September 16, 2022 • 38 mins
#championsofdiscourse #takeupspacepod #podcast
Jason and Leah talk about how important it has been for them to learn and practice asserting themselves in life.
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Jason and Leah talk about how important it has been for them to learn and practice asserting themselves in life.
Follow Jason!
https://www.instagram.com/jj_newberry/
https://twitter.com/jj_newberry
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/take-up-space-podcast--5182502/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Reference is a word? What whywould you grab that referous? Yeah,
no it's not that's a Scooby Doonoise. No, it's a word.
This is literally I've been blindside.This is the blindside attack. What do
you mean? This is like ifI just randomly went into the chat on
here and just posted a picture ofTika something. Why would you do that?
(00:25):
Why would you just randomly tell mea word? It's real riferous.
It's make believe, is what itis. It's real referous. I think
you should look it up. Thatmeans that I have to get up and
probably break another pair of headphones inthe process. You literally said that you
were getting your books. I thoughtthat meant that you were getting Oh no,
(00:46):
those are my stackable books. Sothat I can my microphone is up
far enough. Let me try tospell it. I don't even want to
know how it's actually spelled. Iwant to see if Google that's not it.
How is it spelled? YEA RO R I F E r oh
(01:11):
us we're a references. I don'tclean that right. Apparently the meaning of
reference is generating, do you Whyare you saying in that way? I've
(01:36):
had a problem with our sounds.You know Jordan, when um we were
little kids, he used to havewhat's called a um I think he's called
a roticism, where like he saidlike girl girl. Oh yeah, I
learned about icity. Yeah. Canyou imagine if he was attacked with that
word as a child and or ifhe still had that rotics to read whatever
(02:00):
it's called toticity. I call ita neuroticism because I don't want to try
to say the word. My sisterhad that too, Like it was saying
girl's world to go out completely?Um. Did she have to do speech
therapy? Not not like officially,but like one of the teachers in school,
preschool like noticed, so she justkind of was like, hey,
(02:23):
try try practicing saying it this one. Wow, that's white supremacy at work.
I'm just buying it wasn't white teacher. I know it was because I
told my brother that he needed totell my parents that my brother needed speak
therapy. Oh it's like, yeah, try try saying it, like because
(02:45):
just like um, because it wasn'tgirl, it was saying girl. The
statuta. Yeah, I didn't knowthat it was such a far reaching thing
or a common thing that it neededa word so eroticity. I didn't realize
that referous was such a far reachingthing. That didn't I just didn't realize
(03:08):
that people didn't just say, oh, that's generating, dude. No,
there's a word for everything. It'slike the tittle on an eye. There's
too much lip action with that.We're riferous. Can you imagine just having
(03:29):
to, like if your kid getsthat during the spelling Bee, We're referous,
and then you hear all the murmursin the in the crowd, Oh
god, oh she's never gonna getthis refers. I would get lost in
which are that I'm on that.That's a lot of r action, a
(03:51):
lot of lip action and a lotof r action. Honestly, I thought
it's had something to do with ironbecause of the fairest part of the word.
Not necessary. Yeah, right nowI'm thinking about Tika something pictures that
I'm gonna listen to you. Iwant you to not I don't want to.
(04:12):
I don't think that I've never blockedyou, but I feel like you'll
have to. It's literally just ambushedme. I did not cure. I
am just rocking my underdog shirt thatthat I got at the beginning of the
pandemic for free here. He usedto say the day, No, it's
Alicia Keys Underdog. Oh she sentthis to me because and you all have
(04:35):
such a beautiful relationship. It's allright, No, I'm just plaining.
When I saw that, she Iwas like, to this day, she
still reposts you on her stories.It's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah,
she still follows me, which isI were good about it. I forget
(04:55):
about I forget that. I'm onTwitter, Instagram a lot of times.
Um, we almost like we almostbaked to death out here last week.
We didn't we didn't talk last week, you guys. I know, Listill
has to do the stinger and likethe ann huncement and stuff. It got
up to one hundred and sixteen degreesin Sacramento, the hottest day in Sacramento
(05:19):
ever in ninety seven years. Yeah. Yeah, in the entire time that
they've been tracking the temperature. Yeah. Um. And then the day after
that it was one fourteen, soit wasn't as bad. There was one,
one twelve, one eleven. Itwas violence is just smoky out there.
(05:40):
I know the wildfires have like justsomewhat. Um, it's very overcast
and I know that's because of um, the smoke. But it's not as
bad as it was a few yearsago, where it's like your orange yeah,
and we're like hurst to go outside. But it reminds me that I
need to wear my mask when Igo out, even if it's not like
super bad, because I want toget into my blood stream and chaint mine
(06:04):
perfect little blood. You know,well, we already got tough line.
So plastics, the microplastics. Justthink about how much plastic is just you.
Really, We've been going for fiveminutes and you still haven't broken.
I am stunned. Welcome everybody toanother episode to Take a Space podcast.
(06:26):
I am your hostly joined this weekby Jason. Hey, Jason Hello,
Liah, Hello Liah. Yeah.As Jason said before we were off last
week, I was recovering from acold flu situation. UM, thank you
to those who reached out. Icompletely forgot to post a message that there
wasn't gonna be an episode, andthen you all reached out and say,
(06:49):
hey, where's the episode? Sothank you all for reaching out and for
caring enough to ask. Um,but we're back. I'm feeling a lot
better. UM. I do apologize. I do have a hauls in because
I haven't talked a lot over thislast week, so we're gonna take this
a little slow. Has she eversaid that, you guys, I haven't
(07:11):
talked a lot. Sweet, Ihaven't talked a lot, and so I
have to like get my get mygame back. You haven't you. I
don't think you've ever ever said that. First of all, don't don't do
me. Don't. This is adirect attack. I feel like you're probably
gonna spend this entire episode getting backat me. Why no, put your
(07:35):
phone down. We're having conversation.There's no reason for you to start looking
up pictures of Tica Sumter. No, not at all. You ambushed me,
so there was a premeditated attack.It wasn't though it was I just
happened to think about. No,I'm gonna stop. Her name isn't actually
Tica. I'm not gonna pronounce that. Um So I don't. It's not
(08:00):
that I don't, Okay, Idon't like her, but Tika Sumter.
You know we're gonna have a goodepisode. I'm just like, I don't
even have a way to describe it. It's just it just started off as
a dislike and it's turned to disdainever since. Um, but she's she's
(08:22):
in she's paid to act, soshe's she's working for somebody. There's an
audience out there for her money.Yeah. So this past a few weeks,
Yeah, these past few weeks havebeen, um, a lot of
(08:43):
changes, a lot of things thathave been going on. You're back in
school teaching. Yeah, Um,why why why are you sending me stuff
you don't know? You're back inschool, You're tutoring, You're elevating your
space, You're owning a lot,you're being you're really taking a space in
(09:05):
that area, growing a lot.Yeah, And honestly, it's kind of
because I haven't talked to you sinceI last seeing my life coach not to
jump in, but um, it'skind of bizarre how like comfortable I am
with asserting myself with stuff, Andlike I think I've talked before about where
(09:30):
I was even when I came outto Seattle. I think in our last
episode we talked about that, howeven then I wasn't in the best head
space right, But just since standwith the adjustments that I've made, which
we've talked about, things are likeI feel good like and I haven't felt
good in a really long time,and I realized that when I'm in a
good space mentally and feeling good aboutmyself, then I'm more likely to push
(09:54):
back and stand up for myself withstuff and just be really direct and assertive
and it feels good. You know, you've been trying to get me to
that point for a while, sothank you. I was gonna say,
like, we've only been talking aboutthis for over ten years. Yeah,
yeah, I think it came withage and just feeling comfortable with myself.
(10:16):
I'm like, okay, nobody iscan really beat me up, like I'm
not gonna and I know that's ajuvenile anytime, I like emotionally, mentally
physically both like realistically, people canonly mentally and emotionally harm me as much
as I allow them to, likeand just even saying that just now that
(10:37):
was a realization. But like physicallythat's what I go back to, because
I'm like, Okay, I'm sixfive, I'm not the thickest of people.
But people see height and they don'tlike they automatically assume like okay,
they don't know how much power youpack. Yeah, but like that's where
I go back to, Like whenI'm really doubting myself and I need to
(10:58):
stand up for something or need todo something, I'm like, Okay,
what do you beat me up?Like they they're not gonna beat me up.
They're not going to so but umyeah, like nobody's gonna bug you
knock on wood. I think I'vebeen assertive because I mean I've been assertive
(11:18):
most of my life. And Ican see now kid with their hands on
their hips, huh. I cansee you as the little kid, like
a little six year old with theirhands on the hips. See. But
I was always like a happy kid, and I just I just did what
I wanted most of the time.So it's uh so now when I think
(11:41):
about my assertiveness and what that meansand how how I am, I think
it comes from a place of Ifought too damn hard to get to where
I am to allow some no nameindividual who's not paying my bills, who
not putting food in my refrigerator,who's not elevating me in any kind of
(12:03):
way, to come and think thatthey have some space to take up in
my mind, in my in myemotions, in my spirit whatever you know.
Um, I just think about itfrom a place of like I worked
really really hard to get here,and even if I got here on you
know, on chance, like Iwas prepared to obviously take that opportunity to
(12:24):
get this is exactly so I Iboss up and just like, look this,
what I say is what it is, you know. And I don't
mind being collaborative with people and thingslike that, but I really pay attention
to the way people people treat meand how they but more importantly like how
(12:46):
they treat others, so that whenit does come back around to me,
I already know what to expect outof that person, so that I'm not
like, but didn't you say tothis? But and I think what has
(13:07):
Like one thing that I thought aboutrecently is how sometimes in my relationships,
like I would just expect me tomisremember things and I didn't. Really It's
not like a gaslighty thing or anythinglike that. But there is a person
who was just like, oh,I actually I stay on this side,
and it's like, okay, cool, cool cool. A month later,
I'll say like, oh, youstay on this side, right, so
(13:30):
would you be able to and they'relike, I don't stay on that side.
I stay on this side. Okay, but you just said that you.
No, no, no, no, I never said that. Well
did you move? No, no, no, I didn't move. I've
always stayed on this side. Okay. And then like a month later,
I'm like, okay, so sinceyou stay on this side, no no,
no, no, I don't stayon this side. I actually live
over here and people will and not. It was mostly guys who did stuff
(13:56):
like that, like especially when we'rein tea meetings or if we were assigned
different work and things like that.But that's why they know. Like people
know, I take notes on everything, so I don't shy away from when
like, I don't mind being wrong, but I was according to the notes
I took. You said you wouldwork on X, Y Z. And
(14:18):
then they'll and then a lot oftimes they'll admit, oh, leah,
because you were doing this, Ithought that you would just take it over.
No. No. So I thinkthat my assertiveness is something that I
wear with a badge of honor,and it makes it so that people don't
(14:41):
I'm not as easy and mark aspeople assume they first set me, because
sometimes they oh, you know,oh she'll help out this, blah blah
blah, Oh you have boundaries?Oh um, can you do you mind
moving your boundaries so that I canI can step over real quick. No,
that's not gonna work for me,But let me know how it works
(15:03):
out for you, right, youwant to whenever you reach whatever goal,
you're trying to let me know howyou got there, but you're not cutting
through this yard. And it wasit was like little things. So people
will call me and say, hey, Leah, do you have anything planned
(15:24):
for two o'clock on Friday? Okay, let's rework that question. What is
it that you want? Don't tryto plan my schedule for me, Don't
ask you what I got going on. Let me know what you need and
I'll let you know if I'm ifI have the capacity to help you.
Having small boundaries like that, orcerting myself in situations like that where I
(15:48):
don't want people to to run myschedule for me, or I don't want
people to try to tell me whatI have capacity for. You know,
things like that. Those are thelittle things that I didn't realize until somebody
else is pointing them out to me, especially when we have when we have
meetings or if we're friends groups justand I was like, yeah, because
(16:10):
the way people talk to you ishow they're going to treat you. And
if you let them talk to youany kind of way, how much better
are they're going to treat you.So you got you gotta be willing at
every turn to make sure that youare being respected. Whatever that respect looks
like. Yeah, you know,whether that comes from a place of word
(16:34):
choice, tone, the medium whenyou talk about rhetorical analysis earlier, like
you you have to make sure thatyou're being respected and whatever that looks like.
And some people, some people don'tunderstand how good it feels to be
treated as a human being with respect, and and the unfortunate thing is a
(17:03):
lot of them don't, not thatthey don't deserve it, but they don't
know how to go about it becausethey'll say, is it okay if I
put this boundary here? Because sometimeswhen you talk to me this way,
I don't it makes me feel kindof bad. And so I kind of
want to tell you, you know, not, but only if it's you
know, only if it's okay withyou, Like, no, that's not
(17:25):
your boundaries don't come and somebody,do not talk to me that way.
There's not even a reason for it. I just tell people, don't talk
to me like that, you don'ttalk to me like that period that's the
first time that it's said, thenthat's it, and if you do it
again, then you won't have theopportunity. Exactly when we talked before about
how I'm quick to um sort ofback off from people if I feel,
(17:51):
um, not slighted, because thatmakes it sound like I'm like dexter.
Not dexter, but like a situationwhere it's like, hey, yeah,
slight inconvenience, then I cut peopleoff. But no, if you disrespect
me, if you seemingly go outof your way to disrespect me and then
disrespect that boundary, when I tellyou that I will not be disrespected in
(18:11):
that way, then that's when Ipull back. Yeah, you gave them
the opportunity and they chose not tocorrect the behavior there. There are a
faculty at my campus, you knowwho. It was, the one person
that I worked with on a groupproject to turn it in without consulting Goes.
(18:34):
I have not exchanged emails with her. She's been on the Writing Center
and stuff, and she's emailing mywork, I should say and stuff.
Um, but she's been corresponding withone of my co workers instead of me.
And for whatever reason, she won'treply at all when my coworker puts
me on the email when she triesto loot me in because stuff is sort
(18:56):
of planned where I'm included in it, where I have to visit certain things.
So I that's something right there whereit's like, okay, you're gonna
disrespect me in that way, thenI'm not going to go out of my
way to help you help your students. I know that seems petty, but
but it's I don't think it's pettybecause it's not fair to especially if you're
(19:19):
in a professional setting, right,academic or otherwise, Like you're supposed to
be able to conduct yourself and beable to connect cordially with those in your
work group. Because the English Department, like across California is not that big,
so you can imagine, like obviouslyit is really small when it comes
(19:42):
to the sacramental area, so verywhite. I should say, yeah,
there's no way that you're missed onetwo If if there is something, because
you're so knowledgeable about so many differentthings, then yeah, you're going to
be the one who's called on whenthere's different projects that are happening, especially
(20:03):
not just because like they need adiversity higher but because you have the knowledge
necessary in order to get the projectgoing, because of your experience, and
to be fair, but it's it'swild to me that people don't understand that
you can have a disagreement without burninga bridge. Yeah, there are so
(20:25):
many people who I um, especiallylike I said, it's a very white
space. And to be fair tothis this colleague that I'm talking about,
UM, just to divert a littlebit, diverge something like that. UM.
I don't think that she necessary orthat they necessarily are going out of
(20:45):
their way to not include me inthe emails. I think that they part
of it is just like a okay, maybe they think that this other person
that they're corresponding with is above me. And also I know that historically they
are very anti I reply all,which I appreciate in that sense because they
hate getting all those reply all emails. Anyway, sometimes you need to reply
(21:07):
all. I digress. But thereare so many people in the English composition
space that I have disagree with,and a lot of that has stemmed from
the fact that it is such awhite space, especially in Sacramento, but
even here in different microaggressions and stuffthat people will have. I still find
(21:29):
a way to make sure that I'mprioritizing the students and what's going to be
best for the students over like,Okay, I'm not going to change emails
with this person or I'm gonna completelycut this person off. But there are
some people who lack that emotional maturity, which is unfortunate, right it is.
(21:52):
It's also frustrating. Yea, thenyou kind of have to which I
stopped doing about a couple of yearsago because I was just I was over
it. I always felt like Ihad to be the bigger person and explain
to the person who is causing thestrife how their inactions or their actions or
(22:21):
their words or their tone and howthey choose to conduct themselves is causing a
hostile work environment. And I'm justlike, we're not children, but you
your maturity level is causing me totalk to you as if you are a
(22:45):
fourteen year old insty rebel who can'tget it together. You may not land
I'm sorry, hold on, don'tunderstand. You just don't get it.
And I know they have more emotionalintelligent conversations when they're having the EI conversations,
but Please don't let anybody's attitude orbehavior demeanor keep you from achieving success,
(23:15):
whatever that is. If somebody isconstantly disrespecting your boundaries, you have
to say something. You have tomake it a priority. Because your manager
is not going to know that they'redoing this. Your co workers may see
it, but they're not really goingto do anything. Even in your friends
group, if nobody else stands upfor you, you have to stand up
(23:37):
for you. And once you startstanding up for yourself and you start treating
yourself like you deserve respect, andthat's how other people are going to fall
in line. But if you're alwaysbeing like, push it aside, oh,
your opinion as a matter, andthen you start internalizing that you used
to do that stuff to me allthe time. She used to beat me.
Actually, wow, we had tohave a for intervention. It was
(24:00):
it was a situation. You heardher say earlier, I've been trying to
beat that into you about the assertiveness. Um. I did not say beat
that into you. I think youdid. Um you'll you'll run the tape
back when you edit this and youwill see that. Okay, why are
(24:29):
you sitting here? I literally justmade a statement of fact. A whole
entire I just want you guys togo back about two seconds and look,
how look how serious he looks anentire album of nothing but Tika Sumter.
(24:52):
I think she's beautiful. I thinkI didn't say the girl exactly. No,
I'm not saying that either. It'sjust gonna be I'm gonna have an
entire collect and oh that one,that one's gonna hit. And if you
send me any pictures of ed sharing, then I will know that all bets
are off. That's a bridge toofar. You already attacked me with the
words I can't deal with ed sharing. Let's get back on track. What
(25:14):
were we talking about? You beatingme? Right? Wow? Yeah?
And your friend groups, I don'tthink i've ever I think I've always been
that person that just believes people andstuff, So I never experienced it.
No, But seriously, in yourfriend groups. There are friend groups that
I pull back from. Probably oncethat I pulled back from just because it
(25:36):
didn't seem like I fit in andit just seemed like everything that would happen
would just be sort of disrespected.But even with like family and stuff,
if you're invited to something, ifyour invitation takes the form of what are
you doing on this day? Ifyou say nothing, then that turns into
oh, come with us here.It's like, oh, no, I
don't want to why you're not doingnothing? Come on, come with us.
(25:57):
That's a disrespecting boundary, right right, you said that earlier, That's
what that. It sort of triggeredme, yeah, a little bit.
But yeah, you have to sortof recognize where, not necessarily where you
feel as if you're being disrespected andstuff, but just recognize where you feel
(26:22):
less than in any situation and reevaluatenot necessarily how people are treating you,
but how you are letting that affectyou. Because people are going to treat
you however they want to treat you. You can tell even if you tell
them no, don't talk to methis way, don't do me this way
whatever, they're gonna do what theywant to do. But you have to
put up the safeguards for yourself,and what you have control over is yourself.
(26:45):
So you can make sure that yourspace isn't being tainted by them.
You can make or you can makesure that you're your energy is being protected
by just ensuring that whatever you areallowing in is just what you want in
there instead of just letting everybody havea piece of you because because they want
(27:06):
it. That sounds skinky, Thatsounded that sounded a little I was gonna
let you live. Sounded a littleexultatious. No, but I agree.
I think it's it's more important thatyou feel good about you at the end
of the day and not just thinkingthe validation of other people. Right,
(27:33):
you feel good about yourself, thennothing else really matters. Yeah, you
don't have to worry about what heshe they them way over there, those
in the bag. You're kindergarten teacher, you know the person across the street,
what your neighbors are doing. Whenyou know and you're and you're sure
(27:56):
about who you are, you're confidentin who you are, what your skills
are, what you have, whereyou're going, where you've been, the
knowledge that you have accumulated over yourillustrious life, you don't have to worry
about Well, how come so andso didn't support me? How come so
so didn't back me up? Howcome this person keeps trying to violate my
(28:18):
boundaries? How come this person won'trespect my boundaries? And even though this
person feels like they're on my side. They make these slight comments that make
me feel like I'm less dead.And if you have to keep asking yourself
those questions, you have to keepwondering about who's in your circle, it's
probably time to get a new circle. Maybe, just maybe I am going
to pose a question to you.Sure, I'll answer it first for myself,
(28:41):
But how do you get to thepoint where you're not seeking the validation
of others and you are more focusedon okay, is this fulfilling me?
Do you want to answer first ordo you want Oh, you go first,
Okay. Part of my thing.One of the best things that my
room sort of drilled into my headwhen I lived on campus was fake it
(29:06):
till you make it. And soeven like I'm just reminding myself, when
I first started teaching, I waslike, Okay, yeah, I'm a
teacher. I'm a confident teacher.I'm a great teacher. I'm an awesome
teacher. Even when I was feelingreally unsure of my abilities and stuff,
it was just literally telling myself overand over again these things that I wanted
to be true to the point thatnow I know it to be true,
(29:30):
Like and I know again with timethat happened with experience with just honestly,
probably hitting thirty, that played abig part in everything where it's just I
wasn't concerned with a lot of stuff. Yeah, but yeah, faking it
till you make it, and thenalso just doing stuff that makes me feel
(29:51):
good, even if it's just loungingaround and being intentional about those kinds of
things instead of worrying about Okay,am I doing what I'm supposed to be
doing right now? Letting go ofthe supposed to use. Yeah, those
things played a big part in justmy entire process of feeling good with myself,
just over the past few weeks.What about you, oh fake and
(30:15):
tea you make it? I havea love hate relationship with that, mostly
because it kind of created a doubleconsciousness or a sense of impostor syndrome two
faced yeah or is it the personayeah? Like like is it am I
(30:37):
actually doing this work? Or haveI convinced the entire world the greatest lie
ever told? You know what Imean? We need to revisit impostor syndrome.
By the way, because um,your situation with imposter syndrome, I
think it frustrates me from the outsidenow I'm not saying I know you're in
the workings of why you have,why you deal with that and stuff,
(30:59):
but your situation with it it frustratesme in a way. It's like,
Okay, you are doing the job, and I know that's part of the
complexity of it and the problem withit. It's like you're literally doing it
and you're stuck in your mind whereit's like, Okay, am I actually
doing it? Or is some hiddenpart of me actually doing It's like,
no, that's it's it's I guess. It's almost like, how do you
(31:22):
consolidate the two right light understand thatit is all of you that's doing it.
Well, I don't think that it'sso. I don't think it's that,
and I'm gonna aswer you and Iam going to answer your question.
I don't think that it's I don'tthink that it's two different parts of me
where one part of me is like, hey, we're actually doing the thing
(31:45):
we said we were doing, andthen there's another part of me saying I
don't think that's actually us doing thework. It's more like I have the
role, I have the position,I'm doing the things. Am I really
supposed to be here because there's alot of things I know that I don't
know. Like the more that Iknow, the more I realize I don't
know, And I'm like, Ifeel like I should know more to be
(32:07):
where I am. So I thinkthat I think it more so comes from
I put on a great show,and my work is good obviously, I
mean I made it to where Iam. My work is good. It
speaks for itself a lot of times. And even when, like my sister
was telling me, like she's like, oh my gosh, like you're so
(32:28):
smart. How are you able todo you know these things that I was
just like, I thank you forthe compliment, but also I don't really
see myself as that smart little doveif you only knew like I really is.
She's like, oh my gosh,but you could pick up this blah
blah blah. And I was like, yeah, but I also don't know
(32:49):
how to fabricate a chicken or tellyou what duck is supposed to taste like,
or how to put together this wonderfulmeal blah blah blah. And she's
like, yeah, but you youthink so quick on your feet, And
I said, because it's a practice, like I've literally like somebody called me
a couple of weeks ago and askedme to be their communications coach, and
(33:15):
um, they were like, hey, you know, I just wanted to
be I wanted to see if youhad a program or if you had a
coaching sessions da DA and I literallymade up a program, a ninety day
program on the spot, and shewas just like, how do you how
how did you put everything together andnot be able to put but you were
able to hit everything. I waslike, because I've been in communications programs,
(33:36):
I've seen this and over again,Like I know what it looks like,
I know what it's supposed to feellike, I know what the outcomes
are. It's practiced, like I'vedone it over and over and over again.
So it's so it's like when peopleare like, oh my gosh,
you're so smart, you're so listen, So that it's hard for me to
take it as a compliment because ofjust like but also there's a lot of
things I don't know. So Ithink that that's that's where my like double
(33:57):
caustiousness comes in, because it's likeI can know these things and be smart
and not know a lot of thingsat the same time, but my mind
won't let that be true. Okay, that's what that is. But to
answer your question, I don't thinkthat I ever stop seeking validation of others
because I really want people to feelgood when they're in my presence, and
(34:19):
I want them to walk away fromme like knowing that they can conquer the
world if they wanted to, orthey can take a nap if they wanted
to, just feel free to bethemselves. That's the kind of validation that
I seek with others. It's justthat reaching, like you said, reaching
your thirties is like, there's allthis supposed to have to All that stuff
(34:40):
goes out the window. So whatever'sgonna bring me joy whatever, Like what
I tell you, I want thesoft life. I am so soft.
And to explain this to my civilithoughs like if it's work, if it's
effort and I'm on vacation, Iam not doing it. There's no no
(35:05):
When I say self and say wfself like no, there no, there's
I want the solf life. SoI feel like, um, now I'm
not begging people to stay in mylife. I'm not begging people to give
me validation. I'm not begging peopleto agree with me, or to go
along with me, or to supportme. Come along if you want to
(35:27):
on this ride. You know,you may learn some stuff, you may
not. You may teach me somestuff, but I think it's more important
for me to acknowledge what's gonna makeme a little kid happy. Like That's
that's why I've been able to likelet go a lot of what other people's
(35:49):
expectations are, whether I'm whether it'sme dating, whether it's me buying a
house, whether it's me getting anotherjob, whether it's me picking out the
style of wardrobe, because I'm stillworking on the style, but depending on
like whatever that looks, like ifI can't put on something from my closet
and make me feel happy, orif I can't you know, take a
walk by the pier and feel happieror whatever, Like I don't need the
(36:12):
validation of other people. Like I'mgonna do things. It's gonna that's going
to make me happy, And that'sall the validation that I need. Because
I could have been at night andjust like we really did that. I
feel good good for me for thatreason, exactly, all right, Jason,
go ahead and plug away, wordlydropped the word snatsnats snats snat snap.
(36:37):
That's my one handed clop. Followme, JJ underscore Newberry. Every
single time I say the thing Ihave to tell myself underscore. I could
make the underdash happen if I wantedto. We could our forces combined,
the Captain Planet, M Captain Planet. When do you talk about that show?
(36:59):
It's point just us as friends.Um, it's not an element.
Um, it's not an allar JJUnderscore Newberry Twitter Instagram. Um was the
other one? TikTok ticket to talk, ticket to talk. Yeah, follow
(37:20):
me see some stuff stuff happened?Yeah, yeah, why not or don't.
I'm not seeking your validation. Meedyou to follow me, like to
see you on the train, jointhe journey. But oh okay, girl,
get together. I was just tryingto figure out, like I just
imagine somebody on the train looking atyou, saying I got it there,
(37:45):
he's right there. You know howI feel about you whispering into this microphone.
It makes me uncomfortable. I'm sorry, but I don't have the first
surround sound experience this time. Butsince my headphone snapped apped, Yeah,
your headphones did not want to bea part of this episode snap crackle pop.
That's it, but thank you allso much for tuning in. Please
(38:07):
make sure to follow Jason, andafter you follow Jason, make sure to
follow us take Up Space Pods.That's Take Up Space Pod on Facebook,
Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, andall the good things like subscribe, share,
all that good stuff. Hopefully myvoice will be back next week.
If not, I will let youall know. Thank you all again for
(38:29):
those who reached out. Thank youall for tuning in to another episode of
Taking Space Podcast. I've been Leah, he's been Jason, and we'll see
you next time. Bye.
Reference is a word? What whywould you grab that referous? Yeah,
no it's not that's a Scooby Doonoise. No, it's a word.
This is literally I've been blindside.This is the blindside attack. What do
you mean? This is like ifI just randomly went into the chat on
here and just posted a picture ofTika something. Why would you do that?
(00:25):
Why would you just randomly tell mea word? It's real riferous.
It's make believe, is what itis. It's real referous. I think
you should look it up. Thatmeans that I have to get up and
probably break another pair of headphones inthe process. You literally said that you
were getting your books. I thoughtthat meant that you were getting Oh no,
(00:46):
those are my stackable books. Sothat I can my microphone is up
far enough. Let me try tospell it. I don't even want to
know how it's actually spelled. Iwant to see if Google that's not it.
How is it spelled? YEA RO R I F E r oh
(01:11):
us we're a references. I don'tclean that right. Apparently the meaning of
reference is generating, do you Whyare you saying in that way? I've
(01:36):
had a problem with our sounds.You know Jordan, when um we were
little kids, he used to havewhat's called a um I think he's called
a roticism, where like he saidlike girl girl. Oh yeah, I
learned about icity. Yeah. Canyou imagine if he was attacked with that
word as a child and or ifhe still had that rotics to read whatever
(02:00):
it's called toticity. I call ita neuroticism because I don't want to try
to say the word. My sisterhad that too, Like it was saying
girl's world to go out completely?Um. Did she have to do speech
therapy? Not not like officially,but like one of the teachers in school,
preschool like noticed, so she justkind of was like, hey,
(02:23):
try try practicing saying it this one. Wow, that's white supremacy at work.
I'm just buying it wasn't white teacher. I know it was because I
told my brother that he needed totell my parents that my brother needed speak
therapy. Oh it's like, yeah, try try saying it, like because
(02:45):
just like um, because it wasn'tgirl, it was saying girl. The
statuta. Yeah, I didn't knowthat it was such a far reaching thing
or a common thing that it neededa word so eroticity. I didn't realize
that referous was such a far reachingthing. That didn't I just didn't realize
(03:08):
that people didn't just say, oh, that's generating, dude. No,
there's a word for everything. It'slike the tittle on an eye. There's
too much lip action with that.We're riferous. Can you imagine just having
(03:29):
to, like if your kid getsthat during the spelling Bee, We're referous,
and then you hear all the murmursin the in the crowd, Oh
god, oh she's never gonna getthis refers. I would get lost in
which are that I'm on that.That's a lot of r action, a
(03:51):
lot of lip action and a lotof r action. Honestly, I thought
it's had something to do with ironbecause of the fairest part of the word.
Not necessary. Yeah, right nowI'm thinking about Tika something pictures that
I'm gonna listen to you. Iwant you to not I don't want to.
(04:12):
I don't think that I've never blockedyou, but I feel like you'll
have to. It's literally just ambushedme. I did not cure. I
am just rocking my underdog shirt thatthat I got at the beginning of the
pandemic for free here. He usedto say the day, No, it's
Alicia Keys Underdog. Oh she sentthis to me because and you all have
(04:35):
such a beautiful relationship. It's allright, No, I'm just plaining.
When I saw that, she Iwas like, to this day, she
still reposts you on her stories.It's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah,
she still follows me, which isI were good about it. I forget
(04:55):
about I forget that. I'm onTwitter, Instagram a lot of times.
Um, we almost like we almostbaked to death out here last week.
We didn't we didn't talk last week, you guys. I know, Listill
has to do the stinger and likethe ann huncement and stuff. It got
up to one hundred and sixteen degreesin Sacramento, the hottest day in Sacramento
(05:19):
ever in ninety seven years. Yeah. Yeah, in the entire time that
they've been tracking the temperature. Yeah. Um. And then the day after
that it was one fourteen, soit wasn't as bad. There was one,
one twelve, one eleven. Itwas violence is just smoky out there.
(05:40):
I know the wildfires have like justsomewhat. Um, it's very overcast
and I know that's because of um, the smoke. But it's not as
bad as it was a few yearsago, where it's like your orange yeah,
and we're like hurst to go outside. But it reminds me that I
need to wear my mask when Igo out, even if it's not like
super bad, because I want toget into my blood stream and chaint mine
(06:04):
perfect little blood. You know,well, we already got tough line.
So plastics, the microplastics. Justthink about how much plastic is just you.
Really, We've been going for fiveminutes and you still haven't broken.
I am stunned. Welcome everybody toanother episode to Take a Space podcast.
(06:26):
I am your hostly joined this weekby Jason. Hey, Jason Hello,
Liah, Hello Liah. Yeah.As Jason said before we were off last
week, I was recovering from acold flu situation. UM, thank you
to those who reached out. Icompletely forgot to post a message that there
wasn't gonna be an episode, andthen you all reached out and say,
(06:49):
hey, where's the episode? Sothank you all for reaching out and for
caring enough to ask. Um,but we're back. I'm feeling a lot
better. UM. I do apologize. I do have a hauls in because
I haven't talked a lot over thislast week, so we're gonna take this
a little slow. Has she eversaid that, you guys, I haven't
(07:11):
talked a lot. Sweet, Ihaven't talked a lot, and so I
have to like get my get mygame back. You haven't you. I
don't think you've ever ever said that. First of all, don't don't do
me. Don't. This is adirect attack. I feel like you're probably
gonna spend this entire episode getting backat me. Why no, put your
(07:35):
phone down. We're having conversation.There's no reason for you to start looking
up pictures of Tica Sumter. No, not at all. You ambushed me,
so there was a premeditated attack.It wasn't though it was I just
happened to think about. No,I'm gonna stop. Her name isn't actually
Tica. I'm not gonna pronounce that. Um So I don't. It's not
(08:00):
that I don't, Okay, Idon't like her, but Tika Sumter.
You know we're gonna have a goodepisode. I'm just like, I don't
even have a way to describe it. It's just it just started off as
a dislike and it's turned to disdainever since. Um, but she's she's
(08:22):
in she's paid to act, soshe's she's working for somebody. There's an
audience out there for her money.Yeah. So this past a few weeks,
Yeah, these past few weeks havebeen, um, a lot of
(08:43):
changes, a lot of things thathave been going on. You're back in
school teaching. Yeah, Um,why why why are you sending me stuff
you don't know? You're back inschool, You're tutoring, You're elevating your
space, You're owning a lot,you're being you're really taking a space in
(09:05):
that area, growing a lot.Yeah, And honestly, it's kind of
because I haven't talked to you sinceI last seeing my life coach not to
jump in, but um, it'skind of bizarre how like comfortable I am
with asserting myself with stuff, Andlike I think I've talked before about where
(09:30):
I was even when I came outto Seattle. I think in our last
episode we talked about that, howeven then I wasn't in the best head
space right, But just since standwith the adjustments that I've made, which
we've talked about, things are likeI feel good like and I haven't felt
good in a really long time,and I realized that when I'm in a
good space mentally and feeling good aboutmyself, then I'm more likely to push
(09:54):
back and stand up for myself withstuff and just be really direct and assertive
and it feels good. You know, you've been trying to get me to
that point for a while, sothank you. I was gonna say,
like, we've only been talking aboutthis for over ten years. Yeah,
yeah, I think it came withage and just feeling comfortable with myself.
(10:16):
I'm like, okay, nobody iscan really beat me up, like I'm
not gonna and I know that's ajuvenile anytime, I like emotionally, mentally
physically both like realistically, people canonly mentally and emotionally harm me as much
as I allow them to, likeand just even saying that just now that
(10:37):
was a realization. But like physicallythat's what I go back to, because
I'm like, Okay, I'm sixfive, I'm not the thickest of people.
But people see height and they don'tlike they automatically assume like okay,
they don't know how much power youpack. Yeah, but like that's where
I go back to, Like whenI'm really doubting myself and I need to
(10:58):
stand up for something or need todo something, I'm like, Okay,
what do you beat me up?Like they they're not gonna beat me up.
They're not going to so but umyeah, like nobody's gonna bug you
knock on wood. I think I'vebeen assertive because I mean I've been assertive
(11:18):
most of my life. And Ican see now kid with their hands on
their hips, huh. I cansee you as the little kid, like
a little six year old with theirhands on the hips. See. But
I was always like a happy kid, and I just I just did what
I wanted most of the time.So it's uh so now when I think
(11:41):
about my assertiveness and what that meansand how how I am, I think
it comes from a place of Ifought too damn hard to get to where
I am to allow some no nameindividual who's not paying my bills, who
not putting food in my refrigerator,who's not elevating me in any kind of
(12:03):
way, to come and think thatthey have some space to take up in
my mind, in my in myemotions, in my spirit whatever you know.
Um, I just think about itfrom a place of like I worked
really really hard to get here,and even if I got here on you
know, on chance, like Iwas prepared to obviously take that opportunity to
(12:24):
get this is exactly so I Iboss up and just like, look this,
what I say is what it is, you know. And I don't
mind being collaborative with people and thingslike that, but I really pay attention
to the way people people treat meand how they but more importantly like how
(12:46):
they treat others, so that whenit does come back around to me,
I already know what to expect outof that person, so that I'm not
like, but didn't you say tothis? But and I think what has
(13:07):
Like one thing that I thought aboutrecently is how sometimes in my relationships,
like I would just expect me tomisremember things and I didn't. Really It's
not like a gaslighty thing or anythinglike that. But there is a person
who was just like, oh,I actually I stay on this side,
and it's like, okay, cool, cool cool. A month later,
I'll say like, oh, youstay on this side, right, so
(13:30):
would you be able to and they'relike, I don't stay on that side.
I stay on this side. Okay, but you just said that you.
No, no, no, no, I never said that. Well
did you move? No, no, no, I didn't move. I've
always stayed on this side. Okay. And then like a month later,
I'm like, okay, so sinceyou stay on this side, no no,
no, no, I don't stayon this side. I actually live
over here and people will and not. It was mostly guys who did stuff
(13:56):
like that, like especially when we'rein tea meetings or if we were assigned
different work and things like that.But that's why they know. Like people
know, I take notes on everything, so I don't shy away from when
like, I don't mind being wrong, but I was according to the notes
I took. You said you wouldwork on X, Y Z. And
(14:18):
then they'll and then a lot oftimes they'll admit, oh, leah,
because you were doing this, Ithought that you would just take it over.
No. No. So I thinkthat my assertiveness is something that I
wear with a badge of honor,and it makes it so that people don't
(14:41):
I'm not as easy and mark aspeople assume they first set me, because
sometimes they oh, you know,oh she'll help out this, blah blah
blah, Oh you have boundaries?Oh um, can you do you mind
moving your boundaries so that I canI can step over real quick. No,
that's not gonna work for me,But let me know how it works
(15:03):
out for you, right, youwant to whenever you reach whatever goal,
you're trying to let me know howyou got there, but you're not cutting
through this yard. And it wasit was like little things. So people
will call me and say, hey, Leah, do you have anything planned
(15:24):
for two o'clock on Friday? Okay, let's rework that question. What is
it that you want? Don't tryto plan my schedule for me, Don't
ask you what I got going on. Let me know what you need and
I'll let you know if I'm ifI have the capacity to help you.
Having small boundaries like that, orcerting myself in situations like that where I
(15:48):
don't want people to to run myschedule for me, or I don't want
people to try to tell me whatI have capacity for. You know,
things like that. Those are thelittle things that I didn't realize until somebody
else is pointing them out to me, especially when we have when we have
meetings or if we're friends groups justand I was like, yeah, because
(16:10):
the way people talk to you ishow they're going to treat you. And
if you let them talk to youany kind of way, how much better
are they're going to treat you.So you got you gotta be willing at
every turn to make sure that youare being respected. Whatever that respect looks
like. Yeah, you know,whether that comes from a place of word
(16:34):
choice, tone, the medium whenyou talk about rhetorical analysis earlier, like
you you have to make sure thatyou're being respected and whatever that looks like.
And some people, some people don'tunderstand how good it feels to be
treated as a human being with respect, and and the unfortunate thing is a
(17:03):
lot of them don't, not thatthey don't deserve it, but they don't
know how to go about it becausethey'll say, is it okay if I
put this boundary here? Because sometimeswhen you talk to me this way,
I don't it makes me feel kindof bad. And so I kind of
want to tell you, you know, not, but only if it's you
know, only if it's okay withyou, Like, no, that's not
(17:25):
your boundaries don't come and somebody,do not talk to me that way.
There's not even a reason for it. I just tell people, don't talk
to me like that, you don'ttalk to me like that period that's the
first time that it's said, thenthat's it, and if you do it
again, then you won't have theopportunity. Exactly when we talked before about
how I'm quick to um sort ofback off from people if I feel,
(17:51):
um, not slighted, because thatmakes it sound like I'm like dexter.
Not dexter, but like a situationwhere it's like, hey, yeah,
slight inconvenience, then I cut peopleoff. But no, if you disrespect
me, if you seemingly go outof your way to disrespect me and then
disrespect that boundary, when I tellyou that I will not be disrespected in
(18:11):
that way, then that's when Ipull back. Yeah, you gave them
the opportunity and they chose not tocorrect the behavior there. There are a
faculty at my campus, you knowwho. It was, the one person
that I worked with on a groupproject to turn it in without consulting Goes.
(18:34):
I have not exchanged emails with her. She's been on the Writing Center
and stuff, and she's emailing mywork, I should say and stuff.
Um, but she's been corresponding withone of my co workers instead of me.
And for whatever reason, she won'treply at all when my coworker puts
me on the email when she triesto loot me in because stuff is sort
(18:56):
of planned where I'm included in it, where I have to visit certain things.
So I that's something right there whereit's like, okay, you're gonna
disrespect me in that way, thenI'm not going to go out of my
way to help you help your students. I know that seems petty, but
but it's I don't think it's pettybecause it's not fair to especially if you're
(19:19):
in a professional setting, right,academic or otherwise, Like you're supposed to
be able to conduct yourself and beable to connect cordially with those in your
work group. Because the English Department, like across California is not that big,
so you can imagine, like obviouslyit is really small when it comes
(19:42):
to the sacramental area, so verywhite. I should say, yeah,
there's no way that you're missed onetwo If if there is something, because
you're so knowledgeable about so many differentthings, then yeah, you're going to
be the one who's called on whenthere's different projects that are happening, especially
(20:03):
not just because like they need adiversity higher but because you have the knowledge
necessary in order to get the projectgoing, because of your experience, and
to be fair, but it's it'swild to me that people don't understand that
you can have a disagreement without burninga bridge. Yeah, there are so
(20:25):
many people who I um, especiallylike I said, it's a very white
space. And to be fair tothis this colleague that I'm talking about,
UM, just to divert a littlebit, diverge something like that. UM.
I don't think that she necessary orthat they necessarily are going out of
(20:45):
their way to not include me inthe emails. I think that they part
of it is just like a okay, maybe they think that this other person
that they're corresponding with is above me. And also I know that historically they
are very anti I reply all,which I appreciate in that sense because they
hate getting all those reply all emails. Anyway, sometimes you need to reply
(21:07):
all. I digress. But thereare so many people in the English composition
space that I have disagree with,and a lot of that has stemmed from
the fact that it is such awhite space, especially in Sacramento, but
even here in different microaggressions and stuffthat people will have. I still find
(21:29):
a way to make sure that I'mprioritizing the students and what's going to be
best for the students over like,Okay, I'm not going to change emails
with this person or I'm gonna completelycut this person off. But there are
some people who lack that emotional maturity, which is unfortunate, right it is.
(21:52):
It's also frustrating. Yea, thenyou kind of have to which I
stopped doing about a couple of yearsago because I was just I was over
it. I always felt like Ihad to be the bigger person and explain
to the person who is causing thestrife how their inactions or their actions or
(22:21):
their words or their tone and howthey choose to conduct themselves is causing a
hostile work environment. And I'm justlike, we're not children, but you
your maturity level is causing me totalk to you as if you are a
(22:45):
fourteen year old insty rebel who can'tget it together. You may not land
I'm sorry, hold on, don'tunderstand. You just don't get it.
And I know they have more emotionalintelligent conversations when they're having the EI conversations,
but Please don't let anybody's attitude orbehavior demeanor keep you from achieving success,
(23:15):
whatever that is. If somebody isconstantly disrespecting your boundaries, you have
to say something. You have tomake it a priority. Because your manager
is not going to know that they'redoing this. Your co workers may see
it, but they're not really goingto do anything. Even in your friends
group, if nobody else stands upfor you, you have to stand up
(23:37):
for you. And once you startstanding up for yourself and you start treating
yourself like you deserve respect, andthat's how other people are going to fall
in line. But if you're alwaysbeing like, push it aside, oh,
your opinion as a matter, andthen you start internalizing that you used
to do that stuff to me allthe time. She used to beat me.
Actually, wow, we had tohave a for intervention. It was
(24:00):
it was a situation. You heardher say earlier, I've been trying to
beat that into you about the assertiveness. Um. I did not say beat
that into you. I think youdid. Um you'll you'll run the tape
back when you edit this and youwill see that. Okay, why are
(24:29):
you sitting here? I literally justmade a statement of fact. A whole
entire I just want you guys togo back about two seconds and look,
how look how serious he looks anentire album of nothing but Tika Sumter.
(24:52):
I think she's beautiful. I thinkI didn't say the girl exactly. No,
I'm not saying that either. It'sjust gonna be I'm gonna have an
entire collect and oh that one,that one's gonna hit. And if you
send me any pictures of ed sharing, then I will know that all bets
are off. That's a bridge toofar. You already attacked me with the
words I can't deal with ed sharing. Let's get back on track. What
(25:14):
were we talking about? You beatingme? Right? Wow? Yeah?
And your friend groups, I don'tthink i've ever I think I've always been
that person that just believes people andstuff, So I never experienced it.
No, But seriously, in yourfriend groups. There are friend groups that
I pull back from. Probably oncethat I pulled back from just because it
(25:36):
didn't seem like I fit in andit just seemed like everything that would happen
would just be sort of disrespected.But even with like family and stuff,
if you're invited to something, ifyour invitation takes the form of what are
you doing on this day? Ifyou say nothing, then that turns into
oh, come with us here.It's like, oh, no, I
don't want to why you're not doingnothing? Come on, come with us.
(25:57):
That's a disrespecting boundary, right right, you said that earlier, That's
what that. It sort of triggeredme, yeah, a little bit.
But yeah, you have to sortof recognize where, not necessarily where you
feel as if you're being disrespected andstuff, but just recognize where you feel
(26:22):
less than in any situation and reevaluatenot necessarily how people are treating you,
but how you are letting that affectyou. Because people are going to treat
you however they want to treat you. You can tell even if you tell
them no, don't talk to methis way, don't do me this way
whatever, they're gonna do what theywant to do. But you have to
put up the safeguards for yourself,and what you have control over is yourself.
(26:45):
So you can make sure that yourspace isn't being tainted by them.
You can make or you can makesure that you're your energy is being protected
by just ensuring that whatever you areallowing in is just what you want in
there instead of just letting everybody havea piece of you because because they want
(27:06):
it. That sounds skinky, Thatsounded that sounded a little I was gonna
let you live. Sounded a littleexultatious. No, but I agree.
I think it's it's more important thatyou feel good about you at the end
of the day and not just thinkingthe validation of other people. Right,
(27:33):
you feel good about yourself, thennothing else really matters. Yeah, you
don't have to worry about what heshe they them way over there, those
in the bag. You're kindergarten teacher, you know the person across the street,
what your neighbors are doing. Whenyou know and you're and you're sure
(27:56):
about who you are, you're confidentin who you are, what your skills
are, what you have, whereyou're going, where you've been, the
knowledge that you have accumulated over yourillustrious life, you don't have to worry
about Well, how come so andso didn't support me? How come so
so didn't back me up? Howcome this person keeps trying to violate my
(28:18):
boundaries? How come this person won'trespect my boundaries? And even though this
person feels like they're on my side. They make these slight comments that make
me feel like I'm less dead.And if you have to keep asking yourself
those questions, you have to keepwondering about who's in your circle, it's
probably time to get a new circle. Maybe, just maybe I am going
to pose a question to you.Sure, I'll answer it first for myself,
(28:41):
But how do you get to thepoint where you're not seeking the validation
of others and you are more focusedon okay, is this fulfilling me?
Do you want to answer first ordo you want Oh, you go first,
Okay. Part of my thing.One of the best things that my
room sort of drilled into my headwhen I lived on campus was fake it
(29:06):
till you make it. And soeven like I'm just reminding myself, when
I first started teaching, I waslike, Okay, yeah, I'm a
teacher. I'm a confident teacher.I'm a great teacher. I'm an awesome
teacher. Even when I was feelingreally unsure of my abilities and stuff,
it was just literally telling myself overand over again these things that I wanted
to be true to the point thatnow I know it to be true,
(29:30):
Like and I know again with timethat happened with experience with just honestly,
probably hitting thirty, that played abig part in everything where it's just I
wasn't concerned with a lot of stuff. Yeah, but yeah, faking it
till you make it, and thenalso just doing stuff that makes me feel
(29:51):
good, even if it's just loungingaround and being intentional about those kinds of
things instead of worrying about Okay,am I doing what I'm supposed to be
doing right now? Letting go ofthe supposed to use. Yeah, those
things played a big part in justmy entire process of feeling good with myself,
just over the past few weeks.What about you, oh fake and
(30:15):
tea you make it? I havea love hate relationship with that, mostly
because it kind of created a doubleconsciousness or a sense of impostor syndrome two
faced yeah or is it the personayeah? Like like is it am I
(30:37):
actually doing this work? Or haveI convinced the entire world the greatest lie
ever told? You know what Imean? We need to revisit impostor syndrome.
By the way, because um,your situation with imposter syndrome, I
think it frustrates me from the outsidenow I'm not saying I know you're in
the workings of why you have,why you deal with that and stuff,
(30:59):
but your situation with it it frustratesme in a way. It's like,
Okay, you are doing the job, and I know that's part of the
complexity of it and the problem withit. It's like you're literally doing it
and you're stuck in your mind whereit's like, Okay, am I actually
doing it? Or is some hiddenpart of me actually doing It's like,
no, that's it's it's I guess. It's almost like, how do you
(31:22):
consolidate the two right light understand thatit is all of you that's doing it.
Well, I don't think that it'sso. I don't think it's that,
and I'm gonna aswer you and Iam going to answer your question.
I don't think that it's I don'tthink that it's two different parts of me
where one part of me is like, hey, we're actually doing the thing
(31:45):
we said we were doing, andthen there's another part of me saying I
don't think that's actually us doing thework. It's more like I have the
role, I have the position,I'm doing the things. Am I really
supposed to be here because there's alot of things I know that I don't
know. Like the more that Iknow, the more I realize I don't
know, And I'm like, Ifeel like I should know more to be
(32:07):
where I am. So I thinkthat I think it more so comes from
I put on a great show,and my work is good obviously, I
mean I made it to where Iam. My work is good. It
speaks for itself a lot of times. And even when, like my sister
was telling me, like she's like, oh my gosh, like you're so
(32:28):
smart. How are you able todo you know these things that I was
just like, I thank you forthe compliment, but also I don't really
see myself as that smart little doveif you only knew like I really is.
She's like, oh my gosh,but you could pick up this blah
blah blah. And I was like, yeah, but I also don't know
(32:49):
how to fabricate a chicken or tellyou what duck is supposed to taste like,
or how to put together this wonderfulmeal blah blah blah. And she's
like, yeah, but you youthink so quick on your feet, And
I said, because it's a practice, like I've literally like somebody called me
a couple of weeks ago and askedme to be their communications coach, and
(33:15):
um, they were like, hey, you know, I just wanted to
be I wanted to see if youhad a program or if you had a
coaching sessions da DA and I literallymade up a program, a ninety day
program on the spot, and shewas just like, how do you how
how did you put everything together andnot be able to put but you were
able to hit everything. I waslike, because I've been in communications programs,
(33:36):
I've seen this and over again,Like I know what it looks like,
I know what it's supposed to feellike, I know what the outcomes
are. It's practiced, like I'vedone it over and over and over again.
So it's so it's like when peopleare like, oh my gosh,
you're so smart, you're so listen, So that it's hard for me to
take it as a compliment because ofjust like but also there's a lot of
things I don't know. So Ithink that that's that's where my like double
(33:57):
caustiousness comes in, because it's likeI can know these things and be smart
and not know a lot of thingsat the same time, but my mind
won't let that be true. Okay, that's what that is. But to
answer your question, I don't thinkthat I ever stop seeking validation of others
because I really want people to feelgood when they're in my presence, and
(34:19):
I want them to walk away fromme like knowing that they can conquer the
world if they wanted to, orthey can take a nap if they wanted
to, just feel free to bethemselves. That's the kind of validation that
I seek with others. It's justthat reaching, like you said, reaching
your thirties is like, there's allthis supposed to have to All that stuff
(34:40):
goes out the window. So whatever'sgonna bring me joy whatever, Like what
I tell you, I want thesoft life. I am so soft.
And to explain this to my civilithoughs like if it's work, if it's
effort and I'm on vacation, Iam not doing it. There's no no
(35:05):
When I say self and say wfself like no, there no, there's
I want the solf life. SoI feel like, um, now I'm
not begging people to stay in mylife. I'm not begging people to give
me validation. I'm not begging peopleto agree with me, or to go
along with me, or to supportme. Come along if you want to
(35:27):
on this ride. You know,you may learn some stuff, you may
not. You may teach me somestuff, but I think it's more important
for me to acknowledge what's gonna makeme a little kid happy. Like That's
that's why I've been able to likelet go a lot of what other people's
(35:49):
expectations are, whether I'm whether it'sme dating, whether it's me buying a
house, whether it's me getting anotherjob, whether it's me picking out the
style of wardrobe, because I'm stillworking on the style, but depending on
like whatever that looks, like ifI can't put on something from my closet
and make me feel happy, orif I can't you know, take a
walk by the pier and feel happieror whatever, Like I don't need the
(36:12):
validation of other people. Like I'mgonna do things. It's gonna that's going
to make me happy, And that'sall the validation that I need. Because
I could have been at night andjust like we really did that. I
feel good good for me for thatreason, exactly, all right, Jason,
go ahead and plug away, wordlydropped the word snatsnats snats snat snap.
(36:37):
That's my one handed clop. Followme, JJ underscore Newberry. Every
single time I say the thing Ihave to tell myself underscore. I could
make the underdash happen if I wantedto. We could our forces combined,
the Captain Planet, M Captain Planet. When do you talk about that show?
(36:59):
It's point just us as friends.Um, it's not an element.
Um, it's not an allar JJUnderscore Newberry Twitter Instagram. Um was the
other one? TikTok ticket to talk, ticket to talk. Yeah, follow
(37:20):
me see some stuff stuff happened?Yeah, yeah, why not or don't.
I'm not seeking your validation. Meedyou to follow me, like to
see you on the train, jointhe journey. But oh okay, girl,
get together. I was just tryingto figure out, like I just
imagine somebody on the train looking atyou, saying I got it there,
(37:45):
he's right there. You know howI feel about you whispering into this microphone.
It makes me uncomfortable. I'm sorry, but I don't have the first
surround sound experience this time. Butsince my headphone snapped apped, Yeah,
your headphones did not want to bea part of this episode snap crackle pop.
That's it, but thank you allso much for tuning in. Please
(38:07):
make sure to follow Jason, andafter you follow Jason, make sure to
follow us take Up Space Pods.That's Take Up Space Pod on Facebook,
Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, andall the good things like subscribe, share,
all that good stuff. Hopefully myvoice will be back next week.
If not, I will let youall know. Thank you all again for
(38:29):
those who reached out. Thank youall for tuning in to another episode of
Taking Space Podcast. I've been Leah, he's been Jason, and we'll see
you next time. Bye.
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