March 27, 2025 • 59 mins
Swole Cinema Episode 49 is saddling up for a wild ride as Ryan and Mark take on the 1999 steampunk Western "Wild Wild West"! Starring Will Smith, Kevin Kline, Kenneth Branagh, and Salma Hayek, this action-packed, over-the-top adventure is one of the most unique (and infamous) blockbusters of the '90s.
Giant mechanical spiders, high-tech gadgets, and some questionable creative choices—this movie has it all. But does it hold up as a fun popcorn flick, or is it just a big-budget misfire? We’re breaking it all down!
#SwoleCinema #WildWildWest #WillSmith #KevinKline #SalmaHayek #KennethBranagh #SteampunkWestern #90sMovies #PodcastEpisode #CinematicAdventure #MovieDiscussion
Giant mechanical spiders, high-tech gadgets, and some questionable creative choices—this movie has it all. But does it hold up as a fun popcorn flick, or is it just a big-budget misfire? We’re breaking it all down!
#SwoleCinema #WildWildWest #WillSmith #KevinKline #SalmaHayek #KennethBranagh #SteampunkWestern #90sMovies #PodcastEpisode #CinematicAdventure #MovieDiscussion
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
What's up, everybody?
Speaker 2 (00:08):
It is Swoll Cinema and we are back and better
than ever. I'm here with Mark, I am Puck, I'm Ryan,
whatever the fuck you want to call me.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I went hot. How are we better than ever?
Speaker 2 (00:22):
I assume you get one percent better every day for trying?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Okay, I would say you have opinions about last episode
that you're like, this one's going to be better.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Oh no, trying to raise that bar Bro. And we're
back in this week. This week.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
You know why we're better because I'm actually Mike's plugged in.
I liked the one episode It'll never be.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
It's not it's not even the Steven Cigar episode. It's
this pulp fiction where like it's just me talking into
a microphone for an hour and nobody wants.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
To sounds like me in the background yelling yeah it'd
be great man.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
But just just so you know, Mark, this is the
worst thing that I'll ever do to you. Let's make
you watch Wild Wild West and talk about it.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Oh okay, I was gonna say, are you sure? Because
vengeance is mine when I when I get my pick.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Out, sweet, can't wait? Now? Yeah? So this week we
watched Wild Wild West from nineteen ninety nine with at
that time a.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Superstar will Yeah, big Willie style. He was.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yeah, he was like he was kind of the king
of the like summer blockbuster for a long time.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah. He had like so many movies that came out
around July. Yeah, had never hits. What do you have?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
You have a bad bad boys? Maybe it was one
of them Independence Day, Independence Day.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Well not this one in fact. Yeah, why Wild West
starring Will Smith?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
The cast, everything should have worked, oh man, Like the actors,
Will Smith.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Kevin Klein. I'm pretty sure he's Oscar nominated if he
hasn't won one. Kenneth uh Branna, who also a director,
also a Shakespearean actor. You wouldn't fucking know it from
his acting in this movie.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
He was the bad guy, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah he was.
That was a rough accent he was trying to pull off.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Yeah we have but Sama Hike, I would say, is
the bright spot of the movie.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
The top half her ass?
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Yeah hot, yeah, so good anytime you get to see that.
But there's other people you've seen in other movies. It's
kind of like Buffalo Bill Yeah, was in it for
a bit. The director also the guy who did directed
Men in Black. That was another big Will Smith hit,
summer hit. So what what part of this with the
(02:54):
John Peters?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
What was he?
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Okay? Uh, he was a producer, producer.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
How did he have that much input? Then? I guess
when you got when you're producing the money, I guess
that's it.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
But yeah, yeah, Like, well I read that originally it
was supposed to be Mel Gibson and Shane Black for this,
and I was like, well, man, like mel Gibson, I
could take her leave whatever.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Right, But see he was in that Cowboy movie Maverick.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
That's what he That's what pulled him.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
I think Shane Black actually did Maverick because this whole
thing is like a remake of a nineteen sixties yeah
TV show called wild West.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I didn't even look at it. I didn't even realize
it until we kind of looked into the movie and
I was like looking at some things, it was like,
oh shit, this was a this was a TV show,
and like the main star of the TV show would
not do a cameo because he read the script and
with this is dog shit, it's awesome. He made such
a great choice. Apparently Will Smith apologized to him years afterward.
(03:50):
When he was like, yeah, you're right, man, So I
read that.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
So this movie was nominated for like eight Razzies, yeah,
one five, and the guy from the original TV show
accepted the awards and apologized to the honist that this
thing was ever made. Apparently that's a that's a smooth move.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
The better part is apparently he hand delivered the Razzies
that the people that won them, Like, I don't know
if it was Will Smith ray, like, apparently he took
the Razzies that he's accepted and then delivered them to
the people made it because he hated it. He hated
it so like they basically in his head like they
sullied his legacy. Like if you watch this movie and
go like, man, how that show lasts for X amount
of years? Because it was dog shit, you know, I
(04:34):
really think.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Uh. A quote from Will Smith's mom sums it up
the best you've done better?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Baby, Yeah, I love that's the nicest lamp saying that
was rough, sweetheart, I love you.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
You know. And the movie opens like because I've seen
the opening a Wow West, where you got like these different,
uh little sections going through you know, like oh look,
little like little boxes move in and like a little
nice little animations with the title with with the stars
titles popping up like it feels like, okay, so we're
going to echo this western, right. I showed from the sixties,
(05:09):
but it fell apart as soon as the title sequence
was over.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
I was, man, the credit sequence title sequence seemed like
they elasted for five minutes, and I thought I didn't
realize it was.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
It did go hard for a bit.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
I didn't realize it was modeled after the original original series,
and I thought they were. It was almost like I
thought they were trying to bite kind of James Bondish
type stuff.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Yeah. Now it's modeled after the original TV show.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
And then I think after that they're like, okay, well
we honored that TV show enough. Now let's buck shit up.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Because I'm sitting there watching it, going I don't need
to see Will Smith walking towards me with the bright
light behind him ever again, because I saw five minutes
of it right there.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Yeah, you know, even when it opens up like he's
in the water tower with this chick.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I didn't understand the water tower was supply, yeah, number one,
and that's the town's water supply, and they're doing things
in there that I don't want to drink, right, And
there's apparently a hole on the side of the water
tower that he keeps looking through to see the bad
but also looked like there was like a hammock.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Like wait, it looked like was he living in there
as part of his spy mission?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah, there was like it looked like you it was
almost like a bathhouse.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
I couldn't figure out, like, why is there a water
tower this so it looks like a bathhouse, Like there's this.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Right out of the gate. It made no sense.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yeah, oh yeah, And I was super surprised because so
I mean, and this water tower was like very poorly built,
because a wagon like bumps into it and immediately just
crushes one of the legs of it, right, and it
goes falls over and goes crashing down. And so naked
Will Smith comes out of a water tower into the
(06:48):
middle of his building, and I went, oh, I thought
he was more jack than that back in the day.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Right too. I felt like he might have got jacked
after this for like bad.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Maybe Yeah, well, I thought, yeah, well Independence Day was
before that. I thought he was like big an Independence
Day seemed left.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
I feel like independent days are like, maybe I'm wrong, but.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Because I feel like this is whenever Will Smith's career.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Like that, This is when I got a little de red.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
It was just like his first misstep, you know, yeah,
and then if it became a series of missteps. Right.
I mean he's still he still puts out a solid
movie once in a while. I actually like him as
an actor, but yeah, this was I mean I think
he's even come to grips like, oh this, this was
a mistake. I should never have done this.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
You're talking about this movie or slapping Chris Rock I'm bold.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
I mean, I mean until that point, it was his
biggest mistake slapping someone on the Oscar stakes.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Right, probably, Sorry, my two big mistakes making Wild Wild
WestLA Chris?
Speaker 2 (07:50):
Is that that's the That's the question I would ask
Will Smith. Okay, well, all right, I'm going to give
you one a chance to undo one thing.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Is it Wild Wild Western? Lopping Chris Rock? Ooh? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Which is the big What do you go with? Which
is the biggest mistake in your career? Because at this point,
like he's even with Wild Wall West, he's made so
much money. He never has to do a thing in
his life you know if he doesn't want to, but
he kind of got labeled as a bitch after slapping
Chris Rock. Yeah, you know, like that's that's what someone's
(08:22):
like said something about Chris, like to Chris Rock about
like fighting backwards? Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
The dude played Muhammad al League in a movie.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
I'm one hundred and fifty pounds, you know, he's like,
what the fuck am I gunning through?
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah? He did get jack for Muhammad Ali. Yeah, he
was big and actually I remember enjoying that that that movie.
I'm trying to see where does this movie fall in
the pantheon of his hits? I was before like the
Men in Black Special, Yeah, Bad Boys came before. I
always a fan of Bad Boys.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah, great movie.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
And then he had Independs Day nineteen ninety six, Men
in Black ninety seven, uh, along with some of his
hits on the Weather Act showing his acting, Oh, because
he was in these videos.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
And then oh, Anyman the State. It was a decent movie.
And then after all that, Yeah, Wild Wild West? So
what was what was what was that? Like? With a
year or two after Oh, okay, what do we rebound with?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
He rebounded with some music videos, but then also the
legend of Bagrivance.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Not a bad movie though I'm DB's given a six
point seven. I guess that's not bad, followed by Ali
same as six point seven, just like bag revants. Hmm,
harsh critics over there.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Tell you then, let's see Men in Black two? Oh,
coming in a six point two. Men in Black two
wasn't as good as the first one.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
I don't think I've ever saw any of the Men
in blacks after one?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Bad Boys too? Uh, it was just Hi Robot. There's
one that I contemplated making you watch.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
I like. I think that movie is Oh okay, I
like it.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
I like I think there's a lot in there.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
I like it.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
I don't why I got some well no teven point one.
It did better than Yeah Ship, I might change my mind.
Oh that room his rom com stuff. Hitch Hitch.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I didn't hate hitch h No, I didn't hate. I
think it was pretty much panned.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
I am legend.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
I didn't mind that one. I liked, Uh, what was
one of the.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Hitch Hancock Hancock came after that.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I didn't hate Handcock This. It wasn't a great movie,
but I didn't hate it.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
N I had definitely could have been better. Oh yeah,
for sure, but I didn't hate it. Oh then ned
then twenty thirteen after Earth that didn't work out for
was that the that was the one with a that
wasn't Shamalan?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Was it a Travolta one too?
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Like no, no, you're I know the movie you're thinking
of this was not it. He did this with his son,
uh boo. And then that's right, suicide Squad.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
So he had some good movies after a wild Wow
have it never Yeah that was he peaked, But yeah, never.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
The big summer blockbusters. I could be wrong.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I mean whether the blockbuster not. They were not heralded
or heralded or whatever, but they you know, they weren't
nearly as good. And you're like, you know, I loved
as much as the ones before that, Like, yeah, he
was on a string of like two or three summers.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
He has a good career. I mean, then the whole
Oscar thing where he did win an Oscar. But then
you know, weird you do slid it by slapping weird
somebody that King Richard, You do a.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Movie called Concussion, then you goes slapped the ship out
of something. Weird man.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Now I did see Concussion, King Richard the one he
went Oscar for it, where he was like, yeah, the
Williams Sisters. Yeah, it was a good movie.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Watch it.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
It's a good movie. Well acting.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I couldn't get through Bad Boys Rider or Die, which
came after that.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
But you know, maybe I was also kind of like.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Fuck this guy.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Yeah it might have been in that mode, but again,
it's a movie. Like who asked for the third or
fourth Bad Boys movie?
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Well, we're in Hollywood, man, Hollywood's either it's a remaker
or a sequel pretty much, it's it's rare to get
a really good original idea. I feel like anymore true story,
that's it sucks. Well we were not really uh no,
we were dealing.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
We watched a very original movie, so original that none
of it made sense and it sucked. Man.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Uh so, so you're it's with no context that like I,
like I said, I never knew that this was a
TV show until yesterday, and so I'm watching this thing
and it's just one of those things, like it's weird.
It's almost like a're trying to be steam punk whatever,
because yeah, it's a great technology, but it's like nine
its steam powered still like because it's the Old West
(13:06):
and everything.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
But very like not even I guess we could say
we're like an alt version of Earth because the steampunk technology.
Oh it's not even like trying to be semi plausible. Oh,
it's it's fucking ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
It's almost a joke, you know that that that this
is that certain things are steam powered. But yeah, yeah,
it's it didn't make sense to like that, like obviously
there's a big spider in it. Ah yeah, and but
the spider, but the spider has to be steam powered apparently,
but because there's no other way to do it, and
(13:43):
everything else on that spider was so much more technically
advanced than the steam power yep. Like it's like even
his like little wheelchair has like a smoke stack coming
in about the back, but there's no way to feed
coal into it or anything like where's this hope coming from?
Everything was just it was just so awkward, and the
(14:05):
stuff that was like supposed to be like advanced technology
looked like I made it like or I drew it,
you know, I drew it as a concept and they
just formed it like that way, Like the guy uh
Buffalo Bill that had the uh the megaphone on his ear.
It was so pointless, but I was so disgusting. Oh
(14:26):
when he dumped it, when he now yeah, so uh
blood bloodbath. McGrath one of the villains in the movie
Confederate Soldier out West. They're still doing bad shit, but
he has this little mini like like you know, it
(14:47):
was like vitrola. There's record players on his ear. But
it it didn't make any sense.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
It didn't matter. It didn't matter to the character because
they never explained it to get his ear shot off
in the war explosion and all they use it is
for this gag where he, yeah, dump sit out, pours
earwax out before like somebody starts playing before he like, yeah,
it was only for a gag, but it was so
(15:16):
distracting and so disgusting.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So it was made for two gags apparently that one.
And when I was watching it, I was like, maybe
they'll come back to that, but they never did, And
then I finally read, like, what was the point of it?
So when McGrath gets shot by my loveless he uh,
he dies on it, or not doesn't die, but he
like falls on the deck of this boat and someone's
(15:41):
holding this little dog and it just goes running over
and like looks at it, and I'm like, what the
fuck was the point of this dog? It was so
like once it was said, I was like, oh, okay,
I get it. Did you see what it was?
Speaker 1 (15:51):
No? But I can only imagine.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
So it was just so obscure, especially in today, that
I still didn't get it. It was a like the
rc old rc A logo of a dog stare.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Oh yes I saw that. Yeah, Oh I did shout
that out like, oh.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I just didn't get it right.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Whenever I watched it, I was like, I don't understand it,
and I was like, what's the point of this dog?
There's gotta be some funny gag or something stupid. But
I think that was like kind of a juxtavision or
non juxtapvision. But it was just kind of the like
kind of the theme of the whole movie, like what
are we doing? We are we trying to make like
an action comedy or just just a comedy or it
act like it's so muddled. They don't even know what
(16:32):
this movie is. And I can from what I read
everybody that everybody was in it hated it and just
wants to distance form selves from it.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
And you know, looking at the wiki about the original
TV show, it looks like they did have you know,
clever gadgets, as they say, inspired by steampunk. Right, so
it was kind of a sci fi aart history concept, right,
But I I kind of want to watch the TV
show to see how they did it.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Better, right, Yeah, because from what I could tell this
the show was I mean late years better than.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
There were always beautiful women, clever gadgets, and delusional arch
enemies with half the same plots to take her over
the country.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
So so okay, we got that in the movie. So
the main villain is it was break that down. Let's
break the movie down this way. So in the original
there were always beautiful women, right, So okay, we got
that Sama high bailing.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
And apparently like that was his like artist love lovelace,
love less love lace, I forget he He had this
like cadre of beautiful women around him that were like villains,
but they really had no depth or anything. They really
don't even know if half of any of them had lines.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Really, one was bailing. Yeah, we talked about her and
the crow, but then she wasn't very in it. That
long No then was one that could be could read.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Lips yeah at the beginning, she's reading yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
But yeah, we had a lot of beautiful women. And
there's a moment in the movie where he because he
doesn't have a lower half, he lost it in some
so he was in the war or something.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
So he was apparently like this cross between two villains
and the TV show. So apparently in the TV show,
one of like a reoccurring villain was a small person okay.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
And the one of like a one off villain was an.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
A confederate amputee okay, And so they just kind of
combined those two to be like, oh, here's a full
sized person amputee, but kind of small now because he's
like he's missing the amount of organs that he lists,
like the loveless lists off that he lost, right, Rachel
was like one of the.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Organs would be his penis.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Oh yeah, he mentions that specifically about his.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
He he mentions it, but he's like, if you don't
think I have a way to please women, and they
kind of cut to one of his machines. It's like
it's basically like a steampunk dick going in and out,
but it was like one of his war machines. But
they cut to that when he says it, and even
my wife was like fucking hell. Like she even she
was just like, She's like, so this is so stupid.
(19:17):
It is pretty stupid when you found out what it did.
It made no sense to be penis shaped. It was
all for that joke. It was all for the joke.
Then you don't think I have ways to uh, I
imagine the the original was just better. Wouldn' let him
make a joke like that? But beautiful woman, Yeah, I
(19:37):
thought some hike was the only thing that was good
about this movie.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Right, And she was pissed because she's like, I just
her character was so underused for it, And I was like, yeah,
it was just her character was just weird because it
was you thought she was going to be the like,
the weird little sidekick that eventually would prove some worth.
It just wasn't like.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
She's like, no, she just like they they made her a.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Point of the plot and then never really did anything
with it.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Nope, the thing it was all to get her to
show the top half of her butt. Oh yeah, And
I'm not mad. I'm not mad about that.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
But at the same time, yeah, but as some high you.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Tell me you like, there was just too much going
on for even for her to have a good, good role, right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Because they focused on the role between Jim West who's
Will Smith, and Artemis whatever the fuck his last.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Name Artemis, Yeah, Kevin clemb and you know TV show
Secret Servant Agents, the Feelers, handsome James West, which is
played by in the original Robert Conrad, and of course
Will Smith in this movie, and Artemis Gordon Gordon who
was played by Ross Martin, and of course Kevin Klein,
(20:50):
this one who was really oh well, the in the
TV show he was a brilliant gadgeteer in a master disguise.
So we get a lot of that mass her disguise
in the movie. But it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Work like he's he's always in drag, right, has to
say the amount of drag they put in, So.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
They use a lot of those kind of jokes. I
like it, but it's not working well. And one time
he's like a Canadian, uh right?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
That was it was that that part was funny because
they set up first where Kevin Klein's in drag and
like if you're looking here, like, nah, that's a dude. Like,
you know, like everybody knows immediately that's a dude. That's
not a chick, Like he's playing the role of a
whore in a whorehouse and you're like, no, nope, that's
(21:37):
a dude. And but then later yeah, they go to
invade this artless, loveless coming out party thing and he
there's there's a well they put obviously put a veil
in from her, but has the same proportions, if not heavier,
you know, for this lady. And she's dancing with this
Canadian fur trader type looking dude and will Smith keeps
(22:00):
walking up to her and saying how like she thinks
it's Kevin Klein, and he's saying, are you You're.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
So fucking ugly, like it's so weird, Like just basically
he plays the bombos on her boobs. He said, hey,
these look good because we had a scene earlier where
will Smith tells him his boobs suck right because he
had like buckwheat in his fake breasts, and then Will
Smith dumps him up with water and like, now check
that I feel it isn't that better. I'm surprise we
(22:25):
didn't get a joke about like you've never felt bra
the forty year old version.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Right sand, you know, breast is like a bag of sand.
What I do love the the fact, like Kevin Klein,
they're going to this very southern, very white party, costume party,
and Kevin Klein keeps telling Jim West like, hey, you
need to have a disguise, Like you can't just walk
(22:49):
in there as a black dude, Like, hey, no offense.
But these are all exit plantation. You know, there's all
plantations ex slave owners. Basically, you can't just walk in
there like you think there's gonna be okay with that.
Sure enough, he makes one faux pot. Yeah, he makes
one mistaken Yeah, they're there. They want to hang them.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Well, but also it's his artemis is one. Right, them
hang them, but they try to hang him. And there's
one of the rich people's like, there's something funny about
this rope and it was artists playing the whole time
because it was like a stretchy rope that can help him,
like like a rubber band, rubber band rope. Another clever gadget.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
He's he's full of them, man.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Yeah, what what else is this movie famous for? It? Well,
clever gadgets. Let's talk about that. Yeah, did we have
clever gadgets in this movie? So they used the train
called the Wanderer so they can get across from Washington,
d C.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Out to which was apparently Artemis's personal train.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
I guess.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
So.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Well, the one guy was like the you know, the
president said the Wanderers at your disposal.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Right, yeah, like, which cracked me up because the he
said that, so you go like, oh, okay, uh, maybe
he just outfitted the train with all the gadgets because
it made his He made it seem at one point
when he's talking like this is my train, right when,
but then like yeah, like the Grant looks at him
one times, the Wonders at your disposal.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
What like yeah, and this train's like, well, there's just
one car that is just all rigged with just dumb
it dusk gadgets, stupid shit gadgets. What do you call
the gags? Right?
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Yeah, gags?
Speaker 2 (24:36):
All right? So what other clever gadgets? Well, we already
talked about his disguise stuff. He had his bicycle, his giant,
his front wheels giant. Like basically, it's like it was
like they were trying to say it was like the
beginning of the motorcycle because it had an engine on it. Again,
I don't wear the gas tank or anything was for
any of these things because they's a flame shooting out
(24:57):
tailpipes and you know, I as he's outracing the horse, you.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
See he had oh yeah, belt buckle flipped down, pistol
you know. On the train, he had a buttons he
could hit in the pool, table would flip under.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
He had gas things that came out of his sleeves.
But it was just a pencil on a notepad.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Oh, he was knitting a bulletproof vest. But he's like, oh,
this is this new invention, like it's chain mail. Oh yeah,
it was not a new invention. It's medieval.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
I love that he caught what he can impermeable. Yeah,
I don't worry. I'm wearing an impermeable.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
I don't know. I do. Like when he put it out,
he's like, well, let's test it. And the guy's like, well, well, yeah,
not tested yet. I think he did have it on later.
Did it did save Jim's life? Saved Jim west life.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
So clever gadgets, even his plane like well not playing,
but like his bicycle with a with wings.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Right. Oh, Michael.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
It was something you'd see out of a.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
On like an old timey bad video where someone's trying
it and just goes no da Vinci, da Vinci, Yeah, Davin,
but just goes off a cliff and like dies.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Or Leonardo or tell one of the turtles. Turtles. Yeah.
Like even now I'm watching it going like, nah, that's
not gonna fly. Bro Right. They did not make it
look even remotely like it would work. We see the
original TV show had delusional arch enemies.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Okay, mhm, definitely had that nailed it, nailed that one,
Like I mean Kenneth browna Brannig, Yeah, he was whatever.
What got me was So this guy was a Southern
Confederate soldier. Just Artist Loveless was a ex Confederate soldier
who lost half literally half his body and somehow was
(26:56):
able to be kept alive. I'm guessing he must have
been rich beforehand because the amount of surgery. I don't
think that kind of surgery technology existed to keep him
alive and back. He's like, I'm missing a bladder, a
spleen of this. He was eighteen, the year was eighteen
sixty eight.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
He's dead. There was no surgeon that could have saved him.
You can throw the money at all the best surgeons
in the entire world. They couldn't save him. Yeah, they
didn't have the technology let alone either they could sew
him up. I feel like they didn't have like the antibiotics,
the infections he's gonna get.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Yeah, it was, I mean just hilarity that they I
don't know why they settled on making the the bad
guy a half person, not even a small person, a
half person like.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Yeah, it was just with a wheelchair that the steamplunk
and eventually could turn it in and ate legs, and
he has weapons, And I feel like they wrote the
key part about in this description of the original show
illusional for sure.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Yeah he had can he? I mean that that was
one of those things that actually probably was the most
thought out fun thing about it was his plan to
bring in all the other countries to divide up the
United States. Like hey, we've got Spain, We're gonna give
them Florida, Britain, you get the thirteen colonies back.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
You know, Well, Spain would have been like damn, we
got the but like Mexicano, Mexico gets California, New Mexico,
Arizon like they get.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
That southwest and he got the upper left, like the
you know, Seattle or the Washington, Uh, Montana, Utah.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
I know Seattle would have been so great for all
his steam funk stuffy well that rain just rousing up.
That's big spidery yet. But that's what cracked me up.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
I was like, if all the places for you to
like he's like, I'll have a little my eight acres
to retire on or whatever, and I'm like, I mean
I would want, like, hey, give me a couple of
houses and news all the spots because you're getting.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Yeah, well so you're rich. I know you're mad that
half your body got destroyed in the war, but you
could actually just go buy those eight acres and you
can retire. You don't you don't have this big plot.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Yeah, I mean you're taking a quarter of the country.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
But yeah, he could just literally take your money, buy
some land and make mechanical dildos and you might make
more money. So your whole plot to like foil you
you listeness grant, Yeah, what's the point.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Yeah, But the concept of it I thought was that
was the one part I thought was fun, is like,
how do you get other countries in on it with you,
especially at that time, like oh yeah, all the countries
that used to try to lay claim to places. Yeah there,
they will give you resources to get part of the country.
They get more land. That was That was the funnest,
funnest part of the whole movie for me.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Well, my biggest friend with the villain is he he
was so over the top, Like every time he opened
his mouth, I didn't want to watch the movie anymore
because it was just so.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
What's the word, well, so over the top, so cheesy,
so yeah, like it was just really hard to like
it pulled his acting. And the guy is a great actor, right,
but even he was.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Pulling me out of the movie, Like, you know, I can,
I could forgive some of the dumb shit. It's a movie,
so I was supposed to shut my brain off for
a little bit and be entertained. But it was just
so over the time, like fox, stop just stopping in
that way, even you're just a bit sh yeah, I
guess that's the way to say, he's just a bit
much yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Oh yeah. Like and like I said, every from when
I was like reading some certain things, like pretty much
every actor just wants to distance themselves from this movie
because it's just such a bane even apparently like the
post production company, like no.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
One wanted to work on it. They were like, this
is dog shit.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
I don't They didn't want their they didn't want their
name on it, like you know, because you're on post
everything's already done. You're literally trying to polish a turn
and they were like no, no, Wait went on and
they were like no, you had like no, you're getting
paid to fucking do this. Fucking do it like shit.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
And another key element which was sort of discussed of
the original TV show was half in same plots to
take her over the country. We just discussed that. So
I feel like they did nail, like I guess some
of the essence of what the original TV show did.
(31:39):
Brian just had bitter beer face.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
It was bitter beer face. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Uh well, well, I'll give you a chance to compose
yourself after that swig and it we'll take a break
and come right back. All right, We're back. Ryan has
adjusted to the new fresh beer he's drinking the more
bitter beer face now. In his defense, he was coming
(32:07):
off of a laws In's little sip ipa out to
an outlaw low abb just a regular old light beer.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Cheap. And there's a cheap beer. I love it, so
there is a big flavor taste. Oh no, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Don't don't let that discourage you from buying an Outlaw.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
It's thirteen dollars a case, and if you're not drinking
anything before that, it's glorious.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
I think it's the last year anyway, it wasn't the
official beer the World's.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Strongest bro pretty much.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Yeah, like he has unsponsored me.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
After I had some career adjustments and stuff, I started
buying the It was fun. I had started buying cheap
beers that I hadn't drank in a long time, and
I found I went, oh, this is thirteen dollars, and
that's the That's kind of the thing for World's Strongest
Bro is. I like to find the cheapest beer I
could find and drink the ship out of it that
(33:02):
day because it's a hot day and I just want cheap,
wet beer.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
And this fit the bill when I just hung with
it ever since.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
It's great.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Well that's a plug. There you go. You sponsor us.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
I know you sponsor Hardy the country music singer. You
should sponsor, Yeah, val Law and to be sponsor us.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
We're set.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Hell yeah, get on that dogs.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Yeah yeah, watch Wild wild West?
Speaker 2 (33:29):
On to be to beg that there wasn't that it
will sound like a Toby tob Yeah, to be weird. Yeah, yes,
all right, not sponsored, but we should be. Should be motherfuckers.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
So Wild Wild.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
West, why don't we get into like just some seriously
dog shit moments. Nobody wants to hear us talk about
this movie?
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Really, I think that's what we've been doing. But I
like to, like, we should discuss this moment. They are
like WTF also or even what were they thinking?
Speaker 2 (34:06):
W you know, like the moment, the moment I like,
not that I was like thinking this movie was amazing,
but the moment I went, okay, you finally crossed the
line where I went, what the fuck are we even
doing here? And look, weirdly enough came. It was like
the penultimate fight scene with they get on the Giant
(34:29):
Spider and let's talk. Let's definitely talk about that.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
You know, well, if you're gonna bring the Giant Spider,
I like to bring up Johnny. No, I like to
bring up Kevin Smith.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Oh yeah, that's what he's talking about, Johnny. But so
so they're on the Giant Spider and Loveless hits a hit.
They keep getting close to it, like it's such bad
planning to get close to this guy, and they never
have a plan once they get up to him. But
they get on the spider again off their weird shitty
bicycle flying thing, and it hits a button for a
(34:59):
trap door and Will Smith falls down the floor by
himself to fight goons. And I found out apparently that
was reek that was shot after they actually they finished
the movie and they went back and shot those all
those scenes because originally they just fought the like his
hot beautiful women or whatever, like oh people, and people
(35:19):
are like, well yeah, they were like, well Smith's just
punching women, right, Like two guys just fighting women to
get to the main bad guy. People are like that's weird, right,
Like they didn't like that. Well, I mean he was
he was surrounded by his harem of women, right, it
makes sense, but.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
You know, I understand why I didn't test well, but yeah,
like what would have been different? They are like martial
arts masters. It was like, actually they were getting their
asses beat right and then maybe they just finally got
a good shot. It would have been different.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
I don't know. But so he drops down and he's
fighting these just kind of zombie, weird goon people. Yeah,
one had a like rare word spike through his head.
One had not ives for hands, Like they were just
unexplainably weird characters. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
But also the fight scene sucked, right, they weren't good,
Like any of the kicks he threw will Smith and
he threw any of the punches. Everything was just so weak,
right and even so weaking. My wife was like because
because there was one kick he throws at it, just
a front.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Kick, yeah, and it just looks so bad and like
you ain't stopping anybody with that front kick, Like did
you guys?
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Maybe you should have sped it up in post to
make it look like he sh Yeah, so called that ship.
It was one of those scenes where all was I
could do is analyze, like, oh, this is the worst
fight scene. Yeah, choreography is minimal, acting, the effort and
maybe Will Smith was putting into it minimal. Maybe that's
(36:53):
because it was like afterthoughts and they were like, oh, yeah,
you're right, maybe like yeah, it could be like I
don't want to do this. I already know the movie's
dog shit. I already know it's dead, and but you're
making me do it. Come back for a second second shots.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Okay, but so this last the last goon who had
the metal head apparently was just made of metal because
he keeps hitting him everywhere and it's just he has
no effect. And then all of a sudden, the guy
like he has the ranch and he just hands it
to him and he sticks it over his head and
then all of a sudden he does short circuits.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
What the fuck I watched watched that scene like three times.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
We want no explanation, and yeah, why watch this seemed
Oh some of the goons have been retrofitted with the
steampunk technology that.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Just you know the villain has.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Right, But now I think about it more, I'm like, wait, right,
it was fucking stupid. It was literally like literally like
someone got painted into a corner. Okay, well, now we're
going to have this guy who's all metal and he
can't do anything. How do we kill it?
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Fuck?
Speaker 2 (37:53):
I don't know. We already have the guy fitted with shit,
and yeah, because he just raises his hand and then
he like his mouth and like starts glowing like he's
sucking on a light bulb or something let's not forget.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
At this ending scene to infiltrate the giant spider. Uh,
Will finally dresses as a woman. Oh that seems terrible
to me because it was set up because Artemis kept
trusting as a woman.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Right, So I don't know what telling Will Smith. He
needs a disguise, and then he finally gets disguise. It's
like it's just but it's just so bad. Oh yeah,
because he has he's has all the good guys on
the stage except except Jim West in front of like
a gallery of people, like all his supporters and everything,
and he's getting ready to shoot Artemis.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
And then Will Smith just jumps up and.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Drag as a belly dancer, and he just stops everything,
no questioning why there's a belly dancwer.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
Just the villain's like, oh hey.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
I was like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (38:54):
Everybody sees through this right now? Will Smith is like
sick too, right, like it should be easy, but the guy, uh,
the main villains like Verry uh hammered with them. Oh yeah,
he's doing he's doing a dance.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Now. I didn't find any details, but I would hope
there'd be a quote from Will Smith saying like, yeah,
that's fucking terrible.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
I was so embarrassed to do that. Oh, he didn't
make any sense within the movie.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
So the one quote I saw from Will Smith about
this was it did this movie did fifty million dollars
on opening weekend and let it cost a shit ton
more to make one fifty okay, And but the best
part was that it did what it did fifty million on
opening and Will Smith knew it was such dog shit
that he was embarrassed that it did fifty million because
he knew those fifty million dollars where the people watched
(39:42):
that movie and just went.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
Like what that does? That does suck when you because
you know, he probably said, I think for Will Smith,
this has to be the ultimate uh mind fuck is
he turned down the mah my god, you know to
make this movie because he's a fan of the original
TV show. He did, and it says later he did
say is the worst decision he made in his career.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
So, but I don't think he would have worked in
the Matrix. It had to be Keanu, So he turned
down the Matrix for this. Apparently, like Mel Gibson and
Shane Black were first on board to do this movie.
And then once they pulled out to do Maverick, apparently
Tom Cruise, so they were trying to get Tom Cruise
(40:28):
to do it. He pulled out to do Mission Impossible.
They both made worst decisions. Both they knew was dog shit.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
But yeah, they they were smarter. I guess that.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
I'm sure they just threw it, literally a truckload of
money at Will Smith because they needed a big star
and there was nobody, like, there was nobody bigger than
Will Smith at that point. You know, he was coming
off a hot streak.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
He was right, You're right, they probably Yeah, they probably
backed up a dump truck of money in his house.
He's like, all right, we'll look at the this this
really good script where guys like in A and the
matriarch Sam. It's weird neo that I really really like,
I'll go with the money on this script that I
don't even know if it's finished yet.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
But I mean I could in hindsight obviously. But you
at the time, you think about, like this weird sci
fi movie that I don't know that seemed weird, like
it's they were taking some chances. True, But that was
the other thing I looked at while I was watching
this movie as I knew Will Smith had turned down
The Matrix to do Wild Wild West, and I.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Went, how did the Wakowski.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
I'm not both sisters, I guess at this point, I'm sorry,
I forget what siblings? Siblings? Yeah, how did they do
that movie?
Speaker 1 (41:43):
Invent bullet time?
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Do all these great scenes? Behind the back? And Wild
Wild West had the worst even green screen scenes like that.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
Some of the scenes was induction was pointing them out
so many times. I'm like, oh right, you could just
I kept saying, like their CG is not holding up.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Yeah, it was just it was like there was so
many green streets CGI that was just so bad, you.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
Know, considering you had the same director and actor who
did Men in Black, Like it's it shouldn't be shit,
it should be Ken Brannegg The Villains said that his
might be he might have done the worst American accent
by a British actor. Yes, his accent. His accent was
(42:31):
like the kind that takes you out of it, like
it's so jarring and dumb that you he re you're
supposed to get immersed in a movie, you know, for
that two hours or if it's a Marvel movie, three.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Yeah, you're supposed to be immersed and like when a
you're like fuck and you want to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Every time he talked with that accent, you're like fuck.
It just kind of it stopped the the enjoyment of
the movie. Because a lot of things stopped the enjoyment
of the movie. Well, it was one of those unfortunate.
It was a southern British accent, like southern United States
mixed with British accent. It was not It just wasn't working.
You think that, like the director, you know, other people
(43:13):
were like, you know what, this isn't working. Let's uh
workshop this a little bit, you know, maybe don't be
so douchey. Yeah, without you're saying this, no, somebody was like,
that's fucking awesome. Keep doing it right.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
And hence it comes down it's the director's fault, right
and as well. No, I mean, now, let's talk about
Kevin Smith and his fucking producer John Okay, who I
want to blame for all of this?
Speaker 1 (43:41):
All right, I'm down with that. If you don't know
who Kevin Smith is, well that'd be strange. Made movie
called Clerks and then maul rats talk about I'm a
huge fan of Kevin Smith. So he did this thing
where he's traveling around like colleges, yeah and others. It
was called an Evening with Kevin Smith and he but
(44:03):
just do a Q and A, and most of the
Q and A would be like one or two questions
and that'd be it because he talks so long, Oh
my god, so we'd only answer a few questions.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
I rented an Evening with Kevin Smith back in the day,
and I didn't know what I was getting into. However,
that was as long as you're down for it and
don't have plans. It's a very enjoyable three hour DVD. Yes,
I own it right see, and I love it. It
was it was fun, but like it is, like it's
(44:35):
a long watch.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
It is.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
It's like, hey, you're going out to like a performance
by Well. Even the DVD says broken up in two DVDs. Yeah,
so it's like there's part one, there's part two, so
you can break it up, you know. He spread it
out over the weekend. But he tells the story where
he was hired to write the script for Superman, which
(44:56):
again I wish they would have made. I have a
documentary called The Death of Superman Lives What happened? It
was about the Tim Burton Superman where Nicholas Cage is
going to be cast. At the time, I think when
Kim was writing it, there wasn't any casting talks just yet.
But it would have been amazing if we would have
a Superman from the nineties with Nick Cage that we
(45:18):
could watch and look back on.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
I think it'd have been amazing. WHOA. But Kevin has his
story how he was writing the script. There was some
he got the opportunity to do to see a couple
edits and the studio had one that they liked, and
they wanted him to go and meet the producer John Peters,
who was his biggest claim to fame was he was
(45:43):
the hairdresser to Barber Streising and maybe he married her too.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
He was a hairdresser and like Kevin says, and is saying, like, well,
see the thing about Hollywood, you just fail up. So
he was a hairdresser one day, Hollywood producer the next.
But he went over to meet this guy, gets the
guy had money because it was like a you know,
mansion or whatnot. So he gets let in talks to
(46:11):
the assistant and he's like Okay, John's excited for you
to read the script to him. I was like, oh
I know what, yeah, oh yeah, because he was thought,
oh no, I'm just gonna like meet him, talk a
little bit, maybe chance some ideas. Now you're gonna read
the whole script till anyway, So Kevin does it. He
reads the script and then John Peter says, like a
(46:34):
couple of notes. One, Well, first, what I love about this,
just to set up this ineptitude of John Peters, is
He's there to read a script all my Superman thing
of a movie to this guy, and this guy is
just not he just doesn't have any concept of the movie.
He's being pitched. Yeah, because at one point I remember
(46:57):
Kevin Smith saying like, it's been years since I watched this,
but I remember him saying it point how he just
it was just one of those things where when you're
typing it up, he just didn't feel like writing Superman, said,
you know, Superman dialogue for Superman, so he just you know, wrote.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
Cal l right, he broke it up rather than saying
Superman every time.
Speaker 2 (47:14):
And this guy didn't even who the fuck like he
had no idea of Superman. If he had no idea.
Who the fuck kal l was. He's like, wait, wait,
wait where Superman go. He's like, well, that's his name,
that's that's his Yeah, that's okay, okay, Yeah. So he
had no idea. So this guy had so I had
to have a lot of money because why would we
be pitching to this guy who has no idea what
the fuck Superman is?
Speaker 1 (47:35):
So? But what was his notes? Like I don't see
him fly right, that he's not gonna look good on
screen to be's fine, he wanted to I don't want
to see him in in the outfit.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
Right, it was weird ship and I smelled or the.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
Underwear because you know the Superman athlete, he has like
the blue underwear on top.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
And third, which is a huge is the biggest part
of this worry. I mean the other two are worth discussion,
but you need to watch The Evening with Kevin Smith.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
The one that's not for that's you're getting too the
big one. But the other one that I loved was
he was going through and he uh had who was
the fortune? Who had the fortless solitude?
Speaker 1 (48:16):
Was it Luther or who?
Speaker 2 (48:17):
Someone?
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Know? It was color.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
His forts and he wanted a big fight at the
Fortless Solitude.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
He's like, right, because brainiact right when the script was
supposed to go up to the Fortress Solitude. He's like,
can we have a big fight scene with a like
a polar bear or something.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
He's like, it's the Fortless so Solita.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Well, you know, polar Bear is one of the most ferocious.
Sorry I'm sorry, Yeah, that's okay. And the third thing,
he is like he wants in like the third act
for Superman to fight a giant spider, and he had
all his reasons about the spider and everything and if
it was giant, and you know, Ken talks about like,
(48:54):
oh okay, well maybe we'll call it the Tandegarium snare Beast.
So yeah, yeah, cool uh. And of course that all
went this ship fell apart. He said, what do you
know It?
Speaker 2 (49:04):
Like two years later, this movie comes out and there's
a giant spike Wild Wild West, and.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
We see how well that movie worked out.
Speaker 2 (49:13):
And that's and that's what cracked me up as like
of all.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
But I also know, like I wish I could interview
John Peters and be like, what is the obsession with
a giant spider? Because a rock nophobia came out, there
was a lot of spiders, so you could have, oh, yeah,
like why were you trying to.
Speaker 2 (49:30):
Shove in a giant spider like knowing that about him
and everything in this movie, and then you like you
go back and looking like there's spiders everywhere, like on
the saw blades at the beginning that were decaptaining.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
Right away when they showed the spider, I'm like, yeah,
it made me laugh. He's like, yep, even his.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
I forgot this, but yes, even the flag for like
the new Lawson's Land or whatever he was going to
have had a spider on it, like his whole like well,
even the villain's wheelchair, you know through I'm using air
quotes steampunk technology legs came out and was like then
he was like a spider with his eight legs running
(50:06):
around like he sent a cake to General or President
Grant with spiders.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
With transh is like well, then there was that moment
in the desert with Transhi and then a Wasp planet
on it because Will Smith, you know, knew everything about
you know, Spider in the Desert, which came back with
the flying vehicle just like the Wasp on the Transhi. Yeah,
like that's one of those scenes when you I'm like, oh,
(50:34):
the fact that they're showing this wasp plan on this
little transhion and they're discussing it. Of course it's gonna
play in later. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:44):
Yeah. You know, if you take anything away from our discussion,
go watch an evening with Kevin Smith where he talks
about the Superman.
Speaker 1 (50:53):
It's it's hilarious, so enjoyable like that.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
That was just I don't remember much about him telling
you that thing, but I I remember I said, I
watched it. Literally, I watched it. I watched it many
times over the years, and every time I watch it,
I can't I laugh. Oh, because it's just so funny.
Number One, he's just a great He's great at telling yeah,
the story. Yeah, yeah, that's his whole thing. He's good
at as he says, he's good at oral and that
(51:19):
guy's just ineptitude and ridiculousness is so good, like just
so fun to listen.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
I guess. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:26):
Maybe sometimes when you too much money, you're detached from reality. Yeah,
I guess. Hair dressers get that way here right.
Speaker 1 (51:36):
The other thing too, though, I mean, everybody in the
world you know a Superman. I just feel like it's
such a it's been around since like the nineteen forties.
Winter the Car came out for him to just like
not really seem to have a clue and not want
him to fly and be in the outfit. It's like
all right, but again, sometimes if you're so rich, you
(52:00):
those little pop culture things might just pass you by, right, Yeah,
you're just thinking about champagne and can Yeah, I'm sure, and.
Speaker 2 (52:07):
That that's that situation that it was one of the
things that the studio wanted to make a movie. They
knew this guy had a bunch of money, and this
guy just wanted to be attached. I'm sure he just
wanted to have his name attached to a big movie
so he could just be like.
Speaker 1 (52:22):
Oh, yeah, that was my photos.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
Look at me, producer Spider, Yeah, should we do this?
Speaker 1 (52:34):
Should we do that? Voice every time? Producer?
Speaker 2 (52:38):
Pretty sure? That's what artist? Yeah, artist, lovelaces, I'm not
an ex spider and twisting my mustache.
Speaker 1 (52:47):
I have nothing good to say about this movie.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
Well, I know whenever you like were like oh god,
I was like, yeah, that's that's why it's gonna be
a great episode, because it was going to ship all
over this thing.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
It's uh, it's bad. There's no way to put it.
There's nothing. Sama Hike is the only bright spot. And
she's only in it for minutes. If you really, if
you would chop all the scenes that that she's in
it less than ten minutes, Yeah, for sure, that's it.
(53:18):
Yeah even yeah, no, Actually I have nothing good to say.
Uh well, here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (53:22):
I think the like, the actors that were in it
did the best that they could with what they were given.
I don't think I don't necessarily think Kevin Kline or
that's a good approach. Will Smith did a bad They weren't.
They aren't bad actors. It's just that they did it.
Speaker 1 (53:39):
Will Smith good in this movie for the.
Speaker 2 (53:42):
Role he was given. Him and Kevin Kline I think
did well.
Speaker 1 (53:45):
Okay, I think I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (53:47):
It's just unfortunate that the character like they are.
Speaker 1 (53:50):
They are good actors. They were just they were delivering
lines of garbage.
Speaker 2 (53:54):
Right they were. They were giving a steaming pile of
ship and did the best they could with it, you know,
Like especially I fucking love Kevin Kline, and he was like,
I'm not gonna say I didn't chuckle with a couple
of the laughs or whatever I said, But at the
same time, like it's they were very few far between, right, Yeah,
(54:15):
it was just clunky and everything else. But like I
don't think.
Speaker 1 (54:19):
They necessarily editing, like left you wondering, like, hey, wait,
what's happening right now? Like the like everything about this
movie is bad, and you're right, and people are like,
I don't want to work on it. Maybe people were
really oh yeah, half ass in the whole thing, the
whole process.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
I feel like even the studio knew it wasn't bad.
It was just the fact that they invict like it
was the most one of the most expensive movies they
ever like invested money, and they can't just put that
on the shelf. It wasn't you know, it wasn't a
ten dollars ten million dollar projects where they went they
could just put it on the shelf and be like Nah,
they had to put it out. They had to get
some sort of return on this turd to offset that
(54:54):
fucking huge payday they just put out.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
Yeah. I mean, if you're looking for a good Will
Smith movie, this isn't it. There's a lot of other
movies he was way better in.
Speaker 2 (55:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (55:05):
Uh from the nineties, got some bad Boys hi Robot.
I haven't thought about it this one point like saying that,
but yeah, well we still have that, we still have that.
Speaker 2 (55:16):
I just saw this movie whenever I was flipping through
on two B from from the Highlander and went.
Speaker 1 (55:22):
Man, I.
Speaker 2 (55:24):
It's it's funny.
Speaker 1 (55:25):
Man, Highland is a great movie. I don't know why
you like, all right, Mark, we're gonna go from an
awesome movie and I'm gonna make you watch this.
Speaker 2 (55:31):
But it was well those where I saw it and
I went, it's it's not great. I don't even remember
being this bad.
Speaker 1 (55:37):
That's that's fair.
Speaker 2 (55:38):
It's like this is this but it was as fun
as like, you know what this is. Let's fucking go,
let's trash and just shit on the movie.
Speaker 1 (55:46):
Yeah, I would give this, Man, we're gonna do rating,
I'll say i'd go out of ten out of ten. Man,
I'm down liking a three. I could get to it
for because of SMA hike right yeah, yeah, yeah, it's yeah.
Speaker 2 (56:05):
It's forced.
Speaker 1 (56:07):
Yeah I think she again, uh again, her role wasn't
that great. They didn't give her a lot to do.
But I don't know, I like some hike.
Speaker 2 (56:14):
Yeah, yeah, that's that's that was the thing.
Speaker 1 (56:16):
If you want to. If you like some hike, check
out a movie called every Where. She uh fights off
all kinds of assassins trying to kill her. It's fucking awesome, nice, cool,
directed by Joe Lynch.
Speaker 2 (56:31):
So we got Next Time.
Speaker 1 (56:33):
Well, I was only teasing up front, and I'm gonna
pick a Ely next now Everly came out like twenty
and nineties, so I was like, it doesn't fit in
with her eighties and nineties and what I was going
to pick a really terrible movie to make you watch
and suffer through them. But then I was like, well,
so this was kind of built as an action comedy. Okay,
(56:58):
so like, all right, nineties action comedy, let's go, let's
lean back towards the swol uh part of our Nope,
not even close really Uh. I was like, what's lean
back to the swallest of them all? And we'll go
with Kindergarten Cop. Oh wow, is.
Speaker 2 (57:20):
That really an action movie?
Speaker 1 (57:22):
I mean kind of yes. I mean I'm not against
it action comedy. Wah West, it's kind of an action comedy, true, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (57:32):
No, yeah, that's good. I mean I and it's only
two b. That was one of those I saw when
I was flipping through and I was like, I don't know,
I'm not against it. I was just like I wasn't
going to make that call. No, I'm down of it.
That's cool.
Speaker 1 (57:43):
It was either that Eye Robot, I don't Keith will
Smith train going, but I was like, no action comedy
and Arnold's still like his peak. Oh yeah, still still big.
That was one of those times. Still awesome.
Speaker 2 (57:58):
You gotta love Arnold be because it's not just his
competitiveness and everything like that, it was he pushed himself
to do stuff like that, like I remember, like it was.
I think maybe Twins was the first comedy he kind
of did, and people were like telling him like, don't
do it. It's a suicide, you know, like you're you're
an action star. If you do this comedy, no one's
(58:20):
gonna cast you. You're you're You're gonna be branded like
weirdly now. And he was like, no, funk off, I'm
gonna kill it. I'm gonna do it well, and he did.
He like Kindergarten it.
Speaker 1 (58:28):
For a while. Maybe, I mean I remember being good funny.
Speaker 2 (58:33):
Oh yeah, and it's Arnold right for sure. Yeah, I
love it.
Speaker 1 (58:40):
I'm down, okay, but I have a couple of stinkers
on the horizon for you. That sounded kind of weird.
Stay close, all right, yep? Is that it?
Speaker 2 (58:56):
I think so all right?
Speaker 1 (58:57):
Until next time, keep lifting that weight bit Jazz Booe
What's up, everybody?
Speaker 2 (00:08):
It is Swoll Cinema and we are back and better
than ever. I'm here with Mark, I am Puck, I'm Ryan,
whatever the fuck you want to call me.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I went hot. How are we better than ever?
Speaker 2 (00:22):
I assume you get one percent better every day for trying?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Okay, I would say you have opinions about last episode
that you're like, this one's going to be better.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Oh no, trying to raise that bar Bro. And we're
back in this week. This week.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
You know why we're better because I'm actually Mike's plugged in.
I liked the one episode It'll never be.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
It's not it's not even the Steven Cigar episode. It's
this pulp fiction where like it's just me talking into
a microphone for an hour and nobody wants.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
To sounds like me in the background yelling yeah it'd
be great man.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
But just just so you know, Mark, this is the
worst thing that I'll ever do to you. Let's make
you watch Wild Wild West and talk about it.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Oh okay, I was gonna say, are you sure? Because
vengeance is mine when I when I get my pick.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Out, sweet, can't wait? Now? Yeah? So this week we
watched Wild Wild West from nineteen ninety nine with at
that time a.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Superstar will Yeah, big Willie style. He was.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yeah, he was like he was kind of the king
of the like summer blockbuster for a long time.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah. He had like so many movies that came out
around July. Yeah, had never hits. What do you have?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
You have a bad bad boys? Maybe it was one
of them Independence Day, Independence Day.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Well not this one in fact. Yeah, why Wild West
starring Will Smith?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
The cast, everything should have worked, oh man, Like the actors,
Will Smith.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Kevin Klein. I'm pretty sure he's Oscar nominated if he
hasn't won one. Kenneth uh Branna, who also a director,
also a Shakespearean actor. You wouldn't fucking know it from
his acting in this movie.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
He was the bad guy, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah he was.
That was a rough accent he was trying to pull off.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Yeah we have but Sama Hike, I would say, is
the bright spot of the movie.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
The top half her ass?
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Yeah hot, yeah, so good anytime you get to see that.
But there's other people you've seen in other movies. It's
kind of like Buffalo Bill Yeah, was in it for
a bit. The director also the guy who did directed
Men in Black. That was another big Will Smith hit,
summer hit. So what what part of this with the
(02:54):
John Peters?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
What was he?
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Okay? Uh, he was a producer, producer.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
How did he have that much input? Then? I guess
when you got when you're producing the money, I guess
that's it.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
But yeah, yeah, Like, well I read that originally it
was supposed to be Mel Gibson and Shane Black for this,
and I was like, well, man, like mel Gibson, I
could take her leave whatever.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Right, But see he was in that Cowboy movie Maverick.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
That's what he That's what pulled him.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
I think Shane Black actually did Maverick because this whole
thing is like a remake of a nineteen sixties yeah
TV show called wild West.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I didn't even look at it. I didn't even realize
it until we kind of looked into the movie and
I was like looking at some things, it was like,
oh shit, this was a this was a TV show,
and like the main star of the TV show would
not do a cameo because he read the script and
with this is dog shit, it's awesome. He made such
a great choice. Apparently Will Smith apologized to him years afterward.
(03:50):
When he was like, yeah, you're right, man, So I
read that.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
So this movie was nominated for like eight Razzies, yeah,
one five, and the guy from the original TV show
accepted the awards and apologized to the honist that this
thing was ever made. Apparently that's a that's a smooth move.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
The better part is apparently he hand delivered the Razzies
that the people that won them, Like, I don't know
if it was Will Smith ray, like, apparently he took
the Razzies that he's accepted and then delivered them to
the people made it because he hated it. He hated
it so like they basically in his head like they
sullied his legacy. Like if you watch this movie and
go like, man, how that show lasts for X amount
of years? Because it was dog shit, you know, I
(04:34):
really think.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Uh. A quote from Will Smith's mom sums it up
the best you've done better?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Baby, Yeah, I love that's the nicest lamp saying that
was rough, sweetheart, I love you.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
You know. And the movie opens like because I've seen
the opening a Wow West, where you got like these different,
uh little sections going through you know, like oh look,
little like little boxes move in and like a little
nice little animations with the title with with the stars
titles popping up like it feels like, okay, so we're
going to echo this western, right. I showed from the sixties,
(05:09):
but it fell apart as soon as the title sequence
was over.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
I was, man, the credit sequence title sequence seemed like
they elasted for five minutes, and I thought I didn't
realize it was.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
It did go hard for a bit.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
I didn't realize it was modeled after the original original series,
and I thought they were. It was almost like I
thought they were trying to bite kind of James Bondish
type stuff.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Yeah. Now it's modeled after the original TV show.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
And then I think after that they're like, okay, well
we honored that TV show enough. Now let's buck shit up.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Because I'm sitting there watching it, going I don't need
to see Will Smith walking towards me with the bright
light behind him ever again, because I saw five minutes
of it right there.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Yeah, you know, even when it opens up like he's
in the water tower with this chick.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I didn't understand the water tower was supply, yeah, number one,
and that's the town's water supply, and they're doing things
in there that I don't want to drink, right, And
there's apparently a hole on the side of the water
tower that he keeps looking through to see the bad
but also looked like there was like a hammock.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Like wait, it looked like was he living in there
as part of his spy mission?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah, there was like it looked like you it was
almost like a bathhouse.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
I couldn't figure out, like, why is there a water
tower this so it looks like a bathhouse, Like there's this.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Right out of the gate. It made no sense.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yeah, oh yeah, And I was super surprised because so
I mean, and this water tower was like very poorly built,
because a wagon like bumps into it and immediately just
crushes one of the legs of it, right, and it
goes falls over and goes crashing down. And so naked
Will Smith comes out of a water tower into the
(06:48):
middle of his building, and I went, oh, I thought
he was more jack than that back in the day.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Right too. I felt like he might have got jacked
after this for like bad.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Maybe Yeah, well, I thought, yeah, well Independence Day was
before that. I thought he was like big an Independence
Day seemed left.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
I feel like independent days are like, maybe I'm wrong, but.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Because I feel like this is whenever Will Smith's career.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Like that, This is when I got a little de red.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
It was just like his first misstep, you know, yeah,
and then if it became a series of missteps. Right.
I mean he's still he still puts out a solid
movie once in a while. I actually like him as
an actor, but yeah, this was I mean I think
he's even come to grips like, oh this, this was
a mistake. I should never have done this.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
You're talking about this movie or slapping Chris Rock I'm bold.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
I mean, I mean until that point, it was his
biggest mistake slapping someone on the Oscar stakes.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Right, probably, Sorry, my two big mistakes making Wild Wild
WestLA Chris?
Speaker 2 (07:50):
Is that that's the That's the question I would ask
Will Smith. Okay, well, all right, I'm going to give
you one a chance to undo one thing.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Is it Wild Wild Western? Lopping Chris Rock? Ooh? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Which is the big What do you go with? Which
is the biggest mistake in your career? Because at this point,
like he's even with Wild Wall West, he's made so
much money. He never has to do a thing in
his life you know if he doesn't want to, but
he kind of got labeled as a bitch after slapping
Chris Rock. Yeah, you know, like that's that's what someone's
(08:22):
like said something about Chris, like to Chris Rock about
like fighting backwards? Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
The dude played Muhammad al League in a movie.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
I'm one hundred and fifty pounds, you know, he's like,
what the fuck am I gunning through?
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah? He did get jack for Muhammad Ali. Yeah, he
was big and actually I remember enjoying that that that movie.
I'm trying to see where does this movie fall in
the pantheon of his hits? I was before like the
Men in Black Special, Yeah, Bad Boys came before. I
always a fan of Bad Boys.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah, great movie.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
And then he had Independs Day nineteen ninety six, Men
in Black ninety seven, uh, along with some of his
hits on the Weather Act showing his acting, Oh, because
he was in these videos.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
And then oh, Anyman the State. It was a decent movie.
And then after all that, Yeah, Wild Wild West? So
what was what was what was that? Like? With a
year or two after Oh, okay, what do we rebound with?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
He rebounded with some music videos, but then also the
legend of Bagrivance.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Not a bad movie though I'm DB's given a six
point seven. I guess that's not bad, followed by Ali
same as six point seven, just like bag revants. Hmm,
harsh critics over there.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Tell you then, let's see Men in Black two? Oh,
coming in a six point two. Men in Black two
wasn't as good as the first one.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
I don't think I've ever saw any of the Men
in blacks after one?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Bad Boys too? Uh, it was just Hi Robot. There's
one that I contemplated making you watch.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
I like. I think that movie is Oh okay, I
like it.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
I like I think there's a lot in there.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
I like it.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
I don't why I got some well no teven point one.
It did better than Yeah Ship, I might change my mind.
Oh that room his rom com stuff. Hitch Hitch.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I didn't hate hitch h No, I didn't hate. I
think it was pretty much panned.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
I am legend.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
I didn't mind that one. I liked, Uh, what was
one of the.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Hitch Hancock Hancock came after that.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I didn't hate Handcock This. It wasn't a great movie,
but I didn't hate it.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
N I had definitely could have been better. Oh yeah,
for sure, but I didn't hate it. Oh then ned
then twenty thirteen after Earth that didn't work out for
was that the that was the one with a that
wasn't Shamalan?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Was it a Travolta one too?
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Like no, no, you're I know the movie you're thinking
of this was not it. He did this with his son,
uh boo. And then that's right, suicide Squad.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
So he had some good movies after a wild Wow
have it never Yeah that was he peaked, But yeah, never.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
The big summer blockbusters. I could be wrong.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I mean whether the blockbuster not. They were not heralded
or heralded or whatever, but they you know, they weren't
nearly as good. And you're like, you know, I loved
as much as the ones before that, Like, yeah, he
was on a string of like two or three summers.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
He has a good career. I mean, then the whole
Oscar thing where he did win an Oscar. But then
you know, weird you do slid it by slapping weird
somebody that King Richard, You do a.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Movie called Concussion, then you goes slapped the ship out
of something. Weird man.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Now I did see Concussion, King Richard the one he
went Oscar for it, where he was like, yeah, the
Williams Sisters. Yeah, it was a good movie.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Watch it.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
It's a good movie. Well acting.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I couldn't get through Bad Boys Rider or Die, which
came after that.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
But you know, maybe I was also kind of like.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Fuck this guy.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Yeah it might have been in that mode, but again,
it's a movie. Like who asked for the third or
fourth Bad Boys movie?
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Well, we're in Hollywood, man, Hollywood's either it's a remaker
or a sequel pretty much, it's it's rare to get
a really good original idea. I feel like anymore true story,
that's it sucks. Well we were not really uh no,
we were dealing.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
We watched a very original movie, so original that none
of it made sense and it sucked. Man.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Uh so, so you're it's with no context that like I,
like I said, I never knew that this was a
TV show until yesterday, and so I'm watching this thing
and it's just one of those things, like it's weird.
It's almost like a're trying to be steam punk whatever,
because yeah, it's a great technology, but it's like nine
its steam powered still like because it's the Old West
(13:06):
and everything.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
But very like not even I guess we could say
we're like an alt version of Earth because the steampunk technology.
Oh it's not even like trying to be semi plausible. Oh,
it's it's fucking ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
It's almost a joke, you know that that that this
is that certain things are steam powered. But yeah, yeah,
it's it didn't make sense to like that, like obviously
there's a big spider in it. Ah yeah, and but
the spider, but the spider has to be steam powered apparently,
but because there's no other way to do it, and
(13:43):
everything else on that spider was so much more technically
advanced than the steam power yep. Like it's like even
his like little wheelchair has like a smoke stack coming
in about the back, but there's no way to feed
coal into it or anything like where's this hope coming from?
Everything was just it was just so awkward, and the
(14:05):
stuff that was like supposed to be like advanced technology
looked like I made it like or I drew it,
you know, I drew it as a concept and they
just formed it like that way, Like the guy uh
Buffalo Bill that had the uh the megaphone on his ear.
It was so pointless, but I was so disgusting. Oh
(14:26):
when he dumped it, when he now yeah, so uh
blood bloodbath. McGrath one of the villains in the movie
Confederate Soldier out West. They're still doing bad shit, but
he has this little mini like like you know, it
(14:47):
was like vitrola. There's record players on his ear. But
it it didn't make any sense.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
It didn't matter. It didn't matter to the character because
they never explained it to get his ear shot off
in the war explosion and all they use it is
for this gag where he, yeah, dump sit out, pours
earwax out before like somebody starts playing before he like, yeah,
it was only for a gag, but it was so
(15:16):
distracting and so disgusting.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So it was made for two gags apparently that one.
And when I was watching it, I was like, maybe
they'll come back to that, but they never did, And
then I finally read, like, what was the point of it?
So when McGrath gets shot by my loveless he uh,
he dies on it, or not doesn't die, but he
like falls on the deck of this boat and someone's
(15:41):
holding this little dog and it just goes running over
and like looks at it, and I'm like, what the
fuck was the point of this dog? It was so
like once it was said, I was like, oh, okay,
I get it. Did you see what it was?
Speaker 1 (15:51):
No? But I can only imagine.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
So it was just so obscure, especially in today, that
I still didn't get it. It was a like the
rc old rc A logo of a dog stare.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Oh yes I saw that. Yeah, Oh I did shout
that out like, oh.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I just didn't get it right.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Whenever I watched it, I was like, I don't understand it,
and I was like, what's the point of this dog?
There's gotta be some funny gag or something stupid. But
I think that was like kind of a juxtavision or
non juxtapvision. But it was just kind of the like
kind of the theme of the whole movie, like what
are we doing? We are we trying to make like
an action comedy or just just a comedy or it
act like it's so muddled. They don't even know what
(16:32):
this movie is. And I can from what I read
everybody that everybody was in it hated it and just
wants to distance form selves from it.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
And you know, looking at the wiki about the original
TV show, it looks like they did have you know,
clever gadgets, as they say, inspired by steampunk. Right, so
it was kind of a sci fi aart history concept, right,
But I I kind of want to watch the TV
show to see how they did it.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Better, right, Yeah, because from what I could tell this
the show was I mean late years better than.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
There were always beautiful women, clever gadgets, and delusional arch
enemies with half the same plots to take her over
the country.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
So so okay, we got that in the movie. So
the main villain is it was break that down. Let's
break the movie down this way. So in the original
there were always beautiful women, right, So okay, we got
that Sama high bailing.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
And apparently like that was his like artist love lovelace,
love less love lace, I forget he He had this
like cadre of beautiful women around him that were like villains,
but they really had no depth or anything. They really
don't even know if half of any of them had lines.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Really, one was bailing. Yeah, we talked about her and
the crow, but then she wasn't very in it. That
long No then was one that could be could read.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Lips yeah at the beginning, she's reading yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
But yeah, we had a lot of beautiful women. And
there's a moment in the movie where he because he
doesn't have a lower half, he lost it in some
so he was in the war or something.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
So he was apparently like this cross between two villains
and the TV show. So apparently in the TV show,
one of like a reoccurring villain was a small person okay.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
And the one of like a one off villain was an.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
A confederate amputee okay, And so they just kind of
combined those two to be like, oh, here's a full
sized person amputee, but kind of small now because he's
like he's missing the amount of organs that he lists,
like the loveless lists off that he lost, right, Rachel
was like one of the.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Organs would be his penis.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Oh yeah, he mentions that specifically about his.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
He he mentions it, but he's like, if you don't
think I have a way to please women, and they
kind of cut to one of his machines. It's like
it's basically like a steampunk dick going in and out,
but it was like one of his war machines. But
they cut to that when he says it, and even
my wife was like fucking hell. Like she even she
was just like, She's like, so this is so stupid.
(19:17):
It is pretty stupid when you found out what it did.
It made no sense to be penis shaped. It was
all for that joke. It was all for the joke.
Then you don't think I have ways to uh, I
imagine the the original was just better. Wouldn' let him
make a joke like that? But beautiful woman, Yeah, I
(19:37):
thought some hike was the only thing that was good
about this movie.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Right, And she was pissed because she's like, I just
her character was so underused for it, And I was like, yeah,
it was just her character was just weird because it
was you thought she was going to be the like,
the weird little sidekick that eventually would prove some worth.
It just wasn't like.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
She's like, no, she just like they they made her a.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Point of the plot and then never really did anything
with it.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Nope, the thing it was all to get her to
show the top half of her butt. Oh yeah, And
I'm not mad. I'm not mad about that.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
But at the same time, yeah, but as some high you.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Tell me you like, there was just too much going
on for even for her to have a good, good role, right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Because they focused on the role between Jim West who's
Will Smith, and Artemis whatever the fuck his last.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Name Artemis, Yeah, Kevin clemb and you know TV show
Secret Servant Agents, the Feelers, handsome James West, which is
played by in the original Robert Conrad, and of course
Will Smith in this movie, and Artemis Gordon Gordon who
was played by Ross Martin, and of course Kevin Klein,
(20:50):
this one who was really oh well, the in the
TV show he was a brilliant gadgeteer in a master disguise.
So we get a lot of that mass her disguise
in the movie. But it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Work like he's he's always in drag, right, has to
say the amount of drag they put in, So.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
They use a lot of those kind of jokes. I
like it, but it's not working well. And one time
he's like a Canadian, uh right?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
That was it was that that part was funny because
they set up first where Kevin Klein's in drag and
like if you're looking here, like, nah, that's a dude. Like,
you know, like everybody knows immediately that's a dude. That's
not a chick, Like he's playing the role of a
whore in a whorehouse and you're like, no, nope, that's
(21:37):
a dude. And but then later yeah, they go to
invade this artless, loveless coming out party thing and he
there's there's a well they put obviously put a veil
in from her, but has the same proportions, if not heavier,
you know, for this lady. And she's dancing with this
Canadian fur trader type looking dude and will Smith keeps
(22:00):
walking up to her and saying how like she thinks
it's Kevin Klein, and he's saying, are you You're.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
So fucking ugly, like it's so weird, Like just basically
he plays the bombos on her boobs. He said, hey,
these look good because we had a scene earlier where
will Smith tells him his boobs suck right because he
had like buckwheat in his fake breasts, and then Will
Smith dumps him up with water and like, now check
that I feel it isn't that better. I'm surprise we
(22:25):
didn't get a joke about like you've never felt bra
the forty year old version.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Right sand, you know, breast is like a bag of sand.
What I do love the the fact, like Kevin Klein,
they're going to this very southern, very white party, costume party,
and Kevin Klein keeps telling Jim West like, hey, you
need to have a disguise, Like you can't just walk
(22:49):
in there as a black dude, Like, hey, no offense.
But these are all exit plantation. You know, there's all
plantations ex slave owners. Basically, you can't just walk in
there like you think there's gonna be okay with that.
Sure enough, he makes one faux pot. Yeah, he makes
one mistaken Yeah, they're there. They want to hang them.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Well, but also it's his artemis is one. Right, them
hang them, but they try to hang him. And there's
one of the rich people's like, there's something funny about
this rope and it was artists playing the whole time
because it was like a stretchy rope that can help him,
like like a rubber band, rubber band rope. Another clever gadget.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
He's he's full of them, man.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Yeah, what what else is this movie famous for? It? Well,
clever gadgets. Let's talk about that. Yeah, did we have
clever gadgets in this movie? So they used the train
called the Wanderer so they can get across from Washington,
d C.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Out to which was apparently Artemis's personal train.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
I guess.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
So.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Well, the one guy was like the you know, the
president said the Wanderers at your disposal.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Right, yeah, like, which cracked me up because the he
said that, so you go like, oh, okay, uh, maybe
he just outfitted the train with all the gadgets because
it made his He made it seem at one point
when he's talking like this is my train, right when,
but then like yeah, like the Grant looks at him
one times, the Wonders at your disposal.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
What like yeah, and this train's like, well, there's just
one car that is just all rigged with just dumb
it dusk gadgets, stupid shit gadgets. What do you call
the gags? Right?
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Yeah, gags?
Speaker 2 (24:36):
All right? So what other clever gadgets? Well, we already
talked about his disguise stuff. He had his bicycle, his giant,
his front wheels giant. Like basically, it's like it was
like they were trying to say it was like the
beginning of the motorcycle because it had an engine on it. Again,
I don't wear the gas tank or anything was for
any of these things because they's a flame shooting out
(24:57):
tailpipes and you know, I as he's outracing the horse, you.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
See he had oh yeah, belt buckle flipped down, pistol
you know. On the train, he had a buttons he
could hit in the pool, table would flip under.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
He had gas things that came out of his sleeves.
But it was just a pencil on a notepad.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Oh, he was knitting a bulletproof vest. But he's like, oh,
this is this new invention, like it's chain mail. Oh yeah,
it was not a new invention. It's medieval.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
I love that he caught what he can impermeable. Yeah,
I don't worry. I'm wearing an impermeable.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
I don't know. I do. Like when he put it out,
he's like, well, let's test it. And the guy's like, well, well, yeah,
not tested yet. I think he did have it on later.
Did it did save Jim's life? Saved Jim west life.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
So clever gadgets, even his plane like well not playing,
but like his bicycle with a with wings.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Right. Oh, Michael.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
It was something you'd see out of a.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
On like an old timey bad video where someone's trying
it and just goes no da Vinci, da Vinci, Yeah, Davin,
but just goes off a cliff and like dies.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Or Leonardo or tell one of the turtles. Turtles. Yeah.
Like even now I'm watching it going like, nah, that's
not gonna fly. Bro Right. They did not make it
look even remotely like it would work. We see the
original TV show had delusional arch enemies.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Okay, mhm, definitely had that nailed it, nailed that one,
Like I mean Kenneth browna Brannig, Yeah, he was whatever.
What got me was So this guy was a Southern
Confederate soldier. Just Artist Loveless was a ex Confederate soldier
who lost half literally half his body and somehow was
(26:56):
able to be kept alive. I'm guessing he must have
been rich beforehand because the amount of surgery. I don't
think that kind of surgery technology existed to keep him
alive and back. He's like, I'm missing a bladder, a
spleen of this. He was eighteen, the year was eighteen
sixty eight.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
He's dead. There was no surgeon that could have saved him.
You can throw the money at all the best surgeons
in the entire world. They couldn't save him. Yeah, they
didn't have the technology let alone either they could sew
him up. I feel like they didn't have like the antibiotics,
the infections he's gonna get.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Yeah, it was, I mean just hilarity that they I
don't know why they settled on making the the bad
guy a half person, not even a small person, a
half person like.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Yeah, it was just with a wheelchair that the steamplunk
and eventually could turn it in and ate legs, and
he has weapons, And I feel like they wrote the
key part about in this description of the original show
illusional for sure.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Yeah he had can he? I mean that that was
one of those things that actually probably was the most
thought out fun thing about it was his plan to
bring in all the other countries to divide up the
United States. Like hey, we've got Spain, We're gonna give
them Florida, Britain, you get the thirteen colonies back.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
You know, Well, Spain would have been like damn, we
got the but like Mexicano, Mexico gets California, New Mexico,
Arizon like they get.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
That southwest and he got the upper left, like the
you know, Seattle or the Washington, Uh, Montana, Utah.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
I know Seattle would have been so great for all
his steam funk stuffy well that rain just rousing up.
That's big spidery yet. But that's what cracked me up.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
I was like, if all the places for you to
like he's like, I'll have a little my eight acres
to retire on or whatever, and I'm like, I mean
I would want, like, hey, give me a couple of
houses and news all the spots because you're getting.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Yeah, well so you're rich. I know you're mad that
half your body got destroyed in the war, but you
could actually just go buy those eight acres and you
can retire. You don't you don't have this big plot.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Yeah, I mean you're taking a quarter of the country.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
But yeah, he could just literally take your money, buy
some land and make mechanical dildos and you might make
more money. So your whole plot to like foil you
you listeness grant, Yeah, what's the point.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Yeah, But the concept of it I thought was that
was the one part I thought was fun, is like,
how do you get other countries in on it with you,
especially at that time, like oh yeah, all the countries
that used to try to lay claim to places. Yeah there,
they will give you resources to get part of the country.
They get more land. That was That was the funnest,
funnest part of the whole movie for me.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Well, my biggest friend with the villain is he he
was so over the top, Like every time he opened
his mouth, I didn't want to watch the movie anymore
because it was just so.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
What's the word, well, so over the top, so cheesy,
so yeah, like it was just really hard to like
it pulled his acting. And the guy is a great actor, right,
but even he was.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Pulling me out of the movie, Like, you know, I can,
I could forgive some of the dumb shit. It's a movie,
so I was supposed to shut my brain off for
a little bit and be entertained. But it was just
so over the time, like fox, stop just stopping in
that way, even you're just a bit sh yeah, I
guess that's the way to say, he's just a bit
much yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Oh yeah. Like and like I said, every from when
I was like reading some certain things, like pretty much
every actor just wants to distance themselves from this movie
because it's just such a bane even apparently like the
post production company, like no.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
One wanted to work on it. They were like, this
is dog shit.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
I don't They didn't want their they didn't want their
name on it, like you know, because you're on post
everything's already done. You're literally trying to polish a turn
and they were like no, no, Wait went on and
they were like no, you had like no, you're getting
paid to fucking do this. Fucking do it like shit.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
And another key element which was sort of discussed of
the original TV show was half in same plots to
take her over the country. We just discussed that. So
I feel like they did nail, like I guess some
of the essence of what the original TV show did.
(31:39):
Brian just had bitter beer face.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
It was bitter beer face. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Uh well, well, I'll give you a chance to compose
yourself after that swig and it we'll take a break
and come right back. All right, We're back. Ryan has
adjusted to the new fresh beer he's drinking the more
bitter beer face now. In his defense, he was coming
(32:07):
off of a laws In's little sip ipa out to
an outlaw low abb just a regular old light beer.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Cheap. And there's a cheap beer. I love it, so
there is a big flavor taste. Oh no, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Don't don't let that discourage you from buying an Outlaw.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
It's thirteen dollars a case, and if you're not drinking
anything before that, it's glorious.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
I think it's the last year anyway, it wasn't the
official beer the World's.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Strongest bro pretty much.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Yeah, like he has unsponsored me.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
After I had some career adjustments and stuff, I started
buying the It was fun. I had started buying cheap
beers that I hadn't drank in a long time, and
I found I went, oh, this is thirteen dollars, and
that's the That's kind of the thing for World's Strongest
Bro is. I like to find the cheapest beer I
could find and drink the ship out of it that
(33:02):
day because it's a hot day and I just want cheap,
wet beer.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
And this fit the bill when I just hung with
it ever since.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
It's great.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Well that's a plug. There you go. You sponsor us.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
I know you sponsor Hardy the country music singer. You
should sponsor, Yeah, val Law and to be sponsor us.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
We're set.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Hell yeah, get on that dogs.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Yeah yeah, watch Wild wild West?
Speaker 2 (33:29):
On to be to beg that there wasn't that it
will sound like a Toby tob Yeah, to be weird. Yeah, yes,
all right, not sponsored, but we should be. Should be motherfuckers.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
So Wild Wild.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
West, why don't we get into like just some seriously
dog shit moments. Nobody wants to hear us talk about
this movie?
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Really, I think that's what we've been doing. But I
like to, like, we should discuss this moment. They are
like WTF also or even what were they thinking?
Speaker 2 (34:06):
W you know, like the moment, the moment I like,
not that I was like thinking this movie was amazing,
but the moment I went, okay, you finally crossed the
line where I went, what the fuck are we even
doing here? And look, weirdly enough came. It was like
the penultimate fight scene with they get on the Giant
(34:29):
Spider and let's talk. Let's definitely talk about that.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
You know, well, if you're gonna bring the Giant Spider,
I like to bring up Johnny. No, I like to
bring up Kevin Smith.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Oh yeah, that's what he's talking about, Johnny. But so
so they're on the Giant Spider and Loveless hits a hit.
They keep getting close to it, like it's such bad
planning to get close to this guy, and they never
have a plan once they get up to him. But
they get on the spider again off their weird shitty
bicycle flying thing, and it hits a button for a
(34:59):
trap door and Will Smith falls down the floor by
himself to fight goons. And I found out apparently that
was reek that was shot after they actually they finished
the movie and they went back and shot those all
those scenes because originally they just fought the like his
hot beautiful women or whatever, like oh people, and people
(35:19):
are like, well yeah, they were like, well Smith's just
punching women, right, Like two guys just fighting women to
get to the main bad guy. People are like that's weird, right,
Like they didn't like that. Well, I mean he was
he was surrounded by his harem of women, right, it
makes sense, but.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
You know, I understand why I didn't test well, but yeah,
like what would have been different? They are like martial
arts masters. It was like, actually they were getting their
asses beat right and then maybe they just finally got
a good shot. It would have been different.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
I don't know. But so he drops down and he's
fighting these just kind of zombie, weird goon people. Yeah,
one had a like rare word spike through his head.
One had not ives for hands, Like they were just
unexplainably weird characters. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
But also the fight scene sucked, right, they weren't good,
Like any of the kicks he threw will Smith and
he threw any of the punches. Everything was just so weak,
right and even so weaking. My wife was like because
because there was one kick he throws at it, just
a front.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Kick, yeah, and it just looks so bad and like
you ain't stopping anybody with that front kick, Like did
you guys?
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Maybe you should have sped it up in post to
make it look like he sh Yeah, so called that ship.
It was one of those scenes where all was I
could do is analyze, like, oh, this is the worst
fight scene. Yeah, choreography is minimal, acting, the effort and
maybe Will Smith was putting into it minimal. Maybe that's
(36:53):
because it was like afterthoughts and they were like, oh, yeah,
you're right, maybe like yeah, it could be like I
don't want to do this. I already know the movie's
dog shit. I already know it's dead, and but you're
making me do it. Come back for a second second shots.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Okay, but so this last the last goon who had
the metal head apparently was just made of metal because
he keeps hitting him everywhere and it's just he has
no effect. And then all of a sudden, the guy
like he has the ranch and he just hands it
to him and he sticks it over his head and
then all of a sudden he does short circuits.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
What the fuck I watched watched that scene like three times.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
We want no explanation, and yeah, why watch this seemed
Oh some of the goons have been retrofitted with the
steampunk technology that.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Just you know the villain has.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Right, But now I think about it more, I'm like, wait, right,
it was fucking stupid. It was literally like literally like
someone got painted into a corner. Okay, well, now we're
going to have this guy who's all metal and he
can't do anything. How do we kill it?
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Fuck?
Speaker 2 (37:53):
I don't know. We already have the guy fitted with shit,
and yeah, because he just raises his hand and then
he like his mouth and like starts glowing like he's
sucking on a light bulb or something let's not forget.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
At this ending scene to infiltrate the giant spider. Uh,
Will finally dresses as a woman. Oh that seems terrible
to me because it was set up because Artemis kept
trusting as a woman.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Right, So I don't know what telling Will Smith. He
needs a disguise, and then he finally gets disguise. It's
like it's just but it's just so bad. Oh yeah,
because he has he's has all the good guys on
the stage except except Jim West in front of like
a gallery of people, like all his supporters and everything,
and he's getting ready to shoot Artemis.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
And then Will Smith just jumps up and.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Drag as a belly dancer, and he just stops everything,
no questioning why there's a belly dancwer.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
Just the villain's like, oh hey.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
I was like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (38:54):
Everybody sees through this right now? Will Smith is like
sick too, right, like it should be easy, but the guy, uh,
the main villains like Verry uh hammered with them. Oh yeah,
he's doing he's doing a dance.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Now. I didn't find any details, but I would hope
there'd be a quote from Will Smith saying like, yeah,
that's fucking terrible.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
I was so embarrassed to do that. Oh, he didn't
make any sense within the movie.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
So the one quote I saw from Will Smith about
this was it did this movie did fifty million dollars
on opening weekend and let it cost a shit ton
more to make one fifty okay, And but the best
part was that it did what it did fifty million on
opening and Will Smith knew it was such dog shit
that he was embarrassed that it did fifty million because
he knew those fifty million dollars where the people watched
(39:42):
that movie and just went.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
Like what that does? That does suck when you because
you know, he probably said, I think for Will Smith,
this has to be the ultimate uh mind fuck is
he turned down the mah my god, you know to
make this movie because he's a fan of the original
TV show. He did, and it says later he did
say is the worst decision he made in his career.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
So, but I don't think he would have worked in
the Matrix. It had to be Keanu, So he turned
down the Matrix for this. Apparently, like Mel Gibson and
Shane Black were first on board to do this movie.
And then once they pulled out to do Maverick, apparently
Tom Cruise, so they were trying to get Tom Cruise
(40:28):
to do it. He pulled out to do Mission Impossible.
They both made worst decisions. Both they knew was dog shit.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
But yeah, they they were smarter. I guess that.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
I'm sure they just threw it, literally a truckload of
money at Will Smith because they needed a big star
and there was nobody, like, there was nobody bigger than
Will Smith at that point. You know, he was coming
off a hot streak.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
He was right, You're right, they probably Yeah, they probably
backed up a dump truck of money in his house.
He's like, all right, we'll look at the this this
really good script where guys like in A and the
matriarch Sam. It's weird neo that I really really like,
I'll go with the money on this script that I
don't even know if it's finished yet.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
But I mean I could in hindsight obviously. But you
at the time, you think about, like this weird sci
fi movie that I don't know that seemed weird, like
it's they were taking some chances. True, But that was
the other thing I looked at while I was watching
this movie as I knew Will Smith had turned down
The Matrix to do Wild Wild West, and I.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Went, how did the Wakowski.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
I'm not both sisters, I guess at this point, I'm sorry,
I forget what siblings? Siblings? Yeah, how did they do
that movie?
Speaker 1 (41:43):
Invent bullet time?
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Do all these great scenes? Behind the back? And Wild
Wild West had the worst even green screen scenes like that.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
Some of the scenes was induction was pointing them out
so many times. I'm like, oh right, you could just
I kept saying, like their CG is not holding up.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Yeah, it was just it was like there was so
many green streets CGI that was just so bad, you.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
Know, considering you had the same director and actor who
did Men in Black, Like it's it shouldn't be shit,
it should be Ken Brannegg The Villains said that his
might be he might have done the worst American accent
by a British actor. Yes, his accent. His accent was
(42:31):
like the kind that takes you out of it, like
it's so jarring and dumb that you he re you're
supposed to get immersed in a movie, you know, for
that two hours or if it's a Marvel movie, three.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Yeah, you're supposed to be immersed and like when a
you're like fuck and you want to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Every time he talked with that accent, you're like fuck.
It just kind of it stopped the the enjoyment of
the movie. Because a lot of things stopped the enjoyment
of the movie. Well, it was one of those unfortunate.
It was a southern British accent, like southern United States
mixed with British accent. It was not It just wasn't working.
You think that, like the director, you know, other people
(43:13):
were like, you know what, this isn't working. Let's uh
workshop this a little bit, you know, maybe don't be
so douchey. Yeah, without you're saying this, no, somebody was like,
that's fucking awesome. Keep doing it right.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
And hence it comes down it's the director's fault, right
and as well. No, I mean, now, let's talk about
Kevin Smith and his fucking producer John Okay, who I
want to blame for all of this?
Speaker 1 (43:41):
All right, I'm down with that. If you don't know
who Kevin Smith is, well that'd be strange. Made movie
called Clerks and then maul rats talk about I'm a
huge fan of Kevin Smith. So he did this thing
where he's traveling around like colleges, yeah and others. It
was called an Evening with Kevin Smith and he but
(44:03):
just do a Q and A, and most of the
Q and A would be like one or two questions
and that'd be it because he talks so long, Oh
my god, so we'd only answer a few questions.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
I rented an Evening with Kevin Smith back in the day,
and I didn't know what I was getting into. However,
that was as long as you're down for it and
don't have plans. It's a very enjoyable three hour DVD. Yes,
I own it right see, and I love it. It
was it was fun, but like it is, like it's
(44:35):
a long watch.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
It is.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
It's like, hey, you're going out to like a performance
by Well. Even the DVD says broken up in two DVDs. Yeah,
so it's like there's part one, there's part two, so
you can break it up, you know. He spread it
out over the weekend. But he tells the story where
he was hired to write the script for Superman, which
(44:56):
again I wish they would have made. I have a
documentary called The Death of Superman Lives What happened? It
was about the Tim Burton Superman where Nicholas Cage is
going to be cast. At the time, I think when
Kim was writing it, there wasn't any casting talks just yet.
But it would have been amazing if we would have
a Superman from the nineties with Nick Cage that we
(45:18):
could watch and look back on.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
I think it'd have been amazing. WHOA. But Kevin has his
story how he was writing the script. There was some
he got the opportunity to do to see a couple
edits and the studio had one that they liked, and
they wanted him to go and meet the producer John Peters,
who was his biggest claim to fame was he was
(45:43):
the hairdresser to Barber Streising and maybe he married her too.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
He was a hairdresser and like Kevin says, and is saying, like, well,
see the thing about Hollywood, you just fail up. So
he was a hairdresser one day, Hollywood producer the next.
But he went over to meet this guy, gets the
guy had money because it was like a you know,
mansion or whatnot. So he gets let in talks to
(46:11):
the assistant and he's like Okay, John's excited for you
to read the script to him. I was like, oh
I know what, yeah, oh yeah, because he was thought,
oh no, I'm just gonna like meet him, talk a
little bit, maybe chance some ideas. Now you're gonna read
the whole script till anyway, So Kevin does it. He
reads the script and then John Peter says, like a
(46:34):
couple of notes. One, Well, first, what I love about this,
just to set up this ineptitude of John Peters, is
He's there to read a script all my Superman thing
of a movie to this guy, and this guy is
just not he just doesn't have any concept of the movie.
He's being pitched. Yeah, because at one point I remember
(46:57):
Kevin Smith saying like, it's been years since I watched this,
but I remember him saying it point how he just
it was just one of those things where when you're
typing it up, he just didn't feel like writing Superman, said,
you know, Superman dialogue for Superman, so he just you know, wrote.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
Cal l right, he broke it up rather than saying
Superman every time.
Speaker 2 (47:14):
And this guy didn't even who the fuck like he
had no idea of Superman. If he had no idea.
Who the fuck kal l was. He's like, wait, wait,
wait where Superman go. He's like, well, that's his name,
that's that's his Yeah, that's okay, okay, Yeah. So he
had no idea. So this guy had so I had
to have a lot of money because why would we
be pitching to this guy who has no idea what
the fuck Superman is?
Speaker 1 (47:35):
So? But what was his notes? Like I don't see
him fly right, that he's not gonna look good on
screen to be's fine, he wanted to I don't want
to see him in in the outfit.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
Right, it was weird ship and I smelled or the.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
Underwear because you know the Superman athlete, he has like
the blue underwear on top.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
And third, which is a huge is the biggest part
of this worry. I mean the other two are worth discussion,
but you need to watch The Evening with Kevin Smith.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
The one that's not for that's you're getting too the
big one. But the other one that I loved was
he was going through and he uh had who was
the fortune? Who had the fortless solitude?
Speaker 1 (48:16):
Was it Luther or who?
Speaker 2 (48:17):
Someone?
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Know? It was color.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
His forts and he wanted a big fight at the
Fortless Solitude.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
He's like, right, because brainiact right when the script was
supposed to go up to the Fortress Solitude. He's like,
can we have a big fight scene with a like
a polar bear or something.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
He's like, it's the Fortless so Solita.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Well, you know, polar Bear is one of the most ferocious.
Sorry I'm sorry, Yeah, that's okay. And the third thing,
he is like he wants in like the third act
for Superman to fight a giant spider, and he had
all his reasons about the spider and everything and if
it was giant, and you know, Ken talks about like,
(48:54):
oh okay, well maybe we'll call it the Tandegarium snare Beast.
So yeah, yeah, cool uh. And of course that all
went this ship fell apart. He said, what do you
know It?
Speaker 2 (49:04):
Like two years later, this movie comes out and there's
a giant spike Wild Wild West, and.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
We see how well that movie worked out.
Speaker 2 (49:13):
And that's and that's what cracked me up as like
of all.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
But I also know, like I wish I could interview
John Peters and be like, what is the obsession with
a giant spider? Because a rock nophobia came out, there
was a lot of spiders, so you could have, oh, yeah,
like why were you trying to.
Speaker 2 (49:30):
Shove in a giant spider like knowing that about him
and everything in this movie, and then you like you
go back and looking like there's spiders everywhere, like on
the saw blades at the beginning that were decaptaining.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
Right away when they showed the spider, I'm like, yeah,
it made me laugh. He's like, yep, even his.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
I forgot this, but yes, even the flag for like
the new Lawson's Land or whatever he was going to
have had a spider on it, like his whole like well,
even the villain's wheelchair, you know through I'm using air
quotes steampunk technology legs came out and was like then
he was like a spider with his eight legs running
(50:06):
around like he sent a cake to General or President
Grant with spiders.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
With transh is like well, then there was that moment
in the desert with Transhi and then a Wasp planet
on it because Will Smith, you know, knew everything about
you know, Spider in the Desert, which came back with
the flying vehicle just like the Wasp on the Transhi. Yeah,
like that's one of those scenes when you I'm like, oh,
(50:34):
the fact that they're showing this wasp plan on this
little transhion and they're discussing it. Of course it's gonna
play in later. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:44):
Yeah. You know, if you take anything away from our discussion,
go watch an evening with Kevin Smith where he talks
about the Superman.
Speaker 1 (50:53):
It's it's hilarious, so enjoyable like that.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
That was just I don't remember much about him telling
you that thing, but I I remember I said, I
watched it. Literally, I watched it. I watched it many
times over the years, and every time I watch it,
I can't I laugh. Oh, because it's just so funny.
Number One, he's just a great He's great at telling yeah,
the story. Yeah, yeah, that's his whole thing. He's good
at as he says, he's good at oral and that
(51:19):
guy's just ineptitude and ridiculousness is so good, like just
so fun to listen.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
I guess. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:26):
Maybe sometimes when you too much money, you're detached from reality. Yeah,
I guess. Hair dressers get that way here right.
Speaker 1 (51:36):
The other thing too, though, I mean, everybody in the
world you know a Superman. I just feel like it's
such a it's been around since like the nineteen forties.
Winter the Car came out for him to just like
not really seem to have a clue and not want
him to fly and be in the outfit. It's like
all right, but again, sometimes if you're so rich, you
(52:00):
those little pop culture things might just pass you by, right, Yeah,
you're just thinking about champagne and can Yeah, I'm sure, and.
Speaker 2 (52:07):
That that's that situation that it was one of the
things that the studio wanted to make a movie. They
knew this guy had a bunch of money, and this
guy just wanted to be attached. I'm sure he just
wanted to have his name attached to a big movie
so he could just be like.
Speaker 1 (52:22):
Oh, yeah, that was my photos.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
Look at me, producer Spider, Yeah, should we do this?
Speaker 1 (52:34):
Should we do that? Voice every time? Producer?
Speaker 2 (52:38):
Pretty sure? That's what artist? Yeah, artist, lovelaces, I'm not
an ex spider and twisting my mustache.
Speaker 1 (52:47):
I have nothing good to say about this movie.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
Well, I know whenever you like were like oh god,
I was like, yeah, that's that's why it's gonna be
a great episode, because it was going to ship all
over this thing.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
It's uh, it's bad. There's no way to put it.
There's nothing. Sama Hike is the only bright spot. And
she's only in it for minutes. If you really, if
you would chop all the scenes that that she's in
it less than ten minutes, Yeah, for sure, that's it.
(53:18):
Yeah even yeah, no, Actually I have nothing good to say.
Uh well, here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (53:22):
I think the like, the actors that were in it
did the best that they could with what they were given.
I don't think I don't necessarily think Kevin Kline or
that's a good approach. Will Smith did a bad They weren't.
They aren't bad actors. It's just that they did it.
Speaker 1 (53:39):
Will Smith good in this movie for the.
Speaker 2 (53:42):
Role he was given. Him and Kevin Kline I think
did well.
Speaker 1 (53:45):
Okay, I think I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (53:47):
It's just unfortunate that the character like they are.
Speaker 1 (53:50):
They are good actors. They were just they were delivering
lines of garbage.
Speaker 2 (53:54):
Right they were. They were giving a steaming pile of
ship and did the best they could with it, you know,
Like especially I fucking love Kevin Kline, and he was like,
I'm not gonna say I didn't chuckle with a couple
of the laughs or whatever I said, But at the
same time, like it's they were very few far between, right, Yeah,
(54:15):
it was just clunky and everything else. But like I
don't think.
Speaker 1 (54:19):
They necessarily editing, like left you wondering, like, hey, wait,
what's happening right now? Like the like everything about this
movie is bad, and you're right, and people are like,
I don't want to work on it. Maybe people were
really oh yeah, half ass in the whole thing, the
whole process.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
I feel like even the studio knew it wasn't bad.
It was just the fact that they invict like it
was the most one of the most expensive movies they
ever like invested money, and they can't just put that
on the shelf. It wasn't you know, it wasn't a
ten dollars ten million dollar projects where they went they
could just put it on the shelf and be like Nah,
they had to put it out. They had to get
some sort of return on this turd to offset that
(54:54):
fucking huge payday they just put out.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
Yeah. I mean, if you're looking for a good Will
Smith movie, this isn't it. There's a lot of other
movies he was way better in.
Speaker 2 (55:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (55:05):
Uh from the nineties, got some bad Boys hi Robot.
I haven't thought about it this one point like saying that,
but yeah, well we still have that, we still have that.
Speaker 2 (55:16):
I just saw this movie whenever I was flipping through
on two B from from the Highlander and went.
Speaker 1 (55:22):
Man, I.
Speaker 2 (55:24):
It's it's funny.
Speaker 1 (55:25):
Man, Highland is a great movie. I don't know why
you like, all right, Mark, we're gonna go from an
awesome movie and I'm gonna make you watch this.
Speaker 2 (55:31):
But it was well those where I saw it and
I went, it's it's not great. I don't even remember
being this bad.
Speaker 1 (55:37):
That's that's fair.
Speaker 2 (55:38):
It's like this is this but it was as fun
as like, you know what this is. Let's fucking go,
let's trash and just shit on the movie.
Speaker 1 (55:46):
Yeah, I would give this, Man, we're gonna do rating,
I'll say i'd go out of ten out of ten. Man,
I'm down liking a three. I could get to it
for because of SMA hike right yeah, yeah, yeah, it's yeah.
Speaker 2 (56:05):
It's forced.
Speaker 1 (56:07):
Yeah I think she again, uh again, her role wasn't
that great. They didn't give her a lot to do.
But I don't know, I like some hike.
Speaker 2 (56:14):
Yeah, yeah, that's that's that was the thing.
Speaker 1 (56:16):
If you want to. If you like some hike, check
out a movie called every Where. She uh fights off
all kinds of assassins trying to kill her. It's fucking awesome, nice, cool,
directed by Joe Lynch.
Speaker 2 (56:31):
So we got Next Time.
Speaker 1 (56:33):
Well, I was only teasing up front, and I'm gonna
pick a Ely next now Everly came out like twenty
and nineties, so I was like, it doesn't fit in
with her eighties and nineties and what I was going
to pick a really terrible movie to make you watch
and suffer through them. But then I was like, well,
so this was kind of built as an action comedy. Okay,
(56:58):
so like, all right, nineties action comedy, let's go, let's
lean back towards the swol uh part of our Nope,
not even close really Uh. I was like, what's lean
back to the swallest of them all? And we'll go
with Kindergarten Cop. Oh wow, is.
Speaker 2 (57:20):
That really an action movie?
Speaker 1 (57:22):
I mean kind of yes. I mean I'm not against
it action comedy. Wah West, it's kind of an action comedy, true, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (57:32):
No, yeah, that's good. I mean I and it's only
two b. That was one of those I saw when
I was flipping through and I was like, I don't know,
I'm not against it. I was just like I wasn't
going to make that call. No, I'm down of it.
That's cool.
Speaker 1 (57:43):
It was either that Eye Robot, I don't Keith will
Smith train going, but I was like, no action comedy
and Arnold's still like his peak. Oh yeah, still still big.
That was one of those times. Still awesome.
Speaker 2 (57:58):
You gotta love Arnold be because it's not just his
competitiveness and everything like that, it was he pushed himself
to do stuff like that, like I remember, like it was.
I think maybe Twins was the first comedy he kind
of did, and people were like telling him like, don't
do it. It's a suicide, you know, like you're you're
an action star. If you do this comedy, no one's
(58:20):
gonna cast you. You're you're You're gonna be branded like
weirdly now. And he was like, no, funk off, I'm
gonna kill it. I'm gonna do it well, and he did.
He like Kindergarten it.
Speaker 1 (58:28):
For a while. Maybe, I mean I remember being good funny.
Speaker 2 (58:33):
Oh yeah, and it's Arnold right for sure. Yeah, I
love it.
Speaker 1 (58:40):
I'm down, okay, but I have a couple of stinkers
on the horizon for you. That sounded kind of weird.
Stay close, all right, yep? Is that it?
Speaker 2 (58:56):
I think so all right?
Speaker 1 (58:57):
Until next time, keep lifting that weight bit Jazz Booe
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