March 9, 2023 • 41 mins
Leah and Jason are back! During some much-needed time away Leah has learned how much communicating with others can lead to people creating taglines in real life to introduce themselves. Reducing yourself into a tagline can help to identify a small part of you, but it doesn't accurately articulate the nuance and beauty of who you truly are.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This is the passage that I sentyou earlier. That was that I read,
and it was just it gave mepause. Not that I claim to
know what would be enough. Thething that I want to build is so
damn new and so vast. Inot only don't know how to build it,
(00:21):
but I'm not even sure what itwould look like when I have built
it. I'm just feeling my way, using whatever I can do, whatever
I can learn to take one morestep forward. And and for those of
you who don't know, that isOctavia Butler, I'm showing you like you
can see Octavia Butler, parable ofthe talents. And I haven't started the
(00:45):
series yet, but that passage justhit me differently because I really don't know
how to build what I want tobuild, but I know it is gonna
be great. It's gonna be thisgreat thing. Welcome back to Take a
SACE Podcast. I'm your host Leiaand I'm joined this week by my friend
(01:08):
and co star Jason. It's me, It's me. The crowd goes crazy,
crowd goes wild. Reducing your yourbeing to labels. There you go,
yeah, we shouldn't, we shouldn'treduce ourselves. I feel I think
that this became a topic because peoplewent from learning how to say I don't
(01:41):
like that you talk to me inthis space in this way too, I'm
an EmPATH and you have to Iforgot what the term was. I'm a
It's like, I'm an EmPATH andthat's a boundary. Like that's like,
instead of explaining to the person thatdoes not understand what they're doing and why
(02:06):
you feel uncomfortable, saying I'm anEmPATH and that's a boundary doesn't really help.
Does that make sense? I thinkso, I think I'm picking up
which but now, oh my gosh, and so I oh, can you
want to talk about boundaries for abit? I have a lot of asides
tonight. Okay, like we justgot us one. I know, but
(02:30):
I just have listened. It hasbeen this is what happens when you take
a three month hiatus and you letthings build up. It is because I
was just thinking about this the othernight and I was just like, it's
so silly. It's so silly tokeep um like one. Ultimatums are dumb.
(02:54):
They're not useful in in long termsituations. This is an episode we're
changing the episode focus grinds my Gearsepisode. So whatever she said at the
beginning, it's not true whatever youread in the description to like chop this
(03:17):
up, like it's so many differentpieces. Okay, but we're gonna we're
gonna go with this um. Ultimatumsare a manipulative way to try to get
what you want in the short term. So whether you are in a professional,
social, familial, or romantic relationship, like you really only get what
(03:38):
you want or lose what you hadin the short term, Like there's no
long term game for ultimatums, Like, like, let me start there,
Like ultimatums are so dumb. Ifit's a boundary that they continue to cross,
like it's not their job to stayon that side of the fence.
It is your job to not allowthem in your space. You can't say
(04:02):
I have a boundary with Like forme, I don't hear when people are
cursing at me and they're angry,I don't hear what they're saying. Like
I literally cannot hear you. Ihave tuned you out because you're cursing at
me about whatever instead of talking tome like a person. And because you're
(04:26):
cursing, I can't hear anything yousaid, when you get all that out
and you calm down and you comeback, we can talk about it.
But some people are like yelling atme as a boundary. But when people
yell at them, they don't knowhow to enforce those boundaries, so they
just keep saying I don't like beingyelled at. I don't like being yelled
at. No, if somebody startsyelling yelling at you, leave the situation.
(04:49):
You don't even have to shut thatperson down. Let them continue to
be whoever they're trying to be.You don't have to check them. You
don't have to if you've already hasapp Hey, don't talk to me in
this manner, don't treat me thisway. If they start treating you this
way or talking to you in thatmanner, walk away, Like a boundary
(05:11):
is to protect you, not notto prevent them from being whoever their character
is, or whatever the case maybe. Maybe y'all just don't drive.
But I feel like people think boundariesthink about boundaries in the wrong way.
Okay, I'm trying to remember howwe got here. I'm sorry, no,
(05:34):
because I'm because I'm just like wewere talking about impaths and boundaries.
Because the people for reducing themselves tolabels and how those labels are not If
those labels are not carefully articulated tothe other party, the other party may
not know how to handle or noteven how to handle, but how to
(05:57):
interact or engage with this person inany given situation. M and I think
that it really comes down to thecommunication. I think so also think it
comes down to why people categorize themselvesand put themselves in these UM general categories.
(06:19):
And I think that comes down tojust UM a need for like her
echo UM. I feel like itcomes from a need for community, like
everybody's seeking, yeah, and sotrying to find something that fits with you.
(06:40):
And then usually if you do getinto those spaces where UM like communities
that you're not a part of,like impacts and stuff for example, UM
and then start getting maybe into someof the message wards or something like the
group meetups or whatever, then they'redo end up becoming smaller cliques that are
um as always even more generalized orsorry, more specified or specialized or whatever.
(07:02):
And then even within that it'll getsmore um more specialized. But I
think it comes down to just peoplehaving a need for community, and that
need to belong somewhere, and sothey just reduce it down to the things.
That's the thing that's the easiest tosay in that moment, and the
easiest, that's the thing that's theeasiest to identify with that other people can
(07:25):
identify with. And then those relationshipsI find don't last very long because they
are superficial. It's like that firstlabel, it's just I'm an impath,
without having done any research into whatthat truly means. How impaths typically interact
with the world and stuff, andhow they how the world impacts them,
and how they can not let thatbecome a defining feature of their personality.
(07:51):
I am an impath. That's whyI say this. But yeah, it's
not something that um I think.That's one thing that's always bothered me.
Just like being boxed in by stufflike I don't be I don't like being
boxed in by like my professionalism,by my profession, sexuality, by my
(08:13):
um A race, I don't mind. Honestly, I like being black.
Black is cool. I feel likewhen you enter into certain spaces, especially
the spaces that are black, thathonors the blackness, I feel like those
are some of the more safe spaces, Yeah, because those are the spaces
that typically understand that, Yeah,black is an umbrella term, but black
(08:37):
is not a UM what is theword you use for it. It's not
a UM you were gonna do awhole episode on it. It's yeah,
you specifically not a monolith. Ohyeah being black? Yeah, being black
is not a monolith. It's like, Okay, yeah, I'm black.
We have this culture that we canidentify with, but we all I'm not
(08:58):
gonna say we all. We aregetting better at recognizing that not all of
us are the same person or thesame you know what I mean. Yeah,
it's not Carlton will Smith dichotomy.Yeah, there's a whole lot in
between, and outside of so muchthere, there's so much more there.
(09:24):
Um, But yeah, that's all. Something that's always annoyed me is like
people saying I am certain things andjust saying like I am again going back
to my profession, I am aprofessor, I am an educator. That
took me a long time to cometo peace with. And I'm still somewhat
uncomfortable with it because I feel likeit's it boxes me in um and I
(09:50):
say that the same. I don'tknow why people categorize them so other than
just tribalism and the need to reducethemselves down to like the most basic parts
of their personality. That sounds harsh. It wasn't supposed to sound harsh,
though, I don't know if it'sharsh. It maybe has fundamental parts of
(10:13):
their personalities. Like I feel likeit may be harsh to people who actually
like do that. But I feelthat, especially with the way we had
to adapt over these last few years, even now, people are not meeting
(10:33):
organically anymore because you know, there'sa lot of remote work, there's more
things to do at home, there'severything streaming everywhere all the time, and
you don't really have to leave yourhouse to do anything. We're essentially going
to be Sandra Bull look in theNet, like there's never a reason to
love that movie. Oh my gosh, they really stole everything from this moment.
(10:56):
I feel like everything. It's justlike I get it that this is
the way that people try to tryto meet people. But I think it's
also interesting to me. The reasonwhy this came up in a conversation previously
is because as I'm meeting more peopleusing bumble, using Facebook or whatever,
(11:20):
Instagram, people's people tag their stuffwith like any agram one in three,
I am a raven claw. Iam you know, a Capricorn. I
was born under the Aquarius moon orwhatever the case, right, and I
feel like I don't who who isthis? Four? I think part of
(11:46):
it is it's just to have nowthat I think that it's probably just have
easily identifiable traits that people like,Okay, yeah, I do the Harry
Potter test and stuff. I'm agriffin door and so when I yeah,
Jordan's a healthful puff. But whenI say I'm yes, see, when
you say huff puff, you automatically, of course he is like, you
(12:07):
know it, right, And sowhen you see those sorts of attributes on
people's profiles, you can sort ofglean or assume certain information. There's certain
details about their personalities. And soI think one of the reasons why it's
more obvious obvious to obvious more whyit's more obvious to us now is because
we are trying to enter we areinteracting with more people online and trying to
(12:30):
build these communities from the ground orbuild these um relationships from the ground up
online, and so we're really payingattention to what are people putting out there
and what seems authentic and what justseems like you're just putting it for the
sake of putting it there. Right, Yeah, because generally you would be
(12:50):
someone that would meet meet people beforethe pandemic. I'm saying, you will
go out in the old world,you will go out and meet people like
you would hang out with people atwork. You would hang out with people.
You would meet them at like dogparks and stuff, or at the
gym or something. When you weredoing CrossFit and everything. You had all
these different avenues to meet people.But like you said, more and more
(13:11):
people are staying home, and moreand more people are just like, if
I can't do from my bed,then what's the point. Yeah, So
it's you're being it's more exposed nowand more people are joining those spaces,
those online spaces, and maybe aren'tcomfortable putting more nuanced or more detailed information
(13:31):
about themselves on the internet, soit just it is reduced. I see
it too. I know exactly whatyou're what you mean with that. It
seems like it's just you're just boxingyourself into these things just so that you
can fit in someone's category and justnot really expounding on who you are as
(13:52):
a person, right, yeah,and I get and I mean now that
you say, yes, obviously thatmakes sense because you really can't put your
life story in a tagline. Thosethings obviously though, like they give you
like two hunty characters like, oh, tell us about yourself. However,
(14:13):
I feel like some people are morecreative than just reducing themselves down because I
think the reason why I think Iget frustrated in it. I don't.
I don't know if that makes mecompatible with you. I don't know what
Larius has to do with a capricorn. I don't know has to do with
a hufflepuff. You know, yeah, hufleuff. I always want to say
(14:35):
hufflepuffle, but I's hufflepuff. Butyeah, for me, the thing that
annoys me with it is the lackof creativity. It's like, if all
you list are just like I NFPGriffin Door, You're not telling me anything
about who you are as a person. It's just it's just tags and so
(14:58):
one. It shows a lack ofcreativity. And I'm like, Okay,
you can't take the effort to writeabout yourself. What are you gonna say
to me when you reach out tome, right, are you gonna talk
to me? And it's gonna behigh, like, hey, so I
don't I don't want to swipe righton you. And then we have a
dry conversation and I'm just like,why did I even waste my time?
(15:22):
Why did I waste my swipe?Because I'm not paying for another right be
real, absolutely not paid, Likecome on, like sell yourself. And
that's the thing for me. I'ma details person, like I need a
picture to be painted for me,like I need details. I can't just
(15:43):
go based off of the like thestraightforward thing. I need you to put
effort into it because it shows thatyou are somebody who cares about communication and
somebody who cares about words. That'smy love, which is words of affirmation.
It's all throughout my professional stuff.Not to label myself, but you
(16:07):
went into that profession because of youryes, because I understand the impact of
words, and I understand how youcan get so much across even if you
just write two sentences, If youput effort and you put thought, and
you put some kind of humor orsomething into those two sentences, that says
so much more than you just puttingslitherin or Um, I don't want to
(16:30):
say I NFP anymore because yes,slither you forgot it. Yeah, yeah
I didn't. Yeah, there's likesixteen well they're sixteen personalities, so like
so to speak of like I nF P n T J I S T
I s FP or whatever. Um, I feel like I'm one. I'm
not researching that to find out ifwe're compatible, because I think I I
(16:56):
think you you all take it atone point and I sent your shots to
show you what research the letters wereor whatever, and all of you are
like, oh, okay, that'syeah, that's me spot blah blah blah.
But yours was spot on, likeuncomfortably. So I can't remember exactly
(17:18):
what the letters were, but Iremember being surprised one by how spot on
it was, and I was like, how are we even friends? Because
it was basically like the opposite ofmine. Yes we don't, Yes,
we don't get we're not supposed toget along on paper. And that's I
think. That's why. That's anotherreason why i'm because well, yeah,
(17:38):
like I said, I don't knowwhat to do with the information. One.
Two It doesn't tell me whether ornot you have the ability to engage
in conversation or would be a goodperson to go to brunch with, take
a trip just with you, justdoesn't work like you they could have the
(17:59):
great personality, everything on paper couldmatch up, but then you meet and
then it's just like something we don'tvibe, Like this doesn't work. We're
not gonna be friends. And that'sfine, right, but it's hard to
get that sort of um, toget that information, to get that um.
And I guess because we're information people, this is probably our own fault,
(18:21):
because we are so data focused.This is our own fault. You
know that, right? First,it's not I'm not taking any blame I
have. This is this isn't myfault. I feel like this is if
we didn't question everything, how dareyou need to stop thinking so critically?
That's your first problem. I'm thinkingyou live in America. You live in
(18:41):
America in twenty twenty three. Youknow that how dangerous it is for us
to question anything at this point?I mean, if life is the simulation,
right, I feel like we shouldwe can go ahead and question now
we want, because all the allthe producers of the simulation are going to
do is reset us. We wakeup and then we have deja vu a
(19:03):
little bit and then we then wekeep on with the day. But yeah,
are you okay? I am.If you can see her face now,
if you could only see her face, yeah, they'll be resetting me
in three two. Welcome to Ohmy gosh. Yeah. But I think
(19:36):
that it's hard, and that's whyI tried to when I talk to people,
I tried to help them by givingthem the spotlight to allow them to
express themselves. However, they needto express themselves authentically. However, um,
(19:56):
however, I met an extrovert.When I tell you, this person
was me like five seven years agome, I don't know how I had
friends. I'm gonna be honest withy'all. I don't know. Like when
she told me the story, justto preface, when she told me the
story, she apologized to me,and I did. I did not even
(20:18):
ask for the apologies. She waslike, I'm so sorry that I was
like that, that you had todeal with me as an introvert. I
had to. I think I apologizesee you multiple times just in those voice
notes. It's just, oh mygosh. I meeting your younger self or
meeting somebody who shows you who youwere before and you get to see how
(20:44):
much you've grown. Oh. Ijust wanted to just give her a hug
and just let her know everything's goingto be okay. Because the amount of
talking that I was just like,it literally reminded me of during the pandemic.
I hadn't talked to anybody in aweek and a half, and it
just so happens Jason had Jason andJordan were on video chat and they happen
(21:08):
to call. I had so muchto say. They stopped me about forty
five seconds and it said, haveyou talked to anyone today? You know,
it's like it's been a few days. It's been a few days.
And they said they just said,okay, just like let me talk for
like, it just answers, justlike okay. Sometimes you just need context,
(21:32):
Like sometimes when my mom will callme, like I could tell she
has an edge her and I'd belike, wait, wait, wait,
have you eaten it? She's likeno, okay, Oh okay, go
ahead, go ahead, And thenit changes how I approached the conversation.
So like, yeah, when Leegets really chatty, I know that it's
been a few days since she's madecontact. It's just it's just you have
(21:52):
a lot to say like, ohmy goodness, and that's okay, it's
not it's not that it's a badthing. I think that I just have
to realize we for extroverts, itis extremely hard, and I think being
I'm starting three different thoughts at thesame time. Let me start over again.
(22:15):
Forts it's extremely hard to not haveinteraction with other people because like then,
our bowl is never full, andbecause we don't have the energy because
we lack the communication and the connectionwith our people. But we do get
somebody. We just try to suckall the life out of everything, jump
as much as possible and expend thatenergy, get that energy from them.
(22:37):
Yes, just looking, Oh mygosh, you're a person, you're a
human. Oh my gosh, Ineed to go ahead and interact with you.
But for me, what has acouple of different things that have really
calmed me down is that I wasshut down by by a lot of people
because I was around extreme introverts andthey did not No, I never okay,
(23:00):
no, he's very mindful of that. Yeah, you've never just been
like no, even when you werehungover, you were just like I just
need you to know, it's beena night and I'm like when you come
from when you come from a familyof extroverts, you learn how to um
engage with them, but still kindof zone out. Yeah, I mean,
(23:22):
it's not that I want someone who'sgoing to listen to every single word
that I say, but just bein the room when I'm talking and give
ahead, not every now and then, like that's it. That's really all.
It is, just this this itask But I but I learned that
not everybody has to hear everything thatI have to say, and if I'm
(23:45):
talking all the time, I won'tbe able to learn anything. And because
I was more interested in developing myleadership skills, I had to learn how
people function in the only way forme to do that or to zip the
lip and so um. And thenthe second the second half of that is
when I started the podcast. Ify'all go back and listen to like the
(24:06):
first few episodes. First, likeI'll said, the first like twenties,
the first twenties episodes, I didn'tknow how to share the spotlight. Um.
And now it's like I'm balancing conversationalum, conversational formats instead of interview
style or instead of hey, Iinvited you on the show. But to
(24:30):
listen to me, talk to thiswhole listen to me. Here are the
I see. I noticed early onin this episode you had a few time
rates that you need to go andyou need it to dump. I need
I need to get it out.I need to just expel that because I
haven't been I haven't been on anyplatform to really expel it. And I
didn't really know. The thing is, I didn't know how to articulate any
(24:52):
of it, so it took mefifteen minutes actually starts this episode. So
it's like, and y'all may everhear the first fifteen minutes, but you
didn't say anything incriminating. I talkedabout octogenarians like they may come for me.
No. I think the only theonly thing about the beginning of this
(25:14):
episode that I probably didn't like,as as we're in the episode, we're
so meta right now the fourth wallthis is good, um, is that
I didn't have a clear like Iknew what I wanted to talk about,
but the way that I wanted totalk about it was not as clearly thought
out. And there were some otherthings that were buying for my attention that
(25:36):
I was like, But also this, but also this, but also this,
and it's like, you know abouteverything. You know what, I'm
gonna ask, why don't you havean outline? Why would I have?
I never have an outline? Yeah, and then you always end up with
these things where after the episode endsyou go, wow, I didn't plan
(25:57):
to talk about that, but I'mglad it happened that way. And then
we have these topics that drag outfor weeks that you have planned, you
put them in the calendar invite,and then yeah, I'm calling you out
right now, and then we neverget to them because you have so much
to say, and you start offwith with a few sentences about what you
want to talk about, and thenall of a sudden it takes a turn
(26:18):
to where you're talking about boundaries beingdifferent people. I didn't get on this
platform tonight where I got my master'sdegree. When I got my master's degree,
I got a hood to go aroundmy neck. I need to put
(26:40):
that on and profess some homework inthis new season. As I'm gonna call
myself an executive producer from now becauseI don't really want to do any of
the word hands on. But no, but if we have a goal,
like Okay, how about this.Okay, okay, checks out, check
(27:07):
up, check it out, checkit out. I thought about showing you
the rat picture again, but I'mnot going to um for topics that you
feel passionate about before we start theepisode. Let me know beforehand where it's
like. Okay, either, okay, I have a general idea of what
I want to talk about, butwe can just see where it goes.
Then we can do some of ourfreestyles. Though. But if it's something
that you know that I got somethingto say and it needs to be said
(27:30):
that you want to be focused.In those cases, let me make you
do an outline. Here's a thing, just cliff notes, not even a
rough outline, just notes to keepyou on track for the first few parts.
And you better keep this in theepisode. Okay, So none of
this is going away. The firstpart of the episode is not going to
(27:52):
be published. But this part,okay, here's the thing. When I
am passionate about something, I cannotin the moment differentiate between flash passion and
actual passion because I could have justlistened to someone else be excited about this
(28:14):
thing, and I'm just like no, or they're attacking this thing and I'm
like, but it's a good thing, so you're more and some of those
yeah, and some of those thingsit's more of a reaction, and other
things is like, oh my gosh, this could change the world. I
feel like we should learn this onething. And in those instances, in
my mind, they're the same prioritylevel. But I don't realize until after
(28:41):
I'm already two minutes in. I'mreally passionate about this. I don't have
bullet points to say about this thingnot really talking. But then something else
could come along to say, actually, it's this thing that I'm passionate.
Okay, well what about this Ican modify. I'm a teacher who modifies
(29:02):
on the fly because ninety percent ofteaching is improv What about when we're in
our green screen moment, when we'retalking for two hours before we actually start
recording. I'm calling everything out today. What about in those instances if we
both because this is you and meproblem now because I do the same thing,
I get you off track. Whatabout in those instances if we try
(29:26):
to commit, like maybe ten orfifteen minutes, like, okay, if
this is something you really want totalk about, we can figure out how
at least to keep the first partof the conversation, since you can get
what you want out and then wecan figure out if it's gonna build into
something or if it's something that's like, Okay, this will be my cold
open. We drag introverts again,because no, you got first of all,
(29:48):
you don't drag introverts anymore. Ireally don't. I really don't.
The first year towards introverts. Look, the first year of this was rough
because I felt attacked. It wasa little bit as an eye the eye
an I NFP stands for introvert asan eye, as someone who is even
(30:14):
though you all can't see it,he is getting very close to this campram
clutching my goal chain. I don'thave any prols to clutch, but I
have a goal chain. I wasaghast, aghast, So I have First
(30:38):
of all, I want people toeveryone out there. Yes, if she
has experienced growth, own it appreciated. Because I am not the same person
who I was three years ago whenI started this episode. Now I am
(31:00):
a stifferent person. You're not aboutto close this episode. I mean I
feel like this is a closure building. You're not about to close. It's
not closer. It's not closing.I'm not closing it. What I'm saying.
What I'm saying is that those whohave experienced growth, because that's another
thing that I had. Um,I have been confronted with, like I
communicated previously with somebody who hasn't seenme in years, really years? Do
(31:26):
I know who this person is?No? O? And there they were
talking to me as if we're stilllike fresh shout of college and just starting
work, you know, um,still talking to me like up Saturday next.
For those who don't know, whenyou're talking out side neck, you're
(31:47):
talking crazy like yeah, no nono no no no no no no no
no. And when I told themthat either you can change your tone or
we don't need to continue this conversation, which is a form of an ultimatum.
Actually it is an ultimatum. Ijust let them know it is.
I think that's a boundary. That'smore so, okay, respect how you're
(32:12):
going to communicate. I will notbe communicated to like this, or I
will in the conversation like or Iwill not particial. I would no longer
participate in this conversation. I don'tthink that's ultimatum. That's you saying talk
to me, communicate an ultimatum ofa boundary. Yeah, yeah, I
can agree. Um, but theywere just shocked. It was just like
and I wasn't like I was aperson who this is. I passively accept
(32:42):
it the way that people talked inorder to better learn who they are.
And so if them talking, ifthe way that they talked was like wow,
crazy, it's like that's just theway they talked. Oh that's who
they are, right, just keepgetting data. And one thing that they
had to learn about me when Iwas younger is that because I talked so
(33:07):
much, they would just cut meoff and instead of hey can I talk
now, or hey, you know, I just want to interject for a
little bit, so they were justbeing rude and I'm just like, well,
I'm not finishing a thought. Sooh girl, you talking all the
time, but whoa, whoa,we don't we don't know each other like
that, Like I haven't talked toyou in use in use And I just
(33:30):
and I just said that to say, um because she's probably do not listen
to this episode, so it doesn'tmatter. But I just want to say,
for those for those people who areconfronted with their path you know,
don't run from it, don't bedon't be upset by it, you know,
on it, Like yeah, Iused to do that, absolutely,
but like we should. I'm mature. I grew up. I understood that
(33:54):
there was a better way to communicateor a better way to interact with the
world, and I've chosen to dothat. You cannot if you choose to
still hold me to that same standard, which I don't think anybody wants to
be held to the same standard ofhow they acted when they were a kid
or when they did something bad orwhatever the case, like if you paid
your duce to society like clean slate, like get to know me now.
(34:17):
But if you want to let mebe, you can't just continue the relationship
from where it left off, Likeyeah, that's not what happened. So
for I just say all that tosay, if you have experienced some growth,
a little bit, a lot ofbit, whatever it is, own
it, Like, yes, I'mnot that person anymore. I own what
(34:37):
I did and how it made youfeel. Like just like when I realized
how how Jason, Yeah, Ireally, Oh, I I feel like
I just kept coming around. I'mtrying to remember um and I kept coming
around. Yeah, just like youhave gotten better with understanding introverts, I've
(35:04):
gotten better with understanding you just asa friend because my default is to avoid.
So like when I don't want tointeract, I would avoid. So
early on there were times where Iwould just like find ways to kind of
try to avoid because I'm like,unfeel like being bothered, but I don't
want to confront anybody. I don'twant to make anybody feel bad if I
(35:25):
don't want to be bothered, soI'll just I was actually hungover that specific
time that you keep going that wasjust one time, though, the guys,
that was just one time. Yeah, but even then you didn't ignore
me. It wasn't like no,but yeah, like but like in the
beginning, yeah, but yeah,in the beginning, it was one I
(35:46):
was extremely just introverted, where Iwould just didn't I was just an anxious
person, and so I was likethere was always like the fear of like
being judged and stuff, and soit took a long time, like a
for me being a puppy, likefor me to trust, for me to
trust people, it takes a reallylong time for me to feel comfortable around
(36:07):
people. You're one of the fewpeople that I feel I think there's probably
like three at this point now,you amber maybe three or three people or
so that I feel like guard completelydown with, like as far as not
family. So that's growth. SoI thank you for that. So it's
(36:30):
growth for me because I don't likeletting people in in. So if you
hurt me, oh gosh, ifyou hurt me, you hear me.
If you hurt me, oh nowhe's doing the voice. You're gonna pay.
Okay, You're gonna pay big time. This is the first time I've
(36:52):
ever been threatened like this. Fourteenyears in fourteen fifteen. It'll be fifteen
in like October or August. August. Man, at this point, if
you hurt me at this point,I get alimony or something. Why Why
(37:13):
do you think I would hurt you. I feel like you would. You
would hurt me before I would hurtyou. No, you move a lot.
You know where I live. Soyou okay, yeah, okay,
yeah, okay, I'm stationary.If I don't pick up a call or
something, you literally would just hopon a plane and be like, Okay,
are you dead? What are youdoing here? You know my family?
(37:36):
You have my mother's phone number,like hey, so, um,
we got some things to discuss.I'm on my way. Anyone, anyone
can get hurt in this situation.It's me because I'm vulnerable. Okay,
why why are you using the voice? Why are you using the voice?
I want you not to use thevoice. I have vertigo. I didn't
(37:59):
sleep very well last night, soI'm a little delirious. Oh okay,
I'm gonna tell you something else aboutthe vertigo. But I feel like um
anyway, But but vertigo. Igot acupuncture once and it was in between
my eyes on my forehead, inmy scalp and my ears. I haven't
(38:22):
had vertigo since I left Virginia.Really, yeah, where's that? Um?
I had a thumb tech on mydesk earlier. No, thank you,
sir, Well, no, thankyou, sir, Thank you darn
Oh my gosh, so yeah.Labels man right, labels, bra labels.
(38:49):
Thank you all so much for listeningto another episode of Take a Stace
Podcast. I'm glad to be back. I appreciate you all for rocking with
me and holding down the fort whileI was out. I have enjoyed my
break and I'm ready to get backinto it. We're gonna try to switch
some things up when it comes totopics. I've gotten a few questions that
(39:09):
I've been asked to read on air, so on air, we're on the
radio, and we'll probably try toincorporate those if those questions are like,
I haven't read all of them,but someone were pretty good, pretty good
dilema questions. They're all good.It's just the ones that seem like they
(39:29):
would be the best fit. It'smy teacher answer. Okay, thank you
for being so diplomatic about that.Yeah, So we're gonna be trying some
different things this time around. I'mreally excited to celebrate our next anniversary in
a few months and to keep thegrowth going. Thank you so much.
To Jason. Jason, where canthey find you? JJ? Underscore a
(39:51):
Newberry on all the socials? Right, so everything? Yeah, I think
TikTok is the same. I'm notsure. I'm actually gonna double check right
now. Yeah, same thing.Did you underscore Newberry find me? I've
actually posted some tiktoks you have andI'm very proud of you, right,
thank you. Yeah. I hopethat I can get at least three in
(40:13):
this week, but I'm just notI'm not consistent, like One of the
questions that I was asked on theapp was what is your what is your
nemesis? And I said, consistency. That is absolutely my arch enemy,
my nemesis, My arch nemesis isarch nemesis a word I don't know,
(40:34):
but I know cavill is a word. That's a word that I'm going to
start using. Um, okay,just look it up. C A V
I L. I'm gonna do itnow, Earliyeah, okay, okay,
everyone. Thank you so much fortuning in. Please make sure to follow
us on all socials. Take aspace POD's take a space pod to take
(40:55):
a space pod on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok and anywhere else you
have a podcasts or any outlets.I'm also wanted the Wisdom app from time
to time talking with folks and answeringquestions. So if you have one,
just go ahead and shoot them overall, right, Thanks y'all, y'all
have a great one. Bye.I'm looking
This is the passage that I sentyou earlier. That was that I read,
and it was just it gave mepause. Not that I claim to
know what would be enough. Thething that I want to build is so
damn new and so vast. Inot only don't know how to build it,
(00:21):
but I'm not even sure what itwould look like when I have built
it. I'm just feeling my way, using whatever I can do, whatever
I can learn to take one morestep forward. And and for those of
you who don't know, that isOctavia Butler, I'm showing you like you
can see Octavia Butler, parable ofthe talents. And I haven't started the
(00:45):
series yet, but that passage justhit me differently because I really don't know
how to build what I want tobuild, but I know it is gonna
be great. It's gonna be thisgreat thing. Welcome back to Take a
SACE Podcast. I'm your host Leiaand I'm joined this week by my friend
(01:08):
and co star Jason. It's me, It's me. The crowd goes crazy,
crowd goes wild. Reducing your yourbeing to labels. There you go,
yeah, we shouldn't, we shouldn'treduce ourselves. I feel I think
that this became a topic because peoplewent from learning how to say I don't
(01:41):
like that you talk to me inthis space in this way too, I'm
an EmPATH and you have to Iforgot what the term was. I'm a
It's like, I'm an EmPATH andthat's a boundary. Like that's like,
instead of explaining to the person thatdoes not understand what they're doing and why
(02:06):
you feel uncomfortable, saying I'm anEmPATH and that's a boundary doesn't really help.
Does that make sense? I thinkso, I think I'm picking up
which but now, oh my gosh, and so I oh, can you
want to talk about boundaries for abit? I have a lot of asides
tonight. Okay, like we justgot us one. I know, but
(02:30):
I just have listened. It hasbeen this is what happens when you take
a three month hiatus and you letthings build up. It is because I
was just thinking about this the othernight and I was just like, it's
so silly. It's so silly tokeep um like one. Ultimatums are dumb.
(02:54):
They're not useful in in long termsituations. This is an episode we're
changing the episode focus grinds my Gearsepisode. So whatever she said at the
beginning, it's not true whatever youread in the description to like chop this
(03:17):
up, like it's so many differentpieces. Okay, but we're gonna we're
gonna go with this um. Ultimatumsare a manipulative way to try to get
what you want in the short term. So whether you are in a professional,
social, familial, or romantic relationship, like you really only get what
(03:38):
you want or lose what you hadin the short term, Like there's no
long term game for ultimatums, Like, like, let me start there,
Like ultimatums are so dumb. Ifit's a boundary that they continue to cross,
like it's not their job to stayon that side of the fence.
It is your job to not allowthem in your space. You can't say
(04:02):
I have a boundary with Like forme, I don't hear when people are
cursing at me and they're angry,I don't hear what they're saying. Like
I literally cannot hear you. Ihave tuned you out because you're cursing at
me about whatever instead of talking tome like a person. And because you're
(04:26):
cursing, I can't hear anything yousaid, when you get all that out
and you calm down and you comeback, we can talk about it.
But some people are like yelling atme as a boundary. But when people
yell at them, they don't knowhow to enforce those boundaries, so they
just keep saying I don't like beingyelled at. I don't like being yelled
at. No, if somebody startsyelling yelling at you, leave the situation.
(04:49):
You don't even have to shut thatperson down. Let them continue to
be whoever they're trying to be.You don't have to check them. You
don't have to if you've already hasapp Hey, don't talk to me in
this manner, don't treat me thisway. If they start treating you this
way or talking to you in thatmanner, walk away, Like a boundary
(05:11):
is to protect you, not notto prevent them from being whoever their character
is, or whatever the case maybe. Maybe y'all just don't drive.
But I feel like people think boundariesthink about boundaries in the wrong way.
Okay, I'm trying to remember howwe got here. I'm sorry, no,
(05:34):
because I'm because I'm just like wewere talking about impaths and boundaries.
Because the people for reducing themselves tolabels and how those labels are not If
those labels are not carefully articulated tothe other party, the other party may
not know how to handle or noteven how to handle, but how to
(05:57):
interact or engage with this person inany given situation. M and I think
that it really comes down to thecommunication. I think so also think it
comes down to why people categorize themselvesand put themselves in these UM general categories.
(06:19):
And I think that comes down tojust UM a need for like her
echo UM. I feel like itcomes from a need for community, like
everybody's seeking, yeah, and sotrying to find something that fits with you.
(06:40):
And then usually if you do getinto those spaces where UM like communities
that you're not a part of,like impacts and stuff for example, UM
and then start getting maybe into someof the message wards or something like the
group meetups or whatever, then they'redo end up becoming smaller cliques that are
um as always even more generalized orsorry, more specified or specialized or whatever.
(07:02):
And then even within that it'll getsmore um more specialized. But I
think it comes down to just peoplehaving a need for community, and that
need to belong somewhere, and sothey just reduce it down to the things.
That's the thing that's the easiest tosay in that moment, and the
easiest, that's the thing that's theeasiest to identify with that other people can
(07:25):
identify with. And then those relationshipsI find don't last very long because they
are superficial. It's like that firstlabel, it's just I'm an impath,
without having done any research into whatthat truly means. How impaths typically interact
with the world and stuff, andhow they how the world impacts them,
and how they can not let thatbecome a defining feature of their personality.
(07:51):
I am an impath. That's whyI say this. But yeah, it's
not something that um I think.That's one thing that's always bothered me.
Just like being boxed in by stufflike I don't be I don't like being
boxed in by like my professionalism,by my profession, sexuality, by my
(08:13):
um A race, I don't mind. Honestly, I like being black.
Black is cool. I feel likewhen you enter into certain spaces, especially
the spaces that are black, thathonors the blackness, I feel like those
are some of the more safe spaces, Yeah, because those are the spaces
that typically understand that, Yeah,black is an umbrella term, but black
(08:37):
is not a UM what is theword you use for it. It's not
a UM you were gonna do awhole episode on it. It's yeah,
you specifically not a monolith. Ohyeah being black? Yeah, being black
is not a monolith. It's like, Okay, yeah, I'm black.
We have this culture that we canidentify with, but we all I'm not
(08:58):
gonna say we all. We aregetting better at recognizing that not all of
us are the same person or thesame you know what I mean. Yeah,
it's not Carlton will Smith dichotomy.Yeah, there's a whole lot in
between, and outside of so muchthere, there's so much more there.
(09:24):
Um, But yeah, that's all. Something that's always annoyed me is like
people saying I am certain things andjust saying like I am again going back
to my profession, I am aprofessor, I am an educator. That
took me a long time to cometo peace with. And I'm still somewhat
uncomfortable with it because I feel likeit's it boxes me in um and I
(09:50):
say that the same. I don'tknow why people categorize them so other than
just tribalism and the need to reducethemselves down to like the most basic parts
of their personality. That sounds harsh. It wasn't supposed to sound harsh,
though, I don't know if it'sharsh. It maybe has fundamental parts of
(10:13):
their personalities. Like I feel likeit may be harsh to people who actually
like do that. But I feelthat, especially with the way we had
to adapt over these last few years, even now, people are not meeting
(10:33):
organically anymore because you know, there'sa lot of remote work, there's more
things to do at home, there'severything streaming everywhere all the time, and
you don't really have to leave yourhouse to do anything. We're essentially going
to be Sandra Bull look in theNet, like there's never a reason to
love that movie. Oh my gosh, they really stole everything from this moment.
(10:56):
I feel like everything. It's justlike I get it that this is
the way that people try to tryto meet people. But I think it's
also interesting to me. The reasonwhy this came up in a conversation previously
is because as I'm meeting more peopleusing bumble, using Facebook or whatever,
(11:20):
Instagram, people's people tag their stuffwith like any agram one in three,
I am a raven claw. Iam you know, a Capricorn. I
was born under the Aquarius moon orwhatever the case, right, and I
feel like I don't who who isthis? Four? I think part of
(11:46):
it is it's just to have nowthat I think that it's probably just have
easily identifiable traits that people like,Okay, yeah, I do the Harry
Potter test and stuff. I'm agriffin door and so when I yeah,
Jordan's a healthful puff. But whenI say I'm yes, see, when
you say huff puff, you automatically, of course he is like, you
(12:07):
know it, right, And sowhen you see those sorts of attributes on
people's profiles, you can sort ofglean or assume certain information. There's certain
details about their personalities. And soI think one of the reasons why it's
more obvious obvious to obvious more whyit's more obvious to us now is because
we are trying to enter we areinteracting with more people online and trying to
(12:30):
build these communities from the ground orbuild these um relationships from the ground up
online, and so we're really payingattention to what are people putting out there
and what seems authentic and what justseems like you're just putting it for the
sake of putting it there. Right, Yeah, because generally you would be
(12:50):
someone that would meet meet people beforethe pandemic. I'm saying, you will
go out in the old world,you will go out and meet people like
you would hang out with people atwork. You would hang out with people.
You would meet them at like dogparks and stuff, or at the
gym or something. When you weredoing CrossFit and everything. You had all
these different avenues to meet people.But like you said, more and more
(13:11):
people are staying home, and moreand more people are just like, if
I can't do from my bed,then what's the point. Yeah, So
it's you're being it's more exposed nowand more people are joining those spaces,
those online spaces, and maybe aren'tcomfortable putting more nuanced or more detailed information
(13:31):
about themselves on the internet, soit just it is reduced. I see
it too. I know exactly whatyou're what you mean with that. It
seems like it's just you're just boxingyourself into these things just so that you
can fit in someone's category and justnot really expounding on who you are as
(13:52):
a person, right, yeah,and I get and I mean now that
you say, yes, obviously thatmakes sense because you really can't put your
life story in a tagline. Thosethings obviously though, like they give you
like two hunty characters like, oh, tell us about yourself. However,
(14:13):
I feel like some people are morecreative than just reducing themselves down because I
think the reason why I think Iget frustrated in it. I don't.
I don't know if that makes mecompatible with you. I don't know what
Larius has to do with a capricorn. I don't know has to do with
a hufflepuff. You know, yeah, hufleuff. I always want to say
(14:35):
hufflepuffle, but I's hufflepuff. Butyeah, for me, the thing that
annoys me with it is the lackof creativity. It's like, if all
you list are just like I NFPGriffin Door, You're not telling me anything
about who you are as a person. It's just it's just tags and so
(14:58):
one. It shows a lack ofcreativity. And I'm like, Okay,
you can't take the effort to writeabout yourself. What are you gonna say
to me when you reach out tome, right, are you gonna talk
to me? And it's gonna behigh, like, hey, so I
don't I don't want to swipe righton you. And then we have a
dry conversation and I'm just like,why did I even waste my time?
(15:22):
Why did I waste my swipe?Because I'm not paying for another right be
real, absolutely not paid, Likecome on, like sell yourself. And
that's the thing for me. I'ma details person, like I need a
picture to be painted for me,like I need details. I can't just
(15:43):
go based off of the like thestraightforward thing. I need you to put
effort into it because it shows thatyou are somebody who cares about communication and
somebody who cares about words. That'smy love, which is words of affirmation.
It's all throughout my professional stuff.Not to label myself, but you
(16:07):
went into that profession because of youryes, because I understand the impact of
words, and I understand how youcan get so much across even if you
just write two sentences, If youput effort and you put thought, and
you put some kind of humor orsomething into those two sentences, that says
so much more than you just puttingslitherin or Um, I don't want to
(16:30):
say I NFP anymore because yes,slither you forgot it. Yeah, yeah
I didn't. Yeah, there's likesixteen well they're sixteen personalities, so like
so to speak of like I nF P n T J I S T
I s FP or whatever. Um, I feel like I'm one. I'm
not researching that to find out ifwe're compatible, because I think I I
(16:56):
think you you all take it atone point and I sent your shots to
show you what research the letters wereor whatever, and all of you are
like, oh, okay, that'syeah, that's me spot blah blah blah.
But yours was spot on, likeuncomfortably. So I can't remember exactly
(17:18):
what the letters were, but Iremember being surprised one by how spot on
it was, and I was like, how are we even friends? Because
it was basically like the opposite ofmine. Yes we don't, Yes,
we don't get we're not supposed toget along on paper. And that's I
think. That's why. That's anotherreason why i'm because well, yeah,
(17:38):
like I said, I don't knowwhat to do with the information. One.
Two It doesn't tell me whether ornot you have the ability to engage
in conversation or would be a goodperson to go to brunch with, take
a trip just with you, justdoesn't work like you they could have the
(17:59):
great personality, everything on paper couldmatch up, but then you meet and
then it's just like something we don'tvibe, Like this doesn't work. We're
not gonna be friends. And that'sfine, right, but it's hard to
get that sort of um, toget that information, to get that um.
And I guess because we're information people, this is probably our own fault,
(18:21):
because we are so data focused.This is our own fault. You
know that, right? First,it's not I'm not taking any blame I
have. This is this isn't myfault. I feel like this is if
we didn't question everything, how dareyou need to stop thinking so critically?
That's your first problem. I'm thinkingyou live in America. You live in
(18:41):
America in twenty twenty three. Youknow that how dangerous it is for us
to question anything at this point?I mean, if life is the simulation,
right, I feel like we shouldwe can go ahead and question now
we want, because all the allthe producers of the simulation are going to
do is reset us. We wakeup and then we have deja vu a
(19:03):
little bit and then we then wekeep on with the day. But yeah,
are you okay? I am.If you can see her face now,
if you could only see her face, yeah, they'll be resetting me
in three two. Welcome to Ohmy gosh. Yeah. But I think
(19:36):
that it's hard, and that's whyI tried to when I talk to people,
I tried to help them by givingthem the spotlight to allow them to
express themselves. However, they needto express themselves authentically. However, um,
(19:56):
however, I met an extrovert.When I tell you, this person
was me like five seven years agome, I don't know how I had
friends. I'm gonna be honest withy'all. I don't know. Like when
she told me the story, justto preface, when she told me the
story, she apologized to me,and I did. I did not even
(20:18):
ask for the apologies. She waslike, I'm so sorry that I was
like that, that you had todeal with me as an introvert. I
had to. I think I apologizesee you multiple times just in those voice
notes. It's just, oh mygosh. I meeting your younger self or
meeting somebody who shows you who youwere before and you get to see how
(20:44):
much you've grown. Oh. Ijust wanted to just give her a hug
and just let her know everything's goingto be okay. Because the amount of
talking that I was just like,it literally reminded me of during the pandemic.
I hadn't talked to anybody in aweek and a half, and it
just so happens Jason had Jason andJordan were on video chat and they happen
(21:08):
to call. I had so muchto say. They stopped me about forty
five seconds and it said, haveyou talked to anyone today? You know,
it's like it's been a few days. It's been a few days.
And they said they just said,okay, just like let me talk for
like, it just answers, justlike okay. Sometimes you just need context,
(21:32):
Like sometimes when my mom will callme, like I could tell she
has an edge her and I'd belike, wait, wait, wait,
have you eaten it? She's likeno, okay, Oh okay, go
ahead, go ahead, And thenit changes how I approached the conversation.
So like, yeah, when Leegets really chatty, I know that it's
been a few days since she's madecontact. It's just it's just you have
(21:52):
a lot to say like, ohmy goodness, and that's okay, it's
not it's not that it's a badthing. I think that I just have
to realize we for extroverts, itis extremely hard, and I think being
I'm starting three different thoughts at thesame time. Let me start over again.
(22:15):
Forts it's extremely hard to not haveinteraction with other people because like then,
our bowl is never full, andbecause we don't have the energy because
we lack the communication and the connectionwith our people. But we do get
somebody. We just try to suckall the life out of everything, jump
as much as possible and expend thatenergy, get that energy from them.
(22:37):
Yes, just looking, Oh mygosh, you're a person, you're a
human. Oh my gosh, Ineed to go ahead and interact with you.
But for me, what has acouple of different things that have really
calmed me down is that I wasshut down by by a lot of people
because I was around extreme introverts andthey did not No, I never okay,
(23:00):
no, he's very mindful of that. Yeah, you've never just been
like no, even when you werehungover, you were just like I just
need you to know, it's beena night and I'm like when you come
from when you come from a familyof extroverts, you learn how to um
engage with them, but still kindof zone out. Yeah, I mean,
(23:22):
it's not that I want someone who'sgoing to listen to every single word
that I say, but just bein the room when I'm talking and give
ahead, not every now and then, like that's it. That's really all.
It is, just this this itask But I but I learned that
not everybody has to hear everything thatI have to say, and if I'm
(23:45):
talking all the time, I won'tbe able to learn anything. And because
I was more interested in developing myleadership skills, I had to learn how
people function in the only way forme to do that or to zip the
lip and so um. And thenthe second the second half of that is
when I started the podcast. Ify'all go back and listen to like the
(24:06):
first few episodes. First, likeI'll said, the first like twenties,
the first twenties episodes, I didn'tknow how to share the spotlight. Um.
And now it's like I'm balancing conversationalum, conversational formats instead of interview
style or instead of hey, Iinvited you on the show. But to
(24:30):
listen to me, talk to thiswhole listen to me. Here are the
I see. I noticed early onin this episode you had a few time
rates that you need to go andyou need it to dump. I need
I need to get it out.I need to just expel that because I
haven't been I haven't been on anyplatform to really expel it. And I
didn't really know. The thing is, I didn't know how to articulate any
(24:52):
of it, so it took mefifteen minutes actually starts this episode. So
it's like, and y'all may everhear the first fifteen minutes, but you
didn't say anything incriminating. I talkedabout octogenarians like they may come for me.
No. I think the only theonly thing about the beginning of this
(25:14):
episode that I probably didn't like,as as we're in the episode, we're
so meta right now the fourth wallthis is good, um, is that
I didn't have a clear like Iknew what I wanted to talk about,
but the way that I wanted totalk about it was not as clearly thought
out. And there were some otherthings that were buying for my attention that
(25:36):
I was like, But also this, but also this, but also this,
and it's like, you know abouteverything. You know what, I'm
gonna ask, why don't you havean outline? Why would I have?
I never have an outline? Yeah, and then you always end up with
these things where after the episode endsyou go, wow, I didn't plan
(25:57):
to talk about that, but I'mglad it happened that way. And then
we have these topics that drag outfor weeks that you have planned, you
put them in the calendar invite,and then yeah, I'm calling you out
right now, and then we neverget to them because you have so much
to say, and you start offwith with a few sentences about what you
want to talk about, and thenall of a sudden it takes a turn
(26:18):
to where you're talking about boundaries beingdifferent people. I didn't get on this
platform tonight where I got my master'sdegree. When I got my master's degree,
I got a hood to go aroundmy neck. I need to put
(26:40):
that on and profess some homework inthis new season. As I'm gonna call
myself an executive producer from now becauseI don't really want to do any of
the word hands on. But no, but if we have a goal,
like Okay, how about this.Okay, okay, checks out, check
(27:07):
up, check it out, checkit out. I thought about showing you
the rat picture again, but I'mnot going to um for topics that you
feel passionate about before we start theepisode. Let me know beforehand where it's
like. Okay, either, okay, I have a general idea of what
I want to talk about, butwe can just see where it goes.
Then we can do some of ourfreestyles. Though. But if it's something
that you know that I got somethingto say and it needs to be said
(27:30):
that you want to be focused.In those cases, let me make you
do an outline. Here's a thing, just cliff notes, not even a
rough outline, just notes to keepyou on track for the first few parts.
And you better keep this in theepisode. Okay, So none of
this is going away. The firstpart of the episode is not going to
(27:52):
be published. But this part,okay, here's the thing. When I
am passionate about something, I cannotin the moment differentiate between flash passion and
actual passion because I could have justlistened to someone else be excited about this
(28:14):
thing, and I'm just like no, or they're attacking this thing and I'm
like, but it's a good thing, so you're more and some of those
yeah, and some of those thingsit's more of a reaction, and other
things is like, oh my gosh, this could change the world. I
feel like we should learn this onething. And in those instances, in
my mind, they're the same prioritylevel. But I don't realize until after
(28:41):
I'm already two minutes in. I'mreally passionate about this. I don't have
bullet points to say about this thingnot really talking. But then something else
could come along to say, actually, it's this thing that I'm passionate.
Okay, well what about this Ican modify. I'm a teacher who modifies
(29:02):
on the fly because ninety percent ofteaching is improv What about when we're in
our green screen moment, when we'retalking for two hours before we actually start
recording. I'm calling everything out today. What about in those instances if we
both because this is you and meproblem now because I do the same thing,
I get you off track. Whatabout in those instances if we try
(29:26):
to commit, like maybe ten orfifteen minutes, like, okay, if
this is something you really want totalk about, we can figure out how
at least to keep the first partof the conversation, since you can get
what you want out and then wecan figure out if it's gonna build into
something or if it's something that's like, Okay, this will be my cold
open. We drag introverts again,because no, you got first of all,
(29:48):
you don't drag introverts anymore. Ireally don't. I really don't.
The first year towards introverts. Look, the first year of this was rough
because I felt attacked. It wasa little bit as an eye the eye
an I NFP stands for introvert asan eye, as someone who is even
(30:14):
though you all can't see it,he is getting very close to this campram
clutching my goal chain. I don'thave any prols to clutch, but I
have a goal chain. I wasaghast, aghast, So I have First
(30:38):
of all, I want people toeveryone out there. Yes, if she
has experienced growth, own it appreciated. Because I am not the same person
who I was three years ago whenI started this episode. Now I am
(31:00):
a stifferent person. You're not aboutto close this episode. I mean I
feel like this is a closure building. You're not about to close. It's
not closer. It's not closing.I'm not closing it. What I'm saying.
What I'm saying is that those whohave experienced growth, because that's another
thing that I had. Um,I have been confronted with, like I
communicated previously with somebody who hasn't seenme in years, really years? Do
(31:26):
I know who this person is?No? O? And there they were
talking to me as if we're stilllike fresh shout of college and just starting
work, you know, um,still talking to me like up Saturday next.
For those who don't know, whenyou're talking out side neck, you're
(31:47):
talking crazy like yeah, no nono no no no no no no no
no. And when I told themthat either you can change your tone or
we don't need to continue this conversation, which is a form of an ultimatum.
Actually it is an ultimatum. Ijust let them know it is.
I think that's a boundary. That'smore so, okay, respect how you're
(32:12):
going to communicate. I will notbe communicated to like this, or I
will in the conversation like or Iwill not particial. I would no longer
participate in this conversation. I don'tthink that's ultimatum. That's you saying talk
to me, communicate an ultimatum ofa boundary. Yeah, yeah, I
can agree. Um, but theywere just shocked. It was just like
and I wasn't like I was aperson who this is. I passively accept
(32:42):
it the way that people talked inorder to better learn who they are.
And so if them talking, ifthe way that they talked was like wow,
crazy, it's like that's just theway they talked. Oh that's who
they are, right, just keepgetting data. And one thing that they
had to learn about me when Iwas younger is that because I talked so
(33:07):
much, they would just cut meoff and instead of hey can I talk
now, or hey, you know, I just want to interject for a
little bit, so they were justbeing rude and I'm just like, well,
I'm not finishing a thought. Sooh girl, you talking all the
time, but whoa, whoa,we don't we don't know each other like
that, Like I haven't talked toyou in use in use And I just
(33:30):
and I just said that to say, um because she's probably do not listen
to this episode, so it doesn'tmatter. But I just want to say,
for those for those people who areconfronted with their path you know,
don't run from it, don't bedon't be upset by it, you know,
on it, Like yeah, Iused to do that, absolutely,
but like we should. I'm mature. I grew up. I understood that
(33:54):
there was a better way to communicateor a better way to interact with the
world, and I've chosen to dothat. You cannot if you choose to
still hold me to that same standard, which I don't think anybody wants to
be held to the same standard ofhow they acted when they were a kid
or when they did something bad orwhatever the case, like if you paid
your duce to society like clean slate, like get to know me now.
(34:17):
But if you want to let mebe, you can't just continue the relationship
from where it left off, Likeyeah, that's not what happened. So
for I just say all that tosay, if you have experienced some growth,
a little bit, a lot ofbit, whatever it is, own
it, Like, yes, I'mnot that person anymore. I own what
(34:37):
I did and how it made youfeel. Like just like when I realized
how how Jason, Yeah, Ireally, Oh, I I feel like
I just kept coming around. I'mtrying to remember um and I kept coming
around. Yeah, just like youhave gotten better with understanding introverts, I've
(35:04):
gotten better with understanding you just asa friend because my default is to avoid.
So like when I don't want tointeract, I would avoid. So
early on there were times where Iwould just like find ways to kind of
try to avoid because I'm like,unfeel like being bothered, but I don't
want to confront anybody. I don'twant to make anybody feel bad if I
(35:25):
don't want to be bothered, soI'll just I was actually hungover that specific
time that you keep going that wasjust one time, though, the guys,
that was just one time. Yeah, but even then you didn't ignore
me. It wasn't like no,but yeah, like but like in the
beginning, yeah, but yeah,in the beginning, it was one I
(35:46):
was extremely just introverted, where Iwould just didn't I was just an anxious
person, and so I was likethere was always like the fear of like
being judged and stuff, and soit took a long time, like a
for me being a puppy, likefor me to trust, for me to
trust people, it takes a reallylong time for me to feel comfortable around
(36:07):
people. You're one of the fewpeople that I feel I think there's probably
like three at this point now,you amber maybe three or three people or
so that I feel like guard completelydown with, like as far as not
family. So that's growth. SoI thank you for that. So it's
(36:30):
growth for me because I don't likeletting people in in. So if you
hurt me, oh gosh, ifyou hurt me, you hear me.
If you hurt me, oh nowhe's doing the voice. You're gonna pay.
Okay, You're gonna pay big time. This is the first time I've
(36:52):
ever been threatened like this. Fourteenyears in fourteen fifteen. It'll be fifteen
in like October or August. August. Man, at this point, if
you hurt me at this point,I get alimony or something. Why Why
(37:13):
do you think I would hurt you. I feel like you would. You
would hurt me before I would hurtyou. No, you move a lot.
You know where I live. Soyou okay, yeah, okay,
yeah, okay, I'm stationary.If I don't pick up a call or
something, you literally would just hopon a plane and be like, Okay,
are you dead? What are youdoing here? You know my family?
(37:36):
You have my mother's phone number,like hey, so, um,
we got some things to discuss.I'm on my way. Anyone, anyone
can get hurt in this situation.It's me because I'm vulnerable. Okay,
why why are you using the voice? Why are you using the voice?
I want you not to use thevoice. I have vertigo. I didn't
(37:59):
sleep very well last night, soI'm a little delirious. Oh okay,
I'm gonna tell you something else aboutthe vertigo. But I feel like um
anyway, But but vertigo. Igot acupuncture once and it was in between
my eyes on my forehead, inmy scalp and my ears. I haven't
(38:22):
had vertigo since I left Virginia.Really, yeah, where's that? Um?
I had a thumb tech on mydesk earlier. No, thank you,
sir, Well, no, thankyou, sir, Thank you darn
Oh my gosh, so yeah.Labels man right, labels, bra labels.
(38:49):
Thank you all so much for listeningto another episode of Take a Stace
Podcast. I'm glad to be back. I appreciate you all for rocking with
me and holding down the fort whileI was out. I have enjoyed my
break and I'm ready to get backinto it. We're gonna try to switch
some things up when it comes totopics. I've gotten a few questions that
(39:09):
I've been asked to read on air, so on air, we're on the
radio, and we'll probably try toincorporate those if those questions are like,
I haven't read all of them,but someone were pretty good, pretty good
dilema questions. They're all good.It's just the ones that seem like they
(39:29):
would be the best fit. It'smy teacher answer. Okay, thank you
for being so diplomatic about that.Yeah, So we're gonna be trying some
different things this time around. I'mreally excited to celebrate our next anniversary in
a few months and to keep thegrowth going. Thank you so much.
To Jason. Jason, where canthey find you? JJ? Underscore a
(39:51):
Newberry on all the socials? Right, so everything? Yeah, I think
TikTok is the same. I'm notsure. I'm actually gonna double check right
now. Yeah, same thing.Did you underscore Newberry find me? I've
actually posted some tiktoks you have andI'm very proud of you, right,
thank you. Yeah. I hopethat I can get at least three in
(40:13):
this week, but I'm just notI'm not consistent, like One of the
questions that I was asked on theapp was what is your what is your
nemesis? And I said, consistency. That is absolutely my arch enemy,
my nemesis, My arch nemesis isarch nemesis a word I don't know,
(40:34):
but I know cavill is a word. That's a word that I'm going to
start using. Um, okay,just look it up. C A V
I L. I'm gonna do itnow, Earliyeah, okay, okay,
everyone. Thank you so much fortuning in. Please make sure to follow
us on all socials. Take aspace POD's take a space pod to take
(40:55):
a space pod on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok and anywhere else you
have a podcasts or any outlets.I'm also wanted the Wisdom app from time
to time talking with folks and answeringquestions. So if you have one,
just go ahead and shoot them overall, right, Thanks y'all, y'all
have a great one. Bye.I'm looking
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