Ep. 114: From Extrovert to Introvert

#championsofdiscourse #takeupspacepod #podcast

More than two years of being in a whole panoramic, and we're seeing the long-term social side effects of being isolated for so long in society at large and at home.

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Episode Transcript

(00:02):
It was interesting last week you wantedme to delete your number, and I
think people should know why. Ithink the people should know why. But
I don't think that they'll be onyour side, but I think that people
should know why. That's fine.There was a text message that I sent
to you. By the way,I waited till the afternoon. I didn't
even send this to you at sevenam, like I wanted to. I

(00:24):
waited until after lunch, and Iwas like, let me go ahead,
fired this off, and youb allright and attack this man. I didn't
attack. It was no, there'sno attacking happened. But I just said.
And the funny thing is, Ihaven't read this out loud. Just
we're just gonna go through it.There is no incuplatory evidence that I inculcated

(00:50):
mawkish behavior and my nieces and nephews. Yet I'm still blamed. I saw
that text message. I looked atit and I was like, I'm not
dealing with this right now because ittook me a minute to respond, right,
um respond, So it's a keyabout a half an hour. Yeah,

(01:11):
what time did you send two fiftysix and you responded a three thirty.
Yeah, I just gotten off thedesk. I was actually on my
lunch and stuff, and I waslike, you know what, I'm not
doing this with her today. Idon't deserve this. I don't deserve to
be attacked. I'm a good person. I'm here trying to to help the

(01:34):
youth, trying to help elderly peoplemeet their lifelong goals, and I get
attacked like this, out of theshadows, out of the darkness. First
of all, I think that helpingyou with my vocabulary is something not even
your vocabulary, though the gift thatI'm giving to the world. But friend,

(01:57):
that's not even your vocabulary. Ican use some of these words on
a regular basis if I wanted to. I don't work in that environment.
Again, you almost couldn't even saythat with your eyes open. I means
listen. In culatory evidence is somethingthat I've heard a lot of watching my

(02:19):
shows, like I've heard it,I've heard a lot mawkish behavior. Mawkish
behavior. I feel like that's givenright altogether is when it's not your vocabulary.
But I think inculcated is the newword that probably threw you off in
the context, but it perfectly describeswhat you do in the context of a

(02:45):
complete sentence that is not your vocabulary. It could be you don't know that,
you haven't talked to me, youdon't have the conviction to convince me
that you really want that vocabulary.I really, I really think that this

(03:07):
type of vocabulary is necessary in certainspaces. But I find myself these days
in spaces where if I were touse this vocabulary, um, even though
I'm the only black person in thosespaces, those people would still not know

(03:27):
what I'm talking about. Even thoughI'm the only black person. I didn't
know that. I thought that,like throughout finance, it was all black
people, just like education, justlike higher ed. Look everywhere I look,
I see me get out of themirrored room, and then you'll be

(03:50):
you'll be able to see what's reallyNo, I feel like it's so sometimes
when I do use you know,the words, find all the words,
whatever the case is, UM,the people who I'm talking to they don't
they don't know what I'm talking about. Like when I was when I was
saying UM, I was saying somethingI said parenthetically and I was stopped in

(04:18):
my example and she was like,I'm so sorry, UM, And it
could just be me but can youwhat is what is the word that you
just said? And I was like, are we talking about the leases?
No? Before when you were talkingabout I said, oh, parenthetically and
she was like, yeah, whatis that? I said, like parentheses

(04:41):
and she asked, and this islike the example, so it's more information
so that you understand the context ofthe situation. And she was just information.
Oh, because I had no ideawhat you After you said that word,
I just shut down and didn't hearanything else to define this. Good
for her though, like I'm happy, she asked, because a lot of

(05:02):
times people will hear words just ingeneral, even if they're not like big
words, they're here stuff and they'lljust go with it, or they've been
this isn't an attack on you.They've been shamed into thinking that everyone is
supposed to know the words and stuffeverywhere. Oh my gosh, yes,
okay, because especially you're working ineducation, you understand this almost more than

(05:25):
anybody. People will just assume thatthey're the dumb ones because they don't understand.
Nobody knows what they're doing. Noneof us know what we're doing.
And that has been a beautiful thingfor me to realize. Thirty four to
thirty five years old. Like before, I was like freaked out all the
time because I felt like I neededto know everything in this job in particular,

(05:46):
even though it's not teaching. Inthis job in particular, there's a
lot of stuff that I don't knowhow to do because it's a lot of
like data entry stuff, Excel spreadsheets. I'm not good with that stuff.
I'm gonna be straight up. Ilet Canvas do migrating for me when
I was teaching. UM, ButI realize, like, Okay, if
I ask a question the first time, then I don't like problems won't come

(06:10):
up anymore, Like this problem won'tcome up again, or if it does,
I don't know how to fix it. So I'm like constantly texting my
coworkers and stuff that have been intheir positions longer than me, like,
Hey, how do I do this? What do we normally do with this?
When should I do this? Whoshould I contact for this? Just
always asking questions, and I feellike it served me well because it makes

(06:32):
me feel more confident with the job. Personally. I don't understand how people
just fly by without asking for clarificationand stuff. I think I think it
has to do with agreeableness, likeyou don't want to cause dissension in the
rings. You don't want to cause, you don't want to make waves,
so you just you just try toagree. Just let's get to the job.

(06:57):
But then you realize you get there, you have the tools, which
you don't know how to use thembecause you refuse to answer to ask a
question or two? How did youget me? Do you like asking questions?
So it's I have learned to startasking the right questions. So yes,
I've become much better at asking questions, and I enjoy asking questions,

(07:23):
but I get frustrated when like,And I think that's why I started using
my like. I started weaponizing heavyquotations my vocabulary because that people with weapons,
because they would talk in their companylegal like. And because when you're
in an environment, right we haveyou. It doesn't matter whether you're in

(07:46):
construction, whether you are a mechanic, whether you're in education, whether you're
in finance. There's always lingo withinyour certain sect that makes sense to you,
and it makes sense to all thosewho were in that environment for the
last however long. And so whena new person comes in, Okay,

(08:07):
what does this, what does thismean, what does this? Do you
know? Okay, what's this UCCcode? Well, it stands for or
what's the UCC It's the Uniform Commercialcode Okay, what does it do well?
And then people don't know because they'vejust been saying it and doing it
for so long. Yeah, Andso when I'm like, when I'm asking
questions, so where do I goto get this information? If you as

(08:31):
the trainer don't know, or youas the analyst, you don't know.
You're just doing stuff because this iswhat you were told to do, but
you don't know the why behind it. Okay, that makes no sense.
So then with other leaders, whenthey start using lingo, I just up
my words and just like, uh, okay, we're gonna get academic on

(08:54):
this, oh okay. And soI don't know if they paid attention,
but when they started like talking andplaying English, and I know that it's
faster to say some certain things justbecause it takes oh my gosh, we
have to do this, and wehave to do that, and it's faster
to use an acronym, or it'sfaster to say it, you know short.

(09:15):
But if I'm like, I justgot here two months ago, don't
even know what you're talking about,but apparently it affects me. I've never
been of that mind where like it'seasier to shorten things except for like lol,
lmao or whatever those kinds of things, But like as far as like
using the names of different centers andstuff on our campus, using the different

(09:37):
programs that we use and stuff.I don't know why. I've always been
someone that I want everything spelled out, especially if it's in writing or some
conversation or something. It's not reallysaving that much time for me personally for
you to use three letters instead ofyou just saying like, okay, this,
whatever the title of it is,you know what I mean, unless

(09:58):
it's a very well known thing.But a lot of these positions have these
very obscure definitions for things that sometimesdon't even cross between departments. But yeah,
as I just say, I've neverunderstood all the hype about shorthand personally,
so I'm on board with you.You know, spell it out,

(10:20):
especially if you have new people whoare forever coming in, Like you have
to be able to explain at thevery basic level to someone who doesn't know
instead of just repeating the same terminologyand expecting them to just do it like
nah, yeah, And a lotof people don't like doing that kind of
thing because it makes them goes backto teaching. For me, it's that

(10:46):
idea of you need to know howto do something so well that you can
explain it for like a five yearold or whatever and just completely dumb it
down for lack of a better term, right, simplify it just so that
you can explain what you're doing sothat other people can do their job.
And I wonder if it goes backto just how people in teaching positions in

(11:09):
general just aren't really valued. Mm. You know, speaking to my heart
now, you know, well weget before we get to your heart,
We're going to thank everybody for tuningin. I appreciate you. Um.
This is Take of Stace podcast.I'm your hostly joined by Jason, So
thank you very much for being here. We're back. We're back. Yes,

(11:30):
it's been a couple of weeks,but I'm glad that we can come
back and just be rejuvenated and taketime to to be to exist. I
think I'm so glad that I carvedtime out of my nothingness record let me

(11:54):
do Like, why is it sohard to schedule not schedule. It's so
hard for me. Like today,I had a day off, but it
was so hard for me to getanything done because I knew I had all
days to do it. But ifI am busy with someone or if I
have a lot of other things todo, I typically gotta get up,
gotta do this, gotta do this, blah da da da. I was

(12:16):
supposed to go as Story today.I said it's forty five thousand times that
I was going to go ax throwing, and I was like, well,
I can go get sushi because it'sstill happy hour, and then after sushi,
I can go ax storing. Ohmy gosh, the ax story place
I want to go to doesn't openuntil Wednesday. Well there's another ax storing
place. How long is it goingto take to get there? Oh,
look, it's only a train rideaway. Why do they Why are they

(12:39):
only open on Wednesdays? No,they're open. They don't open until Wednesday.
They're close. That's interesting. Yeah, they're closed money and Tuesday and
so. Yes, it was rainingwhen I woke up this torning, but
I still intended on getting out ofthe house because I spent I spent way
too much time indoors way too muchtime. How long have you been a
vacation today? Oh so you've justbeen all right, and you work from

(13:03):
home. You don't have to goin the office at all anymore? On
yeah, no, And this iswhat. So there was an interesting conversation
on Twitter, I mean on Twitterand TikTok. It was about the effects
of what the social effects that peoplewere experiencing after the pandemic. I saw

(13:24):
you posted the video of you theextrovert's becoming more introverted. And I know
I talked about it on the showpreviously, and the shortened version is essentially
because I was by myself for suchan extended period of time. I am
socially an extrovert. At my core, I'm an extrovert. I'm a very
communal person. But because I've beenso much time by myself during the pandemic,

(13:46):
you know, just by myself,me and my dog for I think
a solid nine or ten months somethinglike that, from yeah, nine or
ten months, and I I becamean introvert and being around people drained thing
like every twenty like when I waseven at my sister's place, and it's

(14:07):
my sister, her kids, andher husband, and I can only be
with him for like twenty to thirtyminutes at a time before I needed to
like go take a nap. Icouldn't understand for the life of me why
I was so tired so much soquickly. And it was just like no
being around people's draining. So that'swhy I gave. I had to,
had to, you know, tellmy my my introverted people. I don't

(14:31):
know why I attracked so many,but like I understand you now. I
get why when I call audibles whenwe're out, how that affects you now?
And I am so sorry, notreally but I but I understand now.
We knew you were, you wereon your way. That's why we
were attracted to you. We knewthat we would have to support you in
this transition in your life. AndI don't want to be an introvert,

(14:54):
though I think you can be awhat is it the ambervert where they get
to choose where they get to kindof like you have both best of both
worlds or whatever or the worst things. I don't. I don't even want
to be that. Like I amsuch a communal person that it is are
you now or where are you?It is my current state I don't tell

(15:18):
because being in the house for thelast two weeks, just for context,
um of I'm gonna just use theum word threat, the threat of Leah's
extrovertedness. The entire time. WhenI was in Seattle, I would kind
of other than the DJ people,okay, or the grappers or whatever,

(15:41):
We're not going to talk about themanymore. When we're going to stores and
stuff, I would purposely try tostay focused on certain things because I knew
that if we were standing around certainpeople, you would try to adopt them
in that like fifteen minutes. Inthat fifteen minute when period, I feel

(16:02):
like you're the person that makes friendswith people in line, like at the
amusement part Oh, absolutely, atthe airport, at the Amusic park,
at the grocery store. I haveto talk to people like I have a
I have a guy named Chatz nowwho gets me the best fruits and veggies,
Like I have a guy named Sizzlewho makes sure that I have like
fresh clam showder sizz cool scizzles cool. See yeah, see, I'm beaning

(16:22):
some cool people like I. I'ma very social person. I love talking
to people. I love hearing modestiesare um of course not what so it
is Uh, it is a veryum interesting space for me to be in
because I have been so and wetalked about this, I think a couple

(16:45):
of episodes ago about me being nomadicand developing introvert tendencies that would go against
my extrovertedness and um just as likea level of protection without really realizing the
effects of it. But being inthe pandemic, somebody was like, yeah,
like, I have everything I needat home. I just want to
stay home, like that's where allthe nice things are. And I'm like,

(17:08):
yeah, but your home can alsobecome a prison because yeah, like
all your nice things are there,that's where they should be, but you
should have a place to go towhere you can experience chaos a little bit
like in order for me to enjoythe peace, in order for me to
enjoy the serenity of being at home, I need the chaos in my life.

(17:32):
I need the bustle and bustle ofthe market or riding on a train
or standing standing for an hour waitingfor the ferry. You have me,
Seattle, you have me at thestart, but then you lost me the
chaos. I feel like the chaosthing for me, I'm kind of over
it, like being like in citycenter, Like even around where we are,

(17:55):
it used to be quieter. Yeteven though it's a busy street that
we a yeah, but it's gottenprogressively more and more chaotic innocence, just
like with the people that live around, as the neighbors and stuff, the
cars that drive by, the stuffthat's happening on the streets. And I
realize, like I don't even likegoing downtown or midtown anymore because it's just

(18:15):
so like there's too much going onfor me. It's overstanding. I think
for me with the and even whenI was in Seattle at first, I
was like, Okay, this isintense being downtown. It's a lot,
it's a lot of people. It'sa lot of people, it's a lot
of energy. For me, Igo my people. Yeah, I realized

(18:38):
that every time you stepped out whenwe got on that boat to go over
to Bainbridge Island, I was like, Okay, I think I do still
want to move here if I canfind like a quiet outskirts part, so
even like towards the university where I'mlooking towards UM, that would be cool.
I think for me going back tothe pandemic stuff. At first,

(19:00):
the pandemic was like, Okay,I think I can get down with this.
This is okay, I'm an introvert. I feel good after about a
month of it. The fact thatthere was no option is what really did
it for me, and I knowit did that for like it messed Jordan
up too, because it was like, Okay, yeah, there's a difference
when like, as an introvert,I can go to the office or something,

(19:22):
or I can choose to go Ican choose to stay in for two
or three days at a time,or three or four days at a time.
The fact that there was no optionfor me to go out and really
interact with people without in those earlystages, without like feeling like I was
gonna be the person like patient zerofor our complex or whatever. I don't

(19:44):
like when I feel trapped, andthat made me feel really trapped because there
was no option to leave so similarsimilar threat like it was like an prison
type thing where I was like,okay, I guess it was like a
prison. I didn't have the optionto leave the prison, which is what
the idea of prison is. SoI think that's the goal. I mean

(20:08):
mostly allegend they put they put alot of security in place to make sure
that other people, a lot ofbillionaires have put a lot of money into
sure that you don't leave. Yeah, you know, legally or illegally,
you know whatever. But that's neitherhere nor there, but so there.
But I it's funny because when Iwas talking about, oh, yeah,

(20:30):
you know, I think I canlive out in the suburbs or they said
that or whatever, and I wastold, no, you you need the
city and I was like, Idon't think. I mean, I think
that I'm kind of over. Hewas like, no, who you need
the city and I was just like, I was like, I feel like,

(20:52):
I was like, but I thinkI could do you know, Okay,
at least he knows you. That'sgood, um, because I don't
think you could really like you wouldhave to be even if it was like
the suburbs or something. I couldsee you being like towards Sunfish over in
West Seattle, like in that areawhere there's still a lot going on,

(21:14):
still sort of touristy and stuff,still kind of bustling, but slower,
different vibe for sure, Seattle.Like I feel like, not speaking for
you, my observations as a friend, that's the kind of vibe that you
would have, or even um,not even Bambridge is because I feel like
Bambridge, you could own a propertythere and go on the weekends and you

(21:37):
would be good with it. Butday to day I feel like you would
snap on somebody to make not snapon somebody. Actually that sounds a little
violent. You would weaponize your words. Oh wow, you said it first
of all, saying that lightly.Yes, saying that lightly weaponize weabonize the

(21:59):
words. Um. But yeah,yeah, it was thinking back, thinking
back to August tenth, you know, when I was in Seattle going to
lean into this. Wow, Agusttenth. M let's take it back.
Can you imagine Seattle? Wow?August tenth. Wow, That's that's it,

(22:22):
that's the story. I'm so sorry. Yeah, so sort. I
want to move on because I don'teven know what happened here. I do
feel like being in like this ismy only like real socialization. Like I

(22:45):
it sucks because people are so usedto texting and flaking and getting back like
every you know, every other weekor whatever, and I'm just like,
for why, like why, likewhat is the point of what is the
point of saying that you want tohave and it's the same story. It's

(23:06):
the same story. Every person Ihave met has had the same story.
Just moved out here, you know, really looking for my tribe, really
looking for my community. Want tohave, you know, a good group
of girls to go out and havebrunch and do this and do that.
Blah blah blah. Not everything's foreverybody, I completely understand, and not
every everybody is for everyone, Sojust we keep that in mind. But

(23:30):
you're not even taking like the thewhat is it called prerequisite steps to get
to that point having a if youhave a you know, you want to
go out or you want to godo something like, let's not text for
weeks at a time, because Ialready have texting buddies I already have Obviously,

(23:52):
I've already have friends and family whodon't live here. That's why I'm
looking for people to hang out with. But why would I want to continually
text you if you have no intentionof wanting to meet up. I have
texting buddies, I have people Ican call and I am on FaceTime or
video chat with on a regular basis. And I feel like I did in

(24:14):
the beginning of the pandemic, Idoubt. I'm sorry. This is like
probably month four month, four monthfive. I became so frustrated. They
call it like video fatigue or zoomfatigue, whatever the case, where you
just get tired of just being oncamera and just like talking to people this
way because it's not it's like,oh my gosh, it's especially taxing,

(24:37):
Like it's more taxing than when wetalked about that before, probably one of
the episodes, the first ones thatwe recorded. But it takes an entirely
different type of energy to or yeah, different type of energy mental energy to
convey your essence yea through the cameraand make the people still feel like,

(24:59):
Okay, I'm engaged with you,I'm in this and in this moment,
it's like you have an energy fortwo people in one body, and then
by the time you're off, it'sover. And it's interesting because a lot
of people, I don't know ifthey're if they forgot that that's a thing
that we hit a limit we did, but nobody talks about it anymore right
now. And even okay, beforewe started recording, you were telling me

(25:25):
a story and in the story youstarted laughing because you thought it that I
was frozen and one of the thingsthat I one of the things that I
have essentially perfected when I am onvideo chat is I try to not have
so many facial expressions because you're notwe're not in the same environment. We
are just sharing time on screen.So we're not in the same room,

(25:48):
we're not experiencing the same thing.We're just sharing time on screen and try
to communicate through all the internal externalnoise, right, So what I try
to do. What I try todo is show that I'm paying attention and
not interrupt you and not and notlet my thoughts bombard me without listening to
what you're saying. So I don'thave an immediate response. I can actually

(26:11):
digest what you're saying, which meansthat I have a frozen face where I
don't blink. She was like this, and I like, there was no
movement at all, but I wasfocused. I was listening to what you
were saying, like blink. ButI but I feel like if I'm more

(26:34):
animated, like all of this,when I'm doing all this, I feel
like when I'm more animated, sometimes, UM, I feel like it can
be too distracting, especially for videochat, because now you're trying to watch
and see what I'm doing, howI'm talking and when it's going and things
like that. So I try notto be so animated in my when I'm
when I'm yeah, like, Itry to try to try to like hold

(26:55):
that back. And so it's,um so why that it seems like it's
not authentic to you? Like itnot? It not sounded that sounded like
I just attacked you, like,but like that doesn't seem genuine even with
our interactions, that doesn't. That'snot how we get down, Like you,
when we talk in person, wedo interrupt each other, right,
yes we do. We do quitea bit we do. So I yeah,

(27:21):
but I feel like the I don'tMy brain doesn't say, hey,
you're in a more you're in alike a friendly fly zone, like you
can be this space. But it'smore like, oh, we're on video
chat again. I have to makesure that I'm presenting you know, Yeah,
it's first and then whoever is onthe other end of that, that's
just they get you sort of throughthat um that lens right, right.

(27:45):
So it's so it's been for me, it's been really hard um to it's
been really hard to to not onlylike build community. But it's hard to
not be out amongst the people,like I have to have the some days
there's there's more days than not.I'm excited to go outside. I'm excited

(28:07):
to be in different spaces, seewho's there, even if I don't know
anybody, Like I'm talking to somebody. Yeah, um, I know,
but but I mean I am.I'm I'm gonna make a friend or two.
Like it's it's bound to happen,and so whether somebody's asking for directions
and or whether someone UM is happeningto happening to UM looking looking at something

(28:32):
that I like and I'm like,hey, you know, do you like
this? What do you like aboutit? Because I like this this this?
Um? Have you ever tried this? UM? I actually had a
fifteen minute conversation with somebody about cherries. UM didn't know that. I didn't
know that much about cherries, andthis person knew a lot about cherries.
Um, you don't know what youdon't know. Not not a cherry farmer,
but still knew quite a bit.It could have been lying to me
the whole time, but it wasa very interesting conversation. Was it suspicious

(28:56):
that he knew so much about cherries. Um, it wasn't because I tuned
out halfway through the conversation. Youdidn't just stare him in the face to
process everything that only works in zoom. I feel like when I'm doing that
in real life, people think somethingis wrong with me. So I thought
something was wrong with future. Ihave to I have to do the whole

(29:17):
Your new color is awesome, bythe way, well thinking I decided to
go with an umbre color because I'mtrying out different colors before. So yeah,
So I'm just like at this point, yeah, I don't know.
I just it just hit me thatwe're gonna be it's gonna be cold out
here for the next six months,and I'm like, that's gonna look completely

(29:41):
different from how to interacting with peoplebefore. So do you have any kind
of planning place for like how you'llmanage that, Like how you how comfortable
you are meeting people in certain placesand stuff like how do you how are
you gonna approach this? How howare we going to approach this? This
is a wee thing now you justbrought it up to so I really so

(30:04):
I realized that even with the differentmeetup groups, right, so many people,
so many people. So many peopleare still relying on video chat to
meet people, and I'm like,that defeats the whole purpose of having a
meetup group with no intention of meetingthem in person. They don't have any

(30:26):
their their virtual group, and Iwas like, I get I get meeting
the people online first to sus themout and stuff, but no, they
have no intention. That's interest,that's very interesting. And so because I
don't fall into these groups of like, um, oh this is a singles
brunch, Um, this is amarried brunch. Oh this is a people

(30:49):
who people who knit on Tuesdays.And I'm like, okay, but I'm
only free on Wednesdays, Like what'shappening here? Um? I even started
looking at were just groups like becauseI was like, I'm enjoying somebody's group.
I was looking at this somebody's goingto get these words. I was
looking at this group of like,um, practice your Arabic and I don't

(31:11):
know any any Arabic, but thegroup. I was like, oh,
let me join this group until itsaid you must know basic Arabic because we
won't teach you anything. This isjust to help you with conversation. And
I was like, how much likeI was looking at I was like,

(31:33):
I was like, how do Ibecause I like, now I'm emailing,
I email my manager and I waslike, what do I need to do
to learn Arabic from Rosetta Stone throughthe company, because I'm somebody, somebody
is getting this interaction. Okay,like the fact that you that you injured
with that you ended up with Arabic. Nothing wrong with the language, but
that's just so Ramdom and its Spanishone was full uh the can't no Vietnamese

(32:01):
one? Um was in Vietnamese,so I couldn't. I didn't. There
was no translate button for me tounderstand. M Yeah. I was like,
yeah, I don't. I don'thave it. And then um,
there was a I thought there wasgonna be an asl one where there's like,
oh, come learn English and Iwould have been like hey, cool,

(32:22):
like we can do Nope, Andso I was like I'm gonna I'm
gonna be a kid and show upat a park and just start talking to
people. But I'm afraid of likegoing to a park with kids and talking
to parents and I don't have kids, because then that's like why are you
here? And I was like,well, I just need friends. So

(32:43):
I was just about to say,like me personally, that's never been on
my radar to even attempt to justwalk up on people in the park.
I really wish I knew how toplay basketball, because that's literally what I
would I would like I would showup to the court, or if I
knew how to play a sport,Oh, absolutely show up to the court
randomly. Ay I can I canplay and just be on the court with

(33:05):
the guys and just be like,hey, what's up that I didn't do
that? I just that was myinsights. Just never happened. Yeah,
so um it's being recorded, butyeah, um. There are so many
things that I have thought about trying, but the tried and true is just
start talking to people like I have. It was something. It was.

(33:28):
It was funny because there was anotherguy, another guy on TikTok who they
asked him, you know, howare you still single? Why are you
singing? He was like, because, like, I don't go outside.
They're strangers out there. Everything Ihave is at home. Why would I
leave? And I'm just like,but the strangers are where the stories are,
Like, the strangers are where thepeople are. Like, you got
to go out and talk to thestrangers as someone who is the stranger is

(33:52):
just a friend you haven't met yet, As someone who interacts with the general
public literally every day. I Ifeel bad because I need fewer people to
talk to, Like I wish thatwas my problem, But you didn't even
would attached to you. There's astudent that I've told you about, older

(34:14):
lady, not her, not her, um, not her, but but
her. Yeah, not having togo or a reaction to who I'm talking
about, so um, but shewe know, me and my coworker.
We know basically every detail about whathappens in her home, what happens at

(34:37):
her doctor's appointments, what happens withher car, with her house, like
her financial situation. I have thekind of personality where when I do start
talking to people, they open uptoo much. Like I know, that's
not a bad thing necessarily. Ithink it is sometimes, especially when you're

(35:00):
being told like wait, have youseen Halloween ends? So you remember when
he straight up told her, hey, I killed a guy. Yeah yeah.
So if if somebody opens up toyou in that way, somebody has
opened up to me in that way. I wasn't going to bring it up

(35:21):
directly, but if you want tobring it up directly. Look, when
a student tells you, I hadproblems with this person, so he had
to go see Jesus and I hadto go see someone else about their roommate.
M hm, m hmm. I'mjust saying. I'm just saying.
But yeah, that's actually been oneof the things with my therapy that I've

(35:46):
been working on, look consistently forlike the past three years or so,
three or four years, just makingsure that and this part of the reason
why I'm actually more extroverted now,just making sure that when I interact with
people, I don't just like automaticallytake on everything that they share with me,
and just every story that they feellike they need to share and every

(36:08):
life experience they needs to share.I've heard stories from people just like sitting
in the park at the Capitol abouttheir traumatic childhood, like people just passing
and no, but you have that, you have that I feel like,
since you're so easy to imprint on, like you have some kind of beacon

(36:29):
that cause to these people that go, yeah, hey, this person could
use this information about me. Excuseme, yes, I don't know why.
Please don't please don't open up tome. That way. But I
think as an extrovert, I havebeen very careful about the kind of boundaries
that I put up and like whatI'm willing to take on from people.

(36:49):
Yeah, and so it's harder forpeople to imprint on me, like it's
harder for people to like I'll remembersome things about people. I'll remember like
important things. Don't remember your nameinitially, but I'll remember some important things
about you, and um be ableto talk about those things should we should
we meet again? But um,I don't. I don't allow that kind

(37:12):
of energy to take up residence likein me, because it's not it's not
healthy for me. No, it'sbecause I don't because then I'll be like,
Okay, this is a problem thatI need to fix. Yeah,
is that I need to resolve.And it's like, no, it's not.
Because something that you've heard, youcan empathize with them, but you

(37:35):
don't have to take on it andmake it your own problem, right.
And that's something that I'm being moremindful of because honestly, I've always been
like that, even as a littlekid, like very um attracting, like
wounded bird type thing like that kindof person. Um. Ye, not
that the people have that are birds, but um, it's like they're always

(37:55):
like there's something for lack of abetter word, they're they're typically broken or
hurt in some kind of way,and they're looking to you for some kind
of right, even if it's justlike getting it out or seeking advice or
actually seeking a resolution, Like theymay not consciously be aware that that's what

(38:17):
they're looking for. But it's likeI tend to attract those people. And
I always wondered was I attracting thosepeople because I was hurt or because because
they were like, oh my gosh. People say, especially in church,
oh my gosh, you're a healerbecause when people come to you, they're
so broken and then when they leaveand it's like yeah, but that takes
a lot of energy though, right, Like Okay, where do you think

(38:38):
that? What do you think that'scoming from? Right? Like I don't
understand, like what kind of itwas? It was you? Actually that
something was happening that finger, Bythe way, it was you. It
was you who one day you saidsomething and it changed the way that I
thought about things. Um, whereI was like I was saying something like

(39:00):
I have no idea, what whathas happened in the world, but um,
these type of people keep coming,could keep coming to me, And
you said, well, I wouldwonder what kind of energy I'm actually putting
out there to attract these people.And I was like, satism, it's

(39:20):
it's a control thing, it's thething denominator. Oh my gosh. I
actually had to say the same thingto myself. Where it wasn't for me.
It was more so with teaching,where it became more apparent where I
would really fixate on the students thatwere like telling me that they had like
tumultuous stuff going on at home,or the students that I could see where

(39:42):
like falling asleep in my class andstuff, um, or they were constantly
asking for snacks and stuff, andso I would they would sort of um
gravitate to me. But then Iwould feel like I had to protect them,
and so in turn, I kindof put out that like protector vibe,
and so it seemed like that attractedmore to me. And then I

(40:04):
started trying to protect people without beingaware of it, which took away control
of the situation. And so I'mlike, Okay, I need to be
mindful of how I'm interacting with thesepeople so that they can see what they're
getting from you. And so Ihad to like reprogram myself where I'm like
telling students, yeah, I canhelp you do this, but it's your
responsibility. I'm here to support you. I'm not going to do it that

(40:28):
kind of thing. And so that'shonestly gone towards like interactions with honestly like
with my parents and stuff, towhere it's like certain things if or even
my brothers, like if certain thingsare brought to me, I can offer
my solution, or I can bethere as just a sounding board or whatever.
But it's I'm not putting out thatenergy at this point where I feel

(40:50):
like people are taking advantage of me. Even if I'm still putting out I'm
not really doing anything different. It'salmost like I'm just telling myself in my
mind, this isn't my problem.This is not my problem, it's not
my circus, it's not my it'snot my problem to fix. So,
yeah, I forgot I told youthat. Yeah, I mean it was

(41:12):
a decade ago, maybe, butit really no, this was no,
yeah, almost a decade ago,because this isn't it was was that virgin
I don't remember where I was butbut you were just like, I think
it was around the time I wassitting I was sitting on your couch,
and that's when you were like,I wouldn't be wondering what kind of energy
I'm putting out there. It wasone of your business back here. Yeah,

(41:34):
I think it was a Texas personand you know what I'm talking about.
Sorry, UM, I think itwas around one of those Texas people.
I can think of a few differentTexas people. Wow, just all
my business, okay, but yeah, not family, by the way,

(41:58):
Well none of my family is fromTexas, So that's that's good. I
mean, you know what I meant. Um, But no, it does.
It does make sense to what IWhat I try to do is preemptively
before I get into it, beforeI get in deep with the situation.
I try my best to make surethat Um, I'm like, I know,

(42:28):
it's kind of like it's kind oflike, um, how to describe
it, A gambler. It's kindof like a gambler before they go into
a casino. Three hundred is mynumber. When I lose three hundred,
I'm out right because otherwise, ifyou don't go in there with the game
plan or I'm only gonna make ifI either lose three hundred or make twelve
hundred, and if I and ifyou know, UM, if I hit

(42:50):
twelve hundred, I'm done. IfI lose three hundred, I'm done.
But if you um. But thenif you don't go in there with a
game plan, you can walk out, you know, in your draws.
And I saw that. So whenI go into a situation, whether it's
a relationship, whether it's talk toa stranger or whatever the case, I
try to remind myself of my limitsof what I'm willing to deal with and

(43:15):
what I'm willing to do. EspeciallyI think I was I was talking to
somebody about being in a relationship,and I was like, yeah, Like,
I am able to be in arelationship because I know, regardless of
what happens, I'm gonna be okay, no matter how deeply in love I
am with this person, no matterhow far we go, no matter how

(43:36):
short or along the relationship is Like, I'll be okay, Right, So
I'm able to take the plunge becauseI know that, you know, I
know what my standards are, Iknow how far I'm willing to go.
I know what conversations I'm willing tohave what things I'm willing to hold back,
things like that I feel like whenI'm dealing with strangers or with dealing

(43:58):
with the public, especially when Iwas working in a retail and I had
to deal with the public fund aregular basis, Like there were a lot
of things that were off limits,like talking about my family, talking about
when I left, talking about myshift, or the people I work with,
you know, things like that,UM, just just for protection,
just for protection purposes, um.And for clients when I'm dealing with those

(44:20):
clients, there were certain boundaries Iwould also put up, like, yes,
we get into your business when you'reopening up a bank account, but
we don't need to know whose babymama you cheat it with when you when
you decided to open up another account, or you need this account because you're
you know why dissolved, right,Like I don't. I don't really need
to know you know, any andall of your business, you know,

(44:46):
But it made me. I hada shower thought the other day. I
wonder how many people I am acautionary tale for, Oh, like I
really I wondered that for like aminute, and I was like, I
hope they learned good lessons because whofor somebody, I don't know what what
lessons could they learn from my?I mean, I know I was as

(45:07):
when I was on the debate teamexact state. I know there are a
lot of lessons that they probably usefor those who are still there working in
banking, a couple different ones.But yeah, I'm just like, I
wonder how many people I'm a cautionarytarel for interesting But yeah, but I

(45:32):
think that knowing my limits before engagingand practicing those and reinforcing those, because
it doesn't make any sense for youto have boundaries or have limits and not
reinforce like the consequences of repercussions ofof that, you know, not saying
like, hey, don't show yourtattoos in my house, but hey,

(45:55):
in my house, you know,we make sure that we cover up blah
blah blah. You could choose toshow up or not, like that's your
that's your business, but in myhouse, you know, we we don't
show those or whatever she chose mightmight have been easier, but tattoos was
the thing that was on my mind. That's so random. I've been thinking
about this tattoo for for a littlewhile. Now and so that was like,

(46:19):
I'm surprised, it's the first timethat's ever come up. But yeah,
thinking about um, you know,certain boundaries and certain certain parameters I
put in place when I'm engaging withpeople helps me to feel protected as an
extrovert because I can want to talkto people, laughing and talking, you
know whatever. But I don't buy. I don't need to get deep with

(46:40):
you until we're like a few monthsin. Yeah, and we can keep
everything surface level. Whatever you puton social media is what we can talk
about. Unless you cried on socialmedia that I can't really do. But
you know, I feel like forthe first few months, let's let's get
to know each other, see ifwe see if we can get get together
created by create a mood, whateverthe thing is, whatever. If we

(47:01):
can get along, great, Butif not, then let's go ahead and
move on. But we don't needto get deep. She said, keep
on moving, don't stop. No, keep on moving, my gosh.
But yeah, that's that's what Ithink helps helps me. And that's what
changed for me. Um, especiallyafter I left I left the big area,

(47:22):
I was not as willing to takeon people. Yeah, I just
I just wasn't to learn, especiallybecause um, a lot of American culture,
I guess, yeah, American culture, Western culture. I guess they

(47:45):
really reinforced this idea that we're supposedto have these huge friend groups and just
like these expansive friend groups that likeare just everybody. I don't know,
well, I'm thinking like even likeBritish shows and stuff where they're always like
everybody has this little network of friendsand stuff, and I think it's more
American though, isn't it. Iyou know what, honestly, I don't

(48:08):
know where this idea of being inyour thirties and having a group of thirty
people as friends or or even agroup of ten, like even watching like
watching some of those things like um, oh we're having a friends giving type
thing. It's great. I'm notfaulting anybody who does that, but I

(48:28):
always look at those like I don'teven have ten people that I will want
in my house at the same time, right, Like, And also I
like to keep things sort of you'remy friend over here, you're my friend
over here. Have all my friends, don't make I have my going out
friends, I have my staying outfriends, staying I've had my I've had
my school friends, I've had mywork friends. My work friends don't need

(48:49):
to know what I do with myclose friends, don't need to know anything.
Like they know that I show upto work and they're good. Like
we don't. We don't need todo much more on time. Yes,
did she help us? Yes?All right, that's a long and short
of it. But I feel likesome people and it's not a bad thing.
I don't know, like that's that'sa weird I mean it's a good

(49:09):
observation, but it's so weird.I don't know where we get the idea.
And I think that's where people wherepeople feel like they're missing out because
they don't have this big group offriends. I'm like, get you one.
Get you one person who can whocan actually not tolerate you, but
a person who will actually celebrate you, who is so happy when you get

(49:30):
when you come around, you feelgood being around them. Like, get
you one, get you one,just one person. You knew this was
coming. I'm miserable right now.Um, when you showed up, my
day dimmed. It's terrible. Idon't celebrate you, I denigrate you.
Wow. Wow, he turned intoa whole degenerate right, now, who

(49:59):
appreciate it? You know what you'resaying, He said, I'm not appreciated
that appreciate it? Oh thank you. I know you meant that from your
heart too. No, but seriously, like I don't and it's not something
that I thought of until you broughtup stuff about friends and stuff, But
just that idea of having a networkof friends, Like if you could find

(50:22):
one solid friend at this point,like solid person out there, it's like,
Okay, this is a good story. If by chance another one or
another two show up, then that'sgreat. But as long as you have
one person, I feel like that'senough. I don't know, for me,
that's a twin thing because I've beenriding this entire life with somebody like
there all the time, knowing you'renot you know, But I mean ultimately

(50:50):
you know. Yeah, and thathappens with any friendship or any kind of
relationship really, but just the ideathat you have to um try to have
this expansive network, I feel likethat puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on
people that are especially for introverts.Yeah, that are if you're just stepping
out and stepping into yourself really andjust really understanding yourself understanding what kind of

(51:14):
people you want to be around.That can be a lot of undue pressure
and anxiety trying to figure out,Okay, I have one person I'm dealing
with. I gotta get another person. I gotta have another person said,
we can be a clique, sowe can have our group or whatever.
We are not in high school,no, and you're not really in like
if you think about it, gradeschool through through secondary school, you're essentially

(51:35):
in place. Even in college,you're in places where there are constant people
with the same interests or same goals. And so when you get to work,
when you when you leave school,you are essentially like uninhibited. There's
no structure and life is just goingto happen. So you have to decide

(51:57):
how you want to make friends.You have to side, you know what
people from school, whether you wantto stay in contact with them or move
on or be a whole different person. Like for the introverse, honestly,
just stand outside and wait for anextrovert to pass you like you'll you'll be
swept up at it'd be fine.Just make sure your social battery is charged
up for at least a good hour, and then dip out like, just

(52:19):
right, they won't. But it'sso it's so amazing to me, um
that people get to the their thirtiesand they're just like, I have no
one, and it's like, justjust get you a person first of all,
won't. First of all, pleasemake sure you take care of yourself.

(52:43):
We always say therapy and Jesus alwaysalways get you something that you can
that you can you can hold ontoin yourself, Like make sure that you're
strong in yourself first. If youhave that self awareness, you have that
emotional intelligence. I'm not saying thatyou need to therapies. Everybody you talk
to, please do not therapy whoyou saw too, but it's good.
It's good to know who you arewell enough so that when you're involved in

(53:07):
certain situations that you know how youmay or may not react. So immediately
we get to a situation, you'relike, I'm actually not feeling this.
I'm out save yourself a lot ofheartache and trouble, right or like oh
okay, this okay, all right, this is this is uncomfortable, but
I like it. Okay, wecan we can write this out a little

(53:30):
bit, see where the waves takeme. But it's it's not a situation
of something is wrong with you ifyou don't have five dozen people around you
at all times. Like I,for some reason, I thought that I
was going to have this huge ballroomthirtieth birthday celebration. I always had it
in my mind that's what I wantedto do, And I was like,

(53:52):
I know maybe six people outside ofmy family who would probably go. Why
maybe I can do that for myfiftieth when I have like kids and grandkids
and they have to go, orwhen I'm involved in like a big enough
and a big enough group to wantto go and do something, or even
take the five or six people whoI do know who's rocking with me and

(54:13):
we could go to dinner or goon a trip or something like that.
But it's not like it's not athing of having to have everybody with you.
And honestly, y'all, please don'tthink social media is real life.
It's not. It's not real life. Like you can get on there,
be whoever you want to be,you know, travel where you want to

(54:35):
travel, see what you want tosee, and even be in an echo
chamber of just like reaffirming your negativeor positive thoughts or your one side of
view about about a certain perspective orsituation. Right, Yeah, you can
do whatever it is you want todo, but I feel like you have
to get off of social media.It has done wonders for my mental health.

(55:00):
Get off of social media and actuallygo outside and say hello, my
name is, how are you?And if you don't want to meet anybody,
you don't have to. I meanyou don't, No, you don't
have to meet people. You knowwhat's crazy gonna basically this will probably take
us out because you're probably cut meoff after I say this. We turned

(55:23):
thirty, isn't it crazy? Iknow we're thirty five now, but we
hit our we hit our thirties.I'm I'm excited for forty, Like,
I have so many things that Iwant to accomplish up to my fortieth and
I have it said out where I'mexcited. I hope that by the time

(55:43):
I'm thirty forty. I guess itused to be by the time I'm thirty,
I wanted to be salt and pepper, but m yeah, um,
so by the time I'm forty,I'm hoping that my beard will at least
get some salt and pepper. Probablynot, You'll still you'll still look twenty
five, like people are still goingto be like, how old are you?

(56:05):
I want to, but I don'twant to, you know what I
mean? Like, I mean youdon't have to look fatherly in your professional
I mean, well, I guessI think, wouldn't. I'm going to
go stand in the sun tomorrow,get some sun damage. No, don't
do at that twenty five with fifteenpercent European to the test to make sure
see you to see no no,no, no, no no no battle

(56:30):
of the skin. I think youhave enough melanin to be okay. But
but you know, seriously, though, I really, I really hope that
you all at least be there foryourself first, because when you're there for
yourself, you'll and I know itsounds cliche, but when you are there
for yourself, you will attract otherpeople who do have the same goals,

(56:53):
who do have the same interest,but they're not going to just show up
at your door. Yeah, likethey're not. I really like, if
you guys go back and listen tolike the twenty twenty episodes of Take a
Space podcast, you would hear mealways talking about them. The stork dropping
a husband off at my door,who knows how to like build things,
to fix things. The stork nevercame, but I had to go outside.

(57:17):
I had to go outside to meetpeople, and I had to go
outside to get friends, and Ihad to go outside to to get community.
So, you know, get offon social media for a bit.
You don't have to get off itevery day, but like three hours of
scrolling when you should be doing laundryor working or I don't know, calling
up a friend then saying hello,you know, I think that it's what

(57:38):
it was that misty, no myarm assaging? Why are these yous?
Why do they seem like they shouldn'tbe eyes When you're saying when I'm on
social media, and when you're sayingyou're on social media scirling you should be
doing laundry, I feel like youshould have been saying because I feel like
there's somebody out there who does thatand they should probably be listening to this

(58:00):
part of the episode. I feellike, make sure that it's a reminder
for them. I feel like,not do those things. There's probably somebody
in Seattle. There's a lot ofpeople in Seattle that is having that experience.
There's so many people in Seattle haveingbe the host of a show called
TUESP maybe that, maybe that maybea little bit kind of that. But

(58:25):
I feel like there's a lot otherpeople, a lot of other people who
maybe even more impacted by that.So making the statement that you can do
better, you can go outside tomorrow, I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know where you're gonna go. Where you gonna go tomorrow?
Yeah? You where you go tomorrow? So initially I was gonna go to

(58:46):
Canada, um and not even noteven lying. Initially seriously, I was
going to get on the eight o'clockferry to go to Canada for the day,
for that six hour day A kid, Okay, But I didn't do

(59:07):
what I was supposed to do todayand run my errands to the EPs store
and going to the post office andgetting taken care of some actual like house
stuff. So I have to waituntil my next break to go to Canada.
They can't wait until you can.You don't go to Canada. Okay,
you've already made peace with it.I'll make peace with it right now.

(59:28):
She's why would you from put theidea in my head that you were
gonna that you could have gone toCanada? I could have. I could
have if I was more on topof my game today and really wanted to
get things done the way they needto be done, because I wouldn't get
back until I wouldn't get back toalmost eight o'clock. And huh, you

(59:50):
gotta work always day him, she'spunishing herself. So I feel like,
I mean, I can probably swingit on a weekend, um, which
will be fine. But I feelbut I initially I was going to go
to Canada because I'm this close andI can just shoot up to Victoria real
quick. How long three hours?Okay, so we're gonna do that next
time. Yeah, bring your passport. So I feel like, um,

(01:00:15):
I wasn't gonna go to Canada tothe fairy place tomorrow and tomorrow. I
really I need to. I needto get this stuff done before I before
I go back to work. Otherwise, I understand, for whatever reason,
stores are closing and they make youdo the returns um via ups and usps.

(01:00:35):
Yes, which is very silly,because why are you charging me for
a return when your store is closed? Okay, very rude, it is.
It's very rude, kind of inconsiderate, maybe a little racist. Um,

(01:00:57):
we'll have to look into that.We'll get our best people on that.
Okay, okay, thank you allfor listening to another episode to Take
a Space Podcast. I've been yourhostly this has been Jason. Jason,
where can people find you? First? I just like to say, I
didn't realize we talked for an hourjust with this, UM. You never

(01:01:20):
know this made me this This couldbe one of our longer episodes. I
always end up thinking like, Okay, I wanta gotta make it shuret gotta
make it short. And then wetalked before, and then we talked during
and then we're good and we don'thave to talk anymore anyway. You can
find me. Yeah, it's deep. You can find me. JJ Underscore

(01:01:44):
stop saying wow, JJ Underscore newthey know where to find me. You
just really threw me off with thatround and after you Jason on all social
media at JJ Underscore Newberry, JJUnderscore Newberry. UM. Make sure to

(01:02:07):
follow Take a Space Podcast at Takea Space pu p O D p U
D see you have me saying tUSP at take Take a Space Podcast and
Take a Space Pod Pod on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok and YouTube.
Please make sure to subscribe to theYouTube greatly appreciate it. We've been

(01:02:27):
doing pretty well on Apple Podcasts andSpotify, so I'm pretty excited for that.
But uh yeah, so the YouTubeviews help as well. So thank
you very much for allowing us tocontinue to do this, and we'll see
you next time. Bye.