through this, Like I've always beenthat kind of guy, if anybody knows
me, like, I'm just like, yeah, I make mistakes and I
mess up, and I sin hereand there. But it's just like I've
I've always had empathy and understood likeand if it's only grown, and I
think that's the one thing, Likeif you haven't been if you've been through
(31:41):
hard stuff and you haven't learned empathythrough that, then that's one of the
biggest lessons you could learn. AndI think like, like hurt people.
Hurt people as a common phrase becauseit happens so much. It's happening to
me currently, like and so inthose moments when somebody's screaming at you or
yelling at you or trying to fightyou, I play hockey, So there
you go. Like, so it'slike when you start to have empathy,
(32:07):
it's like you almost start to belike man, what's going on in their
life. Like like, so youstart to be a more concerned and you
can usually bring that down. Youcan bring that conflict down by being more
understanding, you know. But whathappens in heated situations we feel back in
the ball. We want to feelback in the wall in a corner,
and we want to fight our wayout. That's very primal, right,
(32:30):
Like why do we start? Whydo we lie? Why do we you
know, why do we fight back? Why do we you know, when
somebody's coming out of our face,we're going right back at them. Here's
here's a quote that I just heardthat I think is perfect for this conversation.
When you feel an intense emotion,that's your cue to pause. It's
not your cue to react immediately orangrily or with a sharp tongue. The
(32:53):
most successful people have trained themselves notto react to their emotions. Remember to
pause. Yeah, yeah, andthat's what I was. You can say,
all right, So what is whydid Justin just yell at me?
He didn't really just yell at me. I'm just an example. Why did
(33:13):
Justin just yell at me? Letme think about a second, and then
instead of reacting with shouting back.I say, whoa justin what's going on?
Man? You? Okay? Iseverything cool? Like? What how?
That's empathy? Right? Right?And and you usually you wouldn't yell
at me, but you're yelling atme now, So I want to know
what's what's what's going on? Butwhen we live in a place of fear
(33:36):
scarcity, even if we're the onesthat messed up, you know, like
we're going to start yelling back.And yeah, I forget the guy who
said it, but he said somethingalong the lines of nobody wins in a
fight. Like an argument, nobodywins. And even you feel you win
or you're on top you have control, or the person walked away or whatever,
(33:57):
like, nobody really truly wins.It's even if you have empathy,
you're not winning. The point isit is like to have that empathy,
to have that care, like youjust said, it's hard, but that's
what makes us human, right,Like we're still very much primal and so
we need to recognize that, Likewe need to get out of that.
If we're the most advanced creature animalon this planet, let's start acting like
it. Oh yeah, Dale Carnegie, you can't win an argument that's that's
(34:22):
I think that was in How toWin Friends and Influence People. Yeah,
which is a book that I reada long time ago, but I still
had my bookshelf. Yeah, Ihave to read it again because it's it's
probably been about twenty years since Iread that book. But he's got a
lot of great tidbits in there.I mean, they would say that's the
over a company saying thing of anythinglike with relationships, with any challenge in
(34:43):
your life, like when you canstop and pause, Like that's one of
my biggest tips too, around allof this, around life, around challenges,
like around being busy, if youlike, you know, I do
the pomet Oral effect when I getinto some heavy work with is twenty five
minutes on, five minutes off.I have took me forever. I was
like I've always been in a fishingmachine, but I would just keep going
(35:05):
until like I basically fell on thefloor. But like I found that I
can be so much more productive ina shorter period of time when I take
a walk or way a military pause. Go back to what you just said,
the Pommedoro effect. Yeah, it'slike twenty five minutes on five minutes
off. This it been showing ifyou're doing like computer work or even just
reading a book, you're going toretain and get more stuff done. So
like one of the things I'll dois like an hour two hour block.
(35:28):
So I'll do a two hour blockof twenty five minutes on, five minutes
off. And the five minutes needsto be off. I mean, maybe
it's getting a bite to eat onthe fridge, but like, leave the
technology, leave the stimulating stuff.Maybe go for a five minute walk and
you can create your own It couldbe twenty ten. You create your own
little interval. But it's incredible becauseit's like especially like when you have that
short window, like for example,when I'm writing. But here's the thing,
(35:51):
like if you're writing, for example, a book or whatever, let's
not be all about grammar. Runon. Senate's just like right, and
because you can go back and lookat that stuff right right right right right,
Oh, twenty five is up,and just get up even in your
middle of the thought, unless it'slike a super important I mean, you
gotta have some flex right, LikeI gotta finish this sentence and then you
can start the five. So it'snot like I'm saying you can't go to
twenty six. In some cases youneed some flex but like for the most
(36:15):
part, it pause, get up, do something. And like even in
these arguments too, it's like,you know, hey, let me.
That's That's been one of the harderthings for me. That's why I'm saying
it's probably one of the most beneficialbecause you know, when I've gotten in
conflicts with people that are important tome, and I mean they might look
at like, no, we're goingto finish this now. Don't let them
control you. In those situations,even if it feels like, oh my
(36:37):
god, they'll leave me or theywon't think I love them. Like like
I'm saying this because that's stuff Isaid in my head, and I'm like,
you know what, if I reallylove them and if I really care
about them, then I'm gonna walkaway and think about it, because firing
some golfer now will only make thingsworse, right, and that's gonna and
then it then you lose anyway,So least if you walk away or you
(36:59):
just pause, even in think Ineed to think about this before I just
fire off a response. They mightwant you to just to get a reaction,
but sometimes you just need to pause. Walk away, think about it.
Eventually. I believe most normal there'sno normal, right, most human
beings with a conscience and a heartwill understand even if they're pissed off as
(37:22):
at hell at you. So I'vehad great success with that and maybe it's
coming back to the next day.And also some things are left unsaid.
Sometimes you need to say everything.You need to write everything and send them
an email or letter or text.That's the other thing hot forms of like
how you communicate. Maybe some dependingyou got to you know, know the
(37:45):
area, but like sometimes the faceto face or a phone call or face
time with with conflict with people,I have found, as hard as it
is, is sometimes the best.But if it starts to get heated,
you need to put a pause onit because also with tech an email,
you don't know if they're opening themup or reading them or not. And
if there's a point you really wantto get across them, manage that.
(38:06):
If it's one of those things likeyou don't care if they open it,
but you're just gonna send it tothem anyways for yourself, yeah, so
be it. But that's why takingnotes, writing things down, and depending
on where your relationship's at, manlike I encourage everyone to like, especially
if it's like a marriage, definitely, like if there's challenges here, like
(38:27):
don't give up, like go totherapy, go to counseling, maybe for
yourself, maybe for them. I'veread enough books over the years of marriages
specifically where like if the kids otherthan an abusive or like you know,
toxic like alcoholic, traumatic or likedrug like an addictive environment outside those kinds
(38:47):
of things, the kids always turnout better in a lot of different aspects,
which sounds crazy, but I've evenbeen reading this book called Sacred Marriage
recently. It's been amazing. Iencourage a lot of people to read it.
Lauria says doesn't usually start ten,ten years, fourteen years, and
I'm paraphrasing a little bit, butit talks about like like for the most
part, you really don't know whoyou're with, and then when you get
(39:09):
older and things get challenging, andespecially when you have kids, it's like
you really get to know who thisperson is and you have an opportunity there
through these hard times to dig into in like as men, I'm gonna
say, suck it up, andlike maybe you weren't doing your best maybe
you thought you were doing good,but maybe you could have been doing better.
Maybe are the things you're missing samethings for women, you know,
(39:30):
Like it's it's you're two different people, two different genders. There is that
book like women from ours, menare from Venus or whatever. I don't
know what planets. You're from differentplanets, and I would agree to that
in that And that's what makes ithard, but that's what makes it great.
Think about like if you can managesomebody like that. I mean,
our divorce rate is getting way outhand, what is like sixty percent now,
(39:52):
and it just shows like nobody wantsto deal with the hard stuff,
the conflict. But that's where likeif you talk to anybody who's been married
like past like thirty years. Ijust talked to somebody yesterday. They told
me how hard it got in themiddle like those years that I was just
talking about, but like how gratefulthey are that they work through it,
and how much better both their livesare and how much better communicators, and
(40:12):
like how it didn't just better theirlives in their marriage and with their kids,
Like it's spider webbed out? Isthat amazing? Right? Because like
everyone's going to deal with difficult people. What if you're dealing with the most
difficult person that you you know youlove but like you're angry at right now,
but you can find a way towork through that. And I'll tell
you this, maybe only one person'sworking and we can get all bitter and
(40:34):
hateful and resentful about it, butmaybe that's what it's going to take to
make the difference. And maybe youwon't say together, and that's fine too,
but like for that, it needsto be like you can't. That's
what we're talking about, giving up, Like you got to put in the
work, especially when it's hard.But again, even through that, it's
(40:55):
got to be about working on yourself, finding the joy every day, that
joy every day, knowing that beinga little selfish is selfless on creating that
beautiful environment. And if anything,look at what your kids are learning.
Are your kids are learning something inan environment like that where there's conflict,
because I mean, what mary coupledoesn't fight right, And if they can
(41:16):
see two parents who are there's conflictand overcoming that and then loving each other.
Whatever the time frame might be aday, a week, a month,
a year, I mean I justtalked to a friend who they were
separated all last year, like theyweren't even living together. You're like,
oh, it's over right, They'reback together and they're loving each other like
(41:37):
never before. And he says,this is the best our marriage has ever
been. So if there's hope rightthere, like, that's amazing. Right,
So, just you gotta believe,you know, these things are possible
in your personal life. And andand so, I mean we've talked a
lot about how we've done that,right, We've talked about you know,
(41:59):
work and on ourselvel out how wedo that, and you need to find
out what that looks like. ButI'm going to say it over and over
again. Health, Like, ifyou're not working on your health and then
you're blaming somebody else, or you'reblaming your finances, your personal life,
whatever, is like not good inyour life right now, take a look
in the mirror. Like, youknow, we could sit here and yell
(42:20):
at our boss. We could sithere and blame the economy, we could
blame the president, but that getsus nowhere and moves us nowhere. And
so we need to take a lookback at ourselves. And there's always something
and look at that as opportunity toreally dig in and dig deep to be
able to work on those areas.So yeah, those are part of my
(42:44):
practices. That's I've been able tostay in it and and keep moving in
my life. I'm not out ofthe woods yet, but I know that
each day gets a little little bitbetter. If anything. Man, I
like, so here's one thing,I'll put it this way. So I've
done CrossFit, and so I beatmy body up. I've done I've been
(43:07):
working out my whole life. I'vedone some of the hardest workouts and that
was all physical, right, AndI feel like I'm going through a season
where it's like CrossFit for the mind, and I'm like, you know,
if I can do that to mybody day and day out, I can
have the discipline and mindset to dothis for my mind and reframing, you
(43:29):
know, rewriting narratives, like doingwhatever it takes to build that mind muscle
to withstand anything, to be ableto have challenging situations in my life and
be able to instead of like sittingin my emotions and feelings to have them,
(43:49):
but navigate to the point of Okay, this is what I'm learning from
this, This isn't this is whatI need for this. Okay, let's
get up. Maybe it starts withjust hey, I got up out of
bed. I've got like, youknow, maybe it's a quote, maybe
it's a scripture next your bed,reading that, and then maybe it's just
going for a walk, like justkeep doing these things so and then being
(44:10):
those thoughts like I really don't putheadphones on, this doesn't count, or
I don't put headphones on when I'mworking out or doing any of these things,
which has been so hard, AndI talk about that as like I
have a chapter I would call comfortthrough Discomfort and one of the later ads
because I talked about the some ofthe obvious maybe, but one of the
(44:30):
later ads was the mind and forsomebody like me who's been through what I've
been through the EIGHTHDS, like I'vealways had noise. I mean, I
was the guy who lives in aTV. When I was sleeping, I
always had headphones in music playing quietcould be so uncomfortable. But nowadays I
embrace the discomfort of the quiet soI can navigate through my thoughts and come
(44:57):
to resolutions, like I said earlier, so that I can find the people
I need to connect with. Saythe words I need to say, do
the things I need to do formyself and for others to make a difference,
Be as present and optimal in whereverI need to show up in my
life. When you're going through stressfultimes, you do get in your feelings
(45:17):
maybe a little bit. So likewhen somebody's talking, you may be distracted
thinking if you're angry at thinking aboutwhatever is bothering you. When you're if
you're angry at that person, maybeyou're thinking of the reason you're angry with
them instead of trying to hear buildup that relationship. Again, something I've
had to struggle through and work throughit now to a point where like if
those thoughts do come in my mind, I'm still focused on their lips,
(45:37):
moving on the words coming out oftheir mouth and removing the negativity and resentment
or whatever it might be, theanger and being intentional about their words and
try not to over complicate those words. Just listening to their words and maybe
thinking empathy or thinking in their perspectiveof what they're trying to say and what
(45:58):
they're trying to mean. So soI like you guys to reflect on some
things after this, like what challengesare you currently facing and how are you
dealing with them? You know,I would love to hear from you guys
from this. You know, howcan you reframe difficult situations to find positive
outcomes? I've talked about that onhere. You know, I'll give another
example, say reframing from a financiallike man the economy, or I'm poor,
(46:22):
like gosh, nothing's going good forme, and like saying, hey,
you know, let's reframe that tolet's write down the gratitude things.
Hey, look it I got abed. It sounds silly, but these
things work. Hey, I gotfood in front of me. Hey,
I got a loving family. Hey, why don't I pickup the phone and
(46:42):
call somebody for a job interview orwhatever it might be? Like, you
know, when my gym was beingchallenged in that situation, you know,
I was like frustrated and upset,but then called them. My buddy Nate
said, hey, you need help. Let me know, Like I'll be
out there anyways working coaching hockey.And what do you know, He's like,
yeah, of course, you know. I transition clients online. I
(47:06):
made a post on social media.I have re marke and you just tell
people where I'm at, like updatethem. I was hard actually, like
it's like, oh my god,are people gonna think I'm a loser?
I thought about that for a second, but I was like, you know
what, who cares? Like,if anything, I'm a real human just
like anybody else. And this iswhat's going on. What's cool about that
is the opportunity that's come out ofthat, you know, and people that
reach out. Like I said earlier, so you know, put yourself out
(47:27):
there. You know, what aresome ways you can support others in your
community in these stufftimes? And thatgoes back to what Scott and I we
were talking about earlier about empathy,like be on the lookout for that because
that's a win win relationship. Ialways feel like when you're empathetic, it's
amazing how you just feel better evenwhen your dealing with your stuff, and
how things start to progressively get better, your your outlook, your perspective,
and even like the actual opportunities inyour life. Yeah. So I think
(47:55):
that's where we're gonna wrap it uphere, and hopefully you guys got some
things from this, you know,from whatever you're dealing with, whatever challenges.
If you love to hear more ortalk more on this subject, I'd
be down for it. Hopefully thiswas helpful for you, guys. I
know it is helpful for me,and I just want you to know that,
(48:15):
Like, I'm good and I'm doingreally good. But it wasn't always
that way. But I was ableto create joy every day. And now
one of the things that I'll leavewith you with that I've been saying every
day, besides the I am loved, I am safe, I am calm,
is create joy. I'm saying thatto myself, especially when like like
(48:37):
something might make me angry, Iwas like, great joy and just by
simply saying that, it's like,Okay, let's try to create joy in
this moment. Let's try to createjoy in whatever's going on, and that
gives you like a more positive outlookin those situations or whatever you're being challenged
with to be able to take actionon that. And it sounds so simple,
and maybe it sounds silly to allya to some of you, but
(48:59):
it's literally some of the things thathave been working for me is just again,
I would say, the hardest battlesand the wars you're going to fight
are up here. Most of youprobably know that, but I'm just you
got to reiterate it, and you'vegot to be consistent, and sometimes you
got to read things over and overagain, Like the writing that I talked
about earlier. Some most things havebecome mantras where I'm reading whenever I need
(49:22):
them. So I have like aplethora of everything for Bible versus two quotes,
the things I just wrote to evenlike reframing around people in my life
that I had a very negative thoughtprocess or outlook for. I'm reading this
even if I don't always believe it, but it's starting to get to a
point of reframing the mind to howI see that person or see that situation,
(49:43):
or see where I'm at, youknow, in my professional or personal
life, or spiritual life or myhealth. You know, we got to
speak kind words for ourselves. We'vegot to speak kind words in our mind,
and we actually have to speak kindwords to others, especially when it's
hard, because that's where it canand just become so much a part of
you that we can just go outand be that loving and empathetic person.
(50:04):
Doesn't we have to be best friends. We're not talking about like again seeing
Kumbayah and Hippie Dippy. We're allsitting around a circle. That's not gonna
happen, let's be realistic. Butyour health, especially your mental health,
can be better with that because it'llget rid of a lot of the negativity
around yourself, around others, aroundthe worry, around the anxiety, around
the fear, around the things,like I said, bitterness and resentment and
(50:30):
any of those emotions that you're dealingwith that aren't doing you any favors.
They aren't doing you any good.They're only bringing you down, and they'll
bring down people with you. Andagain, it's going to be a constant
battle to your probably off this planet. So just remember, find some of
the tools that we used here,find your own, and if they're working
to create that joy every day,then stick with them and have them close
(50:52):
by where if you need to pullthem up in a moment's notice. That's
why I put them on my phone, because there's moments like where I'm like
I want to punch a steering wheeland like lose my temper and like I
take a breath, I pause,as Scott said, and then maybe I'll
pull over and I'll read what Ineed to read and say what I need
(51:13):
to say, and maybe I needto say it ten times and while out,
what do you know that's the magictrick to getting back on the road
or getting back focused to what Ineed to. So there we go.
I'm not sure what we're titled thispodcast, but I feel like we talked
about a lot of good stuff hereand hopefully again you guys found benet.
I appreciate y'all. I would loveto gain those questions that I asked earlier.
(51:37):
I would love to hear what youguys think about that, and I
would love to hear anybody else's storyand how they're dealing with challenges their life.
If you want to be on thispodcast and you think your story is
worthwhile, I'd love to have you. Thank you all for listening, thanks
for tuning in. I appreciate everyone of you, because what's been crazy
about my time off? I forgotto tell you this, Scott. The
three months that I've been offer sothe analytics on this podcast have gone way
(51:59):
up, and I've had people inpublic actually saying stuff and it hasn't happened
in the last year. So maybeagain, taking a pause and a breather
and a break will do everyone somegood. As I talked about but even
in your professional life, who knewby pausing and breaking from this podcast,
then the podcast would start to reallytake off. I literally had somebod hockey
yesterday talking about it, and thenthey were talking about my son's episode and
some of the other episode, andI had somebody to reach out from Europe.
(52:21):
Has been crazy, So anyway,I digress. I love y'all.
I appreciate y'all. Look at it. I'm smiling. Take care, God bless
Hey, welcome to another episode ofStrive three sixty five, your go to
source for conquering life's challenges and thrivingno matter the odds. Whether you're seeking
a mental, physical, emotional,or spiritual growth, we're here to help
guide you towards a better life.I am your host, Justin Arn't on
the Amazing Rock Box Studio. Andit's been a few months since I put
out an episode. Reason being one, it was getting warmer. Two.
(00:42):
I have been reeling in challenges thatI needed to just take my time away
from things I needed to work onmyself, my family, my professional life,
my personal life, and I thoughtit was best for everything involved that
I have been doing and I mighthave my hands in a lot for those
that know from coaching and things ofthat nature, that I think it was
(01:03):
time to just put pause. Limitthe distractions, limit the stimulations, limit
the things that I was doing.And you know you've heard the statement less
is more, and that's what it'sbeen. And it's been. It's been
a roller coaster ride, but it'sbeen great. But I decided to come
back in the studio here because Iwanted to provide what I've been doing.
(01:26):
I know a lot of you outthere deal with a lot, and most
of people don't know what you're workingthrough, dealing with and mental, physical,
emotional, spiritual, whatever it maybe, and you don't have things
to lean on, or you don'thave tools, or you're at loss,
or worst case scenario, you know, you find yourself with vices, whatever
(01:49):
those might be, whether it mightbe porn, drugs, alcohol, infidelity,
things of that nature, maybe suicide, odal thoughts. And you know,
this is Drive three sixty five.We talk a lot about health,
and we've had a ton of episodeson on all kinds of things that you
know, from food, nutrition,movement, all that. But I thought
(02:12):
it was time to do this,especially with some of the things, like
you know, my book came outin March, but some of the challenges
there. I finally just had mypaperback come out, so you know,
it's gonna be a sole episode.Scott the producer Mike chime in. I've
had everything from you know, closingmy gym a couple of weeks ago,
which we'll talk about, to personalchallenges that we'll get into a little bit,
(02:34):
the book challenges and just a lotof the things that have compounded in
my life and how I've been ableto still find joy to which really was
a hard process to still wake upevery day, live for life, work
on self, the tools that I'vebeen able to use, the lessons I've
learned during this, and some otherreflective questions. It's probably me shorter than
(03:00):
normal, but I wanted again tocome on here and have this conversation and
feel free to if you do listento this, I would love to hear
how it may have helped you andimpacted you. Again, this isn't some
kind of like trauma sharing or woeis Me story. This is here's my
stuff. Here's what I've learned andbenefit from these these experiences and possibly how
(03:29):
they can help you strive. Solet's start out with closing the gym.
So I closed the gym a coupleweeks ago, but in all honesty,
since last year and a half,I've been navigating, you know, being
an author and coaching different sports andother things. There's also a new owner
in my building that took over myrent went up twenty percent, and found
myself and other challenges. Trainers weredropping out, most of my clients were
(03:53):
turning online. So I was likegetting the point do I need a facility,
And so, I mean some ofthe biggest challenges is like I've been
doing. I've been a business ownerfor over a decade. I've had that
space for or eight years. Somy daughter, my youngest daughter's eight,
she got really emotional. Probably Idid, because she's just like, I've
(04:15):
been here since I was born,and she was really sad about it,
and she was still brought it upand she's like, if we bring it
up, she gets super emotional becauseshe literally grew up in that place and
I was holding onto something I reallydidn't need. But it's like if anybody
can relate, you know, sometimeswhen you start something or you work somewhere,
you work hard at something, itbecomes a part of you. And
(04:36):
it became so much a part ofme that it was like a child and
I realized I didn't eat it fora while, but it was like,
man, what do I do?What's the next phase? What's the next
step? And it literally came toforcing my hand where eventually my landlord sent
me a letter, you know,they're not renewing leases, and that I
(04:58):
literally had about out less than aweek to get out of get all my
stuff out of there they would seizeit and I was like, whoa.
And you know, obviously some ofmy friends who are lawyers like you can
go at it with this, youcan go at it with that. But
I'm like, I don't know ifI have that time, and I don't
know how serious this is. AndI was like, you know what,
it's time. I've been looking fora reason and I found it and so
(05:23):
got a bunch of friends together.Thank God for that, man. I
got great people and those who helpedme out and one day, so I
had about a little over two thousandsquare foot's face and one day and literally
we started about seven thirty am andwent till about three. I was able
to get everything out or sold.And now I've created an amazing home gym
and I'm already starting to train someclients there self promotion there, I can
(05:44):
on my show and then what's coolis this is what's so cool when you
close the door and more open.I've had several people already reach out to
do online training roach of trains,specifically they want somebody that's not in their
state, which is wow, prettycool stuff that's happening there. I also
started working at a place called nextLevel, which does a lot of local
athletic training, working with hockey teams, some of the adult groups, some
(06:05):
semi and professional athletes, which hasbeen really neat, and it's attached to
an ice rink, which those thatdon't know, I have two kids that
skate, they're going to be skatingat this rink. The team they're on,
I am skating at this rink,so it's like it's two first.
So it's been a pretty neat experiencethere, and a lot of other good
things have come out of it.But it literally took that and it reminds
(06:27):
me a lot of my other stories, which i'll bring up another fitness.
Before I started my business, Iwas still had one foot in the y
because I was scared. I washonestly scared, and I've talked about this
story, so i'll keep this oneshort. Talk about the story of this
podcast. But as soon as Ipulled that foot out of the y,
my business blew up, and soI'm hopeful that this will have that turn
as well. So you know,what's cool is how the support you know,
(06:50):
I think, you know, sometimeswhen we're shutting one door, especially
when it's a business or moving orclosing, there's that, at least with
me, what will people think,Oh my god, am I a failure?
Am I giving up? And youknow, sometimes it's just a transition.
And as long as you continue towork and keep your head off and
headstrong, it's amazing, Like youknow, you'll have the support you'll get,
(07:15):
and it's been incredible. And what'sbeen cool is how you know,
now I have less bills. Myinsurance went down, you know, and
I don't have this mortgage, secondmortgage. I'm paying on a facility and
I'm able to gratefully like train onlineand out of my house, which is
pretty cool that I have a basinthat I could do that. So anyho,
(07:35):
so my book, too is anotherchallenge. So the digital copy came
out in March. And what's funnyis when I published my first book,
Scott was everybody wanted digital. Iwasn't getting a whole lot of paperback with
this one, Like as soon asit came out, I want paperback.
I'm like, and here I havea hiccup with the whole paperback situation.
(07:57):
And and part of it was likethe word count and I made a lot
of the word count was more thanme and the publishing company agreed on so
working through that and then also like, I made a lot of changes after
it was printed, more than mostand it wasn't like massive changes, but
(08:20):
I deleted some sections, I addedsome sections, I reworded entire sections because
it wasn't getting But I like nowthat I wanted a perfect product, but
after you read something and makes youcringe, and it's like, you want
to put out a good first draftessentially, And so because of all that,
we were able to release the digital. But then there was a lot
of adjustments that cost time and moneyfor the paperback, which was different.
(08:41):
So by the time all that gotsaid and done months and I'm like,
man, is this paperback ever goingto get out? And finally it came
out last week. Yay, Soyou can get your paper back on Amazon
right now. And you know,I love this. It's definitely more of
a guidebook. It's the Joyful Warrior. But you know it makes sense,
(09:05):
right, you know, the bookis literally about overcoming adversity through like the
storms of your life, and ofcourse the book would have its own I
don't know if I've told this onhere, but I'll say it again.
Literally want to hit send on myfirst draft to send to the publisher.
The sky was sunny, but assoon as I hit sound on the computer,
this massive windstorm and hailstorm came outside, And I'm like, this is
(09:26):
ironic, right, And even justthe challenges during this book process of writing.
You know, the first one lookedit wasn't easy, but it seemed
easy compared to this one. Ittook a lot longer. The first book
took ten months. It took overa year. The amount of changes and
things that went on with it andso forth with it. So I mean
(09:50):
to people ask me, like,why write a second? What inspired you
with it? Well, I wasn'tgoing to even write a first, but
I wasn't going to write a second, but I I still had a lot
more aerial to recover. But itwas again similar to the first, where
you know, people had read thefirst and they loved it and they agreed
(10:11):
with like the purpose beyond the pain. A lot of people never thought about
that, which we'll get into this. But also it was man, I
still struggle with joy through the hardtimes and the pain. And so like
this past year and a half,I've had a lot of pain, a
lot of challenges, and I've reallyhad to. Like, man, this
(10:31):
has probably been one of the hardestseasons of my life. And I've had
some challenging seasons, especially in myyouth, and it literally comes to like
when it seems so hard to createjoy, like I really had to.
So you know, that was thepurpose of it. That the fact that
I realized how hard it is forpeople to find joy, create joy,
(10:54):
have joy, have happiness, thosethings every day. But also like when
it gets really really and I'm talkinghard, I'm talking where you're like you're
on your knees in the shower crying, which I've done, or you're just
you want to give up, oryou barely want to get out of bed,
(11:15):
but you do those things, andas you start to compound little things,
little steps, things do get better. So that what inspired me,
and I want to provide all thosetists because I've been through a lot of
storms through my life, and man, you know, the reception of it,
even just the digital has been great. So that was it. And
that's basically the key themes and thekey ideas are behind the book. Like
(11:35):
you know, it's a it's definitelymore of like a textbook type study guide
and there's informations and tips, there'sstories, there's it's it's a different read
and than my first book in thatyou know, like you can go to
different sections and take notes in thechapter and refer back to and like if
there's you can bounce around if youwant to, if there's something more pertaining
(11:58):
to you, and things of thatnature, which is really cool. But
it's it's it's you know, howdo we navigate this life. I've learned
that through my life that the growth, the best things come through the hardest
times. But you've got to bewilling to put in the work. You
(12:18):
got to really be able to uhmanage during the low points. They're gonna
come. Uh you know, noteverything, as I've said before, is
rainbows and unicorns, and it's oneof the hard things of life. It
doesn't mean like life sucks. Ihear that said a lot. I don't
think life sucks. I think lifecan be great. But it can be
great when you know how to managethe hard because for some people, hard
(12:41):
is every day every week. Ialso say, if you're not having hardship,
like business owners out there, ifyou're if it's not hard, then
you're probably not moving the needle inyour business. So when you start to
do things and challenge things and takechances, it's really hard and it's really
stressful, and maybe you have somesleepless nights. But the joy comes when
you get through those times right,and when you can manage joy through those
(13:05):
times as well, you can getmore self done instead of being in your
feelings and your motions and staying inbed. But it's really really hard,
and there's a lot of things throughit. So I provide all that in
that book. You know, youknow what I have. Let's I say
about joy? Say it just sortof button in on your show here,
But I've heard this a lot frompeople, and it's you know a lot
(13:30):
of people are looking for joy,they're looking for happiness, They're looking for
those things m h in something elselike oh if I if I made more
money, I'd have more happiness andmore joy. If I had a boat,
or if I had a better houseor whatever. And you know that
the joy comes from within. Yeah, the happiness comes from within that you
(13:52):
have to be good with yourself andsometimes it takes effort to get there,
and there's things that you have stepsthat you have to overcome. Right,
Yeah, And I would say thatyou pretty much could explain in a neat
way the difference between joy and happiness. So many people that I've talked to
think that one and the same andthey're not. Happiness is like you know,
(14:15):
like like you just talked about,Yeah, you can go find happiness.
You can go to a birthday partyand go hang on the friends.
You could whatever makes you happy,play a sport, get on a boat.
Those things are happy. Could theyprovide joy depends whatever? Like the
joy comes within. What if you'rehaving a bad day and you're at the
most fun theme park that you've loved, but you're not feeling it, But
(14:39):
you could make the conscious choice,especially when it's hard in here and for
me, you know, or foranybody of a spiritual nature, For me,
it's God. But even like notjust from within, but from above
or whatever it is that you mightbelieve in that something deeper is what I'm
getting at. It's gotta be renewingof the mind, almost a renewing of
(15:01):
your thoughts if they're in a placeof scarcity or depression or resentment or bitterness,
all these things. And I couldlist a ton of other words like
that, but hopefully you know whereI'm going. It's like if you're living
in there, it becomes so mucha part of you. And I'm telling
my own story. Like those wordsthat I just use have been in my
(15:22):
mind, have been in my place, and I've had to rewrite, and
reword and reframe all the reads everysingle day of my life. I would
say, some days you probably don'teven notice you're doing that, but like
I would say, the last forthree or four months, it's been an
(15:43):
overdrive and it's literally now those arepart of my tools of Like I by
the way, I've written so manypoems. I might come out with a
poetry book next for those, andso many like short stories, And is
that your outlet? Is that likeyour creative way of dealing with things?
It is now, Like I mean, for those that know I've been following
(16:03):
me for a while, Like myfirst book, I said I would never
write because I couldn't write, andlike here I am like like I'm like
whether these things get published, butanybody listening out there, No, I've
got a poop ton of material,like tons not in a notebook. Don't
worry, it's all on my iPhone. No pattern, my my MacBook.
So as long as that doesn't getlost, it's there. But we're talking
(16:25):
like I mean, I'm not Ihaven't written the Bible of sorts, but
it's a lot. I mean,what's been cool is the poems is probably
most exciting because I wrote some poemsin My Joyful Warrior that was probably more
for me. But you know,also, like it explained, that's one
of the outlets. I think writingis one of the most therapeutic things you
can do. I literally tell mykids. I told my dog the other
day she was dealing with some struggles. I was like, you need to
(16:48):
write it out because if it staysup here, is what I said to
her, it's only gonna manifest,it's gonna build, and it's only become
so much part of your story thatthat becomes you. And if you don't
get it out to a person,and that's not comfort for You've got to
get it out on paper at least, And then I'll encourage you to read
whatever that is out loud. Andthen if you realize how whatever you wrote,
if you write continually negative stuff likeTool one of my favorite bands,
(17:12):
but like, if you could continuallywrite that, it will become a party.
But it's like you also have toread that look at a different perspective,
possibly if it's in a negative,like how can we flip this around
and see it in a more agrowth, a positive or whatever. But
yeah, sometimes it can be andI have no problem with it. Like
one of the things, without givingtoo much detail, one of the poems
(17:34):
I wrote was about the devil inmy life and like how he was getting
in my thoughts and in my mindand writing that out helped like release those
pieces in a lot of ways.It was very angry, Like that was
like a very angry like teenage esque. But it's like definitely when I'll definitely
put in a poetry book if Ido put it out. But yeah,
(17:57):
writing is one of those tools thatI've been using regularly, which has been
helpful. I've shared it with somepeople, which has been helpful, But
that's been one of the other toolsis like you do need people in your
life, but find a small groupthat's going to support you no matter what
you decide, what your decisions are, like, for example, if you're
(18:18):
going through financial challenges or relationship challenges, or a health challenge of some sort.
For example, my grandma. She'spassed away now. She was diagnosed
spinkret of cancer and she had anopportunity to have surgery, but she's like,
I lived a good life. Mymom was so against it, fighting
(18:40):
her go do whatever, chemo,surgery, whatever was available. She refused.
It wasn't that she was giving upon life, but she wanted to
go the way she wanted to go. Similar like, you know, some
people are going to make decisions thatyou don't agree with. And I'm not
saying don't have those people, butlike I have a small we're talking like
for people, for good men inmy life that I talked to at least
(19:02):
weekly, and they're all men thatdon't tell me what to do, but
maybe give me some helpful advice butknow that it's ultimately my choice. You
know, They like, well thisis this, this is that perspective,
you could do this, this couldmean this, you know what I mean,
like and giving me thoughts around itand challenging me for sure, not
(19:22):
trying to say oh you're right,justin not agreeing with me all the time
either. And when you find though, those are real friends, those are
good people that you know if youdon't have those and you know, you
can go out and search, butalso like what I did? How did
I find these? I prayed onthese people. Whatever that looks like if
you're not a praying person, butthat's what I did. Meditate on it.
If that's your thing, Like,you got to be deep enough in
(19:44):
your thoughts. And for people thatare dealing with heavy thoughts, it's hard.
But when you can get through themand breathe through them and find like
love and peace and calmness and safetyin those thoughts, your brain can usually
at least for me, been ableto navigate a direction and idea, a
person a way to go through.And so I posted actually about that a
(20:08):
month ago. Like some I've beensaying and meditating in my Cold Punch almost
almost daily, is like I amsafe, I am loved, I am
calm, and I mean and sometimesI'm like, no, I'm not.
But if I say it, Ireally started to feel that way. And
so, and I talk about thisin my book as well. So yeah,
(20:29):
some of my personal life challenges.So yeah, like in so I'm
looking at I wrote some noteses tokeep me on task because I have ADHD
so I go crazy. But someof my personal life challenge adhd no.
But like so these things have affectedme mentally, emotionally even like my spiritual
growth. But like so, something'sgoing on in my personal life that I
(20:51):
don't want to dive too deep intohere as far as because it deals with
other people and that you know,it's my perspective, but just know that
there's like personal things within close relationshipin my life that have been challenged more
than ever and and it's getting meto my lowest moments and broken me down.
But with that said, it's alsowhat it's done is it put a
(21:12):
mirror back on me and realize,oh my god, I can sit here
and have bitterness, have resentment,have hate, have anger, nothing necessarily
wrong with that, but you can'tstay there. That's not healthy. But
it's got me an opportunity to lookin a mirror and realize I still have
a lot of work with you onmyself. You know, I'm going to
be this health guru guy that peopleput a title on that I don't think
I but I've been that I don'tagree with necessarily, But I have a
(21:33):
lot of people reach out to measking me for advice for all kinds of
things. Prayer, nutrition, food, health, How do you stay so
positive and in shape and all thesethings? How do you write all this
stuff? But that doesn't mean Idon't have my challenges too, And that's
why I'm like, I'm just thisopen guy, like I'm gonna come on
here and be like, look,I'm a real human who has real life
problems, and I have tools thatI use, and so I've dealt with
(21:56):
some of these and it's been hard, but it's also been one of the
Like I have a chapter in abook called winning or growing, and I've
been winning a lot for the lastdecade in my life, like really well,
and so I guess that was duetime for some massive growth. It
sucks that so much came at tome at once, but it's also like
(22:18):
when you take the time to realizethe benefits in the storms, which is
what I'm going through, you canstart to see the growth that is needed
in yourself. Because right, we'reall we can consider ourselves masterpieces, but
like we might have a lot ofgreat qualities, and we should we should
see like that we have gifts togive this world because we all do,
(22:38):
right, but we're also works inprogress. And that's a line I you
know, paraphrase for my book,that we're all masterpieces in progress. And
and sometimes it takes getting kicked down, beat down, But we have to
look at that reflection in the mirror, because sometimes the things that are happening
to us are for good reason,and it's because of maybe we've fallen short
(23:00):
in an area, Maybe we've fallenshort in the way we treated people.
Yeah, maybe we're really good,but maybe there are things that we weren't
doing as well as we thought.And maybe sometimes we're upset at these people
in our life. Yeah, maybethey did something to hurt you, but
also is it just about you?Maybe they hurt you because you hurt them.
Did you take a moment to lookat maybe some things you did to
(23:21):
them, or you just in yourown you know, I'm going to say
this for myself, I've been selfishin my feelings. What about me?
What about my feelings? What aboutmy emotions? And not to say those
aren't important, but if you reallycare about somebody, you need to also
look at theirs. And so likethis is deep in my relationship with myself,
my spiritual life. You know,like for those in the spiritual realm,
(23:42):
there's layers and levels of everything,right, like we might be deep
into it. So since I'm aChristian, I'm a follower of Jesus,
Like you know, there was atime where I didn't believe in this stuff.
And so I'm at this point wherelike, oh, I'm doing way
better than I was. I cancompare all day to my past self.
But again there's layers and levels.I really as deep in my relationships as
(24:02):
I can with Jesus, and Iam really as deep in my faith.
Am I really as knowledgeable? No, because I don't really like if I'm
truly deep in than I trust him. I have hope and everything that all
these things that are happening may notbe you know, are happening. I
don't want to use for a reason, but they're happening, and there's opportunity
in it, and we need tosee that opportunity within those challenging moments in
(24:26):
our life. And and so itdoesn't mean when I have some kick down,
drag out days where you just wantto give up and quit. But
like, even through all this,you know what I've done. I've still
meditated, I've still journaled, Istill ran. I think I'm close to
like six hundred days of running straight. And once I did these things,
I started at least feel better.You know, it was easier when doing
moving. I talk about it allthe day. I'm eating healthy, I'm
(24:49):
not like drinking. I mean,I'm having a cocktail or soften, but
like I'm not. I don't havevices where I'm like I have to drink
or definitely not drugs or that nature. So it's like, you know,
somebody said to be Man that oneof the four men I talked about,
like he said, you know,he realizes, like you're going through a
lot, and I'm blown away athow disciplined you are and how like,
(25:12):
because he was saying, like whenhe's gone through similar stuff, like he
goes to certain vices like porn andalcohol, and and I think it's because
I realize how much I don't havecontrol over except for my mind. And
I know that like when I'm takingcare of myself my physical, mental,
and emotional and nutritional health and allthese things that like, it's easier to
(25:34):
navigate those things that are completely outof my control. And so I don't
want to give what I'll call thedevil more control by weakening my mind,
by weakening my gut by weakening myself. It's not easy, but like it's
more like, you know, Ican control so little, So do I
want to give up more control ofmyself? Or do I want to start
taking control? And Scott said earlier, it's all comes from within, So
(25:56):
how does it come from within?If you're letting the within? Like go
with if you're letting all these otherthings, because we know that when we're
inebriated or when we're addicted anything again, porn, drugs, whatever, like
social media, they're distractions from reallygetting to your deep self, Like I'm
not really finding that deep joy becausewe've literally gotten to the point where we're
(26:21):
using all these other things to distractfrom things up here, and it just
becomes another breakdown and it makes usweaker to be able to find that joy
in the storms, to be ableto navigate those challenges in our personal life,
to really have some kind of strategy, like, for example, if
you're like, if you're under anykind of like distractive influence, if you're
(26:45):
overstimulated, even just from a technologystandpoint, you're probably working at a rapid
face rapid pace already, Like likewhat's what I'm looking for, Like a
like everything's an emergency. I seeit in people. I've been there,
and so like say there's a conflictin your home or the friend, instead
(27:07):
of taking their time to listen totheir words and maybe not say a damn
thing, you want to fire offbecause you feel back to the wall because
you're working in that you know inthat state. And while it's hard,
for example, when there's conflict,some of the people on the other side
of that conflict want you to saysomething and they'll create more and sometimes but
I want you to know it's okayjust to be like, hey, I
want to think about what you said. I don't want to come back to
(27:29):
this and they'll they might get pissedoff at that because I've been in these
situations, but know that it canbe for the better. Don't feel like
you have to say something like youknow in the Bible says you have two
years in one mouth, but peopleknow this too. You don't need to
read that to understand that, andthere's a reason for that. Sometimes you
just need to listen, go meditateit on it. And if people aren't
okay with that, don't be controlledby that. Don't be controlled by them.
(27:52):
Remember you're working on yourself. Andif you want to be the show
up for the best person in yourself, your kids, your wife, whoever
it might be, then you alsoneed to be give boundaries to your own
self, and that could be oneof them. Boundaries is a key thing
that I've been managing through these lastthree months, even with everyone knows I'm
an active oot. I love mykids, but sometimes I'm like kids.
They want to go play, theywant to play catch, they want to
do these things. But sometimes Ineed a break and I need to just
(28:15):
go lay on a shock mat.I need to go meditate. These are
some of my tools. I needto go jump in a cold plunge,
I take a nap, I needto go for a run, because those
are part of being able to maximizeourself, to work on ourself. Do
you have any thoughts or questions onthat, Scott, anything you want to
ask me? Dude, I wouldn'tto go back to something you said about
(28:37):
You said winning and growth, right, winning and growing and the difference between
that. So you were winning andwinning and winning, but you weren't growing.
Is that what I so like winning? I was growing. So it's
like winning and growing and grow andwin at the same time, I'm not
saying that, but like instead ofsaying like winning or losing, Like instead
(29:00):
of saying like, I see likeI told like I coached baseball, I
coach hockey, and I say,some of the best lessons are learned when
you lose. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, So that's what
I'm getting at. I see,yeah, because I was I was wondering
about that because I'm like, allright, because sometimes it's hard to tell.
It's hard to tell when you're winning. Sometimes you don't know you're winning
(29:23):
until you look back on it andyou say, oh, wow, I
was actually winning. That was actuallygood, that was actually positive. You
know, at the time, itmight be pain, it might be you
know, a challenge that you're like, oh, I was just bad.
Everything was bad. Everything was bad. But then when you came out of
it, you realized that you learnedsomething, and so in retrospect, you
(29:48):
won, you know what I mean. But at the time you didn't think
you were winning, Like yeah,yeah. Like as kids, I mean,
like I've talked my life. Mywhole child, I was in like
death and destruction and trauma. LikeI had good moments, and I would
say for the most part. Ifwe had to compare most people's not all
(30:10):
childhood with their adulthood, people wouldpicture childhood all day, I would imagine,
I would assume because like it's fun, it's easy, it's playful,
you don't have to build like allthe things, right, like I should
go back being a kid. Akid again, as a statement often mat
and that's why we need to prepareour kids. It does mean give them
a tough lie, but like makedecisions, overcome adversary, try out for
(30:33):
sports, like you know, andfail and whatever it might look like.
Because I know everybody's adulthood. Weall got our own lives we're living.
But any adult that hasn't had ahard time, I'm like, you're lying,
like because it's like we're all havinghard lives. I think even post
COVID, I mean especially like I'mnot going to bring up politics per se,
(30:55):
but like even just the political climateright now, and like how people
have lost friends even over COVID.People lost friends because of how they felt
about vaccinations versus not getting vaccinated.And it's just amazing, like what that
is. And I've always been abeliever that we're all human, Like we're
all just human beings and you know, I don't expect us all to get
along and sing Kumbai Yah and bebest friends. But it's like if we
(31:17):
start to just have more empathy inthis world around people and are saying they're
all going through their stuff, yep. And I think that's like if anything
through this, Like I've always beenthat kind of guy, if anybody knows
me, like, I'm just like, yeah, I make mistakes and I
mess up, and I sin hereand there. But it's just like I've
I've always had empathy and understood likeand if it's only grown, and I
think that's the one thing, Likeif you haven't been if you've been through
(31:41):
hard stuff and you haven't learned empathythrough that, then that's one of the
biggest lessons you could learn. AndI think like, like hurt people.
Hurt people as a common phrase becauseit happens so much. It's happening to
me currently, like and so inthose moments when somebody's screaming at you or
yelling at you or trying to fightyou, I play hockey, So there
you go. Like, so it'slike when you start to have empathy,
(32:07):
it's like you almost start to belike man, what's going on in their
life. Like like, so youstart to be a more concerned and you
can usually bring that down. Youcan bring that conflict down by being more
understanding, you know. But whathappens in heated situations we feel back in
the ball. We want to feelback in the wall in a corner,
and we want to fight our wayout. That's very primal, right,
(32:30):
Like why do we start? Whydo we lie? Why do we you
know, why do we fight back? Why do we you know, when
somebody's coming out of our face,we're going right back at them. Here's
here's a quote that I just heardthat I think is perfect for this conversation.
When you feel an intense emotion,that's your cue to pause. It's
not your cue to react immediately orangrily or with a sharp tongue. The
(32:53):
most successful people have trained themselves notto react to their emotions. Remember to
pause. Yeah, yeah, andthat's what I was. You can say,
all right, So what is whydid Justin just yell at me?
He didn't really just yell at me. I'm just an example. Why did
(33:13):
Justin just yell at me? Letme think about a second, and then
instead of reacting with shouting back.I say, whoa justin what's going on?
Man? You? Okay? Iseverything cool? Like? What how?
That's empathy? Right? Right?And and you usually you wouldn't yell
at me, but you're yelling atme now, So I want to know
what's what's what's going on? Butwhen we live in a place of fear
(33:36):
scarcity, even if we're the onesthat messed up, you know, like
we're going to start yelling back.And yeah, I forget the guy who
said it, but he said somethingalong the lines of nobody wins in a
fight. Like an argument, nobodywins. And even you feel you win
or you're on top you have control, or the person walked away or whatever,
(33:57):
like, nobody really truly wins.It's even if you have empathy,
you're not winning. The point isit is like to have that empathy,
to have that care, like youjust said, it's hard, but that's
what makes us human, right,Like we're still very much primal and so
we need to recognize that, Likewe need to get out of that.
If we're the most advanced creature animalon this planet, let's start acting like
it. Oh yeah, Dale Carnegie, you can't win an argument that's that's
(34:22):
I think that was in How toWin Friends and Influence People. Yeah,
which is a book that I reada long time ago, but I still
had my bookshelf. Yeah, Ihave to read it again because it's it's
probably been about twenty years since Iread that book. But he's got a
lot of great tidbits in there.I mean, they would say that's the
over a company saying thing of anythinglike with relationships, with any challenge in
(34:43):
your life, like when you canstop and pause, Like that's one of
my biggest tips too, around allof this, around life, around challenges,
like around being busy, if youlike, you know, I do
the pomet Oral effect when I getinto some heavy work with is twenty five
minutes on, five minutes off.I have took me forever. I was
like I've always been in a fishingmachine, but I would just keep going
(35:05):
until like I basically fell on thefloor. But like I found that I
can be so much more productive ina shorter period of time when I take
a walk or way a military pause. Go back to what you just said,
the Pommedoro effect. Yeah, it'slike twenty five minutes on five minutes
off. This it been showing ifyou're doing like computer work or even just
reading a book, you're going toretain and get more stuff done. So
like one of the things I'll dois like an hour two hour block.
(35:28):
So I'll do a two hour blockof twenty five minutes on, five minutes
off. And the five minutes needsto be off. I mean, maybe
it's getting a bite to eat onthe fridge, but like, leave the
technology, leave the stimulating stuff.Maybe go for a five minute walk and
you can create your own It couldbe twenty ten. You create your own
little interval. But it's incredible becauseit's like especially like when you have that
short window, like for example,when I'm writing. But here's the thing,
(35:51):
like if you're writing, for example, a book or whatever, let's
not be all about grammar. Runon. Senate's just like right, and
because you can go back and lookat that stuff right right right right right,
Oh, twenty five is up,and just get up even in your
middle of the thought, unless it'slike a super important I mean, you
gotta have some flex right, LikeI gotta finish this sentence and then you
can start the five. So it'snot like I'm saying you can't go to
twenty six. In some cases youneed some flex but like for the most
(36:15):
part, it pause, get up, do something. And like even in
these arguments too, it's like,you know, hey, let me.
That's That's been one of the harderthings for me. That's why I'm saying
it's probably one of the most beneficialbecause you know, when I've gotten in
conflicts with people that are important tome, and I mean they might look
at like, no, we're goingto finish this now. Don't let them
control you. In those situations,even if it feels like, oh my
(36:37):
god, they'll leave me or theywon't think I love them. Like like
I'm saying this because that's stuff Isaid in my head, and I'm like,
you know what, if I reallylove them and if I really care
about them, then I'm gonna walkaway and think about it, because firing
some golfer now will only make thingsworse, right, and that's gonna and
then it then you lose anyway,So least if you walk away or you
(36:59):
just pause, even in think Ineed to think about this before I just
fire off a response. They mightwant you to just to get a reaction,
but sometimes you just need to pause. Walk away, think about it.
Eventually. I believe most normal there'sno normal, right, most human
beings with a conscience and a heartwill understand even if they're pissed off as
(37:22):
at hell at you. So I'vehad great success with that and maybe it's
coming back to the next day.And also some things are left unsaid.
Sometimes you need to say everything.You need to write everything and send them
an email or letter or text.That's the other thing hot forms of like
how you communicate. Maybe some dependingyou got to you know, know the
(37:45):
area, but like sometimes the faceto face or a phone call or face
time with with conflict with people,I have found, as hard as it
is, is sometimes the best.But if it starts to get heated,
you need to put a pause onit because also with tech an email,
you don't know if they're opening themup or reading them or not. And
if there's a point you really wantto get across them, manage that.
(38:06):
If it's one of those things likeyou don't care if they open it,
but you're just gonna send it tothem anyways for yourself, yeah, so
be it. But that's why takingnotes, writing things down, and depending
on where your relationship's at, manlike I encourage everyone to like, especially
if it's like a marriage, definitely, like if there's challenges here, like
(38:27):
don't give up, like go totherapy, go to counseling, maybe for
yourself, maybe for them. I'veread enough books over the years of marriages
specifically where like if the kids otherthan an abusive or like you know,
toxic like alcoholic, traumatic or likedrug like an addictive environment outside those kinds
(38:47):
of things, the kids always turnout better in a lot of different aspects,
which sounds crazy, but I've evenbeen reading this book called Sacred Marriage
recently. It's been amazing. Iencourage a lot of people to read it.
Lauria says doesn't usually start ten,ten years, fourteen years, and
I'm paraphrasing a little bit, butit talks about like like for the most
part, you really don't know whoyou're with, and then when you get
(39:09):
older and things get challenging, andespecially when you have kids, it's like
you really get to know who thisperson is and you have an opportunity there
through these hard times to dig into in like as men, I'm gonna
say, suck it up, andlike maybe you weren't doing your best maybe
you thought you were doing good,but maybe you could have been doing better.
Maybe are the things you're missing samethings for women, you know,
(39:30):
Like it's it's you're two different people, two different genders. There is that
book like women from ours, menare from Venus or whatever. I don't
know what planets. You're from differentplanets, and I would agree to that
in that And that's what makes ithard, but that's what makes it great.
Think about like if you can managesomebody like that. I mean,
our divorce rate is getting way outhand, what is like sixty percent now,
(39:52):
and it just shows like nobody wantsto deal with the hard stuff,
the conflict. But that's where likeif you talk to anybody who's been married
like past like thirty years. Ijust talked to somebody yesterday. They told
me how hard it got in themiddle like those years that I was just
talking about, but like how gratefulthey are that they work through it,
and how much better both their livesare and how much better communicators, and
(40:12):
like how it didn't just better theirlives in their marriage and with their kids,
Like it's spider webbed out? Isthat amazing? Right? Because like
everyone's going to deal with difficult people. What if you're dealing with the most
difficult person that you you know youlove but like you're angry at right now,
but you can find a way towork through that. And I'll tell
you this, maybe only one person'sworking and we can get all bitter and
(40:34):
hateful and resentful about it, butmaybe that's what it's going to take to
make the difference. And maybe youwon't say together, and that's fine too,
but like for that, it needsto be like you can't. That's
what we're talking about, giving up, Like you got to put in the
work, especially when it's hard.But again, even through that, it's
(40:55):
got to be about working on yourself, finding the joy every day, that
joy every day, knowing that beinga little selfish is selfless on creating that
beautiful environment. And if anything,look at what your kids are learning.
Are your kids are learning something inan environment like that where there's conflict,
because I mean, what mary coupledoesn't fight right, And if they can
(41:16):
see two parents who are there's conflictand overcoming that and then loving each other.
Whatever the time frame might be aday, a week, a month,
a year, I mean I justtalked to a friend who they were
separated all last year, like theyweren't even living together. You're like,
oh, it's over right, They'reback together and they're loving each other like
(41:37):
never before. And he says,this is the best our marriage has ever
been. So if there's hope rightthere, like, that's amazing. Right,
So, just you gotta believe,you know, these things are possible
in your personal life. And andand so, I mean we've talked a
lot about how we've done that,right, We've talked about you know,
(41:59):
work and on ourselvel out how wedo that, and you need to find
out what that looks like. ButI'm going to say it over and over
again. Health, Like, ifyou're not working on your health and then
you're blaming somebody else, or you'reblaming your finances, your personal life,
whatever, is like not good inyour life right now, take a look
in the mirror. Like, youknow, we could sit here and yell
(42:20):
at our boss. We could sithere and blame the economy, we could
blame the president, but that getsus nowhere and moves us nowhere. And
so we need to take a lookback at ourselves. And there's always something
and look at that as opportunity toreally dig in and dig deep to be
able to work on those areas.So yeah, those are part of my
(42:44):
practices. That's I've been able tostay in it and and keep moving in
my life. I'm not out ofthe woods yet, but I know that
each day gets a little little bitbetter. If anything. Man, I
like, so here's one thing,I'll put it this way. So I've
done CrossFit, and so I beatmy body up. I've done I've been
(43:07):
working out my whole life. I'vedone some of the hardest workouts and that
was all physical, right, AndI feel like I'm going through a season
where it's like CrossFit for the mind, and I'm like, you know,
if I can do that to mybody day and day out, I can
have the discipline and mindset to dothis for my mind and reframing, you
(43:29):
know, rewriting narratives, like doingwhatever it takes to build that mind muscle
to withstand anything, to be ableto have challenging situations in my life and
be able to instead of like sittingin my emotions and feelings to have them,
(43:49):
but navigate to the point of Okay, this is what I'm learning from
this, This isn't this is whatI need for this. Okay, let's
get up. Maybe it starts withjust hey, I got up out of
bed. I've got like, youknow, maybe it's a quote, maybe
it's a scripture next your bed,reading that, and then maybe it's just
going for a walk, like justkeep doing these things so and then being
(44:10):
those thoughts like I really don't putheadphones on, this doesn't count, or
I don't put headphones on when I'mworking out or doing any of these things,
which has been so hard, AndI talk about that as like I
have a chapter I would call comfortthrough Discomfort and one of the later ads
because I talked about the some ofthe obvious maybe, but one of the
(44:30):
later ads was the mind and forsomebody like me who's been through what I've
been through the EIGHTHDS, like I'vealways had noise. I mean, I
was the guy who lives in aTV. When I was sleeping, I
always had headphones in music playing quietcould be so uncomfortable. But nowadays I
embrace the discomfort of the quiet soI can navigate through my thoughts and come
(44:57):
to resolutions, like I said earlier, so that I can find the people
I need to connect with. Saythe words I need to say, do
the things I need to do formyself and for others to make a difference,
Be as present and optimal in whereverI need to show up in my
life. When you're going through stressfultimes, you do get in your feelings
(45:17):
maybe a little bit. So likewhen somebody's talking, you may be distracted
thinking if you're angry at thinking aboutwhatever is bothering you. When you're if
you're angry at that person, maybeyou're thinking of the reason you're angry with
them instead of trying to hear buildup that relationship. Again, something I've
had to struggle through and work throughit now to a point where like if
those thoughts do come in my mind, I'm still focused on their lips,
(45:37):
moving on the words coming out oftheir mouth and removing the negativity and resentment
or whatever it might be, theanger and being intentional about their words and
try not to over complicate those words. Just listening to their words and maybe
thinking empathy or thinking in their perspectiveof what they're trying to say and what
(45:58):
they're trying to mean. So soI like you guys to reflect on some
things after this, like what challengesare you currently facing and how are you
dealing with them? You know,I would love to hear from you guys
from this. You know, howcan you reframe difficult situations to find positive
outcomes? I've talked about that onhere. You know, I'll give another
example, say reframing from a financiallike man the economy, or I'm poor,
(46:22):
like gosh, nothing's going good forme, and like saying, hey,
you know, let's reframe that tolet's write down the gratitude things.
Hey, look it I got abed. It sounds silly, but these
things work. Hey, I gotfood in front of me. Hey,
I got a loving family. Hey, why don't I pickup the phone and
(46:42):
call somebody for a job interview orwhatever it might be? Like, you
know, when my gym was beingchallenged in that situation, you know,
I was like frustrated and upset,but then called them. My buddy Nate
said, hey, you need help. Let me know, Like I'll be
out there anyways working coaching hockey.And what do you know, He's like,
yeah, of course, you know. I transition clients online. I
(47:06):
made a post on social media.I have re marke and you just tell
people where I'm at, like updatethem. I was hard actually, like
it's like, oh my god,are people gonna think I'm a loser?
I thought about that for a second, but I was like, you know
what, who cares? Like,if anything, I'm a real human just
like anybody else. And this iswhat's going on. What's cool about that
is the opportunity that's come out ofthat, you know, and people that
reach out. Like I said earlier, so you know, put yourself out
(47:27):
there. You know, what aresome ways you can support others in your
community in these stufftimes? And thatgoes back to what Scott and I we
were talking about earlier about empathy,like be on the lookout for that because
that's a win win relationship. Ialways feel like when you're empathetic, it's
amazing how you just feel better evenwhen your dealing with your stuff, and
how things start to progressively get better, your your outlook, your perspective,
and even like the actual opportunities inyour life. Yeah. So I think
(47:55):
that's where we're gonna wrap it uphere, and hopefully you guys got some
things from this, you know,from whatever you're dealing with, whatever challenges.
If you love to hear more ortalk more on this subject, I'd
be down for it. Hopefully thiswas helpful for you, guys. I
know it is helpful for me,and I just want you to know that,
(48:15):
Like, I'm good and I'm doingreally good. But it wasn't always
that way. But I was ableto create joy every day. And now
one of the things that I'll leavewith you with that I've been saying every
day, besides the I am loved, I am safe, I am calm,
is create joy. I'm saying thatto myself, especially when like like
(48:37):
something might make me angry, Iwas like, great joy and just by
simply saying that, it's like,Okay, let's try to create joy in
this moment. Let's try to createjoy in whatever's going on, and that
gives you like a more positive outlookin those situations or whatever you're being challenged
with to be able to take actionon that. And it sounds so simple,
and maybe it sounds silly to allya to some of you, but
(48:59):
it's literally some of the things thathave been working for me is just again,
I would say, the hardest battlesand the wars you're going to fight
are up here. Most of youprobably know that, but I'm just you
got to reiterate it, and you'vegot to be consistent, and sometimes you
got to read things over and overagain, Like the writing that I talked
about earlier. Some most things havebecome mantras where I'm reading whenever I need
(49:22):
them. So I have like aplethora of everything for Bible versus two quotes,
the things I just wrote to evenlike reframing around people in my life
that I had a very negative thoughtprocess or outlook for. I'm reading this
even if I don't always believe it, but it's starting to get to a
point of reframing the mind to howI see that person or see that situation,
(49:43):
or see where I'm at, youknow, in my professional or personal
life, or spiritual life or myhealth. You know, we got to
speak kind words for ourselves. We'vegot to speak kind words in our mind,
and we actually have to speak kindwords to others, especially when it's
hard, because that's where it canand just become so much a part of
you that we can just go outand be that loving and empathetic person.
(50:04):
Doesn't we have to be best friends. We're not talking about like again seeing
Kumbayah and Hippie Dippy. We're allsitting around a circle. That's not gonna
happen, let's be realistic. Butyour health, especially your mental health,
can be better with that because it'llget rid of a lot of the negativity
around yourself, around others, aroundthe worry, around the anxiety, around
the fear, around the things,like I said, bitterness and resentment and
(50:30):
any of those emotions that you're dealingwith that aren't doing you any favors.
They aren't doing you any good.They're only bringing you down, and they'll
bring down people with you. Andagain, it's going to be a constant
battle to your probably off this planet. So just remember, find some of
the tools that we used here,find your own, and if they're working
to create that joy every day,then stick with them and have them close
(50:52):
by where if you need to pullthem up in a moment's notice. That's
why I put them on my phone, because there's moments like where I'm like
I want to punch a steering wheeland like lose my temper and like I
take a breath, I pause,as Scott said, and then maybe I'll
pull over and I'll read what Ineed to read and say what I need
(51:13):
to say, and maybe I needto say it ten times and while out,
what do you know that's the magictrick to getting back on the road
or getting back focused to what Ineed to. So there we go.
I'm not sure what we're titled thispodcast, but I feel like we talked
about a lot of good stuff hereand hopefully again you guys found benet.
I appreciate y'all. I would loveto gain those questions that I asked earlier.
(51:37):
I would love to hear what youguys think about that, and I
would love to hear anybody else's storyand how they're dealing with challenges their life.
If you want to be on thispodcast and you think your story is
worthwhile, I'd love to have you. Thank you all for listening, thanks
for tuning in. I appreciate everyone of you, because what's been crazy
about my time off? I forgotto tell you this, Scott. The
three months that I've been offer sothe analytics on this podcast have gone way
(51:59):
up, and I've had people inpublic actually saying stuff and it hasn't happened
in the last year. So maybeagain, taking a pause and a breather
and a break will do everyone somegood. As I talked about but even
in your professional life, who knewby pausing and breaking from this podcast,
then the podcast would start to reallytake off. I literally had somebod hockey
yesterday talking about it, and thenthey were talking about my son's episode and
some of the other episode, andI had somebody to reach out from Europe.
(52:21):
Has been crazy, So anyway,I digress. I love y'all.
I appreciate y'all. Look at it. I'm smiling. Take care, God bless
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