April 8, 2025 • 51 mins
At 82, Sabita Radhakrishna, founder chairperson of Udhavi, provides a networking platform to elderly people, with retro karaoke evenings, social visits at home, and more. She talks about facing loss, the importance of family, the joys of reconnecting with old friends, and pushing forward at all times.
Sabita has several firsts to her credit, such as starting Chennai’s first boutique where she introduced the then “daring” trend of wearing mismatched blouses with saris, in the early Eighties. Her saris, with unique prints, were modelled by Hema Malini in women’s magazines of the time, she tells us. Her “Rekha blouses” with printed motifs on a high back were also a hit!
She shares some delightful reminiscences of impromptu picnics in the old days and male classmates pinning paper tails on her as a prank in school. A food columnist, broadcaster and active member of the Crafts Council of India, she has six cookbooks to her credit, including Paachakam on Kerala cuisine and Annapurni, containing heritage recipes from Tamil Nadu. Her next one is called Amma’s Kitchen. Listen in!
Follow and share to grow the conversation.
Follow Sabita on Instagram | Facebook
Timestamps:
01:34 What is Udhavi? Loneliness, the empty nest syndrome and living alone
09:10 Annual get-together & retro karaoke courtesy patron Nina Reddy of Savera Hotels
14:38 Why assisted living for seniors is practical
17:53 Studying in a co-educational school with boys, who pinned tails on them
20:44 How she and her husband remained connected to classmates
23:57 Idyllic weekends in the old days, dancing and going on picnics
28:00 Introducing mismatched blouses in her boutique, helping weavers during the pandemic
31:44 On her passion for cooking and her six cookbooks
37:48 Mismatched sari blouses were considered “daring”, in the early Eighties
43:10 On social media48:05 Advice for seniors who feel isolated
Follow Anuradha on LinkedIn | Twitter | Instagram
Email: swishingmindsets@gmail.com
Disclaimer: Views and opinions expressed are personal. Listener discretion is advised.
Sabita has several firsts to her credit, such as starting Chennai’s first boutique where she introduced the then “daring” trend of wearing mismatched blouses with saris, in the early Eighties. Her saris, with unique prints, were modelled by Hema Malini in women’s magazines of the time, she tells us. Her “Rekha blouses” with printed motifs on a high back were also a hit!
She shares some delightful reminiscences of impromptu picnics in the old days and male classmates pinning paper tails on her as a prank in school. A food columnist, broadcaster and active member of the Crafts Council of India, she has six cookbooks to her credit, including Paachakam on Kerala cuisine and Annapurni, containing heritage recipes from Tamil Nadu. Her next one is called Amma’s Kitchen. Listen in!
Follow and share to grow the conversation.
Follow Sabita on Instagram | Facebook
Timestamps:
01:34 What is Udhavi? Loneliness, the empty nest syndrome and living alone
09:10 Annual get-together & retro karaoke courtesy patron Nina Reddy of Savera Hotels
14:38 Why assisted living for seniors is practical
17:53 Studying in a co-educational school with boys, who pinned tails on them
20:44 How she and her husband remained connected to classmates
23:57 Idyllic weekends in the old days, dancing and going on picnics
28:00 Introducing mismatched blouses in her boutique, helping weavers during the pandemic
31:44 On her passion for cooking and her six cookbooks
37:48 Mismatched sari blouses were considered “daring”, in the early Eighties
43:10 On social media48:05 Advice for seniors who feel isolated
Follow Anuradha on LinkedIn | Twitter | Instagram
Email: swishingmindsets@gmail.com
Disclaimer: Views and opinions expressed are personal. Listener discretion is advised.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Welcome to Swishing Mindsets. This is Anuradha. Today I'm
speaking to Sabita Radha Krishna. She's the founder chairperson of Udhawi,
which provides networking platform to elderly people. A freelance writer,
food columnist and broadcaster, she was associated for over twenty
years with Dudashan and All in their radio as a
scriptwriter and program hostess. An active member of the Crafts
(00:23):
Council of India, she has had hands on experience with
textiles for over thirty years. Interestingly, she was the first
to introduce the concept of mismatched blouses and the first
to introduce blouse pieces with woven borders and motives on
the sleeves and the back. And we will talk about
that as well in the course of the conversation.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
So, Hi, Sabita. So so wonderful have you.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Yeah, so wonderful to meet you.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
And yeah, so I'm sorry I have to mention your age.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
I mean you're a proud Go ahead, Yeah, I don't
think I'm proud of you know my age. Yeah, I
think every age has its own specialty and every age
is interesting.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
I don't mind at all.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Yeah, absolutely, So you're a proud eighty two year old
and I'm doing so much and so for the you know,
rest of us and for listeners, you know, it's very
inspiring because we're also getting there slowly and for us
to know that it's a great age to be in
and you know, it's fun. It's not just like we
were just talking two minutes ago about you know, it's
not like you know, old.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Age means that you're not having fun and life is over.
So I'll let you take over. So should we start
with what is U?
Speaker 4 (01:33):
The we in Tamil means help. So this is what
we try to provide for our elders, and our USB
is detonating the loneliness that the elders feel after they
reach a certain age. It's the empty nest syndrome. When
the children leave and still they are young enough to
pursue their interests.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
They go to the club, they show socialize, et cetera.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
But as the time goes on, and especially if you've
lost a partner, the loneliness scripts in. So I know
what it is because in one fell swoop, I lost
both my husband and my mother. We three had such
a feeling of we enjoyed being close to one another,
we had common interests. We used to go out everywhere together.
(02:20):
In fact, people who saw us used to call us
the three Musketeers, and suddenly, you know, they went very swiftly.
And so I'm living alone. So I never thought it
would happen to me. You know, you always think you're infailiable,
and this thing happens to others, not to you.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
But when it hits you, you realize.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
So I was all the more keen that we should
start an organization. And frankly, I didn't have any clue
because we've all done this work individually. But I feel
that if we have an organization with common views and
who are bonded together with the same ideas and ideals,
(03:00):
we will achieve much more. So with the way was
born with my taking over, you know, the ideas. I
wouldn't say take over the ideas. Imparting my ideas to
interested people, and I gathered people. I handpicked people who
were passionate about looking after old people, because some just
(03:22):
don't have a clue, and these are the people I wanted.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
And the first people persons.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
I got were people who were running a shop which
sold accessories to elders, and so I thought this connection
would be really invaluable, and I went and had a
talk with them, and yes, they were very interested because
the shop was dedicated to one of their parents or
both of them.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
So that's how it began with.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Just three people, and we limped along because we didn't
know where we were heading, how successful we would be.
So we framed by laws out the constitution.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
And decided amongst them ourselves that what the we is
going to be.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
So basically we decided to do this visit's idea, you know,
to visit people and find out how they are, what
they need. And in the course of this, we also
began to do case studies on elderly people. But we
had to make sure that the people we visited didn't
(04:26):
mind our visiting. You know, we call them our beneficiaries.
We had to get the consent of their children because
they might turn around and say, who the hell are you,
Why should you come and visit my parents?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
We are doing pretty well, thank you.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
But once, you know, they knew that we were serious,
and then they had to check out our background. Also,
of course, being well known helped because they checked out
my credentials as well, and they said, you're in safe hands.
So what we started doing we used to get as
(05:01):
a signature from them to say they have no objection
to our visiting, and then we would get an appointment
and go and visit the older people and I believe
you me, they were thrilled, you know, they said, it's
so nice that you people care, so nice that you
people and they you know, I suppose it's easier in
India than abroad because we are all hospitable fascination and
(05:26):
they opened their doors and the children in turn were
happy that the parents were otherwise occupied and not moaning
and groaning about something. But we have our rules. We
make sure that you know, as we grew. When we
started recruiting volunteers. In fact, this morning I did an
orientation program for the volunteers because five of them had
(05:50):
joined and they were enthusiastic. There are certain rules they
have to follow, you know, they can't get personal. They
cannot you know, ask about the property and whether they
own the place, and what squabbles they have within the
family is strictly their own. We are just sounding boards.
But then we started expanding ideas. It didn't risk. We
(06:11):
didn't restrict ourselves to just visiting, but we also thought
they'd like to go for a car drive. So some
of us who have a car, who drive, some who
have a car plus driver, you know, so that would
be an added asset to anyone who wanted to join,
because we used to just ask them to come. Then
(06:32):
we take them for a drive near the beach, sit
or if they could get out, you know, slowly get
out and sit on the platform and watch the world
go by, watch the sea, and then we then some
of them wanted to visit hospitals, and this was very
intimidating for them because they were terrified of the diagnostic
(06:53):
tools that were used. So a few of us were
willing to go to the hospitals, not all, because we
don't force anyone to do anything that they are not
comfortable with. So we've started taking people for you know,
an eye doctor's appointment or hospital visits or things like that.
And then we also visit homes for the underprivileged because
(07:18):
those people are really bored. So we go and have
some singing sessions with them and you know, get them
to join us and singing. Then we donate, uh maybe
Rice and Urad Dal and all because they make Italy
some Italy. Some are almost every day, and thoses which
(07:39):
they love, which they staple food. Uh, sometimes they accept
old clothes as well, so we are pretty good at that.
We go and sometimes you know, we go and buy
bed sheets, pillow covers, things that they might need and
go and give it to them. And then basically we
just like to light up their lives, give them something
(08:00):
thing to look forward to. But one thing, I mean,
I shouldn't say it about ourselves, but once they join
the Udaw family, they can't get off because they are
so plude in they're so happy and the idea is
to bring a smile on their faces. Yeah, so if
they get too sick and they are unable to sit,
(08:21):
we encourage the family to tell us so that we'll
keep off for some time till they get better. And
I think communication and networking with other people is something
very very important in life, especially as we are living
in the era where you know, isolation is very common.
We all lead very insular lives. We keep to ourselves,
(08:45):
and once that becomes a habit, it's very difficult to break.
I know in my own family there are a few
people who just will not relate to anyone outside their
immediate family. You know they stay in those losses. This
you know, we can't really force them, but the losses there.
So what we do is we have some very good
(09:07):
well wishers and patrons, Like one person I'd really like
to mention is Nina Ready from Savera Hotels, who at
least once a year she gives us a treat. She says,
come and do what you like here. So she gives
us the room, the hall actually which can house about
fifty to sixty people, and wonderful team which no one
(09:32):
ever forgets, so that you don't need dinner after us.
And we have a lot of programs like once we
got a gastroentrologist to come and talk to us. Once
we had a person who cures through exercise, very famous
orthopedic person or sportsmiths and doctor. And we've had a
(09:54):
lot of singing sessions where we get semi professional singers
to come and karaoke and do some singing and when
they sing, you know, you feel like singing along.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
And recently we.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
Had an occasion where we were bringing in all retro
music and a ninety year old lady who was leaning
heavily on a stick and a walker. To our surprise,
she got up and danced where she was. So that shows,
you know, the mood change, how much they benefit by it.
And they love seeing other people exchanging notes, you know,
(10:32):
talking to them and asking how each spends their time.
Then we think that therapy through singing, we know that
it helps.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
And music we introduced. Art classes are not really classes.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
We just get artists or anybody like even I with
a smattering of knowledge of painting.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
I paint.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
You know, you could come and give a little talk
and tell them what it's like. And we just buy
them paint boxes and brushes and paper, and they do
what they like.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Sometimes it's so beautiful to see.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
What they've done, you know, they mix colors and then
this joy of using the brush to indicate their feelings.
And then sometimes we give them a theme. We say
why don't you, why don't you tell us what a
tree means to you? And each person has a different
interpretation at the end of what's so much like what
(11:29):
a tree means to you? So some say the leaves,
some say the permanence, some say that it brings forth blossoms,
it gives shade. So the person has a different viewpoint
and they relate to it by painting.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yeah, and sorry, I just want to interrupt. You know,
what about the songs for carry?
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (11:49):
What for the songs that were sung.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
Songs? When we have a mixture of English, Hindi and
Tamil songs? Are you what are you? Are you a million?
Speaker 2 (11:59):
No, I'm not a million, but it's okay somebody but.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
I just like know.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
So then I'm a North Indiana.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Okay, I grew up in all that. North Indians are
not too familiar with Tamil songs.
Speaker 4 (12:10):
So we bring in all the day one and songs
and you know, songs by Kisho Kumar Manali and things
like that, and they're familiar to us. Also though we
are familions, we grew up. We were fed on Hindi
songs and Hindi movies. So all of us will join
in lustily and sing with them and so on. And
(12:31):
but they're always redtro in the sense so that they
we recapture the romance of the seventies and eighties and
things like that, and sometimes we give them a platform
to sing. Also, some of them who are very gifted,
they come and you know, stand before the mic and
they sing, and it's amazing what talent they have yeah,
(12:51):
what fun courage them?
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
So, so in a nutshell, this is what we do.
We we actually contemplated, you know, the idea of taking
them out of Chennai and on a bus or something
and showing them, but then after thinking about it deeply,
we decided against it because, for one thing, we don't
want to take the responsibility of taking about thirty elderly
(13:14):
people who might have some serious complaints and should they
fall ill, you know, we would be left stranded and
not know what to do. So we gave up the idea.
But we make it up by having these cultural evenings.
Another thing we do is we invite a group of
them in the vicinity. We call them to our houses
(13:35):
and we give them high tea or maybe lunch or
something like that where they get to talk to one
another and they become friends. As I told you, it's
all part of the family. So and we are twelve
co group members. Srikomar is also one of them.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Yes, yes, yes, in the last episode here.
Speaker 4 (13:54):
Yeah, we've had with us for a long time and
his contribution is always is valuable because he works with
seniors and right now he's in a position to offer
us wonderful information on caring for seniors and so on.
And he's an authority on the seniority homes that we
(14:16):
have because each person has their own his or her
own skill. So whenever we need to ask him questions
on which home is ideal, and even for us thinking
considering where we should go, he's able to give us
pointers tell us living. Yeah, so I assisted living, and seriously,
(14:38):
I think everyone should consider it at some point in
their lives, unless, of course, they want to stay with
their children. And people of my generation, like I'm fiercely independent.
I lived like I always say, I've lived like RANI
in my own house. I don't want to go and
be dependent on my children. So because whatever that is,
(15:00):
it restricts you. You can't do all the things you
of course, yeah, how many things do you do where
at this age?
Speaker 3 (15:07):
You know?
Speaker 4 (15:07):
Yeah it's okay, but you know, even being mobile going out,
you know, you go, you have to follow it their way.
You can't expect them to sacrifice their whole life.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
I think there are many solutions available even if you're
planning to live in your own home. There are several
things you known select tires and smart sensors, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
But you can install in your own home for safety
RT these days.
Speaker 4 (15:33):
True, but then it's not the same as one family
member being with you.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Absolutely no substitute.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
I have a living she stays with twenty four seven.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Yeah, but in case, you know, something happens and I'm
not even able to communicate, she can't take a decision. Yeah,
I mean she will not know what to do. So
I miss that. I miss because I was a caregiver
for many years for both my mother and my husband,
So not having a family member it still doesn't feel right.
(16:07):
So I am also considering the seniority living because there's
always somebody around and you're surrounded by like minded people.
You know, you have people in the next flat practically
next door, just a call away anytime you need anything.
And then there are you know, these as you said,
sensors and panic buttons and things like that. But it's
(16:29):
nothing like living in your own home, a home which
you have created over the years, you made it user
friendly for yourself. It's not the same and uprooting ourselves
from old homes and going somewhere. You know, it does
sound very what should I say? It's very frustrating, But
then one has to be practically. Yeah, you to be practical, Yes,
(16:52):
absolutely have to be practical, otherwise you know, there's no
go it can be dangerous for people living.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
In so yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
So we co members meet once every month sometimes we
and it most of the time it has been in
my house because I have the space and I started this,
so it was automatically the choice. But now we feel
the others feel that it's too much strain on me
because it may t We literally host twelve people, you know,
(17:26):
to come over. So now we're having it at colabs,
other people's houses. We all take turns, so it's move
like that. And why I'm talking to you about this
networking is, you know, you learn to be unselfish in
the sense you know that other people have the same
needs as you and the way they cope. They all
(17:49):
become shining examples like we look up to them now.
For instance, I studied in one school throughout my life.
I was always in one school, so we knew everybody
in the vicinity. I come from Bangalore and it was
a contonement area. It was literally a one host town
and my father was a doctor. He was pretty well
(18:11):
known and we knew everybody who lived there. So that
bonding continued for a long time, you know, because the
school has, you know, your formative years.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
It contributes to your formative which you and I also
grew up in this school.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
It is called Clarence High School, which was the only
co ed school when.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
I was studying. Okay, okay, yeah, And.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
How my father, who was so conservative, I agreed to
send send my sister and me there, I really don't
know till today. And it was my mother's influence because
she said, these girls have grown up without knowing boys
at all. You don't allow boys to come into the house,
how will they get on in life?
Speaker 3 (18:52):
Let them go to a co ed school. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
When I went to the co ed school, the boys
were terrified of even talking to me because they were
a trade of my father.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
So it was such you know.
Speaker 4 (19:04):
I used to be so amused because they would never
you know, lift those were the days. But they must
have had some tricks up their sleeves which we didn't
know anything about. Like they used to attach tales to
us at the back. Oh what a paper and sometimes
twisted once to let match it to us.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
And when we get up, everyone would laugh, Okay, I know.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
What the hell they're laughing at you know, so, oh
those were really fun days un artist in school run
by missionaries, but they never tried to convert us and
it was a total acceptance secular and then college. I
didn't complete my college in Bangalo because I got married
(19:52):
at the tender age of eighteen. So it was my
husband who brought me up literally in my adult years.
I always say that, and there was a big come
from me, coming from you know, being hemmed in at home,
protected and then my husband would just say, you have
to be independent. And I today I thank him immensely
(20:12):
for protecting me at the same time allowing me to
pursue all my interests, which I would never have done
because in India, if you don't have a supportive husband, you.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Know where that's true.
Speaker 4 (20:24):
I am how sweet you're nowhere, because you know, even
if you rebel and rebel and things like that, it's
not the same. There's so much of stress and tension
at home. Yeah, there's absolutely nothing. He'd say, you do
what you like, you follow your dreams. So for that
I'm ever grateful. But this other thing I'd like to
talk about is the bonding and networking my husband had
(20:47):
with his engineering college.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Yeah, because you know that's how I first got in
touch with you when we spoke, you know, because she
Commar told me when we were doing his episode and
he said that, you know, you reconnected with all your classes,
you know, and you know you studied with them like
maybe sixty five seventy years ago.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
And then I spoke to you.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
You said your husband was even one step ahead you
know of your So please under that.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
And we named it. We were the ones who gave
that name.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
It was the College of Engineer in Guindy, so we
called it CG fifty five yeah and group yeah, and
we started.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
The Silver Jubilee.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
We always used to celebrate in the college and then
we went on to having get togethers and every year
we would meet in a different place in India, in
India because that was all we can afford. Yeah, now
that legacy has been taken forward and all the CGD
CG students are doing it. My son is also from
(21:47):
Guindy and they now it's a different ball game. They
go everywhere outside India. They might go to the next
generation Alasia, they might go to Bangladesha Kashmi, you know,
in the sense they can afford it because more people
and they are also so bonded, I cannot tell you.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
And we are happy that we sort of set this
thing in motion.
Speaker 4 (22:12):
And what is amazing is that even the Diamond Jubilee
was celebrated by my husband's group and the we wives
took a lot of or we participated one hell of
a lot, and we did the organization behind the scenes work,
so to speak. And you should see the way, you know.
(22:35):
We had one get together I think the last one
was in Kerala and the people who came Anorada, I
can't tell you they came. They were all well into
the eighties. They came in with walking sticks, walkers. Some
needed to have dialyses, but they came because they would
(22:55):
go back for their dialysis in the same in the city.
And we have had a lot of programs and that
was really fund I organized a small fashion show along
with one of the daughters of the students.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
And it was such fun.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
Even people wouldn't come on to the so called ramp.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
We just had a long hall.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
She would drag us and then made us, you know, walk,
so everyone was very excited, you know, dressed up to
kill and all that. And the men had a great
time dancing with all the young girls and the daughters
of their friends. And so I can't remember, and I
remember they asked me to bring out a small little
(23:37):
booklet on the get together.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
I still have my copy.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
So I had described it in full with a lot
of photographs and tried to publish it as cheaply as
possible so that everyone could afford to take a copy.
So these are things that make life worth living. And
another thing was we are members of the Madras Jymkhana Club,
which was it's one of the oldest clubs in India
(24:04):
and I think it's about one hundred.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
And fifty years old.
Speaker 4 (24:07):
Yeah, so me for my husband and me and the children,
it was like second home. So sometimes what we would
do a group of us and the Guinde crowd became
the people who we were closest to. We'd meet at
my place and what they would do is bring their
children on a Saturday, and my mother used to look
(24:30):
after the kids when we went out for dancing and
it was a live band ohday okay, so yeah, so
what we'd do is we'd we'd have some snack or
eli dinner or something and go and it used to
go on till midnight. We'd enjoy ourselves and come back.
See all these cooties, all these little ones lying on
(24:52):
the carpet and with pillows and things. Town and my
mother also, you know, sleeping clothes by to keep an
eye on them. They would pick up the kids. Some
of them would stay overnight. I mean, we were like
one family. If the day was very pleasant, they would
just call and say, hey, it's a nice day, shall
we go for a picnic? No mobiles then, only hand line.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
So what I would do, I would do the thing
that I know best. I would make a quick biyani
in the pressure cooker. Take the pressure cooker with me.
Each one would bring something. We'll throw some carpets and
chairs inside. My husband was the sandwich maker and the group.
He'd make sandwiches and off we'd go. We'd meet at
a commonplace. Just get off, you know, we lie under
(25:39):
the trees, we'll look at the stars, and then we'll
take up a place. It was sort of community living
where all the carpets were spread and the children and
the parents and all of us there. And some of
us didn't know swimming, so I still remember swimming in
Chamber Parkham Lake you know that's a flies water.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
Oh okay, okay, we will.
Speaker 4 (26:03):
We were there and then we got into another water body.
I don't know, I can't remember what it was. And
we were supposed supposedly swimming, and we saw buffaloes there
with us, and that's how we learned, you know, some
semblance of swimming.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
But if all of us just enjoyed.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
And yet you know, we were so disciplined, you know,
we would not trouble anyone, and we had such fun.
So I still recall those days and miss all the
people who have now gone.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Yea.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
And in my school, I must tell you, imagine if
it's school. I had a friend. She was an American
friend living in California the last two years of school
high school. She did in Clarence School, and I became
such friends with her. She became my best friend. When
she left, she cried all the way to the US.
(26:58):
I was sobbing here. And we'd write voluminous letters to
each other, you know, we tell each other just everything.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
My father would say.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
If I could collect those letters there, you can write
a novel, because each letter would be about ten pages,
twelve pages in our handwriting. And just two months ago
she passed away, and it's been such a loss for
me because she visited us twice, we visited them twice,
(27:27):
and her going is like having lost a sister, you
know that way. And we discussed everything except the morbidity.
Morbid things we'd keep off. We'd never complain if we
had any illness. And yeah, we had a marvelous time.
And when you talk about the older people and traditions,
(27:50):
I'm basically a traditionalist. I don't we're away from tradition,
and whatever I do, it's always it.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
The background will be tradition. I've been in.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
Textiles for about forty forty five years and I opened
the first bootik in Chennai.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
And that's where you said the mismatched.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Mash blounces and you know, actually, I can't imagine there
was a time when people did not wear mismatch blouses
and you started it.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Yes, you know.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
I started many firsts there and I had a board
because I got into a niche where everything was there
for me. I opened, my husband, got hired a house
where I had hand blocked printing. I trained people to
do hand block printing, and I had a dier to
(28:42):
myself and we would experiment with guys and we took
exhibitions throughout India.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
And the weavers.
Speaker 4 (28:49):
You know, I always think an Rada that in my
last generation I would have been a weaver because our
community we you know, the Saliars and so on, they
all we come from a beaver fam weaver what do
I say community?
Speaker 3 (29:08):
So I don't know.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
My affinity affinity to textiles was like that, and I
used to love sitting with the beavers, eating with them
and getting to know, you know, what their problems were.
Until today I do it though I've retired from active weaving,
an active commercial activity. They come to me if they
need designs. They come to me if they need colors,
(29:31):
if they need marketing. And during the pandemic, I you know,
they once called me up and said they are hungry.
So I said, how do I help them? They had
about thousand saris lying unsold, So sitting in front of
a computer, only in front of a computer, a single no,
(29:54):
no organization was willing to back me. It was the
days of the pandemic and everyone was stuck in their homes.
So I adopted three villages, appointed one person from each
village to represent the group. And what I did was
(30:15):
train them to use the computer to display the sares
and so on, you know, and take photos. And then
I made a catalog with their names, their banking accounts,
you know, the bank details and so on, so if
they liked anything, they just have to specify the code
(30:37):
and they could get the orders directly. I put about
one hundred weavers on their feet and we sold about
nine thousand saries through this. I didn't want any contact
with the money. I said it should be direct selling.
And the catalog came out very well, and I got
(30:58):
a loan from Tata Trust gave me a grant, and
also some people who are very very liberal, they sent
me money and we help them to find their feet
and they were so grateful and they have not looked
back ever since. And these are all old weavers, you know,
(31:20):
in the sense they are in the tradition for years,
vocation for years, and the children do not want to
continue as weavers. So I've been trying my hand at
revival and I've succeeded. I did quite a few revivals,
you know, getting the tradition back. So then we asked
(31:43):
my passion for food written cookbooks.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
I read and I just couldn't include everything.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Somebody asked, do you just write cookbooks or do you
know how to cook?
Speaker 4 (31:55):
So I always say I should be a living proof.
And nobody comes to my home and goes away without eating.
They'll say what do you have for lunch? What do
you have for dinner? And my God's grace, I always
have enough for somebody who wants to eat. It might
not be anything fancy, what we just make at home. Yeah,
(32:15):
but sadly now there's no incentive. There's only me. But
I still make all different dishes. And guess who benefits
a lot, the maids or the maid.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
So what do you make? And what about your cookbooks?
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Tell us a little about that, and then we'll go
back to the mismash blouses.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Okay, the cookbook.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
My first one was Ahara because I thought all the
time tested traditional recipes should be written.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
And again I was a pioneer to do this.
Speaker 4 (32:45):
No one thought of documenting traditional recipes for me. My
mother was there and she was a fabulous cook. Though
she was a vegetarian. She would make non vegetarian stuff
without tasting it. We were the tasters the end of it.
I said, why do you even call it for tasting?
It's so good and my father was very, very non vegetarian,
and he insisted on this. So I used to collect
(33:08):
all the little notes. In those days, no internet, no
sending by the recipes used to go by snail mail
back and forth. So Ahra was more a documentation of
my mother's community traditional dishes. Then I had again a
problem with you know, publishing. I was not happy with
(33:29):
the publisher, but he was good. But then I felt that,
you know, I could have been treated better in the sense.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
So we readd the book. But on a different scale.
Speaker 4 (33:43):
I did something on the Tamil communities of.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
India, so various.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
People, not just our community, but it was the Tamilion Christians,
it was even Anglo Indians, you know, different communities, the
Bella Las and so on. So that was a book
which is if you see it in any store, please
browse through it because we've done it in a very
different way.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Are they these books?
Speaker 3 (34:12):
It's called.
Speaker 4 (34:15):
Because it has our photos. You can see what I
look like when I was very young, and my ancestors
pictures are there. And then we I even featured the
Tamil Muslims.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Okay okay, So that was nice.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
Then recently another book which has been picking up a
lot of awards.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
Is parture Gum.
Speaker 4 (34:37):
It's a book on Kerla c Seine, which was it
was like a learning curve for me because the food
was alien. I mean basically, we don't eat Kerala food
every day, though I love food from all communities.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
For one and a half years I.
Speaker 4 (34:53):
Fed my family on only Kerala food, only coconuts, coconut milk.
Every days shas coconut. Everything has coconut milk and cocnut
cognut cognit. I told my husband we are in for
we are in deep trouble. You just wait till we
take the blood test. The cholesterol levels are going to
be very high. Would you believe it? And rather took
(35:15):
we checked the cholesterol. It had come down, the good
cholesterol had gone up, the bad cholesterol had come down.
The equation the formula thing was also excellent. So it
just proves, you know, it's a fallacy to think coconut
oil is actually very good medium to cook and traditionally.
(35:37):
So see right now, what I've decided, I can't wait
for a publisher to publish my book, so I'm doing
one which I've titled AMA's Kitchen.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
So it has a mix of the you know whatever.
Speaker 4 (35:50):
We know, weated some traditional recipes and some recipes which
I've worked out which worked better than the old ones,
and uh which we I've done hundreds of times and
people like it.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
So so that is in the pipeline. You know.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
What is it called the kel.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
One is called Partuga Okay, and it recently won the
this Oxford Prize for being the best printed book of
the Year just a few months back.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Okay, congratulate.
Speaker 4 (36:27):
So that's also very nicely brought out. But my favorite
is still Underpourtney, you know the way that it's like
you'll think it's my scrap book because they've also imitated
my writing. They've used a font which looks like my
writing and it's very nice later, So so that's my
cookbook writing.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
And uh yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:48):
So my grandchildren want me to do my autobiography, but
I said I won't do an autobiography. It always hurts
because you have to be very honest. So I just
called it Memoirs of a Writer. Because I've had my
God's grace. I've had a very interesting life. I've met
with so many people that people don't usually get to meet,
(37:12):
Like when I was in the textile thing. I used
to meet people like Shahanas Me used to come and
sit for a chat. Then Anam Care's family used to
come and Ambanese. I mean everybody used to come there.
But I was quite a vuduo those days. I would
never recognize them or get overrodd. Is this someone I liked? Someone?
(37:33):
You know who that is? This is Rajesh Kanha's wife.
You don't recognize her, is it?
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Is it?
Speaker 3 (37:40):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (37:45):
So things like that, you know, it used to happen.
And the mismatch blouses. You were saying, yeah, like, I want.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
To know how that happened.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
You know why what happened is I would see these
people matching the saris with the two by two was
the fabric in Fabrica at that time?
Speaker 3 (38:01):
Where did you see in the two by two? It
was called two by two? Yeh, yeah, I know.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
I remember.
Speaker 4 (38:08):
It is a plane, absolutely plain, thirty six inches with
and we needed about eighty five to ninety centimeters.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
No, I mean, now where did you see them matching
in shops.
Speaker 4 (38:18):
Or No, my own family, my own in the house. Sorry,
go to the shop. It had to be just right,
I said, I remember, it's different. Yeah, No, no, no, no,
it has to match. And usually it would be a
self match. It very rarely contrasted and all and then
if similar stories, if you had a sorry and I
(38:39):
had one just like yours, we'll end up looking like clones.
So I always told the public whenever I used to
write or they came to the shop, you have to
develop your own personality.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
You know.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
For one thing, please don't wear the same blouse. You
know where something.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
Different and interesting were different accessories, so that you will
be quite different from the other person who's wearing the
same sorry.
Speaker 4 (39:03):
How can we wear different things? So I said, I'll
show you how. And because I was printing, what I
would do is my printed saries.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
Were very exclusive.
Speaker 4 (39:15):
It was literally like one of her kind is to
break my head making designing blogs and making. Then what
I do is I take the blouse and if it
was a blue sorry with a red border, I won't
give a sane, boring blue. I take a red and
it might it might be a different shade of red.
(39:36):
I put a charp on the sleeves, on the back,
and you know here, you know, they went wild over this.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
Then I went into weaving it.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Here was this?
Speaker 3 (39:48):
When was this? Which here was this. This was in
the eighties, early eighties, okay, seventies, early eighties.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
Yeah, and you won't believe it that Senna wouldn't take.
Then I started wearing it. Then I would say, see
you compliment me, why don't you wear it? You can
carry it off, but we can't be so daring. That
is what they said when I introduced it to Bombay,
and everyone started following, including the actresses and so on,
(40:17):
and Femina featured, Eves Weekly featured, I got it all free.
Today you pay lax for that center spread. Models Emma
Malney modeled, Oh wow.
Speaker 3 (40:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
So then when I came back then there was a
rush because their friends in Bombay had talked about my
mismatched blouses and they would think and to get a
sorry with the blouse was something so difficult those days.
You didn't wear the sorry because you didn't have a
matching blouse. I said, forget it, don't wear a matching blouse.
(40:52):
Don't wear these boring things. Then when I started weaving,
I was teaching the weavers. I would do a layout
on paper and tell them where to position the motive.
That was a hit, because sometimes the motives would be
in gold, and they had to be just right at
the back below the neck. And I would say, ah,
(41:13):
no low cut blouses for this. You have to wear
what we used to call racar blouses, you know, high
like this, and it would come down like so they
wore it there and then the little zurry borders of
color orders for the sleeves and for the back. And
I used to do tailoring also, so we used to
get it done. And I cannot tell you what a
(41:35):
rage it was those days. And then I had my
own hand embroidery person coming and doing hand embroidery. I
had machine embroidery person, and I had that hardy work person.
So that person also would do some little little things,
you know, for weddings and so on, to enhance the blouse.
But today blouses have taken over. People tell me they
(41:57):
pay forty five thousand for a blouse and then get
the starty to manly.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
Just imagine that age now.
Speaker 4 (42:04):
But in my days, people were always hesitant to spend.
They won't spend so much. You know, they say ninety
rupees for a sarry, You mean you charge twenty rupees
for a blouse. And now they're willing to pay something
like even thousand rupees of ary blouse. Oh yes, I've
(42:26):
had good innings and I've enjoyed my life, you know,
I say tell you I've been really lucky.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
Of course, it had its ups and downs.
Speaker 4 (42:34):
And because I was a bad businesswoman, not listening to
my husband price the things differently to charge for my time.
Like if you came and you say you just tell
me SAA design a wardrobe for me, I'd look at you,
see your personality, the job you're in, and I'll just
sign the wardrobe just for you. You know, it is
(42:57):
your wardrobe, your special and I.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Would you were a stylist.
Speaker 4 (43:00):
Basically I was stylist as well as to see these
days they call themselves.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
Designers, which are without doing anything.
Speaker 4 (43:08):
And then one day I must tell you another very
strange story. The cutting place. We had converted our garage
into a place where all these things happened, you know,
the accessories making and the cutting, the sewing and embroidery
and all that. So this tailor he came and showed
me one garment which I had designed out of mull
(43:31):
and it was very beautiful because.
Speaker 3 (43:34):
I did the dying in shades.
Speaker 4 (43:36):
It started from a dark blue, and it slowly receded
till the top portion was almost white. Very difficult process,
but because Dyer was on the spot, I was there,
I did and I was aghast.
Speaker 3 (43:51):
Because what happened is he had cutted terata.
Speaker 4 (43:54):
You know. The top potion was a little high and
it came down like that. The lower potion was a
little long. I put it in a hanger. I kept
looking at it. I said, it looks good.
Speaker 3 (44:07):
Why not?
Speaker 2 (44:08):
I this is a nice thing. Yeah, even if it's crooked.
Why not.
Speaker 4 (44:11):
Catching his head and thinking he's going to be scolded,
I said, let's make more master like this. And this
time I did two layers, you know, two tears left. Yeah,
because it was transparent material. One was like this, the
other one was like that, and it was it went
up like that.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
And then I would make things.
Speaker 4 (44:31):
Where the back was longer than the Now all that
I was ahead of my time. It's come back now, yeah,
because now now we're doing I used to do anarchies
those days.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
I used to people with good figures.
Speaker 4 (44:44):
Yeah you have small waist, ye make it high bust
like this, just below the bust and gathers. Yeah, And
we used to have I used to make these culumn
curry material in the sense I block printed with vegetable dice.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
So when it went through.
Speaker 4 (45:01):
That process, it became soft, so that it used to
lend itself to anarcholist. And to make it dressy, I
would put the Sri work embroidery, you know, a little
bit of glitter.
Speaker 3 (45:14):
You know.
Speaker 4 (45:14):
I feel so sad that those days I couldn't capture
all that on camera because we you know, to go
photograph all that, you needed all the equipment. But here
in the mobile, what things you can capture? Yeah, that
is one thing I feel sorry about.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
I can see you quite active on social media as well.
Right Instagram.
Speaker 4 (45:36):
No, no, I'm not that active, I tell you, but
you're active. Right for Hindu, the national newspaper and anything.
I wrote that it was social issues, on craft, on textiles,
on food. Then what happened is they said, no, we
shouldn't all the time hire these freelancers. Why not we
give it to our own staff. So they cut down
(45:59):
on articles to us. So I park myself on Facebook
and all that. If there's something I want to say,
it just comes out I have to write.
Speaker 3 (46:08):
So where else do I send it? I put it
on Facebook? Again? When it's appreciated, okay, but I don't even.
Speaker 4 (46:15):
Like an idiot. I don't check to see how many
people have read it. Even now, I have not read
my recent ones at all.
Speaker 3 (46:22):
I don't know. I'm not sure what what reaction.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Usually other people are reading. That's the Yeah, I why not.
Speaker 4 (46:33):
Sit in the balcony in the mornings and have my
cup of coffee. So I used to keep the phone
with me and keep you know, shooting something or the other.
At one point I was active on Instagram. I used
to put all my photos.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
Now again, Instagram has changed nature. It's more like what
if we was in the bed?
Speaker 2 (46:52):
Yeah, but it's still yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
You can, but you can write a lot more on it.
I write a lot more on Instagram. Also, you can
write a lot more, but it's more picture oriented.
Speaker 3 (47:04):
I guess, yeah, yeah, that's more nice.
Speaker 2 (47:07):
You will be more attractive, yes, yeah.
Speaker 4 (47:10):
But otherwise I believe because I feel that once you
get into the social media thing, you spend hours like
let me see what she's doing. Then you go into it,
then some other friends yous w. So it never ends.
Speaker 3 (47:25):
There ends, just go on for hours. So that's why
I keep off it.
Speaker 4 (47:29):
But very strangely enough, my grandchildren have got of it completely.
Oh granddaughter was an FB for eight years. She was
working there as a marketing person and design consultant. Okay,
they've all gone off it. They say, we don't.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
Like to be in social media. She says, it's for
old days. That's pro.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
Facebook is supposed to be for old people.
Speaker 3 (47:53):
Now.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
Yeah, I don't know how these things happen and how
it changes. Really really so, Sabda is so nice talking
to you. Tell me, you know, you know, for other
people you know who suddenly retired, senior citizens, you know, you're.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
Such an inspiration. What message should you give them?
Speaker 1 (48:13):
Because I come across so many people they say that
now I'm retired and I wake up in the morning
and have nothing to do, there's no purpose, and.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
You know, so what do you tell them?
Speaker 4 (48:23):
I wish I could engage them, because I can tell
you tell them a lot of things to do. And
I feel an idle mind is a devil's workshop. You
start thinking morbid things and say how much more time
do I live?
Speaker 3 (48:36):
Do I really need to do this?
Speaker 4 (48:38):
And I think there's lots you can do And yesterday's
sixties are today's forties. Absolutely no at my age, I'm
I'm I've recently become disabled after a few falls. I
use a walker at home, but that doesn't stop me
from going out. I packed my work in the car
and then when I go down, they are always people
(49:01):
to help me, and as long as there's no staircase climbing,
I go everywhere. But what I feel is it's very
important not to isolate yourself because it's so easy to
slip into depression. And the seniority homes why I get
tempted is what a host of activities they have. They
have swimming pool, they have community games, they have indoor games,
(49:25):
they have badminton, and you wish that you had the
youth to enjoy all that. But they targeted at the
older generation because there's a crying need for us to
be physically and mentally active. So I think every person
nobody should consider themselves old. My son always says age
(49:46):
is just numbers, and you're as old as you think. Absolutely,
you can think young, you feel young, and people say
you look young.
Speaker 3 (49:55):
You know, so yeah, of course, So you don't give
up on yourself.
Speaker 4 (49:59):
You feel like dressing well, dress well, you feel like
applying makeup as long as it's not overdone and you're
not competing with the younger ones in an attempt to
look younger.
Speaker 3 (50:09):
You're great.
Speaker 4 (50:11):
You can be elegant at any stage, you know, So
you don't have to give up air sackloth and ashes
and things like that. You keep going, You keep moving
and keep moving your limbs. Never stay quiet. Like I
can't sit for long. I need to do something all
the time. But mine has always been all my hobbies
(50:31):
are sedentry. Now I've started going back to embroidery and
crochet and painting, which.
Speaker 3 (50:38):
I hadn't done in a long time, and I just
love it.
Speaker 4 (50:41):
That doesn't seem to be enough time to do all
the things I want to do, you know, because when
the grandchildren visit, and the children come on visits, then
I throw everything off and it's just being with them counts. Yes, yes, so,
and you live life again through your children. Grandchildren don't
criticize them too much because they have their own views.
(51:04):
With every generation in the perspective changes, so see things
through their eyes.
Speaker 2 (51:10):
Als.
Speaker 3 (51:10):
Yeah, once you accept it, you're a happy person, you know.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (51:14):
Acceptance.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
Acceptance is key, really yeah yeah, yeah, thank you Sabita
so much.
Hi, Welcome to Swishing Mindsets. This is Anuradha. Today I'm
speaking to Sabita Radha Krishna. She's the founder chairperson of Udhawi,
which provides networking platform to elderly people. A freelance writer,
food columnist and broadcaster, she was associated for over twenty
years with Dudashan and All in their radio as a
scriptwriter and program hostess. An active member of the Crafts
(00:23):
Council of India, she has had hands on experience with
textiles for over thirty years. Interestingly, she was the first
to introduce the concept of mismatched blouses and the first
to introduce blouse pieces with woven borders and motives on
the sleeves and the back. And we will talk about
that as well in the course of the conversation.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
So, Hi, Sabita. So so wonderful have you.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Yeah, so wonderful to meet you.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
And yeah, so I'm sorry I have to mention your age.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
I mean you're a proud Go ahead, Yeah, I don't
think I'm proud of you know my age. Yeah, I
think every age has its own specialty and every age
is interesting.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
I don't mind at all.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Yeah, absolutely, So you're a proud eighty two year old
and I'm doing so much and so for the you know,
rest of us and for listeners, you know, it's very
inspiring because we're also getting there slowly and for us
to know that it's a great age to be in
and you know, it's fun. It's not just like we
were just talking two minutes ago about you know, it's
not like you know, old.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Age means that you're not having fun and life is over.
So I'll let you take over. So should we start
with what is U?
Speaker 4 (01:33):
The we in Tamil means help. So this is what
we try to provide for our elders, and our USB
is detonating the loneliness that the elders feel after they
reach a certain age. It's the empty nest syndrome. When
the children leave and still they are young enough to
pursue their interests.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
They go to the club, they show socialize, et cetera.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
But as the time goes on, and especially if you've
lost a partner, the loneliness scripts in. So I know
what it is because in one fell swoop, I lost
both my husband and my mother. We three had such
a feeling of we enjoyed being close to one another,
we had common interests. We used to go out everywhere together.
(02:20):
In fact, people who saw us used to call us
the three Musketeers, and suddenly, you know, they went very swiftly.
And so I'm living alone. So I never thought it
would happen to me. You know, you always think you're infailiable,
and this thing happens to others, not to you.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
But when it hits you, you realize.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
So I was all the more keen that we should
start an organization. And frankly, I didn't have any clue
because we've all done this work individually. But I feel
that if we have an organization with common views and
who are bonded together with the same ideas and ideals,
(03:00):
we will achieve much more. So with the way was
born with my taking over, you know, the ideas. I
wouldn't say take over the ideas. Imparting my ideas to
interested people, and I gathered people. I handpicked people who
were passionate about looking after old people, because some just
(03:22):
don't have a clue, and these are the people I wanted.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
And the first people persons.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
I got were people who were running a shop which
sold accessories to elders, and so I thought this connection
would be really invaluable, and I went and had a
talk with them, and yes, they were very interested because
the shop was dedicated to one of their parents or
both of them.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
So that's how it began with.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Just three people, and we limped along because we didn't
know where we were heading, how successful we would be.
So we framed by laws out the constitution.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
And decided amongst them ourselves that what the we is
going to be.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
So basically we decided to do this visit's idea, you know,
to visit people and find out how they are, what
they need. And in the course of this, we also
began to do case studies on elderly people. But we
had to make sure that the people we visited didn't
(04:26):
mind our visiting. You know, we call them our beneficiaries.
We had to get the consent of their children because
they might turn around and say, who the hell are you,
Why should you come and visit my parents?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
We are doing pretty well, thank you.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
But once, you know, they knew that we were serious,
and then they had to check out our background. Also,
of course, being well known helped because they checked out
my credentials as well, and they said, you're in safe hands.
So what we started doing we used to get as
(05:01):
a signature from them to say they have no objection
to our visiting, and then we would get an appointment
and go and visit the older people and I believe
you me, they were thrilled, you know, they said, it's
so nice that you people care, so nice that you
people and they you know, I suppose it's easier in
India than abroad because we are all hospitable fascination and
(05:26):
they opened their doors and the children in turn were
happy that the parents were otherwise occupied and not moaning
and groaning about something. But we have our rules. We
make sure that you know, as we grew. When we
started recruiting volunteers. In fact, this morning I did an
orientation program for the volunteers because five of them had
(05:50):
joined and they were enthusiastic. There are certain rules they
have to follow, you know, they can't get personal. They
cannot you know, ask about the property and whether they
own the place, and what squabbles they have within the
family is strictly their own. We are just sounding boards.
But then we started expanding ideas. It didn't risk. We
(06:11):
didn't restrict ourselves to just visiting, but we also thought
they'd like to go for a car drive. So some
of us who have a car, who drive, some who
have a car plus driver, you know, so that would
be an added asset to anyone who wanted to join,
because we used to just ask them to come. Then
(06:32):
we take them for a drive near the beach, sit
or if they could get out, you know, slowly get
out and sit on the platform and watch the world
go by, watch the sea, and then we then some
of them wanted to visit hospitals, and this was very
intimidating for them because they were terrified of the diagnostic
(06:53):
tools that were used. So a few of us were
willing to go to the hospitals, not all, because we
don't force anyone to do anything that they are not
comfortable with. So we've started taking people for you know,
an eye doctor's appointment or hospital visits or things like that.
And then we also visit homes for the underprivileged because
(07:18):
those people are really bored. So we go and have
some singing sessions with them and you know, get them
to join us and singing. Then we donate, uh maybe
Rice and Urad Dal and all because they make Italy
some Italy. Some are almost every day, and thoses which
(07:39):
they love, which they staple food. Uh, sometimes they accept
old clothes as well, so we are pretty good at that.
We go and sometimes you know, we go and buy
bed sheets, pillow covers, things that they might need and
go and give it to them. And then basically we
just like to light up their lives, give them something
(08:00):
thing to look forward to. But one thing, I mean,
I shouldn't say it about ourselves, but once they join
the Udaw family, they can't get off because they are
so plude in they're so happy and the idea is
to bring a smile on their faces. Yeah, so if
they get too sick and they are unable to sit,
(08:21):
we encourage the family to tell us so that we'll
keep off for some time till they get better. And
I think communication and networking with other people is something
very very important in life, especially as we are living
in the era where you know, isolation is very common.
We all lead very insular lives. We keep to ourselves,
(08:45):
and once that becomes a habit, it's very difficult to break.
I know in my own family there are a few
people who just will not relate to anyone outside their
immediate family. You know they stay in those losses. This
you know, we can't really force them, but the losses there.
So what we do is we have some very good
(09:07):
well wishers and patrons, Like one person I'd really like
to mention is Nina Ready from Savera Hotels, who at
least once a year she gives us a treat. She says,
come and do what you like here. So she gives
us the room, the hall actually which can house about
fifty to sixty people, and wonderful team which no one
(09:32):
ever forgets, so that you don't need dinner after us.
And we have a lot of programs like once we
got a gastroentrologist to come and talk to us. Once
we had a person who cures through exercise, very famous
orthopedic person or sportsmiths and doctor. And we've had a
(09:54):
lot of singing sessions where we get semi professional singers
to come and karaoke and do some singing and when
they sing, you know, you feel like singing along.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
And recently we.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
Had an occasion where we were bringing in all retro
music and a ninety year old lady who was leaning
heavily on a stick and a walker. To our surprise,
she got up and danced where she was. So that shows,
you know, the mood change, how much they benefit by it.
And they love seeing other people exchanging notes, you know,
(10:32):
talking to them and asking how each spends their time.
Then we think that therapy through singing, we know that
it helps.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
And music we introduced. Art classes are not really classes.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
We just get artists or anybody like even I with
a smattering of knowledge of painting.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
I paint.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
You know, you could come and give a little talk
and tell them what it's like. And we just buy
them paint boxes and brushes and paper, and they do
what they like.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Sometimes it's so beautiful to see.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
What they've done, you know, they mix colors and then
this joy of using the brush to indicate their feelings.
And then sometimes we give them a theme. We say
why don't you, why don't you tell us what a
tree means to you? And each person has a different
interpretation at the end of what's so much like what
(11:29):
a tree means to you? So some say the leaves,
some say the permanence, some say that it brings forth blossoms,
it gives shade. So the person has a different viewpoint
and they relate to it by painting.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yeah, and sorry, I just want to interrupt. You know,
what about the songs for carry?
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (11:49):
What for the songs that were sung.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
Songs? When we have a mixture of English, Hindi and
Tamil songs? Are you what are you? Are you a million?
Speaker 2 (11:59):
No, I'm not a million, but it's okay somebody but.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
I just like know.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
So then I'm a North Indiana.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Okay, I grew up in all that. North Indians are
not too familiar with Tamil songs.
Speaker 4 (12:10):
So we bring in all the day one and songs
and you know, songs by Kisho Kumar Manali and things
like that, and they're familiar to us. Also though we
are familions, we grew up. We were fed on Hindi
songs and Hindi movies. So all of us will join
in lustily and sing with them and so on. And
(12:31):
but they're always redtro in the sense so that they
we recapture the romance of the seventies and eighties and
things like that, and sometimes we give them a platform
to sing. Also, some of them who are very gifted,
they come and you know, stand before the mic and
they sing, and it's amazing what talent they have yeah,
(12:51):
what fun courage them?
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
So, so in a nutshell, this is what we do.
We we actually contemplated, you know, the idea of taking
them out of Chennai and on a bus or something
and showing them, but then after thinking about it deeply,
we decided against it because, for one thing, we don't
want to take the responsibility of taking about thirty elderly
(13:14):
people who might have some serious complaints and should they
fall ill, you know, we would be left stranded and
not know what to do. So we gave up the idea.
But we make it up by having these cultural evenings.
Another thing we do is we invite a group of
them in the vicinity. We call them to our houses
(13:35):
and we give them high tea or maybe lunch or
something like that where they get to talk to one
another and they become friends. As I told you, it's
all part of the family. So and we are twelve
co group members. Srikomar is also one of them.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Yes, yes, yes, in the last episode here.
Speaker 4 (13:54):
Yeah, we've had with us for a long time and
his contribution is always is valuable because he works with
seniors and right now he's in a position to offer
us wonderful information on caring for seniors and so on.
And he's an authority on the seniority homes that we
(14:16):
have because each person has their own his or her
own skill. So whenever we need to ask him questions
on which home is ideal, and even for us thinking
considering where we should go, he's able to give us
pointers tell us living. Yeah, so I assisted living, and seriously,
(14:38):
I think everyone should consider it at some point in
their lives, unless, of course, they want to stay with
their children. And people of my generation, like I'm fiercely independent.
I lived like I always say, I've lived like RANI
in my own house. I don't want to go and
be dependent on my children. So because whatever that is,
(15:00):
it restricts you. You can't do all the things you
of course, yeah, how many things do you do where
at this age?
Speaker 3 (15:07):
You know?
Speaker 4 (15:07):
Yeah it's okay, but you know, even being mobile going out,
you know, you go, you have to follow it their way.
You can't expect them to sacrifice their whole life.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
I think there are many solutions available even if you're
planning to live in your own home. There are several
things you known select tires and smart sensors, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
But you can install in your own home for safety
RT these days.
Speaker 4 (15:33):
True, but then it's not the same as one family
member being with you.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Absolutely no substitute.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
I have a living she stays with twenty four seven.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Yeah, but in case, you know, something happens and I'm
not even able to communicate, she can't take a decision. Yeah,
I mean she will not know what to do. So
I miss that. I miss because I was a caregiver
for many years for both my mother and my husband,
So not having a family member it still doesn't feel right.
(16:07):
So I am also considering the seniority living because there's
always somebody around and you're surrounded by like minded people.
You know, you have people in the next flat practically
next door, just a call away anytime you need anything.
And then there are you know, these as you said,
sensors and panic buttons and things like that. But it's
(16:29):
nothing like living in your own home, a home which
you have created over the years, you made it user
friendly for yourself. It's not the same and uprooting ourselves
from old homes and going somewhere. You know, it does
sound very what should I say? It's very frustrating, But
then one has to be practically. Yeah, you to be practical, Yes,
(16:52):
absolutely have to be practical, otherwise you know, there's no
go it can be dangerous for people living.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
In so yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
So we co members meet once every month sometimes we
and it most of the time it has been in
my house because I have the space and I started this,
so it was automatically the choice. But now we feel
the others feel that it's too much strain on me
because it may t We literally host twelve people, you know,
(17:26):
to come over. So now we're having it at colabs,
other people's houses. We all take turns, so it's move
like that. And why I'm talking to you about this
networking is, you know, you learn to be unselfish in
the sense you know that other people have the same
needs as you and the way they cope. They all
(17:49):
become shining examples like we look up to them now.
For instance, I studied in one school throughout my life.
I was always in one school, so we knew everybody
in the vicinity. I come from Bangalore and it was
a contonement area. It was literally a one host town
and my father was a doctor. He was pretty well
(18:11):
known and we knew everybody who lived there. So that
bonding continued for a long time, you know, because the
school has, you know, your formative years.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
It contributes to your formative which you and I also
grew up in this school.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
It is called Clarence High School, which was the only
co ed school when.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
I was studying. Okay, okay, yeah, And.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
How my father, who was so conservative, I agreed to
send send my sister and me there, I really don't
know till today. And it was my mother's influence because
she said, these girls have grown up without knowing boys
at all. You don't allow boys to come into the house,
how will they get on in life?
Speaker 3 (18:52):
Let them go to a co ed school. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
When I went to the co ed school, the boys
were terrified of even talking to me because they were
a trade of my father.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
So it was such you know.
Speaker 4 (19:04):
I used to be so amused because they would never
you know, lift those were the days. But they must
have had some tricks up their sleeves which we didn't
know anything about. Like they used to attach tales to
us at the back. Oh what a paper and sometimes
twisted once to let match it to us.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
And when we get up, everyone would laugh, Okay, I know.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
What the hell they're laughing at you know, so, oh
those were really fun days un artist in school run
by missionaries, but they never tried to convert us and
it was a total acceptance secular and then college. I
didn't complete my college in Bangalo because I got married
(19:52):
at the tender age of eighteen. So it was my
husband who brought me up literally in my adult years.
I always say that, and there was a big come
from me, coming from you know, being hemmed in at home,
protected and then my husband would just say, you have
to be independent. And I today I thank him immensely
(20:12):
for protecting me at the same time allowing me to
pursue all my interests, which I would never have done
because in India, if you don't have a supportive husband, you.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Know where that's true.
Speaker 4 (20:24):
I am how sweet you're nowhere, because you know, even
if you rebel and rebel and things like that, it's
not the same. There's so much of stress and tension
at home. Yeah, there's absolutely nothing. He'd say, you do
what you like, you follow your dreams. So for that
I'm ever grateful. But this other thing I'd like to
talk about is the bonding and networking my husband had
(20:47):
with his engineering college.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Yeah, because you know that's how I first got in
touch with you when we spoke, you know, because she
Commar told me when we were doing his episode and
he said that, you know, you reconnected with all your classes,
you know, and you know you studied with them like
maybe sixty five seventy years ago.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
And then I spoke to you.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
You said your husband was even one step ahead you
know of your So please under that.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
And we named it. We were the ones who gave
that name.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
It was the College of Engineer in Guindy, so we
called it CG fifty five yeah and group yeah, and
we started.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
The Silver Jubilee.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
We always used to celebrate in the college and then
we went on to having get togethers and every year
we would meet in a different place in India, in
India because that was all we can afford. Yeah, now
that legacy has been taken forward and all the CGD
CG students are doing it. My son is also from
(21:47):
Guindy and they now it's a different ball game. They
go everywhere outside India. They might go to the next
generation Alasia, they might go to Bangladesha Kashmi, you know,
in the sense they can afford it because more people
and they are also so bonded, I cannot tell you.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
And we are happy that we sort of set this
thing in motion.
Speaker 4 (22:12):
And what is amazing is that even the Diamond Jubilee
was celebrated by my husband's group and the we wives
took a lot of or we participated one hell of
a lot, and we did the organization behind the scenes work,
so to speak. And you should see the way, you know.
(22:35):
We had one get together I think the last one
was in Kerala and the people who came Anorada, I
can't tell you they came. They were all well into
the eighties. They came in with walking sticks, walkers. Some
needed to have dialyses, but they came because they would
(22:55):
go back for their dialysis in the same in the city.
And we have had a lot of programs and that
was really fund I organized a small fashion show along
with one of the daughters of the students.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
And it was such fun.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
Even people wouldn't come on to the so called ramp.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
We just had a long hall.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
She would drag us and then made us, you know, walk,
so everyone was very excited, you know, dressed up to
kill and all that. And the men had a great
time dancing with all the young girls and the daughters
of their friends. And so I can't remember, and I
remember they asked me to bring out a small little
(23:37):
booklet on the get together.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
I still have my copy.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
So I had described it in full with a lot
of photographs and tried to publish it as cheaply as
possible so that everyone could afford to take a copy.
So these are things that make life worth living. And
another thing was we are members of the Madras Jymkhana Club,
which was it's one of the oldest clubs in India
(24:04):
and I think it's about one hundred.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
And fifty years old.
Speaker 4 (24:07):
Yeah, so me for my husband and me and the children,
it was like second home. So sometimes what we would
do a group of us and the Guinde crowd became
the people who we were closest to. We'd meet at
my place and what they would do is bring their
children on a Saturday, and my mother used to look
(24:30):
after the kids when we went out for dancing and
it was a live band ohday okay, so yeah, so
what we'd do is we'd we'd have some snack or
eli dinner or something and go and it used to
go on till midnight. We'd enjoy ourselves and come back.
See all these cooties, all these little ones lying on
(24:52):
the carpet and with pillows and things. Town and my
mother also, you know, sleeping clothes by to keep an
eye on them. They would pick up the kids. Some
of them would stay overnight. I mean, we were like
one family. If the day was very pleasant, they would
just call and say, hey, it's a nice day, shall
we go for a picnic? No mobiles then, only hand line.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
So what I would do, I would do the thing
that I know best. I would make a quick biyani
in the pressure cooker. Take the pressure cooker with me.
Each one would bring something. We'll throw some carpets and
chairs inside. My husband was the sandwich maker and the group.
He'd make sandwiches and off we'd go. We'd meet at
a commonplace. Just get off, you know, we lie under
(25:39):
the trees, we'll look at the stars, and then we'll
take up a place. It was sort of community living
where all the carpets were spread and the children and
the parents and all of us there. And some of
us didn't know swimming, so I still remember swimming in
Chamber Parkham Lake you know that's a flies water.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
Oh okay, okay, we will.
Speaker 4 (26:03):
We were there and then we got into another water body.
I don't know, I can't remember what it was. And
we were supposed supposedly swimming, and we saw buffaloes there
with us, and that's how we learned, you know, some
semblance of swimming.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
But if all of us just enjoyed.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
And yet you know, we were so disciplined, you know,
we would not trouble anyone, and we had such fun.
So I still recall those days and miss all the
people who have now gone.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Yea.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
And in my school, I must tell you, imagine if
it's school. I had a friend. She was an American
friend living in California the last two years of school
high school. She did in Clarence School, and I became
such friends with her. She became my best friend. When
she left, she cried all the way to the US.
(26:58):
I was sobbing here. And we'd write voluminous letters to
each other, you know, we tell each other just everything.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
My father would say.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
If I could collect those letters there, you can write
a novel, because each letter would be about ten pages,
twelve pages in our handwriting. And just two months ago
she passed away, and it's been such a loss for
me because she visited us twice, we visited them twice,
(27:27):
and her going is like having lost a sister, you
know that way. And we discussed everything except the morbidity.
Morbid things we'd keep off. We'd never complain if we
had any illness. And yeah, we had a marvelous time.
And when you talk about the older people and traditions,
(27:50):
I'm basically a traditionalist. I don't we're away from tradition,
and whatever I do, it's always it.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
The background will be tradition. I've been in.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
Textiles for about forty forty five years and I opened
the first bootik in Chennai.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
And that's where you said the mismatched.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Mash blounces and you know, actually, I can't imagine there
was a time when people did not wear mismatch blouses
and you started it.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Yes, you know.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
I started many firsts there and I had a board
because I got into a niche where everything was there
for me. I opened, my husband, got hired a house
where I had hand blocked printing. I trained people to
do hand block printing, and I had a dier to
(28:42):
myself and we would experiment with guys and we took
exhibitions throughout India.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
And the weavers.
Speaker 4 (28:49):
You know, I always think an Rada that in my
last generation I would have been a weaver because our
community we you know, the Saliars and so on, they
all we come from a beaver fam weaver what do
I say community?
Speaker 3 (29:08):
So I don't know.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
My affinity affinity to textiles was like that, and I
used to love sitting with the beavers, eating with them
and getting to know, you know, what their problems were.
Until today I do it though I've retired from active weaving,
an active commercial activity. They come to me if they
need designs. They come to me if they need colors,
(29:31):
if they need marketing. And during the pandemic, I you know,
they once called me up and said they are hungry.
So I said, how do I help them? They had
about thousand saris lying unsold, So sitting in front of
a computer, only in front of a computer, a single no,
(29:54):
no organization was willing to back me. It was the
days of the pandemic and everyone was stuck in their homes.
So I adopted three villages, appointed one person from each
village to represent the group. And what I did was
(30:15):
train them to use the computer to display the sares
and so on, you know, and take photos. And then
I made a catalog with their names, their banking accounts,
you know, the bank details and so on, so if
they liked anything, they just have to specify the code
(30:37):
and they could get the orders directly. I put about
one hundred weavers on their feet and we sold about
nine thousand saries through this. I didn't want any contact
with the money. I said it should be direct selling.
And the catalog came out very well, and I got
(30:58):
a loan from Tata Trust gave me a grant, and
also some people who are very very liberal, they sent
me money and we help them to find their feet
and they were so grateful and they have not looked
back ever since. And these are all old weavers, you know,
(31:20):
in the sense they are in the tradition for years,
vocation for years, and the children do not want to
continue as weavers. So I've been trying my hand at
revival and I've succeeded. I did quite a few revivals,
you know, getting the tradition back. So then we asked
(31:43):
my passion for food written cookbooks.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
I read and I just couldn't include everything.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Somebody asked, do you just write cookbooks or do you
know how to cook?
Speaker 4 (31:55):
So I always say I should be a living proof.
And nobody comes to my home and goes away without eating.
They'll say what do you have for lunch? What do
you have for dinner? And my God's grace, I always
have enough for somebody who wants to eat. It might
not be anything fancy, what we just make at home. Yeah,
(32:15):
but sadly now there's no incentive. There's only me. But
I still make all different dishes. And guess who benefits
a lot, the maids or the maid.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
So what do you make? And what about your cookbooks?
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Tell us a little about that, and then we'll go
back to the mismash blouses.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Okay, the cookbook.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
My first one was Ahara because I thought all the
time tested traditional recipes should be written.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
And again I was a pioneer to do this.
Speaker 4 (32:45):
No one thought of documenting traditional recipes for me. My
mother was there and she was a fabulous cook. Though
she was a vegetarian. She would make non vegetarian stuff
without tasting it. We were the tasters the end of it.
I said, why do you even call it for tasting?
It's so good and my father was very, very non vegetarian,
and he insisted on this. So I used to collect
(33:08):
all the little notes. In those days, no internet, no
sending by the recipes used to go by snail mail
back and forth. So Ahra was more a documentation of
my mother's community traditional dishes. Then I had again a
problem with you know, publishing. I was not happy with
(33:29):
the publisher, but he was good. But then I felt that,
you know, I could have been treated better in the sense.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
So we readd the book. But on a different scale.
Speaker 4 (33:43):
I did something on the Tamil communities of.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
India, so various.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
People, not just our community, but it was the Tamilion Christians,
it was even Anglo Indians, you know, different communities, the
Bella Las and so on. So that was a book
which is if you see it in any store, please
browse through it because we've done it in a very
different way.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Are they these books?
Speaker 3 (34:12):
It's called.
Speaker 4 (34:15):
Because it has our photos. You can see what I
look like when I was very young, and my ancestors
pictures are there. And then we I even featured the
Tamil Muslims.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Okay okay, So that was nice.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
Then recently another book which has been picking up a
lot of awards.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
Is parture Gum.
Speaker 4 (34:37):
It's a book on Kerla c Seine, which was it
was like a learning curve for me because the food
was alien. I mean basically, we don't eat Kerala food
every day, though I love food from all communities.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
For one and a half years I.
Speaker 4 (34:53):
Fed my family on only Kerala food, only coconuts, coconut milk.
Every days shas coconut. Everything has coconut milk and cocnut
cognut cognit. I told my husband we are in for
we are in deep trouble. You just wait till we
take the blood test. The cholesterol levels are going to
be very high. Would you believe it? And rather took
(35:15):
we checked the cholesterol. It had come down, the good
cholesterol had gone up, the bad cholesterol had come down.
The equation the formula thing was also excellent. So it
just proves, you know, it's a fallacy to think coconut
oil is actually very good medium to cook and traditionally.
(35:37):
So see right now, what I've decided, I can't wait
for a publisher to publish my book, so I'm doing
one which I've titled AMA's Kitchen.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
So it has a mix of the you know whatever.
Speaker 4 (35:50):
We know, weated some traditional recipes and some recipes which
I've worked out which worked better than the old ones,
and uh which we I've done hundreds of times and
people like it.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
So so that is in the pipeline. You know.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
What is it called the kel.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
One is called Partuga Okay, and it recently won the
this Oxford Prize for being the best printed book of
the Year just a few months back.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Okay, congratulate.
Speaker 4 (36:27):
So that's also very nicely brought out. But my favorite
is still Underpourtney, you know the way that it's like
you'll think it's my scrap book because they've also imitated
my writing. They've used a font which looks like my
writing and it's very nice later, So so that's my
cookbook writing.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
And uh yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:48):
So my grandchildren want me to do my autobiography, but
I said I won't do an autobiography. It always hurts
because you have to be very honest. So I just
called it Memoirs of a Writer. Because I've had my
God's grace. I've had a very interesting life. I've met
with so many people that people don't usually get to meet,
(37:12):
Like when I was in the textile thing. I used
to meet people like Shahanas Me used to come and
sit for a chat. Then Anam Care's family used to
come and Ambanese. I mean everybody used to come there.
But I was quite a vuduo those days. I would
never recognize them or get overrodd. Is this someone I liked? Someone?
(37:33):
You know who that is? This is Rajesh Kanha's wife.
You don't recognize her, is it?
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Is it?
Speaker 3 (37:40):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (37:45):
So things like that, you know, it used to happen.
And the mismatch blouses. You were saying, yeah, like, I want.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
To know how that happened.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
You know why what happened is I would see these
people matching the saris with the two by two was
the fabric in Fabrica at that time?
Speaker 3 (38:01):
Where did you see in the two by two? It
was called two by two? Yeh, yeah, I know.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
I remember.
Speaker 4 (38:08):
It is a plane, absolutely plain, thirty six inches with
and we needed about eighty five to ninety centimeters.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
No, I mean, now where did you see them matching
in shops.
Speaker 4 (38:18):
Or No, my own family, my own in the house. Sorry,
go to the shop. It had to be just right,
I said, I remember, it's different. Yeah, No, no, no, no,
it has to match. And usually it would be a
self match. It very rarely contrasted and all and then
if similar stories, if you had a sorry and I
(38:39):
had one just like yours, we'll end up looking like clones.
So I always told the public whenever I used to
write or they came to the shop, you have to
develop your own personality.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
You know.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
For one thing, please don't wear the same blouse. You
know where something.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
Different and interesting were different accessories, so that you will
be quite different from the other person who's wearing the
same sorry.
Speaker 4 (39:03):
How can we wear different things? So I said, I'll
show you how. And because I was printing, what I
would do is my printed saries.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
Were very exclusive.
Speaker 4 (39:15):
It was literally like one of her kind is to
break my head making designing blogs and making. Then what
I do is I take the blouse and if it
was a blue sorry with a red border, I won't
give a sane, boring blue. I take a red and
it might it might be a different shade of red.
(39:36):
I put a charp on the sleeves, on the back,
and you know here, you know, they went wild over this.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
Then I went into weaving it.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Here was this?
Speaker 3 (39:48):
When was this? Which here was this. This was in
the eighties, early eighties, okay, seventies, early eighties.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
Yeah, and you won't believe it that Senna wouldn't take.
Then I started wearing it. Then I would say, see
you compliment me, why don't you wear it? You can
carry it off, but we can't be so daring. That
is what they said when I introduced it to Bombay,
and everyone started following, including the actresses and so on,
(40:17):
and Femina featured, Eves Weekly featured, I got it all free.
Today you pay lax for that center spread. Models Emma
Malney modeled, Oh wow.
Speaker 3 (40:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
So then when I came back then there was a
rush because their friends in Bombay had talked about my
mismatched blouses and they would think and to get a
sorry with the blouse was something so difficult those days.
You didn't wear the sorry because you didn't have a
matching blouse. I said, forget it, don't wear a matching blouse.
(40:52):
Don't wear these boring things. Then when I started weaving,
I was teaching the weavers. I would do a layout
on paper and tell them where to position the motive.
That was a hit, because sometimes the motives would be
in gold, and they had to be just right at
the back below the neck. And I would say, ah,
(41:13):
no low cut blouses for this. You have to wear
what we used to call racar blouses, you know, high
like this, and it would come down like so they
wore it there and then the little zurry borders of
color orders for the sleeves and for the back. And
I used to do tailoring also, so we used to
get it done. And I cannot tell you what a
(41:35):
rage it was those days. And then I had my
own hand embroidery person coming and doing hand embroidery. I
had machine embroidery person, and I had that hardy work person.
So that person also would do some little little things,
you know, for weddings and so on, to enhance the blouse.
But today blouses have taken over. People tell me they
(41:57):
pay forty five thousand for a blouse and then get
the starty to manly.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
Just imagine that age now.
Speaker 4 (42:04):
But in my days, people were always hesitant to spend.
They won't spend so much. You know, they say ninety
rupees for a sarry, You mean you charge twenty rupees
for a blouse. And now they're willing to pay something
like even thousand rupees of ary blouse. Oh yes, I've
(42:26):
had good innings and I've enjoyed my life, you know,
I say tell you I've been really lucky.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
Of course, it had its ups and downs.
Speaker 4 (42:34):
And because I was a bad businesswoman, not listening to
my husband price the things differently to charge for my time.
Like if you came and you say you just tell
me SAA design a wardrobe for me, I'd look at you,
see your personality, the job you're in, and I'll just
sign the wardrobe just for you. You know, it is
(42:57):
your wardrobe, your special and I.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Would you were a stylist.
Speaker 4 (43:00):
Basically I was stylist as well as to see these
days they call themselves.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
Designers, which are without doing anything.
Speaker 4 (43:08):
And then one day I must tell you another very
strange story. The cutting place. We had converted our garage
into a place where all these things happened, you know,
the accessories making and the cutting, the sewing and embroidery
and all that. So this tailor he came and showed
me one garment which I had designed out of mull
(43:31):
and it was very beautiful because.
Speaker 3 (43:34):
I did the dying in shades.
Speaker 4 (43:36):
It started from a dark blue, and it slowly receded
till the top portion was almost white. Very difficult process,
but because Dyer was on the spot, I was there,
I did and I was aghast.
Speaker 3 (43:51):
Because what happened is he had cutted terata.
Speaker 4 (43:54):
You know. The top potion was a little high and
it came down like that. The lower potion was a
little long. I put it in a hanger. I kept
looking at it. I said, it looks good.
Speaker 3 (44:07):
Why not?
Speaker 2 (44:08):
I this is a nice thing. Yeah, even if it's crooked.
Why not.
Speaker 4 (44:11):
Catching his head and thinking he's going to be scolded,
I said, let's make more master like this. And this
time I did two layers, you know, two tears left. Yeah,
because it was transparent material. One was like this, the
other one was like that, and it was it went
up like that.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
And then I would make things.
Speaker 4 (44:31):
Where the back was longer than the Now all that
I was ahead of my time. It's come back now, yeah,
because now now we're doing I used to do anarchies
those days.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
I used to people with good figures.
Speaker 4 (44:44):
Yeah you have small waist, ye make it high bust
like this, just below the bust and gathers. Yeah, And
we used to have I used to make these culumn
curry material in the sense I block printed with vegetable dice.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
So when it went through.
Speaker 4 (45:01):
That process, it became soft, so that it used to
lend itself to anarcholist. And to make it dressy, I
would put the Sri work embroidery, you know, a little
bit of glitter.
Speaker 3 (45:14):
You know.
Speaker 4 (45:14):
I feel so sad that those days I couldn't capture
all that on camera because we you know, to go
photograph all that, you needed all the equipment. But here
in the mobile, what things you can capture? Yeah, that
is one thing I feel sorry about.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
I can see you quite active on social media as well.
Right Instagram.
Speaker 4 (45:36):
No, no, I'm not that active, I tell you, but
you're active. Right for Hindu, the national newspaper and anything.
I wrote that it was social issues, on craft, on textiles,
on food. Then what happened is they said, no, we
shouldn't all the time hire these freelancers. Why not we
give it to our own staff. So they cut down
(45:59):
on articles to us. So I park myself on Facebook
and all that. If there's something I want to say,
it just comes out I have to write.
Speaker 3 (46:08):
So where else do I send it? I put it
on Facebook? Again? When it's appreciated, okay, but I don't even.
Speaker 4 (46:15):
Like an idiot. I don't check to see how many
people have read it. Even now, I have not read
my recent ones at all.
Speaker 3 (46:22):
I don't know. I'm not sure what what reaction.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Usually other people are reading. That's the Yeah, I why not.
Speaker 4 (46:33):
Sit in the balcony in the mornings and have my
cup of coffee. So I used to keep the phone
with me and keep you know, shooting something or the other.
At one point I was active on Instagram. I used
to put all my photos.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
Now again, Instagram has changed nature. It's more like what
if we was in the bed?
Speaker 2 (46:52):
Yeah, but it's still yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
You can, but you can write a lot more on it.
I write a lot more on Instagram. Also, you can
write a lot more, but it's more picture oriented.
Speaker 3 (47:04):
I guess, yeah, yeah, that's more nice.
Speaker 2 (47:07):
You will be more attractive, yes, yeah.
Speaker 4 (47:10):
But otherwise I believe because I feel that once you
get into the social media thing, you spend hours like
let me see what she's doing. Then you go into it,
then some other friends yous w. So it never ends.
Speaker 3 (47:25):
There ends, just go on for hours. So that's why
I keep off it.
Speaker 4 (47:29):
But very strangely enough, my grandchildren have got of it completely.
Oh granddaughter was an FB for eight years. She was
working there as a marketing person and design consultant. Okay,
they've all gone off it. They say, we don't.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
Like to be in social media. She says, it's for
old days. That's pro.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
Facebook is supposed to be for old people.
Speaker 3 (47:53):
Now.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
Yeah, I don't know how these things happen and how
it changes. Really really so, Sabda is so nice talking
to you. Tell me, you know, you know, for other
people you know who suddenly retired, senior citizens, you know, you're.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
Such an inspiration. What message should you give them?
Speaker 1 (48:13):
Because I come across so many people they say that
now I'm retired and I wake up in the morning
and have nothing to do, there's no purpose, and.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
You know, so what do you tell them?
Speaker 4 (48:23):
I wish I could engage them, because I can tell
you tell them a lot of things to do. And
I feel an idle mind is a devil's workshop. You
start thinking morbid things and say how much more time
do I live?
Speaker 3 (48:36):
Do I really need to do this?
Speaker 4 (48:38):
And I think there's lots you can do And yesterday's
sixties are today's forties. Absolutely no at my age, I'm
I'm I've recently become disabled after a few falls. I
use a walker at home, but that doesn't stop me
from going out. I packed my work in the car
and then when I go down, they are always people
(49:01):
to help me, and as long as there's no staircase climbing,
I go everywhere. But what I feel is it's very
important not to isolate yourself because it's so easy to
slip into depression. And the seniority homes why I get
tempted is what a host of activities they have. They
have swimming pool, they have community games, they have indoor games,
(49:25):
they have badminton, and you wish that you had the
youth to enjoy all that. But they targeted at the
older generation because there's a crying need for us to
be physically and mentally active. So I think every person
nobody should consider themselves old. My son always says age
(49:46):
is just numbers, and you're as old as you think. Absolutely,
you can think young, you feel young, and people say
you look young.
Speaker 3 (49:55):
You know, so yeah, of course, So you don't give
up on yourself.
Speaker 4 (49:59):
You feel like dressing well, dress well, you feel like
applying makeup as long as it's not overdone and you're
not competing with the younger ones in an attempt to
look younger.
Speaker 3 (50:09):
You're great.
Speaker 4 (50:11):
You can be elegant at any stage, you know, So
you don't have to give up air sackloth and ashes
and things like that. You keep going, You keep moving
and keep moving your limbs. Never stay quiet. Like I
can't sit for long. I need to do something all
the time. But mine has always been all my hobbies
(50:31):
are sedentry. Now I've started going back to embroidery and
crochet and painting, which.
Speaker 3 (50:38):
I hadn't done in a long time, and I just
love it.
Speaker 4 (50:41):
That doesn't seem to be enough time to do all
the things I want to do, you know, because when
the grandchildren visit, and the children come on visits, then
I throw everything off and it's just being with them counts. Yes, yes, so,
and you live life again through your children. Grandchildren don't
criticize them too much because they have their own views.
(51:04):
With every generation in the perspective changes, so see things
through their eyes.
Speaker 2 (51:10):
Als.
Speaker 3 (51:10):
Yeah, once you accept it, you're a happy person, you know.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (51:14):
Acceptance.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
Acceptance is key, really yeah yeah, yeah, thank you Sabita
so much.
Popular Podcasts
Fudd Around And Find Out
UConn basketball star Azzi Fudd brings her championship swag to iHeart Women’s Sports with Fudd Around and Find Out, a weekly podcast that takes fans along for the ride as Azzi spends her final year of college trying to reclaim the National Championship and prepare to be a first round WNBA draft pick. Ever wonder what it’s like to be a world-class athlete in the public spotlight while still managing schoolwork, friendships and family time? It’s time to Fudd Around and Find Out!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!